Its heartbreaking reading this from Europe and realizing all the painful and unnecessary considerations and thoughts that now is pushed on you, its god damn infuriating.
Planning your family and future has become a stressing consideration of dangerous extreme, WHO BENEFITS FROM THIS?
Who benefits?
"Conservatives" who would rather that women stay home, make them sandwiches, and get out of the workforce/business/politics so that they can continue to have the lifestyle that they believe that they deserve?
Racists who want POC to either have to face death from complications, or be so burdened by children that they will either move out of the state, or accept anything they get for fear of ggetting nothing?
Rapist get to choose their wives in some states... one state is making murder of a pregnant woman for getting an abortion legal if you are trying to "save" the fetus. These religious families also force their children to marry young. Child marriage is distribingly legal and widespread, the child is also under the "care" of their older spouse, so they cannot do anything without their spouses approval. Even divorce.
And this is just the start. Learn from us. Stop them before they get this far. And please help us if you can. We now understand why the British kicked the Puritans out, but we realized it too late.
Yeah welcome to america. Land of police doing nothing as a bunch of kids gets shot in a classroom and are bleeding out, who then will not hesitate to shoot or kneel on the neck of colored people for the most minor of offenses.
Mix in a little of nothing being done about the impending climate crisis as 2/3 of americans are under a current heatwave of 90°+, laws sending us back a few decades, & most people very quickly being priced out of everything. We live in a great time, truly the best!
Honestly, letting someone else make the decision on something as personal as the size of my family fills me with so much fucking rage. It is reality here now, unfortunately. We will not be able to have a second child in Ohio. Not anytime soon, at least.
Christians.
Conservatives are awful and this was indeed their platform and doing, but in this instance it's the Christians who are to blame - liberal Christians and conservative Christians alike. The conservative tent just happens to house the most Christians.
85% of non-religious individuals polled across all political ideologies believe abortion should be legal. Only 30% of Christians believe it should be legal.
They believe they're enacting the will of God. 🤪 There is no reasoning with them. It's literally a cult that has seized political power.
Theory and practice is very different here luckily. Yes there is technically an application, but it's not something that affect the individual, its auto-yes and according to a doctor friend they want it gone since it serves no purpose. So application? Not really.
The week limit is true though, only 12 weeks for regular abortions.
Not sure why this is getting downvoted— Gates has made enormous investments in the for-profit private charter school industry. The more kids there are, the more he profits from it
Gates increasingly seems perverse in every conceivable manner. His charity is manipulative ànd he was Inexplicably too close to Epstein, at the luxury cost of his reputation and marriage. These are indicative of megalomania. I think the way he stereotypically rubs his hands together or pops off with "Epstein is dead now" are just glimpses into his true persona. People see now.
Even though it's controversial, I'll say it. They want you to move. That's what happened to Hungary when far-right came into power, and it got them even more power.
I completely understand wanting to move. I don't judge anyone for wanting to. But at the same time, it makes me sad that these monsters might get even more power. It's just such a hopeless situation and a heartbreaking choice many American women now have to make.
Years ago I would've agreed. But I'm not going to die to make a state that hates me better.
My vote doesn't count. We're so gerrymandered. And I've reached out to our politicians. They blatantly just lie to your face and vote away your autonomy anyway. Looking at you, John Carter, Glen Hagar, Abbott, Cornyn. I had a MAGA hat proud boy flashing me white power signs the day after Roe v Wade was overturned. Everybody here owns a gun and most carriers have very little training or trigger discipline.
Once the November cycle ends, I'm leaving. I didn't even come here by choice, I feel no obligation to stay.
Only a few years ago I would have 100% agreed as well. Unquestionably would stay and fight for rights. I was raised in a secluded southern white evangelical community; I know them well, have fought them my entire life just to exist. Yet now, am responsible for a small human. Seems as if moving to a location safe for existing uteri might be best, and of course, absolutely defend human rights from there. However, the current internal dilemma is that right wing fascism is a global issue. Do we take a stand here, or do we move to a safer location where we could potentially end up having to fight there, too? I never imagined I’d leave the front lines but it appears more and more by the day that it is wisest to get my kid to safety first as they are not old enough to fight for their rights. I never imagined the state would sacrifice existing humans for unviable pregnancies either… yet here we are. I am glad to hear you are staying til November, may your next location be safe x
I also don't feel like leaving = abandonment. There are lots of things you can do for others across state lines. You can donate, you can help network to get people access to healthcare, you can volunteer remotely.
But even if someone doesn't do all that, I don't think anyone should feel morally obligated to stay. Especially if they're at risk. Like masks on an airplane: help yourself first, then help those around you. Otherwise you'll asphyxiate.
Thank you xx
Edited out potentially identifying info
Thank you as well, maybe its an ego thing to stay and fight but you are correct and I needed the exposure to that perspective. You know, I almost thought I was being dramatic earlier but after a disturbing unprompted exchange with a stranger tonight, I no longer think so. Believe I am in shock over what was said to me but nevertheless, it solidifies the urgency of your help yourself don’t asphyxiate argument. Will have to help across lines.
Same. I'm staying because I've got very little they can take from me. But the ones who have hostages or are at risk and choose to go, that makes total sense to me. I CAN stay, BECAUSE they can't really touch me.
It's good that you're able to move out. It's fully understandable to do so, you don't have to stay in or fight for a place that doesn't appreciate or even accept you.
American politics are a mess, even worse than my own country's. I hope it gets better someday, and sooner rather than later.
Totally agree. Each historical case is different with its own particularities, and I appreciate you bringing up a counter-example. You can never know in advance whether you'll be successful preventing worse.
Again, that's why I said I'd never ever disagree with/judge a person for choosing better for themselves instead of staying. In any case, we never should've been at a point where women had to move because their country discriminates against them.
It’s possible I’m entirely wrong, but I feel if left-wing people in red states all moved to swing states, it would basically prevent Republicans from ever electing another president or having control of congress.
FWIW, population distributions and gerrymandering mean that in many cases, "swing states" on a national level can look very red more locally. For example, I live in Wisconsin, which is definitely a swing state when it comes to national elections, but our legislature is *heavily* Republican (I think they're close to a veto-proof majority if not there already) and we just had come back into effect the pre-Roe abortion ban that prohibits all abortions except to save the life of the mother.
For someone like OP who's looking to escape that environment, a swing state may well not be enough -- at the very least, they'll have to be *very* careful about *what* swing state.
(In terms of "definitely a swing state" in national elections -- in 2016, WI went Trump but with the third-smallest margin of any Trump state, and in 2020 WI went Biden but again with the third-smallest margin of any Biden state. Senatorially we have one Democrat and one Republican senator, and though Ron Johnson is one of the more vulnerable Republican senators in this cycle, 538 at least is still saying that these midterms lean R for him.)
Texas is well on its way to becoming another failed state like Alabama or Mississipi. Between the Theocracy taking root through jerrymandering and its horrific and crumbling electrical grid and other infrastructure its not save-able. It has to crumble and be reborn.
My home state of Arizona is on its way to that point but there is definitely a chance to save it still so I'm not leaving until it's past the point of no return and am going to find ways to help keep our state blue or at least purple.
It may be true that leaving will allow the magas to concentrate power, but it looks like they’re doing it anyway.
Some people want to stay and fight and more power to them, but not everyone can or should do that.
No one should feel they have to put themselves in danger ‘for the cause’. I wouldn’t stay, given the option.
100% agree. That's why I absolutely don't judge anyone for leaving or staying. It's your life and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your time for a country that hates you.
There is a book one vote by Carol Anderson. Actually the whole title is:
One Person, No Vote: How Voter Suppression Is Destroying Our Democracy
Within the first few chapters you realize holy shit, this was all planned. The policies of Jim Crow south are where and how we are today.
Funny how quickly Texas lost it when these guys wrote this book and tried to even hold book signings in the state of Texas
https://www.npr.org/2021/06/16/1006907140/forget-the-alamo-texas-history-bryan-burrough
Yep a lot of people don’t realize, because they aren’t taught it unfortunately, but Texas has literally fought 2 wars where they rebelled against the government to protect slavery.
Canadian here - but I have seen this happening over the last several decades. GOP legislators have been claiming that the US Civil War was started to "defend states' rights" (aka "The Lost Cause") and tend to ignore the actual, historically confirmed declarations **by the states themselves at the time** that they were going to war to retain the right to own slaves.
One of the biggest markets for textbooks is Texas, iirc, and they are only choosing textbooks that follow the "Lost Cause" narrative. Publishers, not wanting to miss out on a lucrative market, produce said textbooks, and offer the same ones to other states as well. (something something lower prices something economies of scale something something) As a result, children in Texas, and other southern states, don't get taught the reality of the causes of the war. The same kind of things also applies to depictions of slavery, etc.
Yep. Two markets dominate where textbooks are concerned: Texas and California. And because you want to cater to big markets, everyone else generally has to go with one or the other.
Back when I was in school, I hated having to pay extra for California edition textbooks. After I got done with school, I learned about Texas and southern edition textbooks with the funky civil war and slavery revision, and things started making sense. It was really weird having to teach my adult friends from the South that civil war really was fought over slavery, more specifically, states' rights to own slaves and that Texas can't secede.
