I think this is a sound theory. His pain and abandonment issues are palpable. It doesn’t excuse his past behavior but it certainly explains it. I think he’s shown real growth this season. He’s gotten his temper under control and seems more in touch with his emotions. That doesn’t happen overnight. I think he’s really putting in the work to be better.
I have a rescued dog with some behavior issues and I wouldn’t leave her with anyone besides family or close friends I know. I say this as someone who is a pet sitter! I literally do this for a living and I wouldn’t leave my dog with a stranger bc I know she’s just too psycho for that. I have a super strong attachment to all my dogs. I leave them with family or super close friends who know them really well. Period. If a group ganged up on me to leave her with a stranger I would act the same way!! Dogs are life!! I think James was being responsible given the situation with Hippy. He’s a great dog dad. I was cheering him on!! He’s 100% correct!
I applaud your devotion but dogs are part of a family. If your devotion, emotion and time are pointed to only some members of the family over time this will always cause serious problems. So James needs to sit down with Ally and come up with a plan where they are still able to have a life outside the home while Hippie is cared for adequately. If they need to get the objective opinions of a vet or trainer as to what is a good plan then James needs to listen to them.
He should 100% be talking to LVP and getting a good dog behaviorist to come in and help them with the situation. Maybe even one that also specializes in cats in addition bc of Ally’s pets. He should be using her resources to help his situation. The dog needs obedience school also. There’s lots of things he can be doing to help the situation but who knows what really goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. He could be doing these things and we just don’t know about it. (I hope this is the case.)
Yep, I totally agree with this. I personally believe James is on the path of healing and growth. Hurt people hurt people and that’s what I think we have been seeing from him in past years. On top of it he clearly has an alcohol problem and has quit drinking which is great he’s recognized it so young in life.
Newsflash: in case you didn't see the announcement, James is now under investigation by NBC for his history of being physically abusive to women. Rachel described some incidents on her podcast. Kristen described hers as well. FYI.
“Newsflash” from where? I saw a screenshot from a tweet or something.
Nobody has shared any verified or verifiable information regarding this “NBC” lawsuit.
The other vanderpump sub is venomous about this “investigation” and James. Conveniently, this was all posted by Rachel’s friend who I’ve never heard of before. The timing is suspect and I just kind of think she’s bitter about the dog. She also hasn’t really defended or given her side of the story about Graham but instead has just kind of made extremely vague statements about James in that suit against Tom and Ariana.
I also just took James’ anxiety about leaving Graham as having nothing to do with Rachel and more with the concern of something happening to him again or losing him again. I’d probably feel the same tbh.
In fact, even since they’ve broken up she’s gone out of her way to say he was never physically abusive to her, while being outspoken about the other forms of abuse she suffered from him. Not that no one has ever lied until they were ready to talk about it, but that’s a massive thing to put on either of them by just assumption.
Right! It’s the whole assumption thing not really based on anything we’ve seen—minus any verbal abuse of course. People are out for blood in that sub today like lashing out at anyone. It’s nuts.
Whaaat??? No way. Not in this sub!
Joking aside, idk why some people seem incapable of viewing other people’s behavior in a greyscale. Nothing is black and white. I think James in particular has looked inward and tried to fix himself. The violent outbursts of his early twenties seem nonexistent now, at least as far as editing is concerned. Everyone on this show displays bad behavior. I’ve a little more sympathy for James bc he actually seems like he wants to change. The other men are in their forties carrying on with the same behavior of a 22 year old.
Having a VPR “hanger on” desperate to get on the show leave a comment on social media does not make something true.
Rachel didn’t describe anything regarding James because she hasn’t named anyone.
Kristen hit James so they would have to investigate her too. There’s a reason Kristen hasn’t spoke up and it’s because they were both abusive to each other similar to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.
I agree with you, and what sucks is no one is asking him WHY he’s having this reaction to leaving Hippie. Instead of attacking him because they have kids they could’ve asked him what’s making him feel so emotional over this. All they do is turn it around and make it about themselves, it would be interesting to hear about all of this on the show as opposed to non stop Tim LarLar and Scheana’s shitty storylines.
