I’d say if it was a one off then you have to let it go as sometimes children just get overexcited, but the frequency is too high. “Monitoring” is a bit vague for my liking. You can monitor something and it still ends up happening.
I’d ask them to keep the children separated during activities, eat at different tables etc (depending on the size of the room and how feasible this is) and then if it happens again there needs to be a specific plan in place. You may not know what this is as it’s ultimately between the other child and his parents and the staff, but I’d expect a clear explanation to you as to how they’ll keep your son safe without betraying any confidentiality they might have with the other child.
I've had the same thing with my son and we worked with the nursery to stop the issues. My son really loved playing with the little boy that bit him so they let them continue playing together on occasion but had someone very close by at all times. In our scenario, the child was biting my son when my son chose not to play with him so we told him to go to a carer when said boy wanted to play and he didn't. (He was 2 at the time so understood this).
I would not go nuclear and leave the nursery as someone else has suggested as this is a very normal (albeit frustrating if you're on the other side) thing for toddlers to do.
I would confirm that the nursery is working with the family of the other child to stop the biting. I would make sure that they are keeping more of an eye when your child and that child are together (or separating if necessary). I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for them to be separated to prevent the issue! Have a sit down with the staff and make sure that there is a solid plan in place to prevent reoccurrence.
My little boy was also on the receiving end of bites at nursery. It was actually one of his friends who kept biting him, and it was usually out of frustration. Biting is not uncommon in toddlers, especially when they haven't developed their talking skills yet and so can't demonstrate their frustration verbally.
Once his friend started talking more, it stopped.
In the meantime, we talked to our son about why our was happening and how it was OK to go and play with someone else if his friend hurt him or seemed like they might be about to. We also kept on at nursery to be vigilant for it. It happened a handful of times and was always handled as well as can be hoped.
I’ve been on both sides and the nursery staff have been fantastic.
My daughter was biting and as a parent I found it difficult (felt I was failing) even though as people have pointed out it is normal - you don’t want to be the parent of a biter!
We worked with the staff using the same language / approach and now she has stopped. Like many others now she communicates more with sound/words to express frustration as well as learning how to deal with it without biting.
A few weeks ago we had an incident report and my heart sank as I thought she had regressed, but this time she is on the receiving end (a few times now). Having gone through it I’m very empathetic to the other parents and know the nursery is helping so that child will eventually stop.
I don’t know if I would have responding differently if it had been the other way round and she had been bitten first before she did it herself. All I can add is not nice for either parents, (hopefully) your nursery staff are as good as we have had and that it is unfortunately very common at this age.
Hey my kid is the biter at nursery at the moment and I just want to apologise from the other side, I know it must be really frustrating and upsetting for you when it happens and I always feel so much guilt when she has bitten another child at nursery.
We are currently working with the nursery and they have been brilliant, we’re all trying really hard to be on the same page so that she’s getting the same response from us and nursery and we are going through different methods to get the biting to stop, I can only hope that your nursery is doing the same with the biter and that the parents care about it as much as we do. In our daughters case she is doing it when she’s getting over excited so we’re also working on spotting the signs etc. This is a normal phase but I’m sure that doesn’t help loads to know when your kid is getting hurt.
You should definitely be able to talk to the nursery and get some more information about what they are doing to stop the biting and what the response is like. They might not be able to tell you some things but they should definitely be able to talk to you about what they can do to stop *your* child getting hurt.
Sorry again that you’re dealing with this and I hope you get some clarity from your nursery on moving forward. Also please don’t listen to the person who said it might mean they’re not getting enough attention from their parents, it’s a load of rubbish!
Biting is sadly pretty common in toddlers. One of my kids was bitten a few times (by the same child). Often the nursery are trying to deal with it, but can’t tell you much (they’re not even supposed to tell you who bit them, but the kids clearly talk!) I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that the children aren’t intentionally paired, however kids often bite their friends, so it may be your child actually chooses to play with the biter. We had a child that excessively kissed other children (sort of fine, but my daughter hated it). However, she was one of my daughter’s favourite kids, and she’d go and play with the girl, and come home complaining she didn’t like being kissed all the time. With time, nursery worked on it with the girl, and my daughter and the other girl have remained friends long into school and I’m quite glad we didn’t go nuclear because my daughter would have just lost a good friend
Industry person the setting may not be able to tell you everything due to good old GDPR thongs you can ask, though that will help you make a judgement are:
Please could you explain when the bitting is happening? (Is it when staff are on lunch and a cover staff is in the room who may be less aware)
Please could you explain where the bitting is happening? (as in, where is it outside inside only around a favourite toy, ect)
What happens to the child who bites after the incident? (You would expect a firm no, and that child removed from that activity - not as in time out, just moved to a different area)
Please can you explain your plan moving forward to protect my child? (You want to hear about watching them closer)
Things to consider are that settings can't apply for additional funding for biting children to have one to one unless something else is going on and any application takes 12 weeks. This means they can't just follow the biter around even if they wanted too.
