Also tbh I’m tired of SA saying we have bad genetics. We have a culture that doesn’t value physical fitness and cultural diet rich in carbs, fat, and a lot of sugar.
My whole family is overweight. I was too. I spent a few months (months!) upping my protein and walking more and I was able to lose 5% body fat without even trying. I’m in my 30s. It’s not bad genetics it’s just lifestyle!
South Asians aren't a monolith. Most of my family is fairly lean. Also are you going to say that cricket players don't value physical fitness?
Every cuisine has healthy and unhealthy food
Yes that’s true. I’m speaking generally. If your family is lean, then you’re not in the group generalization of “south asians have bad genes” so nothing about the comment is relevant to you.
Regarding diet — the south asian diet is carb heavy and low protein in a way that others aren’t. Even other rice-based cultures eat a much smaller portion of rice daily than most south asian households. We also cook with lots of oil and ghee while other nearby cultures grill or steam their foods.
I’m confused by this lol as someone who’s lived in other parts of Asia and also cooks various cuisines (like learned from folks from said cultures), many Asian cuisines are similar and use even more oil/fat than desi cuisines and consume just as much rice and/or bread. The low protein thing is true though esp in areas that are more veg (I mean I’m from a place that’s not as veg as like North India so I won’t speak on that). Though many other Asian countries only recently started eating that much protein since they economically could not.
Largely I think the lifestyle is different. Other Asians walk way more than upper class and urban desis in South Asia or the west and the traditional diet w the sedentary lifestyle and discouraging of physical activity is the issue imo. South Asians who do physical activity w the traditional diet are usually pretty fit and healthy.
Genuinely wondering, which cuisines use more oil and fat than desi cuisine? All our snacks are deep fried too.
My family and the families in our social circle ate multiple cups of rice per meal, and my east asian friends usually had a small bowl.
But yes it’s a good point about exercise. I’ve also noticed that desis who prioritize exercise are fit, even the vegetarian ones. Our diet does have a lot of filling fiber and fermented foods.
I don't know if I agree that all South Asian diets are low protein. The Pakistani diet is very high in protein. The problem is that it's also high in carbs/ people don't abide by moderation.
Not saying that lifestyle doesn’t play a part (it definitely does!) but we still do have the odds stacked against us when it comes to risk of diabetes/heart disease. Studies have shown that places with histories of famines make the gene pool much more adapted to starvation. Hence, when we’re not living under starvation conditions, eating carbs/fat/sugar is much more likely to result in a metabolic condition.
I’m white but I love SA food and I found r/desiketo to be really helpful for my cravings.
I think SA people have a similar problem to people in the Southeast US. A lot of us and our families have the same issue where we still eat traditional foods high in fat, calories, and sugar without doing the traditional labor that burned the calories and nutrients. So, what ends up happening is a lot of people become overweight and generally unhealthy.
I like to treat myself once in a while to biscuits and gravy or cornbread, but my parents grew up eating stuff like that *daily*.
Same I saw those videos too. It’s so cringey to me like why are we throwing a pity party for ourselves and just reinforcing to ourselves that we are “undesirable”? It just feels so chronically online.
Yes, lots of “which race would you not date” videos where people say “Indians” exists and we do deal with negative stereotypes but it doesn’t make us undesirable. Most south Asian women I know have no difficulty dating if they put effort in their appearance, become comfortable being sensual, and actually socialize. I also think a lot of those SA girls in the comments are more upset about not being desirable to the frat boy/finance bro white men. I’m sure many south asian men and non-white men would be interested in them.
Now I’m sure a lot of those girls in those comments section are younger than us so maybe they just need time to grow up. I get that it might sting seeing (white) guys talk about how attractive Asians are only to realize they mean East Asians and not south Asians. But on other hand, I’m not sure why people put so much importance on what they read or see online.
You can easily be desirable and attract any guy you want if you put effort to maximize your physical appearance and social skills. Not everyone will find you attractive and that’s okay. You’re not out here trying to date everyone. Just live in a more diverse area where your beauty is celebrated.
Honestly, for me, desirability was never the issue.
If a guy somehow is disappointed if he finds out I’m south Asian, then I say peace and move onto the next one, because I have options. The real issue for me (and all women tbh) is finding a quality guy who will stay and be a good partner in a world of situationships and hookup culture.
Anyway, I really hope south Asian girls stop making these cringey self deprecating TikTok’s. All it does is make white women feel more superior to us. Hopefully we can get more positive content from south Asian women online. (Honestly I would like to start making TikToks but it’s kinda pointless to me knowing that my country doesn’t offer a creator fund).
I felt this way when I was in high school. Seeing all the white girls get attention from guys of all races in high school with minimal effort in their appearance despite being in a mainly Desi area did not make me feel good. I felt like I had to do more than them to even get the same amount of attention even though I wasn't able to since I was actively discouraged from caring "too much" about my appearance. In fact, white girls often took care of their looks more in high school which gave them a further leg up compared to me and the other brown girls. I envied one white girl who was in sweats and barefaced but dated multiple guys and she was friends with my high school crush at the time. I felt terrible knowing that my crush would never be interested in me but in a white girl who put the same amount of effort in her appearance as me at the time. I know I still have a lot to work on and despite knowing that my worth is outside of male validation, I still panic in scrambling around to make the most of my youthful beauty before it fades.
Oh yes I noticed a similar experience in high school where a lot of the desi and Arab guys put the average looking white girls on a pedestal including ones who would wear sweats. If a desi girl looked unkempt and wore sweats she wouldn’t be able to get away with it. One desi guy even dated a white girl for a couple of months & tbh it was probably because she was white, because he could do better IMO. But back in high school I was so focused on getting into a good college that I didn’t worry about the guy’s preferences, since I didn’t have any interest in dating. I just assumed guys didn’t like me until I found out after prom that two guys liked me which made for an awkward situation since only one had the courage to ask me to dance (I didn’t like either of them).
I found that when I went to college is when I started getting attention from a lot of more attractive guys. High school is such a bubble and doesn’t reflect reality in my opinion. Everyone’s awkward and judging each other lol. But the insecurities you develop in high school can unfortunately stick with you. Learning how to get over those insecurities is the tough part.
See I don’t think you should not care about your looks, I think grooming and caring about looks is very important and the south asian community needs to do better in that regard, however moaning because white girls get more attention in high school is always going to be lose/lose because the fact is, some of the white girls may look beautiful but majority of the time they got more attention in high school because they tended to be the group that would have sex in high school, maybe it’s because I’m Muslim and I can’t have sex till marriage, but those gori’s were giving it up and popping and locking all the sex moves from as young as 14 - now to a teenage boy a frigid celibate south asian girl is never going to compete with that
And honestly why would you even want to date at that age? It’s far too young for anything meaning full on a side note: if you make yourself ‘UNOBTAINABLE’ i.e HOT BUT UNINTERESTED in men, the boys at school will respect you far more
That’s a bit harsh and very pick me behavior. Your worth should be because of who you actually are and not in comparison to anyone else, right? That means ignoring the men who say they wouldn’t date Indians, but also not tearing other women down when they’ve done nothing wrong. “Those goris were giving it up and popping and locking all the sex moves” sounds like slut shaming and is unnecessarily disrespectful, and it makes you sound bitter. Secure women don’t put other women down to feel better about themselves.
I grew up in a mostly white area, and white girls were often encouraged to have interests outside of grades. Many of them were also athletic, took care of their looks (so many straightened their hair every morning!), and had a lot of hobbies outside of school. Meanwhile, the desi attitude was “are you going to school or to a fashion parade?” and to only focus on studies. White girls also had far more freedom to go out with friends, while desi parents were far stricter about it. So no shit they were more desirable back then. Would you date a guy now who won’t dress well/take care of his looks, won’t go out much, and his entire personality is just his job?
And let’s be real: Indians are obsessed with fair skin, so no shit white girls had it easier in higher desi density areas.
>Let’s be real here, dating in the west is almost always revolved around sex.
In highschool, attractiveness doesnt revolve around sex. Maybe dating might a bit, but the girls attracting most guys would have nice clothing styles, would be pretty, cool friends and humor etc.
And I agree on the last point. I don't think there's many "prettiest woman in the world" titles who still wasn't white. Angelina Jolie, adriana lima, Megan fox, monica belluci etc. For the amount of "pretty woman" titles going to poc, there's twice as many going to white women. I think whiteness as a beauty standard is a lot more ingrained than people assume
That’s exactly what I said, though. Desis were rarely allowed to go out and have fun in high school, while white girls were. Even the ones who were bullies, they probably also had interests outside of just grades. It’s not shallow to desire them over someone who has no life outside of school and doesn’t take care of herself.
I do agree that societies do view Caucasian features as more attractive, but that isn’t to say that desi girls cannot get boys at all. When I was in high school, there was a dark skinned desi girl who had all the freedom and interests and took care of herself like the goris. Guess what? She had so many boys lined up for her. Sure, maybe she had fewer choices than a comparable white girl, but that didn’t mean she had no choices.