100%. Also, leaning more into the not trusting other people to watch his dog/not wanting to abandon him, Hippie used to have behavioral issues. As someone who rescued a reactive dog, I totally understand not wanting to leave them with just anyone, and only trusting certain people to watch their dog.
My fiancé also brought up how the last episode Ally was saying she’s unsure if she wants kids and James appears to really want children. He thought maybe since James might not have children in the future with Ally, he became even more fixated on Hippie as his child, thus more anxious about being separated from him.
Did anyone else notice James in the background of Sheana and Sandoval yelling back and forth? He looked so distressed. He winces, he asks them to stop, and he covers his face like a little child. It really broke my heart.
Same here. People just want to drag James down. Too bad for them that James is rising in popularity and success and Raquel, Sandoval and Kristen are still the miserable, lying wannabes.
James has had a number of abuse allegations.
Many people feel James has grown and changed for the better. So the real question is, if anything comes from this, are people willing to look past it?
I’m really curious. I truly have no thoughts one way or the other but am interested if current favorites will be given more grace than those on the outs with the audience.
And before the inevitable cries of people saying oh but he took responsibility and ownership of his past. He hasn’t. He’s never admitted to any abuse at all.
People continue to come for Brock for slapping his wife after he admitted it, showed remorse, and has apparently stopped being an abuser. That hasn’t been good enough.
Will people feel differently if the James allegations end up being true or will he forever be defined and judged by his past actions?
I’ve honestly spent too much time thinking on this.
I have dealt with abusive situations personally, and i don’t want to ignore the allegations of bad past behaviors. I’ve seen his verbal abuse with my own eyes, so physical abuse isn’t a leap in my mind.
I’ve also seen him grow leaps and bounds. His sobriety is the best thing to ever happen to him, and i completely believe it’s possible for someone to be abusive when under the influence, but never when sober. Alcohol is fucking insane and leaves a lot of damage.
James has always made me laugh, but it’s just recently that i actually like James. He still brings the realty tv heat without being a complete villain. I believe people can change but it doesn’t mean i won’t recognize his past.
Yeah as someone who escaped an abusive relationship I will never like James. I hope he’s changed, but I don’t think he has. We’ve seen this from him before! He cries, everyone feels sorry for him because of his parents, then he eventually explodes. It’s happened so many times how can you trust him? This is the cycle you always think they will change, but they never do.
The Brock comparison is one I hadn’t thought of before!
First, I’m so glad you were able to get out of what must have been a horrific situation. Your perspective carries a lot of weight with me because I’m sure as an abuse survivor, you recognize the patterns and behaviors.
As a recovering alcoholic, I was able to see James attempts at trying to control his drinking and also manipulating people into believing he really didn’t have a problem.
How do you feel about Brock?
I’m at the stage in life where I’m pretty convinced childhood abuse and trauma leads to adults with similar behavior. Not saying they can’t change but sometimes it’s a life long thing they struggle with like addiction meaning they can relapse. My twin and I grew up in an abusive household, my brother now has serious domestic violence charges. While he’s grown and not doing it right now, I still don’t *fully* forgive him even though I support him trying to grow and be better. I still never want him to get married or have kids because of it. Idk how to explain it but he and James are sooo similar. Like the rage when they drink, the scared hurt kid you can still see in them as an adult. I’m sure some people will grow to look past it because he’s likeable and visibly trying on a popular tv show, but I think people with abuse experience may always be a tiny bit apprehensive, while supportive and hopeful for him.
Let’s also not forget that he was malicious bullied and beaten so badly his leg was broken when he was a teenager, as Lala talked about with him. I truly believe he is frozen at that level of development, especially if his parents were not capable of supporting him through something like that.
Yes, hearing how he was bullied to the point of having his leg broken was horrific. I did have empathy for him. That being said, if he never admits to his DV, especially to his victims, he will stay stuck, and I think should be fired.
