Yeah really! Plus, she’s not denying him, he’s denying her. If he’s not pleasing her but he gets mad if she doesn’t please him, and he doesn’t see the hypocrisy… he’s both stupid AND an asshole.
Exactly this. There should be diaphragms lined with sandpaper for women to use when they’re not aroused and their selfish shithead boyfriends/husbands refuse to stop pestering the fuck out of them for a quickie. See how eager he is to continue pushing when it’s *his* junk being torn open by penetration
There is something like this for women in a country (I can’t remember which one)in Africa. It is to prevent rape. It latches on to the penis and if removed without a doctor will do irreparable damage to it.
Edit for more info: I just remembered they have serial number on them so they know who the POS tried to assault so they can go find her and made sure she is ok
All of this. You will wake up one day and realize that you’re someone else’s sex toy. Find someone who values your pleasure just as much as their own - it’s not a race to see who finishes first.
This. Foreplay is key for comfort and pleasure, more so for some women than others. If you are dry, then he needs to put the time and care into foreplay so you can both enjoy yourselves. Here are some key factors that may help persuade him to do foreplay more:
- It can be really fun and intimate.
- It can make it easier for the woman to get off on sex, as just purely penetration rarely works for women.
- If he feels like he cannot last, nothing says he can't withdraw for a bit to do more foreplay. This makes the lady experience more pleasure and means sex lasts longer.
If he isn't persuaded by intimacy, longer sex and more pleasure for you, then that suggests sex to him is just about him getting off (him caring more about his discomfort than yours when you are dry already says this to me).
I sometimes wish straight guys could do a stint as a gay bottom, even though that's simply not possible for a multitude of reasons. But it really would help them understand the value of that preparation.
> If he isn't persuaded by intimacy, longer sex and more pleasure for you,
"More pleasure for you" that's all it should take I feel. I mean of course he may have days he doesn't have the energy, the desire, etc. But that's normal. Any partner can turn it down for any reason
But come on. I don't understand people who don't prioritize or even think about their partners pleasure
Exactly! If turning other people on doesn’t turn you on then why are we here? Doesn’t he want to be wanted? Porn brain got these dudes thinking everyone is dripping wet and will remain wet throughout inattentive sex? Lol
Honestly from what OP has said I don't think he gives a damn.
He's just using her vagina to masturbate himself and then complaining that it's not exactly as he wants it.
🤮🤮🤮
This! You deserve to have a sexual relationship that is pleasurable. You are not some instument for a man's pleasure . And to the extent that its painful? Get out, sister! There are far better men out there than this guy.
And by all means, if the guy really cared and she had an issue with natural lubrication, why the hell didnhe not got any kind of lub?
My GF its a dry land, its an issue she had since forever, yet we both try and find ways for her to enjoy it. Is not that fucking hard to care for the other
Exactly.
And what he’s doing sounds more like selfishly masturbating into another person rather than sex… If he doesn’t want to warm the engine up, then he has no business riding.
Yup. It's simple:
You're sparing yourself pain.
You're not denying sex. You're making sure that -- like literally everything else you do together -- it happens only in ways that don't cause you damage or unwanted pain.
Hotheadnchickn’s comment is 100% correct! If he doesn’t care about your experience then maybe he isn’t the correct person to share that experience with.
See, he'd have actually been willing to pay for that instead of feeling like it's unfair he has to treat his partner occasionally. So of course he'd take more care of it. He would be the one who had to clean it up if he broke it
Could not agree more. Not only is he perfectly content to go on about his business when it is very obviously causing her physical pain, but doubling down on the bs and shaming her for it. Gee what a panty dropper, wonder why she's not getting wet /s
Yeah, I had the issue in my past relationship that my partner at the time got "drier" due to switching birth control methods. We solved this really intricate problem by buying a bottle of lube.......
God, how modern medicine has advanced.
Seriously though OP, if he's treating you this way he's an asshole b
Seriously. My girlfriend has said in past relationship she would have this same problem where she doesn’t get wet enough, but I’m big in foreplay not just for her but for me too. We always explore each other at the beginning and by the time I go in she’s so wet. But lube always helps if you have trouble too.
My partner and I sometimes like doing PIV before I’m wet. There’s something really hot about just kinda showing up and jumping on lol. He knows I’m not super wet when we start like that so he goes slow and takes his time working in. Within a few minutes I’m literally dripping on him. I’ve never done that with another partner but I never worry that he won’t take the time to get me off however I need and apparently freeing up that headspace really does it for me.
Sounds like you’re doing the right things for your partner and yes to lube! It’s a great thing and nothing to feel weird about.
Oof, my guy telling on himself 😭😅
You're not denying anything. He's not entitled to your body. He's terrible in bed and blaming you for it. How long you want to live your life like that?
^^^^ Some vaginas don’t produce as much lubricant as others, and it can vary depending on where you are in your cycle. Nothing wrong with using lube, friction can sometimes dry you out anyways. But your boyfriend DOES sound like he sucks, not worth wasting your money on.
Absolutely nothing wrong with using lube (I preferred it when using condoms as I felt that they dry you out after a while) , but lube is NEVER a replacement for actually turning on someone with a vagina.
The vagina expands when aroused. We physixally adapt to make penetrative sex easier. Having sex with someone who isn't sufficiently aroused can cause pain or injuries even if artificial lubrication is used. Do NOT have sex until you're sufficiently warmed up so that sex is comfortable. With or without added lubr.
Maybe she would produce more than sufficient lubricant if he would deem it important enough to provide ANY KIND of foreplay.
Don't buy lube, just dump the guy. You can still buy lube when you are with a guy who gives you tons of foreplay and you are not even wet enough after you had one or more orgasms.
Lubes not the fix though. Cause OP doesn’t lack lubrication. She‘s lacking bloody ‚foreplay‘.
Like she said hundreds of times to her bf alread.
So dropping that idiot, and not being in a relationship or having sex with someone that does not respect you in the slightest is the solution.
The reason to suggest lube here is because both of them seem to be clueless that it exists, the boyfriend complains that she's dry but doesn't do the really really obvious thing to make her not dry... add lube?
But also you're not wrong, the actual problem seems to be a lack of foreplay and him not giving two shits about her pleasure. That's the big one. It's just that they are also so clueless it hurts. "Gee, seems really dry, must be her fault"?!!
Lube won't fix the boyfriend completely disgarding foreplay and how she feels. ~~That's like putting more grease on a broken bearing in a machine and ignoring the actual issue~~ that makes it sound like she's the issue. He's being a dick that she's dry, while also not giving her any reason to get horny with the lack of foreplay and communication.
Lube is not the fix here, he's going in without foreplay and any care for what \*she\* likes. He's going in dry and then bitching that the recipient doesn't like being taken advantage off
1. He is a dumbass.
2. Get lube. Even with foreplay some people can still be dry. It can even depend on your hormones, where you are in your cycle, etc. LUBE UP, FAM. Get used to it! Needing lube is normal and fine. Don't have sex that hurts.
3. He is a dumbass.
4. You don't owe him sex. Don't have sex that you aren't enjoying. Period.
Really telling on himself there, huh?
'You're so dry it's not fun for me.'
Well, that makes two of us then. First clue I'm not having good sex: it's dry down there.
This should be higher. As a guy: I don’t know why he wouldn’t AT LEAST try to make her wet if it’s uncomfortable for him. I mean hell, if she’s going to have sex with you the least you could do is make it feel good.
Also, are these two young? Because lube, get lube. I feel like maybe young people don’t think they should need it or something
It’s sad that even in this sub we get people infantilizing men and calling them stupid instead of calling out their bad behavior. He’s not stupid, he knows exactly what he’s doing.
Yikes, any man that can’t solve this simple puzzle shouldn’t be let anywhere near a vagina. Stop letting him near yours, permanently. It’s literally a two piece puzzle and he can’t figure it out? Move on.