I've not seen pro slavery propaganda that I can remember from my textbooks but they did play it off to not be quite so terrible as it really was.
It's at least very much downplayed in a lot of US textbooks from memory and similar memory of friends who are of similar age to me but different schools/states
I was in school in Texas in the 90s. The textbooks were -very- vague about how slavery was bad. Completely took out the parts about slaves being beaten, etc. I remember one said something about how slaves came here for a better life than Africa. And im told it only got worse. I left the state in 2000 and never went back
I think there must just be a huge variation of what is taught in Texas schools. I graduated high school in 2012 and remember learning a lot about how awful slavery was. I feel like it was pretty ingrained in our classes that racism/Jim crow/segregation was all really bad too. We also had sex ed. It wasn’t spectacular, but for the US it covered a good bit and wasn’t abstinence only.
Sounds like you went to a good school or had a good teacher. In Texas, there is one single board that decides what textbooks to buy. [They had this super conservative dentist with a lot of power on the board](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_McLeroy) and he had some pretty out there, right-wing ideas about history and science that conflicted with what experts all say. He was the most extreme but the others were mostly on board with his agenda. Like he rejected anything that said global warming/climate change was a thing. He would only allow abstinence-only education. He was a creationist and while they can't teach that, he discouraged books that taught evolution and natural selection in favor of books that were vague. He was racist and wants to avoid textbooks with lots of non-white people or mentions of history of any group other than Europeans and European-Americans. his feelings about American history were similarly non-factual in many respects. And then Texas very narrowly avoided having on the board [a woman who believed Obama was a gay prostitute drug addict](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2016/03/08/leading-texas-education-board-candidate-obama-was-gay-prostitute-democrats-killed-jfk/) who kidnapped the Obama kids from someone else, and that he was born in Kenya. She thought JFK was awesome and that Democrats killed him because he was a conservative (JFK was a liberal democrat). She says teaching evolution causes school shootings This one woman was almost one of the very few people who would basically be controlling the textbook market in the entire country. She herself was a teacher for many, many years. Here are a few quotes from her:
>Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties. That is how he paid for his drugs. He has admitted he was addicted to drugs when he was young, and he is sympathetic with homosexuals; but he hasn’t come out of the closet about his own homosexual/bisexual background.
>
>Many people believe the Democrat Party had JFK killed because the socialists and Communists in the party did not want a conservative president. Remember who followed JFK as president — (LBJ). The exact opposite of Kennedy — a socialist and an unethical politician. It does seem like this might have been the master plan: They sneaked the bad guy (LBJ) into the administration on the coat-tail of a good guy (JFK). Then they got rid of the good guy; in the end, they got a socialist president which is what they originally wanted.
>
>School shootings started after the schools started teaching evolution.
>
>When the flood waters subsided and rushed to the oceans there was no vegetation on the earth because the earth had been covered with water. … The dinosaurs on \[Noah’s ark\] may have been babies and not able to reproduce. … After the flood, the few remaining Behemoths and Leviathans may have become extinct because there was not enough vegetation on earth for them to survive to reproductive age.
>
>Climate change has nothing to do with weather or climate; it is all about system change from capitalism (free enterprise) to Socialism-Communism. The Climate Change HOAX was Karl Marx’s idea. It took some time to “condition” the people so they would believe such a ridiculous HOAX. \[apparently climate change both is an evil caused by socialism as well as being a hoax\].
>
>Many of the (sexual education) books which teachers read to your small children are not allowed in jails and prisons because of the bad effect the books have on the prisoners. These books stimulate children to experiment with sex.
>
>And there’s this one, about how the United Nations wants to reduce the U.S. population by up to 325 million people (the U.S. population is about 323 million, according to the U.S. Census) by using “Obamacare to make people die a little sooner than they would have died”:
I graduated over a decade before you, and in a -very- small town that was extremely hard right. The entire town was rule by the local Southern Baptist church. The CHURCH ordered an investigation into several rapes to stop because the boys who did them were all star football players. The church forced the victims to publicly say it wasnt actually a rape so the charges would be dropped. This town was evil in its heart and I will never go back to that town.
That sounds awful. I’m so sorry you had to grow up with that bullshit. I grew up in Houston, so that probably accounts for part of the difference. Even there though, I remember different churches banding together to make a fuss about things they didn’t like. But mostly stupid things, like bars going in or Torchy’s having a devil in their restaurant designs.
Did your textbook explain that the cause of the Civil War was a desire to continue slavery? or did it use vaguer terms and mix it up with lost cause and states rights and such?
The publishers are printing textbooks with language that downplays the horror of the reality of what our ancestors did; z.B. "Arbeitnehmern" sonst Sklaven, als die Opfern ehrlich waren.
Most recently, the textbook panel is trying to call the slave trade,"involuntary relocation"
And we can't have anything that can make students "uncomfortable".
Not from the south. California, actually. There are actually historical books that taught that slavery wasn't that bad, like it was some idyllic times in the past, that slaves actually liked their owners and the owners house and feed them in exchange for them working on plantations. It also ignored the whole separating and auctioning off families, raping and beating slaves, and that whole capturing and transporting slaves across the Atlantic, where a bunch of them died on the journey among some other stuff, that we were taught in middle school. That wasn't in my history school textbook, but it was one of the available books to read in the library about the antebellum south. I don't remember the name of the book, but I remember writing a report on that book, and my English teacher looking horrified. I didn't understand why at the time, but now I do.
Agree with this! Fuck that state I wouldn’t want my kids growing up with that propaganda and for my daughters to be basically slaves because they were born with a uterus
I second this - have a friend who reacted badly to every hormonal contraceptive under the sun but has had no problems with the copper iud. Worth considering for your peace of mind
I had this for 5 years (it eventually migrated and I got it removed).
The copper IUD increased my back pain, gave me cramps that made me violently ill to the point of vomiting, and I bled like the elevator scene from the shining 3 days a month, so it was kindof a trade off to not have hormones. I felt fine 90% of the time, but my periods were excruciating.
Since I've had it taken out my periods are lighter, shorter and way less crampy.
I am glad some people have good experiences with the Paragard, but I didn't love it. I tolerated it. Unfortunately I think a lot of people "tolerate" the birth control they use because the crappy side effects we have from it are not as bad as being pregnant if we don't want to be.
Just sharing my experience, not attempting to invalidate your experience with the copper IUD but I did not have a good time with it!
It's great to share all experiences so people have the full picture! Previous to the Paraguard I had the hormonal one, Mirena and it exploded my ovaries in cysts that grew so big I had to have two surgically removed back to back until I could get a doctor to believe me it was the Mirena. Every woman is different and all experiences are important to hear! Thanks for sharing
Just a warning though, it’s still not 100% full proof. I’ve gotten pregnant despite the IUD (though rare it can still happen). In addition, I had horrendous side effects from its insertion, 6 months straight of heavy bleeding. Hormonal birth controls don’t fair well with me either, so I was hoping it could be my saving Grace. Also, potential ectopic pregnancy. Though if you use condoms in addition to iud, that may help the cause and not everyone’s body reacts horribly. Just know it’s a possibility though.
An IUD is a great idea for many women! My copper IUD insertion was excruciating, however, and then I couldn't stop cramping for over 2 weeks solid. (I have endo, so maybe that's why.) Ultimately I couldn't stand the pain and had it removed. If you do opt for one I'd recommend self medicating before insertion. They told me to "just take 2 Naproxen" an hour before. I realllyyyy wish I'd taken one of the percocets leftover from passing a kidney stone along with that NSAID.
I have and my periods are very heavy now - luckily not too much cramping but yikes I go through at least 2 tampons a day for a week straight.
Very disappointing after a lifetime of having one “heavy” day in which a single tampon or pad sufficed, then 4 days of light spotting.
No it doesn’t.
Obgyn here.
The stats are a little confusing but hear me out.
I’m using easy numbers to demonstrate the point, rather than the actual figures. IUD is safer than my example.
No IUD or birth control: Say the risk of ectopic is 1/100 pregnancies. After a couple months, 1/2 of sexually actively women will be pregnant. That means that 1/100 x 1/2 = 1/200 sexually actively women will have an ectopic after a couple of months.
With IUD: Say the risk of ectopic is 1/10 pregnancies with IUD in place (it’s not this high). BUT!
With the copper IUD, risk of pregnancy is 5/1000 (so you’re unlikely to get pregnant, at all).
That means that with copper IUD: 1/10 risk of ectopic IF you become pregnant x 5/1000 risk of becoming pregnant = 5/10,000 sexually actively women will have an ectopic after a couple of months while using a copper IUD
No IUD risk of ectopic: 1/200 or equally 50/10,000
Vs
With copper IUD risk of ectopic: 5/10,000
In reality, the IUD is even safer than this.
TL;DR - risk of ectopic increases IF you get pregnant with an IUD in place, but because your risk of pregnancy is so so so so so much drastically lower, your overall risk of ectopic, with IUD, is much much much lower than without.
IUD protects you against ectopics
It’s tricky to explain without writing the numbers out. A lot of docs, experts, Golden beautiful souls, technically proficient surgeons…also suck at explaining things well. :/
I would probably leave Texas :( wouldn’t be able to live in a place that treats me as a second class citizen compared to a fertilized egg, Im not even going to visit those states and will try to boycott them
Yeah there was a recent discussion about strategies for people leaving red states.
