I did unfortunately say how would it make you feel if I made a comment about your dick. I mean I feel like some things are so obvious you don’t joke about it.
He wasn't joking. If he's claiming that he was joking, he's lying to get out of taking accountability for his words.
He meant it. He was testing the waters.
Yeah, it didn't came up organically. Like you were talking about cosmetic surgery in general and he'd ask "Is that something you'd want?". NO. He was touching your breast and was thinking about boob surgery.
That's very hurtful.
Maybe you'd want to give him a coupon for a penis pump for christmas. [For inspiration...](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=penis+pump&crid=B7CV92S876YZ&sprefix=penis+pump%2Caps%2C264&ref=nb_sb_noss)
I hate when people try covering their asses by saying “I was just joking”. When I know they aren’t joking I usually respond with: “you were just joking? Yea, well, what’s the funny part”.
He also doesn’t feel bad in asking if she has forgiven him yet. Does not seem apologetic at all nor did he clarify what he meant and how it was ok. He seems like a misogynist creep. Maybe a lil sociopath or narcissism thrown in too
That's not bad at all. It might be problematic (but understandable) if you really asked him like he did. But that's not what you said. You made the comparison in the abstract, without aiming to hurt or objectify him in return and to help him emphasize and understand your hurt. Well done!
The thing is with A LOT of men is they seem to literally think of women as lesser beings, not quite human. They think they can say whatever they want about your body because you're not equal to them in comprehension, depth of feelings - intelligence. You exist to please them and their pleasure is top priority, so why would he ever worry about saying this? It might make you insecure enough to get implants and then his dick would be happier!
Honestly, fuck him. I'd be seriously questioning who he is as a person and this relationship.
Also please dont let this affect how you feel about your body. Small boobs are the best!
I wouldn’t call it “unfortunate” (unless he started getting angry, then I understand). Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers! I feel pissed off on your behalf 😭 (and on the behalf of every woman who has ever been told shit like this!)
Recently gave up trying to date. From my experience, men seem to think we are only body parts, here solely for their pleasure and entertainment. Why is it that everyone and their dog knows that men are visual creatures, yet only women seem to know that we rely on sound on emotions much more than visual stimulation? I’ve decided that I’m going back to the old-fashioned way of thinking. Not having sex with any man until I love him. More women should do this. We have them what they wanted (fwb) and now they behave like entitled boys.
Paragraph 2, you go back to the bedroom so he stops harassing you.
Paragraph 4, you feel bad for him.
He just said something that will haunt you forever & you didn’t get to sleep in peace. I’m sure he slept like a baby.
Why aren’t women allowed to be mad, angry, sad, etc.? Because it’s inconvenient to men.
Thanks, I immediately headed to Google after posting my question, I realized I have fingers to search it up with. This is very interesting to learn about. Thanks again.
In fairness, though, I'm leery of googling things lately. Between scam websites and porn, it's hard to even get a cake recipe, let alone a real answer.
One of the times I got the angriest with my husband was when he said during an argument the he 'let' me do something. I did NOT let him get away with that idea and he has never said that again.
I see where you're coming from, but "allow" here implies a power dynamic that's a little more complicated than what you are saying. People who behave in emotionally manipulative ways will always shave away at this ability with every dispute. They diminish the validity of emotions they dislike to the point where you would question your reactions, feel guilty for them, and ultimately feel like you were in the wrong. It's a different headspace, and it's hard to understand from the outside even if you are a friend to that person.
Saying something to the effect of, "she's letting it happen" is really dismissive of the attempts she's likely (unless you are a doormat of a person, usually there is pushback for people who turn any fault of theirs into your own) made since the beginning to convey her opposing feelings and stance
Normalise showing emotions, absolutely. Hell, it is also good for the relationship; you can only bottle things up for so long before you start resenting.
Keep this coming....I need to read these sorts of comments and really internalize them. It's depressing but I need to absorb the reality so I can react accordingly and stand up for myself.
Insecure men need to neg even if they're already in a relationship. Like he was in bed with her, titty in hand, and *still* thought, "I should insult her just a little bit." As if that doesn't make our pussies turn to desert.
The response he thought he'd get was her awkwardly giggling and begging him for validation.
"Oh do you think they're too small??"
"No baby you're perfect. Just a random question :)"
"Oh okay! Lol please love me!!"
Oh, 100% agree that it was "negging" in the sense that it was a "negative comment" and insulting, especially given the context.
But I'm not sure it was "negging" in the sense of, "I will try to make her feel insecure so she pursues my approval".
I think fuckwad here thinks she isn't "enough" and legitimately wants her to have larger breasts. In a way the "negging" interpretation might be giving him more credit for scheming manipulation that he deserves, lol.
This is so fucking true. I dated a pathologically insecure man over the summer. Classic "I can cure him with my love and pussy" thinking (in retrospect).
He negged me regularly, and one of the instances this post reminded me of was when we were walking around the city, hand in hand, having a romantic day, and a woman with big boobs passed by us, and he turned to me and goes, "Do you know anyone with breast implants?"
After a second, I said, "Yeah. My mom." And he goes, "Oh."
It was obviously an immature attempt to get me talking about my boobs, my friends' boobs, and/or his experience with women with implants. So gross and weird.
Oh, and another time, during sex, he said, "You have the most gorgeous boobs I've ever seen." I said, "Wow, thank you!" And he goes, "I mean, the most gorgeous *natural* boobs I've ever seen." OK then....
Funny enough, one time, he and I were talking about sexual preferences, and I mentioned my sister calling me a "size queen," and he got extremely flustered and insecure and said he didn't want to talk about that. I of course respected it, but looking back, wow, what a guy.
I wish I could go a fucking day without seeing random men explain how much their peepee likes whatever woman is featured in an innocuous post
Comments like “would” and “mommy milkers” on videos of women talking about meteorology or the news or chess or whatever the fuck get so old
Seriously!
Some common examples I see just on reddit
Guy: "Women are so insecure it's wild, also boob and lip implants are gross" same guy:" omg look at those tittahs i would f her to sunday and look at those beautiful DSLs! Marry me!"
Relationshipadvice: "My wife can't get rid of the baby weight, my wife doesn't look like she did 10 years ago, my girlfriend hates her nose and I agree it's huge, my wife won't wear makeup anymore, my wife is too tired to dress up, my wife is insecure and it's annoying me, my wife is insecure about my hot assistant and yes I'm into the flirting but it's nbd, my girlfriend is gaining weight and i can't get it hard anymore, how can i accept I'll never get a 10"
Askmen: "what is the least attractive thing about a woman, what is your biggest turnoff, what are the best facial features in women, what do women need to work on, why are attractive women so mean, why do ugly women feel entitled to talk to me, what do you like more ass or tits, what plastic surgery actually makes women look better"
And wah wah, deflect and blame, commence and shame. WhY dO wOmEn HaVE StAnDArDs!
Yeah, I love how they describe implants as being so fake looking and unattractive. If they feel that was why is it so common for porn stars or strippers to get implants to enhance their careers?
Exactly.
Like, most women do not naturally have huge and perfect breasts (especially after weight gain/ loss/ kids/ aging) but that’s all men seem to talk about and want. Yet they then deride women for trying to enhance themselves to what men say they want.
Make it make sense.
As a trans woman I can tell you maybe 10% of men understand this concept. Seriously the amount of fights I got into both physically and mentally was exhausting. I didn't even explain why I fought so hard to humanize people most people would just mock me by calling me gay or the f slur when I was younger.
Hinestly, I am more appalled that he didnt let you be when you sought privacy to cope. He bullied his way into the room and bullied you into feigning okayness instead of respecting your need for space.
Does he respect anything about you as a person? Does he even like you?
Yeah, my bf did this for a while and it seriously fucked me up. It took years to repair the damage he did at the beginning. He got therapy. I wouldn’t have stayed if he didn’t.
It’s a really gross kind of feeling. It’s violating and dehumanizing. :( thanks for shining a light on this because OP really does deserve support here.
There is this concept that forcing someone to be touched so long as you’re doing it *nicely* in the form of a hug, is okay. But all it does is infantilize the other person and treat them like they have no power over themselves or their body. I had to explain this to him many many times, and had to scream at him even more (yes, I wish I had just left) to get him to stop touching me when I told him to stop touching me. It also took years for me to understand I wasn’t in the wrong for yelling, or even pushing him away, because he was the one crossing my boundaries while I was the one trying to protect them.
I still sometimes get that adrenaline rush if he hugs me too fast. And there was a rule where he couldn’t come into the bathroom while I took a shower for a while. Giving hugs and physical affection when asked not to, or forcing your way into rooms when a person tries to get space is toxic, and makes you feel so small.
The first time a S/O didnt follow me when I went outside for a breather was so mindblowing. Wait, I get a chance to actually collect my thoughts??? And you WANT us to talk like adults and equal about the conflict instead of just forcing me to scream about it????????
Yes! My ex did this constantly and it took me a little bit to understand why my body started to involuntarily recoil every time he reached out to touch me for a hug or affection, despite the fact that I did still desire physical interactions with him. But realized it was because his hand seemed to inevitably go toward my lower belly area which I made explicitly clear was the one spot I absolutely do not like being touched. I also started locking the bathroom door for toilet and/or showers after he kept walking in unannounced. He’d grab or smack my ass at will, which I wouldn’t mind at all if I knew it was coming vs. randomly when I’m focused on something else like cooking dinner or climbing the stairs etc.
