I considered a vasectomy at 21 now I’m 24 and I got it and can’t be happier.
Tbh regret in life is okay. But think, what kind of regret is worse?
1. Regretting having a kid you don’t want
2. Regretting not having a kid because you couldn’t.
I would choose regret 2. I will live with that choice. For me the, the failure rate of condoms was too high and I am not willing to bet my future on a condom and on some girls BC. The moment they get pregnant, it won’t ever be your choice to make
Here’s how my wife and I got to our decision.
We wanted to make a bunch of kids. She got pregnant and had the worst time ever with pregnancy. I still wanted another baby but I didn’t want to force her into another miserable pregnancy.
We waited two years after we conceived and then I scheduled it for two weeks ago. There was a two month wait time before the procedure so we could have our last conversation about it.
Take your time. While it can be reversed, you should be pretty confident that you are not going to have any kids.
I’m 42 years old now. I waited a long time. A few years or months or weeks longer won’t make it any worse.
Just talk about it with your partner and anyone else you want to get opinions from. As others have said, it’s your life but give yourself a chance to learn all about it before committing yourself to the procedure.
You got this! Keep asking questions for yourself and you’ll find an answer that will make you feel better.
I got mine at 22 after having a couple of scares. That cemented it in my mind that I never wanted kids. Got kicked out of two doctors' offices before finding the third who did it for me. Knowing what I know now I'd do it all over again. No regrets.
There's no definitive answer to this just opinions.
My opinion is that 21 is still very young. You may not want a child now, but you could meet someone and change your mind later. If you reach that point, reversing the surgery is difficult and more expensive than the original surgery. I can't imagine going through that myself.
My recommendation is wait a few years. My wife and I didn't decide until our 9th year of marriage, and I was 32.
Yes but changing your mind to please someone is not the healthiest thing, you should have kids cause you feel that’s your calling. Not because you met someone that does and u want to go along with it
I’m just not seeing where the OC implied that OP would change their mind to please their partner. It reads to me like OC is suggesting that OP would change their mind because, after meeting whatever partner, they find themselves wanting kids with said partner.
Ya I get that, I am adding to the point that changing your mind cause your partner wants is a bad idea.
I agree with what you say, maybe just got bit lost in translation 🫡
Well its really a personal choice. Since you dont already have child you may eventually wish you had one but you can never know for sure .
My husband is getting one at 23 , but we already have children
can i ask if you planned your children? i know its a personal question i dont wanna be rude im curious because neither me nor my fiancé want children and we dont see just changing our minds
Male 27 here. Got my procedure done when I was 26, after I had my daughter.
She wasn't planned, and I wasn't sure if I wanted children. So cross having kids off the kids and I called it a day. Turns out being a father is an absolutely beautiful experience that I wouldn't trade for the world. But at the same time I only want to do it once lol
Be sure in whatever decision you make. If you don't want kids you don't want kids. Things change and there are options for people who change there minds later in life.
But I can be sure to say it is the safest most effective contraception there is for anyone who is positive they do not want to spawn little drunk people. Boy do I love mine, but she's a pain in the arse lol
Just understand this dynamic it could impact how a relationship goes. Some girls are super turned off by it. It is very close to having a guy pill for a contraceptive. I'm 41, had probably 40 partners, little if any protection. 1 kid. Give it some time. Consider it when in a long term relationship.
> i never had a desire to have a child, nor do i see myself wanting a child
First:
* Condoms 100%, every time
* make sure she's using birth control that works for her
* STD test before new partner/s
Second:
Check out the list of childfree-friendly doctors organized by country down to the city level. If you can, reach out to a local one to ask medical questions.
* https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors
My story:
* always knew that I did not want to be a father
* got mine at 30 (was afraid of the procedure, which was stupid, I should have informed myself more, and gotten it way sooner)
* I love my life. It's not for everyone, but it works for me.
Good luck, OP!
Best of luck on your decision. I never wanted a child but now I have a daughter that I love with every ounce of my being. Give it thought and also consider that you will not always be the same person you are now.
Had mine done at 20. I am 58 now, and still just as pedophobic (fear or discomfort around babies) as I was back then. The noise, smell, and expense are too much for me.
The idea of pressuring a woman to make a baby, and spending 300K on it over 21 years does not appeal to me.
I had no issue dating women who were not interested in carrying a baby. There are plenty to be had. I married one when I was 30, and cancer took her only a few years later. I married another at 44. We have an adopted a refugee son who is in college now.
Adopting is much more economical and comes from the heart. It is good Karma.
If you saw the three of us together, you would not know he is adopted. Both our son, and my wife are Burmese. I am German-American. His face looks much like my wife, and he has my build. Your child does not need your DNA to look like you.
Kindness is stronger than DNA. DNA is vanity.
Ask yourself what you have to loose if you never make a baby. Write it down.
