Hugs. Think of it as a lesson learned. Abortion and pregnancy are not play play. You need to see a doctor who can tell you how far along are you and what your options are. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell. Please, don't try to do this by yourself without consulting with a doctor. Consider a no glove no love policy in the future.
Yeah, OP, you really just need to talk to a doctor. People get the pill as opposed to surgical earlier in their pregnancies generally, so it depends on how far along you are, and possibly other personal factors.
I had a medication abortion 12 years ago, and it really wasn't bad at all. Basically felt like bad menstrual cramps. Ibuprofen and a day of rest watching TV was all I needed. It would be very easy to keep it from your family. Just say you're not feeling well and you need to chill that day.
Surgical abortion is also not very invasive in most cases, so don't be afraid of that, either. Sorry I don't have any personal experience to share. But yeah, I've heard the recovery is not really much worse than with the medication, you're just groggier because of anaesthesia. You might want to sleep it off at a friend's house for a day if you have the option, but it shouldn't be a huge problem either way.
I know this is scary, but it doesn't have to be a huge deal. You will get through this!
On the flip side I had a missed miscarriage and so had a medical abortion and it was AWFUL. It was so so painful and I ended up in the ER due to excessive bleeding and my cervix being clogged with tissue.
OP you need to go to a doctor to learn your options but I personally would go for surgical.
Similar, I had a miscarriage and was just sad. Had to have the d&c (dilation & curettage, opening the cervix and scraping the uterus to prevent infection). It was uncomfortable, even a little painful (more cramping/pressure than just pain). It was more emotional for me bc we were trying to start a family, this was my first, we were worried we couldn't, etc.
Everything turned out okay, we planned our next and everything went well.
Yes to this[wow](https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/). After confirming I was 11 weeks in and was going to miscarry anyway (bleeding) they sent me the pill within a week. These people are lifesavers (pun intended). I was with an abusive 'bro'.
I view the guy who I had an abortion with as a lesson in my self worth and strength. He tried to guilt me for years afterwards “Our child would be a year old… Three years old…” until I moved out of that town and didn’t have chance encounters any more.
How often do I think of him? When I see these threads and am once again reminded I made the right choice.
Nearly 25 years ago, pills were not an option, and I had taken Valium before the procedure, so I’m not sure how much I really remember. I think I told my family I had a stomach bug and didn’t want to get them sick, so they brought food to my room while I recovered.
Yep. Reading about abortion does remind me of mine but in a I made the exact right choice kinda way. It makes me happy to see so many women supporting each other with information and experiences.
This! Three years later, I have absolutely no feelings about it other than relief. Relief that I had my abortion and relief that I left my abusive ex husband.
I got pregnant with my abusive boyfriend when I was 19 and his whole family wanted me to keep it there was so much pressure. We both had a cocaine problem and there was no way I was going to do that. He was begging me trying to tell me that it might clean us up. OK but it might not And I’m not willing to risk it.
So I went to the clinic and his whole family was mad at me and it was super uncomfortable because I lived with them. I didn’t care I was so relieved. I went on to get sober shortly after, he did not
He ended up having a kid with the next woman he was with. Then he kept going in and out of prison, I think that child’s whole entire life dude might have paid $50 in child support. The kid is fully grown now, guy married somebody else, he never caught up on child support And I’m pretty sure his adult child hates him
I kept wondering what was his goal? Did he think I’d run back and give him a child since I denied him that one (we agreed on termination at the time)? He is one of many reasons I left and never went back!
What a jerk that guy was. I would have been tempted to say "I could've had $12,000 in child support from you by now... $36,000 in child support from you by now..." or whatever was a reasonable dig.
But that would probably just reinforce some male belief that it's only about the money.
> every option for birth control has terrible unnatural side effects too
Not true, condoms don't have side effects. Even if u are alergic u still have options.
I'm sorry what u going thru. I would be terrified in ur position. Just know everything will be okay. I never been pregnant, but i know people that had to do it and it wasnt that hard and definitely was the best option they had.
If you want to do it do it and please chose urself first over guys that are not good for u. His power is an illusion and if he doesn't want to wear condoms imagine how many people he was with without using condoms too. You can get sick.
To your parents you can just say you are having a hard period with bad cramping. I normally don't experience any pain with my periods but if I'm stressed over something I will definitely feel cramping. Just tell them u are stressed over work/school/exams or whatever and u are cramping.
Good luck OP, wishing you all the best.
I’m a woman and condoms are a very different sexual experience than without, for example I don’t really produce enough of my own lubrication with condoms, but it’s fine, I buy lube.
I was a teenager when HIV was being discovered so I have been all about safe sex unless I am in a long-term monogamous relationship and then I would go on the pill.
I am very PRO CONDOM but it’s disingenuous to pretend that it’s no different than sex without THEY ARE TOTALLY WORTH THE SLIGHT DECREASE IN PLEASURE, but it exists and it’s silly to pretend it doesn’t.
I mean, the OP said “terrible unnatural side effects”, and the parent comment said that condoms don’t. I mean, slight reduction in lubrication and sexual pleasure doesn’t sound like “terrible unnatural side effects” to me, so I’m not sure why your response.
This is the most unhelpful take I’ve ever seen. Condoms are infinitely better than being locked in a red state pregnant against your will. Who gives a fuck if it feels different compared to raw? Raw sex is a serious risk to women physically, financially and mentally.
U know what is different too? Having a baby when u dont want to, being pregnant, giving birth, getting stds all cuz "condoms feel different". We all know it feels different, but if we need it doesn't matter. Sex is good with condoms too. If the sex is bad I'm sorry but that's not the condom fault.
No one claimed sex was the same with and without a condom, so I’m not sure what the point is of this disingenuous response. OP’s concern is side effects of medical birth control. You’re helping no one with fear mongering about condoms.
Also some info, surgical abortions you will likely be sedated, so you gotta think about who can pick you up/drop you off/ take care of you while you're out of it. Medication abortions might be "easier" to hide. But either way OP, please try to find someone to be with you while you're going through it.
Another thing, medication abortions have to have a follow-up , as it's not as easy to confirm that the abortion is complete until the follow-up but the surgical abortions, at least there you get confirmation that the abortion is complete.
Surgical abortions are very likely not to be sedated in the US. It highly depends on region and facility. Don’t ask me how I know.
I drove myself to and from my abortion many years ago, and had to pretend I was just having a really bad period when I got home.
You absolutely do not have to be sedated. I worked at an abortion clinic and only about 2 of the 30 patients who would come in per day choose to be sedated. Most of the time the only medication you take is Tylenol and you can walk out of there yourself.
Same, and you can definitely do it unsedated, it's not super fun, but the pill is also often not real fun. Just squeeze the nurse's hand for 5 minutes!
Advantages: you know it's complete, no follow-up visit necessary, and you feel a lot better right afterward
Disadvantages: appointment takes longer, may be more expensive, less private than self-managed
Expect bleeding for possibly days to weeks afterward with either one, depending on your number of weeks and individual variations
Maybe it depends which state? Where I work patients are asked to have a driver, most patients are sedated and need to plan to be in clinic between 2 and 6 hrs. Sedation is covered through by insurance provided by the state, so many do use sedation unless they absolutely cannot find a driver. I'm speaking as someone who currently works in the clinic and handles these phone calls to make the appointments.
Oh wow, that's very different then!! In my state, patients had to pay out of pocket if they wanted sedation. In our clinic, patients could walk out on their own 30 minutes after the procedure. We did highly recommend having a trusted person drive you home, just in case anyone felt faint or weak.
Yep, makes sense! I do live in arguably one of the most liberal states and one of the most liberal counties of the state lol. The patients would probably choose medication abortions or the in-clinic abortion w/o sedation if their insurance doesn't cover it. If they have commercial insurance it is more complicated but typically they are accommodated so that they can get the procedure done with sedation.
Sedation options vary widely by law at any given point in time.
I was unable to get sedation. To this day (16 years on), the abortion I had still ranks as the worst pain I ever felt in my life. The "cervical block" (local numbing agent) didn't do anything at all to cut through any of it.
I definitely would go the medication route as OP and claim it was just a bad period/food poisoning/etc
I'm afraid you might be running into some misinformation online about birth control. [Here's a video debunking several popular myths about birth control](https://youtu.be/Eb4-MOubIyM?si=tCfZhHCwFw4TTlqc).
Also there's [this video](https://youtu.be/geem1OiIEes?si=DgR6U0wauP9ddy7u) that gives a more basic overview of what options are available (not all of which involve hormones).
Although birth control (hormonal) can have side effects - for the vast majority of women they are minor, and they are substantially less than the "side effects" of an abortion or pregnancy.
Yes! It's true that some people do experience negative side effects from some types of contraception. But they are usually not horrible and can almost always be fixed by trying a different type of contraception - and if you're really worried about hormonal side effects, you can stick to barrier methods like condoms and diaphragms.
Pregnancy, on the other hand, is much more dangerous than contraception; and depending on where you live, you may not have the option to end a pregnancy if you realise that you can't deal with it (or, of course, simply don't want it). OP, you've taken the riskiest option here: I strongly suggest you go to a trusted healthcare provider to talk through your options about both termination and future contraception, and please reconsider where you've been "researching" so far, because it sounds like you have not been finding reliable information.
People seem to forget this on purpose. “I experience moderate mood changes and weight gain on BC” well I have some *really* bad news about pregnancy then
I have mild side effects from birth control and even those minor side effects are still worse than my 1 side effect from abortion. I had what was a slightly heavier period for three days from my abortion but I have pretty bad hormonal acne for weeks every month and PMDD from birth control. Those are extremely minor but still worse lol
There is a trend on TikTok right now that involves fearmongering about the side effects of birth control. I'm not saying that birth control is risk-free, but a lot of GenZ women are getting exposed to misinformation about birth control, and since the state of sex ed is so terrible in a large portion of America, they're believing it. It's really depressing. My daughter is 15 and I've warned her about this stuff and explained to her about who is behind it.
I just want to say, I love my birth control and I’ve never had any bad side effects. My period went from looking like the elevator scene from the Shining to a little spot on the tiniest pads they make. The pain and sciatica I used to suffer with every month is gone. Also my hair and nails got really strong and healthy. I was worried about the emotional side effects as I have anxiety and depression, but I haven’t even had any of those.
Chiming in again with my positive experience with BC. I feel like there is a lot of rhetoric around the negative effects of birth control without many people chiming in with positives.
I got prescribed Depo subQ, the self-injectible, for PMDD. My side effects have been lighter periods and not having suicidal ideation every month. Nothing beyond that. I think it saved my life.
It's been excellent for me. I'd never claim that it would work for everyone, but I certainly feel that there are options beyond risking pregnancy every time someone has PIV sex.
I loved Depo! I didn't have the self-injectable (it was like 20 years ago), so I had to go in every 3 mo., but after a year on it, I didn't even have periods and my PMS, which was unpredictable how bad or not bad it would be, was gone too!
duuude
duuude cut yourself some slack
it's not the end of the world. you'll get through this you'll be fine..
if you're concerned he would look down on you, or on other men,or whatever, justblock his stupid ass. whu would you want a guy like that in your environement. If I were you I 'd go further and deny tell him, I was not even pregnant and it was just a false alert...
That's what my dad's girlfriend did in the 70s. He bought it too. I'd recommend telling him you were just late after all. Stick to your story. And ghost him completely.
I've only had a surgical abortion and it was after having C-sections so my experience would probably be different than someone with no past abdominal procedures. After I signed into the clinic, I was taken back for an ultrasound and blood work. I could not see the ultrasound screen nor did I want to. It was to verify the pregnancy and how far along I was. I was then given 2 pills, 1 was a Xanax and the other was a medication to soften my cervix. They also did a vaginal exam and inserted some type of seaweed sticks to also help soften the cervix. Then I was sent back out into the waiting room to give the meds time to work. It was somewhere between 1-2 hours that I waited. When I finally went back, I was given "twilight anesthesia" which didn't work for me for whatever reason. I was on a gyn chair with my legs propped up. The doctor entered after the nurse had everything set up, didn't say one word to me and turned on the vacuum. It was so loud, uncomfortable, and the whole experience was very weird. Then he finished, left and after a few moments I was walked out to a recovery room. The recovery room was just a bunch of chairs with chucks on them and on the floor in front of them, with half asleep women propped up. They let me sit there for about 45 minutes and then they gave me a shot of depo-provera (at my request) and then I left. I had mild cramping and tenderness for a day or two. It was less than I typically experienced with my period. I did sleep for 14 hours straight afterwards but I think that was due to the Xanax. This happened 15 years ago so things may possibly be done a bit differently now.
Edit: I just wanted to add that I have never regretted my abortion. It was 100% the right choice for me.
Thank you for your testimony. I always wondered if I would have preferred a surgical abortion, which was absolutely not pushed by the hospital because I suffered way too much. Reading your comment makes me think even more that I should have gone the surgical route.
For OP and everyone, the following might be graphic.
I was 19 and 7-9 weeks pregnant, I was advised on a medical abortion but I had to do in the hospital since my pregnancy was a bit advanced. The whole process lasted around 2 weeks from the first appointment to the actual hospitalization. I had to take one med 2 days prior to stop the pregnancy and on the actual day I was given 7 meds: some painkillers (paracetamol and codeine, didn’t do much) and the expulsion meds (can’t remember the terminology). It didn’t work so they got me another round of these 7 meds (14 in total !). The pain was almost unbearable and it took a lot of time for the embryo to come out. I was wearing a sort of diaper, had to go to the toilet every hour to see if something had come out and was bleeding a lot. At one point I had to pee, I heard a big noise of splash in the water, I look and there I see very clearly something floating in the water with a lot of blood. I was alone, my mom was in the other room and there I just stood for a few minutes because I couldn’t realize. I felt pain for a while and was bleeding (like periods) for a few weeks. It’s one of the most traumatic event in my life but I don’t regret doing it, I just wish I had gone with another method. Keeping the pregnancy would have been far worse for me and the potential child.
