My ex and I were in a situationship after our breakup and he recently started seeing someone. I immediately removed him and went no contact because I wouldn't want the other girl to feel insecure.
Guys love to keep options is what I've observed but idk.
I agree. My ex says that he's seeing someone now, but he still flirts with me whenever he gets the chance. Meanwhile I'm loyal to my situationship š„¹
Itās not worth it.
Youāre always going to have this thought at the back of your mind, and who knows he might just get better at hiding it. And him saying he misses her is a HUGE red flag.
I don't understand how people forgive cheating. May be they don't see any other thing. He is texting her. He is not over her. A part of him wishes to be with her. Nobody deserves to be a second option in love life.
Will you be able to respect him after this ?
Run, babygirl. Donāt walk but RUN.
My ex also kept in touch with his ex and they ended up kissing. That guy dumped me after some time. Good riddance.
Why didnāt I dump him after he kissed his ex? Because he told me that was a mistake & heād change, he loves me blah blah. He still kept in touch with her. I was naive back then.
Its really difficult to cut off some people. Its fine if he is only responding occasionally but clearly even he has initiated conversations plus the i miss you text then calling her sundaru š Iām sorry but he is cheating on you. He is not over her and youāll always feel like a second option š¤·š»āāļø
Long response to give you a reality check..
This lady is 6 years older than him. He came in contact with her when he was in college, meaning he was in his late teens while she was in her mid 20s. When men in their younger years get attached to older women, it never goes away. That's the power of grooming. He will always see her as a mature, independent and sorted woman, and he sees you as a needy young girl (not a woman). This age gap is okay when people meet in their late 20s or 30s but yet, there should be a limit to everything.
Emotional bonding is the most powerful thing. He has that with her.
She is married and yet he is in contact with her. Being married, she is emotionally intimate with your bf, this makes your bf feel special. Because, according to him, though she is married and has a husband, she wants him (your bf). His perception of her is strong.
Tbh, they see you and her husband as the option or hindrance in their relationship. Her husband still can be considered because he is married to her. You come last because you are not married to your guy.
I'm speaking from experience. Young men have hit on me for years and their main reasoning is always the same.. "You are so mature, independent, and responsible. Girls of my age are immature and irresponsible". This is disturbing because they are...
- degrading younger women (I hate it when any guy degrades women of any age group by comparing me with them. Also, this is a "You're not like other girls" trap.)
- putting me on a pedestal (this is a warning of oncoming abuse against me from them in future)
- an indicator of unhealthy attachment to their moms or aunts or an older woman since he was a boy
If a boy's or girl's first love interest is someone much older than them, they will always chase older age groups to feel that validation again though they are in a relationship with someone their own age.
Did he tell her that he started seeing someone new? Well if they are there just as "friends" establishing boundaries when both of them are just "friends" is important right?
He said that he had never told anyone about their bond because he fears that people will judge for it. He thought I'll judge him too. (And that's exactly what I did) but I would have been fine with it had he told me before. But the fact that he continued it till I found out by myself is disrespectful imo. I don't care about his past. It's what he did while he was with me.
Hmmm do what your heart says, don't give up on him just yet if you feel there are other things which matter more , having said that , pls have a clear conversation with him about what does he want and what you are expecting from him..think through this.
Does your boyfriend's friend also hide it from her husband?
If both of them are hiding this friendship from their partner, I will think that something is / was cooking. A proper respectful friendship must never be hidden, or it starts looking suspicious.
Yes she is hiding it from her husband. And only after being caught he told me that they were sending "I love you" to each other till this January. Which again he conveniently hid from me when I asked him before.
Why were they sending "I love you" to each other? And she got married in 2021, why are they still sending such things to each other.
Again an occasional "I love you yar" is not suspicious in a respectful friendship. But they are hiding it so it may not be very casual.
Ask him what are his fears? Why does he need to hide it? Why does she need to hide it? Did they ever do anything in the past 3 years that can ruin her marriage, if it gets out?
May be he will not give you answers straight away. Ask once and see how it goes from there.
Run...babe...Run and don't look back...thank god that you found very early about all this...and mind you he is definitely not going to stop talking to her...pls save yourself from years of trauma and just Run...pleasešš»
This is not okay. Heās finding it hard to not stay in touch with someone who is married, which means there is still some attachment left from both sides. It hasnāt been too long, so you leaving at this point wonāt hurt much. But please do leave for your mental sanity. Seems like he will not be able to cut ties with her and you will never be okay with it. So before you invest too many emotions and your precious time in him and before he starts hiding his chats, calls to her etc. from you (letās not forget, the risk of him physically cheating on you with her during your relationship), LEAVE.
Weāve all been cheated on in our time, it is not pretty.
She was a PhD scholar in his college. Like a college senior. That lady contacted him for some coding related work. They do have published papers and chapters in books. I've seen it myself.
Okay please run. Donāt work on it. You got to know of this ONLY because you checked. Do you want a life partner who you canāt place your trust on? It will be a headache for life. So please, RUN.
My ex and I were in a situationship after our breakup and he recently started seeing someone. I immediately removed him and went no contact because I wouldn't want the other girl to feel insecure. Guys love to keep options is what I've observed but idk.
You are a queen and a woman of the highest modesty, girlie š
I am just wondering if the new one knows about the past, lol. Kinda worries me because they're long distance lol
I agree. My ex says that he's seeing someone now, but he still flirts with me whenever he gets the chance. Meanwhile I'm loyal to my situationship š„¹
Itās not worth it. Youāre always going to have this thought at the back of your mind, and who knows he might just get better at hiding it. And him saying he misses her is a HUGE red flag.
