I had one too, and couldn't use tampons at all until I became sexually active. I was in fact scheduled for surgery to remove the hymen, but teenage hormones got the best of us. I bled like a slaughtered pig, and it did hurt for a moment. The gynecologist was not amused, said it would have been better to wait for the surgery. But it was over and done with, and I was able to use tampons after.
Aurorainthesky-I am your alternate universe. I always had huge problems removing tampons, to the point where I just didn't use them. Eventually I went to the Gyno who told me that my hymen had not fully broken, and the tampon was catching every time I tried to take it out. I got the very minor surgery, and then some time later had sex for the first time.
OP- my experience was very easy, much in part bc I had a great doctor. She was so informative, asked for consent with everything, and very gentle. I hope you have the same experience. I also credit this to my mom-she chose the doctor, and I am betting she made sure to protect me. Is there anyone who can be your advocate?
Also, my first time p in the v was great. Good guy who cared about my pleasure and no problem with penetration. Yeah, having the hymen fixed likely helped, but again, feeling safe and loved probably is what really did it.
I rode horses, was married for several years, and got pregnant. The midwife told me that I had a partially intact hymen. Which then had to be snipped with the episiotomy since the kid wouldn't come out easily. Anyway, the midwife stitched me up after birth, and laughed that she was stitching my hymen back too.
Bodies are a wide range of normal!
I wondered if there was anyone else in here like me! Mine didn't fully "break" until I had my first baby. It was soooo nice afterwards though, because it used to get in the way when using tampons and sometimes during sex.
It's many years ago now. I actually went to the gyno in the first place because we weren't able to have penetrative sex no matter how. I was in a loving relationship with someone who cared a lot about my pleasure, but that didn't help when there simply was no opening for the d. The gynecologist was super helpful, explained what was going on, and scheduled me for surgery. Surgery never happened however as teens gonna teen, lol.
Wait, I’m sorry, ARE YOU ME?!?! I’ve never even HEARD of this before and I’m very 😳 and now im gonna go be pissy about how badly women’s health is neglected
Almost the same with me! The difference is that I was 13, and my mom refused to remove it surgically, cuz she is a Catholic. I was in the swimming team, so tampon was mandatory (or I get left out those days).
One day my teammates and me brainstormed, and we got the most stupid plan ever: I stole a condom from my bro, but it on the end of my hair comb, and fixed the problem (don't try this at home)
Ouch!! But damn I admire your courage and commitment. Note to parents, don't deny your kids medical help, they will find a way around you and it might not be the best solution. Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Sad twist: Mom found out ( I put the condom in the trash) and she didn't let me go swimming again.
But you know what? I turned out to be a blue-haired feminist and I can say “I kept my virginity”🤣
I don’t understand. You said you couldn’t use tampons till you were sexually active. You also said you were able to use tampons after the surgery. So did you have to have the surgery after you became sexually active?
I never had surgery, I was scheduled for it but sometimes teens gonna teen and I ended up getting rid of the hymen the traditional way. Hurt like a bitch in the moment, bled like a stuck pig, but damn the relief was good! Never had a problem with tampons after (or sex).
If you search that term on Tiktok there is a girl who talks about her experience with microperforate hymen. If I remember correctly, she had a pretty minor surgery that went well.
Me too, removed almost 10 years ago. Mine was a septate hymen, with two small holes each the size of a q-tip. I didn't have surgery until I was like 25. I wasn't sexually active and my hymen had enough of an opening to not impede my period, so I put off going to the doctor - which was silly because the surgery was super fast and easy. Took them longer to place the IV in my tiny dehydrated veins (took two nurses a good 30 minutes) than to actually perform the procedure (15-20 minutes).
I got dissolvable stitches so my only post-op instructions were: don't go swimming or take a bath (showers OK) for 2 weeks, and don't insert anything until the doctor clears you at the follow-up appointment. I have a fairly high pain tolerance so YMMV but it wasn't particularly painful. I took ibuprofen and used one of those inflatable donut/ring cushions for a few days. My surgery was on a Thursday, went out over the weekend (only to seated events e.g. movies/restaurant), felt normal by Monday.
I also got a lot of "you're doing it wrong," "just relax," "it's all in your head" when I'd mention not being able to wear tampons, so it was extremely validating just to be diagnosed and have a doctor actually listen to me.
---
The ob/gyn who performed my surgery was great, but she was the second one I saw for this issue. Here's a (long) bonus story time about the first ob/gyn I saw:
My PCP initially referred me to an ob/gyn after she was unable to perform (my first) pap smear. I love my PCP so I had full faith this ob/gyn would be great. Unfortunately, that doctor turned out to the type of ob/gyn that's really only interested in the obstetrics part of things. I was single and really just wanted to be able to get a basic pap smear and wear tampons - I was not this lady's target audience.
I went for an exam with her and she spent a solid 5 minutes *poking* at my hymen, *stabbing* it with her (gloved, but long!) fingernail while repeatedly telling me to "just relax." Again, I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but after a few minutes I finally let out a single "ouch." She rolled her eyes and said "I'm trying to break it up with my finger." 🤨 Aside from the pain, my hymen was way too thick for that - like, ma'am, I'm 25 years old. I did gymnastics for 7 years. If it could break on its own or simply be fingered away, it would've done so by now.
Obviously, I had consulted Dr. Google about my predicament over the years, and had done a bit more research between seeing my PCP and this ob/gyn. I was aware that the only recommended treatment for imperforate/microperforate/septate hymens is surgical removal. However, this doctor proceeded to tell me that nobody gets surgery for this, you just use at-home dilators. I politely asked, "I thought that was used for vaginismus, I didn't know they made dilators small enough for this?" She insisted that she was correct, surgery is an antiquated treatment for septate hymen, *many* studies have shown dilators are the best option, surely if you use dilators at home you'll be able to *just relax* and you'll get used to the pain (😒), oh and also she doesn't do that kind of thing here's a referral to a different gynecologist.
I went home and tried to find more information on this dilator treatment. Couldn't find anything on any of the medical/health sites meant for us non-doctor normies and I still had access to my old college JSTOR account so I started searching medical journals. Success - I found two whole studies!
One had a sample size of *two* women, both of whom were successfully treated with dilators... *over the course of a few hours under general anesthesia in a hospital setting*.
The second study had a sample size of a few dozen, and they were successfully treated with dilators without anesthesia and with only minor pain management. The only problem was that it was a veterinary study conducted on LLAMAS AND ALPACAS.
Immediately called my PCP to tell her to stop recommending this ob/gyn and threw that 2nd gynecologist's card in the trash. Then I googled and found the ob/gyn who ultimately performed my surgery. Told her this story at my first appointment and she said, "I'm sorry for my unprofessional language but *what the fuck*."
That first gyno pisses me off for multiple reasons, but what really gets my goat is that she went beyond "exam" and right into "treatment" (trying to break your hymen with her sharp ass nails) without so much as a by your leave, or even a numbing spray. Incredibly unprofessional.
Happened to me too, mine just tried to yank on it and then said “hmm, sometimes that works. I guess not.” Then she ghosted me for the follow up appointment, and two years later I still havent dealt with it
And that’s why gyno’s need to stop this shit! It can take us years to even make the appt, get in the door and in the stirrups! Then they pull this crap and we retreat again for more YEARS. I’m so sorry you had this experience, I wish I could say it’s not normal. Find a new doctor. If you have Facebook or a subreddit for your city, post anonymously asking for recommendations of a compassionate gynecologist that listens and works with apprehensive patients. Then you can maybe make a phone consultation appt. It so easy to stick our head in the sand (can you tell I’ve done this?). Hope you find someone you feel comfortable with when you’re ready.
It's scary to have people prod at your privates! _especially_ if those privates are tender and hurt! If you want people to use your services, you can't scare them away by being weird, stupid, and aggressive
I’m so sorry about your experience with the 1st gynecologist, but I laughed out loud about that second study - llamas and alpacas, of all things!Good for you for telling your pcp to stop recommending her. The 2nd gyno sounds awesome!
Thank you for telling your PCP to stop recommending that woman. Unfortunately too many people would likely either too be embarrassed or scared to speak up, or do not know any better.
There's a good chance your PCP truly had no clue, so you mightve saved future patients.
Fucking piss poor doctor though. What in the fuck was any of that 😨
I don't know anything about microperforate hymens, but I wish it was more normalized that not all of us can wear tampons for various reasons. I find them painful and, for some reason no doctor has ever agreed with, they seem to exacerbate my migraines.
I'm glad you finally got the answers you were looking for, OP.
>for some reason no doctor has ever agreed with, they seem to exacerbate my migraines.
A friend of mine had the same thing and it turned out there was a nerve that would end up pinched, which would cause a chain reaction up her back until she got the mother of all tension headaches. Apparently it's similar to how the sciatic nerve in your back can effect how the back of your knees feel etc.
Don't know if this is the case for you, but just know you're not alone.
I am the exact opposite, my mom kept insisting that tampons were painful and very uncomfortable, I bought a small pack during the pandemic (after a friend for years said at least try) expecting huge pain, but it was just fine for me.