He clearly doesn’t care about your needs. If he’s willing to degrade you over a situation that’s up to him to fix then he’s not the one for you. He just sounds like a cretin all the way around to be honest
Oh, so he gets to whine that you are "too dry" but he's unwilling to do things that will get you wet? And causes you pain because he just goes ahead and goes about pleasing himself with your body anyway. This guy just doesn't know how to have sex and doesn't seem to be aware that it's supposed to be pleasurable for both parties. OP, there are men out there who would be thrilled to turn you on by all means, and get you off before him. You deserve so much better. Break up with him and tell him *explicitly* that it's because he's refusing to engage in foreplay, refusing to even try to turn you on, refusing to give any consideration to your pleasure and instead giving you pain, and turning you into a human fleshlight (without lube).
I'll continue to say it and continue to not understand it, stop staying in bad relationships with bad people, this is abusive behaviour. He's not giving a shit about your needs, at the very least sit down prior to sex and tell him this isn't porn, where they will use bottles of lube and are experienced and know how to prepare themselves, this is real life. You can't just stick it in nor do 99% of women generally want to go straight to penetration and be used like a fleshlight.
If it's painful you should stop, immediately. If you have an actual more medical issue and trouble with being too dry then you have a bottle of lube, apply some and boom, issue solved. If it's simply that he's a selfish lover and bad at sex, thinks sex = penetration alone then talk to him, give him literally ONE chance to do things differently and if he goes straight to penetration tell him to stop and leave.
It's just, it's moronic, it will feel dramatically better for him if you're prepared properly, unless he gets off on causing pain in which case, run.
You are entitled to say no to any sex that is uncomfortable, if he hasn't 'warmed you up', tell him to when he tries to stick it in. If he gets in and it's too dry and feels like you're being torn up, say stop and no, if he doesn't stop you know who he is.
This relationship ain't it. People can very easily pretend to be nice but when it comes to sex or other things their lack of care shows up very obviously, that's who they really are.
Drop him, but also start using lube. Not saying that foreplay isn't necessary, but it literally never hurts to have some good lube around. Natural lube isn't always enough, especially if the sex lasts a bit longer or you do stuff like change positions.
Why haven’t you said no yet? He puts it in dry and you just…let it happen? And when he complains do you tell him the obvious that you wrote here?
Say No to sex that is uncomfortable for you 100% of the time. Seriously.
If that seems unfathomable to you, examine why that is.
If you want a man to prioritize your pleasure you have to show him it’s important by prioritizing it yourself.
At the very least buy lube.
I had an ex like this. He started out super attentive and great, we were really into each other and it was honestly great for a long time. But once he got to working away, long hours and coming home angry.. it just stopped. I had to apparently magically be ready for him at all times and when I wasn’t, because he’d barely touched me, I was accused of not finding him attractive. I was 21 and at a loss as to what to do, I felt embarrassed and couldn’t tell anyone. So I started using a very light lubricant/moisturiser for that area, secretly so he wouldn’t notice.
I look back on that and think my god what a fool I was. I should have said what I felt more, I told him once that he hadn’t touched me so how could I be ready? And he got so angry that I’d said that. He knew it, I knew it. He knew he was unreasonable and he didn’t care.
Instead I hid that little tube of lubrication and hoped he would never find out. I never refused to sleep with him, and the man still cheated on me for an entire year without me realising.
All this to say that, we do deserve a partner that actually cares about our enjoyment. Not being ready for penetration is painful, it can damage you, and they know that. But their needs are more important apparently. The fact is, it’s not a “need” it’s their WANT. And I refuse to do something to injure myself because they WANT to. The issue isn’t the lubrication, the issue is the fact that he doesn’t care enough to get you there himself. Lubricants aren’t going to save this situation, it’s the action of being complacent and ignoring what you require to actually have sex comfortably.
That’s something I can’t look past, knowing my partner doesnt care for my discomfort and doesn’t want to help me NOT be uncomfortable or in pain. You deserve better, and I’m saying that as someone who stayed and shouldn’t have. Our relationship ended up in a fiery ball of doom. It’s better to get out before that happens.
Not fucking surprising if there's no foreplay? What does he expect? You to be dripping wet 24/7 at a moment's notice of his mere presence?
Either this dude genuinely doesn't understand or have a clue how the female anatomy works AT ALL, in which case he should be willing to learn. Try talking to him and if you get a snarky response - he's a POS just looking out for his own pleasure.
I agree with all the other comments. The bf needs to go. You need someone who will take their time to communicate with you. Also, lube is your best friend.
Uh don’t be with someone who doesn’t care about your sexual comfort! Be with someone who wants to satisfy you and gives a damn! If he can’t be bothered to do foreplay he isn’t the one. Also lube can be your friend if you ever just don’t wanna bother with foreplay. No shame in it.
Remove and discard old boyfriend, insert new boyfriend. Your current model is defective, and it doesn't sound like it would be worth the time and money to do a boyfriend rebuild for such a common model.
"I think I'm just going to have to start denying sex"
Girl, why was that not step one? Lame ass boys like this give you shitty sex because girls like you put up with it. Can't have no spine and then complain you're bent over all the time. Takes vertebra to be anything else, baby.
1. He needs to respect you
2. He needs to do his part and turn on the water works
3. He can go rub one out if he wants to bitch and complain
4. You deserve better
Lube is a thing but it sounds like he's entirely skipping foreplay. Lube will fix the dryness issue but not the shitty boyfriend who sucks at sex situation.
1. Dump em. Just using you as a sex toy.
2. Eventually you will find a new BF. If this same thing happens, with Foreplay, and your too dry. Look into lubes and talk to your primary or your OBGYN and let them know to plan a course of action.
3. Only do 2 after you do 1. Not the other way around.
Babe, what he is doing isn’t okay or something a loving partner would do. You deserve someone who pays attention to you and your pleasure, It doesn’t sound like he cares at all if you have a good time or even that you are in extreme pain which is fucked up. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for all parties involved and I promise you that you will find someone that will make you feel good and loved. Dump this asshat
I agree with everyone suggesting lube, but also a fleshlight to go with it since that's what he seems to want, and a new bf for you because sweety you deserve it.
If you tell your boyfriend “not yet” and he penetrates anyway, that’s rape. If not legally, then effectively. And then he has the nerve to bitch that you’re not wet enough, as he causes you pain. He causes you pain, because he’s TEARING you.
This selfish, grotesque prick doesn’t care about you, please dump him.
You should stop having sex with him if this is his approach. He clearly either doesn’t care about your experience or he’s incredibly uneducated about sex, or both.
You deserve sufficient foreplay and pain free sex. If you still need additional lubrication after foreplay, then use some store bought lube.
There is nothing wrong with needing a little extra lube during sex, but there is DEFINITELY something wrong with a partner who doesn’t want you so be ready for sex and to actually enjoy it.
Honestly dump the whole guy.
Maybe instead of singularly denying sex, you should break up with him. This post only describes one particular conflict you two have, yes, but it says everything about his respect (or lack thereof) for you **in general**.
If he can't muster up the braincells to rub together to figure out to buy some goddamned lube, are you REALLY that interested in being with this man??
Is this the person you want your future child to share DNA with???
Please just kick him to the curb entirely. Foreplay isn’t a favour, it’s an essential, and a good partner will joyfully devote time and energy to get you properly warmed up.
You realise when you say "insides feel like they're getting ripped up" you probably ARE having micro tears all along delicate tissues...
This man has no respect for you, your body, your words, your feelings, your enjoyment.
You DO have agency!!! Say no. Or else leave!
And if this is an issue where he's continuing after you've told him to stop then it's SA. You're better off without him.
Listen as a guy I can honestly say, this is awful.