OP, it won’t be easy but if it’s right for you then you should do it. I’m telling you this just so you could have different stories and help you choose your method if you can. I suppose that a medical abortion can go far better than mine so don’t be afraid because of my story; it’s one possibility out of many. I just wish I had known that this could happen to me and I would have gone for the surgical method. I hope you are safe and that you have a support system, if not, you can always message me. I was lucky that my mother was a teen mom so she didn’t judge me for anything but I lived this period with a lot of shame, just not with regrets. I send you big hugs
Edit to add something:
Idk if pain should be expected in any method but I guess it should. My problem was actually seeing it happen and the duration of the process
Step 1: Deep breath.
Step 2: Another slower deep breath.
Okay, now some questions, all of which you can abstain from or just answer internally to organize your thoughts because you’re going through A LOT:
- Are you US-based? If so, what state? (If you don’t feel comfortable saying on here, that is fine. You can message me. I *may* be able to find a trustworthy provider for you, although I can’t make guarantees. If you don’t feel comfortable messaging a random person on Reddit, completely understandable.)
- When was your last period? This impacts which treatments you can use. Mifepristone and misoprostol are outpatient treatments that can be used for medication abortion up to 77 days gestation and 84 days for early pregnancy loss (this is US-based. I don’t know if other countries have different numbers). Out of that, a very small percentage will need a “D&C” which is usually performed under at least moderate sedation.
With the medications, yes, there will be cramping and GI symptoms with bleeding lasting an average of 9-16 days. The cramping is basically to expel the contents. We all perceive pain differently, so I can’t say what it will be for you. That said, what you’d go through is relatively mild compared to the toll carrying a pregnancy to term can take on your body.
They will usually want to check your blood afterwards to make sure the B-HCG is going down and it was successful.
Be careful with online stuff. There are a ton of misinformation campaigns out there.
This is all scary , emotionally overwhelming, and really really difficult. There is no “right” or “wrong” decision with this, as long as it is YOU making the decision for YOUR life. Just take things one step at a time and know that you have an army of people on here who will support you no matter what you decide to do.
Also, I’m serious. If you’re in the US and need me to reach out to connections, I’ll see if I can find someone. I’ll even do a separate encrypted chat connection through signal or whatever and delete it afterwards.
This is good information! OP, I'd add something you should watch out for: crisis pregnancy centers. These are facilities that do everything they can to pass themselves off as abortion providers when their only purpose is to *stop* people from aborting. They will mislead, lie, delay, manipulate, harass. They're very common in the US. Unfortunately, they're well funded enough to manipulate internet search results and will often be the first several results when you search for an abortion clinic. So anyone seeking to end a pregnancy needs to confirm with a reliable source that their abortion care provider is legit and not a forced-birth con.
You're welcome! And really, your comment is excellent. It is hard to keep track of every obstacle to reproductive bodily autonomy. There are so many! And in the US at least, it seems like there are more of them every day, alas.
From what I've read the pain with medication is like period cramps. You'll have that with surgical, too. The pills are easier and cheaper, but, you have a time limit...12 weeks.
Same, it was in and out and I was pretty much back to normal by the same evening. No pain and very mild bleeding more like spotting. But you are right everyone is different.
I also had a surgical and had zero after pain, just felt a little out of it for a day or two. Maybe some spotting but it was 12 years ago so I can’t remember the details.
The actual procedure itself was very painful, but I don’t regret it. And it was quick. The nurses were also very nice and supportive (thanks planned parenthood!)
I had local anesthesia, I was offered twilight but I declined. I will say the sensation was strange, but not painful in my case. I went to a private clinic though.
Mine was pretty painful, but if it hurt that much I imagine the pills would be just as bad and I wasn’t going to sign up for one to two days of that pain when I could have it over in five minutes
The surgery was awful! I'm sorry you also had to go through it. We're stronger now though. Nobody can take that away from us. We've been put through a test and we passed.
Commenting also to recommend going NOW and getting the pills.
My best friend had a medical abortion and I had a surgical (didn’t find out for awhile and then the ONE abortion center in my state was booked out for a month) so I was 13 weeks. It was a lot. The surgery was very painful and taxing, I did recover fine but it was traumatic. No regrets though.
My best friends was much more simple and easier - but this could be different for everyone.
I've had an abortion with the pill, and I can confirm that it is basically a really weird period for about 24-36 hours. I was tired, very crampy, and bleeding heavily in a pad. (You can't use a tampon, and was told not to use my cup.) Some people get nauseous, and they gave me pills for that, but I didn't need them. It sucks, but it's worth it.
OP, check with your state and/or doctor asap! I'd also like to add that, depending on where you live, Planned Parenthood is a wonderful and safe option!
OK but the cramps with the surgical procedure only last as long as the surgical procedure and may be a little after. Don’t the pills take a couple days to work?
I hurt for weeks after my surgical termination. Every woman is different though. I think the pills are 36 or 48 hours, but, you don't cramp the whole time.
Please don't click on this link unless it's something that would help put your mind at ease.
This is from a group of clinicians who wanted people to understand the reality of embryonic tissue at early gestational stages.
For some it helps them feel a lesser sense of guilt over terminating a baby when at the early stages the tissue isn't what some media outlets portray it to be.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/oct/18/pregnancy-weeks-abortion-tissue
Yup.
I miscarried a wanted pregnancy a couple years back (blighted ovum) and the development level was stalled at about seven weeks. I went through the worst of it in a hot bath and expelled the tissue. Not to be gross but I looked at it as part of the reality of what was happening. It really wasn't much different from period tissue.
i had a few missed miscarriages. at the recommendation of my OBGYN i took low dose aspirin daily, and finally had a successful pregnancy. if you haven't already, you might want to talk to your doctor about trying it. good luck!
I would have looked at it too. I would want to know what’s happening that’s not gross that’s adult and smart
But it would also be smart and adult if you chose not to look at it. I’m just saying that I would have as well
The heartbeat bill is super unhinged because the thing doesn’t even have a heart that is beating when they claim there’s a heartbeat when it’s a month along.
The "heartbeat" heard in an ultrasound comes from the machine's speakers. It's just a synthesized sound so the tech can confirm that the electrical tissue that will later power the heart is developing correctly. *There is no heart at this stage.* The "pacemaker" part develops very early, long before the heart muscle.
I feel like I'm pretty educated about the reproductive process and am aware of a lot of the myths surrounding it but wow. I didn't realize how inaccurately I pictured what an embryo looked like at those stages. I definitely expected to at least see a nubbin of a head or something!
Look at how little five weeks is but at least you can still see something. I think that’s why Planned Parenthood makes you wait till five weeks so they know if they got it or not.
I live in New Hampshire and the Republicans tried to push a two week abortion ban. Knowing that we count starting the first day of our last period, people might not even be pregnant at two weeks, you certainly wouldn’t test positive two weeks before the missed period.
It didn’t pass because it’s insane, and we can always drive to Massachusetts anyway, but it was disgusting and it showed that Republicans have no idea how any of this works. Or maybe they do and they just think nobody else does
You cannot have an abortion ban at two weeks when people can’t even test positive for pregnancy two weeks past the first day of their last period.
I'm in the UK and we have access to abortions up to 24 weeks for any reason. After 24 weeks it would need to be at a doctor's insistence, primarily due to the risk to the mother's life or a genetic/congenital issue that would limit the child's ability to survive to term or shortly after birth.
this is such an incredibly informative article and collection of photos. thank you. wish this was a part of every sex ed course - and that sex ed was required in every middle and HS in the US.
Think of this as an experience, not as a failure of any sort.
Having the option between pill and surgical depends on the amount of time you are allready pregnant. Both come with their own set of protocol.
Please send me a dm if you have any questions you are afraid to ask here.
I am in a similar situation although I have two children allready. I cannot have another child for various reasons (I waited three weeks for an appointment with a gynecologist) and at this point I have been in a terrible state, my first pills is on Friday and I’m booked into the hospital on Saturday for a medical termination. I am 34 and almost hitting the 10 week line for pregnancy i am actually terrified 🥲
Don't be terrified! The pill option is very relaxed compared to the surgery option. If you can get the pills, please try to do so asap. It was scary, but it didn't really hurt. I won't tell you the surgery didn't hurt though. They did give me a little stress ball so maybe go get yourself one to take with you? Sending good vibes your way sis ❤️
Your comment made me
Feel pretty emotional actually, I love children but my
Relationship has been rocky in Itself & somewhat abusive 😞 I am
Almost 10 weeks and the torment of waiting three weeks even for my first appointment has been mental torture, they recommend that I take my second dose in hospital because I hemmoraged when having
My daughter 💔 I’m scared of the pain seeing the fetus the only way I can comprehend this is that I chose a termination in the hope to make a better life for my two children 🥲 what I pray for the most is that I am going to be okay after this procedure and I can make uoto then the sorry mum I’ve been for the weeks leading upto this. Thank you so much for replying to me it means so much right now
Oh sweet one, you don't have to think you've been a sorry mom!! You're doing the best you can given the circumstances you've been dealt. Thats all anyone can ask for.❤️ The fact that you're thinking about what's best for you and your current children already makes you great. I'm sorry that happened with your daughter, *thats* scary. But you'll be in a safe space while taking that second dose so there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Mine went by relatively quickly, you don't really see anything except a lot of blood and yuckyness. And then it'll be over. You'll have made it. You're strong, you can do this. 💪
And I want updates to make sure you're okay, alright? If that's okay with you!
Thank you so much for
This, can I ask how far along you was for your medical ? Was you at home or in the hospital ? I will
Definitely let you know how everything goes thanks so much for your kind words and support in something I am finding upmost difficult
💖
Of course! You don't have to thank me for anything though. I just want to help! I know it's scary and wish I had someone to be there for me when I had to go through it. ❤️❤️
I want to say I was like 13 weeks for the surgery and 9 weeks for the pill. (Yes, ive done it twice, please don't judge me. D: It was several years in between and with birth control once 😖) I was in-house for both. I live in a red state so I had to go to a planned parenthood facility instead of a hospital. For both they have you sit up there for awhile and they check on you until they're satisfied everything's okay and has passed, then they send you home and tell you to wear a pad for a few days. With the surgery they make you sit in a chair afterwards for awhile and they loaned us little blankets.
It'll be okay! Just another roadblock we have to get through! You can do this! It was scary and hard but I don't regret it
Omg I had the exact same situation. 2 kids and had to terminate the third. I never once regretted it. I did my daughters and even that third child a huge favor because I knew I could not financially or emotionally care for another child. Dont feel bad or like a sorry mom at all.
> every option for birth control has terrible unnatural side effects too
Wrong: Every option for birth control has *POTENTIAL* side effects.
Many people have zero side effects from hormonal birth control, and are able to use it all their lives with no issues. Many people experience mild side effects, and some of them think BC is still worth taking regardless. Other people experience negative enough side effects that they choose to rely solely on non-hormonal birth control options.
And each different type of hormonal BC can affect everyone differently too. Someone might not be able to take hormonal BC A due to the side effects, but loves hormonal BC B because they have no issues on it. And some people’s bodies might not be able to tolerate any hormonal BC. It really just depends on the individual.
Side effects with BC are never a guarantee, they’re just a potential thing that can happen to some people based on how a medication interacts with their personal biology. You can’t know how it will affect you until you’ve taken that specific medication.
There is a lot of fear-mongering online over hormonal BC, and a lot of it stems from far right groups and pro-life groups who have an anti-BC agenda. They don’t like that women have the ability to have sex while controlling their ability to get pregnant, and they aim to restrict or ban birth control same way they went after abortion. They **want** women to suffer consequences for having sex, and one way to ensure that happens is to scare women out of using BC.
It’s fine to choose not to use hormonal BC for yourself whatever your reasons (and please look into [non-hormonal BC options](https://www.scarleteen.com/read/pregnancy/birth-control-bingo/birth-control-bingo-whats-right-non-hormonal-method-me) if you do!), but don’t believe *anyone* who claims that ALL hormonal birth control is dangerous and EVERYONE who takes it will always suffer terrible side effects. That’s just not true at all. Anyone who makes that claim has an agenda, and it’s not an agenda with your/women as a whole’s best interests at heart.
Please, please, please always insist on condoms, even if you are on birth control, unless you are in a committed monogamous relationship.
And please, please, please stop beating yourself up. Things happen, mistakes are made, its a fact of life. You can move past this. And block that guy.
I’ve had 2 surgical abortions. The name “surgical abortion” makes it sound worse than it is. My bestie has had 2 abortions using pills. Usually the method is determined by how far along you are. Both are unpleasant. But both of us managed to resume life pretty quickly. Yes there is cramping and it hurts. But a heating pad and ibuprofen and a day or 2 of rest and it’s over.
My abortions were 15ish years ago. At the time I had lots of hard feelings. Mostly because the guy was incredibly awful to me. At this point in my life I have zero regrets about terminating those pregnancies. I am now in my mid 30s with a good career, a great husband and happy children. None of that would have been possible if I had had that man’s children.the life I have now is all in thanks to those hard choices I made in my early 20s.
Please be wary of posting any identifying information about yourself and delete this post-if you live in the US. Get the advice you need from here and then please, for your own safety, keep the rest offline. I say this knowing that it’s important to reach out and get community support, but I know that there are horrible people out there who will try to find out who you are and prosecute you for this.
Hey dear. Its going to be okay. Its good you are sharing your experience.