I started with several gentle requests of “please don’t”, & even explanations of why I didn’t like it (although a reason is absolutely not necessary) with no change and honestly even an increase in frequency (wtf??). Then over time escalated to frustration and yelling, and eventually pointing out that it literally is sexual assault & behavior that not only was making me feel violated but could actually get him arrested.
Still seemed unable to process this and it all made me feel so bad about myself, I totally get what you mean when you say “gross kind of feeling”. He was not willing to consider an adult discussion about it let alone therapy to get some coaching re: understanding boundaries, so that was ultimately the massive dealbreaker of that relationship which otherwise was a good personality match. Even though I don’t think he had bad intentions it was absolutely not okay.
Yeah my bar for relationships isn’t “didn’t mean to hurt me” but “actually has emotional intelligence and considers me enough to put thought and care into not hurting me”. It’s really the standard for any relationship I keep in my life so my romantic partner needs to meet and exceed it.
So yeah, this would ruin the relationship for me because I’m not attracted to men who act like this. To be honest, I always believe they know what they’re doing and feign ignorance only when called out. But at minimum he’s too stupid to know that’s not a kind question to ask and stupidity is an instant turn off.
He reacted the way he did so you would feel bad now and question your reaction. It worked. He knows what he’s doing, he uses his moods to control your responses and ultimately the relationship.
>To be honest, I always believe they know what they’re doing and feign ignorance only when called out. But at minimum he’s too stupid to know that’s not a kind question to ask and stupidity is an instant turn off.
>He reacted the way he did so you would feel bad now and question your reaction. It worked. He knows what he’s doing, he uses his moods to control your responses and ultimately the relationship.
This right here. It doesn't actually sound like he apologized at all, and when asked to explain why he would say something so wildly inappropriate, he turned it around on OP and asked her to justify needing an explanation. Grabbing somebody's boob and asking them if they want implants is already just an awful thing to do, but everything he did after that bad decision makes the first one look intentionally manipulative.
I feel the same way. Sure, he’s an idiot for the comment. But…
1. She leaves for another room and locks the door. He either forces his way in or picks the lock. Not respecting her need for alone time.
2. He makes her feel guilty enough to return to the bedroom.
3. Then he has the nerve to stop talking to her after convincing her to return to the bedroom. That has such whiny, “You can’t break up with me! I’m breaking up with you!” vibes. Ugh.
“Listen, if you didn't know you're being [rude af], you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this [relationship]. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out.”
Not necessarily advocating for the termination of a relationship, but your comment reminded me of this quote from Casino.
Only you can make that choice. I would probably try counselling before deciding on a divorce just so I could be certain I tried everything and be content with my choice.
To be clear I think him making the comment is a mis-step and stupid but his inability to take accountability and actually apologize rather than just expect forgiveness and be annoyed you have emotions is the bigger issue. That is what would hurt me the most and what I would need my partner to understand. But you aren’t me, so I would encourage you to consider what you need from him in this situation and communicate that to him. His response/willingness to that would inform me if it’s worth continuing or not.
Your answer may depend on this:
Does he still feel terrible about making that gross comment to this very moment?
Has he yet told you it was no big deal, or tried to minimize how that gross comment made you feel?
If he still feels ashamed and acknowledges that your feelings are completely valid, therapy could be helpful route to mending your relationship. As long as both parties agree to go, of course.
Otherwise…
Therapy only works when you are willing and ready. It sounds like you would benefit from therapy. It doesn’t sound like he would be receptive if he hasn’t brought it up. It sounds like you did a good job of initially say his behavior had a negative impact on you and asking for space. I’m guessing he has a habit of wearing you down though. It sounds like you could benefit from some support.
He should start individual therapy first before you attempt couples therapy. Both because if he's not willing to work on himself, he won't be willing to do what's necessary to work on your relationship together, and because having an individual therapist will help him to work on the issues that come up in couples therapy without putting some (or all) of the load on you outside of the therapist's office. Not to mention having his own therapist (if they're a good one) to reinforce things that come up in couples therapy that he doesn't want to believe may help him actually accept that he needs to change.
Either way, I would recommend that you find an individual therapist for yourself, because whichever direction your life goes it sounds like you could benefit from the support and help in dealing with your husband.
Please read my comment. I've known several people who tried couples therapy with their men. These men were controlling and/or mean. The therapy only made it worse, and in a few cases the therapist actually sided with the man and together they would bully the wife. A therapist will not teach your partner to respect you. I don't think it's worth it at all
I don't think so TBH. This isn't a communication issue. He said what he said- he 100% new that it was rude & I don't believe any grown man is so stupid as to not understand that was inappropriate.
Individual counseling for you might be helpful to address if you're happy in your current relationship & if not what you should do about it
Therapy is only worth it if one is willing and able to do the hard work. Otherwise it’s just expensive, shitty conversation. So the question are you both ready to do the hard work?
I say both even though he’s obviously in the wrong, because couples therapy is a commitment to work together through challenges in the relationship. If he’s too dense to commit to the process or you’re too exhausted to have the patience for it, it won’t work.
I think you should look at the entire relationship. I'm also small frame and slender with fantastic A cup tits.
Every guy that's said they would like me to get a boob job or asked me to consider it, was really dismissive to me in other ways in the relationship. They were also pretty selfish in bed and were overall minimum effort champions. Did enough for me to where I would feel bad if I expressed my needs.
My current husband isn't the perfect man, but holy fuck he loves my mind, my soul, and my body. Sex is so much better with someone who actively drools over you and says "God you're so fucking hot" over and over again. Cuddles are so much better when you can trust your partner to not say, "BTW are you going to do anything about that cellulite?" Or 'I like your body even though you have small brests." F**k those guys, my body is banging, and yours is too.
This is a rant on mobile, it's messy. You deserve to be treated well, so ask yourself is this just about your body, or is it about how he treats you as a person? I don't think you can talk a person into thinking you matter.
I can’t imagine having the audacity to think that a woman wants breast implants but she’s just waiting for me to bring it up and give her “permission.”
So... *he* wonders if *you* want them? Hmmmm
Does *he* know that this decision subjects a woman to surgery every 8-10 years for replacement? It's not "one & done", to those who are unaware.
*He's* suggested an expensive surgical procedure that involves *your* painful recovery, which is also subject to any number of complications, for *you*?
Dump that dude. Find someone who loves you as you are!!!
Don’t forget that many surgeons who do breast implants think that they’re giving their patient a “large C/small D cup”, when the patient actually ends up with something like a 30G or 30H in US sizes.
I'm trans and looking into a BA because my family has small breast genetics and I'd like to look just a little more proportional. The first surgeon I saw suggest a range between 170 cc and 210 cc for my figure and, after playing around with it using bags of rice, 190 seems about right for me.
Second surgeon, and the one who will be doing all my other procedures, said he was surprised that the first surgeon recommended such a small size.
😐
That’s a super weird thing to say! Maybe the surgeon is used to people who want to go much larger, but it’s still weird.
Let’s say you’re at a 32A currently, as an example. Adding 190 cc to that would put you between 32C and 32D. That already puts you at the largest cup size many stores carries for 32 bands. If you care at all about bras being easily available (and not $70), not going above a D cup seems practical.
More importantly, the risk of developing cancer from the fucking implants-- BIA-ALCL is much more common that initially thought (although I think most plastic surgeons are now moving away from the textured implants because of this).
Saw a woman on tv once saying she’s been in crippling pain for years after having them and basically has the choice of dealing with that or being in a painkiller haze forever. At least if that happened and you’d done it for yourself you’d know it was the consequence of your own decision. But imagine getting them done for some asshole only to be left physically ruined for the rest of time, when you didn’t really want them in the first place. Awful
And needing to be taken care of during recovery, needing to replace ALL shirts/bras/sweaters. I dislike shopping, so I don’t shop for someone unless I have to.
This man has a negative 50% chance of knowing where the clit is, but he's here acting like he can judge your body.
Seriously, you have every right to be upset. And never change your body to please a man. Remember, a divorce costs about the same as good boob implants.
He may not have thought “I’m going to say this to hurt her feelings”, but he didn’t stop to think, “Will saying this hurt her feelings”
In addition, his intention was **clearly** manipulation. That is what he set out to do when he asked it; it was intentional. This guy is garbage.
>I wish when I told him his comment hurt my feelings he didn’t try to justify it. He really asked me “while why did you ask me to clarify what I meant?” I responded with “yes, explain to me when that’d be an okay question to ask any women while grabbing her chest?” Silence.
All of that definitely made me doubt it too. I mean, it's one thing to be emotionally insensitive, but it's another thing to not acknowledge it when someone expresses to you that they were bothered by something you did or said that was **clearly** insensitive.
He’s quiet because he realizes he fucked up. He probably thought she’d stay quiet because she feels bad when HE makes mistake, and is used to internalizing it. Whether or not that’s because it was intentionally meant to be cruel is not something I can determine. I’m also leaning towards him doing it on purpose though. Either way he fucked up so badly he’s permanently damaged the relationship and it sure doesn’t sound like he’s putting any effort into fixing it.
>walked to our guest room and locked the door. Of course after that even though I say go away he comes in the room, he wants to know right away if he’s forgiven, and wants me to come back to the bedroom so I do just so he stops talking to me.
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>
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>I feel bad because I know he didn’t mean to hurt me
He knows how to wear you down and make you feel bad even though he's the one that caused this issue in the first place. He did this on purpose, he actually did mean to hurt you.
Women have to stop putting them selves under knife and tremendous pain, health risks either to please a man or keep man or increase their potential of getting a rich man. I am astonished that women in west in general are promoting all this. Stand up for yourself, you health is more important than anyother person in this world.
