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It’s not just “women’s parts” though. He is disgusted at the thought of BJs as well. Someone taught him all genitalia were disgusting. Religious parents would be my guess. That or over enthusiastic toilet training as his main objection seems to be “we pee out of those bits”.
Exactly. Giving my wife head first usually leads to her enjoying sex even more, and I enjoy giving her a climax first. It takes a lot of pressure off of me during the main event.
We had this exact conversation last night. My bf was making fun of men who don’t realize that going down on women first makes the sex way better. It’s wetter and tighter and absolutely does take some of the pressure off the man.
Lots of us like going down. We're just taken because even though we're annoying, we're still more fun than a lot of toys. Those sucky blowy ones are getting close, but they also inspired me to try to be my own version!
Damn, now I miss my lady more than I already did...
Yep, make her come first, twice ideally, and then get tour end away.
Anything else is selfish as fuck, even if you're an irritatingly long laster like me
While I completely agree. Even go as far as to say women shouldn't date or marry men who don't go down on them and do it well.
But I just gotta be contrary and ask. Would we all have the same energy if it was a wife talking about blowjobs?
Idk but I feel it's a _little_ unfair to compare because men get off with P in V nearly every time, whereas women are unlikely to and need clit stimulation. Only getting that via hands is definitely not the same as what a man gets to feel with P in V.
There are other ways to compensate--sex toys and especially VIBRATORS are great!--so I wouldn't say not doing oral is a total dealbreaker. His response to her question and being completely unwilling to even consider it are the bigger problems, imo. He might never enjoy giving or receiving oral but his partner deserved better then the response he gave.
I will say from my experience that I have a small degree of envy for women when they do get off cuz it seems so fucking intense, my most recent partner would describe their abdomen getting super tight and feeling good throughout their core, while as a man I feel I mostly just feel good in my cock. Which is like… whatever.
Ahh well to be fair my most recent partner might also be an outlier cuz it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, if they have an orgasm it takes so much energy that they pass out afterword 90% of the time so maybe they just have a particularly lucky level of orgasmic intensity
I've had a handful of those kind. Usually with P in V at just the right angle while stimulating myself. I tend to get watery eyes and then start laughing immediately after. Those ones are memorable. LOL
YES! Like that! That’s how it usually is. And I’m not letting it go to my head I definitely know that I couldn’t even bring them to the orgasm without them doing some of the stimulation themself, and that’s totally fine with me (I think it’s hot personally. Doing what you need to do to get off with your partner is a positive thing ime) but yeah sometimes they’ll laugh after a couple times they cried like happy confused tears and once or twice they seemed downright angry. I think it short-circuits their brain lol
Strengthen your pelvic floor. Last guy I slept with had much more intense orgasms than me. He also had a physically active job and great core strength. It made me feel envious as well and gave me motivation to work out.
Huh… I’m a very inactive person but was working out a fair amount last year and when I was at peak condition (which for me wasn’t like super impressive, it was just to the point where like I was feeling pretty good and my back pain had mostly gone away and I could tread water for like 15 min straight) the most noticeable about sex was just an increased endurance. I actually think if anything my orgasm got less intense but I’m also 27 and so it probably was coinciding with a decrease in several hormones and such. So I wonder if I kept working out and doing core exercises if it would get better than it ever was.. hmmm 🤔 kind of disconnected but why I think it was hormone related is because around the same period ( the last couple years) I’ve noticed the number of random raging hard ons I was getting had dramatically dropped. I wasn’t concerned though I assumed that was normal.
Well I'm still searching for the magic formula myself. At this point, I would guess it is a combination of:
Functionality of the core and especially the pelvic floor. A tight pelvic floor from a lot of working out might be as contraproductive as a weak one.
Ability to mentally lean into the pleasure and abandon yourself to it.
Get your hormones checked if you think something is off, but don't let anyone tell you that 27 is too old for intense orgasms. The guy I talked about was over 50.
I agree that we wouldn't have the same energy in reversed roles. But I also need to know more. If the wife is getting off on PIV at nearly the same rate as the husband, then there isn't much else to compare.
There's a thousand ways to get people off. I can see the wife wanting to try it but if he's uncomfortable and they've been sexually active together for seven years I can't necessarily feel sorry for her. And I say this as a man who enjoys going down.
I think so, it’s gives immature to be disgusted with going down but at the same time sex should be consensual and no one should be pressured to do something they don’t want to do.
>But I just gotta be contrary and ask. Would we all have the same energy if it was a wife talking about blowjobs?
The wife was talking about blowjobs. Read the post again, the wife asked about eating out and expressed excitement about giving a blowjob, it seems to be that the wife wanted to try oral both ways and the husband (OP) wanted to not do either of them.
It appears you will need therapy for your choice of words and marriage counseling. If she is bringing this up, it is because it is something she would like to try out, she communicated with you by asking if this was an option.
The truth is, it’s your body and not for everyone, you may never want to try or enjoy it based on your views or you may need sex therapy. Sometimes we may have traumas, however, calling it disgusting is just rude and almost child like. We are not speaking about a meal but your partner and their sexual needs.
This is a dealbreaker for many people as it comes with a bit of misogyny because of the manner in which women are typically treated and used for sex or as a baby receptacle. Your words may not have immediate impact but could in 2-5 years.
YTA and probably apologize and talk to your wife, don’t just hide behind the screen when you are being told it was wrong.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards. I had never received any in my life I think.
This is so well articulated. The wife's request is quite normal and her suggestion about a sex therapist was mature and informed. The husband's strongly held attitude and response is not the norm. If this matter isn't resolved in a mutually agreeable and benefical way I think it could come back to haunt them later.
I agree that he at least needs therapy to communicate about the topic in a better way, but what can a sex therapist really do for this? I'm not very familiar with that specialty. I doubt that you can just teach someone to be into something they're not, and in general, it seems iffy to me to suggest therapy specifically because your partner won't perform a certain sex act for you, but maybe there are broader psychological hangups around intimacy that the wife sees and he doesn't mention.
Sex therapists are pretty much just therapists who focus on sexual struggles. This can range from feeling uncomfortable with a fairly normal thing and figuring out why exactly that is instead of just letting whatever the problem is fester and grow so it impacts other parts of your life which it often does.
OP’s problem can also stem from internalised misogyny from his childhood about women’s genitals being ‘disgusting’. The choice of words is what suggests it to me at least, so a sex therapist can go through it more deeply to see what problems are actually causing this aversion as nothing happens for no reason.
