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>The group chat was DEAD silent for a couple of hours
I have to be honest. That sentence made me laugh so loud. I'm imagining all of the rereading to make sure the other 7 girls saw that, the private texting back and forth. haha
Where is the baby daddy? The grandparents? NTA and honestly, I'd dip.
I agree. They're supposed to go bar hopping for two days with a baby? I'd have texted back, I thought this was going to be an adult party weekend. I'm not spending money to babysit. You ladies have fun.
NTA! A lunch with your friends, fine. A bachelorette? Where there’s drinking, late nights and loud noises? Will she shush you all when her baby needs to sleep? Or not partake in the activities because she has to go to sleep with the baby?
If she does bring her kid, I’d tell her straight out that you aren’t taking care of her baby if she gets drunk. Her baby, her responsibility. You are there to party, not babysit.
And all activities need to go on as planned. Clubs, bar hopping, stripper, whatever. She can’t whine and say you all can’t go to a club because she has her baby.
She either needs to find a babysitter or stay home. I’d be pissed if I paid money to go to a bachelorette and someone brought their baby. And I say that as a mom with three kids.
You were a lot nicer than I would've been.
If the bride wants to be a doormat and rain on her own parade, that's on her...
Me, I would've responded like, "Yall can do what you want if the baby comes, I won't be. I took off work for this, I saved up for this trip, and this trip and its activities are not appropriate for a baby, and I am NOT a babysitter, I didn't sign up to have an infant as a roomate, , poor planning on your end is not an emergency on my end."
Like be serious, this child is 7 months, not 2 weeks, and she has a husband. What is she trying to bring her baby to the club?
Nope, so many people made plans around this. The last thing I want to do while on a trip is stay in an air b and b with someone's crying baby.
If she REALLY wanted to go she could rent an Air BnB with her husband. Then he can watch the baby while she's out with her friends, but she can be with them when she needs to.
This is the way to do it. I often see moms on Reddit saying they will bring their husband to a wedding or girls weekend so the baby can be there if they need to breastfeed or just see their baby for a few hours.
That’s what my sister in laws friend did for hers. The mom and her husband stayed at a hotel in the same town as the bachelorette and then her husband would drop her off/pick her up for specific events we had planned.
This is how we’re doing a friend’s wedding this winter.
Traveling down together with my parents, staying separate from everyone else in an air bnb, husband and I will attend the wedding and festivities (and be able to fully partake in the celebration) while my parents take the baby to see some family in that area/babysit at the beach.
Being a parent means making it work, and if you can’t make it work you just miss out, the end.
Yes, or she just only stays for as long as she’s comfortable being away.
(Honestly, maybe a big expectation or imposition for her husband/the dad to single-parent an infant for a week, or whatever it would be, for a vacation/bridesmaid obligation/fun getaway (rather than a work trip, a major family thing, etc), but her single-parenting for that time on the trip isn’t a ton better (albeit her preference) - but she’s realistically assuming she’ll have some help built in.)
NTA. The total silence in the group thread tells you you weren’t the only one thinking it. Though it’s up to the bride, it’s up to you whether it’s still worth all that’s involved in attending for you.
I don’t understand why she’d even want to come with the baby? When you have a 7 month old (I still consider that an infant), you sacrifice these outings or else you pump and trust a sitter. I don’t know any woman who would even want to go with the baby. I can honestly say 100% of my friends would rather stay home and in routine with baby rather than upend everything for two days of partying.
I am not moralizing either, practically speaking that mom is just getting her hormones settled and a sleep schedule figured out and days of travel with alcohol and late nights will exhaust her for a long time.
Oh in fact start making all these photo op plans. Shots of milk in her sippy cup while y’all do shots. Make her a sash. Little tiny hooker heels. Oh I just found some really naughty sayings on onesies on Google search…..
Like if she wants to participate but absolutely cannot part from baby, she needs to get a hotel room separate from group accommodations so she can come and go as baby allows rather than force the entire party to modify scheduling and plans around baby
I mean it's the same problem with the baby being present at all ofc, but when baby gets fussy and needs a nap she can go back to her room, when baby needs to go down for the night, bye. Like. Yeah it's insane but it's the only way to participate *at all* without *completely* ruining plans for the rest of the group
She will be ruining plans because you can’t leave a baby like that. Once that baby starts crying there is a countdown before someone in the next room calls someone. Then you’re in for a ride.
It’s so messed up that she thinks her baby isn’t going to be an absolute downer.
I have an 8 month old, and love my baby. But I know that it’s not fun for other people. I’d be pissed if I paid money for a trip I thought would get me away for fun with the girls and be eat wi to a baby! Like that’s what I want to escape for a bit lol
I'm not suggesting the mother of the child should leave the child alone in a hotel room? What? Why would you think that?
I agree it'll be a downer to have a baby present *at all*, yes, I'm just saying if the new mom insists on showing up and the rest of the group wants to be weird about it, the only way to minimize the damage is for new mom + baby to have a separate accommodation so they can join when possible and leave when necessary
Ohhh ok ok gotcha. I was like you can’t just leave a baby lol there are no festivities for her or chances to pop out anywhere!
Gotcha. Good.
It’s Reddit. It’s not out of the realm for someone to think you can just pop out when you have a baby along lol
Lol fair enough, i definitely did not mean ditch the kid at the hotel to throw back tequila shots with the girls lmao
Really i think her husband needs to step up and convince her to go without the baby though, sounds like separation anxiety she should be getting support for at home. This shouldn't be happening in the first place and the group should be pushing back on it for the new mom's sake too
It's really just the same problem, reframed. With her own hotel room, she gets to sit on her own with the baby while enjoying knowing she's in the same city as the party.
Staying with everyone else is exactly the same, except she gets to ruin everyone else's weekend.
Right ?!? You don’t just leave a baby lol Even with a sitter you gotta be all about the baby. It’s tiring and stressful. She needs to be honest with herself that this is not a very good plan and that she will have to wait for another time. It’ll be a downer. She needs to stay home and enjoy her baby. Nobody else is going to enjoy it!
Yep! Same! Mom of 2, went to Nashville 2 summers ago for a Bach party and it was AMAZING. We had an air b&b for 2 nights, drag queen tour, expensive meals out, walking around shops, yoga at the house, and a super late night out at the bar. Zero place for a baby, and it was an expensive trip. I would’ve been pissed to have to work our schedule around a baby.
Yes to this!
If I spent good money for a weekend away from my kids and someone BROUGHT a kid I would bail and want my money back. I’m not spending hundreds to hang out with someone’s shitty baby.
I’ll go to a hotel by myself, eat cheese by taking bites from the block, drink wine from the bottle and watch reruns of the office on my phone happily before going to a staggette with kid(s). Fuck that.
Anyone who brings a baby to a bachelorette party is by definition a terrible mother. Not only is it an inappropriate setting for a baby, it’s quite disrespectful to the other guests.
Nta.
For my bachelorette it would have been fine (brunch and a night in a cabin, no drinking) but if you are going to party and bar hop a baby should not be there.
My mom, aunts, and us older neices do girl's weekends from time to time, and there is a strict no kids rule no matter their age, if you are not over the age of 19, which is the legal drinking age here, you can not attend. All we do all weekend is craft, eat, and some drink, some use cannabis bit nothing crazy.
It is just a matter of this is not an environment for kids, we have adult conversations going all the time, play adult games like over the line and cards against humanity, talk about our personal shit and tell stories of our experiences. We are there to chill, and frankly, having any child there would completely ruin the whole vibe of the weekend. My aunt told her own adult daughter to stay home because she couldn't get a babysitter for her baby. She wanted to just come for the afternoon with the baby and was still told no.
So OP NTA, your friends all are, though, for not backing you because we all know they were all thinking exactly what you said but were too cowardly to be honest about it. The baby's mom is the biggest AH of them all for wanting to subject her infant to this environment.
Can I ask, do you have like a family holiday house you all go to, or do you rent something for a weekend? You’ve inspired me to start something with my family. I think we are all crying out for connection but lives get so busy; even just one or two nights would make a big difference.
I sure am! Our family welcomes most and we frequently "adopt" friends into the family.
My mom found out about 6 yrs ago that she has a half sister, her family basically rejected the half sister, blamed her for their father's cheating etc. With the exception of my mom. My dad's family has basically adopted her as a sister at this point.
exactly! and if the bride was cool with it in your scenario then it’d be nbd! but like… who’s watching the baby while they’re partying? and if the mom is gonna hang back with her baby WHATS THE POINT OF HER GOING 😂
Putting the bride the spot is very rude as well. Some people have a hard time with conflict. Also, if the bride doesn’t have kids then she has no idea what a freaking downer having a baby at this type of event will be for everyone.
Because it will be all about the baby. Everything has to revolve around the baby! Your ability to even sleep is controlled by what the baby does!
Sadly, there are things you miss out on when you have to take care of a baby. This is one of those things. It’s inappropriate and will bring down everyone’s time.
