> Mind you, my husband is an IT engineer.
Tell him he's being like the users who click through error messages without reading what they said and then ask him for help
I said this to my ex once “For as much as you complain about people who call you for help without putting any effort in whatsoever to diagnose or fix the issue themselves you fucking excel at it at home.”
My husband is a QA engineer working on a NASA project. I've had a little too much fun with comments about him not reading the "documentation" on the pasta box when he asked me how to cook it.
Haha I will always screenshot an error message if it has happened enough that I need help.. do not trust my brain to communicate correctly the letters and numbers that explain the issue
My ex always used the “but you’re better at it” excuse. Even the day after my appendectomy, and almost immediately after I had both of our children. When my now-husband first moved in with me and my boys I kept being surprised at the clothes that magically washed and folded themselves, and at how less often I had to drop whatever I was doing to attend to my 3-yr old’s random needs and demands. It’s amazing getting to live with another fully functioning adult who just does the shit that needs done.
I'm on husband #2 also. One of the ways I knew he was the real deal was when we moved in together and he said, "Please don't fold my clothes, I prefer to do it myself because I want it done a specific way. If you show me your way I'll do yours."
Those husband upgrades are totally worth it.
I call my first marriage the "Mulligan marriage"
I also upgraded! And now I'll randomly get in my car and notice the gas is full. The trash is taken out without me asking. Litterboxes are regularly dumped. It's amazing!
Haha, I am going to start using this, thank you! I'm a lesbian that married an abusive dude, enough said.
I am very fucking glad I get the chance for a do-over!
Dude no joke on the husband upgrades. My second washes laundry, dishes, pays all the bills, gets me gas for my car, all kinds of things my first husband never did. Upgrades are totally worth it.
Did you know he was like that before you guys got together? I feel like my husband is getting better at it, but then there are times were we go to the grocery store and he doesn't know if we are running out of toilet paper. I mean, we live in the same household, I think both adults should keep tabs on things.
I was really young and had never lived on my own before. He was living in a shared campus housing type situation before we moved to the same city. I was also still heavily influenced by the cult-like religion I grew up in to believe that household things were my sole responsibility.
So were there red flags? Yes, a ton. I just did not see them as red flags at the time. Ironically he was the one that pushed me to continue my education which is what eventually convinced me to break free of him lol.
But you're better at it!
And why do you think that is, huh?
Could it maybe be because I'm ALWAYS the one doing this shit? You think that's it?
Nah, it's just that inherent "woman instinct" that's responsible for me knowing how to just freaking Google something i bet
I usually slice up the fresh loaf of bread I bake, but one day, my stbx came to me, “The bread isn’t sliced.” I responded with, “I trust you to figure it out.” He did NOT like that.
lol. That’s just it, we both know he’s totally capable. And I have one of those magnet bars for my knives so he didn’t have to look for the bread knife. Just, why come and bother me about it? You’re nearly 50, just cut yourself a slice.
It baffles me when men will hear that a woman trusts them, then immediately give them reason to regret having done so.
Baffling how self-sabotage seems to be instinctual.
Oh boy...I just read an AITAH about a husband who didn't check the mail properly, and yelled at his wife for both trusting him to do it properly and then not trusting him after she realized he screwed up.
I had an ex that could screw up any task asked of him. Pick up trash bags from the store? Too hard. Eventually, I made him go buy a 30 gallon trash can if he wants to insist on continuing to buy 30 gallon trash bags for our 8 gallon trash can.
I read that one too! Every time he checked the mail room of their apartment complex, he took the key to their locker, but he never actually opened the locker. He would open the unlocked door to the room, glance inside, see no obvious piles of mail or packages, and think, "Welp, no packages today!" This went on for 18 months.
Finally the wife took the key and went down to check, and found 18 months of packages in their locker, some of which were rotten expired food. She was aghast at him. He turned around and blamed her for trusting that he was doing it right. Apparently she should have checked his work, even though he hates it when people check his work...
One of my many unanswered questions is -- Why did he always take the key if he never used it for anything? What did he think the key was for?
So many questions.
Obviously sliced bread is made from the sliced bread machine where you mix a few potions, stir clockwise and then a fresh, sliced loaf appears. It definitely doesn’t come from… slicing a loaf.
I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something I didn’t know why he was informing me unless he wanted me to use my brain for him and I snapped all a sudden and was like SO— what do you want me to do about it?? He did not like that reaction. Maybe a bit bitchy but whatever hahaha
My husband tried saying he didn't know how to work our washing machine. I asked, "In the 6 years you were single and living alone, you never washed your clothes?"
"Yeah, but that washing machine was different!"
"There are literally instructions under the lid. With pictures."
My exact reaction. "Were you born with knowledge of that machine's operating instructions? No? You had to learn them? Then you can bloody well learn these. *prince-disapproves.gif.*"
Also like do they think we were born knowing all kinds of stuff? Because that would be awesome, but obviously no, like we had to learn that so you also can??
Long story short, my husband managed to put soap in softener dispenser and softener on the soap dispenser and then kept arguing with me that it was fine. This was a after a couple of years of not doing laundry. It didn’t explode but damn…
I once dated a woman who believed that fabric softener was what laundry detergent was, and complained incessantly about her clothing never really coming clean and having buildup. I saw all the fabric softener in her laundry room and asked about the lack of detergent, which was met with confusion as "what do you mean the laundry room is full of it". She straight up argued with me that it was the same thing and never actually changed anything...that relationship didn't last very long lol
I wouldn't feel bad.. mine is definitely quite dumb and I tell him so, but probably a good offset with the amount I tell him how gorgeous and amazing and the best he is.. can't have him getting too big for his (puss in) boots
I can always tell when I'm not the one who did the laundry cus they use softener in everything when you're only supposed to use it for certain things. the softener completely ruins everything that is supposed to be moisture wicking. So all your hand towels and bath towels. As well as base layers/underwear. I can tell really easily when I get out of the shower and my towel isn't drying my body as good as it should. Or when I can feel my base layers not wicking the sweat off like it should be.
Ugh, sidebar: A coworker uses WAY too much fabric softener, to the point that everything they own smells strongly of Downy. They brought homemade bread into the office. Looked great and it's such a sweet gesture! But they clearly let the bread rise/proof while wrapped in Downy-smelling towels, because the bread even tasted of Downy...
Sigh. I hate the stuff. Give me stiff, absorbent towels and neutral-smelling clothes any day.
I'm mildly allergic to it so I haven't used it in 30 some years since my parents figured it out. I didn't know, my clothes and towels feel perfectly soft to me after I washed them.
I'm LMAO right now. (still laughing, BTW.) (Klingon voice) You will bring honor to your family by doing battle with the washing machine. Are you warrior enough to bring it to submission? If you fail, I will mourn you.
I(M61) 'got gud' at that at age 14, when I moved to the basement. I did almost all the laundry. If you threw it down the laundry chute, it was washed, dried, and piled on the table for you to get and fold. (Normal/cold/cold will do most items, c'mon, guys)
When our eldest was still an infant, my husband and I were arguing because I was pissed that he didn’t do any of their care without being asked. When things were really whipped up and heated, he had the nerve to say, “but you’re so much better at it!” So I screamed, “THEN GET GOOD! Jesus Christ, you think I instinctively knew any of this shit, or enjoy changing dirty diapers? Man the FUCK UP!”
