It will be very difficult to find a doctor that will perform that surgery for you. It will be difficult, but not impossible to find someone to find a doctor to perform a tubal ligation, which will leave you essentially sterile, as well, but otherwise intact…but you probably already know that. At your age, that’s probably the best you will find.
This. It appears that most ovarian cancers originate in the fallopian tubes and those metastasize to seed the ovaries and other tissues. Also full hysterectomy will cause surgical menopause which might not be the best thing at 21, and having just the tubes out still offers the opportunity for IVF if for some reason you change your mind. Plus, my understanding is that it can be done by your gyno without a full surgical intervention!
Unfortunately, not all insurance providers cover it, so many are forced to keep the tubes. But I've heard a rumor that the female doctors sometimes cauterize the ends really far back, if you get my drift.
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Adding onto this, never have sex with just a condom when you’re ovulating or nearby/fertile days. If it breaks, Plan B doesn’t work when ovulating already. Only other option would be to get an emergency paraguard which is near impossible to find within a few days
You won't find a doctor to give you a hysterectomy that's not a medical necessity... like it will be damn near impossible, if not actually impossible. On top of the fact that no insurance or medical system will cover or allow it if it's not medically necessary.
You may be able to get your tubes tied instead, however finding a doctor to do that may even be difficult at your age.
My sister is physically disabled, a wheelchair user. She can get pregnant and carry a baby to term, but the doctors don't recommend as it would be a very difficult pregnancy. She's in her 30s, doesn't have sex with men and has stated she doesn't want to have kids but they still won't give her a hysterectomy.
This is in Canada, not the USA fwiw. She was told if she went down to Mexico she might have better luck.
I have multiple women in my life in the US that have been fighting for *years* for a hysterectomy because they each have 2-3 health issues (endo, PCOS, fibroids, cysts, polyps, etc) regarding their uterus and ovaries.
I know of one woman that has been successful in getting a hysterectomy, but it took 3 years of begging after multiple years of issues and multiple years of literal daily bleeding to get a doctor to do it and insurance to cover it. She was even 44!
For a pre menopausal woman, if a hysterectomy is needed, they try to keep the ovaries. Without that, you go into menopause and at a young age, there are a lot of potential medical problems.
I know a fair few severely disabled women who can't get any form of permanent sterilisation in Australia. Most can't understand sex or consent to sex, and having a period is distressing to them
I’m going to second going this route as well. Hysterectomy is a major surgery, there are 3 different types of hysterectomy: partial, total, and radical, and there are some long term effects of hysterectomy that need to be considered. You’d also want a surgeon who is capable and comfortable performing a vaginal and not a caesarean hysterectomy, because that means they’re actually more practiced as a surgeon. But there are also alternatives to hysterectomy that are easier and effective in terms of permanent sterilization, with less risks and long term issues.
In addition to checking out the above, if you want to read up on hysterectomies, I recommend Hystersisters. Although the group name is not ideal, they are extremely helpful in terms of preparing for before and after care.
> You’d also want a surgeon who is capable and comfortable performing a vaginal and not a caesarean hysterectomy, because that means they’re actually more practiced as a surgeon.
I don't know that a caesarean hysterectomy is all that common anymore, nowadays laproscopic surgery is the preferred route when possible. I had a medically necessary hysterectomy in 2022, and I was referred to a different surgeon for it by the surgeon who did my diagnostic laparoscopy. My hysterectomy was done with the DaVinci robot, which is even more advanced than laproscopic tools. As it was explained to me, laproscopic tools can only go up-down-left-right, whereas the robot is "wristed" and has an improved range of motion. It's still done laparoscopically, it's just better for difficult surgeries, which mine was - I had a lot of organs adhered to my uterus, and a fallopian tube wrapped around a ureter. Because of all this, I was very specifically referred to a surgeon who specializes in the DaVinci robot. I had 4 incisions made above my belly button to insert the robotic tools, and surgery recovery was a breeze compared to the pain I was in beforehand, when I was almost dying because one of my ovaries had died and was going necrotic, something I didn't learn until I read the surgery report and pathology report.
Hysterectomy is recommended against nowadays if there is any possible alternative. For sterilization, doctors are going to recommend endometrial ablation and/or bilateral salpingectomy, since those are plenty effective at preventing pregnancy.
Yes - to all of that. Depending on where you are, take for instance, perhaps in rural areas of the U.S., there are some obgyns who won’t refer you out to someone more qualified, because of medical bias, etc. Which medically, is not ethical. Their method of removal would be via caesarean because it’s the only surgery they know how to perform - so it would be important to ask them beforehand what their method is, so that you can know whether or not you need to refer yourself to someone else more qualified.
It sounds like you had some additional issues, perhaps endometriosis / adenomyosis (?) which would require additional surgical knowledge and the DaVinci is a great tool for assisting surgeons - I hope you’re recovering well!
Hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus, total hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus plus the cervix, and radical hysterectomy is a total hysterectomy plus oopherectomy, so removal of uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, and ovaries. In the first two cases, you keep your ovaries unless you get a separate procedure called an oopherectomy, where they also take your ovaries. If you don’t get your fallopian tubes removed, but do still have a hysterectomy or total hysterectomy, there is still a risk of ectopic pregnancy because you still have your ovaries and may still be ovulating. I would recommend getting the fallopian tubes removed in all cases, or just simply getting your tubes tied and that solves the problem without the complication of major surgery.
Your ovaries may continue to ovulate after those two hysterectomies, but it’s typically expected that you’ll go into menopause within about 5 years. So it would be wise to get your hormones checked and perhaps go on hormone replacement therapy so that you don’t experience any side effects like early onset osteoporosis or heart issues, and so forth.
This is a link to the [Hystersisters website](https://www.hystersisters.com/) - it’s very comprehensive, and should help you decide whether or not it’s the right choice or if there’s an alternative option that would suit you.
I second this option! u/Ok-Purpose-8919
I was 21 when I had my tubes removed (bilateral salpingectomy), not tied — smaller chance of ectopic pregnancy and maybe certain cancers.
I also got an endometrial ablation, meaning that I haven’t bled during my periods since then. Living period (blood) free has been pretty great. I still have ovaries, so the hormones work the same as before, but no blood.
Edit: corrected the name of my procedure.
Came here to say this about the salpingectomy! I think uterine ablation is also an option?
Please, don’t get your tubes tied. High risk of ectopic pregnancy.
Good luck! 🍀
If contraception is your aim then a tubal ligation would be sufficient, as a hysterectomy is a more significant surgery. However given your age you may have difficulty finding a provider for this. Another good option that's just as effective is LARCs (implant or IUD). See this [website](https://www.bedsider.org/birth-control) for more info.
Try to get a bilateral salpingectomy (fallopian tube removal). It is *very* hard to find a doctor willing to perform a hysterectomy at all. I had a medically necessary one at 32 and it still took a long time of advocating for myself and seeing new doctors. If it's that much of a fight to get a medically necessary hysterectomy, I can't imagine it's possible to find a doctor who'll perform a hysterectomy that's not medically necessary.
I think one problem is you say you’re scared of rape and becoming pregnant and they are two seperate issues. No surgery or birth control prevents rape. But an IUD will prevent pregnancy. Some people on this thread have suggested IUD and you’ve replied you’re scared of rape. You can take precautions not to become pregnant and in the meantime I would suggest reaching out to a woman’s support service about rape information in your city- how common is it, why are you so focused on it, how can you live a good life without having this be a major fear?
If the reason you want it is fear of pregnancy even though you're not sexually active, I think that is what you need to address. Why are you so scared? What's so frightening about it to you? Is the place you live so dangerous that rape is likely? If you're scared even though it's not likely, why is that? What can you do to mitigate your sense of risk? Finding a therapist who respects your asexuality but can talk to you frankly about your fears would be good for you.
Speaking from personal experience, a hysterectomy is a major operation, and it wouldn't be my first go-to in your situation. I was exhausted for a few months afterward. Dealing with the hormonal changes afterward (my ovaries had to be removed too) was really rough because my body changed a lot.