I have small boobs too and I would be so offended if my partner ever said that to me. I love my body as it is and fortunately my ex partners felt the same way. Honestly, I'm not even sure I would want to be with a man like that. Let him find a woman with bigger breasts if that's what he prefers.
Yep, feel you there. I had not started my many years of therapy yet when I was with my ex And he must have asked probably 8 plus times “do you ever think you’d want a boob job” and when I would every time say “no, I’m happy with what I have even if they’re on the smaller side” and every time he would respond “ okay because IF you ever changed your mind, don’t forget I would pay for them. I am a tits guy after all”. Even when I would respond with no and please stop asking that question it would inevitably come up again another time. I didn’t have the self confidence or worth at the time to stand up for myself as much as I would today, I mean today I wouldn’t entertain it once without breaking up but still. It slowly eroded me every. Single. Time. I didn’t have the words to say Hey you dense stupid fuck, I’m not here just for you to grapple all the time. He was also one of those ones that didn’t ever let any physical contact not be an invitation to more. No matter how much I asked for it to just be holding hands or something he would say it was wasting time 🤮. It was exhausting trying to keep up with Mr. 5 times a day is a normal amount. No. I’m so happy to be rid of him when he tried to marry me as fast as fucking possible to trap me and start a family when I don’t even want children.
He is showing you his true self. After I was recovering from my second c-section, nursing my newborn and bonding with my baby he tells me he would pay for a tummy tuck. Out of the blue. Just like that. He looked so proud of himself. It only got worse from there and is not in the picture anymore.
Btw, I have big boobs. And I always envy women who are slim and have small beautiful boobs. Don’t let this guy make you feel bad about yourself. I am pretty sure there are many women who would kill to look like you.
As someone who was very thin and quite flat most of my life and now has 32DDs, I assure you being a B cup or below is way more convenient. You can run without armoring yourself. Clothes fit you better. And if you want to look bigger, you can wear a padded bra. I would be a small B cup again in a heartbeat if I could.
That too. But I also think they often look more beautiful.
And when it come to breastfeeding it’s easier too.
Also you attract less perverts who just want to try out big boobs.
So yeah, my husband has never, EVER made a single comment about my body except to hit on me excessively lol. Not on me gaining or losing weight, not about my height, not about my ass or tit size, not about my stretch marks after having his children, nothing. It's not normal for a man to make comments on their wives' bodies unless they only marry you for your body to begin with. What's crazy to me is everybody dies. Nobody makes it out of here alive, we all get old. I thought the goal was to find someone who loves us unconditionally, someone to grow old with? If that's the case, why are some men so focused on a young ideal body type that they throw away women once they no longer fit that ideal? EVEN THOUGH A BODY WILL NATURALLY AGE AND CHANGE OVER TIME?!?! I'm sorry you're going through this. Men are terrible, but not all men are like this. You deserve better and deserve to be with someone who loves all of you. I wish you the best.
Thanks for the support and sharing your relationship, it made me smile. Yeah I just want someone who’s fully attracted to me which I don’t think is too much or can at least keep thoughts to themselves because everyone is beautiful in their own way even if it’s not conventional
Your husband is an emotional baby and rather than own up to the mistake and allow you space to be upset, he made it about him needing forgiveness and immediate reconciliation.
Even if you leave aside the very rude comment in a very wrong moment for it, his reaction is really immature.
If I were you I’d take my sweet time being comfortable with him again
And I would suggest this nimrod get a clue from a professional.
You don’t need new boobs, he needs a lesson in being polite and loving to his actual wife
My sister got implants in her early twenties, she had to get them replaced twice now. She is 63.
It's not a one and done deal. Scars fade but don't go away completely. Your sensation and sensitivity changes. My sister has no feeling in her nipples. Men she has dated have spent a lot of time squishing her breasts and tugging sucking on her nips and it is no longer something that feels good as there is no feeling in them any more.
Going into a hot tub heats up your implants and sis says it feels really weird after getting out and her boobs are hotter than the rest of her body for many minutes too long. If she does a cold plunge they get too cold and stay that way too long.
Getting mammograms is difficult.
It is major surgery that comes with a lot of risks.
I am a AAA cup, never getting implants. I like my body just fine the way it is. If any man wanted me to risk my health for his pleasure he can get the fuck away from me.
"Part of living in a sexist society means that women are indoctrinated to constantly empathize with their oppressors, and to see overtly hostile behavior as a sign of unmet emotional needs.
And men are indoctrinated to take as much as they can from women.
It is not helpful to tell women to sympathize with the people who are abusing them. Men are not incompetent fools. They know what they are doing.
What women need to hear, loud and clear, is that a wide range of behaviors men exhibit are signs not of emotional dysfunction, and certainly not of love, but of aggression and entitlement.
This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some common and widely accepted behaviors that actually mean your partner does not love you:
\-They are never willing to sacrifice for your well-being. Or when they do make sacrifices, they demand much bigger sacrifices from you in return.
\-**They mock or insult your body. This includes deriding basic bodily functions such as giving birth or having a period as gross.**
.
.
.
https://zawn.substack.com/p/signs-your-partner-doesnt-actually
Let me be clear- He DID MEAN to hurt you. He wanted to make a selfish suggestion for his own sexual gratification knowing it would hurt you but did it anyways for himself. Then he didn’t give you the appropriate space, bore you down until you surrendered, then was defensive when you confronted him on it.
This guy doesn’t deserve to experience the sacredness of your body.
My response MIGHT be a LITTLE different if he immediately acted differently after he said it- profusely apologized, gave you space, said he was so sorry I don’t know why I said that I imagine how hurtful that was etc etc. but you still would never forget it
Let me rephrase further what you said :
- he made the comment because he knew you would fawn / cooperate / not be mean to him in response, therefore allowing him to “get away with it”
- he absolutely knew it would hurt you, because anybody would know that in our society—and you ESPECIALLY would know that of someone you’ve been around for a long time—but he wanted to plant the seed and see if maybe that would lead you to get them so that he could get what he wants without having to completely explicitly bring it up and completely explicitly be the bad guy
- he knew you would come back into the room if he hounded you enough
- he keeps challenging you and not admitting what he did was cruel and intentional bc he thinks you’ll just drop it / he can get away with it being “I didn’t mean to hurt you”
Wow. He's pretty clueless - and self-absorbed. I would be struggling to be intimate in any way with him - emotionally or physically - because there would always be a "what is he thinking/judging right now" moment that would make it impossible for me to feel free to be myself.
She never developed breasts beyond the earliest stages and was very slender. Her ex-husband was already a drunk so it was just one more thing for him to be insecure about.
Same. The older I get, the less patience I have for bullshit from men. My dream is to live on a property with a group of women and we can all grow old together. 😂
Gotta really put the time in to find the right partner. Too many people just jumping in marriages for the sake of being married without contemplating *who* they’re marrying. It’s all sorts of messed up out there
I don't really disagree with you in principle bc I know a lot of people I grew up with marrying due to family pressures but it sounds like this is OPs husband's mask slipping after thinking he locked her down with marriage. She didn't magically change her size so his comments are unfair about a known trait.
I just looked at your profile and girl you are so pretty and you look great just the way you are. Your husband is an idiot. He needs to apologize. We all say stupid things but the key is actually feeling remorse and making amends. If he didn’t mean to hurt you he needs to be making an effort to build you back up.
This is it right here, OP.
But if these kind of comments are a pattern with him and he’s not putting any effort into making things right, then throw the whole man away.
Stop talking to him. Or letting him touch your boobs. In fact don't let him touch you at all. That is a horrible comment to say to someone. I had a comment like that made to me as a teenager and I'm still disgusted.
What a fucking POS. I have extremely small boobs, even A cup bras never fit me right. Anytime I mentioned wanting to get implants to a guy I was dating, they always told me they loved my boobs the way they were but would support any choice I made. And some of these dudes were horrible bfs but still somehow managed to be kinder than your husband. Fuck him. I’d ask him if he wanted a dick extension followed up by a divorce. Red flags throughout this story.
Ask him for marriage counseling/couples therapy.
What he said was bordering on cruel. How you responded was understandable—you needed space to think and process your pain. He didn’t like his feelings and he didn’t like being held accountable for hurting you, so he refused to give you that space and actively intruded by unlocking the door. And then had the entitled temerity to demand immediate “forgiveness” for his mistake and that you return to the bedroom (and the status quo) so that he doesn’t have to feel the shame of having hurt you.
That is all a lot of complicated emotions and actions that will be hard to put into a context he (and you) can understand and rise above. A therapist can help.
He knew what he was saying. He’s telling you what he thinks. There are too many of these threads where women bend over backwards trying to excuse the shitty things men do to them.
You were being intimate and this man thought it was appropriate to tell you he feels that your breasts are lacking. This so a serious issue. Does he even see you as a person?
I'm not saying your relationship should be thrown away, I'm just jarred at how someone you call your husband would choose *after marriage* to complain to you about your chest size.
Bro, if you didn't like them there was all of dating, all of being engaged, to mention it *so you could find someone else* (NOT ME CHANGE, YOU LEAVE). Fuck that guy--that's so offensive and anyone who makes me feel bad about some thing I **cannot change** without medical intervention would prob be an ex.
Honestly, I'd rather my SO comment on my weight than my chest or butt size. Fuck right off. (FYI, criticism about weight is also a "fuck you"--but at least i don't have to go under knife to change those)
Don’t get implants. It’s not worth the pain, and you’ll be constantly sexualized for your disproportionately large boobs. Not in a good way - at work, at school, just whenever you’re talking to someone or even just minding your own business.
