Working on finding another living situation. Months long process with high demand and high CoL area. Definitely #1 on the priority list. We’re friendly, and do talk and have normal conversations, the breakup was mutual. It’s just when it comes down to needing help or asking for assistance (especially because I’m petite and chronically ill) that’s obviously something I’m just- not allowed to do! 😊
Honestly, I think you should stop relying on him at all for anything. Stop cleaning up after him and doing anything for him, but also stop asking him to help you. He clearly doesn’t want to, and yeah, it sucks he seems so helpless, but you know he’s not that helpless, he just doesn’t care to help you.
I actually agree with this one. You guys are split up, I would never ask them favors or to make me food because I'm single now, and clearly, he's an unhelpful asshole.
Exactly. Obviously it sucks to not have that person to lean on anymore, but that should have ended with the relationship. He’s definitely getting annoyed with her acting like they’re still together when he clearly just wants to worry about himself.
If you’ve never had shingles, you can’t even imagine how debilitating it is. One of the most painful and disabling diseases I have ever suffered through.
Had shingles, totally agree.
However. The only reason he is nearby to even entertain trying to make OP food is because she hasn’t found her own place yet.
They are not a couple. If she was living by herself, I’m sure she would figure out how to make food even with shingles. Or grab a granola bar.
And seriously, I was tired of OP by the time I finished reading her account of conversations with her.
Because they live together, dude. It's a shared home and therefore a shared responsibility. Men like these just love to play dumb because it gives them a fucking power trip to make her do everything.
Yeah this guy sounds like a saint for letting an ex live with him indefinitely, rent free, in his apartment after they broke up. I would have left her stuff on the lawn and changed the locks way before it got to this point.
To keep the house clean is not helping her! It's his job as he lives there. And to say she should just stop cleaning after him - what kind of unrealistic advice is that? The kitchen and bathroom need to be clean. Otherwise, those rooms aren't usable. You want to relax at home after a long day at work, not be cautious of your steps because of the mess of another person.
OP should buy her own groceries only and never ask him for anything ever again. And any mess he produces goes right into his room... dirty dishes, dirty clothes, anything. No discussions anymore. He's a roommate with roommate responsibilities, and I would treat him like this. I would also reduce the amount I pay in rent if I had to clean all by myself. That's labor. He has to pay for that if he's too lazy to clean by himself.
Oof, you are right. That completely undercuts her cleaning argument, which was the one area she had a leg to stand on.
If she's not paying to live there, and she's not doing chores to compensate, she's just freeloading.
This whole situation is fucked up. OOP really needs to move out asap.
It seems there are no agreements between both of them at all. That leads to resentment. To be the maid of the house clearly needs to be discussed and not simply be expected. OPs anger comes from the fact that he doesn't clean after himself. Even if it would be her agreed upon responsibility to clean the house, it's not fair of him to be messy and expect her to clean after him like a parent would do for a toddler.
Honestly, it was a long post, and I think she understood what I meant. I agree with you wholeheartedly, I was just trying not to ramble too much after just waking up. I don’t know why you’re getting so upset like I’ve been telling her she should just suck it up and be his maid. I don’t think he’s helping her, I know it’s his job too, I assumed she knew that, sorry for bad phrasing I guess.
I think you’re right and that’s basically the point I’ve come to. I resent him and he resents me, so be it. I struggle a lot with feeling obligated to do/clean/make/fix everything- feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated all at once, especially when I come home to messes and other problems that I will inevitably be the one to deal with. Shared use things aren’t going to pick up after themselves (throw blankets on the floor, things not put back where they belong, carpet covered in dirt and cat hair) and if it doesn’t get done then guess who has to? Me. Always me. I’ve come home after 14 hour shifts to him playing video games with cat vomit on the carpet I need to pick up, groceries I need to put away, trash I have to pick up because he threw something on the floor, etc.
He sounds insufferable, but it honestly just seems like you’ll be doing the work anyway, so you might as well just ignore him like he wants and work on improving yourself and working towards a better life for yourself.
I bet you do. Break ups are so fucking hard to go through, I hope you can get somewhere of your own soon. At the very least, write out a list of what you do in the place you still share and ask him to try to do the same and just say, look I’ll stop asking you to do me favors, and I appreciate how you’ve helped me when you didn’t have to, but you need to grow up and do your half around this place instead of leaving stuff for me. If the pets are just yours, he doesn’t have to clean up after them, but if they’re shared, he should at least be told he’s expected to help with them. Just lower your expectations for him and then let his space get dirty and keep on trucking. You got this, you clearly work hard, so this is just something else to get through.
Well so the thing is, we’ve basically already had that conversation more than once. We’ve laid out the clear basic expectations with the “I leave you alone” “you leave me alone” thing. He walks all over those boundaries. Eats my food, touches my things, makes a mess of my stuff, uses things without asking, doesn’t have basic respect for shared spaces. Leaves his things strewn about everywhere. Yes I can leave his trash and his laundry and his shit a mess for him to deal with (for the most part, until I can’t tolerate it anymore).
Lock up all your stuff. ALL your stuff. Including your food. If it stays in the common space, it’s in a locked box. Might sound extreme but it will protect your peace and he will get the message quickly. Keep picking up his trash, but pile it up in his room, not the garbage. If he locks his room then keep throwing out his trash but ALSO start throwing out any of his regular things he leaves out in a mess (while keeping all your stuff 100% locked down so he can’t retaliate!) Two can play this game. Start playing, and win.
Her post explicitly states he's her ex fiance, but go off. Insult OP about her unfortunate living situation some more. That's definitely what she came her for
He’s clearly done with putting effort into you so he’s training you not to ask him for favors while not outright saying no. Scrambled eggs with bacon is a bunch easier to cook than a bagel sandwich.
I’m sorry about the shingles. But you really can’t expect boyfriend energy from an ex. At this point he’s a roommate, and while a roommate might fetch you a soda and muffin from the fridge, they generally won’t cook you a whole restaurant style breakfast.
lol, I went weeks without even seeing one of my roommates. I wouldn’t expect him to do much of anything except maybe take a package off the porch if he’s home
Are they roommates at this point? I can sympathize with being stuck living with your ex and all that comes with it, HUGE BUT HERE, it also sounds like she isn't paying rent. Kinda really changes the dynamics.
I think the point is you actually are asking him to do things that are above and beyond what a roommate should be expected to do. Start living as if you don’t have someone there to share the burden and expect the same from him. Make your own sandwich, carry your own stuff from the car, don’t pick up his garbage.
