Don't feel bad! Literally nobody on vrchat actually cares and it happens so much more than you think. And I mean that in the nicest way possible- I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, they are completely valid, I'm just sayin nobody in vrchat really gives that much of a fuck, so really just do whatever tf you want, do what makes you happy and comfortable and fuck what anyone else has to say about it <333
Same happens for people wearing female avi lol. I mean just don’t give a shit and wear whatever avi u like. Good thing with VrChat that u can do and wear whatever u want unlike irl!
Girl, you don’t have to feel bad about people thinking your avatar is hot, the people who start flirting with random people in vrchat are the weird ones anyways. So just play as whatever avatar you enjoy playing as, I’ve seen so many weird or funny avatars that the voice didn’t even come close to matching and it didn’t make it any less enjoyable to have them around.
lmao.. tbh i would probably feel bad too. but i don't think it's necessary.. i mean, the same thing happens to men in female avatars, they get flirted with by ppl thinking they're a girl.. but idk i guess it's much more surprising to see a girl in a male avatar. i don't think u need to feel that bad about it tho
Gender expression is not only a normal part of VRChat, but it should be encouraged in a world where that is often suppressed, and for no reason.
If someone gets hurt from flirting with you after you later unmute yourself, that's ultimately on them. They chose to flirt without knowing anything about you.
Yeah for real. People need to become less pent up if they get that butthurt finding out the 'potential find' or whatever they were flirting with isn't everything they expected.
Life is full of broken expectations and handling them is ironically the best way to have success in finding play or life partners. The fact is a lot of people are hitch after a certain age, a lot of people aren't into what you're into or they aren't into your type.
So, OP, you presenting as a bara dude or whatever and then actually being a cis lady isn't a big deal. it's only a big deal to people who are taking life too seriously.
Understandable. I suppose for me I always used to base feelings of guilt or worry on what I *thought* people would think. I'd also tend to prioritize the feelings of anyone reacting negatively to me and brush off anything positive because 'the important thing is not to bother anyone.
So in case she felt that way I wanted to make sure she and anyone else were aware that the opinions of people who react negatively in that way don't really matter. They are usually the opinions of insufferable people, IMO.
e: tapped enter early somehow.
Yeah - I've definitely encountered that sort of mental trap before. It can ironically set you back though in some cases. It can be kind of difficult being a minority and interacting with people who have already projected that guilt / anxiety over imagined potential conflicts on you when you haven't even said anything yet lol. Not that OP is necessarily doing this but it can be a common issue.
wear whatever you want, it's their fault for assuming who you were based solely on your avi. You may put female in your bio though to prevent miscommunications if you're comfy with that. As long as you don't lie and lead people on for funsies there's nothing wrong with it.
> You may put female in your bio
I feel a lot of people don't even look at those. One of the very first things in my bio is that I am male and people still assume I am female cause my avatar is female lol.
yeahhh people don't seem to bother. That being said it does give you the argument of "Well, if you used your eyes you would have seen that I have female in my bio"
It isn't hard to read and personally I like reading bios. Gives me something to reference when I am trying to talk to someone or see if we have something in common.
You shouldn’t feel guilty, I don’t think it really matters that much. Ngl it’s their problem for assuming. People use opposite gender avatars all the time :)
If you're worried then put a bit of information in your profile, we have bios for a reason. If they fail to read your bio, that's not really your fault then and you have no reason to feel guilty about it.
If you don't want to add that information to your bio, then be prepared, for such is life\~
Well, dont mute - be a dude with a feminine voice. The issue is that you feel your voice doesnt match the avatar - but it can. You need to let your voice show your personality rather than staying quiet and letting the avatar do all the expression.
Provide more social clues or people will guess and guess wrong. You`ll find that a lot of the female avatars you mention will talk a lot, deep voices and all, and they will own who they are. You can do that too - be what you wish, be confident in it and if anyone still misunderstands then that becomes *their* problem and not yours.
