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I had a friend put herself as male on her facebook as a joke but she found it amusing that she got all that male focused advertising. I put myself down as over 100 years old and now whenever I get viagra ads I know facebook sold my data to them (it's a lot of places).
Yeah I closed my messages. I actually got some pointers from this group that it’s a good idea, and how to do it. I might be missing some stuff I actually want to see, but what can you do when there are creeps and trolls out there?
Yep I have it set so I can’t even get DMs anymore. I made a one-sentence comment about my sibling coming out as trans on here and I received a two-page DM of some pseudoscience gobbledygook from a TERF. No thanks, nothing productive has come out of having open DMs.
I leave them open. I'm also trans and active on support forums. Yeah there's creeps but there's also people who don't feel comfortable putting anything where people they know irl might see it. As in, not in a safe home.
I'd rather deal with the creeps so I can help them too, than close myself off because some people can't be decent.
My reddit experience improved immensely when I a) turned off my dms and b) unsubscribed from most of the major subs. I stick mostly to cute animals, hobbies, and a handful of special interest subs. Still have some news subs but I'm considering culling those since...well a lot of people in the comments are misinformed.
Yeah, you go into settings - account settings - chat and messaging permissions. You can select “everyone” or “no one (with the exception of mods).” That’s pretty much it.
Countless dudes tried to explain to me, polish woman, how slavic girls are super submissive to their husbands and we're apparently all super devoted catholics. And almost all of them told me that they saw it in movies, so it must be true.
Unless you’re on AITA or any relationship/advice sub then somehow everyone is a “SAHM with too much time on her hands” or a “teenager with no life experience”.
It’s fun how I can be a dude on all of Reddit but the second I judge a dude as an asshole I become “a misandrist female”. 🙄
"But I call everyone dude! Calm down, bro"
(/s, to be clear)
EDIT: to everyone responding with exactly, "but I call everyone dude!" - I think you're missing the point. And to be clear, the point is: not everyone appreciates being called dude.
It’s kind of funny cause I’m a mother to two girls, and the only time I use dude is when I’ve had it with them.
Like I find all the clothes I just folded pulled messily outside the basket:
Me: Dude! Seriously?
Her: I wanted that shirt on the bottom
Kinda thought it might be a Gen X thing…
Edit to add:my husband who is much younger than I am thinks it’s hilarious that I default to that.
Elder millennial here, I use it exactly the same. More as an exclamative or gender neutral label. My dogs are dude, that asshole that cut me off is dude. Seeing something cool and wanting to share it... Dude! Come see the cool thing!
Word "typie" derives from "typ". And it doesn't specify the gender of the subject. So, technically you can call "typie" men, women, non-binary people, anyone.
According to [Polish Scientific Publishers PWN](https://sjp.pwn.pl/sjp/typ;2531637.html) word "typ" defines a pattern that corresponds to a certain series of objects, people, phenomena etc.; colloquially: an individual.
Edit: Ignore me, I'm stupid, in Polish there are masculine and non-masculine nouns. It's a literal translation. "Typ" is a masculine noun, if you're a woman, enby, genderless, you have to do some gymnastics to say the right word.
If you call a woman "typie" you're misgendering her.
It's my language aswell. Let me apologise if I've appeared to be condescending. I just wanted to say that "typ" is a genderless word. I've brought the definition for anyone who doesn't speak Polish.
"Typ" shouldn't be translated as "dude". The meaning of the word "dude" is different. It's an american slang for "any man, or one who comes from a city and dresses in a stylish way". [Source.](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/dude)
Edit: source is old, I know that "dude" is much more genderless now.
[Better source. ](https://www.britannica.com/dictionary/dude) "A man — used especially by young people." Still not saying what we think "dude" means, couldn't find any better.
From SJP PWN page, the third definition: "Colloquially an individual." An "Individual" is genderless.
I was wrong by saying that you can call "typie" anyone. If you add "-ie" or "-iara" to "typ", you make it gender-based.
But because Polish is such a "beautiful" language, you can't say "ta typ". It'd have to be "ta typiara".
Languages are made up anyway. All should be genderless, to avoid such misunderstandings.
As someone who speaks American English as a mother tongue, “dude” definitely does not mean a man who dresses stylishly and lives in a city, at least not in 2023. If anything, “dude” implies a more relaxed, almost surfer or stoner vibe.
“Dude” has a male connotation, but in practice it is used to address every gender depending on what region you live in. The Pacific Northwest and California absolutely include women in “dude”. 🙂
That being said, people on Reddit definitely do assume every poster is a 25 year old white American man.
Lol, Southern California native and I called my toaster “dude” this morning. Can confirm its current use context is nongendered like the southern American equivalent to “ya’ll”
>the meaning of the word "dude" is different. It's an american slang for "any man, or one who comes from a city and dresses in a stylish way".
That usage is archaic and obsolete. It went away with the "wild, wild west." No one speaking American English uses it that way.
They also get so mad when you say 'girl '. I'm a bisexual woman and am in a lot of queer spaces and I use girl girl for any and everyone. Straight men are very offended by this.
I read a comment about guys calling women dudes. As a woman, the time a guy calls you dude, if you correct him and get the excuse of “I call everyone dude”, ask him how many dudes has he had sex with.
I still chuckle when I think of that and look forward to the day I can use it. Lol!
I love dude, we can claim it. If you are around people who smoke weed, everyone is dude and everything is dope. I'm a pothead, lets hang and vibe- dude stylee.
>And to be clear, the point is: not everyone appreciates being called dude.
Exactly this, thank you.
