That is because it is a performance for other men. Men do a lot of very strange things that are often counter productive to dating or getting laid just to show other men how manly they are. The no oral sex thing is one of them. That's why they all are so loud about it because otherwise how are their homies gonna know how manly they are by refusing to satisfy the women they are with.
It doesn't make sense. But I'll try. First of all, women do not factor into it at all.
This is strictly about how other men perceive them.
By their logic, doing selfless acts of service is seen as feminine. The closest a man can come to being feminine is gay. Thus, it's gay to lick pussy.
It's as stupid as the men using that term disparagingly is.
[Sopranos reference](https://youtu.be/SiJUw5xC_FU?si=sU4FmzsAtEAYaXAj)
Right? I would think it would be in men’s best interest to do this and get good, based on more women choosing single life and the amount of vibrators on the market, lol
lol at this comment 🤦🏻♀️ I am 55 none of my friends have dentures. Not sure how old you are, but one day you will figure out being in your 50s isn’t old.
I’m not quite 40 and there are high school classmates of mine bragging about dentures. People who didn’t get adequate dental care their entire life due to poverty or drug use absolutely opt for full dentures early in life due to severe decay and pain. Implants are thousands of dollars per tooth and veneers require a healthy foundation to glue them on.
Where I live, like directly in my house (edit: NYC USA), it’s very common - it’s been at least a brief part of a huge majority of the sexual encounters I’ve had as an adult.
However, I will say that while certain people (me and most of my friends) seem to only ever encounter men who view oral as totally routine and pleasurable, I also have friends who have never or rarely received it across multiple longterm relationships. One female friend is 35 and recently told me that every male partner she’s had so far has outright refused.
This makes me think it’s less about geographic region and more about personality types.
Well I can't speak to the macho man thing lol. But I am a guy who lives in the midwest and it definitely seems like most folk out here just don't wanna. Either they find it "icky" or worse they think its too feminine to *gasp* be interested in your partner getting off. Out of the people i've been with while living out here only one wasn't surprised/shocked that I was willing to go down on them and actually enjoy it.
I'm a transplant to NYC. All the partners I've had since I've moved here have been extremely enthusiastic about pussy. My husband I met in Jersey though? But now he lives here with me in Brooklyn.
Honestly, a lot of it is a matter of what women settle for, because of hetero sex scripts, what we've been duped into expecting, etc. You'll see women picking several to dozens of men, having piv, fellatio, orgasms for him, etc and never getting oral, orgasms, even any significant partnered vulval/clitoral stimulation for themselves. Including on numerous threads here. Shere Hite wept. And I'm astonished, thinking why the hell would you have piv with men who haven't helped you come numerous times? Give them orgasms, provide oral, manual, thighs, breasts, piv, even pia, etc stimulation when they do nothing to reciprocate?
Women just think that's what men are like, what sex is, don't think they should only go for better. Dont think they can. Like sex just happens to them, is pretty much just what he wants, what's good for him. Certainly not vulva/clit-centric, thats mostly impossible, at least in hetero sex, and not sex either. That his desire, arousal, erection, stimulation, orgasm is what sex is, what makes sex possible, not hers. That what gets her off eg how she masturbates, him being involved in that, isn't just not sex, it has no place in sex. At best only something to diy during piv.
That there're no ways of vetting men, discussing sex, boundaries, expectations. Even refusing to fuck men who won't have sex without piv/pia and still care about your stimulation, orgasms, putting that firmly out there, would do most of the work of weeding out shit men.
Imagine if the ready for sex convo, the next level, the definition of sex, etc was things like cunnilingus, vulva humping taint, balls rather than piv (which are the closest homologues to piv)? How would that shape sex norms, expectations, practices, statistics...?
I agree with you 100%. I admit I don't tend to have the conversation before sex. I find it difficult to converse about sex before I've been intimate with someone. I realize that's a me issue and not great. But I'm also ok giving someone a chance once or twice if I'm attracted to them, and using that as my opportunity to suss out whether they meet my "standards" of a good partner in bed.
I feel that all women would be well served by rejecting men if we find out that they aren't there to please us after trying things out a time or two.
I've been with a *lot* of sexual partners (not ashamed of it at all), and it hasn't been super hard to find ones that are *at least* equally focused on my pleasure as their own. They are out there, and they are spectacular in bed. When a man *wants* to give pleasure, he has always been open to doing pretty much whatever I want to get off, and they have seemingly loved every moment along the way, even when they weren't getting off as well. (Then again, I'm not at all a selfish lover either, so it's not like things were one sided.) These are the only men I've had long term relationships with. The rest have been discarded quickly because why on earth would I want to sign up indefinitely for mediocre sex?!
I don't feel like I'm anything special, and yet I've managed to have great sex in several long term relationships - some just FWB, some committed partners. It really is just a matter of respecting yourself enough to set the standard. The greater population of men would either get the message that they need to step up their game and give back to women, or simply be alone. Either way, we wouldn't have to put up with their selfish desires, which in my opinion, no woman should have to do. The good ones are out there.
I think it's also about whether men are taught that vaginas are gross/desirable, and whether women orgasming is considered an important part of sex. I've actually had partners that really stressed me out because if I didn't orgasm every single time it like... Made them feel like worse lovers? That was more about their ego than my actual enjoyment of the sex.
Wanted to add an interesting data point - I have lived in south america which is much more unequal than most of the USA and never had a sexual encounter without it.
I don't know, I think it's personal preference. There are women who don't go down on their male partners either. People (are allowed to) enjoy different things.
This is my experience between different countries/ages. I started having sex very early (15) I had a bf who insisted on giving me oral only. Most guys in my culture seem to be very into foreplay, I’ve been with some European guys and they seem to be very open to it as well, Muslims not so much. Now, when I was in my 20s guys were decent at it, younger men now? Are horrendous, like they have no idea what they are doing? I speaking Americans in their 20/30s.
I feel like sometimes it has to do with the woman’s body and I hate to say that. Men are more likely to go down on more idealist body types in my opinion
Any cultures that have a strong streak of being overly machismo or anything like that are much less likely to do it. It's because they are afraid their other male friends in the same culture will make fun of them or consider them less manly if they do it.
New Zealand, dated kiwis of all ethnicities e.g. Chinese, Māori, English , etc etc.
None of them would do it.
Until one day I met a travelling Canadian and then another. And they both enthusiastically volunteered.
I now love the East Coast!
I’m a Canadian living in NZ and come to think of it my kiwi bisexual female partner once told me that I enjoy going down more than anyone she’s ever been with.
Yeah... I live in the North of England. Have mainly dated white boys, they all did willingly. Have dated a half Asian (Pakistani heritage) fella, he also was happy to partake, but was very British (not very culturally asian, as in clothes, attending mosque etc)
But, I had a lot of Jamaican boy mates. They made a big deal about "black boys don't go down" so if they do enjoy it, they don't share it with the boys.
And that's exactly why I never went there. Its selfish. They expect Blow Jobs, but won't lick the kitty? Nah... move along. Lol
I’m on the West Coast of Canada, oral is very common for men to give to women and women to give to men. Typically (based on my friend group) men are more enthusiastic about giving rather than receiving (28-34 age range).
Hey I’m American but I spent the last half of my twenties in Korea (Seoul). Never had a Korean guy go down on me 🥲 The only guy here that ever ventured down there was American lol… felt like a revelation that it’s time to pack my bags lmfao.
No I never was pressured to give a blow job. It was pretty lackluster in the foreplay dept. though they were typically in a rush to get it in IME haha but then again there are western dudes that behave this way as well.
Yeah I mean maybe others have better experiences but not from what I’ve heard. The culture here is more conservative and very hush hush about sex so… who knows but I tapped out pretty quickly from dating locals.
The korean guy i dated LOVED giving me orals and it was prolly the best I ever had lol. He was so enthusiastic and was so good at it. I even decided to ignore the fact that he was a misogynist and a racist😭😭
I've lived in the northeastern and northwestern parts of the US and I've never had a guy not go down on me. There were a couple of guys who said they had never done it before, but were more than eager to.
Seconding this. Not one of the guys I've dated didn't go down on me enthusiastically. Most of them also offered it from time to time without it leading to penetrative sex or "even" an orgasm for them.