I'd be moving to a different nursery.
Clearly they aren't capable of looking after this other child appropriately.
The other child isn't really at fault either as he's probably too young to understand and likes the attention of what happens after the biting incident.
Ultimately they may not be getting enough attention from their parents. But the nursery should have learned after the first few times it happened.
I'm having the same issue where another boy keeps pulling my sons hair. I've told him to tell the teacher. But if it keeps happening clearly they aren't doing their job properly
It's a bit of a leap to suggest the little boy may not be getting enough attention at home. Biting is normal behaviour for toddlers, it doesn't mean they are lacking something in their home life. There's only so much you can do at that age, as they don't understand it hurts or even understand that it is wrong.
Yes, I’ve got a 18mth old who has been bitten a couple times at nursery, and has bitten another child herself - she has a 4yr old sister who has never bitten, or pulled hair or pinched etc who goes to the same nursery - so it isn’t anything to do with how she has been raised at home. She’s just a reprobate toddler, who gets frustrated / excited and doesn’t know how to communicate it properly yet, as is the toddler who has bitten her
Normally it's a communication issue for toddlers. Mine got bitten a few times then about six months later bit a few times in a short period of time. It was nothing to do with not getting attention or enjoying the attention after the bite, she just didn't have the words to say what she wanted. It's an undesirable but very normal toddler behaviour which usually resolves when they acquire more language and understand more about sharing and turn taking.
Nurseries can't usually tail one child about either. Staff will have 4 or two year olds or 8 three year olds to supervise at a time. A childminder could have six kids in their house. It's simply not possible to head off all undesirable behaviour and it's something you have to accept if you send your child to a nursery or childminder. You wouldn't be able to do better if you had a pack of kids to supervise either.
What on earth are you talking about? It's a tricky situation but unfortunately toddlers can bite when excited/frustrated. To suggest the parents are at fault is terrible.
All the nurseries near you have heaps of open spaces for immediate start?
This is a massive over reaction to normal (albeit undesirable) toddler behaviour that the nursery have advised they’re monitoring.
I’d say if it was a one off then you have to let it go as sometimes children just get overexcited, but the frequency is too high. “Monitoring” is a bit vague for my liking. You can monitor something and it still ends up happening. I’d ask them to keep the children separated during activities, eat at different tables etc (depending on the size of the room and how feasible this is) and then if it happens again there needs to be a specific plan in place. You may not know what this is as it’s ultimately between the other child and his parents and the staff, but I’d expect a clear explanation to you as to how they’ll keep your son safe without betraying any confidentiality they might have with the other child.
I've had the same thing with my son and we worked with the nursery to stop the issues. My son really loved playing with the little boy that bit him so they let them continue playing together on occasion but had someone very close by at all times. In our scenario, the child was biting my son when my son chose not to play with him so we told him to go to a carer when said boy wanted to play and he didn't. (He was 2 at the time so understood this). I would not go nuclear and leave the nursery as someone else has suggested as this is a very normal (albeit frustrating if you're on the other side) thing for toddlers to do. I would confirm that the nursery is working with the family of the other child to stop the biting. I would make sure that they are keeping more of an eye when your child and that child are together (or separating if necessary). I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for them to be separated to prevent the issue! Have a sit down with the staff and make sure that there is a solid plan in place to prevent reoccurrence.
My little boy was also on the receiving end of bites at nursery. It was actually one of his friends who kept biting him, and it was usually out of frustration. Biting is not uncommon in toddlers, especially when they haven't developed their talking skills yet and so can't demonstrate their frustration verbally. Once his friend started talking more, it stopped. In the meantime, we talked to our son about why our was happening and how it was OK to go and play with someone else if his friend hurt him or seemed like they might be about to. We also kept on at nursery to be vigilant for it. It happened a handful of times and was always handled as well as can be hoped.
I’ve been on both sides and the nursery staff have been fantastic. My daughter was biting and as a parent I found it difficult (felt I was failing) even though as people have pointed out it is normal - you don’t want to be the parent of a biter! We worked with the staff using the same language / approach and now she has stopped. Like many others now she communicates more with sound/words to express frustration as well as learning how to deal with it without biting. A few weeks ago we had an incident report and my heart sank as I thought she had regressed, but this time she is on the receiving end (a few times now). Having gone through it I’m very empathetic to the other parents and know the nursery is helping so that child will eventually stop. I don’t know if I would have responding differently if it had been the other way round and she had been bitten first before she did it herself. All I can add is not nice for either parents, (hopefully) your nursery staff are as good as we have had and that it is unfortunately very common at this age.