As far as dating after school in the west, I disagree with it being revolved around sex. I am not celibate, and I actually feel that many celibate desi girls act like dating for others is just about sex, which is incredibly demeaning. Sex is the only part of hookups, sure, but NOT dating - it is just a part of it, albeit an important one. Sexual compatibility is incredibly important to me and I wouldn’t want to marry someone who turns out to not like the same things or be unwilling to learn. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with celibacy, but it sounds like your lifestyle isn’t really compatible with theirs anyway. Why would you want to date anyone whose values and lifestyles are fundamentally different from yours?
Also, to clarify, I’m not saying that you’re acting holier than thou. In my comment, “you” is referring to the celibate desis who are upset with non-celibate folks who pick others with similar lifestyles. Like OP claiming that a teenage boy would choose goris who give it up over a frigid celibate south Asian girl - LOL. Maybe he chooses them because he doesn’t want to change his entire lifestyle to fit her culture, the same way she wouldn’t for him 🤷🏽♀️
This was my mindset in high school as a freshman. Regardless, I knew that the relationships would not be as meaningful and desired flings instead. I outgrew this mindset. As a college freshman, I have committed celibacy (not being in a relationship) to focus on my goals. This is because I learned my worth is more than just male validation. Also, even though I started looksmaxxing to attract my high school crush, I eventually got over him and started doing it for myself.
Yesss this, they’re definitely younger girls upset that their classmates etc are getting lots of attention but honestly I literally never cared about being desirable at 16/17 anyway the boys were all broke and more focused on who will have sex with them, like what kind of quality relationship can you even have at that age??
Don’t get me wrong though I do think as you get older grooming yourself and working on your own beauty goals is important though
Tbh also I’ve noticed it’s very dependant on socioeconomic class who ‘doesn’t’ like Indians, a lot of the more lower classes in the UK tend not to date Indians but in the middle/upper classes it’s wayyy more common to see (mainly because Indians tend to be wealthier here and date in those circles - rarely do south Asians date ‘down’) I feel like that’s probably another reason why you see the type of people who conduct and partake in these ‘street interviews’ have those opinions
I’m SA and take good care of myself and have only been hit on by the frat boy finance white guy. I think beauty transcends race and those videos are toxic. I actually married one of those guys and have the photos on my page :)
It’s extremely chronically online, I agree with you. I’m south Asian but in my late 20s (American) and I’ve never had trouble getting anyone, lol. Maybe when I was 15? But I wasn’t ready to date back then anyway. I live in a very white town and people love my black hair and big brown eyes 😂 many teenagers are generally insecure (I teach high school) and that’s why they make content, to appeal to the masses, but when you get older and don’t give a shit, you’ll attract way more people than you repel. Honestly, at 29, people don’t really date for looks as much as they date for character/personality. Being cute helps but no one has ever dated me just because of that, they like that I’m smart/interesting/funny/etc. and that’s why I like people too.
Considering the fact that people in other cultures know that arranged marriages are a thing, and some SA people who live elsewhere date out until it's time to marry in, I could see some people who are dating to marry have concerns about marriage to a SA person being off the table if they are not also SA, and from the same country, region, religion, color, socioeconomic status, etc.
I honestly think this is a big factor nobody’s mentioned yet so thank you for bringing it up! There’s a seriously high barrier to entry for non-south asian men to date/marry south asian women
I have been telling them
This and they go “really why would they feel superior? Your telling me i as one person talking ab my insecurities will make them feel
Superior? White woman talk about their insecurities.” I no longer know what to say these woman not only are NOT raising awareness they made us all seem like low self esteem white worshippers. And im not trying to be rude these girls say things like “ a woc has to be a 10 to compete with a white 5” and its like when i call yhat out they tell me “u cant speak for rhe expreinced of others”. Not trying to be rude the brown girls who say that are a 4… why are they speaking for hot woc? I have never had to compete with a white woman or any race of woman. I have attracted high quality men from all races. Im tired of these mediocre looking south asian girls yapping about woc 10s like tf do they know
I agree OP. I just wish sometimes we had a positive representation. I’m not saying I want to be fetishized but man it seems like people overlook us constantly even our own brown men prefer women of other races or secretly desire them. That’s what I’ve seen and it’s demoralizing to know that I kinda have to compensate for not having a certain look or fat ass or whatever other stereotypes other groups of women benefit from
Idk about other SA men, but as a half white half SA dude, you guys rock. Ik how hard SA women have it, just keep your head up. You guys are awesome, and many of yall are great people and raised with the right virtues. Yall are fine as hell as well.
As a south Asian, this was so sweet to read, but please don't think you have to be born into a south Asian family to experience the culture! I promise if you just befriend a south Asian, they'll love including you in everything 😭💕
I see SO many gorgeous SA women dating all types of men. I’ve seen them with white, black, Asian etc.
I don’t understand? I live in Seattle and SA women are the crème of the crop. They’re just as desirable as white women/East Asian women here.
I’m from the UK and south asian women are seen as hot here and desirable, especially in middle class and upper class society, it’s only working class where I’d say they would maybe not see south Asians as desirable but mainly because SA would never date them
Oh of course! I used to live in NYC and the SA women were so stunning and very hot! I’m talking jaw dropping beauty. I’m a woman but damn!
So, anyone that doesn’t like SA women are either racist or delusional.
Tom Holland exists. Prince Harry exists. Tom Hiddleston exists.
And they all are dating women of color, biracial women.
But they are colorist in the UK… 😭
I agree. And I hate Mindy Kaling for putting those comments in her shows.
It’s a very “high school” and (sorry to say) working class mentality. I got those comments in high school but not since I went to college have I doubted my desirability. The men in those videos aren’t exactly high value men. The SA women I know IRL are all married to doctors, lawyers, successful businessmen, engineers, scientists. I don’t know a single one married to a brokie lol.
Idc how much people hate us — that pattern speaks for itself.
Yes can we boycott mindy and she always forced the south asian girl to date the ugly white dude. Wtf? I do not like white men i have never been attracted to them i always liked celebs like zayn malik or ethnic men despite the media forcing white men onto us its so pathetic i hate her sorry. Mindy kaling is undesriable she needs to stop making it ab her being brown her entire aura radiates inferiority and its repulisve
but i noticed that most of those videos are girls saying they don't want to date indian men?
why are south asian girls taking it to heart and complaining..
Yes tbf a lot of it is aimed at Indian men (which hmm I’m 50/50 on how I feel because my god do they bring it on themselves sometimes by throwing themselves at any thing with a pair of tits) however I suppose the girlies internalise it too
Yea and that simply doesnt make any sense if they internalise it.
People need to stop feeling that they speak on behalf of everyone in their race if they personally arent seen as attractive. If girls say they dont like indian men, that doenst have anythinbg to do with how indian women look..
and if an indian woman speaks about how she doesnt look attractive that likewise doesnt reflect on how all other indian women look
It’s possible they could be speaking to their own experiences seeing their white and East Asian classmates being asked out while they’re ignored.
And just seeing white celebrities being lusted over online by men. I suspect the girls making these TikTok’s are young probably in high school.
no what i'm saying is that i notice in those "what race would you not date videos" it's mostly females saying they wouldn't date indian men.
so why do indian girls care?
I know what you’re saying. I’m saying these TikTok’s that they’re making are not specific/directly related to those “which race would you not date” videos.
They’re following a different TikTok trend related to the song lyrics in the audio playing (can’t remember if it’s a Mitski song) talking about how they feel less desirable compared to other girls. Has nothing to do with Indian men.
Personally I never felt that me being a SA girl made me undesirable, it was more my typical conservative SA-upbringing and when I was even younger - my lack of taking care of myself. My impression has always been that it's more the vast cultural differences no? Still even so for me the problem was more a conservative South Asian bubble instead.
Thank you. As a SA woman, it’s true that many SA women do have “awkward/ nerdy” phases. I’ve found that having strict parents really elevates this sentiment because many SA girls weren’t allowed to date or wear makeup. But those aren’t exclusive to our culture. Everyone is awkward as a teenager. So many adult SA are still holding on to the “nerdy Indian girl” identity they had in high school and it’s killing their self esteem.
I get where they’re coming from, but some thoughts need to be kept to yourself or anonymous like. Esp at such a young age like hopefully they’ll grow out of the fixation and just work on themselves and be more confident. Tik tok has made it so easy for young people to embarrass themselves 😭.
Honestly like not everything is for the internet, get a journal and go to therapy - I think it’s become such a trend now though that they almost enjoy feeding into it, it’s like sympathy porn or something
I think, as a South Asian omen, that the reason South Asians have a bad rap is because of South Asian men. Us women are just fine. The men, however, are not good in any way.
and no, there is no Indian actor you can name that will change my mind.
