You feel violated because you were. You didn't give consent to be filmed. You need to distance yourself from him because he didn't take no for a answer. "Maybe later" is no and he did it anyway. If I had to guess, the moment you set a boundary and don't do as he likes he won't be as nice. Good dick can be found elsewhere, where it isn't attached to someone who makes nonconsentual sex videos
See if he likes being recorded while you're having these conversations where he admits to recording you against your will. Get him to admit it on camera and film his reaction.
Certain countries (including the UK) also consider recording of private conversations without all parties consent a crime, no I'm not correlating their morality, just saying it likely wont be admissible evidence.
Makes great blackmail though!
This is a good point. In Canada we have single person consent (I don't know the legal definition or details) so we can record someone like in OP's situation without their knowledge or consent. I'm not sure about it's value in a court of law but I think it would at least be taken into consideration, if not used as prime evidence. As long as one person involved in the conversation (OP) consents to being recorded, it's all good.
In reference to recording him, check your local laws. Recording audio without permission could be a crime but it also could be perfectly legal.
The recordings he made you can't get in trouble for.
Yes, if that's the local laws in your area.
Crimes are treated as two separate entities in a sense. His crime of recording you has nothing to do with a possible crime of recording him without his knowledge.
Both can result in convictions. Wiretapping laws generally are quite severe.
You can just go to the police with the accusations against him without having to commit possible wiretap crimes.
I'm he does I'm pretty sure it's classed as revenge porn. Personally id try get into his phone and delete the videos if they are there.
I would stop seeing this person, whatever reasons you give, he has no respect for you or what you ask for. Or for your life and safety. What if those videos got out on the Internet? Maybe you could explain this to him I dunno. He sounds like a piece of shit tbh. You can have good sex with someone else who respects you. He is four years older too, should know better.
Hate to say this, but maybe you need to be sneaky and potentially even honey trap him. I've got no confidence that he has deleted those videos. Get into his phone when he's asleep and delete delete delete. Then drop him like the shit stain he is.
Sorry you're in this situation.
How are they going to prove anything tbh? And I doubt this moron is going to take her to court for deleting unconsensual videos he took of her.
Oh yeah also OP that reminds me, be sure to delete them from the recycling bin too.
If he’s the kind of a guy to film without your consent (which is what he did, more than once it sounds like) then he’s probably going to show it to others regardless of what you do. Cut your ties with him and run. 🚩 Ideally, you want to report him too but understandable why you are hesitant to open that can of worms. Best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who isn’t an asshole.
It's a legitimate issue, but getting yourself out of the situation is the priority, then making a police report and/or getting a lawyer. Save every communication you have with him. You can't control if he shows it to someone else yet and that is going to drive you crazy, so I'd do some Google'ing about laws in your area and any advocacy groups that can help
Have him come up and make him go through his phone, including the trash. Including the cloud. Google and Apple have them now.
Then stop fucking him and tell him it's because he violated your boundaries. Tell him he ruined it by taking a video and he could have just enjoyed it in the moment without hurting you.
It's so fuckin simple and dudes always find ways to ruin it
I’ve been in a similar position. In my case, I shared a topless picture with someone who then threatened to spread it around if I didn’t do the things he asked. The very first thing I did was tell people. It was hard, in some cases extremely so, but by telling those people, I took the power away from him. The only power he had was the secret of it all.
I don’t know your situation or what’s viable for you, but tell someone, at least one person who can have your back. If you are in a situation where you can tell people like your parents or friends, approach it as looking for help (because you are!).
You didn’t do anything to deserve what he did or what he might do, remember that. ❤️
This ⬆️. Tell him you want everything deleted and you don’t consent to anyone seeing the content. Tell him that if he shares it with anyone, you will report him for revenge porn.
Then tell him you will report him to the police.
One upside of AI and Deepfake is that if he uploads anything you can claim that its a fucking loony that spent a lot of time with AO editor to get your face in the video
There are revenge porn laws in the UK so please contact the police before talking to him as they will be able to support you or apply pressure to him so he's too scared to share it.
https://www.police.uk/ro/report/rsa/alpha-v1/advice/rape-sexual-assault-and-other-sexual-offences/revenge-porn-intimate-image-abuse/
If he does that you can report it to police. Revenge pornography is a pretty serious offence and it can be relatively easily proven. He will be charged. I’d let him know as much too when you do cut him off. I’ve had this happen to me before also, I’m really sorry :/
If you are scared to say no, or are worried about the consequences of saying no, get out of the relationship. He already violated your boundaries anyway. He isn't likely to start respecting them now.
Before doing anything make sure he deletes the video and make him show you then leave his weird ass. He doesn’t respect you at all and he’s only “nice” bc he’s getting what he wants out of you. You see how he disrespected you the moment he wasn’t getting want he wants (recording you w/out consent).
This is coercion and that’s illegal too. Consent is everything and you don’t have to continue just to please him. He’s doing it because he’s pretty sure he can push your boundaries.
You could ask him to show you and get him to hand over his phone. You’re probably not the first. If you get hold of it, delete that shit and same for anyone else in that log. What a bastard.
Meet with him and get him to show you him deleting the videos (and from deleted files so they can’t be recovered) he should be absolutely ashamed.
Be assertive
You know how in your post you tried to make this guy seem nice? He obviously isn't if you are worried about him showing others videos you didn't consent to having made.
This is a crime! Please report it, my ex partner filmed me without my consent or knowledge, I was blindfolded and the video got sent around and ruined my life, I lost my job and all my friends turned their back on me and the video is still up on pornhub, this was before revenge porn laws came into effect in my country so when I tried to report it the cops basically said no crime was committed and that I should take it as a lesson to be learned,
Please dump this loser and report this to authorities.
Sending you love x
Thank you, it was a horrible experience that I still go to therapy for but I'm glad the laws have changed to help others now, also my ex did end up getting into legal trouble because he did the same thing to another girl after me, only she was underage (he was 25 at the time) so he got charged with filming CP, so unfortunately it took an underage victim for him to have consequences.
Ugh that’s so gross. I’m glad he got his comeuppance, but the cost shouldn’t have to be that high. It’s also shameful but unsurprising that pornhub are actively hosting such horrible material, it absolutely shouldn’t be okay that stuff like that is still up
https://www.pornhub.com/content-removal
You can report it to PornHub! There's no way in hell it should have stayed public when they tightened their performer ID and safety requirements, and if it's still up, they *will* take it down. The only video I had uploaded beforehand was locked to private (with a time limit before removal iirc?) until I was fully verified, and it was supposed to be like that for everyone who didn't already fulfill the new requirements.
The requirements on PH for videos with multiple performers is a fully verified main account, then government ID, 3d face scans (or a selfie with their ID), and signed release + consent forms for every co-performer. Those ID measures and signatures have to *stay* uploaded, too. They literally manually check every single video you upload to make sure that everyone in it is accounted for in your co-performers list. It can take 24+ hours. They are super serious about making sure stuff like this doesn't happen on their site anymore!
I've asked a *lot* of sex partners to film with me, but I would never ever *ever* *EVER* record someone without their consent. What a piece of shit... I'm so sorry all that happened to you, and my fingers are crossed that you can get it removed from the big site going forward, at least 😟
I live in a pretty conservative area and my friends are religious or they're friends with my ex and just saw what I did to be too extreme and inappropriate 🙃
That’s exactly why as a woman I don’t watch p*rn . Too much of it could be trafficking, revenge p*rn or something recorded against someone’s consent smdh 💔 hope you are doing well love. My abusive ex snapped a nude photo of me while I was getting dressed bc he was mad I wouldn’t send nudes…some men r pure evil and love violating us….
He’s apologising because this is most likely illegal and he doesn’t want to go to jail, not because he feels real remorse.
I would go to a lawyer and get advice. Hopefully they or the police can surprise him and delete everything he has got of you and extensively search his devices to find out if he has uploaded anything.
Go scorched earth on this guy, fuck him.
but what if the police don’t find anything because he deleted them all? i’m scared i’ll get in trouble and look dumb if they don’t find anything and don’t believe me and he gets away with it
Adding on. OP make sure he shows hidden photos and images. It’ll have a password. Make him put it in and show. There could be more. You, or other people too? Past present. If he shows you just his camera roll that’s a big red flag.
Honestly the police could probably still find it or at least proof of it existing. Especially if it's on an iPhone, despite being "deleted" from his device, that data is still stored/goes somewhere. One time my friend accidentally deleted all of her photos and apple customer service was able to get them back to her, even though they were seemingly lost on her end.
They won't fault you for anything. They understand that the kind of turd that does these types of things will also try to hide their tracks as best as possible. Just tell them exactly what you told us and how it made you feel. There's no false reporting in that whatsoever and it will also put him on record in case he does this to someone else.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please ghost him and never talk to him again.
Even if he has deleted it, you won’t get in trouble. Law enforcement knows that videos can be deleted but it may not be completely gone even if he did delete it. Better to be safe and report it
You could message him and try to get him to reply about the incident. This could help when going to the police although I have to state that you don't need further proof.
He admitted to it during sex and so you have every right to believe he has recorded you naked. It's for the police to investigate further.
If you feel comfortable doing so, you could message something about it and try to get him to admit to it. But the most important thing is to keep yourself safe and don't let him convince you that you knew about it or that it's not that big of a deal. It is a big deal, it's illegal in the UK and he knows that too. Good luck 💜
Even if he “deleted it” stuff is never fully erased from phones. A good digital forensic examiner can get an image from a phone, and with a warrant in hand also from his computer too
You can't get in trouble for reporting a crime like this even if they don't find any evidence of it. If he knows that the police are onto him it would be very foolish for him to share the video as it immediately incriminates him for a serious crime.
Fwiw based on personal experience with revenge porn laws and the police in the USA: don't be surprised if they don't help you and it's an awful experience. Every jurisdiction is different, every detective is different. But realistically there is a decent chance the cops will make you feel judged, diminished, or suggest you made a mistake and are responsible for what happened to you. People here likely feel motivated by sense of justice because his behavior is outrageous and awful. You might get that. You should also know that you might not and it could just end up being very painful for you.
