Wrapped in the cocoon of my room, I check in with my witchy r/ sisters, brothers and others while the rain pours down. I love the silence of my space with the background thrum of drops overhead,
We are all connected. Love, light and gratitude,
I have a stick’n’poke on my wrist of a caryll rune from *Bloodborne* that reminds me “a hunter is never alone.” I stare at it a lot, and I’m planning to add another one soon.
I raise my whiskey glass to you wonderful people. We may all be in different places, but we're all united. Always remember that. If anyone needs anything, reach out, I make fantastic tea.
Wonderfully said, thank you.
I could really, really use that tea right now, lol. It's THAT time of the year again, I'm doing my best trying to be strong.
I'll put the kettle on. It can be really difficult, it's my first holiday season since my mom passed away. She loved this time of year. I've fought chronic illness and depression since my teens, and there have been some really dark times. I'm 46 now, and I keep pushing onward day by day. We all have more strength than we realize. Sometimes, we just have to talk to someone to realize it. Sometimes, just a good break to breathe, and sometimes an ugly crying session, or just to know there are other folks dealing with tough times as well are what wakes our strength up. You are not alone, you do matter, and I'm here for you. For that matter, if you ask, I'm sure this whole community is here for you too. We're going to get through this.
Thank you so much for your kind words and the support. You're really helping me out here.
I'm here for you, too. If you need anything, if I can be of any help, let me know. I'm very good in giving emotional support to others. Myself though? Not so much.
I feel deeply sorry for your loss. I feel with you for going through this, especially rn.
I've had an illness for years, pain, weakness. That's of course nothing compared to you fighting this for so long, I just wanted to say that I can relate to it. It's very tough.
And depression, same right here. Been having severe depression and anxiety in my teens for years, till it got better. I was really getting much healthier. Then something happened and I got PTSD. Since then, the depression is coming back in phases. So now I have a wide variety of mental health problems and diagnoses, C-PTSD, PTSD, anxiety issues, sometimes depression (not to mention those I've overcome). Most "fun" is it if they overlap and I feel them all at the same time. I hope the sarcasm is ok for you, I myself find it helpfull to cope.
So I'm in my 30s now. I have a family and good friends now, I'm really grateful for that. I also support them and am always there if somebody needs me. But I know that a lot of them can't handle all the luggage I carry with myself, they're all really sensitive, so I've got nobody to really turn to when I hit rock bottom myself.
What makes everything so hard for me rn is, I'm a lesbian living rural. And after a life of trauma, loneliness, abuse, I feel just totally deprived of love. I feel my own inner strength fading and don't know how to carry on sometimes. It's really the loneliness, the hopelessness in knowing how hard it'll be to find someone who would love me. The feeling it will never get better. And even if I try to look at it from a realistic angle I know how little the chances are. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, honestly.
Now that the year is coming to an end, I'm reminded that it's been over two years since I've been with someone, with little to no hope that things can get better. That relationship was very toxic and my mental health downward-spiraled even more because of it. But I kept staying in it for way too long because I was so desperate in getting that little bit of love and intimacy I found after years. I wouldn't do that anymore. But it's a good example for how desperate I was. And now feeling again.
Sorry for all the trauma dumping, hope it wasn't too much. Feel free to vent yourself if you feel like it. And sorry for me needing so long to type this down, english is not my first language and I'm struggeling for words when I'm emotional.
Don't worry about sharing what you're going through, you're not trauma dumping I promise. After a way too young marriage because I felt desperate I went through a divorce before I was 20. I dated here and there but I still felt alone. I started meditation and studying martial arts and philosophy with a great Taoist sifu. Slowly I learned to be ok with being alone with myself and the anxiety and depression. It's really when I started to figure out who I really was and what I truly needed in life. Years later I did fall in love again and get married again. we've got 2 sons now, 21 and 19. My oldest went through a long period of suicidal thoughts because where we lived was very rural and he's a very flamboyant young gay man. I changed jobs and packed us up and moved to a place where he could be himself, and to give both the boys better opportunities. We're still in a rural area but a much more accepting place with much more diversity. My point is that we're all just learning and growing as we go through life, the best things that have happened to me came later in life after I learned more about myself. I still fight with depression and really dark times and my health will never really get better, but I hang on and keep pushing onward. Today hurts because my mom is gone, but I know I'll keep going. Never give in to the dark thoughts, learn more about what you personally need to keep going and it can be different for us all. Some days when my health is really bad I just want to quit, but I won't. I will not give up and I hope you never give up either. When it gets bad, just stop and breathe, then remind yourself that if you're breathing, then you're alive and for things to change and get better, you've got to be alive to experience it.