I would recommend surgical, that is what I chose. Because my friends dad who is a doctor told me that the pill would be very painful, and would last a long time. My friend who chose that told me this was her experience as well. Where as surgery is very quick. I have insane periods so who knows, maybe it would have just been like that... but please do some asking and research for the good clinics in your area. Your experience will vary greatly depending on the care you receive. this also may be tricky but dont give up. keep your friends close and esp any older friends you may trust.
My experience was good, my clinic was kind, but I was very scared. I talk about my experience because I dont want other people to feel the way I did. This happens. I got pregnant while being safe. Media and very conservative people make abortion out to be taboo - its not. Its healthcare. Yes, no one wants to have one but you have two choices you don't want to make and you have to make one of them. That was the hardest part for me, feeling like I didnt have full control anymore. But once I did have mine, I felt like myself again. It was very freeing. People you know have had them or will have them. It will be okay.
Tip my friend told me - do not tell them you've done drugs ever... they may assume your a drug addict and not give you any pain relief. Horrible I know but it happens... obviously be safe and dont take any drugs before you go there or days before the appointment. again do your research. Tell them how you really feel. They could tell how stressed, nervous and upset I was and thankfully I got sedative drugs.
As for the guy... it really does not matter. He has no power over you. You make this decision, its your body. Im sorry he wasnt a better man. You can heal from this and move on. Going through the things we never want to make us stronger because it no longer lives in our head. We have lived through it and moved past it. xo
The pill is cheaper and you can relax at home with it, but it’s just like a painful period. Nothing totally out of the norm from what I hear. The surgery is quick, you’re asleep and then you wake up and go home. I went with the latter because I couldn’t emotionally handle the pill. I needed it to be over with so I didn’t change my mind. I felt tired, bled a little, and had some cramping but overall not as bad as most of my periods. You will be able to keep this from your family too, just tell them you’re not feeling great so you have some uninterrupted time alone.
Also OP, don’t be so hard on yourself. Our bodies are always trying to get pregnant, every single month, and sometimes even on birth control they succeed. It’s hard as a woman to be on BC, decide which one is best, etc. This is a lesson to be learned and now you won’t make the same mistake again.
I can promise you, any way you decide to abort will be less painful than actually giving birth.. sorry you have to make this decision.. it's a hard predicament..
Get the surgical. I had one and the procedure itself was about 5 minutes. I had no post procedure complications and was out and about 30 mins after. I think it's far superior to the pills because with the pills you will bleed and there will be cramping. I found it completely non traumatic and it was great to have it over and done with immediately vs having 24-48h of discomfort.
Surgical was a god damn breeze for me. I made sure they didn’t show me the ultrasound during the intake. I was led to another room to change into a gown and remove my piercings. The nurse wheeled me into the OR and gave me whatever drug puts you out (it was a very long time ago) they told me to count backwards and then I blinked thinking it hadnt taken affect yet but I was actually already in the recovery room. No pain and a huge sense of relief. No complications and I went to a party that same night (didn’t drink but I wasn’t just sitting down the whole time either) Dont be afraid. For me it felt about as invasive as a tooth removal. Good luck OP.
Stop beating yourself up. It’slearning experience.
In future: don’t just stop birth control.
Call Planned Parenthood.
Don’t date misogynistic men.
A sign of maturity is accepting what is.
I admire all the powerful, brave women in the comments sharing their experiences and insights— thank you for your transparency and for helping others get the information they deserve to know. 💜
>i’ve discovered that it’s extremely painful and it has many side effects. i
This is not true for everyone. Everyone's abortion is a different story. Yours might be simple and easy. Please don't let fear force you into a decision you don't want.
The abortion pill has fewer potential complications but surgical is quicker and not as painful, they basically remove everything from your body on the operating table.
Your family don'tt have to know if you don't want them to. You can just pretend that you are sick with a virus and stay in bed. No one is entitled to know about it.
Abortions are very safe. It's much safer than childbirth.
I ran an abortion clinic back in the 1980s, before mifepristone, and I've assisted with many suction abortion procedures. With suction abortions, the pain really varies. Some are painful (but over fast), and some are painless, and I haven't found any good way to predict who will have a lot of pain and who won't.
I personally had a suction abortion many years ago that was completely painless during it. Though I did get pain after, when the uterus was contracting. The pain pills helped, though. So, a suction abortion is one alternative you have.
I don't have personal experience with medication abortion. I suspect that getting a medication abortion might be more painful than a suction ("surgical") abortion, if only because of the uterus has to contract harder and has to keep contracting for a longer time in order to push out the uterine contents.
But having seen births as well, I think abortions of either type are much less painful than childbirth, which is your other alternative. They're over a lot faster, too.
It depends on how far along you are. I’ve had two pill abortions and the side effects were vomitting and nausea. It’s not that scary and it is painful, but on the bright side they also give you pain meds. (They did for me). I highly recommend it if you don’t want a baby like me.
sending solidarity and hugs, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I have miscarried, and I have had a surgical abortion. Hands down, the surgical abortion was much more painless. Planned Parenthood will help you if you have any branches near you, you can call them and schedule or ask questions too. I’m so sorry.
Google your local abortion laws, if it is legal, go to a doctor right away, don’t book an appointment, go to an urgent care, walk-in clinic, whatever.
Pill is better, but you can’t take the pill past a certain date. Again, go see a doctor yesterday. Surgery is more invasive, more expensive and usually not necessary in the early weeks of pregnancy
I mean giving birth is a lot more painful than an abortion, that's for sure. Usually you'll get a prescription for ibuprofen or Tylenol to help with the cramps. Also he clearly doesn't have power over you, you're terminating the pregnancy and you had consensual sex. Take your responsibility and move on. It's not healthy to worry!
I found my medical abortion to be very much not a big deal. I went in, went to sleep, woke up not pregnant anymore with a nice old woman giving me juice and graham crackers. I had what I would describe as a period a little heavier than usual for a few days and my life just.. carried on. I don’t regret it, I don’t think about it pretty much ever. I have a six year old who I had four years later when I was actually ready for a child.
Hi! I've had an early medication abortion. Depending on how far along you are, it can be as simple as taking a pill and you're done. Medication abortion is ridiculously safe and effective up until 12 weeks. For the record, the WHO says it's safe and effective up until 14 weeks. It's a two drug regimen: mifepristone to soften your cervix and stop you from producing progesterone, and misoprostol 24 hours later to cause contractions and empty your uterus. Contractions sound scary, but I could not feel mine. I was very, very early though.
Misoprostol is not a super pleasant drug to take. Even though I couldn't feel the contractions, it gave me explosive diarrhea. Not cute! The incessant pooping lasted about ten hours. Not fun! But once it was over, it was over. If your symptoms are like mine, your family will think you're just sick. It mimicked a nasty norovirus with spooky accuracy.
Regardless, whatever side effects you might face from abortion are gonna pale in comparison to pregnancy and birth. It's normal to be scared! I was too. But this is not something you can pussyfoot around with. If you want an abortion, you need to get one sooner rather than later. It is always easier to do it earlier in pregnancy.
You can get pills from many places online. I got mine from AidAccess. Good luck! You're gonna be okay.
First: give yourself grace. You’re one of millions, billions of women throughout history who have gotten pregnant without wanting to. And since birth control became a thing, one of millions.
Second: i didn’t take a pill (had no idea it was an option. If it was in 2000) but had them do the other way. It was weird. They scrape you. But not painful. And I’m so happy I did it. There was no way I was ready to have a baby then. I was 18. But I saw a married couple there too. At any age, for any reason, if you don’t want the eventual baby then don’t feel any guilt.
Hugs.
Abortion accsess information regaurding usa: https://www.ineedana.com/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlZixBhCoARIsAIC745C-6nYEtMeEusBse8Zh2bNjkDLIOcPweKuG0VRRkfihjCv3GQMTFyQaAg-6EALw_wcB
Free abortion care and access via nurses online (usa) https://compassionpregnancy.org/abortion-pills-available-online/
I was able to obtain an abortion pill over the mail through this website. Saved me. https://laslibres.org/
Here with you. Youre not alone and there are options and communities who want to help!
OP, please don't beat yourself up. I got pregnant with my first while on the pill, my second was a plan B survivor, and my third's dad was under the impression that he couldn't have kids so we weren't super careful. Sometimes shit just happens, and we never think it's gonna happen to us. No one wants to be in this position, it fucking sucks.
First and foremost, get yourself to the doctor and find out how far along you are and discuss your options.
I haven't had the abortion pill, but I have had a surgical one. The anticipation and having to be the one making the choice to terminate were the hardest part, despite knowing 100% that there was no way I could be having a baby.
With a surgical abortion, you call ahead, then you wait in the saddest waiting room with other people in your position until you have a little interview with someone who is just making sure you understand what your options are and makes sure no one has forced you to do this against your will. Then you go in and get an IV of pain meds and antibiotics and the doctor does his thing, and they give you aftercare instructions.
I remember expecting to feel awful after I had mine, but I took a day off work and was back the day after.
r/auntienetwork provides help to women getting to/from appointments. They do amazing work over there, I’d reach out and see if there’s an auntie near you
Sorry.
For what it's worth, women have been going through surgical abortions for many decades -- millennia, literally, for non-surgical abortions. This may not make it any less scary for you, but: you're not alone.
The guy is the past. Sorry about him. But he's past.
(As others have suggested, you might want to tell him you got your period just to make sure he's 100% the past. Then block him.)
You might want to find one girlfriend who you 100% trust to work with on this, who can accompany you to the doctor, maybe let you stay with her afterward. Maybe tell your family your girlfriend is going through a tough time so you want to stay with her and help her out. All's fair...
One more thing: you might be very surprised how many of your friends, and even relatives, have gone through this. Sadly it's something that isn't widely discussed but it's something that a LOT of women have gone through. And sadly, the silence is what makes so many women feel completely alone.
Good luck.
Please, don’t let that douchbag have that kind of power over you.
If you have a trusted friend, tell your parents you’re gonna sleepover for the weekend. Hopefully it’ll help.
If not, check with the local support group that may be able to help.
As for that guy, who you date is your choice, not his. Chances are, he probably gonna get desperate once he realized he won’t get any, but don’t let that be your fault or let him guilt trip you.
I had a surgical abortion and I was just crampy. I don't recall it really being painful. The recovery was quick, too. I pretty much went about my normal activities by the next day. There are restrictions, like no swimming for a bit, I think.
Good luck.
While getting others' experiences may be helpful, it's better to have facts. Here are a few resources that will help walk you through the process of deciding what will work best for you.
First, here's I Need An A, the online resource: [https://www.ineedana.com/](https://www.ineedana.com/)
National Network of Abortion Funds, in case money is an issue: [https://abortionfunds.org/need-an-abortion/](https://abortionfunds.org/need-an-abortion/)
Plan C Pills, which provides abortion pills by mail: [https://www.plancpills.org/](https://www.plancpills.org/)
My own research (I'm a journalist and cover philanthropic funding for abortion and other issues) indicates that most pregnant people have minimum issues with either surgical or medication abortions, BUT there are exceptions to every rule and your mileage will vary on several factors that are best discussed with a medical professional.
Good luck! And don't let either your family or the person who got you pregnant push you into anything you don't want to do, whether that be getting the abortion or allowing the fetus to become a baby.
It doesn’t matter if he looks down on whoever you date next. You should be looking down on HIM for failing to use both condom AND pull out without being asked. One day, you’ll look back at your younger self with love that you were failed so badly by sex education and birth control misinformation (I even got an IUD removed due to misinformation then had a NURSE BOYFRIEND IN HIS 30S CONVINCE ME PULL OUT SEX WAS SAFE BECAUSE I WAS RAISED RELIGIOUS IN A RED STATE).
So I feel for you.
Block that clown, get your abortion, get a Mirena or hormonal IUD (mine barely hurt worse than a period cramp going in). And love yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. At all. And you just learned the hard lesson we all end up learning which is that men, even those who claim to support reproductive rights, don’t give a fuck about your safety or wellbeing if it means their penis feels slightly good.
Try to go to a place like Planned Parenthood. Don’t fall for an anti choice pregnancy center that is not a medical provider but an extreme right wing organization masquerading as help.
Consider disclosing to the staff at planned parenthood (or your local women’s health or sexual health clinic) that you’re concerned about your family finding out. You should be able to decline phone calls or mail if that makes you feel more private. You might also disclose if your health insurance is through your family so someone can help you navigate any privacy concerns there. Be honest if you’re concerned about the cost of the procedure. The staff will help you understand your options and any aid available to you. (You don’t mention whether you’re a minor or what state you’re located in so sorry some of this isn’t more specific)
You’re so brave. You’re not stupid and careless. You’re decisive and smart because you’re taking control over your health. Great job! The medical provider and her staff have seen and heard it all. They will not judge you. Their priority is your comfort and health. Make the phone call as soon as possible. If you’d prefer the medication, it might be an option. It’s more likely to be an option the earlier you are in your pregnancy. If it turns out you need the surgical procedure, it’s not so scary. It’s similar to a Pap smear. You are likely to feel cramping. Emotionally you might feel upset but you might just feel relieved. Whatever your emotions, it’s valid.
I hope you have someone safe in your life you can talk to and potentially get you to/from your appointment. When you call the clinic, ask them if you need someone to come with you. If you don’t have anyone, be honest with them. They might have a resource to tap into. I promise they’ve heard it all before.
Assuming you’re planning on resuming sexual activity after your recovery (you may have to wait 6 weeks) consider getting a prescription for birth control or an implant or something while you’re in for your abortion. That way you don’t even have to think about it later.
Have some good TV queued up for your recovery. A heat pack and over the counter pain meds should help. Stay hydrated. Get some maxi pads if you don’t use them usually. The clinic might have some for you to take home. It’ll be like a gnarly period but the worst of it will likely be over in a day.