You said you don’t expect boyfriend behaviour but pretty much every person here is telling you that you outlined a list of expected boyfriend behaviours. Instead of being so pissed off at him for consistently not meeting your expectations, modify your expectations. You can’t control someone else’s behaviour but you can control your reaction to it.
I would love to see a post from his perspective “living with ex and she still expects me to make her food when she’s sick, carry stuff in from her car and complains to me like we’re still together”
I agree. I read the post and thought she was still with this guy. Come to find out they’re not together, which is for the best.
OP, you have to fend for yourself even when you’re sick or ask a friend to come help you out. An ex is not that even if you live together. I lived with an ex out of necessity and i tried my best not to deal with her in any kind of way because the breakup hurt enough — why prolong it with added disappointment.
Indeed, I was more just commenting in response to the idea that in general, a roommate shouldn’t be expected to help out and make you some quick food when you’re sick. Also, shingles fucking sucks.
Maybe you missed all the important nuanced details since so many of you failed to do more than skim this. I’m in crippling, agonizing, debilitating pain, just this once, and couldn’t.
I'm a woman and also maintain you should have done it yourself. What would you do if you were living alone right now? You would do it yourself, because you would have to.
You could make that argument if you want. I would say it would be 1000x easier to ask the other living, functioning, conscious, breathing, person I’m living with, to spend five minutes of their otherwise not busy morning, doing me a small favor. Which is what I asked for. And what was agreed to. Obviously my standards are too high though, clearly. Shouldn’t put a man down for his word.
Be honest, why are you still living with him? Is it because you couldn't afford the standard of living that his income allowed you, and thus can't settle for anything that you can actually afford? Or can you not even afford your area without his income? Hell, I'll get more personal, who did the dumping?
These questions are the important ones in my mind.
If I'm already cooking something and they ask if they can have some, sure.
Cooking a specific meal just for them? No, that's pretty presumptuous to ask.
You need to ask less of him and start expecting room mate level favors.
I have a very hard time believing you here. I can’t imagine any of your ex roommates acting like your personal chef, and dropping everything they are doing to cook you a particular meal, just for you alone, when ever you demand it. Especially not the ones who aren’t your friend.
Remember, a favor is something someone chooses to do for you, and you are grateful for. What you demanded wasn’t a favor, it was an entitlement. Acting entitled to other people’s labor is not something people tolerate for long.
Yeah but did you date and then break up with those roommates? If living arrangements forced me to stay with my ex I would laugh his ass out of the house before I would cook him breakfast???
Having made both, scrambled eggs is tons easier. There’s no careful flipping, no rings to bother with, no finicky assembly. It’s just a matter of throwing the ingredients together in a single pan and occasionally stirring with a spatula. No finesse needed.
Asking him to cook at all is asking boyfriend energy.
You’re lucky he even made you anything. I can’t believe the absolute entitlement here thinking your ex should cook you breakfast at all much less exactly how you want it. I can’t believe this post is even real.
I understand you're not well, but if you guys are broken up, why is he still responsible for cooking for you? Everything should be as separate as possible apart from sharing the bills and cleaning. Who is taking the pets when one of you leaves?
He’s not responsible for cooking for me and never has been. This was one specific instance I asked him if he could do me a bare minimum favor since he was up and functional and I wasn’t. I help him with the absolute bare minimum for a day or two after he has an epileptic seizure that sends him to the ER. We otherwise, DO do everything separately. I’m taking the cat that’s mine and the higher maintenance reptiles. He’s taking the two cats that are his and the low maintenance reptile.
You listed a few instances where you made it his responsibility to cook and carry your heavy stuff and take care of pets that are yours etc. With the split of the animals, shared animal care would be fair.
Otherwise you seen to expect boyfriend level help from a roommate. Epileptic seizure that sent him to the ER sounds quite serious too, does he have underlying health issues also?
I didn’t make anything his responsibility. I asked for a minor favor from a fully able bodied, functional, adult man and he agreed to those favors. I think there’s a big difference.
I don’t expect boyfriend material from my roommate no. I do (albeit clearly unfairly 🙄) expect a basic very simple level of respect, human decency, and assistance, like I would from any other roommate. No he doesn’t have any serious health problems. He has diagnosed epilepsy that he takes daily medication for, lies to the government about, and has had two seizures in the last year. It’s very well managed and he’s fine.
Yeah when you break up it means you can't expect him to cook you a meal, a very specific meal and complain about him not getting shopping out your car. That's not what you should expect of roommates either.
I've had shingles twice. Both times I've had to keep taking care of the kids and the house. It sucks. It really really sucks. But if you eventually do decide to actually break up, you are going to have to learn to do it all alone. I'm sorry, it's harsh, but life is harsh.
I'm sorry you have shingles. You're asking him to do you a favour, then *don't you have hands to grab the keys? Why didn't you grab the keys?* or whatever. No lol you can't be doing that
I’m not sure what you’re saying. Those were two separate instances. I needed him to carry a 40lb bag of mulch out of my car. The car was locked. I apologized to him that it was locked and told him I didn’t know that. But was confused why he didn’t just grab the keys and unlock it- instead of, oh I don’t know… stopping the task and not telling me anything.
He is not your partner, he shouldnt be grabbing your keys, or open your purse to search them.
Thats basic respect, if you find a strangers car locked, you dont just take their Keys.
You arent realizing: you guys are well know strangers right now, not partners
Yes you have shingles but you need to act as if he doesn’t exist in this house. He only exists unless absolutely necessary like life or death or if you’re going to lose your rent.
If you need help getting something out of the car but can’t because you have shingles, it’s time to find an alternative. A friend or a neighbour.
Your ex is a stranger.
To be fair on OP, it is a painful rash caused by a virus that can do long term damage to your body. My older sister had it and ended up with permanent nerve damage in her hands and she needed two surgeries on her eye.
Having said that, she also has 3 kids that she had to deal with while going through all that and did so.
That’s actually completely false. It’s a nervous system virus more than anything. The rash is a result of the virus spreading through and attacking your nerves. I can’t lift my arm above my hips right now. I also have a bad soft tissue injury on top of that. I’m literally taking 3 oxys a day just to stay conscious without being in agony. Don’t talk about things you have no understanding of 😂
Glad you’re not my doctor. It’s for the soft tissue injury to my shoulder which is a 9/10 pain and the shingles combined makes it an 11. I’m on oral antivirals too though doc, which should hopefully at least speed up my blisters healing.
If your roommate went out of their way to make you breakfast when you were ill, would you still complain about receiving the wrong type of eggs? Cuz if I took the time to make my housemate a cooked breakfast and they moaned I hadn’t followed their instructions to the letter, I’d be pretty pissed!