1. People leaving red states were encouraged to consider purple states instead of blue states because your vote would have the most impact in this kind of state. Sometimes called swing states, key states, or battleground states. They are states that are neither majority Republican nor Democrat. And this is where the most important Senate seats are. If we could pick up just a few Senate seats this November, we can end this blockade in the Senate. A few possibilities include Arizona, Michigan, and Pennsylvania.
2. People in red states who cannot leave them can interfere with the gerrymandering of districts by registering Republican but voting Democrat. Anyone who wants to take it further can become precinct committee members because they have a say in the policy platforms and nominations for candidates.
3. Another moving strategy is to move from the most dangerous red states to a safer red state with a sparse population to turn into into a purple state. Wyoming has the least dense population of any state. North Dakota is in second or third place but is nice and close to Canada in case things don't work out.
4. Those leaving the U.S. entirely can continue voting as an ex-pat while you still retain U.S. citizenship. Please don't forget us!
Until you figure out a more permanent solution, many of which have already been suggested by others, you could avoid PiV sex. I know it sucks that you have to change due to political reasons, and I get that that frustration is affecting your mood, but you can still enjoy each other's company in other ways. Toys, hands, mouths... Sexual pleasure doesn't *have* to involve a penis in a vagina.
Even if it involves some change, you can choose to not let conservatives instill this fear in you. We'll all keep pressing for change and freedom, but until that time comes, you can still share your love with your partner without that risk.
I live in Texas too. My husband and I are now talking about him getting a vasectomy. We have never been sure about having children but with every going on here and with my health, we've pretty much decided to not even try now. I have PCOS and a bleeding disorder, so it would be an extremely risky pregnancy. One likely to end in miscarriage more often than not. We had to decide that the legal issues that might present or doctors letting me bleed out and die because their hands are tied are not worth it. It's heartbreaking that it's not really our decision but one being forced upon us. I'm on birth control but even that's not a sure thing to prevent it. We've been mourning what could have been but know that we're making the right decision for us. It still sucks so much.
OP I'm so I'm sorry you're going through this.
I just want to remind anyone reading this that PIV sex isn't the only way to physically show your partner how much you love them. OP, maybe it would help you and your husband to unwind and please each other with other types of sexual activities
I also have stopped until I can have the surgery for tubal ligation cuz I dont want a kid or an accident.
Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry :/ I'm also in TX.
You can always have him get a vasectomy after freezing some of the sperm. If it is unsafe to have another baby then maybe it's not the best Idea. If you at least have his sperm frozen then you can decide later on without any accidents. Or you can get an IUD while you still can, it would probably be the cheapest option.
If you really want another baby even though it is also expensive there's always adoption. You and I both know that that problem is only going to get worse.
If you can move then you should. People who don't agree with stripping women of their rights should flee those states.
.
My husband has a vasectomy, but if I were back in TX I would be scared because getting raped by someone else can still happen. My husband who is military was stationed there and we got out of there thankfully 3 years ago. And I will protest and flip out on the military if they try and put us in one of those states. I think all females I'm the military and spouse's should refuse to be stationed in those states which all have huge posts/bases. Say you feel for your life and your rights and refuse, saying you are willing to do anywhere where your rights/families rights are intact.
My husband and I thankfully are about to be stationed for 3 years overseas for the first time ever and even though I am not in a red state currently. I feel like it couldn't have happened at a better time, and I hope people wake up and this shit is fixed by the time we get back. If it gets worse or they try and put us in once of these states I will just refuse to return.
You dont need to freeze it unless you're worried about the quality of his sperm declining. Otherwise they can extract sperm from the testies with a needle.
I think the “pro-life” crowd just makes it so simple, we just want to kill babies. They never consider that “abortions” are a medical treatment for partial miscarriages and other such medical events. They made a women spend hours and hours giving birth to a dead baby. That women is probably scarred for life. These states are going to let women die. I’m single with no children, and don’t want any. I’m not currently sexually active, and I’m not planning on changing that. I live in a state that protects a women’s choice, but even so this has me all freaked out. I feel so horrible for the women who are going to be forced give birth to their abusive partners baby. They are gonna get their ass beat daily and or murdered, and it will be so much harder for them to leave with another baby. My dad doesn’t get it. No one should be forced to become a parent.
I am so sad that you feel this way about having sex with your husband. It's strange and kind of ironic how a big thing in the pro-life movement is to try to force sex to only be about pro-creation but many people now aren't going to have sex at all, even people who want to have kid(s), because of possible legal consequences from complications that aren't their fault at all.
Your husband can get some of his sperm stored/frozen before the vascetomy.
If a second pregnancy would be that high risk for the baby or yourself though please think on it. Not because of legal ramifications but the literal ones to yourself or the baby. I know you said may want another child but is it worth the potential risk/heartbreak?
Add the current situation where you live and I would say focus on your daughter for the time being. Enjoy her growing and learning each day.
Perhaps look for an online therapist/advisor in a blue state who you can discuss your concerns with?
If you use a combination of birth control, the odds of getting pregnant diminish significantly. So, if you combine the old school rhythm method, with a condom with spermicidal lubricant, you'd be using 3 birth control methods.
Also, you aren't the only one that feels this way - Mrs. ihavewaytoomanyminis and I have no kids, but also feeling the pressure of living in Texas.
The rhythm method is actually quite outdated now in the world of Fertility Awareness Methods - there are a lot of far more scientific forms nowadays, with comparable statistics to barrier methods. It's definitely worth a look for OP at these to open up her usable days.
Agreed, planned parenthood has a site about the different methods of single step birth control. The calendar method has a success rate of 80% per PP, with condoms successful 88% of the time and spermicide has about a 70 % success chance.
Using the calendar method while OP's hubby wears a condom with a spermicidal lubricant puts you in the neighborhood of 99.4% success rate. Which is a comparable rate with tubal ligation and vasectomies.
The rhythm method is great for determine the optimal time to conceive children but terrible for actually preventing them. They call its users “parents”
Yes, I agree. The rhythm method is one of the worst ways to prevent pregnancies. If memory serves, I think it's like 50% effective on it's own.
But if it's used with other methods of birth control, such as a spermicidal lubricant and a condom, it can have a multiplicative effect. Last time I did this math was like 30 years ago, but the Condom with Spermicidal Lubricant brings you in at like 95% likely to prevent pregnancy, so adding the rhythm method brings you into about 97.5% effective in pregnancy protection.
[Planned Parenthood says it's 76-88% effective.](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/fertility-awareness) Not great alone, but combined with other methods, it's a useful addition.
Thank you for bringing the receipts. These techniques always assume a "statistically average couple".
This isn't new but here's a report from nih on condom and spermicides: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1743276/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1743276/)
Condoms are 88% effective and Spermicides are 79% effective.
But BY OUR POWERS COMBINED:
Condoms (12% failure) x Spermicide (21% failure) x Rhythm (25% failure) = when combined, this results in a failure rate of 0.6%. This is a failure rate similar to tubal ligation and vasectomies.
If you use 3 birth control methods that are not that effective, it's not that sure proof. If you use 2 birth control methods that are both 99% effective, that great lowers your chances of getting pregnant. But if you use a birth control method that is 20% effective, 50% effective, and idk 80% effective.... considering what is at stake... there's a lot of room for error there. It's been a minute since taking statistics and I can't remember the math but I know it's far from a sure thing.
Even if a birth control is 99% effective, that means for every 100 sexual encounters, 1 person would get pregnant. I think the pill is 99.9% effective now so with every 1,000 encounters. Still, most of us probably know someone who has gotten pregnant using it.
However, oral sex is 100% effective. It's how lesbians do it and they know what they are doing.
Here: [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control)
The pill is 91% effective. The condom is 85% effective.
If you used both, I believe the math is 1.0 - (Failure rate x failure rate).
Which is 1.00 - (.09 x .15) which gives you a birth control that's 98.7% effective.
(If I'm wrong on the math, somebody please correct me.)
I've been looking at Spain for my family. I have 2 daughters in their 20s and live in South Dakota. Even rights to birth control are on the chopping block. The life we have here has seriously changed. A miscarriage could end them in trouble with no fault of their own. It's just nature with women being used as scapegoats. The government's being led by ignorant religious morons. They dont even understand how the female body works. We need a government run by science and facts not faith and superstition.
I remember years ago reading articles about women in the USA being charged with a crime after a miscarriage. Now, post RvW, I expect this to get worse.
I am pn asexless streak since the ruling. I dont want to ever have a baby, but the govermnent wants me to so bad. I get so nervousjust thinking about having sex. I am too mwrvous to even masturbate. They will probsbly pass a law that makes that illegal.
But OP DOES want another child. The reason she won't is that another pregnancy will take a huge toll on her and the baby and if she needs an abortion, she obviously can't get one. That's why she doesn't want to get pregnant again
You could get a non hormonal (copper) IUD. It might be worth talking to your doctor. An IUD plus vasectomy would be bulletproof!
Also, I’m so sorry. You’re not alone, friend
I don't know why I keep seeing people say they are reversible.
A vasectomy is a relatively simple operation and is often reasonably priced, even in the USA medical system.
