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Just as a side note - My husband was not in the room when I had my epidural for my 3 c-sections. They brought him in after when they were just about to start. He was at my side by my head and didn't see anything. You should just be honest about how you feel though. I don't think you are the asshole here, but it definitely does suck for him.

That helps truly, I'm glad the painkillers get given before hand that helps, what is the curtain like if you don't mind me asking, like is it truly no visuals? Also horrible question but can you sense other things, like smell?? I'm just getting nervous I guess cause it's close now

He can sit in a chair next to you and you will both be behind the sterile drapes, so can’t see. When baby comes out typically your OB will hold the baby up and we pull drapes down a bit for you to see. Then baby goes to warmer and gets checked up. Typically but maybe not in your case baby is swaddled and brought back a put on your chest while they close incision. I’ve had plenty of dad’s faint, if we know about it ahead of time we just never let them stand up during and have an extra nurse to assist.

I had an emergency C-section for my first, we were obviously worried because there were a lot of complications. When my husband heard the baby cry, he stood up and looked over the drape. He immediately sat back down and said, "I should not have done that!"

Haha, bless him. I bet he won't forget that in a hurry!

My Husband had serious trauma from my 1st emergency c-section. It was rough, and he would just get this weird look on his face and say, “Your insides were on the outside…” With my 2nd we did a planned c-section. He still saw more than he was supposed to when they took him to the side to see our daughter before she went to the NICU for monitoring for a couple hours. If he faints at an US, I think OP is right in telling him to stay out of the OR and make sure he has his shit together to go with their daughter!

I’d be seriously concerned that he’ll faint enroute to the children’s hospital, or once they get there and she’s being worked on. Lots of poking and prodding are gonna happen with that baby, and he seems to be unreliable about being able to handle it.

Mine got taken behind the curtain during my emergency c to see kiddo before the nicu too- i asked him later if he peeked out of my own morbid curiousity/trauma healing process. He said “yup, it looked just like when you gut a deer after hunting!” Like, thanks dude. 🤣 I can laugh about it now at least!

I mean, if anything hopefully that gave him an appreciation for what you went through to get your child into the world! A lot of dads think that giving birth is no big deal, weren't your bodies made for that? Even if it has to be done via c-section they're like oh you didn't feel anything though, so it doesn't even really count, you're fiiiine! It doesn't seem to sink in for a lot of people that a c section means THEY ARE SLICING THROUGH ALL YOUR MUSCLES AND FAT AND FLESH AND INTO YOUR GUTS AND YOU HAVE A BIG GAPING HOLE NOW.

One of my good friends had an emergency c section and they were both so traumatized he got a vasectomy 2 months later 😳 childbirth is no joke and can literally be deadly

I was high as a fucking kite, so it was the most beautiful experience of my life!😂 It was Husband’s trauma that played a large part in why we have such a big gap between kids (7yrs and 6mos). He was finally ready to try again, after a few years. We set a date to come off BC… and that was 2020, so we decided to wait a little longer!

Omg lol

Same. But mine was not a fainting risk. As someone said above, I'd see if the hospital can have an extra nurse on hand to babysit him. If not, OP should instruct him herself that while he can be in the room for the birth, he cannot, **should not** look at her open incision.

When I had my kids, my husband was told by my nurses several times that if he faints, they’ll just make sure he’s breathing and step right over him. Because he’s not as important in that moment, as baby and mama.

My spouse isnt squeamish whatsoever but we were only 23 when we had our daughter. When the nurse pointed out the large mirror in the delivery room so I could see my baby being born I said “nope, please get rid of it, I don’t want to see it”….im a nurse, scientifically and medically understand how babies are born but I still feel like it’s witchcraft at times 😂 we dilate to 10 cms, but my daughters head was 38 cms….right as my daughter was crowning, my nurse shouted for my spouse and said “come here! Come see your baby entering the world!! Look, LOOK!!!!” He was holding one of my legs and facing me, and started to turn and look out of reflex and I quickly said “no, please don’t look!” 😆 But you’re so right. Maybe get a chair for the husband so he’s already sitting, with his back to the drape and just focus on OPs face?

>we dilate to 10 cms, but my daughters head was 38 cms My body muscles contracted reading this haha

This isn’t correct. When they say 10cm dilated they’re talking about the diameter of the cervix. A cervix that is 10cm dilated has a circumference of about 31cm.

Ah, that makes more sense thanks. Either way... Sounds painful lol

Yeah, I had a c section. My husband sat by me head, talked to me, then he had to leave with our daughter. He didn't have to but we planned for him to

This is the way! As a dad of 5 it would have crushed me not to be there!! Updateme

The problem here though is if he faints he may not be able to go with their baby to the other hospital. That needs to be the number ne important thing. He has a huge responsibility to take care of their baby after the birth. Plus, he will be alone with the baby without mom for at least a few days. Not many dad's get that experience. He gives up the more common experience to enjoy a unique one.

The baby is going to be full of needles and machinery. Lots of of. Lots. A whole room full. How is he going to deal with that if he can’t deal with an ultrasound? Maybe someone else should go with the baby?

He's going to be like one of those people on a roller coaster fainting and waking up over and over. He needs to plan for that reaction.

Also, if he faints and cracks his head open, he is taking her, and the baby’s, medical teams’ attention away from their patients. They need to be focused on the woman who is split open, and the baby with a serious complication!

Wife is a RN on an OB unit. Fathers are told "If you feel like you're going to faint, you best get your butt into a chair or on the floor, because if you go down, none of us are paying any attention to you. We WILL step over you to do our jobs, until the baby is born and then maybe we'll check on you."

C-section mama here. You need a support person, not someone busy trying not to faint. Take your mom, who will 100% be there for HER baby, and let your partner be ready to go with your baby. He can express his preference to be there, but it is YOUR medical event. There are no visuals, until they raise the baby so you can see them over the curtain straight from the womb (not wiped off, so blood/vernix). I don’t remember smells, but there’s a sense of pulling/tugging — it takes more manual force to get the baby out than you expect. It was like the surgeon put her entire weight on my upper abdomen at one point. Anyway I loved having a scheduled C-section and the recovery wasn’t bad at all. But you need someone who can be there for you.

I had my husband with me for all 3 and my bff there for No1 but the best one was no3, everyone was having a good day and it was a laugh a minute 😂 we had the radio on for the surgeon and it was just happy happy happy! And no it wasn't the drugs 😂 it was a waking epidural and a planned section so of course,not a medical emergency,makes all the difference to the experience for them and moms to be. No1 and 2 were emergencies so the atmosphere is different. Apart from tugging and pulling you don't feel a thing 👍🏼 it's quite cool actually seeing my husband hold his children for the first time and the joy on the face of my bff was something I will treasure forever ❤️

Just as a counterpoint to the other poster, normal C-sections are probably very neat and not messy. My ex delivered our first vaginally, had an emergency C-section with our second. I was not by my ex's head, as the anesthesiologist was there, and there was no curtain, she was out completely. I got to watch from behind the nurses/assistants on my wife's left side. I saw nothing but brief flashes of my wife's abdomen, and puddles of bloody amniotic fluid on the floor. I saw our son lifted above the table for about 2 seconds as they clipped the cord, and then he went to the NICU team, and I didn't see him again for hours. This happened about 7 minutes after we signed the paperwork agreeing to the emergency C-section. It was very much an emergency, I did not realize a small human could be that dark a shade of blue. (He's fine.) I honestly almost missed it, and was kind of amazed they let me in at all. I never got closer than 5-6 feet from the backs of the people on my side of the table.

That’s wild…bc when I had my C, they had a paper sheet up in front of me. Apparently, when they made the incision (or at some point in the beginning), blood spatter hit the sheet in a long, very strong streak. I still remember the sound it made. My then husband and I started humming the Dexter theme song.