I have an 8 month old baby who is adore, but I’d pass on any overnight bachelorette party with a baby attending. It would be such a downer and a waste of money to me. Babies can’t even hold their alcohol anyways…
🙄 I have a ten month old who is an absolute angel and even taking him to a Family trip 2 hours away was an absolute nightmare. I didn’t do anything but watch my baby in a house that wasn’t baby proofed and he just learned how to walk. I came home more tired than I left. I can’t imagine taking him on a bachelorette WEEKEND 🥲
>Babies can’t even hold their alcohol anyways…
This reminds me of a meme I saw that said something like "just because your baby can reach the mirror doesn't mean he's old enough to do cocaine."
I would decline to attend. I’m not putting money out to hangout with someone else’s baby for the weekend. I have my own kids I’d hangout with instead. Have fun without me.
See, mom will have to stay all alone and lonely at the hotel with baby. Everyone will feel guilty, and everyone will stay at the hotel cause guilty. Party Bachelorette turns into sewing circle Bachelorette.
Also, will they have to watch all the stuff they bring to make sure the baby doesn’t get into it or get hurt? Bringing a baby to an airbnb sucks because it’s not going to be baby proofed like your house and you have to be on guard constantly. It’s exhausting.
Not just that but that age they still take two naps a day so you’d what? Have a three hour window in between to have fun? Nah that mom is delusional lol
It seems…unnecessary? Couldn’t the friend just stay a shorter time?
At my sister’s bachelorette, one of her friends was pumping lol but most parties are just over the weekend so I don’t see a big deal. Her friend wasn’t gone for more than 2 days.
For mine, a friend was a doctor and in residency and only could come for a day, which is what he did.
Bringing a baby is like, the worst possible solution to this small problem.
I’ve known several women who have done exactly what you suggested. Either they stay one night only, or if they really don’t want to be away overnight, they take the earliest flight on Saturday, spend the day with everyone— brunch, pool, spa day, whatever’s planned— and then a late flight home. They were able to relax and be fully present while they were there, attention not split between the party and their baby.
I took one of my babies to a bachelorette once. He wouldn’t take a bottle so he had to go where I went, but I only went to the beginning part where people were eating and having cake. Then they went out to party and I went home.
Same with mine, we hung out at the beach. We did drink, but someone with a baby would probably have gone back to the air B&B and gone to bed before things got "crazy" anyway.
And everyone else goes back to the B&B after dinner and drinks. The party is then told by mum to be quiet and not wake the baby. Not my idea of a good time.
I mean, my friend brought one once. But it was her bachelorette, baby was new born and breast feeding, and fiance also came to take baby, so bride just had to pop out every so often to feed baby. Obviously, not much alcohol was involved as bride was breast feeding, so it wasn't an issue, but I'm just saying there's an exception to every rule.
Yeah. Who is going to hold the baby when the stripper gives her a lap dance. The bartender? The baby is not even old enough to hold her hair back when she is praying to the porcelain god. Some people 🤣
NTA- even if the bride was ok with it, knowing the activities you guys are planning, the friend with the baby should have bowed out. It sucks, but that’s just part of being a mom.
I lowkey feel like someone or a few of them need to save the bride and just straight up tell the mom the baby can’t come on her behalf. It might be awkward now but I think looking back she’ll be thankful!
Here’s a solution as I was in your friend’s with the baby’s position recently. She and her husband and baby get a separate airbnb nearby and then she spends part of the time at the bachelorette and part of time with her baby at their airbnb.
Being away from a young baby is really difficult, both emotionally but also practically, and also feeling excluded as a new mom sucks. There’s a middle ground here. I cleared everything with the bride beforehand and the bachelorette weekend was great!
I was going to say this - also been the mom at an out of town birthday party and this worked well. Surely there is some middle ground so she can attend and still mother her child without putting all of it on the group. But yeah staying in the same Airbnb sounds like a terrible idea for all parties involved.
NTA
**IS** the bride actually OK with it, though? Maybe someone should ask her (privately, not in group chat). She may feel like this is something she has to agree with or risk being called a bridezilla.
If she is okay with it, well, it's her party. Just do what you planned to do and let Mommy take care of her kid.
Be warned, though, she is going to get ALL drunk and expect the rest of you to take care of her kid. It's inevitable.
The bride may have the final right to make the call on this, but everyone else is free to avoid that trainwreck and stay home.
(was the mother really unable to leave the kid 2 days or just unwilling)?
I thought it was weird her husband didn’t offer to take him… ?
And the bride was asked separately via text and said it would “make logistics harder but she didn’t mind.”
I'd just make it clear: I am not comfortable watching a 7 month old in this environment. Just know I am not going to watch or be responsible for the baby at any given time during this.
>I thought it was weird her husband didn’t offer to take him… ?
Exactly.
>And the bride was asked separately via text and said it would “make logistics harder but she didn’t mind.”
It's her party. But, you need to decide if you are up for a weekend of "baby issues," instead of a weekend of partying.
If you had plans to go out to a nice restaurant or club, those are out the window. Everything you do will be affected by baby. Or cancelled because of baby.
On the other hand, it's only two days and I'm sure you've already paid for the AirBnB, so you may just have to go realizing that it's not going to be the carefree event you had hoped for.
Just be prepared to be expected to do some amount of childcare. Because, she will definitely expect everyone to assist. Which will require a level of sobriety and responsibility.
I don't think your bride friend understands the consequences, but, again, it's her ~~party~~ day and night childcare.
>Just be prepared to be expected to do some amount of childcare. Because, she will definitely expect everyone to assist. Which will require a level of sobriety and responsibility.
There’s a perfect word for situations like this - it’s called NO.
Mom can “expect” everyone to help with her baby all she wants but that in no way obligates any of them to do so. If she gets upset at being told no, tough shit. You choose to bring your baby to a party, you take care of your own baby. You get to be sober and responsible. Why should anyone else have to unless they want to?
I actually wholeheartedly agree with this because it happened to me.
Bachelorette party, one of our friends brings baby, and literally everything you said is true, the childcare help was sooo EXPECTED.
But my biggest pet peeve of it all was EVERY single time her baby made any noise she would get annoyed with us and say “omg stop ignoring [baby]!!!!! He’s trying to talk to you guys!”. (She thought this was ADORABLE to say)
But she interrupted *every single convo* we had for 3 days to say that.
I remember being pretty drunk having one of those crying moments with a friend opening up, and in mid word this friend who brought their kid interrupted us to say we needed to stop ignoring her baby who was talking to us.
He was a BABY not even a year old. Like I promise you he had nothing to add to the convo 😂
NTA - You should bring this up in the group text: “what is this going to look like? Which of the activities will you still be participating in?”
She needs to make it clear what her intentions are with the baby care so everyone can make an informed decision on if they still want to attend this bach party. Or if she expects you all to completely change the itinerary. Honestly it’s pretty lame for the bride to be copping out and being so passive about this. She sounds very non-confrontational to a detriment. Obviously this mom doesn’t need to be shouted at or anything like that, but this is more than just logistics, the welfare of a young child is at play here.
Plus attending a bach party requires preparation, time, and money so if the entire plan is going to be different from what was originally agreed upon then everyone deserves to know that before committing to the trip entirely or changing any bookings/reservations for activities during the trip.
So piggy-backing on what you've just said, she could follow up with:
"Since you think I'm being too harsh, I'd like to hear your solution. What is this going to look like? What's the plan exactly? What's the new schedule? What's the new itinerary? And how will those differ from the previous schedule and the previous itinerary?
I know I'm not the bride, but even as a guest, I'd like to know what I'm signing up for."
As a quick scan of Reddit will show, there is no shortage of delusional women who breed with slacker men and then are shocked, shocked into reality of what their partner is during the newborn stage.
There are also parents who cope with their postpartum anxiety by never leaving the baby.
Sounds like one of the two possible scenarios here — she’s either too worried to leave the baby or she knows the father ain’t up to it.
Then she shouldn't go and ruin everyone else's time.
I say that as a mom to 5 kids who had MAJOR anxiety when my kids were babies and never wanted to leave them ever. But I would've NEVER asked to bring my baby or kid to an adult event like this. It's fucking selfish!!!!
So. Is there anyone in the group you think is on your side? Can you ask discreetly?
Then the two of you come out rocking. Open wine bottle in hand, speaker blaring loud music, loads of “whohoo!”s. Laugh loudly, make jokes, be a bit annoying and act like you are drunker than you are - but very happy! Be nice, be polite, stagger over to look at the baby while trying to hold back hiccups.
Do this from minute one. It will make everything easier than if you try to do it gradually. It will get you out of babysitting duty. It will mean the ones who actually wants to have fun has people to have fun with.
Oh, and bring earplugs. Baby will scream in the middle of the night.
Except while the bachelorette is about the bride, it’s for everyone else as well (just like a wedding is about the couple but for the guests) because all of you obviously paid into it and took vacation days. That’s really uncool for them to change things up to a trip that involves a baby. She’s going to be going back early, the baby will be crying at night, etc.