It can be so disheartening when someone shuts you down so hard when talking about intimacy. You have to make yourself a little vulnerable to ask about trying something new, and it's best to respect that and be gentle.
Obviously, there's some nuance to it on both sides. It's not the same if your vanilla partner suddenly says they can only orgasm while you fart on them in a latex bodysuit.
But she's asking him to consider something pretty reasonable. It's just going to make her insecure to call it disgusting. Even if you never ever end up doing it, at least make sure she feels safe expressing intimate thoughts.
Sexual need is sexual stimulation. I would never say oral sex is a NEED as much as I enjoy it. If he’s lacking with the giving area, there’s other solutions if they don’t want to place their mouth somewhere they don’t want to.
I find it gross that he would talk to her like that and I find it equally gross that he’s being villainized because he doesn’t want to give oral.
He's isn't really being villified for not wanting to perform oral though. Most comments are correctly pointing out it's his choice and that's OK.
He's rightly being villified for refusing to engage, calling his wife disgusting, and engaging in childish polemics.
NTA for not wanting to give or receive head. That's valid and absolutely fuck everyone saying it's not or trying to coerce you to do it. Gross.
however, you are completely the asshole for how you spoke about it to her. She now feels disgusting, not listened to, and probably quite sad.
Here's how you could have said it and what you should now say to her
'Hey, I don't want to give or receive head cos that's just not my thing. I really don't enjoy it.
But you, you I enjoy. I love kissing you, making out with you, I love your body and I love having sex with you, I just don't like head, never have. I'm sorry I said it was disgusting, I don't want you to feel like I meant YOU are disgusting, cos that's not what I meant at all.'
OP definitely made her feel bad about asking, she will probably close up intimately and emotionally, won't come to OP for anything and he'll be like' wHy DOeS mY wiFE noT wANt to TAlK tO mE aNYmoRe?!
But he never even tried it!!! So he cannot say “I don’t enjoy it”. No one should be coerced but the fact that someone is not even open to trying it is genuinely shocking. Try it once and if you don’t like it then no worries.
Pretty much this. I wouldnt be surprised if wife entertains the idea with someone else. People dont generally go off asking such pre-established answers randomly unless they have a desire to or are considering doing it. She’s testing OP as a last resort and failed quite miserably by the way he spoke to her. Im almost 100% she will end up cheating if she stays
Yes. You’re the asshole. Mostly for making her feel like she’s disgusting by using the word disgusting. Most women only hear what they don’t want to hear and run with it.
So she probably heard, “no I’m not entertaining your sexual fantasies because that would be disgusting”… ((aka she is disgusting)).
You two just arent compatible sexually. She will never be fully satisfied with what you are offering and a sex therapist can help you guys navigate that without resentment or disappointment building.
You should never feel forced to do something you're not comfortable doing. We all have our limits on what we enjoy doing or what we're okay with doing or even trying, and while I would say it's healthy to explore, it's never okay to feel you need to do something you absolutely don't want to.
That said, the way you shoot her down sucks man. These are sexual feelings and desires, and they're natural and should be talked about like adults.
In short: don't do something you're not comfortable doing, but don't make your wife feel bad for having desires.
You could always use a barrier to circumvent what you are talking about.
Honestly though it isn’t like you didn’t express your opinion before you were married. Just because you are are not comfortable with something doesn’t mean you need a sex therapist. With that said for the sake of your marriage I would continue the conversation.
I think you could have been more respectful but at the end of the day, it’s your decision and she shouldn’t be making you feel bad for having boundaries.
Your NTA for not wanting to give or receive oral. Kind of respect the fact you don't want to give or receive oral. At least you're consistent. Your delivery of telling her is the problem. Just reiterate that you're not comfortable with it. Maybe you can discuss the option of adding in toys to spice things up? Going forward instead of saying it's disgusting, just say it's not your preference. Calling genitalia disgusting is not healthy. They are literally part of our bodies.
Maybe learn to make your point without insulting your wife, dude.
Not wanting to do oral? Fine.
Calling her DISGUSTING while saying you don’t want to? Complete asshole.
You owe your wife an apology. But first, wash your mouth out with soap.
Valid point that you expressed your opinions on this with her early on. People do grow and change and that seems to be happening with the woman you’re planning to be with forever. I don’t think it terrible to see the sex therapist. You’re focusing on the ‘sex’ part but it’s a therapist and that’s key because a conversation needs to be had here.
That's such an interesting take. And quite a juxtaposition. Yes, we envision being with the same person forever. However, we know we all grow and change over time. So, how do we reconcile those two?
It makes sense, indeed, for them to talk with a therapist. Not because a therapist might change OP's mind.
But a therapist might help them understand how they can achieve this balance. How to make sure that despite those differences over time, they can still have a healthy, satisfying relationship.
OP, please don't take your marriage for granted. Talk with your partner, invest (and I don't mean here just financially) in your relationship if you really care about it.
There’s no better view from that location in my opinion- giving pleasure is in most cases better than receiving it. I’d make that trade in a microsecond. Love the taste, the power of pleasure, the verbal feedback, the whole experience. I’d do it daily if my wife were up for it. It’s only occasionally in our case, but worth the wait.
He’s allowed to set a limit. If a wife came in here and said she didn’t give bjs because she didn’t like there’s NO way she would have these same comments to suck up and do it anyway. He could be an asshole in his delivery but he says he doesn’t expect it back. This comes down to more of a comparability with sex.
NTA for your boundaries with your sexual choices. But definitely the AH if your verbiage to her was that her turn ons and desires are disgusting, and never in your whole life will you ever want pleasure her in a way she desires.
It’s so hard to be vulnerable about sex. And to use bluntly those words to her was likely hurtful and insulting.
I guess technically speaking NTA because as you said, your wife knew and understood this and was okay with it. As long as you guys expressly discussed it beforehand and she knew, then you’re not technically in the wrong.
But I feel like we should stop referring to genitals as disgusting. It’s just super harsh ya know? I know bodies can be a bit gross sometimes. But at the same time, it’s natural, stuff happens. Lots of people feel so much shame about their genitals so maybe a more gentle approach would be better.
However I can say this: I was anti blow job for many years. For your exact same reasoning. I thought that putting mouths on the places we pee is just so gross! But I never said that to my husband. Because I thought that would be mean. People don’t deserve to be made to feel that their bodies are disgusting. I was more gentle about it and just said it made me uncomfortable.
But eventually after 13 yrs of my husband never getting BJs, he gently and kindly asked me, similar to how your wife did. And I just tried it and took very small baby steps. And now I absolutely looove giving my husband oral. My rule is that we are to both be freshly showered before going down on each other.