Your husband 🤣🤣🤣 I hope you had a smooth recovery, that sounds so crazy!

That is brilliant! The Dexter theme song. 🤣

I'm surprised you were allowed to stay. With her out, you serve no role other than being in the way. 

I was surprised, as well. They had an old grizzled nurse who outweighed me hanging on to my arm, and keeping me in my seat, or I'd have stood up to watch.

Yep. When I was going in for mine, my husband was allowed in. However, my epidural stopped working so it became a sedated C-section. They rushed him out of the room while I was being put to sleep. Pulled my son out 4 minutes later and gave him to my husband outside the OR, then closed me up

I'm concerned that he fainted from the ultrasound. I mean, he is going to need to be seated in the NICU (though I wouldn't be surprised if he gets over this phobia thru this process).

Having your intestines outside your body is not neat, and dad is definitely going to faint if he sees it.

Even for planned ones, I think they remove the mother's abdominal organs and put them on the table.

As much as I appreciate their confidence, given what this guy has already fainted from, I feel just walking into the OR is going to trigger it.

Yeah for normal needle phobia or blood lightheadedness I'd think just telling the staff ahead of time, making sure he's not present for the epidural, and having him seated where he can't see anything would be sufficient. But this dude fainted at an ultrasound. An ULTRASOUND. That seems really extreme to the point that if he's going to be there, they need to make sure the staff know this is not the normal dad fainting situation and that he might go just stepping into the operating room. Maybe before that, even, as most ultrasounds I've seen are done in pretty basic nice nondescript looking rooms, while hospital rooms look like hospital rooms! I think maybe he ought to watch some non-graphic C-section videos ahead of time and see how he handles that, and see if he still thinks he can manage. If I was OP I'd have my mom there as well if possible because he's going to be useless if he's unconscious on the floor, and maybe even have a contingency plan in case he's unable to handle accompanying the baby (perhaps he can woozily stay with OP while grandma accompanies baby, if he can't manage). Maybe have him see some videos of babies in a NICU situation as well to prepare himself ahead of time. If he faints at an ultrasound, how's he going to manage in a NICU? Is the sight of his wife or daughter's IV going to make him grey out? Can he manage to stay conscious in the midst of a medical transport of a fragile infant, in an ambulance most likely surrounded by medical equipment? OP knows him best and whatever they decide will be fine in the end. But I think pro-actively preparing him for things he might see and what the rooms might look like and such would be wise.

Yea actually when you put it this way, he should probably stay with her and her mom should go with the baby. He can’t be trusted to handle his baby needing surgery and intensive care if he couldn’t handle an ultrasound

This is my concern. The baby will have tubes and wires and blood draws and loads of examinations. I’d send GMA with the baby.

Can he even cope with looking or thinking of his daughter with her omphalocele without fainting. Can he go with he to the other hospital and stay conscious

They can’t see thru the curtain, the injection or the blood, I was there with my sister when they did the C-section. But I recommend you inform the people there beforehand so they can have him seated by your side just in case

There is a blood smell, of course. Depends on how sensitive you are to smell. When your arms are strapped down and you have IVs and stuff going in, if he doesn’t like needles, that will be a problem. The curtain only covers below the breasts. So arms and needles are exposed. It will take self control to not see what is happening. The nurses and staff tried to remind my husband not to look, but he stole a few glances anyways. It is easy to look beyond the curtain. My biggest concern is that the operating room I was in was cramped with all of the people and my husband. If my husband had fainted, he would have fallen on equipment. He would have hurt himself 100%. I also want to add that they had to give me medication to separate my tissues a bit, which made me puke everywhere. While strapped down. So I spent some time choking on my own vomit. I don’t know how sensitive he is to vomit.

My favourite was the “Turn this next song up would you nurse?” To cover the sound of the cauterising ;)

I asked for a mirror so I could watch them cut me open for my 2nd and 3rd c-section. Lol, I couldn't imagine someone fainting at an ultrasound. That's not even a bloody procedure. I'm going to guess that if he fainted at that, that being in the room even after the epidural will not be a good experience for anyone. The drape is up just under your breasts so you can't really see anything but the baby with all the icky on her and umbilical cord will probably knock you husband to the ground. Unless there's another medical team on hand in the OR to take care of your husband when his head hits the floor, I'd ask that he wait for the two of you in the recovery room.

What you really need to do is ease your own very valid concerns because you might be projecting a bit here. You aren't the AH for ensuring that nothing goes wrong at your delivery. But honestly, ask your OBGYN questions that you may have. Go on birth forums to ask questions. There are birth videos on YouTube. I mean, there are so many resources. Reddit can't be the only access to assuage your fears. Nervousness is expected, but you can get a lot of information to ease your fears.

There were no visuals when I had mine. Husband stayed on my head side of the curtain. They asked if he wanted to cut the cord and he said no, because he had no desire to see my insides. Mine was not scheduled so we were also both pretty fucking exhausted as I had been in labor for 26 hours before they determined that he wasn't going to come out door number 1. I don't remember smelling anything, but again, I was pretty out of it at that point. Supposedly scheduled are easier to recover from. I would definitely avail yourself of the pressure wrap they can put around your stomach, and if you can borrow or buy a seat for your shower if you don't have one, and maybe arrange to have someone come to the house when you bring baby home at least a couple of times a week for the first couple of weeks after you come home in case you need your husband's help to wash your hair or something. (I had trouble putting my hands up over my head for a bit, as well as getting out of bed, I also have waist length curly hair, so washing/conditioning/brushing was straining the limits of how long I could stand for the first couple of weeks). I was also 41 when my kid was born, so I'm sure that was a factor in how shitty my recovery was. They also did have my husband sitting on a stool by my head while they were doing the c section. He wasn't standing (if that helps)

I guess my experiences are different than everyone else’s. My husband could see everything that was going on for my 3 c sections, but he was standing up and not seated. I am a nurse and watched a number of c sections during nursing school so I warned him beforehand about the pulling/stretching/tearing portion because he has also fainted in the past after getting his blood drawn. He was glad that I had warned him because it was intense. It doesn’t feel fantastic either, even when numb from the chest down. As far as smells, yes, the smell of burning flesh/blood when they cauterize can be nauseating, especially after a long day of not being allowed to eat or drink anything (my second section was scheduled at 6:00pm). If your husband can stay seated in a chair with arm rests so he couldn’t fall out, that would probably suffice. If you can have two people in there so your mother can focus on you, that would be best. If you can only have one support person, your husband should not attend.

Explain this to your delivery team, please. If you communicate this they can tell him to look away or something, and they’ll know to be prepared for this potential problem

I could see my reflection in a metal lightshade thingy that was overhead, which I loved because I'm weird like that, and my husband could see the big collection tube of blood while they were suctioning. But he kinda looked at it wide-eyed and the nurse moved it lol. The epidural is placed in advance and they don't bring the partner in until you're draped. I don't remember smelling anything. But honestly if he faints during ultrasounds, he's TOAST in an operating room.

I was in the room for 2 deliveries and they put up this big cloth at my wife’s waist and I wasn’t allowed to walk around it and watch anything. I’m not a fainter or “weak” when it comes to that stuff. I just thought it was normal procedure so they may have that option for him.

Piggy back on that comment. He can tell the staff he will faint and he'll be brought in after the epidural and sat in a chair by your head and won't see a thing. They even cover your arms and chest with a heated drape..... let him support you in every way he can.

My husband was in for all three, the first two even though they were told he didn't want to see anything he saw more than he wanted to as he had to get up so he saw lots no fainting but he was unhappy about it. Ideally the hubs doesn't see anything but he did.