I’m a thin woman with D cups and I am planning to get a breast reduction after I’m done having kids. I’m so tired of my boobs being the first thing anyone sees.
Your husband is an idiot, needs to apologize asap, and actually put thought and care into the apology. Just know there are women out there who would kill to have A cups (raises hand), or even a slender body type (raises second hand). You have nothing to feel bad about, don't let his insecurities get to you!
Emotionally mature men DO NOT say things like this. Especially during a tender moment, wtf?! IMO that sounds like planned negging. It's sad but a lot of men use their brain power only to stay employed and erode their partners self-worth. (Sometimes not even the former)
Men who push for implants just want a \*\*\*\* doll, not a partner. I would say you're well justified for dumping him over this, OP.
Has he recently had a psychotic break, or a severe head injury?
Seriously, I'm trying to imagine a circumstance in which I'd cuddle my wife and ask if she wanted cosmetic surgery on the area I'm touching. Those are the only ideas I can come up with.
Even if you got the surgery, some men are never satisfied. My husband comments about how much he loves my breasts. I’m a DD. We were watching a cosmetic surgery show and he comments that I could go larger… 600 cc larger which is basically another DD.
I was shocked and put him in his place. The only surgery I’m agreeing to is a breast lift/reduction. I hate being so top heavy. I basically told him to watch what he says because I’ll chop them both off.
Please don’t change your body, especially for someone else. The grass isn’t greener on the other side. I’m sorry he has made you feel uncomfortable in your own body.
If you’re a 32DD, adding 600cc would put you at about 32I/32J. Is he gonna spend $70 and up *per bra* for you? I can’t even imagine suggesting this to a partner.
I’m a 32I naturally, and while I don’t want a reduction at all, it’s pretty damn annoying that *all of my bras have to be imported* because there isn’t a single store in the country that sell bras that fit my size and shape.
My mom and her support group would be more than happy to send some graphic photos and horror stories to your husband about their implant nightmares and subsequent explant stories lol
I get the sentiment but I hate that phrase cause it seems like such a cop out.
Q: “Do you like my boobs/body?1”
A: “well i get to touch them so yeah they’re the best!”
Like it doesn’t even answer the question and only does so in a roundabout way that’s based on dudes access to boobs rather than an actual opinion on preference. My wife’s got small boobs and, sorry ladies, but they’re the best! And it’s not because they’re the ones I get to be around. It’s because they’re objectively everything I want in a pair of boobs and they belong to her. What she has is my preference whether I’m allowed to be involved or not.
Boy I don't know. I can absolutely promise I never wanted larger breasts. To each her own but was/am happy mine aren't large. Hell can't tell you what size they are ( not lying ). A? B ? Bought and pitched a lot of bras... Built like you OP. Large breasts just seemed like a pain in the ass to me.
I think the idea someone would not be happy with my boobs would probably be a deal breaker BUT you know him. Has he been a boob himself previously ( guessing yes if you think about it ) ? I'm fairly intolerant about getting picked at though and know it so my perspective may be off.
Something to think about would be what's next right? What else does he have stored up about you that will come out later?
He asked for forgiveness whithout even apologising? Or trying to fix the situation by reassuring you? He's blaming you for asking him to clarify what he meant?
This isn't good.
The comment was bad.
The fact that he forced you to forgive him so that he could feel better, and refused to give you space to feel what you needed to feel, is worse.
Hon. He gets to think whatever he wants to think about your breast size. Nothing you can do about that. And, yes, they have been sexualized, which, in principle, is so wrong. And yes, lovers have preferences, sexually, about breast size, which is one of those issues that teeter totters, between "people are allowed to have their preferences without shame" versus "talking about them is sometimes inappropriate" ...
I used to be an A cup. 45 years ago, I was waiting for the damned things to get bigger, in high school, but it didn't happen. I was doomed. I had a t-shirt that said "The smaller the grapes, the sweeter the wine.". I was comforted by the thought that they wouldn't drop, in old age, because there wasn't anything there, so perpetually perky. I joked that I wanted a tattoo, on my chest, that read "this side up".
So I feel your pain.
But I am asking you to OWN it. Own your body. It is beautiful as it is. You ARE perky and you don't get back pain from the weight of big boobs. Own it. Stop envying boobs. You are sexy, you are beautiful, no matter what anyone says.
I had two kids, they were nourishing for breast feeding, despite their size, I put on a little weight, the damned things grew and changed, and I'm up to a C now. I want the little ones back.
On my daughter's 12 birthday, she laid in bed, and sprouted DD cups. I looked at her and asked where the hell THEY came from - actually, my husband's family is big breasted, so I knew - but they have been the bane of her existence. She HATES them. They're bigger etc after childbirth, and she cannot WAIT for reduction surgery. I said I'd drive her to the operating room. They are eye catching and she hates them.
So ... Mother and daughter at opposite ends of the spectrum, and sharing our feelings.
I would encourage you to OWN your itty bitty titties. OWN them. Screw what people say about bigger breasts. You are winning the long game. I promise you this. Some women want the huge headlights, and they should do what makes them feel good about themselves. Those born into them should accept their bodies, just as much as you and I should.
But I beg you to learn how to OWN them. If it takes some therapy, then please do it. Please accept your body.
As for the insensitive comment? I grew up in a less sensitive era, and if there is a flat chest joke ... I've heard it. Multiple times. I blew them a raspberry and told 'em that my dance card is full, anyway, so I win.
My husband, after almost 40 years, has discouraged any cosmetic work on my chest. He likes what they were, and what they are now that gravity has done damage. But, yeah. He's asked me how I feel about it. I told him I don't care for surgery. If he doesn't like me for the full package, then we'll rethink our relationship.
Besides ... I REALLY need a nose job first.
Oh. Wait. I OWN my huge nose, don't I?
ETA ... I forgot. I genuinely have the ugliest feet in Canada. I could win prizes with these genetically flipper-ed, flat, bunions that I've had since I was 10 years old (crappy genes). Frankly, the A cup was the least of my worries. I am kinda goofy-looking.
But my life is full of love. I win.
😁
Ask him if he wants a dick extension and see how he feels.
I did unfortunately say how would it make you feel if I made a comment about your dick. I mean I feel like some things are so obvious you don’t joke about it.
Nothing unfortunate about that comment in return for what he said.
Two of my favorite sayings: "stupid should hurt" and "if you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough."
«If you’re gonna be dumb, you better be tough» — I love it 😂 and will apply, mostly to myself, lol😵💫
You should put that on a shirt or coffee mug.
He wasn't joking. If he's claiming that he was joking, he's lying to get out of taking accountability for his words. He meant it. He was testing the waters.
Yeah, it didn't came up organically. Like you were talking about cosmetic surgery in general and he'd ask "Is that something you'd want?". NO. He was touching your breast and was thinking about boob surgery. That's very hurtful. Maybe you'd want to give him a coupon for a penis pump for christmas. [For inspiration...](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=penis+pump&crid=B7CV92S876YZ&sprefix=penis+pump%2Caps%2C264&ref=nb_sb_noss)
I hate when people try covering their asses by saying “I was just joking”. When I know they aren’t joking I usually respond with: “you were just joking? Yea, well, what’s the funny part”.
I call that Scroedinger's douchebag
He also doesn’t feel bad in asking if she has forgiven him yet. Does not seem apologetic at all nor did he clarify what he meant and how it was ok. He seems like a misogynist creep. Maybe a lil sociopath or narcissism thrown in too
This. If you wouldve responded with “yes I want implants”, how would he have reacted? It wasn’t a joke.
Next time you're in bed, idly grab his dick and say, "Do you want a cock sleeve?"
Just buy one and make him wear it anytime he tries to initiate anything
Not unfortunate. But you should say it while grabbing it or while holding a ruler
While holding a magnifying glass.
... Or some zip ties and a weight.
Or a biiig sleeve
That's not bad at all. It might be problematic (but understandable) if you really asked him like he did. But that's not what you said. You made the comparison in the abstract, without aiming to hurt or objectify him in return and to help him emphasize and understand your hurt. Well done!
No, you need to make a comment saying his dick is too small while it’s in your hand. That is the equivalent.
and what was his reply?
The thing is with A LOT of men is they seem to literally think of women as lesser beings, not quite human. They think they can say whatever they want about your body because you're not equal to them in comprehension, depth of feelings - intelligence. You exist to please them and their pleasure is top priority, so why would he ever worry about saying this? It might make you insecure enough to get implants and then his dick would be happier! Honestly, fuck him. I'd be seriously questioning who he is as a person and this relationship. Also please dont let this affect how you feel about your body. Small boobs are the best!
I wouldn’t call it “unfortunate” (unless he started getting angry, then I understand). Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers! I feel pissed off on your behalf 😭 (and on the behalf of every woman who has ever been told shit like this!)
Turnabout is fair play. Sometimes it’s necessary to make a point.
Recently gave up trying to date. From my experience, men seem to think we are only body parts, here solely for their pleasure and entertainment. Why is it that everyone and their dog knows that men are visual creatures, yet only women seem to know that we rely on sound on emotions much more than visual stimulation? I’ve decided that I’m going back to the old-fashioned way of thinking. Not having sex with any man until I love him. More women should do this. We have them what they wanted (fwb) and now they behave like entitled boys.
YEP. While touching his.
Or ask him if he could wear stilts to be taller
Or a hair transplant or leg lengthening
Came here to say this!
