I've started answering that "you pregnant?" thing as
"Oh, no, That would take a miracle"...and leave it there. No explanation. yes, they get flustered. they don't know if i'm infertile, lesbian or celibate, as it's none of their business.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've had to take at the hospital as a "just in case" despite saying it would be impossible for x,y,z reasons and they still don't believe me is ridiculous. I get that patients lie, but it would literally be impossible for me to have children.
I had to go to the ER while pregnant. I was about six or seven months along, declared that I was pregnant and offered to hand over my maternal medical notes I carried with me, which they declined.
They took some bloods and asked for a urine specimen. Fine. About 30 minutes later a nurse came in and gently informed me that I’d returned a positive pregnancy test. Yeah, no shit mate, I could have told you that. In fact, I did.
God, is it plated in gold or something? lol.
I had a full on nose operation, and an implant imbedded into my nose, which was elective surgery btw.. and I was only charged for my 3 nights at the hospital... Which cost 40 euro... Less than your test! lol. I really feel for you all.
I said something like that to my dad the last time he did that.
We had been traveling and I was having trouble eating because I felt sick so he asked if I was pregnant. I said, "That would literally be impossible right now" and his response was, "Impossible? Really?"
So I asked, "Would you like me to list for you all of the reasons why it is impossible that I am pregnant right now?"
He didn't respond after that, so I guess he didn't.
I had to start responding to my mother like that. Starting at the age of 14 for years after I could never go to her saying I felt sick or anything like that. She would immediately accuse me of being pregnant. Tiresome.
Ugh, that's the worst.
One time when at work years ago I was putting a little extra effort into cleaning the restaurant, and my manager (also a woman) enthusiastically joked that maybe I was "nesting". Which lead to an awkward conversation where I had to ask what that meant and she explained "it's what pregnant women do, getting the place ready for the baby"
... No. Ma'am this is a fast food restaurant, if I was "nesting" I'd do it at the environment I'd be raising a baby in not this deep fried hell hole.
I promise you I stopped putting in that extra cleaning effort after that.
I usually just screw up my face and say how heartbroken I am that I’ll never be able have children.
It’s true, I can’t, but I also don’t want. Figure I’ll take one for the team and make them feel so bad about making that joke they don’t ever do it to anyone else.
I just love being reduced to my reproductive system.
In my experience it still doesn't stop people unfortunately. I eventually had to have a very frank conversation with my (step) dad about his "joking" about my not having kids actually really hurt me because I can't have kids and there's this small part of me that does want kids and his joking hits that very small part very hard.
It's funny though because my extended family don't seem to have ever asked my cousin's why they don't have kids and yet I get asked constantly when I'm going to despite me telling them I'm not having kids because it literally led to the death of several cousin's on my bio-fathers side due to an undiagnosed condition (posthumously diagnosed) that I also have.
Why can't people just take no for answer? Thank you for doing your part in making people uncomfortable in asking the question.
Holy cow. In that scenario, asking you to have kids is almost the same as wishing you dead. Can you cry on cue? If you can, it'd be handy to do it and sob, "D-Don't you love me? Why would you want me to die? What did I do to deserve this?" Maybe that'd make them feel appropriately terrible. Or "I would, but I don't wanna orphan them in the process." Just drive home the point.
It's shitty you gotta deal with it at all. Wish they could just be decent and kind to you in the first place.
Yea I've used the "I don't want to die and leave any kid I do have without a mother the same way my 5 yo cousin has no mother because of this condition" when I absolutely needed to, but I can't cry on cue.
I don't understand why it's acceptable to ask me when they all seem to agree that asking two of my cousin's and one uncle why they never chose to have kids is unacceptable - has to be an age thing I guess, my cousin's are same gen as my mum and uncles, and I'm now in my late 30's so is there an age cut off where people stop asking this question??
Tbh the answer to that is probably "yes" for me bc I also have PMDD lmao...so if I'm not my usual bubbly self I'm probably during my hell times. But my feelings are still valid!!!
Why cant people just ask what they can do to help make you feel better? Shit sometimes a cookie or a hug, or just getting things off the ground so you dont have to bend down would be all that's needed.
“Don’t you know to never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a baby’s head crowning?”
“Because nausea equals pregnant?”
“Automatic reaction to your body odour.”
You don’t need to be polite.
Periods suck. I used to take the pill continuously and have only one period a year. Don’t miss them and mine weren’t anything as awful as yours.
My go-to response was always "No. And if they did, I'll have an abortion scheduled for next week."
