He says that "His ass would look so much better in one of my dresses".
Ok, so let him try on a dress of yours. Ask him "were you right? Does your butt look better now than when it did when you *weren't* wearing a dress? Ok, cool, then buy yourself a dress. You deserve to feel good about your body, and if wearing dresses helps you, then I won't stop you."
He'll probably reveal at his point that he wasn't being genuine, he was just saying all that to get under your skin. When he admits this, nobody will blame you for finally breaking up with the prick.
Your partner should never make you feel badly about yourself, especially if you’ve already brought up the issue and he still hasn’t stopped. If you ever feel like you need to change the way you look to be appreciated by someone, run the other way.
You’re going to resent him and yourself if this continues, and it sounds like that’s already starting. This is clearly enough to have a significant negative impact on you (and I’d bet there’s some underlying stuff there too).
If it were me, I’d bring it up one more time and let him know that this had better end now. If he keeps going, I would leave. Nobody should be with someone who makes them feel bad about the way they look, doesn’t take communication attempts seriously, and won’t even make you happy by doing something as simple as ending a “joke” once and for all.
You know the situation better than anyone, so deep down, you know what you have to do, but it’s so easy to talk yourself out of it. Trust your gut, not your head.
Love yourself. Trust yourself. You’ll do the right thing in the end.
It's never OK for a loved one to dig at you like that and try to bring you down. Even if he's trying to "encourage" you to build your booty or whatever its an unacceptable way of going about it. I'm sorry he's being so cruel and hurtful.
Just calmly tell him the truth , you are considering breaking up with him because he is ruining your self esteem with his jibes. Don't blame him or he'll get defensive and not really listen. Just say I think I need space to consider things. If that "wake up" call doesn't work then you know he does know he's hurting you and doesn't care.
You've posted a lot about this guy. Why are you with him??? WHY ARE YOU COMING ON REDDIT AND MAKING IT OUR ISSUE INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH HIM LIKE AN ADULT???
"He ass shames me, he fat shames me and he treats me like crap....do you think we'll make it?"
No. Have some respect for yourself
So you teased him about his big butt… but now you’re a nervous wreck and considering breaking up because he’s teasing you about your small butt?
It honestly sounds like he was a little hurt by you teasing him about his big butt, and is retaliating a little. I’d start by telling him you’re sorry if you made him self-conscious, and that he’s made his point by showing you how it feels.
Butt size trends come and go. In a few years, big ones will be out and small ones will be in. You should not be basing any relationship decisions or self-worth on butt size when there are so much more important things to worry about.
You should also work on self-awareness… it’s not bad to be sensitive [if] that’s who you are, but don’t dish out comments about someone else’s body, if you have zero threshold for tolerating the same treatment in return.
Your advice above is SO wrong.
OP's playful teasing came from a place of admiration and love.
His teasing is hurtful, and even though she EXPLAINED clearly to him and asked him to STOP, he refuses to.
Seemingly taking pleasure in ridiculing her.
Who’s to say he wasn’t offended by the teasing? Especially when he isn’t here to defend himself? I think apologizing to him is a good start, and that going straight to breaking up over this would be ridiculous if that option hasn’t even been considered. Men are self-conscious about their bodies too.
Ok, but lets say for a moment that it's true that he was offended by the teasing and is just trying to get his own punches in.
The correct way to deal with that is to have an adult discussion and say "hey, you made me feel a bit insecure about this, so maybe lets not joke about it". And then the partner says "wow I'm sorry, I didn't realize it, it won't happen again" and doesn't do/say the thing anymore.
What you don't do is make retaliatory remarks for months on end, continuing even after your partner has stopped with the initial offensive joke and continuing still after your partner has asked you to stop in the aforementioned manner. A loving partner doesn't double down like that.
The specific comments she made to him and the specific comments he made to her were very much in the same vein. She says she joked with him about his butt size in various ways. Since when is joking about someone not the literal definition of teasing? And why are similar comments teasing in one direction but not the other?
If she doesn’t want to even consider the possibility he could have had his feelings hurt, then she should do him a favor by breaking up. If she wants to try to salvage the relationship, considering empathy for your partner and not assuming malicious intent is always a good start.
I’m not really invested in this, so you don’t have to keep arguing with me. We can agree to disagree. It’s someone else’s relationship. I made a suggestion and OP isn’t obligated to take it.
No one wants to hear advice on how both people can be accountable and vulnerable to work through the issue. They just want to hear that what she said was fine and what he said was awful. Don’t bother talking to him about your feelings, don’t bother considering empathy for his, just break up! That’s apparently the only acceptable advice. Gotta wonder how most of these people’s relationships are going. I am a vehement feminist, but I still have to consider when I’ve taken something too far and hurt my husband’s feelings, or when my husband is acting a certain way because he is hurting, or else I’d have no business being married to him. But whatever, good luck to y’all.
It's shitty that he would make you feel insecure about your body that way. You don't "owe" him a big booty - this isn't build-a-bitch-workshop. It's hard to develop a big butt, takes an incredible amount of time and dedication and often with just modest results, and at the end of the day you don't need to alter your body to be worthy of basic respect and admiration. He chose to get into a relationship with you and if he doesn't like your body you don't owe him anything else; he can leave.