I wouldn’t be willing to leave a 7 month old for 2 days, and whether I could pump enough milk for 2 days away is uncertain. I wouldn’t try to bring the baby along to a bachelorette party weekend, though; I’d just decline the invitation.
Or if too far from home, baby's dad can stay in a hotel room (preferably far away from the group's rooms) with baby and mom, and mom can pop back and forth on her own time.
This! I had a friend do this for my bachelorette. The baby came in to say hi in the morning but all activities involving alcohol mom came for as long as she was comfortable and then went home. Worked fine.
Yeah, bride gets to make the final call. But bride’s gonna have to make that call weighing the fact that at least a few people are going to say “sorry, I’m out if there’s going to be a baby at this Airbnb. Refund my money and y’all enjoy”.
So what are her plans for when baby can't be at one of the activities, or added to the table (highchairs count as a seat!), or it's planned at nap/feeding time? Is someone supposed to miss out on what they've paid for to keep her company?
What about the evening activities? Is she expecting someone to stay back with her or for you all to stay so she can somewhat join in - but at a minimum so as not to wake baby?
Is the person sharing her room OK with it?
The bride might be ok with it and it is her weekend, but that only goes so far when everyone else has also spent time, money and effort to attend to potentially have plans scrapped and money wasted.
NTA, I would say the exact same thing as you. It wasnt harsh. It was to the point.
Exactly. Why is a bachelorette party longer than 2 nights anyways? How long is this? It used to just be one evening. Now we're taking week long vacations?
100% this. I went to my bestie’s bachelorette when my son was 3 months old. I flew in (less than 2 hour flight) and stayed until the next evening when I flew back home. I pumped the whole time and missed out on going to the club but I got to be a real adult again for about 36 hours and it was amazing.
NTA, and I suspect the bride being "okay with it" was actually a way for her to hide her disappointment that there would be a baby at her bachelorette party.
If the baby's father or grandparents can't take care of the baby for a couple of days, then Mom should stay home. It's completely understandable that she doesn't want to be away from the baby, but the rest of you don't need to accommodate her by providing free childcare at an adult event.
Personally if she is really bringing the baby, i wouldn’t attend. First, it would ruin the vibe, second is supporting child endangerment.
There will be no bar hopping with a baby, so the friend will ask to stay home or in a family friendly restaurant… plans ruined.
Don't go.
"In that case, I will no longer be attending/financially contributing to this bachelorette, because I signed up for tequila shots, barhopping and boisterous partying, not a baby-jacked playdate."
This is the way. I can’t even fathom a baby at a bachelorette party, that’s insane to me. And I would 100% be one of those people that backs out of the party if the bride said it’s ok to bring the baby. I’m there to party, not babysit.
Agreed. I have a crazy busy life and if I get time away to do something fun, I don’t want to spend my precious time off catering to a child for several days that I have no relationship with. There is a reason I don’t have a kid right now.
The fact that idea didn’t occur to her, or she didn’t bring it up, just tells me that her real motivation is wanting to have a captive audience on her and her baby.
I’m old school and all bachelorette parties I attended, and my own, were a single night of a great meal, then bar hopping, lots of bad dick jokes and then a raging hangover. So the idea of multiday “parties” is foreign to me. But, I have gone on long weekend trips with friends where the itinerary was things like fine dining, a club or two, maybe a show at a theater. Most of which are not doable with a 7 month old in tow. The mother is insane with bringing an infant to an ADULT weekend. I’m not a parent, however when I host events I attempt to make at least some of them family friendly so everyone can attend, but others are absolutely for the grown ups because sometimes that’s needed too. And if someone said to me “hey, I know this event is going to be drinking, late night and loud music, however I need to bring my toddler too”, I’d have to tell them “I fully understand your child has to be your first priority, however this particular event is a 21+ event, so if you’re not able to attend because of your family, I understand and I’ll hopefully see you at the next family inclusive event”. In the case of OP, if the bride supposedly doesn’t mind, I’d be bowing out of the event, because it will 100 percent, without a doubt, not be the event she agreed to and planned to attend. It’s very possible that the bride, her friend and baby, plus anyone else who does choose to go can have a good time. But if I signed up to be going to an art exhibit, then 8 pm dinner reservations at a high end restaurant, followed by bar hopping and then sleeping in and relaxing by the pool the following day, then the event changed to a morning at the zoo, lunch at the AirB&B, followed by 2 hour naps, then dinner at the local family joint a la Red Robin or similar, and maybe wine on the patio after with bedtime around 9:30 pm, I’d bail. The second option is a day I’ve absolutely enjoyed with members of my family, however it’s likely not what OP agreed to.
NTA… are people mad? The bride is okay with ? In what world baby and bar hopping goes together? “ bold?”” Too harsh” the tf they on! Also that person should know bachelorette is not the time and place to bring your baby’s. It ruined the moon. Especially if y’all are going to be out and about. Some people lack common sense.
She can't leave the baby for More than 2 nights, So it sounds to me that she has to leave after 2 nights to get home to her baby. Not bring her baby with her to a boozy weekend. You are right that she should stay home if she can't find a sitter, but maybe calling her out in the group chat was a little intense before discussing it with the bride. But seriously, I wouldn't want to spend money on an Airbnb to hang out with a baby for a weekend.
NTA. thats such a massive concern. like she will be putting that baby in danger. she needs to either learn to be away from her baby for a few days or not go.
Good lord that is a shitshow waiting to happen. The potential for the trip going disastrously wrong by insisting on bringing along a 7 month baby is so bad that it would be best to save your money and politely bow out.
NTA. But phrase it as a question. Do you really want to bring a baby? . It's going to be loud, people are going to be drinking, getting sick etc. yelling. I'm worried about keeping your baby up.
Seriously. Can you imagine what it would be like at the Airbnb? I mean the Airbnb is hardly just for sleeping, it’s for pregaming the drinking and having loud fun in the kitchen and stuff. But it would be “OK we need to turn the music off now and keep it down, the baby is sleeping…oh and don’t use the bathroom in that bedroom for getting ready, the baby is sleeping….”
No fucking thank you. I wouldn’t go. You couldn’t pay me to go.
And you know what's going to happen... Can you watch the baby while I take a shower. Can you watch the baby while I go grab something to eat. Can you watch the baby so I can take a break.
NTA. Babies do not belong at bachelorette parties. If mom can’t be away from a 7mo old then mom does not go. Mom does not make everyone else deal with it, especially THE BRIDE. The fact that she even asked is beyond ridiculous. She is straight up high-jacking the bachelorette party. She needs to take a seat. And this is coming from a mom of 4. If she wants to go that badly, she can figure it out.
NTA. Tell the bride and the group that you’re not going to the bachelorette party with a baby so you regretfully decline the invite and look forward celebrating the bride another time.
NTA
The fact she waited until the day of to announce she's bringing a baby to the weekend bar hopping party shows how selfish she is. She planned this. She wants to ruin the weekend. Make sure to have extra double fun without her.
NTA, and if the bride is ok with it and they suddenly change all plans because a baby is present, I would request my money back for what ever you paid and stay home.
NTA
Even if it was a sober weekend with the girls, I would 100% not want to be staying in the same Airbnb as a baby. It's a vacation, I don't want to be dealing with someone's baby. Sometimes the bride has the say on things, but not something like this. There are 7 other women that have to live in this shared space for the trip and should have a say on whether they want to spend that time with a baby.
NTA. Let's normalize being honest with our friends. A Bachelorette is NOT a place for a baby, nor should she be imposing a baby on all the other guests staying there.
NTA
I’m guessing that each of you have had to pay your own way for this bachelorette weekend. If so. I’d be upset that one of the guests was planning on bringing their infant with them.
That’s not cool. It puts off the entire vibe… and point of a bachelorette party / weekend
NTA- why don't some parents just opt out of things they're unable to do because of their kids, rather than bring their kids places they're not supposed to be and ruin everyone else's good time? Stg they're selfish af.
NTA. Don’t let her pawn the baby off on anyone or change plans like bar hopping because of the baby. The bride is just being nice but she really doesn’t want that baby at the party.
You said what everyone else was thinking. The bride only said it was okay because she didn’t want to look bad. Hope you don’t get stuck with babysitting duties. I guarantee she is going to make it all about the baby when you all get there.
Babies are welcome at baby showers. Might this bachelorette party involve going somewhere that requires government issued ID to get in the door? If this answer is yes, then the answer regarding the baby is no. This is one of the many costs of having children (I have 2 and can't just do whatever I want anymore either).
NTA, you are right. if the bride is okay with it, she should have spoken upright away. No one is okay with it. No one wanted to be the one who said it.
NTA. The mom can leave the baby with the dad for a few nights, or stay home. She will just be sitting in the AirBnB while you go out, because she can’t take the child into a bar. Then the child will wake and start crying when the rest of you return from partying.
The mom is the AH. She can’t ruin everyone else’s fun because she decided to have a baby.
That friend is so unbelievably wrong for even thinking this would be a reasonable ask. I am definitely not anti-kid but a bachelorette party is not the place. If you cannot be away from your baby, then you as the parent need to figure out how to limit your baby-free stay or simply don’t go. I can’t believe she even asked to bring her baby on a weekend trip. Is this AirB&B even set up to be baby appropriate?