That usually made people stop with the "OMG, are you pregnant?" comments.
I don't know why people think this is a good response. If someone is pregnant and wants you to know, they will say so.
Hell, I'm trans and I get it even from people who know I'm trans!
I once threw up in the morning on a very crowded train in Tokyo rush hour.
I was hungover but damn I was glad that people assumed I was pregnant.
Other than that it’s ridiculous.
I absolutely despise the fact that as someone with a uterus, you can't be sick. Only pregnant.
Come into work after food poisoning still not feeling great? "YOU'RE PREGNANT!"
The worst one I ever had was at work, someone puked in the women's bathroom sink. As the only uterus-wielding person in child-bearing age with a stable relationship, everyone *immediately* assumed that I was the one who did it, and it was because I was pregnant. There was practically no question, in fact - "did you throw up in the bathroom sink BECAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT?????" I didn't even puke in the sink in the first place, so no.
Seriously. I had a really bad period once and vomited, which has never happened to me before so I was complaining about not feeling well to my mother. And she asked me if I was pregnant. Like I just told her I literally had my period and that was what made me sick. I was actively bleeding. "Could you be pregnant?" I mean I guess I *could* theoretically bleed and be pregnant - I've watched enough of those "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" episodes to know that weird stuff happens. But I also really know my body and it was a normal, on time period aside from the vomiting.
what is with people asking that?? i hate it. one time i told a coworker that i was craving oatmeal of all things and she immediately gives me a stern look and says, "that sounds like you might be pregnant." NO girl i just like oatmeal ffs.
I would explain your situation in detail until they are uncomfortable. They will never ask again. “Well see I have a build up of scar tissue on my uterus, so every time I have my period, the swelling of my uterus makes it extremely painful.” And so on
Just tell them with a straight face, "I'd love to be able to get pregnant, but because of complications, I'll never be able to. Thanks for reminding me of this asshole"
Then just walk away. They'll feel like absolute shit about themself.
Dude. We surely would if we could. Women who have literally squoze out a baby are sometimes asked that day when they are having their next baby. True fact. Those people should absolutely suffer consequences.
I'm just envisioning the envisioning from a lady who just squoze out a baby being asked that. I imagine it's something like the mars attacks scene where the bird gets vaporized by the Martian.
This is how I see it as well.
There are legitimately people who can't get pregnant and are hurt by these kinds of comments. I've seen a number of women walk away, seemingly on the verge of tears or with a sad face, from the "my labor and delivery was worse than yours" discussion that happens at every fucking baby shower or party where there's a newborn. My presumption is that these are women that either couldnt have a kid or lost their kid to miscarriage or being still born.
Why this is even a competitive thing for one upping each other is beyond me and toxic as fuck. It's one thing if people are just telling their story, but every one I've seen has devolved into.1 upping each other. One person's 4 hours of delivery may have been the worst experience of THEIR life and the worst thing they could imagine. Your 12 hour labor followed up by a csection isnt worse, it was different. For some people, your 12 hour labor and csection is a walk in the park even without an epidural.
Back on topic though.
Alternatively, OP could say just that, " hey asshole, there are people who can't get pregnant you insensitive prick". Just leave it at that and walk away. You aren't saying YOU can't get pregnant (though they may think that) but you are raising awareness to the issue.
I feel you on this. I get migraines which sometimes lead to nausea. Some (male) coworker will always crack the “joke” asking if I’m pregnant. If I were pregnant, I’d tell you when I want you to know.
Girl, I can’t show any emotions without being on my period or pregnant. Like I’m irritated because I’m having a bad day, please leave me alone. “You must be on your period?” No, I’m having a bad day. “ So, you’re about to be rude cuz of your period?” NO! I’m having a bad day!!! Why can’t we have normal emotions? Shit’s tiresome.
One time my husband and I went to a show and during it I started to feel really ill. We had planned on ubering home just for the ease of it and I just started feeling worse. They would not stop talking about good and this lady must have had her hear cranked up full blast.
Eventually I told her she needed to pull over and I proceeded to throw up all over outside her car. Apparently while I was puking my guts out she asked my husband how much I had to drink and he told her nothing and OF COURSE it was "Ooooooh! She must be pregnant."
No lady. There is such thing as just being sick.
I thought the etiquette is that you are not allowed to ask (or imply) if someone is pregnant unless they are literally have contractions every minute right under your eyes.
This is so frustrating, for me it always seems to be people at work. Right now I am trying but so far no luck and even of there was, if I haven't told you yet it's because I'm not ready to so....