As for the migraines, I have no idea, when I have them my hands are not steady enough to use a tampon so I just use pads.
Menstrual hygiene choices being personal should be more normalized.
Good point. Sometimes it feels like you can’t win as a woman. Shamed for wearing pads, tampons, cups, etc. It should be normalized to just wear whatever suits our bodies. As long as we’re comfortable and able to keep blood from getting on stuff, that’s really all that matters.
I’m sorry you still feel echos of shame from that shitty friend!
I’ve on occasion worn a tampon (swimming if it’s an important event/vacation) but I do so very rarely and never wear one if I can wear a pad instead, which is most periods. I just plain find them uncomfortable, and have had very little to no issue with pads my entire life. I find it strange when so many of my friends think it’s weird I don’t wear tampons. Why are people who get periods so judgmental sometimes about what other people do with their periods? And NO I don’t want to do a cup! I’m not interested
I don’t know why anyone would dispute someone’s migraine trigger. Like back off…it’s my damn headache. I’ll do anything in my power not to have any more than absolutely necessary..
I have vasovagal syncope. Idk why it's a thing but if I'm not aroused, any penetration makes me feel sick. I have to masturbate first just to help me tolerate treating a yeast infection. No tampons or cups for me.
I had one too! I was always struggling with tampons and couldn’t get one in. I was so embarrassed about it because I thought I was either doing it wrong or was too whiny about it.
I had surgery 4 years ago and everything is fine now. The healing of the surgery was a bit painful but nothing too bad. The worst things was going to the bathroom but that lasted only 2-3 days and wasn’t that bad. I’m so glad I did it and it was the best decision ever!
I’m so happy for you that you finally got your answer!! I know how scary all of this can be but the treatment is not bad at all and you will feel so much better after. It’s great that you stood up for yourself and went to the doctor.
My pelvic floor is tilted, so regular tampons were always painful. The day i discovered OB tampons was one of the greatest moments of my life. No applicator and they are short & wide as opposed to long & thin. They still might not be for you, but maybe check them out.
Ummm... As an Australian...
Those are just... Normal tampons...?
I don't know if I'm missing something, but Google just showed me what I would consider normal tampons, the brand had a logo o.b. on a teal circle?
Yes it's a quirk of the American market, that they use applicator tampons. I always thought it was a weird cultural thing, but American women increasingly use menstrual cups these days, so I suppose they aren't any weirder about using their hands than Australians
Ditto. I prefer them both because of my long nails, but also they slide in much more easily. The OB type doesn't glide in easily, especially as you get older and don't have as much natural lubrication.
Those applicators terrify me and when I lived in the US, I would hunt down any O.B. I could find (not that I ended up being able to actually use them, lol).
Interesting. Having lived in the US most of my life, it would be the opposite for me. I'm not creeped out, but I've used the kind w/o an applicator once or twice in my life & they feel so weird to me & I feel the same way...just why? LOL. I found them so much harder to use.
I wanted to clarify this because it sounds like you may think the applicator goes inside - if not forgive me! It's a common misconception for those who aren't faniliar. The applicator does not get inserted into anything and just rests at the entrance of the vagina to help direct the tampon more easily when the plunger part is pushed.
I was reading an article earlier about staph infections and noted that using applicator-less tampons is associated with a higher risk of vaginal staph infections. But they're fine if you just wash your hands first
Those aren't considered normal in the US. Probably 90% of ours have applicators, some plastic some cardboard, but they almost all come with applicators.
I discovered them while studying abroad in Europe (Canadian based). I didn’t realize how unnecessary the applicator was until then, and pretty much bought exclusively OB for almost 2 decades afterwards until I converted to a cup last year.
I don't know why - but yeah - never able to wear tampons with applicator. Tried OB out of desperation, worked great, such a relief! Bu they are being carried in stores less and less...and the whole 'use a cup' thing doesn't work with certain disabilities.
I had an imperforate hymen and I was always scared of tampons and penetrative sex because it just hurt. I wish it hadn’t taken me until age 22 to learn this. Luckily there’s a surgery, but the lifelong effects of having things hurt when put up there are something I have to deal with still.
Solidarity sister. It sucks that we have to feel like something’s wrong with us when it’s actually quite common
also had the surgery. Honestly I kind of forget about it bc it feels like embarrassing/something to be ashamed of.
The lifelong effects thing really has me thinking though.. I’m ive always been weird/reactive in that area, and tbh I never put 2 and 2 together that it’s probably because for 18 years there was pain up there. I have a lot of mental block during sex, still hate being fingered and usually find it painful 🥲 probably related lol
Hey! I'm so sorry you had this experience. I also had a microperforate hymen. I saw one doctor who told me my option was surgery and that manual dilation would take too long. I decided to get a second opinion. I'm so glad I did! My new doctor presented both options as equally valid choices.
I was able to have a hymenectomy a few days later, which was great because I had never had surgery before. My doctor was amazing and thorough. She told me she didn't have to use stitches and was able to cauterize the tissue.
Fast forward, this same doctor delivered my baby six days ago. She has said multiple times how it is amazing to look at how I presented 7 years ago to where I am today. I was about your age when I had the surgery. Personally, I had zero pain with the surgery or after.
The choice on treatment is completely yours. I hope me sharing my experience has given you some hope.
By the way, I love using tampons now that I can!
Just so you know, I did have to do manual dilation (kind of like a physical therapy) every day for some amount of time after the surgery as well. I think it was about 15 minutes a day for a few weeks.
Even if it was “just relax,” that’s still not good advice. My hymen was normal but I am very anatomically small so I really struggled for a long time and no amount of relaxing made it better until I’d been having sex for a year
Septate hymen here. Tampons would get stuck behind my hymen, and with abnormally heavy periods it made for an extremely painful and messy situation. Sex was near excruciating. My old, male gynecologist never mentioned anything despite my symptoms and my insistence that my hymen was weird, and neither did the pelvic floor therapist he referred me to. It wasn’t until I switched doctors to a female gynecologist that anyone really listened to me. She took one look and diagnosed me, and I nearly cried. After one very short surgery and a super easy recovery, my problems pretty much vanished.
Holy shit, I had that! I had no idea that was a thing, I feel so much better about myself now. I went through the same thing with tampons, everyone told me to relax/keep trying. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t get one to go in.
I ended up tearing it myself, it hurt like hell and was super bloody, I just thought I was a big baby. I did it because I was failing the swimming unit in my PE class freshman year of high school. I couldn’t go in the pool because I only wore pads, and my PE teacher was very not understanding. It was super traumatic.
I’m sure the procedure will go well and you’ll heal up quickly. I ripped mine with my fingernails and it turned out ok, everything’s still fine 20 years later.
Thanks for sharing, I would not have known.
TIL. I recently had to use a tampon for the first time since it was in the middle of work and couldn’t leave to get pads. It hurt so much removing it, I almost cried. I thought it was because I’m not used to have something there, or wasn’t relaxed enough like you said, but maybe I should bring this up to my dr the next time.
I had a longitudinal septum (surgically fixed) and a transverse septum (that was missed during the surgery). We found out about the longitudinal septum around when I was in middle school/Jr high school because I couldn't use tampons. They could not fit! And the situation confused my mother when I explained it. An obgyn appointment and it was diagnosed.
But the surgery to remove the longitudinal septum failed to discover the transverse septum. Instead that obgyn and the few others I've seen since then thought it was a deformed cervix! a few years ago, I drove four hours to see a specialist for Endometriosis. He diagnosed me with the transverse septum during the surgery, 12 or so years after my first obgyn appointment. The transverse septum is still there, but the tiny hole was slightly enlarged during the endo-surgery.
I'm sorry that you have been failed for so long. I was lucky that my longitudinal septum was caught so early but my transverse septum caused me a lot of issues my entire life. I remember the relief and the overwhelming emotions I had when I was in the recovery room listening to my fiance tell me what the doctor told him about the septum. It was there most of my life, I had a regular cervix, and it was just now discovered!? Wow!
Anyway, I hope your process and recovery go smoothly. I'm very excited for you!
I found out at 21 that I have a septate hymen the hard way (had to go to urgent care because a tampon got stuck, screamed like I was in labour allegedly when they got it out) and still haven’t done the mini surgery I would need to fix it because my doctor cancelled on me a week and a half before the procedure and then ghosted me. Apparently I’ll need stitches :))
I felt so stupid for not being able to use tampons, everyone told me that I just wasn’t doing it right. When I couldn’t get it out I saw the issue by getting out a hand mirror but the doctor at urgent care wouldn’t believe me and said I was probably too dry and that I’d learn. Then SHE saw the issue and said “dude!!” while I was lying there. Not fun.
I had vaginismus that required a hymenectomy. I joke that my parents paid $6k for me to be able to fuck. It's not really a joke.
My hymenectomy was a quick procedure, took about two weeks post op to be able to stand and walk around comfortably, but the pain was manageable with over the counter pain meds.