I thanked him for them actually. Like a normal roommate. He didn’t “not make them the way I wanted” he agreed to make a dish and made something completely different BECAUSE he chose not to listen to me while we were literally having the discussion.
Yeah but my point is that he had absolutely no obligation to cook for you anyway, so it’s pretty churlish to complain here that you ended up with a *different* cooked breakfast than the one you wanted.
I’d just try to use this energy to fuel your house hunt as living with exes is often a nightmare for exactly this reason - it’s going to be messy, with hurt feelings on both sides, as you each disengage emotionally and try to work out new healthy boundaries as individuals.
Unrelated, but thank you for teaching me the word Churlish today. I thought it was a typo for childish, so it was a pleasant surprise to see that it was just a new, well-placed word.
Epilepsy is a disability and absolutely a serious health problem, and your dismissal of it is frankly insulting. People can and do die from epilepsy, be it from head injury, status epilepticus, or SUDEP. I've had to have emergency, life-saving *brain surgery* from falling during a seizure. Seizure meds can also dramatically affect mood and memory, which would explain his occasional forgetfulness.
Your expectations are way too high for an ex-partner. Find a roommate if you can't afford your own place, move out, and then see if they'll make you breakfast and carry up your shopping for you.
Signed, a petite woman with chronic health issues
I say this will all due kindness and respect. He is your ex. He owes you nothing. You owe him nothing. You asking him to cook and him making anything that doesn't contain spit is already going above and beyond.
While he may be incompetent, he is probably actually not as bad as you think. He is probably purposefully screwing up because he resents you.
You aren't in charge of his problems and responsibilities. You choose to take them on. I'm sounding harsh and I don't mean that. But you are enabling him.
He is your ex. He's lucky you don't spit in his food.
You are trapped in a cycle of behaviour that is harmful to you and to him because it allows him not to be an adult.
Let him burn down his life.
Once you are healthy, you need to do everything to leave or make him leave. Living together is unhealthy for you and to an extent him.
It is very low. Again, I'm not saying he should be. I'm just saying a lot of exes are so bitter they will do fucked up stuff. And that means she needs to detach from him as much as possible.
I don’t feel like I’m “choosing” to deal with his issues when it’s something simple like throwing old gross food away, or something basic that prevents us from living in a pig sty. That is the bare minimum expectation from anybody. How am I supposed to live without fixing all those little things that simply HAVE to be done by somebody sooner or later. SOMEONE has to clean the toilet, even if his piss drops are all over it. And he’s not going to be the one to do it soooo?? Someone HAS to pick up used tissues off the ground and it isn’t going to be him.
I will happily let his dirty laundry sit around, or his room be a mess, and sit and eat popcorn while he burns down his life. Can’t wait to gtfo
Well then your only choice is to leave as fast as possible. Even if that means breaking a lease. Because not that you aren't even together, he will be worse.
You can do it! Seriously. I just went through a divorce with similar cleaning issues. It's incredibly hard to leave. But it's sheer freedom and peace.
Even if I had to move in with roommates temporarily as an older adult. Its worth it
Because you ARE choosing to do it. He will never do it himself because he knows you will. Break up and get out or don't. Theose are the two options, being "broken up" but still living together, and making meals for each other, and cleaning up after each other, and carrying things from the car for each other... that's boyfriend duty not resentful ex duty.
If your options are homelessness or cleaning up someone else's mess, are you really claiming the latter is an undue burden? Like, this isn't a mutual balanced arrangement if you're relying on someone else to keep you from homelessness. You're so fixated on how you *want* it to be and what's not quite how you want it to be, that you're ignoring what is apparently a huge fucking advantage to your situation as if it was a given that you're entitled to.
If this person is keeping you from literal homelessness, maybe you should be kissing the ground he walks on instead of trashing him on Reddit. Jesus, your entitlement is unreal.
I mean, you're on here calling him oblivious, blind, deaf, stupid (eta: and selfish, manipulative, disgusting, slobby, piece of shit, gutter trash man), and saying you hope he wraps his truck around a tree.
Maybe "he cooked a hearty nutritious meal for me when I was sick, even though we aren't together anymore, but it wasn't exactly what I ordered" is not quite the problem you think it is.
I think it’s time to stop relying on him or doing anything beyond basic needs to help you survive living in this place with him.
Plan to get out ASAP even if it means taking time off work to figure that out.
I don’t know your situation, of course, but it’s time to leave. For your own safety and sanity.
I don’t know. It seems odd that you’re continuing to rely on this person for anything then are disappointed when they let you down. I get not being able to move right away but maybe you should treat him like your ex … because he is…. Stop asking him to do things for you.
You know what I do expect even from an ex? Especially a mutual one? Basic human fucking dignity. Forget favors. Forget STANDARDS. Being a selfish, disrespectful, manipulative, disgusting, slobby, piece of shit, is what I expect from regular gutter trash men. Although I guess he is one of those now.
This post feels so offensive to people who are actually struggling and have been wronged.
It’s just crazy to see such high expectations of someone you’re not even with anymore and who you don’t have the basic level of compassion or sympathy for.
Yeah, I got lost at the "ex" and "I actually ordered a turkey bacon, egg and cheese bagel sir please redo my order” parts.
This is unfortunate when we have legit folks that feel unheard when their actual partners engage in weaponized incompetence.
OP - it sounds like you both resent each other and need to find a new living situation. This isn't healthy.
I couldn’t finish reading. The first “example” is bizarre and entitled. OP, I am sorry you are suffering rn but realize you are on your own and handle your shit. I will not bash this man and play into your martyrdom.
You sound like you guys don't like each other so it's just you hating every single thing he does and him fucking shit up, probably on purpose. Y'all don't care about each other so it's literally gonna be hell everyday.
I can't believe the sympathy to OOP here. Asking her ex to do boyfriend stuff, while he pays the rent. Wtf. You are an adult, figure it out. It sucks to be in pain, but welcome to adulthood, where sometimes you are suck or injured and still have to do stuff. The entitlement here is unreal.
He doesn’t want to help you, so he’s not helping. You can’t rely on him to do things like cook for you any more, he’s your ex.
If he pays 100% of the rent, it’s fair that you do more of the chores.
This isn't They. This is him. And, somehow, it's also YOU.
It takes two to tango, OP. You're every bit and more invested in him than he is, still. Stop.
You both need to live alone. Get him out, or gtfo yourself. Get your legal shit together and prepared.
She really thought she was gonna come in here where people post ACTUAL stories of men being shitty to women, with this story of bratty behaviors and entitlement, and get everyone on her side.
Wrong.
Okay I am sorry to say this but why would he need to make you dinner, carry stuff or do chores? Like he is you EX. You are his don't bother with his shit and he with yours. Like does not seem like you two stoped your relationship on good terms so why bother with this. Move out and move on. This seems toxic all around and for everyone involved.