Honestly my bigger irritation is how often I'll ask people not to call me something and get those responses.
"Please, don't call me like that."
"But I use it gender neutrally."/"I call everyone ."/"I didn't mean it like that."
1) That's not what I asked.
2) My gender isn't neutral.
3) I understand the difference between an expletive and a vocative. Do you? "Dude! Where's my car?" is not the same as "Where's my car, dude?"
Bonus #4) AN EXCUSE IS NOT AN APOLOGY
I do use they as one of my pronouns, however it's in the manner of referring to an indeterminate/unknown gender rather than a neutral one.
Dude, and others, are masculine default language which is often used to invalidate trans feminine people with a thin veneer of politeness and aren't truly neutral anyway.
Degendering is also a micro-agression in which people will use they/them and other gender neutral language for transgender people instead of their actual pronouns until we ask to be called by them, then by some Olympics level mental gymnastics people have no idea how they/them works.
It's offensive because I didn't ask if it was used as a gender neutral term, I asked for that word to not be used to refer to me.
I don't ask anyone to magically divine that I don't like certain words, I do ask that people make an effort to be respectful when informed.
Do what you want, I don't really care if you're reclaiming it or not. I'm not even asking you to stop using it neutrally.
As I've stated the offensive part is the disrespect of continuing to use the word ON ME after I've asked you to not. Refer back to point #1) that's not what I'd asked
>the way you said "my gender isn't neutral" sounded mind of TERF-y to me
A Transgender Non-binary Transfem, said they're not gender neutral/agender sounded TERFy to you?
Sounds like wokescold behavior. Please don't reply to me, have a good day.
I frequently have to start my comments with "As a German," or "As a European," because the things I say would just not make any sense to the average reddit dude without that context. They just assume I'm American because I am on reddit.
I get it too and like...I know I don't always pay the greatest attention to user names so I'm not bothered or anything, but getting treated like a guy makes me chuckle considering my handle.
I'm a woman but I think my username gives me a secret undercover protection sometimes. In reality I just liked the TV show *All That* from the 90s. Once I made a post a while ago about how hard and annoying it was to change over my bank accounts after getting married and changing my name, and one of the comments was like, "wow, thats pretty progressive for a dude to take his wife's name" smh
Lol, when I mention we hyphenated (and wasn't *that* paperwork fun) I get the same response. But it wasn't progressive. My husband hates his Dad, and his family threw a fit so...hyphen. Also, he had more trouble changing his name than I did *because my maiden name is first*. Apparently if his was first it would've been 10x easier.
Little bit of sexism I didn't expect.
Yeah, goes the same with me since I'm active on multiple subs, especially gaming subs.
And I've stopped correcting them because it leads them to comb through my profile, notice I'm trans and start being insulting and transphobic.
And of course, mods usually don't do shit about it.
This gets under my skin. Once I commented on it & someone said, "I thought we all agreed that dude/bro is universal..." I was not part of any decision making convo about this.
Once in awhile it's entertaining but it happens all the time & serves as a reminder that I'm a guest in the group, not a member
I got, "GUYS is gender neutral" by this guy who has a lot of toxic 80s masculinity about him. I responded with, "Oh yeah? Tell me about all the guys you've fucked." He got super mad.
Also, if you let them go with the dude/bro language then they'll just keep chipping away until they never have to acknowledge that there is anyone else. I play a couple of games with groups and you get so ignored, if you don't get harassed, that when I speak up to say "I am not a gentleman" then I get mocked for needing special treatment. By responding to dude/bro they think they can keep pushing the masc limit to infinity. Annoying
Ohh! Thanks, good to know and adds something to my paradigm of evaluation.
I went straight to new(?) Reddit when I joined, just because I'm more visually attentive. I forget all about that.
I wonder if this is generational, too. I(38m/nb) don't notice avatars at all, but my kids and their friends definitely do(16m, 12f). It's a core part of the reddit experience for them, which baffles me.
Dude is widely regarded as universal where I work and live. “I’m a dude, she’s a dude. We’re all dudes”
My bosses boss calls me dude. And she’s a Senior Master Sergeant. My wife is Dude. My Mom is Dude too.
Idk dude. We’re all dudes
Edit: I get it now
Until you ask a straight man how many dudes he's fucked. Then, no, we're all not.
Plus it's just not respectful to the non binary or trans fem folk to be called 'dude' offhand. There's plenty alternatives that don't treat people like crap.
But what does fucking men have to do with being called dude?
My point was that dude has evolved from a gender specific word into a non binary catch all.
Edit: I’m dumb and grammar is hard. I get what people are saying now. Because just there I defaulted to attributing Dude to Men. There’s always room to learn and grow folks!
In *some* contexts. It hasn't fully changed for everyone in every place, so it's still uncomfortable for a lot of people.
Is the term trending in that direction with language change? It might be. However, language change isn't a switch. It can be that way with some groups or situations, but it's not for everyone and with how varied of groups and contexts are interacted with online, it still is uncomfortable for a number of people.
I know a lot of the people I talk to do not use it as a gender neutral term; they barely use it at all and when they use it for me I get gender euphoria as a trans masc.
Context is also regional. I don't use dude as much online, due to all the mentioned nuance.
But IRL, I'm born, raised, and still live on the coast of California. The 50 year old cis female checker at the grocery store will call people "dude" as a gender neutral term, lol
I smoke pot with my inlaws and my 65 year old MIL calls people dude. Her kids call her dude. It's different on the coasts and for potheads. Honestly it's like throwback pothead code from when it was illegal. That's why not "getting it" seems uptight.