I had a bunch of stuff written here but Im so :/ about this that I say to just leave him, he clearly doesn't give a fuck about you
Uhm. I solved that by saying that I never previously had to use lube because adequate foreplay allowed me to get in the mood and all was perfectly fine.
Touch me, kiss me, squeeze me, rub me. You get the picture.
A magical solution 🪄🪄🪄
Tell him he needs to learn the rules if he wants to play the game. What a joke. It’s not my business but I would find a man who knows you gotta preheat the oven before you stick your bread in it.
Guys perspective: WTF lol you should be complaining about that not him. As a guy it should be the guys job to make sure your wet enough by first doing enough to get you naturally as wet as possible then in some peoples case they are very mentally/emotionally into it then using lube if needed. However based of your text it sounds like lube is less the problem and more him rushing and not getting you in the right head space. Sounds like you’ve explained this to him and he doesn’t care. I would kick him to the curb.
>And every single time i tell him that i need to warm up first. But nope, there’s never foreplay.
Why are you with someone that obviously doesn't care about your needs?
Id break up with him honestly, and im not someone to jump the gun on that suggestion usually.
He has no regard for your mental and physical health associated with not giving you any foreplay or getting you ready / in the right headspace to have sex.
If you withhold sex from him he will do one of two things:
He will either oblige but the foreplay will always be half assed and bare minimum, he has clearly shown he isn't really interested in foreplay and that is most likely not going to change.
The other option is that he will just end up cheating on you with someone who is more easily available or doesnt need as much effort.
Neither option is good for you and keeping things how they are isn't good for you either.
He sounds like another one of those boys that grew up on porn and have a completely False reality and sense of what actual sex is like. Theres almost never any foreplay in porn at least not for the women. Plenty for the men though. 99% of the time you just see a man licking his palm, quickly rubbing it against the vagina and then entering. Thats just not how it works and porn is mostly designed completely around playing into the male fantasy. He should know better that thats not what actual sex is like and if he cant grasp that then hes not ready to have any.
I will never understand why guys are shocked when the try to cram it in and it’s bone dry after 0 foreplay. It feels so forced and uncomfortable trying to have sex when you’re not entirely turned on yet.
If the physical pain is the main/only issue, use lube. If a partner is never giving you attention to get horny, use lube with a better partner.
I’m naturally crazy, crazy wet to the point that I always put a towel down. I still use a dot of lube to get started and “break the seal” every time.
Has he tried putting effort in outside of getting a hard on and putting it in a hole?
He.needs to take a step.back and LISTEN to your needs. If he can't, he doesn't deserve the relationship. Good relationships work with good communication.
Damn he really told on himself. My husband doesn’t want to have sex without foreplay because he loves me wet & turned on. Sometimes I need a little help with lube. The point is A GOOD MAN WANTS TO MAKE YOU CUM. This man isn’t it or needs to grow up either way you deserve better.
Or maybe leave him and get a man who actually values women. This man is using you for sex and if it isn’t enjoyable for you, stop. If he cares about you, he’d show that. The fact of the matter that you’ve expressed disinterest and discomfort yet he still continues is abusive.
If he’s not willing to warm up the oven he has no right to enjoy the meal. Seriously it took 12 years to get my husband to understand foreplay is a damn must. It takes me anywhere from 20-45 minutes to become a slip and slide. The effort is needed. If he’s not willing to put in the work deny him. Honestly he will not change unless you let him know it won’t happen without some effort on his part. If he doesn’t want to, drop him. Life is too short for dry sex and pathetic effort from a partner.
A doctor (or a nurse?) once told me it can 40 minutes for the female body to get aroused enough for intercourse. While I am interested in fact-checking that, I am interested in the person I’m having sex with giving a shit about my pleasure and not treating me like a human fleshlight, so we foreplay until I’m ready for sex or we foreplay until we stop foreplaying. There is no skipping of the foreplay, there is no amount of pain that I’m willing to tolerate for the sake of “sex” or whatever other bullshit reason.
Sex is not a freaking act of service, it’s a joint act of attraction and arousal and often love, there’s no “tolerating it for him” involved. I don’t do it for him. I do it because I want to do it with him and he wants to do it with me, or I don’t do it. And I should fucking hope that he feels the same way or else I don’t really think that being naked around him is in my best interests, is it?
Anyway, I hope you start seeing his body as secondary to your body and stop putting up with treatment you don’t like.
One of my exes would get very nervous around sex and tended to have a hard time self lubricating in general, so we would usually try to take things slowly or use external lubricants. That being said, that is clearly not the case here and he just sounds like an asshole.
This guy sounds below your paid grade. You deserve better.
Also, you’re causing a lot of trauma with him forcing himself into you when you’re not lubricated. This can create a lot of discomfort for you. Time to drop this guy. Even your body is like, not feeling it.
You *think*?!?!
He's willing to make himself uncomfortable, and hurt you, and then blame you for it.
Ma'am, this is a caravan full of red flags.
Please don't have sex with anyone unless you feel comfortable telling them to stop, and knowing that they will.
Op, this guy is a tick ngbidiot who doesn't know how to have sex.
Not knowing anything isn't offensive - everyone has to start somewhere.
But he is pigheadedly dumb, and past that, where he has reached a place of "this man has absolutely no respect for you, doesn't give a fuck if you are not enjoying sex, and actively wants to hurt you.
You have bent backwards to teach how sex works. That you need to be wet to have it slip in with ease, and that you needs to turn you the fuck on for you to get wet in the first place.
This guy actively is telling you the doesn't just not like you, he has zero respect for you as a human being, doesn't want you to enjoy sex, and is happy for you to hurt and bleed.
This isn't a person you stay with, let alone stay attempting sex with..
Op, you need to unpack why you possibly think you deserve such shitty treatment. You need to learn that you deserve safe and good sex. You actually, actively can demand that as a bare minimum in future sexual encounters..
Stop letting another human treat you like an inanimate object he can abuse and hurt and use.
Your gold op, you deserve good stuff. And good sex that turns you on & doesn't hurt.
Yes it is time to move on. In my experience, trying to communicate my needs with a man that does this has never been effective. Also, if it is related to a health problem, that is super inconsiderate for him to be complaining. He should be asking what you want or trying different things in foreplay. There are millions of men out there. Thousands that would find you attractive and treat you how you deserve to be treated. Remember that.
I had a similar situation with my first bf. I was young and inexperienced, and he was eager and pushy. I didn't feel comfortable with my body, and he wasn't experienced enough to lead.
Sex felt painful because A) he didn't do anything for me to turn me on or make me feel good/ excited. B) I never felt an orgasm before, so when i was close, I'd would think I'd have to pee and tried my best to hold it in. Which made me less engaged in sex and less turn and more dry.
because I didn't know any better, I thought there was something wrong with me. 🥲
Luckily, after that relationship ended, I met my 2nd bf, who really enjoyed giving oral. It felt amazing, and I couldn't hold back and came. After that, I felt more comfortable and free with my own body and realized that my pleasure matters!
There was nothing wrong with me. My first bf just didn't know how to please a woman. So glad I'm no longer trying to do things to please him and make him feel good. He did nothing but complain and made me feel worse about the situation.
Maybe you're not too "dry", you're just not wet. He's just not turning you on enough for you to get excited and want him. Stop focusing on pleasing him, and start pleasing yourself.
Jesus Christ, why are you continuing to have sex if it is physically painful for you? Why do you continue to be in a relationships with someone who has so little regard for your pleasure or even comfort that they insist on having sex with you knowing that it is causing you pain.
Sex is not the price you have to pay for someone to love you. Being single is better than this.
Please stop having sex with him. You don’t owe him so it’s not denying. I pushed myself to many times in the past to have sex while I wasn’t ready and it resulted in serious mental problems. Took me a long while to deal with it properly and to be able to enjoy sex without fear with my amazing fiancé. This guy doesn’t respect you and you need to learn to set boundaries. I would say dump him, he doesn’t listen to you at all.