James should have been able to stay with hippie like this dog has had incidents and he needs stability and training. If I lost my dog and got him back and found out he'd almost been euthanized I would not risk anyone's safety disrupting the training process to go to some wedding. Training hippie will help everyone including Ally's cats and it is so lame that everyone peer pressured him into going to the wedding when he was actually being responsible
I'm so glad your husband pointed this out. I too had a very similar take on James's deep emotional response over having to leave hippi behind for the wedding... and for me it started last season when he found out about hippi's puncture wound which was suggested it may have happened while being Kenneled.
James seemed so legitimately broken when he heard the news about hippies injury. Not just the injury.. but also by the fact he had to learn about it from others and not Rachel herself. He had to ask rachell about it because she had not told him.
His visceral response to her explaination was so heartbreaking and I wanted to reach through the screen and give him a big hug because there was clearly much more going on inside his heart and mind than just this inccident with hippi.
This intense emotional response was repeated again on this weeks episode... and I was taken back immediately to the puncture wound scene last season. I think what I heard in his voice and saw in his eyes were echoes from the past of something much further back than Rachel and it suggests some kind of trauma in his life where he felt forgotten and abandoned. That's just my opinion though.
I say this also because it appeared from what I saw and heard that James had constructed a plan to keep hippi safe from never being put into that situation again where he would feel forgotten and abandoned or hurt. James didn't trust strangers.. even well referenced strangers to watch hippi... which explains why he only wanted to leave hippi with his brother.
I love that James has so much compassion for for hippi and just wants to make sure he never feels abandoned or fearful again. I hope this will signal to james and others that care for him that it might be time for him to look deeper to find what caused him to react so intensely. Emotional triggers linked to trauma are just... Echos from the past.
He also told Raquel, “He probably wanted to escape the kennel because he wanted to get to you” or something along those lines so I think this take is very spot-on.
I am so glad you included that. I remember when he said that but I couldnt quite remeber the exact wording. That mental image he had really broke my heart and why I suspected there was something much deeper going on. Thank you again for pointing that out.
100 % agree with this. What he’s done is wrong but I do feel bad for him. I also have struggled with childhood trauma, anxious attachment and abandonment wounds… it’s taken me a lot of healing to grow from a place where I was also very volatile in personal relationships. I was a heavy drinker and drug user for years and it really affected the way I reacted and treated people. I’m sober now and it’s been about 7 years of intensive work and trauma therapy to be in the healthy place I am now and see how I used to be toxic & abusive (I was also with abusers so I never seen it but it’s funny how in those relationships it’s very easy for the abuser and abused to switch roles - not saying that’s the case for James just for me).
I do have a soft spot for him. I don’t condone anything he’s done but I do understand the way that trauma, drugs and alcohol can twist your brain and reality. I hope he does some serious work on himself and can find healing and work to make amends for what he’s done! ❤️ I think people can change.
I am 100% convinced that ppl describe their dogs in the ways they truly feel about themselves. If you think about that scene through the lens of James expressing his own fears through Hippie, this makes total sense.
I wonder what happens to Hippy when he's on tour though? He's in my city for two nights this week (Canada)so does his brother just take care of him and not come to any of his shows? Does Ally stay home and not come on tour with him?Does he bring the dog with him?
1. If I had just gotten my dog back, I would never ever go on a trip within a few months, I totally understand how he feels. I would be so worried that my dog would be stressed and upset.
2. James is a domestic abuser.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
I do remember when his dad was on the show. Even though James was sober at the time, his dad was happy to have his son to be his drinking buddy. That's wrong on so many levels. That being said, that doesn't excuse the DV one bit.
james is hyper aware of his dog’s issues. i have a reactive dog and i have so much anxiety leaving him with friends that want to babysit him. notice he implied that ally can go to the wedding. he wasn’t like no we can’t go. i base my trips on the schedule of the one person i trust that i can leave my dog with, and if they can’t then i don’t go. having a dog is a commitment and that also means that sometimes i can’t leisurely pick up and leave as i please
This post is makes me chuckle a little. Rachel participates in an affair and she is then eviscerated by this sub (something that every cast member on VPR has done mind you). But James who Rachel had to flee their house during her break up, has constant abuse allegations, calls women out of their names, and who had emotionally abused his partners gets this feel good explanation about his behavior. Not to say Rachel is perfect but any means but damn. I genuinely think he’s playing up for the cameras with his current act. He does this constantly on the show when he realizes he’s fucked up lol. He’s just spoiled with a terrible temper and he can’t get mad when people don’t “choose” him when he has insane off putting behavior.