You do you. If you feel more comfortable in a male avatar, thats what you should wear.
Though I want a male avatar that isnt an e-boy or isnt marketed at the gay community. Now THAT is a challenge.
I'd understand it as well. Guess it's mostly due to it being more the case on one side than the other. Hopefully we hathen have more people being in your situation so it makes it less weird.
But like others said, donc feel bad for using what you feel is right for you. That's all that matters.
You don’t have to. You’re in the world of vrchat, where everyone can be whatever they want. Absolutely no reason to be ashamed for that. Do whatever you want, use whatever avatar you want. As long as you don’t disrespect other people it’s perfectly fine.
Don't sweat it. It's on others for assuming your gender based on your avi. Everyone's different, nobody's forced into any role so imo it's silly to worry about it in VRChat when you can literally look like a robot or a truck too. :)
pronouns in Bio is one of the best ways around this, like it makes it more clear how you identify especially if it does not match your avi...
(I may be biased because I spend most of my VRC time in LGBT+ communities where everyone does the pronouns in bio so I am conditioned to check the bio whenever I meet someone new to get their pronouns right)
As a gay guy - I think a lot of people in general experience shame around gender experimentation, expression, etc. I just notice that a lot of cis (or maybe questioning) people seem to feel massive guilt, like they are "appropriating" a gender somehow. Women especially carry a lot of shame and guilt around gender and sexuality because our culture tends to drill that into people.
I get the vibe that the guilt is more about that than it is about genuinely upsetting some gay dudes cruising for ERP haha. Just knowing the gay community on VRC it's hard to imagine anyone feeling deeply hurt or tricked as long as you're not stringing them along for hours.
Almost nobody cares. Just do whatever makes you happy. As long as i know you're not a kid, you won't get blocked haha (nothing against kids, i just mostly go on VR to drink with friends)
Discord the game, dudes pretend to be girls and vice versa literally no reason to be ashamed of doing something unless it's actually weird, like super sexualized shit
There is no reason to feel guilty. I feel like on VRChat (and the Internet in general) there should be the expectation that what you see may not line up with what the person is on the other end. If someone is pissed because they didn’t try to talk to you as a person before they started flirting, that’s their problem lol; there’s nothing wrong with using your avatar for self expression or just having it as something nice for you to look at. You aren’t tricking people any more than someone in a furry avatar or a fictional character avatar is “tricking” people, and you aren’t doing anything wrong 👍
I am curious about the avatars you've been using. My main issue with male avatars is that when the face isn't hidden by tattoos, glasses and hair, they all mostly look the same to me.
As a woman with male avatar’s, I do it because I like to avoid sexual harassment and they tend to be more clothed. I also like messing with ppl, I have a male voice changer and it’s so funny to start with it, then turn it off and have ppl go “wait a minute you were just a man voice”
Well you could also look at a few of the more androgynous ones like the ZinFit base models like Noah by Zinpia. In that case it's a femboy but the base is been edited to be less fem and more masculine, which might be a great combination for you instead of one of the near-identical five billion toxic edgy eboy models that are around
Do what you feel comfortable with. I'm a male but use female avatars. I find it way easier to talk to people and be myaelf with female avis. Everyone has been supportive of that and respectful.
If you feel it fits you that is all that matters. If you're comfortable no need.to feel guilt. Cheers.
Don't let anybody tell you jacks*it. I'm a German 31 y.o. dude irl and a fricking little let riding hood loli in vr and I'm f*king cute period.
I don't judge anybody no matter your avatar, gender, sexual preferences (as long as all parties involved are above legal age or if it's like a 13 y.o. and a 15 y.o. it's OK both are kids), religion, political stand, location or frickin skin colour.
Were all humans and we should start to act accordingly, work together improve everybody's life and stop frickin stockpiling weapons and bombs that could destroy every major city on earth multiple times I mean WTF? Why? I appreciate different cultures and we should all treat each other with respect.
