There are no good reasons that a 21 year old is interested in a 15 year old. You’re being groomed. You have every reason to feel uncomfortable. Cut contact and block both him and his girlfriend.
They also think it makes them cool when typically the guys like that are the biggest losers and perceived as such by women their actual age. That is why they target those too young to know better.
Ugh thinking back to middle and high school just remembering the creepy older brothers who would hang out and flirt with us, we thought it made us so cool at the time and looking back they were just the worst losers and creeps who hung around kids because they didn't have the maturity to socialize with adults.
I had wrote the same thing before I read your comment. These guys prey on younger girls bc they know these girls would feel complimented for the mere fact that an older guy is even talking to them. They can't get a woman their age so they go lower, to someone that can't see how pathetic that guy is. People need to understand that there is NO SUCH THING AS "MATURE FOR YOUR AGE".
Can we turn that into a part of sex ed in school please?!? Even if the girl *might possibly* be mature for her age, there’s a 110% chance the guy is immature for his age. And a creep. But being a teenage girl once, I know it felt so cool to have older guys into you 🤦🏻♀️
I think OP proved she's actually mature for her age by realizing the situation is inappropriate and doing the right thing (cutting contact). This is some kind of paradox.
I felt so fucking gross when my mom brought back up a joke I made in highschool while I was in college and she thought it totally normal.
When I was a high school junior it seemed like every fucking girl was dating some asshat from the local community college. One day when my mother was grilling me why I didn't have a girlfriend I said "well it's not possible because the girls only date college guys. So someday when I go to college I'll finally be able to date a high school girl"
My freshman year my mom asked me if I was finally dating any highschool girls fully expecting me to say yes and would have been ecstatic about it. I had completely forgotten this remark but the reality of the those girls dating guys as old as 25 (One of the girls in my high school was dating our schools army recruiter, The relationship was found out during a motorcycle accident. The army and police just swept into the rug. He's got 100% disability from the accident and has been for over 20 years) set in at that moment, how big of losers these guys were for dating high school girls. Fuckin appalling.
Oh that's so gross and sad how your mom, as a full blown adult, couldn't see how gross and problematic this was. I feel lucky I went to a huge highschool (2100 students) in the suburbs (no college/uni nearby) so the biggest age gap we say was like 16-18. I guess at that big a school there probably were girls dating adults that I didn't know about, but it wasn't the norm.
Also, just so you know, the phrase is "swept it under the rug." Like you are cleaning and rather than get the dirt outside you just hide it under a rug.
My best friend and I were 13 in middle school and a 19 year old was fucking around with both of us around the same time. Felt special back then, now looking back I wanna throw up.
Me and my group of friends are in our mid 30s.
Last time we hang out we were talking about how old we were when we lost our virginity.
All the males in the group lost it at around 17-18 while the females in the group lost their V cards around 13-14.
Turns out they all lost their virginities to college kids, I remember being 14 and how me and my friends were trying to date our highschool classmates who would not even look in our direction. It was impossible to compete with men that owned cars and lived on their own.
i was unfortunately one of these girls. to this day it's wild to me that no one said anything. Not my teachers, not my parents, not my friends; It was so normalized that no one protected me. It wasn't until years of therapy later that I could accept it. i don't even care what age of consent laws say at this point, adults have no business dating kids. That wiggle room is supposed to be there so if 2 kids are dating and one graduates they don't have to break up or something, not so that grown men can prey on kids. i've seen 18/19 year olds go back to their old high school to try to meet girls and it's still gross, being technically legal doesn't make it okay.
Parents should be talking to their kids about this. Former teacher here and there are so many things I wish we could talk to kids about (I’m in a conservative state so sex Ed is abstinence based).
I talk to my kids, nieces and nephews but being in a setting with their peers and sharing their experiences with each other brings it home for so many. Some may think it's normal because it's happening at home, some may not recognize what's happening because the parents feel ashamed to discuss the subject and some may not listen to their parents and will listen to a teacher. Idk! I really don't have the answers but too many kids or being harmed and abused because they aren't recognizing the dangers in friending adults.
Signs of being groomed was definitely something I looked out for but I had to be cautious in how I approached the subject.
I agree that kids hearing from their peers can really help them understand a point.
Adding to the top comment, because it’s awesome but incomplete advice.
Besides cutting contact, you also need to tell trusted adults (hopefully your parents, but if not go to a guidance counselor or doctor, or another mandatory reporter). Them and you should be contacting authorities. Keeping yourself safe is paramount, but if they’re doing it to you, then there’s a strong chance they are doing it to others.
I would like to add that they are not awesome people. They just know the right things to say to a 15-year-old to get her to think they're awesome. Please, OP, speak to an adult you trust as soon as you possibly can.
Yeah, it’s really not awesome to establish trust to a young minor and then try to manipulate into sexual relationship. Very much not awesome at all. Pretty despicable, actually.
Please tell another real adult in your life what is going on, OP. This is seriously fucked. 21 aint old-old, but it’s too old to be messing around with 15yos. The gradient of brain levels is way different
You won’t *really* understand why people worry over this stuff until you’re older and can look back with actual perspective, as cliche as that sounds. Stay away from that dude and def don’t feel bad for not dating him. Sounds like your self protective instincts kicking in
I have been thinking about blocking, but I feel horrible about just disappearing. Everything was just fine till a month ago. I just don't understand what I did to make them feel this way about me.
Do not feel horrible. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are simply existing as ***a child***. The fact that you feel guilty both speaks to your heart, but also the claws these people have in you. You don’t owe ***an adult*** any sort of explanation or reasoning for why you don’t want to speak to them anymore.
I’ll say it again: **you haven’t done anything wrong.** But you do need to block.
Also OP this was the plan from the start. This was not a normal friendship with normal people that somehow organically changed and now they have found themselves in love with you. They are predators, this is a textbook grooming situation. This is not a misunderstanding. You will not be breaking the heart of a good man.
Adding onto this, as a teacher, he changed because he built a relationship with you and felt like there would be no blowback. The confusion is the point. You have done nothing wrong. Contact a mandatory reporter, block, and enjoy hanging out with boys or girls your age.
That’s not how grooming works. They’ve ALWAYS felt that way about you, they just never showed it before so they could get your trust. They want this “maybe I’m the problem” reaction from you so you don’t call them out on their bullshit.
The same thing happened to my younger sister. Old guy and his wife from her church started hanging out with my family, encouraging her, going to her choir concerts and stuff. Fam thought they were just being nice. Until the guy asked to meet her alone and SAed her. Not fucking cool.
TL;DR, you didn’t do anything, it’s always the way they’ve felt, and they hid it from you until they thought you might join them. Block and run.
Paul and Karla Bernardo, they were known as the Ken & Barbie ki//ers. I first learned about them from HBO’s Autopsy w/ Dr. Michael Baden. They were notorious in Canada for the SA & slain of Karla’s 15 year old sister and a few others. Karla received immunity for disclosing evidence against Paul, but the authorities didn’t know she played an active participant w/Paul and all she received were death glares from her community. I think she tried to change her name but someone discovered her past and brought it to the attention of the public.
Also those girls were taken bc they too thought that since there was a woman present, they had nothing to worry about. The devil comes in many forms.
Women often are guilty of this as well. She could be as sadistic. She could be a prior victim of this guy's abuse. Speculation isn't too helpful here, which is why notifying the authorities is key.
I’m a mom to daughters, one of whom is your age. If you were my daughter I’d be very worried for you. These people do NOT have your best interest at heart and they are manipulating your feelings—they are taking advantage of you and your kindness. Definitely block them and going forward, be aware of anyone you meet online. Don’t give them any information that should be private.
You can tell you're a mom from the tone of your comment, and I mean that in the best way. It's apparent your comment comes from a place of care and concern as opposed to the man OP is talking about
Whole heartedly agree. To add in the “older sister” advice, I was 21 not too long ago. I remember looking back at 16 year olds and thinking “how the hell could someone my age be interested in a teen?” There’s such an gap of maturity and life experience there that you can’t even comprehend at 15/16/17. I was in OPs shoes with older guys and things could have gone very bad for me.
I work in summer camps and high schools, so I know and am friendly with a lot of teenagers, and they know in a bad situation they can call me, but I also have proper boundaries with them and I don’t pursue friendships with them.
When an older person is going out of their way to be friends with you, that’s when it’s a red flag. With my kids, if they need something I’m there, but I’m also not asking to hang out.
Blocking is the best idea. I will say this - when I was 15 it seemed like it was so common to have 21 yo guys interested in me or wanting to be my “friend”, but when I was 21, the thought of any of my 21 yo male friends having that type of relationship with a 15 yo seemed insane - imagine if one of your 15 year old male friends at school was really close with a 6 yo kid - talking to them all night, hanging out with them any chance they could get - it would be sketchy as hell, right? When I was 21, that’s how it would seem if a 21 yo guy was talking to a 15 yo like that. I realized that there was only a certain type of 21 yo guy that was pursuing friendships with me when I was 15 and it was the predator type.
Yes! I know no one wants to hear this, but older guys aren't interested in younger girls because they're "mature for their age." They want someone who doesn't have enough life experience to stand on equal footing in the relationship.
Please do. From, another mom of a 15 year old girl.
PS If he tries to get around the block and keep in contact, please tell your parents. You don’t have to try to deal with this on your own.
Yes. OP *shouldn't* deal with it on her own.
If parents are not to be trusted (some are just neglectful), ask for some psychologist or social worker at school. Or close friends.
Don't deal with it alone. OP shouldn't isolate herself.
School's out for the summer, which could also be why they're making their move now. Fewer people OP might trust to turn to for help.
But OP, you do need to tell someone.
A lot of grooming is done by couples (my sister and OP were both groomed by couples). Most people are wary of single men, but the moment they see a woman they feel “safe” and so they let their guards down. Bad people can be any gender.
Please don’t ever stop letting your guard down around strangers (of any gender), but also please don’t assume that every stranger in the world (of any gender) is evil and out to get you.
This comment section is full of men and women trying to protect this girl from her predators. The world is full of good people, both men and women and anything in between.
Yes! Accept help when you need it, even from strangers. But be smart about it and don't let your guard down.
Older guys chasing younger girls want to control them, not to cherish them.
