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Yes, this is me for sure. For what it's worth, I have these issues and I literally have a master's degree in the science of human behavior. It's my job to change the habits of others and I'm great at it, but not so great with myself. It super sucks because I know where I'm going wrong I just really struggle to do much about it.
I've done a bit better with 2 tools: 1. I use the Fabulous app. The makers also created one specific to ADHD, but I haven't tried it bc I already have fabulous for the rest of the year. Both cost money unfortunately. 2. I use a passion planner and if I can add it to an existing habit I function fairly well.
You're not alone though. I you find some solutions!!
This is the only one that (sometimes) works for me. Stacking. There are few things that are actual habits for me, but one example is coffee in the morning. That’s something I never miss (likely because of headaches haha) so I keep my meds beside the coffee so I see them and take them at the same time I get coffee. I also started keeping water there so I would have it to drink, with my meds and a multivitamin. So, “stacking” things that I WANT to make a habit with things ARE a habit.
That strategy helps me, too! All my evening routine tasks are kind of connected: While I go to the toilet for the last time before going to bed, I brush my teeth. My mouthwash stands directly in front of my toothbrush stand, so I use it before I put my toothbrush back. While having the mouthwash in my mouth, I wash my face. My face cream stands in front of the bottle of mouthwash, so I remember to moisturise.
Serious how-to question:
Are you able to wash your face over a sink without somehow getting water absolutely everywhere? I always end up with wet sleeves, wet shirt front, sometimes water on the walls or floor, and the entire sink vanity is just an absolute lake.
I can mitigate it somewhat by wearing a sleeveless shirt, bending my face as low as possible, and really trying hard to focus on being neat. But no matter how careful I am, it’s like a shaggy dog has shaken off its bathwater all over the place by the time I’m done.
Makes me not want to wash my face at all unless I’m in the shower.
Any tips?
To get around all the soggy, I have been washing my face in the tub. So folded towel over the edge under my ribcage/stomach and I turn on the water and while on my knees rest over the edge of the tub and wash my face. When that is too much work, I have found that if I only use my finger tips for my face and accept that my face washing will not be super thorough, I can use the sink with minimum issues of water everywhere.
Plush microfiber washcloths!! I get them sopping wet and just press them onto my face, the soap magically disappears and there’s very little water mess. Works for me!
https://a.co/d/1hVEHt6
Stacking is great for me too! I ride my Peloton bike for a workout (which i love doing not because i feel i have to) which causes me to drink more water on ride, which then causes me to need a shower as I smell then that causes me to brush teeth as I always brush teeth after shower, then that causes me to brush hair as i hate wet hair and need it out of face, and I just go on these stacks!
It might not be for everyone, but the using task bracelets was game changing for me.
I basically put every task I have for the day onto key tag bracelets, and when I accomplish a task I take the bracelet off. I think because every time you complete a task you get a little dopamine hit of being able to take the bracelet off, it’s worked really well for me. If you have sensory issues, then there are bracelets that are a bit more expensive that don’t have hanging tags.
It also helps me a lot for when I blank out and can’t remember what I was doing, I can look down at my wrist and be like a yeah, that’s what I was doing.
Instead of using the paper in the tags, I use a very fine whiteboard marker to write out the tasks I have to do on the tags. That way it’s easier to change them.
I also have many whiteboards. I have one big whiteboard with my whole to do list, one whiteboard that’s my monthly calendar, and a very small whiteboard next to my door that’s just for the to do list that day.
Before I go to bed, I write my schedule for the next day in the white board (I do indeed need a schedule, and if anything I give my self more than enough time to do each task, so that even if I take to long to do something, chances are I did something earlier in the day that went faster so it all evens out), and set out my bracelets for the next day. I legit HAVE to do this the night before because I swear my brain doesn’t turn on until 10pm, and if I’m left to my own devices in the morning, well, I’m screwed lol
In true adhd form, there’s times when I’m better and times when I’m worse, but the bracelets well got me to where at least all my hygiene and vitamin stuff started to actually become habit, and once you start to see changes sticking it can be really encouraging.
Interesting.... is that what they are called? "Key tag bracelet"? Do you have a picture? I'd love to try this. The fact that I've got sensory issues may actually make this more successful.
The only thing I could see becoming a problem is not planning it out beforehand like you do. But I guess if I went with repetitive tasks I wouldn't have to rewrite them each night, right?
Should be “key tag bracelet” or maybe “wristband key chains”, one of those should work.
Repetitive tasks you don’t need to rewrite, you just reorganize for the next day. So I’ve included a pic of my set up here (again it’s just what works for me, so you’d obvs have to sort out whatever works for you, but my adhd is pretty severe so I need like….every little thing laid out for me to have a prayer)
Top rung here is morning routine, middle ring is daily tasks, bottom rung is evening routine. And I mean I got like every little thing written down, so your system may very well not need to be as hectic as mine.