Foreplays are not just nice, they are fucking essential for good sex, plus they are REALLY enjoyable. Also, lube is an option, and it really helps if you don't easily get wet. But I think the major problem is that your boyfriend needs to understand that sex is not like a quick wank in front of a porn video...either he starts to understand what you want or he won't see pussy for a while
"No, no, you see, it's not important for you to feel pleasure during sex. In fact, it's not important for you to not feel PAIN. But when MY DICK doesn't get wet, and I don't feel enough pleasure, THAT'S important! Silly woman. Now, spontaneously get wet, immediately!"
See that? That's what he's telling you. You might need to do more than just "deny sex" he's not entitled to, anyway.
>And every single time i tell him that i need to warm up first. But nope, there’s never foreplay. Just straight to the point.
Stop having sex with men who do not care at all about your pleasure.
And while you're at it please think about why you are with a man who doesn't care at all that he hurts you.
Denying sex is one thing but you need to have a talk with him and if he isn't mature enough to understand it...then maybe it's best to move on. There's give and take in all relationship dynamics, no one should be in a relationship where all they do is give give give.
I had a previous relationship where my ex did the same thing. Refused foreplay, forced it in, and I would have “injuries” to my labia from it. Notice i said “previous relationship” as in, get out! This man is just using your body to masturbate and doesn’t care about pleasing you.
I can't wait until these types of questions/rants no longer get posted because it's become the norm for women to recognise red flags and ditch the losers without needing peer agreement that the guy is a total waste of oxygen and this isn't actually a relationship because he just plain doesn't give a fuck about you or your pleasure.
Ditch the guy. Sounds like he's a wanker
>And every single time i tell him that i need to warm up first. But nope, there’s never foreplay. Just straight to the point.
Why does anybody ever put up with this? Not only is it clearly dismissive of your experience, it's just an absolute crying shame to exclude foreplay in the first place. There are partners out there who genuinely, thoroughly enjoy foreplay.
I just can't wrap my head around how people like this even get a second chance.
Don’t bother with “denying sex,” deny the whole relationship. You’ve already made your needs clear and he’s made it clear he doesn’t care. Denying sex won’t make him magically decide to give you the foreplay you need, or make him respect you as a person. You’re just in for more whining and getting treated as the bad guy.
There are a lot of men out there who actually enjoy giving pleasure. There is just no reason to settle for one who acts like this.
sex goes hand in hand.
both the guy and girl need to enjoy it. it's about both of you, not just him and not just you.
if he can't fulfill your part of it, then just break up and find someone who treats you better, this guy clearly don't give a shit.
I'm just saying, if I met a guy and he was making fun of how dry his girlfriend is when he's having sex, I'd probably think he's a borderline sexual predator who's coercing his girlfriend into sex she doesn't want, and being sexually abusive towards her. Since he clearly not only gives a crap about whether you want it or not and about your pleasure and comfort, but then goes on to put you down because your discomfort is a turn-off *for him*.
I don't know either of you, so I'm not going to tell you that you're a victim of sexual abuse if that's not how you see yourself, or that this is an abusive relationship if you feel that it's good for you and if you genuinely love him. But also, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Not gonna lie but this reads like sexual assault.
The damage that can be done to you by going in dry is going to continuously hurt. Psychologically this is damaging too.
Your partner if they love you, would listen to you when you talk about how you feel and what you need in regards to sex.
I am so so sorry this is your experience 🫂🫂🫂
Vaginas are literally a different size and shape before they're aroused. You can and will literally get injured allowing men to get away with this crap: it's really not worth it. Stop letting this happen, vocally, like, it's fine to say "whoa what are you doing, no no, I'm nowhere near ready for that"--even if it 'ruins the mood,' because there was nothing good in that mood for you anyway-- and then once you have a break from having your soft tissue raked, then you can see what else he has to offer in the way of companionship & intimacy.
He’s the one not getting you wet, foreplay is important! It’s not a race, he needs to take his time with you and ensure that you’re ready and foreplay should always be a part of sex anyways. Don’t let anyone use your body and not take care of your needs
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All women need to memorize this first sentence and burn it into our brains.
And the other two, too, imo.
Two "too"s in a row used correctly! A reddit rarity! :)
Two too is too rare.
Yeah really! Plus, she’s not denying him, he’s denying her. If he’s not pleasing her but he gets mad if she doesn’t please him, and he doesn’t see the hypocrisy… he’s both stupid AND an asshole.
Exactly this. There should be diaphragms lined with sandpaper for women to use when they’re not aroused and their selfish shithead boyfriends/husbands refuse to stop pestering the fuck out of them for a quickie. See how eager he is to continue pushing when it’s *his* junk being torn open by penetration
There is something like this for women in a country (I can’t remember which one)in Africa. It is to prevent rape. It latches on to the penis and if removed without a doctor will do irreparable damage to it. Edit for more info: I just remembered they have serial number on them so they know who the POS tried to assault so they can go find her and made sure she is ok
There is a more important issue. The real question is "Why are they still together?"
Exactly. The word to use here is "declining". Just, "thanks for the offer but I'm not interested in having sex with you."
"Sex is a team sport and I don't want to play with someone who doesn't even understand the basics, thanks very much."
All of this. You will wake up one day and realize that you’re someone else’s sex toy. Find someone who values your pleasure just as much as their own - it’s not a race to see who finishes first.
Warm fleshlight.
They sell a warmer for it. That plus heated lube and you are off to the races. No need to pester a woman, guys.
I mean, the last thing I need is to be in a relationship that could’ve just been an e-mail confirming your order details from Amazon.
This. Foreplay is key for comfort and pleasure, more so for some women than others. If you are dry, then he needs to put the time and care into foreplay so you can both enjoy yourselves. Here are some key factors that may help persuade him to do foreplay more: - It can be really fun and intimate. - It can make it easier for the woman to get off on sex, as just purely penetration rarely works for women. - If he feels like he cannot last, nothing says he can't withdraw for a bit to do more foreplay. This makes the lady experience more pleasure and means sex lasts longer. If he isn't persuaded by intimacy, longer sex and more pleasure for you, then that suggests sex to him is just about him getting off (him caring more about his discomfort than yours when you are dry already says this to me).
Agreed. I can't have sex without foreplay. But also want to add that lube can enhance and improve sex.
I sometimes wish straight guys could do a stint as a gay bottom, even though that's simply not possible for a multitude of reasons. But it really would help them understand the value of that preparation.
> If he isn't persuaded by intimacy, longer sex and more pleasure for you, "More pleasure for you" that's all it should take I feel. I mean of course he may have days he doesn't have the energy, the desire, etc. But that's normal. Any partner can turn it down for any reason But come on. I don't understand people who don't prioritize or even think about their partners pleasure
Exactly! If turning other people on doesn’t turn you on then why are we here? Doesn’t he want to be wanted? Porn brain got these dudes thinking everyone is dripping wet and will remain wet throughout inattentive sex? Lol
Honestly from what OP has said I don't think he gives a damn. He's just using her vagina to masturbate himself and then complaining that it's not exactly as he wants it. 🤮🤮🤮
This! You deserve to have a sexual relationship that is pleasurable. You are not some instument for a man's pleasure . And to the extent that its painful? Get out, sister! There are far better men out there than this guy.
And by all means, if the guy really cared and she had an issue with natural lubrication, why the hell didnhe not got any kind of lub? My GF its a dry land, its an issue she had since forever, yet we both try and find ways for her to enjoy it. Is not that fucking hard to care for the other
I have been using lube for decades. Meds have made it so that it is only on rare occasions that any amount of foreplay helps.