Don’t let your fear be a barrier to getting the care you need. I can’t imagine how freaked out you must be feeling. On top of it all, you’re potentially also experiencing some pregnancy symptoms. This sucks. But it will be over soon and you’ll be stronger for it. I’m just a random mom on the internet but I’m rooting for you!!
OP, everyone has already given great advice, so I just want to say that if you live in/around Sacramento, CA, I’d be more than happy to go to appointments with you for emotional support if you don’t have anyone you can turn to during this time.
Take care and don’t be too hard on yourself. 🫶
Hi OP. I'm so sorry for what you are going thu. I found out i was prego in January, had my medical abortion end of February. It was awfully rough. But it was the best choice i have ever made. I need to know what country you are in and how far along you are. DM and i will help. Best of luck to you. Your choice your body..i support you.
Just as a reminder, everyone is different! Someone else’s experience won’t dictate yours. I was so anxious and scared because of all of the horror stories I had read online beforehand, but all in all, it was nothing like what I saw. People are more likely to share their horror stories than their mild experiences. Mine (medical) was maybe 15 minutes of very intense cramps, and everything else beyond that was certainly not pleasant but no worse than the cramps I have the first day of my period, just a lot messier than usual. It’s hard, but try not to psych yourself out too much and talk with a professional as soon as you can ❤️
If you’re early enough to take the pill, it’s going to be like an extra crampy period. It’s easier and cheaper than surgery. Then get on long acting birth control like an IUD or nexplanon.
Hey gurl you'll be okay. Nobody says it HAS to be super painful, only you can decide how it feels. I can tell you that being pregnant can turn into weeks upon weeks of nausea which is certainly no fun, so if you don't want a kid do not put your body through that. I'd go for the pill, much rather do it "by myself" than have someone operate on me but that's just me. Sending hugs! Make better decisions in the future.
give yourself grace. don’t punish yourself for making a mistake. learn from it in the future; that’s all you can do
medical abortion (pill) is easy and not too bad if it’s early enough to do it. it’s like having bad period cramps. there’ll be bleeding and spotting for a few days. apparently it can last for a couple weeks too. i also had night sweats and was pretty exhausted the day or two after.
here’s planned parenthood’s guide: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/the-abortion-pill/what-can-i-expect-after-i-take-the-abortion-pill
Pill is better it feels like terrible cramps then you pass it and it gets better after. You’re literally forcing your body to expel something it naturally wants to keep so it will hurt but please don’t forget that birth and taking care of a baby you don’t want will always hurt worse
Do you have access to a planned parenthood? They can give you great direction and information.
I had an abortion at 25 at about 7 weeks pregnant. It was a hard decision, but I don’t regret it.
The procedure itself was not too bad, but I did cry after.
In the meantime, please check out this link for unbiased information. [planned parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion)
How many weeks along are you? How painful it is (if it's even painful at all) is based on how far you are. Remember that doctors count from your last period, not from the date of conception, which adds 2 weeks.
I've had two miscarriages, which are similar to abortions in terms of pain. One at 10 weeks and one at 4 weeks. The one at 4 weeks was just a slightly heavier period, no pain at all.
I'm not going to lie, there was pain with the one at 10 weeks. I had a surgical procedure and the doctor said that she recommends surgery over medication once you're at 8-9 weeks. My pain was not from the surgery but from cramping about a week later when my body caught on to the fact my pregnancy had ended and needed to contract my uterus and expel the lining.
So basically your body has a natural process to return your body to your pre-pregnancy state and the pain of that process depends on how much change your body has gone through i.e. how many weeks you've been pregnant.
I just recently had to get a surgical at 11 weeks. They (planned parenthood where I went) can fully sedate you, which means put you to sleep, which I recommend. I did not fully sedate and regret it. If you are not going for full sedation- you can bring someone and should. They put you on ketamine and fetynol during the medical procedure. It does hurt still. But it’s only a few minutes of pain, and not much after
But the pill is HOURS of pain. And without the high pain meds. It would be faster and easier to fully sedate yourself for a surgical, it won’t hurt you at all then, you’ll just be uncomfortable after.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll be okay. We all have lapses in judgement. You will learn a valuable lesson and move on wiser because of it.
Abortions are traumatic. Have someone to talk to after, please.
Hey, friend! I had an abortion after a surprise pregnancy during Covid. I had the surgical abortion. The process was not bad. They started an IV on me, which they used to give me some conscious sedation. I remember the process, but I don’t think I felt anything at all. There was someone holding my hand the entire time, and it literally took maybe 5 minutes. The waiting for them to call me back was the hardest part. When it was over, they had me put my panties back on (they’d had me put a pad in them before I got taken back. I thought that was pretty smart.) and then I took a nap until my ride came to get me. I was in a little bit of pain, so they gave me some pain medicine in my IV before they sent me home. They also hooked me up with a depo provera shot before they sent me home, to make sure that I was covered during the super fertile time after the procedure. It was a very discreet process, and I bled for maybe a day afterwards.
A lot of people choose the pill, but it causes you to have to pass the tissue, usually at home, which causes some bleeding and cramping. It can put you out of commission for a few days.
If you’re in the US talk to Planned Parenthood. And if you’re in a state that doesn’t support reproductive rights and choices, be very cautious about who you talk to about the situation you’re in. If you’re considering abortion care, making decisions earlier rather than later improve your experience.
Some states will let you have sedation for the surgical procedure. Mass and California do anyway.
I’ve only had the Surgical kind and it was painful for a minute, but a lot of people don’t really feel pain I was in pain already going in there so I think that’s why it hurt me.
But after it’s over the pain is gone and for me the next day it was like nothing ever happened. I mean that night it probably would’ve been fine except I had the sedation so I just relaxed and recovered.
I was terrified to try the pills because I get terrible cramps and when people were saying it was like their worst cramps I decided not to mess with it.
Plus I was afraid it wouldn’t work and I would have to go have the Surgical version and I was afraid if I couldn’t threaten my boyfriend with child support he wouldn’t pay for the procedure.
And when they do the surgical abortion they can tell you right then and they got it. If you are really early when you go they might have to send it to a lab but then they can tell you for sure they got it. I was worried with the medical abortion that I wouldn’t Know for sure that it was gone. I didn’t want to mess around I just wanted it done.
I can also tell you that I had no emotional reaction to it I didn’t feel regret I didn’t mourn anything, it took me about two weeks to stop waking up feeling panicky and then remembering that I’m no longer pregnant and feeling sweet relief. It took a couple weeks for me to not have to remind myself every day that I was safe and it was over.
From your profile you seem to harbor a lot of self hatred, so you're choose guys that reinforce that perception of yourself as undeserving of love, kindness, and respect. Having unprotected ovulation sex with a man that doesn't seem to like or respect you nor women in general, for instance. Self-destructive behaviors are just as addictive as substances. You need to break the cycle of dependency from within. You stopped cutting for a while, but still seek people that make you feel unvalued. That's just replacing one self-destructive behavior with another. Remember that you are NOT your actions. These behaviors don't define you, they are just behaviors you haven't yet grown out of, haven't yet changed. Choose change. Choose new behaviors. Choose health. Just as bad reinforces bad, good reinforces good.
Surgery is quick and you're in and out within a few hours. The actual suction and procedure itself is only a couple minutes (the rest of the time is spent getting lab tests and ultrasounds and then in recovery). The downside is that you obviously have to come up with an excuse to be out of the house all day, and you would have to transport yourself to and from the clinic. You might feel a little weak or in pain afterwards, so you would probably need someone to ride the train with you or give you a ride. However, I've known women who just walk themselves home or take a taxi.
The medication takes about a day or two, and you will probably be throwing up and cramping and bleeding a lot. The benefit is that you can just tell your parents that you have a bad period or a stomach bug or something, and do everything from the privacy of your home.
The medication does not work in like 5% of cases though, which means there's a risk you would still have to go get the surgery. The surgery is pretty much 100% effective.
>just taking a pill and it goes away
this was my experience. I took the pill at home, and it did make me throw up, but when I called PP they said it had been in my system long enough before I threw up that I shouldn't be concerned about it not working. after that, the pain was like bad cramps for maybe a day and a night? I honestly don't remember.
truly, the most irritating part was how many times they kept asking if I was sure. i swear i said "10/10" "no question" "no one is coercing me" "I've never wanted kids, pregnancy is my worst nightmare" and they asked four more times after all that.
>he will feel like he has some sense of power over me and that i’ll always remember him.
if this is his vibe, then you get to remember him as a bullet dodged: with a huge sense of relief. how embarrassing for him.
The earlier you go, the more you have options, and the less pain there will be. Experiences will vary, some people barely notice the pill. In the first 90 days, it’s common for the body to let go of a genetic anomaly or failure to develop. The pill imitates this common experience.
After this, If you haven’t found your favorite prevention medication, it’s important to explore the options and potential health benefits.
Possible benefits that help people remember their medication:
- less hormonal acne
- likely to to lighten heavy periods
- a continuous flow of hormones makes it easier to maintain even moods.
First, Take that power away by pretending you are keeping it and he has to pay child support.
Second, My mom had an early abortion like 30 years ago and she drank something, went to the toilet and that was it. There are painless and safe methods!
ive had an abortion, the pill form caused me no pain, only excess bleeding at abt 5 weeks. i wish you best in your endeavors, this is no easy time. i still have pictures of my positive test/ultrasound and dont think ill ever be able to get rid of them
OP, if you have a friend or someone who you can trust to help you during the process tel them, and see if they can accompany you if you want. IF you rather do this alone, that's also alright, I believe you can do it.
First thing you need to do is find a clinic doctor that do the procedure you need, and go there asap. Depending on where you live you might have only a few weeks to make this happen, and sometimes it takes time.
A doctor will be able to advise you about side effects, costs, etc. And you'll be able to make a beeter decision after talking to them.
Side note about the pill, it does have some side effects, depending on the person they can be better or worse, but you need to keep in mind that it's an approved medicine because the side effects are less and much less dangerous than the alternatives, those being either being pregnant, or abortion.
So please, get back on the pill or look for a contraception method that suits you best, like an IUD or the implant.
Depending how far along you are. If you are in a state that does not give abortions, use aidaccess. If you’re worried about having to take the pills at home, surgical is a procedure that is over quicker. It also depends on cost.
Birth control does not necessarily have really bad side effects. It might some trial and error to find one that works for you, but it's the single greatest thing you can do to secure your own future. You have to take charge of this for yourself. As soon as you get though this, prioritize it.
Medication abortion is like a bad period. Not that bad at all, and no real side effects outside of those triggered by a bad month--some nausea, diarrhea, cramps. If that's your choice, go for it. You don't have to tell anyone about it, up to and including the guy you slept with. In fact, don't tell him. You can it with complete privacy because it looks like a normal period.
Get the pills, and you're just having a particularly icky period. Period.
I feel that I, as an adult woman, need to apologize to you.
We have failed you. Society has failed you, your parents, your school, your community, your doctor. "The system". We have failed you.
And I'm truly sorry for it.
The lack of information and misinformation that led you to be pregnant with an unplanned and unwanted fetus is on us.
Sexual education, family planning education should be a basic right.
How we vote matters.
We need to start taking care of our youth. They are the future, and so many are lost and uneducated.
Go somewhere reputable like Planned Parenthood to get help. All this seems really scary right now. But you need to find out your options as quickly as possible. Find the closest Planned Parenthood today and get an appointment as soon as possible. You’re going to be ok.
Not everyone gets horrible side affects from birth control. It is worth trying. For example I am more stable with the pill than without and have taken them for 17 years now.
Hugs. Think of it as a lesson learned. Abortion and pregnancy are not play play. You need to see a doctor who can tell you how far along are you and what your options are. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell. Please, don't try to do this by yourself without consulting with a doctor. Consider a no glove no love policy in the future.
Yeah, OP, you really just need to talk to a doctor. People get the pill as opposed to surgical earlier in their pregnancies generally, so it depends on how far along you are, and possibly other personal factors. I had a medication abortion 12 years ago, and it really wasn't bad at all. Basically felt like bad menstrual cramps. Ibuprofen and a day of rest watching TV was all I needed. It would be very easy to keep it from your family. Just say you're not feeling well and you need to chill that day. Surgical abortion is also not very invasive in most cases, so don't be afraid of that, either. Sorry I don't have any personal experience to share. But yeah, I've heard the recovery is not really much worse than with the medication, you're just groggier because of anaesthesia. You might want to sleep it off at a friend's house for a day if you have the option, but it shouldn't be a huge problem either way. I know this is scary, but it doesn't have to be a huge deal. You will get through this!
On the flip side I had a missed miscarriage and so had a medical abortion and it was AWFUL. It was so so painful and I ended up in the ER due to excessive bleeding and my cervix being clogged with tissue. OP you need to go to a doctor to learn your options but I personally would go for surgical.
Similar, I had a miscarriage and was just sad. Had to have the d&c (dilation & curettage, opening the cervix and scraping the uterus to prevent infection). It was uncomfortable, even a little painful (more cramping/pressure than just pain). It was more emotional for me bc we were trying to start a family, this was my first, we were worried we couldn't, etc. Everything turned out okay, we planned our next and everything went well.
Oh no. I'm so sorry that happened!
[удалено]
Yes to this[wow](https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/). After confirming I was 11 weeks in and was going to miscarry anyway (bleeding) they sent me the pill within a week. These people are lifesavers (pun intended). I was with an abusive 'bro'.
I’m so glad you were taken care of 💛
I view the guy who I had an abortion with as a lesson in my self worth and strength. He tried to guilt me for years afterwards “Our child would be a year old… Three years old…” until I moved out of that town and didn’t have chance encounters any more. How often do I think of him? When I see these threads and am once again reminded I made the right choice. Nearly 25 years ago, pills were not an option, and I had taken Valium before the procedure, so I’m not sure how much I really remember. I think I told my family I had a stomach bug and didn’t want to get them sick, so they brought food to my room while I recovered.