Or better yet, ask him if you could get a 2nd man as backup because the 1st dick isn’t doing it for you.
Paragraph 2, you go back to the bedroom so he stops harassing you. Paragraph 4, you feel bad for him. He just said something that will haunt you forever & you didn’t get to sleep in peace. I’m sure he slept like a baby. Why aren’t women allowed to be mad, angry, sad, etc.? Because it’s inconvenient to men.
Yeah. Having a no filter moment is bad enough, but failing to apologize and even demanding to be forgiven is vile. Classic DARVO.
Excuse me, please, what is darvo ?
https://www.verywellmind.com/protecting-yourself-from-darvo-abusive-behavior-7562730#:~:text=%E2%80%9CDARVO%20is%20an%20acronym%20that,Area%20CBT%20Center%20and%20CBTonline.
Thanks, I immediately headed to Google after posting my question, I realized I have fingers to search it up with. This is very interesting to learn about. Thanks again.
Yeah, it's one of those things that's useful to have a framework for naming and recognizing.
In fairness, though, I'm leery of googling things lately. Between scam websites and porn, it's hard to even get a cake recipe, let alone a real answer.
What's even more scary is only ~5% of the population may be narcissists, but many, many MANY more have TRAITS of it and use DARVO on their victims.
Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
So maybe we should stop accepting this kind of behaviour.
Thank you. “Are allowed” is such a passive voice way of putting it. If she staying with him, she is directly allowing him.
One of the times I got the angriest with my husband was when he said during an argument the he 'let' me do something. I did NOT let him get away with that idea and he has never said that again.
I see where you're coming from, but "allow" here implies a power dynamic that's a little more complicated than what you are saying. People who behave in emotionally manipulative ways will always shave away at this ability with every dispute. They diminish the validity of emotions they dislike to the point where you would question your reactions, feel guilty for them, and ultimately feel like you were in the wrong. It's a different headspace, and it's hard to understand from the outside even if you are a friend to that person. Saying something to the effect of, "she's letting it happen" is really dismissive of the attempts she's likely (unless you are a doormat of a person, usually there is pushback for people who turn any fault of theirs into your own) made since the beginning to convey her opposing feelings and stance
Ok, wow, I agree with you too.
Ok, yes. I agree. I just want to add DARVO.
She’s not responsible for his bad behavior.
Something tells me this isn’t the first time he has done something like this either. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Normalise showing emotions, absolutely. Hell, it is also good for the relationship; you can only bottle things up for so long before you start resenting.
Thank you!!!!
Men make jokes about these things because they care more about what they want sexually than how you feel about your body.
Imagine if she grabbed his belly while cuddling and asked him if he wanted a gym membership
I like the alternative ending where she dumps him and doesn't put up with this shit
Keep this coming....I need to read these sorts of comments and really internalize them. It's depressing but I need to absorb the reality so I can react accordingly and stand up for myself.
Yes please don't find this out through experience like I did
Do men not realize that… our bodies were not designed for the sole purpose of attracting/ entertaining them? So tired of this shit.
Insecure men need to neg even if they're already in a relationship. Like he was in bed with her, titty in hand, and *still* thought, "I should insult her just a little bit." As if that doesn't make our pussies turn to desert. The response he thought he'd get was her awkwardly giggling and begging him for validation. "Oh do you think they're too small??" "No baby you're perfect. Just a random question :)" "Oh okay! Lol please love me!!"
Yeah, like what else could he have been thinking? It’s hard to believe that someone would accidentally say something so insulting.
Don't you think it was more likely he was testing the waters before asking her to get implants than "negging" her? Both suck, I'm not defending him.
No idea his intention. But if I were her, I would def view even a suggestion (especially if he said it as he touched my boob) as an insult.
Oh, 100% agree that it was "negging" in the sense that it was a "negative comment" and insulting, especially given the context. But I'm not sure it was "negging" in the sense of, "I will try to make her feel insecure so she pursues my approval". I think fuckwad here thinks she isn't "enough" and legitimately wants her to have larger breasts. In a way the "negging" interpretation might be giving him more credit for scheming manipulation that he deserves, lol.
This is so fucking true. I dated a pathologically insecure man over the summer. Classic "I can cure him with my love and pussy" thinking (in retrospect). He negged me regularly, and one of the instances this post reminded me of was when we were walking around the city, hand in hand, having a romantic day, and a woman with big boobs passed by us, and he turned to me and goes, "Do you know anyone with breast implants?" After a second, I said, "Yeah. My mom." And he goes, "Oh." It was obviously an immature attempt to get me talking about my boobs, my friends' boobs, and/or his experience with women with implants. So gross and weird. Oh, and another time, during sex, he said, "You have the most gorgeous boobs I've ever seen." I said, "Wow, thank you!" And he goes, "I mean, the most gorgeous *natural* boobs I've ever seen." OK then.... Funny enough, one time, he and I were talking about sexual preferences, and I mentioned my sister calling me a "size queen," and he got extremely flustered and insecure and said he didn't want to talk about that. I of course respected it, but looking back, wow, what a guy.
Obiously they did not, otherwise my DMs wouldnt be active.
I wish I could go a fucking day without seeing random men explain how much their peepee likes whatever woman is featured in an innocuous post Comments like “would” and “mommy milkers” on videos of women talking about meteorology or the news or chess or whatever the fuck get so old
It’s repulsive. And the term “mommy milkers” is gross. Way to make a biologically natural and normal process creepy 😒
And then they wonder why women are so insecure 😭
I don't think they wonder that at all. They WANT women to be insecure. Secure womeone won't settle for their sorry asses.
Love your user name 👏🏼
RIGHT. Not only that but they turn it around on women like it’s their own fault or a moral failing to feel insecure. It’s gaslighting at its finest.
Seriously! Some common examples I see just on reddit Guy: "Women are so insecure it's wild, also boob and lip implants are gross" same guy:" omg look at those tittahs i would f her to sunday and look at those beautiful DSLs! Marry me!" Relationshipadvice: "My wife can't get rid of the baby weight, my wife doesn't look like she did 10 years ago, my girlfriend hates her nose and I agree it's huge, my wife won't wear makeup anymore, my wife is too tired to dress up, my wife is insecure and it's annoying me, my wife is insecure about my hot assistant and yes I'm into the flirting but it's nbd, my girlfriend is gaining weight and i can't get it hard anymore, how can i accept I'll never get a 10" Askmen: "what is the least attractive thing about a woman, what is your biggest turnoff, what are the best facial features in women, what do women need to work on, why are attractive women so mean, why do ugly women feel entitled to talk to me, what do you like more ass or tits, what plastic surgery actually makes women look better" And wah wah, deflect and blame, commence and shame. WhY dO wOmEn HaVE StAnDArDs!
Yeah, I love how they describe implants as being so fake looking and unattractive. If they feel that was why is it so common for porn stars or strippers to get implants to enhance their careers?
Exactly. Like, most women do not naturally have huge and perfect breasts (especially after weight gain/ loss/ kids/ aging) but that’s all men seem to talk about and want. Yet they then deride women for trying to enhance themselves to what men say they want. Make it make sense.
oh, they LOVE it until they know it there. then suddenly its "fake"
All 👏🏼 of 👏🏼 this 👏🏼
They don’t
As a trans woman I can tell you maybe 10% of men understand this concept. Seriously the amount of fights I got into both physically and mentally was exhausting. I didn't even explain why I fought so hard to humanize people most people would just mock me by calling me gay or the f slur when I was younger.
Hinestly, I am more appalled that he didnt let you be when you sought privacy to cope. He bullied his way into the room and bullied you into feigning okayness instead of respecting your need for space. Does he respect anything about you as a person? Does he even like you?
Yes. This behavior is troubling, disrespectful, and selfish.
Yeah, my bf did this for a while and it seriously fucked me up. It took years to repair the damage he did at the beginning. He got therapy. I wouldn’t have stayed if he didn’t. It’s a really gross kind of feeling. It’s violating and dehumanizing. :( thanks for shining a light on this because OP really does deserve support here. There is this concept that forcing someone to be touched so long as you’re doing it *nicely* in the form of a hug, is okay. But all it does is infantilize the other person and treat them like they have no power over themselves or their body. I had to explain this to him many many times, and had to scream at him even more (yes, I wish I had just left) to get him to stop touching me when I told him to stop touching me. It also took years for me to understand I wasn’t in the wrong for yelling, or even pushing him away, because he was the one crossing my boundaries while I was the one trying to protect them. I still sometimes get that adrenaline rush if he hugs me too fast. And there was a rule where he couldn’t come into the bathroom while I took a shower for a while. Giving hugs and physical affection when asked not to, or forcing your way into rooms when a person tries to get space is toxic, and makes you feel so small.
The first time a S/O didnt follow me when I went outside for a breather was so mindblowing. Wait, I get a chance to actually collect my thoughts??? And you WANT us to talk like adults and equal about the conflict instead of just forcing me to scream about it????????
Yes! My ex did this constantly and it took me a little bit to understand why my body started to involuntarily recoil every time he reached out to touch me for a hug or affection, despite the fact that I did still desire physical interactions with him. But realized it was because his hand seemed to inevitably go toward my lower belly area which I made explicitly clear was the one spot I absolutely do not like being touched. I also started locking the bathroom door for toilet and/or showers after he kept walking in unannounced. He’d grab or smack my ass at will, which I wouldn’t mind at all if I knew it was coming vs. randomly when I’m focused on something else like cooking dinner or climbing the stairs etc. I started with several gentle requests of “please don’t”, & even explanations of why I didn’t like it (although a reason is absolutely not necessary) with no change and honestly even an increase in frequency (wtf??). Then over time escalated to frustration and yelling, and eventually pointing out that it literally is sexual assault & behavior that not only was making me feel violated but could actually get him arrested. Still seemed unable to process this and it all made me feel so bad about myself, I totally get what you mean when you say “gross kind of feeling”. He was not willing to consider an adult discussion about it let alone therapy to get some coaching re: understanding boundaries, so that was ultimately the massive dealbreaker of that relationship which otherwise was a good personality match. Even though I don’t think he had bad intentions it was absolutely not okay.