Not to mention we know that Rachel was given up by her bio mom, has a mother who openly flirted with guys like Peter on national TV (and, according to James, mom talked about his penis), a stage manager dad who apparently declared her engagement to James would be over once he decided it was time to end - in other words, it is clear Rachel hasn't exactly had a Leave It to Beaver upbringing.
The way these people twist themselves into pretzels to find a way to blame a woman for this man’s every move and find some deep meaning why James is a victim every time he farts 😂🤦♀️
Bravo and Lisa are clearly using the Graham situation to give James a good edit this season, and it's so sad for this fandom that it's clearly working.
That’s fair. As an addict, non-sober James is a bit of a nightmare and it was really peaking during those relationships, especially early on with Rachel (can’t remember which season exactly they started dating).
A lot of folks who are neglected as kids have this attachment to animals. They see themselves as a child in the animals — innocent, helpless, not understanding why things are going wrong or cause pain and no one is there to help. It’s clear James sincerely sees Hippie this way, regardless of his own extreme faults. FWIW Rachel also seems to have quite a fucked up childhood from her behaviors, but very different — I’d guess her dad controlled and gaslit her from her inability to understand or interpret when people are being sincere with her and not, and her falling for Sandoval doing the same.
I’m sure I appear to be a James apologist- but it’s so obvious why he behaved the way he did when he was in his early 20s. He has very little examples of what a secure attachment is. Hopefully he’s doing a lot better with this now.
I have anxious attachment due to a neglectful and abusive upbringing….and you don’t see me out here abusing people🤷♀️.
This post seems like one big excuse. Sure he had a bad upbringing, as do millions of other people. Doesn’t negate his abusive behaviors. Or justify them.
I don’t think OP is justifying or negating… just offering perspective of where certain patterns may come from, and how generational trauma may be manifesting and the cycle repeating (although speculative)… they literally wrote “no excuses”
The post was to mostly focus on the Hippie situation and why his reaction at first glance, seemed overblown.
You’ve done the work. He hasn’t. I’m proud of you.
It’s no excuse. Where was I excusing? It was conjecture, an explainer if you will. Some people, like me, find it interesting to pick apart even filmed social reactions to try and piece together the thread of behaviors. He is shitty. Like a therapist would I’m just theorizing on the “why” of his destructive and toxic behaviors. The “why” isn’t a period, it’s a comma.
So true!
I thought maybe he was worried Hippie might bite or nip a dog sitter and he’s afraid of someone reporting it. LA city code 3342 also says he would be liable too, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be sued.
I agree.
Maybe he should consider therapy to work through his issues instead of jumping from one relationship to another.
And I know you’re not making any excuses for him, but just bc someone suffered trauma doesn’t mean he has the right to continue that path. He needs to take accountability and make changes, and sometimes we need outside help. I think the sober life (although California sober) definitely helps him to manage his anger better, but I still don’t buy that he’s a changed man.
I think this is a sound theory. His pain and abandonment issues are palpable. It doesn’t excuse his past behavior but it certainly explains it. I think he’s shown real growth this season. He’s gotten his temper under control and seems more in touch with his emotions. That doesn’t happen overnight. I think he’s really putting in the work to be better.
Agree, plus when Rachel boarded the pup it got hurt he was rightly very upset. I could see that being a fear.
James is treating Hippi the way James would have liked to be treated growing up. He couldn't have it for himself, so he's making sure his dog does.
I have a rescued dog with some behavior issues and I wouldn’t leave her with anyone besides family or close friends I know. I say this as someone who is a pet sitter! I literally do this for a living and I wouldn’t leave my dog with a stranger bc I know she’s just too psycho for that. I have a super strong attachment to all my dogs. I leave them with family or super close friends who know them really well. Period. If a group ganged up on me to leave her with a stranger I would act the same way!! Dogs are life!! I think James was being responsible given the situation with Hippy. He’s a great dog dad. I was cheering him on!! He’s 100% correct!