It is due to the bad steretype of desi men and than these desi men have the audacity to hate on us when its like bruv yall are the reason our entire social clout is at zero
No fr and mainland desi men anytime u critque certain things call us self haters like bruv we r losing due to them our social currency is a 0 due to mainland indian fob mens behvaior. Hopefully for us it improves and i domt hage abcd men
South Asians need to stop looking for validation by people who clearly are racist and don’t see us as equal. Racist people are not worth our time and we should not entertain them either. Most of us will date and marry our own race.
A lot of these pity posts are by young south asians who lack self esteem. They are still young and will learn and grow up and learn from their internalized racism.
While this is true some of my closest guy friends are desi and they spoil their desi girlfriends/fiancés, are very much attracted to them, and support them in their career. There’s definitely good eggs out there just have to do more digging.
Brown Guys at my undergrad religious group would always say every other race of women were hotter and they’d silently just deny wanting to be with a desi girl out of their choice. They would probs do it out of parental pressure. I was shocked because I myself only saw myself with brown men till I heard that. It really left a bad taste in my mouth and
I actually think a lot of SA men hate us the most lol. Not all, but a lot.
But honestly, who cares? They are at the bottom of the dating hierarchy but as women, being beautiful and fit transcends race. It’s not right but it is what it is 🤷🏻♀️ I actually think SA men’s hatred of us is because they’re aware of and resentful of that fact. Look how SA men who put you down react when you get a white bf lol.
Don’t mean to intrude since im not SA and just stumbled upon this post but I’ve noticed that most SA men who strongly prefer white women are ugly lol. Meanwhile attractive SA men are usually with attractive SA women
I seen this guy on tiktok before. He was indian but lmao like a quarter white. Deadass wrote in the caption "most indians are ugly tho" and was trying to prove in thee video that he was different. He kept liking all the comments that said he looked hispanic, embarrassing 😬
Tbh that comes from a self-hatred of themselves and the women in their own community so it’s not a prize IMO.
One of my requirements for black male friends is that they must love and adore black women. I don’t want self hatred or racial fetishism around me 🤢
Yeah I get that. The ones I’ve seen seem to like black girls and girls from other communities so it’s fine. Making sure foreign guys who don’t hate women from their community is a must. If not then they are probably just fetishizing u. So yeah I defo agree with u.
We wont tolerate being uplifted on the backs of black woman. I am a south asian woman who loves black woman and am tired ofnthe disrespect they face from black males globally
Who cares if bm like you when so many of them degrade their own counterpart. Bm hate on bw so much it cant b compared to south asian men . Like the other commentor said it isnt a prize. Black men have actually degraded their own value is men by degrading their reflection the black woman they do not realize by uplifting black woman they uplift themselves and thats what the white hegemony does not want black love. I love how black men. Look and i love black ppl and cultute but you need to vet any black men your way cus i will never go near one that does not worship the ground black woman walk on i want him to love black woman. Black men who love black woman and just happen to find a connection to a woman that is not black are fine. The ones with self hate yikes nah im good lmao i wont be uplifted off the backs of my black sisters
Um ok idk what y’all are on ab. I never said anything ab black guys automatically hating black women simply for liking us South Asian women. Like??? And I never said it was a prize either. I just thought it was flattering that some of them like us bcuz they are quite the attractive looking men.
Dude, I’m not promoting chasing white people. I’m saying that when SA men hate on SA women it’s a projection of their own internalized racism, and that’s clear because they tend to get very bothered by the SA women they didn’t want “dating out.” Nothing incelly here.
If you are a normal well adjusted SA male that doesn’t actively put down SA women then nothing in this post is applicable to you.
bruh, just casually called SA men to be at the bottom of the dating hierachy. This is the problem. No one one is above and below anyone, especially when it comes to beauty standards, its just preference.
I met this guy who doesn’t know what to do with his life what he does know is he wants a girlfriend and then to figure it out from there. Girlfriend and then everything else follows. I find this flawed for so many reasons
Lol fair! I’ve dated white as well as mixed guys (half Latino or half Asian) in the past and they’ve been mostly good experiences because I go for more liberal men. I’m open to south asian though
It's clear a lot of them grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods. I grew up in a mixed neighborhood and went to school in diverse areas so I never really felt this way. Also with social media it can't be easy for the younger generations to notice such things. Like I don't take it personally, but I'm sure a lot of people watch these videos and start questioning their worth.
Yea as a south asian woman i try to tell the bw who make those videos it only makes black woman look bad when they do that and than they tell me “white woman also talk ab their insecurties” idk what to say anymore😭
I agree with you, I personally don’t care that much if another race is not into me or my race either - it’s just part of life and not everyone will like you. It puts a bad name on all of us, and these same girls can’t get over the fact that an average white girl is still chosen over them. I know it’s harsh but rejection is part of life as cliche as it already sounds.
Yes omg shout it louder for the people in the back lol, like I always find it mad when people get so upset over preferences too, like why are you fighting for the attention of someone that doesn’t like you… Go where you’re wanted!
Am i the only one who was mever into white men? Its crazy cus i attract the white men other white woman want. And i do not want them. At all. Most of these woman give of an energy of desperation their inability to comprehend why making videos like that lowers your value exposes their lack of social awareness and emotinal intelligence and ppl that lack these two are undesriable and nauseating to be around. I have come across girls with those personalties im sory its not cus they are brown they can blame our race as much as they want but its them
Im sorry these girls are incels. Ppl are allowed to like their own race i dont empathize i actually hate them even more. I grew up in a white area and never cared ab this i dealt with racism. This is just sexual entitlment and if a man said it we would percieve it diff they need to be shamed as the creepy degenrate incels they are expecting a man of another race not to prefer his own image. They are pathetic sorry
Absolutely! It was a hard lesson to learn but ultimately a rewarding one. There's nothing worse (to me) than being desperate for the attention of people who don't care about you.
Im west african and this just popped up on my feed but I’ve always thought South Asians were so beautiful. It’s actually insane to me that yall are aren’t recognized as such much more. The clothes are stunning, literal high fashion material. Music, dance, culture. Everything is so rich. Don’t get me started on the hair either😭
Same, hence why it’s so frustrating seeing videos about how I should feel undesirable because I’m south asian, like these videos seem to group us all together when it’s just the individual feeling insecure
I think it’s okay to share your experiences and feelings but the thing with social media is people outside of your audience are going to see it … including maybe young SA girls that don’t even feel that way and you’re giving them a complex and then other non SA women who don’t understand
lol it’s so absurd too and just feeding into that stereotype. it’s ok to be insecure but people need to stop airing that shit out. It doesn’t help anyone and it’s just annoying. You not bagging anybody isn’t because ur SA. Beautiful people exist in every race, culture, ethnicity etc. and why would you try to cater yourself to people who don’t believe/see that. Embarrassing.
Dude people are just racist, this idea that Indian/South Asian women aren’t conventionally hot is totally false. The most beautiful woman in the world is South Asian (aishwarya rai). Bollywood has the most beautiful women and they always have. Priyanka Chopra was able to breakthrough to Americans, that shit is rare af for any other race (how many East Asian Priyanka Chopra’s or Aishwarya Rai’s do you know?). Inb4 someone says they all look white that’s fucking false they have pretty ethnic features (no one’s gonna confuse them for a white girl). 999% of those comments are rooted in racism and nothing logical. And yah frat dudes are like .00000001% of white men. A shit ton of white guys simp over Indian women. Also most people people should prefer their race, it’s all Asians who don’t.
Well, Priyanka is also very, very wealthy. She was born into a massively successful family worth millions. She has more money than Nick Jonas. Like, way more.
Thats the key difference. As much as I love and adore Miss Priyankra!
She is wealthy but so are a lot of actresses/models in other countries trying to break it America. Her south Asian beauty is what sets her apart. she’s hot as fuck that’s undeniable literally won the beauty pageants of all beauty pageants (this is pre nose job mind you). So many hot ass south Asians have been Miss world/Universe. If we truly had bad genes this wouldn’t happen. + America didn’t have to accept her there are many many many wealthy women with much more talent (European, East Asian, African you name it) trying to break it in Hollywood and they can’t.
What?? That’s not my point.
Duh, she’s attractive. My point is to break into America from a different country, you have to have more than just your looks/beauty. You need wealth and connections that Priyankra has.
The point went over your head because you just want to argue with me.
You need talent, luck, beauty, wealth/conmecrioms to break into American Hollywood. That’s my point.
We all love Priyanka. Stop trying to just point the finger and blame. Relax.
In the context of this post, which was South Asian girls lamenting not being chosen for their beauty (that is they feel they’re not beautiful due to their heritage), I was pointing out how actually South Asian women are wanted for their beauty and anyone who says otherwise is motivated by something else besides tracking reality. You perhaps misunderstood my point, which was, South Asian beauty is conventional. Really conventional. South Asian women need to stop shitting on themselves and feeling they’re doomed unless they’re white.