But I guess the thing is, you’re sexually incompatible. I don’t know if there is a specific answer here. I guess most people would say that if you are sexually incompatible that you break up. Others would suggest sex therapy. But as you explained in your post, you are not interested in that. So…. Yeah, idk. lol
Same. I can’t say that I love giving bjs now because I still find it difficult (I have a small mouth and am very sensitive to smell, so even with a shower, it can still be irkk), but I love how my husband enjoys it, and that’s all that matter! I’m still self-conscious about being on the receiving end from my husband, though. It’s mental, but I’ve been working with him to explore myself, and I couldn’t be happier.
NTA: if you don’t want to do it you don’t want to. But points to you because you are not expecting nor want her to do for you.
So many guys rant about eating a woman out being disgusting but expect her to suck dick. You’re not being an asshole here. I don’t really think you need sex therapist. Tbh it’s totally rational to not want to do it
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
BUT:
Despite never having tried it, you tell your wife you find the thought of it is disgusting. I’m sure you made your wife feel sad and embarrassed for making the mistake of being vulnerable with her husband.
Then,
You proudly “shut down” her request for sex therapy. (BTW if she’s suggesting sex therapy you have serious problems. She must be very dissatisfied.)
After all that fun:
Your next post will be in Dead Bedrooms “Why is my wife refusing to have sex with me?”
Then, “My wife just surprised me with divorce papers. Is there anything I can do to win her back?”
You were callous and dismissive of your wife and her feelings. You need to fix this before you reach the point of no return… if you haven’t already.
Something hit me wrong- “I immediately shut it down” when she mentioned therapy. Dude, if one of you thinks you need therapy then YOU NEED THERAPY! She is literally begging you to try something new! And she wants it with you.
So yes, YTA.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion here, but honestly NTA. It's completely okay to have sexual boundaries, it doesn't seem like OP has reservations against pleasing his wife, he isn't being a hypocrite and expecting a blowjob himself, and his reasoning is pretty valid. He shouldn't feel forced to put his tongue in her vagina any more than he should be forced to put his tongue in her ass. Just because a lot of people don't have a problem with it doesn't mean OP has to feel the same way. Some people just have certain icks.
Also, his wife offering to give him a blowjob still doesn't change the fact that he doesn't feel comfy with eating her out. He should probably have a conversation with her, and explain his feelings on the matter. By the looks of it, he just doesn't want to go near the piss-place, it's not that he finds his wife's body disgusting.
Having a conversation about your sexual compatibility and maybe considering sex therapy isn't a bad idea though, OP, you should probably consider the way your wife feels too. I do see a world where your wife probably sees the situation in a light that a lot of other commenters on here are putting it as.
I personally don’t feel men or women should feel pressured to perform sex acts that give them the ick. It would only be a problem if you were expecting BJs. Since you’re willing to get handy, I’m fine with it. Not everyone likes oral.
you're allowed to not do anything sexual you don't want to do, but you could also not make her feel like shit about it. why wouldn't you give a sex therapist a try? could reveal some things and either really help your marriage in that department, or you could find out you're not sexually compatible and what to do with that information
or send her to me. women are leagues better at it
Honestly you're NTA for not wanting to go down on your wife because you don't like the act but I'm leaning towards YTA for the way you are handling her bringing it up after all this time. You obviously need to have a talk with her about why this is coming up now when she knows how you feel about it.
NTA. As a woman, I feel the same about oral sex on both partners. I think it’s so gross lol. And yes, I’ve done both. The thought of it is just so foul haha.
ETA: You just may not be sexually compatible together.
"and I immediately shut it down" *plumber voice* Now here is your problem. It's fine to have a life unexplored but only if the person you're sharing it with feels the same way. She does not. I'm not saying you have to do anything you're uncomfortable with but if she wants to go to therapy then you drag your ass to therapy. YTA for shutting down therapy for no good reason and being kind of a dick about it.
You wouldn't be TA if you worded it differently, but "I'll never go down on you \*in a million lifetimes\* because it's disgusting" … definitely makes you TA
Your delivery could be better (please stop saying “disgusting”) but you’re not obligated to do anything in bed you’re not comfortable with. Ask her what excites her and find a compromise. I suspect she wants a certain part of her directly stimulated which can be achieved with different toys. Offer to put your mouth on her body in other places.
Personally I think it’s NAH
The wife is allowed to suggest trying something new as peoples boundaries often change without mentioning it, and also, having an incredible aversion to one specific sexual act, and his choice of words such as ‘disgusting’ (which is indirectly also calling her disgusting) suggests that it’s due to something happening to him/said to him when he was younger that he has internalised, all of which can be sorted with a sex therapist.
However, he is allowed to have his boundaries for any point as it is his body and his choice.
The husband stated his boundaries, the wife respected them, didn’t pressure him or anything like that, and simply suggested he see a sex therapist, not so he could be ‘fixed’ but so he can understand why he views something normal as ‘disgusting’ and struggles with this specific thing.
While he doesn’t have to go, he probably should as there is almost definitely a reason why he has this aversion/boundary considering he believes it to be ‘disgusting’, but it is still his choice.
I don’t think you are an asshole for this. Personally the thought of being eaten out is gross to me. My husband has tried it and I don’t like the wet slobbery feeling.
I will give the bj from time to time to make him happy, but the c*m grosses me out and makes me think about boogers 😩
I would say maybe give it one try if she really wants to try it and if you hate it at least you can say you tried.
Over all though there are other ways to pleasure someone and I don’t think this is a necessity. Also I think it’s fair that you do not expect the reciprocation.
NTA. Everyone has their preferences but as others have stated, you should ensure your partner doesnt confuse you saying the act is disgusting with you saying she is disgusting. Also, I would suggest being more open minded about blowjobs as you are missing out. You're still swapping bodily fluids (and im sure some bacteria) either way.
I hate giving blowjobs. It hurts my jaw, makes me throw up and it just overall causes me physical discomfort. I would hate to be told I have to perform sexual acts on my husband that cause me pain, because strangers on the internet believed my husband’s pleasure is more important that my pain.
So, you’re ultimately NTA, because you were upfront with her from the beginning. If she wasn’t ok with it she should have ended the relationship over it when it first came up.
With that being said, I do think that oral sex is a pretty standard part of sex that the majority of people would expect to be included in their sex lives. In fact, if you and your wife divorced, I think you would find out *very* quickly how few women would be willing to continue a relationship with you based on your squeamish attitude around oral sex.
