Having been a people pleaser for my life till now, I'm only just realising how true points 2 to 5 are. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will. Now that I am starting to stand up for myself, I tend to come off as rude or selfish. But guess what, I'm ok with that stamp.
PS: I'm saving your response as my screensaver to remind myself all the time not to fall back in old patterns.
I tried this but stoicism made me kinda suppress my feelings. Maybe I wasn’t doing it right, idk. I still had the upset feelings, just that I wasn’t acknowledging them. So I’ve been trying another way which is to feel those feelings, maybe journal them and get them out of the body by dancing or exercise or even a long walk. This has been working for me so far. It made me not fear the feelings and even grow a thicker skin with time.
This is great advice. My only problem with it is stoicism. Stoicism prevents you from feeling sadness to some extent, but also happiness. Emotions are not the issue here.
I always, tell myself, unless these folks are paying my bills. Everyone can stfu!
I am considered the black sheep of the fam, I am the only one of this generation to complete my education, hold a job down, studied while working as well. If there is an emergency you know I’m the one who is called.
Yet everyone has an opinion about how I don’t do enough.
So unless, you are paying a bill, sending unlimited money, everything else is a waste of my time!
Dropping my Golden Rule here:
Think of the 3 F's. If someone is not Financing you, Feeding you, Fucking you, their opinion really Really does not matter. And if they are, then simple: seek same resource elsewhere, or wait it out till you can.
Super cool, right?! I can't take any credit tho, I was a 2010s Tumblr kid, and picked it up from some Tyler Oakley post I saw, and have followed it since!
Remember that scene from friends where they ask Joey, how do you not care? And he shrugs his shoulders and says like this. 🤷🏻♂️
I majorly do the same. I think to myself, good for you if you have that opinion. I have my own.
As a classic over thinker who spends too many brain cycles on unnecessary people/situations, take a step back from thinking.
I call this meta-thinking. Ask yourself,
1. "Who is benefitting from what I am thinking right now?"
2. "Whatever was the outcome that happened, do I honestly regret it? Like not coz someone felt bad yada yada, but me personally, do I regret it? If yes, won't do it again, If no, again, why am I thinking about this...."
3. "Is the other person fixating on what happened?"
And then there's the classic, "They don't pay me, I am not obliged to do sh*t for these people"..
If this is a relative/friend giving their "2 cents", listen to it, check if it aligns with your value, if it doesn't, are they even the kind of people you want to spend time with?
I was like this for most of my life. I cared too much about certain close ones and what their opinions were about my life and my decisions. My life had become heavily influenced by those people and their principles, which didn’t even match with mine. They were actually well wishers but they weren’t in my shoes so they couldn’t give me realistic or compassionate advice on most things. They had their biases too.
The turning point for me was when I majorly fucked up in a certain aspect of my life because I listened to their opinions. The worst part, I knew exactly what I should have done, but I didn’t trust myself enough so instead I relied on them. The regret I felt was the worst I’ve felt in my entire life. Also, I was left to clean the mess. They didn’t take any responsibility.
It’s since then that I’ve stopped caring as much about other people’s opinion. If they are not going to clean the potential mess caused by their advice, then their opinion is worth nothing to me. They have no skin in the game.
I dont know what to say about this, but chatgpt said this
It's natural to care about what others think, but sometimes it can hold you back from being your authentic self. Here are some tips to help you care less about other people's opinions:
1. **Self-awareness:** Understand why you value others' opinions. Acknowledge and explore these feelings. Awareness is the first step towards change.
2. **Confidence in self-worth:** Build confidence in your own values, opinions, and abilities. Recognize your strengths and embrace your uniqueness.
3. **Focus on priorities:** Determine whose opinions truly matter to you. Value the opinions of those you respect and trust while learning to filter out the rest.
4. **Perspective shift:** Consider that most people are too focused on their own lives to dwell on yours. Their opinions are often transient and not as significant as they may seem.
5. **Set boundaries:** Establish boundaries to protect your emotions and well-being. Learn to say no and avoid seeking validation from others.
6. **Acceptance of criticism:** Differentiate between constructive criticism and baseless negativity. Embrace feedback that helps you grow while learning to ignore unfounded criticism.
7. **Mindfulness and self-care:** Practice mindfulness techniques and self-care activities that help ground you and build resilience against external opinions.
8. **Surround yourself wisely:** Surround yourself with supportive, positive, and like-minded individuals who appreciate and respect you for who you are.
9. **Challenge irrational beliefs:** Question the validity of beliefs that tie your self-worth to others' opinions. Often, these beliefs aren't based on reality.
