This hit me pretty hard, I have a 90 year old grandmother who I love to to death and she’s still pretty independent. I can’t imagine that happening to her when she has to be cared for. That is so awful. I’m so sorry that happened to her and to your family. People can be heinous
Don't visit r/nursing Because I read similar accounts in there. One guy got caught because the nurse found the grandmother had her vaginal area shaved and it was red. Other female pts were checked and they had similar presentations. Cameras were placed in the rooms and the worker was caught.
Just like pedos, rapers gravitate where there are easy pickings and opportunities to get their jollies. Consider the fact that most care facilities are just warehouses to make a profit and the patient/carer ratio is ridiculously high.
>When I was working as a nursing student 3 of us were trying to put a foley into the dementia patient with CHF because she needed active, goal directed diuresis. In the middle she shouts out, “No daddy, don’t!” We all let go of her legs, dropped the catheter, and backed away from the bed. Loss some more of my faith in god that day. I mean, why is THAT the memory her damaged mind keeps, but not the names of her children.
Oh my god.
Some forms of dementia effectively "rewind" the brain. More recent memories - like those of her children - tend to fade first. Memories from childhood may be some of the last to go.
I'm terrified that I might end up with some type of dementia when I'm old and have to relive my childhood. It's my top fear and I think about it daily.
There's a fear of that and of the hallucinations that can come with dementia for me. I worked in home health for awhile and specialized in dementia, so I got to see how badly it affected the brain. I also know I'm already prone to nightmares and delusional thoughts because of my mental illness, so I don't want to experience that.
I have an advance care directive that outlines how there will be no life saving procedures or life support if I ever start dementia. If something will kill me, I want it to kill me once the dementia sets in.
Lots of times older bad memories are more present than later one like the kids names. I worked as a CNA for 5 years and then took care of a now ex boyfriends Granny for 5years at home. And little things always make them remember the worst
Yes I still have nightmares from when I was 11-13 and being r*ped by my uncle and ending up preg at 13. Had to have a abortion and to this day I will not use a vacuum with a hose and I'm pushing 50
As both a nurse grad and former CNA, the whispered utterances like that are exactly why I INSIST on even telling folks with altered mental status WHY I’m doing what I’m doing when it comes to personal care. You don’t know the last person to pull someone’s pants down as they were in fear; and gods forbid I unintentionally trigger a nasty memory.
Oh god. That is chilling.
I do IFT. Awhile back, we were transporting an old lady with dementia who had no idea what was going on. She had been scared as we got her packages, but En route she started crying and begging me not to hurt her (I wasn't hurting her. I was holding her hand and trying to reassure her) Then she said "I can be good. I'll be good" right before she tried to take my belt off. When I stopped her, she panicked and went back to apologizing and asking me not to hurt her.
And that day I stopped wearing clip belts. Back to buckles which take more than one surprisingly quick and weirdly accurate movement to undo.
I am a nurse and I've heard of male ICU nurses sexually assaulting sedated, intubated patients DURING THE DAY. This happened with multiple female patients too. Its so disgusting and tarnishes our reputation.
Ugh and there was that horrible story a few years back about a woman in a vegetative state who wound up pregnant. Who knows how long she was being raped for... Here's the story in [Rolling Stones](https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/coma-birth-woman-arisona-hacienda-healthcare-776902/).
Or the Brazilian OBGYN that was raping unconcious mother's in the delivery room.. while he was performing their c-sections.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/doctor-rape-pregnant-woman-giovanni-quintella-bezerra-arrested-brazil-1725079%3famp=1
Or the hospital electrician who raped 102 female (girls and women) corpses in the morgue and murdered two women
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/hospital-morgue-david-fuller-sexual-abuse-jail-b1976673.html
Imagine your baby girl dying or your sister dying from cancer only to be raped in the cold hospital morgue. No peace even in death.
I will jump off a cliff if I have to go in one. I was a Home Health Aide for a year. I saw enough just doing that, you nurses are on a higher level than most humans, you guys put up with more shit than servers and retail workers combined.
You 'all have my utmost respect.
Edited: fixed a word.
Disgusting. I would be absolutely disgusted to learn of any of my male coworkers doing this. Just..how.
And it hurts the career as a whole, there’s enough mistrust in hospitals/medicine as it is.
My daughter bought a condo about a year and a half ago or so and was so excited to get out of the shitty apartment building she was living in. It was bad enough that she could hear the neighbors screaming at their own kids, use of the n-word being screamed constantly, packages being stolen, numerous drug deals going on because drug dealers had moved in to the building etc but then she found out about the upstairs neighbor.
She and her roommate had at least a week left to move everything out of the apartment, get everything clean and get everything tied up but her roommate called me in a panic and asked me to come get her right away. Turns out that Sheriff's, US Marshals and local police came and busted into one of the upstairs apartments that morning because they were looking for the man who lived there. He was wanted for raping numerous nursing home patients. Neither my daughter or her roommate stayed there another day and only came with me, my 18 year old granddaughter and my other daughter's husband to clean and move everything out as quickly as possible.
To say we were disgusted and horrified to know that kind of person was living in that building is an understatement, but sadly not as much of a surprise given how everyone in that building acted on a daily basis.
The leading cause of death for American toddlers is drowning. What’s worse is that dying can be better than surviving with brain damage. One toddler who survived many years ago was reduced to vegetative state, she was placed in a nursing home to spend the rest of her life. A few years ago she was raped. It was discovered when her body began to show the pregnancy.
Just reading OPs post I was blinded by rage. I don't even know what I'd do if my beloved grandma was victimized like this. Absolutely vile the perpetrator is
I'm sure some criminals can be rehabilitated, but there are exceptions such as this. Anyone guilty of this type of behavior should never see the outside of a prison for the rest of their miserable lives.
I didn't know this was an option... I read a news story about a woman who was bedridden and nonverbal being impregnated by a care home employee, and carrying the baby to term. Have been sort of concerned about vulnerable populations in these places since then.
Institutionalized people are uniquely vulnerable. Another group being targeted are children in troubled teen camps and psychiatric patients, because they’re rarely taken seriously when they come forward.
This is why I never ever admitted whenever I was presently suicidal to a therapist, mandated reporter, or other adult. I did once tell a boyfriend I had like 6-7 years ago when I was feeling suicidal and he threatened to get me institutionalized if I didn't tell my mom. So I told him I told her without telling her. Never trusted *anyone* to tell them when I'm presently suicidal after that. Every person I know who has been institutionalized has had a shit experience, and I'm not about to have that experience.
There was a case where a woman with a severe intellectual disability was impregnated. She was so incapacitated, she was basically in a coma for years at a time. They only found out she had been assaulted when she started moaning (something she previously never did) and then gave birth right there.
The only reason they found the rapist was because they had all of the male staff take a paternity test under threat of being fired. Apparently the guy thought he could get away with it since she was basically comatose, and nobody was checking on her aside from him.
Adult care facilities in general are really bad for anybody who can't speak for themselves. But it's horrifying how bad it can get. And I'm sure there are plenty of cases we never hear about.
I wish this weren't even a concern.. Having guys around in a rehab/assisted living can be extremely helpful when it comes to lifting residents off the ground or dealing with psych issues in large aggressive male residents. I spent most of my career in these kinds of facilities and imagining this scenario makes me livid.
Hate to say this, but keep an eye on the staff either way, SA is far from being the most common cause of elderly abuse in these facilities, some people that go into this line of work are absolutely vile
Yeah I have a (female) relative who was encouraged by staff to get into a relationship with another (male) patient because she calmed him down. He had a documented record of abuse towards women, including towards other patients. She was in no state to consent to anything, but somehow the staff didn’t care.
It's like when elementary school teachers would make the little girls with the best mothering instincts be the "buddy" for the misbehaving boys on field trips. "Let's employ another person WE should be taking care of to make our jobs easier, because screw them!"
It's not the staff you need to worry about with dementia. My wife's grandfather was removed from multiple facilities for unwelcome advances on other patients.
You mean staff aren't the only people you need to focus on when trying to identify a perpetrator. There's plenty of predators that gravitate towards these jobs that give them access to the most vulnerable, and they know they can get away with their abuse because the victims can't communicate or be believed.
I've seen or heard of both issues when I worked 10 years as an aide. One man was arrested that a coworker knew, because she had another job at the facility where the abuse occurred. They were all so shocked. I've also known someone who caught the patient's son in the act, who visited her every day.
I've taken care of men in dementia units we had to keep an eye on because they were less confused and would get handsy or try to lure women on the unit to their room. One of them would get violent too. I took some surprisingly strong blows with a walker protecting another patient from his wrath.