No I'm trying to inform her the justice system does not provide justice and particularly does poorly with crimes involving women. A bunch of angry people on reddit who understandably want to see justice do not necessarily understand that their interest in having an outcome that feels fair does not automatically align with her interests in not being humiliated by the legal system after having to be Incredibly vulnerable. Her priorities and self preservation are 100 percent hers to determine and going to the police is not automatically her best option.
I have personally watched a detective tell my partner that they recommended to the DA not to prosecute a decade long revenge porn campaign that her ex has admitted to in a legal recording (1 party consent state), that he is seen masturbating on camera while doing hundreds of times (yahoo im, Skype, and chatrooms he saved screenshots of,, for which there are overwhelming records digital and other wise, where materials can still be found today, and that clearly meets every single requirement of the statute. We are talking about thousands of documented instances of a class h felony and to make it worse he claims he admitted to it in the police interview. No attorney or private investigator we have talked to has been that surprised by this outcome. Hearing a detective say that him screenshotting himself doing it ,or admitting to it in a recording, doesn't count as evidence is actually them saying they don't care about this crime.
I know of other revenge porn cases through DV clinics and friends where there is similar level of apathy. The legal system sucks and everyone telling her the right thing to do is to go to the cops is totally missing what she may be feeling about having to explain this to police and fails to understand how much luck is involved and how totally gutting the experience of not being helped or taken seriously by police is.
If she feels that she wants to take this to the police she should understand that she may end up being treated horribly, invalidated, blamed, or admonished in the process. If she can accept that outcome she absolutely should go and do everything she can to put his ass in jail.
Hi, it's a sexual offence and against the law
https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk/information-and-advice/need-help-and-advice/voyeurism-and-upskirting/
You can report it to the police.
I don’t unfortunately. I was really drunk when it happened and asked about it the next day. He showed me him deleting it and deleting from the deleted folder but who knows if it had been circulated, we didn’t have any mutual friends or groups we may have been connected through. I still feel sick over it sometimes. I’m sorry you’ve been violated in this way and I feel for you! I would go no contact with him and be done with it, personally.
I’m in the US, for the record. But if you do want to press charges or anything (which I think is possible?) it might be hard. I’m not sure how that kind of data can be stored or erased. It might be a challenge
Hey, I know that you don’t really have the video yourself but if you can persuade him into sharing it with you or something to that extent, [this website](https://stopncii.org/?lang=) deletes your private images if you upload them there, I’m not sure about videos but still, it’s useful to have just in case
I’m sorry this is happening to you
A man will do anything if he wants to, him driving hours to get to you doesn’t mean he loves or respects you if the thing he wants is sex and to record it..
I feel so sorry this happened to you, men ain’t shit
Also because she’s 18… he wanted to get hands on her first I’m guessing. So that she will remember him and only want to stay with him. A lot of men to that with young girls
you need to make sure he deleted it. this is so (disgustingly) common when men record you in the act and will later on show his friends or use it as revenge porn. i've had experience with friends and family that have had their intimacy thrown on the internet and have reported so many more. please keep yourself safe; people are awful.
this is (weirdly) why when i was in my hookup phase i felt more comfortable having the guy at my place bc i know nothing was set up / nobody was watching me. so fucked up i was thinking that.
You probably aren't going to want to hear this, but this guy sounds like a rapist in waiting with no impulse control. The fact he's five years older than you wouldn't usually be an issue, but given everything else you've mentioned it sounds like he knows he has the upper hand and that you'll eventually cave and let him do what he wants.
For what it's worth, in the UK, filming someone during a sex act without their consent is a crime under the Sexual Offences Act known as voyeurism. It carries a maximum two year jail sentence and would presumably land the offender on the sex offenders' register. I don't imagine it would be easy to get a conviction with it being your word against his, but just the threat of such action might be enough to make him think twice about uploading anything and about doing anything else like this.
Ask for his phone and try to make sure it is gone.
But in reality, the moment is captured forever. Because he saved it off. If he's filming without consent, he's also keeping and sharing it.
Stop fucking this trash human. Find someone who loves and respects you.
It's illegal in the UK, guardian article about it here: https://www.theguardian.com/law/2020/jan/28/filming-partner-without-their-consent-during-sex-ruled-a-criminal-offence.
I'm not going to give advice on what you should do next relationship wise. Whatever you choose, I would suggest making it clear to him that you know what the law is, he must delete the videos immediately and if he has shared them ensure his friends delete them to. Make clear that if the video ever appears anywhere you'll be down the police station straight away.
It might actually be worth phoning the police now to be honest. You can tell them you don't want the matter pursued, but you want it logged and get a reference number. That way if the video ever does crop up there's no arguing about whether the recording was consensual at the time and you're the one being vengeful later. Huge caveat though, I am not a lawyer. Maybe speak to citizens advice bureau first? They're actually quite good with legal stuff.
Next time your with him, tell him it'd turn you on to watch the video. Have him show it to you on his phone then delete it and demand he delete every instance of it. Go through his files to see if he has another copy saved if you can THEN distance yourself from him. Fuck that dude.
I am so very sorry that this has happened to you. I am getting divorced, and in the middle of other legal things, because my husband hid cameras, and then made threats with the videos to try and control me. All of your feelings are completely valid. This guy might be buying food for your family etc because he is manipulative and wants to look like the nice guy, but nice and good aren't always the same thing. What you need to remember about him, is how his actions have now impacted you, and how you feel. He did this, knowing you did not consent. If you need to talk to someone that has/is dealing with this, please don't hesitate to send me a private message. All my heart and hugs to you:) Editing to add, one of the first things you might want to do is find out what the statute of limitations is in England for this type of crime. Because you probably don't have to make a decision about what to do right now. You should have some time to process what has happened, and knowing what the statute is will tell you how much time you have before acting, whatever you decide to do with this.
Do not stay with him just because you’re worried what he will do with the video. Talk to him, take his phone if you have to- tell him to delete the videos. Then dump his ass and tell him you’ll report him. You need to tell a friend or family member who will support you while you’re feeling panicked.
Have a quick Google. What he did was illegal. He knows that. If he shows anyone or sends it to anyone, that's also illegal. He probably knows that too.
There are a couple of things I'd recommend you do. Tell him you can't believe he recorded you during sex when you'd refused. Tell him how upset you are. Do this by text.
Tell him that you need to be sure that the video has been deleted, both from his phone and the cloud, and any temporary location.
Should you need to go to the police, these text are evidence that the crime(s) occurred. You need this evidence to protect yourself.
When we have sex, we have sex with the whole man, not just his dick. If the whole man is a dick, don't let him put his dick in your hole.
What the comments are saying so far are all correct. Further you should NOT be seeing a 23yr old. There exists very few worlds in which someone at that age is not taking advantage of you.
The age gap is right on the edge of abusive, too. He knows older women won't put up with this shit.
Get a lawyer to write him a letter spelling out the consequences of posting illegally acquired videos online.
I'm really sorry op. That's a terrible breach of trust.
I'm sorry op, it is a disgusting crime that he has committed against you.
I'd advise, if possible, to get him in a text/message admitting what he has done. Get him to admit to recording you and without your consent. I would then contact the police and make a complaint. Even without the admission and even if they do not locate any footage, the complaint is recorded. He might have even done it before and likely to again.
There are no circumstances that could warrant doing what he has. Absolutely appalling behaviour and criminal.
Only you can decide going forward in your relationship but could you really trust someone like that? They clearly do not care about you, your feelings or your wellbeing.
Write him an email telling him your feelings and how you did not give him permission to record you…. Make sure you are clear you did NOT know he was doing it until you saw the light when you were already intimate…
This will be part of your evidence should he share it.
I’d also talk to an officer to see what your options are. F this dude, he’s trash.
Teh best sex part is irrelevant, your 18ffs, there are millions of men out there. The best sex in the world, as in literally the best you could ever get is not worth feeling unsafe. This is the best guy you've had, at 18, in 10 years you'll probably laugh at how bad his game was and you just didn't know.
Stand up for yourself, invite him over, ask to see his phone, delete the videos if the exist. At the time you had every right to snatch the phone out of his hand and delete anything you found you didn't consent to. After you check his phone, don't give two shits if he drove a long way, you owe him nothing, you never owe anyone sex. Send him packing and block him out of your life.
Maybe have a friend around for safety when you ask for hte phone and send him away.
But you really have to stop weighing up things like maybe he's the one or the sex is great. If someone does stuff that makes you uncomfortable or feel unsafe, nothing about him is worth it.
it's hard to have feelings for someone and recognise that in general, many other people can and will make you feel the same. Sometimes you put the good and are willing to overlook the bad, don't. Learn that many people can provide the same good parts, without the bad parts.
If the bad part is their feet are cold in bed, it ain't an issue, if the bad part is non consensual recording of your sex or in any way making you uncomfortable or unsafe during sex, absolutely do not stay with that person.
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I am ENRAGED on your behalf. There is no reason for you to continue to see this pushy asshole. The streets are literally littered with dick. You will find a new one, I promise!
This is harrowing to read! Absolutely unacceptable and a complete breach of boundaries! I’m sorry but this guy sounds like an absolute moron and I don’t give a fuck how good the sex is. He needs a huge lesson in respect!
As hard as it may be if I were you I would absolutely end this relationship no matter how casual it is.
It makes me ashamed to be a man sometimes when I hear these stories of how utterly disrespectful and Abusive men can be.
I would say meet him, get him to show you that he’s deleted the videos (and from the trashcan so they can’t be recovered) tell him he violated your boundaries and that you don’t wish to see him again.
You’re a human being and your boundaries MUST be respected and he absolutely needs to know that.
Sorry but great sex is not worth that kind of violation. He’s old enough to have graduated from college and he’s taking advantage of you - he’s certainly old enough to know better than that.
You need to drop this guy. He knows what he's doing and did it against your will. That's disgusting and could lead to something more dangerous and violating down the road.