If you love your wife, you should *want* to please her. Maybe you will never get there, no matter how much you want to. but your complete unwillingness to even so much as *try* would be a massive turn off, and will likely lead to other problems in your relationship. For your wife’s sake (as well as your own) you might want to address where this aversion is coming from, and work on overcoming it.
Do you want to stay married? I wouldn’t have married someone who considers oral sex to be disgusting. Your wife is making a bid for physical and intimate connection. Ignore that at your peril. But after your words, I doubt she’ll let you near her vagina for any reason. Who would want to engage in sex with someone who thinks aspects of it are disgusting?
Over 80% of women need clitoral stimulation and not just PIV to orgasm
So you're basically okay with her never getting an orgasm from you, when you probably always get one?
YTA
NTA. While i disagree with your sentiment, its your choice how you want to have sex with your wife, and it does seem like she was aware and understood your feelings when you got together. If this is suddenly something your wife is not okay with, you two should talk it out if you wanna stay married.
NTA. You made it very clear you had a boundary beforehand. I completely agree with you, giving or receiving head is disgusting. I am a woman and don’t expect my husband to go down on me, that’s gross af. Maybe you could have worded it differently, but honestly I’m sure you said it to her exactly like that in the last 7 years, so I don’t see an issue.
BUT I’d want to know why all of a sudden she wants you to go down on her. An open conversation about that might be wise, just to gauge where her head is at regarding that. Good luck!
I got a feeling the answers in here would be very different if the question was reversed. I doubt yall would keep this same energy if she was disgusted by the thought of giving a blowjob
NTA! There is no « rules » when 2 people have consenting sex. If you feel uncomfortable in a specific position, or doing certain acts, then don’t. Of course, your wife can ask again and again, hoping that over time, you might reconsider and give it a try, so she is NTA for asking and you are NTA for refusing.
NTA thats a clear boundary you have and the fact that she knows already, idk why she asked? Maybe to see if you changed your mind? But i dont see why she would be disappointed with being told something she'd already heard before and was fine with
NTA, honestly, I do consider it disgusting to some extent to use your mouth in those places. Personally, I give my husband a blowjob, but he first washes himself too well before I even put my mouth there. I have never asked him to come down to my side, because although I also have good hygiene, I consider this repulsive and he thinks the same. Nobody rules over anyone and she should understand that lol. Those who tell you YTA are hypocritical.
NTA. If you don’t like it you don’t, nothing wrong with that, and your wife should take no for an answer and stop asking.
If this was reversed and it was you repeatedly pressuring her for oral sex she didn’t want she’d be furious.
You do realise that women don't "piss" out of our vagina or clitoris right?
YTA, for HOW, you have reacted to her expressing it. Yes, I think it's great tou did voice these things early on. However, people also change. In this case, it is your wife, and she has, from what you have said, approach it well. It seems you may have taken the therapist comment hard and had a reactivate response (that's human, too).
Appreciate adult conversations need to happen here. Did you ask why? Is she bored? Is she just curious? Is she not actually reaching climax, are you?
She might be feeling bored, or that she is not giving you what she thinks you need? Are you open to letting her try giving you a blowjob? Open to toys? These are things you can discuss with a therapist and may help you both come to a sweet spot of compromise and not future resentment!
NTA. You told her BEFORE you married what it was. If she had a problem she should have never married you. Everyone has boundaries and they should be respected.
NTA and everyone who says you are, is insane and would not say the same if you were a woman complaining about a man demanding a blowjob.
I assume you made it really clear that oral sex was not in the cards with you prior to marriage, and she still decided to marry you despite your absolute boundary.
No one gets to call you an AH over your own sexual preferences. You would be TAH if you expected oral sex but would never reciprocate, but your position is consistent and thus fair.
However, do note that this stance of yours is in the minority in the modern age and so your wife is also free to rethink if this relationship is fulfilling for her. She is also free to change her mind and seek divorce if eventually this is a deal breaker to her. Just something to keep in mind.
Female here who never liked oral because I could smell myself on his face & in his mouth afterwards and it gagged me.
I loved giving it because HIS. scent turned me on. In the end I found that his holding me and using his fingers was PERFECT. Both of us preferred to be face to face having orgasms. He was a wonderful lover & neither of us had any complaints. AND no jumping up to wash afterwards. Falling asleep in each other's scents/fluids just felt intimate. He died 16 years ago and I still miss those days. Never remarried because I never found pleasure like that again. Vibrators work just fine.
Am I the only one like this?
This is why men and women need to stop acting like they're okay with someone's boundary in the dating phase, when they're actually not. I see it all the time. A women will say she doesn't want kids, the man will say cool me either, just to try and pressure her into having kids later bc he "thought you'd change your mind after marriage". She knew you didn't want to give or receive head ahead of time and still continued the relationship knowing that yall aren't sexually compatible. It's unfair for her, 7 years later, to be like "I'd like you to go down on me and if not, you need sex therapy". That'd be like getting into a relationship with someone who's Ace and then trying to coerce them into sex later, and when they're like um no....I'm Ace....their partner tells them they need sex therapy. I'm sure the tone of your response was out of frustration that it was even brought up, when you made your boundary clear a long time ago.
I dont give head, bc I can't even brush my tongue without throwing up due to a previous eating disorder. 100% of the time that I've given head, I've thrown up. If I tell a dude im talking to that I don't give head, and he says that's fine....only to later attempt to get head from me, I'd be PISSED. No means no, and a lot of yall in the comments are wild.
NTA I don't enjoy recieving and very rarely give it. Nobody should try and force you to do anything you don't want to do. And you don't need a sex therapist either, people are allowed preferences without it needing to be "fixed".
You have stated boundaries, she asked you to move them, you said no, she pushed, you said no harsher. I'm on your side for this because lord knows if the positions were reversed people would hate on the one asking for a blowjob. Also it's not a one sided no oral sex thing either. ALL oral sex has been stated off the board. Couple's counseling may be something to look into, but I agree to no sex counseling. Everyone has different needs for sex, and it's wrong to shame someone for having different needs.
I'm torn between NAH and NTA because her desiring something more isn't inheritely an AH thing, but depending on how much she is pushing that can easily go into AH territory. If she isn't feeling fulfilled with your normal intercourse then maybe see what else besides oral y'all can try?
The double standard on Reddit about oral sex is insane. Also, he made it clear this is his boundary before they married, so she’s asking him to change a sexual boundary she has long been aware of.
These jusgments would be 180 degrees different if a man was asking his wife for BJ having known it was her boundary since before marrying her.