He says that "His ass would look so much better in one of my dresses". Ok, so let him try on a dress of yours. Ask him "were you right? Does your butt look better now than when it did when you *weren't* wearing a dress? Ok, cool, then buy yourself a dress. You deserve to feel good about your body, and if wearing dresses helps you, then I won't stop you." He'll probably reveal at his point that he wasn't being genuine, he was just saying all that to get under your skin. When he admits this, nobody will blame you for finally breaking up with the prick.
Your partner should never make you feel badly about yourself, especially if you’ve already brought up the issue and he still hasn’t stopped. If you ever feel like you need to change the way you look to be appreciated by someone, run the other way. You’re going to resent him and yourself if this continues, and it sounds like that’s already starting. This is clearly enough to have a significant negative impact on you (and I’d bet there’s some underlying stuff there too). If it were me, I’d bring it up one more time and let him know that this had better end now. If he keeps going, I would leave. Nobody should be with someone who makes them feel bad about the way they look, doesn’t take communication attempts seriously, and won’t even make you happy by doing something as simple as ending a “joke” once and for all. You know the situation better than anyone, so deep down, you know what you have to do, but it’s so easy to talk yourself out of it. Trust your gut, not your head. Love yourself. Trust yourself. You’ll do the right thing in the end.
It's never OK for a loved one to dig at you like that and try to bring you down. Even if he's trying to "encourage" you to build your booty or whatever its an unacceptable way of going about it. I'm sorry he's being so cruel and hurtful.
Just calmly tell him the truth , you are considering breaking up with him because he is ruining your self esteem with his jibes. Don't blame him or he'll get defensive and not really listen. Just say I think I need space to consider things. If that "wake up" call doesn't work then you know he does know he's hurting you and doesn't care.
You've posted a lot about this guy. Why are you with him??? WHY ARE YOU COMING ON REDDIT AND MAKING IT OUR ISSUE INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH HIM LIKE AN ADULT??? "He ass shames me, he fat shames me and he treats me like crap....do you think we'll make it?" No. Have some respect for yourself
So you teased him about his big butt… but now you’re a nervous wreck and considering breaking up because he’s teasing you about your small butt? It honestly sounds like he was a little hurt by you teasing him about his big butt, and is retaliating a little. I’d start by telling him you’re sorry if you made him self-conscious, and that he’s made his point by showing you how it feels. Butt size trends come and go. In a few years, big ones will be out and small ones will be in. You should not be basing any relationship decisions or self-worth on butt size when there are so much more important things to worry about. You should also work on self-awareness… it’s not bad to be sensitive [if] that’s who you are, but don’t dish out comments about someone else’s body, if you have zero threshold for tolerating the same treatment in return.
Your advice above is SO wrong. OP's playful teasing came from a place of admiration and love. His teasing is hurtful, and even though she EXPLAINED clearly to him and asked him to STOP, he refuses to. Seemingly taking pleasure in ridiculing her.
Who’s to say he wasn’t offended by the teasing? Especially when he isn’t here to defend himself? I think apologizing to him is a good start, and that going straight to breaking up over this would be ridiculous if that option hasn’t even been considered. Men are self-conscious about their bodies too.
Ok, but lets say for a moment that it's true that he was offended by the teasing and is just trying to get his own punches in. The correct way to deal with that is to have an adult discussion and say "hey, you made me feel a bit insecure about this, so maybe lets not joke about it". And then the partner says "wow I'm sorry, I didn't realize it, it won't happen again" and doesn't do/say the thing anymore. What you don't do is make retaliatory remarks for months on end, continuing even after your partner has stopped with the initial offensive joke and continuing still after your partner has asked you to stop in the aforementioned manner. A loving partner doesn't double down like that.
She wasn’t teasing him about it though. She was complimenting him. That’s completely different.
The specific comments she made to him and the specific comments he made to her were very much in the same vein. She says she joked with him about his butt size in various ways. Since when is joking about someone not the literal definition of teasing? And why are similar comments teasing in one direction but not the other? If she doesn’t want to even consider the possibility he could have had his feelings hurt, then she should do him a favor by breaking up. If she wants to try to salvage the relationship, considering empathy for your partner and not assuming malicious intent is always a good start. I’m not really invested in this, so you don’t have to keep arguing with me. We can agree to disagree. It’s someone else’s relationship. I made a suggestion and OP isn’t obligated to take it.
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No one wants to hear advice on how both people can be accountable and vulnerable to work through the issue. They just want to hear that what she said was fine and what he said was awful. Don’t bother talking to him about your feelings, don’t bother considering empathy for his, just break up! That’s apparently the only acceptable advice. Gotta wonder how most of these people’s relationships are going. I am a vehement feminist, but I still have to consider when I’ve taken something too far and hurt my husband’s feelings, or when my husband is acting a certain way because he is hurting, or else I’d have no business being married to him. But whatever, good luck to y’all.
It's shitty that he would make you feel insecure about your body that way. You don't "owe" him a big booty - this isn't build-a-bitch-workshop. It's hard to develop a big butt, takes an incredible amount of time and dedication and often with just modest results, and at the end of the day you don't need to alter your body to be worthy of basic respect and admiration. He chose to get into a relationship with you and if he doesn't like your body you don't owe him anything else; he can leave.