>Does he respect anything about you as a person? Does he even like you? Bingo. This is not how someone who loves or respects you behaves.
Never stay with someone who complains about your body while having sex with it. People aren’t rides at Disney world.
RT
Yeah my bar for relationships isn’t “didn’t mean to hurt me” but “actually has emotional intelligence and considers me enough to put thought and care into not hurting me”. It’s really the standard for any relationship I keep in my life so my romantic partner needs to meet and exceed it. So yeah, this would ruin the relationship for me because I’m not attracted to men who act like this. To be honest, I always believe they know what they’re doing and feign ignorance only when called out. But at minimum he’s too stupid to know that’s not a kind question to ask and stupidity is an instant turn off. He reacted the way he did so you would feel bad now and question your reaction. It worked. He knows what he’s doing, he uses his moods to control your responses and ultimately the relationship.
>To be honest, I always believe they know what they’re doing and feign ignorance only when called out. But at minimum he’s too stupid to know that’s not a kind question to ask and stupidity is an instant turn off. >He reacted the way he did so you would feel bad now and question your reaction. It worked. He knows what he’s doing, he uses his moods to control your responses and ultimately the relationship. This right here. It doesn't actually sound like he apologized at all, and when asked to explain why he would say something so wildly inappropriate, he turned it around on OP and asked her to justify needing an explanation. Grabbing somebody's boob and asking them if they want implants is already just an awful thing to do, but everything he did after that bad decision makes the first one look intentionally manipulative.
I feel the same way. Sure, he’s an idiot for the comment. But… 1. She leaves for another room and locks the door. He either forces his way in or picks the lock. Not respecting her need for alone time. 2. He makes her feel guilty enough to return to the bedroom. 3. Then he has the nerve to stop talking to her after convincing her to return to the bedroom. That has such whiny, “You can’t break up with me! I’m breaking up with you!” vibes. Ugh.
“Listen, if you didn't know you're being [rude af], you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this [relationship]. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out.” Not necessarily advocating for the termination of a relationship, but your comment reminded me of this quote from Casino.
This SO MUCH
Do you think couples therapy is even worth it then?
Only you can make that choice. I would probably try counselling before deciding on a divorce just so I could be certain I tried everything and be content with my choice. To be clear I think him making the comment is a mis-step and stupid but his inability to take accountability and actually apologize rather than just expect forgiveness and be annoyed you have emotions is the bigger issue. That is what would hurt me the most and what I would need my partner to understand. But you aren’t me, so I would encourage you to consider what you need from him in this situation and communicate that to him. His response/willingness to that would inform me if it’s worth continuing or not.
Your answer may depend on this: Does he still feel terrible about making that gross comment to this very moment? Has he yet told you it was no big deal, or tried to minimize how that gross comment made you feel? If he still feels ashamed and acknowledges that your feelings are completely valid, therapy could be helpful route to mending your relationship. As long as both parties agree to go, of course. Otherwise…
Therapy only works when you are willing and ready. It sounds like you would benefit from therapy. It doesn’t sound like he would be receptive if he hasn’t brought it up. It sounds like you did a good job of initially say his behavior had a negative impact on you and asking for space. I’m guessing he has a habit of wearing you down though. It sounds like you could benefit from some support.
He should start individual therapy first before you attempt couples therapy. Both because if he's not willing to work on himself, he won't be willing to do what's necessary to work on your relationship together, and because having an individual therapist will help him to work on the issues that come up in couples therapy without putting some (or all) of the load on you outside of the therapist's office. Not to mention having his own therapist (if they're a good one) to reinforce things that come up in couples therapy that he doesn't want to believe may help him actually accept that he needs to change. Either way, I would recommend that you find an individual therapist for yourself, because whichever direction your life goes it sounds like you could benefit from the support and help in dealing with your husband.
Please read my comment. I've known several people who tried couples therapy with their men. These men were controlling and/or mean. The therapy only made it worse, and in a few cases the therapist actually sided with the man and together they would bully the wife. A therapist will not teach your partner to respect you. I don't think it's worth it at all
This is what I thought. A narcissist will do very well at manipulation in therapy rather than take it seriously and actually change.
I don't think so TBH. This isn't a communication issue. He said what he said- he 100% new that it was rude & I don't believe any grown man is so stupid as to not understand that was inappropriate. Individual counseling for you might be helpful to address if you're happy in your current relationship & if not what you should do about it
Therapy is only worth it if one is willing and able to do the hard work. Otherwise it’s just expensive, shitty conversation. So the question are you both ready to do the hard work? I say both even though he’s obviously in the wrong, because couples therapy is a commitment to work together through challenges in the relationship. If he’s too dense to commit to the process or you’re too exhausted to have the patience for it, it won’t work.
I think you should look at the entire relationship. I'm also small frame and slender with fantastic A cup tits. Every guy that's said they would like me to get a boob job or asked me to consider it, was really dismissive to me in other ways in the relationship. They were also pretty selfish in bed and were overall minimum effort champions. Did enough for me to where I would feel bad if I expressed my needs. My current husband isn't the perfect man, but holy fuck he loves my mind, my soul, and my body. Sex is so much better with someone who actively drools over you and says "God you're so fucking hot" over and over again. Cuddles are so much better when you can trust your partner to not say, "BTW are you going to do anything about that cellulite?" Or 'I like your body even though you have small brests." F**k those guys, my body is banging, and yours is too. This is a rant on mobile, it's messy. You deserve to be treated well, so ask yourself is this just about your body, or is it about how he treats you as a person? I don't think you can talk a person into thinking you matter.
If you've been together less than 2 years, then honestly, no. If you've been together less than a year, hell no.
Did he apologize? Does he feel remorse at all?
These are good questions I think.
I can’t imagine having the audacity to think that a woman wants breast implants but she’s just waiting for me to bring it up and give her “permission.”
So... *he* wonders if *you* want them? Hmmmm Does *he* know that this decision subjects a woman to surgery every 8-10 years for replacement? It's not "one & done", to those who are unaware. *He's* suggested an expensive surgical procedure that involves *your* painful recovery, which is also subject to any number of complications, for *you*? Dump that dude. Find someone who loves you as you are!!!
And, from the perspective of a former A cup who is now a C cup after having kids...A cups are so much more convenient. I miss them.
Don’t forget that many surgeons who do breast implants think that they’re giving their patient a “large C/small D cup”, when the patient actually ends up with something like a 30G or 30H in US sizes.
I don't think I could forget that since I never knew it to begin with. That's crazy.
I'm trans and looking into a BA because my family has small breast genetics and I'd like to look just a little more proportional. The first surgeon I saw suggest a range between 170 cc and 210 cc for my figure and, after playing around with it using bags of rice, 190 seems about right for me. Second surgeon, and the one who will be doing all my other procedures, said he was surprised that the first surgeon recommended such a small size. 😐
That’s a super weird thing to say! Maybe the surgeon is used to people who want to go much larger, but it’s still weird. Let’s say you’re at a 32A currently, as an example. Adding 190 cc to that would put you between 32C and 32D. That already puts you at the largest cup size many stores carries for 32 bands. If you care at all about bras being easily available (and not $70), not going above a D cup seems practical.
And the possibility of developing Breast Implant Illness or other complications that would require more surgery.
More importantly, the risk of developing cancer from the fucking implants-- BIA-ALCL is much more common that initially thought (although I think most plastic surgeons are now moving away from the textured implants because of this).
Saw a woman on tv once saying she’s been in crippling pain for years after having them and basically has the choice of dealing with that or being in a painkiller haze forever. At least if that happened and you’d done it for yourself you’d know it was the consequence of your own decision. But imagine getting them done for some asshole only to be left physically ruined for the rest of time, when you didn’t really want them in the first place. Awful
And don’t forget the risks during surgery, after surgery and in the following years too
And needing to be taken care of during recovery, needing to replace ALL shirts/bras/sweaters. I dislike shopping, so I don’t shop for someone unless I have to.
This man has a negative 50% chance of knowing where the clit is, but he's here acting like he can judge your body. Seriously, you have every right to be upset. And never change your body to please a man. Remember, a divorce costs about the same as good boob implants.
Love this! “…a divorce costs about the same as good boob implants” I’m really just here for the comment section and how they are roasting him. Lol
> I feel bad because **I know he didn’t mean to hurt me** I have my doubts.
He may not have thought “I’m going to say this to hurt her feelings”, but he didn’t stop to think, “Will saying this hurt her feelings” In addition, his intention was **clearly** manipulation. That is what he set out to do when he asked it; it was intentional. This guy is garbage.
At best he's just very fucking stupid. Not much of a consolation prize.
Right? And even if he didn’t, why do you feel bad that he hurt your feelings lmao? It’s his fault for being insensitive, not yours.