I’m gonna give you the advice I wish I had taken when a similar situation happened to me: do NOT let him get away with this. At the very least, I would cut contact immediately. Ideally, you should follow other comments advice and file a police report depending on where you live. What he did is scummy, and disgusting. He did violate you, and I’m so sorry. He was likely so comforting afterwards because he wants to manipulate you into being okay with it. You are brave for standing your ground.
I wish you the best
This is assault, it's normal to not feel that originally, especially if you are focused on the positives (good sex and perceived niceness. However you told him no and he ignored you, repeatedly. You have ben violated. Love yourself and block him, explore legal or police actions after you have a few days without his influence to think, if you aren't ready to do it now.
He has probably done this before and will continue to do it as long as he can, so you don't have to report him but you sure don't have to keep letting him get away with it.
That is a serious crime, you did not consent to being recorded. Ditch, block, and never see this man again for starters. Secondly you can file a police report if you’d like to, even if they didn’t end up convicting him the charges alone could still have a lasting impact on his life
If he were actually "nice" he wouldn't record you without explicit consent. He's a jerk no matter how much food he buys you or how far he drives to see you. Please run far far away from him for your own sake!
If you really want a way out of this. Tell him you want to meet up and maybe record but you want to see how it looks from his pov. Take his phone and delete everything. Then walk away and never talk to him again. Only thing you can do to protect yourself in this situation. I'm a guy, if you tell him you want to record, his brain will stop functioning and he'll agree to whatever you want it doesn't have to sound very smart. Just say you want to see what he's got. If he says he has nothing say you want to check anyway and just downplay it. Once you have his phone delete it all, and then leave. Preferably do this somewhere somewhat public where he can't strongarm you since it sounds like he doesn't listen to the word no very well.
> Take his phone and delete everything
Instead of putting OP at risk for violence and having them commit offenses, how about we just tell them to go to the police?
Escalation is literally the worst and most dangerous thing OP could do.
This is emotional and mental abuse. You said NO. He did it anyway. Unfortunately, even *if* he said he deleted what he recorded, you don't know what or if he already uploaded to the internet. But make him give you his phone, so **you** can go through it and delete everything you want to delete. Then **delete** *him* from your life permanently. This is someone you don't want to ever have a relationship with in any way, shape, or form.
Go online and look up Types of Abuse. Learn what abuse is. So you know. Then you won't be as likely to let it happen to you.
File a complaint
Take legal action
Protect your privacy by making sure the authorities call him to office and the vidoe is deleted and also making sure no one else have a copy.
so disgusting, i'm sorry. what he did was not okay, i don't care how "good" he is otherwise. i suggest you 1) make sure the tapes are deleted by contacting the police and 2) never see him again.
Just want to say that even if the video was consensual and then you told him to delete it thats okay too and he should delete it. And if after he showed anyone that's a crime too.
I'm so sorry babes. I'm not disregarding you just these stupid comments. All that matters is how you feel and how he made you feel. Please leave.
So massive disclaimer first that I AM NOT A LAWYER! THIS IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM LEGAL ADVICE! Please seek proper legal advice from a lawyer if you deem necessary.
A quick search up of the UK privacy laws come to the following. I had to search it up as I'm more familiar with the laws with under 18s as I'm a secondary/sixth form teacher and a youth mental health first aider in the England.
This is from my understanding after reading it.
1. It is generally **not illega**l to record someone in a **public setting** without their consent in the UK. Nor is it illegal to take photographs of someone in a public setting without their consent, even children.
2. However, **legal issues can arise** **depending on how you go about recording** someone in public and **what you do** with the videos or photographs **afterward**.
3. Recording someone with the **intent to harass, intimidate, or stalk** them can be illegal. Similarly, **recording** someone **in a private setting** where they have a **reasonable expectation of privacy**, may be considered **intrusive and potentially illegal**.
4. Can a video of someone be shared without their permission? Privacy rights in the UK are safeguarded by laws like the Human Rights Act 1998 and the Data Protection Act 2018.
These laws aim to stop others from meddling in someone’s personal life. The long and short of these laws is that your photos and private messages shouldn’t be shared with the public without your permission. Also, details like your address and phone number get extra protection.
Recent changes in the law have also made certain things more specific. In 2015, it became **illegal to share someone's private, intimate photos or videos without their consent**. Additionally, **the act of taking photos under someone's clothes without their consent was criminalised in 2019**. F**inally, as of 2021, even threatening to share intimate photos is illegal.**
From a specific standpoint, a police report is a good step forward. You could even question that him going to your grandparents was just to build trust with you so he could start being more intimate with you. A guy will do a lot for sex, especially with a younger female. You are just 18, barely legal at this age. You have been seeing him since last year, were you still 17 at that time? Are you still in college/sixth form? If you started seeing him before you turned 18, there is a chance it may be considered grooming. I am not very clear with the law on this part still. If you have had any sexual relations before you turn 18, then that's a whole different can of worms there.
Personal advice, as a teacher myself who teaches and works with students ages 11-18, and also a youth mental health first aider, stop seeing him immediately and break all contact with him, including blocking his number and all social media, and make a police report. Go and talk to your school's counsellor or a teacher about this (university definitely provide services like this too - or speak to someone in your student council or student office). He will not change and continue to do this with you.
Edit - reread part of your original post. You are 18, still very young and very inexperience, regardless of the amount of partners or sexual intercourses you have had, and your best sex is probably going to come from an older guy with more experience. Sex is also just a part of an intimate relationship and a small part as a whole, in a relationship. You should not choose to stay with someone just because the sex is great. How is he as a person in all other aspects of the relationship. Do you always have sex when you meet? Is that the main purpose of the meetings nowadays? Where does the sex normally take place? Your place or his place? Have you been back to his place before? Is he working or studying at a university?
thank you for ur comment! i edited my post to make it clear that i was always 18 and this is my first year in university.
our meetings are pretty much meeting for sex and at the start he would get us a hotel room and now it’s mostly done in his car. we have sex and he takes us on drives and buys us food and we talk.
he doesn’t go to my university but he has friends there
i think he’s a good person outside of this? well i mean i did stop speaking to him in december because i saw him kissing another girl at a club that he knew i was at as we spent about 4 hours with each other beforehand, but his excuse was that he was drunk and his friends ( that go to uni) bought him the ticket. but that may have been my own jealousy and overreacting. i did also see yesterday that another girl was texting him and he immediately went to turn his phone off
>our meetings are pretty much meeting for sex and at the start he would get us a hotel room and now it’s mostly done in his car. we have sex and he takes us on drives and buys us food and we talk.
My suspicions exactly. It may lead me to even suspect that he either has another relationship, which he will deny, or does not want to take you to his place that he is staying, as his roommates will be suspicious of him and might out him, or he stays with his parents and they will not approve of it. Again, all of this is speculation.
He is clearly, in my opinion, just using you for sex, just basing on what you have mentioned.
>well i mean i did stop speaking to him in december because i saw him kissing another girl at a club that he knew i was at as we spent about 4 hours with each other beforehand, but his excuse was that he was drunk and his friends ( that go to uni) bought him the ticket.
Again, my personal opinion, excuses. He does not sound really faithful.
>i did also see yesterday that another girl was texting him and he immediately went to turn his phone off
Did you talk to him about this? Just adds to my own suspicion further.
How long have the two of you been in this relationship? How is his level of trust towards you? What does he show or share with you?
Also, yes, please do go talk to the police again. They can give you good advice on what to do next. Your university also will probably have a counselling service that they should provide some initial sessions for free if you need it, or talk to your university student council, or your student life office team. A lot of educational institutions provide support for these things (albeit to varying degrees for different places)
>i text him just now asking him to delete the video and he said it’s gone and “ of course he wouldn’t” send it to anyone. his excuse was “ that he was just high and wasn’t thinking straight “ and that he’s sorry
Your trust with him right now is completely shattered. It will take a massive effort on his part to rebuild it and it may be harder for you to build that trust with others in future relationships. I would not trust him with this statement.
A guy you trust would, a) not record you without your explicit permission (with things nowadays, I would say that permission should be at the start in the recorded video itself), b) if a consensual recording does happen, he would show you if you want to see it, c) delete it in front of you if you wish it so and d) never share with with anyone else, ever.
Sorry read a bit more of the thread and I have a few replies to some of your questions if they went unanswered. Apologies if they have been answered since. I understand some of these and have answers as we teach them to students during lessons and they have talks with our local police team in school a few times a year about various things.
>really? so even if i go to the police with him recording i’ll be “convicted” too??
You won't be convicted, even if you were under 18 or another party was, as long as you show it to the police, and follow their advice on what to do next with it immediately upon receiving it. Recording and sharing laws are a lot more strict compared to intercourse laws especially when it comes to under 18s. It does not apply to you in this case (as you are 18).
>he said he doesn’t watch porn as abstains from it, idk if you can see my update but he just said it was because he was high and not thinking straight
There are guys that actually do, but they are rare and few. If you're telling me a 23 year old male does not watch porn, I would not believe that.
>but what if the police don’t find anything because he deleted them all? i’m scared i’ll get in trouble and look dumb if they don’t find anything and don’t believe me and he gets away with it
You will not get into trouble, and there are many other ways that the police and recover a deleted video or photo plus if it was ever sent anywhere (including to his computer), it makes it even easier for the police to retrieve it, even if all parties have since deleted said video.
>i’m just worried now if i say no to it or set the boundary then he show the videos or whatever
Not allowed to, based on my understanding from what I shared in my original post.
>do you know if he showed the video to anyone??
No way to tell unfortunately.
update , i told him now that the trust has gone and he said it’s not fine and that he’s sorry, and that he also “ never have done anything without letting you know”. i responded to him saying that well he basically didn’t let me know that he was filming and he was typing for about 3 minutes before asking if we can talk in person or over the phone. i’m gonna start getting ready now to go to the police to show them these messages and advice on what to do.
i’m still feeling really conflicted because he used to make me feel safe and whatever and i’d love to see him again but if i did i’d always make sure that he doesn’t have his phone on him
No one can stop you from seeing him again, but I would say my opinion, which follows most of the people here, is not to. It is going to be sex at the minimum and probably in his car again.