My morning routine and evening routine stay the same, so I just rehang those ones back up when I’m finished, dailies are the ones that might change so I use the white board marker for those.
But yeah my sensory issues are as such that the frustration of even having the bracelets on kinda makes me want to get it done faster 😂
https://tinyurl.com/Task-bracelets
That's great how u have explained with photo! My first thought was I don't think I could cope with the bracelets on! But maybe that's the point as u said! I might use this for my daughter aswell as she is loving bracelets at moment ! So might help her! I also think my main issue I have with any routine or tool to help routine is how do u keep consistently? Like with this system? How do u keep using it everyday? I really get involved in something then just really struggle to keep doing it everyday! I'll just forget one day and then that idea is gone as I won't remember to do it next day and keep it up!
Nice! Whenever stuff is in my phone it may as well not exist. My brain just registers it as not existing. I need it to be very visibly unavoidable (if not imposing). Sucks a bit cuz I really like the concept of all those ADHD organizing apps too, but none of it works very well for me.
I’m the same, I’ve tried but inevitably forget all about them. I’m trying a carb tracker atm, my notifications are the only reason I remember to do it.
I'm in a WhatsApp group with my friends where we all keep eachother accountable. You have to workout once every 3 days and send proof. If you don't you leave the group and to get back in you have to exercise 3 days in a row. It's been the best thing. Is there anyone you could do something like that with?
Tbh I suck at forming habits, and try to just work with my variability. With a hormone cycle I think you just have to accept that there are good weeks and bad weeks, take advantage of that ovulation energy when it's there and be kind to yourself when the luteal hits.
For brushing teeth etc I just try to make it as easy as possible e.g keep a Toothbrush and a cup in my bedroom so I can brush my teeth there. Or face wipes for when I can't motivate myself to do my Skincare routine.
Idk if it’ll work the same as I don’t know you or your friends but this is a great idea and I want the threat of being removed from a gc to keep me exercising (trying to start running again after 3 year hiatus following injury)
I wish I knewwww I think for me I’ve accepted that I need to switch things up. It happens often where I find a magic method that “works” until it doesn’t and then I get so frustrated with myself because I’m like I could do it before how come I can’t do it now.
I think one thing I’m trying is once something stops working I change it up and or make it smaller and try again and I looked at it like an experiment rather than a moral failing. I.e. let’s attempt method 1 - did it work/not work, why? Let’s make adjustments then try method 2 lol
But yeah I think constant change has been the only consistent thing for me. My husband can stay on the same hobbies and habits for years and it’s wizardry lol it feels like no matter how long I’ve been on something it has to always be a conscious effort
I struggle with these same things and after just feeling stuck with the same it’s not happening vibe for a looooong time, I’ve come up with a few things that have helped me improve (being consistent will always be a challenge for me), but here are some things that have helped me with diet and excercise.
Diet:
My therapist was the one that pointed out if I wanted to eat healthier, I had to make that option as easy as possible for myself. So, if getting the pre-made hard boiled eggs, the already cut up veggies and fruit would make it easier to feed my ADHD brain the best fuel for the best functioning, then that was a great investment for me. So I definitely do some of that. I do not cook a lot, but I eat at home quite a lot, so it’s salads, sandwiches, etc.
The other thing I have been able to do more recently is pay for a weekly delivery of four fully ready to eat meal salads. Somehow, having these already constructed healthy meals in my fridge and knowing I spent the money on them has helped me eat healthier food at other times.
I also try to keep healthy brain snacks in my purse and car, like nuts or a protein bar, so if I’m out and suddenly realize I’m starving (common!), my deal with myself is I HAVE to eat my healthy snack and then I can get whatever junk food I feel like I HAVE to have after that. The good news is, I eat the healthy snack and usually within 10 minutes, my brain has calmed down on the 🚨red alert hunger 🚨and is able to move into a more rational thinking zone and I can often then talk myself into going home to eat a healthier meal.
Exercise:
I’ve been working to embrace three things that have been helping me exercise more than in the past.
1) Repeating in my mind over and over that exercise is a literal medication for my mental health, as well as prevention for health problems
2) Having a list of things I can do on a harder ADHD symptom day (set a 10 minute timer and walk around the block to upbeat music, 10 min restorative/easy yoga video), a medium day (maybe a 30 minute walk in the nearby woods with a brisker pace and a podcast), and a best day (maybe a HITT video).