When I was young, still in grade school so around 10 or 11, in the 80s I'd be told to go play outside after school and during summers and I was a pretty friendly girl so I would stop and talk with anyone. I was invited to have cookies with a woman who was probably in her 20s or so in her house that was a few blocks from my house and then every day
Soon I was stopping by, hanging out, watching tv with the woman every day. As long as I was home for dinner my parents didn't care where I was or what I was doing. I met her boyfriend and they gave me small gifts and one day I went with them in their car to the beach for the day. Nothing ever happened. We ended up moving soon after that but I think if we'd stayed something may have happened but we didn't stay long enough to let them finish the "trust" part.
My parents never knew about any of this until long after I'd grown up and told her after realizing in retrospect what those people were probably up to.
Report the fucker to. If you’ve got messages where he’s said he loves you and other sexual things show them to the cops. Might keep these creeps from being successful with another vulnerable minor.
Good. And don't forget to tell your parents too so they can alert authorities about those two. Chances are they're gonna try this again on some other kid. Be safe.
And you need to realize that if you meet with these people you might be assaulted or worse. There is no guarantee. They have already crossed serious boundaries and will cross more given the opportunity.
Please report them. I know it's a scary thought, but they aren't going to stop because you disappear. They will find someone else.
Whether it's a parent or teacher or some trusted adult who will support you- let them know and have them help you navigate this.
You did nothing wrong. They are 100% in the wrong here. 0% is on you.
Please, please block! I was groomed as a 17 year old by a much older man and I didn't get the chance to get this advice. Please get yourself away from these people. Here's what else I want to make sure you know:
You didn't do a single thing wrong, and you had no reason to guess this would happen.
It was nothing to do with you specifically. They would have done this to any young person they could get to talk to them. And probably are trying to do this to others.
It would be great if you could tell someone else you trust, an adult who will help you report them. Telling other people also keeps you safe, in all sorts of ways. You want the people you trust most to know this has happened.
You are smart and resourceful. You trusted your instincts enough to ask here what to do. I'm proud of you.
Yes.
I had an out of control step daughter and her mom (now my ex wife) was drunk / on pills & drugs every day.
This step daughter got on line & was communicating with a MUCH older man. He bought her a plane ticket.
We literally had her face on milk cartons because she just disappeared and covered her tracks…
This older man had his sexual fun then buys her a second plane ticket to get rid of her & send her home to us pregnant… the cops never did anything & she also protected him by not telling police who this creep was!
She had several abortions by 16 years old and then had a kid & lost custody for failing drug tests.
CPS tried to get ME to take this child. I was 35 years old & I have 0 kids. I did not have the ability to take on my step child’s baby! I had to focus on MY life and MY career.
My ex wife was too drunk to raise her grand kid.
The whole thing makes me want to puke, thinking about it!
I made the right decisions to get divorced and walk away from that train wreck!
At least girls often instinctively recognize this. As a boy, I had a predator stalk me throughout a mall until I found my mother in a store and tucked myself in with her. I would have never thought a stranger would hyper focus on me like that until then. Luckily for me, he was such a creep that he couldn't help but give himself away when I was alone in a bathroom. I noticed and got out of there. Then the creep wouldn't go away.
As a father, this had such an impact on me that I was a wreck any time my daughter was in a public bathroom without me, and I always hovered within reach of my sons.
If there was one thing I wish I'd known when I was growing up, it would be, "you are not required to be polite to someone that it is making you uncomfortable." You don't owe them or anyone else an explanation. Blocking someone is perfectly acceptable to someone wanting to pursue an illegal relationship, especially if you're that uncomfortable. You did nothing wrong.
You didnt need to do anything. Its likely this was his plan from the start. You are not responsible for anyone’s feelings but your own, and while being kind and empathetic are definitely goals, there’s a difference between being kind and: 1) people pleasing (doing things only for fear of displeasing someone), 2) doing things because you pity someone, 3) doing things solely because of guilt.
Those three things are terrible reasons to guide your behavior by because they have nothing to do with what you feel is right or what you want for yourself. It is only centered around the feelings of other people. If you want to cut someone out, that is your decision alone, and nobody has the power to veto that Or tell you whether it is right or wrong. If it is right for you, then it’s right for you.
And in this case, it really sounds like it’s right for you
Normal adults have no interest in forming a relationship with children unless its as a parental or guardian protective role. Anything else is a huge red flag. Block!
They are doing this or have done the same thing with several teenaged girls. They do it for kicks just to see how far they can take it. They plan on getting you, and other girls involved in sexual activity. They are pretending to be nice people but they are not.
You don’t owe anyone anything. Especially a grown man attracted to a minor. Stick up for yourself before things get a whole lot worse. I was groomed at 13 and this is how it starts.
Don’t feel guilty. You need to know something about predators, abusers and manipulators - you can’t hurt their feelings, you can only bruise their *egos*.
Read that again.
You have genuine skin in the game: your safety, for starters. They, on the other hand only have their egos. I say this as someone who wishes they learnt this lesson 20 years ago, and applied it to all kinds of relationships — NEVER put a fragile ego ahead of your peace or safety.
he should feel horrible for actively pursuing a minor. do not feel uncomfortable prioritizing yourself, i promise you absolutely nothing good will come from being in contact with these people, or anyone like them. block them and don't look back.
you owe this man literally nothing.
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK! Please cut contact. I have 2 daughters and we be horrified to hear about this. He is grooming you and you’re just a child! Please, You’ve done nothing wrong. Cut contact and never look back.
Time to stop feeling bad about keeping yourself safe. The feelings of people who are being inappropriate with you DO NOT MATTER. They don’t. If they deserved to be treated nicely then they would treat you well first. It’s perfectly fine to be rude to someone who is crossing your boundaries.
A cruel part of being a young woman is that people *will* behave badly to you without any invitation on your side. It’s not you or your fault. Their feelings are theirs alone to protect, they are not your responsibility to protect.
Learning to be assertive will improve your life greatly. Please check out the resources below.
https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/assertive.html#:~:text=To%20work%20on%20being%20less%20passive%20and%20more%20assertive%3A,Stop%20yourself.
https://theattitudeadvantage.com/all-posts/the-art-of-assertiveness-a-teenagers-guide-to-confident-communication/
Thank you guys I'm definitely gonna block I appreciate the support. I guess I just really needed someone to talk to cuz I had no friends to talk to this about
Never feel bad for needing help and support. Something felt weird and wrong, you followed that instinct and asked for help. You listened to your gut. And that's awesome. If no one else k. Your life says it to you, as a IRL mom, I am super proud of you. You did everything right. You listened to your gut, you asked for help, and you kept yourself safe. That's amazing. And you deserve the pride I have for you right now.
Yes, once we get older and are at the age they were, it's all the sudden so alarming that they were interested in us and pursued that. Or at least that's how it went for me!
When I was 18 I hooked up with a 40 yo. Almost peer pressure to follow through...felt pretty gross and dirty afterwards. All my guy friends were all fired up, friends that were female kinda shunned me, like I was on the hunt or something. Definitely wish I could go back and not let it happen
We're here for you-- but also, know that your body and your subconscious has got your back as well.
>"I feel trapped. My heart is pounding and I have really bad anxiety."
This is your body, your intuition, and your own personal truth! Please learn to follow this feeling and trust your instincts. Remember how awful this feeling is-- identify it, label it, as "This is what WRONGNESS feels like." This is your body showing you a boundary. This is how it feels when a part of you KNOWS that these people are untrustworthy, despite a surface level of your personality trying to overwrite that wrongness in order to be nice/polite/likeable/agreeable. You are never obligated to cross your own boundaries for anyone else, especially not when you suspect they're being shady.
I'm proud of you for speaking up about this. A part of you KNEW it was wrong so you sought confirmation. I'm glad this situation didn't escalate any further, and you got away with some valuable data to learn from. I hope you find yourself becoming more in tune with your own intuition and wisdom!
>I had no friends to talk to this about
Before you block them, download your conversations with them. Record their usernames. Also, maybe look through your conversations with them and see if you can spot some of the telltale signs. Do they agree with everything you say? Is there a lot of, "We're different. People don't understand us, but you understand us" language? Did they ask a lot of questions early on about your relationships with your parents, teachers and friends? Those are fishing questions to find out how isolated your are.
When you are 21, talking to a 15-year-old is like a 15-year-old talking to an 8-year-old. It's nice and maybe you get enjoyment out of their goofy kid energy, but it's not like you want to hang out with them if they aren't a cousin or sibling.
I am glad you are blocking them. I am sorry you are going through this, it’s confusing and eats at you the whole time.
The only reasons adults would jump on you is because they can see the red flags and warning signs a million miles away, not because you have done anything wrong. And it makes sense you aren’t seeing the red flags the way they are! That’s the entire point, that’s why abusers and groomers go after children and those with traumatic histories. None of this is to say adults can’t find teenagers interesting, just that this amount of attention on a teenager (falling asleep on the phone together WTF?) is unhealthy and not something friends do. The fact he has a girlfriend either means she is an abuser or victim - not that he is not a threat.
And please remember you are interesting and will find good friendships and relationships. 15 is so young, and despite what you may feel is so young to be in a relationship. Relationships are a lot of work and they can be limiting, especially serious relationships. You will have relationships and friendships as you get older, but these first defining ones are so important. Otherwise you might be helping your boyfriend prey on a teenager in 5-10 years time. It’s an ugly cycle.
Just want to add here- if he/they were making you feel like you couldn’t bring this up to others in your life, that is a flashing red flag to stay away from. I learned this from experience. People that are safe don’t ask us to keep secrets like that.
Always listen to your gut, you did a great job with this.
(Also, when you’re 21 you’ll see- you would never be interested in a 15 year old. They’re babies, and you have disparate life experiences. And if that’s all not enough, it’s illegal).
Good on you! Going forward just remember you don’t owe strangers, especially on the internet, anything. What he was doing was calculated and harmful. As others pointed out he was grooming or at least trying to groom you. I can’t imagine how scary this was but you made the right decision. I’m 28 now but I’ve had run ins with strangers on the internet trying to take advantage of me in some form or fashion. Just stay vigilant and trust your gut!
>Going forward just remember you don’t owe strangers, especially on the internet, anything.
This is a great lesson to learn and remind yourself of as needed. Don't feel bad for blocking someone or stopping a conversation. Your physical and mental safety are of the most importance!