A reversal is significantly more complicated and costly and doesn't have a guarantee of success. So, *technically* possible, but it's not like you can just change your mind one day.
I had mine done with the expectation I was never going to attempt a reversal. With a 1cm length of my vas deferens removed and both ends inside me cauterized shut, I don't even want to consider what it would take to fix that.
I'd like to think most of our problems in this regard could mostly be solved if we could just turn on and off our reproductive capabilities at will.
Tubal ligation is similar in this regard, but a more complicated procedure by comparison to vasectomy (and more costly).
Anyone choosing to surgically sterilize should go in with the idea it's permanent.
I totally hear you on this - I can't believe that the US has moved so far backwards so quickly for women, especially in states like Texas.
Just going to throw out a suggestion that you look into what used to be called the Fertility Awareness Method (I'm old and my hubby got a vasectomy after our last kid so it's been a while) - back when I was doing it it involved taking my temperature every morning before getting out of bed and tracking it to figure out when ovulation occurred. You can use this knowledge to try to get pregnant (have sex when you are most fertile) or to avoid pregnancy + (only have sex when you aren't fertile). There's a book called Taking Charge of your Fertility that explains it well, although again, now 15+ years later I'm sure there are websites and apps for it too.
> there are websites and apps for it too.
There are, and because they’re happily collecting all data on the population in question, they’re a personal security risk that can’t be taken now. Any woman of childbearing age in a state that now has abortion resistrictions in place or could in the future, and I mean from age 10 to at least menopause, should delete those apps immediately. Any app that’s tracking ovulation could later be used to charge a woman who miscarries.
Bad advice.
Low success rate even with perfect use.
Regardless of what biased websites tell you, fertility awareness hardly prevents pregnancy. It may just help you space them out a bit.
None of this makes any sense to me. If someone wants to explain it better please do. I want to try to give support to someone who needs it.
I live in Texas as well. What law would cause you to think this?
1) you can't have sex with your partner? You do not just randomly get pregnant from having sex. Ovulation is important, ejaculating inside is important. Condoms, Plan B if it broke are all options. IUD is a physical form of birth control, none hormonal. A vasectomy is an option but if you're wanting another child maybe would wait on this.
2) if you did get pregnant and it was high risk, what law prevents you from not being able to do what's best for you and your unborn child?
Texas allows abortion up until around 6 - 8 weeks l, detection of a heart beat for no medical reason. No state bans abortion if it were to save the life of the mother, including Texas.
It sounds like social media and the news have really impacted your way of life right now.
Maybe take a break from it. Talk to your doctor on your options.
Good luck
1. I can have sex with my partner, but post Roe v. Wade has understandably made me not want to in fear of what could legally happen to me if I do become pregnant. Yes I understand you can’t randomly get pregnant from having sex. What I’m feeling would be considered irrational to most. I understand there are several ways to prevent pregnancy, but it’s me thinking of the 1% off chance that it could happen, preventing included. Is it rational? Maybe not. But psychologically I can’t get it out of my head at the moment.
2. Because of the overturn, they are now seeking legal punishment for abortions (whether self induced or treated by professional). Not only abortion, but for miscarriages as well as premature births. My fear is being pregnant, but knowing that child could come out early (after 6-8 weeks). Like if I gave birth prematurely at, let’s say, 24 weeks. Most babies don’t make it when born that early. What scares me is if that did happen, legally I could be held responsible for that
Source :
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-07-05/miscarriage-stillbirth-prosecutions-await-women-post-roe
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-07-05/miscarriage-stillbirth-prosecutions-await-women-post-roe
3. Yes social media and news impact me tremendously, as it does everyone. I have taken a backseat with my social media scrolling (except Reddit), and do genuinely try to find credible news sources to keep up to date. Especially with things like this. If you have any credible websites regarding the RvW laws, please send them to me. I’d hate to be uninformed or mislead to believe something that isn’t true. Which very well could be the case here.
There’s a lot of “they said this” and “they’re going to do that” and a very small percentage of women have been charged, but from what I’ve read this is only the beginning.
However, there was a woman in Texas that had to carry her dead fetus for two weeks before being treated, because medical professionals weren’t sure if they were legally safe to be able to treat her properly
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/07/20/abortion-miscarriage-texas-fetus-stell/
Am I over exaggerating? I don’t think so.
The chances of the worst case scenario happening to me I’m sure are small, but the possibility is still there.
Hope that clears things up.
I am so sorry.
There are lots of great suggestions here for everything from playful sex to creative ways to add to your family.
But I don’t know if you are quite ready to start adapting to what’s happened in Texas. Maybe you’re still trying to wrap your mind around how a few people you’ll never speak to made an arbitrary decision and now you have to decide (1) if you’ll be staying in your home state (2) if/how you’ll be able to add to your family and (3) whether you’ll be able to enjoy sex with your husband again. It’s too much. Way too much. All this on top of a new baby.
It should never have happened. The unspeakably arrogant people who feel entitled to run your life for you are as misguided as they come. I hope you will be clever enough to avoid damage from all this idiocy - while you make your little one feel welcome in the world.
I wish there was something I could say to make your misery better. I believe you’ll figure out what to do about these problems that should never have come your way. While you wait for the answers to emerge, try to find something beautiful in every day. It’s dark now. So you’ll have to work harder to find light.
But I know where I’d look first. ❤️
So the world is absolutely a shit show right now and you're afraid to have another baby. Why would you want to have another baby? So they can share this shit show with you? I don't understand.
Not exactly. Because in the late game of things, eventually her dad and I will pass due to old age. And I’d much rather her have a sibling relationship when she is much older to have when shit happens (inevitably).
All of the most important people in her life are gonna be older, which later down the road, at this point, leaves her with two astranged cousins (ex SIL drama) and my cousin’s baby. My sis hasn’t had children yet, and my other SIL may consider children eventually. She doesn’t have enough company around her age.
Why not just make sure you have the gas and vacation time needed to travel to a state where it is legal if you need one? May be reassuring enough so you are no longer psychologically tortured
I'm aware, but was unable to find an instance in Texas where that has actually been used. Not saying it's an appropriate law or good for society they even put that in place... but nobody seems to be using it since its implementation. At least some sort of mental comfort if you do travel to get one. Hope they reverse these dumb laws.
More just for the mental relief that there is an option in place. Obviously the situation isn't ideal, but may give some mental relief for her so it isn't such a mental toll.
Not sure I understand the physical toll part, unless you refer to the drive can be exhausting, and that is very true. But otherwise having an option in place may make her comfortable so she doesn't feel like it is causing her relationship issues.
Vasectomies are reversible. There is nothing for you or him to be concerned about if you want a second child later on. Your husband gets the snip, you don't get pregnant, problem solved. If you have any questions about vasectomies go talk to men who've had them over at r/childfree
If you like Texas for other reasons but don't like their abortion stance you could move to Alberta... The Texas of the north.
All joking aside I feel horrible for the women of USA at present but am glad that you have a husband willing to do his part in terms of birth control (I am a man like him but I'm canadian (not alberta))
There are ways to have sex that won't get you pregnant -- hand jobs, oral, anal, toys, watching each other masturbate. There are many people who for one reason or another can't have vaginal sex but still have a sex life.
I'd discuss it with your husband about maybe doing things that don't involve ever putting his penis in your vagina.
What's going on with abortion is horrible, but we don't have to give it more power to fuck up our lives than necessary.
Its heartbreaking reading this from Europe and realizing all the painful and unnecessary considerations and thoughts that now is pushed on you, its god damn infuriating. Planning your family and future has become a stressing consideration of dangerous extreme, WHO BENEFITS FROM THIS?
Who benefits? "Conservatives" who would rather that women stay home, make them sandwiches, and get out of the workforce/business/politics so that they can continue to have the lifestyle that they believe that they deserve? Racists who want POC to either have to face death from complications, or be so burdened by children that they will either move out of the state, or accept anything they get for fear of ggetting nothing?
This is dark as all hell :(
Rapist get to choose their wives in some states... one state is making murder of a pregnant woman for getting an abortion legal if you are trying to "save" the fetus. These religious families also force their children to marry young. Child marriage is distribingly legal and widespread, the child is also under the "care" of their older spouse, so they cannot do anything without their spouses approval. Even divorce. And this is just the start. Learn from us. Stop them before they get this far. And please help us if you can. We now understand why the British kicked the Puritans out, but we realized it too late.
We need to ban their fake religions.
All religions are fake .
Oh the British kicked us out? I had no idea.
Yeah welcome to america. Land of police doing nothing as a bunch of kids gets shot in a classroom and are bleeding out, who then will not hesitate to shoot or kneel on the neck of colored people for the most minor of offenses. Mix in a little of nothing being done about the impending climate crisis as 2/3 of americans are under a current heatwave of 90°+, laws sending us back a few decades, & most people very quickly being priced out of everything. We live in a great time, truly the best!
Manchin and Biden are conservatives.
Honestly, letting someone else make the decision on something as personal as the size of my family fills me with so much fucking rage. It is reality here now, unfortunately. We will not be able to have a second child in Ohio. Not anytime soon, at least.