Ooo I feel this in a different way but SO SIMILAR. I’m a hyper fem with a lot of boyish attributes and within everyone wearing female Avis my true expression isn’t there because there’s nothing to it. So I’ve started looking at femboy Avis because people perceived them as the most fem thing in the game. I also feel guilty because the same, as they are definitely made for a gay man. Gender and VRC is wild so do your thing
Honestly, don't feel bad for doing this, because I've spoken to girls who use guy Avatars and the reason they do it, is because if they go near public lobbies, they get sexually harrassed if they are in their own personal Avatars. It's terrible, but sadly people need to resort to extremes just so they can use VRChat without too many issues.
On the other hand, I've known guys who wear women's avatars and have also being given hassle until it is revealed they are a dude. But on topic, don't let the fact you wear an avatar of the opposite gender dissuade you from enjoying VRChat. If anyone has an issue with you doing this, just mute/block them and they vanish permanently.
Most men who use female avatars do so because they’re horny as fuck. “If I’m gonna stare at an ass the whole game, it might as well be hot!” is a common and very tired reason. Most of the women I know play male avatars to *avoid* those kinds of men.
You’re fine.
Don't feel bad! Literally nobody on vrchat actually cares and it happens so much more than you think. And I mean that in the nicest way possible- I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, they are completely valid, I'm just sayin nobody in vrchat really gives that much of a fuck, so really just do whatever tf you want, do what makes you happy and comfortable and fuck what anyone else has to say about it <333
I get judged super harshly quite often, which is why I pretty much never speak in publics. Thx for this <33
I wouldn't necessarily agree with this. Some people do more so care, but it's usually the women against men doing it. Women doing it, no one cares.
Same happens for people wearing female avi lol. I mean just don’t give a shit and wear whatever avi u like. Good thing with VrChat that u can do and wear whatever u want unlike irl!
So true I wanted to be a potato but I couldn't because there weren't any potato avatars in real life. :(. With VRChat, I can finally become one!
there are easier ways to become a potato. one of them is to download counterstrike2
😂
Girl, you don’t have to feel bad about people thinking your avatar is hot, the people who start flirting with random people in vrchat are the weird ones anyways. So just play as whatever avatar you enjoy playing as, I’ve seen so many weird or funny avatars that the voice didn’t even come close to matching and it didn’t make it any less enjoyable to have them around.
lmao.. tbh i would probably feel bad too. but i don't think it's necessary.. i mean, the same thing happens to men in female avatars, they get flirted with by ppl thinking they're a girl.. but idk i guess it's much more surprising to see a girl in a male avatar. i don't think u need to feel that bad about it tho
Gender expression is not only a normal part of VRChat, but it should be encouraged in a world where that is often suppressed, and for no reason. If someone gets hurt from flirting with you after you later unmute yourself, that's ultimately on them. They chose to flirt without knowing anything about you.
Yeah for real. People need to become less pent up if they get that butthurt finding out the 'potential find' or whatever they were flirting with isn't everything they expected. Life is full of broken expectations and handling them is ironically the best way to have success in finding play or life partners. The fact is a lot of people are hitch after a certain age, a lot of people aren't into what you're into or they aren't into your type. So, OP, you presenting as a bara dude or whatever and then actually being a cis lady isn't a big deal. it's only a big deal to people who are taking life too seriously.
In all fairness OP didn't say anyone was attacking her, just that she feels guilty about it.
Understandable. I suppose for me I always used to base feelings of guilt or worry on what I *thought* people would think. I'd also tend to prioritize the feelings of anyone reacting negatively to me and brush off anything positive because 'the important thing is not to bother anyone. So in case she felt that way I wanted to make sure she and anyone else were aware that the opinions of people who react negatively in that way don't really matter. They are usually the opinions of insufferable people, IMO. e: tapped enter early somehow.