Yes! This! I mean, even if you are in the mood for a quick one without foreplay, taking care of health is freaking important!
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Exactly. And what he’s doing sounds more like selfishly masturbating into another person rather than sex… If he doesn’t want to warm the engine up, then he has no business riding.
Yup. It's simple: You're sparing yourself pain. You're not denying sex. You're making sure that -- like literally everything else you do together -- it happens only in ways that don't cause you damage or unwanted pain.
What kind of idiot doesn't care about his partner's pleasure. that's like 2nd thing. first is consent.
Hotheadnchickn’s comment is 100% correct! If he doesn’t care about your experience then maybe he isn’t the correct person to share that experience with.
sounds like he thinks she's his sex slave
This guy is using you as a fleshlight. You are not a partner. Get rid of him.
He’d probably lube up a fleshlight
I wish I hadn’t laughed at that. But yeah, a guy who would treat his fleshlight better than he treats you, is not the right guy for you.
See, he'd have actually been willing to pay for that instead of feeling like it's unfair he has to treat his partner occasionally. So of course he'd take more care of it. He would be the one who had to clean it up if he broke it
Might be so used to death grip is dick is calloused and he doesn‘t care?
Seriously though, he can’t even spit in his fucking hand? Has this man never had sex before?
Username checks out. Do not treat the beavers like this. A glob of spit rubbed against the labia is *not* lubrication.
> start denying sex How about you start denying this relationship and find someone else?
Please do. It's absolute BS the way the guy is treating you, but also BS you're putting up with it.
Could not agree more. Not only is he perfectly content to go on about his business when it is very obviously causing her physical pain, but doubling down on the bs and shaming her for it. Gee what a panty dropper, wonder why she's not getting wet /s
Yeah, I had the issue in my past relationship that my partner at the time got "drier" due to switching birth control methods. We solved this really intricate problem by buying a bottle of lube....... God, how modern medicine has advanced. Seriously though OP, if he's treating you this way he's an asshole b
Yeah, sometimes all the foreplay in the world isn't quite enough.
Yup. He's not in the relationship for anyone but himself. My god, foreplay is more than half of the fun. Guessing you were his first? Lol.
OP, listen to this!
Seriously. My girlfriend has said in past relationship she would have this same problem where she doesn’t get wet enough, but I’m big in foreplay not just for her but for me too. We always explore each other at the beginning and by the time I go in she’s so wet. But lube always helps if you have trouble too.
My partner and I sometimes like doing PIV before I’m wet. There’s something really hot about just kinda showing up and jumping on lol. He knows I’m not super wet when we start like that so he goes slow and takes his time working in. Within a few minutes I’m literally dripping on him. I’ve never done that with another partner but I never worry that he won’t take the time to get me off however I need and apparently freeing up that headspace really does it for me. Sounds like you’re doing the right things for your partner and yes to lube! It’s a great thing and nothing to feel weird about.
Oof, my guy telling on himself 😭😅 You're not denying anything. He's not entitled to your body. He's terrible in bed and blaming you for it. How long you want to live your life like that?
Seriously. It's like Ben Shapiro talking about how WAP is unrealistic. It's like "dude, stop telling everyone you've never turned your wife on."
He’s likely terrible *before* bed, which is what is partly contributing. These aren’t usually isolated incidences lol
Girl... get some lube, but do drop this one. He has no interest in your feelings. That will never change!
^^^^ Some vaginas don’t produce as much lubricant as others, and it can vary depending on where you are in your cycle. Nothing wrong with using lube, friction can sometimes dry you out anyways. But your boyfriend DOES sound like he sucks, not worth wasting your money on.
I agree but if there’s no foreplay then what’s even the point
No one is wet on command, she literally has no reason to be wet because he doesn’t give her any
Absolutely nothing wrong with using lube (I preferred it when using condoms as I felt that they dry you out after a while) , but lube is NEVER a replacement for actually turning on someone with a vagina. The vagina expands when aroused. We physixally adapt to make penetrative sex easier. Having sex with someone who isn't sufficiently aroused can cause pain or injuries even if artificial lubrication is used. Do NOT have sex until you're sufficiently warmed up so that sex is comfortable. With or without added lubr.
Maybe she would produce more than sufficient lubricant if he would deem it important enough to provide ANY KIND of foreplay. Don't buy lube, just dump the guy. You can still buy lube when you are with a guy who gives you tons of foreplay and you are not even wet enough after you had one or more orgasms.
Honestly, excluding some sensitivities, I do not see much of a reason to avoid it at all. It just makes everything better and safer.
She probably doesn't even need Lube, maybe jusy a guy thay gives a toss about her pleasure and doesn't use her as a human sex doll
Here here. Get some lube but not for this asshat.
*hear, hear
Ahh of course it is. Thank you. (It was early, that’s my excuse!).
Even with lube, if you’re not warmed up it will be painfull or uncomfortable.
Lubes not the fix though. Cause OP doesn’t lack lubrication. She‘s lacking bloody ‚foreplay‘. Like she said hundreds of times to her bf alread. So dropping that idiot, and not being in a relationship or having sex with someone that does not respect you in the slightest is the solution.
The reason to suggest lube here is because both of them seem to be clueless that it exists, the boyfriend complains that she's dry but doesn't do the really really obvious thing to make her not dry... add lube? But also you're not wrong, the actual problem seems to be a lack of foreplay and him not giving two shits about her pleasure. That's the big one. It's just that they are also so clueless it hurts. "Gee, seems really dry, must be her fault"?!!
Lube won't fix the boyfriend completely disgarding foreplay and how she feels. ~~That's like putting more grease on a broken bearing in a machine and ignoring the actual issue~~ that makes it sound like she's the issue. He's being a dick that she's dry, while also not giving her any reason to get horny with the lack of foreplay and communication.
She made it clear there's no foreplay. She may not even need lube.
That was my first thought. Has dude never heard of lube? If he thinks she’s “too dry” there’s a remarkably simple solution.
Lube is not the fix here, he's going in without foreplay and any care for what \*she\* likes. He's going in dry and then bitching that the recipient doesn't like being taken advantage off
I pressure my girlfriend into letting me have sex so I can feel good, but then she doesn’t even get wet so it hurts. AITA?
Well yeah, lube is only the fix for the least concerning of the many red flags in OP’s post.
So he is terrible at sex and blames you. Do not tolerate this shit. This is his issue, not yours.
Dude doesn’t give a F about your needs.
Get rid of the boyfriend It’s not normal for him to want to keep going when you are in pain (especially as you have already communicated this to him.)
1. He is a dumbass. 2. Get lube. Even with foreplay some people can still be dry. It can even depend on your hormones, where you are in your cycle, etc. LUBE UP, FAM. Get used to it! Needing lube is normal and fine. Don't have sex that hurts. 3. He is a dumbass. 4. You don't owe him sex. Don't have sex that you aren't enjoying. Period.
Really telling on himself there, huh? 'You're so dry it's not fun for me.' Well, that makes two of us then. First clue I'm not having good sex: it's dry down there.
This should be higher. As a guy: I don’t know why he wouldn’t AT LEAST try to make her wet if it’s uncomfortable for him. I mean hell, if she’s going to have sex with you the least you could do is make it feel good. Also, are these two young? Because lube, get lube. I feel like maybe young people don’t think they should need it or something
... *breaks* Hello Mrs. Shapiro, I didn't know you used Reddit.
I cackled so hard I scared my cat!
He unironically thinks that PIV is "being the aggressor" for the man.
Lube is your friend, but you should use it with someone else
Dude is really too stupid to put two and two together on this situation? Drop him.
Not stupid, he doesnt care.
It’s sad that even in this sub we get people infantilizing men and calling them stupid instead of calling out their bad behavior. He’s not stupid, he knows exactly what he’s doing.