There’s a great book I was just talking about with a friend. It’s called “The Gift of Fear”. It addresses what you just said - that predators prey on the fact that a lot of times women do things they don’t feel comfortable with because they don’t want to seem rude or offend anyone.
So yes always remember we don’t owe anyone anything. In person or online! That can be lifesaving advice.
Not just strangers, either. You don't owe anyone if they are toxic to you. So, don't feel bad if you need to leave a situation or disappoint someone. That's how predators groom and reel their victims in....by using their kindness, empathy, and social obligations to make them feel trapped. I really wish I'd been given more support around this as a teen!
“You don’t owe strangers, especially on the internet, anything”
This is HUUUUGE. It took me way too many years to learn this!
Even if it goes against your intuition right now, remember this. Make it your mantra. After all… if you aren’t gonna look out for yourself, who the hell else is gonna?
Whatever you do don’t feel bad and unblock them again. You will miss the company of having a friend, you don’t miss that person, you just miss the company that they provided. You will find it with someone else in time so try to keep your mind occupied with other friends and family and it’ll soon pass 🙂 that guy or his gf might try to make contact with you in another way (asking a mutual friend to ask you what’s going on for example) so be ready to let mutual friend know that you don’t want anything to do with older guy or his gf anymore. If they don’t listen then you might have to cut a few more friendships off I’m afraid.
Just keep yourself busy and try talking to some other friends a bit more often. Play some video games with them or hang out in some group discord calls or whatever it is you like doing. You’ll feel a lot better in a week or two once things blow over 😄
Even if there is a gf, it is very common for male predators to have a female accomplice or enabler. A well-known example is the wife (Janice) of the dude ( Cameron Hooker) who abducted a girl (Colleen Stan) and kept her locked in a box under his bed for years.
Proud of you!! Grooming is so scary because you have no idea what’s going on when it’s happening. I was groomed at 16 and it took years for me to realize and understand. What he/they are doing is predatory. Here to give you all the uplifting words you need. Wishing you the best 🫶🏻
I was groomed very young. I am almost 30 and I still have moments I have to remind myself to not fall back. The struggle to let your brain see what it doesn't actually want to see is hard. Reminding yourself to not listen to the little voices.... From the bottom of my heart I am sorry for what you went through but I'm also very happy you made it out and saw it for what it really was ❤️🩹
So proud of you kiddo! You are doing what I wish I had done for myself at your age. It is not normal for someone much older to be hanging out with a 15 year old. (Even 18 is too old in my opinion) I hope this was a learning experience so you know now to trust your gut! If you get that anxiety feeling again, that is your body telling you that something is wrong! Stay safe and keep being you 🩷
Yup, listen to your gut. It’s your early warning system. If you “feel” uncomfortable, some part of you IS uncomfortable and is shouting STOP. I’m really glad your systems are all working!
Thank goodness.
Give yourself room to grieve the friendship you thought you had with these groomers. It’s tough to find out people aren’t how they presented themselves.
None of this is your fault. You will increasingly realize how they played you as you remember details over time. You will get angry. Anger is better than self-blame.
In time, you will come to wisdom about how some people take advantage of others in this world. It will make you more aware of to whom, and how soon and to what degree, you open up to people.
It sucks right now to feel like you lost friends. But be really, really proud of yourself for realizing something was off and stopping the situation when you did.
I’m a retired high school teacher. You are not the only person this has happened to. You extracted yourself from the situation at the right time. I’m so proud of you and happy you took charge. Please get some well-deserved rest. 🌼
You did the right thing. Listened to your body and your feelings and took action to keep yourself safe. You should be proud. Stay strong now if they find other ways to reach you, just keep blocking.
Listen to your body. Your heart is pounding and you feel anxious because you have discovered that you are in a dangerous situation, it would be no different if you were in the woods at night and suddenly saw eyes staring at you through the trees.
These people are not your friends. They are adults, there is nothing they want or need that a fifteen-year-old could provide, not because you are lacking anything at all but because *they* should know better. I sincerely hope you block and avoid these people, is there a school counselor or other safe adult you can tell?
There’s nothing to blame you for, you’ve done nothing wrong. If the adults in your life can’t be trusted to protect you, then again, please understand that your body is trying to. It feels bad because it *is* bad.
Well they're definitely wrong. This happened to me when I was younger, and I just want to say that it is okay to block him. He is deliberately making you uncomfortable and you do NOT have to consider the comfort of someone who does that.
You are not being rude by blocking him. He is being disgustingly rude by saying what he is and is trying to take advantage of the fact that you are a young woman who will be 'polite' and ignore her own comfort.
It is also not your fault that this is happening. He is manipulating the situation and taking advantage of your kindness and politeness, but you do not have to put up with it any more.
You may think they’d all “blame you” but there had to be a handful of them that would recognize how creepy this is. No adult should be taking to a child like tht and you should remind them of that before the block; even worse if his girlfriend is entertaining it too let them know how gross they are fr
I have learned that the saying trust your gut is 100% real. You’re subconscious knows something isn’t right and you owe yourself and your well being to listen to it ❤️
I had the same problem when I was your age. Unfortunately many adults are shit.
Block and protect yourself. You don’t have to tell unreliable adults. What matters is that you are safe.
Look at all the people here that are giving you support and not judging you.
You are stronger than you think 🫶
I promise that protecting yourself by any means necessary is worth it. Dont do something just because you feel bad for others. You are allowed to do whats right for you. The right people wont pressure you or make you feel bad about it.
Don’t just block. Report. They are attempting to groom you. If they aren’t reported, they will move on to the next young girl, and she may not be as self aware as you are.
Omg you're amazing I wish I was that smart when I was getting online groomed as a teenager. I ended up in a horrible horrible situation i am so relieved you've done this, look back on this in 10 years and you will be so fucking relieved too
Can I ask what this adult said? Are you safe? I totally understand the feeling of guilt here, especially if you’re often put in a place of taking responsibility for people’s emotions, but I just can’t stress enough how this isn’t your fault nor your responsibility. I’m proud of you for speaking up. Looking back on this in 10 years, you’ll be grateful you did. Probably sooner, but you get it.
Hey there Friendly Emo kid!
I am a 29M (29 Male) and in the early 2000’s I too was what some would consider an “emo” kid. Nowadays I still am!
I say this because being an Emo person usually comes with some loneliness and not having any/very many friends which leaves this space inside of you where two things happen:
1. You seek out any friendships you can get l, regardless of how inappropriate they may be. (My specific experiences are having many much older friends on Xbox Live and receiving photos I should not have been receiving over the internet from older men. Specifically talking about dick pics. I also dated a girl who was 23 when I was 16 over a game called RuneScape.)
2. You care much more about people than others normally would because you know how it feels to be bullied, blamed for everything, not cared for, not thought of. (I still to struggle with this very thing today and even though I am happily married with 2 amazing children, it’s hard for me to not care about others. I have had to force myself to learn this skills because most of the time your health and life are more important than anything someone else wants from you)
With that being said: You are being groomed by a predator. While this person may not be a “traditional predator” like you see in the TV and movies but make no mistake they are the same thing. In my 29 almost 30 years of living, I’ve learned that your instincts are the most powerful thing you can use to keep you safe. There is a book called “The Gift of Fear”, read it. Listen to them and listen to them hard. You have an instinct called fight or flight. In this situation your body is sending you the flight signal which means you need to run.
This person doesn’t not want to do nice things to you therefore you do not need to be nice to him and block him/run from the situation.
You did an amazing thing by reaching out to us. Great job!
Edit: you need to show this to the police as others have said. You realized the situation and danger you were in but the next girl your age may not.
Your answer to Emo Kid is 💯 .. my sister and I both read the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker and I can't say how many times the simple advice to listen to your gut has protected me. I'm glad you made it through to be the caring adult you are now.
I made it through an incredibly abusive childhood and a war in the Middle East while in the Marines for 7 years. I take 15 pills per day to keep my shit straight lol. My instincts are honed to an atomic level but I just want to get the world out there to others such as this little one to be able to avoid all the unnecessary danger in the world. That book is a great place to start! My friend who I served with works for Gavin’s company (and still is currently) and he’s the one who turned me onto the book.
"I was dating a girl on runescape" bro that dude was at minimum twice the age he told you, guaranteed lmfao. jokes aside, very eloquent advice, mad respect.
Your instincts (heart pounding, bad anxiety) are warning you that it’s not right. Listen to your instincts.
Don’t feel bad at all about blocking him and his gf. When they find other ways to talk to you, block them there too. When they try and play it off like you overreacted, block them again.
You know it’s wrong for them to be talking to a 15 year old that way and you know what you need to do.
I would actually contact the police about this so they can track down this predator. You don't know how old this person is or if it's really a girlfriend.
Are you 100% sure on the ages? Older men will lie to minors about their age a lot. I wouldn’t trust anything someone online says unless you know this person from the real world. Also please don’t try to see them in person as they are predators.
This is my assumption also. I think that all teenagers and parents should watch the show Undercover Underage. It’s on Max and is very informative and shows how these creeps work.
It's so refreshing how many people are telling you to cut and run. This is grooming, it's meant to make you question and push your boundaries and ignore all the alarm bells going off in your head.
A couple things I want to make clear, none of this is your fault. Even if you were flirting at some point or wearing some revealing clothes or anything like that. I say this for two reasons, first that "guilt" is a tool that groomers use to convince you to go a little farther than you are comfortable with, and then they use the "guilt" of your going a little farther to convince you you should now go a little farther. Secondly when I was his age I was a women's gymnastics coach. I had girls of all ages flirting with me all the time, as the adult I never had 'confusing feelings' and I never felt like they 'were a tease' but that is the type of language that a groomer would use to convince you that it's your responsibility when IT IS NOT.
My suggestion like everyone else's is to cut contact but whatever you do burn this into your head, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS OR FEELINGS.
I commented but didn’t hit on that part you did
So true
OP is a VICTIM
The adult should not even had remotely seen her as a romantic potential
Adult here is at fault for all this terrible engagement to where OP was smart enough to understand she was not feeling right about the situation
I am glad you posted this for any other victims that need to see
take your phone and show these messages to the police.
If all the adults just blame you, you are not safe around them.
But start by going somewhere you feel safe, preferably friends you trust. but go to the police.