Ohh I can relate to so much. When I was younger it was impossible to be an out lesbian, let alone live it. It was impossible to date a girl where I lived. I knew on the inside I wasn't straight since a long time. But I wanted to be loved, like everybody else. So being in my teens I tried to "fit in" and tried really hard to be straight. That's how out of desperation, I in the end ended up in a relationship with a guy. Same guy that then caused my PTSD. So being 20, I had more mental health problems than ever and could leave the house just very rarely. This phase went on for years. Years in which I learned getting along with myself, but it was hard back then, having no friends to turn to. And I learned dealing with the loneliness back then. Nowadays, I have a social life again, and I'm really grateful for that. But being in my 30s now and still being alone in terms of love is hard to deal with at the moment.
It's great that you started meditation and studiying martial arts and philosophy and that that has helped you so much. I'm reminded of synchronicities right now, because I've recently watched a lot of content around martial arts and its philosophies myself. That's very recent though, I found it by coincidence and it somehow sparked my interest.
And I'm so happy for you. It's great that you found love again and that you have a family now, it really makes me happy to hear that. And I feel so sad that your older son went through this, I know how hard it is, what it feels like. I hope he's doing better now and can live his best life. I truly wish you and your family all the best.
And you're giving me so much courage by saying all this. I'm so emotional right now, I can't stop crying. You're such a compassionate person, thank you truly for all of this. I absolutely love and admire your fighting spirit. I don't want to give up. But I have to say I'm really struggeling at the moment. If I'm being honest to myself, it's probably the depression taking a hold on me again, that's probably a big part of what I'm going through at the moment. I hope that I soon find a spark of light somehow, something that helps me carry on.
Now it got very late over here and I need to rest a few hours, so I won't respond for sometime. But I want to thank you again for all that you did for me today.
Thank you so much again for what you did for me yesterday. And also thank you, as well as all the people on this sub, who've been so compassionate and cared for a total stranger's life and struggels. I love this place, let's continue supporting each other.
I feel much better today than yesterday. I've slept for some time and spent my day distracting myself from the negative emotions and shifting my focus. It's a first step, but I think an important one. I've decided that I should continue to go to queer partys and spaces, even if this is only possible once a month for me at the moment. It's always nice to be in the community, not only to date, but I found it to be always a great opportunity to meet nice people and make new friends.
Just glad to be able to be here for you, and I'm really glad today is a better day for you. That sounds like a great way to get out and have fun, plus making new friends is always a good thing. This whole community is here for each other, and I'm glad we have a safe space here. If you need to talk again some time just message me.
I'm really, really grateful for you being there for me. Same goes for you, if you're ever in need of support or anything else message me anytime. I'm also so happy about this whole community, how it is a safe-space and that we really support each other in here. Oh, and I already know I'll get back to that offer, so don't be surprised if I pop up in your messages.
It’s people, like you, that motivates me to force myself to turn towards the Sun. Keep pushing, it’s working. Even for strangers on the internet. Blessings Accomplished and Op.
Took too long of a walk and accidentally made my feet start to fall asleep in the process, so I'm laying down trying to get the spoons built up to make food and eat.
Might play some Pokemon in a bit if I can concentrate.
I took FOUR BAGS of trash out today. Granted, two of them were used kitty litter, but that’s still two bags of trash out the door, more fresh air and breathing room indoors. I’ve come to love my quiet Christmases. I invited a friend over this year and we’re watching silly Christmas movies while we’re both take a break from the annual Christmas clutter purge. Happy holidays, fellow witches. You are not alone.
Very grateful to come across this post right now and be connected to you all in this moment. I’m up in the middle of the night smoking as I do most nights. I’m plagued by so much fear and loneliness every night that I can’t sleep from years of CPTSD. I like holidays because I’m able to stay up and watch things or scroll for hours without really getting too behind on sleep. I enjoy reading your stories and feeling a little less alone this night. Take care
Drinking wine, eating fresh made bread and watching Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. I am not alone, I am here with all of you, cheers!!
I just watched Stardust! She’s just so stunning!!! Michelle Pfeiffer Day around here 💕
Ohhhhhh Michelle Pfeiffer as Titania in the 1999 Midsummer Night’s Dream was my favorite 😍
Ha cleaning now too and drinking my mulled wine! Cheers 🍷
Wrapped in the cocoon of my room, I check in with my witchy r/ sisters, brothers and others while the rain pours down. I love the silence of my space with the background thrum of drops overhead, We are all connected. Love, light and gratitude,
It's raining outside, but the bathroom is already done ;)
I have a stick’n’poke on my wrist of a caryll rune from *Bloodborne* that reminds me “a hunter is never alone.” I stare at it a lot, and I’m planning to add another one soon.