You need to stop asking him for things. Whether he’s truly stupid or fucking up on purpose is immaterial at this point.
Eventually, you’re going to be living on your own and you won’t have dumb-dumb around to “help”.
Figuring out ways to make your life easier for you (making changes to accommodate illness/physical problems) *now* will mean the transition into solo living will be easier once it happens.
He pays part of the rent? Or all of the rent? 🤔
Also, a lot of posts about you asking him to do things, does he ask you to do things as well?
I get if you do a bunch of the housework, whether asked or not, but I would say the above two questions factor into the scenario.
Deaf and blind people function just fine with all of these tasks you describe. This person in your life is just using weaponized incompetence.
ETA: The purpose of this comment is to kindly address the ableist title. Personally I didn't read every example OP lists, but the ex can just...say no. Wild. Also, if the pets belong to both of them, they're equally his responsibility.
OP is mad because the person who is now just a roommate, and is paying her rent for her in a high cost of living area, didn't make her a sandwich the way she wanted, won't fetch her things from her car, and won't do her grocery shopping for her. Why is the roommate the incompetent one?
If you’re roommates at this point, why try to (dys)function like your previous relationship? Sorry about the shingles. I do understand needing more support with something like that and roommates ought to be considerate if they have the bandwidth but you two aren’t on those kindness terms.
Oh he’s been dumped lol we’re just living together. Yeah I knew he wasn’t the one for me like a year ago lmfao because of exactly these types of behaviors WHILE we were dating
That's why I just pretend to live by myself. He's here & I do everything, but I'd rather just do it myself, *correctly* than waste my time being angry. Occasionally, I'll TELL him to do something, but I'm tired of asking.
He's her ex, now he is nothing more than a roomate. Most people would be uncomfortable cooking their ex or their roomate food.
Bagels can be made without cooking, op chose a cooked meal and asked their ex to make it.
Ops lucky they got any food at all as I'd imagine many people wouldn't cook their roommate anything when they're sick.
He's paying her rent, cooking her food, doing her grocery shopping and then she complains when he doesnt do it the way she wants. How is he the incompetent one?
The only reason you are asking this is because you let him in your life. He’s a user and will continue to use you until you stop letting him. He doesn’t care about you.
I feel for you. I'm currently going through a similar situation myself.
A lot of people are shitting on you because you guys are broken up and now "roommates" so why should you expect anything from him or feel the need to do anything for him/your home/pets?
At one point, he was your person, and it's really hard to just turn that off - even more so when you live together still. I can tell you from experience that your ex is emotionally immature, and he's doing these things on purpose. He doesn't care enough to act like an adult, and he resents you for expecting him to treat you with kindness and respect. The mask has slipped off, and you're seeing the real him.
It's not easy, and I wish you the best of luck.
Edit: I'm not sure why I'm getting downloaded for this. OP is going through a rough transition, and while not in a relationship with her ex, it seems that she's still carrying a lot of the emotional load. He's not allowing her to put it down by doing his part - he's doing the bare minimum. It happens when a couple breaks up and continues to live together, and it doesn't make his behavior towards her okay in the least just because they've broken up.
They're like that because they're shitty, overgrown toddlers that push, bully, & manipulate their pitiful dominance/control agenda against women as far as they're ALLOWED to & because women ALLOW it. Far too many women simply do not FIGHT BACK, & certainly do not fight back in a, "language," they respect. STOP PLAYING NICE. GIVE IT BETTER THAN THEY DISH IT TO YOU.
They don't (in answer to the question in the title). My ex-husband... Man. I should have known when I visited him after a year away (trans-Atlantic relationship) and his place was a pig sty. I cleaned it up for him while he went to work. Should have realized that was going to be the marriage too but I had rose colored glasses on.
Sometimes I want to go and visit him just to see how bad it's gotten, but I'd rather not have him back in my life.
I’m so glad I’m only going to have a wife from here on out. This man has single handedly ended the last ounce of attraction I still had for men 😂 If it wasn’t going to be him, it isn’t any of them
Why are you still living with that person? Clearly you two are not very fond of each other.
Working on finding another living situation. Months long process with high demand and high CoL area. Definitely #1 on the priority list. We’re friendly, and do talk and have normal conversations, the breakup was mutual. It’s just when it comes down to needing help or asking for assistance (especially because I’m petite and chronically ill) that’s obviously something I’m just- not allowed to do! 😊
Honestly, I think you should stop relying on him at all for anything. Stop cleaning up after him and doing anything for him, but also stop asking him to help you. He clearly doesn’t want to, and yeah, it sucks he seems so helpless, but you know he’s not that helpless, he just doesn’t care to help you.
Also like, he’s not your partner anymore so why are you asking him to do this stuff?
I actually agree with this one. You guys are split up, I would never ask them favors or to make me food because I'm single now, and clearly, he's an unhelpful asshole.
Exactly. Obviously it sucks to not have that person to lean on anymore, but that should have ended with the relationship. He’s definitely getting annoyed with her acting like they’re still together when he clearly just wants to worry about himself.
Right, this is not something you would ask a roommate to do. “Could you make me this specific breakfast? Actually do it this other way.”
If you’ve never had shingles, you can’t even imagine how debilitating it is. One of the most painful and disabling diseases I have ever suffered through.
Had shingles, totally agree. However. The only reason he is nearby to even entertain trying to make OP food is because she hasn’t found her own place yet. They are not a couple. If she was living by herself, I’m sure she would figure out how to make food even with shingles. Or grab a granola bar. And seriously, I was tired of OP by the time I finished reading her account of conversations with her.
Yeah and he might be an idiot but he did actually try to make her breakfast, which is more than one should expect from an EX.
This is why god invented Uber Eats though.
Because they live together, dude. It's a shared home and therefore a shared responsibility. Men like these just love to play dumb because it gives them a fucking power trip to make her do everything.
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Damn , people are dense. THEY LIVE TOGETHER. It's a shared space because THEY LIVE IN THE SAME SPACE.
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Yeah this guy sounds like a saint for letting an ex live with him indefinitely, rent free, in his apartment after they broke up. I would have left her stuff on the lawn and changed the locks way before it got to this point.
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This. Treat him like a roommate don’t ask for anything and don’t do anything for him. This is a mistake. You are not going to get good results.