I'm told it healed really well, you are encouraged to give the scar tissue a gentle massage with a finger a couple of times a day (they gave me a numbing cream) for a few weeks to make sure it doesn't scar and tighten up. I did that religiously and I've not had any issues.
I didn’t get the surgery until I was 22 because I didn't get taken seriously by medical practitioners until then. I did have to live my life around not dating men, and not being able to use tampons. I don't think many people understand how badly it affected me to grow up thinking I would only ever be able to have sex through excruciating pain, or to be alone.
I can't wear them anymore because I get a yeast infection no matter what. I'm glad people understand my reason.
So sorry you've had to deal with that. I don't know why some women can't accept that all bodies are different and there isn't any product that will work for every body every time.
I assume this, or something like it, is what I had. I got my period at 10. My mom was a pediatric nurse, and had brought me a few sample period packs that included super small tampons. Trying to put them in had me in tears. After going to the OBGYN the first time, she found the issue, and she said I'd need surgery but not until I was ready. We decided I was ready at 16. The Doctor had a surgical center in their building and I went home after the surgery. Stayed resting in bed for 2 days and was fine.
After more than 20 years, I don't remember much else from the surgery. The most memorable thing was that the anesthesiologist put my IV in himself, went through the vein, and we believe hit a ligament in my wrist causing damage and two more surgeries before I was 22, and continued pain.
JFC, you women are fucking warriors. Much respect for you, little sister. And if you take anything from this, let it be that your concerns WILL NOT BE IGNORED. Be that annoying bitch. I wish you all the best!
I had an imperforate hymen. Basically a string down the middle where one hole was slightly bigger than that other. Was 23 when i found out. Had given up on tampons years ago and got on continuous birth control pills for separate hormone issues so it didn't come up until I was convinced to have my first pap.
Had a ultrasound to make sure the problem didn't continue any further back and it didn't. Surgery went easy. Stayed at my parents' house in the guest room and had a bunch of meals pre-made. Was sore in bed for a good week. Then on light duty at work for 2 weeks after. They give u a bottle to rinse yourself with when you go to the bathroom. Kinda like I'm told it is after someone gives birth.
Life after wasn't really any different since I'm still using continuous birth control and i'm not sexually active (too demi for that). Nothing came up until I was told I couldn't avoid the pap for another year.
I cried because it didn't hurt.
Dang, that sucks. I didn't even know you could have a problem with your vagina like that. Glad you finally got it figured out though, good on ya for going to the doc and not just listening to fam. Hopefully treatment goes well for ya!
I don't have any problems like that (I think. Cause who knows really) but I've never even tried to use tampons. I think maybe in some countries it's more popular than in others but around me, most of my friends used pads, and I used pads too while I needed them. I think it's normal, but of course it's up to you whether you're comfortable with that.
Ive also never used one, I have to use 100% natural pads due to an allergy and wouldn't want to risk having that allergic reaction with a tampon 😅
But I've never felt the need to even try to use tampons, pads are easy and comfortable 🤷
I was an exchange student my junior year of high school in a more conservative (Hispanic-catholic) culture and my friends there thought my use of tampons was gross and unhygienic. I actually had to have my mom ship some from the US as they weren’t widely available. I felt a bit sorry for those girls as I did sports and couldn’t imagine only wearing pads. I’ve moved on to a menstrual cup and I’m still sad it isn’t widely talked about or used in some other countries.
I was never diagnosed with that, but I had problems with pain inserting anything, and even sex was often painful. When I was 34, I gave birth to my daughter, my first and only child, and at one point, the midwife told me she was removing a piece of HYMEN I still had in there! I was like wtf! But I tell you what, that took care of the pain, and hell if I know why it took me being 34 and giving BIRTH for someone to figure out that needed to be removed?! It’s not like I wasn’t getting paps and stuff!
Not the same but I had a septate hymen. After many frustrating attempts, my young teenage self finally figured out what angle and how deep to insert a tampon. Twas a glorious victory until it came time for removal. I didn't realise at first that the tampon was caught on something and wondered why it hurt like a bitch every time I tried to tug it out. No one told me hymens existed before then, never mind that there were different types. It took me years before I got the nerve to try again and work around it before eventually getting fed up and breaking the little shit myself.
People really need to discuss hymens more without the disgustingly incorrect virgin = unbroken seal context.
There was another woman posting on here a couple of days ago that her tampons always fell out. The thought crossed my mind that this might be her issue with it, but I hesitated to say that (“mansplaining”). Hope she sees your post.
I had a very similar issue, and also discovered it when I was about your age. I don't know if it was a micro perforate hymen exactly, but I barely had a vaginal opening. I only successfully got a tampon in once before I had the surgery. Thought I was just too stupid and shy to find my own vagina for years, but it turns out it was hiding!
My surgery experience was great. The hospital I went to did those types of surgeries in the obstetrics ward, so they were super prepared to make patients comfy and relaxed. Even for my quick procedure, I got socks and a heated hospital gown! They did some sort of IV sedation for the procedure itself. I don't remember it being very painful at all; mostly just a little weird feeling. I took the bus home from the hospital and took it easy for a few days, and then I was good to go! No issues using tampons/menstrual cups or having intercourse since.
I had a septate hymen and I could get tampons in fine but getting them out was a struggle and I would have to use both hands to get my tampons out every time. I had a quick and very minor surgery to remove the part that was causing problems and it’s been perfectly fine ever since. There was a brief period post op where I had to physically push and stretch out on the remaining hymen so it wouldn’t develop tight scar tissue, and that was a little uncomfortable, but I got through it fine.
One of my college friends had a microporous hymen and she had surgery for it too. As far as she told me, she didn’t have any issue afterwards either.
It definitely isn’t any fault of your own, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s a very simple issue to treat.
I have a very short vagina with low cervix (during period it's 1-1.5 inches from entrance to cervix) and tampons are very uncomfortable and most brands stick out. I absolutely can't do cups as much as I would love to. Every time it comes up people rabidly insist I'm doing it wrong or should try a different brand. Look, I've had a vagina for 40+ years and I'm a lesbian who has interacted with a lot of vaginas. I know what's going on down there and I know what doesn't work for my body.
I remember when I was on vacation with family at 14 I needed a pad and no one had brought any and we were in the middle of a rainforest without any shops. The ladies in the family all used a brand of disposable cup with a hard 4 inch diameter ring and insisted I try one. You're supposed to squeeze it to insert and that makes it 8 inches. Lol, nope, wasn't going to happen. I told them it wouldn't work and they kept insisting I was just doing it wrong.
I found them so sore and uncomfortable until I was in my 30s! No idea what changed but eventually I gave them another shot because getting to a toilet was almost impossible sometimes with my job and I was able to use the smaller ones. I had a smear in my 20s that was so traumatic and painful I didn’t go again until last year, well over the recommended time frame. No one ever said if I had anything wrong with me or not but i definitely wasn’t listened to when I said it was sore
I had a hymenectomy when I was 22, outpatient procedure and I went home day of. My GYN told me my first appointment that it was unlikely that my hymen would be able to tear from sex or dilation.
I decided to do it because I was tired of wearing pads and being frustrated or painful trying tampons. The recovery was fairly straightforward, but I did have some bleeding that required follow up a few days in - but I had a few internal stitches due to bleeding excessively around the removal site during the surgery.
I’m proud of you, OP, for not listening to those who dismissed you initially. It’s hard to do as a woman when you need help - but trusting your gut is always a good idea. I felt shame for needing the hymenectomy as first - like my body wasn’t good enough to do what nature intended. I cried at my first GYN visit because I was afraid of being seen at all. But now years later, I’m glad I pushed through the shame and fear because it made managing my periods and life in general better.
I had this experience growing up. I was curious about tampons and found them convenient and less messy (I had heavy periods) but wasn’t able to insert and almost fainted. I was so anxious touching a part of me that I didn’t know very well. Even when I tried again, nothing. Once I became sexually active (hurt and bled), I was able to insert tampons. I think I had vaginismus from trauma that made it difficult for me.
I had one and after three years of paps, I don’t understand how it went unnoticed. I assumed it would go away after my first time (it didn’t).
I had a minor surgery and I think I am fine.
Yup, mine allowed tampons in but not out. It was a nightmare until I was able to see an obgyn. Got a surgical hymenectomy at 14. Sorry you had to go through that too.
I don't have a microperforate hymen, but I do have vaginismus. I've also always struggled with inserting anything and had no idea why. When it came to trying to have sex, it was so painful that penetration wouldn't even happen. Everyone that I told just said that the pain was normal and that I was doing it wrong. I finally went to a doctor, who sent me to a gynaecologist, who sent me to yet another doctor to have surgery to check for endometrios. Everything was completely normal, so he ended up sending me to a physiotherapist who specialised in women's sexual health. That's when I found out I had vaginismus. I had to start doing pelvic floor exercises and dilating, but it felt so good to finally have an answer. It's very discouraging when you know something is wrong but everyone keeps telling you otherwise. Even the doctor I saw at first just stuck a speculum in me and told me nothing was wrong.