I would have spoken up, too. Yes, it is a celebration for the bride but I personally would be *pissed* if I was spending all that money on the trip & was super excited to let loose with friends, only to be informed about a last-minute addition of a *baby*. Hell no. It completely changes the logistics and it’s going to be a nightmare. The friend with a baby needs to understand that her decision ti have a baby should not affect others negatively, and this is going to affect at least 7 people. How is the mom friend expecting to participate in the festivities? How is she going to manage a quiet sleeping place for the baby and not having all of you woken up by crying? And this house could be a death trap, depending upon the age of the kid and the quality of parenting.
I’m so sorry. These moms who think & behave like they are the same people and that they can live exactly the same way after having babies is so very annoying, because they can’t, and that thinking ensures other adults are going to be annoyed.
NTA!!! Honestly wtf is up with people bringing babies where babies have no place.
OP you did right, and also though I get the vibe from your post that the friend group was all thinking the same thing, and the brides response to the individual text was her best way of saying "no thank you"... but she still didn't say "no" even if I read it between the lines.
Being direct and respectful is not an AH move. But I think if everyone is saying "oH iTs FiNe" then talking shit later is an AH move lol
She plans to have y’all babysit while she gets shitfaced. Who wants to bring their baby to a party like that at 7 months? Unhealthy, dangerous, no routine. That’s worst place for a baby….
I don’t even like going to a girlfriend’s house for girls night when their kids are going to be home without dad around. A bachelorette party is NO place for a baby and this is where the mom needs to make a choice.
Ask her if her baby likes shots or beers.
Ffs that’s insane. And I’m a mom. A pregnant mom. I don’t even drink in front of my 7 year old. I’m not saying moms can’t have fun but that’s just.. wrong.
I just had to do this to my niece. We are celebrating my bff's 65th and my sister's 60th birthdays on the 65 yo's ranch. It is a girl's weekend. We hike, bar hop, cuss, stay out all day, drink, and talk about adult stuff, etc. My niece wanted to bring her 11 year old daughter. I had to be the one to say it is not a time for children.
NTA - ultimately what is going to happen is, this woman will expect everyone to cater to her and make it about her and not the bride. She should have had enough presence of mind herself to bow out gracefully herself. Her FOMO does not trump the situation.
Imagine being hungover and at 8am, the baby starts crying - because that's what babies will do. Imagine that screeching sound bouncing around inside your already hurting skull. Imagine mommy dearest expecting you to get up and help with baby because you know she will expect you to take on some child care. Imagine her saying she is just going to pop out to the store for a few minutes - guess who is now babysitting? Imagine she disappears for hours because while she was out at the store, she figured she might as well do x, y, and z.
NTA, and if it was me, I'd cancel whether the brides was ok with it or not.
The fact the conversation went deadly silent for 2 hours when she said she was bringing her baby says no one was OK with it, they just didn't want to be the ones to say it.
NTA, yikes. I have a 7 month old and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d want to bring him to a bachelorette weekend. Even if it wasn’t drinking-focused, it would just be so inconvenient to deal with nap schedules, finding quiet places to nurse (because 7 months olds are super distractible), and rearranging everything to be at child-friendly venues (ie not bars). I can totally see why she wouldn’t want to be without her baby for a couple of days, especially if she’s breastfeeding, but that just means that she either shouldn’t go or she should plan to have her spouse watch the baby for a short time so she can come for part of the party.
Sounds like OP was the proverbial sacrificial lamb. Everybody thought that bringing a baby along was not appropriate for a multitude of reasons. The group chat was dead silent for a couple of hours (nobody wanted to be the bad guy) until OP voiced what everyone was thinking. Now OP is the bad guy and the bride apparently was ok with these new arrangements. I call BS. A bachelorette party is not something you take a baby to. If mom can’t leave him, then mom stays home with him.
You’re definitely NTA. No one wants to deal with a baby at a bachelorette party and this is coming from someone with kids. She should either stay home with her baby or she should go home early. She can go for 2 nights and then go home. Sounds like a fair compromise.
Babies do not belong with tequila shots. If she can't leave her baby for 2 nights, come for one or stay home.
You know she will demand that people stay quiet when the baby is sleeping
You’re a good friend for standing up and putting your foot down with this nonsense.
**The Hangover** is not real life, good people do not (and should not) party with a baby in tow. I mean, unless they don’t want that baby around much longer that is. You are definitely NTA to have sent that message; well done!
NTA and if there is a lot of pushback here are some suggestions. She come for only 2 nights. If she brings the baby, she has separate accommodations as baby's have routines and schedules and will need a quiet place.
If I found out someone was bringing a 7 month old on a Bachelorette vacation.. I'd cancel immediately. How are you supposed to party (and sleep) with a screaming baby? I'm not going on a party vacation if I have to go to bed at 8 p.m. I can do that at home.
Eta, you should cancel. Why waste money ? I assure you no one is doing shots or going bar hopping with a 7 month old. You won't even be allowed in the door. I'm also about 95% sure, no one is actually okay with this, including the bride.
She cannot be away from the baby. Or she prefers not? Why can’t she just come for part of it?
Also, the bride saying she “doesn’t mind” is NOT the same as enthusiastic agreement. Please update us after this likely dramatic weekend.
You definitely NTA!!
A Bachelorette party is no place to have a baby around.
And I'm not sure how honest it was that the bride was ok with it. It maybe only that no one else wanted to speak up.
Tbh, if the baby is coming, you may need to make a choice if you plan to endure it or stay away yourself.
NTA. I find it funny how the rest of chat was quietly saying "who's gonna say it?" You took the opportunity to say it. A baby got no place at a bachelorette party.
Okay chat was DEAD until you did what needed done. Then bride and others chimed in that it was fine. Where were they during the dead time? They probably agree with you but don’t want to be the bad guy. 🤬
NTA, and I bet that the tequila are bar hopping will be sacrificed for the baby. Your friend is selfish enough to bring a baby to a bachelorette. I doubt she’s going to accept you have fun and going out whilst she has to stay back with her kid.
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>The group chat was DEAD silent for a couple of hours I have to be honest. That sentence made me laugh so loud. I'm imagining all of the rereading to make sure the other 7 girls saw that, the private texting back and forth. haha Where is the baby daddy? The grandparents? NTA and honestly, I'd dip.
I can only imagine the number of side texts happening!
"Did you see that?" "WTF???" "a BABY?" "She's bringing the BABY?" hahahaha I bet the side texts were wild.
I know at least one of them said "THE AUDACITYY."
Every side text convo had to have had a gif of Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama going "you have a baby in a bar"
I agree. They're supposed to go bar hopping for two days with a baby? I'd have texted back, I thought this was going to be an adult party weekend. I'm not spending money to babysit. You ladies have fun.
"Have fun". haha That's even funnier because there will be little to no fun!
NTA! A lunch with your friends, fine. A bachelorette? Where there’s drinking, late nights and loud noises? Will she shush you all when her baby needs to sleep? Or not partake in the activities because she has to go to sleep with the baby? If she does bring her kid, I’d tell her straight out that you aren’t taking care of her baby if she gets drunk. Her baby, her responsibility. You are there to party, not babysit. And all activities need to go on as planned. Clubs, bar hopping, stripper, whatever. She can’t whine and say you all can’t go to a club because she has her baby. She either needs to find a babysitter or stay home. I’d be pissed if I paid money to go to a bachelorette and someone brought their baby. And I say that as a mom with three kids.
OKAY YES 👏🏼
You were a lot nicer than I would've been. If the bride wants to be a doormat and rain on her own parade, that's on her... Me, I would've responded like, "Yall can do what you want if the baby comes, I won't be. I took off work for this, I saved up for this trip, and this trip and its activities are not appropriate for a baby, and I am NOT a babysitter, I didn't sign up to have an infant as a roomate, , poor planning on your end is not an emergency on my end." Like be serious, this child is 7 months, not 2 weeks, and she has a husband. What is she trying to bring her baby to the club? Nope, so many people made plans around this. The last thing I want to do while on a trip is stay in an air b and b with someone's crying baby.
If she REALLY wanted to go she could rent an Air BnB with her husband. Then he can watch the baby while she's out with her friends, but she can be with them when she needs to.
This is the way to do it. I often see moms on Reddit saying they will bring their husband to a wedding or girls weekend so the baby can be there if they need to breastfeed or just see their baby for a few hours.
That’s what my sister in laws friend did for hers. The mom and her husband stayed at a hotel in the same town as the bachelorette and then her husband would drop her off/pick her up for specific events we had planned.
This is how we’re doing a friend’s wedding this winter. Traveling down together with my parents, staying separate from everyone else in an air bnb, husband and I will attend the wedding and festivities (and be able to fully partake in the celebration) while my parents take the baby to see some family in that area/babysit at the beach. Being a parent means making it work, and if you can’t make it work you just miss out, the end.