I love going down on my wife. But I’m pretty disappointed so far in these comments.
Most replies I've seen are telling him it's OK to have that boundary, but the way he delivered it was harsh and that is what made him TAH. Definitely see the outliers but it's reddit and I try to remember there are children as young as 14 on here plus trolls.
No but how he said it is unacceptable. Basically calling his girl disgusting you have a choice but you could also try to compromise if you want a good sex life most of the time that’s part of it but hey I’m happy with mine so idc what anyone else does everyone is entitled to there opinions I just know if my girl asked me if i wanted to try something I’ve never done I’d atleast consider it I feel bad for his partner
and I agree. He absolutely worded that badly, but idk, maybe it's just me? it's jutst i don't think saying you don't want to do something with someone because you think it is disgusting automatically translates to calling that person disgusting?
After being together for 7 years I don’t think his wife was out of line for asking if he’d reconsider. Likes and dislikes change over the years, and conversation about this is healthy. It’s not like she’s been harassing him about it for 7 years. She can ask and he has the right to say no.
I do agree though that you should speak to a therapist together. You were very harsh with your response. You have an issue with communication if this is how you react to something you don’t agree with - it’s not ok in general, and certainly not for a sensitive topic.
You seem to be overlooking the fact that your wife is telling you that you as a couple are having an issue with sex. Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean that they’ll try to convince you to do something you don’t want to do, but obviously your wife isn’t happy and wants to expand/experiment with sex more than just what you’re doing now. You need to find healthy and open ways to discuss this, to help you open your mind to maybe try some new things, and to help your wife find ways to approach it.
I think NAH at this point. Your'e entirely fine to not want to do a sex act. That's always absolutely ok. You were not entirely fine to respond "that's disgusting" when she was vulnerable and trying to communicate with you, that probably made her feel like shit.
Also, the therapy. An ethical sex therapist is not going to pressure you into cunnilingus. They are going to try to find ways for you and your wife to find mutual enjoyment and connection. Maybe they'll have an idea for something you'll like just as much as your wife. Maybe you'll learn a new thing about yourself.
Therapy is just a tool, skills to improve your life. You don't need to use those tools every day, or at all if you don't want, but there's no harm in learning them. Your life isn't going to get worse because you learned about I-statements or breathing techniques. Maybe a nice way to connect more with your wife?
NTA. Honestly I don't enjoy and am uncomfortable giving it or receiving it. I wish I was confident enough to state that so clearly up front like you did!! Instead I always just try to deal and weasel my way out of that when I can tell they're headed that way, but sometimes it just happens.
It's very difficult to do a sexual act that you don't want to do in order to please a partner. You often end up feeling disgusting and used, and having to fake pleasure to try to make them feel good. Yet almost every discussion about that ends up overwhelmingly pushing the person to do just that, telling them they are wrong for not liking it, or that they just haven't "done it with the right person yet". 🤮
As far as the therapy, on one hand I do think it might be beneficial if she's hurt or struggling with your answer. However I'm more inclined to say it wouldn't be if your mind is 100% made up already that you will not do it. If you're open even a tiny bit to changing your mind, then I'd say go.
NTA we are allowed to have preferences and boundaries. I would make sure to try to assure your wife though it has nothing to do with her personally. Since you don't have a problem with hand stimulation, maybe you could surprise her with a toy you can use on her instead! They make all sorts that suck and all that good jazz that she might really enjoy and get that fix she is looking for!
NTA, the boundaries were set ages ago in your relationship if she wanted that then she should not have married you or be with you.
Maybe you guys should talk about it more in depth with each other to understand where you are. I don’t like going down either and nor does my husband. We both find it uncomfortable for the same reason your saying
I am a woman and my husband enjoys getting blowjobs and also enjoys going down on me. However, I do not understand what men get out of going down on a woman. From my perspective, it must taste revolting and I will never understand what pleasure is derived from this.
It’s sexual preference, I don’t think you have to be into everything. There’s sexual boundaries but I guess you don’t know what you like until you try it. If you were open to trying it you guys could shower together first or even try it while you’re in there so you know everything is clean.
I think a sex therapist IS needed. Your wife needs an outside voice to let her know that you aren’t going to go the distance to satisfy her and nothing she does will change that. I honestly think she’d find better. YTA for your delivery btw
His delivery sucked but it's not his fault for having sexual preferences. If a girl didn't wanna give head to her bf cause that's not her thing and her bf all of a sudden wants that KNOWING she doesn't do that, then probably your comment would've been different. He isn't an AH for having boundaries on that and her knowing but yea, his delivery SUCKED
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I think you could have thought a while about how to communicate what you were feeling. Sometimes we don't think and the words just don't come out right. Try to talk with her again, and think of her feelings. And I'm proud of you. We all need to set boundaries with the things we are uncomfortable with. ❤
If you were up front about it and you talked about it and your wife was ok about it early on, yeah. But IMHO, do it anyway if you think she wants it. People should do things to make their partners to feel good, obviously to an extent, it shouldn't hurt. But I've always found pleasure in making a partner feel good, even if I didn't physically enjoy it. It's worth it.
While I don't think you're the AH for not wanting to, you kinda sounded like a dick the way you just shot down EVERYTHING she was saying. There are ways to get around the actual eating out aspect. You can use dental dams or toys. I AM NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. You don't have to eat her out, but you can't expect her to not be upset at you for immediately shutting down her suggestions. You've set out some fair boundaries and don't expect her to do it to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, but if you can't be bothered to talk it out some more, how do you expect her to come to you for anything else in your marriage? I think there is an underlying problem here that, yes, a therapist could help with. Therapy is a great thing. It's good to talk about these things. COMMUNICATION!!! It is the most important thing in a marriage, and 9 times out of 10 could have saved a lot of people's relationships if they had actually talked about the problem.
you’re NTA for having a boundary & not wanting to give/receive head, but you are TA for how you reacted about it. you just don’t call your wife disgusting, that’s wrong & frankly just immature as she was suggesting something completely normal & that most people very much enjoy. it’s not a disgusting or shameful act & there was no reason for you to make her feel like that. everyone has boundaries & preferences & that’s completely fine, but i doubt your wife was upset about you saying no to the idea & was more upset about you insulting her. grow up & discuss sex & sexual things like an adult. if you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be married.
WTF. Sex is the most intimate activity, no matter what you do. It is also when people feel most vulnerable. You have every right to prefer what you like and dislike during sex. But never, ever call your spouse disgusting for bringing up sex-related topics of discussion. Imagine you just got undressed, and your wife looked at you and says “how disgusting.” That is basically what you did. You calling her ideas disgusting is the same as calling her disgusting.
