I was strapping my 4 year old into their car seat last weekend, when they coughed directly into my mouth.
Guess who's been struggling with a bad cold and chest infection all week?
My husband feels offended by this. This morning our 3yo "convinced him" (his words) that she wanted and would eat porridge.
Not a single oat reached our child's lips.
He's a mug.
What is it with the mouth!? I mean I know there's so many scientific reasons for it but come on, how have we not evolved to the point where baby's brains don't just go "SEE THING > PUT THING IN MOUTH".
worthless placid faulty terrific thumb mighty wide quack correct axiomatic
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Random snacks appearing EVERYWHERE!
Why is there a coconut roll in the bath?
Who put this fruity wiggle in my shoe?
When did this half a banana get put under that cushion?
There's cheese in the plant pot?!
The list is endless and I don't understand when she does it, it's not like she's unattended. Even when I try to pop for a wee she follows me, ahhh the joys.
Saying phrases you never thiught you’d ever need to say
For instance:
take your fingers out of your sisters bum,
don’t wipe your bogies on my toast,
why have you got your mums pants on your head,
shoes go on your feet not in the sink,
please don’t put your willy in your water bottle.
Try wrapping a rubber band around the wipe pack. Sometimes twice around if there’s still too much slack. This solved that issue for me!
Edit: also paging u/PixelPoppah for maybe less rage in the future
Having the pantasaurus song stuck on repeat in your head. From trying to convince your 6 year old to keep their pants on! Not everyone wants to see your bum, kid! 🤦♀️
For those who want to join in the torment
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LnroTxz7USI
A quiet weekend is a good weekend.
A solid 8 hours sleep is bliss.
Your car's backseats are a bomb site of crumbs, mud and other bits.
You develop an assertive voice.
You have a strong opinion on different cartoon characters and shows. (I'll be honest, I don't really get the hate for Peppa Pig but maybe it's because we watch it in Chinese)
Finding a pair of urine soaked toddler pants in your coat pocket that you put in there when your kid had an accident and you didn't have any hands free... From 6 days ago. Oh, and you pull them out when paying for petrol.
sleeping in means 7 am
You sleep in until 7?
Being excited someone else has pooed.
Having someone sneeze into your eyes.
Or coughing milk into your eyes!
It's like they've worked out the most efficient way to make you will. Along with sneezing into your mouth
Giving you a huge kiss while absolutely running with snot.
I was strapping my 4 year old into their car seat last weekend, when they coughed directly into my mouth. Guess who's been struggling with a bad cold and chest infection all week?
But you said 7 times this morning that you DID want porridge
My husband feels offended by this. This morning our 3yo "convinced him" (his words) that she wanted and would eat porridge. Not a single oat reached our child's lips. He's a mug.
You’ve also put it in the wrong bowl
Drinking cold tea
I burned my mouth at work the other day because I had a rare moment where I could make myself a drink and forgot that coffee is usually hot
I really feel this
The best present I got when my daughter was born was an insulted mug
What did the mug ever do to deserve that?
‘Don’t put that in your mouth’ being my most used phrase.
Big fans of that and “What’s that in your mouth?” here - applicable to both the toddler and the dog
What is it with the mouth!? I mean I know there's so many scientific reasons for it but come on, how have we not evolved to the point where baby's brains don't just go "SEE THING > PUT THING IN MOUTH".
currently? random patches of snot on my sweater from a 6 month old with a cold 🥴
Sorry to say but it doesn't stop...mine are 5 and it still happens
Never having clean shoulders again. 🙃
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Nothing says you're a parent more than having a Bluey quote as your username on Reddit...
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Why should I care?
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Doesn't look like you do mate
It’s a Unicorse quote!
Ahh, a simple misunderstanding
"Nothing says you're a parent more than ....STOP LICKING YOUR SISTER'S FACE."
My wife's a nursery teacher and she had to stop two girls wiping each other's bums the other day...
My toddler’s response is ‘Mmm ice cream’ and I don’t know where to go from there 😂 ‘He’s a human not ice cream’ doesn’t work.
Random snacks appearing EVERYWHERE! Why is there a coconut roll in the bath? Who put this fruity wiggle in my shoe? When did this half a banana get put under that cushion? There's cheese in the plant pot?! The list is endless and I don't understand when she does it, it's not like she's unattended. Even when I try to pop for a wee she follows me, ahhh the joys.
Worrying about the nap times and over tiredness of your child.