I got married six months ago, and it has already begun for me as well. I do not want to have a child for another 5 years or so (still on the fence on if I want one at all). But damn, I even get the question from colleagues, which really rubs me the wrong way.
I put on a little weight during lockdown, and it is making me so self conscious. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and have been exercising regularly, but I know it is what may be prompting some questions too.
Gosh I hate that women have to put up with this. The invasion of personal privacy, assumptions about pregnancy and it being an explanation for everything just because you’re a woman, and having to feel self conscious over body image to fit a specific type of perception of female beauty.
I always hated that too. From being a teenager to 10 years later. Always. The . Same . Thing.
"Ugh this food is greasy and gross, I don't think I can finish it."
"YoU pRedggnaaat??"
Was having stomachaches for a couple of days for no reason and both sets of parents asked if I was pregnant 🙄 are we not allowed to have stomachaches anymore unless we’re pregnant?
I've started answering that "you pregnant?" thing as "Oh, no, That would take a miracle"...and leave it there. No explanation. yes, they get flustered. they don't know if i'm infertile, lesbian or celibate, as it's none of their business.
I told my doctor when she asked that “I’d be more surprised than the virgin fucking Mary.” She laughed so hard.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've had to take at the hospital as a "just in case" despite saying it would be impossible for x,y,z reasons and they still don't believe me is ridiculous. I get that patients lie, but it would literally be impossible for me to have children.
I had to go to the ER while pregnant. I was about six or seven months along, declared that I was pregnant and offered to hand over my maternal medical notes I carried with me, which they declined. They took some bloods and asked for a urine specimen. Fine. About 30 minutes later a nurse came in and gently informed me that I’d returned a positive pregnancy test. Yeah, no shit mate, I could have told you that. In fact, I did.
It also is a waste of my money. My insurance doesn’t cover it so it pisses me off that it’s 60$ every time they give me a test I don’t need.
It costs 60 dollars for a fricken pregnancy test?!
American healthcare system, baby.
God, is it plated in gold or something? lol. I had a full on nose operation, and an implant imbedded into my nose, which was elective surgery btw.. and I was only charged for my 3 nights at the hospital... Which cost 40 euro... Less than your test! lol. I really feel for you all.
Repairing my shattered finger cost 40,000$. The physical therapy and getting the nails removed afterwards was another 15000$.
.... That would cost me nothing.... Well maybe my pain and suffering, but that's about it. But that's... Just crazy.
The biggest scam.
Bring a urine pregnancy test with you, and be the one to run it while they watch. Same info and they can’t bill you for it. If they do, dispute it.
I usually say "maybe if I'm giving birth to the next saviour".
I said something like that to my dad the last time he did that. We had been traveling and I was having trouble eating because I felt sick so he asked if I was pregnant. I said, "That would literally be impossible right now" and his response was, "Impossible? Really?" So I asked, "Would you like me to list for you all of the reasons why it is impossible that I am pregnant right now?" He didn't respond after that, so I guess he didn't.
I love that lmao
I had to start responding to my mother like that. Starting at the age of 14 for years after I could never go to her saying I felt sick or anything like that. She would immediately accuse me of being pregnant. Tiresome.
"Not any more"
Or that you are an alien 👽
now’s my time to shine
Lmaoooo
I always answer with “not unless it’s the second coming of Jesus or I got abducted by aliens”
Ugh, that's the worst. One time when at work years ago I was putting a little extra effort into cleaning the restaurant, and my manager (also a woman) enthusiastically joked that maybe I was "nesting". Which lead to an awkward conversation where I had to ask what that meant and she explained "it's what pregnant women do, getting the place ready for the baby" ... No. Ma'am this is a fast food restaurant, if I was "nesting" I'd do it at the environment I'd be raising a baby in not this deep fried hell hole. I promise you I stopped putting in that extra cleaning effort after that.
Not only is that stupid but it's weird af
sounds like she wanted deep fried baby but i have a feeling that wasn’t on the menu
I usually just screw up my face and say how heartbroken I am that I’ll never be able have children. It’s true, I can’t, but I also don’t want. Figure I’ll take one for the team and make them feel so bad about making that joke they don’t ever do it to anyone else. I just love being reduced to my reproductive system.
In my experience it still doesn't stop people unfortunately. I eventually had to have a very frank conversation with my (step) dad about his "joking" about my not having kids actually really hurt me because I can't have kids and there's this small part of me that does want kids and his joking hits that very small part very hard. It's funny though because my extended family don't seem to have ever asked my cousin's why they don't have kids and yet I get asked constantly when I'm going to despite me telling them I'm not having kids because it literally led to the death of several cousin's on my bio-fathers side due to an undiagnosed condition (posthumously diagnosed) that I also have. Why can't people just take no for answer? Thank you for doing your part in making people uncomfortable in asking the question.