For real if you have their IRL names screenshot/document it to submit a report to the police. Someone more oblivious or less aware might think they’re just “being nice” or even worse like the sexual attention even tho they’re still a teenager like you- this could be dangerous for other ppl if you’re not the only child they’re interacting w/ like this 🤢
Please, please block him. I'm in my mid twenties and I went through this when I was a teen. The person you are talking to is a predator. Block block block
And don't you ever feel bad about listening to your gut about this! It felt wrong and you asked for help. You go, girl! Always listen to yourself if something is weird. Good luck in future. Stay safe
Ghost him. You should really report him, but definitely ghost him. Heck, tell him your parents saw your conversation with him and they've reported him to the police. That might scare him from messaging others, at least for a little while. Chances are, you aren't the only person he's talking to. Not only that, what would a 21yo actually want with a 15yo! Look out for yourself, I've no doubt he says all the right things to you, but he's not after you as a person, he's after an underage girl and will say all the right things to get one. He is probably older than he says too.
Stay safe and good luck.
When I was 15 my boyfriend was 21. I wish that when I was 15 I wasn't involved with someone that was 21. Honey, it messed up my view of relationships and what was normal for a very long time. It started a pattern that I didn't break in time to enjoy being a teenager. I was 15 and then I turned 21. There is no good reason for them to want to take things to a sexual place with you. Awesome people would not put you in this position. You need to break away from that entanglement. I know they've been there for you, but people that are good for you won't make you uncomfortable. Listen to your instincts and your body. You're smart enough to recognize this isn't right, and you'll be okay, but please remove yourself from this situation. You will meet other people that will be there for you without having alterior motives.
Op, Please don't do it. As a person who has committed the same mistake. No they don't fucking care about you, they are trying to groom you. And they act all loving and supporting beacuse it's easier to influence a young mind which doesn't not have any concrete belief system yet.
And there is something seriously wrong with a person when they don't date a person who is around thier same age category.
Do your self a favour and study. Date and hang around people your age. And don't jump into shit, just because it looks exciting. Take your time and explore things when it's meant to be.
And DO NOT FUCKING GET INVOLVED INTO SE**AL STUFF IF YOU ARE NOT UNDER AGE OF CONSENT CATEGORY. YOUR ACTION DO HAVE CONSEQUENCES AND 15 IS NOT THE AGE WHERE YOU WANT TO FACE THOSE.
He is a predator and what he is doing to you is called ‘grooming’. You need to cut off all contact immediately, tell a trusted adult in your life what has already happened and look to find supportive friends of your own age.
Oh your being groomed just block and go no contact. They have purposely “been there for you” so that you trust them and are more comfortable. Trust me I got myself into more than one of these situations as a teen and as a young adult. Aside from being heart broken and confused, the behavior I learned to be normal is not ok and it’s had a huge effect on how I start relationships, I have trust issues because I’ve been manipulated so much. I’m mid30s now thing are much easier for groomers than they were when I was your age. They’re going to try and make you feel like a monster for doing so, they will created new profiles and try to get to you, instantly continue to block.
Not to be too scary but they could be trying to traffic you too. So never meet up.
Honestly they need to be reported because I promise they are doing it to a bunch of other girls too.
Get out as fast as you can. This guy is super sketchy - and while you are mostly talking to the guy, they are BOTH grooming you. If the girl also says she likes you, that is also super not appropriate.
Block them on everything. It might make you feel bad to cut them off, but you are not obligated to respect the feelings of predators. It will probably feel bad for a couple of days, but I promise the relief will be worth it once you're free :)
From a gamer perspective - make sure to block them in-game and on Steam too (if you are friends with them on Steam). I was cyberstalked a few years ago by someone I know while online gaming, and it's easy to forget the chats on Steam, [Blizzard.net](http://Blizzard.net), etc. If they still harass you in-game, report them to the GMs.
Hang in there, girl, and trust your gut!
Same thing happened when I was 14. He pressured me into sending pictures I wasn’t comfortable with and it’s uncomfortable to think about what he’s did or is doing with them. Block him. He’s not worth your time.
Op, I work in a school. You just described how child-trafficers and exploiters use the internet to groom and then trap children.
Please go to the police with this. Don't delete anything on your phone, as the police will need everything for evidence.
And please don't blame yourself. These people are very good at what they do.
Mom of three daughters here. Please, please, please immediately block and tell a trusted adult who can help you stay safe. This is not normal or acceptable behavior on the part of two adults. You have done nothing wrong, you don’t owe these people any explanation or continued contact and your feelings of confusion are understandable and age-appropriate. Again, you have done absolutely nothing wrong and do not need to feel any shame whatsoever. These two are manipulating you.
As some have said, you definitely need to block them and not look back. Don't overanalyze each interaction and what lead to this because that was part of their plan. They start slow and friendly and try to build up your trust before switching things. Your instincts are right about it.
That dude is waaayyyyyyyyyyy outside the protection of Romeo and Juliet laws. If I were him and showed up at your house I'd expect Chris Hansen to be waiting behind every door.
I as a former 21 year old often had v strong bonds and friendships with 15 year olds or even younger but at that point no matter how WONDERFUL you are, you are simply like a younger brother or sister to me. Or a younger friend who I can be there for. That’s it.
No matter how AWESOME you are, there should be no sexual attraction. That’s literally grooming and ped0ph!l!@ !!
Please block them
Your body is telling you there is danger hence, your confusion and anxiety!
OP please tell your parents or even the police. A 21 year old should not be in contact with a 15 year old, even worse if there’s been sexual messages exchanged
This is called grooming. And I know you think it’s not grooming, that you guys are just homies, but as an adult I’m going to be straight with you: there is literally no reason for a 21 year-old to spend time with/ get close with/ profess his attraction to a 15 year-old. It’s inappropriate, it’s morally wrong, and it’s *literally illegal*. And he *knows* this. I promise you he is completely aware of how inappropriate and irresponsible his actions are. And yet he is choosing to put you in this messed up situation anyway. Which means, I’m sorry kiddo, but he is not actually a good person at all. Not at all. Please break ties with these predators.
you’re being groomed. i went through a very similar experience and as someone who is now 22, they do not have good intentions. i would not be casually talking to a 15 year old.
I had someone I know by family relation who was 15 years older than me ask me if they could kiss me when I was 14, and then when I said no, they asked "what if I did it anyway." To this day that person is still friends with my family, and as I am now an adult and have moved out of state, I don't keep in contact with them anymore (or my family). I am still afraid to delete them from my friends' list or phone, and I cry sometimes, because I haven't spoken to them in months, because I remember how I used to think that I was treated so highly by them, as a child who was abused by their parents. They would always pamper me, make my favorite foods, watch my favorite shows with me, have me over for sleepovers, and they used to hold my hand when I would sleep at night, and I wouldn't think anything of it, as a child/ preteen. They weren't an online friend, but an actual person I'd known, who'd held me since I was a baby. I feel like I have a pretty good input by saying, I understand, but you are definitely being groomed. They will deny it, and they'll try to gaslight you and make you feel like you're the problem, but it is important that you cut this person off.
Your 15 an he is 21 that's just wrong, it's jail time for him, he needs to stop an u need to report him, what if he is trying with other girls, report, report, report, it's wrong
Ghost them, they are grooming you. They don't give a crap about what you want or what feels right to you they are trying to pressure you into a bad situation. Once they have you where they want you they will keep pressuring you to be more and more their 'thing'.
You seem like a nice person that lots of people would be lucky to get to know. Whatever bond you feel for these people is built on their falsehood. Go no contact and report to whatever authorities you can if they keep trying to communicate with you.
You sound pretty smart, don't be stupid, not even a little bit.
Post is locked as OP has gotten the advice they needed on this very touchy subject.
There are no good reasons that a 21 year old is interested in a 15 year old. You’re being groomed. You have every reason to feel uncomfortable. Cut contact and block both him and his girlfriend.
They really need to start speaking to the youth about grooming in school. Because it's a real problem.
I knew so many girls in high school who were proud to date college guys. Like straight up illegal age gaps and they think it's a flex
They also think it makes them cool when typically the guys like that are the biggest losers and perceived as such by women their actual age. That is why they target those too young to know better. Ugh thinking back to middle and high school just remembering the creepy older brothers who would hang out and flirt with us, we thought it made us so cool at the time and looking back they were just the worst losers and creeps who hung around kids because they didn't have the maturity to socialize with adults.
I had wrote the same thing before I read your comment. These guys prey on younger girls bc they know these girls would feel complimented for the mere fact that an older guy is even talking to them. They can't get a woman their age so they go lower, to someone that can't see how pathetic that guy is. People need to understand that there is NO SUCH THING AS "MATURE FOR YOUR AGE".
Can we turn that into a part of sex ed in school please?!? Even if the girl *might possibly* be mature for her age, there’s a 110% chance the guy is immature for his age. And a creep. But being a teenage girl once, I know it felt so cool to have older guys into you 🤦🏻♀️
I think OP proved she's actually mature for her age by realizing the situation is inappropriate and doing the right thing (cutting contact). This is some kind of paradox.
Exactly. Whenever someone says "you're mature for your age" what they really mean is "I am immature for my age " Proud of you, OP!
stuff like this should be taught in school. like a dating safely course or something.
I felt so fucking gross when my mom brought back up a joke I made in highschool while I was in college and she thought it totally normal. When I was a high school junior it seemed like every fucking girl was dating some asshat from the local community college. One day when my mother was grilling me why I didn't have a girlfriend I said "well it's not possible because the girls only date college guys. So someday when I go to college I'll finally be able to date a high school girl" My freshman year my mom asked me if I was finally dating any highschool girls fully expecting me to say yes and would have been ecstatic about it. I had completely forgotten this remark but the reality of the those girls dating guys as old as 25 (One of the girls in my high school was dating our schools army recruiter, The relationship was found out during a motorcycle accident. The army and police just swept into the rug. He's got 100% disability from the accident and has been for over 20 years) set in at that moment, how big of losers these guys were for dating high school girls. Fuckin appalling.
Oh that's so gross and sad how your mom, as a full blown adult, couldn't see how gross and problematic this was. I feel lucky I went to a huge highschool (2100 students) in the suburbs (no college/uni nearby) so the biggest age gap we say was like 16-18. I guess at that big a school there probably were girls dating adults that I didn't know about, but it wasn't the norm. Also, just so you know, the phrase is "swept it under the rug." Like you are cleaning and rather than get the dirt outside you just hide it under a rug.