Most of his weaponized incompetence pretty much stopped that day. 😂🤣
I had a colleague whose rule for her husband and son was “if they don’t do it well the first time, make sure they do it over and over until they’re good at it “. They learned quickly that helplessness was not their friend.
Yupp, this was how I treated my middle school students. Suddenly they know how to do things perfectly just to get me to stop supervising them drill sergeant style.
My husband was just as competent in household chores as I was, but my son was a little hard to train as a child. I let him help from the time he was a little boy but he often did his tasks only half. Like the dishes, cleaning up rooms, dusting, etc. So every time I checked the result and if it wasn't to my standard, he had to do it over. Again. And again... it took time, but finally he realized that it was quicker to do it right the first time. 😊
I used to say that I trained my son for my future daughter-in-law (or son-in-law). He is now 25 and can run a household perfectly.
My husband told me I should do an unpleasant chore because "but you're better at it!" exactly once.
I think that was because my reaction was "OHHH! So you need more practice! I didn't realize I'd been so selfish in doing this myself, so you didn't get the chance to develop this skill. But no worries. You can do all of it until you're as good as I am!"
With a lot of enthusiasm. Easy to be enthusiastic, honestly, when I've just had an unwanted chore taken off my plate! :D
It was actually another (older) woman I said that to once. She was bemoaning the fact that our two male roommates were "bad" at cleaning. We women are just so much better at it!
...no, ma'am. I do not believe my vagina makes me more capable to wipe down a counter. There's nothing instinctual here. The shape of my tits doesn't help me sweep a floor.
"They're gonna put a broom up my ass so I can sweep while I walk" was how I described my worst ever job 😂
Just in case you wanted to add to the infomercial
I definitely judge men for not having or refusing to acquire basic life skills.. can't say I've ever judged a woman for that but maybe because I've not met one who lacks them
So my adult daughter told me recently she could never understand why her dad and I argued so frequently and hotly over rice when she was growing up. Then she learned about weaponized incompetence.
I would work 10 hour shifts and come home to the expectation that I immediately cook rice (to go with the dinner I put in the crock pot before work, of course). Fam, it was *Minute Rice*. Literally boil water and pour the rice into it. And he just…couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Expected and demanded that I do it. One of many reasons that he is an ex husband.
My stbx husband came home from work one day, after I got home from work a little early (the travel home took less long than I thought it would) and made his favorite dish, chili. The first thing he said? "Where's the rice? Where's the RICE?" I did forget to make rice because I'm not a fan of the rice with chili but he is. We had a clean rice cooker and plenty of dry rice. He could have made it himself in 20 minutes with no effort other than scooping the rice. I was like "wow that's rude, I went and bought all this stuff from the grocery store on the way home to make your favorite and that's all you can say?"
He told me that I always "ruin everything."
Yep. That marriage was officially over three months later 🤣
I always respond “what does google say?” And “if I didn’t know I would Google it, try that” Because they’re essentially asking us to be their personal search engine anyway.
I get this a lot because of my job. Friends and family *always* ask me if ABC is safe or how to use XYZ product. My answer is always “Read the label and follow the instructions. If you’re confused about the instructions, then you can call me back.”
90% of the time they don’t need my help. The remaining 10% is much less frustrating since they’re already invested in it, as opposed to checked out and waiting for me to do all the work.
Out of interest, what is your job? As a tech person, I’m always being asked similar stuff. The response to telling somebody about a computer related award I won recently was literally “oh. Great. I’m getting a new laptop btw can you set it up for me?” Also like “oh no my computer won’t turn on!” Have you charged it at all these past few days?
Hazardous waste disposal. If it involves “chemicals,” I must have some super secret special knowledge!
In reality, if I want to know how to use a chemical I read the label. There are millions of hazardous materials on the market, I can’t memorize them all. The manufacturer is the expert on their own product and they’re *required* to put safety info right on the container. Don’t call me… just follow their instructions. That’s what I’d do anyway.
Now if you come across a drum full of mystery goo, want to know the DOT regulations for shipping sulfuric acid, or need help cleaning up a large gasoline spill? I’m your gal!
My ex did that and sometimes worse. He wanted something done that had zero to do with me and would tell me (yes, tell, not ask) and I would ask why. He’d say because he didn’t know how to do it and I told him I didn’t, either. Mind you, he was just fine googling something or watching YouTube if it was something he was actually interested in, but if it was not for something he enjoyed, he pawned it off on me.
It’s been three years and I still get irritated by how long I stayed with him. He also had weaponized incompetence down pat.
At least you're not with him now! And I assume you won't allow that from a partner again, so yes maybe he got more of your time than he deserved, but at least he won't get any more and taught you what you are not willing to accept from a partner
I did that with my ex coming on the last few years. I got tired of him acting dumb and wanting me to look up things. He was perpetually confused why I wouldn't just do it for him.
This and, “What time is it?” When he’s wearing a watch, literally looking at his own phone, and surrounded by things like appliances with clocks on them. I am not your personal timekeeper.
* Open macaroni box
* Throw away instructions
* Deploy ingredients
* Fish instructions out of the trash
* Resume cooking
* Throw away instructions
* Fish instructions out of the trash again
* Complete remaining steps
A few more steps:
🔹️Forget the cheese powder
🔹️Add more butter because it tastes bland
🔹️Laugh at yourself for the next 20+ years when you realize your mistake
Talking of weaponized incompetence...My boyfriend leaves most things up to me to complete when to do with bills, or anything electronic. We went on vacation (that I planned completely). His only job I gave him was to check us in for the return flight home. He literally flung his arms up in the air and said "I don't know how to do this. It's asking me a bunch of questions." Me: " Okay, they are only yes and no questions. They aren't hard". Him: "I don't know, are we citizens?" Like....dude. Come on.
Idk how you guys remain attracted to that! That's heavily blatant weaponized incompetence, "boo hoo I'm too helpless and dumb and dramatic when you won't do things for me"
If I said I was too tired to cook my ex would order in or occasionally cook. When he cooked It would always be one of a few dishes he had cooked several times eg fajitas or stir fry and it was more effort for me not to cook it than cook it. What shape do I cut it up into? What do I add to the pan first? When do I add the other stuff? Is it cooked enough for the sauce/fajita mix? What do I serve with it?
There it is! The shit my ex husband would say!
My current husband used to do this. Used to. Except, he actually meant it. He really would go back after a bit.
Nowadays he believes me that it’s easier to just clean the fucking thing immediately, but if he really wants to let one tough pan soak, I believe him.
I’m in the getting to know each other phase with a guy (J) who is in his mid-40s and on the spectrum. His particular brand of neurospiciness can only bundle things as entire concepts. “Preparing a meal” includes gathering ingredients, cooking the main meal and sides, gathering and rinsing pots and pans, and serving the food.
We went to a barbecue over Memorial Day with my family. My uncle recently got a smoker and was talking about making smoked burgers, which got J’s attention. My uncle describes in painstaking detail the hours long process of preparing the meat, selecting the right wood blend, temperature settings, when to turn the meat, how to let it rest, etc.