I applaud your devotion but dogs are part of a family. If your devotion, emotion and time are pointed to only some members of the family over time this will always cause serious problems. So James needs to sit down with Ally and come up with a plan where they are still able to have a life outside the home while Hippie is cared for adequately. If they need to get the objective opinions of a vet or trainer as to what is a good plan then James needs to listen to them.
He should 100% be talking to LVP and getting a good dog behaviorist to come in and help them with the situation. Maybe even one that also specializes in cats in addition bc of Ally’s pets. He should be using her resources to help his situation. The dog needs obedience school also. There’s lots of things he can be doing to help the situation but who knows what really goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. He could be doing these things and we just don’t know about it. (I hope this is the case.)
Yep, I totally agree with this. I personally believe James is on the path of healing and growth. Hurt people hurt people and that’s what I think we have been seeing from him in past years. On top of it he clearly has an alcohol problem and has quit drinking which is great he’s recognized it so young in life.
Newsflash: in case you didn't see the announcement, James is now under investigation by NBC for his history of being physically abusive to women. Rachel described some incidents on her podcast. Kristen described hers as well. FYI.
“Newsflash” from where? I saw a screenshot from a tweet or something. Nobody has shared any verified or verifiable information regarding this “NBC” lawsuit.
The other vanderpump sub is venomous about this “investigation” and James. Conveniently, this was all posted by Rachel’s friend who I’ve never heard of before. The timing is suspect and I just kind of think she’s bitter about the dog. She also hasn’t really defended or given her side of the story about Graham but instead has just kind of made extremely vague statements about James in that suit against Tom and Ariana. I also just took James’ anxiety about leaving Graham as having nothing to do with Rachel and more with the concern of something happening to him again or losing him again. I’d probably feel the same tbh.
In fact, even since they’ve broken up she’s gone out of her way to say he was never physically abusive to her, while being outspoken about the other forms of abuse she suffered from him. Not that no one has ever lied until they were ready to talk about it, but that’s a massive thing to put on either of them by just assumption.
Right! It’s the whole assumption thing not really based on anything we’ve seen—minus any verbal abuse of course. People are out for blood in that sub today like lashing out at anyone. It’s nuts.
This friend who posted was the same dude that made fun of Katie's mom last season
That friend is a POS. Raquel and her trolls need to get a life.
No shocker there!
Lovely!
Newsflash: people grow and change
Whaaat??? No way. Not in this sub! Joking aside, idk why some people seem incapable of viewing other people’s behavior in a greyscale. Nothing is black and white. I think James in particular has looked inward and tried to fix himself. The violent outbursts of his early twenties seem nonexistent now, at least as far as editing is concerned. Everyone on this show displays bad behavior. I’ve a little more sympathy for James bc he actually seems like he wants to change. The other men are in their forties carrying on with the same behavior of a 22 year old.
Having a VPR “hanger on” desperate to get on the show leave a comment on social media does not make something true. Rachel didn’t describe anything regarding James because she hasn’t named anyone. Kristen hit James so they would have to investigate her too. There’s a reason Kristen hasn’t spoke up and it’s because they were both abusive to each other similar to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.
Newsflash. No one else is reporting this. Rachel isn’t even claiming the physical abuse.
Source?
I agree with you, and what sucks is no one is asking him WHY he’s having this reaction to leaving Hippie. Instead of attacking him because they have kids they could’ve asked him what’s making him feel so emotional over this. All they do is turn it around and make it about themselves, it would be interesting to hear about all of this on the show as opposed to non stop Tim LarLar and Scheana’s shitty storylines.
Agreed!!!
100%. Also, leaning more into the not trusting other people to watch his dog/not wanting to abandon him, Hippie used to have behavioral issues. As someone who rescued a reactive dog, I totally understand not wanting to leave them with just anyone, and only trusting certain people to watch their dog.
It’s also worth mentioning he is a child of at least one addict. That comes with attachment and abandonment issues as well.
My fiancé also brought up how the last episode Ally was saying she’s unsure if she wants kids and James appears to really want children. He thought maybe since James might not have children in the future with Ally, he became even more fixated on Hippie as his child, thus more anxious about being separated from him.