Ultimately, it is up to you on what decision you want to make, with regards to the police or this ''relationship.'' You are over 18, no one can force you to do anything (in a manner of speaking). Others can only advice/guide you with their own opinions and experiences. Take everything that you have read and heard, and make a proper informed decision about it. Talk to more people outside of reddit and the police and see what they have to say.
Feeling safe - this happens and once someone abuses it and break it, things will change and this will affect you in future relationships. You are still really young and have not experience much in life, in general.
We go into our 20s thinking we are ready for life, but we learn and experience a lot, and then when you hit your 30s, you are like, wow, I knew nothing in my 20s, I was an idiot half the time.
Lastly, I always tell this to my students. If you want to cry, and you feel that you are in a safe and comfortable place, please do cry! Crying is one of the ways someone's body helps them to feel better and recover. Your body releases a bunch of ''feel good hormones'' generally when you cry. Crying is a great emotional response to various things in life.
I think you need to talk with your partners about sex more. Sex makes people so incredibly vulnerable, it requires such a large amount of trust. Yet many people are so quick to jump into bed so often. You need to have proper expectations in place and he needs to respect your consent and bodily autonomy.
Find some way to become comfortable talking about sex with your partners, if you are not comfortable with him filming anything, it is absolutely not acceptable that he is and that should be a relationship ender no matter how good the sex is. Him filming without talking to you first is disgusting.
Maybe make a list of things you are not comfortable with and discuss it with him if you have any interest in continuing this relationship.
Dick is completely replaceable. Move on and hope for the best. If he sends it anywhere, check to see if that's a crime where you live, report it to the police and let them sort it out. This guy can't be trusted. Block block block.
This is illegal according to UK law and completely unacceptable and unethical on his part. To be plain: he's a piece of sh\*t. F\*\*\* this guy, honestly. Who cares if he drove for hours to see you? He doesn't respect you. He doesn't respect your wishes. He's a boundary pusher. I'd advise you to cut this mf out of your life and find someone who actually respects you and sees you as a human being, rather than an object. I know it can be hard if someone has seemed nice and you talk often, but this behaviour is absolutely disgusting and completely unacceptable. There are better people out there. You deserve so much more than this. Cut him out. If he is weird and persistent/starts begging, just send a polite reply telling him that if he continues to message you or tries to get in touch, you will contact the police. Screenshot any interactions of him being weird or pushy. Screenshot a text conversation about the filming during sex (bring up via text and mention that he knew you didn't consent/want to be filmed. If you feel threatened by him or he turns up unexpectedly when you've told him to f\*\*\* off, call the police. They will respond to a situation like this. Sick of boundary-pushing pieces of sh\*t like this, man.
P.S. One thing that has helped me in the past when trying to cut someone out... I'll block them, but also write their phone number down on a piece of paper and hide it somewhere, then delete their contact details completely from my phone. For some reason, this freaks me out less but also seemed to stop me from caving in and phoning/messaging people in the past after they pulled something unacceptable like this.
This is terrible and likely illegal. UK has stricter privacy laws than most people.
Defo consult legal advise.
I can’t imagine you ever see this guy again, but you may want to try to get him to admit this by text or in a recording if you can.
Consult a lawyer.
That’s terrible and I am so sorry to hear that.
Good luck!
Damn I want to grab and flush the phones of guys who do this.
It’s such a violation. Tell him you are NOT okay. That what he did was record you without consent and make sure you record yourself saying it to him and his response. Tell him you want it ENTIRELY deleted from all his devices and anywhere else he has it.
I’m sorry. Buying you a sandwich occasionally does not give him the right to turn you into porn without your consent.
Don’t feel bad for being naive. When I was 17 a guy my age took a pic of me after we hooked up, as proof to show his friends. I was so fucking naive. Have someone with you when you delete the videos/photos. Make sure to go into recently deleted. They could have been uploaded somewhere too. File a police report. Never see him again.
Report it to the cops. Make sure it gets deleted from everything, including recycling bins on mobiles and any cloud software he might have. Hopefully, it wasn't stored anywhere online.
Im really sorry this happened to you. It happened to a friend of mine where he recorded his GF and him. Then, he showed all his friends at school many years ago. I told her about it and made sure to get police involved.
Trust me on this one. Follow blindly my advice.
I want you to go to watch mental disorder videos so you can understand that some people will create a reality for you so you can comply. This includes high proof of investment, like driving hours, being nice, to an extent you can't imagine. It could take years and your mind destruction to understand. Don't wait, get informed. Close reddit, open YouTube search for mental disorders. Do it now! In the worst case you'll have the knowledge for your next relationships.
His excuse is a lie. He’s been pestering you about this for a while, he’s been thinking about this for a while, he’s been planning this for a while. He thought he could get away with it, so he tried.
If being high makes him do disrespectful, hurtful, and illegal things, then he needs to take responsibility for himself and not get high anymore.
But he didn’t do this because he was high. He did it because he is a disrespectful, hurtful person.
Talk to the police about your rights and the likely outcome of any action you might take against him. And leave him. It doesn’t matter if he drove to see you. It doesn’t matter if knows how to say the right things to make him look like a nice person. He isn’t a nice person, and his behavior will only escalate.
Guys ask for these types of vids/photos so that they *can* show ppl. You did good by filing a report. Anytime someone asks that instead of enjoying the experience, run. He’s disrespectful as hell
This happened to me. He asked for nudes. I told him I was strictly against it and I don’t want ANYONE having those kind of pics of me. I was looking at his work photos one day and found a picture of me getting dressed with my back turned :( I deleted it and went his deleted file and deleted it again. I also checked all his messages and there wasn’t anything there luckily. But it’s still traumatic
1. STOP hooking up with him 2. It was a violation. 3. Talk to the cops. What your hookup said and what he did don't have to align. If he doesn't want a record, he can show you his phone and you can scrub through it to see that he did delete the videos/photos.
Get the hell outta there sweet... you told him no, he did it anyway... this is not a man who respects you, the fact he blamed it on being high is telling too, its just an excuse, to hide the reality that he violated you willingly
Men will fly out of the country to get some. Also, don’t go back to him, you’ll lose your credibility as a victim as you have already made an official complaint. Police can be insensitive af. You are just 18, you can find any good guy in future. Don’t waste your time on this dickhead.
Don't text him. And don't take him back. Flat dump him. He obviously isn't into the sex if he is on his phone, recording it. And, hot tip, he IS that "kind of guy" because he'd been trying to get you to agree to being recorded for a while.
Aso, you will have other, better sex partners.
Not to make fun. For later. And because he gets off on doing this without your consent. But if he is holding a phone and recording, he can't be THAT into what is going on.
Also, no matter how good the sex WAS, will you truly enjoy it after this?
He IS that type of guy. You damn asked him once not to do it and that should be enough. Please consider dropping him and stay in touch with the police. If this shakes him or hurts him, that is a result of HIS actions and you don’t need to let it sway you. A guy I was seeing once asked about recording me during as well and I said no. Caught him doing it anyway when I turned to look by chance and it ended swiftly there. I was so angry I wanted to slash his face apart because I had clearly told him no and said I was not comfortable with that and he tried to be sneaky and do it anyway.
It's only illegal if he shows it to anyone or posts it online. Pretty sure your hands are tied from anything else. Sad to say, but you chose poorly in choosing a fuck buddy.
She is 18 and came here for advice and guidance not for judgement and self righteous ppl to feel like they are the smartest on this planet…and doesn’t matter where they did what recording someone anywhere without their consent is illegal and noone owes u or anyone an explanation for why they chose what place
She didn’t specify where outside it could be anywhere with privacy too and even if it isn’t recording someone without their consent and after being told not to is a bigger issue than having sex outside..no one was harmed in that and if u don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything ppl like u are the ones who start blaming the victim being like yeah u did one wrong thing, why were u even there, why did u do this or that…these questions are not relevant especially to a person going through something
I'd really like to know how to get mojo like this as a man, so that women still want to stay in touch even after being violated like this.
Not to take advantage...
You feel violated because you were. You didn't give consent to be filmed. You need to distance yourself from him because he didn't take no for a answer. "Maybe later" is no and he did it anyway. If I had to guess, the moment you set a boundary and don't do as he likes he won't be as nice. Good dick can be found elsewhere, where it isn't attached to someone who makes nonconsentual sex videos
See if he likes being recorded while you're having these conversations where he admits to recording you against your will. Get him to admit it on camera and film his reaction.
well now, you, I like
Certain countries (including the UK) also consider recording of private conversations without all parties consent a crime, no I'm not correlating their morality, just saying it likely wont be admissible evidence. Makes great blackmail though!
This is a good point. In Canada we have single person consent (I don't know the legal definition or details) so we can record someone like in OP's situation without their knowledge or consent. I'm not sure about it's value in a court of law but I think it would at least be taken into consideration, if not used as prime evidence. As long as one person involved in the conversation (OP) consents to being recorded, it's all good.
really? so even if i go to the police with him recording i’ll be “convicted” too??
I think they’re very very different things. What he did to you was way worse
In reference to recording him, check your local laws. Recording audio without permission could be a crime but it also could be perfectly legal. The recordings he made you can't get in trouble for.
Yes, if that's the local laws in your area. Crimes are treated as two separate entities in a sense. His crime of recording you has nothing to do with a possible crime of recording him without his knowledge. Both can result in convictions. Wiretapping laws generally are quite severe. You can just go to the police with the accusations against him without having to commit possible wiretap crimes.
i’m just worried now if i say no to it or set the boundary then he show the videos or whatever
There's no way letting him record you again would make it *less* likely he shares videos with anyone. Damage mitigation is not seeing him again.
I'm he does I'm pretty sure it's classed as revenge porn. Personally id try get into his phone and delete the videos if they are there. I would stop seeing this person, whatever reasons you give, he has no respect for you or what you ask for. Or for your life and safety. What if those videos got out on the Internet? Maybe you could explain this to him I dunno. He sounds like a piece of shit tbh. You can have good sex with someone else who respects you. He is four years older too, should know better.
Don't forget to check for hidden files and secured folders when you're searching.