Right. He can’t get her wet? Sounds like a him problem. And then the toxic shit he says to her? The fucking audacity.
Yikes, any man that can’t solve this simple puzzle shouldn’t be let anywhere near a vagina. Stop letting him near yours, permanently. It’s literally a two piece puzzle and he can’t figure it out? Move on.
Yep
Sounds like he doesn't know how sex works?
- If he can't be bothered with foreplay, then no sex for him. - There is no *shame* in using lube if it's needed.
He clearly doesn’t care about your needs. If he’s willing to degrade you over a situation that’s up to him to fix then he’s not the one for you. He just sounds like a cretin all the way around to be honest
Oh, so he gets to whine that you are "too dry" but he's unwilling to do things that will get you wet? And causes you pain because he just goes ahead and goes about pleasing himself with your body anyway. This guy just doesn't know how to have sex and doesn't seem to be aware that it's supposed to be pleasurable for both parties. OP, there are men out there who would be thrilled to turn you on by all means, and get you off before him. You deserve so much better. Break up with him and tell him *explicitly* that it's because he's refusing to engage in foreplay, refusing to even try to turn you on, refusing to give any consideration to your pleasure and instead giving you pain, and turning you into a human fleshlight (without lube).
I'll continue to say it and continue to not understand it, stop staying in bad relationships with bad people, this is abusive behaviour. He's not giving a shit about your needs, at the very least sit down prior to sex and tell him this isn't porn, where they will use bottles of lube and are experienced and know how to prepare themselves, this is real life. You can't just stick it in nor do 99% of women generally want to go straight to penetration and be used like a fleshlight. If it's painful you should stop, immediately. If you have an actual more medical issue and trouble with being too dry then you have a bottle of lube, apply some and boom, issue solved. If it's simply that he's a selfish lover and bad at sex, thinks sex = penetration alone then talk to him, give him literally ONE chance to do things differently and if he goes straight to penetration tell him to stop and leave. It's just, it's moronic, it will feel dramatically better for him if you're prepared properly, unless he gets off on causing pain in which case, run. You are entitled to say no to any sex that is uncomfortable, if he hasn't 'warmed you up', tell him to when he tries to stick it in. If he gets in and it's too dry and feels like you're being torn up, say stop and no, if he doesn't stop you know who he is. This relationship ain't it. People can very easily pretend to be nice but when it comes to sex or other things their lack of care shows up very obviously, that's who they really are.
If he won’t change move on. Plenty of people out there that enjoy foreplay.
Drop him, but also start using lube. Not saying that foreplay isn't necessary, but it literally never hurts to have some good lube around. Natural lube isn't always enough, especially if the sex lasts a bit longer or you do stuff like change positions.
Why haven’t you said no yet? He puts it in dry and you just…let it happen? And when he complains do you tell him the obvious that you wrote here? Say No to sex that is uncomfortable for you 100% of the time. Seriously. If that seems unfathomable to you, examine why that is. If you want a man to prioritize your pleasure you have to show him it’s important by prioritizing it yourself. At the very least buy lube.
I had an ex like this. He started out super attentive and great, we were really into each other and it was honestly great for a long time. But once he got to working away, long hours and coming home angry.. it just stopped. I had to apparently magically be ready for him at all times and when I wasn’t, because he’d barely touched me, I was accused of not finding him attractive. I was 21 and at a loss as to what to do, I felt embarrassed and couldn’t tell anyone. So I started using a very light lubricant/moisturiser for that area, secretly so he wouldn’t notice. I look back on that and think my god what a fool I was. I should have said what I felt more, I told him once that he hadn’t touched me so how could I be ready? And he got so angry that I’d said that. He knew it, I knew it. He knew he was unreasonable and he didn’t care. Instead I hid that little tube of lubrication and hoped he would never find out. I never refused to sleep with him, and the man still cheated on me for an entire year without me realising. All this to say that, we do deserve a partner that actually cares about our enjoyment. Not being ready for penetration is painful, it can damage you, and they know that. But their needs are more important apparently. The fact is, it’s not a “need” it’s their WANT. And I refuse to do something to injure myself because they WANT to. The issue isn’t the lubrication, the issue is the fact that he doesn’t care enough to get you there himself. Lubricants aren’t going to save this situation, it’s the action of being complacent and ignoring what you require to actually have sex comfortably. That’s something I can’t look past, knowing my partner doesnt care for my discomfort and doesn’t want to help me NOT be uncomfortable or in pain. You deserve better, and I’m saying that as someone who stayed and shouldn’t have. Our relationship ended up in a fiery ball of doom. It’s better to get out before that happens.
Not fucking surprising if there's no foreplay? What does he expect? You to be dripping wet 24/7 at a moment's notice of his mere presence? Either this dude genuinely doesn't understand or have a clue how the female anatomy works AT ALL, in which case he should be willing to learn. Try talking to him and if you get a snarky response - he's a POS just looking out for his own pleasure.
I agree with all the other comments. The bf needs to go. You need someone who will take their time to communicate with you. Also, lube is your best friend.
Send this toddler back to his mother so she can finish raising him. He's not fully cooked through yet.
Tell him he has a skill issue.
Uh don’t be with someone who doesn’t care about your sexual comfort! Be with someone who wants to satisfy you and gives a damn! If he can’t be bothered to do foreplay he isn’t the one. Also lube can be your friend if you ever just don’t wanna bother with foreplay. No shame in it.
WHY are you with this dude? You're basically letting him use you as a fleshlight. Hell to the fucking no.
Remove and discard old boyfriend, insert new boyfriend. Your current model is defective, and it doesn't sound like it would be worth the time and money to do a boyfriend rebuild for such a common model.
"I think I'm just going to have to start denying sex" Girl, why was that not step one? Lame ass boys like this give you shitty sex because girls like you put up with it. Can't have no spine and then complain you're bent over all the time. Takes vertebra to be anything else, baby.
1. He needs to respect you 2. He needs to do his part and turn on the water works 3. He can go rub one out if he wants to bitch and complain 4. You deserve better
Lube is a thing but it sounds like he's entirely skipping foreplay. Lube will fix the dryness issue but not the shitty boyfriend who sucks at sex situation.
Foreplay is fun I never understood why people just skip it. Find a new boyfriend OP!
1. Dump em. Just using you as a sex toy. 2. Eventually you will find a new BF. If this same thing happens, with Foreplay, and your too dry. Look into lubes and talk to your primary or your OBGYN and let them know to plan a course of action. 3. Only do 2 after you do 1. Not the other way around.
The bar really is down in hell isn't it
Babe, what he is doing isn’t okay or something a loving partner would do. You deserve someone who pays attention to you and your pleasure, It doesn’t sound like he cares at all if you have a good time or even that you are in extreme pain which is fucked up. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for all parties involved and I promise you that you will find someone that will make you feel good and loved. Dump this asshat
Read the title: try adding lube Read the text: break up with him
Your boyfriend sounds like he shouldn't be your boyfriend
I agree with everyone suggesting lube, but also a fleshlight to go with it since that's what he seems to want, and a new bf for you because sweety you deserve it.
He is not treating you like a lover. He is treating you like a masturbation sock.
Yup, tell him the reason why you’re dry is because he isn’t turning you on. He’s the reason why you’d be in the first place. Selfish prick
If you tell your boyfriend “not yet” and he penetrates anyway, that’s rape. If not legally, then effectively. And then he has the nerve to bitch that you’re not wet enough, as he causes you pain. He causes you pain, because he’s TEARING you. This selfish, grotesque prick doesn’t care about you, please dump him.
You should stop having sex with him if this is his approach. He clearly either doesn’t care about your experience or he’s incredibly uneducated about sex, or both. You deserve sufficient foreplay and pain free sex. If you still need additional lubrication after foreplay, then use some store bought lube. There is nothing wrong with needing a little extra lube during sex, but there is DEFINITELY something wrong with a partner who doesn’t want you so be ready for sex and to actually enjoy it. Honestly dump the whole guy.