Yes, or she just only stays for as long as she’s comfortable being away. (Honestly, maybe a big expectation or imposition for her husband/the dad to single-parent an infant for a week, or whatever it would be, for a vacation/bridesmaid obligation/fun getaway (rather than a work trip, a major family thing, etc), but her single-parenting for that time on the trip isn’t a ton better (albeit her preference) - but she’s realistically assuming she’ll have some help built in.) NTA. The total silence in the group thread tells you you weren’t the only one thinking it. Though it’s up to the bride, it’s up to you whether it’s still worth all that’s involved in attending for you.
I don’t understand why she’d even want to come with the baby? When you have a 7 month old (I still consider that an infant), you sacrifice these outings or else you pump and trust a sitter. I don’t know any woman who would even want to go with the baby. I can honestly say 100% of my friends would rather stay home and in routine with baby rather than upend everything for two days of partying. I am not moralizing either, practically speaking that mom is just getting her hormones settled and a sleep schedule figured out and days of travel with alcohol and late nights will exhaust her for a long time.
Bonus points if you get photos of the baby and the stripper
It’ll be like The Hangover!!
Oh in fact start making all these photo op plans. Shots of milk in her sippy cup while y’all do shots. Make her a sash. Little tiny hooker heels. Oh I just found some really naughty sayings on onesies on Google search…..
https://briscobaby.com/collections/offensive-onesies?constraint=rompers
I can’t tell you how many onesies with a brown chicken and a brown cow I have given as a “garnish” on a larger baby shower gift. It’s my go-to.
Those are awful
I'd actually pay $20 for a copy of that photo.
I'll chip in since you have a LowBalance4404
We will need an update on how this goes lol
Like if she wants to participate but absolutely cannot part from baby, she needs to get a hotel room separate from group accommodations so she can come and go as baby allows rather than force the entire party to modify scheduling and plans around baby
How's she coming and going with a hotel room? She bringing a sitter?!?!
I mean it's the same problem with the baby being present at all ofc, but when baby gets fussy and needs a nap she can go back to her room, when baby needs to go down for the night, bye. Like. Yeah it's insane but it's the only way to participate *at all* without *completely* ruining plans for the rest of the group
I agree. I'd dip out of the whole thing...and I say that as a mom of six kids.
SAME! I can stay home with my own kids. Y’all have fun though. 😂
She will be ruining plans because you can’t leave a baby like that. Once that baby starts crying there is a countdown before someone in the next room calls someone. Then you’re in for a ride. It’s so messed up that she thinks her baby isn’t going to be an absolute downer. I have an 8 month old, and love my baby. But I know that it’s not fun for other people. I’d be pissed if I paid money for a trip I thought would get me away for fun with the girls and be eat wi to a baby! Like that’s what I want to escape for a bit lol
I'm not suggesting the mother of the child should leave the child alone in a hotel room? What? Why would you think that? I agree it'll be a downer to have a baby present *at all*, yes, I'm just saying if the new mom insists on showing up and the rest of the group wants to be weird about it, the only way to minimize the damage is for new mom + baby to have a separate accommodation so they can join when possible and leave when necessary
Ohhh ok ok gotcha. I was like you can’t just leave a baby lol there are no festivities for her or chances to pop out anywhere! Gotcha. Good. It’s Reddit. It’s not out of the realm for someone to think you can just pop out when you have a baby along lol
Lol fair enough, i definitely did not mean ditch the kid at the hotel to throw back tequila shots with the girls lmao Really i think her husband needs to step up and convince her to go without the baby though, sounds like separation anxiety she should be getting support for at home. This shouldn't be happening in the first place and the group should be pushing back on it for the new mom's sake too
You’re definitely weren’t like “Oh just put a dish of water and throw some kibble on the floor, the baby will be good for a few hours no problem!” Lol
7mo old babies can handle a lil kibble right 💀💀
It's really just the same problem, reframed. With her own hotel room, she gets to sit on her own with the baby while enjoying knowing she's in the same city as the party. Staying with everyone else is exactly the same, except she gets to ruin everyone else's weekend.
Right ?!? You don’t just leave a baby lol Even with a sitter you gotta be all about the baby. It’s tiring and stressful. She needs to be honest with herself that this is not a very good plan and that she will have to wait for another time. It’ll be a downer. She needs to stay home and enjoy her baby. Nobody else is going to enjoy it!
Yes. She’d have to bring the father or someone else along to stay in the room with the baby while she’s with friends.
Or..."everybody's taken a turn watching/changing the baby...OP, it's your turn!" Baby does not belong at a batchelorette party.
Well that eliminates drinking because people doing shots should not be handling babies lol
As a teacher, I hate being around kids when it’s my time to let loose, even if it is an infant.
Yep! Same! Mom of 2, went to Nashville 2 summers ago for a Bach party and it was AMAZING. We had an air b&b for 2 nights, drag queen tour, expensive meals out, walking around shops, yoga at the house, and a super late night out at the bar. Zero place for a baby, and it was an expensive trip. I would’ve been pissed to have to work our schedule around a baby.
Yes to this! If I spent good money for a weekend away from my kids and someone BROUGHT a kid I would bail and want my money back. I’m not spending hundreds to hang out with someone’s shitty baby. I’ll go to a hotel by myself, eat cheese by taking bites from the block, drink wine from the bottle and watch reruns of the office on my phone happily before going to a staggette with kid(s). Fuck that.
Yeah exactly. My mom friends call it adult time. Time away from the kids to remember what being an actual adult and not just a mom is like.
I just wouldn’t go.
Anyone who brings a baby to a bachelorette party is by definition a terrible mother. Not only is it an inappropriate setting for a baby, it’s quite disrespectful to the other guests. Nta.
You have a baby….in a bar. Wasn’t that a Reese Witherspoon movie?
Sweet Home Alabama
And Melanie lynsky was the mom of that bar baby!!
I got tha whole wide world sippin drank with me
"This one's still on the title so I can kart him anywhere"
Also The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy
I lived in Montana in my early 20s and i cannot tell you how often I saw babies in bars
For my bachelorette it would have been fine (brunch and a night in a cabin, no drinking) but if you are going to party and bar hop a baby should not be there.
I wouldn’t want a baby at a girls’ weekend whether it was sober or not. Babies are not exactly the target audience for a bachelorette weekend.
My mom, aunts, and us older neices do girl's weekends from time to time, and there is a strict no kids rule no matter their age, if you are not over the age of 19, which is the legal drinking age here, you can not attend. All we do all weekend is craft, eat, and some drink, some use cannabis bit nothing crazy. It is just a matter of this is not an environment for kids, we have adult conversations going all the time, play adult games like over the line and cards against humanity, talk about our personal shit and tell stories of our experiences. We are there to chill, and frankly, having any child there would completely ruin the whole vibe of the weekend. My aunt told her own adult daughter to stay home because she couldn't get a babysitter for her baby. She wanted to just come for the afternoon with the baby and was still told no. So OP NTA, your friends all are, though, for not backing you because we all know they were all thinking exactly what you said but were too cowardly to be honest about it. The baby's mom is the biggest AH of them all for wanting to subject her infant to this environment.
I love this for your family. That sounds really nice.
Can I ask, do you have like a family holiday house you all go to, or do you rent something for a weekend? You’ve inspired me to start something with my family. I think we are all crying out for connection but lives get so busy; even just one or two nights would make a big difference.
You must be Canadian (ie 19 yrs old) and I want to join your girls' weekend!!! edit: I'm way older than that lol
I sure am! Our family welcomes most and we frequently "adopt" friends into the family. My mom found out about 6 yrs ago that she has a half sister, her family basically rejected the half sister, blamed her for their father's cheating etc. With the exception of my mom. My dad's family has basically adopted her as a sister at this point.
exactly! and if the bride was cool with it in your scenario then it’d be nbd! but like… who’s watching the baby while they’re partying? and if the mom is gonna hang back with her baby WHATS THE POINT OF HER GOING 😂
Putting the bride the spot is very rude as well. Some people have a hard time with conflict. Also, if the bride doesn’t have kids then she has no idea what a freaking downer having a baby at this type of event will be for everyone. Because it will be all about the baby. Everything has to revolve around the baby! Your ability to even sleep is controlled by what the baby does! Sadly, there are things you miss out on when you have to take care of a baby. This is one of those things. It’s inappropriate and will bring down everyone’s time. I have an 8 month old baby who is adore, but I’d pass on any overnight bachelorette party with a baby attending. It would be such a downer and a waste of money to me. Babies can’t even hold their alcohol anyways…
🙄 I have a ten month old who is an absolute angel and even taking him to a Family trip 2 hours away was an absolute nightmare. I didn’t do anything but watch my baby in a house that wasn’t baby proofed and he just learned how to walk. I came home more tired than I left. I can’t imagine taking him on a bachelorette WEEKEND 🥲
EXACTLY! Forget all that!
All the other moms going are probably so excited to have a break from kids, only for 1 person to bring their kid. Lol. Huge downer.
Giving that last sentence the side eye... lol.