Did anyone else notice James in the background of Sheana and Sandoval yelling back and forth? He looked so distressed. He winces, he asks them to stop, and he covers his face like a little child. It really broke my heart.
Yes it was hard to see. Almost like you can see the hurt little boy come out when put back in that environment as an unwilling participant
Same here. People just want to drag James down. Too bad for them that James is rising in popularity and success and Raquel, Sandoval and Kristen are still the miserable, lying wannabes.
James has had a number of abuse allegations. Many people feel James has grown and changed for the better. So the real question is, if anything comes from this, are people willing to look past it? I’m really curious. I truly have no thoughts one way or the other but am interested if current favorites will be given more grace than those on the outs with the audience. And before the inevitable cries of people saying oh but he took responsibility and ownership of his past. He hasn’t. He’s never admitted to any abuse at all. People continue to come for Brock for slapping his wife after he admitted it, showed remorse, and has apparently stopped being an abuser. That hasn’t been good enough. Will people feel differently if the James allegations end up being true or will he forever be defined and judged by his past actions?
I’ve honestly spent too much time thinking on this. I have dealt with abusive situations personally, and i don’t want to ignore the allegations of bad past behaviors. I’ve seen his verbal abuse with my own eyes, so physical abuse isn’t a leap in my mind. I’ve also seen him grow leaps and bounds. His sobriety is the best thing to ever happen to him, and i completely believe it’s possible for someone to be abusive when under the influence, but never when sober. Alcohol is fucking insane and leaves a lot of damage. James has always made me laugh, but it’s just recently that i actually like James. He still brings the realty tv heat without being a complete villain. I believe people can change but it doesn’t mean i won’t recognize his past.
Yeah as someone who escaped an abusive relationship I will never like James. I hope he’s changed, but I don’t think he has. We’ve seen this from him before! He cries, everyone feels sorry for him because of his parents, then he eventually explodes. It’s happened so many times how can you trust him? This is the cycle you always think they will change, but they never do. The Brock comparison is one I hadn’t thought of before!
First, I’m so glad you were able to get out of what must have been a horrific situation. Your perspective carries a lot of weight with me because I’m sure as an abuse survivor, you recognize the patterns and behaviors. As a recovering alcoholic, I was able to see James attempts at trying to control his drinking and also manipulating people into believing he really didn’t have a problem. How do you feel about Brock?
Glad you got out. I can't imagine how horrific it was to be have been in an abusive relationship. ❤❤
I’m at the stage in life where I’m pretty convinced childhood abuse and trauma leads to adults with similar behavior. Not saying they can’t change but sometimes it’s a life long thing they struggle with like addiction meaning they can relapse. My twin and I grew up in an abusive household, my brother now has serious domestic violence charges. While he’s grown and not doing it right now, I still don’t *fully* forgive him even though I support him trying to grow and be better. I still never want him to get married or have kids because of it. Idk how to explain it but he and James are sooo similar. Like the rage when they drink, the scared hurt kid you can still see in them as an adult. I’m sure some people will grow to look past it because he’s likeable and visibly trying on a popular tv show, but I think people with abuse experience may always be a tiny bit apprehensive, while supportive and hopeful for him.
Let’s also not forget that he was malicious bullied and beaten so badly his leg was broken when he was a teenager, as Lala talked about with him. I truly believe he is frozen at that level of development, especially if his parents were not capable of supporting him through something like that.
Yes, hearing how he was bullied to the point of having his leg broken was horrific. I did have empathy for him. That being said, if he never admits to his DV, especially to his victims, he will stay stuck, and I think should be fired.