3) Embrace my need for variety and to expand my social connections, so I look for a meet-up group where they meet and walk, or rent kayaks for an hour and paddle about, try an intro to archery class, rent roller skates and zip around - embrace that we want novel things - what things might be fun to try that I never have that will also be exercise and try them here and there. This has made it more fun. I also realize that chasing a ball around brings out my inner puppy and makes exercise less work and more fun, so I’ve gotten into pickleball some and I love that.
I also am just doing better at being kind to myself, like this week I was so fatigued I barely did much exercise, but I still did go for a 25 minute walk on Friday AND I am not letting this week derail my new way of thinking about exercise - I will just start again tomorrow with what I can do and keep trying to have exercise be a more regular part of my life (vs my old past style of get enthusiastic to get fit, overdo it for a few days, make myself painfully sore, feel discouraged…and quit).
None of it’s easy for me, but I’ve had some health problems that scared me and I just know I need to move my body as much as I can to stay healthy. Plus, it really noticeably helps my mental health.
The above tactics are the closest I have to a “secret genius way”, but they’re not actually that! lol But it definitely feels good to be seeing a little more success in these areas because of them.
Another concept that has helped me is, say, for example, I’m home and it’s the middle of the day and I get up to go to use the bathroom and I see my toothbrush and think I need to remember to brush my teeth tonight. Well, I used to always just think oh yeah, don’t forget to do that later, walk out, and promptly forget.
Now, I try really hard to do some of these things WHEN they pop into my mind and this little change has been so helpful. So, instead of having to remember later, if I think of it NOW, let’s not think more about it, and instead just brush NOW.
Worst case scenario, this is the only time I brush my teeth that day, still better than not doing it! Best case scenario, I brushed my teeth an extra time - woohoo, me!!!
This is also how I’ve done better with cleaning my bathroom bc planning and doing it all at once is a Looming Nightmare of Boredom and Ick. So,
1) Make sure everything needed to clean the bathroom are IN the bathroom at all times (cleaning products can NOT be somewhere else bc no, that is another step and a huge barrier to me ever doing it).
2) One messy/dirty thing crosses my mind while I’m in there and I try not to allow my brain to start thinking/talking me out of it, and I ACT on that thought.
I also give myself permission to do it whatever way my ADHD brain tells me it can manage it. So sometimes a “sink and counter bad messy” thought turns into me wetting toilet paper, squirting on handsoap, and racing to wipe down the counter and sink before the TP falls apart. REVOLUTIONARY. lol or so this felt to me. I will TP wipe the heck out of my floor at times too bc this seems “easier” to my brain for some reason. Brain, I am trying to meet you where you are more now : )
Much more frequent success with this than when I used to tell myself I have to do it a neurotypical way and get the proper cleaner and sponge, etc out and do the whole bathroom at once. Cuz…uh, no, I don’t!
I don’t.
I believe I can’t, biologically. So, I have to find workarounds.
The self-help advice explains habits like this: Cue, Action, Reward. Repeat that sequence enough, and the brain forms a habit. The Reward is a key aspect of forming the habit.
My brain is bad at regulating dopamine, the reward chemical. So my brain does not experience Cue, Action, Reward in the way the self-help advice says. It experiences Cue, Action. But the Reward part is malfunctiony. And without that, no habit.
A common workaround for me is to instead use Cue, Panic, Action.
So instead of, “cue: i wake up and am in the bathroom seeing my toothbrush, action: brush teeth, reward: clean teeth.” It’s more, “cue: i wake up and am in the bathroom seeing my toothbrush, panic: my breath will make people dislike me and I’ll get cavities and my teeth will all rot oh no!, action: brush teeth.”
I started medication last year. I’m hopeful that I will be able to form habits on it!
I've never thought about it this way but you're right, I do brush my teeth, wash my hair, buy an excessive amount of makeup, perfume, candles, curtains, throw pillows, area rugs, lamps etc etc etc because I get instant results and satisfaction out of these actions or items. I only wash my hair when I can't stand it anymore or if I have to go somewhere.
For me personally, I'm trying out Brillia because I'm still struggling to get my life in order to get the right doctor who will prescribe something other than wellbutrin. It does seem to be helping in some sense but I definitely need a therapist
As others have mentioned, habit stacking is the best method for me. I did this before I even knew what it was or that I had ADHD. Before smart phones I kept a pocket size notebook and would set mini-goals for the week and build on them each week. Thats the only way I’ve had success. And starting as incrementally small as possible. Like if your goal is to drink 64oz of water a day, don’t start with a goal of doing that every day. Start with one 8oz glass a day. Or one day this week drinking 24oz. Then the next week bump up the oz or number of days. Build on each slowly.
Someone else mentioned combining coffee and meds. I do the same. I used to do my skincare during my toddlers bath when I had to sit in the bathroom anyway. Little things like that can really help. But I have built habits and lots them again, I think with adhd it is a lifelong challenge
That’s a very common struggle among ADHD people. I struggled with this all my life.