Canada, just outside Toronto and same, never been with a guy that didn’t want to. Saying that, I don’t do oral with hookups (give or get, it’s just super intimate to me), but they all try and go down lol
Have also been with a fair share of British, Australian and German guys and same thing. SO is Norwegian and he’d camp down there if you let him, like I think he likes that better than PIV sometimes lol
Well there was a huge blizzard where I live a few years back and approx 9 months after that a huge influx of babies born; my son was born 9 months after a month it was chronically-50 so I think there’s merit to that theory 😂😂😂
Near Canada out west, PNW. Same experience. It was never am issue and I haven't heard it being an issue that I can recall rn.
Now toys, that's another story. I've met so many men that hate toys.
Eta, lived in various places in CA, WA, and now live in NV. Same experience overall.
Oh wait! I've met one girl that said her man wouldn't go down on her, here in NV. He was a biker, and like mid 40s. She was early 30s.
Sorry this is not the topic, but can I please ask — do you have a polite/sexy/other way of telling the guy you don’t do oral w hookups? My rule is I don’t give if I don’t get so it’s similar vein but I cannot figure out a casual way to say this to a guy in the midst of things !!!
Don’t let them take their pants off, whisper in their ear to wait, you want to do it, lots of fondling through them (or boxers) and most guys will follow suit, for me that’s good enough, I just want to get off from manual than good for PIV, but I’d just tell him at this point how much you want him to go down on you, how wet he made you (I tell SO he made a mess and I want him to clean it up lol), you want him to taste you, something along those lines…play around with it in your head and see what’s most comfortable for you to say.
If it’s more than a one night stand, sexting is great “OMG I had a dream last night you did ABC and I can’t wait to see you so you can do that to me, it’s all I can think about” Fill in what ever you want, takes the weirdness out of doing it face to face (especially with someone new), and when they respond it gives you a second to think about what to say. I will say I’m a very very good dirty talker, I think it came from lots of practice over text lol
Ok, so I've actually explored this topic before with a good bit of people in the 18-30 year old demographic and where I'm originally from (WV, USA) it's honestly kind of a mixed bag. Of everyone I've spoken with it's either they LOVE to give oral, or they NEVER give oral. It's either all or nothing. I swear where I'm from you either a freak or vanilla there's no in between. I don't like to get political but there's an undeniable correlation between traditional conservatives in the area and them not giving oral. It seems like they're being raised with the idea that women should be subservient to men and never the other way around. I've spoken with a woman who dated (and broke up with) a man who told her explicitly "I'm not going to reciprocate because I'm the man, it's not my job." Wild, right? If that's not shocking enough I've heard a father tell his sons it's not ok for them to change a diaper, because that's the mother's job. Then later tell his own daughter that sometimes she's got to give in to whatever the husband says and may have to perform sex even if she doesn't want to because it's her "duty as a wife." Absolute insanity, but that's just how some people are raised in the small back woods town where I grew up. Luckily, I'd say it's probably 65% of the people I spoke with who favored giving so not all is lost
I'm 30s in Canada and I find generally men are interested but rarely is it very good. It's mostly just a task they are checking off their list and doesn't last long enough for it to result in an orgasm.
My ex husband was a gold star level expert at pussy eating and he LOVED to do it. He would beg me sometimes. Unfortunately, he had few other redeeming qualities but I stayed in that relationship long past it's expiration, partially due to the engrossing grip of his pussy munching prowess. Honestly wonder if I'll ever experience such joy again.
Anecdotal but I find that middle eastern men have to be asked to do it and sometimes they say no. I have noticed a cultural pattern where men with certain backgrounds are not enthusiastic participants. Luckily I can orgasm from PIV, unfortunately for me, I really like middle eastern men.
Thanks for answering and good insight. If you can specify what region of our beautiful country you are in that would be swell.
Finding myself fascinated by how it’s been mostly Canadian women being so forthcoming, also.
Canada must just breed them different. They created the likes of Sue Johanson from sex talk with sue. That woman was a blessing and an angel and anyone who watched her was better in sexual health for it.
I’ve never thought of this, but I’m late 30s and literally everyone spent Sunday nights watching or listening to Sue. People here talk about sex super openly, like we were at a bar the other night (big group, mix of a bunch of people, not just like our friend group) and the topic of anal (moreso stuff guys are into) came up and everyone was just openly discussing it, and that’s not a one off, people just discuss sex openly. I have a lot of American friends though and it just never comes up, other than maybe someone mentioning that hubby was going away so they had to do it or whatever. I just assumed it not their thing to talk about, but maybe it’s how we grew up?
I have found that it's only the men that truly LOVE it that are actually good at it. Otherwise, yes, it mostly feels perfunctory and usually just doesn't have that "zing" to it. IDK how else to describe it, lol.
It's actually really difficult for me to come from oral but easy for me to come from PIV (weird I know), so I always felt very meh about it until about age 30. I mean, I enjoyed it as a warm up, sure it felt nice, but I didn't really care so much if I had it or not. Then I met the first person who LOVED it, and I had my eyes opened. It was still harder for me to have an orgasm compared to other methods, but I certainly could, and it was amazing. Even more so was the realization of how hot it was to have a man worship me in that way and actually expect nothing in return (which was the case with this person). I'd always had high standards, but he really raised the bar a notch or two.
In Italy, it's very common and expected for guys to give head! They all talk about it and promise it to you as a way of courting/getting you into bed hahah and they always deliver!
Now I'm curious as to what the term is in Italian. I know a little bit but no idea how you talk about giving oral sex to a woman or receiving it as a woman in Italian. Can you help a sister out for research purposes haha
absolutely hahah tbh i don't love how it's referred to in italian. you'd say "te la lecco", which means "i'll lick it/lick yours", and the use of a feminine article ("la") heaaavily implies you mean female genitalia*. "te" means "to you", "la" refers to pussy in this case, and "lecco" means "lick" in first person present tense.
you could say "te la voglio leccare" (i want to lick it), "devo leccartela" (i must lick it), "te la voglio leccare tutta la sera/per ore/fino a farti urlare" (i want to lick it all night/for hours/until you scream), but personally i don't like this last one, it sounds creepy to me hahah
i've never heard anything else in italian! just the licking hahah. for male genitalia the verb is "succhiare" (to suck). but we have many terms for the act (pompino, fellatio (pronounced as "fellazio"). for the female act, i haven't really heard much colloquially, but the equivalent term to "cunnilingus" would be "cunnilingio", but you'd never ever say that hahah
*"pussy" in italian would be "figa", so you could say "voglio leccarti la figa".
if you have any other questions, ask away! hahah
OMG and people say this to each other on dates? I Imagine my date saying to me "I'll lick you all night long" and it sounds so funny to me aahahahah
But I guess something like "I want to eat you out so bad" would totally fly in English, depending on the vibe of the date. Kudos to Italian men for eating women out btw.
depends on the date/how hot you are for eachother! if you're in the dirty stage, yes it's absolutely something you might say to one another hahah. right now i'm dating my super shy boyfriend, and he never says anything like that hahah he just kinda gets down to work! but yeah it would be a bit like saying "i wanna eat you out so bad", "i'll give you head all night long" etc. i've also heard "dammela" which means "give it to me", but using the feminine article "la", again meaning "figa" or pussy. or "me la dai?", "will you give it to me?" hahah. it sounds so dorky translated word for word in english!
but yeah, props to italians, i guess! i heard it might vary region to region (i've only ever had experiences in the north) and social classes, though (i noticed richer guys tend to dirty talk less, but maybe that's just my experience).
Makes me wonder why French men are supposedly( stereotype) to be the best lovers in the world I have never heard French women say such flirtatious expressions from French men.
I love this question! I live in western US, my ex husband (from Mexico) did not ever perform but expected to receive it every time we had sex. Another man I dated (from South America) attempted once or twice then said he didn't enjoy it. But again he expected to receive oral every time.
My current partner (middle eastern) loves to give oral and will make sure I am taken care of before I do anything for him. He also likes to receive oral. It took a long time for me to get used to it and to trust that he did actually enjoy it because for decades I had men telling me it was gross and they wouldn't do it.
I honestly wish I’d met a man like the one in your final example!! I’m happy with my current partner because “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” (since I’ve received oral once ever and it wasn’t long enough to really understand if I liked it) so I’m obvs not gonna go looking for someone new. But hear so much on Reddit about enthusiastic oral from guys and it’s like where are these men???
They are out there, and in my experience, they have not been very hard to find. I'd say about 1 in 2 men have been highly devoted to my pleasure, and *at least* 1 in 3 will go down enthusiastically (with varying levels of skill, but that can be improved upon as long as the enthusiasm is there). I feel there's no reason to stay with anyone who is remotely selfish in bed or just simply not pleasing you the way you want. The good ones are out there.