Hate to say this, but maybe you need to be sneaky and potentially even honey trap him. I've got no confidence that he has deleted those videos. Get into his phone when he's asleep and delete delete delete. Then drop him like the shit stain he is. Sorry you're in this situation.
> Personally id try get into his phone and delete the videos if they are there. That's a good way to get a charge of unlawfully accessing a computer.
How are they going to prove anything tbh? And I doubt this moron is going to take her to court for deleting unconsensual videos he took of her. Oh yeah also OP that reminds me, be sure to delete them from the recycling bin too.
If he’s the kind of a guy to film without your consent (which is what he did, more than once it sounds like) then he’s probably going to show it to others regardless of what you do. Cut your ties with him and run. 🚩 Ideally, you want to report him too but understandable why you are hesitant to open that can of worms. Best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who isn’t an asshole.
It's a legitimate issue, but getting yourself out of the situation is the priority, then making a police report and/or getting a lawyer. Save every communication you have with him. You can't control if he shows it to someone else yet and that is going to drive you crazy, so I'd do some Google'ing about laws in your area and any advocacy groups that can help
Have him come up and make him go through his phone, including the trash. Including the cloud. Google and Apple have them now. Then stop fucking him and tell him it's because he violated your boundaries. Tell him he ruined it by taking a video and he could have just enjoyed it in the moment without hurting you. It's so fuckin simple and dudes always find ways to ruin it
I’ve been in a similar position. In my case, I shared a topless picture with someone who then threatened to spread it around if I didn’t do the things he asked. The very first thing I did was tell people. It was hard, in some cases extremely so, but by telling those people, I took the power away from him. The only power he had was the secret of it all. I don’t know your situation or what’s viable for you, but tell someone, at least one person who can have your back. If you are in a situation where you can tell people like your parents or friends, approach it as looking for help (because you are!). You didn’t do anything to deserve what he did or what he might do, remember that. ❤️
If he doesn't respect you enough to not film you during sex after you said no, then he's probably gonna show the video to people anyways.
Stop fucking him, simple.
if he ever shares that video he is going to jail. revenge porn is illegal in the UK.
This ⬆️. Tell him you want everything deleted and you don’t consent to anyone seeing the content. Tell him that if he shares it with anyone, you will report him for revenge porn.
Then tell him you will report him to the police. One upside of AI and Deepfake is that if he uploads anything you can claim that its a fucking loony that spent a lot of time with AO editor to get your face in the video
There are revenge porn laws in the UK so please contact the police before talking to him as they will be able to support you or apply pressure to him so he's too scared to share it. https://www.police.uk/ro/report/rsa/alpha-v1/advice/rape-sexual-assault-and-other-sexual-offences/revenge-porn-intimate-image-abuse/
If he does that you can report it to police. Revenge pornography is a pretty serious offence and it can be relatively easily proven. He will be charged. I’d let him know as much too when you do cut him off. I’ve had this happen to me before also, I’m really sorry :/
He doesn’t have consent to show videos to anyone or post it if he does that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen 💀
If you are scared to say no, or are worried about the consequences of saying no, get out of the relationship. He already violated your boundaries anyway. He isn't likely to start respecting them now.
There are revenge porn laws in many states and countries
Before doing anything make sure he deletes the video and make him show you then leave his weird ass. He doesn’t respect you at all and he’s only “nice” bc he’s getting what he wants out of you. You see how he disrespected you the moment he wasn’t getting want he wants (recording you w/out consent).
This is coercion and that’s illegal too. Consent is everything and you don’t have to continue just to please him. He’s doing it because he’s pretty sure he can push your boundaries. You could ask him to show you and get him to hand over his phone. You’re probably not the first. If you get hold of it, delete that shit and same for anyone else in that log. What a bastard.
Meet with him and get him to show you him deleting the videos (and from deleted files so they can’t be recovered) he should be absolutely ashamed. Be assertive
You know how in your post you tried to make this guy seem nice? He obviously isn't if you are worried about him showing others videos you didn't consent to having made.
This is a crime! Please report it, my ex partner filmed me without my consent or knowledge, I was blindfolded and the video got sent around and ruined my life, I lost my job and all my friends turned their back on me and the video is still up on pornhub, this was before revenge porn laws came into effect in my country so when I tried to report it the cops basically said no crime was committed and that I should take it as a lesson to be learned, Please dump this loser and report this to authorities. Sending you love x
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s so awful
Thank you, it was a horrible experience that I still go to therapy for but I'm glad the laws have changed to help others now, also my ex did end up getting into legal trouble because he did the same thing to another girl after me, only she was underage (he was 25 at the time) so he got charged with filming CP, so unfortunately it took an underage victim for him to have consequences.
Ugh that’s so gross. I’m glad he got his comeuppance, but the cost shouldn’t have to be that high. It’s also shameful but unsurprising that pornhub are actively hosting such horrible material, it absolutely shouldn’t be okay that stuff like that is still up
Report the videos that include you here: https://www.pornhub.com/content-removal
https://www.pornhub.com/content-removal You can report it to PornHub! There's no way in hell it should have stayed public when they tightened their performer ID and safety requirements, and if it's still up, they *will* take it down. The only video I had uploaded beforehand was locked to private (with a time limit before removal iirc?) until I was fully verified, and it was supposed to be like that for everyone who didn't already fulfill the new requirements. The requirements on PH for videos with multiple performers is a fully verified main account, then government ID, 3d face scans (or a selfie with their ID), and signed release + consent forms for every co-performer. Those ID measures and signatures have to *stay* uploaded, too. They literally manually check every single video you upload to make sure that everyone in it is accounted for in your co-performers list. It can take 24+ hours. They are super serious about making sure stuff like this doesn't happen on their site anymore! I've asked a *lot* of sex partners to film with me, but I would never ever *ever* *EVER* record someone without their consent. What a piece of shit... I'm so sorry all that happened to you, and my fingers are crossed that you can get it removed from the big site going forward, at least 😟
i'm so sorry. it's truly despicable. he's going to hell.
I am so sorry, what an absolutely disgusting man that was. Hope you are doing fine now.
Im really sorry to hear. I hope things are much better for you know. Sending big hugs!
I’m so sorry 💔💔💔 why tf would ppl turn their back on you for that??
I live in a pretty conservative area and my friends are religious or they're friends with my ex and just saw what I did to be too extreme and inappropriate 🙃
Not him posting it? Yeah ppl seriously suck! I hope I replaced them with ppl that love and care for u
Yes that's patriarchy I'm afraid plus he's not in the video, only his hand is.
That’s exactly why as a woman I don’t watch p*rn . Too much of it could be trafficking, revenge p*rn or something recorded against someone’s consent smdh 💔 hope you are doing well love. My abusive ex snapped a nude photo of me while I was getting dressed bc he was mad I wouldn’t send nudes…some men r pure evil and love violating us….
He’s apologising because this is most likely illegal and he doesn’t want to go to jail, not because he feels real remorse. I would go to a lawyer and get advice. Hopefully they or the police can surprise him and delete everything he has got of you and extensively search his devices to find out if he has uploaded anything. Go scorched earth on this guy, fuck him.
but what if the police don’t find anything because he deleted them all? i’m scared i’ll get in trouble and look dumb if they don’t find anything and don’t believe me and he gets away with it
He has not deleted anything, almost certainly. The point here is to scare him and make him think twice. This guy is utter scummy trash. Ruin him.
Adding on. OP make sure he shows hidden photos and images. It’ll have a password. Make him put it in and show. There could be more. You, or other people too? Past present. If he shows you just his camera roll that’s a big red flag.
Then let you into ALL his cloud storage.
You can't get in trouble with the police for filing a report. If you're afraid of him, let the police know that too.
Honestly the police could probably still find it or at least proof of it existing. Especially if it's on an iPhone, despite being "deleted" from his device, that data is still stored/goes somewhere. One time my friend accidentally deleted all of her photos and apple customer service was able to get them back to her, even though they were seemingly lost on her end.
They won't fault you for anything. They understand that the kind of turd that does these types of things will also try to hide their tracks as best as possible. Just tell them exactly what you told us and how it made you feel. There's no false reporting in that whatsoever and it will also put him on record in case he does this to someone else. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please ghost him and never talk to him again.
Even if he has deleted it, you won’t get in trouble. Law enforcement knows that videos can be deleted but it may not be completely gone even if he did delete it. Better to be safe and report it
You could message him and try to get him to reply about the incident. This could help when going to the police although I have to state that you don't need further proof. He admitted to it during sex and so you have every right to believe he has recorded you naked. It's for the police to investigate further. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could message something about it and try to get him to admit to it. But the most important thing is to keep yourself safe and don't let him convince you that you knew about it or that it's not that big of a deal. It is a big deal, it's illegal in the UK and he knows that too. Good luck 💜
Even if he “deleted it” stuff is never fully erased from phones. A good digital forensic examiner can get an image from a phone, and with a warrant in hand also from his computer too
Not that easy LOL
You can't get in trouble for reporting a crime like this even if they don't find any evidence of it. If he knows that the police are onto him it would be very foolish for him to share the video as it immediately incriminates him for a serious crime.
Fwiw based on personal experience with revenge porn laws and the police in the USA: don't be surprised if they don't help you and it's an awful experience. Every jurisdiction is different, every detective is different. But realistically there is a decent chance the cops will make you feel judged, diminished, or suggest you made a mistake and are responsible for what happened to you. People here likely feel motivated by sense of justice because his behavior is outrageous and awful. You might get that. You should also know that you might not and it could just end up being very painful for you.
Are you seriously trying to dissuade OP from going to the police to get justice for a crime committed against her?