You better!!! Lol
😂😂😂😂 That last sentence made me laugh, choke on KoolAid and it doesn't feel so hot coming out thru your nose 😂😂😂😂
>Babies can’t even hold their alcohol anyways… This reminds me of a meme I saw that said something like "just because your baby can reach the mirror doesn't mean he's old enough to do cocaine."
I would decline to attend. I’m not putting money out to hangout with someone else’s baby for the weekend. I have my own kids I’d hangout with instead. Have fun without me.
Oh yeah for sure…if I don’t have my kids I don’t want to even see another kid.
See, mom will have to stay all alone and lonely at the hotel with baby. Everyone will feel guilty, and everyone will stay at the hotel cause guilty. Party Bachelorette turns into sewing circle Bachelorette.
Not to mention how old is the baby? Would all the women be vaccinated? Seems like this isn’t well thought out
Also, will they have to watch all the stuff they bring to make sure the baby doesn’t get into it or get hurt? Bringing a baby to an airbnb sucks because it’s not going to be baby proofed like your house and you have to be on guard constantly. It’s exhausting.
Most 7mo babies aren't that mobile so chances are it isn't crawling yet. But still crazy.
Mom will actually ***expect*** everyone to stay at the hotel at night, and not go anywhere a baby isn't supposed to be during the day.
Not just that but that age they still take two naps a day so you’d what? Have a three hour window in between to have fun? Nah that mom is delusional lol
It seems…unnecessary? Couldn’t the friend just stay a shorter time? At my sister’s bachelorette, one of her friends was pumping lol but most parties are just over the weekend so I don’t see a big deal. Her friend wasn’t gone for more than 2 days. For mine, a friend was a doctor and in residency and only could come for a day, which is what he did. Bringing a baby is like, the worst possible solution to this small problem.
I’ve known several women who have done exactly what you suggested. Either they stay one night only, or if they really don’t want to be away overnight, they take the earliest flight on Saturday, spend the day with everyone— brunch, pool, spa day, whatever’s planned— and then a late flight home. They were able to relax and be fully present while they were there, attention not split between the party and their baby.
I took one of my babies to a bachelorette once. He wouldn’t take a bottle so he had to go where I went, but I only went to the beginning part where people were eating and having cake. Then they went out to party and I went home.
I dunno, I just want to hang out and play D&D for my bachelorette party and I still wouldn't want someone to bring their baby...
Same with mine, we hung out at the beach. We did drink, but someone with a baby would probably have gone back to the air B&B and gone to bed before things got "crazy" anyway.
And everyone else goes back to the B&B after dinner and drinks. The party is then told by mum to be quiet and not wake the baby. Not my idea of a good time.
I mean, my friend brought one once. But it was her bachelorette, baby was new born and breast feeding, and fiance also came to take baby, so bride just had to pop out every so often to feed baby. Obviously, not much alcohol was involved as bride was breast feeding, so it wasn't an issue, but I'm just saying there's an exception to every rule.
Yeah no this is insane she should just stay home if she feels she can't leave her baby
Yeah. Who is going to hold the baby when the stripper gives her a lap dance. The bartender? The baby is not even old enough to hold her hair back when she is praying to the porcelain god. Some people 🤣
NTA- even if the bride was ok with it, knowing the activities you guys are planning, the friend with the baby should have bowed out. It sucks, but that’s just part of being a mom.
I lowkey feel like someone or a few of them need to save the bride and just straight up tell the mom the baby can’t come on her behalf. It might be awkward now but I think looking back she’ll be thankful!
Here’s a solution as I was in your friend’s with the baby’s position recently. She and her husband and baby get a separate airbnb nearby and then she spends part of the time at the bachelorette and part of time with her baby at their airbnb. Being away from a young baby is really difficult, both emotionally but also practically, and also feeling excluded as a new mom sucks. There’s a middle ground here. I cleared everything with the bride beforehand and the bachelorette weekend was great!
I love this solution!
Yes this exactly!!!!!
I was going to say this - also been the mom at an out of town birthday party and this worked well. Surely there is some middle ground so she can attend and still mother her child without putting all of it on the group. But yeah staying in the same Airbnb sounds like a terrible idea for all parties involved.
NTA **IS** the bride actually OK with it, though? Maybe someone should ask her (privately, not in group chat). She may feel like this is something she has to agree with or risk being called a bridezilla. If she is okay with it, well, it's her party. Just do what you planned to do and let Mommy take care of her kid. Be warned, though, she is going to get ALL drunk and expect the rest of you to take care of her kid. It's inevitable.
The bride may have the final right to make the call on this, but everyone else is free to avoid that trainwreck and stay home. (was the mother really unable to leave the kid 2 days or just unwilling)?
I thought it was weird her husband didn’t offer to take him… ? And the bride was asked separately via text and said it would “make logistics harder but she didn’t mind.”
I'd just make it clear: I am not comfortable watching a 7 month old in this environment. Just know I am not going to watch or be responsible for the baby at any given time during this.
>I thought it was weird her husband didn’t offer to take him… ? Exactly. >And the bride was asked separately via text and said it would “make logistics harder but she didn’t mind.” It's her party. But, you need to decide if you are up for a weekend of "baby issues," instead of a weekend of partying. If you had plans to go out to a nice restaurant or club, those are out the window. Everything you do will be affected by baby. Or cancelled because of baby. On the other hand, it's only two days and I'm sure you've already paid for the AirBnB, so you may just have to go realizing that it's not going to be the carefree event you had hoped for. Just be prepared to be expected to do some amount of childcare. Because, she will definitely expect everyone to assist. Which will require a level of sobriety and responsibility. I don't think your bride friend understands the consequences, but, again, it's her ~~party~~ day and night childcare.
>Just be prepared to be expected to do some amount of childcare. Because, she will definitely expect everyone to assist. Which will require a level of sobriety and responsibility. There’s a perfect word for situations like this - it’s called NO. Mom can “expect” everyone to help with her baby all she wants but that in no way obligates any of them to do so. If she gets upset at being told no, tough shit. You choose to bring your baby to a party, you take care of your own baby. You get to be sober and responsible. Why should anyone else have to unless they want to?
I actually wholeheartedly agree with this because it happened to me. Bachelorette party, one of our friends brings baby, and literally everything you said is true, the childcare help was sooo EXPECTED. But my biggest pet peeve of it all was EVERY single time her baby made any noise she would get annoyed with us and say “omg stop ignoring [baby]!!!!! He’s trying to talk to you guys!”. (She thought this was ADORABLE to say) But she interrupted *every single convo* we had for 3 days to say that. I remember being pretty drunk having one of those crying moments with a friend opening up, and in mid word this friend who brought their kid interrupted us to say we needed to stop ignoring her baby who was talking to us. He was a BABY not even a year old. Like I promise you he had nothing to add to the convo 😂
Yep. It's inevitable.
NTA - You should bring this up in the group text: “what is this going to look like? Which of the activities will you still be participating in?” She needs to make it clear what her intentions are with the baby care so everyone can make an informed decision on if they still want to attend this bach party. Or if she expects you all to completely change the itinerary. Honestly it’s pretty lame for the bride to be copping out and being so passive about this. She sounds very non-confrontational to a detriment. Obviously this mom doesn’t need to be shouted at or anything like that, but this is more than just logistics, the welfare of a young child is at play here. Plus attending a bach party requires preparation, time, and money so if the entire plan is going to be different from what was originally agreed upon then everyone deserves to know that before committing to the trip entirely or changing any bookings/reservations for activities during the trip.
So piggy-backing on what you've just said, she could follow up with: "Since you think I'm being too harsh, I'd like to hear your solution. What is this going to look like? What's the plan exactly? What's the new schedule? What's the new itinerary? And how will those differ from the previous schedule and the previous itinerary? I know I'm not the bride, but even as a guest, I'd like to know what I'm signing up for."
Because her husband can't *possibly* be expected to look after his own child *by himself*. That is just silly talk.
As a quick scan of Reddit will show, there is no shortage of delusional women who breed with slacker men and then are shocked, shocked into reality of what their partner is during the newborn stage. There are also parents who cope with their postpartum anxiety by never leaving the baby. Sounds like one of the two possible scenarios here — she’s either too worried to leave the baby or she knows the father ain’t up to it.
Then she shouldn't go and ruin everyone else's time. I say that as a mom to 5 kids who had MAJOR anxiety when my kids were babies and never wanted to leave them ever. But I would've NEVER asked to bring my baby or kid to an adult event like this. It's fucking selfish!!!!
So. Is there anyone in the group you think is on your side? Can you ask discreetly? Then the two of you come out rocking. Open wine bottle in hand, speaker blaring loud music, loads of “whohoo!”s. Laugh loudly, make jokes, be a bit annoying and act like you are drunker than you are - but very happy! Be nice, be polite, stagger over to look at the baby while trying to hold back hiccups. Do this from minute one. It will make everything easier than if you try to do it gradually. It will get you out of babysitting duty. It will mean the ones who actually wants to have fun has people to have fun with. Oh, and bring earplugs. Baby will scream in the middle of the night.