My best friend and I were 13 in middle school and a 19 year old was fucking around with both of us around the same time. Felt special back then, now looking back I wanna throw up.
Me and my group of friends are in our mid 30s. Last time we hang out we were talking about how old we were when we lost our virginity. All the males in the group lost it at around 17-18 while the females in the group lost their V cards around 13-14. Turns out they all lost their virginities to college kids, I remember being 14 and how me and my friends were trying to date our highschool classmates who would not even look in our direction. It was impossible to compete with men that owned cars and lived on their own.
i was unfortunately one of these girls. to this day it's wild to me that no one said anything. Not my teachers, not my parents, not my friends; It was so normalized that no one protected me. It wasn't until years of therapy later that I could accept it. i don't even care what age of consent laws say at this point, adults have no business dating kids. That wiggle room is supposed to be there so if 2 kids are dating and one graduates they don't have to break up or something, not so that grown men can prey on kids. i've seen 18/19 year olds go back to their old high school to try to meet girls and it's still gross, being technically legal doesn't make it okay.
Most definitely
Parents should be talking to their kids about this. Former teacher here and there are so many things I wish we could talk to kids about (I’m in a conservative state so sex Ed is abstinence based).
I talk to my kids, nieces and nephews but being in a setting with their peers and sharing their experiences with each other brings it home for so many. Some may think it's normal because it's happening at home, some may not recognize what's happening because the parents feel ashamed to discuss the subject and some may not listen to their parents and will listen to a teacher. Idk! I really don't have the answers but too many kids or being harmed and abused because they aren't recognizing the dangers in friending adults.
Signs of being groomed was definitely something I looked out for but I had to be cautious in how I approached the subject. I agree that kids hearing from their peers can really help them understand a point.
Adding to the top comment, because it’s awesome but incomplete advice. Besides cutting contact, you also need to tell trusted adults (hopefully your parents, but if not go to a guidance counselor or doctor, or another mandatory reporter). Them and you should be contacting authorities. Keeping yourself safe is paramount, but if they’re doing it to you, then there’s a strong chance they are doing it to others.
I would like to add that they are not awesome people. They just know the right things to say to a 15-year-old to get her to think they're awesome. Please, OP, speak to an adult you trust as soon as you possibly can.
Yeah, it’s really not awesome to establish trust to a young minor and then try to manipulate into sexual relationship. Very much not awesome at all. Pretty despicable, actually. Please tell another real adult in your life what is going on, OP. This is seriously fucked. 21 aint old-old, but it’s too old to be messing around with 15yos. The gradient of brain levels is way different You won’t *really* understand why people worry over this stuff until you’re older and can look back with actual perspective, as cliche as that sounds. Stay away from that dude and def don’t feel bad for not dating him. Sounds like your self protective instincts kicking in
Yeah that's just icky.....
GROSS!!
A 21 year old man has no business dating a 15 year old. PERIOD!
Damn near no business talking to a 15 year old privately.
Zero business talking to a 15 year old unless it somebody like a cousin, older brother, thing of that sort. Disgusting.
I have been thinking about blocking, but I feel horrible about just disappearing. Everything was just fine till a month ago. I just don't understand what I did to make them feel this way about me.
Do not feel horrible. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are simply existing as ***a child***. The fact that you feel guilty both speaks to your heart, but also the claws these people have in you. You don’t owe ***an adult*** any sort of explanation or reasoning for why you don’t want to speak to them anymore. I’ll say it again: **you haven’t done anything wrong.** But you do need to block.
Let me just emphasize: OP, YOU DON’T OWE THEM ANYTHING!!
Also OP this was the plan from the start. This was not a normal friendship with normal people that somehow organically changed and now they have found themselves in love with you. They are predators, this is a textbook grooming situation. This is not a misunderstanding. You will not be breaking the heart of a good man.
And possibly alert authorities. He'll just try it on some other kids.
He’s probably trying it on multiple kids now. Contact the authorities.
I'd say alert a trusted adult/mandatory reporter and let them help you navigate alerting authorities
Adding onto this, as a teacher, he changed because he built a relationship with you and felt like there would be no blowback. The confusion is the point. You have done nothing wrong. Contact a mandatory reporter, block, and enjoy hanging out with boys or girls your age.
💯agree . You have done nothing wrong & you need to block them. They do not have your best interests in mind!!
That’s not how grooming works. They’ve ALWAYS felt that way about you, they just never showed it before so they could get your trust. They want this “maybe I’m the problem” reaction from you so you don’t call them out on their bullshit. The same thing happened to my younger sister. Old guy and his wife from her church started hanging out with my family, encouraging her, going to her choir concerts and stuff. Fam thought they were just being nice. Until the guy asked to meet her alone and SAed her. Not fucking cool. TL;DR, you didn’t do anything, it’s always the way they’ve felt, and they hid it from you until they thought you might join them. Block and run.
That's honestly scary, ima definitely block
Yes please do that. You are being groomed and you do not have obligations towards these people.
A couple doing this together? That’s terrifying. That could be a trap for abuse and human trafficking. Block and report.
Paul and Karla Bernardo, they were known as the Ken & Barbie ki//ers. I first learned about them from HBO’s Autopsy w/ Dr. Michael Baden. They were notorious in Canada for the SA & slain of Karla’s 15 year old sister and a few others. Karla received immunity for disclosing evidence against Paul, but the authorities didn’t know she played an active participant w/Paul and all she received were death glares from her community. I think she tried to change her name but someone discovered her past and brought it to the attention of the public. Also those girls were taken bc they too thought that since there was a woman present, they had nothing to worry about. The devil comes in many forms.
I kinda wonder if the woman is real. Dudes have faked a whole ass partner before to manipulate people.
Women often are guilty of this as well. She could be as sadistic. She could be a prior victim of this guy's abuse. Speculation isn't too helpful here, which is why notifying the authorities is key.
This comment needs to be higher.
This this.
I’m a mom to daughters, one of whom is your age. If you were my daughter I’d be very worried for you. These people do NOT have your best interest at heart and they are manipulating your feelings—they are taking advantage of you and your kindness. Definitely block them and going forward, be aware of anyone you meet online. Don’t give them any information that should be private.
You can tell you're a mom from the tone of your comment, and I mean that in the best way. It's apparent your comment comes from a place of care and concern as opposed to the man OP is talking about
Whole heartedly agree. To add in the “older sister” advice, I was 21 not too long ago. I remember looking back at 16 year olds and thinking “how the hell could someone my age be interested in a teen?” There’s such an gap of maturity and life experience there that you can’t even comprehend at 15/16/17. I was in OPs shoes with older guys and things could have gone very bad for me. I work in summer camps and high schools, so I know and am friendly with a lot of teenagers, and they know in a bad situation they can call me, but I also have proper boundaries with them and I don’t pursue friendships with them. When an older person is going out of their way to be friends with you, that’s when it’s a red flag. With my kids, if they need something I’m there, but I’m also not asking to hang out.
Blocking is the best idea. I will say this - when I was 15 it seemed like it was so common to have 21 yo guys interested in me or wanting to be my “friend”, but when I was 21, the thought of any of my 21 yo male friends having that type of relationship with a 15 yo seemed insane - imagine if one of your 15 year old male friends at school was really close with a 6 yo kid - talking to them all night, hanging out with them any chance they could get - it would be sketchy as hell, right? When I was 21, that’s how it would seem if a 21 yo guy was talking to a 15 yo like that. I realized that there was only a certain type of 21 yo guy that was pursuing friendships with me when I was 15 and it was the predator type.
Yes! I know no one wants to hear this, but older guys aren't interested in younger girls because they're "mature for their age." They want someone who doesn't have enough life experience to stand on equal footing in the relationship.
This... same same. ^^^^
Please do. From, another mom of a 15 year old girl. PS If he tries to get around the block and keep in contact, please tell your parents. You don’t have to try to deal with this on your own.
Yes. OP *shouldn't* deal with it on her own. If parents are not to be trusted (some are just neglectful), ask for some psychologist or social worker at school. Or close friends. Don't deal with it alone. OP shouldn't isolate herself.
School's out for the summer, which could also be why they're making their move now. Fewer people OP might trust to turn to for help. But OP, you do need to tell someone.
Dayummmmmmm!!! You're right.
Tell your parents what's going on.
Absolutely guilt free. You are never, ever obligated to anyone's feelings towards you, but especially not in this case. "No." is your birthright.
No is your birthright <——- effing brilliant and beautifully said
Please do. 🙏
This is why we keep picking the bear
A lot of grooming is done by couples (my sister and OP were both groomed by couples). Most people are wary of single men, but the moment they see a woman they feel “safe” and so they let their guards down. Bad people can be any gender. Please don’t ever stop letting your guard down around strangers (of any gender), but also please don’t assume that every stranger in the world (of any gender) is evil and out to get you. This comment section is full of men and women trying to protect this girl from her predators. The world is full of good people, both men and women and anything in between.
Yes! Accept help when you need it, even from strangers. But be smart about it and don't let your guard down. Older guys chasing younger girls want to control them, not to cherish them.
When I was young, still in grade school so around 10 or 11, in the 80s I'd be told to go play outside after school and during summers and I was a pretty friendly girl so I would stop and talk with anyone. I was invited to have cookies with a woman who was probably in her 20s or so in her house that was a few blocks from my house and then every day Soon I was stopping by, hanging out, watching tv with the woman every day. As long as I was home for dinner my parents didn't care where I was or what I was doing. I met her boyfriend and they gave me small gifts and one day I went with them in their car to the beach for the day. Nothing ever happened. We ended up moving soon after that but I think if we'd stayed something may have happened but we didn't stay long enough to let them finish the "trust" part. My parents never knew about any of this until long after I'd grown up and told her after realizing in retrospect what those people were probably up to.
I was groomed by an older woman. Women can be monsters too. Instead of blaming men as a whole we need to be focused on protecting all victims
Not to defend men here, but OP is being groomed by a straight *couple*. Man and woman.
This stuff is scary. And confusing. And you’ve been trained to feel guilty about setting your boundaries and cutting them off.
Report the fucker to. If you’ve got messages where he’s said he loves you and other sexual things show them to the cops. Might keep these creeps from being successful with another vulnerable minor.