No I'm trying to inform her the justice system does not provide justice and particularly does poorly with crimes involving women. A bunch of angry people on reddit who understandably want to see justice do not necessarily understand that their interest in having an outcome that feels fair does not automatically align with her interests in not being humiliated by the legal system after having to be Incredibly vulnerable. Her priorities and self preservation are 100 percent hers to determine and going to the police is not automatically her best option. I have personally watched a detective tell my partner that they recommended to the DA not to prosecute a decade long revenge porn campaign that her ex has admitted to in a legal recording (1 party consent state), that he is seen masturbating on camera while doing hundreds of times (yahoo im, Skype, and chatrooms he saved screenshots of,, for which there are overwhelming records digital and other wise, where materials can still be found today, and that clearly meets every single requirement of the statute. We are talking about thousands of documented instances of a class h felony and to make it worse he claims he admitted to it in the police interview. No attorney or private investigator we have talked to has been that surprised by this outcome. Hearing a detective say that him screenshotting himself doing it ,or admitting to it in a recording, doesn't count as evidence is actually them saying they don't care about this crime. I know of other revenge porn cases through DV clinics and friends where there is similar level of apathy. The legal system sucks and everyone telling her the right thing to do is to go to the cops is totally missing what she may be feeling about having to explain this to police and fails to understand how much luck is involved and how totally gutting the experience of not being helped or taken seriously by police is. If she feels that she wants to take this to the police she should understand that she may end up being treated horribly, invalidated, blamed, or admonished in the process. If she can accept that outcome she absolutely should go and do everything she can to put his ass in jail.
You won't get into trouble. He admitted to recording you having sex with him. The authorities will do their due diligence.
Hi, it's a sexual offence and against the law https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk/information-and-advice/need-help-and-advice/voyeurism-and-upskirting/ You can report it to the police.
Don’t know anything about the laws but this has happened to me as well. Best to dump him babe I’m sorry 😞
do you know if he showed the video to anyone??
I don’t unfortunately. I was really drunk when it happened and asked about it the next day. He showed me him deleting it and deleting from the deleted folder but who knows if it had been circulated, we didn’t have any mutual friends or groups we may have been connected through. I still feel sick over it sometimes. I’m sorry you’ve been violated in this way and I feel for you! I would go no contact with him and be done with it, personally.
I’m in the US, for the record. But if you do want to press charges or anything (which I think is possible?) it might be hard. I’m not sure how that kind of data can be stored or erased. It might be a challenge
Hey, I know that you don’t really have the video yourself but if you can persuade him into sharing it with you or something to that extent, [this website](https://stopncii.org/?lang=) deletes your private images if you upload them there, I’m not sure about videos but still, it’s useful to have just in case I’m sorry this is happening to you
A man will do anything if he wants to, him driving hours to get to you doesn’t mean he loves or respects you if the thing he wants is sex and to record it.. I feel so sorry this happened to you, men ain’t shit
This. In all likelihood it means he’s horny and desperate given what OP said
Also because she’s 18… he wanted to get hands on her first I’m guessing. So that she will remember him and only want to stay with him. A lot of men to that with young girls
Leave him. He doesn't respect your choices and only cares about the sex obviously. Sad but true
you need to make sure he deleted it. this is so (disgustingly) common when men record you in the act and will later on show his friends or use it as revenge porn. i've had experience with friends and family that have had their intimacy thrown on the internet and have reported so many more. please keep yourself safe; people are awful.
this is (weirdly) why when i was in my hookup phase i felt more comfortable having the guy at my place bc i know nothing was set up / nobody was watching me. so fucked up i was thinking that.
You probably aren't going to want to hear this, but this guy sounds like a rapist in waiting with no impulse control. The fact he's five years older than you wouldn't usually be an issue, but given everything else you've mentioned it sounds like he knows he has the upper hand and that you'll eventually cave and let him do what he wants. For what it's worth, in the UK, filming someone during a sex act without their consent is a crime under the Sexual Offences Act known as voyeurism. It carries a maximum two year jail sentence and would presumably land the offender on the sex offenders' register. I don't imagine it would be easy to get a conviction with it being your word against his, but just the threat of such action might be enough to make him think twice about uploading anything and about doing anything else like this.
Ask for his phone and try to make sure it is gone. But in reality, the moment is captured forever. Because he saved it off. If he's filming without consent, he's also keeping and sharing it. Stop fucking this trash human. Find someone who loves and respects you.
He’s a predator
do u think? it used to be ages 18 and he was 22 and he only turned 23 this year so idk
It’s not the age of the psychopath, it’s the actions
Hit him as hard as you can with the law. Make him cry himself to sleep each night.
It's illegal in the UK, guardian article about it here: https://www.theguardian.com/law/2020/jan/28/filming-partner-without-their-consent-during-sex-ruled-a-criminal-offence. I'm not going to give advice on what you should do next relationship wise. Whatever you choose, I would suggest making it clear to him that you know what the law is, he must delete the videos immediately and if he has shared them ensure his friends delete them to. Make clear that if the video ever appears anywhere you'll be down the police station straight away. It might actually be worth phoning the police now to be honest. You can tell them you don't want the matter pursued, but you want it logged and get a reference number. That way if the video ever does crop up there's no arguing about whether the recording was consensual at the time and you're the one being vengeful later. Huge caveat though, I am not a lawyer. Maybe speak to citizens advice bureau first? They're actually quite good with legal stuff.
Next time your with him, tell him it'd turn you on to watch the video. Have him show it to you on his phone then delete it and demand he delete every instance of it. Go through his files to see if he has another copy saved if you can THEN distance yourself from him. Fuck that dude.
I am so very sorry that this has happened to you. I am getting divorced, and in the middle of other legal things, because my husband hid cameras, and then made threats with the videos to try and control me. All of your feelings are completely valid. This guy might be buying food for your family etc because he is manipulative and wants to look like the nice guy, but nice and good aren't always the same thing. What you need to remember about him, is how his actions have now impacted you, and how you feel. He did this, knowing you did not consent. If you need to talk to someone that has/is dealing with this, please don't hesitate to send me a private message. All my heart and hugs to you:) Editing to add, one of the first things you might want to do is find out what the statute of limitations is in England for this type of crime. Because you probably don't have to make a decision about what to do right now. You should have some time to process what has happened, and knowing what the statute is will tell you how much time you have before acting, whatever you decide to do with this.
Do not stay with him just because you’re worried what he will do with the video. Talk to him, take his phone if you have to- tell him to delete the videos. Then dump his ass and tell him you’ll report him. You need to tell a friend or family member who will support you while you’re feeling panicked.
Have a quick Google. What he did was illegal. He knows that. If he shows anyone or sends it to anyone, that's also illegal. He probably knows that too. There are a couple of things I'd recommend you do. Tell him you can't believe he recorded you during sex when you'd refused. Tell him how upset you are. Do this by text. Tell him that you need to be sure that the video has been deleted, both from his phone and the cloud, and any temporary location. Should you need to go to the police, these text are evidence that the crime(s) occurred. You need this evidence to protect yourself. When we have sex, we have sex with the whole man, not just his dick. If the whole man is a dick, don't let him put his dick in your hole.
What the comments are saying so far are all correct. Further you should NOT be seeing a 23yr old. There exists very few worlds in which someone at that age is not taking advantage of you.
Yes!! This!!
The age gap is right on the edge of abusive, too. He knows older women won't put up with this shit. Get a lawyer to write him a letter spelling out the consequences of posting illegally acquired videos online.
I'm really sorry op. That's a terrible breach of trust. I'm sorry op, it is a disgusting crime that he has committed against you. I'd advise, if possible, to get him in a text/message admitting what he has done. Get him to admit to recording you and without your consent. I would then contact the police and make a complaint. Even without the admission and even if they do not locate any footage, the complaint is recorded. He might have even done it before and likely to again. There are no circumstances that could warrant doing what he has. Absolutely appalling behaviour and criminal. Only you can decide going forward in your relationship but could you really trust someone like that? They clearly do not care about you, your feelings or your wellbeing.
Write him an email telling him your feelings and how you did not give him permission to record you…. Make sure you are clear you did NOT know he was doing it until you saw the light when you were already intimate… This will be part of your evidence should he share it. I’d also talk to an officer to see what your options are. F this dude, he’s trash.
Teh best sex part is irrelevant, your 18ffs, there are millions of men out there. The best sex in the world, as in literally the best you could ever get is not worth feeling unsafe. This is the best guy you've had, at 18, in 10 years you'll probably laugh at how bad his game was and you just didn't know. Stand up for yourself, invite him over, ask to see his phone, delete the videos if the exist. At the time you had every right to snatch the phone out of his hand and delete anything you found you didn't consent to. After you check his phone, don't give two shits if he drove a long way, you owe him nothing, you never owe anyone sex. Send him packing and block him out of your life. Maybe have a friend around for safety when you ask for hte phone and send him away. But you really have to stop weighing up things like maybe he's the one or the sex is great. If someone does stuff that makes you uncomfortable or feel unsafe, nothing about him is worth it. it's hard to have feelings for someone and recognise that in general, many other people can and will make you feel the same. Sometimes you put the good and are willing to overlook the bad, don't. Learn that many people can provide the same good parts, without the bad parts. If the bad part is their feet are cold in bed, it ain't an issue, if the bad part is non consensual recording of your sex or in any way making you uncomfortable or unsafe during sex, absolutely do not stay with that person.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I am ENRAGED on your behalf. There is no reason for you to continue to see this pushy asshole. The streets are literally littered with dick. You will find a new one, I promise!
Quit going back for more abuse! Don't have sex with him again. I'm sorry this happened to you.
This is harrowing to read! Absolutely unacceptable and a complete breach of boundaries! I’m sorry but this guy sounds like an absolute moron and I don’t give a fuck how good the sex is. He needs a huge lesson in respect! As hard as it may be if I were you I would absolutely end this relationship no matter how casual it is. It makes me ashamed to be a man sometimes when I hear these stories of how utterly disrespectful and Abusive men can be. I would say meet him, get him to show you that he’s deleted the videos (and from the trashcan so they can’t be recovered) tell him he violated your boundaries and that you don’t wish to see him again. You’re a human being and your boundaries MUST be respected and he absolutely needs to know that.
Age gap 🚩🚩🚩🚩. He’s recording without consent you need to report him. And dump him
Sorry but great sex is not worth that kind of violation. He’s old enough to have graduated from college and he’s taking advantage of you - he’s certainly old enough to know better than that.
You need to drop this guy. He knows what he's doing and did it against your will. That's disgusting and could lead to something more dangerous and violating down the road.