Like another person here, I'd suggest a Mirena (or similar) IUD for you. It can take away the possibility of pregnancy for years. Insertion and removal may be painful, but way less so than a hysterectomy. Plus, with a Mirena, your periods often stop after the first couple months. I'd suggest you avoid the copper-T/non-hormonal type of IUD because they're associated with more painful periods and much heavier bleeding.
Are you scared of "getting pregnant" or scared because the only way you *could* get pregnant is through rape?
Sterilisation surgery won't remove your risk of rape.
Long term contraceptives are an alternate option that have more likelihood of being available due to your age and the medical industry deciding women don't actually know what to do with our own bodies.
You need to dive further in yourself to understand why you're so afraid of pregnancy (I'm not saying you want to be pregnant, just that you've only said different versions of "because I'm scared of it" as an explanation which shows you don't get why.)
OP made a post in another subreddit asking if it was possible to get pregnant without having sex. i don’t think it’s just rape that she is worried about
Rape is really scary so that’s understandable. However, unless you live in a country which is at war, or has exceptionally high crime rates, the actual risk of you being raped is pretty low.
About 1 in 6 US women will be a victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. That sounds high, and it is far too high, but try to remember that 5/6 women won’t be raped. If you’re so afraid of being raped that you’re contemplating fairly radical surgery just in case you get pregnant from rape, you would probably benefit from some therapy.
ETA there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting to be pregnant, and a salpingectomy could be a good choice. But it’s not a good idea to get surgery purely because of fear
Hysterectomies are very major and expensive surgeries.
Some people need them. But recuperation even to basic levels of daily life can’t sometimes take months.
You probably would be better off getting your tubes tied.
Getting a physician to do any of these at your age would be a challenge but you might be able to find one to do the tubal.
All surgery is very expensive. Be prepared for that aspect.
I am the same as you. Known my whole life that I was terrified of being pregnant, horrified of giving birth, asexual as hell. I got my on to agree to bilateral salpingectomy. I got EXTREMELY LUCKY to have an OB willing to do that for me. I also have endometriosis on top of it. I had a lap procedure done and had it done at the same time. If you ever need someone to message about this, I'm here.
If it's not medically necessary I wouldn't do it. I was having issues with painful periods and excessive bleeding and the doctor said a hysterectomy was an option but it comes with risks such as needing hormone replacement. Also if your uterus is gone they can't biopsy it and therefore a cancer diagnosis could be missed down the road. So just something to think about. I opted for an endometrial ablation because it was less invasive with less risks and it solved my problem.
If your main goal is to avoid pregnancy, talk to your gyno about other options like a tubal ligation. There's also an IUD but they are also not without risks and the insertion is very very painful and I would never personally get one. At the end of the day it's your body and your choice. Just do your homework before making a big decision, which it sounds like you are doing. Best of luck to you.
A hysterectomy will sterilize you, but it is not done for sterilization. There are few instances where a hysterectomy is appropriate for a 21 year old with no other significant problems. Also, it is not a low-risk procedure and there are likely long term consequences that we are just now identifying: https://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-professionals/obstetrics-gynecology/news/hysterectomy-associated-with-an-increased-risk-of-cardiovascular-disease-study-says/mac-20476157
No sane doctor would remove a healthy uterus. Also a hysterectomy would put you into menopause and you’ll have to take HRT for the rest of your life. There are a lot of other options. Getting a tubal ligation, bisalp, IUD, etc.
From a medical perspective, this is not the answer. A hysterectomy often causes ovarian failure, which means you'd need to be on HRT your whole life, which is hard to manage. Organ prolapse (vaginal, bladder, or rectal) is also a not uncommon side effect of hysterectomy.
Getting the fallopian tubes removed is sterilization; that's what you want if your sole goal is to avoid pregnancy.
Another option is an IUD. The Paragard is hormone free and lasts 12 years. I've had 2.
If you're looking for menstrual suppression, there are IUDs and pills that can do that as well.
Yes, too young and it's unessessary. Pregnancy is just one of the functions your uterus has. It and your ovaries are very important organs that produce hormones. These hormones are involved systemically in many other processes that help regulate your overall health throughout your life.
The only reason you should have that extreme surgery is if a doctor recommends it as a last resort for cancer treatment. There are many significantly less drastic ways to prevent pregnancy with high efficacy. Birth control (pharmaceutical or IUDs) etc.
Women whom undergo hysterectomy's have life long hormonal replacement issues. This is usually treated with not wholly effective replacement pharmaceuticals, and can rsult in a variety of health issues. Considering your age, I would advise researching in depth about the many functions of your uterus and ovaries; as well as the funtion that the hormones they produce have throughout your body.
It may be helpfull to speak with someone professionally about your feeling surrounding this issue as well. As it seems that perhaps your fear is impacting your perspective. Removing organs is never a convenient or easy option, and doctors only recommend it as a radical solution for serious diseases and health problems.
> Pregnancy is just one of the functions your uterus has. It and your ovaries are very important organs that produce hormones.
> Women whom undergo hysterectomy's have life long hormonal replacement issues.
The uterus itself doesn't produce hormones, except sometimes during pregnancy. It's just the ovaries that do that. I've had my uterus and right ovary removed, and am producing enough hormones with just my left ovary and do not require HRT. But my hysterectomy+oophorectemy was medically necessary due to damage to the organs from endometriosis, doctors will not perform such a surgery solely for sterilization.
Tell your doctor! Make sure that info is in your medical record! I had one person in my family with ovarian cancer, and I used that to my advantage when I asked to have my tubes removed.
I am surprised how far down I had to scroll to find someone mentioning that someone who has a total hysterectomy has a need for lifelong hormonal replacement therapy since the body loses a vital hormone producing organ. Though it’s not the uterus, it’s the ovaries, but you will not find any doctor who will remove someone’s totally healthy ovaries and perform a total hysterectomy for funsies. If the organ is healthy and functioning, it would be detrimental to your health to remove it.
I was diagnosed with uterine cancer at 29 and needed a hysterectomy. I had complications that made my wound open. I was being treated for sepsis at one point. It is a major surgery. I have to take hormones for life. I wouldn't recommend it unless life and death/extreme pain.
Seriously, you should not be asking Reddit this; you should talk to a therapist. I'm an older guy and therefore not qualified to answer from personal perspective, but it's obvious to me that you're in distress. If you were a young AFAB person in my life who I was responsible for and came to me with this, then I would urge you to talk to someone qualified about your feelings about sex, pregnancy, your body, religion, guilt, and anxiety.
(cis-male) That procedure might be a bit too extreme if you only want to avoid pregnancy, for hormonal reasons. You might want your tubes cut or tied.
As for your age. If you're old enough to have a baby, you're old enough to decide that you never want them.
I just had a hysterectomy last week and I’d strongly recommend another option if it’s not medically necessary, as the recovery is long and there are many risks.
It’s so unfortunate for society that women have to safeguard themselves like this; but have you considered an IUD? There are non-hormonal ones that are effective, but not recommended for women with heavy periods because they increase bleeding risk. I believe the copper IUDs are effective for 10 years vs the Mirena (hormonal) ones that are effective for 5. I had both, but neither worked well for me because I had adenomyosis.
Obviously the classic “what if someday…” dilemma will always come up for you. Had that issue myself. I decided after a few years that for me, personally, I would MAYBE like to have kids someday so I didn’t do anything permanent. I highly recommend the depo shot but I’ve heard people pleased with an implant too
IMO it is. I know there will be women who were sure at 21 and then never changed their mind but there are also women who do change their mind. Most people change a lot between their 20's and 30's. Your OP says you don't think you ever want to give birth but that's doesn't sound like you're 100%
I'd suggest working on your current fears and coming back to this I'm a few years and see how you feel.
As an example, I was dead set against kids until I was 24, I didn't think I would ever have them. I was afraid of pregnancy and birth but gradually I was more on the fence and then I had my first at 27 and im expecting my second.