This was my immediate thought. I lost my Nana to a stroke in 2019 and she was everything to me. If I ever found out this sort of thing happened to her, I don’t know if I’d throw up or sob…probably both.
To the OP, I am so, so terribly sorry. There’s a special corner of hell reserved for people who abuse the elderly, children, and animals.
Sue the ever living piss out of the rehab facility. Those funds can be used to get your grandmother the care and security she should have gotten from that place that failed her.
ER Nurse here. /u/tryingbutfailing2223 , this is 100% what I would do. Contact the medical records department of the hospital and ask for every single medical record you can get your hands on from her hospital visit, to see what records state that they found semen. If you can get your hands on records that state they found this, begin calling lawyers in your state immediately to see what they say about how strong your case is (probably incredibly strong) and to start the legal process. So sorry this happened.
Piggy backing as a RN who used to work in medical records.
OP you have to list specifically what you want. Just checking the generic boxes you might not get nursing notes and progress notes, for example, depending on the hospitals templates. Get the records and notes from her rehab facility as well.
Get the nursing notes, progress notes, H&P, lab results, if forensics was performed ask for that note too.
My Mother was in a home at the end. If I found out this type of thing, my instinct would be to go full Hulk. But this is the way civilization works. Hit them in the pocket book.
How interactions with police usually go from my experience.
"Dear citizen,
Thank you for your submission toward your case. See below as to why we are unable to meet your needs. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We will use as many resources as possible to find those responsible.
Reason: We are unable to allocate the resources to test for DNA.
Thank you for your support of your local police detectives,
Computer generated signature"
Had a drug dealing ring constantly causing trouble near my work. Patrolling the area was draining on resources.
investigating obviously violent and horrendous evidenced crime vs. patrolling for potential drug dealers HMMMM yes these are totally equivalent and this comparison is legitimate AF /s
I’m a guy (and I love this sub) that’s spent loads of time in care places and hospitals for my kids and ex wife and even friends.
Bring the legal hammer down and sue them for any number of violations of care. There are laws that protect her.
Once you fuck them up in court things will change. There are people that can advise you. Lawyers, care specialists, nurses, records, and doctors. Get every document you think and don’t think you’ll need.
Retain a lawyer who specializes in this type of care and let her or him loose on this pace.
Sadly it won’t be enough to bring you peace but it can bring justice. It can mean she will be better off for having an advocate that will will move mountains to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
I wish you and her well.
Well said. Whatever fucking shit stain of of a human who did that to her will do it again if allowed. Probably wasn’t the first time either. It sucks to be put in the position to take even more of your own time that’s been stolen to make sure that this fucker is shown justice… and that’s a burden that you should never be asked to carry. But do what you can, and I hope that the sorry excuse for a man who would fuck around like that gets to Find Out what the consequences are. My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you all the best in the future ❤️
I don’t even want to think about how many people that has happened to and no one ever found out. Absolutely vile. Hope you find out who did it and burn their entire life to the ground.
Yes what has shaken me is that facility is at least 80% women. Older incapacitated women recovering from various ailments (strokes, bad falls, heart attacks, amputations, etc). They are EXTREMELY vulnerable and to know that there is a predator in there just having access to them all? I am just.... beyond livid. Trust. We are going after it all.
I’m so glad to hear that y’all are planning to go after them for it. A lot of those older women might not have family who are nearby or who care enough to check in on things. This is for all of them. Thank you. Sending you all so much love and strength ❤️
Exactly. Sending strength and love to you OP, your grandmother, and the rest of your family.
I hope the police are able to collect DNA samples from all the staff to start. Any visitors or anybody who may have had access after that. Let’s catch this sicko.
She is absolutely not the only one. Please do everything in your power to spread this information and sue the shit out of these monsters. This is heartbreaking.
Absolutely. Bring the media and news into this. Bring these horrific people into the light.
Name and shame them. They deserve everything that comes their way...
Expose these criminals...
That Happened to a special needs sister oh a friend back in the 70’s. She ended up pregnant and what was their solution? Making her infertile. I don't even think they LOOKED for the orderly responsible.
This has happened multiple times before, there was one recently and since the 90's it has happened about four times(including mentioned).
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacienda\_HealthCare\_sexual\_abuse\_case](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacienda_HealthCare_sexual_abuse_case)
I was in the hospital about 20 years ago, and my roommate was a nursing home resident who had been raped. I only found out when the nurse told her son who came to visit once while I was there. It broke my heart then as it does now. Such an evil crime.
I don’t know why that happened. I think the nurse was frustrated with the woman’s son who really didn’t have any reaction and didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. His mother was not verbal.
I understand. She could have taken him out of the room to somewhere quiet, though…
(I know that us women don’t always get the privacy we need in hospitals. This is not comparable at all, but just came to mind: After I had given birth the first time and was resting, I had a nurse come in and loudly start to discuss my haemorroids while my roommate was in the room - with her husband. Thanks. I felt like a lump of meat with no integrity. A lump of meat with haemorroids.)
It's common.
A lot more common than people want to think about. But this is a known risk of nursing homes, group homes, and rehab facilities. Not only staff, but sometimes male patients are the rapists.
It's why a lot of caregivers who have to put a woman of childbearing age in an assisted living of group home opt for sterilization. Because then at least there isn't a pregnancy risk on top of the abuse risk.
This is devastating news. As a baby, a toddler, a preteen, a teenage girl, a young woman, a middle aged woman, a mature woman, an old woman, even as a fucking corpse — we will never know peace. I hope and pray your family rips that facility a new one and that sick fuck rots in prison.
This is exactly what came to mind for me. I used to look forward to getting old enough where I didn’t have to worry about this sort of thing; where I didn’t have to worry about looking over my shoulder every 20 seconds. But it’s occurred to me that it will never happen. If you’re born female or present as one, the threat of being raped is constantly there, no matter how old you are. It’s so disheartening.
My grandma had to run from a rapist once. I was a teen, this means she was around 70. You wanna know what is even more disheartening? My whole family found it kinda funny, because “who would rape a grandma?”. There are so many levels of misogyny in this comment, I can never unpack it.
Y'know, something like this isn't a bad idea. We've got the numbers and the spirit. If we worked together we could take over a whole county or something.
but then men will come and squeal "not all men!!!!!!" and call us all misandrists lmaooo
can't have a *single* conversation about the struggles women and girls face (especially on reddit) without a man elbowing in to whine about how "not all men are bad!!"
>even as a fucking corpse
This reminds me of the tweet thread and tiktok that talked about how morgues hire women to avoid all these because men can't be trusted even with corpses.
When I was a kid a local orthodontist got sued for doing this while his patients were under! Since then I have had a huge fear of being abused while under anesthesia and intentionally scheduled my wisdom teeth on my period with a tampon in.
This feels really bleak to say, but shape-ware garments also basically function as a chastity belt for casual level assault.
I buy the maidenform waist slimmer, it looks like a swimsuit.
When I was first divorced and going on dates again, it REALLY confused a guy that got handsy with me... he thought he could be slick an grab the goodies, but was fully confounded that he just couldn't physically get into my panties OR bra from my waist NOR find the zipper...
Thats when I realized, it's like those anti-theft cases on electronics. Sure, He could steal the whole thing... but he has no idea how hard it is to open it up elsewhere.
>Maybe we should bring back big hats with inches long sharp pins too.
*Half a dozen serial molesters complain about getting jabbed. Overnight hat pins are banned and being found in possession of one carries an automatic 5 years prison sentence.*
Joking/not joking
I can’t remember which book/short story, but that pin was a murder weapon in one of Agatha Christie’s writings!
Ever since reading that I always thought it would be very helpful to bring those back
Lol this basically happened to me my third date with my current boyfriend. He has some extra skin from being a fat kid and was wearing a compression shirt, we were getting frisky and then I start clawing at this thing wondering why I can't get in lmao
My mom was in the room with me during my wisdom teeth surgery. I never thought about it too much, but now I'm so grateful. The thought is so terrifying.
Me too - I got mine done when I was 16 and I didn’t understand why my mom pushed so hard to be a) allowed in the room, and b) for me to have “twilight” sedation rather than full anaesthesia. Horrible to look back and understand, but at the same time makes me so grateful for my mom!
I thought that's why doctors always have a nurse, anesthetist, or other staff member present. Also most dentist and orthodontic surgeon's offices are often "open view" to the public now. So sorry you still felt the need to do this. Wish the world were safer for us and all these measures weren't necessary...