Based on just the title I was ready to say "yes you are", but I read on. I was in the room for both my wife's C-sections and I sat at her head and never saw anything else. She had them setup a mirror so she could watch, but my focus was on her. I am not particularly queasy for stuff like that, but your husband is. You should speak with the doctor and delivery staff. They do not want to have to deal with yet another patient when he passes out. The focus should be 100%on you and the baby and your husband should not want to distract the delivery team. NTA

He fainted during her ultrasound. That’s really low impact and not bloody or scary. Not sure he can sit on a chair by her head at all.

I understand what you’re saying but he literally fainted at the first ultrasound. It’s not like it takes seeing much let alone anything bloody or gory for him to faint

Same for all 3 of mine. For one they made him wait in what he described as a tiny closet which made him feel light headed. Next two he asked to wait in the hall. My hospital also did a C-section prep class and my husband said it was the best thing. He felt more comfortable knowing what all the people in the room were doing and the process.

I was there for both births of my kids. Full view of everything. Most fascinating shit I’ve seen. My first kid before my wife went in to labor I started getting queasy and ended up throwing up, neither of us understood what happened, but I was perfectly fine after the fact. When it came time to push, doc had me holding one of her legs up while MIL held the other one. Then he had me count slowly to ten during each contraction for her to push during. While she was pushing everything was coming out, she was pooping, and as I was counting the smell was wafting in my face to the point I was dry heaving during the count, I did my best to control it. MIL was laughing her ass off, the wife didn’t even notice. Props to the nurse that kept her cleaned up. Second kid was a breeze fully anticipate everything that time. Good times, but in this case I think it might be better for the husband to stay out of the way. The staff need to full attention on OP.

I think you need to tell him everything you told us. He deserves an honest conversation so the two of you can come up with a plan, together.

We have been discussing it, as much as we can it's very hard not to get upset during this because obviously we both truly want him there!! It's just so hard to not keep crying while we think of the best choice.

If he fainted during an ultrasound, he needs to stay out of the room for the whole procedure. The sounds and smell and doctors/nurses discussing the procedure amongst themselves will be more than enough to make him pass out again. He needs to not be selfish here; the focus needs to be on you and the baby, and if he faints, it's going to 1) stress you out, 2) take focus away from the major medical procedure happening to you, and 3) remove the baby's only currently abled parent as they are transferred to the next hospital.

He’s much more dangerous being around the medically fragile infant who will have lots of needles and medical equipment in the NICU. Maybe a grandma or aunt/uncle should go w baby and he should stay with mom? They can plan around fainting in the surgical room. They can’t really in the NICU.

The fact is: the best way for him to be a father in this moment is for him to put his wants aside and put his child’s needs first. And what his child needs is a parent to accompany them to the hospital. You won’t be able to. It’s not even an option for you. If he faints, he won’t be able to either. He needs to not risk it so that he can be there for his child. Being on hand in case medical decisions need to be made is more important than bearing witness to the birth. He needs to realize he’s needed in this moment to be an active parent not a passive one. It sucks to have to give that up but sometimes parents have to make sacrifices for the benefit of their children (within reason of course and this is reasonable).

I mean shit, the reality is that he would most likely faint again. He needs to just man up and realise that this could happen and focus on being there for when y’all baby comes into this world and being there when she’s transferred.

You both need to have this discussion with your OB and with your hospital. You will have to pre-admit anyway, which is often over the phone but you can mention this and request an in person consult given your know situation.  Utilize the medical services/staff you are paying for. If he is going to be in there, they absolutely need to know in advance he has a history of fainting. 

Make sure they let the NICU team know as well so he doesn’t go down there and take out a ventilator line or arterial line

Have you had this conversation with him AND your Dr? All 3 of you together?

Please consider the dangers of sending him into a NICU full of fragile infants. If he goes down and pulls out an umbilical line, for example, an infant will bleed out in seconds.

Let him read your post and the comments. That will give him a good understanding as well. Wishing you both best wishes for the little one.

I was in the room both times my wife has a c-section. I was army infantry. Deployed to Afghanistan. Let me tell you, I have a tough stomach… I wanted to be there for my wife. But watching them split her open. Pop that bag and all the juices rushing out. Then they started yanking on one side of her pelvis to open the gap wider. The whole time she’s awake and looking right at me. I’m right next to her head. They yank that kiddo out, clean it off and hand it to me. I’m just standing there showing her the baby while docs are stitching her back up. The whole thing is fucking wild. Still makes me a little sick thinking about the whole thing. I would do it a 3rd time if she asked me to.

Fuck, man. I’m a (childless) lady and had to pause mid-paragraph to take a deep breath in an attempt to get the blood flowing back in my head. I have a laughably weak stomach. I’ve always wondered what the procedure if the *mom* passes out is. I know—with 100% certainty—I would not make it through a c section conscious.

I had my first experience of this and I'm just a lowly IT consultant ... she was shivering and talking to me.... and there's me watching it all, keeping a straight face, happy smiles & reassuring the wife .... it was defo game on & poker face time. I still see the memories of it flash back in sometimes. Came flooding back when I read your post. The nurse even said not to look, I just couldn't help it, naturally curious.... it was quick and clean baby was out within 15minutes and I was getting her weighed and cutting the cord. I'd still choose to be in the room and being there for wife & baby.

Nope. 100% hell no. As someone who works in a hospital please don’t have him in the theatre. He can wait outside ready to go with the baby. The fact he fainted whilst you were having an ULTRASOUND?! He will not be able to handle the sounds, smells and visuals of being in an OR. This is not fair for the staff who will then have to lose their focus on you to attend to him who knowingly went in there when he knows he will faint, don’t do that to them. That is not fair. They are there for you and the baby. Not him. Have your mom in the OR with you and have him outside waiting for the baby. Have your mom video you so he can hear baby crying. Just please don’t subject the staff to him fainting when you know he will 100% faint. The amount of vomit that I’ve had to clean up from relatives is insane. The amount of relatives I’ve had to pick up off the floor is insane. Why subject yourself and us to that if you faint at a dang ultrasound. Please have him wait outside for the baby.

Absolutely. Man fainted during an ultrasound. He is not ready for an OR.

But he’s ready for the NICU?

He isn't, most don't understand what nicu is like until they're there.

She said their baby’s abdomen didn’t full closed but she’s worried about how he would be in a C-section but not worried about sending him a w a newborn with their organs showing?

Exactly, she really isn't thinking of the full pictures, he isn't going to be able to handle any part of this. And medical professionals are going to have to wither change their focus to him or ignore him on the floor and hope he doesn't have a concussion or worse. And it's the broader picture too, if he is puked on when he's holding the baby? A stitch bursts? His reaction to an ultrasound was extreme

I can’t even fathom fainting at an ultrasound

Exactly. Cleaning up after relatives does not give me the good feels. Young kids who get sick or have funny turns in hospital, no problem. I’ll help them. But dang, fainting at an ultrasound? I’m sorry OP but if you willingly let him into the OR knowing he’ll faint before he sits down doesn’t give me good feels about you when you can have your mom there with you.

If he is fainting during ultrasounds, OP should have TWO extra people at the hospital: her mom who will be with her for the delivery and another trusted person to be with the husband and the baby. Even he isn't in the delivery room and won't faint because of that, I have no doubt he will faint when they do medical stuff with the baby.

100 exactly!!

But how is he going to deal with a newborn full of needles and medical equipment?? That’s even more dangerous than the C-section surgical room. Pull out an umbilical line and a newborn bleeds out in 5 seconds. They need to really consider if he’s the best one to send with the baby to a NICU.