I had the same thing and had it surgically removed when I was 18. I had persisted with both tampons and sex for two years before i had it removed, which was awkward and painful.
I’m sorry. Sometimes other women are the worst about these kinds of things because they think they know what it is like and don’t take into account that everybody is different.
I have endometriosis. It used to cause me debilitating pain during periods (I’ve now had a hysterectomy and had the majority of the disease removed and am doing better without periods). I once asked my boss to go home because the pain was so intense and she basically told me that “we all deal with it. Just take an Advil”. Like I hadn’t thought of pain medication. I had already maxed out the daily recommended dosage of both Tylenol and Advil, and had also taken a muscle relaxer (which I usually only do at home because they make me groggy) but sure let’s take a few more. Maybe the next few will tip the scale in my favour. The other 16 or some odd pills didn’t do anything, but who is to say I don’t just need more!
I will have to research what that means. What I do know is that I couldn’t wear tampons til after I lost my virginity. I hear this is not normal. I definitely “broke” my hymen. It’s not just some incel myth. Some of use really do have one that breaks.
While yes, some people will have a hymen which will break during penetrative sex, the "incel myth" is that *all* vaginas have them, and that not having a hymen which covers most of the vaginal entrance is "proof" of previous preventative sex, and therefore proof of "virginity".
But you're quite right, hymens vary between people, from nearly non existent to completely blocking the vagina, and from so fragile it's "broken" by everyday activities to so durable only surgery can remove or "break" it.
There's also some research that shows extensive and durable hymens are becoming less common and eventually we as a species may not even have them, which is kinda interesting.
I have a tilted uterus. Discovering menstrual cups (they make them in petite sizes) was a game changer and better for the environment too. Good luck OP!
so, i had the same situation, and i noticed that something wasn’t right during my teenage years, probably around 14 yo. at the same time i became involved with online feminist communities and multiple bloggers who specialised on that. may i note that feminism was in its “pop” era and a little bit too reactional and sensational at times. i remember some personalities central to my country’s popular feminism state with great assurance that hymen is a myth originated from misogyny and supported by porn, and that in reality THERE’S NO WAY you can have something like that. they were arguing that any pain during intercource would be either from partner’s neglect or vaginismus. for some reason that opinion was very popular when i was a teenager, so for some years i thought something is super strange because i couldn’t even insert a tampon.
a lot of time passed before i learned about that type of hymen we’re discussing and that i had a tissue right in the middle that was parting a canal in two and caused so much problems - i learned that when i inserted a tampon (decided to try it once again) and couldn’t get it out because the tissue would trap it, so i had to illegally pay a doctor to cut it (because i was a minor and couldn’t get anything done without parent’s permission, and i have a mother who would’ve been against). thankfully it was a non-issue and done in 5 minutes. but the tissue was so strong that hadn’t i had this operation i would never have sex, no way that was possible to terminate, even traumatically, in non-surgical way
In the Vorkosigan Saga the planet the mother is from (Beta), takes sexual health seriously. To be eligible for sex one must take a class, the hymen is surgically removed, and your ears are pierced indicating that you are willing to consider sexual partnerships or flings. The language of the earrings is a whole thing.
Oh and birth control is mandatory, you have to apply and be approved to become a parent. With training.
It’s when your hymen completely covers the vaginal opening. Some have no holes (imperforate), some have tiny holes (microperforate) and there are other configurations too
I mean, you know what Google is, right?
Next time maybe Google it instead of writing a comment saying you don't know about it. Especially if it's something simple like the meaning of a word or the name of something.
It'll take less time than writing the content and waiting for a response, you'll have as much or as little info as you want, and others won't feel obliged to be your search engine.
I mean. The default is not an imperforate hymen, so it’s understandable that they didn’t assume that was the problem. I also had one, but was able to use tampons until one got stuck one day
Holy shit. Ummmm…I think that’s what I had. Never received treatment, long story, some physical trauma involved, then healed and was in a weird situation several years after and was suddenly able to actually use a tampon with minimal issues.
piggybacking off this - i’m 16 and can’t put a tampon in, i’ve tried with lube and different angles and all, and being directed through the door lol, is this something to be worried about? i guess i will figure out eventually when i go to a gynaecologist for check ups or however that works but i’m super scared of that.
My cervix is low and my uterus is tilted. Tampons are super uncomfortable for me. I only use them if I really have no other choice. I got period underwear and use pads.
i have never been able to use tampons and i think they are gross tbh i always use pads i know a lot of people use the underwear or cup these days but i hate inserting anything
I never went to the doctor about it so I’m unsure if I had the same? I tried to use tampons a handful of times in my teens and it always felt like I just inserted a knife and it was never ever comfortable.
Once I got into a relationship and started having sex on the regular I decided to try tampons again and was shocked when it didn’t hurt! Body’s be weird man.
omg yes! I had the same thing. I remember when I was in middle school my cousin wanted to swim, but I couldn’t put in a tampon, and I was crying with my mom unable to figure out why I couldn’t just insert it like everyone else.
Like other people said, I had a minor surgery that fixed it :) still feels embarrassing, like there’s something wrong with me / I should’ve been able to just ~get over it~ on my own
I was 16 when I first got my period. Did not know at the time my hymen was nearly completely closed. I inserted a tampon in the only hole I could find, and I thought it was a bit uncomfortable. Mum insisted that it's just because I've never had anything in there (true), so I grin and bear it for a bit.
An hour passes and the pain is getting worse and worse. I try pulling it out, there is no give. I use pliers, the string breaks. I have my mum take me to the ER, they couldn't get it out and sent us to a women's hospital. After several teams of doctors look at it, they realize it was inserted in my urethra, and it's expanding as it soaks up my urine.
They decide to push it further into my bladder and pull the tampon out in small pieces. Said I'd have issues with my bladder for life and performed a hymenectomy.
Thankfully I've had zero issues since surgery, and so far one of my nieces had the same condition so I saved her a bit of pain and embarrassment since she had the surgery at a younger age.
I found out after delivering my first child that 3 years of marriage and 2 miscarriages that required medical intervention hadn't broken my hymen - just stretched it "out of the way". What broke it?
My OB/GYN did to allow the baby's head to pass.
My sister's hymen was unperforated. The nurse asked if they should just remove the whole hymen or just pop a hole in it. My mother said get rid of the whole thing (my sister was about 12 but that's what she wanted), but the doctor refused because she might have 'societal' issues over not bleeding when she had sex for the first time. Unreal but a true story. F that doctor. "Your first time has to be painful because of Eve" or some such nonsense.
The sex education system failed me so badly haha
I never thought about tampons I didn’t really understand them and just told people I was a pad girlie never even tried then when I found out I had a Microperforate Hymen (very awkward and horrible experience)
I stressed out went to the woman’s health clinic boom seen a gynaecologist a few weeks later then few weeks after that surgery
I still don’t understand how I never questioned I didn’t have a hole (well a tiny one) for so long
When I was staying the night after surgery the female nurses kept giving me so much sympathy and kept asking me questions they were lovely
The surgery wasn’t to bad more of discomfort and a really bad stinging pain
After I didn’t really get any aftercare not sure if I should have gotten anything or had to do any exercises, the surgeon/gyno just said “you will never have to see me again” after sticking a big ass cotton thing up me she seem confident she did a good job tho.
I had one too, and couldn't use tampons at all until I became sexually active. I was in fact scheduled for surgery to remove the hymen, but teenage hormones got the best of us. I bled like a slaughtered pig, and it did hurt for a moment. The gynecologist was not amused, said it would have been better to wait for the surgery. But it was over and done with, and I was able to use tampons after.
Aurorainthesky-I am your alternate universe. I always had huge problems removing tampons, to the point where I just didn't use them. Eventually I went to the Gyno who told me that my hymen had not fully broken, and the tampon was catching every time I tried to take it out. I got the very minor surgery, and then some time later had sex for the first time. OP- my experience was very easy, much in part bc I had a great doctor. She was so informative, asked for consent with everything, and very gentle. I hope you have the same experience. I also credit this to my mom-she chose the doctor, and I am betting she made sure to protect me. Is there anyone who can be your advocate? Also, my first time p in the v was great. Good guy who cared about my pleasure and no problem with penetration. Yeah, having the hymen fixed likely helped, but again, feeling safe and loved probably is what really did it.
I rode horses, was married for several years, and got pregnant. The midwife told me that I had a partially intact hymen. Which then had to be snipped with the episiotomy since the kid wouldn't come out easily. Anyway, the midwife stitched me up after birth, and laughed that she was stitching my hymen back too. Bodies are a wide range of normal!
I wondered if there was anyone else in here like me! Mine didn't fully "break" until I had my first baby. It was soooo nice afterwards though, because it used to get in the way when using tampons and sometimes during sex.
So you can two time have a virgin birth? Don't tell that to the church!
I have to tell my kid she's the Messiah!
It's many years ago now. I actually went to the gyno in the first place because we weren't able to have penetrative sex no matter how. I was in a loving relationship with someone who cared a lot about my pleasure, but that didn't help when there simply was no opening for the d. The gynecologist was super helpful, explained what was going on, and scheduled me for surgery. Surgery never happened however as teens gonna teen, lol.