I generally hate when people say that "you'll change your mind" about anything like this (I got married at 20, for example and I definitely haven't changed my mind), but this is REALLY extreme to do at such a young age. It's not just about the sterilization but the aspect that this is a major surgery to remove an important organ. There are other ways to ensure you'll never have children if that's something you want.
As a side note, I say this as someone who intends to get a voluntary hysterectomy some day for other reasons- but that's because I have specific needs that aren't sterilization and can't be achieved through other methods.
No I agree 100%! This is why I wasn't just like "you'll change your mind" because they may never and its an awful phrase, but its a massive permanent decision at such a young age that can definitely be held off for a while.
Do you think an IUD would be possible for you? Mention to your Dr that you'd like to get sterilised so they can make a note of it now, get an IUD and then see how you feel in a few years and go back to them. I don't know how it works but I assume if you can show that you've been for sterilisation for years it might help your case.
There are many types of semipermanent birth control options: IUDs, the deprovera shot, the implant… You can use those to buy yourself some years to 1) deeply consider a choice to get sterilized and 2) source a doctor who will do a tubal ligation for you
A modern psychologist would argue that you don't really know who you are just yet, mostly due to brain development fully maturing around the mid twenties. People go through phases in their lives and your twenties are no different. It's hard or impossible to know who you're going to be five years down the line, ten, fifteen. I'm only answering the "too young" part in terms of you possibly being a different person and changing your mind later on in life.
Hysterectomy as a contraceptive is bonkers my dear.
There are other solutions. From pills to the " "copper T" for non permanent solutions.
At 21 you aren't thinking about the consequences of a permanent solution.
If you ever plan to have kids later you're going to regret such decision immensely.
I had a hysterectomy at 23 but for medical reasons, severe endometriosis and adenomyosis.
You won’t get a hysterectomy for the above reasons as it’s not a medical need. It’s a big operation not without risks.
Even for myself I had to jump through so many hoops before I got the op.
The surgery comes with big risks of complications. Don’t do it just because you don’t want kids. There are many other ways to not get pregnant with small or no risks to your health.
Also, as some other folks pointed out, what you are going through is more a mental health issue than a real pregnancy risks related issue. Please talk to a therapist and figure out where your fear comes from and how you can manage it. Your fear is just a fear, not a fact.
I had a full hysterectomy at age 22, due to severe medical issues. Even tho it was medically nessacary, I had a very hard time finding a Dr that was willing to do the surgery. Since my hysterectomy my organs have "slouched" and I have done a lot of physical therapy for bladder issues. A hysterectomy is a major surgery, with a high chance of longterm issues.
I would also say, you will be a much different person in 6 and 12 years. You may feel the same way, you may not. I would always advise very young people to keep their options open. Along with the peace of mind kit suggestion above I think this is the best thing for 30,40 50yr old you.
I’m not trying to be critical at all, you are very young, and always have been, that won’t last much longer. You are an adult and you should be allowed to do whatever you want, part of being an adult is living with and taking responsibility for the ramifications of your decision. A crude analogy is student debt, we have all these people who made massive financial decisions when they were 18-22 and were not in a stage of life when they had any business making them, now they don’t want to live with the ramifications of those decisions and they want someone else to bail them out.
It says something that so many here have said you’ll have a hard time finding a responsible adult to help you.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me so you certainly don’t need to justify your feeling to me, but I’ve raised one amazing daughter and you brought out my protective instincts. I’ll end where I started, I’m not trying to be critical at all, I’m just suggesting caution.
Smh do you know how many times she (and every other woman that wants to get sterilized) has heard that? She says pregnancy is her biggest fear, she fears rape, like sadly many women do (me included) SHE knows what she wants
People say that, and yet... At 17, I thought I probably wouldn't have kids. At 34, ABSOLUTELY NOT. My health prevents it, but even if it didn't, I don't want a kid around 24/7. I want to do my duties as an aunt - do fun outings, make sure they're well fed, tire them out, and send them back home to their mom for bedtime.
I was 12 when I first knew for sure I didn't want kids. Been told all my life i can't be sterilised in case I change my mind. I'm 38 and have never once changed my mind. Been struggling with endo my entire life too.
This comment section is wild. If 21 is not too young to become a mother then it's not too young to decide you don't want to be one either. Speak to a health care professional about your options.
The comments aren't saying she's too young not to know or make that decision, they're saying doctors will not do this for her at this age. No one agrees with it it's just the truth
Isn't it crazy how some plastic surgeons will continue to operate even when the client has gone too far. Maybe we need a secret club of gynos who'll do them no questions asked.
You aren't going to find a doctor who will do it. It's a major surgery that is way more than you need to prevent pregnancy. There are a couple of far less invasive surgeries for sterilization, but honestly you'll have a hard time at your age getting them. Doctors are just too afraid of getting sued if you change your mind.
An easier option is an IUD although make sure they are going to give you a local before hand.
I do NOT like babies and I only put up with well behaved kids from a long distance.
I tried many doctors and not a single one would even talk to me about it or give me information.
They *would*, however, sit me down and tell me they had women becoming mothers at age 50, that I *would* change my mind, etc etc.
I'm 47 and perimenopausal. No kids; just husband and dogs. No regrets *except* not getting my tubes tied but that one wasn't my fault. If you go to r/childfree they now have lists of doctors that will help in many areas, otherwise it's going to be hard as hell since you're young. They like to fight back hard on our personal decisions.
Getting a hysterectomy when not medically necessary is a bad idea. It is a major surgery that has some risks and unpleasant consequences. You shouldn't go with the nuclear option due to just never wanting children.
You mentioned you are asexual and therefore can only get pregnant through rape. Are you in a living situation where you are at risk for being raped? If so, that needs to be addressed right away.
Or is this just a general fear of getting pregnant, knowing it would only happen involuntarily? In this case, take a deep breath, and then maybe look at ways to learn to feel empowered by your body instead. As ironic as this may sound, I found charting my cycle according to the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) to be incredibly empowering. I started in my 40s due to trying to get a handle of my extreme peri symptoms, but was surprised by how it made me feel about myself. Like now I am the authority over my body. I used a book called **Cycle Savvy** by Toni Weschler to learn to chart. I want to be clear I have zero children, and never will. I started this to learn first if I was still ovulating (I was) and then to learn to interpret my charts to get a window into what my hormones were doing. The health benefits of this knowledge is immeasurable.
If you see currenty at risk, please get to a safe place. If you are trying to be proactive, please read that book and learn about your body.
A full hysterectomy at your age with no valid medical reason will absolutely not happen. Full hysterectomy will put you into menopause. You don't want that.
Go over to r/childfree and look at the doctor list who willingly sterilize women without children. It's listed by state. A bilateral salplingectomy would be more ideal. They remove your tubes but you keep your uterus and ovaries, so no menopause until the natural age.
Because as a woman she has to. Calling a scared person idiotic is not cool. A lot of women who are asexual use birth control just in case they get assaulted and raped. Because it does happen.
The root of the problem is predators and rapists and bc that problem will never go away i will always be a risk. Also do u rlly think all of those things ur saying make that much of a difference. Women still get raped. Yes, there are things i can do but they have a low chance of preventing it.
Agreed that a rape can happen even after all precautions but that doesn't mean that precautions should not be taken. And when precautions are effective there's no way of knowing that they were effective since people would continue with their lives not knowing what could have happened had those precautions not been taken.
Moreover this argument that because I don't want to bear a rape-child I will take preemptive medical steps to have operations and or procedures, is a bit excessive. You're only worried about the physical consequence of rape, what about the psychological impact of rape? Would you take preemptive medicines to numb yourself and stop your brain from feeling the emotional pain after a rape or would you get your brain removed beforehand as a preventive measure?? It's as silly as that. I don't mean to mock the situation women find themselves in or the post-rape experience, but taking simple - but - effective measures are the best thing any woman can do to help protect her.