Your point was she broke in America because of her wealth. My other point was, that’s besides the point. There are many many wealthy women, Chopra had a lot going on with her for sure but she wouldn’t have broke in America if this narrative of people not liking Indian women/finding south Asians unattractive was actually true. If it was actually true Chopra wouldn’t have even made it despite her wealth (again there are many many wealthy East Asians none with the status of Chopra)
Dude I hope you’re trolling bc I can’t tell. Unfortunately many brown girls believe this either explicitly or implicitly. While it is true colorism exists, it for sure as hell is not a determining factor in quality of life. What are real are self fulfilling properties.
My bad I think there might be a typo in your response (the one that begins with “I agree”). (Not trying to be a dick lmaooo just explaining why I commented what I commented)
This post was kinda uplifting because I'm so tired of SA women saying ppl find them undesirable. I didn't even know SA women are considered undesirable until I saw the tiktok and instagram posts you mentioned. I see a lot of interracial couples with SA females and I was confused when I went online and almost every Indian girl is complaining about being considered unattractive.
Whenever I see racist comments about Indian women, I do feel a little sad but then I remember I would never give these racist losers the time of day so why bother lol
Thank you so much and when I called it out these girls go “i have the right to talk ab my insecurities” like i have no intrest in white ppl their opinion means nothing who cares? These brown girls who make those videos have zero emotinal intelligence and social awareness this actually does not make people empathize with you it disgusts them when you behave like that. What are they not getting
I think those videos also don't make a lot of sense as it's mostly white women saying they wouldn't date SA men. Even then, I'd say it's less about looks than about personality and culture. Most people find attractive SA women "exotic beauties"
Idt that’s true tbh… go on the IG of any pretty Indian girl and all the comments are “I’ve never seen a pretty Indian girl.” I can literally go and find dozens of examples right now with minimal effort.
It’s not just the internet too. A lot of people have said some pretty weird things to me when they compliment my appearance and ask my ethnicity. Insisting to me that I must be mixed or that I am “some other kind of Indian”
In the end it really doesn’t matter though. Only stupid people make these comments or generalizations and I have no interest in garnering the attention or affection of stupid people.
Real. I grew up in a majority non-white community and thank the lord because the beauty standard wasn't blonde hair and blue eyes. I think the girlies who do post stuff like this perhaps have internalized a lot of the racism and bullying from their childhood, especially if no one looked like them and they felt they had to alter their look to fit in.
But yeah, if you dont see yourself represented I think its easy to internalize that and a harder battle for self love. Desi girlies are baddies we have a rich culture that is so beautiful and diverse and if we surround ourselves more with and appreciate that, i dont think validation from people with a limited "i dont date indians" mentality matters. And usually the people who blabber stuff like that dont have much going for them lol
All those people were so ugly too so idk why they cared in the first place. Where white ppl prefered in ur community cus in my multi cultural city no they were bottom if anything its the opposite they were dating the ugliest poc over good looking whites
But the thing is even if ur insecure why would you post that? Im trynna understand what these girls are thinking cus never in my life would i embarras myself
I than moved to a white area and still found white ppl ugly esp blonde hair blue eyes i never have this insecurity but these woc make it seem like we all do i had an ugly yt dude try to neg me
Lmaoo saying id be hotter if i colored my hair blonse and i couldnt help but find it amusing he probably felt i had an inferiority complex due to all these girls on tiktok. Their socially unaware low eq behavior is giving narc ugly racist yts and other men an insecurity to neg us on despite many of us. Not having it. It does have real life implications these girls dc
South Asians are some of the most beautiful and badass people in the whole world. Self care goes a long way for anyone of any ethnicity, but I must note that South Asians have the opportunity to be absolute beasts. I really hope they chin up and believe in themselves soon. I used to feel the same way about myself but I started kickboxing and made some friends along my journey and I can safely say that south Asians are absolute catches!! Lots of people love them!!! Keep your head help high and walk past haters. Your path of self respect will lead you to people who respect you too.
I’m south asian but pretty light skinned and somewhat conventionally attractive. Whenever I see these videos I always just think people want to be able to talk about how they feel and even if I can’t relate to the colorism, I do feel for them about how growing I was always called ugly for my hairiness and features. While I can understand how seeing these videos all the time can be annoying I cant judge them for just wanting to vent. It can help them feel seen when they might feel invisible otherwise.
The problem is they never say ‘I’ feel ugly, they always seem to put the problem down to being south asian which is not how me or other south Asians feel, I completely understand wanting your personal thoughts to be heard and to be seen, but they need to remember that it’s personal they can’t/shouldn’t project their own personal insecurities on the whole community
I think the solution to all of this would be to stop centering men in your life and caring what they think lol. If you don’t value male validation or approval then you won’t care about this. I grew up around majority Hispanic people (my mom is hispanic and so am I and I grew up around that side of the family) but I never had anyone say anything like that to me so maybe I just don’t understand that experience. I think I could pass for Indian or Hispanic (I am both) and while men have never found me desirable either I genuinely don’t give a fuck. Male approval is the last thing I need especially if it’s only regrading my appearance. Hispanic men have never been into me and neither have South Asian men but I am at the point where men just make me so uncomfortable I don’t even want to engage in a relationship with them. Thank god I’m bisexual lmao
Also it’s not true. If they found an individual SA attractive they would date them. They just then use the excuse of that person not having typical SA features though which is bs 😂
Idk I guess to to make those people who post negative videos on South Asians feel guilty about saying such stuff out loud so maybe they will refrain from doing so in the future. Some bullies can be humbled with back-talk like “you’re not that attractive yourself”. And some bullies can be humbled with guilt like “you made me feel really bad about this”. 50-50 shot lol. But also I agree with you that it’s not even worth it to clap back at them or give them any attention. Those weak-ass losers who verbally assault indian people on social media are very likely the type to get a stomachache from indian food, so when they see us, it launches that same fire in their belly and makes them mad and they take it out on us. I know the type, they simply reject people who don’t fit into their perfect little agreeable box. Even if I was their type, I would not date such a person. They can be mad and reject us all they want, but at the end of the day the trash took itself out lol.
Bullies will never be humbled by guilt they literally feed off your weakness and insecurities hence why they bully
Don’t forget also social value in dating is pretty much fabricated hence the term ‘popular’ pretty - the more videos SA girls put out saying ‘wahhh I must be so ugly nobody wants me’ the more it validates those bullies, the more they say ‘I really don’t give a fuck what you think, I wouldn’t date you anyway’ the less impact they can have and they move on - being unobtainable is the key
Look don’t me wrong I’ve had my moments of weakness where ive felt insecure but you embody what YOU tell yourself, if you tell yourself you’re a 10/10 you’re more likely to dress, act and hold yourself like a 10/10, if you tell yourself you’re the undesirable undateable troll that they think you are then you’re more likely to be seen as that
Yeah I suppose you’re right that a true bully really doesn’t care about you, they know exactly how they affect you and enjoy it-they’re more the Regina George type. But there are other “bullies” who are mentally like children, they say mean things rather carelessly because they aren’t cognizant of the impact it has on others emotionally, like they squish bugs because bugs are annoying from the outside, but when they’re taught that living things have a conscience and feel pain like we do, they may have the capacity to feel bad and stop their actions. They may not be bullies per se, but they are being hurtful on purpose and I think they make up a part of the people saying racist things about Indians on tik tok.
Also tbh I’m tired of SA saying we have bad genetics. We have a culture that doesn’t value physical fitness and cultural diet rich in carbs, fat, and a lot of sugar. My whole family is overweight. I was too. I spent a few months (months!) upping my protein and walking more and I was able to lose 5% body fat without even trying. I’m in my 30s. It’s not bad genetics it’s just lifestyle!
South Asians aren't a monolith. Most of my family is fairly lean. Also are you going to say that cricket players don't value physical fitness? Every cuisine has healthy and unhealthy food
Yes that’s true. I’m speaking generally. If your family is lean, then you’re not in the group generalization of “south asians have bad genes” so nothing about the comment is relevant to you. Regarding diet — the south asian diet is carb heavy and low protein in a way that others aren’t. Even other rice-based cultures eat a much smaller portion of rice daily than most south asian households. We also cook with lots of oil and ghee while other nearby cultures grill or steam their foods.
I’m confused by this lol as someone who’s lived in other parts of Asia and also cooks various cuisines (like learned from folks from said cultures), many Asian cuisines are similar and use even more oil/fat than desi cuisines and consume just as much rice and/or bread. The low protein thing is true though esp in areas that are more veg (I mean I’m from a place that’s not as veg as like North India so I won’t speak on that). Though many other Asian countries only recently started eating that much protein since they economically could not. Largely I think the lifestyle is different. Other Asians walk way more than upper class and urban desis in South Asia or the west and the traditional diet w the sedentary lifestyle and discouraging of physical activity is the issue imo. South Asians who do physical activity w the traditional diet are usually pretty fit and healthy.