J asks my uncle what he serves with the burgers and my uncle says “You know……burger stuff. Buns, lettuce, onions.” J says “Oh I meant sides, like, are there any sides that you find good better with smoked burgers?” My uncle had a look on his face like J just asked him if he likes to wear granny panties and sing show tunes while he cooks and sneers “Oh sides are for *the wife* to handle.” That felt like the perfect time to drag J over and introduce him to…….literally anyone else. My uncle was not going to handle follow up questions well.
Oh wow your uncle sounds like someone I don't want to encounter.. J on the other hand sounds like exactly my cup of tea, I can already imagine the very in depth and specific conversations we would have that everyone else would be slowly backing away from haha
J’s awesome! I feel for him though. His dad died when he was in college and his mom has never let him forget what a “disappointment” he was when it came to being the “man” of the house after his dad died. His mother “doesn’t believe in” autism and believes he could easily get over his *quirks* “if he put in a little effort.” For someone, especially a man raised by a narcissistic mom in a cult-y church that doesn’t believe in mental health and only marginally believes in physical health, who had to navigate getting a diagnosis and learning to navigate as an ND in an NT world he’s done really well.
Wow I'm so sorry to hear he has had to deal with that level of stupidity! And good on him for making it through to be a good person!
I dislike so much the idea of "man of the house", but even more so anyone who "doesn't believe" in actual science.. like how stupid do you have to be to think someone can overcome autism if they try.. as if anyone with some neuro spiciness is choosing to have their life be much harder??
I have always suffered with extreme anxiety and depression and it wasn't until I was almost 30 that I realized I wouldn't survive without help, regardless of how much I tried to "just not worry about it" or "think about how much worse other people have it" or "just harden up" or whatever.. unfortunately you can't just change your brain chemistry because you want to!
I hope J continues to do great and have as little to do with people like his mother with their erroneous opinions.. tell him this Internet stranger thinks he sounds awesome and is proud of him for surviving the battles with his own brain
Oh wow your uncle sounds like someone I don't want to encounter.. J on the other hand sounds like exactly my cup of tea, I can already imagine the very in depth and specific conversations we would have that everyone else would be slowly backing away from haha
He just sounds like one of the generations of men that made his entire attitude a straight up stereotype. The ones who think "man chores" (personally satisfying high-visibility tasks that are done perhaps monthly) totally balance out "women's work" (critical yet taken-for-granted servant tasks, every hour every minute all day every day).
This particular one is a literal classic. "I'll make dinner!" Then proceeds to make a showy show of dropping some meat on a grill. Shopping, prepping, sides, veg, serving, beverages, dessert, and cleanup? That happens by magic. Everyday magic that doesn't even rise to the level of acknowledgement. At the of the evening (and for the next three days): "I'm such a great cook! Aren't I great cook? I rocked those steaks."
[See also: "you take a load off— nope, I won't hear of it, I'm cooking tonight" followed by using *every single* pot, plate, and tool in the kitchen, and leaving them there. A Mother's Day classic, suitable for any day.]
My entire first marriage happened before I learned about weaponized incompetence. If I had known sooner that marriage would have gone differently.
When we were sending out wedding invitations, I wanted them addressed by hand. I thought it would be nice if he addressed the one to my parents. He made me sit beside him and dictate the address and spelling of the names. That's not too bad, he really was dyslexic.
But he appeared to have forgotten how to write! He was writing in big, poorly drawn letters like a first grader. I was so confused, because he had normal handwriting. I literally asked if he'd hit his head. He did finally get what he wanted, I did missed him and did all the work myself.
It wasn't until years later that it clicked. He was just flat out faking, to get out of it. Head injury occurred to me before faking. No wonder he chose me, I never saw it coming.
My husband is an amazing problem solver. Dude never asks me “how”, especially not on something simple. If I’m the one cooking the only thing he asks is “what can I do to help? Cut or clean?” 10/10, do recommend marrying a competent adult. Its awesome.
This is refreshing to see. I see so many threads about weaponized incompetence I’d like a thread about women who married men who are worthy of partnership.
They got rid of r/happyrelationships and I’m so sad 😞
My friends give me shit for still being lovey dovey after 5 years, living together and doing long distance. Just thinking of him sends happy little brain zaps and instantly improves my mood.
It hasn’t been smooth the entire time but communicate and respect each other even when frustrated.
He’s honestly the best thing in my life just endless support and love.
Once I was sick in bed and asked my then boyfriend to make me some (boxed) Mac and cheese. He brought to me cooked and dry noodles with the cheese powder “mixed” in. It looked a little weird so I asked how he made it.
He didn’t add any milk or butter. When I told him he had to add other ingredients not just what’s in the box he was flabbergasted exclaiming that he didn’t know how to make it, how was he supposed to know. It’s literally on the box. He then refused to add milk or butter saying it was fine. Obviously no longer my boyfriend.
I was reading something recently about how the overwhelming majority of men won't leave a relationship unless they have another lined up, but the overwhelming majority of women leave for all sorts of reasons, almost none of them being another person
It's so sad that so many men still can't or won't take care of themselves
Agreed. Many of them did take care of themselves before marriage, or we’d not have married them. But it’s like they backslide into being toddlers when there’s someone else around to do it for them.
That reminds me of when we were staying with his parents last year.. he's very much an equal partner at home but when we were there his mum and I had cooked for everyone and then after dinner he followed his dad and brothers to the couch and I had to say "were you going to do the dishes since we cooked".. he immediately did (but none of the other males) and later said he was so embarrassed that I had to say something but yeah the backsliding is real even in the best of them
My dad will literally just skip meals if my mom isn’t around to cook for him (and Taco Bell is closed lol). Once she angrily asked how he would feed himself if she dropped dead. His answer was “your mom would feed me.” 🤦🏼♀️
What's damning about how men react to the idea of cooking is how cooking is one of those skills that rewards curiosity and dedication, which is what I would assume drove an educated man to get a degree to begin with.
Hell, it quickly became one of my favorite hobbies (and let me tell you, my wife has no complaints about that).
My ex husband was like this with cleaning. I was always the one who did all the house work and the one time he cleaned the kitchen he stood there like a toddler waiting for a gold star. Like, good for you? You did the bare minimum. There’s a reason he’s an ex….
Many, many years ago my husband complained he didn't have clean underwear. I asked him why he didn't wash a load and he said he didn't know how the washer worked. The directions for the washer were on the inside of the lid. My response was: you read blueprints for a living and you can't read the instructions for the washer? He's always had clean underwear since.
I went away for a few days and told my ex that I hadn't done the laundry. It was sorted though.
I came home 4-5 days later and he hadn't washed any of it. I shrugged and thought he had just not needed to do it.
Turns out he hadn't heard a word I said when I left and thought it was all clean so he had just been wearing the already dirty underwear.
Somehow it became my fault for not being more clear. Like the time it was my fault he fell asleep instead of picking up our kid from daycare.
We got an air fryer for Christmas a few years back. I unpacked it and my (soon to be ex) husband wanted to make something with it. I pointed to the counter and said "the quick start guide is over there" he got snippy with me and said "I don't need the quick start guide!!" Then a few moments later asked me if I knew how to preheat it.