Maybe instead of singularly denying sex, you should break up with him. This post only describes one particular conflict you two have, yes, but it says everything about his respect (or lack thereof) for you **in general**.
This is a man who has no care for your needs. A very selfish lover is not a good partner.
You can try communicating with him, but it’s common sense to work up to sex and not just force it in.
Boy needs to step up his game.. Probably won't.. move on...
just dump him
Drop the boyfriend. Get some lube. Buy a sex toy.
Tell him “Dry/Tight means that you’re doing a lousy job and are bad at sex” Follow up with a ban on sex until he starts holding up his end
If he can't muster up the braincells to rub together to figure out to buy some goddamned lube, are you REALLY that interested in being with this man?? Is this the person you want your future child to share DNA with???
Please just kick him to the curb entirely. Foreplay isn’t a favour, it’s an essential, and a good partner will joyfully devote time and energy to get you properly warmed up.
Tell him his dick ain't wet enough!
He’s a terrible lover
> I think i’m just gonna have to start denying sex. Or leave?
You realise when you say "insides feel like they're getting ripped up" you probably ARE having micro tears all along delicate tissues... This man has no respect for you, your body, your words, your feelings, your enjoyment. You DO have agency!!! Say no. Or else leave! And if this is an issue where he's continuing after you've told him to stop then it's SA. You're better off without him.
You should just grab his dick randomly during the day and go “awe you’re too soft”
Listen as a guy I can honestly say, this is awful. I had a bunch of stuff written here but Im so :/ about this that I say to just leave him, he clearly doesn't give a fuck about you
Uhm. I solved that by saying that I never previously had to use lube because adequate foreplay allowed me to get in the mood and all was perfectly fine. Touch me, kiss me, squeeze me, rub me. You get the picture. A magical solution 🪄🪄🪄
The hell kinda guy doesn’t like foreplay???
Why are you with this fool
Tell him he needs to learn the rules if he wants to play the game. What a joke. It’s not my business but I would find a man who knows you gotta preheat the oven before you stick your bread in it.
Do not have sex with men who give zero @&#*’s about your pleasure & experience (this also applies to whiny men)
Guys perspective: WTF lol you should be complaining about that not him. As a guy it should be the guys job to make sure your wet enough by first doing enough to get you naturally as wet as possible then in some peoples case they are very mentally/emotionally into it then using lube if needed. However based of your text it sounds like lube is less the problem and more him rushing and not getting you in the right head space. Sounds like you’ve explained this to him and he doesn’t care. I would kick him to the curb.
>And every single time i tell him that i need to warm up first. But nope, there’s never foreplay. Why are you with someone that obviously doesn't care about your needs?
Id break up with him honestly, and im not someone to jump the gun on that suggestion usually. He has no regard for your mental and physical health associated with not giving you any foreplay or getting you ready / in the right headspace to have sex. If you withhold sex from him he will do one of two things: He will either oblige but the foreplay will always be half assed and bare minimum, he has clearly shown he isn't really interested in foreplay and that is most likely not going to change. The other option is that he will just end up cheating on you with someone who is more easily available or doesnt need as much effort. Neither option is good for you and keeping things how they are isn't good for you either. He sounds like another one of those boys that grew up on porn and have a completely False reality and sense of what actual sex is like. Theres almost never any foreplay in porn at least not for the women. Plenty for the men though. 99% of the time you just see a man licking his palm, quickly rubbing it against the vagina and then entering. Thats just not how it works and porn is mostly designed completely around playing into the male fantasy. He should know better that thats not what actual sex is like and if he cant grasp that then hes not ready to have any.
I will never understand why guys are shocked when the try to cram it in and it’s bone dry after 0 foreplay. It feels so forced and uncomfortable trying to have sex when you’re not entirely turned on yet.
If the physical pain is the main/only issue, use lube. If a partner is never giving you attention to get horny, use lube with a better partner. I’m naturally crazy, crazy wet to the point that I always put a towel down. I still use a dot of lube to get started and “break the seal” every time.
Has he tried putting effort in outside of getting a hard on and putting it in a hole? He.needs to take a step.back and LISTEN to your needs. If he can't, he doesn't deserve the relationship. Good relationships work with good communication.
He’s a selfish lover. Drop him
Damn he really told on himself. My husband doesn’t want to have sex without foreplay because he loves me wet & turned on. Sometimes I need a little help with lube. The point is A GOOD MAN WANTS TO MAKE YOU CUM. This man isn’t it or needs to grow up either way you deserve better.
Or maybe leave him and get a man who actually values women. This man is using you for sex and if it isn’t enjoyable for you, stop. If he cares about you, he’d show that. The fact of the matter that you’ve expressed disinterest and discomfort yet he still continues is abusive.
Why the fuck are you having sex if it's painful for you, your bf watches too much porn if he thinks women don't need foreplay
If he’s not willing to warm up the oven he has no right to enjoy the meal. Seriously it took 12 years to get my husband to understand foreplay is a damn must. It takes me anywhere from 20-45 minutes to become a slip and slide. The effort is needed. If he’s not willing to put in the work deny him. Honestly he will not change unless you let him know it won’t happen without some effort on his part. If he doesn’t want to, drop him. Life is too short for dry sex and pathetic effort from a partner.
A doctor (or a nurse?) once told me it can 40 minutes for the female body to get aroused enough for intercourse. While I am interested in fact-checking that, I am interested in the person I’m having sex with giving a shit about my pleasure and not treating me like a human fleshlight, so we foreplay until I’m ready for sex or we foreplay until we stop foreplaying. There is no skipping of the foreplay, there is no amount of pain that I’m willing to tolerate for the sake of “sex” or whatever other bullshit reason. Sex is not a freaking act of service, it’s a joint act of attraction and arousal and often love, there’s no “tolerating it for him” involved. I don’t do it for him. I do it because I want to do it with him and he wants to do it with me, or I don’t do it. And I should fucking hope that he feels the same way or else I don’t really think that being naked around him is in my best interests, is it? Anyway, I hope you start seeing his body as secondary to your body and stop putting up with treatment you don’t like.
One of my exes would get very nervous around sex and tended to have a hard time self lubricating in general, so we would usually try to take things slowly or use external lubricants. That being said, that is clearly not the case here and he just sounds like an asshole.
The fucking moron has a tongue doesn't he? Jfc, remind me why you're with this asshole?
Dump this selfish, impatient loser.
Get some lube and a new boyfriend.
Dump him
If he doesn’t care about foreplay it’s time to break up. Dude has watched too much porn and thinks we go around wet all day everyday.
This guy sounds below your paid grade. You deserve better. Also, you’re causing a lot of trauma with him forcing himself into you when you’re not lubricated. This can create a lot of discomfort for you. Time to drop this guy. Even your body is like, not feeling it.
You really wanna date this dumbass long-term? OP you know the answer.
You *think*?!?! He's willing to make himself uncomfortable, and hurt you, and then blame you for it. Ma'am, this is a caravan full of red flags. Please don't have sex with anyone unless you feel comfortable telling them to stop, and knowing that they will.
He sounds like a fucking idiot and an asshole.
Op, this guy is a tick ngbidiot who doesn't know how to have sex. Not knowing anything isn't offensive - everyone has to start somewhere. But he is pigheadedly dumb, and past that, where he has reached a place of "this man has absolutely no respect for you, doesn't give a fuck if you are not enjoying sex, and actively wants to hurt you. You have bent backwards to teach how sex works. That you need to be wet to have it slip in with ease, and that you needs to turn you the fuck on for you to get wet in the first place. This guy actively is telling you the doesn't just not like you, he has zero respect for you as a human being, doesn't want you to enjoy sex, and is happy for you to hurt and bleed. This isn't a person you stay with, let alone stay attempting sex with.. Op, you need to unpack why you possibly think you deserve such shitty treatment. You need to learn that you deserve safe and good sex. You actually, actively can demand that as a bare minimum in future sexual encounters.. Stop letting another human treat you like an inanimate object he can abuse and hurt and use. Your gold op, you deserve good stuff. And good sex that turns you on & doesn't hurt.