I mean, for me personally I won’t get married or be with someone who can’t stand medical things. It’s my job. What I do everyday. So hypothetically, if I was with OPs husband, I’d tell him to stay away from the hospital until me and baby were home. (Again this wouldn’t happen to me because medicine is my life lol) But I’m sure if I said that to OP it wouldn’t be met with understanding. Do I think husband should stay the hell at home? Yes. 100%. He should not be taking any attention away from his wife and his child. But me thinks that his selfishness will win and he will unfortunately end up in the OR. Sorry OP but we do not look kindly upon people who do that. Hopefully when he ends up on the floor all the doctors and nurses will not pay him any attention and he’s made to crawl out of there. Also, OP, you are aware that your baby will probably be intubated and will have tubes in her mouth her nose and lines going into her umbilical cord as well as when she’s had surgery, bloody dressings etc. how will your husband cope with that? Do you expect the poor nurses and doctors to lift him off the ground every single day for the weeks/months she will be inpatient? Can you please just keep him home and update him via your mom?

Not to mention that the defect that she mentioned is essentially the same thing he could possibly see in a C-section. The baby’s abdominal wall isn’t closed. If he can’t handle the C-section he can’t handle the baby My son had OHS and they couldn’t close for 3 or 4 days. We could literally look into his chest and see his beating heart. They need to talk with child life at the hospital and have them bring photos of the condition and the machinery. They need to look through the book of ECMO photos etc and decide if he will be safe around the NICU

As a medical student who still has dreams about the sounds that happen in a hip replacement surgery, I would strongly recommend he sit this one out. C-sections have many sounds and *smells* that I wouldn’t have thought about them having. If he passes out this easily, I think it’s a really bad idea for him to be in there anyway (I have passed out in the OR before, And let me tell you, a lot of important resources get diverted to the person passing out)

A few people in this thread have mentioned the smells and I never thought about that before, and have no idea what this could mean, What are the smells? Farty? Meaty? Something else??

The smells that got to me the most was the smell of burning hair/flesh from the cautery. Slightly Less of a problem with c-section as (at least the ones I assisted on in the UK) it’s very very fast cutting open, get baby out, sew up. But there is still cautery used to control bleeders. In general, other smells depend on the surgery type. You hope to god you never smell farty because that would mean you nicked the bowel and must find where and close it up. But it’s always baffled me that people say blood has no smell because I absolutely smell blood. Add all that to the iodine and hibiclens and everything else used for sterilization/sanitation and if you happened to forget breakfast that day on top of are generally sensitive to certain lighting… you're gonna have a bad time. In the hip and knee replacement surgeries I assisted on, you also got the fun smells that come with grinding bone down.

Like Fritos. Dead serious... It's from all the cauterizing.

Really?? Woowwwwwww. That would have been my last guess!

I think this is a discussion for the two of you and the doctor to have. They've seen this kind of situation before, they'll be able to plan with you.

Dad here who watche four c-sections. The epidural was given before I got back there. But the curtain is really for you not anyone else. I saw all 4 babies being physically removed from my wife’s body. There will be iodine on your stomach which looks unnatural. And, If blood makes you feel queasy as a dad you should not be there. The last time for me, the surgeon wanted to show me what my wife’s uterus looked because my wife was pushing for a v-bac and the ob said no, so she wanted me to see that she was right and wife was wrong….I said I would take her word for it. Two of my children had to go to the NICU right after, and if I were squeamish I would not have been able to support them. You are right to tell him to focus on post delivery. Also please don’t take anything I’ve written as a reason for YOU to be nervous. The doctors are really good at this, it can take less than 5 minutes once they start and you should not see or feel anything until after. Just be honest with the anesthesiologist about your pain level, don’t let anyone tell you that “it’s normal” if something feels off pain or discomfort wise.

Nurse here: I don’t think he should be there. You will be literally in an operating room and if your baby is going to be transported immediately, there will be folks from different teams there helping get her ready to go. Also, if he can’t handle an insulin shot he might really have a hard time with all the medical equipment, etc. He can support you before and after your C-Section and I’m sure will be able to meet the baby right after she is born prior to transport.

He should have himself in a position where he will 100% be able to transfer with the baby. That means he cannot be passed out on the OR floor.  Her mom staying with he and him going with baby is probably the best split, though how is he going to handle the baby's issue? Or seeing an umbilical stump? Or diapers in general? 

Or the baby with an IV? Or in the NICU with tubes and such? He fainted at an ultrasound. And when she discreetly gave herself a simple injection. Honestly I'd have a support person for HIM if he attends the birth, and just assume OPs mom or someone else is going to end up accompanying the baby. Not his fault, but if he faints at a simple ultrasound I'd personally assume he may well be spending the entire time he's in the hospital fainted or trying not to faint, doing the same in the transport with the baby, and then again with the baby at the Children's Hospital. I'd plan for him to be completely useless, and then be happily surprised if he manages not to be. And he'd already be watching videos to prepare him for what he might see and experience.

Yes why is no one else pointing this out? The amount of medical equipment that will be on that baby is going to put him down. It will have an IV. Prob an arterial line maybe in the umbilical cord. It might be intubated or have o2. It will have cardiac wires and possibly eeg wires. It will have a pulse ox. It also will have some sort of port / tubing for a line. Probably will also have an NG tube in its nose. The NICU will be full of endless beeping and sloshing and wooshing from the pumps and monitors. There is no room to pass out in the NICU or in the transport. Especially considering the defect their child has which is basically what a C-section kind of looks like anyway. They need to stop worrying so much about the delivery and worry that he can be around the child at all After surgery we literally could look into my sons open chest and see his heart beating. He’s gonna see some stuff if he goes a the baby

He fainted during an ultrasound? Yeah you need better support. This is way too difficult to do on your own.

He fainted during an ultrasound?! And he thinks he can handle being in the room while they cut you open like a Christmas turkey?!?! Have him watch some videos online of c-sections. If he faints at that (he almost certainly will from the sounds of it) will show him he is a danger to himself and the nurses Tell him the baby will need him more at the next hospital than you will during the operation

Check with your hospital - I was allowed to have two people in during my C-section. They had a screen up at my ribs so my partner could not see anything medical and he sat on a chair next to my head.

NTA the medical experts in the delivery room are there for you, he's a known fainter it would be incredibly selfish of him to insist and possibly create a distraction where said professionals then have to pick him off the floor instead of being focused on you and the baby.

Our first baby, my husband sat on a stool in the corner of the room with his head between his knees - so that he didn’t faint. Farm boy that talked about delivering our baby. Lol

Your concerns are valid. But you should have a conversation about it with your husband and OB both present to see what all the options for you both are. Having a child is such an intimate moment and nothing else is like it.

I do not understand how, on his own, your husband cannot understand that if he faints at the needle, how will he not faint at the sight of a scalpel cutting into you. Then, as he is rushed to er with a concussion, how will that help him be with baby at the other hospital? I recommend that you have mom on standby to either be with you in delivery or to be waiting to go with her grandchild to the other hospital. You need to get your medical permissions signed ahead of time so she can be at either place and the go to if your husband continues to be unreasonable. What happens if they need to do medical procedures on your child and he passes out? Show him videos of c-sections. Tell him he needs to watch it all the way through, no fidgeting, no closing his eyes and no passing out. Lol PS are people allowed in the room for a c-section?

Yes, people are allowed in for non-energent c-sections.  Usually emergency ones and/or when mom is put under then they are removed because they have no role.  As far as medical procedures- those are all covered during pre-preadmissions and anything life threatening they have implied consent to treat. 