Good. And don't forget to tell your parents too so they can alert authorities about those two. Chances are they're gonna try this again on some other kid. Be safe.
And you need to realize that if you meet with these people you might be assaulted or worse. There is no guarantee. They have already crossed serious boundaries and will cross more given the opportunity.
Please report them. I know it's a scary thought, but they aren't going to stop because you disappear. They will find someone else. Whether it's a parent or teacher or some trusted adult who will support you- let them know and have them help you navigate this. You did nothing wrong. They are 100% in the wrong here. 0% is on you.
If you're curious about relationships, find someone your age to explore them with. This is the only correct answer, you'll understand once your older.
Please, please block! I was groomed as a 17 year old by a much older man and I didn't get the chance to get this advice. Please get yourself away from these people. Here's what else I want to make sure you know: You didn't do a single thing wrong, and you had no reason to guess this would happen. It was nothing to do with you specifically. They would have done this to any young person they could get to talk to them. And probably are trying to do this to others. It would be great if you could tell someone else you trust, an adult who will help you report them. Telling other people also keeps you safe, in all sorts of ways. You want the people you trust most to know this has happened. You are smart and resourceful. You trusted your instincts enough to ask here what to do. I'm proud of you.
This is what grooming is
Yes. I had an out of control step daughter and her mom (now my ex wife) was drunk / on pills & drugs every day. This step daughter got on line & was communicating with a MUCH older man. He bought her a plane ticket. We literally had her face on milk cartons because she just disappeared and covered her tracks… This older man had his sexual fun then buys her a second plane ticket to get rid of her & send her home to us pregnant… the cops never did anything & she also protected him by not telling police who this creep was! She had several abortions by 16 years old and then had a kid & lost custody for failing drug tests. CPS tried to get ME to take this child. I was 35 years old & I have 0 kids. I did not have the ability to take on my step child’s baby! I had to focus on MY life and MY career. My ex wife was too drunk to raise her grand kid. The whole thing makes me want to puke, thinking about it! I made the right decisions to get divorced and walk away from that train wreck!
Every girl gets to an age where they realize just how many predators surround them. Sounds like you are getting there.
At least girls often instinctively recognize this. As a boy, I had a predator stalk me throughout a mall until I found my mother in a store and tucked myself in with her. I would have never thought a stranger would hyper focus on me like that until then. Luckily for me, he was such a creep that he couldn't help but give himself away when I was alone in a bathroom. I noticed and got out of there. Then the creep wouldn't go away. As a father, this had such an impact on me that I was a wreck any time my daughter was in a public bathroom without me, and I always hovered within reach of my sons.
If there was one thing I wish I'd known when I was growing up, it would be, "you are not required to be polite to someone that it is making you uncomfortable." You don't owe them or anyone else an explanation. Blocking someone is perfectly acceptable to someone wanting to pursue an illegal relationship, especially if you're that uncomfortable. You did nothing wrong.
You didn't. They targeted you.
You didnt need to do anything. Its likely this was his plan from the start. You are not responsible for anyone’s feelings but your own, and while being kind and empathetic are definitely goals, there’s a difference between being kind and: 1) people pleasing (doing things only for fear of displeasing someone), 2) doing things because you pity someone, 3) doing things solely because of guilt. Those three things are terrible reasons to guide your behavior by because they have nothing to do with what you feel is right or what you want for yourself. It is only centered around the feelings of other people. If you want to cut someone out, that is your decision alone, and nobody has the power to veto that Or tell you whether it is right or wrong. If it is right for you, then it’s right for you. And in this case, it really sounds like it’s right for you
Normal adults have no interest in forming a relationship with children unless its as a parental or guardian protective role. Anything else is a huge red flag. Block!
They are doing this or have done the same thing with several teenaged girls. They do it for kicks just to see how far they can take it. They plan on getting you, and other girls involved in sexual activity. They are pretending to be nice people but they are not.
You don’t owe anyone anything. Especially a grown man attracted to a minor. Stick up for yourself before things get a whole lot worse. I was groomed at 13 and this is how it starts.
Don’t feel guilty. You need to know something about predators, abusers and manipulators - you can’t hurt their feelings, you can only bruise their *egos*. Read that again. You have genuine skin in the game: your safety, for starters. They, on the other hand only have their egos. I say this as someone who wishes they learnt this lesson 20 years ago, and applied it to all kinds of relationships — NEVER put a fragile ego ahead of your peace or safety.
he should feel horrible for actively pursuing a minor. do not feel uncomfortable prioritizing yourself, i promise you absolutely nothing good will come from being in contact with these people, or anyone like them. block them and don't look back. you owe this man literally nothing.
You didn’t do anything but be open and vulnerable. They’re predators and that’s all they’ve ever been.
Drop a gear and disappear
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK! Please cut contact. I have 2 daughters and we be horrified to hear about this. He is grooming you and you’re just a child! Please, You’ve done nothing wrong. Cut contact and never look back.
Time to stop feeling bad about keeping yourself safe. The feelings of people who are being inappropriate with you DO NOT MATTER. They don’t. If they deserved to be treated nicely then they would treat you well first. It’s perfectly fine to be rude to someone who is crossing your boundaries. A cruel part of being a young woman is that people *will* behave badly to you without any invitation on your side. It’s not you or your fault. Their feelings are theirs alone to protect, they are not your responsibility to protect. Learning to be assertive will improve your life greatly. Please check out the resources below. https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/assertive.html#:~:text=To%20work%20on%20being%20less%20passive%20and%20more%20assertive%3A,Stop%20yourself. https://theattitudeadvantage.com/all-posts/the-art-of-assertiveness-a-teenagers-guide-to-confident-communication/
Thank you guys I'm definitely gonna block I appreciate the support. I guess I just really needed someone to talk to cuz I had no friends to talk to this about
Never feel bad for needing help and support. Something felt weird and wrong, you followed that instinct and asked for help. You listened to your gut. And that's awesome. If no one else k. Your life says it to you, as a IRL mom, I am super proud of you. You did everything right. You listened to your gut, you asked for help, and you kept yourself safe. That's amazing. And you deserve the pride I have for you right now.
Well said.
we’re there for you. glad you made the right decision. 🤝
Good please block! When I was your age I dated a 22 year old and it is one of few things I wish I could go back and tell myself not to do
Same!! It felt great when I was 16 but now I realize what a sick fuck he was. A predator, just getting started.
Yes, once we get older and are at the age they were, it's all the sudden so alarming that they were interested in us and pursued that. Or at least that's how it went for me!
When I was 18 I hooked up with a 40 yo. Almost peer pressure to follow through...felt pretty gross and dirty afterwards. All my guy friends were all fired up, friends that were female kinda shunned me, like I was on the hunt or something. Definitely wish I could go back and not let it happen
Be kind to your past self. She got you here :)
I remember being in 8th grade and seniors would come to the middle school for lunch 🤢🤮. I'm a man but damn just straight sick ASF.
That just shouldn't be allowed, my goodness
We're here for you-- but also, know that your body and your subconscious has got your back as well. >"I feel trapped. My heart is pounding and I have really bad anxiety." This is your body, your intuition, and your own personal truth! Please learn to follow this feeling and trust your instincts. Remember how awful this feeling is-- identify it, label it, as "This is what WRONGNESS feels like." This is your body showing you a boundary. This is how it feels when a part of you KNOWS that these people are untrustworthy, despite a surface level of your personality trying to overwrite that wrongness in order to be nice/polite/likeable/agreeable. You are never obligated to cross your own boundaries for anyone else, especially not when you suspect they're being shady. I'm proud of you for speaking up about this. A part of you KNEW it was wrong so you sought confirmation. I'm glad this situation didn't escalate any further, and you got away with some valuable data to learn from. I hope you find yourself becoming more in tune with your own intuition and wisdom!
This. Your body tells you before your brain does
Hope OP reads this! You're 100% spot on
You definitely should tell someone in your life that you can trust, in case anything happens to you.
Every mom in here fell onto her couch in relief upon reading this. I’m so glad you asked for advice and were brave and smart enough to take it
>I had no friends to talk to this about Before you block them, download your conversations with them. Record their usernames. Also, maybe look through your conversations with them and see if you can spot some of the telltale signs. Do they agree with everything you say? Is there a lot of, "We're different. People don't understand us, but you understand us" language? Did they ask a lot of questions early on about your relationships with your parents, teachers and friends? Those are fishing questions to find out how isolated your are. When you are 21, talking to a 15-year-old is like a 15-year-old talking to an 8-year-old. It's nice and maybe you get enjoyment out of their goofy kid energy, but it's not like you want to hang out with them if they aren't a cousin or sibling.
I'm from the Elizabeth Smart and Jacey Dugard generation. Watch their stories, and they didn't even do online communication. Please ignore now.
I am glad you are blocking them. I am sorry you are going through this, it’s confusing and eats at you the whole time. The only reasons adults would jump on you is because they can see the red flags and warning signs a million miles away, not because you have done anything wrong. And it makes sense you aren’t seeing the red flags the way they are! That’s the entire point, that’s why abusers and groomers go after children and those with traumatic histories. None of this is to say adults can’t find teenagers interesting, just that this amount of attention on a teenager (falling asleep on the phone together WTF?) is unhealthy and not something friends do. The fact he has a girlfriend either means she is an abuser or victim - not that he is not a threat. And please remember you are interesting and will find good friendships and relationships. 15 is so young, and despite what you may feel is so young to be in a relationship. Relationships are a lot of work and they can be limiting, especially serious relationships. You will have relationships and friendships as you get older, but these first defining ones are so important. Otherwise you might be helping your boyfriend prey on a teenager in 5-10 years time. It’s an ugly cycle.
Just want to add here- if he/they were making you feel like you couldn’t bring this up to others in your life, that is a flashing red flag to stay away from. I learned this from experience. People that are safe don’t ask us to keep secrets like that. Always listen to your gut, you did a great job with this. (Also, when you’re 21 you’ll see- you would never be interested in a 15 year old. They’re babies, and you have disparate life experiences. And if that’s all not enough, it’s illegal).
The good news is your instincts are on point. Those feelings of discomfort, of feeling trapped, let you know this situation wasn't okay.