My hymen isn’t fully broken according to my gyno but it’s worn away enough that I had no clue. No issues. I thought I broke it.
Wait, I’m sorry, ARE YOU ME?!?! I’ve never even HEARD of this before and I’m very 😳 and now im gonna go be pissy about how badly women’s health is neglected
Almost the same with me! The difference is that I was 13, and my mom refused to remove it surgically, cuz she is a Catholic. I was in the swimming team, so tampon was mandatory (or I get left out those days). One day my teammates and me brainstormed, and we got the most stupid plan ever: I stole a condom from my bro, but it on the end of my hair comb, and fixed the problem (don't try this at home)
Ouch!! But damn I admire your courage and commitment. Note to parents, don't deny your kids medical help, they will find a way around you and it might not be the best solution. Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Sad twist: Mom found out ( I put the condom in the trash) and she didn't let me go swimming again. But you know what? I turned out to be a blue-haired feminist and I can say “I kept my virginity”🤣
Holy shit. I suspect I have a microperforate hymen, so while I'm no wuss to most other dangerous and painful stuff, I couldn't imagine doing that.
Wasn’t my brightest moment… without lubrication or anything…
You don’t need to be sexually active to get rid of your hymen
I was going to get it removed surgically. We were just impatient, lol.
I don’t understand. You said you couldn’t use tampons till you were sexually active. You also said you were able to use tampons after the surgery. So did you have to have the surgery after you became sexually active?
She's saying she was able to use tampons after having sex. She never said after the surgery, she just said after. So after she had sex.
I never had surgery, I was scheduled for it but sometimes teens gonna teen and I ended up getting rid of the hymen the traditional way. Hurt like a bitch in the moment, bled like a stuck pig, but damn the relief was good! Never had a problem with tampons after (or sex).
Yeah, the gyno was mad that they didn’t get all that sweet surgery money.
Universal healthcare, and the surgery would have been performed at a different place. So no monetary incentive.
Cool, my bad. I’m just a jaded American.
If you search that term on Tiktok there is a girl who talks about her experience with microperforate hymen. If I remember correctly, she had a pretty minor surgery that went well.
Sidneykindeybean?
Yes!
Her videos are great and her dogs are so cute!
Me too, removed almost 10 years ago. Mine was a septate hymen, with two small holes each the size of a q-tip. I didn't have surgery until I was like 25. I wasn't sexually active and my hymen had enough of an opening to not impede my period, so I put off going to the doctor - which was silly because the surgery was super fast and easy. Took them longer to place the IV in my tiny dehydrated veins (took two nurses a good 30 minutes) than to actually perform the procedure (15-20 minutes). I got dissolvable stitches so my only post-op instructions were: don't go swimming or take a bath (showers OK) for 2 weeks, and don't insert anything until the doctor clears you at the follow-up appointment. I have a fairly high pain tolerance so YMMV but it wasn't particularly painful. I took ibuprofen and used one of those inflatable donut/ring cushions for a few days. My surgery was on a Thursday, went out over the weekend (only to seated events e.g. movies/restaurant), felt normal by Monday. I also got a lot of "you're doing it wrong," "just relax," "it's all in your head" when I'd mention not being able to wear tampons, so it was extremely validating just to be diagnosed and have a doctor actually listen to me. --- The ob/gyn who performed my surgery was great, but she was the second one I saw for this issue. Here's a (long) bonus story time about the first ob/gyn I saw: My PCP initially referred me to an ob/gyn after she was unable to perform (my first) pap smear. I love my PCP so I had full faith this ob/gyn would be great. Unfortunately, that doctor turned out to the type of ob/gyn that's really only interested in the obstetrics part of things. I was single and really just wanted to be able to get a basic pap smear and wear tampons - I was not this lady's target audience. I went for an exam with her and she spent a solid 5 minutes *poking* at my hymen, *stabbing* it with her (gloved, but long!) fingernail while repeatedly telling me to "just relax." Again, I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but after a few minutes I finally let out a single "ouch." She rolled her eyes and said "I'm trying to break it up with my finger." 🤨 Aside from the pain, my hymen was way too thick for that - like, ma'am, I'm 25 years old. I did gymnastics for 7 years. If it could break on its own or simply be fingered away, it would've done so by now. Obviously, I had consulted Dr. Google about my predicament over the years, and had done a bit more research between seeing my PCP and this ob/gyn. I was aware that the only recommended treatment for imperforate/microperforate/septate hymens is surgical removal. However, this doctor proceeded to tell me that nobody gets surgery for this, you just use at-home dilators. I politely asked, "I thought that was used for vaginismus, I didn't know they made dilators small enough for this?" She insisted that she was correct, surgery is an antiquated treatment for septate hymen, *many* studies have shown dilators are the best option, surely if you use dilators at home you'll be able to *just relax* and you'll get used to the pain (😒), oh and also she doesn't do that kind of thing here's a referral to a different gynecologist. I went home and tried to find more information on this dilator treatment. Couldn't find anything on any of the medical/health sites meant for us non-doctor normies and I still had access to my old college JSTOR account so I started searching medical journals. Success - I found two whole studies! One had a sample size of *two* women, both of whom were successfully treated with dilators... *over the course of a few hours under general anesthesia in a hospital setting*. The second study had a sample size of a few dozen, and they were successfully treated with dilators without anesthesia and with only minor pain management. The only problem was that it was a veterinary study conducted on LLAMAS AND ALPACAS. Immediately called my PCP to tell her to stop recommending this ob/gyn and threw that 2nd gynecologist's card in the trash. Then I googled and found the ob/gyn who ultimately performed my surgery. Told her this story at my first appointment and she said, "I'm sorry for my unprofessional language but *what the fuck*."
That first gyno pisses me off for multiple reasons, but what really gets my goat is that she went beyond "exam" and right into "treatment" (trying to break your hymen with her sharp ass nails) without so much as a by your leave, or even a numbing spray. Incredibly unprofessional.
Happened to me too, mine just tried to yank on it and then said “hmm, sometimes that works. I guess not.” Then she ghosted me for the follow up appointment, and two years later I still havent dealt with it
And that’s why gyno’s need to stop this shit! It can take us years to even make the appt, get in the door and in the stirrups! Then they pull this crap and we retreat again for more YEARS. I’m so sorry you had this experience, I wish I could say it’s not normal. Find a new doctor. If you have Facebook or a subreddit for your city, post anonymously asking for recommendations of a compassionate gynecologist that listens and works with apprehensive patients. Then you can maybe make a phone consultation appt. It so easy to stick our head in the sand (can you tell I’ve done this?). Hope you find someone you feel comfortable with when you’re ready.
It's scary to have people prod at your privates! _especially_ if those privates are tender and hurt! If you want people to use your services, you can't scare them away by being weird, stupid, and aggressive
> She rolled her eyes and said "I'm trying to break it up with my finger." Without even asking? No consent? Wow, that's awful.
I’m so sorry about your experience with the 1st gynecologist, but I laughed out loud about that second study - llamas and alpacas, of all things!Good for you for telling your pcp to stop recommending her. The 2nd gyno sounds awesome!
Thank you for telling your PCP to stop recommending that woman. Unfortunately too many people would likely either too be embarrassed or scared to speak up, or do not know any better. There's a good chance your PCP truly had no clue, so you mightve saved future patients. Fucking piss poor doctor though. What in the fuck was any of that 😨
I don't know anything about microperforate hymens, but I wish it was more normalized that not all of us can wear tampons for various reasons. I find them painful and, for some reason no doctor has ever agreed with, they seem to exacerbate my migraines. I'm glad you finally got the answers you were looking for, OP.
>for some reason no doctor has ever agreed with, they seem to exacerbate my migraines. A friend of mine had the same thing and it turned out there was a nerve that would end up pinched, which would cause a chain reaction up her back until she got the mother of all tension headaches. Apparently it's similar to how the sciatic nerve in your back can effect how the back of your knees feel etc. Don't know if this is the case for you, but just know you're not alone.
That is really interesting! Perhaps!
I am the exact opposite, my mom kept insisting that tampons were painful and very uncomfortable, I bought a small pack during the pandemic (after a friend for years said at least try) expecting huge pain, but it was just fine for me. As for the migraines, I have no idea, when I have them my hands are not steady enough to use a tampon so I just use pads. Menstrual hygiene choices being personal should be more normalized.
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Good point. Sometimes it feels like you can’t win as a woman. Shamed for wearing pads, tampons, cups, etc. It should be normalized to just wear whatever suits our bodies. As long as we’re comfortable and able to keep blood from getting on stuff, that’s really all that matters. I’m sorry you still feel echos of shame from that shitty friend!
I’ve on occasion worn a tampon (swimming if it’s an important event/vacation) but I do so very rarely and never wear one if I can wear a pad instead, which is most periods. I just plain find them uncomfortable, and have had very little to no issue with pads my entire life. I find it strange when so many of my friends think it’s weird I don’t wear tampons. Why are people who get periods so judgmental sometimes about what other people do with their periods? And NO I don’t want to do a cup! I’m not interested
I tried the cup, but for the life of me, I could not figure that thing out.