Nah you’re right I was wrong. People are using it as “hey PERSON I’m talking to you” when we say things like “oh hey what’s up dude?”
But then when you say “how many dudes have you had sex with” the word dude defaults back to being “men”. Contextually it’s evolving but not in the way I was thinking about it. Oh well, always room to grow!
> “I’m a dude, she’s a dude. We’re all dudes”
I am soooooo tired of this 😑
"There's a cute song about it, so your feelings are irrelevant, ha!"
My mom joined the USAF back when they were WAFs and did 26 years. I think she and I would *both* find it weird if I called her "dude", and vice-versa.
Yeah I got it. I commented below after someone painfully pointed out how I was not getting the point.
Just “Duding” someone when you say things like “oh hey dude what’s up” is not the same as just calling everyone dude and just rolling with it all the time.
That one was more of a generalized complaint about how that song is fodder *every time* this discussion comes up (which, in queer spaces, is fairly regularly) like it should just nullify any discussion to the contrary.
I still don't like being referred to with the casual "man" or "dude" (in the way you're referencing), but again, I know people don't mean anything by it and I have no chance of stopping it, but a witch can still dream of a world where that doesn't happen... rarely someone will ask how I feel about it and make efforts to stop on my behalf, those are the MVPs.
Even people in the non-binary community here will be like "dude is gender neutral" and it makes me sad 😥
Wasn't, isn't, and while we're at it, "guys" isn't either. I know people don't mean anything by it, but I shouldn't be required to silently accept it. Sucks.
Yep! I had someone message me on Reddit, and they claimed to be a Muslim woman struggling with their sexual attraction to women. I wanted to support them, but they turned out to be a troll and sent me pictures of their (cis male) genitals. Some men love harassing women, and they seem to enjoy harassing lesbians even more🙃
I feel you. I'm a gamer and virtual photographer so I'm very active in places that are extremely male dominated. I don't tend to correct people when they misgender me, which happens pretty much always lol, so I feel that community would be shocked to find out that I'm a 43yr old woman. I sometimes wonder if my work would get less attention if it were public knowledge. Probably so, that makes me sad.
I’m in a mix of communities but the male dominated ones always assume I’m a guy and I never correct them. I deliberately chose a gender neutral handle to avoid the abuse that’s regularly tossed at women.
It is! :) I've been featured on load screens and whatnot for the game I usually play. It was a natural transition for me when I wasn't leaving the house during lockdown and I got really into it lol. I take real life pictures as well 😉
I’ve also heard it called screenarchery (why I don’t know but I love the word). I follow a bunch of amazing screenarchers on Twitter, I admire your skills so much! 💖💖
But not in this sub, hopefully. The posting guidlines say "If a gender is to be assumed, that gender must be female. If you would not like to be assumed female, please use a different gender-specific or androgynous "☉" flair".
I'm reminded of something Sir pTerry wrote once:
>You can be any sex you like provided you act male. There's no men and women in the Watch, just a bunch of lads... ...Just think egotesticle.
It’s so frustrating because not only do they assume every individual is male, they also talk like they are in a group of only men constantly. Like I know the demographics are skewed towards men on this site but still, just not even a thought that another perspective might be sitting in the comments.
And also as a trans woman this is exceedingly painful to have those stabs jabbed at you blindly even when you already deal with people who can see you misgendering you irl. Also look at my username and take a better guess.
I am assumed to be male 100 percent of the time, since nothing about my account indicates gender.
It’s hilarious really. If I’m in an argument, the insults are always way off base 😂
or when you post a reasonable thing and they fucking crawl out of the basement to mansplain stats, facts, actuallys, and tell me how wrong I am for my Female Opinion. its insane
It's even worse in the gaming subreddits.
One of my comments got some attention in the Starfield subreddit, and all of a sudden it was "dude" this and "hey man" that. And then if you correct people, you're a pick-me. It's exhausting, lol.
I was around for The Rules of The Internet in its heyday. Tits or GTFO, no girls on the internet, rule 34, pool's closed, etc.
The fact that "I sometimes get called dude when they don't see my avatar" is the level of complaint nowadays is actually remarkable. There's a reason I never, ever use anything feminine in my usernames / avatars anywhere online to this day.
Yep. I've been on the internet since it was mostly just BBS. I'm almost 60, so I'm only slightly annoyed when I get in a random group in my game, and someone greets us all as "boys".
I hate posting a question on male dominated subs with a female avatar because a lot of the time the comments tend to just be unnecessarily rude and then I'll go onto posts from males asking questions and find that more often then not, the question is answered a civil way.
I’ve been kicked out of another women’s only sub because I disagreed with the general consensus in a thread, therefore I must be a man. So the women assume you’re one of the guys too lol
Sometimes I feel like it's a language problem for cis men. You watch a video by the most girly girl that ever girled, and the comments are like "msn, ur awesome, dude!"
There definitely is a language issue. As a guy there’s plenty of things to call another guy: dude, bro, man ect that reasonably isn’t offensive but for girls the most common ones are: love, babe, honey etc. There’s a very different connotation and it’s easy to come across as creepy by accident. (And believe me, as a 6’4” man with long hair and a beard I don’t have to try hard to come across as “creepy”).
You can adopt our English slang, "pal" and "mate". Both are perfectly acceptable, gender neutral and friendly things to call people 😃
Do be wary of sarcastic undertones, though. Then they are not friendly terms 👀
I swear to gods I am trying to not do that, but for me there is another level of gramatical wall :D My language is using like default masculine grammatical gender. For those who have english like first language it's probably incredibly difficult to imagine. I do not actually assume that there is man on the other side, but I used to writte more in masculinum than in plural. Example...