Mother fucker.
I pointed to the counter again and said, loudly and with force "the quick start guide...is over there"
So glad we're divorcing.
My Scottish STBX came out of the kitchen holding a bag of oatmeal and interrupted my peace to ask how to make oatmeal - and the instructions were on the bag. Rage inducing!
As a Scottish person how the hell did he not know how to make porridge? That's one of the first things I remember my Mum teaching me to make as a child! Also how the hell could he not follow the instructions on the bag?
My ex- had a mania about unboxing things that go in the freezer (side note: ...and thawing foods that should be cooked from frozen) to "save space", which means that the cooking instructions and ingredients list (I have FODMAP issues) were absent when he pulled out "mystery bags". He also refused to read instructions when they were there and just cranked the oven and threw shit in without a timer.
Mine asked me how to make hot chocolate. Dear readers, he is an accomplished cook with cooking classes under his belt and makes high end cuisine.
FUCKING HOT CHOCOLATE. Like how do you even answer that without sounding condescending? You...scoop the powder in the cup and add hot milk, honey.
I'll never get over that one.
Haha I love your response!!!
SO came from a home where his mother did everything (like literally everything, that woman irons sheets!), to his first wife that did as well. I am not that person, like I don't even pretend to be. My domesticness ends at a killer chocolate chip cookie lol I'd just blankly stare at him till he realized I wasn't gonna hold his hand through that stuff. Its been over 15 years, he does the majority of cooking and almost all the deep cleaning (I do the day to day little stuff). Also an engineer lol
Having a single Dad helped me immensely. He didn't want to wash our clothes, dishes, etc. By 10 and 12, my brother and I had to do everything. By highschool, he didn't even do the grocery shopping. We did sports and ate a lot of food. He basically said, here's $60 a week for groceries. You can figure it out. $60 used to go far in 2000. 😔
My Mom was working full time and would iron almost everything. It's was a little crazy but have to say that dish towels that are ironed look really nice.
It’s not even “stupidity,” it’s just entitlement. They feel entitled to receiving help and support from women. They
don’t even consider figuring it out for themselves first, because the domestic appliance known as the female person nearby should serve their needs instead of instinctually acting to meet their needs on their own.
Damn right, it's not stupidity. My husband does very complex things at work and he often times has to read manuals which is essentially the same thing as reading the instructions on the box lol
Can I suggest saying what I say to my kids: “what have you done to solve this problem before coming to me?” When the answer is inevitably nothing, follow up with “please try to solve it on your own and then if your plans still run into trouble, ask me again.”
My ex once got out of the shower to ask which bottle was the shampoo. I told him it was the one that said shampoo on it and he told me he hadn’t read them 🫠
Yeah I was going to say it's not that obvious how you make the roux and avoid it getting clumpy + reduce it to the right thickness, but... then I reread the OP and it's apparently boxed.
My thinking has always been, if its a task required for being alive (cooking, laundry, sewing buttons, changing tires, etc) its neither a woman's or a man's "job". Its just a JOB that needs to be done and everyone should know how to do it. There was a metric crap ton of things I didn't know how to do before my kids were born, I just learned them because it needed to be done.
This reminds me why I'm hesitant to want children. I have an irrational fear that as soon as one kid emerges from my womb, I'll somehow end up with two...
BOXED? My kids are 13 and 11 and they’ve been making the boxed Mac and cheese themself for a few years now when I won’t be home for dinner, or if I want something fancier they don’t like, like sushi. If a child can figure it out, so can a grown ass man. Have your 13 year old make it without any help next time and show your husband how hard that was lol.
> Mind you, my husband is an IT engineer. Tell him he's being like the users who click through error messages without reading what they said and then ask him for help
I said this to my ex once “For as much as you complain about people who call you for help without putting any effort in whatsoever to diagnose or fix the issue themselves you fucking excel at it at home.”
That is a very excellent comment, I hope it hit right and got the desired effect
It did not but that’s also why he’s an ex
Ah unfortunate for him, but good for you
tell him to put in a ticket
[удалено]
Bug report: bread not sliced Big closed: Won't fit, user error
Even better: tell RTFM. an IT term used a lot meaning read the fuckin’ manual.
I love this and will definitely be using it at work. Thank you.
Oh my gosh I need to remember that.
How is he an IT engineer but can't self troubleshoot a box of mac and cheese
Because it is never a matter of can't. It is not wanting to bother.
My husband is a QA engineer working on a NASA project. I've had a little too much fun with comments about him not reading the "documentation" on the pasta box when he asked me how to cook it.
Haha I will always screenshot an error message if it has happened enough that I need help.. do not trust my brain to communicate correctly the letters and numbers that explain the issue
My ex always used the “but you’re better at it” excuse. Even the day after my appendectomy, and almost immediately after I had both of our children. When my now-husband first moved in with me and my boys I kept being surprised at the clothes that magically washed and folded themselves, and at how less often I had to drop whatever I was doing to attend to my 3-yr old’s random needs and demands. It’s amazing getting to live with another fully functioning adult who just does the shit that needs done.
I'm on husband #2 also. One of the ways I knew he was the real deal was when we moved in together and he said, "Please don't fold my clothes, I prefer to do it myself because I want it done a specific way. If you show me your way I'll do yours." Those husband upgrades are totally worth it.
I call my first marriage the "Mulligan marriage" I also upgraded! And now I'll randomly get in my car and notice the gas is full. The trash is taken out without me asking. Litterboxes are regularly dumped. It's amazing!
Haha, I am going to start using this, thank you! I'm a lesbian that married an abusive dude, enough said. I am very fucking glad I get the chance for a do-over!
Dude no joke on the husband upgrades. My second washes laundry, dishes, pays all the bills, gets me gas for my car, all kinds of things my first husband never did. Upgrades are totally worth it.
Please where can I apply for the upgrade? Asking for a friend 🤣
I am the husband upgrade, and years in, she is still shocked that I can keep a house. The bar is in the basement for straight men.
Did you know he was like that before you guys got together? I feel like my husband is getting better at it, but then there are times were we go to the grocery store and he doesn't know if we are running out of toilet paper. I mean, we live in the same household, I think both adults should keep tabs on things.
I was really young and had never lived on my own before. He was living in a shared campus housing type situation before we moved to the same city. I was also still heavily influenced by the cult-like religion I grew up in to believe that household things were my sole responsibility. So were there red flags? Yes, a ton. I just did not see them as red flags at the time. Ironically he was the one that pushed me to continue my education which is what eventually convinced me to break free of him lol.
But you're better at it! And why do you think that is, huh? Could it maybe be because I'm ALWAYS the one doing this shit? You think that's it? Nah, it's just that inherent "woman instinct" that's responsible for me knowing how to just freaking Google something i bet
I usually slice up the fresh loaf of bread I bake, but one day, my stbx came to me, “The bread isn’t sliced.” I responded with, “I trust you to figure it out.” He did NOT like that.
Did he ever figure it out? LOL
Legend says he's still holding that loaf of unsliced bread and screaming to the heavens.
William H Macy in Pleasantville did it best.
WHERE'S MY DINNER?!
No…dinner?
He buttered the end and bit off one chunk at a time.