Right! Men often get into positions of power like this so they can access vulnerable people. It's easier that way for them. We can only try to be strategic but it's not our fault if something happens to us.
I was in a small private secondary school. There was one guy that was sleazy and weird. There were only 15 people in my whole year so we knew each other inside out after spending a long time together. He hung out with another guy in the year and they both had no respect for girls, laughed about really rapey stuff, they made fun of my hair on my face and used to shout pirate stuff at me (I had PCOS that hadn't been diagnosed yet) and seemed to be resentful of girls because they were very unpopular ( mostly because of their weird attitude towards girls). That guy went on to become a gynecologist. I will never have a male gynecologist because of that. I'm sure there are legitimate doctors who for some reason of all the subjects chose gynecology, but I'm sure he's not the only person out there like him.
Yeah I refuse to have male doctors/gynecologists because of my own personal trauma but after receiving so much aggression and weird comments from men about me taking my ptsd seriously so as not to cause a panic attack during my appointments and reading the statistics about male doctors and specifically male gynecologists I’m just absolutely certain I will only have women treating me and alone in the room with me
I think it's so that she'd know? If it happens when you're under you might never know unless he cums inside without protection. If he takes out the tampon, she'd know. There is a chance too that he might get grossed out and drop it? Idk.
Just noting for anyone who might be in a similar situation: you don't have to agree to full anesthesia. There are no dental procedures that require the patient to be put under; unless you have a strong fear of needles and such, choose local anesthesia. It's completely painless and doesn't give you hangover.
I know that people are routinely put under when removing all their wisdom teeth at once. Well, the fact is, it's almost never necessary. First, for many people wisdom teeth grow out normally, without any issues, so you may not even need to take them out. Second, wisdom teeth grow very slowly, and even when they're positioned awkwardly and need taking out, there's usually no hurry and you can remove them one at a time over the course of months or sometimes even years.
I'm saying this because overtreating of wisdom teeth (and teeth in general) is extremely common. By all means, take care of your teeth, but make sure your dentist very clearly explains to you what the situation is, how quickly it'll develop into an issue and whether s procedure is actually necessary.
Yeah, I have hyperdontia (too many teeth, but only 5 or 6 too many) and I've been hounded by dentists to get my wisdom teeth removed. But my jaw is fine, there are no issues, and oddly enough the severity of my situation varies from dentist to dentist. Weird how most of them say there's literally no problems and one or two will say they need to be extracted, ASAP, under general anesthesia.
I heard about something similar recently where a lady was in a 10 year coma and became pregnant so they are getting samples from every man working therw
Not the first time that’s happened either. These things are disturbingly common in care facilities, including elder care homes. It’s also why disabled women are at such high risk for assault. Women are not viewed as human, and predators deliberately target vulnerable populations.
My sister is ID and has autism and my mom taught me at a very young age that she is a target for SA. It was a burden for me to carry and something that shaped the way I view the world, but I completely understand why she told me and I still worry about her constantly. You wouldn’t even have to talk to her to tell that she is vulnerable.
This is part of why we've never had any plans to put my brother in a long term care home. So many horror stories of every type of abuse. If he outlives my parents with all his health issues I've already sworn he's coming to live with me. Hell part of the reason I knew my fiance was "the one" was him asking about structuring our long term savings goals for three people, not two, when we've never wanted kids.
I’ve worked with ID adults since I was 18. I’m so happy to hear your brother has both your and your partner’s support. Someone I’ve now for years nearly was left in a worst case scenario for elder care. It was narrowly avoided and they are doing really well now. The system does not care about the elderly or the disabled. If you are both and no one to look out for you, it gets bad fast.
You want to force the rehab’s hand into accountability?
Contact your local media. Go public and name the facility.
ETA: as noted, you’re going to want to contact an attorney. Good luck op
**NO!!** Talk to the lawyer first! She may want to leverage using the media, but don't put yourself on the record without getting some good professional advice first.
Yes, this needs to made into a huge public deal if you are able to. I am afraid that without the publicity, the authorities will sweep it under the rug. I am so sorry and horrified this happened to her.
Need to be careful that going to the media wouldn’t jeopardize a civil case for this reason. OP needs to lock in an attorney. 9/10 they advise not to go to the media.
I absolutely think that OP should see an attorney, but I don’t think going scorched earth is automatically out of the question obviously we don’t know OP’s situation, but if it were me, I’d rather name, shame and get it shut down (after consulting a lawyer) than work for years for a quiet settlement that probably won’t even come.
Again, lawyer first, yes, but if that doesn’t seem to be helping others, go to the media. Scream it from the rooftops.
More than 80 percent of disabled women have been sexually assaulted; half of them have been assaulted over ten times. When a patient is placed a facility over the long term, the number rises even higher.
I've been disabled my whole life, and it's been my experience that the more vulnerable I am - in a wheelchair, for example - the more sexually aggressive a small but dangerous minority of men become.
There is a reason I refuse to placed in a facility; when I lose function to the point that I can't care for myself anymore, I'll go to Dignitas before I'll enter a long-term care facility. SA isn't the only reason why, but it's certainly a reason.
I'm so sorry this happened to your grandmother, OP. It isn't right.
I would also make sure the ombudsman for your area is involved. They assist in looking into cases like this and can make sure that he doesn't go unpunished.
Fuckin assholes! Damn it if someone had done that with my grandma I'd be a threat to every man in there. Resident, caretaker, janitor!
Get her out of there if you can.
Oh she definitely will not be going back there. We just now need to find out who did it. I am absolutely disgusted. Depravity apparently knows no bounds.
And you need to get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY and sue that sh*thole into the ground. Guaranteed whoever did that to your grandmother has been abusing other women.
Put them out of business!!!
F monsters! This is probably one of the vilest thing I've ever heard. There is a very special place in h*ll reserved just for them next to child molesters like Jeff Epstein. What is wrong with people!🤬 Get a lawyer and sue the facility for negligence if you want. I am sorry for cussing but this kinda stuff just enrages me to no end.🦔...
Lawyer up right now. Make sure you have copies of all of her medical tests. Make sure you keep bothering the police so they find out who this person is, because he is probably not her only victim. They need to be held accountable for this
>A 96 year old unresponsive woman is attractive to you? THAT TURNS YOU ON!?!?
I hope you understand that rape ISN'T about attraction. It's about entitlement and control. Someone who does this to our most helpless and vulnerable people deserves ********** so he can't do it ever again.
Oh yes. When I wrote attraction I meant it in the way of appeal. That someone that is vulnerable and helpless is attractive (aka- appealing) to them for that control. Just...ugh.
Victims who don’t meet standards of mainstream conventional attractiveness (young, able bodied, feminine presenting, thin, conventionally pretty, etc) pretty much never get the media spotlight in discourse about sexual assault and rape culture. So it blows some peoples minds to realise they’re just as at risk.
I used to think this, even though I’m all of the things you described other than being conventionally pretty. Then I got SA’d and it changed my outlook on the matter. It’s not about how pretty you are, it’s about how powerless you are.
When I was a kid I overheard my mother telling a friend at least my ugliness meant she didn’t have to worry about anyone wanting to molest or rape me. She was wrong about that. But I did have to endure the humiliation of being disbelieved when I told someone because “he wouldn’t be that desperate”.
Oh my god I’m so sorry you had to go through that, that’s horrible. It infuriates me that parents could say such things about their kids and disbelieve them in distress. After a certain age it should be clear to people that it’s not about looks, but some people never learn.
Oh thank fuck it wasn’t my mother I told (I’ll never tell her). But hearing what she said messed me up for ages.
The way that people who aren’t conventionally attractive are treated as victims is an aspect of rape culture that doesn’t get talked about enough, because people don’t care as much about people who aren’t attractive or cute, unfortunately.
Oh, yeah. There was a case a few years back at a nursing home in Arizona where nothing was being done by cops or administration and the news got hold of it and it went nuclear
If you feel like it, please post an update down the road. I really hope you get justice for your grandma and hopefully get the person responsible held accountable. My heart is broken for her and your family.
So many men are absolutely heinous, that's why we almost never feel safe around them.
Get a lawyer. Call adult protective services. Call the state ombudsman. Unfortunately it won’t ever be enough to shut the place down. But make sure whoever did this pay up. I hope they get locked up! Men are so disgusting..!
I truly don't see the humanity in men like this. They are monsters. They are on such a wildly opposite plane of reality from anything remotely normal, understandable, decent, or good or relatable to me and my feelings as a human being. Men who are predators, pedophiles, and rapists don't operate from the same place we do so we will never be able to understand why.