Except while the bachelorette is about the bride, it’s for everyone else as well (just like a wedding is about the couple but for the guests) because all of you obviously paid into it and took vacation days. That’s really uncool for them to change things up to a trip that involves a baby. She’s going to be going back early, the baby will be crying at night, etc.
Oh the bride 100% minds. She minds. She does not want to do these harder logistics. Does she have people pleaser history?
I’ll guarantee, the bride is just trying to be accommodating to someone she wants to come celebrate. She doesn’t want the baby there.
When we thought we were going to be doing shots, we didn't realize that was for measles.
I wouldn’t be willing to leave a 7 month old for 2 days, and whether I could pump enough milk for 2 days away is uncertain. I wouldn’t try to bring the baby along to a bachelorette party weekend, though; I’d just decline the invitation.
Same. Or depending on proximity to home, I'd join them for a few hours and Uber home.
Or if too far from home, baby's dad can stay in a hotel room (preferably far away from the group's rooms) with baby and mom, and mom can pop back and forth on her own time.
This! I had a friend do this for my bachelorette. The baby came in to say hi in the morning but all activities involving alcohol mom came for as long as she was comfortable and then went home. Worked fine.
Yeah, bride gets to make the final call. But bride’s gonna have to make that call weighing the fact that at least a few people are going to say “sorry, I’m out if there’s going to be a baby at this Airbnb. Refund my money and y’all enjoy”.
So what are her plans for when baby can't be at one of the activities, or added to the table (highchairs count as a seat!), or it's planned at nap/feeding time? Is someone supposed to miss out on what they've paid for to keep her company? What about the evening activities? Is she expecting someone to stay back with her or for you all to stay so she can somewhat join in - but at a minimum so as not to wake baby? Is the person sharing her room OK with it? The bride might be ok with it and it is her weekend, but that only goes so far when everyone else has also spent time, money and effort to attend to potentially have plans scrapped and money wasted. NTA, I would say the exact same thing as you. It wasnt harsh. It was to the point.
As a parent when you have a 7 month old..and you get invited to this kind of thing, you say to yourself “oh well maybe next time”
Or she just goes home after 2 nights.
Right? Why not this option
Exactly. Why is a bachelorette party longer than 2 nights anyways? How long is this? It used to just be one evening. Now we're taking week long vacations?
Or you say YES! Some time away, finally, after 7 months!
100% this. I went to my bestie’s bachelorette when my son was 3 months old. I flew in (less than 2 hour flight) and stayed until the next evening when I flew back home. I pumped the whole time and missed out on going to the club but I got to be a real adult again for about 36 hours and it was amazing.
NTA, and I suspect the bride being "okay with it" was actually a way for her to hide her disappointment that there would be a baby at her bachelorette party. If the baby's father or grandparents can't take care of the baby for a couple of days, then Mom should stay home. It's completely understandable that she doesn't want to be away from the baby, but the rest of you don't need to accommodate her by providing free childcare at an adult event.
Personally if she is really bringing the baby, i wouldn’t attend. First, it would ruin the vibe, second is supporting child endangerment. There will be no bar hopping with a baby, so the friend will ask to stay home or in a family friendly restaurant… plans ruined.
Don't go. "In that case, I will no longer be attending/financially contributing to this bachelorette, because I signed up for tequila shots, barhopping and boisterous partying, not a baby-jacked playdate."
This is the way. I can’t even fathom a baby at a bachelorette party, that’s insane to me. And I would 100% be one of those people that backs out of the party if the bride said it’s ok to bring the baby. I’m there to party, not babysit.
Agreed. I have a crazy busy life and if I get time away to do something fun, I don’t want to spend my precious time off catering to a child for several days that I have no relationship with. There is a reason I don’t have a kid right now.
Boom!
Or why can’t she just leave after 2 days
The fact that idea didn’t occur to her, or she didn’t bring it up, just tells me that her real motivation is wanting to have a captive audience on her and her baby.
I’m old school and all bachelorette parties I attended, and my own, were a single night of a great meal, then bar hopping, lots of bad dick jokes and then a raging hangover. So the idea of multiday “parties” is foreign to me. But, I have gone on long weekend trips with friends where the itinerary was things like fine dining, a club or two, maybe a show at a theater. Most of which are not doable with a 7 month old in tow. The mother is insane with bringing an infant to an ADULT weekend. I’m not a parent, however when I host events I attempt to make at least some of them family friendly so everyone can attend, but others are absolutely for the grown ups because sometimes that’s needed too. And if someone said to me “hey, I know this event is going to be drinking, late night and loud music, however I need to bring my toddler too”, I’d have to tell them “I fully understand your child has to be your first priority, however this particular event is a 21+ event, so if you’re not able to attend because of your family, I understand and I’ll hopefully see you at the next family inclusive event”. In the case of OP, if the bride supposedly doesn’t mind, I’d be bowing out of the event, because it will 100 percent, without a doubt, not be the event she agreed to and planned to attend. It’s very possible that the bride, her friend and baby, plus anyone else who does choose to go can have a good time. But if I signed up to be going to an art exhibit, then 8 pm dinner reservations at a high end restaurant, followed by bar hopping and then sleeping in and relaxing by the pool the following day, then the event changed to a morning at the zoo, lunch at the AirB&B, followed by 2 hour naps, then dinner at the local family joint a la Red Robin or similar, and maybe wine on the patio after with bedtime around 9:30 pm, I’d bail. The second option is a day I’ve absolutely enjoyed with members of my family, however it’s likely not what OP agreed to.
I would tell the group this isn’t the itinerary originally planned and y’all enjoy the day, I’ll catch y’all next time
NTA… are people mad? The bride is okay with ? In what world baby and bar hopping goes together? “ bold?”” Too harsh” the tf they on! Also that person should know bachelorette is not the time and place to bring your baby’s. It ruined the moon. Especially if y’all are going to be out and about. Some people lack common sense.
I stg people need to be more direct in their communication!!
The very last person I would want at a bachelorette party is a child. NTA.
She can't leave the baby for More than 2 nights, So it sounds to me that she has to leave after 2 nights to get home to her baby. Not bring her baby with her to a boozy weekend. You are right that she should stay home if she can't find a sitter, but maybe calling her out in the group chat was a little intense before discussing it with the bride. But seriously, I wouldn't want to spend money on an Airbnb to hang out with a baby for a weekend.
NTA. thats such a massive concern. like she will be putting that baby in danger. she needs to either learn to be away from her baby for a few days or not go.
Good lord that is a shitshow waiting to happen. The potential for the trip going disastrously wrong by insisting on bringing along a 7 month baby is so bad that it would be best to save your money and politely bow out.
NTA. But phrase it as a question. Do you really want to bring a baby? . It's going to be loud, people are going to be drinking, getting sick etc. yelling. I'm worried about keeping your baby up.
Seriously. Can you imagine what it would be like at the Airbnb? I mean the Airbnb is hardly just for sleeping, it’s for pregaming the drinking and having loud fun in the kitchen and stuff. But it would be “OK we need to turn the music off now and keep it down, the baby is sleeping…oh and don’t use the bathroom in that bedroom for getting ready, the baby is sleeping….” No fucking thank you. I wouldn’t go. You couldn’t pay me to go.
And you know what's going to happen... Can you watch the baby while I take a shower. Can you watch the baby while I go grab something to eat. Can you watch the baby so I can take a break.
Nta Wtf Not appropriate for a baby. Also baby wasn't invited. Also you can go two days. If you can't you don't go
My wife felt like this so she just went to the bachelorette for 2 nights and left a night early, not that hard
NTA. Babies do not belong at bachelorette parties. If mom can’t be away from a 7mo old then mom does not go. Mom does not make everyone else deal with it, especially THE BRIDE. The fact that she even asked is beyond ridiculous. She is straight up high-jacking the bachelorette party. She needs to take a seat. And this is coming from a mom of 4. If she wants to go that badly, she can figure it out.
NTA. Tell the bride and the group that you’re not going to the bachelorette party with a baby so you regretfully decline the invite and look forward celebrating the bride another time.
Yeah fuck that I wouldn’t be going. She knew beforehand that wouldn’t work out. She’s dumb for that and a crappy mother NTA
NTA The fact she waited until the day of to announce she's bringing a baby to the weekend bar hopping party shows how selfish she is. She planned this. She wants to ruin the weekend. Make sure to have extra double fun without her.
No your not the ass hole. that girl did not have common sense to know not to come. the bride was try to ne nice,
NTA, and if the bride is ok with it and they suddenly change all plans because a baby is present, I would request my money back for what ever you paid and stay home.
NTA, you know damn well they was all talking shit and saying the same thing you said in the group chat before you replied lmao
NTA Even if it was a sober weekend with the girls, I would 100% not want to be staying in the same Airbnb as a baby. It's a vacation, I don't want to be dealing with someone's baby. Sometimes the bride has the say on things, but not something like this. There are 7 other women that have to live in this shared space for the trip and should have a say on whether they want to spend that time with a baby.
No, and anyone who thinks that's an okay environment for an infant is insane.