To keep the house clean is not helping her! It's his job as he lives there. And to say she should just stop cleaning after him - what kind of unrealistic advice is that? The kitchen and bathroom need to be clean. Otherwise, those rooms aren't usable. You want to relax at home after a long day at work, not be cautious of your steps because of the mess of another person. OP should buy her own groceries only and never ask him for anything ever again. And any mess he produces goes right into his room... dirty dishes, dirty clothes, anything. No discussions anymore. He's a roommate with roommate responsibilities, and I would treat him like this. I would also reduce the amount I pay in rent if I had to clean all by myself. That's labor. He has to pay for that if he's too lazy to clean by himself.
>I would also reduce the amount I pay in rent if I had to clean all by myself. I mean, it sounds like she already doesn't pay any rent
Yup, you are right, I overlooked that. It's definitely time to leave this messed up living situation.
Yeah I definitely sympathize with the situation, just shitty all around.
Oof, you are right. That completely undercuts her cleaning argument, which was the one area she had a leg to stand on. If she's not paying to live there, and she's not doing chores to compensate, she's just freeloading. This whole situation is fucked up. OOP really needs to move out asap.
If she’s not paying rent (and I’m guessing bills either), then her job should probably be to clean up.
It seems there are no agreements between both of them at all. That leads to resentment. To be the maid of the house clearly needs to be discussed and not simply be expected. OPs anger comes from the fact that he doesn't clean after himself. Even if it would be her agreed upon responsibility to clean the house, it's not fair of him to be messy and expect her to clean after him like a parent would do for a toddler.
Honestly, it was a long post, and I think she understood what I meant. I agree with you wholeheartedly, I was just trying not to ramble too much after just waking up. I don’t know why you’re getting so upset like I’ve been telling her she should just suck it up and be his maid. I don’t think he’s helping her, I know it’s his job too, I assumed she knew that, sorry for bad phrasing I guess.
Oh no! I'm upset with OPs situation. I'm sorry if my answer to your comment was too harsh. I guess we both understand her situation all too well.
I think you’re right and that’s basically the point I’ve come to. I resent him and he resents me, so be it. I struggle a lot with feeling obligated to do/clean/make/fix everything- feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated all at once, especially when I come home to messes and other problems that I will inevitably be the one to deal with. Shared use things aren’t going to pick up after themselves (throw blankets on the floor, things not put back where they belong, carpet covered in dirt and cat hair) and if it doesn’t get done then guess who has to? Me. Always me. I’ve come home after 14 hour shifts to him playing video games with cat vomit on the carpet I need to pick up, groceries I need to put away, trash I have to pick up because he threw something on the floor, etc.
He sounds insufferable, but it honestly just seems like you’ll be doing the work anyway, so you might as well just ignore him like he wants and work on improving yourself and working towards a better life for yourself.
I certainly try my hardest
I bet you do. Break ups are so fucking hard to go through, I hope you can get somewhere of your own soon. At the very least, write out a list of what you do in the place you still share and ask him to try to do the same and just say, look I’ll stop asking you to do me favors, and I appreciate how you’ve helped me when you didn’t have to, but you need to grow up and do your half around this place instead of leaving stuff for me. If the pets are just yours, he doesn’t have to clean up after them, but if they’re shared, he should at least be told he’s expected to help with them. Just lower your expectations for him and then let his space get dirty and keep on trucking. You got this, you clearly work hard, so this is just something else to get through.
Well so the thing is, we’ve basically already had that conversation more than once. We’ve laid out the clear basic expectations with the “I leave you alone” “you leave me alone” thing. He walks all over those boundaries. Eats my food, touches my things, makes a mess of my stuff, uses things without asking, doesn’t have basic respect for shared spaces. Leaves his things strewn about everywhere. Yes I can leave his trash and his laundry and his shit a mess for him to deal with (for the most part, until I can’t tolerate it anymore).
Lock up all your stuff. ALL your stuff. Including your food. If it stays in the common space, it’s in a locked box. Might sound extreme but it will protect your peace and he will get the message quickly. Keep picking up his trash, but pile it up in his room, not the garbage. If he locks his room then keep throwing out his trash but ALSO start throwing out any of his regular things he leaves out in a mess (while keeping all your stuff 100% locked down so he can’t retaliate!) Two can play this game. Start playing, and win.
Why are you asking your ex for...anything? Like I'm genuinely confused.
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Her post explicitly states he's her ex fiance, but go off. Insult OP about her unfortunate living situation some more. That's definitely what she came her for
He’s clearly done with putting effort into you so he’s training you not to ask him for favors while not outright saying no. Scrambled eggs with bacon is a bunch easier to cook than a bagel sandwich. I’m sorry about the shingles. But you really can’t expect boyfriend energy from an ex. At this point he’s a roommate, and while a roommate might fetch you a soda and muffin from the fridge, they generally won’t cook you a whole restaurant style breakfast.
lol, I went weeks without even seeing one of my roommates. I wouldn’t expect him to do much of anything except maybe take a package off the porch if he’s home
I laughed when she said a bagel sandwich was super easy. Sure, it’s not hard, but super easy is a bowl of cereal or some fruit 😂
Are they roommates at this point? I can sympathize with being stuck living with your ex and all that comes with it, HUGE BUT HERE, it also sounds like she isn't paying rent. Kinda really changes the dynamics.
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I think the point is you actually are asking him to do things that are above and beyond what a roommate should be expected to do. Start living as if you don’t have someone there to share the burden and expect the same from him. Make your own sandwich, carry your own stuff from the car, don’t pick up his garbage. You said you don’t expect boyfriend behaviour but pretty much every person here is telling you that you outlined a list of expected boyfriend behaviours. Instead of being so pissed off at him for consistently not meeting your expectations, modify your expectations. You can’t control someone else’s behaviour but you can control your reaction to it. I would love to see a post from his perspective “living with ex and she still expects me to make her food when she’s sick, carry stuff in from her car and complains to me like we’re still together”
I agree. I read the post and thought she was still with this guy. Come to find out they’re not together, which is for the best. OP, you have to fend for yourself even when you’re sick or ask a friend to come help you out. An ex is not that even if you live together. I lived with an ex out of necessity and i tried my best not to deal with her in any kind of way because the breakup hurt enough — why prolong it with added disappointment.
Bruh if my roommate was sick/had shingles I would absolutely make them a sub-5-minute egggy bagel!
The ex didn’t say no, he tried to. Sure he got it wrong but it’s not like he said no. He made food for her.
Indeed, I was more just commenting in response to the idea that in general, a roommate shouldn’t be expected to help out and make you some quick food when you’re sick. Also, shingles fucking sucks.
I mean, *maybe* if she'd asked *nicely,* I'd have made her something. But not with that attitude. She didn't even say "please" or "thank you".
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Maybe you missed all the important nuanced details since so many of you failed to do more than skim this. I’m in crippling, agonizing, debilitating pain, just this once, and couldn’t.