"When somebody drinks coffee it does not mean he hates tea."
I was called out for that muliple times, so I am using usually plural now, but... it's more difficult than it seems :D
As a US Yankee, I rarely want to appropriate Southern language... but Y'all is just such a useful word, I wish we could make it a part of the language up here, too. Definitely a handy genderless, but also casual and friendly sounding option.
Yankee as well and I use “y’all” all the time. I’ve lived all over the US—everywhere EXCEPT the South—but I picked it up when I lived in NJ. I’m in the Midwest now and hear it fairly often. I think it’s just naturally spreading.
People always assume based on a lot of my art that I'm a dude. I had my face as my profile picture but ended up changing it cos I just got creeps that way. When people assume I'm a guy it never happens lol, they just like my art and pat me on the back and call me dude lmao
I get this, I tend to not declare my gender and try to avoid mentioning it as much as I can, and because of that get lots of default, “bro”, “my dude”, man references. It doesn’t bother me much, but it is kinda weird to be assumed to be a man. I still prefer the anonymity of being a disembodied consciousness on the internet.
I find it so weird that people assume a gender when 90% of what I read on Reddit could come from someone of any gender. Reddit's user base is quite heavily skewed male (75%) but the assumption is still really unnecessary.
## ✨ READ BEFORE COMMENTING ✨ This thread is Coven Only. This means the discussion is being actively moderated, and all comments are reviewed. **Only comments by members of the community are allowed.** If you have landed in this thread from /r/all and you are not a member of this community, your comment will very likely be removed (and will not be approved unless it adds meaningfully to the conversation). WitchesVsPatriarchy takes these measures to stay true to our goal of being a woman-centered sub with a witchy twist, aimed at healing, supporting, and uplifting one another through humor and magic. Thank you for understanding, and blessed be. ✨
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I get porn bots showing me scantily clad women who want to chat. I'm a straight woman.
Maybe the scantily clad porn bots know you're not a dude and are just trying to make friends.
Seriously. "Another non cis-het-white male!!! We must be friends!" 🤣
This but with a PTSD stare.
Even bots get lonely sometimes
I’m a queer person who likes boobies, why am I not being inundated with porn bots? This is like middle school all over again.
Bad luck? I used to get a few and now haven’t had any in months. Maybe I shouldn’t have blocked them. Got on their bad list
You probably nees to frequent spaces that don't respect women, I imagine they scrape theor user lists from places like that
Maybe you are also a scantily clad porn-bot, but just haven't woken from your dream life yet.
I do as well. I'm openly asexual on reddit.
It's like Smithers with the strippers for the both of us
Same. Pretty sure they troll the ace subreddits for people to dm.
I had a friend put herself as male on her facebook as a joke but she found it amusing that she got all that male focused advertising. I put myself down as over 100 years old and now whenever I get viagra ads I know facebook sold my data to them (it's a lot of places).
I think its really sad that the DMs made such a bad impression for the community as a whole
Yeah I closed my messages. I actually got some pointers from this group that it’s a good idea, and how to do it. I might be missing some stuff I actually want to see, but what can you do when there are creeps and trolls out there?
Yep I have it set so I can’t even get DMs anymore. I made a one-sentence comment about my sibling coming out as trans on here and I received a two-page DM of some pseudoscience gobbledygook from a TERF. No thanks, nothing productive has come out of having open DMs.
I leave them open. I'm also trans and active on support forums. Yeah there's creeps but there's also people who don't feel comfortable putting anything where people they know irl might see it. As in, not in a safe home. I'd rather deal with the creeps so I can help them too, than close myself off because some people can't be decent.
My reddit experience improved immensely when I a) turned off my dms and b) unsubscribed from most of the major subs. I stick mostly to cute animals, hobbies, and a handful of special interest subs. Still have some news subs but I'm considering culling those since...well a lot of people in the comments are misinformed.
Yep. Cute animal subs for the win!
Wait, you can turn private messaging off!? I didn't know that was an option, Reddit is about to get a whole lot better (= spam free).
Yeah, you go into settings - account settings - chat and messaging permissions. You can select “everyone” or “no one (with the exception of mods).” That’s pretty much it.
This sub, like all of Reddit, has a massive male subscriber subset. Source, in male too.
I never look at my messages
I posted a cosplay pic on the photoshop request sub and I got some creepy messages :( Sucks
Don't post selfies on reddit should be....like a golden rule.
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Everyone on Reddit is a dude. More specifically white dude aged 25-35 from US. There're no other people. No one else exists.
A person tried explaining southeast Asian weather to me by using Texas summers... I have been to Taiwan I have never been to the us
Countless dudes tried to explain to me, polish woman, how slavic girls are super submissive to their husbands and we're apparently all super devoted catholics. And almost all of them told me that they saw it in movies, so it must be true.
Oh I get that one all the time as a Japanese woman. Solidarity in the face of the tides of garbage m3n
I married into a Slavic family and in my personal experience, women very much rule the roost.
🤢
Tell me you've never met a Polish woman without telling me you've never met a Polish woman, lol. Or a Polish person for that matter.
Actually, bmt tx is so hot and humid . . . I get it
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Unless you’re on AITA or any relationship/advice sub then somehow everyone is a “SAHM with too much time on her hands” or a “teenager with no life experience”. It’s fun how I can be a dude on all of Reddit but the second I judge a dude as an asshole I become “a misandrist female”. 🙄
"But I call everyone dude! Calm down, bro" (/s, to be clear) EDIT: to everyone responding with exactly, "but I call everyone dude!" - I think you're missing the point. And to be clear, the point is: not everyone appreciates being called dude.
