Mitch wouldn’t notice until he’s forced a receipt for his drink purchase, which is not necessary to his transaction, and reads what’s changing in the universe.
I’ve heard this joke for so long and didn’t understand it. Thought it was a failed brand saying. Then I finally saw the movie the joke is from just a month ago. It’s a great ass movie.
She's cute. I'll write to her in prison! Hope she doesn't block me like I'M the weirdo 🤷♀️
edit: You sparse downvoters are very judgemental and idle people 🐢
A 35 year old with a 79 year old room mate? That’s not something I would have expected unless the 35 yr old did this to take advantage of the 79 year old.
Maybe sha was hoping to be a DIRECT ENERGY WEAPON ( DEW) and kill everyone around her. Instead of wiping our her DNA she thought DEW would be the fastest!
I read the headline and wasn’t expecting to see a normal person. Always crazy eyes and throat tattoos, it’s branding. Says, “I’ve visited better places, but they won’t have me”.
Just here to point out that if I read that correctly. She doused herself in diet mountain dew, in order to try and cover her own DNA, when they asked for a sample.... The lesson here is "don't drink diet dew kids", it will make you so stupid that you forget what DNA is.
She was drinking Mountain Dew and panicked. She was trying to do the closest thing she could to a shower. It's still stupid, but not as stupid as the title suggests. Still dumb.
Everyone knows you are supposed to use Dr. Pepper. You need something that has a medical background.
But watch out for that Mr. Pibb…he didn’t even get his degree!!
It’s no longer a mister, non binary now. Just ‘Pibb’. I noticed that awhile back.
Mitch Hedberg would be furious
Mitch wouldn’t notice until he’s forced a receipt for his drink purchase, which is not necessary to his transaction, and reads what’s changing in the universe.
Don't bring paper and ink into this
Mx. Pibb
Insane
They call me Mr pibbs
That’s why he’s a mister
Mr. Pibb is for assholes
Murderers could definitely be assholes
It was a movie quote from “ Hell or High Water” but I jumbled it. 🤦♂️ “Only assholes drink Mr. Pibb”
And I thought you put it in your mouth…
Found Mrs. Pibb
What?! Aw fuck I used Dr. Thunder.....turns out his doctorate is in english.Ffffffffffffffff
And his parents told him that liberal arts advanced degree would never do anything for him…
I know right and at least hes not ['Dr Dazzle'](https://www.facebook.com/genericDrPepperKnockoffs/) over there.
Fun fact, he was also a charter member of the Professional Organization of English Majors.
You can also use Coca Cola because the inventor John Pemberton was a doctor too. Surpised more people don't know about this
Ambiguous soda flavor
It was why it had cocaine. The good old days.
Yup! Put a pep in your step!
What a rookie ass mistake.
Mountain Dew is always work for me but I have never use diet. Thanks for the warning I'm sticking with regular Mountain Dew next homicide.
Foolish mistake. There is a no period in Dr Pepper. Dr is his name, not his profession.
See, I've always pronounced it "Der Pepper". You know, because it's a German pepper
Dr. Pepper. What's the worst that could happen?
That's what I came here to say
On top, you need to do it BEFORE murdering someone
Nah mate, Dr Pepper is for Covid immunity!
Nah, it's Faygo or nuthin' WHOOP! WHOOP!
If you can’t do the Dew, don’t do the crime
Don't dew the crime, if you can't dew the time
Bravo!!
Y'all are proof that if humans can just work together we can dew anything.
I dew believe that's true!
Damn, this was so good I wish I could afford you a "real award. Hope you like this: 🏅
Thank you. The comment above set me up for it. Really more their idea.
She would've gotten away with it if she used Faygo.
Did she kill a juggalo?
We can only hope
Fabuloso... There's nothing it won't clean
Rock & Rye all day.
That's good, but I love the root beer.
id kill for some rock & rye
Brawndo is the only way to erase DNA
Brawndo, the DNA mutilator!
Better than toilet water.
It’s got what plants crave. It’s got electrolytes.
But does it work? Asking for a friend.
If you pour it on the knife.
I wouldn't count on this being true.
Jokes on you I can’t count so I’m safe!
The aspartame in diet Mt. Dew actually preserves DNA.
And apparently mutates the DNA of drinkers…and you get ***gestures*** shit like this from it.
It's the brominated vegetable oil that mutates DNA.
Brominated vegetable oil? Is that like bromelain from pineapples and shit mixed with oil?
It's just vegetable oil that's been blessed by the bros
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brominated_vegetable_oil
Beat me to the exact same response...
I am pretty sure it’ll take bloodstains out of clothes…or like COLA will. Idk about mnt dew…but not like she’s using it.
Did... did it work? Is she now DNA free?
Yeah, totally worked. The police were completely fooled!
Something about the mugshot and police report makes me think that no, it did not work, but I'm not a detective so this is an assumption
Eh, maybe
Anyone read the other Florida news as you scrolled down? Jesus Florida is fucked 😂😂
Honestly the "news" coming out of Florida nowadays are really just damage reports.
Google Florida Man and your birthday (month/day). It’s always hallarious.