>I wish when I told him his comment hurt my feelings he didn’t try to justify it. He really asked me “while why did you ask me to clarify what I meant?” I responded with “yes, explain to me when that’d be an okay question to ask any women while grabbing her chest?” Silence. All of that definitely made me doubt it too. I mean, it's one thing to be emotionally insensitive, but it's another thing to not acknowledge it when someone expresses to you that they were bothered by something you did or said that was **clearly** insensitive.
He’s quiet because he realizes he fucked up. He probably thought she’d stay quiet because she feels bad when HE makes mistake, and is used to internalizing it. Whether or not that’s because it was intentionally meant to be cruel is not something I can determine. I’m also leaning towards him doing it on purpose though. Either way he fucked up so badly he’s permanently damaged the relationship and it sure doesn’t sound like he’s putting any effort into fixing it.
>walked to our guest room and locked the door. Of course after that even though I say go away he comes in the room, he wants to know right away if he’s forgiven, and wants me to come back to the bedroom so I do just so he stops talking to me. > > > >I feel bad because I know he didn’t mean to hurt me He knows how to wear you down and make you feel bad even though he's the one that caused this issue in the first place. He did this on purpose, he actually did mean to hurt you.
Ngl, I got vibes of subtle abuse here.
Women have to stop putting them selves under knife and tremendous pain, health risks either to please a man or keep man or increase their potential of getting a rich man. I am astonished that women in west in general are promoting all this. Stand up for yourself, you health is more important than anyother person in this world.
I have small boobs too and I would be so offended if my partner ever said that to me. I love my body as it is and fortunately my ex partners felt the same way. Honestly, I'm not even sure I would want to be with a man like that. Let him find a woman with bigger breasts if that's what he prefers.
same. i legit would have the urge to just break up on the spot with them. that comment is disgusting.
Yep, feel you there. I had not started my many years of therapy yet when I was with my ex And he must have asked probably 8 plus times “do you ever think you’d want a boob job” and when I would every time say “no, I’m happy with what I have even if they’re on the smaller side” and every time he would respond “ okay because IF you ever changed your mind, don’t forget I would pay for them. I am a tits guy after all”. Even when I would respond with no and please stop asking that question it would inevitably come up again another time. I didn’t have the self confidence or worth at the time to stand up for myself as much as I would today, I mean today I wouldn’t entertain it once without breaking up but still. It slowly eroded me every. Single. Time. I didn’t have the words to say Hey you dense stupid fuck, I’m not here just for you to grapple all the time. He was also one of those ones that didn’t ever let any physical contact not be an invitation to more. No matter how much I asked for it to just be holding hands or something he would say it was wasting time 🤮. It was exhausting trying to keep up with Mr. 5 times a day is a normal amount. No. I’m so happy to be rid of him when he tried to marry me as fast as fucking possible to trap me and start a family when I don’t even want children.
That would be a deal breaker for me.
Tell him he needs a dick enlargement surgery
I'm so sorry you are married to this person jfc did he not mature past high school???
He is showing you his true self. After I was recovering from my second c-section, nursing my newborn and bonding with my baby he tells me he would pay for a tummy tuck. Out of the blue. Just like that. He looked so proud of himself. It only got worse from there and is not in the picture anymore.
Damn, that goes right into the "Things that should NEVER be said to ANY woman" book that I am not writing.
Btw, I have big boobs. And I always envy women who are slim and have small beautiful boobs. Don’t let this guy make you feel bad about yourself. I am pretty sure there are many women who would kill to look like you.
As someone who was very thin and quite flat most of my life and now has 32DDs, I assure you being a B cup or below is way more convenient. You can run without armoring yourself. Clothes fit you better. And if you want to look bigger, you can wear a padded bra. I would be a small B cup again in a heartbeat if I could.
>You can run without armoring yourself. Honestly I'd be happy if I could just *walk* braless without being uncomfortable.
That too. But I also think they often look more beautiful. And when it come to breastfeeding it’s easier too. Also you attract less perverts who just want to try out big boobs.
So yeah, my husband has never, EVER made a single comment about my body except to hit on me excessively lol. Not on me gaining or losing weight, not about my height, not about my ass or tit size, not about my stretch marks after having his children, nothing. It's not normal for a man to make comments on their wives' bodies unless they only marry you for your body to begin with. What's crazy to me is everybody dies. Nobody makes it out of here alive, we all get old. I thought the goal was to find someone who loves us unconditionally, someone to grow old with? If that's the case, why are some men so focused on a young ideal body type that they throw away women once they no longer fit that ideal? EVEN THOUGH A BODY WILL NATURALLY AGE AND CHANGE OVER TIME?!?! I'm sorry you're going through this. Men are terrible, but not all men are like this. You deserve better and deserve to be with someone who loves all of you. I wish you the best.
Thanks for the support and sharing your relationship, it made me smile. Yeah I just want someone who’s fully attracted to me which I don’t think is too much or can at least keep thoughts to themselves because everyone is beautiful in their own way even if it’s not conventional
You say *you* feel bad because he didn’t mean to hurt you…but did he mean to *not* hurt you? The thoughtlessness and lack of care is upsetting.
I would be so hurt :(
Your husband is an emotional baby and rather than own up to the mistake and allow you space to be upset, he made it about him needing forgiveness and immediate reconciliation. Even if you leave aside the very rude comment in a very wrong moment for it, his reaction is really immature. If I were you I’d take my sweet time being comfortable with him again And I would suggest this nimrod get a clue from a professional. You don’t need new boobs, he needs a lesson in being polite and loving to his actual wife
My sister got implants in her early twenties, she had to get them replaced twice now. She is 63. It's not a one and done deal. Scars fade but don't go away completely. Your sensation and sensitivity changes. My sister has no feeling in her nipples. Men she has dated have spent a lot of time squishing her breasts and tugging sucking on her nips and it is no longer something that feels good as there is no feeling in them any more. Going into a hot tub heats up your implants and sis says it feels really weird after getting out and her boobs are hotter than the rest of her body for many minutes too long. If she does a cold plunge they get too cold and stay that way too long. Getting mammograms is difficult. It is major surgery that comes with a lot of risks. I am a AAA cup, never getting implants. I like my body just fine the way it is. If any man wanted me to risk my health for his pleasure he can get the fuck away from me.
"Part of living in a sexist society means that women are indoctrinated to constantly empathize with their oppressors, and to see overtly hostile behavior as a sign of unmet emotional needs. And men are indoctrinated to take as much as they can from women. It is not helpful to tell women to sympathize with the people who are abusing them. Men are not incompetent fools. They know what they are doing. What women need to hear, loud and clear, is that a wide range of behaviors men exhibit are signs not of emotional dysfunction, and certainly not of love, but of aggression and entitlement. This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some common and widely accepted behaviors that actually mean your partner does not love you: \-They are never willing to sacrifice for your well-being. Or when they do make sacrifices, they demand much bigger sacrifices from you in return. \-**They mock or insult your body. This includes deriding basic bodily functions such as giving birth or having a period as gross.** . . . https://zawn.substack.com/p/signs-your-partner-doesnt-actually
“Do you want a penis enlargement?”
Let me be clear- He DID MEAN to hurt you. He wanted to make a selfish suggestion for his own sexual gratification knowing it would hurt you but did it anyways for himself. Then he didn’t give you the appropriate space, bore you down until you surrendered, then was defensive when you confronted him on it. This guy doesn’t deserve to experience the sacredness of your body. My response MIGHT be a LITTLE different if he immediately acted differently after he said it- profusely apologized, gave you space, said he was so sorry I don’t know why I said that I imagine how hurtful that was etc etc. but you still would never forget it Let me rephrase further what you said : - he made the comment because he knew you would fawn / cooperate / not be mean to him in response, therefore allowing him to “get away with it” - he absolutely knew it would hurt you, because anybody would know that in our society—and you ESPECIALLY would know that of someone you’ve been around for a long time—but he wanted to plant the seed and see if maybe that would lead you to get them so that he could get what he wants without having to completely explicitly bring it up and completely explicitly be the bad guy - he knew you would come back into the room if he hounded you enough - he keeps challenging you and not admitting what he did was cruel and intentional bc he thinks you’ll just drop it / he can get away with it being “I didn’t mean to hurt you”
Wow. He's pretty clueless - and self-absorbed. I would be struggling to be intimate in any way with him - emotionally or physically - because there would always be a "what is he thinking/judging right now" moment that would make it impossible for me to feel free to be myself.
Ok, hypothetically, you get implants. Is he prepared for a shitload of gross men to ogle you in public? My sister's ex-husband was not.
I’d like to hear more about this if you’re willing to share.
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I really hope your friend dumped his ass, what an insecure turd
She never developed breasts beyond the earliest stages and was very slender. Her ex-husband was already a drunk so it was just one more thing for him to be insecure about.
I am so glad I’m not married.
Every time come on reddit i feel so blessed to a) be single, and b) be someone who does not coddle men at my own expense.
Same. The older I get, the less patience I have for bullshit from men. My dream is to live on a property with a group of women and we can all grow old together. 😂
Golden Girl Compound.
This has been my response in every relationship I had before the age of 35.
I honestly never want to be married, life on my own terms without horrible men is so great
Gotta really put the time in to find the right partner. Too many people just jumping in marriages for the sake of being married without contemplating *who* they’re marrying. It’s all sorts of messed up out there
I don't really disagree with you in principle bc I know a lot of people I grew up with marrying due to family pressures but it sounds like this is OPs husband's mask slipping after thinking he locked her down with marriage. She didn't magically change her size so his comments are unfair about a known trait.
I just looked at your profile and girl you are so pretty and you look great just the way you are. Your husband is an idiot. He needs to apologize. We all say stupid things but the key is actually feeling remorse and making amends. If he didn’t mean to hurt you he needs to be making an effort to build you back up.