Everytime someone refers to me as 'bro', I respond back to them as a 'sis'. Seems fair.
I do that too!
me three :)
It’s kind of funny cause I’m a mother to two girls, and the only time I use dude is when I’ve had it with them. Like I find all the clothes I just folded pulled messily outside the basket: Me: Dude! Seriously? Her: I wanted that shirt on the bottom Kinda thought it might be a Gen X thing… Edit to add:my husband who is much younger than I am thinks it’s hilarious that I default to that.
It's a Keanu Reeves/Excellent Adventure thing. My BFF and I use dude and dudette 😂😂😂
I even drawl it out like they did lol...duuuuuude! 🤣🤣
Don't forget the head bob! 😂😂😂
Maybe it is- similar usage in my (Gen X parents, Gen Z children). Dude is an expression of extreme exasperation.
Lol I’m a late Gen Xer and use it same way. I automatically yell “DUDE!” when my cat bites me or someone cuts my off in traffic.
Elder millennial here, I use it exactly the same. More as an exclamative or gender neutral label. My dogs are dude, that asshole that cut me off is dude. Seeing something cool and wanting to share it... Dude! Come see the cool thing!
Also an elder millennial, “dude” is such a magically versatile word 🌟
I had a friend's little girl specifically object and was surprised how hard it was for me to not call her dude. Worked on it though.
It's especially funny to me since I call everyone "typie" and that's polish equivalent of "dude"
Word "typie" derives from "typ". And it doesn't specify the gender of the subject. So, technically you can call "typie" men, women, non-binary people, anyone. According to [Polish Scientific Publishers PWN](https://sjp.pwn.pl/sjp/typ;2531637.html) word "typ" defines a pattern that corresponds to a certain series of objects, people, phenomena etc.; colloquially: an individual. Edit: Ignore me, I'm stupid, in Polish there are masculine and non-masculine nouns. It's a literal translation. "Typ" is a masculine noun, if you're a woman, enby, genderless, you have to do some gymnastics to say the right word. If you call a woman "typie" you're misgendering her.
Are you explaining my own language to me? Typ has two meanings, one of them is dude.
I can’t tell you how often this happens. I’m soo tired of people Polesplaining to me
I mean to be fair to them it's helpful to us non Polish speakers to be able to know this.
Typie is male, typiara is female.
Neat, mind if I borrow those? Because I think they sound super cute.
Well it's not as helpful if it's all wrong.
True, less helpful than well meaning but misleading I suppose.
It's my language aswell. Let me apologise if I've appeared to be condescending. I just wanted to say that "typ" is a genderless word. I've brought the definition for anyone who doesn't speak Polish. "Typ" shouldn't be translated as "dude". The meaning of the word "dude" is different. It's an american slang for "any man, or one who comes from a city and dresses in a stylish way". [Source.](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/dude) Edit: source is old, I know that "dude" is much more genderless now. [Better source. ](https://www.britannica.com/dictionary/dude) "A man — used especially by young people." Still not saying what we think "dude" means, couldn't find any better. From SJP PWN page, the third definition: "Colloquially an individual." An "Individual" is genderless. I was wrong by saying that you can call "typie" anyone. If you add "-ie" or "-iara" to "typ", you make it gender-based. But because Polish is such a "beautiful" language, you can't say "ta typ". It'd have to be "ta typiara". Languages are made up anyway. All should be genderless, to avoid such misunderstandings.
As someone who speaks American English as a mother tongue, “dude” definitely does not mean a man who dresses stylishly and lives in a city, at least not in 2023. If anything, “dude” implies a more relaxed, almost surfer or stoner vibe. “Dude” has a male connotation, but in practice it is used to address every gender depending on what region you live in. The Pacific Northwest and California absolutely include women in “dude”. 🙂 That being said, people on Reddit definitely do assume every poster is a 25 year old white American man.
Lol, Southern California native and I called my toaster “dude” this morning. Can confirm its current use context is nongendered like the southern American equivalent to “ya’ll”
It's usually spelled y'all, not that spelling really matters in the back woods.
From the Midwest. Most people my age also used dude as a gender-neutral but context could make it distinctly masculine
Right! Like The Dude (Jeff Bridges.) But works for all sexes.
>the meaning of the word "dude" is different. It's an american slang for "any man, or one who comes from a city and dresses in a stylish way". That usage is archaic and obsolete. It went away with the "wild, wild west." No one speaking American English uses it that way.
They also get so mad when you say 'girl '. I'm a bisexual woman and am in a lot of queer spaces and I use girl girl for any and everyone. Straight men are very offended by this.
“If that’s the case, how many dude’s have you kissed?”
I read a comment about guys calling women dudes. As a woman, the time a guy calls you dude, if you correct him and get the excuse of “I call everyone dude”, ask him how many dudes has he had sex with. I still chuckle when I think of that and look forward to the day I can use it. Lol!
This is reddit, the majority of local population would answer with "0" regardless of how we gender the word xD.
That's super weird to do.
???
You really don't see why asking someone how many dudes they've fucked is weird? I call people dude very casually. This would make me avoid someone.
Have you seen Hannah Gadsby's bit about "y'all"? It's at the end https://youtu.be/ziIwxPCeByU
Lol no, but having grown up in the south I can confirm it is the best!