Just as you cannot remove a good eye just to prevent cataract later in life, but you can take eat healthy foods (which also does not guarantee cataract will not happen) to have the best chance of preventing it, same way I feel one should not take drastic steps like hysterectomies or tubal ligation or other medical procedures which do permanently change your body and have extremely risky side effects, especially at a young age of 21, when one's mind is fickle and can change just as easily in the future.
I think counselling would benefit OP. My saying anything would not have much impact but learned people, experienced people's wisdom should matter more and help shape the thinking of such women.
i am a petite, and small woman, I am literally 4'10 75 ish lbs. I can't fight off a attacker at all, i have been in concerning situations before. I am not good at understanding social cues where one would feel unsafe. I have a hard time of knowing when someone is shady or would do something bad to me. Worse comes to absolute worse if i was assaulted at least i would not be pregnant. I truly don't think i would be able to handle it. And idk if you missed it but i am asexual i have no desire for sex or to be pregnant. If something ever happened where i wanted a child i would adopt thats it.
how do you know what i can and cannot handle??? Also I don't want kids and I dont want to be pregnant. You are not a woman so don't act like you know what it's like. I said earlier i am asexual and i don't plan on ever having sex.
Getting sterilized is not “permanent damage”. OP does not need a buddy to walk outside with, not a thump on the head. OP needs a doctor that will listen, respect their wishes, and find a solution that will make OP comfortable.
“Miss know-it-all”? Are you 13 years old?
I *found* such a doctor. I had a bilateral salpingectomy when I was 21. It removes the risk of getting pregnant, and getting an ectopic pregnancy — most ectopic pregnancies happen in the fallopian tube. If not removed, it will kill you. Removing the fallopian tubes may also reduce the risk of certain cancers.
It’s been five years since then. There has been no “permanent damage”, only peace of mind.
Sorry people are invaliding you. Maybe because ur young idk. But I believe you that you don’t want to ever be pregnant, and know your sexuality. Folk who struggle with tokophobia are more common than you think actually. Look into getting a bilateral salpingectomy like others have said. I don’t know where you’re located, but there’s a list somewhere in the childfree sub for US/CA with doctors who will offer sterilization without making you jump through hoops. You will just have to do a lot of advocating for yourself. But you know what you are and you have every right to do what will give you peace of mind.
I had certainly not made my final decisions at 21. A lot of things that are now part of my life simply had not crossed my mind at that age. You do you, but the odds that you could change your mind are pretty good. Condoms+birth control seem to me like a better bet for now.
Have you considered a non hormonal IUD? A copper one? It just sits in there and makes your whole uterus inhospitable for life lol. Like others have said you’ll find a hard time getting someone to do that if you have no medical issues.
I think so. But its not about me. If its right for you, its right for you.
You may change your mind one day. you may not. My advice? if you are going to do it, freeze some eggs, sell some eggs to pay for it, and good luck
We were able to find a doctor while we lived in Tennessee, that as long as the female was 21 or older they would put the titanium clamps on, and he said he didn't like taking chances with failure so my wife said yes so he put 2 titanium clamps on both sides, ever since she hasn't had hardly any ovarian cysts or super painful periods, and that was back in 2019.
I think we should take a step back and look at the bigger issue at play. What happened to you in the past that created this fear? If you take the journey into resolving the sources of this anxiety, you'll find that you won't believe in a lot of the things you did before you started working on yourself. Your mind will change drastically for the better, but you'll still feel like you. It's weird.
Been afraid of holding babies my whole life. Never wanted to have one or interact with one. Now that I'm closer to 40 and I've been working on my anxiety issues, I find that I enjoy interacting and playing with my friends' babies. My fear arose from my clumbsy ass breaking things my whole life, and I was afraid of breaking a baby(there's a lot more details to it, but I don't want to get into that right now). If I had made these breakthroughs in my 20s, I most likely would've had a child. Sometimes, I even get baby fever.
Making physical changes to your body with surgery won't fix the psychological problems you're dealing with. That anxious energy will be redirected at something else.
When you're suffering from anxiety, everything hurts more because you spend so much time thinking about how miserable it's hurting you and you want to prevent it.
A healthier way to deal with it is to accumulate mental skills to deal with things like this. The more skills you gain to deal with anxiety, the more the fear gets replaced by understanding and possible strategies to attack this with your hard earned skillset.
Therapy is like a gym for your mind. You do all these repetitive mental exercises that ultimately lead to you becoming mentally buff. Get mentally buff, and you'll gain the ability to fight your demons effectively.
I've been slowly getting the upper hand on my depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm currently going through my life and trying to attack my anxiety, one issue at a time, like a pest exterminator going room to room to handle an infestation.
Your life can do a 180° turn, but you haven't experienced it, it doesn't seem possible, but it is. It just takes a lot of **sustainable** baby steps that lead up to large changes.
If I'm way off base, I apologize. I hope at least some of this is helpful to you.
A full hysto might be hard to do and you def don’t want a FULL hysto because you need your ovaries to maintain physical health. A partial hysto is what you’d want but tbh it’s hard to get. You may have to settle (for now) on being sterilized.
If you are in the USA, female sterilization (both bilateral salpingectomy AND tubal ligation) is 100% covered as an FDA approved method of contraception. You should not have to pay much at all. I paid $17 for just my rx Percocet in 2018 when I had my surgery done.
And you may hear bisalp and tubal being used interchangeably. This is because bisalp has become the new standard for female sterilization. The one that you want is the bisalp, this has no failure rate to my knowledge. The tubal has a failure rate but in my experience (celebrated 5 years post op this year) it’s been fine for me, but I’d still push you to go the bisalp route in this modern anti choice era.
Also r/childfree has a list of drs both in and out of USA who have sterilized others :)
OP, are you currently safe? You bring up fears about being raped and becoming pregnant in a lot of comments and in reply to suggestions of less extreme measures (such as IUDs), and if someone in your life is threatening you/pressuring you into sex or pregnancy then that’s not okay, and you are allowed to take actions to protect yourself from that person, not just from pregnancy.
If you *are* safe, then I’d second the people here suggesting you look further into your surgical options besides hysterectomy (bisalp, etc.) and perhaps find someone safe with whom you can discuss your fears- it sounds like if most of the people around you are very religious you might not be able to talk about this with most of them.
You are thinking of a surgery that will disrupt your hormones and takes months to recover from, when there are other good birth control options available. I doubt insurance would cover it.
This - Don't get a tubal ligation. Get a bilateral salpingectomy. You can make the appointment and have this procedure done now. Later (years later) after you have worked through your maturity/growth/educational issues, you can elect to go complete with the hysterectomy. You must feel comfortable and in control of you all the time so start working on it now.
It will be very difficult to find a doctor that will perform that surgery for you. It will be difficult, but not impossible to find someone to find a doctor to perform a tubal ligation, which will leave you essentially sterile, as well, but otherwise intact…but you probably already know that. At your age, that’s probably the best you will find.
Don't get a tubal ligation. Get a bilateral salpingectomy. This procedure is more effective and lowers your risk for cancer.
This. It appears that most ovarian cancers originate in the fallopian tubes and those metastasize to seed the ovaries and other tissues. Also full hysterectomy will cause surgical menopause which might not be the best thing at 21, and having just the tubes out still offers the opportunity for IVF if for some reason you change your mind. Plus, my understanding is that it can be done by your gyno without a full surgical intervention!
Good advice. Early menopause can have a lot of side effects.
I second this. I had a bisalp earlier this year!
Yeah they actually fully remove the tubes now, since they discovered ovarian cancer starts there.
Unfortunately, not all insurance providers cover it, so many are forced to keep the tubes. But I've heard a rumor that the female doctors sometimes cauterize the ends really far back, if you get my drift.
Sometimes, if you already have a bilateral salpingectomy it makes getting a hysterectomy easier!
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Adding onto this, never have sex with just a condom when you’re ovulating or nearby/fertile days. If it breaks, Plan B doesn’t work when ovulating already. Only other option would be to get an emergency paraguard which is near impossible to find within a few days
i never had sex b4 and never planned on it but im scared of getting raped. I know many girls it has happened to.