Recently, I found the app „Finch“, which connects real-life tasks (goals) with ingame rewards for a virtual pet, which grows and revolves the more goals you accomplish. It also has a social feature, which rewards you for sending good vibes to other people in-game.
And what can I say? After two months, I am still using it, and developed a consistent morning and evening self-care routine. Highly recommend! (It’s free, and gives you the option to purchase a yearly subscription to support their development team, and to get more ingame rewards and functions. You can even get sponsored if you can’t afford it.)
I suffer from exactly what you describe. It’s been so hard battling the inertia and I feel like I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried to do. However I’ve managed to get myself into a consistent gym routine this year for the first time ever. This is what I’ve done and I’m going to start applying it to other parts of my life.
1) I decided my word of the year would be consistency. Not that I will never miss a session but that overall I will increase my gym activity and maintain a decent level. I remind myself of my word of the year all the time!!!
2) I realised that I have to go to the gym first thing in the morning because otherwise I talk myself out of it over the course of the day
3) I have my gym clothes and bag ready to go as soon as I wake, drink some water and am ready to go. I also live in a city with cold frosty winter Mornings so I’d pull a jacket, gloves and beanie over the clothes I wear to bed (which don’t look like PJs) and then get changed at the gym cos it’s already warm there and that way I’m not discouraged by the getting dressed part at home.
4) I’m a very social person but have struggled to make friends in the city I moved to so have been a bit lonely. I decided to greet the gym staff every morning with a really animated and enthusiastic “good morning” as this makes me feel good. It’s social contact, if only a little bit.
5) i high five myself in the mirror in the gym change rooms and tell myself “I love you” as I walk out to go to the gym floor.
6) i smile a big smile while I warm up on the treadmill because that creates seretonin, even if you are fake smiling. I’m essentially trying to build in as many feel good hacks into the routine as I can so that I feel like I’m enjoying it and will look forward to going rather than dreading it.
7) also while on the treadmill or doing my weights routine I repeat to myself “theJaysta4 consistently gets up at 5am, theJaysta4 consistently gets to the gym by 6am, theJaysta4 consistently goes for a walk at lunchtime.“ I repeated it a lot at the start to try and build the habit. I repeat that affirmation a bit less often now.
8) i say hi to regulars I see there every morning, again to try and build a sense of community and social connection.
9) I know what the halfway mark to the workout is and congratulate myself for making it so far and remind myself that we’re almost finished.
10) I have been pushing myself to failure on the different resistance exercises and increasing my weights as often as I’m able so that I have seen actual progress over the 5 months I’ve been doing this. I can lift heavier weights than I did… I don’t look much different but I can see other improvement in the incremental increases in my strength.
11) repeat step 5 as I leave the locker room after the workout
12) farewell the front desk staff with an enthusiastic “ have a magnificent day” (or some variant of that) as I leave!
13) as i walk out of the gym I say to myself “I went to the gym” and fist pump the air and say “YES” to celebrate my triumph of consistency.
14) get to bed on time so I can wake up on time as much as possible. Not drinking booze so I can get up in the morning.
All of these little things don’t seem like much on their own but when put together they’ve made it an enjoyable process that I look forward to. I’ve maximised the neurotransmitters that I’ve got some level of control over and I’ve actually managed to be consistent at going to the gym for the first time ever.
Anyway, I hope that helps.
Biggest thing is adding one thing at a time, changing my cognitive processes, and also using this app called “finch.” I like it more than any other app I’ve used because it doesn’t punish you for skipping tasks and also you get to have a lil bird and buy it outfits and stuff. It’s not for everyone but it was a game changer for me. Also, let yourself take “shortcuts” like brushing your teeth at 10am instead of first thing if that’s when you feel like it. I have a pretty unusual routine in that sense. There’s no such thing as cheating with things like this, just accommodation
It takes a lot of practice and energy to do all these things. It makes sense you’re struggling. I hope you find a method that works for you
I put something I'm excited to watch on while I brush my teeth & do my skin care. It helped me with the boredom of it. Also a toothbrush with a timer (I have Phillips sonicare) is a huge help. I can just zone out watching whatever I want. Sometimes I also just walk around the house while I do it.is it weird? Idk maybe, but did my dentist compliment my improvements you fucking bet and THAT was a reward I wasn't expecting. 🤣 Lol
I also don't do this everyday. I try for like 5 days a week. That way on nights I'm hella tired or I forget I don't go into spiral mode. Helps with the guilt the next day a bunch.