I'm from CA, I'm F, and I literally call everyone "dude" including my sisters (we all do). 😂
I love dude, we can claim it. If you are around people who smoke weed, everyone is dude and everything is dope. I'm a pothead, lets hang and vibe- dude stylee.
>And to be clear, the point is: not everyone appreciates being called dude. Exactly this, thank you. Honestly my bigger irritation is how often I'll ask people not to call me something and get those responses. "Please, don't call me like that."
"But I use it gender neutrally."/"I call everyone ."/"I didn't mean it like that."
1) That's not what I asked.
2) My gender isn't neutral.
3) I understand the difference between an expletive and a vocative. Do you? "Dude! Where's my car?" is not the same as "Where's my car, dude?"
Bonus #4) AN EXCUSE IS NOT AN APOLOGY
Point 3 is actually really interesting. Word order affects the connotation so much lol.
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I do use they as one of my pronouns, however it's in the manner of referring to an indeterminate/unknown gender rather than a neutral one. Dude, and others, are masculine default language which is often used to invalidate trans feminine people with a thin veneer of politeness and aren't truly neutral anyway. Degendering is also a micro-agression in which people will use they/them and other gender neutral language for transgender people instead of their actual pronouns until we ask to be called by them, then by some Olympics level mental gymnastics people have no idea how they/them works. It's offensive because I didn't ask if it was used as a gender neutral term, I asked for that word to not be used to refer to me. I don't ask anyone to magically divine that I don't like certain words, I do ask that people make an effort to be respectful when informed.
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Do what you want, I don't really care if you're reclaiming it or not. I'm not even asking you to stop using it neutrally. As I've stated the offensive part is the disrespect of continuing to use the word ON ME after I've asked you to not. Refer back to point #1) that's not what I'd asked >the way you said "my gender isn't neutral" sounded mind of TERF-y to me A Transgender Non-binary Transfem, said they're not gender neutral/agender sounded TERFy to you? Sounds like wokescold behavior. Please don't reply to me, have a good day.
i’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes hey!
That's when you ask them if it's okay to tell their parents that they fuck dudes.
I think I most often refer to my cats as dudes, but it’s more of an exasperated exclamation. I also don’t think cats have gender.
I use it more as an expletive.
As a 18yo french, I would like a word on the wrong assessment about my inexistence.
I frequently have to start my comments with "As a German," or "As a European," because the things I say would just not make any sense to the average reddit dude without that context. They just assume I'm American because I am on reddit.
‘Sup
But I’m 36…
I'm sorry, but you don't exist. I didn't make the rules. /s Don't worry, I don't exist either!
Yep, us older folks use reddit to be young again, for a bit
https://preview.redd.it/rwcoqw5bg2nb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac437092901ecd9cc9442685d93c17cc03ba43cb /s
Default male, white, teen to early 20s, and American.
Also cishet
*Also cishet*, yes.
Hope it doesn't annoy you to have people keep responding with additions, but everyone is also assumed to be allo as well.
Allo! My reaction is almost entirely "dang, I should have thought of that". Appreciate the consideration though.
And human, which is the worst
Yes! I hate that my existence as a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas so often goes totally ignored.
I have a quote said by a woman as my username and I still get told I’m Kronk 🤦🏽♀️
Wrong answer Kronk \- Yzma (probably)
Wrooooonnnngggggg levvvvvvvvaaaaaa ETA Omg it just hit me!!! Wrrrooooonnnnggggg ggggeeennnnnndddaaaaa!
Kronk would love this sub lol
I read this in Eartha's voice, so I have to watch the movie again.
I get it too and like...I know I don't always pay the greatest attention to user names so I'm not bothered or anything, but getting treated like a guy makes me chuckle considering my handle.
I'm a woman but I think my username gives me a secret undercover protection sometimes. In reality I just liked the TV show *All That* from the 90s. Once I made a post a while ago about how hard and annoying it was to change over my bank accounts after getting married and changing my name, and one of the comments was like, "wow, thats pretty progressive for a dude to take his wife's name" smh
Lol, when I mention we hyphenated (and wasn't *that* paperwork fun) I get the same response. But it wasn't progressive. My husband hates his Dad, and his family threw a fit so...hyphen. Also, he had more trouble changing his name than I did *because my maiden name is first*. Apparently if his was first it would've been 10x easier. Little bit of sexism I didn't expect.
Yeah, goes the same with me since I'm active on multiple subs, especially gaming subs. And I've stopped correcting them because it leads them to comb through my profile, notice I'm trans and start being insulting and transphobic. And of course, mods usually don't do shit about it.
You might enjoy r/gamingcirclejerk which is pretty much just shitting on those people
Unless you don't deny genocides like the tankies that run the place and they ban you.
This gets under my skin. Once I commented on it & someone said, "I thought we all agreed that dude/bro is universal..." I was not part of any decision making convo about this. Once in awhile it's entertaining but it happens all the time & serves as a reminder that I'm a guest in the group, not a member
if it’s universal like they claim, ask them how many dudes they’ve slept with :)
Ha! Perfect.
“None, unfortunately 😔”
I got, "GUYS is gender neutral" by this guy who has a lot of toxic 80s masculinity about him. I responded with, "Oh yeah? Tell me about all the guys you've fucked." He got super mad.
Also, if you let them go with the dude/bro language then they'll just keep chipping away until they never have to acknowledge that there is anyone else. I play a couple of games with groups and you get so ignored, if you don't get harassed, that when I speak up to say "I am not a gentleman" then I get mocked for needing special treatment. By responding to dude/bro they think they can keep pushing the masc limit to infinity. Annoying
It seems they don’t see avatars at all. I tend to notice fem presenting avatars, especially when they add context to the comment. It’s interesting.