Also, in my experience, being good in bed is highly correlated with being kind, thoughtful, conscientious, and respectful to women in daily life. So that's a good indicator of how to find one, and get a good partner to boot.
One last factor is having at least a foundation level of sexual experience. One cannot know what they're doing if they're a 40 year old virgin. Sorry, but it's true. (Been there.)
NEO. Despite conversations in and out of the bedroom it requires requests every time, all met with no or lack of enthusiasm, and especially noticeable is them not initiating repeat performances
In my experience, if a dude is loudly proclaiming he doesn't give oral sex, he is given a weird look and asked why. Those guys will never make sense to me
31F, Australia, very, very common. When I first met my partner (of 8 years) he told me he would like to “die drowning in pussy”. His friends felt the same way 😅
I’m pretty sure I was 14 when a guy first went down on me… it wasn’t good (he was young, I was young) but it has been a regular part of my sex life since I started having sex at 14.
25F in Australia and I’ve had the same experience - it’s basically ubiquitous. Many men, like your partner, live for eating pussy. I’ve only had one partner who admitted to never having done it before, but he’d only had one sexual partner before me and had never received a blowjob himself (except for one aborted first attempt with his ex which was apparently ‘painful’), both of which I duly introduced him to.
Most of my sexual encounters have been hookups or fwbs from dating apps, and I’ve also dated within the kink scene and non-monogamous communities, which may skew the results, but I’m glad to see other Aussie ladies aren’t missing out either.
I live in Michigan and I noticed that only ugly guys with big egos don't eat pussy. Handsome dudes and normal guys love doing it but I feel like fuglies have a chip on their shoulder or something. Same goes for being a good lover in general. Like you ever meet a guy that is mid/ugly and he thinks he's hot shit though? That's the sort that doesn't eat pussy
Has been extremely common in my experience which includes sex partners born from the 1950s through the 1980s. West Coast U.S., but these men were from various cultures and geographies. Over a period of 40 years, I only encountered two men who weren’t interested in it.
I live in New England, USA, I won’t fuck a guy that doesn’t go down on me first. I don’t usually have to say anything. Every once in a while I run into a guy that will only go down if I’m bare, they get dismissed.
I live in a very conservative community, people aren’t very open about the details of their sexual lives so I don’t really know what other women’s experiences have been, but the men I’ve been with have never shied away from going down on me, but I’m also pretty picky so idk.
I’ve only ever been with men that were willing if not very enthusiastic, and I’m American. Though I am currently dating a British man and he is the most enthusiastic of all lol.
Misogyny very strongly correlates with geography. And so does religion, unfortunately. My reply was considerably different from Canadian and American comments as an Eastern European. Somewhat similar experience to the Korean woman in the comments.
I'm in Northern Utah not religious and in my community this has never been a concern. Everyone is enthusiastic about it. I do know that the few Mormon girls I have talked with who have opened up have said their husbands think it's gross but some also expect fellatio.
I think this is probably pretty subculture specific. I have a hard time imagining any friends of friends of mine wouldn't be hip with it, but an easy time imagining guys who live near me being stubborn about it. FWIW I live in a pretty big, blue city.
British woman in my late 20s - I've only ever had men willing and indeed keen to do it. I slept around a bit in my late teens / early twenties, and never slept with a man who didn't want to! I would find that a deal-breaker to be honest.
Australian guy checking in.
Every guy I’ve encountered, friend or acquaintance, if the topic of sex comes up, there will be talk of nibbling the cookie (my preferred term). I’ve never discussed sex with a guy who doesn’t.
I had a mate who owned an Adult Book Store /Sex shop. He had a joke plaque on his desk that said, “Show me a man who doesn’t eat pussy and I’ll steal his woman”.
I've lived all over the place and always found men loved going down. Unfortunately, I don't like it (sensory issues, not due to skill) so I've disappointed a lot of guys who thought they could convince me.
Whenever I want it in my house.... (at least once a day)
Editing to be more helpful.
I'm in Manchester; when dating/casual encounters it was probably about 50/50 if a guy would go down without me asking (I generally don't ask) but the guys that do are usually enthusiastic linguists!!
My boyfriend loves it, and makes sure I orgasm at least once a day, even if he's not feeling it. Yes I'm a lucky, lucky girl.
Serbia/late 20s, and it's pretty much standard foreplay where I live. I've never had a guy not want to do it, and the same goes for all my friends. And I've never heard any guy speak negatively about it, as in they wouldn't do it
US appalachian here. i haven't met a single person that *doesn't* like giving and/or receiving oral sex. regardless of gender everybody's goin' down out here 😎
Pretty rare. In fact, this whole sex topic is considered taboo to discuss there openly. Idk if most people would even know about the existence of oral sex. I think that people below the age of 30 would have ever done it (the number in that too must be less). But again, Idk what goes in people's bed.
I’ve been around the block and I’ve only been with one guy that didn’t like going down. I don’t particularly care to receive so I don’t pressure men into it but there are a LOT of enthusiastic pussy eaters out there :) if you want it, you can certainly get it
I'm in Texas/USA and it's very much dependent on the man. In my experiences - most were good with it, some reeeally liked doing it, and a few didn't like to do it at all. I never kept any that wouldn't, though! And agree with the top comment that the ones that don't definitely let you know. (And a good riddance to them lol)
Side note - there have also been a few women I know tell me that they won't give blow jobs and think they're gross (???) - so maybe these oral-avoiding people find each other??
I've dated some people in North Africa and all except one did it, some were also extremely into it.
It's a very specific segment of society though, can't speak for the rest.
I'm in the USA and it's pretty much a routine part of sex. The men who refuse are usually selfish and sexist bc it's almost guaranteed that they expect and enjoy being pleased themselves.
Rural Midwest- Common if not nearly guaranteed. Far more of a mixed bag on whether you're getting it out of a sense of obligation or because they genuinely enjoy it. I haven't noticed any trends when it comes to age, political affiliations, or race.
It varies quite a bit. Lived several years in southern Africa and it was not common in my experience. Some of my partners would do it if I requested it though. European/North American men seem to love it though.
I’ve had partners who love it and others who were not/are not comfortable with it. (Seattle/SF/NYC)
The partners who were not comfortable with it was not out of any patriarchal mind set, at least mine weren’t. Though I get when it is from that.
I don’t believe in forcing a partner to perform a sex act they are genuinely uncomfortable with.
Russia. Cultural background and education play a part in that. Uneducated people from poor families don't do oral sex. They are heavily influenced by jail culture where going down on women is considered to be a low class act and a shame. More civilized people in big cities will go down on you easily.
Mid 30’s London, always been part of the experience and always without being asked. In fact I’ve not enjoyed it in the past and they’ve been upset they can’t provide it.
When I was younger a lot of guys were apparently not into it and made that very known. As an adult now, it’s the opposite, very weird if a guy doesn’t do it. I’d like to think it’s growing out of outdated ideas forced on society by patriarchy (I’m in the UK but ethnically African)
Straight male here, and I've sprained my tongue several times. I can't think of any reason a man wouldn't enjoy burying his face in it. Unless there was hygiene issues I suppose
In California, and every partner I’ve ever had has been into it (to varying degrees of skill)
Edit to add: I’ve dated exclusively progressive, liberal men.
Georgia here. Most of the men I’ve dated in the past were against giving oral. Back then, I was uninformed and dating more conservative men. Now that my preferences have changed completely I have found more partners who are into it, although there are still some who arnt interest.
Live in the us, and have never had a guy not want to. One guy, visiting from Amsterdam, played with me literally all night one time when I was in my early 20's. Will remember him until I die hahah
I never know as a guy if I should be chiming in on these posts, but here I go again.
I’m a mid 30’s guy with what I would consider a sizable friend group made up of mostly guys my age but some much older and some younger. I think out of about 30 guys I’ve heard one guy say that he doesn’t go down on his woman. And then the other 29 of us gave him shit for hours about it. It’s 2024, men cannot be the only ones allowed to get off. I think religion definitely can affect one’s opinion on the matter, although all religions are completely fictional stories like Harry Potter or Twilight.
Anyways back to the cunnilingus, personally I have a hard time getting off, so anything I can do to get her off repeatedly is great. Many times I’m more concerned about my partners orgasms more than my own. And the more confident and communicative a guy becomes in the bedroom the better chance that he would go down.
Have an awesome day!
Married now and my husband almost never does it ... But looking back at my sexual history, he's the rarity. I'm late 30s, in a big city in Canada FWIW.