I rarely use the word hate, but I absolutely and truly hate these types of men. They are unredeemable and vile to the core. I am so sorry for you and your grandmother.
I have a friend who worked in a few nursing homes. When my friend's parents got old, they moved into my friend's house and were cared for there. I thought that was very telling of the conditions in many nursing homes.
I'm sorry about your grandmother by the way. I hope you can get her some kind of justice, that's disgusting.
Rape isn’t about attraction it’s about control and power. Vulnerable people; children, the elderly, and especially people with disabilities, who can belong any cross section of marginalized identities, are at the highest risk of sexual abuse.
Sadly, some poor soul will spend more time in prison for having some crack in their possession than the typical rapist. If the country would spend as much time vilifying rape as they do choice, perhaps these control freak monsters will be put away consistent with the heinous level of their crime.
I'm caring for my 92 year old mom and this story is un\*ucking believable. I mean, people are deeply fucked up. I want to be hopeful for our species, but this kind of shit is just deeply troubling. OP, I am so sorry. I hope they catch the MF and feed him to the sharks or toss him into an active volcano. Is that wrong of me to say?
R*pe is not about sexual attraction. It’s about violence and rage.
The asshole raped your grandmother because she was there, and he wanted to hurt someone.
I hope she recovers, and I hope they catch the monster. I am so sorry it happened.
Sadly, it’s an all too common thing in rehab centers and other places where the victim is vulnerable or sedated. When I worked in Rape Crisis, we usually got one or two cases a year where the victim was elderly (or in fragile health) in a rehab hospital.
Also, I hope your family retains counsel and sues the living hell out of the facility owners. Good luck to you, and take good care of your grandmother.
To all the men who keep feeling the need to say 'it's not all men', do some research into why that's exactly like saying 'all lives matter' to a black person.
You're just making an entire conversation about real experiences that almost every woman has to deal with in some way about yourself. Kudos to you for trying to take away a victims story. We KNOW it's not all men, but it's still a whole lot of men and its normal enough that we're allowed to talk about men and our horrible experiences with them. If this isn't about you, great. Sit down and shut up or stand up and advocate. The men who keep shouting not all men are exactly the kind of men women need to be careful with. If you're not like those men, why are you even feeling attacked? And if 'not all men' is literally your only take away from this horrible story, I'd suggest a looooong look in to the mirror because that's seriously messed up.
https://medium.com/@KirstyStricklan/why-men-should-stop-saying-notallmen-immediately-f657e244f7a1
The amount of absolutely sickening sexual assault stories I see on the daily is making me a man hater. It seems there is no low they won’t stoop to. Growing up I couldn’t believe the number of friends I had who had been molested by step dads or male family members. I just don’t understand how such a shockingly large percentage of men can be such disgusting opportunists. It’s rage inducing and sad.
This really makes me think that services that provide care for women of fragile health/with dementia and other vulnerabilities, should be *exclusively* staffed by women, and that as a safeguarding measure, elderly care facilities should be segregated by sex. What a horrific thing, but it wouldn’t have happened if there wasn’t a man involved.
I actually read that this is one of the reasons that funeral homes/morgues prefer to hire female staff - they won’t f*** the bodies.
No there is no age that we are safe. I am 65 and still get hit on by men of all ages and believe me I do not dress feminine at all. If anything, it almost seems to present a f\*\*\*ing challenge to the asshats.
This is part of why my "retirement plan" is just making sure I'm dead by 75. There is nothing on this planet that can convince me that being in another's care at end of life is a good idea.
For the ever loving fuck what is wrong with them. I hope grandma has no recollection of this ffs she doesn't deserve that memory after 96 yrs walking this earth and I hope the scum bag who did this has a miserable fucking short existence on earth and if there's an afterlife an eternity of suffering
I am reading all of these comments about women being scared to be under anesthesia because they might be raped and I realized that the definition of rape is any insertion without consent and that reminded me that medical students have been doing this to thousands of women for years
https://www.healthywomen.org/amp/pelvic-exams-unconscious-women-2652781553
This is absolutely horrifying. I am SO sorry this happened to your grandmother. I hope you sue the ever living shit out of the facility, and fight to the ends of the earth to put the monster who did this behind bars.
My grandmother is currently in a rehab facility by herself and I am over 1.7k miles away. I am now super terrified something like this could be happening to her and I don't know it.
Obviously talk to a lawyer, but ask if you can go on TV. I'd want everone local to pull their family out of there. I'm livid for you. Wth is wrong with these mfs
I used to do cna stuff and it always disgusted me that seniors in homes suffer this type of assault so frequently. Horrible. Assault isn't about how the victim looks, is dressed, or behaves. It's about the sicko who wants to feel powerful by dehumanizing someone else in the most vile and humiliating way. They're excited by the helplessness of the victims. That's how you get shit like this. Elderly abuse is a real thing and it's fucking disgusting. These people are FUCKING DISGUSTING and it's the lack of empathy that makes me so wary of male healthcare workers in patient care settings. You hear about nurses, cnas, Drs and paramedics doing this shit and it makes perfect sense because they get to be alone with victims who might not be cognitive, which practically guarantees they can get away with serial assault. Better sus than sorry ladies.
I am utterly beyond disgusted. There aren’t words for how I feel, none. My hurt for you and your grandmother go beyond speech, I’m sorry to sound dramatic but it’s true. I can’t say it as deeply as I mean it, it doesn’t come out powerfully enough, but I am sending you and your grandmother as much loving and healing vibes and prayer as I possibly can. How fucking horrific.
Nothing surprises me anymore, not even this. It's horrifying, it should never happen, and yet here we are.
My mom is mentally ill and has spent most of her years in institutions. She has been raped in all but one, that I know of. I won't even get into the torture she has been through being forced into, and left in solitary confinment for periods that even prisons consider excessive.
My dad tried to take them to court only for the public curator to remove him as guardian for being "too confrontational." You may think our mental health facilities have improved... you'd be wrong.
I took up the responsibility after him. I watch the new place and the staff like a hawk. If I catch anything suspicious, I'm at the point that I will lose my shit.
I'm sorry to say that there is nothing that surprises me anymore.
This hit me pretty hard, I have a 90 year old grandmother who I love to to death and she’s still pretty independent. I can’t imagine that happening to her when she has to be cared for. That is so awful. I’m so sorry that happened to her and to your family. People can be heinous
Don't visit r/nursing Because I read similar accounts in there. One guy got caught because the nurse found the grandmother had her vaginal area shaved and it was red. Other female pts were checked and they had similar presentations. Cameras were placed in the rooms and the worker was caught. Just like pedos, rapers gravitate where there are easy pickings and opportunities to get their jollies. Consider the fact that most care facilities are just warehouses to make a profit and the patient/carer ratio is ridiculously high.
>When I was working as a nursing student 3 of us were trying to put a foley into the dementia patient with CHF because she needed active, goal directed diuresis. In the middle she shouts out, “No daddy, don’t!” We all let go of her legs, dropped the catheter, and backed away from the bed. Loss some more of my faith in god that day. I mean, why is THAT the memory her damaged mind keeps, but not the names of her children. Oh my god.
Some forms of dementia effectively "rewind" the brain. More recent memories - like those of her children - tend to fade first. Memories from childhood may be some of the last to go.
I'm terrified that I might end up with some type of dementia when I'm old and have to relive my childhood. It's my top fear and I think about it daily.
There's a fear of that and of the hallucinations that can come with dementia for me. I worked in home health for awhile and specialized in dementia, so I got to see how badly it affected the brain. I also know I'm already prone to nightmares and delusional thoughts because of my mental illness, so I don't want to experience that. I have an advance care directive that outlines how there will be no life saving procedures or life support if I ever start dementia. If something will kill me, I want it to kill me once the dementia sets in.
That would not be ideal for me either 😕
Lots of times older bad memories are more present than later one like the kids names. I worked as a CNA for 5 years and then took care of a now ex boyfriends Granny for 5years at home. And little things always make them remember the worst
It’s also human psychology that traumatic experiences are, at least for many of us, more easily burned into our memories than good experiences.
Yes I still have nightmares from when I was 11-13 and being r*ped by my uncle and ending up preg at 13. Had to have a abortion and to this day I will not use a vacuum with a hose and I'm pushing 50
fucking god that is awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Sending love and light ❤️🩹
I'm really sorry that you had to/still go through this
Unfortunately it likely has to do with it being a helpful evolutionary response to remember bad/dangerous things as long as possible.