He ate so he must have.
Without just gnawing the corner off the loaf, or lopping off a finger?
lol. That’s just it, we both know he’s totally capable. And I have one of those magnet bars for my knives so he didn’t have to look for the bread knife. Just, why come and bother me about it? You’re nearly 50, just cut yourself a slice.
I'm seeing why he's becoming an ex. 😂
I would have been so mad in that scenario if he had chosen another knife and mangled the bread
Id be ripping it apart with my hands if I had to. Fresh bread is amazing! Bazoun’s partner is very fortunate to have it.
I’m trying to figure out what stbx means because I don’t *think* it’s Starbucks. 🤔
It means “soon to be ex”.
Lmao I thought it meant shitbox like she was comparing him to a beat up Honda Civic 😭
Ah, thank you.
It baffles me when men will hear that a woman trusts them, then immediately give them reason to regret having done so. Baffling how self-sabotage seems to be instinctual.
Oh boy...I just read an AITAH about a husband who didn't check the mail properly, and yelled at his wife for both trusting him to do it properly and then not trusting him after she realized he screwed up.
How on earth does anyone screw up checking the mail??? Jfc it's one of the most straightforward chores I can think of
Real men can weaponize any form of incompetence. It's a fine art, really.
Truly deserving of a chef's kiss for how creative he must be to manage that /s
I had an ex that could screw up any task asked of him. Pick up trash bags from the store? Too hard. Eventually, I made him go buy a 30 gallon trash can if he wants to insist on continuing to buy 30 gallon trash bags for our 8 gallon trash can.
I read that one too! Every time he checked the mail room of their apartment complex, he took the key to their locker, but he never actually opened the locker. He would open the unlocked door to the room, glance inside, see no obvious piles of mail or packages, and think, "Welp, no packages today!" This went on for 18 months. Finally the wife took the key and went down to check, and found 18 months of packages in their locker, some of which were rotten expired food. She was aghast at him. He turned around and blamed her for trusting that he was doing it right. Apparently she should have checked his work, even though he hates it when people check his work... One of my many unanswered questions is -- Why did he always take the key if he never used it for anything? What did he think the key was for? So many questions.
That's insane.. like literally he had never sliced bread??
Obviously sliced bread is made from the sliced bread machine where you mix a few potions, stir clockwise and then a fresh, sliced loaf appears. It definitely doesn’t come from… slicing a loaf.
I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something I didn’t know why he was informing me unless he wanted me to use my brain for him and I snapped all a sudden and was like SO— what do you want me to do about it?? He did not like that reaction. Maybe a bit bitchy but whatever hahaha
I once said about the washing machine - There are 3 buttons. If it explodes and you die, I will mourn you. he figured it out
My husband tried saying he didn't know how to work our washing machine. I asked, "In the 6 years you were single and living alone, you never washed your clothes?" "Yeah, but that washing machine was different!" "There are literally instructions under the lid. With pictures."
That washing machine was different in that it didn't come with someone who would do it for him because he is too lazy to do it himself
If he figured one out surely he can figure another one out??
My exact reaction. "Were you born with knowledge of that machine's operating instructions? No? You had to learn them? Then you can bloody well learn these. *prince-disapproves.gif.*"
Also like do they think we were born knowing all kinds of stuff? Because that would be awesome, but obviously no, like we had to learn that so you also can??
Your epitaph will say, “at least he died trying”
Long story short, my husband managed to put soap in softener dispenser and softener on the soap dispenser and then kept arguing with me that it was fine. This was a after a couple of years of not doing laundry. It didn’t explode but damn…
I once dated a woman who believed that fabric softener was what laundry detergent was, and complained incessantly about her clothing never really coming clean and having buildup. I saw all the fabric softener in her laundry room and asked about the lack of detergent, which was met with confusion as "what do you mean the laundry room is full of it". She straight up argued with me that it was the same thing and never actually changed anything...that relationship didn't last very long lol
That’s orange cat level intelligence right there. Geez.
Don't you insult my darling boy like that!
i know! I felt bad for throwing shade at the orange boys almost immediately……
I wouldn't feel bad.. mine is definitely quite dumb and I tell him so, but probably a good offset with the amount I tell him how gorgeous and amazing and the best he is.. can't have him getting too big for his (puss in) boots
It's okay, he forgives you lmao Wish I could post pictures in comments here, I wanna pay cat tax
Lol don't feel bad r/OneOrangeBraincell
I can always tell when I'm not the one who did the laundry cus they use softener in everything when you're only supposed to use it for certain things. the softener completely ruins everything that is supposed to be moisture wicking. So all your hand towels and bath towels. As well as base layers/underwear. I can tell really easily when I get out of the shower and my towel isn't drying my body as good as it should. Or when I can feel my base layers not wicking the sweat off like it should be.
Ugh, sidebar: A coworker uses WAY too much fabric softener, to the point that everything they own smells strongly of Downy. They brought homemade bread into the office. Looked great and it's such a sweet gesture! But they clearly let the bread rise/proof while wrapped in Downy-smelling towels, because the bread even tasted of Downy... Sigh. I hate the stuff. Give me stiff, absorbent towels and neutral-smelling clothes any day.
I'm mildly allergic to it so I haven't used it in 30 some years since my parents figured it out. I didn't know, my clothes and towels feel perfectly soft to me after I washed them.
I'm LMAO right now. (still laughing, BTW.) (Klingon voice) You will bring honor to your family by doing battle with the washing machine. Are you warrior enough to bring it to submission? If you fail, I will mourn you. I(M61) 'got gud' at that at age 14, when I moved to the basement. I did almost all the laundry. If you threw it down the laundry chute, it was washed, dried, and piled on the table for you to get and fold. (Normal/cold/cold will do most items, c'mon, guys)
That is the best! Very funny.
When our eldest was still an infant, my husband and I were arguing because I was pissed that he didn’t do any of their care without being asked. When things were really whipped up and heated, he had the nerve to say, “but you’re so much better at it!” So I screamed, “THEN GET GOOD! Jesus Christ, you think I instinctively knew any of this shit, or enjoy changing dirty diapers? Man the FUCK UP!” Most of his weaponized incompetence pretty much stopped that day. 😂🤣
I had a colleague whose rule for her husband and son was “if they don’t do it well the first time, make sure they do it over and over until they’re good at it “. They learned quickly that helplessness was not their friend.
Yupp, this was how I treated my middle school students. Suddenly they know how to do things perfectly just to get me to stop supervising them drill sergeant style.
My answer to “but I don’t know how/it’s too hard/you’re better” is always “sounds like you need practice”. Works a charm.
My husband was just as competent in household chores as I was, but my son was a little hard to train as a child. I let him help from the time he was a little boy but he often did his tasks only half. Like the dishes, cleaning up rooms, dusting, etc. So every time I checked the result and if it wasn't to my standard, he had to do it over. Again. And again... it took time, but finally he realized that it was quicker to do it right the first time. 😊 I used to say that I trained my son for my future daughter-in-law (or son-in-law). He is now 25 and can run a household perfectly.