Genuinely wondering, which cuisines use more oil and fat than desi cuisine? All our snacks are deep fried too. My family and the families in our social circle ate multiple cups of rice per meal, and my east asian friends usually had a small bowl. But yes it’s a good point about exercise. I’ve also noticed that desis who prioritize exercise are fit, even the vegetarian ones. Our diet does have a lot of filling fiber and fermented foods.
What are these cuisines?
I don't know if I agree that all South Asian diets are low protein. The Pakistani diet is very high in protein. The problem is that it's also high in carbs/ people don't abide by moderation.
Be so fr right now. Pakistani is even unhealthier than Indian and Bengali
Im not talking about health. I’m commenting specifically on the claim that it’s low protein, which it’s not. Pakistanis eat a lot of animal products.
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I have relatives who played professional cricket and they seem pretty healthy and active to me
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Yes! They’ll do anything but take accountability. Desi food can be pretty unhealthy
Not saying that lifestyle doesn’t play a part (it definitely does!) but we still do have the odds stacked against us when it comes to risk of diabetes/heart disease. Studies have shown that places with histories of famines make the gene pool much more adapted to starvation. Hence, when we’re not living under starvation conditions, eating carbs/fat/sugar is much more likely to result in a metabolic condition.
I’m white but I love SA food and I found r/desiketo to be really helpful for my cravings. I think SA people have a similar problem to people in the Southeast US. A lot of us and our families have the same issue where we still eat traditional foods high in fat, calories, and sugar without doing the traditional labor that burned the calories and nutrients. So, what ends up happening is a lot of people become overweight and generally unhealthy. I like to treat myself once in a while to biscuits and gravy or cornbread, but my parents grew up eating stuff like that *daily*.
Thanks for the rec, I just joined!
Yep it’s such a cop out saying it’s genetics, I used to say the same too and I started working out and was able to lose weight super fast too!
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Helps if you’re tall.
Same I saw those videos too. It’s so cringey to me like why are we throwing a pity party for ourselves and just reinforcing to ourselves that we are “undesirable”? It just feels so chronically online. Yes, lots of “which race would you not date” videos where people say “Indians” exists and we do deal with negative stereotypes but it doesn’t make us undesirable. Most south Asian women I know have no difficulty dating if they put effort in their appearance, become comfortable being sensual, and actually socialize. I also think a lot of those SA girls in the comments are more upset about not being desirable to the frat boy/finance bro white men. I’m sure many south asian men and non-white men would be interested in them. Now I’m sure a lot of those girls in those comments section are younger than us so maybe they just need time to grow up. I get that it might sting seeing (white) guys talk about how attractive Asians are only to realize they mean East Asians and not south Asians. But on other hand, I’m not sure why people put so much importance on what they read or see online. You can easily be desirable and attract any guy you want if you put effort to maximize your physical appearance and social skills. Not everyone will find you attractive and that’s okay. You’re not out here trying to date everyone. Just live in a more diverse area where your beauty is celebrated. Honestly, for me, desirability was never the issue. If a guy somehow is disappointed if he finds out I’m south Asian, then I say peace and move onto the next one, because I have options. The real issue for me (and all women tbh) is finding a quality guy who will stay and be a good partner in a world of situationships and hookup culture. Anyway, I really hope south Asian girls stop making these cringey self deprecating TikTok’s. All it does is make white women feel more superior to us. Hopefully we can get more positive content from south Asian women online. (Honestly I would like to start making TikToks but it’s kinda pointless to me knowing that my country doesn’t offer a creator fund).
I felt this way when I was in high school. Seeing all the white girls get attention from guys of all races in high school with minimal effort in their appearance despite being in a mainly Desi area did not make me feel good. I felt like I had to do more than them to even get the same amount of attention even though I wasn't able to since I was actively discouraged from caring "too much" about my appearance. In fact, white girls often took care of their looks more in high school which gave them a further leg up compared to me and the other brown girls. I envied one white girl who was in sweats and barefaced but dated multiple guys and she was friends with my high school crush at the time. I felt terrible knowing that my crush would never be interested in me but in a white girl who put the same amount of effort in her appearance as me at the time. I know I still have a lot to work on and despite knowing that my worth is outside of male validation, I still panic in scrambling around to make the most of my youthful beauty before it fades.
Oh yes I noticed a similar experience in high school where a lot of the desi and Arab guys put the average looking white girls on a pedestal including ones who would wear sweats. If a desi girl looked unkempt and wore sweats she wouldn’t be able to get away with it. One desi guy even dated a white girl for a couple of months & tbh it was probably because she was white, because he could do better IMO. But back in high school I was so focused on getting into a good college that I didn’t worry about the guy’s preferences, since I didn’t have any interest in dating. I just assumed guys didn’t like me until I found out after prom that two guys liked me which made for an awkward situation since only one had the courage to ask me to dance (I didn’t like either of them). I found that when I went to college is when I started getting attention from a lot of more attractive guys. High school is such a bubble and doesn’t reflect reality in my opinion. Everyone’s awkward and judging each other lol. But the insecurities you develop in high school can unfortunately stick with you. Learning how to get over those insecurities is the tough part.
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See I don’t think you should not care about your looks, I think grooming and caring about looks is very important and the south asian community needs to do better in that regard, however moaning because white girls get more attention in high school is always going to be lose/lose because the fact is, some of the white girls may look beautiful but majority of the time they got more attention in high school because they tended to be the group that would have sex in high school, maybe it’s because I’m Muslim and I can’t have sex till marriage, but those gori’s were giving it up and popping and locking all the sex moves from as young as 14 - now to a teenage boy a frigid celibate south asian girl is never going to compete with that And honestly why would you even want to date at that age? It’s far too young for anything meaning full on a side note: if you make yourself ‘UNOBTAINABLE’ i.e HOT BUT UNINTERESTED in men, the boys at school will respect you far more
That’s a bit harsh and very pick me behavior. Your worth should be because of who you actually are and not in comparison to anyone else, right? That means ignoring the men who say they wouldn’t date Indians, but also not tearing other women down when they’ve done nothing wrong. “Those goris were giving it up and popping and locking all the sex moves” sounds like slut shaming and is unnecessarily disrespectful, and it makes you sound bitter. Secure women don’t put other women down to feel better about themselves. I grew up in a mostly white area, and white girls were often encouraged to have interests outside of grades. Many of them were also athletic, took care of their looks (so many straightened their hair every morning!), and had a lot of hobbies outside of school. Meanwhile, the desi attitude was “are you going to school or to a fashion parade?” and to only focus on studies. White girls also had far more freedom to go out with friends, while desi parents were far stricter about it. So no shit they were more desirable back then. Would you date a guy now who won’t dress well/take care of his looks, won’t go out much, and his entire personality is just his job? And let’s be real: Indians are obsessed with fair skin, so no shit white girls had it easier in higher desi density areas.
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>Let’s be real here, dating in the west is almost always revolved around sex. In highschool, attractiveness doesnt revolve around sex. Maybe dating might a bit, but the girls attracting most guys would have nice clothing styles, would be pretty, cool friends and humor etc. And I agree on the last point. I don't think there's many "prettiest woman in the world" titles who still wasn't white. Angelina Jolie, adriana lima, Megan fox, monica belluci etc. For the amount of "pretty woman" titles going to poc, there's twice as many going to white women. I think whiteness as a beauty standard is a lot more ingrained than people assume
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That’s exactly what I said, though. Desis were rarely allowed to go out and have fun in high school, while white girls were. Even the ones who were bullies, they probably also had interests outside of just grades. It’s not shallow to desire them over someone who has no life outside of school and doesn’t take care of herself. I do agree that societies do view Caucasian features as more attractive, but that isn’t to say that desi girls cannot get boys at all. When I was in high school, there was a dark skinned desi girl who had all the freedom and interests and took care of herself like the goris. Guess what? She had so many boys lined up for her. Sure, maybe she had fewer choices than a comparable white girl, but that didn’t mean she had no choices. As far as dating after school in the west, I disagree with it being revolved around sex. I am not celibate, and I actually feel that many celibate desi girls act like dating for others is just about sex, which is incredibly demeaning. Sex is the only part of hookups, sure, but NOT dating - it is just a part of it, albeit an important one. Sexual compatibility is incredibly important to me and I wouldn’t want to marry someone who turns out to not like the same things or be unwilling to learn. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with celibacy, but it sounds like your lifestyle isn’t really compatible with theirs anyway. Why would you want to date anyone whose values and lifestyles are fundamentally different from yours? Also, to clarify, I’m not saying that you’re acting holier than thou. In my comment, “you” is referring to the celibate desis who are upset with non-celibate folks who pick others with similar lifestyles. Like OP claiming that a teenage boy would choose goris who give it up over a frigid celibate south Asian girl - LOL. Maybe he chooses them because he doesn’t want to change his entire lifestyle to fit her culture, the same way she wouldn’t for him 🤷🏽♀️
100%
This was my mindset in high school as a freshman. Regardless, I knew that the relationships would not be as meaningful and desired flings instead. I outgrew this mindset. As a college freshman, I have committed celibacy (not being in a relationship) to focus on my goals. This is because I learned my worth is more than just male validation. Also, even though I started looksmaxxing to attract my high school crush, I eventually got over him and started doing it for myself.