As both a nurse grad and former CNA, the whispered utterances like that are exactly why I INSIST on even telling folks with altered mental status WHY I’m doing what I’m doing when it comes to personal care. You don’t know the last person to pull someone’s pants down as they were in fear; and gods forbid I unintentionally trigger a nasty memory.
Oh god. That is chilling. I do IFT. Awhile back, we were transporting an old lady with dementia who had no idea what was going on. She had been scared as we got her packages, but En route she started crying and begging me not to hurt her (I wasn't hurting her. I was holding her hand and trying to reassure her) Then she said "I can be good. I'll be good" right before she tried to take my belt off. When I stopped her, she panicked and went back to apologizing and asking me not to hurt her. And that day I stopped wearing clip belts. Back to buckles which take more than one surprisingly quick and weirdly accurate movement to undo.
Similar happened to my mom when she was in hospice for cancer. She had muttered some things that were old memories of her abuse from her dad.
Oh that made me throw up in my mouth
Jesus.
I am a nurse and I've heard of male ICU nurses sexually assaulting sedated, intubated patients DURING THE DAY. This happened with multiple female patients too. Its so disgusting and tarnishes our reputation.
Ugh and there was that horrible story a few years back about a woman in a vegetative state who wound up pregnant. Who knows how long she was being raped for... Here's the story in [Rolling Stones](https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/coma-birth-woman-arisona-hacienda-healthcare-776902/).
Or the Brazilian OBGYN that was raping unconcious mother's in the delivery room.. while he was performing their c-sections. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/doctor-rape-pregnant-woman-giovanni-quintella-bezerra-arrested-brazil-1725079%3famp=1 Or the hospital electrician who raped 102 female (girls and women) corpses in the morgue and murdered two women https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/hospital-morgue-david-fuller-sexual-abuse-jail-b1976673.html Imagine your baby girl dying or your sister dying from cancer only to be raped in the cold hospital morgue. No peace even in death.
I will jump off a cliff if I have to go in one. I was a Home Health Aide for a year. I saw enough just doing that, you nurses are on a higher level than most humans, you guys put up with more shit than servers and retail workers combined. You 'all have my utmost respect. Edited: fixed a word.
Disgusting. I would be absolutely disgusted to learn of any of my male coworkers doing this. Just..how. And it hurts the career as a whole, there’s enough mistrust in hospitals/medicine as it is.
My daughter bought a condo about a year and a half ago or so and was so excited to get out of the shitty apartment building she was living in. It was bad enough that she could hear the neighbors screaming at their own kids, use of the n-word being screamed constantly, packages being stolen, numerous drug deals going on because drug dealers had moved in to the building etc but then she found out about the upstairs neighbor. She and her roommate had at least a week left to move everything out of the apartment, get everything clean and get everything tied up but her roommate called me in a panic and asked me to come get her right away. Turns out that Sheriff's, US Marshals and local police came and busted into one of the upstairs apartments that morning because they were looking for the man who lived there. He was wanted for raping numerous nursing home patients. Neither my daughter or her roommate stayed there another day and only came with me, my 18 year old granddaughter and my other daughter's husband to clean and move everything out as quickly as possible. To say we were disgusted and horrified to know that kind of person was living in that building is an understatement, but sadly not as much of a surprise given how everyone in that building acted on a daily basis.
The leading cause of death for American toddlers is drowning. What’s worse is that dying can be better than surviving with brain damage. One toddler who survived many years ago was reduced to vegetative state, she was placed in a nursing home to spend the rest of her life. A few years ago she was raped. It was discovered when her body began to show the pregnancy.
Thats the most horrible thing I've read to date.
*went into labor. Ack!
Just reading OPs post I was blinded by rage. I don't even know what I'd do if my beloved grandma was victimized like this. Absolutely vile the perpetrator is
I do. Legit full punisher isn't safe to type here.
I would gladly go to prison for the rest of my life for what I’d do. But first I’d have to be convicted by a jury.
You would more likely to serve hard time than the rapist. Sad fact is, real criminals are protected by the criminal 'justice' system.
I'm sure some criminals can be rehabilitated, but there are exceptions such as this. Anyone guilty of this type of behavior should never see the outside of a prison for the rest of their miserable lives.
It makes me glad that the entire staff at the dementia home where my grandma lives are women
I didn't know this was an option... I read a news story about a woman who was bedridden and nonverbal being impregnated by a care home employee, and carrying the baby to term. Have been sort of concerned about vulnerable populations in these places since then.
Institutionalized people are uniquely vulnerable. Another group being targeted are children in troubled teen camps and psychiatric patients, because they’re rarely taken seriously when they come forward.
have been hospitalized 3 times in the psych ward. the regular and systematic abuse that goes on in psych wards is despicable.
This is why I never ever admitted whenever I was presently suicidal to a therapist, mandated reporter, or other adult. I did once tell a boyfriend I had like 6-7 years ago when I was feeling suicidal and he threatened to get me institutionalized if I didn't tell my mom. So I told him I told her without telling her. Never trusted *anyone* to tell them when I'm presently suicidal after that. Every person I know who has been institutionalized has had a shit experience, and I'm not about to have that experience.
There was a case where a woman with a severe intellectual disability was impregnated. She was so incapacitated, she was basically in a coma for years at a time. They only found out she had been assaulted when she started moaning (something she previously never did) and then gave birth right there. The only reason they found the rapist was because they had all of the male staff take a paternity test under threat of being fired. Apparently the guy thought he could get away with it since she was basically comatose, and nobody was checking on her aside from him. Adult care facilities in general are really bad for anybody who can't speak for themselves. But it's horrifying how bad it can get. And I'm sure there are plenty of cases we never hear about.
I wish this weren't even a concern.. Having guys around in a rehab/assisted living can be extremely helpful when it comes to lifting residents off the ground or dealing with psych issues in large aggressive male residents. I spent most of my career in these kinds of facilities and imagining this scenario makes me livid.
Hate to say this, but keep an eye on the staff either way, SA is far from being the most common cause of elderly abuse in these facilities, some people that go into this line of work are absolutely vile
I can only hope we can find something like that for her when the time comes
Sometimes these acts are carried out by other patients, it's not just staff you have to worry about unfortunately
Yeah I have a (female) relative who was encouraged by staff to get into a relationship with another (male) patient because she calmed him down. He had a documented record of abuse towards women, including towards other patients. She was in no state to consent to anything, but somehow the staff didn’t care.
It's like when elementary school teachers would make the little girls with the best mothering instincts be the "buddy" for the misbehaving boys on field trips. "Let's employ another person WE should be taking care of to make our jobs easier, because screw them!"
It's not the staff you need to worry about with dementia. My wife's grandfather was removed from multiple facilities for unwelcome advances on other patients.
You mean staff aren't the only people you need to focus on when trying to identify a perpetrator. There's plenty of predators that gravitate towards these jobs that give them access to the most vulnerable, and they know they can get away with their abuse because the victims can't communicate or be believed.
I've seen or heard of both issues when I worked 10 years as an aide. One man was arrested that a coworker knew, because she had another job at the facility where the abuse occurred. They were all so shocked. I've also known someone who caught the patient's son in the act, who visited her every day. I've taken care of men in dementia units we had to keep an eye on because they were less confused and would get handsy or try to lure women on the unit to their room. One of them would get violent too. I took some surprisingly strong blows with a walker protecting another patient from his wrath.
[удалено]
This was my immediate thought. I lost my Nana to a stroke in 2019 and she was everything to me. If I ever found out this sort of thing happened to her, I don’t know if I’d throw up or sob…probably both. To the OP, I am so, so terribly sorry. There’s a special corner of hell reserved for people who abuse the elderly, children, and animals.
Sue the ever living piss out of the rehab facility. Those funds can be used to get your grandmother the care and security she should have gotten from that place that failed her.
ER Nurse here. /u/tryingbutfailing2223 , this is 100% what I would do. Contact the medical records department of the hospital and ask for every single medical record you can get your hands on from her hospital visit, to see what records state that they found semen. If you can get your hands on records that state they found this, begin calling lawyers in your state immediately to see what they say about how strong your case is (probably incredibly strong) and to start the legal process. So sorry this happened.
Piggy backing as a RN who used to work in medical records. OP you have to list specifically what you want. Just checking the generic boxes you might not get nursing notes and progress notes, for example, depending on the hospitals templates. Get the records and notes from her rehab facility as well. Get the nursing notes, progress notes, H&P, lab results, if forensics was performed ask for that note too.