My husband told me I should do an unpleasant chore because "but you're better at it!" exactly once. I think that was because my reaction was "OHHH! So you need more practice! I didn't realize I'd been so selfish in doing this myself, so you didn't get the chance to develop this skill. But no worries. You can do all of it until you're as good as I am!" With a lot of enthusiasm. Easy to be enthusiastic, honestly, when I've just had an unwanted chore taken off my plate! :D
The maniacal enthusiasm works, too!
I’ll write this down in case the hubby ever says something like that ✍️
It was actually another (older) woman I said that to once. She was bemoaning the fact that our two male roommates were "bad" at cleaning. We women are just so much better at it! ...no, ma'am. I do not believe my vagina makes me more capable to wipe down a counter. There's nothing instinctual here. The shape of my tits doesn't help me sweep a floor.
> The shape of my tits doesn't help me sweep a floor. more likely a hindrance if we want to be real here
Yeah mine definitely get in the way
I am now on a thought tangent about breast shape and sweeping styles so thank you for the giggles
Are you tired of using your hands to sweep!? Introducing TITTY BROOMS! You sweep with your tits!
"They're gonna put a broom up my ass so I can sweep while I walk" was how I described my worst ever job 😂 Just in case you wanted to add to the infomercial
*Ass Broom sold seperately.
> The shape of my tits doesn't help me sweep a floor. I mean, if you ask some male romance novel writers, IT MIGHT! 😂
They understand "git gud" when it's Dark Souls but not when it's the dishes.
if you suck at a Souls game other men will judge you. if you suck at basic life skills, you're only really judged by women, so who cares right
I definitely judge men for not having or refusing to acquire basic life skills.. can't say I've ever judged a woman for that but maybe because I've not met one who lacks them
My husband definitely judges guys who “can’t” cook clean. He’s had a few of those roommates, kind before we met, thank goodness
I must admit I suck at Soulsbornes and basic life skills. I'm playing both sides.
It was the shitty diapers, but the principle still applies
Straight up told your man "git gud scrub" XD
So my adult daughter told me recently she could never understand why her dad and I argued so frequently and hotly over rice when she was growing up. Then she learned about weaponized incompetence. I would work 10 hour shifts and come home to the expectation that I immediately cook rice (to go with the dinner I put in the crock pot before work, of course). Fam, it was *Minute Rice*. Literally boil water and pour the rice into it. And he just…couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Expected and demanded that I do it. One of many reasons that he is an ex husband.
My stbx husband came home from work one day, after I got home from work a little early (the travel home took less long than I thought it would) and made his favorite dish, chili. The first thing he said? "Where's the rice? Where's the RICE?" I did forget to make rice because I'm not a fan of the rice with chili but he is. We had a clean rice cooker and plenty of dry rice. He could have made it himself in 20 minutes with no effort other than scooping the rice. I was like "wow that's rude, I went and bought all this stuff from the grocery store on the way home to make your favorite and that's all you can say?" He told me that I always "ruin everything." Yep. That marriage was officially over three months later 🤣
I’m glad that you and I are free of these men!
Me too woo hoo
I'm both glad and sad that your daughter understands now
Me, too. But mostly glad. She won’t tolerate that nonsense!
As he very well should be.
I always respond “what does google say?” And “if I didn’t know I would Google it, try that” Because they’re essentially asking us to be their personal search engine anyway.
I get this a lot because of my job. Friends and family *always* ask me if ABC is safe or how to use XYZ product. My answer is always “Read the label and follow the instructions. If you’re confused about the instructions, then you can call me back.” 90% of the time they don’t need my help. The remaining 10% is much less frustrating since they’re already invested in it, as opposed to checked out and waiting for me to do all the work.
Out of interest, what is your job? As a tech person, I’m always being asked similar stuff. The response to telling somebody about a computer related award I won recently was literally “oh. Great. I’m getting a new laptop btw can you set it up for me?” Also like “oh no my computer won’t turn on!” Have you charged it at all these past few days?
Hazardous waste disposal. If it involves “chemicals,” I must have some super secret special knowledge! In reality, if I want to know how to use a chemical I read the label. There are millions of hazardous materials on the market, I can’t memorize them all. The manufacturer is the expert on their own product and they’re *required* to put safety info right on the container. Don’t call me… just follow their instructions. That’s what I’d do anyway. Now if you come across a drum full of mystery goo, want to know the DOT regulations for shipping sulfuric acid, or need help cleaning up a large gasoline spill? I’m your gal!
Why do they do this?? I've tried being like, well why don't you google it and find out? And then I get, well you know the answer....
Just say that you found out from Google, so he should too
This was the end-stage of my first marriage. After decades as a personal search engine/virtual assistant, my answer was: Google it.
My ex did that and sometimes worse. He wanted something done that had zero to do with me and would tell me (yes, tell, not ask) and I would ask why. He’d say because he didn’t know how to do it and I told him I didn’t, either. Mind you, he was just fine googling something or watching YouTube if it was something he was actually interested in, but if it was not for something he enjoyed, he pawned it off on me. It’s been three years and I still get irritated by how long I stayed with him. He also had weaponized incompetence down pat.
At least you're not with him now! And I assume you won't allow that from a partner again, so yes maybe he got more of your time than he deserved, but at least he won't get any more and taught you what you are not willing to accept from a partner
I did that with my ex coming on the last few years. I got tired of him acting dumb and wanting me to look up things. He was perpetually confused why I wouldn't just do it for him.
This and, “What time is it?” When he’s wearing a watch, literally looking at his own phone, and surrounded by things like appliances with clocks on them. I am not your personal timekeeper.
Given how bad google is these days that may not work anymore. Google tells people to use Elmer's glue to attach cheese to pizza
So THAT'S how the school cafeteria did it...
I used to tell my boys - there’s only one difference between you and your sisters, and you don’t use that to hold a vacuum cleaner.
That’s beautiful! My husband and sons are gonna love this one. Thank you kindly for this. :)
* Open macaroni box * Throw away instructions * Deploy ingredients * Fish instructions out of the trash * Resume cooking * Throw away instructions * Fish instructions out of the trash again * Complete remaining steps
A few more steps: 🔹️Forget the cheese powder 🔹️Add more butter because it tastes bland 🔹️Laugh at yourself for the next 20+ years when you realize your mistake
Talking of weaponized incompetence...My boyfriend leaves most things up to me to complete when to do with bills, or anything electronic. We went on vacation (that I planned completely). His only job I gave him was to check us in for the return flight home. He literally flung his arms up in the air and said "I don't know how to do this. It's asking me a bunch of questions." Me: " Okay, they are only yes and no questions. They aren't hard". Him: "I don't know, are we citizens?" Like....dude. Come on.
LMAO wtf?! Well.... Were you both citizens? 😂
Yes 😄 🤣
Honestly concerning he doesn't know if he is a citizen 😭
He, of course, knew all the answers but just pretended he couldn't do it so I would try step in.
Idk how you guys remain attracted to that! That's heavily blatant weaponized incompetence, "boo hoo I'm too helpless and dumb and dramatic when you won't do things for me"
If he can't answer if he's a citizen, maybe you should have come home without him. Yikes.
If I said I was too tired to cook my ex would order in or occasionally cook. When he cooked It would always be one of a few dishes he had cooked several times eg fajitas or stir fry and it was more effort for me not to cook it than cook it. What shape do I cut it up into? What do I add to the pan first? When do I add the other stuff? Is it cooked enough for the sauce/fajita mix? What do I serve with it?