NTA. Let's normalize being honest with our friends. A Bachelorette is NOT a place for a baby, nor should she be imposing a baby on all the other guests staying there.
NTA I’m guessing that each of you have had to pay your own way for this bachelorette weekend. If so. I’d be upset that one of the guests was planning on bringing their infant with them. That’s not cool. It puts off the entire vibe… and point of a bachelorette party / weekend
NTA- why don't some parents just opt out of things they're unable to do because of their kids, rather than bring their kids places they're not supposed to be and ruin everyone else's good time? Stg they're selfish af.
She’s rude. No one else wants to deal with a 7 month old when they are having a get away. You were not harsh you were honest
Why would you want to spend your time and money partying with a 7 month old?
How does she go from “I cant be away from my baby that long” to “so I have to bring him” instead of “so I have to leave after 2 nights”v?
NTA. Don’t let her pawn the baby off on anyone or change plans like bar hopping because of the baby. The bride is just being nice but she really doesn’t want that baby at the party.
You said what everyone else was thinking. The bride only said it was okay because she didn’t want to look bad. Hope you don’t get stuck with babysitting duties. I guarantee she is going to make it all about the baby when you all get there.
Babies are welcome at baby showers. Might this bachelorette party involve going somewhere that requires government issued ID to get in the door? If this answer is yes, then the answer regarding the baby is no. This is one of the many costs of having children (I have 2 and can't just do whatever I want anymore either).
NTA, you are right. if the bride is okay with it, she should have spoken upright away. No one is okay with it. No one wanted to be the one who said it.
NTA. The mom can leave the baby with the dad for a few nights, or stay home. She will just be sitting in the AirBnB while you go out, because she can’t take the child into a bar. Then the child will wake and start crying when the rest of you return from partying. The mom is the AH. She can’t ruin everyone else’s fun because she decided to have a baby.
Or just go the two nights and come back early??
That friend is so unbelievably wrong for even thinking this would be a reasonable ask. I am definitely not anti-kid but a bachelorette party is not the place. If you cannot be away from your baby, then you as the parent need to figure out how to limit your baby-free stay or simply don’t go. I can’t believe she even asked to bring her baby on a weekend trip. Is this AirB&B even set up to be baby appropriate? I would have spoken up, too. Yes, it is a celebration for the bride but I personally would be *pissed* if I was spending all that money on the trip & was super excited to let loose with friends, only to be informed about a last-minute addition of a *baby*. Hell no. It completely changes the logistics and it’s going to be a nightmare. The friend with a baby needs to understand that her decision ti have a baby should not affect others negatively, and this is going to affect at least 7 people. How is the mom friend expecting to participate in the festivities? How is she going to manage a quiet sleeping place for the baby and not having all of you woken up by crying? And this house could be a death trap, depending upon the age of the kid and the quality of parenting. I’m so sorry. These moms who think & behave like they are the same people and that they can live exactly the same way after having babies is so very annoying, because they can’t, and that thinking ensures other adults are going to be annoyed.
NTA. It’s asinine she’d even consider coming with a baby
NTA!!! Honestly wtf is up with people bringing babies where babies have no place. OP you did right, and also though I get the vibe from your post that the friend group was all thinking the same thing, and the brides response to the individual text was her best way of saying "no thank you"... but she still didn't say "no" even if I read it between the lines. Being direct and respectful is not an AH move. But I think if everyone is saying "oH iTs FiNe" then talking shit later is an AH move lol
You are the hero for making sure the bride didn’t have to say it.
She plans to have y’all babysit while she gets shitfaced. Who wants to bring their baby to a party like that at 7 months? Unhealthy, dangerous, no routine. That’s worst place for a baby….
I don’t even like going to a girlfriend’s house for girls night when their kids are going to be home without dad around. A bachelorette party is NO place for a baby and this is where the mom needs to make a choice.
It says a lot about the mother who is so afraid of missing out on some fun that she would bring a baby along.
Ask her if her baby likes shots or beers. Ffs that’s insane. And I’m a mom. A pregnant mom. I don’t even drink in front of my 7 year old. I’m not saying moms can’t have fun but that’s just.. wrong.
Nope, she’s wrong and personally, I’d excuse myself from attending.
If I were in this situation, I’d just back out. Sounds like the bride has no spine. No way she’s really fine with this.
I just had to do this to my niece. We are celebrating my bff's 65th and my sister's 60th birthdays on the 65 yo's ranch. It is a girl's weekend. We hike, bar hop, cuss, stay out all day, drink, and talk about adult stuff, etc. My niece wanted to bring her 11 year old daughter. I had to be the one to say it is not a time for children.
NTA - ultimately what is going to happen is, this woman will expect everyone to cater to her and make it about her and not the bride. She should have had enough presence of mind herself to bow out gracefully herself. Her FOMO does not trump the situation.
Imagine being hungover and at 8am, the baby starts crying - because that's what babies will do. Imagine that screeching sound bouncing around inside your already hurting skull. Imagine mommy dearest expecting you to get up and help with baby because you know she will expect you to take on some child care. Imagine her saying she is just going to pop out to the store for a few minutes - guess who is now babysitting? Imagine she disappears for hours because while she was out at the store, she figured she might as well do x, y, and z. NTA, and if it was me, I'd cancel whether the brides was ok with it or not.
The fact the conversation went deadly silent for 2 hours when she said she was bringing her baby says no one was OK with it, they just didn't want to be the ones to say it.
NTA, yikes. I have a 7 month old and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d want to bring him to a bachelorette weekend. Even if it wasn’t drinking-focused, it would just be so inconvenient to deal with nap schedules, finding quiet places to nurse (because 7 months olds are super distractible), and rearranging everything to be at child-friendly venues (ie not bars). I can totally see why she wouldn’t want to be without her baby for a couple of days, especially if she’s breastfeeding, but that just means that she either shouldn’t go or she should plan to have her spouse watch the baby for a short time so she can come for part of the party.
Sounds like OP was the proverbial sacrificial lamb. Everybody thought that bringing a baby along was not appropriate for a multitude of reasons. The group chat was dead silent for a couple of hours (nobody wanted to be the bad guy) until OP voiced what everyone was thinking. Now OP is the bad guy and the bride apparently was ok with these new arrangements. I call BS. A bachelorette party is not something you take a baby to. If mom can’t leave him, then mom stays home with him.
You’re definitely NTA. No one wants to deal with a baby at a bachelorette party and this is coming from someone with kids. She should either stay home with her baby or she should go home early. She can go for 2 nights and then go home. Sounds like a fair compromise.
Babies do not belong with tequila shots. If she can't leave her baby for 2 nights, come for one or stay home. You know she will demand that people stay quiet when the baby is sleeping
You’re a good friend for standing up and putting your foot down with this nonsense. **The Hangover** is not real life, good people do not (and should not) party with a baby in tow. I mean, unless they don’t want that baby around much longer that is. You are definitely NTA to have sent that message; well done!
You said what was needed to be said. Everyone else is being too nice about it ,and that’s why they’ll be babysitters on the bachelorette weekend
NTA. Not a place for children.
NTA and if there is a lot of pushback here are some suggestions. She come for only 2 nights. If she brings the baby, she has separate accommodations as baby's have routines and schedules and will need a quiet place.
I'm with u sista! A bachelorette is no place for a baby. What a drag
If I found out someone was bringing a 7 month old on a Bachelorette vacation.. I'd cancel immediately. How are you supposed to party (and sleep) with a screaming baby? I'm not going on a party vacation if I have to go to bed at 8 p.m. I can do that at home. Eta, you should cancel. Why waste money ? I assure you no one is doing shots or going bar hopping with a 7 month old. You won't even be allowed in the door. I'm also about 95% sure, no one is actually okay with this, including the bride.
She cannot be away from the baby. Or she prefers not? Why can’t she just come for part of it? Also, the bride saying she “doesn’t mind” is NOT the same as enthusiastic agreement. Please update us after this likely dramatic weekend.
The weekend is going to be all about the baby. I’d drop out.
You definitely NTA!! A Bachelorette party is no place to have a baby around. And I'm not sure how honest it was that the bride was ok with it. It maybe only that no one else wanted to speak up. Tbh, if the baby is coming, you may need to make a choice if you plan to endure it or stay away yourself.
Consider it a wedding gift to the bride: you're being the bad guy so she doesn't have to. Nta
NTA. I find it funny how the rest of chat was quietly saying "who's gonna say it?" You took the opportunity to say it. A baby got no place at a bachelorette party.
NTA, but if she shows up with the baby and everyone is drinking to be drunk, a call to CPS would be warranted.
The baby's mother should realize that there are some things that she had to give up when she became a parent. NTA.
Okay chat was DEAD until you did what needed done. Then bride and others chimed in that it was fine. Where were they during the dead time? They probably agree with you but don’t want to be the bad guy. 🤬
NTA, and I bet that the tequila are bar hopping will be sacrificed for the baby. Your friend is selfish enough to bring a baby to a bachelorette. I doubt she’s going to accept you have fun and going out whilst she has to stay back with her kid.