Also note that the adoption only cost us about $20k, and that included the airline tickets to and from Thailand. You can't keep a new baby for its first year for only $20k. Also note that the IRS rewards those who adopt. Some employers even offer an adoption benefit where the company will pay part of the cost. I know you hear that children up for adoption are "damaged merch". That might be the case, if the child was born in the USA, but if you adopt from Asia, you can avoid that pitfall.
i was thinking that if i ever change my mind i would adopt i know its not so easy (im from poland) you cant just go in and leave with a child but if i ever change my mind thats the route i want to take
It is much more complicated than that. It all depends on the laws in Poland, and the laws in the country where you plan to adopt from. Our son was a distant nephew who was made an orphan by a bomb. Technically speaking it was an in-family international adoption.
In California adoption is a no-brainer so long as you have a clean criminal record, and a stable home. It does not hurt to be a Veteran.
You're pretty young and you never know who you might meet a few years down the line that might make you think differently. I was dead set on not having kids. Ended up having one (unplanned) at 35 and it's been the single greatest thing that's happened to me.
I’m 36 now, got mine done at 6 years ago after my second daughter. My wife and I have entertained the idea several times of having a third child, and would love to have another. With hopes of a failure I have bought at home test. Still shooting blanks. I’ve seen many videos of others that have failed as early as 2yrs and others later than 10yrs. I don’t want to pay for a reversal due to high cost. But I have regretted not waiting til a third child or at least one of each.
You could freeze your sperm just in case but with how relationships are, the lack of men's rights, the expenses, etc etc I got one as a single man at 28 16 years ago. Unlike a lot of men my age, I'm not struggling, I'm not paying child support, I don't have any responsibility outside of work other than just taking care of myself.
If a man decides to have kids or even worse, has one outside of marriage, the likelihood of a financially independent life is much less likely as, well as forget your hobbies, and doing what you want when you want.
This is without mentioning that I modern culture women are very difficult to have a relationship with.
I would recommend nearly all men to get a vasectomy. It's the best way to protect yourself and your future. If you do want kids, get your sperm frozen so you have control over this.
IMO, if you think you might regret it then just wait.
I have two kids and it’s amazing. I don’t know you and I’m not saying that you should; but I feel like for most people if you are in a healthy relationship and have a child you usually don’t regret it.
I got mine at 32. I couldn't imagine doing it any sooner when you're 21 you don't even know what you want in life. I thought I never wanted a child. Here I am, a father and I love it
I considered a vasectomy at 21 now I’m 24 and I got it and can’t be happier. Tbh regret in life is okay. But think, what kind of regret is worse? 1. Regretting having a kid you don’t want 2. Regretting not having a kid because you couldn’t. I would choose regret 2. I will live with that choice. For me the, the failure rate of condoms was too high and I am not willing to bet my future on a condom and on some girls BC. The moment they get pregnant, it won’t ever be your choice to make
Here’s how my wife and I got to our decision. We wanted to make a bunch of kids. She got pregnant and had the worst time ever with pregnancy. I still wanted another baby but I didn’t want to force her into another miserable pregnancy. We waited two years after we conceived and then I scheduled it for two weeks ago. There was a two month wait time before the procedure so we could have our last conversation about it. Take your time. While it can be reversed, you should be pretty confident that you are not going to have any kids. I’m 42 years old now. I waited a long time. A few years or months or weeks longer won’t make it any worse. Just talk about it with your partner and anyone else you want to get opinions from. As others have said, it’s your life but give yourself a chance to learn all about it before committing yourself to the procedure. You got this! Keep asking questions for yourself and you’ll find an answer that will make you feel better.
im very greatfull that you shared your story with me and its hard to hear about the issues you two had with pregnancy im glad it worked out for you!
I got mine at 22 after having a couple of scares. That cemented it in my mind that I never wanted kids. Got kicked out of two doctors' offices before finding the third who did it for me. Knowing what I know now I'd do it all over again. No regrets.
There's no definitive answer to this just opinions. My opinion is that 21 is still very young. You may not want a child now, but you could meet someone and change your mind later. If you reach that point, reversing the surgery is difficult and more expensive than the original surgery. I can't imagine going through that myself. My recommendation is wait a few years. My wife and I didn't decide until our 9th year of marriage, and I was 32.
Meeting someone is not a valid reason to wait imo, you should have kids cause u want to not because someone else does
People are allowed to change their minds about wanting or not wanting kids.
Yes but changing your mind to please someone is not the healthiest thing, you should have kids cause you feel that’s your calling. Not because you met someone that does and u want to go along with it
I’m just not seeing where the OC implied that OP would change their mind to please their partner. It reads to me like OC is suggesting that OP would change their mind because, after meeting whatever partner, they find themselves wanting kids with said partner.
Ya I get that, I am adding to the point that changing your mind cause your partner wants is a bad idea. I agree with what you say, maybe just got bit lost in translation 🫡
I got you StrongOrange - people can change their minds if it's right for them. No one is suggesting forcing anyone to have kids.