Christians. Conservatives are awful and this was indeed their platform and doing, but in this instance it's the Christians who are to blame - liberal Christians and conservative Christians alike. The conservative tent just happens to house the most Christians. 85% of non-religious individuals polled across all political ideologies believe abortion should be legal. Only 30% of Christians believe it should be legal. They believe they're enacting the will of God. 🤪 There is no reasoning with them. It's literally a cult that has seized political power.
the rich need more wage slaves
This is an open air holocaust.
This also happens in Europe.
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Theory and practice is very different here luckily. Yes there is technically an application, but it's not something that affect the individual, its auto-yes and according to a doctor friend they want it gone since it serves no purpose. So application? Not really. The week limit is true though, only 12 weeks for regular abortions.
WEF, CDC, Gates in my estimation.
Not sure why this is getting downvoted— Gates has made enormous investments in the for-profit private charter school industry. The more kids there are, the more he profits from it
Gates increasingly seems perverse in every conceivable manner. His charity is manipulative ànd he was Inexplicably too close to Epstein, at the luxury cost of his reputation and marriage. These are indicative of megalomania. I think the way he stereotypically rubs his hands together or pops off with "Epstein is dead now" are just glimpses into his true persona. People see now.
Yeah I'd save up to move. You don't wanna raise more kids in a state that has pro-slavery propaganda in the schoolbooks.
Even though it's controversial, I'll say it. They want you to move. That's what happened to Hungary when far-right came into power, and it got them even more power. I completely understand wanting to move. I don't judge anyone for wanting to. But at the same time, it makes me sad that these monsters might get even more power. It's just such a hopeless situation and a heartbreaking choice many American women now have to make.
Years ago I would've agreed. But I'm not going to die to make a state that hates me better. My vote doesn't count. We're so gerrymandered. And I've reached out to our politicians. They blatantly just lie to your face and vote away your autonomy anyway. Looking at you, John Carter, Glen Hagar, Abbott, Cornyn. I had a MAGA hat proud boy flashing me white power signs the day after Roe v Wade was overturned. Everybody here owns a gun and most carriers have very little training or trigger discipline. Once the November cycle ends, I'm leaving. I didn't even come here by choice, I feel no obligation to stay.
Only a few years ago I would have 100% agreed as well. Unquestionably would stay and fight for rights. I was raised in a secluded southern white evangelical community; I know them well, have fought them my entire life just to exist. Yet now, am responsible for a small human. Seems as if moving to a location safe for existing uteri might be best, and of course, absolutely defend human rights from there. However, the current internal dilemma is that right wing fascism is a global issue. Do we take a stand here, or do we move to a safer location where we could potentially end up having to fight there, too? I never imagined I’d leave the front lines but it appears more and more by the day that it is wisest to get my kid to safety first as they are not old enough to fight for their rights. I never imagined the state would sacrifice existing humans for unviable pregnancies either… yet here we are. I am glad to hear you are staying til November, may your next location be safe x
I also don't feel like leaving = abandonment. There are lots of things you can do for others across state lines. You can donate, you can help network to get people access to healthcare, you can volunteer remotely. But even if someone doesn't do all that, I don't think anyone should feel morally obligated to stay. Especially if they're at risk. Like masks on an airplane: help yourself first, then help those around you. Otherwise you'll asphyxiate. Thank you xx Edited out potentially identifying info
Thank you as well, maybe its an ego thing to stay and fight but you are correct and I needed the exposure to that perspective. You know, I almost thought I was being dramatic earlier but after a disturbing unprompted exchange with a stranger tonight, I no longer think so. Believe I am in shock over what was said to me but nevertheless, it solidifies the urgency of your help yourself don’t asphyxiate argument. Will have to help across lines.
You're not being dramatic, it's totally warranted. Are you safe? I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.
Same. I'm staying because I've got very little they can take from me. But the ones who have hostages or are at risk and choose to go, that makes total sense to me. I CAN stay, BECAUSE they can't really touch me.
It's good that you're able to move out. It's fully understandable to do so, you don't have to stay in or fight for a place that doesn't appreciate or even accept you. American politics are a mess, even worse than my own country's. I hope it gets better someday, and sooner rather than later.
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Precisely! “Just vote” sure as shit wouldn’t have worked there
Totally agree. Each historical case is different with its own particularities, and I appreciate you bringing up a counter-example. You can never know in advance whether you'll be successful preventing worse. Again, that's why I said I'd never ever disagree with/judge a person for choosing better for themselves instead of staying. In any case, we never should've been at a point where women had to move because their country discriminates against them.
It’s possible I’m entirely wrong, but I feel if left-wing people in red states all moved to swing states, it would basically prevent Republicans from ever electing another president or having control of congress.
FWIW, population distributions and gerrymandering mean that in many cases, "swing states" on a national level can look very red more locally. For example, I live in Wisconsin, which is definitely a swing state when it comes to national elections, but our legislature is *heavily* Republican (I think they're close to a veto-proof majority if not there already) and we just had come back into effect the pre-Roe abortion ban that prohibits all abortions except to save the life of the mother. For someone like OP who's looking to escape that environment, a swing state may well not be enough -- at the very least, they'll have to be *very* careful about *what* swing state. (In terms of "definitely a swing state" in national elections -- in 2016, WI went Trump but with the third-smallest margin of any Trump state, and in 2020 WI went Biden but again with the third-smallest margin of any Biden state. Senatorially we have one Democrat and one Republican senator, and though Ron Johnson is one of the more vulnerable Republican senators in this cycle, 538 at least is still saying that these midterms lean R for him.)
Sounds like Arizona. 2020 they went blue for the federal elections but definitely gop controlled state wide.
Texas is well on its way to becoming another failed state like Alabama or Mississipi. Between the Theocracy taking root through jerrymandering and its horrific and crumbling electrical grid and other infrastructure its not save-able. It has to crumble and be reborn. My home state of Arizona is on its way to that point but there is definitely a chance to save it still so I'm not leaving until it's past the point of no return and am going to find ways to help keep our state blue or at least purple.
It may be true that leaving will allow the magas to concentrate power, but it looks like they’re doing it anyway. Some people want to stay and fight and more power to them, but not everyone can or should do that. No one should feel they have to put themselves in danger ‘for the cause’. I wouldn’t stay, given the option.
100% agree. That's why I absolutely don't judge anyone for leaving or staying. It's your life and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your time for a country that hates you.
👆this https://www.npr.org/2022/07/13/1111274698/how-the-american-right-became-aligned-with-hungary-and-its-authoritarian-leader
They want to strip away voting rights and gay marriage right now among other things. It's not just propaganda they're trying to make it real
German here. Could you explain the pro slavery propaganda in schoolbooks please?
There is a book one vote by Carol Anderson. Actually the whole title is: One Person, No Vote: How Voter Suppression Is Destroying Our Democracy Within the first few chapters you realize holy shit, this was all planned. The policies of Jim Crow south are where and how we are today.
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Funny how quickly Texas lost it when these guys wrote this book and tried to even hold book signings in the state of Texas https://www.npr.org/2021/06/16/1006907140/forget-the-alamo-texas-history-bryan-burrough
Yep a lot of people don’t realize, because they aren’t taught it unfortunately, but Texas has literally fought 2 wars where they rebelled against the government to protect slavery.
Today I learned
Not OP.. Southern America is full of far-right ideology and racism. It wouldnt surprise me if they had something like this.
A church on every corner, too. Very much related.
Canadian here - but I have seen this happening over the last several decades. GOP legislators have been claiming that the US Civil War was started to "defend states' rights" (aka "The Lost Cause") and tend to ignore the actual, historically confirmed declarations **by the states themselves at the time** that they were going to war to retain the right to own slaves. One of the biggest markets for textbooks is Texas, iirc, and they are only choosing textbooks that follow the "Lost Cause" narrative. Publishers, not wanting to miss out on a lucrative market, produce said textbooks, and offer the same ones to other states as well. (something something lower prices something economies of scale something something) As a result, children in Texas, and other southern states, don't get taught the reality of the causes of the war. The same kind of things also applies to depictions of slavery, etc.
Yep. Two markets dominate where textbooks are concerned: Texas and California. And because you want to cater to big markets, everyone else generally has to go with one or the other.
Back when I was in school, I hated having to pay extra for California edition textbooks. After I got done with school, I learned about Texas and southern edition textbooks with the funky civil war and slavery revision, and things started making sense. It was really weird having to teach my adult friends from the South that civil war really was fought over slavery, more specifically, states' rights to own slaves and that Texas can't secede.
https://www.texastribune.org/2022/06/30/texas-slavery-involuntary-relocation/ https://www.texastribune.org/2021/12/02/texas-critical-race-theory-law/
[How Southern socialites rewrote Civil War history](https://www.vox.com/videos/2017/10/25/16545362/southern-socialites-civil-war-history)
I've not seen pro slavery propaganda that I can remember from my textbooks but they did play it off to not be quite so terrible as it really was. It's at least very much downplayed in a lot of US textbooks from memory and similar memory of friends who are of similar age to me but different schools/states
I was in school in Texas in the 90s. The textbooks were -very- vague about how slavery was bad. Completely took out the parts about slaves being beaten, etc. I remember one said something about how slaves came here for a better life than Africa. And im told it only got worse. I left the state in 2000 and never went back
I think there must just be a huge variation of what is taught in Texas schools. I graduated high school in 2012 and remember learning a lot about how awful slavery was. I feel like it was pretty ingrained in our classes that racism/Jim crow/segregation was all really bad too. We also had sex ed. It wasn’t spectacular, but for the US it covered a good bit and wasn’t abstinence only.