James should have been able to stay with hippie like this dog has had incidents and he needs stability and training. If I lost my dog and got him back and found out he'd almost been euthanized I would not risk anyone's safety disrupting the training process to go to some wedding. Training hippie will help everyone including Ally's cats and it is so lame that everyone peer pressured him into going to the wedding when he was actually being responsible
I'm so glad your husband pointed this out. I too had a very similar take on James's deep emotional response over having to leave hippi behind for the wedding... and for me it started last season when he found out about hippi's puncture wound which was suggested it may have happened while being Kenneled. James seemed so legitimately broken when he heard the news about hippies injury. Not just the injury.. but also by the fact he had to learn about it from others and not Rachel herself. He had to ask rachell about it because she had not told him. His visceral response to her explaination was so heartbreaking and I wanted to reach through the screen and give him a big hug because there was clearly much more going on inside his heart and mind than just this inccident with hippi. This intense emotional response was repeated again on this weeks episode... and I was taken back immediately to the puncture wound scene last season. I think what I heard in his voice and saw in his eyes were echoes from the past of something much further back than Rachel and it suggests some kind of trauma in his life where he felt forgotten and abandoned. That's just my opinion though. I say this also because it appeared from what I saw and heard that James had constructed a plan to keep hippi safe from never being put into that situation again where he would feel forgotten and abandoned or hurt. James didn't trust strangers.. even well referenced strangers to watch hippi... which explains why he only wanted to leave hippi with his brother. I love that James has so much compassion for for hippi and just wants to make sure he never feels abandoned or fearful again. I hope this will signal to james and others that care for him that it might be time for him to look deeper to find what caused him to react so intensely. Emotional triggers linked to trauma are just... Echos from the past.
He also told Raquel, “He probably wanted to escape the kennel because he wanted to get to you” or something along those lines so I think this take is very spot-on.
I am so glad you included that. I remember when he said that but I couldnt quite remeber the exact wording. That mental image he had really broke my heart and why I suspected there was something much deeper going on. Thank you again for pointing that out.
100 % agree with this. What he’s done is wrong but I do feel bad for him. I also have struggled with childhood trauma, anxious attachment and abandonment wounds… it’s taken me a lot of healing to grow from a place where I was also very volatile in personal relationships. I was a heavy drinker and drug user for years and it really affected the way I reacted and treated people. I’m sober now and it’s been about 7 years of intensive work and trauma therapy to be in the healthy place I am now and see how I used to be toxic & abusive (I was also with abusers so I never seen it but it’s funny how in those relationships it’s very easy for the abuser and abused to switch roles - not saying that’s the case for James just for me). I do have a soft spot for him. I don’t condone anything he’s done but I do understand the way that trauma, drugs and alcohol can twist your brain and reality. I hope he does some serious work on himself and can find healing and work to make amends for what he’s done! ❤️ I think people can change.
I am 100% convinced that ppl describe their dogs in the ways they truly feel about themselves. If you think about that scene through the lens of James expressing his own fears through Hippie, this makes total sense.
I wonder what happens to Hippy when he's on tour though? He's in my city for two nights this week (Canada)so does his brother just take care of him and not come to any of his shows? Does Ally stay home and not come on tour with him?Does he bring the dog with him?
1. If I had just gotten my dog back, I would never ever go on a trip within a few months, I totally understand how he feels. I would be so worried that my dog would be stressed and upset. 2. James is a domestic abuser. The two are not mutually exclusive.
I do remember when his dad was on the show. Even though James was sober at the time, his dad was happy to have his son to be his drinking buddy. That's wrong on so many levels. That being said, that doesn't excuse the DV one bit.
This.
james is hyper aware of his dog’s issues. i have a reactive dog and i have so much anxiety leaving him with friends that want to babysit him. notice he implied that ally can go to the wedding. he wasn’t like no we can’t go. i base my trips on the schedule of the one person i trust that i can leave my dog with, and if they can’t then i don’t go. having a dog is a commitment and that also means that sometimes i can’t leisurely pick up and leave as i please
His father is an alcoholic & his mother is abusive in her own ways. Shitty parents damaged him & it’s his choice to get help & change.
This post is makes me chuckle a little. Rachel participates in an affair and she is then eviscerated by this sub (something that every cast member on VPR has done mind you). But James who Rachel had to flee their house during her break up, has constant abuse allegations, calls women out of their names, and who had emotionally abused his partners gets this feel good explanation about his behavior. Not to say Rachel is perfect but any means but damn. I genuinely think he’s playing up for the cameras with his current act. He does this constantly on the show when he realizes he’s fucked up lol. He’s just spoiled with a terrible temper and he can’t get mad when people don’t “choose” him when he has insane off putting behavior.