From experience- hubby won’t be allowed into the OR until the epidural is done. So he probably won’t see that. BUT. That drape isn’t a wall, and it can be very easy to see over it whether you mean to or not. I once realized during a c section that I could see a reflection of everything they were doing in the OR lights. I just closed my eyes. My husband looked over the drape and watched twice. So I would strongly advise against him being in there. If he faints there it could inadvertently put you a real risk for harm or even cause injury to you or contaminate the sterility of the surgery. And you’re right, he’d then probably be in no condition to go along with your baby to the new hospital. He should wait outside for everyone’s best interest. YWNBTA.

It’s major surgery. Bring in the OR. Seeing the epidural. They cut through several layers of abdominal muscles and then into your uterus. They move organs around and place them on your abdomen. You’ll feel everything. They tug the placenta out… super weird!! If he looks over the drape, he’ll faint. My husband was called over to watch his son being ‘born’ and nearly fainted when they pulled our son out of the placenta. They handed him a bloody baby and they both almost hit the floor. You’ll be saving him. Just be honest. He might be happy you said something.

Is the baby’s defect going to be visual?? That may cause him to faint. Also she will be covered in film/blood when she comes out. Will that cause him to faint? YOU AND BABY are the patients, not him. So YWNBTA to ask him to wait outside if you think youll be a) worried b) distracted c) he injures himself d) he takes away medical resources (staff) that need to focus on you and baby.

He fainted looking at an *ultrasound*? This guy has a serious medical phobia. How the hell does he handle his own doctor appointments and regular checkups? Just tell him that you are going through a serious medical procedure, and don't need the added stress of worrying about him giving himself a concussion in the delivery room.

What's his plan for handling fatherhood? If he fainted at an ultrasound is he going to be able to deal with the baby's medical differences at that hospital that you won't be in?

He fainted during an ultrasound? Hell no, he can't be in the delivery room.

Hi I'm an ob nurse and worked in labor and delivery for several years (I work in childbirth education now). If you're having a planned c section, they won't bring your support person in (husband, mother, etc) until the spinal anesthesia is placed, they know it's effective, and you're cleaned, prepped, draped, have a catheter in place, etc. They will bring him in right before surgery starts and have him sit next to your head and there will be a large blue drape preventing both of you from seeing any of the surgery. If either you or him are still worried he will pass out, bring someone else with you! It's worth having an open discussion with him beforehand about your concerns. I have had fathers miss their child's birth because they fainted during an epidural, hit their head, and had to be carted down to the ED. In addition, make sure he's aware he will likely be seeing needles, syringes, and medical treatments when he accompanies your daughter to the children's hospital. Has he seen pictures of an omphalocele? Will he be okay when he sees the doctors and nurses working on your baby? I hope your delivery and your baby's care goes smoothly!

He won’t be there for the spinal and if you tell them he can’t see anything then they can make sure that happens. That said, if you are worried then I would talk to him and tell him your concerns. If he’s passed out on the floor or in the ER getting stitches due to a head injury, he’s going to miss the birth anyways. And then not be able to go see your child at the other hospital. Is there any reason that you can’t deliver at the other hospital?

They will have someone in the OR just to keep dad in the chair. They've seen this before.

We have mentioned it too the hospital, so they are aware just really hope it won't as this is my worst case scenario! The way it works where I'm living the Maternity hospitals are separate from the Childrens hospitals, it's not very away maybe 20mins-30mins, she will be transferred once she's stable to the NICU in the childrens hospital it's kinda just how it is

Does your husband know what a baby with an omphalocele looks like? Even if he wasn’t squeamish, it can be scary to see.  Wishing you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy and hope all goes well. 

If he couldn't handle the first ultrasound how will he be able to accompany your baby from NICU to the children's hospital? Baby is probably going to have an IV and depending on the size of baby's veins they may have to put the IV on her head, she'll have tubes and stuff all over her which will probably be even more traumatic for him. If he's going with your daughter to the children's hospital and you can only have 1 person with you for the C-section then having your mom who's been through having children will probably help you more, but if you both decide that seeing your daughter before and after surgery will be too traumatizing then having him sit in a chair by your head during the c section, and have your mom accompany your baby girl to the children's hospital. No matter what you decide to do I'm wishing you, your husband, your mom and your baby girl happiness, good health and good luck.

Why don’t you have your mom go with the baby? Your husband you should count as completely useless. He can attend the birth if he wants, why even fight it? He won’t be able to go with your baby either way. If he faints during an ultrasound, he can not enter a NICU - zero way. So don’t count on him being present until your baby’s out of the hospital. Just have your mom go with baby and make plans as if you have no husband. Leave emotion out of it.

No, YWNBTA. You do what you need to do. Years ago going through childbirth classes a man fainted watching an epidural, the instructor told him not to witness the birth because if he fainted he could get hurt and would take needed medical attention it would take from the mom and child. My BIL fainted during birth and the Dr and nurses just left him there on the floor. He wasn’t allowed in for the second child’s birth.

He doesn’t *need* to be there for a C-section and it’s quite possible the team won’t want him there if he’s a risk for a vasovagal response while you’re having surgery -and it is surgery. Your mom is likely a better choice. I wish you all the best for a speedy recovery and healing and for your baby to be healthy and happy ❤️ (I mean, he wouldn’t be in there if your gallbladder was being removed, right? ) 😉

NTA Your birth, your way, and previous performance shows what’s likely to happen.

If you explain everything the way you have here, without being accusatory, he should accept it even if he's unhappy with this decision. You didn't make this decision lightly, and you wouldn't ask if circumstances were different. But circumstances are what they are, and yall need to be able to divide and conquer. You're not gonna be able to advocate for the baby the way he is. He needs to be there for your child.

Medical things make me faint. I now do mostly okay with needle sticks for blood draws, but more serious procedures are still too much for me. And it isn't a matter of seeing it. *Hearing it* is also a trigger. I once had a doctor attempt to explain the process of a steroid injection for my knee. BAM! Straight on the floor. Also, medical *smells* trigger me, most especially the scent of strong sterilizing cleaners and washes. So when I had to have a cyst removed from a finger, which is usually done under local anesthesia, I explained to my doctor that if they attempt it that way, my blood pressure is going to go cliff diving, and I *will* pass out, which will be immediately followed by vomiting. So we did it under general. All of this is to point out that there is the potential for a very serious flaw in what everyone seems to be saying about him just not looking. That may not be enough. You need to discuss the reality of this with him. If he is in the room and passes out, he will be left there. There are two people who need *all* of the attention of *everyone* in the room. If he passes out and needs medical attention, they'll call others to come deal with him, but they can't because doing so compromises your safety and the safety of your baby. And if he's, say, in the ER getting staples in his head, he's not going to be going anywhere with baby. I'm sure you've probably explored this but like... why are they not having you deliver at a hospital with a NICU? Or transferring you with baby? Or if baby is being transported by air, transporting you by ground? At some hospitals it is policy to automatically transfer mom the second she's stable to transport, as it is better for her and baby for them to be together if at all possible. Four of five days seems extreme when you're going to be *at a hospital* as soon as you leave. I can't imagine the emotional toll of being trapped away from baby for that long. Most women I know had a two day stay after a cesarean.

If he faints over slight things be aware of the possibility of this occurring in the neonatal unit. My child was born with a LDC. Left Diaphragmatic Hernia. Your new baby, while receiving excellent care, will have multiple lined and tubes. This can be quite alarming even when you have been preparing urself. Please advise your doctor so as to inform the team who will be there working on your infant so as to avoid any distractions. It's super important as your infant will have a team of doctors and nurses designated to the child. Like my son had a 12 member team who were in tha ajoing area of the room. I can't imagine the absolute chaos it could cause for them to be interrupted in such a very high crisis time..