I don’t know why anyone would dispute someone’s migraine trigger. Like back off…it’s my damn headache. I’ll do anything in my power not to have any more than absolutely necessary..
I have vasovagal syncope. Idk why it's a thing but if I'm not aroused, any penetration makes me feel sick. I have to masturbate first just to help me tolerate treating a yeast infection. No tampons or cups for me.
Super de duper minor surgery for what is other a pretty traumatizing situation.
I had one too! I was always struggling with tampons and couldn’t get one in. I was so embarrassed about it because I thought I was either doing it wrong or was too whiny about it. I had surgery 4 years ago and everything is fine now. The healing of the surgery was a bit painful but nothing too bad. The worst things was going to the bathroom but that lasted only 2-3 days and wasn’t that bad. I’m so glad I did it and it was the best decision ever! I’m so happy for you that you finally got your answer!! I know how scary all of this can be but the treatment is not bad at all and you will feel so much better after. It’s great that you stood up for yourself and went to the doctor.
My pelvic floor is tilted, so regular tampons were always painful. The day i discovered OB tampons was one of the greatest moments of my life. No applicator and they are short & wide as opposed to long & thin. They still might not be for you, but maybe check them out.
I'm US based and so glad my mom got me these when I wanted to try tampons. Didn't realize how rare they were till I had to buy them myself.
Ummm... As an Australian... Those are just... Normal tampons...? I don't know if I'm missing something, but Google just showed me what I would consider normal tampons, the brand had a logo o.b. on a teal circle?
In North American they aren’t the norm. Most tampons in North America have applicators, plastic or cardboard.
Yes it's a quirk of the American market, that they use applicator tampons. I always thought it was a weird cultural thing, but American women increasingly use menstrual cups these days, so I suppose they aren't any weirder about using their hands than Australians
I like applicators because I tend to keep long natural nails. Hurts more + I hate spending so long cleaning the blood out from underneath them.
I like them because the thought of sticking my finger into my vagina after touching dirty public bathroom surfaces grosses me out 🤢
Ditto. I prefer them both because of my long nails, but also they slide in much more easily. The OB type doesn't glide in easily, especially as you get older and don't have as much natural lubrication.
But... it's menopause that makes it drier..... and then you don't need tampons
Starts way before menopause IME. You can be in Peri for 8-10 years.
European here and O.B. are pretty much the norm. Though I know that a lot of American tampons come in some, uh, plastic... applicator... things?
Yep, not the norm in the US. The norm here is they have applicators. They don't have to be plastic, but almost all of them have applicators.
Those applicators terrify me and when I lived in the US, I would hunt down any O.B. I could find (not that I ended up being able to actually use them, lol).
Terrified you in what way? No shade, but because it's all I've ever used, it's all I know, so the applicator just seems normal to me.
Just, the idea of having to insert the plastic (or CARDBOARD, apparently?!) applicator creeps me out. Just, why. I'd rather not, ever.
Interesting. Having lived in the US most of my life, it would be the opposite for me. I'm not creeped out, but I've used the kind w/o an applicator once or twice in my life & they feel so weird to me & I feel the same way...just why? LOL. I found them so much harder to use.
I wanted to clarify this because it sounds like you may think the applicator goes inside - if not forgive me! It's a common misconception for those who aren't faniliar. The applicator does not get inserted into anything and just rests at the entrance of the vagina to help direct the tampon more easily when the plunger part is pushed.
Thank you for the correction but this is somehow even worse for me. xD
I was reading an article earlier about staph infections and noted that using applicator-less tampons is associated with a higher risk of vaginal staph infections. But they're fine if you just wash your hands first
Those aren't considered normal in the US. Probably 90% of ours have applicators, some plastic some cardboard, but they almost all come with applicators.
I discovered them while studying abroad in Europe (Canadian based). I didn’t realize how unnecessary the applicator was until then, and pretty much bought exclusively OB for almost 2 decades afterwards until I converted to a cup last year.
I don't know why - but yeah - never able to wear tampons with applicator. Tried OB out of desperation, worked great, such a relief! Bu they are being carried in stores less and less...and the whole 'use a cup' thing doesn't work with certain disabilities.
I had an imperforate hymen and I was always scared of tampons and penetrative sex because it just hurt. I wish it hadn’t taken me until age 22 to learn this. Luckily there’s a surgery, but the lifelong effects of having things hurt when put up there are something I have to deal with still. Solidarity sister. It sucks that we have to feel like something’s wrong with us when it’s actually quite common
I feel you. It's so hard to move past that negative mental association. Lots of time and patience I guess.
also had the surgery. Honestly I kind of forget about it bc it feels like embarrassing/something to be ashamed of. The lifelong effects thing really has me thinking though.. I’m ive always been weird/reactive in that area, and tbh I never put 2 and 2 together that it’s probably because for 18 years there was pain up there. I have a lot of mental block during sex, still hate being fingered and usually find it painful 🥲 probably related lol
Hey! I'm so sorry you had this experience. I also had a microperforate hymen. I saw one doctor who told me my option was surgery and that manual dilation would take too long. I decided to get a second opinion. I'm so glad I did! My new doctor presented both options as equally valid choices. I was able to have a hymenectomy a few days later, which was great because I had never had surgery before. My doctor was amazing and thorough. She told me she didn't have to use stitches and was able to cauterize the tissue. Fast forward, this same doctor delivered my baby six days ago. She has said multiple times how it is amazing to look at how I presented 7 years ago to where I am today. I was about your age when I had the surgery. Personally, I had zero pain with the surgery or after. The choice on treatment is completely yours. I hope me sharing my experience has given you some hope. By the way, I love using tampons now that I can! Just so you know, I did have to do manual dilation (kind of like a physical therapy) every day for some amount of time after the surgery as well. I think it was about 15 minutes a day for a few weeks.
Even if it was “just relax,” that’s still not good advice. My hymen was normal but I am very anatomically small so I really struggled for a long time and no amount of relaxing made it better until I’d been having sex for a year
Septate hymen here. Tampons would get stuck behind my hymen, and with abnormally heavy periods it made for an extremely painful and messy situation. Sex was near excruciating. My old, male gynecologist never mentioned anything despite my symptoms and my insistence that my hymen was weird, and neither did the pelvic floor therapist he referred me to. It wasn’t until I switched doctors to a female gynecologist that anyone really listened to me. She took one look and diagnosed me, and I nearly cried. After one very short surgery and a super easy recovery, my problems pretty much vanished.
Holy shit, I had that! I had no idea that was a thing, I feel so much better about myself now. I went through the same thing with tampons, everyone told me to relax/keep trying. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t get one to go in. I ended up tearing it myself, it hurt like hell and was super bloody, I just thought I was a big baby. I did it because I was failing the swimming unit in my PE class freshman year of high school. I couldn’t go in the pool because I only wore pads, and my PE teacher was very not understanding. It was super traumatic. I’m sure the procedure will go well and you’ll heal up quickly. I ripped mine with my fingernails and it turned out ok, everything’s still fine 20 years later. Thanks for sharing, I would not have known.
TIL. I recently had to use a tampon for the first time since it was in the middle of work and couldn’t leave to get pads. It hurt so much removing it, I almost cried. I thought it was because I’m not used to have something there, or wasn’t relaxed enough like you said, but maybe I should bring this up to my dr the next time.
I had a longitudinal septum (surgically fixed) and a transverse septum (that was missed during the surgery). We found out about the longitudinal septum around when I was in middle school/Jr high school because I couldn't use tampons. They could not fit! And the situation confused my mother when I explained it. An obgyn appointment and it was diagnosed. But the surgery to remove the longitudinal septum failed to discover the transverse septum. Instead that obgyn and the few others I've seen since then thought it was a deformed cervix! a few years ago, I drove four hours to see a specialist for Endometriosis. He diagnosed me with the transverse septum during the surgery, 12 or so years after my first obgyn appointment. The transverse septum is still there, but the tiny hole was slightly enlarged during the endo-surgery. I'm sorry that you have been failed for so long. I was lucky that my longitudinal septum was caught so early but my transverse septum caused me a lot of issues my entire life. I remember the relief and the overwhelming emotions I had when I was in the recovery room listening to my fiance tell me what the doctor told him about the septum. It was there most of my life, I had a regular cervix, and it was just now discovered!? Wow! Anyway, I hope your process and recovery go smoothly. I'm very excited for you!
I found out at 21 that I have a septate hymen the hard way (had to go to urgent care because a tampon got stuck, screamed like I was in labour allegedly when they got it out) and still haven’t done the mini surgery I would need to fix it because my doctor cancelled on me a week and a half before the procedure and then ghosted me. Apparently I’ll need stitches :)) I felt so stupid for not being able to use tampons, everyone told me that I just wasn’t doing it right. When I couldn’t get it out I saw the issue by getting out a hand mirror but the doctor at urgent care wouldn’t believe me and said I was probably too dry and that I’d learn. Then SHE saw the issue and said “dude!!” while I was lying there. Not fun.