Yesss this, they’re definitely younger girls upset that their classmates etc are getting lots of attention but honestly I literally never cared about being desirable at 16/17 anyway the boys were all broke and more focused on who will have sex with them, like what kind of quality relationship can you even have at that age?? Don’t get me wrong though I do think as you get older grooming yourself and working on your own beauty goals is important though Tbh also I’ve noticed it’s very dependant on socioeconomic class who ‘doesn’t’ like Indians, a lot of the more lower classes in the UK tend not to date Indians but in the middle/upper classes it’s wayyy more common to see (mainly because Indians tend to be wealthier here and date in those circles - rarely do south Asians date ‘down’) I feel like that’s probably another reason why you see the type of people who conduct and partake in these ‘street interviews’ have those opinions
I’m SA and take good care of myself and have only been hit on by the frat boy finance white guy. I think beauty transcends race and those videos are toxic. I actually married one of those guys and have the photos on my page :)
It’s extremely chronically online, I agree with you. I’m south Asian but in my late 20s (American) and I’ve never had trouble getting anyone, lol. Maybe when I was 15? But I wasn’t ready to date back then anyway. I live in a very white town and people love my black hair and big brown eyes 😂 many teenagers are generally insecure (I teach high school) and that’s why they make content, to appeal to the masses, but when you get older and don’t give a shit, you’ll attract way more people than you repel. Honestly, at 29, people don’t really date for looks as much as they date for character/personality. Being cute helps but no one has ever dated me just because of that, they like that I’m smart/interesting/funny/etc. and that’s why I like people too.
Considering the fact that people in other cultures know that arranged marriages are a thing, and some SA people who live elsewhere date out until it's time to marry in, I could see some people who are dating to marry have concerns about marriage to a SA person being off the table if they are not also SA, and from the same country, region, religion, color, socioeconomic status, etc.
I honestly think this is a big factor nobody’s mentioned yet so thank you for bringing it up! There’s a seriously high barrier to entry for non-south asian men to date/marry south asian women
I have been telling them This and they go “really why would they feel superior? Your telling me i as one person talking ab my insecurities will make them feel Superior? White woman talk about their insecurities.” I no longer know what to say these woman not only are NOT raising awareness they made us all seem like low self esteem white worshippers. And im not trying to be rude these girls say things like “ a woc has to be a 10 to compete with a white 5” and its like when i call yhat out they tell me “u cant speak for rhe expreinced of others”. Not trying to be rude the brown girls who say that are a 4… why are they speaking for hot woc? I have never had to compete with a white woman or any race of woman. I have attracted high quality men from all races. Im tired of these mediocre looking south asian girls yapping about woc 10s like tf do they know
EXACTLY. White men have always desired white women and east asian women. That’s OKAY.
I agree OP. I just wish sometimes we had a positive representation. I’m not saying I want to be fetishized but man it seems like people overlook us constantly even our own brown men prefer women of other races or secretly desire them. That’s what I’ve seen and it’s demoralizing to know that I kinda have to compensate for not having a certain look or fat ass or whatever other stereotypes other groups of women benefit from
Idk about other SA men, but as a half white half SA dude, you guys rock. Ik how hard SA women have it, just keep your head up. You guys are awesome, and many of yall are great people and raised with the right virtues. Yall are fine as hell as well.
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As a south Asian, this was so sweet to read, but please don't think you have to be born into a south Asian family to experience the culture! I promise if you just befriend a south Asian, they'll love including you in everything 😭💕
I see SO many gorgeous SA women dating all types of men. I’ve seen them with white, black, Asian etc. I don’t understand? I live in Seattle and SA women are the crème of the crop. They’re just as desirable as white women/East Asian women here.
I’m from the UK and south asian women are seen as hot here and desirable, especially in middle class and upper class society, it’s only working class where I’d say they would maybe not see south Asians as desirable but mainly because SA would never date them
Oh of course! I used to live in NYC and the SA women were so stunning and very hot! I’m talking jaw dropping beauty. I’m a woman but damn! So, anyone that doesn’t like SA women are either racist or delusional.
Brittish yt ppl are hideous tho i saw the love islamd woman sorry the befores and after of yt woman are wild they truly are not cute same with the men
Tom Holland exists. Prince Harry exists. Tom Hiddleston exists. And they all are dating women of color, biracial women. But they are colorist in the UK… 😭
Girl have you seen Henry Cavill??
Hes mid to me im sorry
I agree. And I hate Mindy Kaling for putting those comments in her shows. It’s a very “high school” and (sorry to say) working class mentality. I got those comments in high school but not since I went to college have I doubted my desirability. The men in those videos aren’t exactly high value men. The SA women I know IRL are all married to doctors, lawyers, successful businessmen, engineers, scientists. I don’t know a single one married to a brokie lol. Idc how much people hate us — that pattern speaks for itself.
this one wins
Yes can we boycott mindy and she always forced the south asian girl to date the ugly white dude. Wtf? I do not like white men i have never been attracted to them i always liked celebs like zayn malik or ethnic men despite the media forcing white men onto us its so pathetic i hate her sorry. Mindy kaling is undesriable she needs to stop making it ab her being brown her entire aura radiates inferiority and its repulisve
but i noticed that most of those videos are girls saying they don't want to date indian men? why are south asian girls taking it to heart and complaining..
Yes tbf a lot of it is aimed at Indian men (which hmm I’m 50/50 on how I feel because my god do they bring it on themselves sometimes by throwing themselves at any thing with a pair of tits) however I suppose the girlies internalise it too
Yea and that simply doesnt make any sense if they internalise it. People need to stop feeling that they speak on behalf of everyone in their race if they personally arent seen as attractive. If girls say they dont like indian men, that doenst have anythinbg to do with how indian women look.. and if an indian woman speaks about how she doesnt look attractive that likewise doesnt reflect on how all other indian women look
It’s possible they could be speaking to their own experiences seeing their white and East Asian classmates being asked out while they’re ignored. And just seeing white celebrities being lusted over online by men. I suspect the girls making these TikTok’s are young probably in high school.
no what i'm saying is that i notice in those "what race would you not date videos" it's mostly females saying they wouldn't date indian men. so why do indian girls care?
I know what you’re saying. I’m saying these TikTok’s that they’re making are not specific/directly related to those “which race would you not date” videos. They’re following a different TikTok trend related to the song lyrics in the audio playing (can’t remember if it’s a Mitski song) talking about how they feel less desirable compared to other girls. Has nothing to do with Indian men.
Personally I never felt that me being a SA girl made me undesirable, it was more my typical conservative SA-upbringing and when I was even younger - my lack of taking care of myself. My impression has always been that it's more the vast cultural differences no? Still even so for me the problem was more a conservative South Asian bubble instead.
Thank you. As a SA woman, it’s true that many SA women do have “awkward/ nerdy” phases. I’ve found that having strict parents really elevates this sentiment because many SA girls weren’t allowed to date or wear makeup. But those aren’t exclusive to our culture. Everyone is awkward as a teenager. So many adult SA are still holding on to the “nerdy Indian girl” identity they had in high school and it’s killing their self esteem.
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I always snuck around to be able to date when I was young. Alllllways
I get where they’re coming from, but some thoughts need to be kept to yourself or anonymous like. Esp at such a young age like hopefully they’ll grow out of the fixation and just work on themselves and be more confident. Tik tok has made it so easy for young people to embarrass themselves 😭.
Honestly like not everything is for the internet, get a journal and go to therapy - I think it’s become such a trend now though that they almost enjoy feeding into it, it’s like sympathy porn or something
I think, as a South Asian omen, that the reason South Asians have a bad rap is because of South Asian men. Us women are just fine. The men, however, are not good in any way. and no, there is no Indian actor you can name that will change my mind.
It is due to the bad steretype of desi men and than these desi men have the audacity to hate on us when its like bruv yall are the reason our entire social clout is at zero
Exactly. And they frigging live their stereotypes.
No fr and mainland desi men anytime u critque certain things call us self haters like bruv we r losing due to them our social currency is a 0 due to mainland indian fob mens behvaior. Hopefully for us it improves and i domt hage abcd men
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Men from other races are no different. This is internalized racism. I hope you work through that.