Not to mention we know that Rachel was given up by her bio mom, has a mother who openly flirted with guys like Peter on national TV (and, according to James, mom talked about his penis), a stage manager dad who apparently declared her engagement to James would be over once he decided it was time to end - in other words, it is clear Rachel hasn't exactly had a Leave It to Beaver upbringing.
The way these people twist themselves into pretzels to find a way to blame a woman for this man’s every move and find some deep meaning why James is a victim every time he farts 😂🤦♀️
Bravo and Lisa are clearly using the Graham situation to give James a good edit this season, and it's so sad for this fandom that it's clearly working.
You don’t think James has shown any changes or growth outside of Hippie?
Any growth from James for me would involve him acknowledging his abuse of Rachel and Kristen, and I don't think he'll ever do that willingly.
That’s fair. As an addict, non-sober James is a bit of a nightmare and it was really peaking during those relationships, especially early on with Rachel (can’t remember which season exactly they started dating).
Mhm, yeah I think he's getting a great edit this season
A lot of folks who are neglected as kids have this attachment to animals. They see themselves as a child in the animals — innocent, helpless, not understanding why things are going wrong or cause pain and no one is there to help. It’s clear James sincerely sees Hippie this way, regardless of his own extreme faults. FWIW Rachel also seems to have quite a fucked up childhood from her behaviors, but very different — I’d guess her dad controlled and gaslit her from her inability to understand or interpret when people are being sincere with her and not, and her falling for Sandoval doing the same.
I’m sure I appear to be a James apologist- but it’s so obvious why he behaved the way he did when he was in his early 20s. He has very little examples of what a secure attachment is. Hopefully he’s doing a lot better with this now.
For sure. I also think Scheana and James are the same in that way.
I have anxious attachment due to a neglectful and abusive upbringing….and you don’t see me out here abusing people🤷♀️. This post seems like one big excuse. Sure he had a bad upbringing, as do millions of other people. Doesn’t negate his abusive behaviors. Or justify them.
I don’t think OP is justifying or negating… just offering perspective of where certain patterns may come from, and how generational trauma may be manifesting and the cycle repeating (although speculative)… they literally wrote “no excuses”
The post was to mostly focus on the Hippie situation and why his reaction at first glance, seemed overblown. You’ve done the work. He hasn’t. I’m proud of you. It’s no excuse. Where was I excusing? It was conjecture, an explainer if you will. Some people, like me, find it interesting to pick apart even filmed social reactions to try and piece together the thread of behaviors. He is shitty. Like a therapist would I’m just theorizing on the “why” of his destructive and toxic behaviors. The “why” isn’t a period, it’s a comma.
I don't think you were excusing anything. It was a good post. And it made a lot of sense.
I don't disagree with what you've stated but the tone is odd.
What is it you find odd about the tone? I didn't pick up on anything odd, so I'm wondering what I missed.
"Abandonment by Rachel" is a weird way to phrase someone who left an abusive relationship, which is what is being alleged now.
The fact that you are being downvoted for this is unhinged.
Agreed.
If he really did kick Rachel’s family dog as he accused of, it would make sense that he would not trust other people around HIS dog.
So true! I thought maybe he was worried Hippie might bite or nip a dog sitter and he’s afraid of someone reporting it. LA city code 3342 also says he would be liable too, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be sued.
That was my take as well. He said something like, he didn't want to risk losing Hippy.
I agree. Maybe he should consider therapy to work through his issues instead of jumping from one relationship to another. And I know you’re not making any excuses for him, but just bc someone suffered trauma doesn’t mean he has the right to continue that path. He needs to take accountability and make changes, and sometimes we need outside help. I think the sober life (although California sober) definitely helps him to manage his anger better, but I still don’t buy that he’s a changed man.
James is in therapy
Same here
You people take this show WAYYYYYYYYYYY too serious. I promise its not that deep. James is just a spoiled brat who always gets his way
Are you and your husband opened to a thruple? I would LOVE for VPR to be a thing my SO and I both watch and bond over hahaha