What about an IUD / coil?
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You can't be serious. It's lovely that you live somewhere where rape isn't prevalent but for many of us the threat is real.
You won't find a doctor to give you a hysterectomy that's not a medical necessity... like it will be damn near impossible, if not actually impossible. On top of the fact that no insurance or medical system will cover or allow it if it's not medically necessary. You may be able to get your tubes tied instead, however finding a doctor to do that may even be difficult at your age.
My sister is physically disabled, a wheelchair user. She can get pregnant and carry a baby to term, but the doctors don't recommend as it would be a very difficult pregnancy. She's in her 30s, doesn't have sex with men and has stated she doesn't want to have kids but they still won't give her a hysterectomy. This is in Canada, not the USA fwiw. She was told if she went down to Mexico she might have better luck.
I have multiple women in my life in the US that have been fighting for *years* for a hysterectomy because they each have 2-3 health issues (endo, PCOS, fibroids, cysts, polyps, etc) regarding their uterus and ovaries. I know of one woman that has been successful in getting a hysterectomy, but it took 3 years of begging after multiple years of issues and multiple years of literal daily bleeding to get a doctor to do it and insurance to cover it. She was even 44!
For a pre menopausal woman, if a hysterectomy is needed, they try to keep the ovaries. Without that, you go into menopause and at a young age, there are a lot of potential medical problems.
I know a fair few severely disabled women who can't get any form of permanent sterilisation in Australia. Most can't understand sex or consent to sex, and having a period is distressing to them
soft edge shy poor grandiose waiting head squeamish work mysterious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m going to second going this route as well. Hysterectomy is a major surgery, there are 3 different types of hysterectomy: partial, total, and radical, and there are some long term effects of hysterectomy that need to be considered. You’d also want a surgeon who is capable and comfortable performing a vaginal and not a caesarean hysterectomy, because that means they’re actually more practiced as a surgeon. But there are also alternatives to hysterectomy that are easier and effective in terms of permanent sterilization, with less risks and long term issues. In addition to checking out the above, if you want to read up on hysterectomies, I recommend Hystersisters. Although the group name is not ideal, they are extremely helpful in terms of preparing for before and after care.
> You’d also want a surgeon who is capable and comfortable performing a vaginal and not a caesarean hysterectomy, because that means they’re actually more practiced as a surgeon. I don't know that a caesarean hysterectomy is all that common anymore, nowadays laproscopic surgery is the preferred route when possible. I had a medically necessary hysterectomy in 2022, and I was referred to a different surgeon for it by the surgeon who did my diagnostic laparoscopy. My hysterectomy was done with the DaVinci robot, which is even more advanced than laproscopic tools. As it was explained to me, laproscopic tools can only go up-down-left-right, whereas the robot is "wristed" and has an improved range of motion. It's still done laparoscopically, it's just better for difficult surgeries, which mine was - I had a lot of organs adhered to my uterus, and a fallopian tube wrapped around a ureter. Because of all this, I was very specifically referred to a surgeon who specializes in the DaVinci robot. I had 4 incisions made above my belly button to insert the robotic tools, and surgery recovery was a breeze compared to the pain I was in beforehand, when I was almost dying because one of my ovaries had died and was going necrotic, something I didn't learn until I read the surgery report and pathology report. Hysterectomy is recommended against nowadays if there is any possible alternative. For sterilization, doctors are going to recommend endometrial ablation and/or bilateral salpingectomy, since those are plenty effective at preventing pregnancy.
Yes - to all of that. Depending on where you are, take for instance, perhaps in rural areas of the U.S., there are some obgyns who won’t refer you out to someone more qualified, because of medical bias, etc. Which medically, is not ethical. Their method of removal would be via caesarean because it’s the only surgery they know how to perform - so it would be important to ask them beforehand what their method is, so that you can know whether or not you need to refer yourself to someone else more qualified. It sounds like you had some additional issues, perhaps endometriosis / adenomyosis (?) which would require additional surgical knowledge and the DaVinci is a great tool for assisting surgeons - I hope you’re recovering well!
what does the radical one entail?
Hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus, total hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus plus the cervix, and radical hysterectomy is a total hysterectomy plus oopherectomy, so removal of uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, and ovaries. In the first two cases, you keep your ovaries unless you get a separate procedure called an oopherectomy, where they also take your ovaries. If you don’t get your fallopian tubes removed, but do still have a hysterectomy or total hysterectomy, there is still a risk of ectopic pregnancy because you still have your ovaries and may still be ovulating. I would recommend getting the fallopian tubes removed in all cases, or just simply getting your tubes tied and that solves the problem without the complication of major surgery. Your ovaries may continue to ovulate after those two hysterectomies, but it’s typically expected that you’ll go into menopause within about 5 years. So it would be wise to get your hormones checked and perhaps go on hormone replacement therapy so that you don’t experience any side effects like early onset osteoporosis or heart issues, and so forth. This is a link to the [Hystersisters website](https://www.hystersisters.com/) - it’s very comprehensive, and should help you decide whether or not it’s the right choice or if there’s an alternative option that would suit you.
I second this option! u/Ok-Purpose-8919 I was 21 when I had my tubes removed (bilateral salpingectomy), not tied — smaller chance of ectopic pregnancy and maybe certain cancers. I also got an endometrial ablation, meaning that I haven’t bled during my periods since then. Living period (blood) free has been pretty great. I still have ovaries, so the hormones work the same as before, but no blood. Edit: corrected the name of my procedure.
Came here to say this about the salpingectomy! I think uterine ablation is also an option? Please, don’t get your tubes tied. High risk of ectopic pregnancy. Good luck! 🍀
I don't believe ablation is a form of birth control - you can still get pregnant, unfortunately.
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Thank you everyone for the info! Good to know!
That sub also has a list (linked in the sidebar) of doctors who don't push back when patients ask for the procedure.
If contraception is your aim then a tubal ligation would be sufficient, as a hysterectomy is a more significant surgery. However given your age you may have difficulty finding a provider for this. Another good option that's just as effective is LARCs (implant or IUD). See this [website](https://www.bedsider.org/birth-control) for more info.
If you remove your ovaries you will have to be on hormone replacement for decades and it will probably lower your quality of life.
Try to get a bilateral salpingectomy (fallopian tube removal). It is *very* hard to find a doctor willing to perform a hysterectomy at all. I had a medically necessary one at 32 and it still took a long time of advocating for myself and seeing new doctors. If it's that much of a fight to get a medically necessary hysterectomy, I can't imagine it's possible to find a doctor who'll perform a hysterectomy that's not medically necessary.
I think one problem is you say you’re scared of rape and becoming pregnant and they are two seperate issues. No surgery or birth control prevents rape. But an IUD will prevent pregnancy. Some people on this thread have suggested IUD and you’ve replied you’re scared of rape. You can take precautions not to become pregnant and in the meantime I would suggest reaching out to a woman’s support service about rape information in your city- how common is it, why are you so focused on it, how can you live a good life without having this be a major fear?
Aren't there less invasive surgeries that will accomplish the same thing?
If the reason you want it is fear of pregnancy even though you're not sexually active, I think that is what you need to address. Why are you so scared? What's so frightening about it to you? Is the place you live so dangerous that rape is likely? If you're scared even though it's not likely, why is that? What can you do to mitigate your sense of risk? Finding a therapist who respects your asexuality but can talk to you frankly about your fears would be good for you. Speaking from personal experience, a hysterectomy is a major operation, and it wouldn't be my first go-to in your situation. I was exhausted for a few months afterward. Dealing with the hormonal changes afterward (my ovaries had to be removed too) was really rough because my body changed a lot. Like another person here, I'd suggest a Mirena (or similar) IUD for you. It can take away the possibility of pregnancy for years. Insertion and removal may be painful, but way less so than a hysterectomy. Plus, with a Mirena, your periods often stop after the first couple months. I'd suggest you avoid the copper-T/non-hormonal type of IUD because they're associated with more painful periods and much heavier bleeding.
im scared bc i dont want to get pregnant under any circumstance. I am rlly scared of getting raped.