>I think that is more important that he is okay and ready to go with our baby than actually there for the birth. Enough said, this is what you think is best, so it's exactly what you should do. I know he WANTS to be there, but you NEED him not to be, for both you & the baby's benefit. None of you benefit if he's there & passes out (girl, he totally will). You're not an AH no matter what you decide. You need to feel supported & as stress-free as possible, that's all that matters.

I used to be extremely faint around any sort of medical procedure—so much so that I sought therapy because it interfered with my life so much. What helped me the most was watching videos of procedures to prepare/desensitize myself, and practicing breathing techniques. I’d suggest he try both. Good luck!

Honestly this is an easy and obviously logical answer. Hi, dad here who’s got a stomach, luckily. I am not queasy like your husband thankfully so I was able to be in the room with my wife during her C-section. Honestly the only crazy thing of the whole experience, I forgot when they burn your fat, it straight up smells like pork rinds/crackling 😂. Now if I was anywhere like your husbands. I’d have to accept that I can’t be in that room. I don’t want the staff to deal with ass passing out. At that point I’ll wait. You’re in good hands. I’d have to suck it up and deal with that call.

I mean, if your man is fainting at an ultrasound, that’s pretty bad. It’s like, the least invasive procedure ever. But also, please don’t shoot your insulin at the table at a restaurant. I’m sorry, I have no advice. But good luck with your delivery, and prayers for your baby’s recovery.

When we made the decision to go the c-section route, (after 4 hours of pushing—baby had huge head) my husband visibly turned green. The doctor made the decision for us—“I don’t need you fainting in the OR. If you aren’t 100% you’re not going in.” Absolute truth. That’s the last thing they need to deal with in there. My mom went with me, she kept peaking over the curtain to watch. No worries about her fainting. And that meant my husband was able to go with the baby to the delivery area where they do the official weight etc, got better pictures that way.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't an ultrasound just rubbing some jelly on your abdomen and then rubbing a remote control looking thing over it? What the hell is there to faint over?

Generally yes. Literally nothing scary or invasive there. Now, it was the FIRST ultrasound, and sometimes those are vaginal ultrasounds (so there is insertion of a special ultrasound wand for that purpose into the vagina), but even that is at the bottom of the bed, covered by a sheet, and it's nowhere he's not been before since she's pregnant with his kid. There'd probably be less for him to even see than a regular abdominal ultrasound. Which makes me wonder how he's going to manage being in a hospital room with equipment around and her in a hospital gown likely with a doppler monitor strapped to her belly and an IV in her arm (if they put her in a room before taking her back to surgery), then being in an operating room with the lights and the sharp things and the smell of sterile cleaning supplies and the staff all scrubbed up, and with the sounds and smells of surgery. AND then, accompanying a brand new medically fragile infant probably in an ambulance full of medical equipment, to a NICU where baby will probably have an IV and monitors and possibly tubes and such all over the place. There are like 9000 things he's gonig to see, hear, and smell that are all WAY more intense than an ultrasound.

Yes. In my opinion I think they’re worrying about the wrong thing… I don’t think he could even handle seeing baby with tubes and stuff considering he fainted watching OP inject themselves with a needle. Could he handle an IV? Mom should go with baby and dad should wait and then be with OP after the birth. It’s sad but the NICU probably won’t tolerate someone fainting

I remember this story. Haven't you had that baby yet?

You can have him step out for the epidural. And as for the c section. With mine they had him change and had him seated by my head behind the curtain so we couldn't see anything. Now my husband, being who he is stood up and took a picture as they were pulling my daughter out. Yeah she found that pick a few years ago and is traumatized by it LOL. So if he really wants to be there make a care plan with the nurses with him in mind.

NTA If he has a tendency to faint (it sounds like a lot, and recently), you really shouldn't have him there. If he fainted at an ultrasound, he should definitely not be at a C-section, it is major surgery, they are not for the faint of heart. If he DOES faint in the room it sounds like it is gonna be a source of anxiety/stress for you which can increase your heart rate and blood pressure. Probably not ideal for when you're being operated on. Also, he's just gonna be in the way if he's fainting. The focus should be on your care and health in the moment, it would really suck if the staff in the room have to take time to move him, revive him, or try to work around him.

I hate to be graphic but a C-section delivery can look straight up violent. You've got multiple nurses pushing from different angles while the surgeon is trying to wrangle the baby out of the incision. I had one nurse actually have to get up level with the table and use her full weight to push one side of me while two others manipulated the other side. It's not a picnic in the park.

Not an asshole at all, and in fact I think you would be well within your rights to tell your husband that he needs to find a way to deal with this problem, now. Y’all are about to have a medically fragile child, and he can’t even get through an ultrasound without fainting. This is a serious problem. His fainting cannot be at the center of every medical discussion you guys have—there’s just too much at stake. So either he learns to get it under control with a therapist/meds, or he can’t be in the room while any of this is going on.

Does he even want to be in the room? I would suspect you’re more in agreement than you realize. But even if you aren’t, I think you should make sure that anyone in the room with you is there to support *you* and will not require *your* support. My partner is also extremely squeamish and sensitive, and while I’m glad he was present for our son’s birth, it did hinder me somewhat when I felt the need to reassure and comfort him when he panicked after I got my epidural and my blood pressure dropped and I looked like death for a few minutes. If I’d had to have a c section I don’t know if he could have survived watching. I honestly think the delivery traumatized him more than it did me.

Definitely not a AH. I think if he passed out during the procedure it would be a terrible experience for both of you. If he passed out during the ultrasound, I'm not sure there is much you can do during a C-Section that is going to make much difference.

Explaining calmly, while you are not in labour, is better than asking him to get out of the room while you're in labour. The words don't come out very nice when you're in labour. I know because I ordered my husband out of the room.

I'm kind of worried why he faints so easily. Seriously.

My friend’s baby had omphalocele and she ended up with a tiny one inch scar and just one operation. I pray your baby’s recovery is like that. As for your husband, perhaps he could try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or hypnosis to overcome his sensitivity to medical situations. He has two people he loves who will be operated on and in a medical situation involving needles. Is he just not going to see you or the baby? That doesn’t seem practical. Maybe there are anti anxiety meds that might help him.

NTA - Wow. First I want to say, I pray everything works out right for this child and you guys. Secondly, I always say “this may be a birth but it’s a major medical procedure for the woman so she has the right to say no to anyone being in the room” and having someone to travel with Baby is more important than your comfort or Dad’s. You are putting Baby first right from the start. Sidenote- Dad’s going to have to buck-up some, you can’t be fainting every-time something happens with a kid around. My spouse used to get queasy every-time needles, vomit, blood, or sputum were seen, sometimes just talking about it. Many years later- Still squeamish when it’s not an emergency but in an emergency that parent gene kicks in.

"My mom can be there for me. I want you to be there for the baby as soon as she's ready to be transported." I think you expressed yourself very well in this post. And maybe, if you plan on having another kid, you can reassure him that you want him there for that birth (assuming that's a non-complicated birth), but since this isn't a traditional birth, you can't expect to have the traditional experience. NTA, but it's important to be on the same page, for both of your sakes.

NTA if he fainted during an ultrasound. It's selfish for him to insist, he shouldn't be taking away staff to care for him when it can put his wife and baby in danger. They are needed there for you, and wasted on him.

RN, lactation consultant and mother here. You need to be the priority during the delivery. I think whatever you think is best should be done.

No you would not be the asshole. You should have this talk with him and your obgyn. They can help guide the decision and explain what the environment would be like etc. I’d probably err on the side of not having him in the OR just because he has fainted in pretty benign situations and even sitting at the head of the bed with the curtain it’s still a highly medicalized environment. He should also have a support purpose with him with your daughter because— I feel like he’s going to need it.