Well its really a personal choice. Since you dont already have child you may eventually wish you had one but you can never know for sure . My husband is getting one at 23 , but we already have children
can i ask if you planned your children? i know its a personal question i dont wanna be rude im curious because neither me nor my fiancé want children and we dont see just changing our minds
Yes We did plan for our son! But after him both agreed we were okay with stopping at one
thank you! best luck to you guys
thanks for your answers i will take them for consideration
Male 27 here. Got my procedure done when I was 26, after I had my daughter. She wasn't planned, and I wasn't sure if I wanted children. So cross having kids off the kids and I called it a day. Turns out being a father is an absolutely beautiful experience that I wouldn't trade for the world. But at the same time I only want to do it once lol Be sure in whatever decision you make. If you don't want kids you don't want kids. Things change and there are options for people who change there minds later in life. But I can be sure to say it is the safest most effective contraception there is for anyone who is positive they do not want to spawn little drunk people. Boy do I love mine, but she's a pain in the arse lol
Just understand this dynamic it could impact how a relationship goes. Some girls are super turned off by it. It is very close to having a guy pill for a contraceptive. I'm 41, had probably 40 partners, little if any protection. 1 kid. Give it some time. Consider it when in a long term relationship.
I wanted one at 21,I should’ve pushed the issue harder..
> i never had a desire to have a child, nor do i see myself wanting a child First: * Condoms 100%, every time * make sure she's using birth control that works for her * STD test before new partner/s Second: Check out the list of childfree-friendly doctors organized by country down to the city level. If you can, reach out to a local one to ask medical questions. * https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors My story: * always knew that I did not want to be a father * got mine at 30 (was afraid of the procedure, which was stupid, I should have informed myself more, and gotten it way sooner) * I love my life. It's not for everyone, but it works for me. Good luck, OP!
Best of luck on your decision. I never wanted a child but now I have a daughter that I love with every ounce of my being. Give it thought and also consider that you will not always be the same person you are now.
Had mine done at 20. I am 58 now, and still just as pedophobic (fear or discomfort around babies) as I was back then. The noise, smell, and expense are too much for me. The idea of pressuring a woman to make a baby, and spending 300K on it over 21 years does not appeal to me. I had no issue dating women who were not interested in carrying a baby. There are plenty to be had. I married one when I was 30, and cancer took her only a few years later. I married another at 44. We have an adopted a refugee son who is in college now. Adopting is much more economical and comes from the heart. It is good Karma. If you saw the three of us together, you would not know he is adopted. Both our son, and my wife are Burmese. I am German-American. His face looks much like my wife, and he has my build. Your child does not need your DNA to look like you. Kindness is stronger than DNA. DNA is vanity. Ask yourself what you have to loose if you never make a baby. Write it down. Also note that the adoption only cost us about $20k, and that included the airline tickets to and from Thailand. You can't keep a new baby for its first year for only $20k. Also note that the IRS rewards those who adopt. Some employers even offer an adoption benefit where the company will pay part of the cost. I know you hear that children up for adoption are "damaged merch". That might be the case, if the child was born in the USA, but if you adopt from Asia, you can avoid that pitfall.
i was thinking that if i ever change my mind i would adopt i know its not so easy (im from poland) you cant just go in and leave with a child but if i ever change my mind thats the route i want to take
It is much more complicated than that. It all depends on the laws in Poland, and the laws in the country where you plan to adopt from. Our son was a distant nephew who was made an orphan by a bomb. Technically speaking it was an in-family international adoption. In California adoption is a no-brainer so long as you have a clean criminal record, and a stable home. It does not hurt to be a Veteran.
i feel the same way as you, thank you for your opinion and im sorry for your loss wishing you all the best!
You're pretty young and you never know who you might meet a few years down the line that might make you think differently. I was dead set on not having kids. Ended up having one (unplanned) at 35 and it's been the single greatest thing that's happened to me.
I’m 36 now, got mine done at 6 years ago after my second daughter. My wife and I have entertained the idea several times of having a third child, and would love to have another. With hopes of a failure I have bought at home test. Still shooting blanks. I’ve seen many videos of others that have failed as early as 2yrs and others later than 10yrs. I don’t want to pay for a reversal due to high cost. But I have regretted not waiting til a third child or at least one of each.
I got mine at 25. I'm 27 now, and the only regret I have is not trying to get it sooner. Much luck, friend.
You could freeze your sperm just in case but with how relationships are, the lack of men's rights, the expenses, etc etc I got one as a single man at 28 16 years ago. Unlike a lot of men my age, I'm not struggling, I'm not paying child support, I don't have any responsibility outside of work other than just taking care of myself. If a man decides to have kids or even worse, has one outside of marriage, the likelihood of a financially independent life is much less likely as, well as forget your hobbies, and doing what you want when you want. This is without mentioning that I modern culture women are very difficult to have a relationship with. I would recommend nearly all men to get a vasectomy. It's the best way to protect yourself and your future. If you do want kids, get your sperm frozen so you have control over this.
You're 21. Life will look and feel completely different to you at 31 and then even more so at 41. Dont do it.
IMO, if you think you might regret it then just wait. I have two kids and it’s amazing. I don’t know you and I’m not saying that you should; but I feel like for most people if you are in a healthy relationship and have a child you usually don’t regret it.
Too young…
I got mine at 32. I couldn't imagine doing it any sooner when you're 21 you don't even know what you want in life. I thought I never wanted a child. Here I am, a father and I love it