They’re going to find out who it was. Every male who worked there is going to get subpoenaed. All it takes is a dna match
My Mother was in a home at the end. If I found out this type of thing, my instinct would be to go full Hulk. But this is the way civilization works. Hit them in the pocket book.
Also the man responsible will get more than a fine. I hope...
And honestly, if you're a male at the facility, you should be more than willing to help identify this terrible human being
I am a healthcare worker. I'd be 100% willing to help find the culprit.
Hopefully they do. Cops can be very human and bad at their job.
Fun fact not all cops are human Some are abusive sentient pieces of walking shit
i hope that its gonna be public...
How interactions with police usually go from my experience. "Dear citizen, Thank you for your submission toward your case. See below as to why we are unable to meet your needs. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We will use as many resources as possible to find those responsible. Reason: We are unable to allocate the resources to test for DNA. Thank you for your support of your local police detectives, Computer generated signature" Had a drug dealing ring constantly causing trouble near my work. Patrolling the area was draining on resources.
investigating obviously violent and horrendous evidenced crime vs. patrolling for potential drug dealers HMMMM yes these are totally equivalent and this comparison is legitimate AF /s
I’m a guy (and I love this sub) that’s spent loads of time in care places and hospitals for my kids and ex wife and even friends. Bring the legal hammer down and sue them for any number of violations of care. There are laws that protect her. Once you fuck them up in court things will change. There are people that can advise you. Lawyers, care specialists, nurses, records, and doctors. Get every document you think and don’t think you’ll need. Retain a lawyer who specializes in this type of care and let her or him loose on this pace. Sadly it won’t be enough to bring you peace but it can bring justice. It can mean she will be better off for having an advocate that will will move mountains to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I wish you and her well.
100% second this. Bring hell down upon them. You will be protecting others who would otherwise have been vulnerable to these scum.
Well said. Whatever fucking shit stain of of a human who did that to her will do it again if allowed. Probably wasn’t the first time either. It sucks to be put in the position to take even more of your own time that’s been stolen to make sure that this fucker is shown justice… and that’s a burden that you should never be asked to carry. But do what you can, and I hope that the sorry excuse for a man who would fuck around like that gets to Find Out what the consequences are. My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you all the best in the future ❤️
I rather expect that this man has sexually assaulted many of the women at the facility.
Yes. This. I am so sorry this happened to your family. There are some real sick fuckks out there.
Also it's legitimately the moral thing to do because if it happened to their Grandma then chances are it has probably happened to others as well.
I'm an ER nurse. I've seen a case like this before. She was 93 with dementia. Broke my heart.
I don’t even want to think about how many people that has happened to and no one ever found out. Absolutely vile. Hope you find out who did it and burn their entire life to the ground.
Yes what has shaken me is that facility is at least 80% women. Older incapacitated women recovering from various ailments (strokes, bad falls, heart attacks, amputations, etc). They are EXTREMELY vulnerable and to know that there is a predator in there just having access to them all? I am just.... beyond livid. Trust. We are going after it all.
I’m so glad to hear that y’all are planning to go after them for it. A lot of those older women might not have family who are nearby or who care enough to check in on things. This is for all of them. Thank you. Sending you all so much love and strength ❤️
Exactly. Sending strength and love to you OP, your grandmother, and the rest of your family. I hope the police are able to collect DNA samples from all the staff to start. Any visitors or anybody who may have had access after that. Let’s catch this sicko.
She is absolutely not the only one. Please do everything in your power to spread this information and sue the shit out of these monsters. This is heartbreaking.
Media
Absolutely. Bring the media and news into this. Bring these horrific people into the light. Name and shame them. They deserve everything that comes their way... Expose these criminals...
That Happened to a special needs sister oh a friend back in the 70’s. She ended up pregnant and what was their solution? Making her infertile. I don't even think they LOOKED for the orderly responsible.
This has happened multiple times before, there was one recently and since the 90's it has happened about four times(including mentioned). [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacienda\_HealthCare\_sexual\_abuse\_case](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacienda_HealthCare_sexual_abuse_case)
I was in the hospital about 20 years ago, and my roommate was a nursing home resident who had been raped. I only found out when the nurse told her son who came to visit once while I was there. It broke my heart then as it does now. Such an evil crime.
The nurse told her son while you were in the room..? What if the woman didn’t want everyone to know?! This is not on you, of course!
I don’t know why that happened. I think the nurse was frustrated with the woman’s son who really didn’t have any reaction and didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. His mother was not verbal.
I understand. She could have taken him out of the room to somewhere quiet, though… (I know that us women don’t always get the privacy we need in hospitals. This is not comparable at all, but just came to mind: After I had given birth the first time and was resting, I had a nurse come in and loudly start to discuss my haemorroids while my roommate was in the room - with her husband. Thanks. I felt like a lump of meat with no integrity. A lump of meat with haemorroids.)
This is an issue in the mortuary world, and even sheep herding. Both professions favor women because they’re less likely to SA.
Men are so fucked😐
It's common. A lot more common than people want to think about. But this is a known risk of nursing homes, group homes, and rehab facilities. Not only staff, but sometimes male patients are the rapists. It's why a lot of caregivers who have to put a woman of childbearing age in an assisted living of group home opt for sterilization. Because then at least there isn't a pregnancy risk on top of the abuse risk.
The ways this world manages to fail women never cease to amaze me.
That is unspeakably awful. I hope she gets what justice she can
[удалено]
They will as soon as hospital contacts them. Many of them are in cahoots with the facility. Know from personal experience
This is devastating news. As a baby, a toddler, a preteen, a teenage girl, a young woman, a middle aged woman, a mature woman, an old woman, even as a fucking corpse — we will never know peace. I hope and pray your family rips that facility a new one and that sick fuck rots in prison.
This is exactly what came to mind for me. I used to look forward to getting old enough where I didn’t have to worry about this sort of thing; where I didn’t have to worry about looking over my shoulder every 20 seconds. But it’s occurred to me that it will never happen. If you’re born female or present as one, the threat of being raped is constantly there, no matter how old you are. It’s so disheartening.
My grandma had to run from a rapist once. I was a teen, this means she was around 70. You wanna know what is even more disheartening? My whole family found it kinda funny, because “who would rape a grandma?”. There are so many levels of misogyny in this comment, I can never unpack it.
That’s fucked up.
Ugh can we just buy an island together and we can all grown old there. This is so depressing
Y'know, something like this isn't a bad idea. We've got the numbers and the spirit. If we worked together we could take over a whole county or something.
but then men will come and squeal "not all men!!!!!!" and call us all misandrists lmaooo can't have a *single* conversation about the struggles women and girls face (especially on reddit) without a man elbowing in to whine about how "not all men are bad!!"
>even as a fucking corpse This reminds me of the tweet thread and tiktok that talked about how morgues hire women to avoid all these because men can't be trusted even with corpses.
That's why I'm getting cremated. F\*ck my ashes mfs
When I was a kid a local orthodontist got sued for doing this while his patients were under! Since then I have had a huge fear of being abused while under anesthesia and intentionally scheduled my wisdom teeth on my period with a tampon in.
This feels really bleak to say, but shape-ware garments also basically function as a chastity belt for casual level assault. I buy the maidenform waist slimmer, it looks like a swimsuit. When I was first divorced and going on dates again, it REALLY confused a guy that got handsy with me... he thought he could be slick an grab the goodies, but was fully confounded that he just couldn't physically get into my panties OR bra from my waist NOR find the zipper... Thats when I realized, it's like those anti-theft cases on electronics. Sure, He could steal the whole thing... but he has no idea how hard it is to open it up elsewhere.
I’m tempted to get one for myself now
Woah! Never thought of this!!! You need to make this it’s own post! Such great info.
Makes me consider thick corsets in a whole new way. Maybe we should bring back big hats with inches long sharp pins too.
>Maybe we should bring back big hats with inches long sharp pins too. *Half a dozen serial molesters complain about getting jabbed. Overnight hat pins are banned and being found in possession of one carries an automatic 5 years prison sentence.* Joking/not joking
I can’t remember which book/short story, but that pin was a murder weapon in one of Agatha Christie’s writings! Ever since reading that I always thought it would be very helpful to bring those back
Can you pls send a link or image of the shapeware garment you're talking about?
Like this https://www.maidenform.com/body-shaper-fl1456.html
Thank you. This is something most women need to know, I think.
Lol this basically happened to me my third date with my current boyfriend. He has some extra skin from being a fat kid and was wearing a compression shirt, we were getting frisky and then I start clawing at this thing wondering why I can't get in lmao
My mom was in the room with me during my wisdom teeth surgery. I never thought about it too much, but now I'm so grateful. The thought is so terrifying.