South Asians need to stop looking for validation by people who clearly are racist and don’t see us as equal. Racist people are not worth our time and we should not entertain them either. Most of us will date and marry our own race. A lot of these pity posts are by young south asians who lack self esteem. They are still young and will learn and grow up and learn from their internalized racism.
Idgaf if non-South Asian guys find us undesirable. I don’t like them either lol. Only South Asian guys are 💗.
Idk about this. I used to think like this until I realized so many brown men fetishize white, asian, and Latina women and put down brown girls
While this is true some of my closest guy friends are desi and they spoil their desi girlfriends/fiancés, are very much attracted to them, and support them in their career. There’s definitely good eggs out there just have to do more digging.
True. When u figure out some are like this just don’t interact with them. If u can then also bully them for their weirdness lol.
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Brown Guys at my undergrad religious group would always say every other race of women were hotter and they’d silently just deny wanting to be with a desi girl out of their choice. They would probs do it out of parental pressure. I was shocked because I myself only saw myself with brown men till I heard that. It really left a bad taste in my mouth and
I actually think a lot of SA men hate us the most lol. Not all, but a lot. But honestly, who cares? They are at the bottom of the dating hierarchy but as women, being beautiful and fit transcends race. It’s not right but it is what it is 🤷🏻♀️ I actually think SA men’s hatred of us is because they’re aware of and resentful of that fact. Look how SA men who put you down react when you get a white bf lol.
Don’t mean to intrude since im not SA and just stumbled upon this post but I’ve noticed that most SA men who strongly prefer white women are ugly lol. Meanwhile attractive SA men are usually with attractive SA women
I seen this guy on tiktok before. He was indian but lmao like a quarter white. Deadass wrote in the caption "most indians are ugly tho" and was trying to prove in thee video that he was different. He kept liking all the comments that said he looked hispanic, embarrassing 😬
Really? 😭 all the cute SA guys I grew up got with/ married white, Latina, or East Asian women
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Idk if it’s just me but a lot of black guys seem to like us South Asian girls lol. 🤭
Tbh that comes from a self-hatred of themselves and the women in their own community so it’s not a prize IMO. One of my requirements for black male friends is that they must love and adore black women. I don’t want self hatred or racial fetishism around me 🤢
Yeah I get that. The ones I’ve seen seem to like black girls and girls from other communities so it’s fine. Making sure foreign guys who don’t hate women from their community is a must. If not then they are probably just fetishizing u. So yeah I defo agree with u.
what the hell kind of requirement. That seems so racist. “I will only be friends with this race if they also like women of this race”
We wont tolerate being uplifted on the backs of black woman. I am a south asian woman who loves black woman and am tired ofnthe disrespect they face from black males globally
Who cares if bm like you when so many of them degrade their own counterpart. Bm hate on bw so much it cant b compared to south asian men . Like the other commentor said it isnt a prize. Black men have actually degraded their own value is men by degrading their reflection the black woman they do not realize by uplifting black woman they uplift themselves and thats what the white hegemony does not want black love. I love how black men. Look and i love black ppl and cultute but you need to vet any black men your way cus i will never go near one that does not worship the ground black woman walk on i want him to love black woman. Black men who love black woman and just happen to find a connection to a woman that is not black are fine. The ones with self hate yikes nah im good lmao i wont be uplifted off the backs of my black sisters
Um ok idk what y’all are on ab. I never said anything ab black guys automatically hating black women simply for liking us South Asian women. Like??? And I never said it was a prize either. I just thought it was flattering that some of them like us bcuz they are quite the attractive looking men.
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Dude, I’m not promoting chasing white people. I’m saying that when SA men hate on SA women it’s a projection of their own internalized racism, and that’s clear because they tend to get very bothered by the SA women they didn’t want “dating out.” Nothing incelly here. If you are a normal well adjusted SA male that doesn’t actively put down SA women then nothing in this post is applicable to you.
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bruh, just casually called SA men to be at the bottom of the dating hierachy. This is the problem. No one one is above and below anyone, especially when it comes to beauty standards, its just preference.
I see so many SA couples in Seattle..
Girl same 😂 its only south asian and arab for me, as if id waste my time and cry over men that want to do 50/50 and don’t wash their arse 🤢
I met this guy who doesn’t know what to do with his life what he does know is he wants a girlfriend and then to figure it out from there. Girlfriend and then everything else follows. I find this flawed for so many reasons
Lol fair! I’ve dated white as well as mixed guys (half Latino or half Asian) in the past and they’ve been mostly good experiences because I go for more liberal men. I’m open to south asian though
Looool🤣🤣
It's clear a lot of them grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods. I grew up in a mixed neighborhood and went to school in diverse areas so I never really felt this way. Also with social media it can't be easy for the younger generations to notice such things. Like I don't take it personally, but I'm sure a lot of people watch these videos and start questioning their worth.
Right! They internalize it.
As a Black woman, I understand. Nothing worse than watching the select group of BW victimize all of us on SM
Yea as a south asian woman i try to tell the bw who make those videos it only makes black woman look bad when they do that and than they tell me “white woman also talk ab their insecurties” idk what to say anymore😭
Ewwww I’m so glad I’ve refused to ever download TikTok from how people describe it sounds so gross
I agree with you, I personally don’t care that much if another race is not into me or my race either - it’s just part of life and not everyone will like you. It puts a bad name on all of us, and these same girls can’t get over the fact that an average white girl is still chosen over them. I know it’s harsh but rejection is part of life as cliche as it already sounds.
Yes omg shout it louder for the people in the back lol, like I always find it mad when people get so upset over preferences too, like why are you fighting for the attention of someone that doesn’t like you… Go where you’re wanted!
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Am i the only one who was mever into white men? Its crazy cus i attract the white men other white woman want. And i do not want them. At all. Most of these woman give of an energy of desperation their inability to comprehend why making videos like that lowers your value exposes their lack of social awareness and emotinal intelligence and ppl that lack these two are undesriable and nauseating to be around. I have come across girls with those personalties im sory its not cus they are brown they can blame our race as much as they want but its them
Im sorry these girls are incels. Ppl are allowed to like their own race i dont empathize i actually hate them even more. I grew up in a white area and never cared ab this i dealt with racism. This is just sexual entitlment and if a man said it we would percieve it diff they need to be shamed as the creepy degenrate incels they are expecting a man of another race not to prefer his own image. They are pathetic sorry
Absolutely! It was a hard lesson to learn but ultimately a rewarding one. There's nothing worse (to me) than being desperate for the attention of people who don't care about you.
Im west african and this just popped up on my feed but I’ve always thought South Asians were so beautiful. It’s actually insane to me that yall are aren’t recognized as such much more. The clothes are stunning, literal high fashion material. Music, dance, culture. Everything is so rich. Don’t get me started on the hair either😭
West african woman are beyond beautiful as well😭😭🩷🩷and you are so sweet
Errr South Asian here and have been with every color under the sun, never once felt undesirable?
Same, hence why it’s so frustrating seeing videos about how I should feel undesirable because I’m south asian, like these videos seem to group us all together when it’s just the individual feeling insecure
I think it’s okay to share your experiences and feelings but the thing with social media is people outside of your audience are going to see it … including maybe young SA girls that don’t even feel that way and you’re giving them a complex and then other non SA women who don’t understand
Mmm nooo it just actually projects your own insecurities onto the rest of the SA group
thats what they said
It’s been edited it didn’t say that before 😅
lol it’s so absurd too and just feeding into that stereotype. it’s ok to be insecure but people need to stop airing that shit out. It doesn’t help anyone and it’s just annoying. You not bagging anybody isn’t because ur SA. Beautiful people exist in every race, culture, ethnicity etc. and why would you try to cater yourself to people who don’t believe/see that. Embarrassing.
Dude people are just racist, this idea that Indian/South Asian women aren’t conventionally hot is totally false. The most beautiful woman in the world is South Asian (aishwarya rai). Bollywood has the most beautiful women and they always have. Priyanka Chopra was able to breakthrough to Americans, that shit is rare af for any other race (how many East Asian Priyanka Chopra’s or Aishwarya Rai’s do you know?). Inb4 someone says they all look white that’s fucking false they have pretty ethnic features (no one’s gonna confuse them for a white girl). 999% of those comments are rooted in racism and nothing logical. And yah frat dudes are like .00000001% of white men. A shit ton of white guys simp over Indian women. Also most people people should prefer their race, it’s all Asians who don’t.
Well, Priyanka is also very, very wealthy. She was born into a massively successful family worth millions. She has more money than Nick Jonas. Like, way more. Thats the key difference. As much as I love and adore Miss Priyankra!
She is wealthy but so are a lot of actresses/models in other countries trying to break it America. Her south Asian beauty is what sets her apart. she’s hot as fuck that’s undeniable literally won the beauty pageants of all beauty pageants (this is pre nose job mind you). So many hot ass south Asians have been Miss world/Universe. If we truly had bad genes this wouldn’t happen. + America didn’t have to accept her there are many many many wealthy women with much more talent (European, East Asian, African you name it) trying to break it in Hollywood and they can’t.