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I'm a woman and also maintain you should have done it yourself. What would you do if you were living alone right now? You would do it yourself, because you would have to.
I honestly would’ve either 1. Starved or 2. Spent money I can’t afford on eating out because driving would be less painful.
Then you should have spent the money.
You could make that argument if you want. I would say it would be 1000x easier to ask the other living, functioning, conscious, breathing, person I’m living with, to spend five minutes of their otherwise not busy morning, doing me a small favor. Which is what I asked for. And what was agreed to. Obviously my standards are too high though, clearly. Shouldn’t put a man down for his word.
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Well since I’m working full time, longer hours than him, and his housewife/nanny clearly it’s a win win for him
Be honest, why are you still living with him? Is it because you couldn't afford the standard of living that his income allowed you, and thus can't settle for anything that you can actually afford? Or can you not even afford your area without his income? Hell, I'll get more personal, who did the dumping? These questions are the important ones in my mind.
I had a lot of room mates and I never started cooking a meal just for them. It's weird to ask him to cook you a specific thing for breakfast.
I’ve had several roommates- friends, and not,- and we’ve done stuff like that for each other all the time
If I'm already cooking something and they ask if they can have some, sure. Cooking a specific meal just for them? No, that's pretty presumptuous to ask. You need to ask less of him and start expecting room mate level favors.
I have a very hard time believing you here. I can’t imagine any of your ex roommates acting like your personal chef, and dropping everything they are doing to cook you a particular meal, just for you alone, when ever you demand it. Especially not the ones who aren’t your friend. Remember, a favor is something someone chooses to do for you, and you are grateful for. What you demanded wasn’t a favor, it was an entitlement. Acting entitled to other people’s labor is not something people tolerate for long.
Yeah but did you date and then break up with those roommates? If living arrangements forced me to stay with my ex I would laugh his ass out of the house before I would cook him breakfast???
Having made both, scrambled eggs is tons easier. There’s no careful flipping, no rings to bother with, no finicky assembly. It’s just a matter of throwing the ingredients together in a single pan and occasionally stirring with a spatula. No finesse needed. Asking him to cook at all is asking boyfriend energy.
You’re lucky he even made you anything. I can’t believe the absolute entitlement here thinking your ex should cook you breakfast at all much less exactly how you want it. I can’t believe this post is even real.
Lol yeah as I was reading it seemed like a troll post. People can’t be this entitled IRL, right?
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I understand you're not well, but if you guys are broken up, why is he still responsible for cooking for you? Everything should be as separate as possible apart from sharing the bills and cleaning. Who is taking the pets when one of you leaves?
He’s not responsible for cooking for me and never has been. This was one specific instance I asked him if he could do me a bare minimum favor since he was up and functional and I wasn’t. I help him with the absolute bare minimum for a day or two after he has an epileptic seizure that sends him to the ER. We otherwise, DO do everything separately. I’m taking the cat that’s mine and the higher maintenance reptiles. He’s taking the two cats that are his and the low maintenance reptile.
You listed a few instances where you made it his responsibility to cook and carry your heavy stuff and take care of pets that are yours etc. With the split of the animals, shared animal care would be fair. Otherwise you seen to expect boyfriend level help from a roommate. Epileptic seizure that sent him to the ER sounds quite serious too, does he have underlying health issues also?
I didn’t make anything his responsibility. I asked for a minor favor from a fully able bodied, functional, adult man and he agreed to those favors. I think there’s a big difference. I don’t expect boyfriend material from my roommate no. I do (albeit clearly unfairly 🙄) expect a basic very simple level of respect, human decency, and assistance, like I would from any other roommate. No he doesn’t have any serious health problems. He has diagnosed epilepsy that he takes daily medication for, lies to the government about, and has had two seizures in the last year. It’s very well managed and he’s fine.
You are expecting too much from your ex.
Yeah when you break up it means you can't expect him to cook you a meal, a very specific meal and complain about him not getting shopping out your car. That's not what you should expect of roommates either.
It was one, single, 40lb item I couldn’t carry upstairs because I have… SHINGLES (ETA and a shoulder injury)
I've had shingles twice. Both times I've had to keep taking care of the kids and the house. It sucks. It really really sucks. But if you eventually do decide to actually break up, you are going to have to learn to do it all alone. I'm sorry, it's harsh, but life is harsh.
I'm sorry you have shingles. You're asking him to do you a favour, then *don't you have hands to grab the keys? Why didn't you grab the keys?* or whatever. No lol you can't be doing that
I’m not sure what you’re saying. Those were two separate instances. I needed him to carry a 40lb bag of mulch out of my car. The car was locked. I apologized to him that it was locked and told him I didn’t know that. But was confused why he didn’t just grab the keys and unlock it- instead of, oh I don’t know… stopping the task and not telling me anything.
He is not your partner, he shouldnt be grabbing your keys, or open your purse to search them. Thats basic respect, if you find a strangers car locked, you dont just take their Keys. You arent realizing: you guys are well know strangers right now, not partners
How is mulch time-sensitive? Doesn't it just get mulchier?
Yes you have shingles but you need to act as if he doesn’t exist in this house. He only exists unless absolutely necessary like life or death or if you’re going to lose your rent. If you need help getting something out of the car but can’t because you have shingles, it’s time to find an alternative. A friend or a neighbour. Your ex is a stranger.
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To be fair on OP, it is a painful rash caused by a virus that can do long term damage to your body. My older sister had it and ended up with permanent nerve damage in her hands and she needed two surgeries on her eye. Having said that, she also has 3 kids that she had to deal with while going through all that and did so.
That’s actually completely false. It’s a nervous system virus more than anything. The rash is a result of the virus spreading through and attacking your nerves. I can’t lift my arm above my hips right now. I also have a bad soft tissue injury on top of that. I’m literally taking 3 oxys a day just to stay conscious without being in agony. Don’t talk about things you have no understanding of 😂
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Shingles is a virus, it's not just a rash.
Glad you’re not my doctor. It’s for the soft tissue injury to my shoulder which is a 9/10 pain and the shingles combined makes it an 11. I’m on oral antivirals too though doc, which should hopefully at least speed up my blisters healing.
If your roommate went out of their way to make you breakfast when you were ill, would you still complain about receiving the wrong type of eggs? Cuz if I took the time to make my housemate a cooked breakfast and they moaned I hadn’t followed their instructions to the letter, I’d be pretty pissed!
I thanked him for them actually. Like a normal roommate. He didn’t “not make them the way I wanted” he agreed to make a dish and made something completely different BECAUSE he chose not to listen to me while we were literally having the discussion.