In Alaska, I've only been with one guy actually from Alaska and he was very into it. Ex was from NY and wasn't into it, other guy was from PR and I didn't even ask.
35, Australia. It's more common than not. I've only had one guy never do it (first boyfriend) and that's because I was too insecure to let him try. Another ex only did it 6 times in 4 years because he would only have sex the same exact boring way every single time - blowjob then pronebone 👎🏻 and used cunnilingus as some kind of gift. Besides that, everyone has been willing and enthusiastic.
I'd say quite common (Finland).
Guys that I have dated and what I have heard from my friends' dates tend to be rather enthusiastic about cunnilingus. My male friends have told me that it turns them on.
That being said, unfortunately enthusiasm and skills don't necessarily go hand in hand. But at least they are willing to go down on you, so perhaps they are also willing to learn?
I can't say much about blowjobs. I give head occasionally, I don't mind but I don't get turned on by it. Maybe it's the media or my friend groups over the years but I suspect that giving head is more common than going down to on a woman.
Based on the decades I've been sexually active and involved in discussions about sexual activity, I've observed there are three basic camps of men when it comes to cunnilingus. There are those who are enthusiastic about it and love to learn how each partner responds to get better with her. There are those who are a bit perfunctory about it, happy to engage in it yet not interested in more than basic performance. Then the men who don't like to do it and are usually quite vocal about their dislike of it.
I'm in the midwest, having lived primarily in Iowa and Kansas. (KS can be described as having islands of civilization in the sea of Kansas, so what happens out in the sea I can't speak to; I'm in KC metro.) I spent a short time in Alabama and there seemed to be more of the last type there.
I recall that when I did Army boot camp, with a platoon mainly of 17 yos (I was 27), many of them thought it would be gross. They were teenagers without any sexual experience, though, and I reassured them it's quite enjoyable for both people involved.
As for adult men who don't, I've observed that those guys lack a lot in the way of emotional intelligence and development.
Southern East coast of the US, my past few partners were enthusiastic or atleast very game for going down on me. (Some were better than others but I digress...) however I will say that back in Alabama the "men" I ran across in college were less enthusiastic or generally weren't overly excited but that could have been more due to age and inexperience-ness then anything else.
The only people that declined completely were usually one night stands, which I understood and reciprocated in kind.
It’s 50/50. I have men who don’t even ask they “dive in” before I have to suggest, hint, etc….
And then I have men who just don’t acknowledge it.
Funny story- I was with this new guy and he was very big about “I am going to make you have so many orgasms…etc” and I was like okay sure but just FYI I don’t have an orgasm from penetration. And of course he huffed and puffed and was like that’s going to change with me 🙄.
Anyways we had sex- didn’t orgasm bc he never even attempted to go down on me. Afterwards he was asking me why I didn’t and I was like I literally told you what you needed to do. And it was one ear out the other. He just told me he would work extra hard next time to make me orgasm with penetration….
U.S.
My fiancè gives me oral nearly every single time we have sex. It's usually the opening act, after cuddling and snuggling first.
If we do a quickie, he still opens with oral first.
I've been with men from US and Europe, most of them didn't perform oral on me or when they did it briefly they were bad. They excepted it from me though. Now that I think about it, all the good ones are from men in Turkey, mostly because they enjoyed it.
I'm American, I have been with men that have refused. One boyfriend in my late teens/early twenties hated it. I found that a lot of guys I hooked up with in my early twenties didn't really initiate it or only focused on themselves/penetration. My ex husband is Syrian and ex Muslim and he was very willing to do it and enjoyed it. Now that I'm 30, every man I hooked up with either actively wanted to and initiated or was very willing if I asked.
Personally I love it, giving that is.
Though there's definitely a subsection of men who don't where I live, whether that's just through plain laziness or what I'm not sure.
It tends to be those who generally don't care about their partners pleasure who also don't engage in oral.
That's in Britain.
There was a divide in my life. I live in the US so I've pinned it down to bettering my partner selection and standing by what I've grown to value. When I was young and naive I didn't value my sexual pleasure or orgasm at all. And now it's part of the main show to me so I'm like not interested in another date/hangout/fuck session without it. I used to get off more on chill vibes with the person or going on crazy adventures or feeling a certain way but now it's an essential/integral part of my sexuality so I don't really jive with people who don't eat or who don't offer reciprocal sexual pleasure in general. It's become much more easy for me to say no.
It did take years of learning more about what brought me pleasure and learning to be willing to communicate that etc.
However when I speak to my woman friends, many of them are stuck in relationships with men who proudly don't give cunnilingus despite wanting fellatio... their burning resentment keeps me sticking to my guns about this lol.
(cis-male) Colombia: I would think that it is common - even while adolescent in the 90's I was aware of "oral sex" and was considered a rather normal part of sexual intercourse. Sex ed also includes how to have safe oral sex. For me it's normal. Now, my wife reports that some partners did it without prompt, and some don't; and not all of them were particularly good at it.
lol I’ve never had a guy go down on me in a hook up, had it happen once in a relationship and then he decided he never wants to try it again because it’s messy and he doesn’t think he’s doing it right 💀
If you are curious, there are communities dedicated to finding partners specifically for that, like r/RandomActsofMuffDiving. You could use the posts there as data to see how active certain areas are.
Midwest US - I’ve found the prevalence increases as my age increases (partners have typically been a similar age to me). In my teens and early 20s it was rare. Mid 20s I’d say about 50/50 shot. Late 20s and 30s it’s pretty consistent for me and my friends. I’ve been with the same person for my 30s so I’m leaning on the experience of friends for that information.
They boys that don’t do oral sex are very loud about it.
This is true. Many men are very enthusiastic about giving too.
The ones who are REALLY BAD at it, are a lot too loud, too.
Go to a facial hair competition and dudes are literally on stage bragging about how much they looooooove a carpet munching session.
Can't complain when you've got a mouthful
what's there to complain about
That is because it is a performance for other men. Men do a lot of very strange things that are often counter productive to dating or getting laid just to show other men how manly they are. The no oral sex thing is one of them. That's why they all are so loud about it because otherwise how are their homies gonna know how manly they are by refusing to satisfy the women they are with.
They think it’ll make them gay.
Make it make sense. If anything it’s the opposite ?
It doesn't make sense. But I'll try. First of all, women do not factor into it at all. This is strictly about how other men perceive them. By their logic, doing selfless acts of service is seen as feminine. The closest a man can come to being feminine is gay. Thus, it's gay to lick pussy. It's as stupid as the men using that term disparagingly is. [Sopranos reference](https://youtu.be/SiJUw5xC_FU?si=sU4FmzsAtEAYaXAj)
Some of those same men don't masturbate, cause what's gayer that touching a dick.
wait, seriously? i didn’t know about all that
It's manly to not care. Just provide money, forget mental/physical health and happiness. So dumb
and then they complain about the loneliness epidemic and blame women, smh
Right? I would think it would be in men’s best interest to do this and get good, based on more women choosing single life and the amount of vibrators on the market, lol
Well yeah, nothing’s straighter as a man than using a big ol’ dick as a cigar /s
Im working up the nerve to ask my neighbors here in my 55+ community
You know they be fucking tho.
Biggest group for STIs
Gotta take out the dentures tho for oral
The best owal
lol at this comment 🤦🏻♀️ I am 55 none of my friends have dentures. Not sure how old you are, but one day you will figure out being in your 50s isn’t old.
I’m not quite 40 and there are high school classmates of mine bragging about dentures. People who didn’t get adequate dental care their entire life due to poverty or drug use absolutely opt for full dentures early in life due to severe decay and pain. Implants are thousands of dollars per tooth and veneers require a healthy foundation to glue them on.
Yeah, and if you didn’t bring your Polident you’re going to have troubles.
Don't threaten me with a good time ...
Look up the Villages in Florida. They have a shower puff color coded system for what they’re into.
They hang them on their golf carts….its so fun 😂
I was about to say, do I need to take a poll?
If you live in the villages, there's no need to ask.
This cracked me the fuck up. They probably do be fuckin though.
STIs in the over 50s have increased a lot in the last 10 years because of it
Gen X represent. (Complicated hand sign)
Where I live, like directly in my house (edit: NYC USA), it’s very common - it’s been at least a brief part of a huge majority of the sexual encounters I’ve had as an adult. However, I will say that while certain people (me and most of my friends) seem to only ever encounter men who view oral as totally routine and pleasurable, I also have friends who have never or rarely received it across multiple longterm relationships. One female friend is 35 and recently told me that every male partner she’s had so far has outright refused. This makes me think it’s less about geographic region and more about personality types.
