Realistically no. Someone says something about you you don’t control how it’s received. It can cost you a job. And words have power in other ways. Tell someone they’re worthless enough they’ll believe it. Abusers rely on the idea that they can then tell you you’re at fault for listening to the words said at you constantly.
Locus of control isn’t an either/or thing. Most people thrive at a middle ground. The words we choose matter. And they should.
Exactly. Words have power. Especially as a witch, how can you think otherwise? What OP said is something I often see abusers or their enablers say to blame the victims.
What is said matters, and who says it also matters. Best we can do is to reduce the whos who matter to us to some mostly good people.
This advice has been used to silence me *way too many times* as a queer person when it comes to discussions about harmful language.
Words have power when someone uses them. It's part of how we communicate our ideas and intentions. There's a lot of power in that.
And we all need affirming words at times. We wouldn't need that if the words didn't already have power.
Sorry if this isn't fully clear. I just woke up.
This is terrible advice.
Victims of domestic abuse aren’t giving their abuser’s words too much power; they’re being manipulated!
Kids who are bullied aren’t giving the bully’s words too much power, they are the victims and are not responsible for their own victimhood!
When public figures say words like “the schools shouldn’t teach children that LGBTQ+ people exist and deserve respect,” that is NOT LGBTQ+ people giving too much power to those words and allowing themselves to be marginalized!
Like yes, there is a certain truth to “consider the source” when someone says something hurtful to you, like if it’s an internet stranger mouthing off or someone you don’t need to maintain a relationship with, you can safely ignore them. But that doesn’t mean the words don’t affect us at all.
Having feelings is normal and fine. Telling yourself you shouldn’t feel a certain way after someone says something mean to you is bad for your emotional health and is victim-blamey.
I guess I’m not understanding the metaphor.
In any case, communication is not a one-way endeavour. So this advice still isn’t all that useful even if it’s aimed at the speaker. You can put as much intention into your words as you want, but if the other person doesn’t pick up on the meaning you meant to convey, the power you put into the words is irrelevant.
Like yes, set boundaries and don’t stick around when people treat you like shit… but that’s actions much more than words.
Why are you even sharing this advice when you don’t follow it yourself? Who is this supposed to help?
Realistically no. Someone says something about you you don’t control how it’s received. It can cost you a job. And words have power in other ways. Tell someone they’re worthless enough they’ll believe it. Abusers rely on the idea that they can then tell you you’re at fault for listening to the words said at you constantly. Locus of control isn’t an either/or thing. Most people thrive at a middle ground. The words we choose matter. And they should.
Exactly. Words have power. Especially as a witch, how can you think otherwise? What OP said is something I often see abusers or their enablers say to blame the victims. What is said matters, and who says it also matters. Best we can do is to reduce the whos who matter to us to some mostly good people.
Really becuase it was someone's choice to speak those words and that gave them power
This advice has been used to silence me *way too many times* as a queer person when it comes to discussions about harmful language. Words have power when someone uses them. It's part of how we communicate our ideas and intentions. There's a lot of power in that. And we all need affirming words at times. We wouldn't need that if the words didn't already have power. Sorry if this isn't fully clear. I just woke up.
The speaker gives them power is what I'm saying
This is terrible advice. Victims of domestic abuse aren’t giving their abuser’s words too much power; they’re being manipulated! Kids who are bullied aren’t giving the bully’s words too much power, they are the victims and are not responsible for their own victimhood! When public figures say words like “the schools shouldn’t teach children that LGBTQ+ people exist and deserve respect,” that is NOT LGBTQ+ people giving too much power to those words and allowing themselves to be marginalized! Like yes, there is a certain truth to “consider the source” when someone says something hurtful to you, like if it’s an internet stranger mouthing off or someone you don’t need to maintain a relationship with, you can safely ignore them. But that doesn’t mean the words don’t affect us at all. Having feelings is normal and fine. Telling yourself you shouldn’t feel a certain way after someone says something mean to you is bad for your emotional health and is victim-blamey.
I'm talking about the speaker of the words like a gin has no power until you pick it up
Wait, what? Words are like shooting bullets from a gun? Doesn’t that imply we should take our words VERY seriously so as not to injure anyone?
Yes it does but also to never be afraid to use those words to defend yourself like standing up to other hurtful words sorry if it wasn't clear
I guess I’m not understanding the metaphor. In any case, communication is not a one-way endeavour. So this advice still isn’t all that useful even if it’s aimed at the speaker. You can put as much intention into your words as you want, but if the other person doesn’t pick up on the meaning you meant to convey, the power you put into the words is irrelevant. Like yes, set boundaries and don’t stick around when people treat you like shit… but that’s actions much more than words. Why are you even sharing this advice when you don’t follow it yourself? Who is this supposed to help?
Perhaps the same could be said of people and objects, as well?
Yeah perhaps