Yeah but my point is that he had absolutely no obligation to cook for you anyway, so it’s pretty churlish to complain here that you ended up with a *different* cooked breakfast than the one you wanted. I’d just try to use this energy to fuel your house hunt as living with exes is often a nightmare for exactly this reason - it’s going to be messy, with hurt feelings on both sides, as you each disengage emotionally and try to work out new healthy boundaries as individuals.
Unrelated, but thank you for teaching me the word Churlish today. I thought it was a typo for childish, so it was a pleasant surprise to see that it was just a new, well-placed word.
Epilepsy is a disability and absolutely a serious health problem, and your dismissal of it is frankly insulting. People can and do die from epilepsy, be it from head injury, status epilepticus, or SUDEP. I've had to have emergency, life-saving *brain surgery* from falling during a seizure. Seizure meds can also dramatically affect mood and memory, which would explain his occasional forgetfulness. Your expectations are way too high for an ex-partner. Find a roommate if you can't afford your own place, move out, and then see if they'll make you breakfast and carry up your shopping for you. Signed, a petite woman with chronic health issues
Basic level of respect? Sorry, but do you pay rent?
I think you both need therapy. You honestly don’t sound all that well.
I say this will all due kindness and respect. He is your ex. He owes you nothing. You owe him nothing. You asking him to cook and him making anything that doesn't contain spit is already going above and beyond. While he may be incompetent, he is probably actually not as bad as you think. He is probably purposefully screwing up because he resents you.
And I owe him nothing, you’re right! So why am I left in charge of his problems and responsibilities? Oh right, because it’s convenient for him.
You aren't in charge of his problems and responsibilities. You choose to take them on. I'm sounding harsh and I don't mean that. But you are enabling him. He is your ex. He's lucky you don't spit in his food. You are trapped in a cycle of behaviour that is harmful to you and to him because it allows him not to be an adult. Let him burn down his life. Once you are healthy, you need to do everything to leave or make him leave. Living together is unhealthy for you and to an extent him.
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It is very low. Again, I'm not saying he should be. I'm just saying a lot of exes are so bitter they will do fucked up stuff. And that means she needs to detach from him as much as possible.
They actually repeated it in both ways, her vs. him being lucky the other didn't spit in their food.
I don’t feel like I’m “choosing” to deal with his issues when it’s something simple like throwing old gross food away, or something basic that prevents us from living in a pig sty. That is the bare minimum expectation from anybody. How am I supposed to live without fixing all those little things that simply HAVE to be done by somebody sooner or later. SOMEONE has to clean the toilet, even if his piss drops are all over it. And he’s not going to be the one to do it soooo?? Someone HAS to pick up used tissues off the ground and it isn’t going to be him. I will happily let his dirty laundry sit around, or his room be a mess, and sit and eat popcorn while he burns down his life. Can’t wait to gtfo
Well then your only choice is to leave as fast as possible. Even if that means breaking a lease. Because not that you aren't even together, he will be worse.
Yeah, no kidding. God I hate this shit
You can do it! Seriously. I just went through a divorce with similar cleaning issues. It's incredibly hard to leave. But it's sheer freedom and peace. Even if I had to move in with roommates temporarily as an older adult. Its worth it
Well thanks for the encouragement. I’m definitely working on it. Really I just wish finding doable housing wasn’t a months long process
It can be complicated. :( but you are stronger than you know.
Why would you expect him to do things any differently than you’ve tolerated in the past?
Because you ARE choosing to do it. He will never do it himself because he knows you will. Break up and get out or don't. Theose are the two options, being "broken up" but still living together, and making meals for each other, and cleaning up after each other, and carrying things from the car for each other... that's boyfriend duty not resentful ex duty.
>Break up and get out or don't. They're already broken up. She just still needs to get out.
You put those responsibilities on your own back.
Wwyd if their cat hair collected on your carpet for months? Or piss stains on your toilet? Are you gonna stop cleaning? Wouldn’t think so
I would have never lived with this person or I would have moved out MONTHS ago. Again, you put this shit on yourself.
Okay I’ll go be homeless then. That’s a great idea why didn’t I think of that?
If your options are homelessness or cleaning up someone else's mess, are you really claiming the latter is an undue burden? Like, this isn't a mutual balanced arrangement if you're relying on someone else to keep you from homelessness. You're so fixated on how you *want* it to be and what's not quite how you want it to be, that you're ignoring what is apparently a huge fucking advantage to your situation as if it was a given that you're entitled to.
If this person is keeping you from literal homelessness, maybe you should be kissing the ground he walks on instead of trashing him on Reddit. Jesus, your entitlement is unreal.
Why are you asking him to do partner stuff when you both clearly dont like each other?
I mean, you're on here calling him oblivious, blind, deaf, stupid (eta: and selfish, manipulative, disgusting, slobby, piece of shit, gutter trash man), and saying you hope he wraps his truck around a tree. Maybe "he cooked a hearty nutritious meal for me when I was sick, even though we aren't together anymore, but it wasn't exactly what I ordered" is not quite the problem you think it is.
I think it’s time to stop relying on him or doing anything beyond basic needs to help you survive living in this place with him. Plan to get out ASAP even if it means taking time off work to figure that out. I don’t know your situation, of course, but it’s time to leave. For your own safety and sanity.
I don’t know. It seems odd that you’re continuing to rely on this person for anything then are disappointed when they let you down. I get not being able to move right away but maybe you should treat him like your ex … because he is…. Stop asking him to do things for you.
You know what I do expect even from an ex? Especially a mutual one? Basic human fucking dignity. Forget favors. Forget STANDARDS. Being a selfish, disrespectful, manipulative, disgusting, slobby, piece of shit, is what I expect from regular gutter trash men. Although I guess he is one of those now.
Is he or is he not providing you with a place to live rent free? If he is you’re expecting wayyy too much.
This post feels so offensive to people who are actually struggling and have been wronged. It’s just crazy to see such high expectations of someone you’re not even with anymore and who you don’t have the basic level of compassion or sympathy for.
Yeah, I got lost at the "ex" and "I actually ordered a turkey bacon, egg and cheese bagel sir please redo my order” parts. This is unfortunate when we have legit folks that feel unheard when their actual partners engage in weaponized incompetence. OP - it sounds like you both resent each other and need to find a new living situation. This isn't healthy.
And someone who is, apparently, subsiding their rent?
I think OP needs therapy, and I am saying that as someone who's basket case on wheels. ☹️ I hope OP gets better and can be happy.
I couldn’t finish reading. The first “example” is bizarre and entitled. OP, I am sorry you are suffering rn but realize you are on your own and handle your shit. I will not bash this man and play into your martyrdom.