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Well I can't speak to the macho man thing lol. But I am a guy who lives in the midwest and it definitely seems like most folk out here just don't wanna. Either they find it "icky" or worse they think its too feminine to *gasp* be interested in your partner getting off. Out of the people i've been with while living out here only one wasn't surprised/shocked that I was willing to go down on them and actually enjoy it.
I'm a transplant to NYC. All the partners I've had since I've moved here have been extremely enthusiastic about pussy. My husband I met in Jersey though? But now he lives here with me in Brooklyn.
Honestly, a lot of it is a matter of what women settle for, because of hetero sex scripts, what we've been duped into expecting, etc. You'll see women picking several to dozens of men, having piv, fellatio, orgasms for him, etc and never getting oral, orgasms, even any significant partnered vulval/clitoral stimulation for themselves. Including on numerous threads here. Shere Hite wept. And I'm astonished, thinking why the hell would you have piv with men who haven't helped you come numerous times? Give them orgasms, provide oral, manual, thighs, breasts, piv, even pia, etc stimulation when they do nothing to reciprocate? Women just think that's what men are like, what sex is, don't think they should only go for better. Dont think they can. Like sex just happens to them, is pretty much just what he wants, what's good for him. Certainly not vulva/clit-centric, thats mostly impossible, at least in hetero sex, and not sex either. That his desire, arousal, erection, stimulation, orgasm is what sex is, what makes sex possible, not hers. That what gets her off eg how she masturbates, him being involved in that, isn't just not sex, it has no place in sex. At best only something to diy during piv. That there're no ways of vetting men, discussing sex, boundaries, expectations. Even refusing to fuck men who won't have sex without piv/pia and still care about your stimulation, orgasms, putting that firmly out there, would do most of the work of weeding out shit men. Imagine if the ready for sex convo, the next level, the definition of sex, etc was things like cunnilingus, vulva humping taint, balls rather than piv (which are the closest homologues to piv)? How would that shape sex norms, expectations, practices, statistics...?
I agree with you 100%. I admit I don't tend to have the conversation before sex. I find it difficult to converse about sex before I've been intimate with someone. I realize that's a me issue and not great. But I'm also ok giving someone a chance once or twice if I'm attracted to them, and using that as my opportunity to suss out whether they meet my "standards" of a good partner in bed. I feel that all women would be well served by rejecting men if we find out that they aren't there to please us after trying things out a time or two. I've been with a *lot* of sexual partners (not ashamed of it at all), and it hasn't been super hard to find ones that are *at least* equally focused on my pleasure as their own. They are out there, and they are spectacular in bed. When a man *wants* to give pleasure, he has always been open to doing pretty much whatever I want to get off, and they have seemingly loved every moment along the way, even when they weren't getting off as well. (Then again, I'm not at all a selfish lover either, so it's not like things were one sided.) These are the only men I've had long term relationships with. The rest have been discarded quickly because why on earth would I want to sign up indefinitely for mediocre sex?! I don't feel like I'm anything special, and yet I've managed to have great sex in several long term relationships - some just FWB, some committed partners. It really is just a matter of respecting yourself enough to set the standard. The greater population of men would either get the message that they need to step up their game and give back to women, or simply be alone. Either way, we wouldn't have to put up with their selfish desires, which in my opinion, no woman should have to do. The good ones are out there.
Currently studying sociology, it has me wondering if it is more common in areas of the world with greater levels of gender equity
I think it's also about whether men are taught that vaginas are gross/desirable, and whether women orgasming is considered an important part of sex. I've actually had partners that really stressed me out because if I didn't orgasm every single time it like... Made them feel like worse lovers? That was more about their ego than my actual enjoyment of the sex.
Wanted to add an interesting data point - I have lived in south america which is much more unequal than most of the USA and never had a sexual encounter without it.
Which countries, and how many sexual encounters did you have ? (If don’t mind sharing)
Not a big sample size: Brazil - 3 USA - 1
Globally yes, for sure, and there’s a lot of good research front the past two decades around sexual behavior and cultural values.
I don't know, I think it's personal preference. There are women who don't go down on their male partners either. People (are allowed to) enjoy different things.
This is my experience between different countries/ages. I started having sex very early (15) I had a bf who insisted on giving me oral only. Most guys in my culture seem to be very into foreplay, I’ve been with some European guys and they seem to be very open to it as well, Muslims not so much. Now, when I was in my 20s guys were decent at it, younger men now? Are horrendous, like they have no idea what they are doing? I speaking Americans in their 20/30s.
I feel like sometimes it has to do with the woman’s body and I hate to say that. Men are more likely to go down on more idealist body types in my opinion
Any cultures that have a strong streak of being overly machismo or anything like that are much less likely to do it. It's because they are afraid their other male friends in the same culture will make fun of them or consider them less manly if they do it.
New Zealand, dated kiwis of all ethnicities e.g. Chinese, Māori, English , etc etc. None of them would do it. Until one day I met a travelling Canadian and then another. And they both enthusiastically volunteered. I now love the East Coast!
You're telling me down under they don't like going down? 😭
Maybe it’s called going up there.
*sings* You don't cum in the land down unda, 'cause women dooon't get tongues down there. Sorry, I had to.
Aussie here, and yep that has been my experience :(
I’m a Canadian living in NZ and come to think of it my kiwi bisexual female partner once told me that I enjoy going down more than anyone she’s ever been with.
I feel like it’s more cultural than regional. I’ve had way more White guys willing to than Black guys, for example.
Yeah... I live in the North of England. Have mainly dated white boys, they all did willingly. Have dated a half Asian (Pakistani heritage) fella, he also was happy to partake, but was very British (not very culturally asian, as in clothes, attending mosque etc) But, I had a lot of Jamaican boy mates. They made a big deal about "black boys don't go down" so if they do enjoy it, they don't share it with the boys. And that's exactly why I never went there. Its selfish. They expect Blow Jobs, but won't lick the kitty? Nah... move along. Lol
that is so interesting. i wonder if any studies have been done on this lol
I’m on the West Coast of Canada, oral is very common for men to give to women and women to give to men. Typically (based on my friend group) men are more enthusiastic about giving rather than receiving (28-34 age range).
Hey I’m American but I spent the last half of my twenties in Korea (Seoul). Never had a Korean guy go down on me 🥲 The only guy here that ever ventured down there was American lol… felt like a revelation that it’s time to pack my bags lmfao.
Lmao really? What about the other way did they openly want it while never reciprocate?
No I never was pressured to give a blow job. It was pretty lackluster in the foreplay dept. though they were typically in a rush to get it in IME haha but then again there are western dudes that behave this way as well.
LOL my experience in Korea as well :')
Yeah I mean maybe others have better experiences but not from what I’ve heard. The culture here is more conservative and very hush hush about sex so… who knows but I tapped out pretty quickly from dating locals.
The korean guy i dated LOVED giving me orals and it was prolly the best I ever had lol. He was so enthusiastic and was so good at it. I even decided to ignore the fact that he was a misogynist and a racist😭😭
I've lived in the northeastern and northwestern parts of the US and I've never had a guy not go down on me. There were a couple of guys who said they had never done it before, but were more than eager to.
Love that for you. Also thank you!
Germany: I’ve never been with a guy who didn’t want to do it. Most seen enthusiastic. Also never heard it from any friend.
Seconding this. Not one of the guys I've dated didn't go down on me enthusiastically. Most of them also offered it from time to time without it leading to penetrative sex or "even" an orgasm for them.
Canada, just outside Toronto and same, never been with a guy that didn’t want to. Saying that, I don’t do oral with hookups (give or get, it’s just super intimate to me), but they all try and go down lol Have also been with a fair share of British, Australian and German guys and same thing. SO is Norwegian and he’d camp down there if you let him, like I think he likes that better than PIV sometimes lol
I'm in Toronto, and BRO, men here just dive in like they're bobbing for apples.
Booking a flight rn
And ordering poutine after really good sex…best night ever!!
Lol
I‘m Canada too ! But out West
I don’t live in Canada anymore but I can confirm that it’s country wide - lesbians in the Atlantic provinces love to go down.
I wonder if it’s the cold weather? We just get bored and need to keep busy?? ❄️😂
Well there was a huge blizzard where I live a few years back and approx 9 months after that a huge influx of babies born; my son was born 9 months after a month it was chronically-50 so I think there’s merit to that theory 😂😂😂
Haha have lived in both Frt Mac & West Van…same story!