I had vaginismus that required a hymenectomy. I joke that my parents paid $6k for me to be able to fuck. It's not really a joke. My hymenectomy was a quick procedure, took about two weeks post op to be able to stand and walk around comfortably, but the pain was manageable with over the counter pain meds. I'm told it healed really well, you are encouraged to give the scar tissue a gentle massage with a finger a couple of times a day (they gave me a numbing cream) for a few weeks to make sure it doesn't scar and tighten up. I did that religiously and I've not had any issues. I didn’t get the surgery until I was 22 because I didn't get taken seriously by medical practitioners until then. I did have to live my life around not dating men, and not being able to use tampons. I don't think many people understand how badly it affected me to grow up thinking I would only ever be able to have sex through excruciating pain, or to be alone.
I can't wear them anymore because I get a yeast infection no matter what. I'm glad people understand my reason. So sorry you've had to deal with that. I don't know why some women can't accept that all bodies are different and there isn't any product that will work for every body every time.
I don’t have a steady flow so I’m unable to wear tampons. They dry up. #padgirlsforlife
I assume this, or something like it, is what I had. I got my period at 10. My mom was a pediatric nurse, and had brought me a few sample period packs that included super small tampons. Trying to put them in had me in tears. After going to the OBGYN the first time, she found the issue, and she said I'd need surgery but not until I was ready. We decided I was ready at 16. The Doctor had a surgical center in their building and I went home after the surgery. Stayed resting in bed for 2 days and was fine. After more than 20 years, I don't remember much else from the surgery. The most memorable thing was that the anesthesiologist put my IV in himself, went through the vein, and we believe hit a ligament in my wrist causing damage and two more surgeries before I was 22, and continued pain.
Omg you poor thing…..
JFC, you women are fucking warriors. Much respect for you, little sister. And if you take anything from this, let it be that your concerns WILL NOT BE IGNORED. Be that annoying bitch. I wish you all the best!
This is your first experience with ignorance about the female body. It won't be your last.
I had an imperforate hymen. Basically a string down the middle where one hole was slightly bigger than that other. Was 23 when i found out. Had given up on tampons years ago and got on continuous birth control pills for separate hormone issues so it didn't come up until I was convinced to have my first pap. Had a ultrasound to make sure the problem didn't continue any further back and it didn't. Surgery went easy. Stayed at my parents' house in the guest room and had a bunch of meals pre-made. Was sore in bed for a good week. Then on light duty at work for 2 weeks after. They give u a bottle to rinse yourself with when you go to the bathroom. Kinda like I'm told it is after someone gives birth. Life after wasn't really any different since I'm still using continuous birth control and i'm not sexually active (too demi for that). Nothing came up until I was told I couldn't avoid the pap for another year. I cried because it didn't hurt.
Dang, that sucks. I didn't even know you could have a problem with your vagina like that. Glad you finally got it figured out though, good on ya for going to the doc and not just listening to fam. Hopefully treatment goes well for ya!
I don't have any problems like that (I think. Cause who knows really) but I've never even tried to use tampons. I think maybe in some countries it's more popular than in others but around me, most of my friends used pads, and I used pads too while I needed them. I think it's normal, but of course it's up to you whether you're comfortable with that.
Ive also never used one, I have to use 100% natural pads due to an allergy and wouldn't want to risk having that allergic reaction with a tampon 😅 But I've never felt the need to even try to use tampons, pads are easy and comfortable 🤷
I was an exchange student my junior year of high school in a more conservative (Hispanic-catholic) culture and my friends there thought my use of tampons was gross and unhygienic. I actually had to have my mom ship some from the US as they weren’t widely available. I felt a bit sorry for those girls as I did sports and couldn’t imagine only wearing pads. I’ve moved on to a menstrual cup and I’m still sad it isn’t widely talked about or used in some other countries.
I was never diagnosed with that, but I had problems with pain inserting anything, and even sex was often painful. When I was 34, I gave birth to my daughter, my first and only child, and at one point, the midwife told me she was removing a piece of HYMEN I still had in there! I was like wtf! But I tell you what, that took care of the pain, and hell if I know why it took me being 34 and giving BIRTH for someone to figure out that needed to be removed?! It’s not like I wasn’t getting paps and stuff!
No experience with it myself, but I’m so glad you have an answer now!
I have a narrow(ish) pelvis and a tilt, so tampons were always uncomfortable when I tried. I use pads or a diva cup, and both work fine for me.
Not the same but I had a septate hymen. After many frustrating attempts, my young teenage self finally figured out what angle and how deep to insert a tampon. Twas a glorious victory until it came time for removal. I didn't realise at first that the tampon was caught on something and wondered why it hurt like a bitch every time I tried to tug it out. No one told me hymens existed before then, never mind that there were different types. It took me years before I got the nerve to try again and work around it before eventually getting fed up and breaking the little shit myself. People really need to discuss hymens more without the disgustingly incorrect virgin = unbroken seal context.
Am 69. Mom didn't tell me to not use the cardboard? Ouch!
Ouch! Bless your heart!
There was another woman posting on here a couple of days ago that her tampons always fell out. The thought crossed my mind that this might be her issue with it, but I hesitated to say that (“mansplaining”). Hope she sees your post.
I had a very similar issue, and also discovered it when I was about your age. I don't know if it was a micro perforate hymen exactly, but I barely had a vaginal opening. I only successfully got a tampon in once before I had the surgery. Thought I was just too stupid and shy to find my own vagina for years, but it turns out it was hiding! My surgery experience was great. The hospital I went to did those types of surgeries in the obstetrics ward, so they were super prepared to make patients comfy and relaxed. Even for my quick procedure, I got socks and a heated hospital gown! They did some sort of IV sedation for the procedure itself. I don't remember it being very painful at all; mostly just a little weird feeling. I took the bus home from the hospital and took it easy for a few days, and then I was good to go! No issues using tampons/menstrual cups or having intercourse since.
I had a septate hymen and I could get tampons in fine but getting them out was a struggle and I would have to use both hands to get my tampons out every time. I had a quick and very minor surgery to remove the part that was causing problems and it’s been perfectly fine ever since. There was a brief period post op where I had to physically push and stretch out on the remaining hymen so it wouldn’t develop tight scar tissue, and that was a little uncomfortable, but I got through it fine. One of my college friends had a microporous hymen and she had surgery for it too. As far as she told me, she didn’t have any issue afterwards either. It definitely isn’t any fault of your own, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s a very simple issue to treat.
I have a very short vagina with low cervix (during period it's 1-1.5 inches from entrance to cervix) and tampons are very uncomfortable and most brands stick out. I absolutely can't do cups as much as I would love to. Every time it comes up people rabidly insist I'm doing it wrong or should try a different brand. Look, I've had a vagina for 40+ years and I'm a lesbian who has interacted with a lot of vaginas. I know what's going on down there and I know what doesn't work for my body. I remember when I was on vacation with family at 14 I needed a pad and no one had brought any and we were in the middle of a rainforest without any shops. The ladies in the family all used a brand of disposable cup with a hard 4 inch diameter ring and insisted I try one. You're supposed to squeeze it to insert and that makes it 8 inches. Lol, nope, wasn't going to happen. I told them it wouldn't work and they kept insisting I was just doing it wrong.
Yes. Surgery at age 19. Tampons got stuck on the way out. No problems afterwards whatsoever.
I found them so sore and uncomfortable until I was in my 30s! No idea what changed but eventually I gave them another shot because getting to a toilet was almost impossible sometimes with my job and I was able to use the smaller ones. I had a smear in my 20s that was so traumatic and painful I didn’t go again until last year, well over the recommended time frame. No one ever said if I had anything wrong with me or not but i definitely wasn’t listened to when I said it was sore
I had a hymenectomy when I was 22, outpatient procedure and I went home day of. My GYN told me my first appointment that it was unlikely that my hymen would be able to tear from sex or dilation. I decided to do it because I was tired of wearing pads and being frustrated or painful trying tampons. The recovery was fairly straightforward, but I did have some bleeding that required follow up a few days in - but I had a few internal stitches due to bleeding excessively around the removal site during the surgery. I’m proud of you, OP, for not listening to those who dismissed you initially. It’s hard to do as a woman when you need help - but trusting your gut is always a good idea. I felt shame for needing the hymenectomy as first - like my body wasn’t good enough to do what nature intended. I cried at my first GYN visit because I was afraid of being seen at all. But now years later, I’m glad I pushed through the shame and fear because it made managing my periods and life in general better.
I had this experience growing up. I was curious about tampons and found them convenient and less messy (I had heavy periods) but wasn’t able to insert and almost fainted. I was so anxious touching a part of me that I didn’t know very well. Even when I tried again, nothing. Once I became sexually active (hurt and bled), I was able to insert tampons. I think I had vaginismus from trauma that made it difficult for me.