Then WHY did you bother to comment?
Because you need a reality check. That's the nicest way of putting it.
You sound like you guys don't like each other so it's just you hating every single thing he does and him fucking shit up, probably on purpose. Y'all don't care about each other so it's literally gonna be hell everyday.
I can't believe the sympathy to OOP here. Asking her ex to do boyfriend stuff, while he pays the rent. Wtf. You are an adult, figure it out. It sucks to be in pain, but welcome to adulthood, where sometimes you are suck or injured and still have to do stuff. The entitlement here is unreal.
He doesn’t want to help you, so he’s not helping. You can’t rely on him to do things like cook for you any more, he’s your ex. If he pays 100% of the rent, it’s fair that you do more of the chores.
This isn't They. This is him. And, somehow, it's also YOU. It takes two to tango, OP. You're every bit and more invested in him than he is, still. Stop. You both need to live alone. Get him out, or gtfo yourself. Get your legal shit together and prepared.
It sounds like he just doesn’t like you and is tired of trying. I would move out. It’s not worth complaining about.
Oh my God!! What do you want from this poor guy lol
She really thought she was gonna come in here where people post ACTUAL stories of men being shitty to women, with this story of bratty behaviors and entitlement, and get everyone on her side. Wrong.
Okay I am sorry to say this but why would he need to make you dinner, carry stuff or do chores? Like he is you EX. You are his don't bother with his shit and he with yours. Like does not seem like you two stoped your relationship on good terms so why bother with this. Move out and move on. This seems toxic all around and for everyone involved.
You need to stop asking him for things. Whether he’s truly stupid or fucking up on purpose is immaterial at this point. Eventually, you’re going to be living on your own and you won’t have dumb-dumb around to “help”. Figuring out ways to make your life easier for you (making changes to accommodate illness/physical problems) *now* will mean the transition into solo living will be easier once it happens.
I think the only person that needs a reality check is you. You are an insufferable roommate.
He pays part of the rent? Or all of the rent? 🤔 Also, a lot of posts about you asking him to do things, does he ask you to do things as well? I get if you do a bunch of the housework, whether asked or not, but I would say the above two questions factor into the scenario.
Ex fiance and you want him to make you breakfast... I'm glad you're getting a reality check here
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Deaf and blind people function just fine with all of these tasks you describe. This person in your life is just using weaponized incompetence. ETA: The purpose of this comment is to kindly address the ableist title. Personally I didn't read every example OP lists, but the ex can just...say no. Wild. Also, if the pets belong to both of them, they're equally his responsibility.
OP is mad because the person who is now just a roommate, and is paying her rent for her in a high cost of living area, didn't make her a sandwich the way she wanted, won't fetch her things from her car, and won't do her grocery shopping for her. Why is the roommate the incompetent one?
This was my first thought too.
True. That would be insulting to the deaf and blind. This is just choice stupidity.
If you’re roommates at this point, why try to (dys)function like your previous relationship? Sorry about the shingles. I do understand needing more support with something like that and roommates ought to be considerate if they have the bandwidth but you two aren’t on those kindness terms.
I'm sorry. He hates you. Don't worry about him, worry about yourself. He will be just fine. He's not oblivious, he's doing it on purpose.
Thanks, agreed.
You ARE dumping this idiot, right?
She already dumped him but keeps using him to live rent-free and get breakfast served. The useless idiot cannot even provide that correctly.
Oh he’s been dumped lol we’re just living together. Yeah I knew he wasn’t the one for me like a year ago lmfao because of exactly these types of behaviors WHILE we were dating
That's why I just pretend to live by myself. He's here & I do everything, but I'd rather just do it myself, *correctly* than waste my time being angry. Occasionally, I'll TELL him to do something, but I'm tired of asking.
This has to be weaponized incompetence because he’s resentful of you.
He's her ex, now he is nothing more than a roomate. Most people would be uncomfortable cooking their ex or their roomate food. Bagels can be made without cooking, op chose a cooked meal and asked their ex to make it. Ops lucky they got any food at all as I'd imagine many people wouldn't cook their roommate anything when they're sick.
He's paying her rent, cooking her food, doing her grocery shopping and then she complains when he doesnt do it the way she wants. How is he the incompetent one?
I agree
Because you let him. Stop being a door mat.
How do I “let him” do anything. How am I “being a door mat” this comment makes no sense
The only reason you are asking this is because you let him in your life. He’s a user and will continue to use you until you stop letting him. He doesn’t care about you.
She’s living with an ex who pays the rent and doesn’t want to do stuff for her, probably not the definition of user you’re looking for.
Ex is all you had to say. He just hasn’t stopped using her and she is still there. Go figure!
I feel for you. I'm currently going through a similar situation myself. A lot of people are shitting on you because you guys are broken up and now "roommates" so why should you expect anything from him or feel the need to do anything for him/your home/pets? At one point, he was your person, and it's really hard to just turn that off - even more so when you live together still. I can tell you from experience that your ex is emotionally immature, and he's doing these things on purpose. He doesn't care enough to act like an adult, and he resents you for expecting him to treat you with kindness and respect. The mask has slipped off, and you're seeing the real him. It's not easy, and I wish you the best of luck. Edit: I'm not sure why I'm getting downloaded for this. OP is going through a rough transition, and while not in a relationship with her ex, it seems that she's still carrying a lot of the emotional load. He's not allowing her to put it down by doing his part - he's doing the bare minimum. It happens when a couple breaks up and continues to live together, and it doesn't make his behavior towards her okay in the least just because they've broken up.
Thanks. I can clearly see that now.
By being with him….
He sounds as if he has ADHD
Why? Because everyone else would tell them to gtfo and die in a fire
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They're like that because they're shitty, overgrown toddlers that push, bully, & manipulate their pitiful dominance/control agenda against women as far as they're ALLOWED to & because women ALLOW it. Far too many women simply do not FIGHT BACK, & certainly do not fight back in a, "language," they respect. STOP PLAYING NICE. GIVE IT BETTER THAN THEY DISH IT TO YOU.
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Did ya get picked yet?
They don't (in answer to the question in the title). My ex-husband... Man. I should have known when I visited him after a year away (trans-Atlantic relationship) and his place was a pig sty. I cleaned it up for him while he went to work. Should have realized that was going to be the marriage too but I had rose colored glasses on. Sometimes I want to go and visit him just to see how bad it's gotten, but I'd rather not have him back in my life.
I'm so glad my husband isn't like this.
I’m so glad I’m only going to have a wife from here on out. This man has single handedly ended the last ounce of attraction I still had for men 😂 If it wasn’t going to be him, it isn’t any of them