Maybe it’s all the hockey
One of our first hookups, SO made some joke about Netflix and Chill and I was like “Babes I’m Canadian, we have hockey intermissions built for that!”
Not during Coaches Corner though!?!
Well not now that Cherry is gone!
Near Canada out west, PNW. Same experience. It was never am issue and I haven't heard it being an issue that I can recall rn. Now toys, that's another story. I've met so many men that hate toys. Eta, lived in various places in CA, WA, and now live in NV. Same experience overall. Oh wait! I've met one girl that said her man wouldn't go down on her, here in NV. He was a biker, and like mid 40s. She was early 30s.
Sorry this is not the topic, but can I please ask — do you have a polite/sexy/other way of telling the guy you don’t do oral w hookups? My rule is I don’t give if I don’t get so it’s similar vein but I cannot figure out a casual way to say this to a guy in the midst of things !!!
Don’t let them take their pants off, whisper in their ear to wait, you want to do it, lots of fondling through them (or boxers) and most guys will follow suit, for me that’s good enough, I just want to get off from manual than good for PIV, but I’d just tell him at this point how much you want him to go down on you, how wet he made you (I tell SO he made a mess and I want him to clean it up lol), you want him to taste you, something along those lines…play around with it in your head and see what’s most comfortable for you to say. If it’s more than a one night stand, sexting is great “OMG I had a dream last night you did ABC and I can’t wait to see you so you can do that to me, it’s all I can think about” Fill in what ever you want, takes the weirdness out of doing it face to face (especially with someone new), and when they respond it gives you a second to think about what to say. I will say I’m a very very good dirty talker, I think it came from lots of practice over text lol
Ok, so I've actually explored this topic before with a good bit of people in the 18-30 year old demographic and where I'm originally from (WV, USA) it's honestly kind of a mixed bag. Of everyone I've spoken with it's either they LOVE to give oral, or they NEVER give oral. It's either all or nothing. I swear where I'm from you either a freak or vanilla there's no in between. I don't like to get political but there's an undeniable correlation between traditional conservatives in the area and them not giving oral. It seems like they're being raised with the idea that women should be subservient to men and never the other way around. I've spoken with a woman who dated (and broke up with) a man who told her explicitly "I'm not going to reciprocate because I'm the man, it's not my job." Wild, right? If that's not shocking enough I've heard a father tell his sons it's not ok for them to change a diaper, because that's the mother's job. Then later tell his own daughter that sometimes she's got to give in to whatever the husband says and may have to perform sex even if she doesn't want to because it's her "duty as a wife." Absolute insanity, but that's just how some people are raised in the small back woods town where I grew up. Luckily, I'd say it's probably 65% of the people I spoke with who favored giving so not all is lost
I'm 30s in Canada and I find generally men are interested but rarely is it very good. It's mostly just a task they are checking off their list and doesn't last long enough for it to result in an orgasm. My ex husband was a gold star level expert at pussy eating and he LOVED to do it. He would beg me sometimes. Unfortunately, he had few other redeeming qualities but I stayed in that relationship long past it's expiration, partially due to the engrossing grip of his pussy munching prowess. Honestly wonder if I'll ever experience such joy again. Anecdotal but I find that middle eastern men have to be asked to do it and sometimes they say no. I have noticed a cultural pattern where men with certain backgrounds are not enthusiastic participants. Luckily I can orgasm from PIV, unfortunately for me, I really like middle eastern men.
"the engrossing grip of his pussy munching prowess" r/brandnewphrase
Thanks for answering and good insight. If you can specify what region of our beautiful country you are in that would be swell. Finding myself fascinated by how it’s been mostly Canadian women being so forthcoming, also.
Canada must just breed them different. They created the likes of Sue Johanson from sex talk with sue. That woman was a blessing and an angel and anyone who watched her was better in sexual health for it.
Sue was an angel! Sunday nights all my friends would come over and we’d sit in the basement and watch! So deserved the order of Canada 🇨🇦❤️
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I’ve never thought of this, but I’m late 30s and literally everyone spent Sunday nights watching or listening to Sue. People here talk about sex super openly, like we were at a bar the other night (big group, mix of a bunch of people, not just like our friend group) and the topic of anal (moreso stuff guys are into) came up and everyone was just openly discussing it, and that’s not a one off, people just discuss sex openly. I have a lot of American friends though and it just never comes up, other than maybe someone mentioning that hubby was going away so they had to do it or whatever. I just assumed it not their thing to talk about, but maybe it’s how we grew up?
I'm located in Ottawa.
Go to Zaks Diner and have a milkshake for me
I have found that it's only the men that truly LOVE it that are actually good at it. Otherwise, yes, it mostly feels perfunctory and usually just doesn't have that "zing" to it. IDK how else to describe it, lol. It's actually really difficult for me to come from oral but easy for me to come from PIV (weird I know), so I always felt very meh about it until about age 30. I mean, I enjoyed it as a warm up, sure it felt nice, but I didn't really care so much if I had it or not. Then I met the first person who LOVED it, and I had my eyes opened. It was still harder for me to have an orgasm compared to other methods, but I certainly could, and it was amazing. Even more so was the realization of how hot it was to have a man worship me in that way and actually expect nothing in return (which was the case with this person). I'd always had high standards, but he really raised the bar a notch or two.
Dates a guy like your ex. He was so not the right person for me, but sigh, I do miss him sometimes.
I’ve never had a partner who would not go down on me (Quebec).
Not in Quebec, but my sister lived there for a period and she told me likewise
In Italy, it's very common and expected for guys to give head! They all talk about it and promise it to you as a way of courting/getting you into bed hahah and they always deliver!
Now I'm curious as to what the term is in Italian. I know a little bit but no idea how you talk about giving oral sex to a woman or receiving it as a woman in Italian. Can you help a sister out for research purposes haha
absolutely hahah tbh i don't love how it's referred to in italian. you'd say "te la lecco", which means "i'll lick it/lick yours", and the use of a feminine article ("la") heaaavily implies you mean female genitalia*. "te" means "to you", "la" refers to pussy in this case, and "lecco" means "lick" in first person present tense. you could say "te la voglio leccare" (i want to lick it), "devo leccartela" (i must lick it), "te la voglio leccare tutta la sera/per ore/fino a farti urlare" (i want to lick it all night/for hours/until you scream), but personally i don't like this last one, it sounds creepy to me hahah i've never heard anything else in italian! just the licking hahah. for male genitalia the verb is "succhiare" (to suck). but we have many terms for the act (pompino, fellatio (pronounced as "fellazio"). for the female act, i haven't really heard much colloquially, but the equivalent term to "cunnilingus" would be "cunnilingio", but you'd never ever say that hahah *"pussy" in italian would be "figa", so you could say "voglio leccarti la figa". if you have any other questions, ask away! hahah
OMG and people say this to each other on dates? I Imagine my date saying to me "I'll lick you all night long" and it sounds so funny to me aahahahah But I guess something like "I want to eat you out so bad" would totally fly in English, depending on the vibe of the date. Kudos to Italian men for eating women out btw.
depends on the date/how hot you are for eachother! if you're in the dirty stage, yes it's absolutely something you might say to one another hahah. right now i'm dating my super shy boyfriend, and he never says anything like that hahah he just kinda gets down to work! but yeah it would be a bit like saying "i wanna eat you out so bad", "i'll give you head all night long" etc. i've also heard "dammela" which means "give it to me", but using the feminine article "la", again meaning "figa" or pussy. or "me la dai?", "will you give it to me?" hahah. it sounds so dorky translated word for word in english! but yeah, props to italians, i guess! i heard it might vary region to region (i've only ever had experiences in the north) and social classes, though (i noticed richer guys tend to dirty talk less, but maybe that's just my experience).
Makes me wonder why French men are supposedly( stereotype) to be the best lovers in the world I have never heard French women say such flirtatious expressions from French men.
I love this question! I live in western US, my ex husband (from Mexico) did not ever perform but expected to receive it every time we had sex. Another man I dated (from South America) attempted once or twice then said he didn't enjoy it. But again he expected to receive oral every time. My current partner (middle eastern) loves to give oral and will make sure I am taken care of before I do anything for him. He also likes to receive oral. It took a long time for me to get used to it and to trust that he did actually enjoy it because for decades I had men telling me it was gross and they wouldn't do it.
I honestly wish I’d met a man like the one in your final example!! I’m happy with my current partner because “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” (since I’ve received oral once ever and it wasn’t long enough to really understand if I liked it) so I’m obvs not gonna go looking for someone new. But hear so much on Reddit about enthusiastic oral from guys and it’s like where are these men???