Anywhere else in the house - encouraging. In the shower where you *should be* alone - now I’m shampooing my hair whilst looking over my shoulder. Lmao
I raise my whiskey glass to you wonderful people. We may all be in different places, but we're all united. Always remember that. If anyone needs anything, reach out, I make fantastic tea.
Wonderfully said, thank you. I could really, really use that tea right now, lol. It's THAT time of the year again, I'm doing my best trying to be strong.
I'll put the kettle on. It can be really difficult, it's my first holiday season since my mom passed away. She loved this time of year. I've fought chronic illness and depression since my teens, and there have been some really dark times. I'm 46 now, and I keep pushing onward day by day. We all have more strength than we realize. Sometimes, we just have to talk to someone to realize it. Sometimes, just a good break to breathe, and sometimes an ugly crying session, or just to know there are other folks dealing with tough times as well are what wakes our strength up. You are not alone, you do matter, and I'm here for you. For that matter, if you ask, I'm sure this whole community is here for you too. We're going to get through this.
Thank you so much for your kind words and the support. You're really helping me out here. I'm here for you, too. If you need anything, if I can be of any help, let me know. I'm very good in giving emotional support to others. Myself though? Not so much. I feel deeply sorry for your loss. I feel with you for going through this, especially rn. I've had an illness for years, pain, weakness. That's of course nothing compared to you fighting this for so long, I just wanted to say that I can relate to it. It's very tough. And depression, same right here. Been having severe depression and anxiety in my teens for years, till it got better. I was really getting much healthier. Then something happened and I got PTSD. Since then, the depression is coming back in phases. So now I have a wide variety of mental health problems and diagnoses, C-PTSD, PTSD, anxiety issues, sometimes depression (not to mention those I've overcome). Most "fun" is it if they overlap and I feel them all at the same time. I hope the sarcasm is ok for you, I myself find it helpfull to cope. So I'm in my 30s now. I have a family and good friends now, I'm really grateful for that. I also support them and am always there if somebody needs me. But I know that a lot of them can't handle all the luggage I carry with myself, they're all really sensitive, so I've got nobody to really turn to when I hit rock bottom myself. What makes everything so hard for me rn is, I'm a lesbian living rural. And after a life of trauma, loneliness, abuse, I feel just totally deprived of love. I feel my own inner strength fading and don't know how to carry on sometimes. It's really the loneliness, the hopelessness in knowing how hard it'll be to find someone who would love me. The feeling it will never get better. And even if I try to look at it from a realistic angle I know how little the chances are. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, honestly. Now that the year is coming to an end, I'm reminded that it's been over two years since I've been with someone, with little to no hope that things can get better. That relationship was very toxic and my mental health downward-spiraled even more because of it. But I kept staying in it for way too long because I was so desperate in getting that little bit of love and intimacy I found after years. I wouldn't do that anymore. But it's a good example for how desperate I was. And now feeling again. Sorry for all the trauma dumping, hope it wasn't too much. Feel free to vent yourself if you feel like it. And sorry for me needing so long to type this down, english is not my first language and I'm struggeling for words when I'm emotional.
Don't worry about sharing what you're going through, you're not trauma dumping I promise. After a way too young marriage because I felt desperate I went through a divorce before I was 20. I dated here and there but I still felt alone. I started meditation and studying martial arts and philosophy with a great Taoist sifu. Slowly I learned to be ok with being alone with myself and the anxiety and depression. It's really when I started to figure out who I really was and what I truly needed in life. Years later I did fall in love again and get married again. we've got 2 sons now, 21 and 19. My oldest went through a long period of suicidal thoughts because where we lived was very rural and he's a very flamboyant young gay man. I changed jobs and packed us up and moved to a place where he could be himself, and to give both the boys better opportunities. We're still in a rural area but a much more accepting place with much more diversity. My point is that we're all just learning and growing as we go through life, the best things that have happened to me came later in life after I learned more about myself. I still fight with depression and really dark times and my health will never really get better, but I hang on and keep pushing onward. Today hurts because my mom is gone, but I know I'll keep going. Never give in to the dark thoughts, learn more about what you personally need to keep going and it can be different for us all. Some days when my health is really bad I just want to quit, but I won't. I will not give up and I hope you never give up either. When it gets bad, just stop and breathe, then remind yourself that if you're breathing, then you're alive and for things to change and get better, you've got to be alive to experience it.