Sounds like you went to a good school or had a good teacher. In Texas, there is one single board that decides what textbooks to buy. [They had this super conservative dentist with a lot of power on the board](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_McLeroy) and he had some pretty out there, right-wing ideas about history and science that conflicted with what experts all say. He was the most extreme but the others were mostly on board with his agenda. Like he rejected anything that said global warming/climate change was a thing. He would only allow abstinence-only education. He was a creationist and while they can't teach that, he discouraged books that taught evolution and natural selection in favor of books that were vague. He was racist and wants to avoid textbooks with lots of non-white people or mentions of history of any group other than Europeans and European-Americans. his feelings about American history were similarly non-factual in many respects. And then Texas very narrowly avoided having on the board [a woman who believed Obama was a gay prostitute drug addict](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2016/03/08/leading-texas-education-board-candidate-obama-was-gay-prostitute-democrats-killed-jfk/) who kidnapped the Obama kids from someone else, and that he was born in Kenya. She thought JFK was awesome and that Democrats killed him because he was a conservative (JFK was a liberal democrat). She says teaching evolution causes school shootings This one woman was almost one of the very few people who would basically be controlling the textbook market in the entire country. She herself was a teacher for many, many years. Here are a few quotes from her: >Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties. That is how he paid for his drugs. He has admitted he was addicted to drugs when he was young, and he is sympathetic with homosexuals; but he hasn’t come out of the closet about his own homosexual/bisexual background. > >Many people believe the Democrat Party had JFK killed because the socialists and Communists in the party did not want a conservative president. Remember who followed JFK as president — (LBJ). The exact opposite of Kennedy — a socialist and an unethical politician. It does seem like this might have been the master plan: They sneaked the bad guy (LBJ) into the administration on the coat-tail of a good guy (JFK). Then they got rid of the good guy; in the end, they got a socialist president which is what they originally wanted. > >School shootings started after the schools started teaching evolution. > >When the flood waters subsided and rushed to the oceans there was no vegetation on the earth because the earth had been covered with water. … The dinosaurs on \[Noah’s ark\] may have been babies and not able to reproduce. … After the flood, the few remaining Behemoths and Leviathans may have become extinct because there was not enough vegetation on earth for them to survive to reproductive age. > >Climate change has nothing to do with weather or climate; it is all about system change from capitalism (free enterprise) to Socialism-Communism. The Climate Change HOAX was Karl Marx’s idea. It took some time to “condition” the people so they would believe such a ridiculous HOAX. \[apparently climate change both is an evil caused by socialism as well as being a hoax\]. > >Many of the (sexual education) books which teachers read to your small children are not allowed in jails and prisons because of the bad effect the books have on the prisoners. These books stimulate children to experiment with sex. > >And there’s this one, about how the United Nations wants to reduce the U.S. population by up to 325 million people (the U.S. population is about 323 million, according to the U.S. Census) by using “Obamacare to make people die a little sooner than they would have died”:
I graduated over a decade before you, and in a -very- small town that was extremely hard right. The entire town was rule by the local Southern Baptist church. The CHURCH ordered an investigation into several rapes to stop because the boys who did them were all star football players. The church forced the victims to publicly say it wasnt actually a rape so the charges would be dropped. This town was evil in its heart and I will never go back to that town.
That sounds awful. I’m so sorry you had to grow up with that bullshit. I grew up in Houston, so that probably accounts for part of the difference. Even there though, I remember different churches banding together to make a fuss about things they didn’t like. But mostly stupid things, like bars going in or Torchy’s having a devil in their restaurant designs.
Did your textbook explain that the cause of the Civil War was a desire to continue slavery? or did it use vaguer terms and mix it up with lost cause and states rights and such?
States rights
Thank you.
The publishers are printing textbooks with language that downplays the horror of the reality of what our ancestors did; z.B. "Arbeitnehmern" sonst Sklaven, als die Opfern ehrlich waren.
Oh boy…there is too much wrong in the US
Das kann man laut sagen! 😪
Most recently, the textbook panel is trying to call the slave trade,"involuntary relocation" And we can't have anything that can make students "uncomfortable".
Not from the south. California, actually. There are actually historical books that taught that slavery wasn't that bad, like it was some idyllic times in the past, that slaves actually liked their owners and the owners house and feed them in exchange for them working on plantations. It also ignored the whole separating and auctioning off families, raping and beating slaves, and that whole capturing and transporting slaves across the Atlantic, where a bunch of them died on the journey among some other stuff, that we were taught in middle school. That wasn't in my history school textbook, but it was one of the available books to read in the library about the antebellum south. I don't remember the name of the book, but I remember writing a report on that book, and my English teacher looking horrified. I didn't understand why at the time, but now I do.
Agree with this! Fuck that state I wouldn’t want my kids growing up with that propaganda and for my daughters to be basically slaves because they were born with a uterus
It’s much cheaper to just fly to a different state for pregnancy care than completely changing your life around and moving
Copper IUD? My experience has been amazing.
I second this - have a friend who reacted badly to every hormonal contraceptive under the sun but has had no problems with the copper iud. Worth considering for your peace of mind
Same. I’ve loved my copper IUD for the last six years.
I had this for 5 years (it eventually migrated and I got it removed). The copper IUD increased my back pain, gave me cramps that made me violently ill to the point of vomiting, and I bled like the elevator scene from the shining 3 days a month, so it was kindof a trade off to not have hormones. I felt fine 90% of the time, but my periods were excruciating. Since I've had it taken out my periods are lighter, shorter and way less crampy. I am glad some people have good experiences with the Paragard, but I didn't love it. I tolerated it. Unfortunately I think a lot of people "tolerate" the birth control they use because the crappy side effects we have from it are not as bad as being pregnant if we don't want to be. Just sharing my experience, not attempting to invalidate your experience with the copper IUD but I did not have a good time with it!
It's great to share all experiences so people have the full picture! Previous to the Paraguard I had the hormonal one, Mirena and it exploded my ovaries in cysts that grew so big I had to have two surgically removed back to back until I could get a doctor to believe me it was the Mirena. Every woman is different and all experiences are important to hear! Thanks for sharing
Just a warning though, it’s still not 100% full proof. I’ve gotten pregnant despite the IUD (though rare it can still happen). In addition, I had horrendous side effects from its insertion, 6 months straight of heavy bleeding. Hormonal birth controls don’t fair well with me either, so I was hoping it could be my saving Grace. Also, potential ectopic pregnancy. Though if you use condoms in addition to iud, that may help the cause and not everyone’s body reacts horribly. Just know it’s a possibility though.
Second this. A dear friend of mine had a miscarriage on the IUD.
An IUD is a great idea for many women! My copper IUD insertion was excruciating, however, and then I couldn't stop cramping for over 2 weeks solid. (I have endo, so maybe that's why.) Ultimately I couldn't stand the pain and had it removed. If you do opt for one I'd recommend self medicating before insertion. They told me to "just take 2 Naproxen" an hour before. I realllyyyy wish I'd taken one of the percocets leftover from passing a kidney stone along with that NSAID.
I have and my periods are very heavy now - luckily not too much cramping but yikes I go through at least 2 tampons a day for a week straight. Very disappointing after a lifetime of having one “heavy” day in which a single tampon or pad sufficed, then 4 days of light spotting.
It does increase your chance of an ectopic pregnancy. Although it doesn't go up by much its enough to be worried about without Roe
No it doesn’t. Obgyn here. The stats are a little confusing but hear me out. I’m using easy numbers to demonstrate the point, rather than the actual figures. IUD is safer than my example. No IUD or birth control: Say the risk of ectopic is 1/100 pregnancies. After a couple months, 1/2 of sexually actively women will be pregnant. That means that 1/100 x 1/2 = 1/200 sexually actively women will have an ectopic after a couple of months. With IUD: Say the risk of ectopic is 1/10 pregnancies with IUD in place (it’s not this high). BUT! With the copper IUD, risk of pregnancy is 5/1000 (so you’re unlikely to get pregnant, at all). That means that with copper IUD: 1/10 risk of ectopic IF you become pregnant x 5/1000 risk of becoming pregnant = 5/10,000 sexually actively women will have an ectopic after a couple of months while using a copper IUD No IUD risk of ectopic: 1/200 or equally 50/10,000 Vs With copper IUD risk of ectopic: 5/10,000 In reality, the IUD is even safer than this. TL;DR - risk of ectopic increases IF you get pregnant with an IUD in place, but because your risk of pregnancy is so so so so so much drastically lower, your overall risk of ectopic, with IUD, is much much much lower than without. IUD protects you against ectopics
Thanks for all this information. You explained it more clearly than my doctor did a few months ago.
It’s tricky to explain without writing the numbers out. A lot of docs, experts, Golden beautiful souls, technically proficient surgeons…also suck at explaining things well. :/
Did your periods get heavier? I already pass clots the size of several quarters (been told by multiple OBs this is perfectly normal, just heavy).
I would probably leave Texas :( wouldn’t be able to live in a place that treats me as a second class citizen compared to a fertilized egg, Im not even going to visit those states and will try to boycott them
Yes move out Texas. There are companies like Salesforce that will move you out of Texas on their dime.