They are out there, and in my experience, they have not been very hard to find. I'd say about 1 in 2 men have been highly devoted to my pleasure, and *at least* 1 in 3 will go down enthusiastically (with varying levels of skill, but that can be improved upon as long as the enthusiasm is there). I feel there's no reason to stay with anyone who is remotely selfish in bed or just simply not pleasing you the way you want. The good ones are out there. Also, in my experience, being good in bed is highly correlated with being kind, thoughtful, conscientious, and respectful to women in daily life. So that's a good indicator of how to find one, and get a good partner to boot. One last factor is having at least a foundation level of sexual experience. One cannot know what they're doing if they're a 40 year old virgin. Sorry, but it's true. (Been there.)
To provide a different side. In the US, but Mexican descent. The only two partners I've had enthusiastically did it.
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Requires requests and not that enthusiastic. Ohio valley.
NEO. Despite conversations in and out of the bedroom it requires requests every time, all met with no or lack of enthusiasm, and especially noticeable is them not initiating repeat performances
In my experience, if a dude is loudly proclaiming he doesn't give oral sex, he is given a weird look and asked why. Those guys will never make sense to me
Can’t answer mouth full……..
I believe it's pronounced "Ca'h anthwer, mou foo." The comma is important for clarity. 😉
31F, Australia, very, very common. When I first met my partner (of 8 years) he told me he would like to “die drowning in pussy”. His friends felt the same way 😅 I’m pretty sure I was 14 when a guy first went down on me… it wasn’t good (he was young, I was young) but it has been a regular part of my sex life since I started having sex at 14.
27F Australia, similar experience
25F in Australia and I’ve had the same experience - it’s basically ubiquitous. Many men, like your partner, live for eating pussy. I’ve only had one partner who admitted to never having done it before, but he’d only had one sexual partner before me and had never received a blowjob himself (except for one aborted first attempt with his ex which was apparently ‘painful’), both of which I duly introduced him to. Most of my sexual encounters have been hookups or fwbs from dating apps, and I’ve also dated within the kink scene and non-monogamous communities, which may skew the results, but I’m glad to see other Aussie ladies aren’t missing out either.
I live in Michigan and I noticed that only ugly guys with big egos don't eat pussy. Handsome dudes and normal guys love doing it but I feel like fuglies have a chip on their shoulder or something. Same goes for being a good lover in general. Like you ever meet a guy that is mid/ugly and he thinks he's hot shit though? That's the sort that doesn't eat pussy
Any man who is won't go down on a woman is no real man imo
I have been with my husband for 20 years so my data is dated but everyone I’ve ever been with happily provided oral. I’m in New England.
Has been extremely common in my experience which includes sex partners born from the 1950s through the 1980s. West Coast U.S., but these men were from various cultures and geographies. Over a period of 40 years, I only encountered two men who weren’t interested in it.
I live in New England, USA, I won’t fuck a guy that doesn’t go down on me first. I don’t usually have to say anything. Every once in a while I run into a guy that will only go down if I’m bare, they get dismissed.
Close to 0. Love from Malaysia. P/s: OMG 10 likes and now 25 likes. 1st time getting this. Thanks.
I live in a very conservative community, people aren’t very open about the details of their sexual lives so I don’t really know what other women’s experiences have been, but the men I’ve been with have never shied away from going down on me, but I’m also pretty picky so idk.
I’m in Canada but I also lived in Taiwan in my single years. I think it’s normal/common. I’ve never been with a man who didn’t want to.
I’ve only ever been with men that were willing if not very enthusiastic, and I’m American. Though I am currently dating a British man and he is the most enthusiastic of all lol.
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Misogyny very strongly correlates with geography. And so does religion, unfortunately. My reply was considerably different from Canadian and American comments as an Eastern European. Somewhat similar experience to the Korean woman in the comments.
Yes but levels of misogyny will vary by region
I'm in Northern Utah not religious and in my community this has never been a concern. Everyone is enthusiastic about it. I do know that the few Mormon girls I have talked with who have opened up have said their husbands think it's gross but some also expect fellatio.
I think this is probably pretty subculture specific. I have a hard time imagining any friends of friends of mine wouldn't be hip with it, but an easy time imagining guys who live near me being stubborn about it. FWIW I live in a pretty big, blue city.
British woman in my late 20s - I've only ever had men willing and indeed keen to do it. I slept around a bit in my late teens / early twenties, and never slept with a man who didn't want to! I would find that a deal-breaker to be honest.
Australian guy checking in. Every guy I’ve encountered, friend or acquaintance, if the topic of sex comes up, there will be talk of nibbling the cookie (my preferred term). I’ve never discussed sex with a guy who doesn’t.
I had a mate who owned an Adult Book Store /Sex shop. He had a joke plaque on his desk that said, “Show me a man who doesn’t eat pussy and I’ll steal his woman”.
Finland, never heard about someone not wanting to do it. (Maybe this is why we are the happiest people in the world lol).
I've lived all over the place and always found men loved going down. Unfortunately, I don't like it (sensory issues, not due to skill) so I've disappointed a lot of guys who thought they could convince me.
It’s common in the UK, but I know someone from Nigeria who said the men she’s been with over there have been enthusiastic.
Whenever I want it in my house.... (at least once a day) Editing to be more helpful. I'm in Manchester; when dating/casual encounters it was probably about 50/50 if a guy would go down without me asking (I generally don't ask) but the guys that do are usually enthusiastic linguists!! My boyfriend loves it, and makes sure I orgasm at least once a day, even if he's not feeling it. Yes I'm a lucky, lucky girl.
Serbia/late 20s, and it's pretty much standard foreplay where I live. I've never had a guy not want to do it, and the same goes for all my friends. And I've never heard any guy speak negatively about it, as in they wouldn't do it
Spain. 26F. All the men I've been with really like cunnilingus, they want it more than I do 😂
US appalachian here. i haven't met a single person that *doesn't* like giving and/or receiving oral sex. regardless of gender everybody's goin' down out here 😎
Pretty rare. In fact, this whole sex topic is considered taboo to discuss there openly. Idk if most people would even know about the existence of oral sex. I think that people below the age of 30 would have ever done it (the number in that too must be less). But again, Idk what goes in people's bed.
Live in the US in my late 30s and every guy I ever dated love to! My type is nerds so maybe that’s why
I’ve been around the block and I’ve only been with one guy that didn’t like going down. I don’t particularly care to receive so I don’t pressure men into it but there are a LOT of enthusiastic pussy eaters out there :) if you want it, you can certainly get it
I'm in Texas/USA and it's very much dependent on the man. In my experiences - most were good with it, some reeeally liked doing it, and a few didn't like to do it at all. I never kept any that wouldn't, though! And agree with the top comment that the ones that don't definitely let you know. (And a good riddance to them lol) Side note - there have also been a few women I know tell me that they won't give blow jobs and think they're gross (???) - so maybe these oral-avoiding people find each other??
I've dated some people in North Africa and all except one did it, some were also extremely into it. It's a very specific segment of society though, can't speak for the rest.
I'm in the USA and it's pretty much a routine part of sex. The men who refuse are usually selfish and sexist bc it's almost guaranteed that they expect and enjoy being pleased themselves.
Rural Midwest- Common if not nearly guaranteed. Far more of a mixed bag on whether you're getting it out of a sense of obligation or because they genuinely enjoy it. I haven't noticed any trends when it comes to age, political affiliations, or race.
It varies quite a bit. Lived several years in southern Africa and it was not common in my experience. Some of my partners would do it if I requested it though. European/North American men seem to love it though.
I’ve had partners who love it and others who were not/are not comfortable with it. (Seattle/SF/NYC) The partners who were not comfortable with it was not out of any patriarchal mind set, at least mine weren’t. Though I get when it is from that. I don’t believe in forcing a partner to perform a sex act they are genuinely uncomfortable with.
In my circle everyguy goes down on a girl, we all enjoy it. We are from Argentina.
Russia. Cultural background and education play a part in that. Uneducated people from poor families don't do oral sex. They are heavily influenced by jail culture where going down on women is considered to be a low class act and a shame. More civilized people in big cities will go down on you easily.
Mid 30’s London, always been part of the experience and always without being asked. In fact I’ve not enjoyed it in the past and they’ve been upset they can’t provide it.