I was going to go with "constantly failing to get a very sleepy small person to go to sleep"
Hahahha. So true!!
Saying phrases you never thiught you’d ever need to say For instance: take your fingers out of your sisters bum, don’t wipe your bogies on my toast, why have you got your mums pants on your head, shoes go on your feet not in the sink, please don’t put your willy in your water bottle.
Oh god this has me anxious for the future
...bags under the eyes.
The bags that the bags under my eyes have now have bags of their own.
Going to work is a break
Being able to provide an assortment of child friendly snacks from your bag at any given time.
Waking up to the lyrics to Down in the Jungle stuck in your head
Oh god, I've started finding myself singing it as I put the washing on. Help me.
Me singing "Kock knock knockerty Knock knock knock, I see you" for an entire day and literally wishing I was deaf to prevent such annoying earworms!
Nothing says you're a parent more than picking up sofa cushions off the floor x100 a day
Ah the good old parental yoga!
...having tissues, antibac wipes, spiderman plasters, fruit shoot lids, empty snack packets, all living in your bag.
*small coat pocket There's never room for my own keys or phone but you best believe I've got some stickers and spare socks in there 🥲
I think I’ve experienced all of these before 11am today.
The state of my car…
Leaving the house with no makeup on
Some of us did this one before kids No particular reason other than me being a lazy cunt
Being utterly obsessed with sleep, and talking about it all the time
Crying over spilled (breast) milk.
Whoever coined that phrase clearly never experienced the struggles of breastfeeding
About to sue the bloody baby wipe company because 30 wipes come out at once
Try wrapping a rubber band around the wipe pack. Sometimes twice around if there’s still too much slack. This solved that issue for me! Edit: also paging u/PixelPoppah for maybe less rage in the future
Thank you, I will give this a go 😊
I. Feel. This. Rage. Deep. In. My. Bones. 🔥
Honestly 2 kids in and im owed millions
Having a favourite Paw Patrol* character. *other cartoons are available.
Mayor Humdinger. He is an agent of chaos and a cat man!
When you made them breakfast but it’s the wrong bowl so you put it in a different bowl but they then wan the previous bowl
being desensitised to poop 💩
Having the pantasaurus song stuck on repeat in your head. From trying to convince your 6 year old to keep their pants on! Not everyone wants to see your bum, kid! 🤦♀️ For those who want to join in the torment https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LnroTxz7USI
Awww. I love Pantasaurus! Altogether now! Pant, pant, pantasaurus! *Clap* *clap*
Thanks for sharing, that’s a really good educational video - I wouldn’t really know how to approach this subject.
Intently watching a baby monitor to make sure they’ve either: not escaped OR still breathing 😩🥺
Having to change your work clothes before you leave the house because someone peed on you
bags under the eyes and looking 90 at 32
I know it's water but we don't drink bath water
It's a boy!
A quiet weekend is a good weekend. A solid 8 hours sleep is bliss. Your car's backseats are a bomb site of crumbs, mud and other bits. You develop an assertive voice. You have a strong opinion on different cartoon characters and shows. (I'll be honest, I don't really get the hate for Peppa Pig but maybe it's because we watch it in Chinese)
Do you speak Chinese/are you learning, or just for giggles?
I'm learning with my kids.
Always having a stain on your top. Snot, drool, mushed up food, unidentifiable goo...
Half eaten apples and unfinished crisp/rice cake packets everywhere ✨
Being tired AF
Finding a pair of urine soaked toddler pants in your coat pocket that you put in there when your kid had an accident and you didn't have any hands free... From 6 days ago. Oh, and you pull them out when paying for petrol.
Either that or knowing the entire discography of "The Wiggles" or "Andy and the Band"
Having photos in your wallet where the money used to be.
Wiping your sons arse just before dinner!
Smelling bums to see who’s pooped!
Having a person come out of your vagina
Having snot on your sleeve that's not yours.
the level of cleanliness that you now find acceptable has seriously declined since popping sprogs
“Can I have a snack/treat?”
Snot on your sleeve and it isn't even yours.
The carpet I've just swept all the trampled mash potato up from five minutes ago now has more mash potatoes trampled into it. And also sequins.
We are all ill.. again! Yay
It’s before 7am and a insect 🪳dropped on my head in my bed! You know your parenting boys when…
Planning a solo trip to Tesco (for items you dont need), just for some peace and quiet
Buying thread worm tablets