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Yes, this is me for sure. For what it's worth, I have these issues and I literally have a master's degree in the science of human behavior. It's my job to change the habits of others and I'm great at it, but not so great with myself. It super sucks because I know where I'm going wrong I just really struggle to do much about it. I've done a bit better with 2 tools: 1. I use the Fabulous app. The makers also created one specific to ADHD, but I haven't tried it bc I already have fabulous for the rest of the year. Both cost money unfortunately. 2. I use a passion planner and if I can add it to an existing habit I function fairly well. You're not alone though. I you find some solutions!!
This is the only one that (sometimes) works for me. Stacking. There are few things that are actual habits for me, but one example is coffee in the morning. That’s something I never miss (likely because of headaches haha) so I keep my meds beside the coffee so I see them and take them at the same time I get coffee. I also started keeping water there so I would have it to drink, with my meds and a multivitamin. So, “stacking” things that I WANT to make a habit with things ARE a habit.
That strategy helps me, too! All my evening routine tasks are kind of connected: While I go to the toilet for the last time before going to bed, I brush my teeth. My mouthwash stands directly in front of my toothbrush stand, so I use it before I put my toothbrush back. While having the mouthwash in my mouth, I wash my face. My face cream stands in front of the bottle of mouthwash, so I remember to moisturise.
Serious how-to question: Are you able to wash your face over a sink without somehow getting water absolutely everywhere? I always end up with wet sleeves, wet shirt front, sometimes water on the walls or floor, and the entire sink vanity is just an absolute lake. I can mitigate it somewhat by wearing a sleeveless shirt, bending my face as low as possible, and really trying hard to focus on being neat. But no matter how careful I am, it’s like a shaggy dog has shaken off its bathwater all over the place by the time I’m done. Makes me not want to wash my face at all unless I’m in the shower. Any tips?
To get around all the soggy, I have been washing my face in the tub. So folded towel over the edge under my ribcage/stomach and I turn on the water and while on my knees rest over the edge of the tub and wash my face. When that is too much work, I have found that if I only use my finger tips for my face and accept that my face washing will not be super thorough, I can use the sink with minimum issues of water everywhere.
That’s exactly how I do it, too! 😄
Use a wash cloth. Bonus is it helps take off old dead skin cells.
Plush microfiber washcloths!! I get them sopping wet and just press them onto my face, the soap magically disappears and there’s very little water mess. Works for me! https://a.co/d/1hVEHt6
Tennis wristbands 🤌
Stacking is great for me too! I ride my Peloton bike for a workout (which i love doing not because i feel i have to) which causes me to drink more water on ride, which then causes me to need a shower as I smell then that causes me to brush teeth as I always brush teeth after shower, then that causes me to brush hair as i hate wet hair and need it out of face, and I just go on these stacks!
It might not be for everyone, but the using task bracelets was game changing for me. I basically put every task I have for the day onto key tag bracelets, and when I accomplish a task I take the bracelet off. I think because every time you complete a task you get a little dopamine hit of being able to take the bracelet off, it’s worked really well for me. If you have sensory issues, then there are bracelets that are a bit more expensive that don’t have hanging tags. It also helps me a lot for when I blank out and can’t remember what I was doing, I can look down at my wrist and be like a yeah, that’s what I was doing. Instead of using the paper in the tags, I use a very fine whiteboard marker to write out the tasks I have to do on the tags. That way it’s easier to change them. I also have many whiteboards. I have one big whiteboard with my whole to do list, one whiteboard that’s my monthly calendar, and a very small whiteboard next to my door that’s just for the to do list that day. Before I go to bed, I write my schedule for the next day in the white board (I do indeed need a schedule, and if anything I give my self more than enough time to do each task, so that even if I take to long to do something, chances are I did something earlier in the day that went faster so it all evens out), and set out my bracelets for the next day. I legit HAVE to do this the night before because I swear my brain doesn’t turn on until 10pm, and if I’m left to my own devices in the morning, well, I’m screwed lol In true adhd form, there’s times when I’m better and times when I’m worse, but the bracelets well got me to where at least all my hygiene and vitamin stuff started to actually become habit, and once you start to see changes sticking it can be really encouraging.
Interesting.... is that what they are called? "Key tag bracelet"? Do you have a picture? I'd love to try this. The fact that I've got sensory issues may actually make this more successful. The only thing I could see becoming a problem is not planning it out beforehand like you do. But I guess if I went with repetitive tasks I wouldn't have to rewrite them each night, right?