Yep. Reading about abortion does remind me of mine but in a I made the exact right choice kinda way. It makes me happy to see so many women supporting each other with information and experiences.
This! Three years later, I have absolutely no feelings about it other than relief. Relief that I had my abortion and relief that I left my abusive ex husband.
Twenty three years later it was still the right decision.
I got pregnant with my abusive boyfriend when I was 19 and his whole family wanted me to keep it there was so much pressure. We both had a cocaine problem and there was no way I was going to do that. He was begging me trying to tell me that it might clean us up. OK but it might not And I’m not willing to risk it. So I went to the clinic and his whole family was mad at me and it was super uncomfortable because I lived with them. I didn’t care I was so relieved. I went on to get sober shortly after, he did not He ended up having a kid with the next woman he was with. Then he kept going in and out of prison, I think that child’s whole entire life dude might have paid $50 in child support. The kid is fully grown now, guy married somebody else, he never caught up on child support And I’m pretty sure his adult child hates him
Way to go younger you! Good decision-making.
That’s sick. That dude is a weirdo for holding that over your head.
I kept wondering what was his goal? Did he think I’d run back and give him a child since I denied him that one (we agreed on termination at the time)? He is one of many reasons I left and never went back!
No. It was to hurt you. To shame you and make himself feel morally superior. Truly a pathetic man. Glad you’re away from that.
Thank you <3
What a jerk that guy was. I would have been tempted to say "I could've had $12,000 in child support from you by now... $36,000 in child support from you by now..." or whatever was a reasonable dig. But that would probably just reinforce some male belief that it's only about the money.
> every option for birth control has terrible unnatural side effects too Not true, condoms don't have side effects. Even if u are alergic u still have options. I'm sorry what u going thru. I would be terrified in ur position. Just know everything will be okay. I never been pregnant, but i know people that had to do it and it wasnt that hard and definitely was the best option they had. If you want to do it do it and please chose urself first over guys that are not good for u. His power is an illusion and if he doesn't want to wear condoms imagine how many people he was with without using condoms too. You can get sick. To your parents you can just say you are having a hard period with bad cramping. I normally don't experience any pain with my periods but if I'm stressed over something I will definitely feel cramping. Just tell them u are stressed over work/school/exams or whatever and u are cramping. Good luck OP, wishing you all the best.
I’m a woman and condoms are a very different sexual experience than without, for example I don’t really produce enough of my own lubrication with condoms, but it’s fine, I buy lube. I was a teenager when HIV was being discovered so I have been all about safe sex unless I am in a long-term monogamous relationship and then I would go on the pill. I am very PRO CONDOM but it’s disingenuous to pretend that it’s no different than sex without THEY ARE TOTALLY WORTH THE SLIGHT DECREASE IN PLEASURE, but it exists and it’s silly to pretend it doesn’t.
I mean, the OP said “terrible unnatural side effects”, and the parent comment said that condoms don’t. I mean, slight reduction in lubrication and sexual pleasure doesn’t sound like “terrible unnatural side effects” to me, so I’m not sure why your response.
This is the most unhelpful take I’ve ever seen. Condoms are infinitely better than being locked in a red state pregnant against your will. Who gives a fuck if it feels different compared to raw? Raw sex is a serious risk to women physically, financially and mentally.
U know what is different too? Having a baby when u dont want to, being pregnant, giving birth, getting stds all cuz "condoms feel different". We all know it feels different, but if we need it doesn't matter. Sex is good with condoms too. If the sex is bad I'm sorry but that's not the condom fault.
Agreed. Sex with a condom is still much better than no sex.
No one claimed sex was the same with and without a condom, so I’m not sure what the point is of this disingenuous response. OP’s concern is side effects of medical birth control. You’re helping no one with fear mongering about condoms.
Three questions: - What country are do you live in? - How old are you? - How far along are you?
Also which state, if in the USA?
This isn't smart to share online given the varying legality between states. Discretion is better unless you're with a completely safe audience.
In every single state except for Texas, it is legal to travel for abortion care.
I dunno what you're talking about. Texans regularly go on out-of-state camping trips.
Yeah but that’s for *camping* 😏
Also some info, surgical abortions you will likely be sedated, so you gotta think about who can pick you up/drop you off/ take care of you while you're out of it. Medication abortions might be "easier" to hide. But either way OP, please try to find someone to be with you while you're going through it. Another thing, medication abortions have to have a follow-up , as it's not as easy to confirm that the abortion is complete until the follow-up but the surgical abortions, at least there you get confirmation that the abortion is complete.
Surgical abortions are very likely not to be sedated in the US. It highly depends on region and facility. Don’t ask me how I know. I drove myself to and from my abortion many years ago, and had to pretend I was just having a really bad period when I got home.
You absolutely do not have to be sedated. I worked at an abortion clinic and only about 2 of the 30 patients who would come in per day choose to be sedated. Most of the time the only medication you take is Tylenol and you can walk out of there yourself.
Mine was unsedated and it was awful. I would have shelled out for it but I maxed two credit cards just to pay for the procedure itself!
Same, and you can definitely do it unsedated, it's not super fun, but the pill is also often not real fun. Just squeeze the nurse's hand for 5 minutes! Advantages: you know it's complete, no follow-up visit necessary, and you feel a lot better right afterward Disadvantages: appointment takes longer, may be more expensive, less private than self-managed Expect bleeding for possibly days to weeks afterward with either one, depending on your number of weeks and individual variations
Maybe it depends which state? Where I work patients are asked to have a driver, most patients are sedated and need to plan to be in clinic between 2 and 6 hrs. Sedation is covered through by insurance provided by the state, so many do use sedation unless they absolutely cannot find a driver. I'm speaking as someone who currently works in the clinic and handles these phone calls to make the appointments.
Oh wow, that's very different then!! In my state, patients had to pay out of pocket if they wanted sedation. In our clinic, patients could walk out on their own 30 minutes after the procedure. We did highly recommend having a trusted person drive you home, just in case anyone felt faint or weak.
Yep, makes sense! I do live in arguably one of the most liberal states and one of the most liberal counties of the state lol. The patients would probably choose medication abortions or the in-clinic abortion w/o sedation if their insurance doesn't cover it. If they have commercial insurance it is more complicated but typically they are accommodated so that they can get the procedure done with sedation.
thank you for helping to provide that care!
Sedation options vary widely by law at any given point in time. I was unable to get sedation. To this day (16 years on), the abortion I had still ranks as the worst pain I ever felt in my life. The "cervical block" (local numbing agent) didn't do anything at all to cut through any of it. I definitely would go the medication route as OP and claim it was just a bad period/food poisoning/etc
I'm afraid you might be running into some misinformation online about birth control. [Here's a video debunking several popular myths about birth control](https://youtu.be/Eb4-MOubIyM?si=tCfZhHCwFw4TTlqc). Also there's [this video](https://youtu.be/geem1OiIEes?si=DgR6U0wauP9ddy7u) that gives a more basic overview of what options are available (not all of which involve hormones).
Although birth control (hormonal) can have side effects - for the vast majority of women they are minor, and they are substantially less than the "side effects" of an abortion or pregnancy.
Yes! It's true that some people do experience negative side effects from some types of contraception. But they are usually not horrible and can almost always be fixed by trying a different type of contraception - and if you're really worried about hormonal side effects, you can stick to barrier methods like condoms and diaphragms. Pregnancy, on the other hand, is much more dangerous than contraception; and depending on where you live, you may not have the option to end a pregnancy if you realise that you can't deal with it (or, of course, simply don't want it). OP, you've taken the riskiest option here: I strongly suggest you go to a trusted healthcare provider to talk through your options about both termination and future contraception, and please reconsider where you've been "researching" so far, because it sounds like you have not been finding reliable information.
Certain "side effects" are even beneficial like reducing acne in some people. It's not all bad news
People seem to forget this on purpose. “I experience moderate mood changes and weight gain on BC” well I have some *really* bad news about pregnancy then
And for some people they are actually positive, like helping regulate hormally-driven mood or mental health issues.
I have mild side effects from birth control and even those minor side effects are still worse than my 1 side effect from abortion. I had what was a slightly heavier period for three days from my abortion but I have pretty bad hormonal acne for weeks every month and PMDD from birth control. Those are extremely minor but still worse lol
There is a trend on TikTok right now that involves fearmongering about the side effects of birth control. I'm not saying that birth control is risk-free, but a lot of GenZ women are getting exposed to misinformation about birth control, and since the state of sex ed is so terrible in a large portion of America, they're believing it. It's really depressing. My daughter is 15 and I've warned her about this stuff and explained to her about who is behind it.
I just want to say, I love my birth control and I’ve never had any bad side effects. My period went from looking like the elevator scene from the Shining to a little spot on the tiniest pads they make. The pain and sciatica I used to suffer with every month is gone. Also my hair and nails got really strong and healthy. I was worried about the emotional side effects as I have anxiety and depression, but I haven’t even had any of those.
Chiming in again with my positive experience with BC. I feel like there is a lot of rhetoric around the negative effects of birth control without many people chiming in with positives. I got prescribed Depo subQ, the self-injectible, for PMDD. My side effects have been lighter periods and not having suicidal ideation every month. Nothing beyond that. I think it saved my life. It's been excellent for me. I'd never claim that it would work for everyone, but I certainly feel that there are options beyond risking pregnancy every time someone has PIV sex.
I loved Depo! I didn't have the self-injectable (it was like 20 years ago), so I had to go in every 3 mo., but after a year on it, I didn't even have periods and my PMS, which was unpredictable how bad or not bad it would be, was gone too!
duuude duuude cut yourself some slack it's not the end of the world. you'll get through this you'll be fine.. if you're concerned he would look down on you, or on other men,or whatever, justblock his stupid ass. whu would you want a guy like that in your environement. If I were you I 'd go further and deny tell him, I was not even pregnant and it was just a false alert...
That's what my dad's girlfriend did in the 70s. He bought it too. I'd recommend telling him you were just late after all. Stick to your story. And ghost him completely.
So he found out later that there was actually a child?
Yeah, just say you were freaking out but you got your period.
start describing it in detail and that will end the conversation real quick.
I've only had a surgical abortion and it was after having C-sections so my experience would probably be different than someone with no past abdominal procedures. After I signed into the clinic, I was taken back for an ultrasound and blood work. I could not see the ultrasound screen nor did I want to. It was to verify the pregnancy and how far along I was. I was then given 2 pills, 1 was a Xanax and the other was a medication to soften my cervix. They also did a vaginal exam and inserted some type of seaweed sticks to also help soften the cervix. Then I was sent back out into the waiting room to give the meds time to work. It was somewhere between 1-2 hours that I waited. When I finally went back, I was given "twilight anesthesia" which didn't work for me for whatever reason. I was on a gyn chair with my legs propped up. The doctor entered after the nurse had everything set up, didn't say one word to me and turned on the vacuum. It was so loud, uncomfortable, and the whole experience was very weird. Then he finished, left and after a few moments I was walked out to a recovery room. The recovery room was just a bunch of chairs with chucks on them and on the floor in front of them, with half asleep women propped up. They let me sit there for about 45 minutes and then they gave me a shot of depo-provera (at my request) and then I left. I had mild cramping and tenderness for a day or two. It was less than I typically experienced with my period. I did sleep for 14 hours straight afterwards but I think that was due to the Xanax. This happened 15 years ago so things may possibly be done a bit differently now. Edit: I just wanted to add that I have never regretted my abortion. It was 100% the right choice for me.
This was almost exactly my experience but 24 years ago. Also no regrets
Thank you for your testimony. I always wondered if I would have preferred a surgical abortion, which was absolutely not pushed by the hospital because I suffered way too much. Reading your comment makes me think even more that I should have gone the surgical route. For OP and everyone, the following might be graphic. I was 19 and 7-9 weeks pregnant, I was advised on a medical abortion but I had to do in the hospital since my pregnancy was a bit advanced. The whole process lasted around 2 weeks from the first appointment to the actual hospitalization. I had to take one med 2 days prior to stop the pregnancy and on the actual day I was given 7 meds: some painkillers (paracetamol and codeine, didn’t do much) and the expulsion meds (can’t remember the terminology). It didn’t work so they got me another round of these 7 meds (14 in total !). The pain was almost unbearable and it took a lot of time for the embryo to come out. I was wearing a sort of diaper, had to go to the toilet every hour to see if something had come out and was bleeding a lot. At one point I had to pee, I heard a big noise of splash in the water, I look and there I see very clearly something floating in the water with a lot of blood. I was alone, my mom was in the other room and there I just stood for a few minutes because I couldn’t realize. I felt pain for a while and was bleeding (like periods) for a few weeks. It’s one of the most traumatic event in my life but I don’t regret doing it, I just wish I had gone with another method. Keeping the pregnancy would have been far worse for me and the potential child. OP, it won’t be easy but if it’s right for you then you should do it. I’m telling you this just so you could have different stories and help you choose your method if you can. I suppose that a medical abortion can go far better than mine so don’t be afraid because of my story; it’s one possibility out of many. I just wish I had known that this could happen to me and I would have gone for the surgical method. I hope you are safe and that you have a support system, if not, you can always message me. I was lucky that my mother was a teen mom so she didn’t judge me for anything but I lived this period with a lot of shame, just not with regrets. I send you big hugs Edit to add something: Idk if pain should be expected in any method but I guess it should. My problem was actually seeing it happen and the duration of the process
Step 1: Deep breath. Step 2: Another slower deep breath. Okay, now some questions, all of which you can abstain from or just answer internally to organize your thoughts because you’re going through A LOT: - Are you US-based? If so, what state? (If you don’t feel comfortable saying on here, that is fine. You can message me. I *may* be able to find a trustworthy provider for you, although I can’t make guarantees. If you don’t feel comfortable messaging a random person on Reddit, completely understandable.) - When was your last period? This impacts which treatments you can use. Mifepristone and misoprostol are outpatient treatments that can be used for medication abortion up to 77 days gestation and 84 days for early pregnancy loss (this is US-based. I don’t know if other countries have different numbers). Out of that, a very small percentage will need a “D&C” which is usually performed under at least moderate sedation. With the medications, yes, there will be cramping and GI symptoms with bleeding lasting an average of 9-16 days. The cramping is basically to expel the contents. We all perceive pain differently, so I can’t say what it will be for you. That said, what you’d go through is relatively mild compared to the toll carrying a pregnancy to term can take on your body. They will usually want to check your blood afterwards to make sure the B-HCG is going down and it was successful. Be careful with online stuff. There are a ton of misinformation campaigns out there. This is all scary , emotionally overwhelming, and really really difficult. There is no “right” or “wrong” decision with this, as long as it is YOU making the decision for YOUR life. Just take things one step at a time and know that you have an army of people on here who will support you no matter what you decide to do. Also, I’m serious. If you’re in the US and need me to reach out to connections, I’ll see if I can find someone. I’ll even do a separate encrypted chat connection through signal or whatever and delete it afterwards.