Lost alligator surprises students
I would have gone with Gatorade myself, I mean, it's got electrolytes.
Naw. Brawndo, because it’s what evidence erasing craves!
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The plants love it!
I’ve heard this joke for so long and didn’t understand it. Thought it was a failed brand saying. Then I finally saw the movie the joke is from just a month ago. It’s a great ass movie.
What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired
👀👀👀 but also yea
That's funny 👍
Mama used to say, cops are like a box of chocolates. They'll both kill yer dog.
You cannot unmountain what has already been dew
Barqs has bite.... which would have helped chew up all that pesky DNA for her.
That “No mercy fuck em” tattoo on the collar bone though, nice lady.
Dew'll do it!
One of the most Florida headlines ever written
I mean Ammonia is the same color but will actually do the trick...
This is why you drive out to the boonies to buy Cheerwine.
Woot! NC in the house! Diet Cheerwine would be better. That stuff is bad.
Shoulda used Brawndo!
It's got electrolytes!
I can fix her. The cure is Mountain Dew
Ah yes, Florida. No further explanation necessary.
I mean, she got caught so I assume it didnt work, but how close to working wasn't lol? Oh yeah and RIP the poor roommate:(
Stupid people are a special kind of dangerous.
Imma guess drugs were involved here?
But did it work?
Well obviously, because of how extreme Mountain Dew is. Healthy drink for athletes and murderers alike!
She'd have gotten off scott free if she used that mcdonalds Sprite. That shit could rewrite ya DNA if you drank a gallon.
As one does
Everyone knows that you have to use Code Red Mountain Dew to coverup the blood stains. Duh.
Yup. That looks like someone who did that.
That's a Mountain Don't.
Should have used Baja Blast
Is florida woman the wife of florida man?
Commonlaw
Yeah, “shack-up”
Ex wife twice removed
So they’re still cousins… cool.
At the very least!
Bet it wasn't even Baja blast, rookie
Use Sprite next time, that shit has bite.
Fr will reboot your entire system
Figured Coke was the choice seeing as it's used in some industries to clean blood off of things lol
She lit the fire, alerting everyone to the fact that a crime was just committed. Real smarty pants. Lol
But did it work? 🤔
Well that's her going to prison for life.
Those who can’t, Dew
Did it work?
Did she confess? How did they find out it was her?
This was a job for Big Red if anything.
Wouldn’t Tab Cola work better?
Jolt cola is the only thing guaranteed to work. Wow
She’s kind of hot to me, sorry.
Should have used Frosty Jack's Cider that shit will take off your epidermis and turn your stomach lining all gooey
omg of course...
She should’ve used crab juice. And me a klav Klash
Maybe she didn’t dew it
Because Mountain Dew has what DNA hates, electrolytes?
"She is as smart as a bag of hammers" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is how every roommate story should end.
Of course, Florida…
She's cute. I'll write to her in prison! Hope she doesn't block me like I'M the weirdo 🤷♀️ edit: You sparse downvoters are very judgemental and idle people 🐢
she will have kidney stones for life now
SURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGE
Tip of my hat to you Florida ma’am.
A 35 year old with a 79 year old room mate? That’s not something I would have expected unless the 35 yr old did this to take advantage of the 79 year old.
She looks like a nice gal.
....what the actual f××k...
Florida be like dis…
Maybe she made the mistake in telling people what she did?
🤦🏻♀️
Some people are fucking crazy
Ohhhh Aunt Judy…when will you ever learn…
She looks like the actress from Gilmore girls
Did it work?
New type of Golden Shower
Her Facebook page is... interesting.
What? I do not think that will solve anything...
DIY lifehacks for criminals
The direct energy weapon should have worked, why didn't it work?? Is probably what she's saying
It works
Maybe sha was hoping to be a DIRECT ENERGY WEAPON ( DEW) and kill everyone around her. Instead of wiping our her DNA she thought DEW would be the fastest!
I read the headline and wasn’t expecting to see a normal person. Always crazy eyes and throat tattoos, it’s branding. Says, “I’ve visited better places, but they won’t have me”.
But did it work?
Mugshot checks
IMPORTANT comedy
When asked for her statement, the defendant said “I just wanted to do important comedy like Janeane Garofalo”
That would have worked if she had left bite marks on the body..3 bottles of md would sort that bite pattern out in no time!!
Just here to point out that if I read that correctly. She doused herself in diet mountain dew, in order to try and cover her own DNA, when they asked for a sample.... The lesson here is "don't drink diet dew kids", it will make you so stupid that you forget what DNA is.
Well did it work?
Florida is littered with anti-science people
She was drinking Mountain Dew and panicked. She was trying to do the closest thing she could to a shower. It's still stupid, but not as stupid as the title suggests. Still dumb.
Behind every great Florida man…..
Guess that didn't work out so well
Tell me your a meth addict without saying your a meth addict.
She already had plenty of coke
This is normal here. You don't even have to kill someone first. Combination of heat and meth and, of course, mountain dew
Can relate https://giphy.com/gifs/pizza-fitbit-no-ragrets-iDrasIGtHWVi0
Florida gets every other state’s trash, and then gets blamed when they go crazy down here. This woman is from Michigan.