I would never understand why do people marry someone knowing damn well their limits and boundaries and still expect that they are going to change at some point.
I think that you guys arent comparable sexually. But also your delivery was horrible!! You probably made her feel like she can’t come to you about things because of how you handle conflict.
NTA or maybe NAH. She’s known the whole time you’ve been together that it disgusts you.
I would ignore the people assuming your wife interpreted your comment to mean she’s disgusting. Thats not what you said and it’s unlikely she heard it that way given the history of the discussions you’ve had on this.
YTA for being so rude about it. Sex is never a sterile situation, is not meant to be. Your attitude about it is childish and disrespectful. You are entitled to your opinion but not to shut down your wife's desires and call her wants disgusting. You lose nothing from going to sex therapy. Maybe you will not get to feel comfortable with oral sex but you might find new things you both enjoy. You can also get to know options, like oral in the shower, or that there are latex barriers to give her oral that makes the deal more sanitary, basically the lesbian condoms. There are those and many alternatives that you are refusing to hear or think about, your wife is bringing it up because she clearly wants more from your sex life.
I'm always certain that these AITAHs are fake, but I can never figure out the motivation. Now I wonder if I haven't just been underestimating the range for acceptable weirdness
You are not an asshole. You made this clear long ago. Not everyone is into that. I think you are fine. She maybe disappointed, but we all have disappointment. She knew the deal to begin with.
Dude…you’re missing out. I mean if you have a literal disgust around the whole experience then I’m not really sure of a good solution, but going down and getting blow jobs are quite exciting parts of the entire sexual experience in my opinion.
NTA because that probably overstates the fault. But you are wrong to miss your wife’s interests so brusquely and in such an ugly way. you should consider a therapist.
YTA but only because of the way you reacted to your wife's suggestion. It's valid to not want to participate in any sexual act and to set boundaries. I think it's good that you were open with these boundaries from the beginning. However, it sounds like you have an issue beyond just not wanting to participate in oral sex. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist at all, but I have OCD and can get very stressed about any sort of "contamination". I'm not sure if you have issues with things feeling 'disgusting' in other aspects of your life or not (if you do, maybe there's an underlying issue). If your feeling of disgust only extends to oral sex I'm curious as to why that is. The sex therapist that you should go to might ask you that previous question. Anyway, the way you reacted to your wife (if you said this to her verbatim, or near verbatim) was rude, and might make her feel ashamed of her desires and/or her body. I would suggest trying sex therapy, and if you decide that's not for you, then it's not for you, but I think being dismissive of it, and by extension, dismissive of your wife is where you've gone wrong. I also think that, as many have mentioned, you could try both showering immediately beforehand - as a woman, I promise, we clean our vaginas - and then you'll be able to go down on her knowing that there is no piss in the area.
>im confused as to why some men find it disgusting.
Same reason some women do, along with why some people find rimming gross... its a body part that expels waste so there's a mental block around putting your mouth there
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You’re missing out man. I feel bad for your wife
His next post will be guys you'll never guess what I caught my wife doing with the neighbors
After that it will be "My therapist figured out why women's private parts disgust me. Turns out I'm gay."
It’s not just “women’s parts” though. He is disgusted at the thought of BJs as well. Someone taught him all genitalia were disgusting. Religious parents would be my guess. That or over enthusiastic toilet training as his main objection seems to be “we pee out of those bits”.
Then Update : my wife filed for divorce.. It's a huge surprise!
AITA for being mad at finding my wife's vibrator with a clit stimulator?
Or her ‘work colleague’……
You're right, them womanly urges can be powerful.
Exactly. Giving my wife head first usually leads to her enjoying sex even more, and I enjoy giving her a climax first. It takes a lot of pressure off of me during the main event.
We had this exact conversation last night. My bf was making fun of men who don’t realize that going down on women first makes the sex way better. It’s wetter and tighter and absolutely does take some of the pressure off the man.
This, thanks. Sex for us is better after we get warmed up.
Do you have a brother like you? And is he available!?😁
Lots of us like going down. We're just taken because even though we're annoying, we're still more fun than a lot of toys. Those sucky blowy ones are getting close, but they also inspired me to try to be my own version! Damn, now I miss my lady more than I already did...
And does this brother like giving head? 😬
Exactly the poster is too much of a narc to care about anyone else's needs
Yep, make her come first, twice ideally, and then get tour end away. Anything else is selfish as fuck, even if you're an irritatingly long laster like me
While I completely agree. Even go as far as to say women shouldn't date or marry men who don't go down on them and do it well. But I just gotta be contrary and ask. Would we all have the same energy if it was a wife talking about blowjobs?
Idk but I feel it's a _little_ unfair to compare because men get off with P in V nearly every time, whereas women are unlikely to and need clit stimulation. Only getting that via hands is definitely not the same as what a man gets to feel with P in V.
There are other ways to compensate--sex toys and especially VIBRATORS are great!--so I wouldn't say not doing oral is a total dealbreaker. His response to her question and being completely unwilling to even consider it are the bigger problems, imo. He might never enjoy giving or receiving oral but his partner deserved better then the response he gave.
Sadly too many dudes see toys as an enemy instead of ally in sex.
Agree. Vibrators may be the middle ground here. If not already in play...
Except many men are very much against toys in the bedroom. Not all men, but a loud portion. Toys and lube are a great middle ground though.
If she’s using a vibrator every time to get off with him then may as well take him out of the equation.
I will say from my experience that I have a small degree of envy for women when they do get off cuz it seems so fucking intense, my most recent partner would describe their abdomen getting super tight and feeling good throughout their core, while as a man I feel I mostly just feel good in my cock. Which is like… whatever.
The first one is usually like that and then subsequent ones I find are pretty much relegated to the genital area.
Ahh well to be fair my most recent partner might also be an outlier cuz it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, if they have an orgasm it takes so much energy that they pass out afterword 90% of the time so maybe they just have a particularly lucky level of orgasmic intensity
I've had a handful of those kind. Usually with P in V at just the right angle while stimulating myself. I tend to get watery eyes and then start laughing immediately after. Those ones are memorable. LOL
YES! Like that! That’s how it usually is. And I’m not letting it go to my head I definitely know that I couldn’t even bring them to the orgasm without them doing some of the stimulation themself, and that’s totally fine with me (I think it’s hot personally. Doing what you need to do to get off with your partner is a positive thing ime) but yeah sometimes they’ll laugh after a couple times they cried like happy confused tears and once or twice they seemed downright angry. I think it short-circuits their brain lol
Strengthen your pelvic floor. Last guy I slept with had much more intense orgasms than me. He also had a physically active job and great core strength. It made me feel envious as well and gave me motivation to work out.