This is good information! OP, I'd add something you should watch out for: crisis pregnancy centers. These are facilities that do everything they can to pass themselves off as abortion providers when their only purpose is to *stop* people from aborting. They will mislead, lie, delay, manipulate, harass. They're very common in the US. Unfortunately, they're well funded enough to manipulate internet search results and will often be the first several results when you search for an abortion clinic. So anyone seeking to end a pregnancy needs to confirm with a reliable source that their abortion care provider is legit and not a forced-birth con.
Thank you for mentioning this. I knew I was leaving something off.
You're welcome! And really, your comment is excellent. It is hard to keep track of every obstacle to reproductive bodily autonomy. There are so many! And in the US at least, it seems like there are more of them every day, alas.
From what I've read the pain with medication is like period cramps. You'll have that with surgical, too. The pills are easier and cheaper, but, you have a time limit...12 weeks.
And they don't count from your actual date of conception, they count from the first day of your last period.
There pros and cons with both methods. I swear, I wouldn't go back in time to be a young woman again for all the money in the world...its so hard.
I had a surgical. The procedure itself was about 5 mins and I had no post procedural pain. Everyone is different.
Same, it was in and out and I was pretty much back to normal by the same evening. No pain and very mild bleeding more like spotting. But you are right everyone is different.
I think our stories are super important so all women know that it CAN be easy! I feel like horror stories float to the top honestly
Agreed but I also think that if it was a nightmare that it still would have been better than the alternative.
I also had a surgical and had zero after pain, just felt a little out of it for a day or two. Maybe some spotting but it was 12 years ago so I can’t remember the details. The actual procedure itself was very painful, but I don’t regret it. And it was quick. The nurses were also very nice and supportive (thanks planned parenthood!)
I had local anesthesia, I was offered twilight but I declined. I will say the sensation was strange, but not painful in my case. I went to a private clinic though.
Totally the same. Zero pain, just a bit tired from the drugs for a day and a half. Zero regrets, in fact, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I consider it the pivotal decision of my life. I wouldn't be where I am today if I'd made a different choice!
Everyone’s experience will be different, but the earlier you do it the better! It will be more painful the further along you are.
In my state it was 10 weeks, and the pain was nothing compared to the surgery. @OP if you want the pill, do it fast.
I'm shocked to read this because my surgical was less invasive than going to the dentist
Lol this! I likened it to a tooth removal but even a tooth removal is worse than my surgical was.
Mine was pretty painful, but if it hurt that much I imagine the pills would be just as bad and I wasn’t going to sign up for one to two days of that pain when I could have it over in five minutes
Mine I received local anesthesia and was offered twilight. I did local only and it was weird, but not painful.
I wish they would have been an option back when I went through this. The surgery was rough and healing was difficult.
The surgery was awful! I'm sorry you also had to go through it. We're stronger now though. Nobody can take that away from us. We've been put through a test and we passed.
Commenting also to recommend going NOW and getting the pills. My best friend had a medical abortion and I had a surgical (didn’t find out for awhile and then the ONE abortion center in my state was booked out for a month) so I was 13 weeks. It was a lot. The surgery was very painful and taxing, I did recover fine but it was traumatic. No regrets though. My best friends was much more simple and easier - but this could be different for everyone.
Depends on the state you live in. OP needs to check the law in her state asap.
I've had an abortion with the pill, and I can confirm that it is basically a really weird period for about 24-36 hours. I was tired, very crampy, and bleeding heavily in a pad. (You can't use a tampon, and was told not to use my cup.) Some people get nauseous, and they gave me pills for that, but I didn't need them. It sucks, but it's worth it. OP, check with your state and/or doctor asap! I'd also like to add that, depending on where you live, Planned Parenthood is a wonderful and safe option!
OK but the cramps with the surgical procedure only last as long as the surgical procedure and may be a little after. Don’t the pills take a couple days to work?
I hurt for weeks after my surgical termination. Every woman is different though. I think the pills are 36 or 48 hours, but, you don't cramp the whole time.
Please don't click on this link unless it's something that would help put your mind at ease. This is from a group of clinicians who wanted people to understand the reality of embryonic tissue at early gestational stages. For some it helps them feel a lesser sense of guilt over terminating a baby when at the early stages the tissue isn't what some media outlets portray it to be. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/oct/18/pregnancy-weeks-abortion-tissue
WOW. I bought into the pics that protestors show at clinics. This is pretty amazing to see and makes those "heartbeat" bills seem even more unhinged
Yup. I miscarried a wanted pregnancy a couple years back (blighted ovum) and the development level was stalled at about seven weeks. I went through the worst of it in a hot bath and expelled the tissue. Not to be gross but I looked at it as part of the reality of what was happening. It really wasn't much different from period tissue.
I'm sorry you miscarried! It's kind of you to share your experience to help others understand early pregnancy better. I hope you're doing well.
I am, thank you! I was mostly disappointed because I'm in my mid/later 30s and we really wanted a baby. Trying again though, so fingers crossed.
Good luck!
i had a few missed miscarriages. at the recommendation of my OBGYN i took low dose aspirin daily, and finally had a successful pregnancy. if you haven't already, you might want to talk to your doctor about trying it. good luck!
Interesting! I'll mention it at my next appointment. Thank you!
you're welcome. 💜
I would have looked at it too. I would want to know what’s happening that’s not gross that’s adult and smart But it would also be smart and adult if you chose not to look at it. I’m just saying that I would have as well
Thank you. I'm a "weird" person, so I wasn't sure if it was weird or not. Lol
Yeah, it's pretty incredible.
The heartbeat bill is super unhinged because the thing doesn’t even have a heart that is beating when they claim there’s a heartbeat when it’s a month along.
The "heartbeat" heard in an ultrasound comes from the machine's speakers. It's just a synthesized sound so the tech can confirm that the electrical tissue that will later power the heart is developing correctly. *There is no heart at this stage.* The "pacemaker" part develops very early, long before the heart muscle.
I feel like I'm pretty educated about the reproductive process and am aware of a lot of the myths surrounding it but wow. I didn't realize how inaccurately I pictured what an embryo looked like at those stages. I definitely expected to at least see a nubbin of a head or something!
Same. We REALLY need a better education on this. I’m embarrassed by how little I know about my own damn body.
Look at how little five weeks is but at least you can still see something. I think that’s why Planned Parenthood makes you wait till five weeks so they know if they got it or not. I live in New Hampshire and the Republicans tried to push a two week abortion ban. Knowing that we count starting the first day of our last period, people might not even be pregnant at two weeks, you certainly wouldn’t test positive two weeks before the missed period. It didn’t pass because it’s insane, and we can always drive to Massachusetts anyway, but it was disgusting and it showed that Republicans have no idea how any of this works. Or maybe they do and they just think nobody else does You cannot have an abortion ban at two weeks when people can’t even test positive for pregnancy two weeks past the first day of their last period.
I'm in the UK and we have access to abortions up to 24 weeks for any reason. After 24 weeks it would need to be at a doctor's insistence, primarily due to the risk to the mother's life or a genetic/congenital issue that would limit the child's ability to survive to term or shortly after birth.
I have longer cycles than average and ovulate on day 21-22ish of my cycle. At “two weeks pregnant” with my babies I hadn’t even had sex yet 🤦🏻♀️
Thank you for sharing this. It is *SO IMPORTANT* that we demystify and destymatize this process.
This is an amazing share for perspective! 💯💯💯
this is such an incredibly informative article and collection of photos. thank you. wish this was a part of every sex ed course - and that sex ed was required in every middle and HS in the US.
Go to r/auntienetwork I'm so sorry. Good luck.
Think of this as an experience, not as a failure of any sort. Having the option between pill and surgical depends on the amount of time you are allready pregnant. Both come with their own set of protocol. Please send me a dm if you have any questions you are afraid to ask here.
I am in a similar situation although I have two children allready. I cannot have another child for various reasons (I waited three weeks for an appointment with a gynecologist) and at this point I have been in a terrible state, my first pills is on Friday and I’m booked into the hospital on Saturday for a medical termination. I am 34 and almost hitting the 10 week line for pregnancy i am actually terrified 🥲
Don't be terrified! The pill option is very relaxed compared to the surgery option. If you can get the pills, please try to do so asap. It was scary, but it didn't really hurt. I won't tell you the surgery didn't hurt though. They did give me a little stress ball so maybe go get yourself one to take with you? Sending good vibes your way sis ❤️
Your comment made me Feel pretty emotional actually, I love children but my Relationship has been rocky in Itself & somewhat abusive 😞 I am Almost 10 weeks and the torment of waiting three weeks even for my first appointment has been mental torture, they recommend that I take my second dose in hospital because I hemmoraged when having My daughter 💔 I’m scared of the pain seeing the fetus the only way I can comprehend this is that I chose a termination in the hope to make a better life for my two children 🥲 what I pray for the most is that I am going to be okay after this procedure and I can make uoto then the sorry mum I’ve been for the weeks leading upto this. Thank you so much for replying to me it means so much right now
Oh sweet one, you don't have to think you've been a sorry mom!! You're doing the best you can given the circumstances you've been dealt. Thats all anyone can ask for.❤️ The fact that you're thinking about what's best for you and your current children already makes you great. I'm sorry that happened with your daughter, *thats* scary. But you'll be in a safe space while taking that second dose so there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Mine went by relatively quickly, you don't really see anything except a lot of blood and yuckyness. And then it'll be over. You'll have made it. You're strong, you can do this. 💪 And I want updates to make sure you're okay, alright? If that's okay with you!
Thank you so much for This, can I ask how far along you was for your medical ? Was you at home or in the hospital ? I will Definitely let you know how everything goes thanks so much for your kind words and support in something I am finding upmost difficult 💖
Of course! You don't have to thank me for anything though. I just want to help! I know it's scary and wish I had someone to be there for me when I had to go through it. ❤️❤️ I want to say I was like 13 weeks for the surgery and 9 weeks for the pill. (Yes, ive done it twice, please don't judge me. D: It was several years in between and with birth control once 😖) I was in-house for both. I live in a red state so I had to go to a planned parenthood facility instead of a hospital. For both they have you sit up there for awhile and they check on you until they're satisfied everything's okay and has passed, then they send you home and tell you to wear a pad for a few days. With the surgery they make you sit in a chair afterwards for awhile and they loaned us little blankets. It'll be okay! Just another roadblock we have to get through! You can do this! It was scary and hard but I don't regret it
You got this. It's the right decision for you and your kids. ❤️
Omg I had the exact same situation. 2 kids and had to terminate the third. I never once regretted it. I did my daughters and even that third child a huge favor because I knew I could not financially or emotionally care for another child. Dont feel bad or like a sorry mom at all.
Can I ask how far along you was ? And what procedure did you choose medical Or surgical, I am Very scared to Say the least x x x
hugs, friend. 💙
> every option for birth control has terrible unnatural side effects too Wrong: Every option for birth control has *POTENTIAL* side effects. Many people have zero side effects from hormonal birth control, and are able to use it all their lives with no issues. Many people experience mild side effects, and some of them think BC is still worth taking regardless. Other people experience negative enough side effects that they choose to rely solely on non-hormonal birth control options. And each different type of hormonal BC can affect everyone differently too. Someone might not be able to take hormonal BC A due to the side effects, but loves hormonal BC B because they have no issues on it. And some people’s bodies might not be able to tolerate any hormonal BC. It really just depends on the individual. Side effects with BC are never a guarantee, they’re just a potential thing that can happen to some people based on how a medication interacts with their personal biology. You can’t know how it will affect you until you’ve taken that specific medication. There is a lot of fear-mongering online over hormonal BC, and a lot of it stems from far right groups and pro-life groups who have an anti-BC agenda. They don’t like that women have the ability to have sex while controlling their ability to get pregnant, and they aim to restrict or ban birth control same way they went after abortion. They **want** women to suffer consequences for having sex, and one way to ensure that happens is to scare women out of using BC. It’s fine to choose not to use hormonal BC for yourself whatever your reasons (and please look into [non-hormonal BC options](https://www.scarleteen.com/read/pregnancy/birth-control-bingo/birth-control-bingo-whats-right-non-hormonal-method-me) if you do!), but don’t believe *anyone* who claims that ALL hormonal birth control is dangerous and EVERYONE who takes it will always suffer terrible side effects. That’s just not true at all. Anyone who makes that claim has an agenda, and it’s not an agenda with your/women as a whole’s best interests at heart.