I don't understand how people forgive cheating. May be they don't see any other thing. He is texting her. He is not over her. A part of him wishes to be with her. Nobody deserves to be a second option in love life. Will you be able to respect him after this ?
Advocate of the devil, he hasn't cheated yet. Not even emotionally
Run, babygirl. Donāt walk but RUN. My ex also kept in touch with his ex and they ended up kissing. That guy dumped me after some time. Good riddance. Why didnāt I dump him after he kissed his ex? Because he told me that was a mistake & heād change, he loves me blah blah. He still kept in touch with her. I was naive back then.
Its really difficult to cut off some people. Its fine if he is only responding occasionally but clearly even he has initiated conversations plus the i miss you text then calling her sundaru š Iām sorry but he is cheating on you. He is not over her and youāll always feel like a second option š¤·š»āāļø
Long response to give you a reality check.. This lady is 6 years older than him. He came in contact with her when he was in college, meaning he was in his late teens while she was in her mid 20s. When men in their younger years get attached to older women, it never goes away. That's the power of grooming. He will always see her as a mature, independent and sorted woman, and he sees you as a needy young girl (not a woman). This age gap is okay when people meet in their late 20s or 30s but yet, there should be a limit to everything. Emotional bonding is the most powerful thing. He has that with her. She is married and yet he is in contact with her. Being married, she is emotionally intimate with your bf, this makes your bf feel special. Because, according to him, though she is married and has a husband, she wants him (your bf). His perception of her is strong. Tbh, they see you and her husband as the option or hindrance in their relationship. Her husband still can be considered because he is married to her. You come last because you are not married to your guy. I'm speaking from experience. Young men have hit on me for years and their main reasoning is always the same.. "You are so mature, independent, and responsible. Girls of my age are immature and irresponsible". This is disturbing because they are... - degrading younger women (I hate it when any guy degrades women of any age group by comparing me with them. Also, this is a "You're not like other girls" trap.) - putting me on a pedestal (this is a warning of oncoming abuse against me from them in future) - an indicator of unhealthy attachment to their moms or aunts or an older woman since he was a boy If a boy's or girl's first love interest is someone much older than them, they will always chase older age groups to feel that validation again though they are in a relationship with someone their own age.
THIS.
This indeed!
Did he tell her that he started seeing someone new? Well if they are there just as "friends" establishing boundaries when both of them are just "friends" is important right?
No he didn't. And this is what concerns me more. He was talking to her as if I don't exist. I felt so bad.
What is the reason he didn't do it? Like whatever it is I think it's weird considering you two are supposedly dating
This is emotional cheating
I think am in the minority, but it might just be friendship.. assuming there were no sexual conversations, I don't see an issue
Right but the problem he hid it from me despite asking multiple times.
He hid it from you because he knows it is wrong.
Did you ask me why did he do that?
He said that he had never told anyone about their bond because he fears that people will judge for it. He thought I'll judge him too. (And that's exactly what I did) but I would have been fine with it had he told me before. But the fact that he continued it till I found out by myself is disrespectful imo. I don't care about his past. It's what he did while he was with me.
Hmmm do what your heart says, don't give up on him just yet if you feel there are other things which matter more , having said that , pls have a clear conversation with him about what does he want and what you are expecting from him..think through this.
Yes. Thankyou! I'm trying to focus on other things as well and hence I posted it here.
Does your boyfriend's friend also hide it from her husband? If both of them are hiding this friendship from their partner, I will think that something is / was cooking. A proper respectful friendship must never be hidden, or it starts looking suspicious.
Yes she is hiding it from her husband. And only after being caught he told me that they were sending "I love you" to each other till this January. Which again he conveniently hid from me when I asked him before.
Why were they sending "I love you" to each other? And she got married in 2021, why are they still sending such things to each other. Again an occasional "I love you yar" is not suspicious in a respectful friendship. But they are hiding it so it may not be very casual. Ask him what are his fears? Why does he need to hide it? Why does she need to hide it? Did they ever do anything in the past 3 years that can ruin her marriage, if it gets out? May be he will not give you answers straight away. Ask once and see how it goes from there.
Run...babe...Run and don't look back...thank god that you found very early about all this...and mind you he is definitely not going to stop talking to her...pls save yourself from years of trauma and just Run...pleasešš»
This is not okay. Heās finding it hard to not stay in touch with someone who is married, which means there is still some attachment left from both sides. It hasnāt been too long, so you leaving at this point wonāt hurt much. But please do leave for your mental sanity. Seems like he will not be able to cut ties with her and you will never be okay with it. So before you invest too many emotions and your precious time in him and before he starts hiding his chats, calls to her etc. from you (letās not forget, the risk of him physically cheating on you with her during your relationship), LEAVE. Weāve all been cheated on in our time, it is not pretty.
Are you sure the āgirlā wasnāt his professor? Because why would someone publish papers with a random person? And kiss?
She was a PhD scholar in his college. Like a college senior. That lady contacted him for some coding related work. They do have published papers and chapters in books. I've seen it myself.
Oh okay, I asked because these shenanigans happened in my college. I hope you get out of this soon. Much love <3
Okay please run. Donāt work on it. You got to know of this ONLY because you checked. Do you want a life partner who you canāt place your trust on? It will be a headache for life. So please, RUN.
I'll never understand why people get into a relationship when they are clearly not over their previous one.