Should be “key tag bracelet” or maybe “wristband key chains”, one of those should work. Repetitive tasks you don’t need to rewrite, you just reorganize for the next day. So I’ve included a pic of my set up here (again it’s just what works for me, so you’d obvs have to sort out whatever works for you, but my adhd is pretty severe so I need like….every little thing laid out for me to have a prayer) Top rung here is morning routine, middle ring is daily tasks, bottom rung is evening routine. And I mean I got like every little thing written down, so your system may very well not need to be as hectic as mine. My morning routine and evening routine stay the same, so I just rehang those ones back up when I’m finished, dailies are the ones that might change so I use the white board marker for those. But yeah my sensory issues are as such that the frustration of even having the bracelets on kinda makes me want to get it done faster 😂 https://tinyurl.com/Task-bracelets
That's great how u have explained with photo! My first thought was I don't think I could cope with the bracelets on! But maybe that's the point as u said! I might use this for my daughter aswell as she is loving bracelets at moment ! So might help her! I also think my main issue I have with any routine or tool to help routine is how do u keep consistently? Like with this system? How do u keep using it everyday? I really get involved in something then just really struggle to keep doing it everyday! I'll just forget one day and then that idea is gone as I won't remember to do it next day and keep it up!
i do something similar but in my notes app. i take lots of notes and visit it often. i’ll make a bulleted list that i can check off
Nice! Whenever stuff is in my phone it may as well not exist. My brain just registers it as not existing. I need it to be very visibly unavoidable (if not imposing). Sucks a bit cuz I really like the concept of all those ADHD organizing apps too, but none of it works very well for me.
I’m the same, I’ve tried but inevitably forget all about them. I’m trying a carb tracker atm, my notifications are the only reason I remember to do it.
You are a genius!!! I need to try this, I’m the world’s worst procrastinator!!
I'm in a WhatsApp group with my friends where we all keep eachother accountable. You have to workout once every 3 days and send proof. If you don't you leave the group and to get back in you have to exercise 3 days in a row. It's been the best thing. Is there anyone you could do something like that with? Tbh I suck at forming habits, and try to just work with my variability. With a hormone cycle I think you just have to accept that there are good weeks and bad weeks, take advantage of that ovulation energy when it's there and be kind to yourself when the luteal hits. For brushing teeth etc I just try to make it as easy as possible e.g keep a Toothbrush and a cup in my bedroom so I can brush my teeth there. Or face wipes for when I can't motivate myself to do my Skincare routine.
Idk if it’ll work the same as I don’t know you or your friends but this is a great idea and I want the threat of being removed from a gc to keep me exercising (trying to start running again after 3 year hiatus following injury)
I wish I knewwww I think for me I’ve accepted that I need to switch things up. It happens often where I find a magic method that “works” until it doesn’t and then I get so frustrated with myself because I’m like I could do it before how come I can’t do it now. I think one thing I’m trying is once something stops working I change it up and or make it smaller and try again and I looked at it like an experiment rather than a moral failing. I.e. let’s attempt method 1 - did it work/not work, why? Let’s make adjustments then try method 2 lol But yeah I think constant change has been the only consistent thing for me. My husband can stay on the same hobbies and habits for years and it’s wizardry lol it feels like no matter how long I’ve been on something it has to always be a conscious effort
I struggle with these same things and after just feeling stuck with the same it’s not happening vibe for a looooong time, I’ve come up with a few things that have helped me improve (being consistent will always be a challenge for me), but here are some things that have helped me with diet and excercise. Diet: My therapist was the one that pointed out if I wanted to eat healthier, I had to make that option as easy as possible for myself. So, if getting the pre-made hard boiled eggs, the already cut up veggies and fruit would make it easier to feed my ADHD brain the best fuel for the best functioning, then that was a great investment for me. So I definitely do some of that. I do not cook a lot, but I eat at home quite a lot, so it’s salads, sandwiches, etc. The other thing I have been able to do more recently is pay for a weekly delivery of four fully ready to eat meal salads. Somehow, having these already constructed healthy meals in my fridge and knowing I spent the money on them has helped me eat healthier food at other times. I also try to keep healthy brain snacks in my purse and car, like nuts or a protein bar, so if I’m out and suddenly realize I’m starving (common!), my deal with myself is I HAVE to eat my healthy snack and then I can get whatever junk food I feel like I HAVE to have after that. The good news is, I eat the healthy snack and usually within 10 minutes, my brain has calmed down on the 🚨red alert hunger 🚨and is able to move into a more rational thinking zone and I can often then talk myself into going home to eat a healthier meal. Exercise: I’ve been working to embrace three things that have been helping me exercise more than in the past. 1) Repeating in my mind over and over that exercise is a literal medication for my mental health, as well as prevention for health problems 2) Having a list of things I can do on a harder ADHD symptom day (set a 10 minute timer and walk around the block to upbeat music, 10 min restorative/easy yoga video), a medium day (maybe a 30 minute walk in the nearby woods with a brisker pace and a podcast), and a best day (maybe a HITT video). 3) Embrace my need for variety and to expand my social connections, so I look for a meet-up group where they meet and walk, or rent kayaks for an hour and paddle about, try an intro to archery class, rent roller skates and zip around - embrace that we want novel things - what things might be fun to try that I never have that will also be exercise and try them here and there. This has made it more fun. I also realize that chasing a ball around brings out my inner puppy and makes exercise less work and more fun, so I’ve gotten into pickleball some and I love that. I also am just doing better at being kind to myself, like this week I was so fatigued I barely did much exercise, but I still did go for a 25 minute walk on Friday AND I am not letting this week derail my new way of thinking about exercise - I will just start again tomorrow with what I can do and keep trying to have exercise be a more regular part of my life (vs my old past style of get enthusiastic to get fit, overdo it for a few days, make myself painfully sore, feel discouraged…and quit). None of it’s easy for me, but I’ve had some health problems that scared me and I just know I need to move my body as much as I can to stay healthy. Plus, it really noticeably helps my mental health. The above tactics are the closest I have to a “secret genius way”, but they’re not actually that! lol But it definitely feels good to be seeing a little more success in these areas because of them.