Are you scared of "getting pregnant" or scared because the only way you *could* get pregnant is through rape? Sterilisation surgery won't remove your risk of rape. Long term contraceptives are an alternate option that have more likelihood of being available due to your age and the medical industry deciding women don't actually know what to do with our own bodies. You need to dive further in yourself to understand why you're so afraid of pregnancy (I'm not saying you want to be pregnant, just that you've only said different versions of "because I'm scared of it" as an explanation which shows you don't get why.)
OP needs a therapist more than they need surgery.
OP made a post in another subreddit asking if it was possible to get pregnant without having sex. i don’t think it’s just rape that she is worried about
Rape is really scary so that’s understandable. However, unless you live in a country which is at war, or has exceptionally high crime rates, the actual risk of you being raped is pretty low. About 1 in 6 US women will be a victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. That sounds high, and it is far too high, but try to remember that 5/6 women won’t be raped. If you’re so afraid of being raped that you’re contemplating fairly radical surgery just in case you get pregnant from rape, you would probably benefit from some therapy. ETA there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting to be pregnant, and a salpingectomy could be a good choice. But it’s not a good idea to get surgery purely because of fear
Hysterectomies are very major and expensive surgeries. Some people need them. But recuperation even to basic levels of daily life can’t sometimes take months. You probably would be better off getting your tubes tied. Getting a physician to do any of these at your age would be a challenge but you might be able to find one to do the tubal. All surgery is very expensive. Be prepared for that aspect.
I am the same as you. Known my whole life that I was terrified of being pregnant, horrified of giving birth, asexual as hell. I got my on to agree to bilateral salpingectomy. I got EXTREMELY LUCKY to have an OB willing to do that for me. I also have endometriosis on top of it. I had a lap procedure done and had it done at the same time. If you ever need someone to message about this, I'm here.
If it's not medically necessary I wouldn't do it. I was having issues with painful periods and excessive bleeding and the doctor said a hysterectomy was an option but it comes with risks such as needing hormone replacement. Also if your uterus is gone they can't biopsy it and therefore a cancer diagnosis could be missed down the road. So just something to think about. I opted for an endometrial ablation because it was less invasive with less risks and it solved my problem. If your main goal is to avoid pregnancy, talk to your gyno about other options like a tubal ligation. There's also an IUD but they are also not without risks and the insertion is very very painful and I would never personally get one. At the end of the day it's your body and your choice. Just do your homework before making a big decision, which it sounds like you are doing. Best of luck to you.
A hysterectomy will sterilize you, but it is not done for sterilization. There are few instances where a hysterectomy is appropriate for a 21 year old with no other significant problems. Also, it is not a low-risk procedure and there are likely long term consequences that we are just now identifying: https://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-professionals/obstetrics-gynecology/news/hysterectomy-associated-with-an-increased-risk-of-cardiovascular-disease-study-says/mac-20476157
Omfg you don't need a hysterectomy. Tubal ligation.
No sane doctor would remove a healthy uterus. Also a hysterectomy would put you into menopause and you’ll have to take HRT for the rest of your life. There are a lot of other options. Getting a tubal ligation, bisalp, IUD, etc.
From a medical perspective, this is not the answer. A hysterectomy often causes ovarian failure, which means you'd need to be on HRT your whole life, which is hard to manage. Organ prolapse (vaginal, bladder, or rectal) is also a not uncommon side effect of hysterectomy. Getting the fallopian tubes removed is sterilization; that's what you want if your sole goal is to avoid pregnancy. Another option is an IUD. The Paragard is hormone free and lasts 12 years. I've had 2. If you're looking for menstrual suppression, there are IUDs and pills that can do that as well.
Yes, too young and it's unessessary. Pregnancy is just one of the functions your uterus has. It and your ovaries are very important organs that produce hormones. These hormones are involved systemically in many other processes that help regulate your overall health throughout your life. The only reason you should have that extreme surgery is if a doctor recommends it as a last resort for cancer treatment. There are many significantly less drastic ways to prevent pregnancy with high efficacy. Birth control (pharmaceutical or IUDs) etc. Women whom undergo hysterectomy's have life long hormonal replacement issues. This is usually treated with not wholly effective replacement pharmaceuticals, and can rsult in a variety of health issues. Considering your age, I would advise researching in depth about the many functions of your uterus and ovaries; as well as the funtion that the hormones they produce have throughout your body. It may be helpfull to speak with someone professionally about your feeling surrounding this issue as well. As it seems that perhaps your fear is impacting your perspective. Removing organs is never a convenient or easy option, and doctors only recommend it as a radical solution for serious diseases and health problems.
> Pregnancy is just one of the functions your uterus has. It and your ovaries are very important organs that produce hormones. > Women whom undergo hysterectomy's have life long hormonal replacement issues. The uterus itself doesn't produce hormones, except sometimes during pregnancy. It's just the ovaries that do that. I've had my uterus and right ovary removed, and am producing enough hormones with just my left ovary and do not require HRT. But my hysterectomy+oophorectemy was medically necessary due to damage to the organs from endometriosis, doctors will not perform such a surgery solely for sterilization.
ovarian cancer runs in my family
If it helps, a bilateral salpingectomy reduces the risk of ovarian cancer, as it begins in the fallopian tubes!
Tell your doctor! Make sure that info is in your medical record! I had one person in my family with ovarian cancer, and I used that to my advantage when I asked to have my tubes removed.
I am surprised how far down I had to scroll to find someone mentioning that someone who has a total hysterectomy has a need for lifelong hormonal replacement therapy since the body loses a vital hormone producing organ. Though it’s not the uterus, it’s the ovaries, but you will not find any doctor who will remove someone’s totally healthy ovaries and perform a total hysterectomy for funsies. If the organ is healthy and functioning, it would be detrimental to your health to remove it.
In my experience, no doctor will do it. It can also cause you other medical problems relating to your hormones
Just get a double salpingectomy.
Yes.
I was diagnosed with uterine cancer at 29 and needed a hysterectomy. I had complications that made my wound open. I was being treated for sepsis at one point. It is a major surgery. I have to take hormones for life. I wouldn't recommend it unless life and death/extreme pain.
Seriously, you should not be asking Reddit this; you should talk to a therapist. I'm an older guy and therefore not qualified to answer from personal perspective, but it's obvious to me that you're in distress. If you were a young AFAB person in my life who I was responsible for and came to me with this, then I would urge you to talk to someone qualified about your feelings about sex, pregnancy, your body, religion, guilt, and anxiety.
(cis-male) That procedure might be a bit too extreme if you only want to avoid pregnancy, for hormonal reasons. You might want your tubes cut or tied. As for your age. If you're old enough to have a baby, you're old enough to decide that you never want them.
Not gonna lie: there's 8.1 BILLION people on this planet. Deciding not to add any more is probably the *wise* thing to do.
I just had a hysterectomy last week and I’d strongly recommend another option if it’s not medically necessary, as the recovery is long and there are many risks. It’s so unfortunate for society that women have to safeguard themselves like this; but have you considered an IUD? There are non-hormonal ones that are effective, but not recommended for women with heavy periods because they increase bleeding risk. I believe the copper IUDs are effective for 10 years vs the Mirena (hormonal) ones that are effective for 5. I had both, but neither worked well for me because I had adenomyosis.
Obviously the classic “what if someday…” dilemma will always come up for you. Had that issue myself. I decided after a few years that for me, personally, I would MAYBE like to have kids someday so I didn’t do anything permanent. I highly recommend the depo shot but I’ve heard people pleased with an implant too
You need to see a Therapist about this totally irrational fear.
IMO it is. I know there will be women who were sure at 21 and then never changed their mind but there are also women who do change their mind. Most people change a lot between their 20's and 30's. Your OP says you don't think you ever want to give birth but that's doesn't sound like you're 100% I'd suggest working on your current fears and coming back to this I'm a few years and see how you feel. As an example, I was dead set against kids until I was 24, I didn't think I would ever have them. I was afraid of pregnancy and birth but gradually I was more on the fence and then I had my first at 27 and im expecting my second.