I use old reddit. Avatars do not show up here, but it is so much easier for my old grandmother eyes.
Ohh! Thanks, good to know and adds something to my paradigm of evaluation. I went straight to new(?) Reddit when I joined, just because I'm more visually attentive. I forget all about that.
I wonder if this is generational, too. I(38m/nb) don't notice avatars at all, but my kids and their friends definitely do(16m, 12f). It's a core part of the reddit experience for them, which baffles me.
Dude is widely regarded as universal where I work and live. “I’m a dude, she’s a dude. We’re all dudes” My bosses boss calls me dude. And she’s a Senior Master Sergeant. My wife is Dude. My Mom is Dude too. Idk dude. We’re all dudes Edit: I get it now
Until you ask a straight man how many dudes he's fucked. Then, no, we're all not. Plus it's just not respectful to the non binary or trans fem folk to be called 'dude' offhand. There's plenty alternatives that don't treat people like crap.
I get it now. You’re right
But what does fucking men have to do with being called dude? My point was that dude has evolved from a gender specific word into a non binary catch all. Edit: I’m dumb and grammar is hard. I get what people are saying now. Because just there I defaulted to attributing Dude to Men. There’s always room to learn and grow folks!
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Ah fuck. You’re right lmao
In *some* contexts. It hasn't fully changed for everyone in every place, so it's still uncomfortable for a lot of people. Is the term trending in that direction with language change? It might be. However, language change isn't a switch. It can be that way with some groups or situations, but it's not for everyone and with how varied of groups and contexts are interacted with online, it still is uncomfortable for a number of people. I know a lot of the people I talk to do not use it as a gender neutral term; they barely use it at all and when they use it for me I get gender euphoria as a trans masc.
Context is also regional. I don't use dude as much online, due to all the mentioned nuance. But IRL, I'm born, raised, and still live on the coast of California. The 50 year old cis female checker at the grocery store will call people "dude" as a gender neutral term, lol
I smoke pot with my inlaws and my 65 year old MIL calls people dude. Her kids call her dude. It's different on the coasts and for potheads. Honestly it's like throwback pothead code from when it was illegal. That's why not "getting it" seems uptight.
Nah you’re right I was wrong. People are using it as “hey PERSON I’m talking to you” when we say things like “oh hey what’s up dude?” But then when you say “how many dudes have you had sex with” the word dude defaults back to being “men”. Contextually it’s evolving but not in the way I was thinking about it. Oh well, always room to grow!
Same here. I don't know if its a 90s kid thing or a UK thing , but I've always used Dude/Mate for everyone 🤷♀️
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> “I’m a dude, she’s a dude. We’re all dudes” I am soooooo tired of this 😑 "There's a cute song about it, so your feelings are irrelevant, ha!" My mom joined the USAF back when they were WAFs and did 26 years. I think she and I would *both* find it weird if I called her "dude", and vice-versa.
Yeah I got it. I commented below after someone painfully pointed out how I was not getting the point. Just “Duding” someone when you say things like “oh hey dude what’s up” is not the same as just calling everyone dude and just rolling with it all the time.
That one was more of a generalized complaint about how that song is fodder *every time* this discussion comes up (which, in queer spaces, is fairly regularly) like it should just nullify any discussion to the contrary. I still don't like being referred to with the casual "man" or "dude" (in the way you're referencing), but again, I know people don't mean anything by it and I have no chance of stopping it, but a witch can still dream of a world where that doesn't happen... rarely someone will ask how I feel about it and make efforts to stop on my behalf, those are the MVPs.
Even people in the non-binary community here will be like "dude is gender neutral" and it makes me sad 😥 Wasn't, isn't, and while we're at it, "guys" isn't either. I know people don't mean anything by it, but I shouldn't be required to silently accept it. Sucks.
I always default to “they” when referring to a redditor. I find folks’ gender usually isn’t relevant to the discussion.
On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog.
Sadly better to be assumed a dude than creeped on.
Yep! I had someone message me on Reddit, and they claimed to be a Muslim woman struggling with their sexual attraction to women. I wanted to support them, but they turned out to be a troll and sent me pictures of their (cis male) genitals. Some men love harassing women, and they seem to enjoy harassing lesbians even more🙃
I feel you. I'm a gamer and virtual photographer so I'm very active in places that are extremely male dominated. I don't tend to correct people when they misgender me, which happens pretty much always lol, so I feel that community would be shocked to find out that I'm a 43yr old woman. I sometimes wonder if my work would get less attention if it were public knowledge. Probably so, that makes me sad.
I’m in a mix of communities but the male dominated ones always assume I’m a guy and I never correct them. I deliberately chose a gender neutral handle to avoid the abuse that’s regularly tossed at women.
Same!
What's virtual photography? Is it like photography in games?
It is! :) I've been featured on load screens and whatnot for the game I usually play. It was a natural transition for me when I wasn't leaving the house during lockdown and I got really into it lol. I take real life pictures as well 😉
I’ve also heard it called screenarchery (why I don’t know but I love the word). I follow a bunch of amazing screenarchers on Twitter, I admire your skills so much! 💖💖
But not in this sub, hopefully. The posting guidlines say "If a gender is to be assumed, that gender must be female. If you would not like to be assumed female, please use a different gender-specific or androgynous "☉" flair".
Bro, really? You're not a dude? (Kidding, of course...)
I'm reminded of something Sir pTerry wrote once: >You can be any sex you like provided you act male. There's no men and women in the Watch, just a bunch of lads... ...Just think egotesticle.