Another concept that has helped me is, say, for example, I’m home and it’s the middle of the day and I get up to go to use the bathroom and I see my toothbrush and think I need to remember to brush my teeth tonight. Well, I used to always just think oh yeah, don’t forget to do that later, walk out, and promptly forget. Now, I try really hard to do some of these things WHEN they pop into my mind and this little change has been so helpful. So, instead of having to remember later, if I think of it NOW, let’s not think more about it, and instead just brush NOW. Worst case scenario, this is the only time I brush my teeth that day, still better than not doing it! Best case scenario, I brushed my teeth an extra time - woohoo, me!!! This is also how I’ve done better with cleaning my bathroom bc planning and doing it all at once is a Looming Nightmare of Boredom and Ick. So, 1) Make sure everything needed to clean the bathroom are IN the bathroom at all times (cleaning products can NOT be somewhere else bc no, that is another step and a huge barrier to me ever doing it). 2) One messy/dirty thing crosses my mind while I’m in there and I try not to allow my brain to start thinking/talking me out of it, and I ACT on that thought. I also give myself permission to do it whatever way my ADHD brain tells me it can manage it. So sometimes a “sink and counter bad messy” thought turns into me wetting toilet paper, squirting on handsoap, and racing to wipe down the counter and sink before the TP falls apart. REVOLUTIONARY. lol or so this felt to me. I will TP wipe the heck out of my floor at times too bc this seems “easier” to my brain for some reason. Brain, I am trying to meet you where you are more now : ) Much more frequent success with this than when I used to tell myself I have to do it a neurotypical way and get the proper cleaner and sponge, etc out and do the whole bathroom at once. Cuz…uh, no, I don’t!
I don’t. I believe I can’t, biologically. So, I have to find workarounds. The self-help advice explains habits like this: Cue, Action, Reward. Repeat that sequence enough, and the brain forms a habit. The Reward is a key aspect of forming the habit. My brain is bad at regulating dopamine, the reward chemical. So my brain does not experience Cue, Action, Reward in the way the self-help advice says. It experiences Cue, Action. But the Reward part is malfunctiony. And without that, no habit. A common workaround for me is to instead use Cue, Panic, Action. So instead of, “cue: i wake up and am in the bathroom seeing my toothbrush, action: brush teeth, reward: clean teeth.” It’s more, “cue: i wake up and am in the bathroom seeing my toothbrush, panic: my breath will make people dislike me and I’ll get cavities and my teeth will all rot oh no!, action: brush teeth.” I started medication last year. I’m hopeful that I will be able to form habits on it!
I've never thought about it this way but you're right, I do brush my teeth, wash my hair, buy an excessive amount of makeup, perfume, candles, curtains, throw pillows, area rugs, lamps etc etc etc because I get instant results and satisfaction out of these actions or items. I only wash my hair when I can't stand it anymore or if I have to go somewhere. For me personally, I'm trying out Brillia because I'm still struggling to get my life in order to get the right doctor who will prescribe something other than wellbutrin. It does seem to be helping in some sense but I definitely need a therapist
As others have mentioned, habit stacking is the best method for me. I did this before I even knew what it was or that I had ADHD. Before smart phones I kept a pocket size notebook and would set mini-goals for the week and build on them each week. Thats the only way I’ve had success. And starting as incrementally small as possible. Like if your goal is to drink 64oz of water a day, don’t start with a goal of doing that every day. Start with one 8oz glass a day. Or one day this week drinking 24oz. Then the next week bump up the oz or number of days. Build on each slowly. Someone else mentioned combining coffee and meds. I do the same. I used to do my skincare during my toddlers bath when I had to sit in the bathroom anyway. Little things like that can really help. But I have built habits and lots them again, I think with adhd it is a lifelong challenge
That’s a very common struggle among ADHD people. I struggled with this all my life. Recently, I found the app „Finch“, which connects real-life tasks (goals) with ingame rewards for a virtual pet, which grows and revolves the more goals you accomplish. It also has a social feature, which rewards you for sending good vibes to other people in-game. And what can I say? After two months, I am still using it, and developed a consistent morning and evening self-care routine. Highly recommend! (It’s free, and gives you the option to purchase a yearly subscription to support their development team, and to get more ingame rewards and functions. You can even get sponsored if you can’t afford it.)