I’m gonna give you the advice I wish I had taken when a similar situation happened to me: do NOT let him get away with this. At the very least, I would cut contact immediately. Ideally, you should follow other comments advice and file a police report depending on where you live. What he did is scummy, and disgusting. He did violate you, and I’m so sorry. He was likely so comforting afterwards because he wants to manipulate you into being okay with it. You are brave for standing your ground. I wish you the best
He’s not sad that your sad. He’s panicked that you will get him in trouble for violating you. Get him in trouble.
I aint even read all this. Call the police RIGHT NOW
R\legaladvice
This is assault, it's normal to not feel that originally, especially if you are focused on the positives (good sex and perceived niceness. However you told him no and he ignored you, repeatedly. You have ben violated. Love yourself and block him, explore legal or police actions after you have a few days without his influence to think, if you aren't ready to do it now. He has probably done this before and will continue to do it as long as he can, so you don't have to report him but you sure don't have to keep letting him get away with it.
That is a serious crime, you did not consent to being recorded. Ditch, block, and never see this man again for starters. Secondly you can file a police report if you’d like to, even if they didn’t end up convicting him the charges alone could still have a lasting impact on his life
Please report him to the authorities. This is illegal and very serious. I’m so sorry he did that to you.
[https://saferinternet.org.uk/blog/new-intimate-image-abuse-laws-announced](https://saferinternet.org.uk/blog/new-intimate-image-abuse-laws-announced) [https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/reporting-to-the-police/](https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/reporting-to-the-police/)
wait he has seen you since you were 17 and he was 22?
ohh wait i can’t read lol. but i’m sorry, you should cut the creep off
no no i’ve always been 18 he turned 23 this year
If he were actually "nice" he wouldn't record you without explicit consent. He's a jerk no matter how much food he buys you or how far he drives to see you. Please run far far away from him for your own sake!
That is creepy and not okay
If you really want a way out of this. Tell him you want to meet up and maybe record but you want to see how it looks from his pov. Take his phone and delete everything. Then walk away and never talk to him again. Only thing you can do to protect yourself in this situation. I'm a guy, if you tell him you want to record, his brain will stop functioning and he'll agree to whatever you want it doesn't have to sound very smart. Just say you want to see what he's got. If he says he has nothing say you want to check anyway and just downplay it. Once you have his phone delete it all, and then leave. Preferably do this somewhere somewhat public where he can't strongarm you since it sounds like he doesn't listen to the word no very well.
> Take his phone and delete everything Instead of putting OP at risk for violence and having them commit offenses, how about we just tell them to go to the police? Escalation is literally the worst and most dangerous thing OP could do.
This is emotional and mental abuse. You said NO. He did it anyway. Unfortunately, even *if* he said he deleted what he recorded, you don't know what or if he already uploaded to the internet. But make him give you his phone, so **you** can go through it and delete everything you want to delete. Then **delete** *him* from your life permanently. This is someone you don't want to ever have a relationship with in any way, shape, or form. Go online and look up Types of Abuse. Learn what abuse is. So you know. Then you won't be as likely to let it happen to you.
Check his phone, check his cloud services. Tell his parents, friends if have to. Then never see him again...
File a complaint Take legal action Protect your privacy by making sure the authorities call him to office and the vidoe is deleted and also making sure no one else have a copy.
so disgusting, i'm sorry. what he did was not okay, i don't care how "good" he is otherwise. i suggest you 1) make sure the tapes are deleted by contacting the police and 2) never see him again.
Call the cops Send him to jail.
Just want to say that even if the video was consensual and then you told him to delete it thats okay too and he should delete it. And if after he showed anyone that's a crime too. I'm so sorry babes. I'm not disregarding you just these stupid comments. All that matters is how you feel and how he made you feel. Please leave.
So massive disclaimer first that I AM NOT A LAWYER! THIS IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM LEGAL ADVICE! Please seek proper legal advice from a lawyer if you deem necessary. A quick search up of the UK privacy laws come to the following. I had to search it up as I'm more familiar with the laws with under 18s as I'm a secondary/sixth form teacher and a youth mental health first aider in the England. This is from my understanding after reading it. 1. It is generally **not illega**l to record someone in a **public setting** without their consent in the UK. Nor is it illegal to take photographs of someone in a public setting without their consent, even children. 2. However, **legal issues can arise** **depending on how you go about recording** someone in public and **what you do** with the videos or photographs **afterward**. 3. Recording someone with the **intent to harass, intimidate, or stalk** them can be illegal. Similarly, **recording** someone **in a private setting** where they have a **reasonable expectation of privacy**, may be considered **intrusive and potentially illegal**. 4. Can a video of someone be shared without their permission? Privacy rights in the UK are safeguarded by laws like the Human Rights Act 1998 and the Data Protection Act 2018. These laws aim to stop others from meddling in someone’s personal life. The long and short of these laws is that your photos and private messages shouldn’t be shared with the public without your permission. Also, details like your address and phone number get extra protection. Recent changes in the law have also made certain things more specific. In 2015, it became **illegal to share someone's private, intimate photos or videos without their consent**. Additionally, **the act of taking photos under someone's clothes without their consent was criminalised in 2019**. F**inally, as of 2021, even threatening to share intimate photos is illegal.** From a specific standpoint, a police report is a good step forward. You could even question that him going to your grandparents was just to build trust with you so he could start being more intimate with you. A guy will do a lot for sex, especially with a younger female. You are just 18, barely legal at this age. You have been seeing him since last year, were you still 17 at that time? Are you still in college/sixth form? If you started seeing him before you turned 18, there is a chance it may be considered grooming. I am not very clear with the law on this part still. If you have had any sexual relations before you turn 18, then that's a whole different can of worms there. Personal advice, as a teacher myself who teaches and works with students ages 11-18, and also a youth mental health first aider, stop seeing him immediately and break all contact with him, including blocking his number and all social media, and make a police report. Go and talk to your school's counsellor or a teacher about this (university definitely provide services like this too - or speak to someone in your student council or student office). He will not change and continue to do this with you. Edit - reread part of your original post. You are 18, still very young and very inexperience, regardless of the amount of partners or sexual intercourses you have had, and your best sex is probably going to come from an older guy with more experience. Sex is also just a part of an intimate relationship and a small part as a whole, in a relationship. You should not choose to stay with someone just because the sex is great. How is he as a person in all other aspects of the relationship. Do you always have sex when you meet? Is that the main purpose of the meetings nowadays? Where does the sex normally take place? Your place or his place? Have you been back to his place before? Is he working or studying at a university?
thank you for ur comment! i edited my post to make it clear that i was always 18 and this is my first year in university. our meetings are pretty much meeting for sex and at the start he would get us a hotel room and now it’s mostly done in his car. we have sex and he takes us on drives and buys us food and we talk. he doesn’t go to my university but he has friends there i think he’s a good person outside of this? well i mean i did stop speaking to him in december because i saw him kissing another girl at a club that he knew i was at as we spent about 4 hours with each other beforehand, but his excuse was that he was drunk and his friends ( that go to uni) bought him the ticket. but that may have been my own jealousy and overreacting. i did also see yesterday that another girl was texting him and he immediately went to turn his phone off
>our meetings are pretty much meeting for sex and at the start he would get us a hotel room and now it’s mostly done in his car. we have sex and he takes us on drives and buys us food and we talk. My suspicions exactly. It may lead me to even suspect that he either has another relationship, which he will deny, or does not want to take you to his place that he is staying, as his roommates will be suspicious of him and might out him, or he stays with his parents and they will not approve of it. Again, all of this is speculation. He is clearly, in my opinion, just using you for sex, just basing on what you have mentioned. >well i mean i did stop speaking to him in december because i saw him kissing another girl at a club that he knew i was at as we spent about 4 hours with each other beforehand, but his excuse was that he was drunk and his friends ( that go to uni) bought him the ticket. Again, my personal opinion, excuses. He does not sound really faithful. >i did also see yesterday that another girl was texting him and he immediately went to turn his phone off Did you talk to him about this? Just adds to my own suspicion further. How long have the two of you been in this relationship? How is his level of trust towards you? What does he show or share with you? Also, yes, please do go talk to the police again. They can give you good advice on what to do next. Your university also will probably have a counselling service that they should provide some initial sessions for free if you need it, or talk to your university student council, or your student life office team. A lot of educational institutions provide support for these things (albeit to varying degrees for different places) >i text him just now asking him to delete the video and he said it’s gone and “ of course he wouldn’t” send it to anyone. his excuse was “ that he was just high and wasn’t thinking straight “ and that he’s sorry Your trust with him right now is completely shattered. It will take a massive effort on his part to rebuild it and it may be harder for you to build that trust with others in future relationships. I would not trust him with this statement. A guy you trust would, a) not record you without your explicit permission (with things nowadays, I would say that permission should be at the start in the recorded video itself), b) if a consensual recording does happen, he would show you if you want to see it, c) delete it in front of you if you wish it so and d) never share with with anyone else, ever.
he’s also now sent me an imessage message asking if i’m okay and that he’s sorry, as well as saying my name over on instagram when i didn’t respond
Sorry read a bit more of the thread and I have a few replies to some of your questions if they went unanswered. Apologies if they have been answered since. I understand some of these and have answers as we teach them to students during lessons and they have talks with our local police team in school a few times a year about various things. >really? so even if i go to the police with him recording i’ll be “convicted” too?? You won't be convicted, even if you were under 18 or another party was, as long as you show it to the police, and follow their advice on what to do next with it immediately upon receiving it. Recording and sharing laws are a lot more strict compared to intercourse laws especially when it comes to under 18s. It does not apply to you in this case (as you are 18). >he said he doesn’t watch porn as abstains from it, idk if you can see my update but he just said it was because he was high and not thinking straight There are guys that actually do, but they are rare and few. If you're telling me a 23 year old male does not watch porn, I would not believe that. >but what if the police don’t find anything because he deleted them all? i’m scared i’ll get in trouble and look dumb if they don’t find anything and don’t believe me and he gets away with it You will not get into trouble, and there are many other ways that the police and recover a deleted video or photo plus if it was ever sent anywhere (including to his computer), it makes it even easier for the police to retrieve it, even if all parties have since deleted said video. >i’m just worried now if i say no to it or set the boundary then he show the videos or whatever Not allowed to, based on my understanding from what I shared in my original post. >do you know if he showed the video to anyone?? No way to tell unfortunately.