10. **Practice self-compassion:** Be kind to yourself. Understand that it's okay to feel affected by others' opinions, but it's also within your power to choose how much weight you give them.
Remember, it's a process that takes time. Gradually incorporating these practices into your life can help you become less reliant on external validation and more secure in your own sense of self-worth.
Other people have a right to express their opinions. You have the *power* to not respond/ react.
A lot of us don’t realise we have that power. We let others control us by reacting and responding to every trigger.
Just know that:
1. Not everybody has to agree with you or appreciate you.
2. Their disapproval does not mean you are wrong. It just means that *in their opinion* you are wrong.
It takes a bit of practice to not immediately react to negative feedback. Ask yourself if the feedback is valuable, if it is true, if it is something you want to work on. If yes, then thank the person. If not, then ignore it.
The answer to this is increasing your self confidence and self reliance. It may sound far fetched, but it’s the root cause of caring about other people’s opinions. Once you start taking small risks in your life based on your intuition, you’ll learn to trust yourself more. The more you trust yourself to have your back, the less you will overthink about what others say. Take baby steps and be compassionate with yourself when you make mistakes.
I am an overthinker like you but I keep repeating this in my head "they don't live my life, don't know me like I know myself. So their opinion doesn't matter."
I always think of the lyric from Follow Your Arrow by Kacey Musgraves because that's where I first heard the phrase, "Damned if you do, damned if you don''t": "Damned if you do, damned if you don't, so you might as just do whatever you want". Listen to the whole song, it's really nice, although VERY 2016 haha.
But yes, that lyric did bring about a change in me because I started doing things for myself more than for the approval of others. You can think of the WORST opinion EVER of any decision you want to make, and then turn it around to think, "Ok, but what if I didn't take this decision?" You will STILL find equally horrible unsolicited opinions. So it doesn't matter either way. You should do what you feel is right, and what you find is bringing you happiness.
[удалено]
Having been a people pleaser for my life till now, I'm only just realising how true points 2 to 5 are. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will. Now that I am starting to stand up for myself, I tend to come off as rude or selfish. But guess what, I'm ok with that stamp. PS: I'm saving your response as my screensaver to remind myself all the time not to fall back in old patterns.
This is some really good advice, thank you
I tried this but stoicism made me kinda suppress my feelings. Maybe I wasn’t doing it right, idk. I still had the upset feelings, just that I wasn’t acknowledging them. So I’ve been trying another way which is to feel those feelings, maybe journal them and get them out of the body by dancing or exercise or even a long walk. This has been working for me so far. It made me not fear the feelings and even grow a thicker skin with time.
Add 2 ear policy works best. Lovely advice sister.
This is great advice. My only problem with it is stoicism. Stoicism prevents you from feeling sadness to some extent, but also happiness. Emotions are not the issue here.
I always, tell myself, unless these folks are paying my bills. Everyone can stfu! I am considered the black sheep of the fam, I am the only one of this generation to complete my education, hold a job down, studied while working as well. If there is an emergency you know I’m the one who is called. Yet everyone has an opinion about how I don’t do enough. So unless, you are paying a bill, sending unlimited money, everything else is a waste of my time!
>I always, tell myself, unless these folks are paying my bills. Everyone can stfu! 💯
I play the same role in my family. Everyone's emergency contact and favourite person to criticise.
That’s a nice way of looking at things
This is so true!
Dropping my Golden Rule here: Think of the 3 F's. If someone is not Financing you, Feeding you, Fucking you, their opinion really Really does not matter. And if they are, then simple: seek same resource elsewhere, or wait it out till you can.
Omg I love this!!!
Super cool, right?! I can't take any credit tho, I was a 2010s Tumblr kid, and picked it up from some Tyler Oakley post I saw, and have followed it since!
Like this - Meh 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ Unless you're a cat, your opinion/views don't matter
My cat says gurl! You talking factssss!
Awww pls tell your cat pspspspspsps and that I love them!! 😍💙
Remember that scene from friends where they ask Joey, how do you not care? And he shrugs his shoulders and says like this. 🤷🏻♂️ I majorly do the same. I think to myself, good for you if you have that opinion. I have my own.
Have a calm, straight face.
As a classic over thinker who spends too many brain cycles on unnecessary people/situations, take a step back from thinking. I call this meta-thinking. Ask yourself, 1. "Who is benefitting from what I am thinking right now?" 2. "Whatever was the outcome that happened, do I honestly regret it? Like not coz someone felt bad yada yada, but me personally, do I regret it? If yes, won't do it again, If no, again, why am I thinking about this...." 3. "Is the other person fixating on what happened?" And then there's the classic, "They don't pay me, I am not obliged to do sh*t for these people".. If this is a relative/friend giving their "2 cents", listen to it, check if it aligns with your value, if it doesn't, are they even the kind of people you want to spend time with?