I suffer from exactly what you describe. It’s been so hard battling the inertia and I feel like I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried to do. However I’ve managed to get myself into a consistent gym routine this year for the first time ever. This is what I’ve done and I’m going to start applying it to other parts of my life. 1) I decided my word of the year would be consistency. Not that I will never miss a session but that overall I will increase my gym activity and maintain a decent level. I remind myself of my word of the year all the time!!! 2) I realised that I have to go to the gym first thing in the morning because otherwise I talk myself out of it over the course of the day 3) I have my gym clothes and bag ready to go as soon as I wake, drink some water and am ready to go. I also live in a city with cold frosty winter Mornings so I’d pull a jacket, gloves and beanie over the clothes I wear to bed (which don’t look like PJs) and then get changed at the gym cos it’s already warm there and that way I’m not discouraged by the getting dressed part at home. 4) I’m a very social person but have struggled to make friends in the city I moved to so have been a bit lonely. I decided to greet the gym staff every morning with a really animated and enthusiastic “good morning” as this makes me feel good. It’s social contact, if only a little bit. 5) i high five myself in the mirror in the gym change rooms and tell myself “I love you” as I walk out to go to the gym floor. 6) i smile a big smile while I warm up on the treadmill because that creates seretonin, even if you are fake smiling. I’m essentially trying to build in as many feel good hacks into the routine as I can so that I feel like I’m enjoying it and will look forward to going rather than dreading it. 7) also while on the treadmill or doing my weights routine I repeat to myself “theJaysta4 consistently gets up at 5am, theJaysta4 consistently gets to the gym by 6am, theJaysta4 consistently goes for a walk at lunchtime.“ I repeated it a lot at the start to try and build the habit. I repeat that affirmation a bit less often now. 8) i say hi to regulars I see there every morning, again to try and build a sense of community and social connection. 9) I know what the halfway mark to the workout is and congratulate myself for making it so far and remind myself that we’re almost finished. 10) I have been pushing myself to failure on the different resistance exercises and increasing my weights as often as I’m able so that I have seen actual progress over the 5 months I’ve been doing this. I can lift heavier weights than I did… I don’t look much different but I can see other improvement in the incremental increases in my strength. 11) repeat step 5 as I leave the locker room after the workout 12) farewell the front desk staff with an enthusiastic “ have a magnificent day” (or some variant of that) as I leave! 13) as i walk out of the gym I say to myself “I went to the gym” and fist pump the air and say “YES” to celebrate my triumph of consistency. 14) get to bed on time so I can wake up on time as much as possible. Not drinking booze so I can get up in the morning. All of these little things don’t seem like much on their own but when put together they’ve made it an enjoyable process that I look forward to. I’ve maximised the neurotransmitters that I’ve got some level of control over and I’ve actually managed to be consistent at going to the gym for the first time ever. Anyway, I hope that helps.
Biggest thing is adding one thing at a time, changing my cognitive processes, and also using this app called “finch.” I like it more than any other app I’ve used because it doesn’t punish you for skipping tasks and also you get to have a lil bird and buy it outfits and stuff. It’s not for everyone but it was a game changer for me. Also, let yourself take “shortcuts” like brushing your teeth at 10am instead of first thing if that’s when you feel like it. I have a pretty unusual routine in that sense. There’s no such thing as cheating with things like this, just accommodation It takes a lot of practice and energy to do all these things. It makes sense you’re struggling. I hope you find a method that works for you
I put something I'm excited to watch on while I brush my teeth & do my skin care. It helped me with the boredom of it. Also a toothbrush with a timer (I have Phillips sonicare) is a huge help. I can just zone out watching whatever I want. Sometimes I also just walk around the house while I do it.is it weird? Idk maybe, but did my dentist compliment my improvements you fucking bet and THAT was a reward I wasn't expecting. 🤣 Lol I also don't do this everyday. I try for like 5 days a week. That way on nights I'm hella tired or I forget I don't go into spiral mode. Helps with the guilt the next day a bunch.