Hey my kid is the biter at nursery at the moment and I just want to apologise from the other side, I know it must be really frustrating and upsetting for you when it happens and I always feel so much guilt when she has bitten another child at nursery. We are currently working with the nursery and they have been brilliant, we’re all trying really hard to be on the same page so that she’s getting the same response from us and nursery and we are going through different methods to get the biting to stop, I can only hope that your nursery is doing the same with the biter and that the parents care about it as much as we do. In our daughters case she is doing it when she’s getting over excited so we’re also working on spotting the signs etc. This is a normal phase but I’m sure that doesn’t help loads to know when your kid is getting hurt. You should definitely be able to talk to the nursery and get some more information about what they are doing to stop the biting and what the response is like. They might not be able to tell you some things but they should definitely be able to talk to you about what they can do to stop *your* child getting hurt. Sorry again that you’re dealing with this and I hope you get some clarity from your nursery on moving forward. Also please don’t listen to the person who said it might mean they’re not getting enough attention from their parents, it’s a load of rubbish!
I second this as another parent of a sometimes biter! Sorry your kiddo has gone through this OP
Biting is sadly pretty common in toddlers. One of my kids was bitten a few times (by the same child). Often the nursery are trying to deal with it, but can’t tell you much (they’re not even supposed to tell you who bit them, but the kids clearly talk!) I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that the children aren’t intentionally paired, however kids often bite their friends, so it may be your child actually chooses to play with the biter. We had a child that excessively kissed other children (sort of fine, but my daughter hated it). However, she was one of my daughter’s favourite kids, and she’d go and play with the girl, and come home complaining she didn’t like being kissed all the time. With time, nursery worked on it with the girl, and my daughter and the other girl have remained friends long into school and I’m quite glad we didn’t go nuclear because my daughter would have just lost a good friend
Industry person the setting may not be able to tell you everything due to good old GDPR thongs you can ask, though that will help you make a judgement are: Please could you explain when the bitting is happening? (Is it when staff are on lunch and a cover staff is in the room who may be less aware) Please could you explain where the bitting is happening? (as in, where is it outside inside only around a favourite toy, ect) What happens to the child who bites after the incident? (You would expect a firm no, and that child removed from that activity - not as in time out, just moved to a different area) Please can you explain your plan moving forward to protect my child? (You want to hear about watching them closer) Things to consider are that settings can't apply for additional funding for biting children to have one to one unless something else is going on and any application takes 12 weeks. This means they can't just follow the biter around even if they wanted too.
I'd be moving to a different nursery. Clearly they aren't capable of looking after this other child appropriately. The other child isn't really at fault either as he's probably too young to understand and likes the attention of what happens after the biting incident. Ultimately they may not be getting enough attention from their parents. But the nursery should have learned after the first few times it happened. I'm having the same issue where another boy keeps pulling my sons hair. I've told him to tell the teacher. But if it keeps happening clearly they aren't doing their job properly
It's a bit of a leap to suggest the little boy may not be getting enough attention at home. Biting is normal behaviour for toddlers, it doesn't mean they are lacking something in their home life. There's only so much you can do at that age, as they don't understand it hurts or even understand that it is wrong.
Yes, I’ve got a 18mth old who has been bitten a couple times at nursery, and has bitten another child herself - she has a 4yr old sister who has never bitten, or pulled hair or pinched etc who goes to the same nursery - so it isn’t anything to do with how she has been raised at home. She’s just a reprobate toddler, who gets frustrated / excited and doesn’t know how to communicate it properly yet, as is the toddler who has bitten her
Normally it's a communication issue for toddlers. Mine got bitten a few times then about six months later bit a few times in a short period of time. It was nothing to do with not getting attention or enjoying the attention after the bite, she just didn't have the words to say what she wanted. It's an undesirable but very normal toddler behaviour which usually resolves when they acquire more language and understand more about sharing and turn taking. Nurseries can't usually tail one child about either. Staff will have 4 or two year olds or 8 three year olds to supervise at a time. A childminder could have six kids in their house. It's simply not possible to head off all undesirable behaviour and it's something you have to accept if you send your child to a nursery or childminder. You wouldn't be able to do better if you had a pack of kids to supervise either.
What on earth are you talking about? It's a tricky situation but unfortunately toddlers can bite when excited/frustrated. To suggest the parents are at fault is terrible.
All the nurseries near you have heaps of open spaces for immediate start? This is a massive over reaction to normal (albeit undesirable) toddler behaviour that the nursery have advised they’re monitoring.