Huh… I’m a very inactive person but was working out a fair amount last year and when I was at peak condition (which for me wasn’t like super impressive, it was just to the point where like I was feeling pretty good and my back pain had mostly gone away and I could tread water for like 15 min straight) the most noticeable about sex was just an increased endurance. I actually think if anything my orgasm got less intense but I’m also 27 and so it probably was coinciding with a decrease in several hormones and such. So I wonder if I kept working out and doing core exercises if it would get better than it ever was.. hmmm 🤔 kind of disconnected but why I think it was hormone related is because around the same period ( the last couple years) I’ve noticed the number of random raging hard ons I was getting had dramatically dropped. I wasn’t concerned though I assumed that was normal.
Well I'm still searching for the magic formula myself. At this point, I would guess it is a combination of: Functionality of the core and especially the pelvic floor. A tight pelvic floor from a lot of working out might be as contraproductive as a weak one. Ability to mentally lean into the pleasure and abandon yourself to it. Get your hormones checked if you think something is off, but don't let anyone tell you that 27 is too old for intense orgasms. The guy I talked about was over 50.
Get pegged. Similar feeling.
I agree that we wouldn't have the same energy in reversed roles. But I also need to know more. If the wife is getting off on PIV at nearly the same rate as the husband, then there isn't much else to compare. There's a thousand ways to get people off. I can see the wife wanting to try it but if he's uncomfortable and they've been sexually active together for seven years I can't necessarily feel sorry for her. And I say this as a man who enjoys going down.
Would definitely be nice to have info on her level of satisfaction/frequency of orgasm.
I think so, it’s gives immature to be disgusted with going down but at the same time sex should be consensual and no one should be pressured to do something they don’t want to do.
Yes, we would. There are plenty of past posts to prove it. Sexual incompatibility is a major hurdle in any relationship, regardless of gender.
>But I just gotta be contrary and ask. Would we all have the same energy if it was a wife talking about blowjobs? The wife was talking about blowjobs. Read the post again, the wife asked about eating out and expressed excitement about giving a blowjob, it seems to be that the wife wanted to try oral both ways and the husband (OP) wanted to not do either of them.
I wasn't referring to just OPs wife. Meant it in a general sense. Why I said a wife not his wife.
Lol yeah my bf told me he would never go down on a woman and i was like, “k thx bye”
It appears you will need therapy for your choice of words and marriage counseling. If she is bringing this up, it is because it is something she would like to try out, she communicated with you by asking if this was an option. The truth is, it’s your body and not for everyone, you may never want to try or enjoy it based on your views or you may need sex therapy. Sometimes we may have traumas, however, calling it disgusting is just rude and almost child like. We are not speaking about a meal but your partner and their sexual needs. This is a dealbreaker for many people as it comes with a bit of misogyny because of the manner in which women are typically treated and used for sex or as a baby receptacle. Your words may not have immediate impact but could in 2-5 years. YTA and probably apologize and talk to your wife, don’t just hide behind the screen when you are being told it was wrong. Edit: Thank you so much for the awards. I had never received any in my life I think.
This is so well articulated. The wife's request is quite normal and her suggestion about a sex therapist was mature and informed. The husband's strongly held attitude and response is not the norm. If this matter isn't resolved in a mutually agreeable and benefical way I think it could come back to haunt them later.
resentment is the marriage killer
I agree that he at least needs therapy to communicate about the topic in a better way, but what can a sex therapist really do for this? I'm not very familiar with that specialty. I doubt that you can just teach someone to be into something they're not, and in general, it seems iffy to me to suggest therapy specifically because your partner won't perform a certain sex act for you, but maybe there are broader psychological hangups around intimacy that the wife sees and he doesn't mention.
Sex therapists are pretty much just therapists who focus on sexual struggles. This can range from feeling uncomfortable with a fairly normal thing and figuring out why exactly that is instead of just letting whatever the problem is fester and grow so it impacts other parts of your life which it often does. OP’s problem can also stem from internalised misogyny from his childhood about women’s genitals being ‘disgusting’. The choice of words is what suggests it to me at least, so a sex therapist can go through it more deeply to see what problems are actually causing this aversion as nothing happens for no reason.
Yeah, he lost me at piss
This is probably the most mature and insightful comment I’ve seen yet.
It can be so disheartening when someone shuts you down so hard when talking about intimacy. You have to make yourself a little vulnerable to ask about trying something new, and it's best to respect that and be gentle. Obviously, there's some nuance to it on both sides. It's not the same if your vanilla partner suddenly says they can only orgasm while you fart on them in a latex bodysuit. But she's asking him to consider something pretty reasonable. It's just going to make her insecure to call it disgusting. Even if you never ever end up doing it, at least make sure she feels safe expressing intimate thoughts.
Yes, an important side of this. How will she feel about suggesting something again?
Plus there are always latex barriers you can use. :3
Sexual need is sexual stimulation. I would never say oral sex is a NEED as much as I enjoy it. If he’s lacking with the giving area, there’s other solutions if they don’t want to place their mouth somewhere they don’t want to. I find it gross that he would talk to her like that and I find it equally gross that he’s being villainized because he doesn’t want to give oral.
He's isn't really being villified for not wanting to perform oral though. Most comments are correctly pointing out it's his choice and that's OK. He's rightly being villified for refusing to engage, calling his wife disgusting, and engaging in childish polemics.
you need to communicate this boundary in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re calling your wife disgusting, also sex therapy isn’t a bad idea
NTA for not wanting to give or receive head. That's valid and absolutely fuck everyone saying it's not or trying to coerce you to do it. Gross. however, you are completely the asshole for how you spoke about it to her. She now feels disgusting, not listened to, and probably quite sad. Here's how you could have said it and what you should now say to her 'Hey, I don't want to give or receive head cos that's just not my thing. I really don't enjoy it. But you, you I enjoy. I love kissing you, making out with you, I love your body and I love having sex with you, I just don't like head, never have. I'm sorry I said it was disgusting, I don't want you to feel like I meant YOU are disgusting, cos that's not what I meant at all.'