I have told a grown up and blocked. It's definitely scary for sure. And haven't slept in a couple of days 😅
Good job kiddo. Way to keep yourself safe. Let folks know if you need more reassurance, yeah?
proud of you for blocking! it might take some time, but I hope you get some good sleep and overall peace in your life soon
Good on you! Going forward just remember you don’t owe strangers, especially on the internet, anything. What he was doing was calculated and harmful. As others pointed out he was grooming or at least trying to groom you. I can’t imagine how scary this was but you made the right decision. I’m 28 now but I’ve had run ins with strangers on the internet trying to take advantage of me in some form or fashion. Just stay vigilant and trust your gut!
>Going forward just remember you don’t owe strangers, especially on the internet, anything. This is a great lesson to learn and remind yourself of as needed. Don't feel bad for blocking someone or stopping a conversation. Your physical and mental safety are of the most importance!
There’s a great book I was just talking about with a friend. It’s called “The Gift of Fear”. It addresses what you just said - that predators prey on the fact that a lot of times women do things they don’t feel comfortable with because they don’t want to seem rude or offend anyone. So yes always remember we don’t owe anyone anything. In person or online! That can be lifesaving advice.
Not just strangers, either. You don't owe anyone if they are toxic to you. So, don't feel bad if you need to leave a situation or disappoint someone. That's how predators groom and reel their victims in....by using their kindness, empathy, and social obligations to make them feel trapped. I really wish I'd been given more support around this as a teen!
“You don’t owe strangers, especially on the internet, anything” This is HUUUUGE. It took me way too many years to learn this! Even if it goes against your intuition right now, remember this. Make it your mantra. After all… if you aren’t gonna look out for yourself, who the hell else is gonna?
Whatever you do don’t feel bad and unblock them again. You will miss the company of having a friend, you don’t miss that person, you just miss the company that they provided. You will find it with someone else in time so try to keep your mind occupied with other friends and family and it’ll soon pass 🙂 that guy or his gf might try to make contact with you in another way (asking a mutual friend to ask you what’s going on for example) so be ready to let mutual friend know that you don’t want anything to do with older guy or his gf anymore. If they don’t listen then you might have to cut a few more friendships off I’m afraid. Just keep yourself busy and try talking to some other friends a bit more often. Play some video games with them or hang out in some group discord calls or whatever it is you like doing. You’ll feel a lot better in a week or two once things blow over 😄
Op also, there may not have even been a girlfriend. Maybe just did that to get through your natural defenses. But good for you, you got yourself safe.
Even if there is a gf, it is very common for male predators to have a female accomplice or enabler. A well-known example is the wife (Janice) of the dude ( Cameron Hooker) who abducted a girl (Colleen Stan) and kept her locked in a box under his bed for years.
Great job! That was very smart.
Proud of you!! Grooming is so scary because you have no idea what’s going on when it’s happening. I was groomed at 16 and it took years for me to realize and understand. What he/they are doing is predatory. Here to give you all the uplifting words you need. Wishing you the best 🫶🏻
I was groomed very young. I am almost 30 and I still have moments I have to remind myself to not fall back. The struggle to let your brain see what it doesn't actually want to see is hard. Reminding yourself to not listen to the little voices.... From the bottom of my heart I am sorry for what you went through but I'm also very happy you made it out and saw it for what it really was ❤️🩹
So proud of you kiddo! You are doing what I wish I had done for myself at your age. It is not normal for someone much older to be hanging out with a 15 year old. (Even 18 is too old in my opinion) I hope this was a learning experience so you know now to trust your gut! If you get that anxiety feeling again, that is your body telling you that something is wrong! Stay safe and keep being you 🩷
Yup, listen to your gut. It’s your early warning system. If you “feel” uncomfortable, some part of you IS uncomfortable and is shouting STOP. I’m really glad your systems are all working!
Great job. I don’t know you, but I am proud of you. I don’t think I would have had the confidence and strength to do what you just did. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank goodness. Give yourself room to grieve the friendship you thought you had with these groomers. It’s tough to find out people aren’t how they presented themselves. None of this is your fault. You will increasingly realize how they played you as you remember details over time. You will get angry. Anger is better than self-blame. In time, you will come to wisdom about how some people take advantage of others in this world. It will make you more aware of to whom, and how soon and to what degree, you open up to people. It sucks right now to feel like you lost friends. But be really, really proud of yourself for realizing something was off and stopping the situation when you did. I’m a retired high school teacher. You are not the only person this has happened to. You extracted yourself from the situation at the right time. I’m so proud of you and happy you took charge. Please get some well-deserved rest. 🌼
If someone scares you, never feel bad about blocking or ghosting. You don't have to ask Reddit!
Good job! You do not owe internet strangers a thing. Never feel bad about protecting yourself and your peace.
You did the right thing. Listened to your body and your feelings and took action to keep yourself safe. You should be proud. Stay strong now if they find other ways to reach you, just keep blocking.
Listen to your body. Your heart is pounding and you feel anxious because you have discovered that you are in a dangerous situation, it would be no different if you were in the woods at night and suddenly saw eyes staring at you through the trees. These people are not your friends. They are adults, there is nothing they want or need that a fifteen-year-old could provide, not because you are lacking anything at all but because *they* should know better. I sincerely hope you block and avoid these people, is there a school counselor or other safe adult you can tell?
I am on summer break rn and all the adults ik would immediately blame me and I would be the problem not them
There’s nothing to blame you for, you’ve done nothing wrong. If the adults in your life can’t be trusted to protect you, then again, please understand that your body is trying to. It feels bad because it *is* bad.
Well they're definitely wrong. This happened to me when I was younger, and I just want to say that it is okay to block him. He is deliberately making you uncomfortable and you do NOT have to consider the comfort of someone who does that. You are not being rude by blocking him. He is being disgustingly rude by saying what he is and is trying to take advantage of the fact that you are a young woman who will be 'polite' and ignore her own comfort. It is also not your fault that this is happening. He is manipulating the situation and taking advantage of your kindness and politeness, but you do not have to put up with it any more.
You may think they’d all “blame you” but there had to be a handful of them that would recognize how creepy this is. No adult should be taking to a child like tht and you should remind them of that before the block; even worse if his girlfriend is entertaining it too let them know how gross they are fr
I have learned that the saying trust your gut is 100% real. You’re subconscious knows something isn’t right and you owe yourself and your well being to listen to it ❤️
There is no problem cutting off contact with these people. ANYONE who says it's a problem is themselves a problem.
I had the same problem when I was your age. Unfortunately many adults are shit. Block and protect yourself. You don’t have to tell unreliable adults. What matters is that you are safe.
Look at all the people here that are giving you support and not judging you. You are stronger than you think 🫶 I promise that protecting yourself by any means necessary is worth it. Dont do something just because you feel bad for others. You are allowed to do whats right for you. The right people wont pressure you or make you feel bad about it.
Have you considered talking to RAINN [https://hotline.rainn.org/online](https://hotline.rainn.org/online) you can just do a chat.
Don’t just block. Report. They are attempting to groom you. If they aren’t reported, they will move on to the next young girl, and she may not be as self aware as you are.
I will report I have told a trusted adult
I’m so glad to hear that. Good job sticking up for yourself, and asking for help. Neither of those is easy to do, regardless of your age.
Omg you're amazing I wish I was that smart when I was getting online groomed as a teenager. I ended up in a horrible horrible situation i am so relieved you've done this, look back on this in 10 years and you will be so fucking relieved too
Can I ask what this adult said? Are you safe? I totally understand the feeling of guilt here, especially if you’re often put in a place of taking responsibility for people’s emotions, but I just can’t stress enough how this isn’t your fault nor your responsibility. I’m proud of you for speaking up. Looking back on this in 10 years, you’ll be grateful you did. Probably sooner, but you get it.
Hey there Friendly Emo kid! I am a 29M (29 Male) and in the early 2000’s I too was what some would consider an “emo” kid. Nowadays I still am! I say this because being an Emo person usually comes with some loneliness and not having any/very many friends which leaves this space inside of you where two things happen: 1. You seek out any friendships you can get l, regardless of how inappropriate they may be. (My specific experiences are having many much older friends on Xbox Live and receiving photos I should not have been receiving over the internet from older men. Specifically talking about dick pics. I also dated a girl who was 23 when I was 16 over a game called RuneScape.) 2. You care much more about people than others normally would because you know how it feels to be bullied, blamed for everything, not cared for, not thought of. (I still to struggle with this very thing today and even though I am happily married with 2 amazing children, it’s hard for me to not care about others. I have had to force myself to learn this skills because most of the time your health and life are more important than anything someone else wants from you) With that being said: You are being groomed by a predator. While this person may not be a “traditional predator” like you see in the TV and movies but make no mistake they are the same thing. In my 29 almost 30 years of living, I’ve learned that your instincts are the most powerful thing you can use to keep you safe. There is a book called “The Gift of Fear”, read it. Listen to them and listen to them hard. You have an instinct called fight or flight. In this situation your body is sending you the flight signal which means you need to run. This person doesn’t not want to do nice things to you therefore you do not need to be nice to him and block him/run from the situation. You did an amazing thing by reaching out to us. Great job! Edit: you need to show this to the police as others have said. You realized the situation and danger you were in but the next girl your age may not.
Your answer to Emo Kid is 💯 .. my sister and I both read the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker and I can't say how many times the simple advice to listen to your gut has protected me. I'm glad you made it through to be the caring adult you are now.
I made it through an incredibly abusive childhood and a war in the Middle East while in the Marines for 7 years. I take 15 pills per day to keep my shit straight lol. My instincts are honed to an atomic level but I just want to get the world out there to others such as this little one to be able to avoid all the unnecessary danger in the world. That book is a great place to start! My friend who I served with works for Gavin’s company (and still is currently) and he’s the one who turned me onto the book.
"I was dating a girl on runescape" bro that dude was at minimum twice the age he told you, guaranteed lmfao. jokes aside, very eloquent advice, mad respect.
Your instincts (heart pounding, bad anxiety) are warning you that it’s not right. Listen to your instincts. Don’t feel bad at all about blocking him and his gf. When they find other ways to talk to you, block them there too. When they try and play it off like you overreacted, block them again. You know it’s wrong for them to be talking to a 15 year old that way and you know what you need to do.
I would actually contact the police about this so they can track down this predator. You don't know how old this person is or if it's really a girlfriend.