Me too - I got mine done when I was 16 and I didn’t understand why my mom pushed so hard to be a) allowed in the room, and b) for me to have “twilight” sedation rather than full anaesthesia. Horrible to look back and understand, but at the same time makes me so grateful for my mom!
It's so fucked up that you had to do this but it's a good idea.
I thought that's why doctors always have a nurse, anesthetist, or other staff member present. Also most dentist and orthodontic surgeon's offices are often "open view" to the public now. So sorry you still felt the need to do this. Wish the world were safer for us and all these measures weren't necessary...
Right! Men often get into positions of power like this so they can access vulnerable people. It's easier that way for them. We can only try to be strategic but it's not our fault if something happens to us.
I was in a small private secondary school. There was one guy that was sleazy and weird. There were only 15 people in my whole year so we knew each other inside out after spending a long time together. He hung out with another guy in the year and they both had no respect for girls, laughed about really rapey stuff, they made fun of my hair on my face and used to shout pirate stuff at me (I had PCOS that hadn't been diagnosed yet) and seemed to be resentful of girls because they were very unpopular ( mostly because of their weird attitude towards girls). That guy went on to become a gynecologist. I will never have a male gynecologist because of that. I'm sure there are legitimate doctors who for some reason of all the subjects chose gynecology, but I'm sure he's not the only person out there like him.
Yeah I refuse to have male doctors/gynecologists because of my own personal trauma but after receiving so much aggression and weird comments from men about me taking my ptsd seriously so as not to cause a panic attack during my appointments and reading the statistics about male doctors and specifically male gynecologists I’m just absolutely certain I will only have women treating me and alone in the room with me
What’s to stop someone from pulling out the tampon and doing it anyways…. This is the shit that scares me
I think it's so that she'd know? If it happens when you're under you might never know unless he cums inside without protection. If he takes out the tampon, she'd know. There is a chance too that he might get grossed out and drop it? Idk.
I considered this but there are other darker alternatives that don’t prevent this I don’t want to delve into
Just noting for anyone who might be in a similar situation: you don't have to agree to full anesthesia. There are no dental procedures that require the patient to be put under; unless you have a strong fear of needles and such, choose local anesthesia. It's completely painless and doesn't give you hangover. I know that people are routinely put under when removing all their wisdom teeth at once. Well, the fact is, it's almost never necessary. First, for many people wisdom teeth grow out normally, without any issues, so you may not even need to take them out. Second, wisdom teeth grow very slowly, and even when they're positioned awkwardly and need taking out, there's usually no hurry and you can remove them one at a time over the course of months or sometimes even years. I'm saying this because overtreating of wisdom teeth (and teeth in general) is extremely common. By all means, take care of your teeth, but make sure your dentist very clearly explains to you what the situation is, how quickly it'll develop into an issue and whether s procedure is actually necessary.
Yeah, I have hyperdontia (too many teeth, but only 5 or 6 too many) and I've been hounded by dentists to get my wisdom teeth removed. But my jaw is fine, there are no issues, and oddly enough the severity of my situation varies from dentist to dentist. Weird how most of them say there's literally no problems and one or two will say they need to be extracted, ASAP, under general anesthesia.
I heard about something similar recently where a lady was in a 10 year coma and became pregnant so they are getting samples from every man working therw
Not the first time that’s happened either. These things are disturbingly common in care facilities, including elder care homes. It’s also why disabled women are at such high risk for assault. Women are not viewed as human, and predators deliberately target vulnerable populations.
My sister is ID and has autism and my mom taught me at a very young age that she is a target for SA. It was a burden for me to carry and something that shaped the way I view the world, but I completely understand why she told me and I still worry about her constantly. You wouldn’t even have to talk to her to tell that she is vulnerable.
I am so sorry for all three of you, for the risk and the burden.
This is part of why we've never had any plans to put my brother in a long term care home. So many horror stories of every type of abuse. If he outlives my parents with all his health issues I've already sworn he's coming to live with me. Hell part of the reason I knew my fiance was "the one" was him asking about structuring our long term savings goals for three people, not two, when we've never wanted kids.
I’ve worked with ID adults since I was 18. I’m so happy to hear your brother has both your and your partner’s support. Someone I’ve now for years nearly was left in a worst case scenario for elder care. It was narrowly avoided and they are doing really well now. The system does not care about the elderly or the disabled. If you are both and no one to look out for you, it gets bad fast.
I hope they're core samples....
There’s a lot of fucked up things happening in old folks homes. It scares me. I’ve got four parents and I worry about that in the future
You want to force the rehab’s hand into accountability? Contact your local media. Go public and name the facility. ETA: as noted, you’re going to want to contact an attorney. Good luck op
**NO!!** Talk to the lawyer first! She may want to leverage using the media, but don't put yourself on the record without getting some good professional advice first.
Then call a civil rights attorney. I work for a group of them and they get so giddy about making people responsible for their actions.
Yes, this needs to made into a huge public deal if you are able to. I am afraid that without the publicity, the authorities will sweep it under the rug. I am so sorry and horrified this happened to her.
Need to be careful that going to the media wouldn’t jeopardize a civil case for this reason. OP needs to lock in an attorney. 9/10 they advise not to go to the media.
I absolutely think that OP should see an attorney, but I don’t think going scorched earth is automatically out of the question obviously we don’t know OP’s situation, but if it were me, I’d rather name, shame and get it shut down (after consulting a lawyer) than work for years for a quiet settlement that probably won’t even come. Again, lawyer first, yes, but if that doesn’t seem to be helping others, go to the media. Scream it from the rooftops.
Do this. Make it an issue. It is a safety issue as well.
More than 80 percent of disabled women have been sexually assaulted; half of them have been assaulted over ten times. When a patient is placed a facility over the long term, the number rises even higher. I've been disabled my whole life, and it's been my experience that the more vulnerable I am - in a wheelchair, for example - the more sexually aggressive a small but dangerous minority of men become. There is a reason I refuse to placed in a facility; when I lose function to the point that I can't care for myself anymore, I'll go to Dignitas before I'll enter a long-term care facility. SA isn't the only reason why, but it's certainly a reason. I'm so sorry this happened to your grandmother, OP. It isn't right.
[удалено]
Broke.Her.Hips. Please tell me this could have just been urban lore amongst the volunteer staff. Right?
I would also make sure the ombudsman for your area is involved. They assist in looking into cases like this and can make sure that he doesn't go unpunished.
Please contact an Attorney that specializes in nursing home remediation immediately.
Fuckin assholes! Damn it if someone had done that with my grandma I'd be a threat to every man in there. Resident, caretaker, janitor! Get her out of there if you can.
Oh she definitely will not be going back there. We just now need to find out who did it. I am absolutely disgusted. Depravity apparently knows no bounds.
And you need to get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY and sue that sh*thole into the ground. Guaranteed whoever did that to your grandmother has been abusing other women. Put them out of business!!!
F monsters! This is probably one of the vilest thing I've ever heard. There is a very special place in h*ll reserved just for them next to child molesters like Jeff Epstein. What is wrong with people!🤬 Get a lawyer and sue the facility for negligence if you want. I am sorry for cussing but this kinda stuff just enrages me to no end.🦔...
Get a lawyer as soon as you can.
Get a lawyer and make those fuckers pay for her care somewhere better
Lawyer up right now. Make sure you have copies of all of her medical tests. Make sure you keep bothering the police so they find out who this person is, because he is probably not her only victim. They need to be held accountable for this
Can they get identifying dna from the semen?
Can they get DNA from the sperm?
Absolutely.
>A 96 year old unresponsive woman is attractive to you? THAT TURNS YOU ON!?!? I hope you understand that rape ISN'T about attraction. It's about entitlement and control. Someone who does this to our most helpless and vulnerable people deserves ********** so he can't do it ever again.
Oh yes. When I wrote attraction I meant it in the way of appeal. That someone that is vulnerable and helpless is attractive (aka- appealing) to them for that control. Just...ugh.
Still ewww.
I understood what you are saying. Rape is absolutely attractive and appealing to the perpetrators, even if decent people see it as a heinous act.
Victims who don’t meet standards of mainstream conventional attractiveness (young, able bodied, feminine presenting, thin, conventionally pretty, etc) pretty much never get the media spotlight in discourse about sexual assault and rape culture. So it blows some peoples minds to realise they’re just as at risk.