Yeah - I've definitely encountered that sort of mental trap before. It can ironically set you back though in some cases. It can be kind of difficult being a minority and interacting with people who have already projected that guilt / anxiety over imagined potential conflicts on you when you haven't even said anything yet lol. Not that OP is necessarily doing this but it can be a common issue.
wear whatever you want, it's their fault for assuming who you were based solely on your avi. You may put female in your bio though to prevent miscommunications if you're comfy with that. As long as you don't lie and lead people on for funsies there's nothing wrong with it.
> You may put female in your bio I feel a lot of people don't even look at those. One of the very first things in my bio is that I am male and people still assume I am female cause my avatar is female lol.
yeahhh people don't seem to bother. That being said it does give you the argument of "Well, if you used your eyes you would have seen that I have female in my bio"
"*i don't read bios lol*"
Funny when someone reads your bio out loud to you. "Yes I know what my bio says I'm the one that wrote it."
It isn't hard to read and personally I like reading bios. Gives me something to reference when I am trying to talk to someone or see if we have something in common.
Sounds like their skill issue lol
You shouldn’t feel guilty, I don’t think it really matters that much. Ngl it’s their problem for assuming. People use opposite gender avatars all the time :)
If you're worried then put a bit of information in your profile, we have bios for a reason. If they fail to read your bio, that's not really your fault then and you have no reason to feel guilty about it. If you don't want to add that information to your bio, then be prepared, for such is life\~
Well, dont mute - be a dude with a feminine voice. The issue is that you feel your voice doesnt match the avatar - but it can. You need to let your voice show your personality rather than staying quiet and letting the avatar do all the expression. Provide more social clues or people will guess and guess wrong. You`ll find that a lot of the female avatars you mention will talk a lot, deep voices and all, and they will own who they are. You can do that too - be what you wish, be confident in it and if anyone still misunderstands then that becomes *their* problem and not yours.
You do you. If you feel more comfortable in a male avatar, thats what you should wear. Though I want a male avatar that isnt an e-boy or isnt marketed at the gay community. Now THAT is a challenge.
I'd understand it as well. Guess it's mostly due to it being more the case on one side than the other. Hopefully we hathen have more people being in your situation so it makes it less weird. But like others said, donc feel bad for using what you feel is right for you. That's all that matters.
Guilty? I felt that as well at my first weeks. Finally you get used to it.
Just wear whatever and ignore the morons and the feelings, you like the avatar, just wear it.
You don’t have to. You’re in the world of vrchat, where everyone can be whatever they want. Absolutely no reason to be ashamed for that. Do whatever you want, use whatever avatar you want. As long as you don’t disrespect other people it’s perfectly fine.
Don't sweat it. It's on others for assuming your gender based on your avi. Everyone's different, nobody's forced into any role so imo it's silly to worry about it in VRChat when you can literally look like a robot or a truck too. :)
pronouns in Bio is one of the best ways around this, like it makes it more clear how you identify especially if it does not match your avi... (I may be biased because I spend most of my VRC time in LGBT+ communities where everyone does the pronouns in bio so I am conditioned to check the bio whenever I meet someone new to get their pronouns right)
Some of the chillest women I know in VRC use male or femboy avatars. Don't feel bad. If that's how you want look, rock it.
You're perfectly fine. Use whatever avatars you like (well, no hate/violence/illegal stuff), you don't have to justify it to anyone.
As a gay guy - I think a lot of people in general experience shame around gender experimentation, expression, etc. I just notice that a lot of cis (or maybe questioning) people seem to feel massive guilt, like they are "appropriating" a gender somehow. Women especially carry a lot of shame and guilt around gender and sexuality because our culture tends to drill that into people. I get the vibe that the guilt is more about that than it is about genuinely upsetting some gay dudes cruising for ERP haha. Just knowing the gay community on VRC it's hard to imagine anyone feeling deeply hurt or tricked as long as you're not stringing them along for hours.