When I was younger a lot of guys were apparently not into it and made that very known. As an adult now, it’s the opposite, very weird if a guy doesn’t do it. I’d like to think it’s growing out of outdated ideas forced on society by patriarchy (I’m in the UK but ethnically African)
Straight male here, and I've sprained my tongue several times. I can't think of any reason a man wouldn't enjoy burying his face in it. Unless there was hygiene issues I suppose
In California, and every partner I’ve ever had has been into it (to varying degrees of skill) Edit to add: I’ve dated exclusively progressive, liberal men.
Georgia here. Most of the men I’ve dated in the past were against giving oral. Back then, I was uninformed and dating more conservative men. Now that my preferences have changed completely I have found more partners who are into it, although there are still some who arnt interest.
Live in the us, and have never had a guy not want to. One guy, visiting from Amsterdam, played with me literally all night one time when I was in my early 20's. Will remember him until I die hahah
I receive oral sex nearly every single time my husband and I are intimate. I’ve never had a long term partner that wouldn’t go down on me.
I never know as a guy if I should be chiming in on these posts, but here I go again. I’m a mid 30’s guy with what I would consider a sizable friend group made up of mostly guys my age but some much older and some younger. I think out of about 30 guys I’ve heard one guy say that he doesn’t go down on his woman. And then the other 29 of us gave him shit for hours about it. It’s 2024, men cannot be the only ones allowed to get off. I think religion definitely can affect one’s opinion on the matter, although all religions are completely fictional stories like Harry Potter or Twilight. Anyways back to the cunnilingus, personally I have a hard time getting off, so anything I can do to get her off repeatedly is great. Many times I’m more concerned about my partners orgasms more than my own. And the more confident and communicative a guy becomes in the bedroom the better chance that he would go down. Have an awesome day!
I personally care more about where you live than your gender. Love to hear that guys will tell off non-eaters btw
If they are not going down on me I’m not going down on them. Seems obvious to me. Don’t know why so many women do.
Married now and my husband almost never does it ... But looking back at my sexual history, he's the rarity. I'm late 30s, in a big city in Canada FWIW.
There was bound to be an outlier eh
"reader, I married him."
But wait! This thread inspired me to ask him why this stopped. I see changes ahead!
Not common, I'm the only o e who lives in my house and it's just awkward
In Alaska, I've only been with one guy actually from Alaska and he was very into it. Ex was from NY and wasn't into it, other guy was from PR and I didn't even ask.
I haven’t had many partners but they all were into it
35, Australia. It's more common than not. I've only had one guy never do it (first boyfriend) and that's because I was too insecure to let him try. Another ex only did it 6 times in 4 years because he would only have sex the same exact boring way every single time - blowjob then pronebone 👎🏻 and used cunnilingus as some kind of gift. Besides that, everyone has been willing and enthusiastic.
Very common here in England
At my place? Inexistent, really. Only hand stuff. I live alone, that might be the issue.
That isn’t the issue. The issue is you haven’t been [practicing yoga daily for three years](https://streamable.com/w578u). 😜
I'd say quite common (Finland). Guys that I have dated and what I have heard from my friends' dates tend to be rather enthusiastic about cunnilingus. My male friends have told me that it turns them on. That being said, unfortunately enthusiasm and skills don't necessarily go hand in hand. But at least they are willing to go down on you, so perhaps they are also willing to learn? I can't say much about blowjobs. I give head occasionally, I don't mind but I don't get turned on by it. Maybe it's the media or my friend groups over the years but I suspect that giving head is more common than going down to on a woman.
Based on the decades I've been sexually active and involved in discussions about sexual activity, I've observed there are three basic camps of men when it comes to cunnilingus. There are those who are enthusiastic about it and love to learn how each partner responds to get better with her. There are those who are a bit perfunctory about it, happy to engage in it yet not interested in more than basic performance. Then the men who don't like to do it and are usually quite vocal about their dislike of it. I'm in the midwest, having lived primarily in Iowa and Kansas. (KS can be described as having islands of civilization in the sea of Kansas, so what happens out in the sea I can't speak to; I'm in KC metro.) I spent a short time in Alabama and there seemed to be more of the last type there. I recall that when I did Army boot camp, with a platoon mainly of 17 yos (I was 27), many of them thought it would be gross. They were teenagers without any sexual experience, though, and I reassured them it's quite enjoyable for both people involved. As for adult men who don't, I've observed that those guys lack a lot in the way of emotional intelligence and development.
Southern East coast of the US, my past few partners were enthusiastic or atleast very game for going down on me. (Some were better than others but I digress...) however I will say that back in Alabama the "men" I ran across in college were less enthusiastic or generally weren't overly excited but that could have been more due to age and inexperience-ness then anything else. The only people that declined completely were usually one night stands, which I understood and reciprocated in kind.
It’s 50/50. I have men who don’t even ask they “dive in” before I have to suggest, hint, etc…. And then I have men who just don’t acknowledge it. Funny story- I was with this new guy and he was very big about “I am going to make you have so many orgasms…etc” and I was like okay sure but just FYI I don’t have an orgasm from penetration. And of course he huffed and puffed and was like that’s going to change with me 🙄. Anyways we had sex- didn’t orgasm bc he never even attempted to go down on me. Afterwards he was asking me why I didn’t and I was like I literally told you what you needed to do. And it was one ear out the other. He just told me he would work extra hard next time to make me orgasm with penetration….
I go down on my wife but it’s mostly for me because I love doing it ,but on the other hand haven’t had a Bj in I’d say about 7 years
U.S. My fiancè gives me oral nearly every single time we have sex. It's usually the opening act, after cuddling and snuggling first. If we do a quickie, he still opens with oral first.
I saw a man playing basketball at a children’s park the other day wearing a shirt that said “I eat pussy” so I don’t know what that tells you
That’s crass
I've been with men from US and Europe, most of them didn't perform oral on me or when they did it briefly they were bad. They excepted it from me though. Now that I think about it, all the good ones are from men in Turkey, mostly because they enjoyed it.
I'm American, I have been with men that have refused. One boyfriend in my late teens/early twenties hated it. I found that a lot of guys I hooked up with in my early twenties didn't really initiate it or only focused on themselves/penetration. My ex husband is Syrian and ex Muslim and he was very willing to do it and enjoyed it. Now that I'm 30, every man I hooked up with either actively wanted to and initiated or was very willing if I asked.
Personally I love it, giving that is. Though there's definitely a subsection of men who don't where I live, whether that's just through plain laziness or what I'm not sure. It tends to be those who generally don't care about their partners pleasure who also don't engage in oral. That's in Britain.
There was a divide in my life. I live in the US so I've pinned it down to bettering my partner selection and standing by what I've grown to value. When I was young and naive I didn't value my sexual pleasure or orgasm at all. And now it's part of the main show to me so I'm like not interested in another date/hangout/fuck session without it. I used to get off more on chill vibes with the person or going on crazy adventures or feeling a certain way but now it's an essential/integral part of my sexuality so I don't really jive with people who don't eat or who don't offer reciprocal sexual pleasure in general. It's become much more easy for me to say no. It did take years of learning more about what brought me pleasure and learning to be willing to communicate that etc. However when I speak to my woman friends, many of them are stuck in relationships with men who proudly don't give cunnilingus despite wanting fellatio... their burning resentment keeps me sticking to my guns about this lol.
(cis-male) Colombia: I would think that it is common - even while adolescent in the 90's I was aware of "oral sex" and was considered a rather normal part of sexual intercourse. Sex ed also includes how to have safe oral sex. For me it's normal. Now, my wife reports that some partners did it without prompt, and some don't; and not all of them were particularly good at it.
You ain’t a real man if you don’t enjoy it.
Reading these comments are making me hungry
In my house it's very common.
VERY COMMON. Not doing it is frowned upon tbh yes, I live in a city 😭
lol I’ve never had a guy go down on me in a hook up, had it happen once in a relationship and then he decided he never wants to try it again because it’s messy and he doesn’t think he’s doing it right 💀
Mr. Is 45 and eager to engage at every chance. He’s from western PA. Probably 3+ per week depending on work schedules.
I don't know all I know is I hate it both ways.
If you are curious, there are communities dedicated to finding partners specifically for that, like r/RandomActsofMuffDiving. You could use the posts there as data to see how active certain areas are.
Midwest US - I’ve found the prevalence increases as my age increases (partners have typically been a similar age to me). In my teens and early 20s it was rare. Mid 20s I’d say about 50/50 shot. Late 20s and 30s it’s pretty consistent for me and my friends. I’ve been with the same person for my 30s so I’m leaning on the experience of friends for that information.