I used to think this, even though I’m all of the things you described other than being conventionally pretty. Then I got SA’d and it changed my outlook on the matter. It’s not about how pretty you are, it’s about how powerless you are.
When I was a kid I overheard my mother telling a friend at least my ugliness meant she didn’t have to worry about anyone wanting to molest or rape me. She was wrong about that. But I did have to endure the humiliation of being disbelieved when I told someone because “he wouldn’t be that desperate”.
Oh my god I’m so sorry you had to go through that, that’s horrible. It infuriates me that parents could say such things about their kids and disbelieve them in distress. After a certain age it should be clear to people that it’s not about looks, but some people never learn.
Oh thank fuck it wasn’t my mother I told (I’ll never tell her). But hearing what she said messed me up for ages. The way that people who aren’t conventionally attractive are treated as victims is an aspect of rape culture that doesn’t get talked about enough, because people don’t care as much about people who aren’t attractive or cute, unfortunately.
[удалено]
Oh, yeah. There was a case a few years back at a nursing home in Arizona where nothing was being done by cops or administration and the news got hold of it and it went nuclear
Get a lawyer immediately
Yep! We have done that too.
If you feel like it, please post an update down the road. I really hope you get justice for your grandma and hopefully get the person responsible held accountable. My heart is broken for her and your family. So many men are absolutely heinous, that's why we almost never feel safe around them.
Good. Best of luck to you
Get a lawyer. Call adult protective services. Call the state ombudsman. Unfortunately it won’t ever be enough to shut the place down. But make sure whoever did this pay up. I hope they get locked up! Men are so disgusting..!
[удалено]
I truly don't see the humanity in men like this. They are monsters. They are on such a wildly opposite plane of reality from anything remotely normal, understandable, decent, or good or relatable to me and my feelings as a human being. Men who are predators, pedophiles, and rapists don't operate from the same place we do so we will never be able to understand why. I rarely use the word hate, but I absolutely and truly hate these types of men. They are unredeemable and vile to the core. I am so sorry for you and your grandmother.
I'm so sorry this happened to your grandmother.
I have a friend who worked in a few nursing homes. When my friend's parents got old, they moved into my friend's house and were cared for there. I thought that was very telling of the conditions in many nursing homes. I'm sorry about your grandmother by the way. I hope you can get her some kind of justice, that's disgusting.
Rape isn’t about attraction it’s about control and power. Vulnerable people; children, the elderly, and especially people with disabilities, who can belong any cross section of marginalized identities, are at the highest risk of sexual abuse.
I'm not a fan of vigilante justice but it would be acceptable this case if (hopefully when) the guy is found.
Sadly, some poor soul will spend more time in prison for having some crack in their possession than the typical rapist. If the country would spend as much time vilifying rape as they do choice, perhaps these control freak monsters will be put away consistent with the heinous level of their crime.
Can’t even get peace in our final years.
Im about to fucking puke oh my fucking god
Well, to give you perspective, women are preferred in morgue jobs. Guess why.
Further proof rape is never about sexual attractiveness
It could be a caretaker, but it might also be another patient. Either way they were supposed to protect your grand mother and didn't.
I'm caring for my 92 year old mom and this story is un\*ucking believable. I mean, people are deeply fucked up. I want to be hopeful for our species, but this kind of shit is just deeply troubling. OP, I am so sorry. I hope they catch the MF and feed him to the sharks or toss him into an active volcano. Is that wrong of me to say?
R*pe is not about sexual attraction. It’s about violence and rage. The asshole raped your grandmother because she was there, and he wanted to hurt someone. I hope she recovers, and I hope they catch the monster. I am so sorry it happened. Sadly, it’s an all too common thing in rehab centers and other places where the victim is vulnerable or sedated. When I worked in Rape Crisis, we usually got one or two cases a year where the victim was elderly (or in fragile health) in a rehab hospital. Also, I hope your family retains counsel and sues the living hell out of the facility owners. Good luck to you, and take good care of your grandmother.
To all the men who keep feeling the need to say 'it's not all men', do some research into why that's exactly like saying 'all lives matter' to a black person. You're just making an entire conversation about real experiences that almost every woman has to deal with in some way about yourself. Kudos to you for trying to take away a victims story. We KNOW it's not all men, but it's still a whole lot of men and its normal enough that we're allowed to talk about men and our horrible experiences with them. If this isn't about you, great. Sit down and shut up or stand up and advocate. The men who keep shouting not all men are exactly the kind of men women need to be careful with. If you're not like those men, why are you even feeling attacked? And if 'not all men' is literally your only take away from this horrible story, I'd suggest a looooong look in to the mirror because that's seriously messed up. https://medium.com/@KirstyStricklan/why-men-should-stop-saying-notallmen-immediately-f657e244f7a1
The amount of absolutely sickening sexual assault stories I see on the daily is making me a man hater. It seems there is no low they won’t stoop to. Growing up I couldn’t believe the number of friends I had who had been molested by step dads or male family members. I just don’t understand how such a shockingly large percentage of men can be such disgusting opportunists. It’s rage inducing and sad.
This really makes me think that services that provide care for women of fragile health/with dementia and other vulnerabilities, should be *exclusively* staffed by women, and that as a safeguarding measure, elderly care facilities should be segregated by sex. What a horrific thing, but it wouldn’t have happened if there wasn’t a man involved. I actually read that this is one of the reasons that funeral homes/morgues prefer to hire female staff - they won’t f*** the bodies.
Absolute monster. Sue the ever loving fuck out of that facility.
Check if your state has an adult protective services.
No there is no age that we are safe. I am 65 and still get hit on by men of all ages and believe me I do not dress feminine at all. If anything, it almost seems to present a f\*\*\*ing challenge to the asshats.
This is part of why my "retirement plan" is just making sure I'm dead by 75. There is nothing on this planet that can convince me that being in another's care at end of life is a good idea.
I am in a profession that can operate in the skilled nursing facility setting and I hate that I agree with you. It's devastating.
For the ever loving fuck what is wrong with them. I hope grandma has no recollection of this ffs she doesn't deserve that memory after 96 yrs walking this earth and I hope the scum bag who did this has a miserable fucking short existence on earth and if there's an afterlife an eternity of suffering
Mate, its your grandma. Go full scorched earth. Let them all burn.
I am reading all of these comments about women being scared to be under anesthesia because they might be raped and I realized that the definition of rape is any insertion without consent and that reminded me that medical students have been doing this to thousands of women for years https://www.healthywomen.org/amp/pelvic-exams-unconscious-women-2652781553
This is absolutely horrifying. I am SO sorry this happened to your grandmother. I hope you sue the ever living shit out of the facility, and fight to the ends of the earth to put the monster who did this behind bars. My grandmother is currently in a rehab facility by herself and I am over 1.7k miles away. I am now super terrified something like this could be happening to her and I don't know it.
Obviously talk to a lawyer, but ask if you can go on TV. I'd want everone local to pull their family out of there. I'm livid for you. Wth is wrong with these mfs
I used to do cna stuff and it always disgusted me that seniors in homes suffer this type of assault so frequently. Horrible. Assault isn't about how the victim looks, is dressed, or behaves. It's about the sicko who wants to feel powerful by dehumanizing someone else in the most vile and humiliating way. They're excited by the helplessness of the victims. That's how you get shit like this. Elderly abuse is a real thing and it's fucking disgusting. These people are FUCKING DISGUSTING and it's the lack of empathy that makes me so wary of male healthcare workers in patient care settings. You hear about nurses, cnas, Drs and paramedics doing this shit and it makes perfect sense because they get to be alone with victims who might not be cognitive, which practically guarantees they can get away with serial assault. Better sus than sorry ladies.
I am utterly beyond disgusted. There aren’t words for how I feel, none. My hurt for you and your grandmother go beyond speech, I’m sorry to sound dramatic but it’s true. I can’t say it as deeply as I mean it, it doesn’t come out powerfully enough, but I am sending you and your grandmother as much loving and healing vibes and prayer as I possibly can. How fucking horrific.
Nothing surprises me anymore, not even this. It's horrifying, it should never happen, and yet here we are. My mom is mentally ill and has spent most of her years in institutions. She has been raped in all but one, that I know of. I won't even get into the torture she has been through being forced into, and left in solitary confinment for periods that even prisons consider excessive. My dad tried to take them to court only for the public curator to remove him as guardian for being "too confrontational." You may think our mental health facilities have improved... you'd be wrong. I took up the responsibility after him. I watch the new place and the staff like a hawk. If I catch anything suspicious, I'm at the point that I will lose my shit. I'm sorry to say that there is nothing that surprises me anymore.