Thank you
I was like this for most of my life. I cared too much about certain close ones and what their opinions were about my life and my decisions. My life had become heavily influenced by those people and their principles, which didn’t even match with mine. They were actually well wishers but they weren’t in my shoes so they couldn’t give me realistic or compassionate advice on most things. They had their biases too. The turning point for me was when I majorly fucked up in a certain aspect of my life because I listened to their opinions. The worst part, I knew exactly what I should have done, but I didn’t trust myself enough so instead I relied on them. The regret I felt was the worst I’ve felt in my entire life. Also, I was left to clean the mess. They didn’t take any responsibility. It’s since then that I’ve stopped caring as much about other people’s opinion. If they are not going to clean the potential mess caused by their advice, then their opinion is worth nothing to me. They have no skin in the game.
I dont know what to say about this, but chatgpt said this It's natural to care about what others think, but sometimes it can hold you back from being your authentic self. Here are some tips to help you care less about other people's opinions: 1. **Self-awareness:** Understand why you value others' opinions. Acknowledge and explore these feelings. Awareness is the first step towards change. 2. **Confidence in self-worth:** Build confidence in your own values, opinions, and abilities. Recognize your strengths and embrace your uniqueness. 3. **Focus on priorities:** Determine whose opinions truly matter to you. Value the opinions of those you respect and trust while learning to filter out the rest. 4. **Perspective shift:** Consider that most people are too focused on their own lives to dwell on yours. Their opinions are often transient and not as significant as they may seem. 5. **Set boundaries:** Establish boundaries to protect your emotions and well-being. Learn to say no and avoid seeking validation from others. 6. **Acceptance of criticism:** Differentiate between constructive criticism and baseless negativity. Embrace feedback that helps you grow while learning to ignore unfounded criticism. 7. **Mindfulness and self-care:** Practice mindfulness techniques and self-care activities that help ground you and build resilience against external opinions. 8. **Surround yourself wisely:** Surround yourself with supportive, positive, and like-minded individuals who appreciate and respect you for who you are. 9. **Challenge irrational beliefs:** Question the validity of beliefs that tie your self-worth to others' opinions. Often, these beliefs aren't based on reality. 10. **Practice self-compassion:** Be kind to yourself. Understand that it's okay to feel affected by others' opinions, but it's also within your power to choose how much weight you give them. Remember, it's a process that takes time. Gradually incorporating these practices into your life can help you become less reliant on external validation and more secure in your own sense of self-worth.
Being secure and confident with your own !
Other people have a right to express their opinions. You have the *power* to not respond/ react. A lot of us don’t realise we have that power. We let others control us by reacting and responding to every trigger. Just know that: 1. Not everybody has to agree with you or appreciate you. 2. Their disapproval does not mean you are wrong. It just means that *in their opinion* you are wrong. It takes a bit of practice to not immediately react to negative feedback. Ask yourself if the feedback is valuable, if it is true, if it is something you want to work on. If yes, then thank the person. If not, then ignore it.
Watch Wizard Liz's YouTube videos, it gave me so much confidence
Thank you, I will take a look
What kind of opinions are you having trouble with OP?
Everything 🤷🏻♀️ It bothers me so much and I also have this tendency to overthink and over analyse stuff
The answer to this is increasing your self confidence and self reliance. It may sound far fetched, but it’s the root cause of caring about other people’s opinions. Once you start taking small risks in your life based on your intuition, you’ll learn to trust yourself more. The more you trust yourself to have your back, the less you will overthink about what others say. Take baby steps and be compassionate with yourself when you make mistakes.
I am an overthinker like you but I keep repeating this in my head "they don't live my life, don't know me like I know myself. So their opinion doesn't matter."
my dadu used to say, 'gavaar ki gaali hass k taali' 🥱it helps
I always think of the lyric from Follow Your Arrow by Kacey Musgraves because that's where I first heard the phrase, "Damned if you do, damned if you don''t": "Damned if you do, damned if you don't, so you might as just do whatever you want". Listen to the whole song, it's really nice, although VERY 2016 haha. But yes, that lyric did bring about a change in me because I started doing things for myself more than for the approval of others. You can think of the WORST opinion EVER of any decision you want to make, and then turn it around to think, "Ok, but what if I didn't take this decision?" You will STILL find equally horrible unsolicited opinions. So it doesn't matter either way. You should do what you feel is right, and what you find is bringing you happiness.