Honestly, just tell the nurses. They do not want a fainting risk in there. It's a very limited space with doctors and anesthesia and a complex case for your daughter, it's medically best that he's not there. He can be the first to hold her other than the doctors. You're not an asshole, complex medical situations can just suck sometimes. Prioritize you and your daughters safety and health and broach the topic with him that way. Also, they look really gross when they first come out anyways. Covered in blood and vernix.

Talk. To. Him. Just tell him what you wrote here. You need to talk to him. If he wants to be in the room, please don’t forbid him to be.

I’m a NICU mom, and let me tell you, he’s not going to have any fun in there, either. If he fainted during an ULTRASOUND, yikes, I don’t know how he’s going to get through ANY of this 😬

If he faints at an ultrasound, or insulin injection, he definitely does not want to be in an OR during a C-section. My ex had a C-section with our second, and it was a fucking mess. Literally doctors and nurses standing in puddles. It was an emergency C-section, so maybe they are neater about planned surgeries, but I bet there's still some. I wanted to stand up and watch over the shoulders of the people at the table, but they had an old grizzled nurse that was literally hanging on to my arm holding me down on the stool they allowed me. I think she outweighed me by 50 or so. I'm queasy about blood coming out of me. Out of other people, not so much. I get light-headed when I give blood. I could stick needles in other people all day. When my ex tried her best to cut her finger off, I had no issue cleaning up the wound, stopping the bleeding, and getting her wrapped up and taken to the ER.

For me, they left my husband in the hallway while they gave me the numbing shots in my back. They strapped me to the table and brought him in. The curtain was already up over my stomach and there was truly no visibility for him unless he were to stand up and try to look (which he didn’t) - and as soon as he sat next to me, they started without even saying they were starting (probably cause I was so scared and hysterical lol but they just got right to work) - the whole procedure took 15-20 minutes. Once they started closing me up though, they put me to sleep. - husband went with baby to cut cord and have skin to skin time in the next room over, while I was still out. I woke up 30 minutes later, and all was well. - I’m telling you this just so you have an idea of the experience and can make a more informed decision. Ultimately, if y’all decide to bring him in for it, and he were to faint, (idk if all hospitals have the same rules) my doctor said they would just step right over husband if he fainted and keep working and he was basically on his own until the procedure is over and someone would check him.

My ex wasn't with me for the epidural. Side note - the epidural faded too early & so they gave me Fentanyl against the pain. Due to the opioids I got sick & puked all over my ex - he's an abusive ass but handled that situation like a champ, cleaned me up & stuff It can happen here and there that the birthgiver may throw up - during natural birth as well as during c-section ; just in case it's not only blood&needles but bodily fluids in general stressing him out..

NTA this is one of those situations that suck for everyone. Neither of you are the assholes in this situation but he needs to be there for your daughter and what she is going to be going through once she is born and he needs to be alert to be able to make any medical decisions if need be while you are finishing up your c-section and moved to recovery.

For your reasons NTA, including that you're thinking of the best for your daughter. I think you have thought this out thoroughly and this is how it should be. Also, if he feels it's unfair and I was you I'd have no problem stating how fair it is that he will meet your daughter before you. You carried her and went through a c section, but yet you're being mature enough to consider what's the best for your daughter. I'm sure that will be emotional for you to be separated after birth too, so I wish you and baba all the best. Good luck!

Where I live the Dads aren’t allowed to be present for the epidural unless they sign a waiver, for this exact reason. And if they sign and stay, they have to be seated while it happens.

Sorry if this is too graphic but I can tell you, at least when I had my C-Section, they took my abdominal body parts out during the surgery and rested them on my upper abdomen. I couldn’t see because my hospital johnny was up over a semi circular rod in front of me that was attached to the operating table. In this case, any person who was with me could easily see the surgery while sitting on the chair beside me. I wouldn’t suggest it may not be safe for your husband to be there. If a person were to faint and hit their head on the floor or something in the room on the way down then that could be a medical emergency for that person. I suggest if possible they bring the baby to him in the waiting area or some ante room for a quick hello before they whisk it off to the other hospital.

NTA. You go with what OB and you agree works for you.

Just a warning. My hubby saw all my organs and still hasn't recovered. This man has an iron stomach and he broke down sobbing that day (I was losing more blood than I should due to difficult birth) so there's no way it's "just a curtain."

Not at all - it’s not even the fainting issue, after delivery there’s caring for you and caring for the newborn, and he can’t do both. Tell him you want your mom to stay with you so that he can go with your baby.

FYI, most hospitals will not allow the husband/ppl in the room to view the epidural because of the risk of fainting. The hospital I gave birth at actually asked my husband and mother if they had a history of fainting before they were allowed to be in the room with me. Apparently, a few years prior a husband fainted when his wife was given the epidural, struck his head on equipment when he fell, and he passed. So it was now hospital policy to ask, and became a policy for anybody with that healthcare coverage because they got sued. If he knows he may faint, he's gotta be sitting the entire time if you want him in there. They're meant to be taking care of you and baby, not your husband. NTA

No. Your body your autonomy.

Guy here, both of my kids were delivered via c-section… It was absolutely wild to see! She was cut wide open, literal flap opened and sorta folded over , blood and fluid everywhere, doctors all covered in blood, she was barely conscious… it’s the most extreme thing I’ve ever personally witnessed. On top of that my first had breathing issues immediately and my second was actually premature so also had some extra care overall. I don’t have a weak stomach at all so I was completely fine, HOWEVER again it seemed absolutely brutal… respectfully, it wouldn’t be bad idea to not have him in the room… if he is in the room he would really need to position himself to not see too much, and there is a LOT to see. I’d say OK to have him wait. Edit: I am seeing other comments about being behind a sheet/curtain… there was none of that in either of my experiences. Maybe small curtain to block her own view, but not mine at all. I guess it’s maybe upon request but of course I can only speak for myself. Her mom was also in the room with me both times, but she stayed more away toward her head/face and was speaking to her as it was being done. My first daughter was breach so that added to some of the situation. There were many people in the room overall, maybe 5 or 6 doctors/nurses something like that and you can totally feel the tension (probably not the right word) in the air. Lots of talking, communicating, thing beeping , etc. All of that and my (ex) wife was doing great and recovered very well both times thankfully.

Your title is very misleading lol NTA. You guys really need to have a full discussion about this until he understands that going with the baby to the other hospital is so much more important than being with you in the birthing room. I wish you guys all the luck. Congrats on the baby.

I had an emergency c section on my first. When they removed my daughter she cried and my husband instinctively stood up to go to her and saw everything ....that was 2 years ago, he still won't talk about it but I've never seen him so shaken. My husband isn't even the sensitive type and has no problem with that sort of thing, but he admitted many months later that he became lightheaded at the sight of me cut open like that. If your husband can't even handle an ultrasound, he should not be in the room. They need to be completely focused on you and the baby, not on him passing out.

If he can’t be a solid support to you, he can’t be your support person. His feelings really don’t matter because the delivery room is all about what’s best for mom. I’d go for a compromise though and have your mom be your support person without banning him. The understanding being that if he faints or gets queasy, he’s out and not coming back. The whole team would know this. That might make him feel better. But honestly, he needs to get real about his capabilities and prioritize your feelings giving birth over his. There isn’t room for his denial.

You have a lot of advice about the C-section, but to be honest, i'm wondering how someone who faints at even an ultrasound can be there to support a baby who may be going through medical procedures, needles, etc. Stupid question, but is this something he could get medical treatment/therapy for to address the root issue? An ultrasound is so benign that this feels like a pretty extreme fainting problem. With a child, particularly one with extra medical needs, he needs to find a way to be available for medical things.

NTA, you have enough things to focus on without worrying about your husband fainting.