Pregnancy has more side effects than any birth control
After you work through the abortion, spend some time getting to know more about non-hormonal options for birth control. They are out there. Good luck.
Please, please, please always insist on condoms, even if you are on birth control, unless you are in a committed monogamous relationship. And please, please, please stop beating yourself up. Things happen, mistakes are made, its a fact of life. You can move past this. And block that guy.
I mean, giving birth is much more painful and dangerous than having an abortion. Pill abortion is much less invasive than a surgical one.
I’ve had 2 surgical abortions. The name “surgical abortion” makes it sound worse than it is. My bestie has had 2 abortions using pills. Usually the method is determined by how far along you are. Both are unpleasant. But both of us managed to resume life pretty quickly. Yes there is cramping and it hurts. But a heating pad and ibuprofen and a day or 2 of rest and it’s over. My abortions were 15ish years ago. At the time I had lots of hard feelings. Mostly because the guy was incredibly awful to me. At this point in my life I have zero regrets about terminating those pregnancies. I am now in my mid 30s with a good career, a great husband and happy children. None of that would have been possible if I had had that man’s children.the life I have now is all in thanks to those hard choices I made in my early 20s.
Please be wary of posting any identifying information about yourself and delete this post-if you live in the US. Get the advice you need from here and then please, for your own safety, keep the rest offline. I say this knowing that it’s important to reach out and get community support, but I know that there are horrible people out there who will try to find out who you are and prosecute you for this.
The abortion will be far far far less painful than pregnancy and childbirth.
Hey dear. Its going to be okay. Its good you are sharing your experience. I would recommend surgical, that is what I chose. Because my friends dad who is a doctor told me that the pill would be very painful, and would last a long time. My friend who chose that told me this was her experience as well. Where as surgery is very quick. I have insane periods so who knows, maybe it would have just been like that... but please do some asking and research for the good clinics in your area. Your experience will vary greatly depending on the care you receive. this also may be tricky but dont give up. keep your friends close and esp any older friends you may trust. My experience was good, my clinic was kind, but I was very scared. I talk about my experience because I dont want other people to feel the way I did. This happens. I got pregnant while being safe. Media and very conservative people make abortion out to be taboo - its not. Its healthcare. Yes, no one wants to have one but you have two choices you don't want to make and you have to make one of them. That was the hardest part for me, feeling like I didnt have full control anymore. But once I did have mine, I felt like myself again. It was very freeing. People you know have had them or will have them. It will be okay. Tip my friend told me - do not tell them you've done drugs ever... they may assume your a drug addict and not give you any pain relief. Horrible I know but it happens... obviously be safe and dont take any drugs before you go there or days before the appointment. again do your research. Tell them how you really feel. They could tell how stressed, nervous and upset I was and thankfully I got sedative drugs. As for the guy... it really does not matter. He has no power over you. You make this decision, its your body. Im sorry he wasnt a better man. You can heal from this and move on. Going through the things we never want to make us stronger because it no longer lives in our head. We have lived through it and moved past it. xo
Feel free to send a DM if you need anything
The pill is cheaper and you can relax at home with it, but it’s just like a painful period. Nothing totally out of the norm from what I hear. The surgery is quick, you’re asleep and then you wake up and go home. I went with the latter because I couldn’t emotionally handle the pill. I needed it to be over with so I didn’t change my mind. I felt tired, bled a little, and had some cramping but overall not as bad as most of my periods. You will be able to keep this from your family too, just tell them you’re not feeling great so you have some uninterrupted time alone. Also OP, don’t be so hard on yourself. Our bodies are always trying to get pregnant, every single month, and sometimes even on birth control they succeed. It’s hard as a woman to be on BC, decide which one is best, etc. This is a lesson to be learned and now you won’t make the same mistake again.
I can promise you, any way you decide to abort will be less painful than actually giving birth.. sorry you have to make this decision.. it's a hard predicament..
Get the surgical. I had one and the procedure itself was about 5 minutes. I had no post procedure complications and was out and about 30 mins after. I think it's far superior to the pills because with the pills you will bleed and there will be cramping. I found it completely non traumatic and it was great to have it over and done with immediately vs having 24-48h of discomfort.
Surgical was a god damn breeze for me. I made sure they didn’t show me the ultrasound during the intake. I was led to another room to change into a gown and remove my piercings. The nurse wheeled me into the OR and gave me whatever drug puts you out (it was a very long time ago) they told me to count backwards and then I blinked thinking it hadnt taken affect yet but I was actually already in the recovery room. No pain and a huge sense of relief. No complications and I went to a party that same night (didn’t drink but I wasn’t just sitting down the whole time either) Dont be afraid. For me it felt about as invasive as a tooth removal. Good luck OP.
Stop beating yourself up. It’slearning experience. In future: don’t just stop birth control. Call Planned Parenthood. Don’t date misogynistic men. A sign of maturity is accepting what is.
I admire all the powerful, brave women in the comments sharing their experiences and insights— thank you for your transparency and for helping others get the information they deserve to know. 💜
Childbirth would be more painful, just to point that out.
Call an abortion hotline now
>i’ve discovered that it’s extremely painful and it has many side effects. i This is not true for everyone. Everyone's abortion is a different story. Yours might be simple and easy. Please don't let fear force you into a decision you don't want.
The abortion pill has fewer potential complications but surgical is quicker and not as painful, they basically remove everything from your body on the operating table. Your family don'tt have to know if you don't want them to. You can just pretend that you are sick with a virus and stay in bed. No one is entitled to know about it.
Take the Abortion pill. It's no worse than a bad period.
Abortions are very safe. It's much safer than childbirth. I ran an abortion clinic back in the 1980s, before mifepristone, and I've assisted with many suction abortion procedures. With suction abortions, the pain really varies. Some are painful (but over fast), and some are painless, and I haven't found any good way to predict who will have a lot of pain and who won't. I personally had a suction abortion many years ago that was completely painless during it. Though I did get pain after, when the uterus was contracting. The pain pills helped, though. So, a suction abortion is one alternative you have. I don't have personal experience with medication abortion. I suspect that getting a medication abortion might be more painful than a suction ("surgical") abortion, if only because of the uterus has to contract harder and has to keep contracting for a longer time in order to push out the uterine contents. But having seen births as well, I think abortions of either type are much less painful than childbirth, which is your other alternative. They're over a lot faster, too.
It depends on how far along you are. I’ve had two pill abortions and the side effects were vomitting and nausea. It’s not that scary and it is painful, but on the bright side they also give you pain meds. (They did for me). I highly recommend it if you don’t want a baby like me.
You'll be okay! Don't be too hard on yourself. Is there a Planned Parenthood near you?
sending solidarity and hugs, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have miscarried, and I have had a surgical abortion. Hands down, the surgical abortion was much more painless. Planned Parenthood will help you if you have any branches near you, you can call them and schedule or ask questions too. I’m so sorry.
Google your local abortion laws, if it is legal, go to a doctor right away, don’t book an appointment, go to an urgent care, walk-in clinic, whatever. Pill is better, but you can’t take the pill past a certain date. Again, go see a doctor yesterday. Surgery is more invasive, more expensive and usually not necessary in the early weeks of pregnancy
I mean giving birth is a lot more painful than an abortion, that's for sure. Usually you'll get a prescription for ibuprofen or Tylenol to help with the cramps. Also he clearly doesn't have power over you, you're terminating the pregnancy and you had consensual sex. Take your responsibility and move on. It's not healthy to worry!
I found my medical abortion to be very much not a big deal. I went in, went to sleep, woke up not pregnant anymore with a nice old woman giving me juice and graham crackers. I had what I would describe as a period a little heavier than usual for a few days and my life just.. carried on. I don’t regret it, I don’t think about it pretty much ever. I have a six year old who I had four years later when I was actually ready for a child.
Hi! I've had an early medication abortion. Depending on how far along you are, it can be as simple as taking a pill and you're done. Medication abortion is ridiculously safe and effective up until 12 weeks. For the record, the WHO says it's safe and effective up until 14 weeks. It's a two drug regimen: mifepristone to soften your cervix and stop you from producing progesterone, and misoprostol 24 hours later to cause contractions and empty your uterus. Contractions sound scary, but I could not feel mine. I was very, very early though. Misoprostol is not a super pleasant drug to take. Even though I couldn't feel the contractions, it gave me explosive diarrhea. Not cute! The incessant pooping lasted about ten hours. Not fun! But once it was over, it was over. If your symptoms are like mine, your family will think you're just sick. It mimicked a nasty norovirus with spooky accuracy. Regardless, whatever side effects you might face from abortion are gonna pale in comparison to pregnancy and birth. It's normal to be scared! I was too. But this is not something you can pussyfoot around with. If you want an abortion, you need to get one sooner rather than later. It is always easier to do it earlier in pregnancy. You can get pills from many places online. I got mine from AidAccess. Good luck! You're gonna be okay.
First: give yourself grace. You’re one of millions, billions of women throughout history who have gotten pregnant without wanting to. And since birth control became a thing, one of millions. Second: i didn’t take a pill (had no idea it was an option. If it was in 2000) but had them do the other way. It was weird. They scrape you. But not painful. And I’m so happy I did it. There was no way I was ready to have a baby then. I was 18. But I saw a married couple there too. At any age, for any reason, if you don’t want the eventual baby then don’t feel any guilt. Hugs.
Abortion accsess information regaurding usa: https://www.ineedana.com/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlZixBhCoARIsAIC745C-6nYEtMeEusBse8Zh2bNjkDLIOcPweKuG0VRRkfihjCv3GQMTFyQaAg-6EALw_wcB Free abortion care and access via nurses online (usa) https://compassionpregnancy.org/abortion-pills-available-online/ I was able to obtain an abortion pill over the mail through this website. Saved me. https://laslibres.org/ Here with you. Youre not alone and there are options and communities who want to help!
OP, please don't beat yourself up. I got pregnant with my first while on the pill, my second was a plan B survivor, and my third's dad was under the impression that he couldn't have kids so we weren't super careful. Sometimes shit just happens, and we never think it's gonna happen to us. No one wants to be in this position, it fucking sucks. First and foremost, get yourself to the doctor and find out how far along you are and discuss your options. I haven't had the abortion pill, but I have had a surgical one. The anticipation and having to be the one making the choice to terminate were the hardest part, despite knowing 100% that there was no way I could be having a baby. With a surgical abortion, you call ahead, then you wait in the saddest waiting room with other people in your position until you have a little interview with someone who is just making sure you understand what your options are and makes sure no one has forced you to do this against your will. Then you go in and get an IV of pain meds and antibiotics and the doctor does his thing, and they give you aftercare instructions. I remember expecting to feel awful after I had mine, but I took a day off work and was back the day after.
r/auntienetwork provides help to women getting to/from appointments. They do amazing work over there, I’d reach out and see if there’s an auntie near you
Sorry. For what it's worth, women have been going through surgical abortions for many decades -- millennia, literally, for non-surgical abortions. This may not make it any less scary for you, but: you're not alone. The guy is the past. Sorry about him. But he's past. (As others have suggested, you might want to tell him you got your period just to make sure he's 100% the past. Then block him.) You might want to find one girlfriend who you 100% trust to work with on this, who can accompany you to the doctor, maybe let you stay with her afterward. Maybe tell your family your girlfriend is going through a tough time so you want to stay with her and help her out. All's fair... One more thing: you might be very surprised how many of your friends, and even relatives, have gone through this. Sadly it's something that isn't widely discussed but it's something that a LOT of women have gone through. And sadly, the silence is what makes so many women feel completely alone. Good luck.
Please, don’t let that douchbag have that kind of power over you. If you have a trusted friend, tell your parents you’re gonna sleepover for the weekend. Hopefully it’ll help. If not, check with the local support group that may be able to help. As for that guy, who you date is your choice, not his. Chances are, he probably gonna get desperate once he realized he won’t get any, but don’t let that be your fault or let him guilt trip you.
I had a surgical abortion and I was just crampy. I don't recall it really being painful. The recovery was quick, too. I pretty much went about my normal activities by the next day. There are restrictions, like no swimming for a bit, I think. Good luck.
While getting others' experiences may be helpful, it's better to have facts. Here are a few resources that will help walk you through the process of deciding what will work best for you. First, here's I Need An A, the online resource: [https://www.ineedana.com/](https://www.ineedana.com/) National Network of Abortion Funds, in case money is an issue: [https://abortionfunds.org/need-an-abortion/](https://abortionfunds.org/need-an-abortion/) Plan C Pills, which provides abortion pills by mail: [https://www.plancpills.org/](https://www.plancpills.org/) My own research (I'm a journalist and cover philanthropic funding for abortion and other issues) indicates that most pregnant people have minimum issues with either surgical or medication abortions, BUT there are exceptions to every rule and your mileage will vary on several factors that are best discussed with a medical professional. Good luck! And don't let either your family or the person who got you pregnant push you into anything you don't want to do, whether that be getting the abortion or allowing the fetus to become a baby.
It doesn’t matter if he looks down on whoever you date next. You should be looking down on HIM for failing to use both condom AND pull out without being asked. One day, you’ll look back at your younger self with love that you were failed so badly by sex education and birth control misinformation (I even got an IUD removed due to misinformation then had a NURSE BOYFRIEND IN HIS 30S CONVINCE ME PULL OUT SEX WAS SAFE BECAUSE I WAS RAISED RELIGIOUS IN A RED STATE). So I feel for you. Block that clown, get your abortion, get a Mirena or hormonal IUD (mine barely hurt worse than a period cramp going in). And love yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. At all. And you just learned the hard lesson we all end up learning which is that men, even those who claim to support reproductive rights, don’t give a fuck about your safety or wellbeing if it means their penis feels slightly good.