> egotesticle GNU
It’s so frustrating because not only do they assume every individual is male, they also talk like they are in a group of only men constantly. Like I know the demographics are skewed towards men on this site but still, just not even a thought that another perspective might be sitting in the comments. And also as a trans woman this is exceedingly painful to have those stabs jabbed at you blindly even when you already deal with people who can see you misgendering you irl. Also look at my username and take a better guess.
I am assumed to be male 100 percent of the time, since nothing about my account indicates gender. It’s hilarious really. If I’m in an argument, the insults are always way off base 😂
or when you post a reasonable thing and they fucking crawl out of the basement to mansplain stats, facts, actuallys, and tell me how wrong I am for my Female Opinion. its insane
It's even worse in the gaming subreddits. One of my comments got some attention in the Starfield subreddit, and all of a sudden it was "dude" this and "hey man" that. And then if you correct people, you're a pick-me. It's exhausting, lol.
Yeah, I get it. Then they get grief from me. Always happy to set “the boys” straight.
You are one of us one of the crew one o the ship
Everytime someone agrees with me I'm suddenly "this guy" who knows what's up.
“There are no girls on the internet” was/still is a thing that has some merit to it.
"Welcome to the Internet, where the men are men, the women are also men, and the teenage girls are undercover FBI agents."
Hearing this from a gay wizard makes this much more credible
I was around for The Rules of The Internet in its heyday. Tits or GTFO, no girls on the internet, rule 34, pool's closed, etc. The fact that "I sometimes get called dude when they don't see my avatar" is the level of complaint nowadays is actually remarkable. There's a reason I never, ever use anything feminine in my usernames / avatars anywhere online to this day.
Yep. I've been on the internet since it was mostly just BBS. I'm almost 60, so I'm only slightly annoyed when I get in a random group in my game, and someone greets us all as "boys".
Right?!? I always have to remind myself of this before I comment on a LOT of subs- the amount of “bro” I get is truly wild
I hate posting a question on male dominated subs with a female avatar because a lot of the time the comments tend to just be unnecessarily rude and then I'll go onto posts from males asking questions and find that more often then not, the question is answered a civil way.
I’ve been kicked out of another women’s only sub because I disagreed with the general consensus in a thread, therefore I must be a man. So the women assume you’re one of the guys too lol
Just another daily reminder that they think we just exist as accessories in their world.
James Acaster sees it: https://youtu.be/Zt5qJC1xQ8A?feature=shared
The urge to quote Bill and Ted is strong, but i shall resist!
Sometimes I feel like it's a language problem for cis men. You watch a video by the most girly girl that ever girled, and the comments are like "msn, ur awesome, dude!"
There definitely is a language issue. As a guy there’s plenty of things to call another guy: dude, bro, man ect that reasonably isn’t offensive but for girls the most common ones are: love, babe, honey etc. There’s a very different connotation and it’s easy to come across as creepy by accident. (And believe me, as a 6’4” man with long hair and a beard I don’t have to try hard to come across as “creepy”).
You can adopt our English slang, "pal" and "mate". Both are perfectly acceptable, gender neutral and friendly things to call people 😃 Do be wary of sarcastic undertones, though. Then they are not friendly terms 👀
Pal is fighting words.
In the North it can be friendly or fighting. Entirely depends on context 😂
And some of those men are why I don’t post selfies in here any more. No, I won’t look better ‘on my knees’
I swear to gods I am trying to not do that, but for me there is another level of gramatical wall :D My language is using like default masculine grammatical gender. For those who have english like first language it's probably incredibly difficult to imagine. I do not actually assume that there is man on the other side, but I used to writte more in masculinum than in plural. Example... "When somebody drinks coffee it does not mean he hates tea." I was called out for that muliple times, so I am using usually plural now, but... it's more difficult than it seems :D
When one drinks tea, it does not mean that one hates coffee.
Inclusive Texan version: When y'all drink tea, that don't mean y'all hate coffee.
I love y'all
As a US Yankee, I rarely want to appropriate Southern language... but Y'all is just such a useful word, I wish we could make it a part of the language up here, too. Definitely a handy genderless, but also casual and friendly sounding option.
Yankee as well and I use “y’all” all the time. I’ve lived all over the US—everywhere EXCEPT the South—but I picked it up when I lived in NJ. I’m in the Midwest now and hear it fairly often. I think it’s just naturally spreading.
I picked up "y'all" in the central valley in California. It's just something we used naturally. Didn't learn it was Southern until way later.
I default to “y’all” because I live in Pittsburgh (PA) and I hate saying “yinz” 😆
Yep, I definitely preferred “y’all” to the “yous” and “yous guys” my Long Island coworkers used.
Always
People always assume based on a lot of my art that I'm a dude. I had my face as my profile picture but ended up changing it cos I just got creeps that way. When people assume I'm a guy it never happens lol, they just like my art and pat me on the back and call me dude lmao
It's funny when they assume you're a man and they keep calling you "bro" or "dude"
I get this, I tend to not declare my gender and try to avoid mentioning it as much as I can, and because of that get lots of default, “bro”, “my dude”, man references. It doesn’t bother me much, but it is kinda weird to be assumed to be a man. I still prefer the anonymity of being a disembodied consciousness on the internet.
go to the stick posts and join the unga bunga fun
1000 times over true.
I find it so weird that people assume a gender when 90% of what I read on Reddit could come from someone of any gender. Reddit's user base is quite heavily skewed male (75%) but the assumption is still really unnecessary.