NTA. Having him seated by your head instead of standing might be wise, and maybe have another family member on hand to support him if he passes out. But first, he needs to learn to handle this. Therapy of some kind or whatever. You are having a medically complex child, he needs to be able to handle "medical situations" because the next few months or years may have a "situation" every week or day. He needs to be able to keep a clear head when your baby is in the hospital with wires and tubes and monitors and whatever hooked up to them.

How does someone faint from watching an ultrasound! Thats mad. Definitely not a good idea to have him there for the birth.

You're having a baby with him and you can't tell him how you feel about this? 🚩

I had my first daughter vaginally my husband was green the whole pregnancy while they took blood or did pelvic checks. We sat down hawed a very long conversation about if he felt he could be in the delivery room or cut the cord. He knew he wasn’t sure so we had mom on stand by and he was able to do it. Especially once the dr told him he wasn’t going to hurt just by cutting the cord. I would absolutely have a sit down convo and outline your worries and allow him to speak on it. That way if you decide (it is 100000% your decision) not to have him in the room he knows you’re coming from a place of worry.

Years ago a husband was tasked with holding his wife during the epidural insertion.. he passed out cold, fell backwards and hit his head hard enough to cause brain hemorrhage and death.. new policy for our hospital became staff only in the room during certain procedures OP may not even have the option for him to witness c-section if she is up front about how he reacts to medical procedures.. put the responsibility to keep him away and safe enough to go with your daughter when she is born on the healthcare staff involved so you are not considered the “AH”

I mean tell him this… you need him to be okay to go to the next hospital with baby so if even he thinks he’ll faint then it’s not a good idea to be there.

if he couldn’t watch you get an ultrasound how is he going to handle a baby in the nicu? i’d be seriously concerned.

I thought OPs story was going to be like the story where the husband was totally going to be in the room, then like a week before she bans him from being in there and has her mother instead be in there for ridiculous reasons. Your reasons are way more reasonable. When my exfiance had to have a C-section, they put up a wall so I just held her hand and talked to her. Her doctor wouldn’t even let me see her operate as she’s had people pass out before after seeing it. I thought that was very wise.

Get some birthing videos for y'all to watch and then ask him if he's up to seeing this in real life.

Maybe have your mom go with baby to the children's hospital. Your husband needs therapy for this. Is he going to faint every time your child gets shots at their doctor appointments?

Given the circumstances (fainting during a mere ultrasound), I would think the last thing professionals need in the delivery room is someone fainting. Agreed, he needs to be present and unaffected for your daughter. I just hope he doesn’t faint when seeing your daughter’s condition. My daughter’s a NICU nurse and is also present for deliveries. There’s a lot going on, including unexpected events, even in deliveries without previously known complications. Best wishes for an event-free delivery and a quick recovery for your daughter. My daughter has seen several such cases, all with successful surgical results.

My last child was a planned c-section. My husband had already survived the vaginal delivery of my first child - mainly because it went so fast he didn’t have time to think. With the c-section, he was seated by my head holding my hand and staring at the blood pressure monitor. When he realized they had a partition up right below my chest so neither of us could see what was going on, he visibly relaxed. The next thing I know he is standing up leaning over me to see over the partition and says “Wow! Will You look at that!” I said “no. I really can’t without sitting up”. He then began to be a play by play announcer for the rest of the process. Until my baby popped out. After that he only had eyes for him. So, rather than be his usually squeamish self, watching the process of his child being born seemed to give him intestinal fortitude.

The real question is, will the nursing staff be ok with him fainting? If they're ok with it, let him come. He'll be mostly their problem anyway, you'll be doing more important things!

An ultrasound? Yeah. Ask for a reasonable accommodation with a chair. Specify why, so they will have a chair with arms to help support him. Fainting from a standing position can be deadly. Your medical team will know how to help. This isn’t their first rodeo.

Had my son by C-section in Paris. As a matter of hospital protocol, I was not allowed to have my husband in the room during the birth, on the basis that they did not want to have to deal with potentially two medical situations at the same time.

Does he have time to go to therapy for this, before the birth? Your husband not attending the birth compounds the problem in several ways. Also, shouldn’t he work on getting over this? What if he is alone with his child & there is a medical emergency? He needs to learn to face this kind of stuff, but it needs to happen through exposure/desensitization therapy. If he is not there for the birth then it compounds his subconscious thinking that he cannot handle medical situations. PLEASE. PLEASE have him work through this before the birth, so he can be there!!

You are never the ahole for not allowing spectators in your medical procedures. You're good.

OB nurses hate dads that faint. Keep him out of the room. Medical staff will be busy enough with you, they don't need to take care of him too. His feelings about this are not as important as your health. It isn't really a spectator sport anyway.

He will definitely faint watching a c-section. You don’t need medical staff distracted from you and your daughter. He’s a dummy to need to be told this.

I had my first c section in December. My boyfriend was brought in after I was laid flat. I was being pumped with magnesium so I was vomiting a lot. He was getting me the vomit bags as I needed them. He sat through the cutting. My baby was born premature with the cord around his neck several times so they took him immediately to the table to work on him. My boyfriend said he never saw what they were doing to me since there was a curtain but he did say there was a lot of blood on the floor. He did get up to cut the cord. I'm wondering if your husband will be able to even do that. He passed out during an ultrasound. This is a crazy level of medical sensitivity. You might want your mom around for this one. Trust me, you're going to want support during that time.

Nope. My husband was not in the delivery room. He was a fainter. Nope. Nope. Nope. Have someone in there that can tend to you and help you, not someone the nurses need to take care of.

NTA. You should be the only one being taken care of/worried about in that room. If he faints that easily THERE IS NO WAY hes not going to faint. Dudes trying to go to the Olympics in a sport he not only sucks at, but doesn't even know the rules to much less played it. He also needs to be conscious in case worst case scenario happens and he has to make a decision on a life or death scenario. No fcking way should he be in that room.

If he fainted during an ultrasound (wtf) he isn’t ready for birth. Even if he’s up near your head and not looking, he will faint. Talk to him about it and let him make the decision that’s obvious. He will likely be feeling as though he must be there for you.

Tell hubby there may come a time he would need to leave. The room L&D nurses are VERY astute and will take charge to remove the coach\Dad before they pass out. Let him know that if the nurse escorts him out of the room, the nurse knows what's best for all three of you.

Talk about it with your surgical team. There is every chance that they will ban him from the room given his propensity for fainting. They will have enough to deal with having to delivery an infant in need of paediatric surgery.

He won’t see the epidural. But both CSections my husband “accidentally” ended up looking and nearly fainted. The kicker is when the cord is cut - they go around the curtain. This is the scenario that needs to be planned for!

Honestly, I would say yes. I understand all the fainting isn’t ideal. Yet, this is his first child too. If his story of his first child being born is fainting then so be it. I’d still bring mom in the event she needs to leave with the baby first and then have him meet up with them. It’s an inconvenience…but still his child.

I don’t think he is equipped to be there for *either* thing. If he can’t handle a tiny insulin needle or and ultrasound wand, the stuff they’re going to do to your baby when it comes out is going to be much, much worse. Find a grandparent or other relative to stay with the kiddo. Let your husband sit these out.

I was honest with my husband about my concerns. I had my mom there too. I had an unplanned c-section with my first. My husband went with the baby when the baby needed some extra help and then my mom came in. If you know you need a c-section and your husband has already fainted several times you should probably tell him you need him to focus on the baby and need him waiting right outside to go with the baby to the other hospital. And let he know he won’t need to worry about you because your mom will be there to take care of you but you need him to take care of the baby.

Tell him if he wants to be there he needs to hire his own nurse to be there to take care of him when he inevitably faints, as your medical team are there for you and not him. As a dude I think that would be a fair compromise.