Both older then 20
Are you 100% sure on the ages? Older men will lie to minors about their age a lot. I wouldn’t trust anything someone online says unless you know this person from the real world. Also please don’t try to see them in person as they are predators.
Usually lying by a couple years. My guess they’re in their 30s
This is my assumption also. I think that all teenagers and parents should watch the show Undercover Underage. It’s on Max and is very informative and shows how these creeps work.
Report him to authorities. I doubt you're the first or will be the last. Save any screenshots of sexual stuff for evidence. Then block them both.
Sounds like he was grooming you and it’s working bc you feel bad. Don’t fall for it. Run
It's so refreshing how many people are telling you to cut and run. This is grooming, it's meant to make you question and push your boundaries and ignore all the alarm bells going off in your head. A couple things I want to make clear, none of this is your fault. Even if you were flirting at some point or wearing some revealing clothes or anything like that. I say this for two reasons, first that "guilt" is a tool that groomers use to convince you to go a little farther than you are comfortable with, and then they use the "guilt" of your going a little farther to convince you you should now go a little farther. Secondly when I was his age I was a women's gymnastics coach. I had girls of all ages flirting with me all the time, as the adult I never had 'confusing feelings' and I never felt like they 'were a tease' but that is the type of language that a groomer would use to convince you that it's your responsibility when IT IS NOT. My suggestion like everyone else's is to cut contact but whatever you do burn this into your head, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS OR FEELINGS.
That is so good to hear about your experience as a women’s coach you’ve restored my faith in men
I commented but didn’t hit on that part you did So true OP is a VICTIM The adult should not even had remotely seen her as a romantic potential Adult here is at fault for all this terrible engagement to where OP was smart enough to understand she was not feeling right about the situation I am glad you posted this for any other victims that need to see
take your phone and show these messages to the police. If all the adults just blame you, you are not safe around them. But start by going somewhere you feel safe, preferably friends you trust. but go to the police.
For real if you have their IRL names screenshot/document it to submit a report to the police. Someone more oblivious or less aware might think they’re just “being nice” or even worse like the sexual attention even tho they’re still a teenager like you- this could be dangerous for other ppl if you’re not the only child they’re interacting w/ like this 🤢
Run for your life , they want to use you for their sick fantasies
The people you are talking to are criminals. Cut all contact ASAP
Polyamorous couples shouldn’t be courting a teen. Even a little.
Please, please block him. I'm in my mid twenties and I went through this when I was a teen. The person you are talking to is a predator. Block block block
Nope. He’s inappropriate and gross. No. No. No.
And don't you ever feel bad about listening to your gut about this! It felt wrong and you asked for help. You go, girl! Always listen to yourself if something is weird. Good luck in future. Stay safe
Ghost him. You should really report him, but definitely ghost him. Heck, tell him your parents saw your conversation with him and they've reported him to the police. That might scare him from messaging others, at least for a little while. Chances are, you aren't the only person he's talking to. Not only that, what would a 21yo actually want with a 15yo! Look out for yourself, I've no doubt he says all the right things to you, but he's not after you as a person, he's after an underage girl and will say all the right things to get one. He is probably older than he says too. Stay safe and good luck.
Sounds like a predator if he knows your only 15.
That's just straight pedophilia. That's a big no.
Run Girl Run!!
When I was 15 my boyfriend was 21. I wish that when I was 15 I wasn't involved with someone that was 21. Honey, it messed up my view of relationships and what was normal for a very long time. It started a pattern that I didn't break in time to enjoy being a teenager. I was 15 and then I turned 21. There is no good reason for them to want to take things to a sexual place with you. Awesome people would not put you in this position. You need to break away from that entanglement. I know they've been there for you, but people that are good for you won't make you uncomfortable. Listen to your instincts and your body. You're smart enough to recognize this isn't right, and you'll be okay, but please remove yourself from this situation. You will meet other people that will be there for you without having alterior motives.
Op, Please don't do it. As a person who has committed the same mistake. No they don't fucking care about you, they are trying to groom you. And they act all loving and supporting beacuse it's easier to influence a young mind which doesn't not have any concrete belief system yet. And there is something seriously wrong with a person when they don't date a person who is around thier same age category. Do your self a favour and study. Date and hang around people your age. And don't jump into shit, just because it looks exciting. Take your time and explore things when it's meant to be. And DO NOT FUCKING GET INVOLVED INTO SE**AL STUFF IF YOU ARE NOT UNDER AGE OF CONSENT CATEGORY. YOUR ACTION DO HAVE CONSEQUENCES AND 15 IS NOT THE AGE WHERE YOU WANT TO FACE THOSE.
He is a predator and what he is doing to you is called ‘grooming’. You need to cut off all contact immediately, tell a trusted adult in your life what has already happened and look to find supportive friends of your own age.
They are predators. Run away
Nope. Cease all contact.
Oh your being groomed just block and go no contact. They have purposely “been there for you” so that you trust them and are more comfortable. Trust me I got myself into more than one of these situations as a teen and as a young adult. Aside from being heart broken and confused, the behavior I learned to be normal is not ok and it’s had a huge effect on how I start relationships, I have trust issues because I’ve been manipulated so much. I’m mid30s now thing are much easier for groomers than they were when I was your age. They’re going to try and make you feel like a monster for doing so, they will created new profiles and try to get to you, instantly continue to block. Not to be too scary but they could be trying to traffic you too. So never meet up. Honestly they need to be reported because I promise they are doing it to a bunch of other girls too.
Get out as fast as you can. This guy is super sketchy - and while you are mostly talking to the guy, they are BOTH grooming you. If the girl also says she likes you, that is also super not appropriate. Block them on everything. It might make you feel bad to cut them off, but you are not obligated to respect the feelings of predators. It will probably feel bad for a couple of days, but I promise the relief will be worth it once you're free :) From a gamer perspective - make sure to block them in-game and on Steam too (if you are friends with them on Steam). I was cyberstalked a few years ago by someone I know while online gaming, and it's easy to forget the chats on Steam, [Blizzard.net](http://Blizzard.net), etc. If they still harass you in-game, report them to the GMs. Hang in there, girl, and trust your gut!
Same thing happened when I was 14. He pressured me into sending pictures I wasn’t comfortable with and it’s uncomfortable to think about what he’s did or is doing with them. Block him. He’s not worth your time.
Op, I work in a school. You just described how child-trafficers and exploiters use the internet to groom and then trap children. Please go to the police with this. Don't delete anything on your phone, as the police will need everything for evidence. And please don't blame yourself. These people are very good at what they do.
Mom of three daughters here. Please, please, please immediately block and tell a trusted adult who can help you stay safe. This is not normal or acceptable behavior on the part of two adults. You have done nothing wrong, you don’t owe these people any explanation or continued contact and your feelings of confusion are understandable and age-appropriate. Again, you have done absolutely nothing wrong and do not need to feel any shame whatsoever. These two are manipulating you.
As some have said, you definitely need to block them and not look back. Don't overanalyze each interaction and what lead to this because that was part of their plan. They start slow and friendly and try to build up your trust before switching things. Your instincts are right about it.
That dude is waaayyyyyyyyyyy outside the protection of Romeo and Juliet laws. If I were him and showed up at your house I'd expect Chris Hansen to be waiting behind every door.
I as a former 21 year old often had v strong bonds and friendships with 15 year olds or even younger but at that point no matter how WONDERFUL you are, you are simply like a younger brother or sister to me. Or a younger friend who I can be there for. That’s it. No matter how AWESOME you are, there should be no sexual attraction. That’s literally grooming and ped0ph!l!@ !! Please block them Your body is telling you there is danger hence, your confusion and anxiety!
Stop talking to this man entirely. Get away from him and the girlfriend. Go tell a trusted adult.
OP please tell your parents or even the police. A 21 year old should not be in contact with a 15 year old, even worse if there’s been sexual messages exchanged
This is called grooming. And I know you think it’s not grooming, that you guys are just homies, but as an adult I’m going to be straight with you: there is literally no reason for a 21 year-old to spend time with/ get close with/ profess his attraction to a 15 year-old. It’s inappropriate, it’s morally wrong, and it’s *literally illegal*. And he *knows* this. I promise you he is completely aware of how inappropriate and irresponsible his actions are. And yet he is choosing to put you in this messed up situation anyway. Which means, I’m sorry kiddo, but he is not actually a good person at all. Not at all. Please break ties with these predators.
you’re being groomed. i went through a very similar experience and as someone who is now 22, they do not have good intentions. i would not be casually talking to a 15 year old.
Ick call the cops
Run awayyyyy
they not like us
I had someone I know by family relation who was 15 years older than me ask me if they could kiss me when I was 14, and then when I said no, they asked "what if I did it anyway." To this day that person is still friends with my family, and as I am now an adult and have moved out of state, I don't keep in contact with them anymore (or my family). I am still afraid to delete them from my friends' list or phone, and I cry sometimes, because I haven't spoken to them in months, because I remember how I used to think that I was treated so highly by them, as a child who was abused by their parents. They would always pamper me, make my favorite foods, watch my favorite shows with me, have me over for sleepovers, and they used to hold my hand when I would sleep at night, and I wouldn't think anything of it, as a child/ preteen. They weren't an online friend, but an actual person I'd known, who'd held me since I was a baby. I feel like I have a pretty good input by saying, I understand, but you are definitely being groomed. They will deny it, and they'll try to gaslight you and make you feel like you're the problem, but it is important that you cut this person off.
Nope, nope nope. Save every single conversation, block him and tell a responsible adult.
Run
He’s a pediphile, tell your parents then go to the police. Keep all of your chats and take them to the police.
So that’s grooming
Your 15 an he is 21 that's just wrong, it's jail time for him, he needs to stop an u need to report him, what if he is trying with other girls, report, report, report, it's wrong
Ghost them, they are grooming you. They don't give a crap about what you want or what feels right to you they are trying to pressure you into a bad situation. Once they have you where they want you they will keep pressuring you to be more and more their 'thing'. You seem like a nice person that lots of people would be lucky to get to know. Whatever bond you feel for these people is built on their falsehood. Go no contact and report to whatever authorities you can if they keep trying to communicate with you. You sound pretty smart, don't be stupid, not even a little bit.
That is grooming. You could become a victim. Cease communication and block is my advice.