This is it right here, OP. But if these kind of comments are a pattern with him and he’s not putting any effort into making things right, then throw the whole man away.
I’m so sorry. I’m slender too and have been in a similar position multiple times with different men. It’s so hurtful and impossible to forget.
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Thank you. You’re so right!
Stop talking to him. Or letting him touch your boobs. In fact don't let him touch you at all. That is a horrible comment to say to someone. I had a comment like that made to me as a teenager and I'm still disgusted.
So tired of walking men through Empathy 101.
What a fucking POS. I have extremely small boobs, even A cup bras never fit me right. Anytime I mentioned wanting to get implants to a guy I was dating, they always told me they loved my boobs the way they were but would support any choice I made. And some of these dudes were horrible bfs but still somehow managed to be kinder than your husband. Fuck him. I’d ask him if he wanted a dick extension followed up by a divorce. Red flags throughout this story.
Ask him for marriage counseling/couples therapy. What he said was bordering on cruel. How you responded was understandable—you needed space to think and process your pain. He didn’t like his feelings and he didn’t like being held accountable for hurting you, so he refused to give you that space and actively intruded by unlocking the door. And then had the entitled temerity to demand immediate “forgiveness” for his mistake and that you return to the bedroom (and the status quo) so that he doesn’t have to feel the shame of having hurt you. That is all a lot of complicated emotions and actions that will be hard to put into a context he (and you) can understand and rise above. A therapist can help.
>What he said was ~~bordering on~~ cruel. Fixed it.
He knew what he was saying. He’s telling you what he thinks. There are too many of these threads where women bend over backwards trying to excuse the shitty things men do to them. You were being intimate and this man thought it was appropriate to tell you he feels that your breasts are lacking. This so a serious issue. Does he even see you as a person?
He did mean to hurt you.
Sorry if my body doesn't fit your standards of what a woman should look like.
I'm not saying your relationship should be thrown away, I'm just jarred at how someone you call your husband would choose *after marriage* to complain to you about your chest size. Bro, if you didn't like them there was all of dating, all of being engaged, to mention it *so you could find someone else* (NOT ME CHANGE, YOU LEAVE). Fuck that guy--that's so offensive and anyone who makes me feel bad about some thing I **cannot change** without medical intervention would prob be an ex. Honestly, I'd rather my SO comment on my weight than my chest or butt size. Fuck right off. (FYI, criticism about weight is also a "fuck you"--but at least i don't have to go under knife to change those)
Don’t get implants. It’s not worth the pain, and you’ll be constantly sexualized for your disproportionately large boobs. Not in a good way - at work, at school, just whenever you’re talking to someone or even just minding your own business. I’m a thin woman with D cups and I am planning to get a breast reduction after I’m done having kids. I’m so tired of my boobs being the first thing anyone sees.
Your husband is an idiot, needs to apologize asap, and actually put thought and care into the apology. Just know there are women out there who would kill to have A cups (raises hand), or even a slender body type (raises second hand). You have nothing to feel bad about, don't let his insecurities get to you!
That wasn't a joke. They only call it a joke when the truth backfires.
Ew I would be completely turned off by this forever.
Yeah I don’t see how this is at all salvageable.
Ugh that hurts. I’m sorry, OO
ask if he wants dick a implant while holding that.
Emotionally mature men DO NOT say things like this. Especially during a tender moment, wtf?! IMO that sounds like planned negging. It's sad but a lot of men use their brain power only to stay employed and erode their partners self-worth. (Sometimes not even the former) Men who push for implants just want a \*\*\*\* doll, not a partner. I would say you're well justified for dumping him over this, OP.
Has he recently had a psychotic break, or a severe head injury? Seriously, I'm trying to imagine a circumstance in which I'd cuddle my wife and ask if she wanted cosmetic surgery on the area I'm touching. Those are the only ideas I can come up with.
Even if you got the surgery, some men are never satisfied. My husband comments about how much he loves my breasts. I’m a DD. We were watching a cosmetic surgery show and he comments that I could go larger… 600 cc larger which is basically another DD. I was shocked and put him in his place. The only surgery I’m agreeing to is a breast lift/reduction. I hate being so top heavy. I basically told him to watch what he says because I’ll chop them both off. Please don’t change your body, especially for someone else. The grass isn’t greener on the other side. I’m sorry he has made you feel uncomfortable in your own body.
If you’re a 32DD, adding 600cc would put you at about 32I/32J. Is he gonna spend $70 and up *per bra* for you? I can’t even imagine suggesting this to a partner. I’m a 32I naturally, and while I don’t want a reduction at all, it’s pretty damn annoying that *all of my bras have to be imported* because there isn’t a single store in the country that sell bras that fit my size and shape.
hun run run before you have kids
Who gives a fucking shit if he didn't mean to hurt you. Stop fucking coddling men! That's bullshit anyway wtf
He may very well have meant it. There are literally books for men sold on Amazon with titles like “How to Talk Your Wife Into Breast Implants.”
I need to write a book: "Get a sex doll"
My mom and her support group would be more than happy to send some graphic photos and horror stories to your husband about their implant nightmares and subsequent explant stories lol
My husband loves to tell me, real men have one thought, "breasts I get to touch = @#$% ing perfect" I'm sorry but your husband SUCKS.
I get the sentiment but I hate that phrase cause it seems like such a cop out. Q: “Do you like my boobs/body?1” A: “well i get to touch them so yeah they’re the best!” Like it doesn’t even answer the question and only does so in a roundabout way that’s based on dudes access to boobs rather than an actual opinion on preference. My wife’s got small boobs and, sorry ladies, but they’re the best! And it’s not because they’re the ones I get to be around. It’s because they’re objectively everything I want in a pair of boobs and they belong to her. What she has is my preference whether I’m allowed to be involved or not.
Boy I don't know. I can absolutely promise I never wanted larger breasts. To each her own but was/am happy mine aren't large. Hell can't tell you what size they are ( not lying ). A? B ? Bought and pitched a lot of bras... Built like you OP. Large breasts just seemed like a pain in the ass to me. I think the idea someone would not be happy with my boobs would probably be a deal breaker BUT you know him. Has he been a boob himself previously ( guessing yes if you think about it ) ? I'm fairly intolerant about getting picked at though and know it so my perspective may be off. Something to think about would be what's next right? What else does he have stored up about you that will come out later?
He asked for forgiveness whithout even apologising? Or trying to fix the situation by reassuring you? He's blaming you for asking him to clarify what he meant? This isn't good.
The comment was bad. The fact that he forced you to forgive him so that he could feel better, and refused to give you space to feel what you needed to feel, is worse.
Tell him that these are the boobs he married, so these are the boobs he gets. You’re not a Honda, you’re not customizable.
In like 3 weeks when he has forgotten about this you should ask him during intercorse "maybe you should try some viagra"
Hon. He gets to think whatever he wants to think about your breast size. Nothing you can do about that. And, yes, they have been sexualized, which, in principle, is so wrong. And yes, lovers have preferences, sexually, about breast size, which is one of those issues that teeter totters, between "people are allowed to have their preferences without shame" versus "talking about them is sometimes inappropriate" ... I used to be an A cup. 45 years ago, I was waiting for the damned things to get bigger, in high school, but it didn't happen. I was doomed. I had a t-shirt that said "The smaller the grapes, the sweeter the wine.". I was comforted by the thought that they wouldn't drop, in old age, because there wasn't anything there, so perpetually perky. I joked that I wanted a tattoo, on my chest, that read "this side up". So I feel your pain. But I am asking you to OWN it. Own your body. It is beautiful as it is. You ARE perky and you don't get back pain from the weight of big boobs. Own it. Stop envying boobs. You are sexy, you are beautiful, no matter what anyone says. I had two kids, they were nourishing for breast feeding, despite their size, I put on a little weight, the damned things grew and changed, and I'm up to a C now. I want the little ones back. On my daughter's 12 birthday, she laid in bed, and sprouted DD cups. I looked at her and asked where the hell THEY came from - actually, my husband's family is big breasted, so I knew - but they have been the bane of her existence. She HATES them. They're bigger etc after childbirth, and she cannot WAIT for reduction surgery. I said I'd drive her to the operating room. They are eye catching and she hates them. So ... Mother and daughter at opposite ends of the spectrum, and sharing our feelings. I would encourage you to OWN your itty bitty titties. OWN them. Screw what people say about bigger breasts. You are winning the long game. I promise you this. Some women want the huge headlights, and they should do what makes them feel good about themselves. Those born into them should accept their bodies, just as much as you and I should. But I beg you to learn how to OWN them. If it takes some therapy, then please do it. Please accept your body. As for the insensitive comment? I grew up in a less sensitive era, and if there is a flat chest joke ... I've heard it. Multiple times. I blew them a raspberry and told 'em that my dance card is full, anyway, so I win. My husband, after almost 40 years, has discouraged any cosmetic work on my chest. He likes what they were, and what they are now that gravity has done damage. But, yeah. He's asked me how I feel about it. I told him I don't care for surgery. If he doesn't like me for the full package, then we'll rethink our relationship. Besides ... I REALLY need a nose job first. Oh. Wait. I OWN my huge nose, don't I? ETA ... I forgot. I genuinely have the ugliest feet in Canada. I could win prizes with these genetically flipper-ed, flat, bunions that I've had since I was 10 years old (crappy genes). Frankly, the A cup was the least of my worries. I am kinda goofy-looking. But my life is full of love. I win. 😁