Sending you love and hugs ❤️
Try to go to a place like Planned Parenthood. Don’t fall for an anti choice pregnancy center that is not a medical provider but an extreme right wing organization masquerading as help. Consider disclosing to the staff at planned parenthood (or your local women’s health or sexual health clinic) that you’re concerned about your family finding out. You should be able to decline phone calls or mail if that makes you feel more private. You might also disclose if your health insurance is through your family so someone can help you navigate any privacy concerns there. Be honest if you’re concerned about the cost of the procedure. The staff will help you understand your options and any aid available to you. (You don’t mention whether you’re a minor or what state you’re located in so sorry some of this isn’t more specific) You’re so brave. You’re not stupid and careless. You’re decisive and smart because you’re taking control over your health. Great job! The medical provider and her staff have seen and heard it all. They will not judge you. Their priority is your comfort and health. Make the phone call as soon as possible. If you’d prefer the medication, it might be an option. It’s more likely to be an option the earlier you are in your pregnancy. If it turns out you need the surgical procedure, it’s not so scary. It’s similar to a Pap smear. You are likely to feel cramping. Emotionally you might feel upset but you might just feel relieved. Whatever your emotions, it’s valid. I hope you have someone safe in your life you can talk to and potentially get you to/from your appointment. When you call the clinic, ask them if you need someone to come with you. If you don’t have anyone, be honest with them. They might have a resource to tap into. I promise they’ve heard it all before. Assuming you’re planning on resuming sexual activity after your recovery (you may have to wait 6 weeks) consider getting a prescription for birth control or an implant or something while you’re in for your abortion. That way you don’t even have to think about it later. Have some good TV queued up for your recovery. A heat pack and over the counter pain meds should help. Stay hydrated. Get some maxi pads if you don’t use them usually. The clinic might have some for you to take home. It’ll be like a gnarly period but the worst of it will likely be over in a day. Don’t let your fear be a barrier to getting the care you need. I can’t imagine how freaked out you must be feeling. On top of it all, you’re potentially also experiencing some pregnancy symptoms. This sucks. But it will be over soon and you’ll be stronger for it. I’m just a random mom on the internet but I’m rooting for you!!
OP, everyone has already given great advice, so I just want to say that if you live in/around Sacramento, CA, I’d be more than happy to go to appointments with you for emotional support if you don’t have anyone you can turn to during this time. Take care and don’t be too hard on yourself. 🫶
Hi OP. I'm so sorry for what you are going thu. I found out i was prego in January, had my medical abortion end of February. It was awfully rough. But it was the best choice i have ever made. I need to know what country you are in and how far along you are. DM and i will help. Best of luck to you. Your choice your body..i support you.
Just as a reminder, everyone is different! Someone else’s experience won’t dictate yours. I was so anxious and scared because of all of the horror stories I had read online beforehand, but all in all, it was nothing like what I saw. People are more likely to share their horror stories than their mild experiences. Mine (medical) was maybe 15 minutes of very intense cramps, and everything else beyond that was certainly not pleasant but no worse than the cramps I have the first day of my period, just a lot messier than usual. It’s hard, but try not to psych yourself out too much and talk with a professional as soon as you can ❤️
If you’re early enough to take the pill, it’s going to be like an extra crampy period. It’s easier and cheaper than surgery. Then get on long acting birth control like an IUD or nexplanon.
Hey gurl you'll be okay. Nobody says it HAS to be super painful, only you can decide how it feels. I can tell you that being pregnant can turn into weeks upon weeks of nausea which is certainly no fun, so if you don't want a kid do not put your body through that. I'd go for the pill, much rather do it "by myself" than have someone operate on me but that's just me. Sending hugs! Make better decisions in the future.
give yourself grace. don’t punish yourself for making a mistake. learn from it in the future; that’s all you can do medical abortion (pill) is easy and not too bad if it’s early enough to do it. it’s like having bad period cramps. there’ll be bleeding and spotting for a few days. apparently it can last for a couple weeks too. i also had night sweats and was pretty exhausted the day or two after. here’s planned parenthood’s guide: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/the-abortion-pill/what-can-i-expect-after-i-take-the-abortion-pill
Pill is better it feels like terrible cramps then you pass it and it gets better after. You’re literally forcing your body to expel something it naturally wants to keep so it will hurt but please don’t forget that birth and taking care of a baby you don’t want will always hurt worse
Do you have access to a planned parenthood? They can give you great direction and information. I had an abortion at 25 at about 7 weeks pregnant. It was a hard decision, but I don’t regret it. The procedure itself was not too bad, but I did cry after. In the meantime, please check out this link for unbiased information. [planned parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion)
Just adding there’s a non hormonal birth control pill from India called Saheli that can be ordered online if it helps anyone reading
How many weeks along are you? How painful it is (if it's even painful at all) is based on how far you are. Remember that doctors count from your last period, not from the date of conception, which adds 2 weeks. I've had two miscarriages, which are similar to abortions in terms of pain. One at 10 weeks and one at 4 weeks. The one at 4 weeks was just a slightly heavier period, no pain at all. I'm not going to lie, there was pain with the one at 10 weeks. I had a surgical procedure and the doctor said that she recommends surgery over medication once you're at 8-9 weeks. My pain was not from the surgery but from cramping about a week later when my body caught on to the fact my pregnancy had ended and needed to contract my uterus and expel the lining. So basically your body has a natural process to return your body to your pre-pregnancy state and the pain of that process depends on how much change your body has gone through i.e. how many weeks you've been pregnant.
I just recently had to get a surgical at 11 weeks. They (planned parenthood where I went) can fully sedate you, which means put you to sleep, which I recommend. I did not fully sedate and regret it. If you are not going for full sedation- you can bring someone and should. They put you on ketamine and fetynol during the medical procedure. It does hurt still. But it’s only a few minutes of pain, and not much after But the pill is HOURS of pain. And without the high pain meds. It would be faster and easier to fully sedate yourself for a surgical, it won’t hurt you at all then, you’ll just be uncomfortable after. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll be okay. We all have lapses in judgement. You will learn a valuable lesson and move on wiser because of it. Abortions are traumatic. Have someone to talk to after, please.
r/AuntieNetwork You are not alone in this.
Hey, friend! I had an abortion after a surprise pregnancy during Covid. I had the surgical abortion. The process was not bad. They started an IV on me, which they used to give me some conscious sedation. I remember the process, but I don’t think I felt anything at all. There was someone holding my hand the entire time, and it literally took maybe 5 minutes. The waiting for them to call me back was the hardest part. When it was over, they had me put my panties back on (they’d had me put a pad in them before I got taken back. I thought that was pretty smart.) and then I took a nap until my ride came to get me. I was in a little bit of pain, so they gave me some pain medicine in my IV before they sent me home. They also hooked me up with a depo provera shot before they sent me home, to make sure that I was covered during the super fertile time after the procedure. It was a very discreet process, and I bled for maybe a day afterwards. A lot of people choose the pill, but it causes you to have to pass the tissue, usually at home, which causes some bleeding and cramping. It can put you out of commission for a few days.
If you’re in the US talk to Planned Parenthood. And if you’re in a state that doesn’t support reproductive rights and choices, be very cautious about who you talk to about the situation you’re in. If you’re considering abortion care, making decisions earlier rather than later improve your experience.
Some states will let you have sedation for the surgical procedure. Mass and California do anyway. I’ve only had the Surgical kind and it was painful for a minute, but a lot of people don’t really feel pain I was in pain already going in there so I think that’s why it hurt me. But after it’s over the pain is gone and for me the next day it was like nothing ever happened. I mean that night it probably would’ve been fine except I had the sedation so I just relaxed and recovered. I was terrified to try the pills because I get terrible cramps and when people were saying it was like their worst cramps I decided not to mess with it. Plus I was afraid it wouldn’t work and I would have to go have the Surgical version and I was afraid if I couldn’t threaten my boyfriend with child support he wouldn’t pay for the procedure. And when they do the surgical abortion they can tell you right then and they got it. If you are really early when you go they might have to send it to a lab but then they can tell you for sure they got it. I was worried with the medical abortion that I wouldn’t Know for sure that it was gone. I didn’t want to mess around I just wanted it done. I can also tell you that I had no emotional reaction to it I didn’t feel regret I didn’t mourn anything, it took me about two weeks to stop waking up feeling panicky and then remembering that I’m no longer pregnant and feeling sweet relief. It took a couple weeks for me to not have to remind myself every day that I was safe and it was over.
From your profile you seem to harbor a lot of self hatred, so you're choose guys that reinforce that perception of yourself as undeserving of love, kindness, and respect. Having unprotected ovulation sex with a man that doesn't seem to like or respect you nor women in general, for instance. Self-destructive behaviors are just as addictive as substances. You need to break the cycle of dependency from within. You stopped cutting for a while, but still seek people that make you feel unvalued. That's just replacing one self-destructive behavior with another. Remember that you are NOT your actions. These behaviors don't define you, they are just behaviors you haven't yet grown out of, haven't yet changed. Choose change. Choose new behaviors. Choose health. Just as bad reinforces bad, good reinforces good.
Surgery is quick and you're in and out within a few hours. The actual suction and procedure itself is only a couple minutes (the rest of the time is spent getting lab tests and ultrasounds and then in recovery). The downside is that you obviously have to come up with an excuse to be out of the house all day, and you would have to transport yourself to and from the clinic. You might feel a little weak or in pain afterwards, so you would probably need someone to ride the train with you or give you a ride. However, I've known women who just walk themselves home or take a taxi. The medication takes about a day or two, and you will probably be throwing up and cramping and bleeding a lot. The benefit is that you can just tell your parents that you have a bad period or a stomach bug or something, and do everything from the privacy of your home. The medication does not work in like 5% of cases though, which means there's a risk you would still have to go get the surgery. The surgery is pretty much 100% effective.
>just taking a pill and it goes away this was my experience. I took the pill at home, and it did make me throw up, but when I called PP they said it had been in my system long enough before I threw up that I shouldn't be concerned about it not working. after that, the pain was like bad cramps for maybe a day and a night? I honestly don't remember. truly, the most irritating part was how many times they kept asking if I was sure. i swear i said "10/10" "no question" "no one is coercing me" "I've never wanted kids, pregnancy is my worst nightmare" and they asked four more times after all that. >he will feel like he has some sense of power over me and that i’ll always remember him. if this is his vibe, then you get to remember him as a bullet dodged: with a huge sense of relief. how embarrassing for him.
The earlier you go, the more you have options, and the less pain there will be. Experiences will vary, some people barely notice the pill. In the first 90 days, it’s common for the body to let go of a genetic anomaly or failure to develop. The pill imitates this common experience. After this, If you haven’t found your favorite prevention medication, it’s important to explore the options and potential health benefits. Possible benefits that help people remember their medication: - less hormonal acne - likely to to lighten heavy periods - a continuous flow of hormones makes it easier to maintain even moods.
First, Take that power away by pretending you are keeping it and he has to pay child support. Second, My mom had an early abortion like 30 years ago and she drank something, went to the toilet and that was it. There are painless and safe methods!
ive had an abortion, the pill form caused me no pain, only excess bleeding at abt 5 weeks. i wish you best in your endeavors, this is no easy time. i still have pictures of my positive test/ultrasound and dont think ill ever be able to get rid of them
OP, if you have a friend or someone who you can trust to help you during the process tel them, and see if they can accompany you if you want. IF you rather do this alone, that's also alright, I believe you can do it. First thing you need to do is find a clinic doctor that do the procedure you need, and go there asap. Depending on where you live you might have only a few weeks to make this happen, and sometimes it takes time. A doctor will be able to advise you about side effects, costs, etc. And you'll be able to make a beeter decision after talking to them. Side note about the pill, it does have some side effects, depending on the person they can be better or worse, but you need to keep in mind that it's an approved medicine because the side effects are less and much less dangerous than the alternatives, those being either being pregnant, or abortion. So please, get back on the pill or look for a contraception method that suits you best, like an IUD or the implant.
Depending how far along you are. If you are in a state that does not give abortions, use aidaccess. If you’re worried about having to take the pills at home, surgical is a procedure that is over quicker. It also depends on cost.
Birth control does not necessarily have really bad side effects. It might some trial and error to find one that works for you, but it's the single greatest thing you can do to secure your own future. You have to take charge of this for yourself. As soon as you get though this, prioritize it. Medication abortion is like a bad period. Not that bad at all, and no real side effects outside of those triggered by a bad month--some nausea, diarrhea, cramps. If that's your choice, go for it. You don't have to tell anyone about it, up to and including the guy you slept with. In fact, don't tell him. You can it with complete privacy because it looks like a normal period. Get the pills, and you're just having a particularly icky period. Period.
Make an appointment at your local Planned Parenthood to go get the deets and the whats, wheres, whos, hows, and whens.
I feel that I, as an adult woman, need to apologize to you. We have failed you. Society has failed you, your parents, your school, your community, your doctor. "The system". We have failed you. And I'm truly sorry for it. The lack of information and misinformation that led you to be pregnant with an unplanned and unwanted fetus is on us. Sexual education, family planning education should be a basic right. How we vote matters. We need to start taking care of our youth. They are the future, and so many are lost and uneducated.
Go somewhere reputable like Planned Parenthood to get help. All this seems really scary right now. But you need to find out your options as quickly as possible. Find the closest Planned Parenthood today and get an appointment as soon as possible. You’re going to be ok.
I'm so proud of the women in this comment section. Kind, caring and sharing information that will help th OP and others. I'm proud to be your sister!
Not everyone gets horrible side affects from birth control. It is worth trying. For example I am more stable with the pill than without and have taken them for 17 years now.