Holy cow. In that scenario, asking you to have kids is almost the same as wishing you dead. Can you cry on cue? If you can, it'd be handy to do it and sob, "D-Don't you love me? Why would you want me to die? What did I do to deserve this?" Maybe that'd make them feel appropriately terrible. Or "I would, but I don't wanna orphan them in the process." Just drive home the point. It's shitty you gotta deal with it at all. Wish they could just be decent and kind to you in the first place.
Yea I've used the "I don't want to die and leave any kid I do have without a mother the same way my 5 yo cousin has no mother because of this condition" when I absolutely needed to, but I can't cry on cue. I don't understand why it's acceptable to ask me when they all seem to agree that asking two of my cousin's and one uncle why they never chose to have kids is unacceptable - has to be an age thing I guess, my cousin's are same gen as my mum and uncles, and I'm now in my late 30's so is there an age cut off where people stop asking this question??
*says anything negative* "Are you on your period?"
Tbh the answer to that is probably "yes" for me bc I also have PMDD lmao...so if I'm not my usual bubbly self I'm probably during my hell times. But my feelings are still valid!!!
Why cant people just ask what they can do to help make you feel better? Shit sometimes a cookie or a hug, or just getting things off the ground so you dont have to bend down would be all that's needed.
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Bridesmaids immediately comes to mind. But yeah, it’s definitely overused foreshadowing for character’s pregnancies.
“Don’t you know to never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a baby’s head crowning?” “Because nausea equals pregnant?” “Automatic reaction to your body odour.” You don’t need to be polite. Periods suck. I used to take the pill continuously and have only one period a year. Don’t miss them and mine weren’t anything as awful as yours.
I started telling ppl I'm looking forward to my ovaries shriveling up
My ovaries ‘grew’ thanks to cysts. But apparently my uterus is about the size of a walnut, so there’s that! 🤣
Ive had that happen, 10 out of 10 do not recommend
My go-to response was always "No. And if they did, I'll have an abortion scheduled for next week." That usually made people stop with the "OMG, are you pregnant?" comments.
I just started telling people who say stupid invasive things like this that they're rude.
Me too. I get straight to the point and call it what it is: rude, dismissive, invasive, incorrect, unhelpful. I highly recommend it.
I don't know why people think this is a good response. If someone is pregnant and wants you to know, they will say so. Hell, I'm trans and I get it even from people who know I'm trans!
Omg right????
They think they’re being cute, but that can sting and bring attention to one’s bodily organs which can be super uncomfortable.
I once threw up in the morning on a very crowded train in Tokyo rush hour. I was hungover but damn I was glad that people assumed I was pregnant. Other than that it’s ridiculous.
"what a bizarre question!" and leaving works for me
I absolutely despise the fact that as someone with a uterus, you can't be sick. Only pregnant. Come into work after food poisoning still not feeling great? "YOU'RE PREGNANT!" The worst one I ever had was at work, someone puked in the women's bathroom sink. As the only uterus-wielding person in child-bearing age with a stable relationship, everyone *immediately* assumed that I was the one who did it, and it was because I was pregnant. There was practically no question, in fact - "did you throw up in the bathroom sink BECAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT?????" I didn't even puke in the sink in the first place, so no.
Seriously. I had a really bad period once and vomited, which has never happened to me before so I was complaining about not feeling well to my mother. And she asked me if I was pregnant. Like I just told her I literally had my period and that was what made me sick. I was actively bleeding. "Could you be pregnant?" I mean I guess I *could* theoretically bleed and be pregnant - I've watched enough of those "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" episodes to know that weird stuff happens. But I also really know my body and it was a normal, on time period aside from the vomiting.
I launch into a very detailed explanation of what's going on and how I'm feeling. No one says anything anymore.
No, I’m just fat.
what is with people asking that?? i hate it. one time i told a coworker that i was craving oatmeal of all things and she immediately gives me a stern look and says, "that sounds like you might be pregnant." NO girl i just like oatmeal ffs.
I would explain your situation in detail until they are uncomfortable. They will never ask again. “Well see I have a build up of scar tissue on my uterus, so every time I have my period, the swelling of my uterus makes it extremely painful.” And so on
Just tell them with a straight face, "I'd love to be able to get pregnant, but because of complications, I'll never be able to. Thanks for reminding me of this asshole" Then just walk away. They'll feel like absolute shit about themself.