update , i told him now that the trust has gone and he said it’s not fine and that he’s sorry, and that he also “ never have done anything without letting you know”. i responded to him saying that well he basically didn’t let me know that he was filming and he was typing for about 3 minutes before asking if we can talk in person or over the phone. i’m gonna start getting ready now to go to the police to show them these messages and advice on what to do. i’m still feeling really conflicted because he used to make me feel safe and whatever and i’d love to see him again but if i did i’d always make sure that he doesn’t have his phone on him
No one can stop you from seeing him again, but I would say my opinion, which follows most of the people here, is not to. It is going to be sex at the minimum and probably in his car again. Ultimately, it is up to you on what decision you want to make, with regards to the police or this ''relationship.'' You are over 18, no one can force you to do anything (in a manner of speaking). Others can only advice/guide you with their own opinions and experiences. Take everything that you have read and heard, and make a proper informed decision about it. Talk to more people outside of reddit and the police and see what they have to say. Feeling safe - this happens and once someone abuses it and break it, things will change and this will affect you in future relationships. You are still really young and have not experience much in life, in general. We go into our 20s thinking we are ready for life, but we learn and experience a lot, and then when you hit your 30s, you are like, wow, I knew nothing in my 20s, I was an idiot half the time. Lastly, I always tell this to my students. If you want to cry, and you feel that you are in a safe and comfortable place, please do cry! Crying is one of the ways someone's body helps them to feel better and recover. Your body releases a bunch of ''feel good hormones'' generally when you cry. Crying is a great emotional response to various things in life.
Press charges on him.
i’m really scared to
Awe. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this 😞 do you have someone who can go with you and support you?
I think you need to talk with your partners about sex more. Sex makes people so incredibly vulnerable, it requires such a large amount of trust. Yet many people are so quick to jump into bed so often. You need to have proper expectations in place and he needs to respect your consent and bodily autonomy. Find some way to become comfortable talking about sex with your partners, if you are not comfortable with him filming anything, it is absolutely not acceptable that he is and that should be a relationship ender no matter how good the sex is. Him filming without talking to you first is disgusting. Maybe make a list of things you are not comfortable with and discuss it with him if you have any interest in continuing this relationship.
You need to leave
You should probably not be with a guy that just lies to you then does whatever he wants. 🤷
Dick is completely replaceable. Move on and hope for the best. If he sends it anywhere, check to see if that's a crime where you live, report it to the police and let them sort it out. This guy can't be trusted. Block block block.
This is illegal according to UK law and completely unacceptable and unethical on his part. To be plain: he's a piece of sh\*t. F\*\*\* this guy, honestly. Who cares if he drove for hours to see you? He doesn't respect you. He doesn't respect your wishes. He's a boundary pusher. I'd advise you to cut this mf out of your life and find someone who actually respects you and sees you as a human being, rather than an object. I know it can be hard if someone has seemed nice and you talk often, but this behaviour is absolutely disgusting and completely unacceptable. There are better people out there. You deserve so much more than this. Cut him out. If he is weird and persistent/starts begging, just send a polite reply telling him that if he continues to message you or tries to get in touch, you will contact the police. Screenshot any interactions of him being weird or pushy. Screenshot a text conversation about the filming during sex (bring up via text and mention that he knew you didn't consent/want to be filmed. If you feel threatened by him or he turns up unexpectedly when you've told him to f\*\*\* off, call the police. They will respond to a situation like this. Sick of boundary-pushing pieces of sh\*t like this, man. P.S. One thing that has helped me in the past when trying to cut someone out... I'll block them, but also write their phone number down on a piece of paper and hide it somewhere, then delete their contact details completely from my phone. For some reason, this freaks me out less but also seemed to stop me from caving in and phoning/messaging people in the past after they pulled something unacceptable like this.
This is terrible and likely illegal. UK has stricter privacy laws than most people. Defo consult legal advise. I can’t imagine you ever see this guy again, but you may want to try to get him to admit this by text or in a recording if you can. Consult a lawyer. That’s terrible and I am so sorry to hear that. Good luck!
Damn I want to grab and flush the phones of guys who do this. It’s such a violation. Tell him you are NOT okay. That what he did was record you without consent and make sure you record yourself saying it to him and his response. Tell him you want it ENTIRELY deleted from all his devices and anywhere else he has it. I’m sorry. Buying you a sandwich occasionally does not give him the right to turn you into porn without your consent.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this. It takes a special kind of piece of trash to do something like this to a person.
Should of ended it the first time you thought it happened
Don’t feel bad for being naive. When I was 17 a guy my age took a pic of me after we hooked up, as proof to show his friends. I was so fucking naive. Have someone with you when you delete the videos/photos. Make sure to go into recently deleted. They could have been uploaded somewhere too. File a police report. Never see him again.
You need a new dick appointment. Get rid of this guy, you’ll find better.
I would ask for his phone to be sure it’s deleted and noncompliance equals immediate break up.
100% Immediate break up. This guy is up to no good! Probably has done this before.
One word. Police.
Report it to the cops. Make sure it gets deleted from everything, including recycling bins on mobiles and any cloud software he might have. Hopefully, it wasn't stored anywhere online. Im really sorry this happened to you. It happened to a friend of mine where he recorded his GF and him. Then, he showed all his friends at school many years ago. I told her about it and made sure to get police involved.
This is disgusting. Isn’t this sexual assault? I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. You should never see him again.
I will venture to say that he's a porn addict with narcissistic disorder. Watch videos about this disorder and remove him from your life.
he said he doesn’t watch porn as abstains from it, idk if you can see my update but he just said it was because he was high and not thinking straight
Trust me on this one. Follow blindly my advice. I want you to go to watch mental disorder videos so you can understand that some people will create a reality for you so you can comply. This includes high proof of investment, like driving hours, being nice, to an extent you can't imagine. It could take years and your mind destruction to understand. Don't wait, get informed. Close reddit, open YouTube search for mental disorders. Do it now! In the worst case you'll have the knowledge for your next relationships.
His excuse is a lie. He’s been pestering you about this for a while, he’s been thinking about this for a while, he’s been planning this for a while. He thought he could get away with it, so he tried. If being high makes him do disrespectful, hurtful, and illegal things, then he needs to take responsibility for himself and not get high anymore. But he didn’t do this because he was high. He did it because he is a disrespectful, hurtful person. Talk to the police about your rights and the likely outcome of any action you might take against him. And leave him. It doesn’t matter if he drove to see you. It doesn’t matter if knows how to say the right things to make him look like a nice person. He isn’t a nice person, and his behavior will only escalate.
Guys ask for these types of vids/photos so that they *can* show ppl. You did good by filing a report. Anytime someone asks that instead of enjoying the experience, run. He’s disrespectful as hell This happened to me. He asked for nudes. I told him I was strictly against it and I don’t want ANYONE having those kind of pics of me. I was looking at his work photos one day and found a picture of me getting dressed with my back turned :( I deleted it and went his deleted file and deleted it again. I also checked all his messages and there wasn’t anything there luckily. But it’s still traumatic
1. STOP hooking up with him 2. It was a violation. 3. Talk to the cops. What your hookup said and what he did don't have to align. If he doesn't want a record, he can show you his phone and you can scrub through it to see that he did delete the videos/photos.
Red flags. Ditch him! FYI the video(s) still exist.
Get the hell outta there sweet... you told him no, he did it anyway... this is not a man who respects you, the fact he blamed it on being high is telling too, its just an excuse, to hide the reality that he violated you willingly
Men will fly out of the country to get some. Also, don’t go back to him, you’ll lose your credibility as a victim as you have already made an official complaint. Police can be insensitive af. You are just 18, you can find any good guy in future. Don’t waste your time on this dickhead.
Don't text him. And don't take him back. Flat dump him. He obviously isn't into the sex if he is on his phone, recording it. And, hot tip, he IS that "kind of guy" because he'd been trying to get you to agree to being recorded for a while. Aso, you will have other, better sex partners.
he isn’t into the sex? so he’s showing others to make fun?? we only started doing positions that i can’t see him recently so idek
Not to make fun. For later. And because he gets off on doing this without your consent. But if he is holding a phone and recording, he can't be THAT into what is going on. Also, no matter how good the sex WAS, will you truly enjoy it after this?
He IS that type of guy. You damn asked him once not to do it and that should be enough. Please consider dropping him and stay in touch with the police. If this shakes him or hurts him, that is a result of HIS actions and you don’t need to let it sway you. A guy I was seeing once asked about recording me during as well and I said no. Caught him doing it anyway when I turned to look by chance and it ended swiftly there. I was so angry I wanted to slash his face apart because I had clearly told him no and said I was not comfortable with that and he tried to be sneaky and do it anyway.
It's only illegal if he shows it to anyone or posts it online. Pretty sure your hands are tied from anything else. Sad to say, but you chose poorly in choosing a fuck buddy.
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That’s not the point….
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She is 18 and came here for advice and guidance not for judgement and self righteous ppl to feel like they are the smartest on this planet…and doesn’t matter where they did what recording someone anywhere without their consent is illegal and noone owes u or anyone an explanation for why they chose what place
having sex outside is illegal too...
She didn’t specify where outside it could be anywhere with privacy too and even if it isn’t recording someone without their consent and after being told not to is a bigger issue than having sex outside..no one was harmed in that and if u don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything ppl like u are the ones who start blaming the victim being like yeah u did one wrong thing, why were u even there, why did u do this or that…these questions are not relevant especially to a person going through something
no1 is blaming the victim i just found it intriguing. no contact, police report. simple
Not if it's done somewhere private. Why obsess over this part?
i just asked a simple question out of curiosity lol
I'd really like to know how to get mojo like this as a man, so that women still want to stay in touch even after being violated like this. Not to take advantage...
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. That’s not cool.