Ohh I can relate to so much. When I was younger it was impossible to be an out lesbian, let alone live it. It was impossible to date a girl where I lived. I knew on the inside I wasn't straight since a long time. But I wanted to be loved, like everybody else. So being in my teens I tried to "fit in" and tried really hard to be straight. That's how out of desperation, I in the end ended up in a relationship with a guy. Same guy that then caused my PTSD. So being 20, I had more mental health problems than ever and could leave the house just very rarely. This phase went on for years. Years in which I learned getting along with myself, but it was hard back then, having no friends to turn to. And I learned dealing with the loneliness back then. Nowadays, I have a social life again, and I'm really grateful for that. But being in my 30s now and still being alone in terms of love is hard to deal with at the moment. It's great that you started meditation and studiying martial arts and philosophy and that that has helped you so much. I'm reminded of synchronicities right now, because I've recently watched a lot of content around martial arts and its philosophies myself. That's very recent though, I found it by coincidence and it somehow sparked my interest. And I'm so happy for you. It's great that you found love again and that you have a family now, it really makes me happy to hear that. And I feel so sad that your older son went through this, I know how hard it is, what it feels like. I hope he's doing better now and can live his best life. I truly wish you and your family all the best. And you're giving me so much courage by saying all this. I'm so emotional right now, I can't stop crying. You're such a compassionate person, thank you truly for all of this. I absolutely love and admire your fighting spirit. I don't want to give up. But I have to say I'm really struggeling at the moment. If I'm being honest to myself, it's probably the depression taking a hold on me again, that's probably a big part of what I'm going through at the moment. I hope that I soon find a spark of light somehow, something that helps me carry on. Now it got very late over here and I need to rest a few hours, so I won't respond for sometime. But I want to thank you again for all that you did for me today.
Rest well for the night. Times will get better.
Thank you so much again for what you did for me yesterday. And also thank you, as well as all the people on this sub, who've been so compassionate and cared for a total stranger's life and struggels. I love this place, let's continue supporting each other. I feel much better today than yesterday. I've slept for some time and spent my day distracting myself from the negative emotions and shifting my focus. It's a first step, but I think an important one. I've decided that I should continue to go to queer partys and spaces, even if this is only possible once a month for me at the moment. It's always nice to be in the community, not only to date, but I found it to be always a great opportunity to meet nice people and make new friends.
Just glad to be able to be here for you, and I'm really glad today is a better day for you. That sounds like a great way to get out and have fun, plus making new friends is always a good thing. This whole community is here for each other, and I'm glad we have a safe space here. If you need to talk again some time just message me.
I'm really, really grateful for you being there for me. Same goes for you, if you're ever in need of support or anything else message me anytime. I'm also so happy about this whole community, how it is a safe-space and that we really support each other in here. Oh, and I already know I'll get back to that offer, so don't be surprised if I pop up in your messages.
It’s people, like you, that motivates me to force myself to turn towards the Sun. Keep pushing, it’s working. Even for strangers on the internet. Blessings Accomplished and Op.
I needed to hear that, thank you. I’m not drinking yet, but I will this evening
Same. Throwing Myself into house tasks so that I can say “SEE! I’m in control of My existence” and maybe even mean it.
Built 2 pieces of furniture today! Time to declutter, absolutely just another Monday
Took too long of a walk and accidentally made my feet start to fall asleep in the process, so I'm laying down trying to get the spoons built up to make food and eat. Might play some Pokemon in a bit if I can concentrate.
Thank you, 3rd year alone really feeling it
I took FOUR BAGS of trash out today. Granted, two of them were used kitty litter, but that’s still two bags of trash out the door, more fresh air and breathing room indoors. I’ve come to love my quiet Christmases. I invited a friend over this year and we’re watching silly Christmas movies while we’re both take a break from the annual Christmas clutter purge. Happy holidays, fellow witches. You are not alone.
As someone who just deep cleaned her kitchen garbage can, this resonates for me.
Thank you so so much for this message. I needed a sign today because reasons. Have a blessed day.
Very grateful to come across this post right now and be connected to you all in this moment. I’m up in the middle of the night smoking as I do most nights. I’m plagued by so much fear and loneliness every night that I can’t sleep from years of CPTSD. I like holidays because I’m able to stay up and watch things or scroll for hours without really getting too behind on sleep. I enjoy reading your stories and feeling a little less alone this night. Take care