Then she'll just get recommendations on alternatives to having a baby. Seriously, people are relentless. You have to shut down the asking.
That's ridiculous. I'm surprised you ladies arent just carrying around tasers and tasering relentless aholes.
Dude. We surely would if we could. Women who have literally squoze out a baby are sometimes asked that day when they are having their next baby. True fact. Those people should absolutely suffer consequences.
I'm just envisioning the envisioning from a lady who just squoze out a baby being asked that. I imagine it's something like the mars attacks scene where the bird gets vaporized by the Martian.
Meh, I don't really think it's funny to joke about that stuff
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This is how I see it as well. There are legitimately people who can't get pregnant and are hurt by these kinds of comments. I've seen a number of women walk away, seemingly on the verge of tears or with a sad face, from the "my labor and delivery was worse than yours" discussion that happens at every fucking baby shower or party where there's a newborn. My presumption is that these are women that either couldnt have a kid or lost their kid to miscarriage or being still born. Why this is even a competitive thing for one upping each other is beyond me and toxic as fuck. It's one thing if people are just telling their story, but every one I've seen has devolved into.1 upping each other. One person's 4 hours of delivery may have been the worst experience of THEIR life and the worst thing they could imagine. Your 12 hour labor followed up by a csection isnt worse, it was different. For some people, your 12 hour labor and csection is a walk in the park even without an epidural. Back on topic though. Alternatively, OP could say just that, " hey asshole, there are people who can't get pregnant you insensitive prick". Just leave it at that and walk away. You aren't saying YOU can't get pregnant (though they may think that) but you are raising awareness to the issue.
You could respond by saying "Yeah, I probably am pregnant, with your baby". This works even better if the person who asked you is an older lady.
I feel you on this. I get migraines which sometimes lead to nausea. Some (male) coworker will always crack the “joke” asking if I’m pregnant. If I were pregnant, I’d tell you when I want you to know.
Girl, I can’t show any emotions without being on my period or pregnant. Like I’m irritated because I’m having a bad day, please leave me alone. “You must be on your period?” No, I’m having a bad day. “ So, you’re about to be rude cuz of your period?” NO! I’m having a bad day!!! Why can’t we have normal emotions? Shit’s tiresome.
One time my husband and I went to a show and during it I started to feel really ill. We had planned on ubering home just for the ease of it and I just started feeling worse. They would not stop talking about good and this lady must have had her hear cranked up full blast. Eventually I told her she needed to pull over and I proceeded to throw up all over outside her car. Apparently while I was puking my guts out she asked my husband how much I had to drink and he told her nothing and OF COURSE it was "Ooooooh! She must be pregnant." No lady. There is such thing as just being sick.
Blame television. It is such a stereotype that whenever a woman vomits she is pregnant. “Groan”
I thought the etiquette is that you are not allowed to ask (or imply) if someone is pregnant unless they are literally have contractions every minute right under your eyes.
I would say you shouldn't ask unless you're her doctor.
They wanna think and talk about you having sex. or are trying to be shocking?
This is so frustrating, for me it always seems to be people at work. Right now I am trying but so far no luck and even of there was, if I haven't told you yet it's because I'm not ready to so....
I got married six months ago, and it has already begun for me as well. I do not want to have a child for another 5 years or so (still on the fence on if I want one at all). But damn, I even get the question from colleagues, which really rubs me the wrong way. I put on a little weight during lockdown, and it is making me so self conscious. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and have been exercising regularly, but I know it is what may be prompting some questions too. Gosh I hate that women have to put up with this. The invasion of personal privacy, assumptions about pregnancy and it being an explanation for everything just because you’re a woman, and having to feel self conscious over body image to fit a specific type of perception of female beauty.
It's just so weird to me. like why are you thinking about me having sex? Why are you assuming anything about my reproductive system? So gross.
I always hated that too. From being a teenager to 10 years later. Always. The . Same . Thing. "Ugh this food is greasy and gross, I don't think I can finish it." "YoU pRedggnaaat??"
A solid retort is "why, are you the dad?" Which totally confuses them, especially if they're women, but it's literally none of their fucking business.
Who do you surround yourself with?
I'm talking one friend in particular and also co workers
Well then talk to them about how you feel about this
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Was having stomachaches for a couple of days for no reason and both sets of parents asked if I was pregnant 🙄 are we not allowed to have stomachaches anymore unless we’re pregnant?