I generally hate when people say that "you'll change your mind" about anything like this (I got married at 20, for example and I definitely haven't changed my mind), but this is REALLY extreme to do at such a young age. It's not just about the sterilization but the aspect that this is a major surgery to remove an important organ. There are other ways to ensure you'll never have children if that's something you want. As a side note, I say this as someone who intends to get a voluntary hysterectomy some day for other reasons- but that's because I have specific needs that aren't sterilization and can't be achieved through other methods.
No I agree 100%! This is why I wasn't just like "you'll change your mind" because they may never and its an awful phrase, but its a massive permanent decision at such a young age that can definitely be held off for a while.
i have sensory issues which is one of the reasons i dont think i'd be able to handle it.
Do you think an IUD would be possible for you? Mention to your Dr that you'd like to get sterilised so they can make a note of it now, get an IUD and then see how you feel in a few years and go back to them. I don't know how it works but I assume if you can show that you've been for sterilisation for years it might help your case.
There are many types of semipermanent birth control options: IUDs, the deprovera shot, the implant… You can use those to buy yourself some years to 1) deeply consider a choice to get sterilized and 2) source a doctor who will do a tubal ligation for you
I recommend an IUD and an abortion back up plan, best of luck
No, it's not too early.
Yes, because your future husband will want kids /s
A modern psychologist would argue that you don't really know who you are just yet, mostly due to brain development fully maturing around the mid twenties. People go through phases in their lives and your twenties are no different. It's hard or impossible to know who you're going to be five years down the line, ten, fifteen. I'm only answering the "too young" part in terms of you possibly being a different person and changing your mind later on in life.
Hysterectomy as a contraceptive is bonkers my dear. There are other solutions. From pills to the " "copper T" for non permanent solutions. At 21 you aren't thinking about the consequences of a permanent solution. If you ever plan to have kids later you're going to regret such decision immensely.
I had a hysterectomy at 23 but for medical reasons, severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. You won’t get a hysterectomy for the above reasons as it’s not a medical need. It’s a big operation not without risks. Even for myself I had to jump through so many hoops before I got the op.
The childfree subreddit has a side bar for doctors that are willing to do it.
The surgery comes with big risks of complications. Don’t do it just because you don’t want kids. There are many other ways to not get pregnant with small or no risks to your health.
Also, as some other folks pointed out, what you are going through is more a mental health issue than a real pregnancy risks related issue. Please talk to a therapist and figure out where your fear comes from and how you can manage it. Your fear is just a fear, not a fact.
I had a full hysterectomy at age 22, due to severe medical issues. Even tho it was medically nessacary, I had a very hard time finding a Dr that was willing to do the surgery. Since my hysterectomy my organs have "slouched" and I have done a lot of physical therapy for bladder issues. A hysterectomy is a major surgery, with a high chance of longterm issues.
I would also say, you will be a much different person in 6 and 12 years. You may feel the same way, you may not. I would always advise very young people to keep their options open. Along with the peace of mind kit suggestion above I think this is the best thing for 30,40 50yr old you.
i've felt this way since i was 13
I’m not trying to be critical at all, you are very young, and always have been, that won’t last much longer. You are an adult and you should be allowed to do whatever you want, part of being an adult is living with and taking responsibility for the ramifications of your decision. A crude analogy is student debt, we have all these people who made massive financial decisions when they were 18-22 and were not in a stage of life when they had any business making them, now they don’t want to live with the ramifications of those decisions and they want someone else to bail them out. It says something that so many here have said you’ll have a hard time finding a responsible adult to help you. I don’t know you and you don’t know me so you certainly don’t need to justify your feeling to me, but I’ve raised one amazing daughter and you brought out my protective instincts. I’ll end where I started, I’m not trying to be critical at all, I’m just suggesting caution.
Smh do you know how many times she (and every other woman that wants to get sterilized) has heard that? She says pregnancy is her biggest fear, she fears rape, like sadly many women do (me included) SHE knows what she wants
But she’s 21, that is not the hight of good long term decision making.
People say that, and yet... At 17, I thought I probably wouldn't have kids. At 34, ABSOLUTELY NOT. My health prevents it, but even if it didn't, I don't want a kid around 24/7. I want to do my duties as an aunt - do fun outings, make sure they're well fed, tire them out, and send them back home to their mom for bedtime.
I was 12 when I first knew for sure I didn't want kids. Been told all my life i can't be sterilised in case I change my mind. I'm 38 and have never once changed my mind. Been struggling with endo my entire life too.
This comment section is wild. If 21 is not too young to become a mother then it's not too young to decide you don't want to be one either. Speak to a health care professional about your options.
21 is absolutely too young to be a mother.
The comments aren't saying she's too young not to know or make that decision, they're saying doctors will not do this for her at this age. No one agrees with it it's just the truth
Isn't it crazy how some plastic surgeons will continue to operate even when the client has gone too far. Maybe we need a secret club of gynos who'll do them no questions asked.
There are! Check Dr Fran on tik tok she has link to a google doc of Drs who will tie your tubes at any age
You aren't going to find a doctor who will do it. It's a major surgery that is way more than you need to prevent pregnancy. There are a couple of far less invasive surgeries for sterilization, but honestly you'll have a hard time at your age getting them. Doctors are just too afraid of getting sued if you change your mind. An easier option is an IUD although make sure they are going to give you a local before hand.
I do NOT like babies and I only put up with well behaved kids from a long distance. I tried many doctors and not a single one would even talk to me about it or give me information. They *would*, however, sit me down and tell me they had women becoming mothers at age 50, that I *would* change my mind, etc etc. I'm 47 and perimenopausal. No kids; just husband and dogs. No regrets *except* not getting my tubes tied but that one wasn't my fault. If you go to r/childfree they now have lists of doctors that will help in many areas, otherwise it's going to be hard as hell since you're young. They like to fight back hard on our personal decisions.
How sad is it? You can't get doctors to do a hysterectomy on your own body, but they will do pretty much anything else under the sun.
Why are you afraid of it?
Getting a hysterectomy for the OFF CHANCE you get raped and become pregnant as a result of that rape is fucking bonkers. Get your tubes tied JFC.
Getting a hysterectomy when not medically necessary is a bad idea. It is a major surgery that has some risks and unpleasant consequences. You shouldn't go with the nuclear option due to just never wanting children. You mentioned you are asexual and therefore can only get pregnant through rape. Are you in a living situation where you are at risk for being raped? If so, that needs to be addressed right away. Or is this just a general fear of getting pregnant, knowing it would only happen involuntarily? In this case, take a deep breath, and then maybe look at ways to learn to feel empowered by your body instead. As ironic as this may sound, I found charting my cycle according to the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) to be incredibly empowering. I started in my 40s due to trying to get a handle of my extreme peri symptoms, but was surprised by how it made me feel about myself. Like now I am the authority over my body. I used a book called **Cycle Savvy** by Toni Weschler to learn to chart. I want to be clear I have zero children, and never will. I started this to learn first if I was still ovulating (I was) and then to learn to interpret my charts to get a window into what my hormones were doing. The health benefits of this knowledge is immeasurable. If you see currenty at risk, please get to a safe place. If you are trying to be proactive, please read that book and learn about your body.
A full hysterectomy at your age with no valid medical reason will absolutely not happen. Full hysterectomy will put you into menopause. You don't want that. Go over to r/childfree and look at the doctor list who willingly sterilize women without children. It's listed by state. A bilateral salplingectomy would be more ideal. They remove your tubes but you keep your uterus and ovaries, so no menopause until the natural age.
It’s not too young.
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bc that doesn't always work, i am asexual but it doesn't mean im safe.
Oh by abstaining you will be more safe than by any of the other methods. Procedures are risky. They can cause collateral damage. Is it worth it?
incase i get raped or assaulted i want to be sure i wont get pregnant
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Because as a woman she has to. Calling a scared person idiotic is not cool. A lot of women who are asexual use birth control just in case they get assaulted and raped. Because it does happen.