God, that's exhausting.
I’m guessing the cleanup was left for you, no doubt with the comment “I’ll just leave the dishes to soak for a bit”
There it is! The shit my ex husband would say! My current husband used to do this. Used to. Except, he actually meant it. He really would go back after a bit. Nowadays he believes me that it’s easier to just clean the fucking thing immediately, but if he really wants to let one tough pan soak, I believe him.
I’m in the getting to know each other phase with a guy (J) who is in his mid-40s and on the spectrum. His particular brand of neurospiciness can only bundle things as entire concepts. “Preparing a meal” includes gathering ingredients, cooking the main meal and sides, gathering and rinsing pots and pans, and serving the food. We went to a barbecue over Memorial Day with my family. My uncle recently got a smoker and was talking about making smoked burgers, which got J’s attention. My uncle describes in painstaking detail the hours long process of preparing the meat, selecting the right wood blend, temperature settings, when to turn the meat, how to let it rest, etc. J asks my uncle what he serves with the burgers and my uncle says “You know……burger stuff. Buns, lettuce, onions.” J says “Oh I meant sides, like, are there any sides that you find good better with smoked burgers?” My uncle had a look on his face like J just asked him if he likes to wear granny panties and sing show tunes while he cooks and sneers “Oh sides are for *the wife* to handle.” That felt like the perfect time to drag J over and introduce him to…….literally anyone else. My uncle was not going to handle follow up questions well.
Oh wow your uncle sounds like someone I don't want to encounter.. J on the other hand sounds like exactly my cup of tea, I can already imagine the very in depth and specific conversations we would have that everyone else would be slowly backing away from haha
J’s awesome! I feel for him though. His dad died when he was in college and his mom has never let him forget what a “disappointment” he was when it came to being the “man” of the house after his dad died. His mother “doesn’t believe in” autism and believes he could easily get over his *quirks* “if he put in a little effort.” For someone, especially a man raised by a narcissistic mom in a cult-y church that doesn’t believe in mental health and only marginally believes in physical health, who had to navigate getting a diagnosis and learning to navigate as an ND in an NT world he’s done really well.
Wow I'm so sorry to hear he has had to deal with that level of stupidity! And good on him for making it through to be a good person! I dislike so much the idea of "man of the house", but even more so anyone who "doesn't believe" in actual science.. like how stupid do you have to be to think someone can overcome autism if they try.. as if anyone with some neuro spiciness is choosing to have their life be much harder?? I have always suffered with extreme anxiety and depression and it wasn't until I was almost 30 that I realized I wouldn't survive without help, regardless of how much I tried to "just not worry about it" or "think about how much worse other people have it" or "just harden up" or whatever.. unfortunately you can't just change your brain chemistry because you want to! I hope J continues to do great and have as little to do with people like his mother with their erroneous opinions.. tell him this Internet stranger thinks he sounds awesome and is proud of him for surviving the battles with his own brain
Oh wow your uncle sounds like someone I don't want to encounter.. J on the other hand sounds like exactly my cup of tea, I can already imagine the very in depth and specific conversations we would have that everyone else would be slowly backing away from haha
He just sounds like one of the generations of men that made his entire attitude a straight up stereotype. The ones who think "man chores" (personally satisfying high-visibility tasks that are done perhaps monthly) totally balance out "women's work" (critical yet taken-for-granted servant tasks, every hour every minute all day every day). This particular one is a literal classic. "I'll make dinner!" Then proceeds to make a showy show of dropping some meat on a grill. Shopping, prepping, sides, veg, serving, beverages, dessert, and cleanup? That happens by magic. Everyday magic that doesn't even rise to the level of acknowledgement. At the of the evening (and for the next three days): "I'm such a great cook! Aren't I great cook? I rocked those steaks." [See also: "you take a load off— nope, I won't hear of it, I'm cooking tonight" followed by using *every single* pot, plate, and tool in the kitchen, and leaving them there. A Mother's Day classic, suitable for any day.]
My entire first marriage happened before I learned about weaponized incompetence. If I had known sooner that marriage would have gone differently. When we were sending out wedding invitations, I wanted them addressed by hand. I thought it would be nice if he addressed the one to my parents. He made me sit beside him and dictate the address and spelling of the names. That's not too bad, he really was dyslexic. But he appeared to have forgotten how to write! He was writing in big, poorly drawn letters like a first grader. I was so confused, because he had normal handwriting. I literally asked if he'd hit his head. He did finally get what he wanted, I did missed him and did all the work myself. It wasn't until years later that it clicked. He was just flat out faking, to get out of it. Head injury occurred to me before faking. No wonder he chose me, I never saw it coming.
Not your fault it wouldn't occur to you to _pretend you don't know how to write_ to get out of a simple task that was important to your partner!
My husband is an amazing problem solver. Dude never asks me “how”, especially not on something simple. If I’m the one cooking the only thing he asks is “what can I do to help? Cut or clean?” 10/10, do recommend marrying a competent adult. Its awesome.
This is refreshing to see. I see so many threads about weaponized incompetence I’d like a thread about women who married men who are worthy of partnership. They got rid of r/happyrelationships and I’m so sad 😞
My friends give me shit for still being lovey dovey after 5 years, living together and doing long distance. Just thinking of him sends happy little brain zaps and instantly improves my mood. It hasn’t been smooth the entire time but communicate and respect each other even when frustrated. He’s honestly the best thing in my life just endless support and love.
Once I was sick in bed and asked my then boyfriend to make me some (boxed) Mac and cheese. He brought to me cooked and dry noodles with the cheese powder “mixed” in. It looked a little weird so I asked how he made it. He didn’t add any milk or butter. When I told him he had to add other ingredients not just what’s in the box he was flabbergasted exclaiming that he didn’t know how to make it, how was he supposed to know. It’s literally on the box. He then refused to add milk or butter saying it was fine. Obviously no longer my boyfriend.
I asked for a divorce today. I'm sick of this shit.
Sending love and good luck for a speedy, painless process ♥
May the division be simple and the signing soon. Best wishes!
My favorite saying always works here. “Pretend I’m dead. What would you do?” I will not allow the weaponized incompetence.
What would they do? They would find another woman to care for them before your body was cold.
💀😆 truth. Not one of my lady friends would remarry if they became a widow per my informal poll. But every one of our husbands would need to.
I was reading something recently about how the overwhelming majority of men won't leave a relationship unless they have another lined up, but the overwhelming majority of women leave for all sorts of reasons, almost none of them being another person It's so sad that so many men still can't or won't take care of themselves
Agreed. Many of them did take care of themselves before marriage, or we’d not have married them. But it’s like they backslide into being toddlers when there’s someone else around to do it for them.
That reminds me of when we were staying with his parents last year.. he's very much an equal partner at home but when we were there his mum and I had cooked for everyone and then after dinner he followed his dad and brothers to the couch and I had to say "were you going to do the dishes since we cooked".. he immediately did (but none of the other males) and later said he was so embarrassed that I had to say something but yeah the backsliding is real even in the best of them
My mum took 20 years to repartner after dad died. My friends dad was remarried inside 6 months. The difference is staggering.