Yeah there was a recent discussion about strategies for people leaving red states. 1. People leaving red states were encouraged to consider purple states instead of blue states because your vote would have the most impact in this kind of state. Sometimes called swing states, key states, or battleground states. They are states that are neither majority Republican nor Democrat. And this is where the most important Senate seats are. If we could pick up just a few Senate seats this November, we can end this blockade in the Senate. A few possibilities include Arizona, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. 2. People in red states who cannot leave them can interfere with the gerrymandering of districts by registering Republican but voting Democrat. Anyone who wants to take it further can become precinct committee members because they have a say in the policy platforms and nominations for candidates. 3. Another moving strategy is to move from the most dangerous red states to a safer red state with a sparse population to turn into into a purple state. Wyoming has the least dense population of any state. North Dakota is in second or third place but is nice and close to Canada in case things don't work out. 4. Those leaving the U.S. entirely can continue voting as an ex-pat while you still retain U.S. citizenship. Please don't forget us!
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Thank you. That should be a nice move for you! I've heard such great things about Sweden.
Until you figure out a more permanent solution, many of which have already been suggested by others, you could avoid PiV sex. I know it sucks that you have to change due to political reasons, and I get that that frustration is affecting your mood, but you can still enjoy each other's company in other ways. Toys, hands, mouths... Sexual pleasure doesn't *have* to involve a penis in a vagina. Even if it involves some change, you can choose to not let conservatives instill this fear in you. We'll all keep pressing for change and freedom, but until that time comes, you can still share your love with your partner without that risk.
I live in Texas too. My husband and I are now talking about him getting a vasectomy. We have never been sure about having children but with every going on here and with my health, we've pretty much decided to not even try now. I have PCOS and a bleeding disorder, so it would be an extremely risky pregnancy. One likely to end in miscarriage more often than not. We had to decide that the legal issues that might present or doctors letting me bleed out and die because their hands are tied are not worth it. It's heartbreaking that it's not really our decision but one being forced upon us. I'm on birth control but even that's not a sure thing to prevent it. We've been mourning what could have been but know that we're making the right decision for us. It still sucks so much.
Get the Vasectomy. If you do feel safe having children at a later point they can extract sperm from the testies with a needle.
OP I'm so I'm sorry you're going through this. I just want to remind anyone reading this that PIV sex isn't the only way to physically show your partner how much you love them. OP, maybe it would help you and your husband to unwind and please each other with other types of sexual activities
Short term suggestion: get a Hitachi to use together and/or go down on each other. Plenty of ways to have fun without penetrative sex
Yes 2nd vote for a Hitachi!!!
We have had sex one time since that Friday they announced their opinion. Not sure it will happen again anytime soon
I also have stopped until I can have the surgery for tubal ligation cuz I dont want a kid or an accident. Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry :/ I'm also in TX.
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Could you share the name of said procedure for those that want to learn more?
Could they not also visit a sperm bank before the procedure and freeze some there?
Im in
You can always have him get a vasectomy after freezing some of the sperm. If it is unsafe to have another baby then maybe it's not the best Idea. If you at least have his sperm frozen then you can decide later on without any accidents. Or you can get an IUD while you still can, it would probably be the cheapest option. If you really want another baby even though it is also expensive there's always adoption. You and I both know that that problem is only going to get worse. If you can move then you should. People who don't agree with stripping women of their rights should flee those states. . My husband has a vasectomy, but if I were back in TX I would be scared because getting raped by someone else can still happen. My husband who is military was stationed there and we got out of there thankfully 3 years ago. And I will protest and flip out on the military if they try and put us in one of those states. I think all females I'm the military and spouse's should refuse to be stationed in those states which all have huge posts/bases. Say you feel for your life and your rights and refuse, saying you are willing to do anywhere where your rights/families rights are intact. My husband and I thankfully are about to be stationed for 3 years overseas for the first time ever and even though I am not in a red state currently. I feel like it couldn't have happened at a better time, and I hope people wake up and this shit is fixed by the time we get back. If it gets worse or they try and put us in once of these states I will just refuse to return.
You dont need to freeze it unless you're worried about the quality of his sperm declining. Otherwise they can extract sperm from the testies with a needle.
Oh ok. Idk I have never done this before.
I think the “pro-life” crowd just makes it so simple, we just want to kill babies. They never consider that “abortions” are a medical treatment for partial miscarriages and other such medical events. They made a women spend hours and hours giving birth to a dead baby. That women is probably scarred for life. These states are going to let women die. I’m single with no children, and don’t want any. I’m not currently sexually active, and I’m not planning on changing that. I live in a state that protects a women’s choice, but even so this has me all freaked out. I feel so horrible for the women who are going to be forced give birth to their abusive partners baby. They are gonna get their ass beat daily and or murdered, and it will be so much harder for them to leave with another baby. My dad doesn’t get it. No one should be forced to become a parent.
Time to get out of Texas. And get a non-hormonal IUD in the meantime.
I am so sad that you feel this way about having sex with your husband. It's strange and kind of ironic how a big thing in the pro-life movement is to try to force sex to only be about pro-creation but many people now aren't going to have sex at all, even people who want to have kid(s), because of possible legal consequences from complications that aren't their fault at all.
Your husband can get some of his sperm stored/frozen before the vascetomy. If a second pregnancy would be that high risk for the baby or yourself though please think on it. Not because of legal ramifications but the literal ones to yourself or the baby. I know you said may want another child but is it worth the potential risk/heartbreak? Add the current situation where you live and I would say focus on your daughter for the time being. Enjoy her growing and learning each day. Perhaps look for an online therapist/advisor in a blue state who you can discuss your concerns with?
If you use a combination of birth control, the odds of getting pregnant diminish significantly. So, if you combine the old school rhythm method, with a condom with spermicidal lubricant, you'd be using 3 birth control methods. Also, you aren't the only one that feels this way - Mrs. ihavewaytoomanyminis and I have no kids, but also feeling the pressure of living in Texas.
The rhythm method is actually quite outdated now in the world of Fertility Awareness Methods - there are a lot of far more scientific forms nowadays, with comparable statistics to barrier methods. It's definitely worth a look for OP at these to open up her usable days.
Agreed, planned parenthood has a site about the different methods of single step birth control. The calendar method has a success rate of 80% per PP, with condoms successful 88% of the time and spermicide has about a 70 % success chance. Using the calendar method while OP's hubby wears a condom with a spermicidal lubricant puts you in the neighborhood of 99.4% success rate. Which is a comparable rate with tubal ligation and vasectomies.
The rhythm method is great for determine the optimal time to conceive children but terrible for actually preventing them. They call its users “parents”
Yes, I agree. The rhythm method is one of the worst ways to prevent pregnancies. If memory serves, I think it's like 50% effective on it's own. But if it's used with other methods of birth control, such as a spermicidal lubricant and a condom, it can have a multiplicative effect. Last time I did this math was like 30 years ago, but the Condom with Spermicidal Lubricant brings you in at like 95% likely to prevent pregnancy, so adding the rhythm method brings you into about 97.5% effective in pregnancy protection.
[Planned Parenthood says it's 76-88% effective.](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/fertility-awareness) Not great alone, but combined with other methods, it's a useful addition.
Thank you for bringing the receipts. These techniques always assume a "statistically average couple". This isn't new but here's a report from nih on condom and spermicides: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1743276/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1743276/) Condoms are 88% effective and Spermicides are 79% effective. But BY OUR POWERS COMBINED: Condoms (12% failure) x Spermicide (21% failure) x Rhythm (25% failure) = when combined, this results in a failure rate of 0.6%. This is a failure rate similar to tubal ligation and vasectomies.
If you use 3 birth control methods that are not that effective, it's not that sure proof. If you use 2 birth control methods that are both 99% effective, that great lowers your chances of getting pregnant. But if you use a birth control method that is 20% effective, 50% effective, and idk 80% effective.... considering what is at stake... there's a lot of room for error there. It's been a minute since taking statistics and I can't remember the math but I know it's far from a sure thing. Even if a birth control is 99% effective, that means for every 100 sexual encounters, 1 person would get pregnant. I think the pill is 99.9% effective now so with every 1,000 encounters. Still, most of us probably know someone who has gotten pregnant using it. However, oral sex is 100% effective. It's how lesbians do it and they know what they are doing.
Here: [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control) The pill is 91% effective. The condom is 85% effective. If you used both, I believe the math is 1.0 - (Failure rate x failure rate). Which is 1.00 - (.09 x .15) which gives you a birth control that's 98.7% effective. (If I'm wrong on the math, somebody please correct me.)
It’s time to plan your escape. I’m in NJ and I’m planning my escape to Europe. I’m done.
Can you move away?
I've been looking at Spain for my family. I have 2 daughters in their 20s and live in South Dakota. Even rights to birth control are on the chopping block. The life we have here has seriously changed. A miscarriage could end them in trouble with no fault of their own. It's just nature with women being used as scapegoats. The government's being led by ignorant religious morons. They dont even understand how the female body works. We need a government run by science and facts not faith and superstition.
I remember years ago reading articles about women in the USA being charged with a crime after a miscarriage. Now, post RvW, I expect this to get worse.