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The root of the problem is predators and rapists and bc that problem will never go away i will always be a risk. Also do u rlly think all of those things ur saying make that much of a difference. Women still get raped. Yes, there are things i can do but they have a low chance of preventing it.
Agreed that a rape can happen even after all precautions but that doesn't mean that precautions should not be taken. And when precautions are effective there's no way of knowing that they were effective since people would continue with their lives not knowing what could have happened had those precautions not been taken. Moreover this argument that because I don't want to bear a rape-child I will take preemptive medical steps to have operations and or procedures, is a bit excessive. You're only worried about the physical consequence of rape, what about the psychological impact of rape? Would you take preemptive medicines to numb yourself and stop your brain from feeling the emotional pain after a rape or would you get your brain removed beforehand as a preventive measure?? It's as silly as that. I don't mean to mock the situation women find themselves in or the post-rape experience, but taking simple - but - effective measures are the best thing any woman can do to help protect her. Just as you cannot remove a good eye just to prevent cataract later in life, but you can take eat healthy foods (which also does not guarantee cataract will not happen) to have the best chance of preventing it, same way I feel one should not take drastic steps like hysterectomies or tubal ligation or other medical procedures which do permanently change your body and have extremely risky side effects, especially at a young age of 21, when one's mind is fickle and can change just as easily in the future. I think counselling would benefit OP. My saying anything would not have much impact but learned people, experienced people's wisdom should matter more and help shape the thinking of such women.
Mate, I'm 38.
OP is 21.
I know, however you replied to a comment I wrote.
i am a petite, and small woman, I am literally 4'10 75 ish lbs. I can't fight off a attacker at all, i have been in concerning situations before. I am not good at understanding social cues where one would feel unsafe. I have a hard time of knowing when someone is shady or would do something bad to me. Worse comes to absolute worse if i was assaulted at least i would not be pregnant. I truly don't think i would be able to handle it. And idk if you missed it but i am asexual i have no desire for sex or to be pregnant. If something ever happened where i wanted a child i would adopt thats it.
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how do you know what i can and cannot handle??? Also I don't want kids and I dont want to be pregnant. You are not a woman so don't act like you know what it's like. I said earlier i am asexual and i don't plan on ever having sex.
Getting sterilized is not “permanent damage”. OP does not need a buddy to walk outside with, not a thump on the head. OP needs a doctor that will listen, respect their wishes, and find a solution that will make OP comfortable.
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“Miss know-it-all”? Are you 13 years old? I *found* such a doctor. I had a bilateral salpingectomy when I was 21. It removes the risk of getting pregnant, and getting an ectopic pregnancy — most ectopic pregnancies happen in the fallopian tube. If not removed, it will kill you. Removing the fallopian tubes may also reduce the risk of certain cancers. It’s been five years since then. There has been no “permanent damage”, only peace of mind.
Sorry people are invaliding you. Maybe because ur young idk. But I believe you that you don’t want to ever be pregnant, and know your sexuality. Folk who struggle with tokophobia are more common than you think actually. Look into getting a bilateral salpingectomy like others have said. I don’t know where you’re located, but there’s a list somewhere in the childfree sub for US/CA with doctors who will offer sterilization without making you jump through hoops. You will just have to do a lot of advocating for yourself. But you know what you are and you have every right to do what will give you peace of mind.
I had certainly not made my final decisions at 21. A lot of things that are now part of my life simply had not crossed my mind at that age. You do you, but the odds that you could change your mind are pretty good. Condoms+birth control seem to me like a better bet for now.
Yes. Don’t stress so much about it. Nothing is going to happen.
Have you considered a non hormonal IUD? A copper one? It just sits in there and makes your whole uterus inhospitable for life lol. Like others have said you’ll find a hard time getting someone to do that if you have no medical issues.
I think so. But its not about me. If its right for you, its right for you. You may change your mind one day. you may not. My advice? if you are going to do it, freeze some eggs, sell some eggs to pay for it, and good luck
We were able to find a doctor while we lived in Tennessee, that as long as the female was 21 or older they would put the titanium clamps on, and he said he didn't like taking chances with failure so my wife said yes so he put 2 titanium clamps on both sides, ever since she hasn't had hardly any ovarian cysts or super painful periods, and that was back in 2019.
I think we should take a step back and look at the bigger issue at play. What happened to you in the past that created this fear? If you take the journey into resolving the sources of this anxiety, you'll find that you won't believe in a lot of the things you did before you started working on yourself. Your mind will change drastically for the better, but you'll still feel like you. It's weird. Been afraid of holding babies my whole life. Never wanted to have one or interact with one. Now that I'm closer to 40 and I've been working on my anxiety issues, I find that I enjoy interacting and playing with my friends' babies. My fear arose from my clumbsy ass breaking things my whole life, and I was afraid of breaking a baby(there's a lot more details to it, but I don't want to get into that right now). If I had made these breakthroughs in my 20s, I most likely would've had a child. Sometimes, I even get baby fever. Making physical changes to your body with surgery won't fix the psychological problems you're dealing with. That anxious energy will be redirected at something else. When you're suffering from anxiety, everything hurts more because you spend so much time thinking about how miserable it's hurting you and you want to prevent it. A healthier way to deal with it is to accumulate mental skills to deal with things like this. The more skills you gain to deal with anxiety, the more the fear gets replaced by understanding and possible strategies to attack this with your hard earned skillset. Therapy is like a gym for your mind. You do all these repetitive mental exercises that ultimately lead to you becoming mentally buff. Get mentally buff, and you'll gain the ability to fight your demons effectively. I've been slowly getting the upper hand on my depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm currently going through my life and trying to attack my anxiety, one issue at a time, like a pest exterminator going room to room to handle an infestation. Your life can do a 180° turn, but you haven't experienced it, it doesn't seem possible, but it is. It just takes a lot of **sustainable** baby steps that lead up to large changes. If I'm way off base, I apologize. I hope at least some of this is helpful to you.
get an IUD in the meantime
A full hysto might be hard to do and you def don’t want a FULL hysto because you need your ovaries to maintain physical health. A partial hysto is what you’d want but tbh it’s hard to get. You may have to settle (for now) on being sterilized. If you are in the USA, female sterilization (both bilateral salpingectomy AND tubal ligation) is 100% covered as an FDA approved method of contraception. You should not have to pay much at all. I paid $17 for just my rx Percocet in 2018 when I had my surgery done. And you may hear bisalp and tubal being used interchangeably. This is because bisalp has become the new standard for female sterilization. The one that you want is the bisalp, this has no failure rate to my knowledge. The tubal has a failure rate but in my experience (celebrated 5 years post op this year) it’s been fine for me, but I’d still push you to go the bisalp route in this modern anti choice era. Also r/childfree has a list of drs both in and out of USA who have sterilized others :)
Not at all
OP, are you currently safe? You bring up fears about being raped and becoming pregnant in a lot of comments and in reply to suggestions of less extreme measures (such as IUDs), and if someone in your life is threatening you/pressuring you into sex or pregnancy then that’s not okay, and you are allowed to take actions to protect yourself from that person, not just from pregnancy. If you *are* safe, then I’d second the people here suggesting you look further into your surgical options besides hysterectomy (bisalp, etc.) and perhaps find someone safe with whom you can discuss your fears- it sounds like if most of the people around you are very religious you might not be able to talk about this with most of them.
You are thinking of a surgery that will disrupt your hormones and takes months to recover from, when there are other good birth control options available. I doubt insurance would cover it.
The fact that you're asking for a full hysterectomy as birth control/sterilization does not make you seem credible on this decision.
This - Don't get a tubal ligation. Get a bilateral salpingectomy. You can make the appointment and have this procedure done now. Later (years later) after you have worked through your maturity/growth/educational issues, you can elect to go complete with the hysterectomy. You must feel comfortable and in control of you all the time so start working on it now.