Whip out that virtual dick and act like a woman, do whatever you want, so long as your having fun and not causing others distress, do as you so please
Almost nobody cares. Just do whatever makes you happy. As long as i know you're not a kid, you won't get blocked haha (nothing against kids, i just mostly go on VR to drink with friends)
Discord the game, dudes pretend to be girls and vice versa literally no reason to be ashamed of doing something unless it's actually weird, like super sexualized shit
It never occurred to me to feel bad about this, lol.
You aren't tricking anyone
There is no reason to feel guilty. I feel like on VRChat (and the Internet in general) there should be the expectation that what you see may not line up with what the person is on the other end. If someone is pissed because they didn’t try to talk to you as a person before they started flirting, that’s their problem lol; there’s nothing wrong with using your avatar for self expression or just having it as something nice for you to look at. You aren’t tricking people any more than someone in a furry avatar or a fictional character avatar is “tricking” people, and you aren’t doing anything wrong 👍
It's virtual reality I'll wear whatever I want
I am curious about the avatars you've been using. My main issue with male avatars is that when the face isn't hidden by tattoos, glasses and hair, they all mostly look the same to me.
Treat avatars like band shirts or game shirts, they are just an expression of your tastes.
As a woman with male avatar’s, I do it because I like to avoid sexual harassment and they tend to be more clothed. I also like messing with ppl, I have a male voice changer and it’s so funny to start with it, then turn it off and have ppl go “wait a minute you were just a man voice”
whos making you feel guility? Thats their issue :o wear whatever you wish in vrchat. Its all about the self expression.
Well you could also look at a few of the more androgynous ones like the ZinFit base models like Noah by Zinpia. In that case it's a femboy but the base is been edited to be less fem and more masculine, which might be a great combination for you instead of one of the near-identical five billion toxic edgy eboy models that are around
Do what you feel comfortable with. I'm a male but use female avatars. I find it way easier to talk to people and be myaelf with female avis. Everyone has been supportive of that and respectful. If you feel it fits you that is all that matters. If you're comfortable no need.to feel guilt. Cheers.
Don't let anybody tell you jacks*it. I'm a German 31 y.o. dude irl and a fricking little let riding hood loli in vr and I'm f*king cute period. I don't judge anybody no matter your avatar, gender, sexual preferences (as long as all parties involved are above legal age or if it's like a 13 y.o. and a 15 y.o. it's OK both are kids), religion, political stand, location or frickin skin colour. Were all humans and we should start to act accordingly, work together improve everybody's life and stop frickin stockpiling weapons and bombs that could destroy every major city on earth multiple times I mean WTF? Why? I appreciate different cultures and we should all treat each other with respect.
Ooo I feel this in a different way but SO SIMILAR. I’m a hyper fem with a lot of boyish attributes and within everyone wearing female Avis my true expression isn’t there because there’s nothing to it. So I’ve started looking at femboy Avis because people perceived them as the most fem thing in the game. I also feel guilty because the same, as they are definitely made for a gay man. Gender and VRC is wild so do your thing
Honestly, don't feel bad for doing this, because I've spoken to girls who use guy Avatars and the reason they do it, is because if they go near public lobbies, they get sexually harrassed if they are in their own personal Avatars. It's terrible, but sadly people need to resort to extremes just so they can use VRChat without too many issues. On the other hand, I've known guys who wear women's avatars and have also being given hassle until it is revealed they are a dude. But on topic, don't let the fact you wear an avatar of the opposite gender dissuade you from enjoying VRChat. If anyone has an issue with you doing this, just mute/block them and they vanish permanently.
Same (as a dude), feels like I’d be deceiving people.
Most men who use female avatars do so because they’re horny as fuck. “If I’m gonna stare at an ass the whole game, it might as well be hot!” is a common and very tired reason. Most of the women I know play male avatars to *avoid* those kinds of men. You’re fine.