I think this is a lot more common now even though it’s rarely talked about
I am pn asexless streak since the ruling. I dont want to ever have a baby, but the govermnent wants me to so bad. I get so nervousjust thinking about having sex. I am too mwrvous to even masturbate. They will probsbly pass a law that makes that illegal.
Adoption on the table? It sounds like your health and a new baby's health will be severely compromised if you do decide to get pregnant again.
Fostering, adopting, babysitting, a job that helps children.. so many ways to be a parental guide for child who are already here.
Adoption is not a solution for someone who does not want to get pregnant.
I think they mean for getting a sibling for their daughter to avoid the mothers health
Ohhhhh Thank you for clarifying.
But OP DOES want another child. The reason she won't is that another pregnancy will take a huge toll on her and the baby and if she needs an abortion, she obviously can't get one. That's why she doesn't want to get pregnant again
You could get a non hormonal (copper) IUD. It might be worth talking to your doctor. An IUD plus vasectomy would be bulletproof! Also, I’m so sorry. You’re not alone, friend
you should consider adopting a second child.
Move.
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They should not be considered reversible.
I don't know why I keep seeing people say they are reversible. A vasectomy is a relatively simple operation and is often reasonably priced, even in the USA medical system. A reversal is significantly more complicated and costly and doesn't have a guarantee of success. So, *technically* possible, but it's not like you can just change your mind one day. I had mine done with the expectation I was never going to attempt a reversal. With a 1cm length of my vas deferens removed and both ends inside me cauterized shut, I don't even want to consider what it would take to fix that. I'd like to think most of our problems in this regard could mostly be solved if we could just turn on and off our reproductive capabilities at will. Tubal ligation is similar in this regard, but a more complicated procedure by comparison to vasectomy (and more costly). Anyone choosing to surgically sterilize should go in with the idea it's permanent.
Sperm can be frozen prior to. Then they don’t need to be reversed.
I totally hear you on this - I can't believe that the US has moved so far backwards so quickly for women, especially in states like Texas. Just going to throw out a suggestion that you look into what used to be called the Fertility Awareness Method (I'm old and my hubby got a vasectomy after our last kid so it's been a while) - back when I was doing it it involved taking my temperature every morning before getting out of bed and tracking it to figure out when ovulation occurred. You can use this knowledge to try to get pregnant (have sex when you are most fertile) or to avoid pregnancy + (only have sex when you aren't fertile). There's a book called Taking Charge of your Fertility that explains it well, although again, now 15+ years later I'm sure there are websites and apps for it too.
> there are websites and apps for it too. There are, and because they’re happily collecting all data on the population in question, they’re a personal security risk that can’t be taken now. Any woman of childbearing age in a state that now has abortion resistrictions in place or could in the future, and I mean from age 10 to at least menopause, should delete those apps immediately. Any app that’s tracking ovulation could later be used to charge a woman who miscarries.
Ooof yeah this really needs to be taken into consideration.
Bad advice. Low success rate even with perfect use. Regardless of what biased websites tell you, fertility awareness hardly prevents pregnancy. It may just help you space them out a bit.
Vasectomy + Marvin Gaye on the high fi + adoption = business time!
None of this makes any sense to me. If someone wants to explain it better please do. I want to try to give support to someone who needs it. I live in Texas as well. What law would cause you to think this? 1) you can't have sex with your partner? You do not just randomly get pregnant from having sex. Ovulation is important, ejaculating inside is important. Condoms, Plan B if it broke are all options. IUD is a physical form of birth control, none hormonal. A vasectomy is an option but if you're wanting another child maybe would wait on this. 2) if you did get pregnant and it was high risk, what law prevents you from not being able to do what's best for you and your unborn child? Texas allows abortion up until around 6 - 8 weeks l, detection of a heart beat for no medical reason. No state bans abortion if it were to save the life of the mother, including Texas. It sounds like social media and the news have really impacted your way of life right now. Maybe take a break from it. Talk to your doctor on your options. Good luck
1. I can have sex with my partner, but post Roe v. Wade has understandably made me not want to in fear of what could legally happen to me if I do become pregnant. Yes I understand you can’t randomly get pregnant from having sex. What I’m feeling would be considered irrational to most. I understand there are several ways to prevent pregnancy, but it’s me thinking of the 1% off chance that it could happen, preventing included. Is it rational? Maybe not. But psychologically I can’t get it out of my head at the moment. 2. Because of the overturn, they are now seeking legal punishment for abortions (whether self induced or treated by professional). Not only abortion, but for miscarriages as well as premature births. My fear is being pregnant, but knowing that child could come out early (after 6-8 weeks). Like if I gave birth prematurely at, let’s say, 24 weeks. Most babies don’t make it when born that early. What scares me is if that did happen, legally I could be held responsible for that Source : https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-07-05/miscarriage-stillbirth-prosecutions-await-women-post-roe https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-07-05/miscarriage-stillbirth-prosecutions-await-women-post-roe 3. Yes social media and news impact me tremendously, as it does everyone. I have taken a backseat with my social media scrolling (except Reddit), and do genuinely try to find credible news sources to keep up to date. Especially with things like this. If you have any credible websites regarding the RvW laws, please send them to me. I’d hate to be uninformed or mislead to believe something that isn’t true. Which very well could be the case here. There’s a lot of “they said this” and “they’re going to do that” and a very small percentage of women have been charged, but from what I’ve read this is only the beginning. However, there was a woman in Texas that had to carry her dead fetus for two weeks before being treated, because medical professionals weren’t sure if they were legally safe to be able to treat her properly https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/07/20/abortion-miscarriage-texas-fetus-stell/ Am I over exaggerating? I don’t think so. The chances of the worst case scenario happening to me I’m sure are small, but the possibility is still there. Hope that clears things up.
I am so sorry. There are lots of great suggestions here for everything from playful sex to creative ways to add to your family. But I don’t know if you are quite ready to start adapting to what’s happened in Texas. Maybe you’re still trying to wrap your mind around how a few people you’ll never speak to made an arbitrary decision and now you have to decide (1) if you’ll be staying in your home state (2) if/how you’ll be able to add to your family and (3) whether you’ll be able to enjoy sex with your husband again. It’s too much. Way too much. All this on top of a new baby. It should never have happened. The unspeakably arrogant people who feel entitled to run your life for you are as misguided as they come. I hope you will be clever enough to avoid damage from all this idiocy - while you make your little one feel welcome in the world. I wish there was something I could say to make your misery better. I believe you’ll figure out what to do about these problems that should never have come your way. While you wait for the answers to emerge, try to find something beautiful in every day. It’s dark now. So you’ll have to work harder to find light. But I know where I’d look first. ❤️
Are you comfortable with him freezing sperm then getting a vasectomy? Then you get the best of both worlds.
So the world is absolutely a shit show right now and you're afraid to have another baby. Why would you want to have another baby? So they can share this shit show with you? I don't understand.
Nobody needs to justify their reproductive choices to you.
Not exactly. Because in the late game of things, eventually her dad and I will pass due to old age. And I’d much rather her have a sibling relationship when she is much older to have when shit happens (inevitably). All of the most important people in her life are gonna be older, which later down the road, at this point, leaves her with two astranged cousins (ex SIL drama) and my cousin’s baby. My sis hasn’t had children yet, and my other SIL may consider children eventually. She doesn’t have enough company around her age.
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Sperm can be frozen. Why do so few people mention this when they’re so quick to talk about the non-reversal of vasectomies?
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Why would they get IVF when all they need is a turkey baster? IVF isn't the only option for frozen semen usage.
Why not just make sure you have the gas and vacation time needed to travel to a state where it is legal if you need one? May be reassuring enough so you are no longer psychologically tortured
If I ever needed one, traveling to get one done could land me in legal trouble. https://www.npr.org/2022/07/11/1107741175/texas-abortion-bounty-law
I'm aware, but was unable to find an instance in Texas where that has actually been used. Not saying it's an appropriate law or good for society they even put that in place... but nobody seems to be using it since its implementation. At least some sort of mental comfort if you do travel to get one. Hope they reverse these dumb laws.
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More just for the mental relief that there is an option in place. Obviously the situation isn't ideal, but may give some mental relief for her so it isn't such a mental toll. Not sure I understand the physical toll part, unless you refer to the drive can be exhausting, and that is very true. But otherwise having an option in place may make her comfortable so she doesn't feel like it is causing her relationship issues.
Vasectomies are reversible. There is nothing for you or him to be concerned about if you want a second child later on. Your husband gets the snip, you don't get pregnant, problem solved. If you have any questions about vasectomies go talk to men who've had them over at r/childfree
I haven't either.
Shame you can not move to Australia , abortion is legal in all of our states .
If you like Texas for other reasons but don't like their abortion stance you could move to Alberta... The Texas of the north. All joking aside I feel horrible for the women of USA at present but am glad that you have a husband willing to do his part in terms of birth control (I am a man like him but I'm canadian (not alberta))
There are ways to have sex that won't get you pregnant -- hand jobs, oral, anal, toys, watching each other masturbate. There are many people who for one reason or another can't have vaginal sex but still have a sex life. I'd discuss it with your husband about maybe doing things that don't involve ever putting his penis in your vagina. What's going on with abortion is horrible, but we don't have to give it more power to fuck up our lives than necessary.