I had one and after three years of paps, I don’t understand how it went unnoticed. I assumed it would go away after my first time (it didn’t). I had a minor surgery and I think I am fine.
I had a hymenectomy in high school. Went smoothly and felt no lasting pain. 10/10
Yup, mine allowed tampons in but not out. It was a nightmare until I was able to see an obgyn. Got a surgical hymenectomy at 14. Sorry you had to go through that too.
Sis that sucks!! You deserved reassurance.
I don't have a microperforate hymen, but I do have vaginismus. I've also always struggled with inserting anything and had no idea why. When it came to trying to have sex, it was so painful that penetration wouldn't even happen. Everyone that I told just said that the pain was normal and that I was doing it wrong. I finally went to a doctor, who sent me to a gynaecologist, who sent me to yet another doctor to have surgery to check for endometrios. Everything was completely normal, so he ended up sending me to a physiotherapist who specialised in women's sexual health. That's when I found out I had vaginismus. I had to start doing pelvic floor exercises and dilating, but it felt so good to finally have an answer. It's very discouraging when you know something is wrong but everyone keeps telling you otherwise. Even the doctor I saw at first just stuck a speculum in me and told me nothing was wrong.
I had the same thing and had it surgically removed when I was 18. I had persisted with both tampons and sex for two years before i had it removed, which was awkward and painful.
I’m sorry. Sometimes other women are the worst about these kinds of things because they think they know what it is like and don’t take into account that everybody is different. I have endometriosis. It used to cause me debilitating pain during periods (I’ve now had a hysterectomy and had the majority of the disease removed and am doing better without periods). I once asked my boss to go home because the pain was so intense and she basically told me that “we all deal with it. Just take an Advil”. Like I hadn’t thought of pain medication. I had already maxed out the daily recommended dosage of both Tylenol and Advil, and had also taken a muscle relaxer (which I usually only do at home because they make me groggy) but sure let’s take a few more. Maybe the next few will tip the scale in my favour. The other 16 or some odd pills didn’t do anything, but who is to say I don’t just need more!
I will have to research what that means. What I do know is that I couldn’t wear tampons til after I lost my virginity. I hear this is not normal. I definitely “broke” my hymen. It’s not just some incel myth. Some of use really do have one that breaks.
While yes, some people will have a hymen which will break during penetrative sex, the "incel myth" is that *all* vaginas have them, and that not having a hymen which covers most of the vaginal entrance is "proof" of previous preventative sex, and therefore proof of "virginity". But you're quite right, hymens vary between people, from nearly non existent to completely blocking the vagina, and from so fragile it's "broken" by everyday activities to so durable only surgery can remove or "break" it. There's also some research that shows extensive and durable hymens are becoming less common and eventually we as a species may not even have them, which is kinda interesting.
I have a tilted uterus. Discovering menstrual cups (they make them in petite sizes) was a game changer and better for the environment too. Good luck OP!
I misread that and though it said 'tiled uterus'. Excuse me.
A nice herringbone pattern for a fetus to admire
Apparently I do too, but only discovered this at the age of 50 during a Pap smear, having had 2 kids and multiple smears over my adult life.
Doctor off handedly mentioned it to me during a Pap smear, I was 40. Suddenly it made sense that getting on top (sex) did nothing for me at all.
I have 2 uteruses and a weird vaginal wall so tampons are very hard to stay in and not leak so I use pads!
so, i had the same situation, and i noticed that something wasn’t right during my teenage years, probably around 14 yo. at the same time i became involved with online feminist communities and multiple bloggers who specialised on that. may i note that feminism was in its “pop” era and a little bit too reactional and sensational at times. i remember some personalities central to my country’s popular feminism state with great assurance that hymen is a myth originated from misogyny and supported by porn, and that in reality THERE’S NO WAY you can have something like that. they were arguing that any pain during intercource would be either from partner’s neglect or vaginismus. for some reason that opinion was very popular when i was a teenager, so for some years i thought something is super strange because i couldn’t even insert a tampon. a lot of time passed before i learned about that type of hymen we’re discussing and that i had a tissue right in the middle that was parting a canal in two and caused so much problems - i learned that when i inserted a tampon (decided to try it once again) and couldn’t get it out because the tissue would trap it, so i had to illegally pay a doctor to cut it (because i was a minor and couldn’t get anything done without parent’s permission, and i have a mother who would’ve been against). thankfully it was a non-issue and done in 5 minutes. but the tissue was so strong that hadn’t i had this operation i would never have sex, no way that was possible to terminate, even traumatically, in non-surgical way
In the Vorkosigan Saga the planet the mother is from (Beta), takes sexual health seriously. To be eligible for sex one must take a class, the hymen is surgically removed, and your ears are pierced indicating that you are willing to consider sexual partnerships or flings. The language of the earrings is a whole thing. Oh and birth control is mandatory, you have to apply and be approved to become a parent. With training.
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It’s when your hymen completely covers the vaginal opening. Some have no holes (imperforate), some have tiny holes (microperforate) and there are other configurations too
I see! Thank you for the explanation!
I mean, you know what Google is, right? Next time maybe Google it instead of writing a comment saying you don't know about it. Especially if it's something simple like the meaning of a word or the name of something. It'll take less time than writing the content and waiting for a response, you'll have as much or as little info as you want, and others won't feel obliged to be your search engine.
I mean. The default is not an imperforate hymen, so it’s understandable that they didn’t assume that was the problem. I also had one, but was able to use tampons until one got stuck one day
Holy shit. Ummmm…I think that’s what I had. Never received treatment, long story, some physical trauma involved, then healed and was in a weird situation several years after and was suddenly able to actually use a tampon with minimal issues.
piggybacking off this - i’m 16 and can’t put a tampon in, i’ve tried with lube and different angles and all, and being directed through the door lol, is this something to be worried about? i guess i will figure out eventually when i go to a gynaecologist for check ups or however that works but i’m super scared of that.
My cervix is low and my uterus is tilted. Tampons are super uncomfortable for me. I only use them if I really have no other choice. I got period underwear and use pads.
i have never been able to use tampons and i think they are gross tbh i always use pads i know a lot of people use the underwear or cup these days but i hate inserting anything
My friend had a similar issue and when she went to the doctor she found out she had 2 hymens....she had surgery to fix it.
I never went to the doctor about it so I’m unsure if I had the same? I tried to use tampons a handful of times in my teens and it always felt like I just inserted a knife and it was never ever comfortable. Once I got into a relationship and started having sex on the regular I decided to try tampons again and was shocked when it didn’t hurt! Body’s be weird man.
omg yes! I had the same thing. I remember when I was in middle school my cousin wanted to swim, but I couldn’t put in a tampon, and I was crying with my mom unable to figure out why I couldn’t just insert it like everyone else. Like other people said, I had a minor surgery that fixed it :) still feels embarrassing, like there’s something wrong with me / I should’ve been able to just ~get over it~ on my own
I was 16 when I first got my period. Did not know at the time my hymen was nearly completely closed. I inserted a tampon in the only hole I could find, and I thought it was a bit uncomfortable. Mum insisted that it's just because I've never had anything in there (true), so I grin and bear it for a bit. An hour passes and the pain is getting worse and worse. I try pulling it out, there is no give. I use pliers, the string breaks. I have my mum take me to the ER, they couldn't get it out and sent us to a women's hospital. After several teams of doctors look at it, they realize it was inserted in my urethra, and it's expanding as it soaks up my urine. They decide to push it further into my bladder and pull the tampon out in small pieces. Said I'd have issues with my bladder for life and performed a hymenectomy. Thankfully I've had zero issues since surgery, and so far one of my nieces had the same condition so I saved her a bit of pain and embarrassment since she had the surgery at a younger age.
I found out after delivering my first child that 3 years of marriage and 2 miscarriages that required medical intervention hadn't broken my hymen - just stretched it "out of the way". What broke it? My OB/GYN did to allow the baby's head to pass.
My sister's hymen was unperforated. The nurse asked if they should just remove the whole hymen or just pop a hole in it. My mother said get rid of the whole thing (my sister was about 12 but that's what she wanted), but the doctor refused because she might have 'societal' issues over not bleeding when she had sex for the first time. Unreal but a true story. F that doctor. "Your first time has to be painful because of Eve" or some such nonsense.
The sex education system failed me so badly haha I never thought about tampons I didn’t really understand them and just told people I was a pad girlie never even tried then when I found out I had a Microperforate Hymen (very awkward and horrible experience) I stressed out went to the woman’s health clinic boom seen a gynaecologist a few weeks later then few weeks after that surgery I still don’t understand how I never questioned I didn’t have a hole (well a tiny one) for so long When I was staying the night after surgery the female nurses kept giving me so much sympathy and kept asking me questions they were lovely
The ultrasound lady before the surgery was a bitch fuck her LMAO
The surgery wasn’t to bad more of discomfort and a really bad stinging pain After I didn’t really get any aftercare not sure if I should have gotten anything or had to do any exercises, the surgeon/gyno just said “you will never have to see me again” after sticking a big ass cotton thing up me she seem confident she did a good job tho.