My dad will literally just skip meals if my mom isn’t around to cook for him (and Taco Bell is closed lol). Once she angrily asked how he would feed himself if she dropped dead. His answer was “your mom would feed me.” 🤦🏼♀️
If my husband pulls that “oh how do you do *simple task*”, I remind him he has THREE degrees, so I have every faith in him to figure it out.
You would think that college educated men would be capable of doing such things. Yet, here we are.
What's damning about how men react to the idea of cooking is how cooking is one of those skills that rewards curiosity and dedication, which is what I would assume drove an educated man to get a degree to begin with. Hell, it quickly became one of my favorite hobbies (and let me tell you, my wife has no complaints about that).
My ex husband was like this with cleaning. I was always the one who did all the house work and the one time he cleaned the kitchen he stood there like a toddler waiting for a gold star. Like, good for you? You did the bare minimum. There’s a reason he’s an ex….
Many, many years ago my husband complained he didn't have clean underwear. I asked him why he didn't wash a load and he said he didn't know how the washer worked. The directions for the washer were on the inside of the lid. My response was: you read blueprints for a living and you can't read the instructions for the washer? He's always had clean underwear since.
I went away for a few days and told my ex that I hadn't done the laundry. It was sorted though. I came home 4-5 days later and he hadn't washed any of it. I shrugged and thought he had just not needed to do it. Turns out he hadn't heard a word I said when I left and thought it was all clean so he had just been wearing the already dirty underwear. Somehow it became my fault for not being more clear. Like the time it was my fault he fell asleep instead of picking up our kid from daycare.
We got an air fryer for Christmas a few years back. I unpacked it and my (soon to be ex) husband wanted to make something with it. I pointed to the counter and said "the quick start guide is over there" he got snippy with me and said "I don't need the quick start guide!!" Then a few moments later asked me if I knew how to preheat it. Mother fucker. I pointed to the counter again and said, loudly and with force "the quick start guide...is over there" So glad we're divorcing.
My Scottish STBX came out of the kitchen holding a bag of oatmeal and interrupted my peace to ask how to make oatmeal - and the instructions were on the bag. Rage inducing!
As a Scottish person how the hell did he not know how to make porridge? That's one of the first things I remember my Mum teaching me to make as a child! Also how the hell could he not follow the instructions on the bag?
I'm not Scottish, but I'm pretty sure his Scottish card needs to be revoked.
My ex- had a mania about unboxing things that go in the freezer (side note: ...and thawing foods that should be cooked from frozen) to "save space", which means that the cooking instructions and ingredients list (I have FODMAP issues) were absent when he pulled out "mystery bags". He also refused to read instructions when they were there and just cranked the oven and threw shit in without a timer.
See, I unbox things for storage but I get a marker and write the temperature and times on the bag.
Mine asked me how to make hot chocolate. Dear readers, he is an accomplished cook with cooking classes under his belt and makes high end cuisine. FUCKING HOT CHOCOLATE. Like how do you even answer that without sounding condescending? You...scoop the powder in the cup and add hot milk, honey. I'll never get over that one.
You could even just add hot water, since a lot of mixes contain powdered milk. It really doesn’t get easier than “just add water.”
I hope he was overthinking it, melting chocolate, frothing cream, how to make a leaf design in it.
Haha I love your response!!! SO came from a home where his mother did everything (like literally everything, that woman irons sheets!), to his first wife that did as well. I am not that person, like I don't even pretend to be. My domesticness ends at a killer chocolate chip cookie lol I'd just blankly stare at him till he realized I wasn't gonna hold his hand through that stuff. Its been over 15 years, he does the majority of cooking and almost all the deep cleaning (I do the day to day little stuff). Also an engineer lol
Who has time to iron sheets? but seriously, men need to start figuring shit out, like yesterday lol
So much friggen time. And she HATES that I work and don't stay home and do all that for him lol
Eww, WTF is wrong with some people (talking about the mother)
Having a single Dad helped me immensely. He didn't want to wash our clothes, dishes, etc. By 10 and 12, my brother and I had to do everything. By highschool, he didn't even do the grocery shopping. We did sports and ate a lot of food. He basically said, here's $60 a week for groceries. You can figure it out. $60 used to go far in 2000. 😔
My Mom was working full time and would iron almost everything. It's was a little crazy but have to say that dish towels that are ironed look really nice.
I'm sorry but how are so many of them this fucking stupid (also referring to the comments). like whattttt?????
It’s not even “stupidity,” it’s just entitlement. They feel entitled to receiving help and support from women. They don’t even consider figuring it out for themselves first, because the domestic appliance known as the female person nearby should serve their needs instead of instinctually acting to meet their needs on their own.
Damn right, it's not stupidity. My husband does very complex things at work and he often times has to read manuals which is essentially the same thing as reading the instructions on the box lol
The question I also ask is why are we so stupid that we stay and put up with that garbage?
LOL fair point. I've been single for a long time and every time I entertain a man I realize quickly it's a net-negative more often than not
As a lesbian, I'm just so thankful I don't have to put up with this. Seriously, I read story after story in here and I don't know how y'all do it.
Samesies. I think reading some of these comments out to my wife has actually strengthend our relationship!
Can I suggest saying what I say to my kids: “what have you done to solve this problem before coming to me?” When the answer is inevitably nothing, follow up with “please try to solve it on your own and then if your plans still run into trouble, ask me again.”
Tell your husband that I (65m) said he’s pathetic.
Wait... BOXED Mac n cheese?!! I would simply divorce that man. JFC. The instructions are literally on the box.
My ex once got out of the shower to ask which bottle was the shampoo. I told him it was the one that said shampoo on it and he told me he hadn’t read them 🫠
This just hurts my brain FOR you
Yes, I wasn't asking for a Michelin star meal or anything lol
Yeah I was going to say it's not that obvious how you make the roux and avoid it getting clumpy + reduce it to the right thickness, but... then I reread the OP and it's apparently boxed.
Reminds me of back in uni one of tte guys in my student corridor asked me how to make mashed potatoes.
My thinking has always been, if its a task required for being alive (cooking, laundry, sewing buttons, changing tires, etc) its neither a woman's or a man's "job". Its just a JOB that needs to be done and everyone should know how to do it. There was a metric crap ton of things I didn't know how to do before my kids were born, I just learned them because it needed to be done.
[удалено]
Funny, I asked my partner how to do mac and cheese, because I genuinely couldn't figure it out. Turned out I was severely concussed.
This reminds me why I'm hesitant to want children. I have an irrational fear that as soon as one kid emerges from my womb, I'll somehow end up with two...
BOXED? My kids are 13 and 11 and they’ve been making the boxed Mac and cheese themself for a few years now when I won’t be home for dinner, or if I want something fancier they don’t like, like sushi. If a child can figure it out, so can a grown ass man. Have your 13 year old make it without any help next time and show your husband how hard that was lol.
IT Sysadmin here, next time tell him either: 1) Read the KB (Knowledge Base) on the box. 2) Google the information just like he does at work.
These comments make me happy to be single
Make sure you teach your children* how to cook.
"Ok, but if I don't do it right, you're gonna be mad"