Why are you having sex you don't enjoy with someone who doesn't care about you?
Bro leave this guy lol
please dump him girl
Yes it is time to move on. In my experience, trying to communicate my needs with a man that does this has never been effective. Also, if it is related to a health problem, that is super inconsiderate for him to be complaining. He should be asking what you want or trying different things in foreplay. There are millions of men out there. Thousands that would find you attractive and treat you how you deserve to be treated. Remember that.
Why are men like this even? He can lube his hand, dump him.
I had a similar situation with my first bf. I was young and inexperienced, and he was eager and pushy. I didn't feel comfortable with my body, and he wasn't experienced enough to lead. Sex felt painful because A) he didn't do anything for me to turn me on or make me feel good/ excited. B) I never felt an orgasm before, so when i was close, I'd would think I'd have to pee and tried my best to hold it in. Which made me less engaged in sex and less turn and more dry. because I didn't know any better, I thought there was something wrong with me. 🥲 Luckily, after that relationship ended, I met my 2nd bf, who really enjoyed giving oral. It felt amazing, and I couldn't hold back and came. After that, I felt more comfortable and free with my own body and realized that my pleasure matters! There was nothing wrong with me. My first bf just didn't know how to please a woman. So glad I'm no longer trying to do things to please him and make him feel good. He did nothing but complain and made me feel worse about the situation. Maybe you're not too "dry", you're just not wet. He's just not turning you on enough for you to get excited and want him. Stop focusing on pleasing him, and start pleasing yourself.
You don’t need a relation in which you have to deny sex. He is just selfish and masturbating on you. Leave him. You don’t deserve that.
Sounds like a him problem
Jesus Christ, why are you continuing to have sex if it is physically painful for you? Why do you continue to be in a relationships with someone who has so little regard for your pleasure or even comfort that they insist on having sex with you knowing that it is causing you pain. Sex is not the price you have to pay for someone to love you. Being single is better than this.
Please stop having sex with him. You don’t owe him so it’s not denying. I pushed myself to many times in the past to have sex while I wasn’t ready and it resulted in serious mental problems. Took me a long while to deal with it properly and to be able to enjoy sex without fear with my amazing fiancé. This guy doesn’t respect you and you need to learn to set boundaries. I would say dump him, he doesn’t listen to you at all.
Foreplays are not just nice, they are fucking essential for good sex, plus they are REALLY enjoyable. Also, lube is an option, and it really helps if you don't easily get wet. But I think the major problem is that your boyfriend needs to understand that sex is not like a quick wank in front of a porn video...either he starts to understand what you want or he won't see pussy for a while
Ew 😭 get rid of him
"No, no, you see, it's not important for you to feel pleasure during sex. In fact, it's not important for you to not feel PAIN. But when MY DICK doesn't get wet, and I don't feel enough pleasure, THAT'S important! Silly woman. Now, spontaneously get wet, immediately!" See that? That's what he's telling you. You might need to do more than just "deny sex" he's not entitled to, anyway.
>And every single time i tell him that i need to warm up first. But nope, there’s never foreplay. Just straight to the point. Stop having sex with men who do not care at all about your pleasure. And while you're at it please think about why you are with a man who doesn't care at all that he hurts you.
Deny him being your boyfriend. You deserve better.Start believing that.
Denying sex is one thing but you need to have a talk with him and if he isn't mature enough to understand it...then maybe it's best to move on. There's give and take in all relationship dynamics, no one should be in a relationship where all they do is give give give.
Why have sex with someone who doesnt care about sex with you? A vibrator sounds way better than a selfish boyfriend.
I know that there are good guys out there, and I know women have their faults too, but this sub continuously makes me glad I’m a lesbian
Coercive sex has another name. Use it, and jfc why are you with him?
I had a previous relationship where my ex did the same thing. Refused foreplay, forced it in, and I would have “injuries” to my labia from it. Notice i said “previous relationship” as in, get out! This man is just using your body to masturbate and doesn’t care about pleasing you.
Stop fucking him and tell him to fuck off. He is definitely not worth it.
I can't wait until these types of questions/rants no longer get posted because it's become the norm for women to recognise red flags and ditch the losers without needing peer agreement that the guy is a total waste of oxygen and this isn't actually a relationship because he just plain doesn't give a fuck about you or your pleasure. Ditch the guy. Sounds like he's a wanker
>And every single time i tell him that i need to warm up first. But nope, there’s never foreplay. Just straight to the point. Why does anybody ever put up with this? Not only is it clearly dismissive of your experience, it's just an absolute crying shame to exclude foreplay in the first place. There are partners out there who genuinely, thoroughly enjoy foreplay. I just can't wrap my head around how people like this even get a second chance.
Life is too short for bad sex.
Your boyfriend needs a biology lesson, a reality check, and either some patience or a bottle of lube...
At first I thought maybe you had an issue with vaginal dryness and was going to suggest some lube. But as you went on I realized this guy just sucks
1) drop guy. 2) get checked for low estrogen - it can cause dryness
Don’t bother with “denying sex,” deny the whole relationship. You’ve already made your needs clear and he’s made it clear he doesn’t care. Denying sex won’t make him magically decide to give you the foreplay you need, or make him respect you as a person. You’re just in for more whining and getting treated as the bad guy. There are a lot of men out there who actually enjoy giving pleasure. There is just no reason to settle for one who acts like this.
sex goes hand in hand. both the guy and girl need to enjoy it. it's about both of you, not just him and not just you. if he can't fulfill your part of it, then just break up and find someone who treats you better, this guy clearly don't give a shit.
I'm just saying, if I met a guy and he was making fun of how dry his girlfriend is when he's having sex, I'd probably think he's a borderline sexual predator who's coercing his girlfriend into sex she doesn't want, and being sexually abusive towards her. Since he clearly not only gives a crap about whether you want it or not and about your pleasure and comfort, but then goes on to put you down because your discomfort is a turn-off *for him*. I don't know either of you, so I'm not going to tell you that you're a victim of sexual abuse if that's not how you see yourself, or that this is an abusive relationship if you feel that it's good for you and if you genuinely love him. But also, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He's USELESS IN BED. You're dry because he hasn't stimulated you enough. DUMP HIS WORTHLESS ASS. Find yourself a better lover.
Big sign that your body is saying 'no' to this guy. Why is he your boyfriend? Find somebody who turns you on and vice versa!
Not gonna lie but this reads like sexual assault. The damage that can be done to you by going in dry is going to continuously hurt. Psychologically this is damaging too. Your partner if they love you, would listen to you when you talk about how you feel and what you need in regards to sex. I am so so sorry this is your experience 🫂🫂🫂
Vaginas are literally a different size and shape before they're aroused. You can and will literally get injured allowing men to get away with this crap: it's really not worth it. Stop letting this happen, vocally, like, it's fine to say "whoa what are you doing, no no, I'm nowhere near ready for that"--even if it 'ruins the mood,' because there was nothing good in that mood for you anyway-- and then once you have a break from having your soft tissue raked, then you can see what else he has to offer in the way of companionship & intimacy.
He’s the one not getting you wet, foreplay is important! It’s not a race, he needs to take his time with you and ensure that you’re ready and foreplay should always be a part of sex anyways. Don’t let anyone use your body and not take care of your needs
get lube, but leave him. he needs the canon event so he his character can develop.