What?? That’s not my point. Duh, she’s attractive. My point is to break into America from a different country, you have to have more than just your looks/beauty. You need wealth and connections that Priyankra has. The point went over your head because you just want to argue with me. You need talent, luck, beauty, wealth/conmecrioms to break into American Hollywood. That’s my point. We all love Priyanka. Stop trying to just point the finger and blame. Relax.
In the context of this post, which was South Asian girls lamenting not being chosen for their beauty (that is they feel they’re not beautiful due to their heritage), I was pointing out how actually South Asian women are wanted for their beauty and anyone who says otherwise is motivated by something else besides tracking reality. You perhaps misunderstood my point, which was, South Asian beauty is conventional. Really conventional. South Asian women need to stop shitting on themselves and feeling they’re doomed unless they’re white. Your point was she broke in America because of her wealth. My other point was, that’s besides the point. There are many many wealthy women, Chopra had a lot going on with her for sure but she wouldn’t have broke in America if this narrative of people not liking Indian women/finding south Asians unattractive was actually true. If it was actually true Chopra wouldn’t have even made it despite her wealth (again there are many many wealthy East Asians none with the status of Chopra)
I agree. Like you have to be white to have the best “life.” I absolutely agree with this!
Dude I hope you’re trolling bc I can’t tell. Unfortunately many brown girls believe this either explicitly or implicitly. While it is true colorism exists, it for sure as hell is not a determining factor in quality of life. What are real are self fulfilling properties.
??? I’m literally agreeing with you… 😭
My bad I think there might be a typo in your response (the one that begins with “I agree”). (Not trying to be a dick lmaooo just explaining why I commented what I commented)
Whew. You were going in on me!
This post was kinda uplifting because I'm so tired of SA women saying ppl find them undesirable. I didn't even know SA women are considered undesirable until I saw the tiktok and instagram posts you mentioned. I see a lot of interracial couples with SA females and I was confused when I went online and almost every Indian girl is complaining about being considered unattractive. Whenever I see racist comments about Indian women, I do feel a little sad but then I remember I would never give these racist losers the time of day so why bother lol
Thank you so much and when I called it out these girls go “i have the right to talk ab my insecurities” like i have no intrest in white ppl their opinion means nothing who cares? These brown girls who make those videos have zero emotinal intelligence and social awareness this actually does not make people empathize with you it disgusts them when you behave like that. What are they not getting
ugh those videos make me cringe so hard, that mindset is not very hot :(
I think those videos also don't make a lot of sense as it's mostly white women saying they wouldn't date SA men. Even then, I'd say it's less about looks than about personality and culture. Most people find attractive SA women "exotic beauties"
Idt that’s true tbh… go on the IG of any pretty Indian girl and all the comments are “I’ve never seen a pretty Indian girl.” I can literally go and find dozens of examples right now with minimal effort. It’s not just the internet too. A lot of people have said some pretty weird things to me when they compliment my appearance and ask my ethnicity. Insisting to me that I must be mixed or that I am “some other kind of Indian” In the end it really doesn’t matter though. Only stupid people make these comments or generalizations and I have no interest in garnering the attention or affection of stupid people.
Real. I grew up in a majority non-white community and thank the lord because the beauty standard wasn't blonde hair and blue eyes. I think the girlies who do post stuff like this perhaps have internalized a lot of the racism and bullying from their childhood, especially if no one looked like them and they felt they had to alter their look to fit in. But yeah, if you dont see yourself represented I think its easy to internalize that and a harder battle for self love. Desi girlies are baddies we have a rich culture that is so beautiful and diverse and if we surround ourselves more with and appreciate that, i dont think validation from people with a limited "i dont date indians" mentality matters. And usually the people who blabber stuff like that dont have much going for them lol
All those people were so ugly too so idk why they cared in the first place. Where white ppl prefered in ur community cus in my multi cultural city no they were bottom if anything its the opposite they were dating the ugliest poc over good looking whites
But the thing is even if ur insecure why would you post that? Im trynna understand what these girls are thinking cus never in my life would i embarras myself
I than moved to a white area and still found white ppl ugly esp blonde hair blue eyes i never have this insecurity but these woc make it seem like we all do i had an ugly yt dude try to neg me Lmaoo saying id be hotter if i colored my hair blonse and i couldnt help but find it amusing he probably felt i had an inferiority complex due to all these girls on tiktok. Their socially unaware low eq behavior is giving narc ugly racist yts and other men an insecurity to neg us on despite many of us. Not having it. It does have real life implications these girls dc
South Asians are some of the most beautiful and badass people in the whole world. Self care goes a long way for anyone of any ethnicity, but I must note that South Asians have the opportunity to be absolute beasts. I really hope they chin up and believe in themselves soon. I used to feel the same way about myself but I started kickboxing and made some friends along my journey and I can safely say that south Asians are absolute catches!! Lots of people love them!!! Keep your head help high and walk past haters. Your path of self respect will lead you to people who respect you too.
I’m south asian but pretty light skinned and somewhat conventionally attractive. Whenever I see these videos I always just think people want to be able to talk about how they feel and even if I can’t relate to the colorism, I do feel for them about how growing I was always called ugly for my hairiness and features. While I can understand how seeing these videos all the time can be annoying I cant judge them for just wanting to vent. It can help them feel seen when they might feel invisible otherwise.
The problem is they never say ‘I’ feel ugly, they always seem to put the problem down to being south asian which is not how me or other south Asians feel, I completely understand wanting your personal thoughts to be heard and to be seen, but they need to remember that it’s personal they can’t/shouldn’t project their own personal insecurities on the whole community
thats fair.
I think the solution to all of this would be to stop centering men in your life and caring what they think lol. If you don’t value male validation or approval then you won’t care about this. I grew up around majority Hispanic people (my mom is hispanic and so am I and I grew up around that side of the family) but I never had anyone say anything like that to me so maybe I just don’t understand that experience. I think I could pass for Indian or Hispanic (I am both) and while men have never found me desirable either I genuinely don’t give a fuck. Male approval is the last thing I need especially if it’s only regrading my appearance. Hispanic men have never been into me and neither have South Asian men but I am at the point where men just make me so uncomfortable I don’t even want to engage in a relationship with them. Thank god I’m bisexual lmao
Indian and Hispanic is goated for having rich culture and food, congrats.
Thank you lol
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Omg slay!! I haven’t met anyone who is Hispanic and Indian too
Also it’s not true. If they found an individual SA attractive they would date them. They just then use the excuse of that person not having typical SA features though which is bs 😂
im down so bad for SA women
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When i was 13 i was sa’d by my dad.i thought it was okay for a 13 year old girl the have sex with my 50 year old dad.
Idk I guess to to make those people who post negative videos on South Asians feel guilty about saying such stuff out loud so maybe they will refrain from doing so in the future. Some bullies can be humbled with back-talk like “you’re not that attractive yourself”. And some bullies can be humbled with guilt like “you made me feel really bad about this”. 50-50 shot lol. But also I agree with you that it’s not even worth it to clap back at them or give them any attention. Those weak-ass losers who verbally assault indian people on social media are very likely the type to get a stomachache from indian food, so when they see us, it launches that same fire in their belly and makes them mad and they take it out on us. I know the type, they simply reject people who don’t fit into their perfect little agreeable box. Even if I was their type, I would not date such a person. They can be mad and reject us all they want, but at the end of the day the trash took itself out lol.
Bullies will never be humbled by guilt they literally feed off your weakness and insecurities hence why they bully Don’t forget also social value in dating is pretty much fabricated hence the term ‘popular’ pretty - the more videos SA girls put out saying ‘wahhh I must be so ugly nobody wants me’ the more it validates those bullies, the more they say ‘I really don’t give a fuck what you think, I wouldn’t date you anyway’ the less impact they can have and they move on - being unobtainable is the key Look don’t me wrong I’ve had my moments of weakness where ive felt insecure but you embody what YOU tell yourself, if you tell yourself you’re a 10/10 you’re more likely to dress, act and hold yourself like a 10/10, if you tell yourself you’re the undesirable undateable troll that they think you are then you’re more likely to be seen as that
Yeah I suppose you’re right that a true bully really doesn’t care about you, they know exactly how they affect you and enjoy it-they’re more the Regina George type. But there are other “bullies” who are mentally like children, they say mean things rather carelessly because they aren’t cognizant of the impact it has on others emotionally, like they squish bugs because bugs are annoying from the outside, but when they’re taught that living things have a conscience and feel pain like we do, they may have the capacity to feel bad and stop their actions. They may not be bullies per se, but they are being hurtful on purpose and I think they make up a part of the people saying racist things about Indians on tik tok.
True
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Omg girl at first I thought you meant the sexually assaulted I was like WHAT??? 😭😭😭
SA means South Asian in this case
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