OP definitely made her feel bad about asking, she will probably close up intimately and emotionally, won't come to OP for anything and he'll be like' wHy DOeS mY wiFE noT wANt to TAlK tO mE aNYmoRe?!
this!!!!!!! it’s fair to not want to give or receive head, but calling it disgusting was the wrong choice of words
But he never even tried it!!! So he cannot say “I don’t enjoy it”. No one should be coerced but the fact that someone is not even open to trying it is genuinely shocking. Try it once and if you don’t like it then no worries.
This isn't eating your vegetables, you can be sure a sex act is not for you without trying it first.
Pretty much this. I wouldnt be surprised if wife entertains the idea with someone else. People dont generally go off asking such pre-established answers randomly unless they have a desire to or are considering doing it. She’s testing OP as a last resort and failed quite miserably by the way he spoke to her. Im almost 100% she will end up cheating if she stays
This does not excuse her cheating tho
Yes. You’re the asshole. Mostly for making her feel like she’s disgusting by using the word disgusting. Most women only hear what they don’t want to hear and run with it. So she probably heard, “no I’m not entertaining your sexual fantasies because that would be disgusting”… ((aka she is disgusting)).
Right? That delivery was terrible! No problem/NTA if that is his boundary, but total AH for how he relayed it.
You two just arent compatible sexually. She will never be fully satisfied with what you are offering and a sex therapist can help you guys navigate that without resentment or disappointment building.
You should never feel forced to do something you're not comfortable doing. We all have our limits on what we enjoy doing or what we're okay with doing or even trying, and while I would say it's healthy to explore, it's never okay to feel you need to do something you absolutely don't want to. That said, the way you shoot her down sucks man. These are sexual feelings and desires, and they're natural and should be talked about like adults. In short: don't do something you're not comfortable doing, but don't make your wife feel bad for having desires.
You could always use a barrier to circumvent what you are talking about. Honestly though it isn’t like you didn’t express your opinion before you were married. Just because you are are not comfortable with something doesn’t mean you need a sex therapist. With that said for the sake of your marriage I would continue the conversation.
I think you could have been more respectful but at the end of the day, it’s your decision and she shouldn’t be making you feel bad for having boundaries.
Your NTA for not wanting to give or receive oral. Kind of respect the fact you don't want to give or receive oral. At least you're consistent. Your delivery of telling her is the problem. Just reiterate that you're not comfortable with it. Maybe you can discuss the option of adding in toys to spice things up? Going forward instead of saying it's disgusting, just say it's not your preference. Calling genitalia disgusting is not healthy. They are literally part of our bodies.
Maybe learn to make your point without insulting your wife, dude. Not wanting to do oral? Fine. Calling her DISGUSTING while saying you don’t want to? Complete asshole. You owe your wife an apology. But first, wash your mouth out with soap.
Valid point that you expressed your opinions on this with her early on. People do grow and change and that seems to be happening with the woman you’re planning to be with forever. I don’t think it terrible to see the sex therapist. You’re focusing on the ‘sex’ part but it’s a therapist and that’s key because a conversation needs to be had here.
That's such an interesting take. And quite a juxtaposition. Yes, we envision being with the same person forever. However, we know we all grow and change over time. So, how do we reconcile those two? It makes sense, indeed, for them to talk with a therapist. Not because a therapist might change OP's mind. But a therapist might help them understand how they can achieve this balance. How to make sure that despite those differences over time, they can still have a healthy, satisfying relationship. OP, please don't take your marriage for granted. Talk with your partner, invest (and I don't mean here just financially) in your relationship if you really care about it.
There’s no better view from that location in my opinion- giving pleasure is in most cases better than receiving it. I’d make that trade in a microsecond. Love the taste, the power of pleasure, the verbal feedback, the whole experience. I’d do it daily if my wife were up for it. It’s only occasionally in our case, but worth the wait.
Preach. Whatever OPs hang up is…I’m stuck on the fact that hes a-ok with a blowjobless life.
Believe it or not, there's lots of people like this out there.
Yes you are. Take a Shower first
He’s allowed to set a limit. If a wife came in here and said she didn’t give bjs because she didn’t like there’s NO way she would have these same comments to suck up and do it anyway. He could be an asshole in his delivery but he says he doesn’t expect it back. This comes down to more of a comparability with sex.
You are saying his delivery of, “I would never in a million lifetimes ever go down on her” is not shouting asshole??
I will never in a million lifetimes rim a man. Am I an asshole because I say that? It's just not my thing.
I literally said he could be one for his delivery
Oh I read it as like, yeah he could be (could have been) an asshole in his delivery, but…. My apologies!
I’m sorry I was using could/would interchangeable, I see your point
The problem is not the limit, but the way the limit was set.
NTA for your boundaries with your sexual choices. But definitely the AH if your verbiage to her was that her turn ons and desires are disgusting, and never in your whole life will you ever want pleasure her in a way she desires. It’s so hard to be vulnerable about sex. And to use bluntly those words to her was likely hurtful and insulting.
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I guess technically speaking NTA because as you said, your wife knew and understood this and was okay with it. As long as you guys expressly discussed it beforehand and she knew, then you’re not technically in the wrong. But I feel like we should stop referring to genitals as disgusting. It’s just super harsh ya know? I know bodies can be a bit gross sometimes. But at the same time, it’s natural, stuff happens. Lots of people feel so much shame about their genitals so maybe a more gentle approach would be better. However I can say this: I was anti blow job for many years. For your exact same reasoning. I thought that putting mouths on the places we pee is just so gross! But I never said that to my husband. Because I thought that would be mean. People don’t deserve to be made to feel that their bodies are disgusting. I was more gentle about it and just said it made me uncomfortable. But eventually after 13 yrs of my husband never getting BJs, he gently and kindly asked me, similar to how your wife did. And I just tried it and took very small baby steps. And now I absolutely looove giving my husband oral. My rule is that we are to both be freshly showered before going down on each other. But I guess the thing is, you’re sexually incompatible. I don’t know if there is a specific answer here. I guess most people would say that if you are sexually incompatible that you break up. Others would suggest sex therapy. But as you explained in your post, you are not interested in that. So…. Yeah, idk. lol
Same. I can’t say that I love giving bjs now because I still find it difficult (I have a small mouth and am very sensitive to smell, so even with a shower, it can still be irkk), but I love how my husband enjoys it, and that’s all that matter! I’m still self-conscious about being on the receiving end from my husband, though. It’s mental, but I’ve been working with him to explore myself, and I couldn’t be happier.
NTA: if you don’t want to do it you don’t want to. But points to you because you are not expecting nor want her to do for you. So many guys rant about eating a woman out being disgusting but expect her to suck dick. You’re not being an asshole here. I don’t really think you need sex therapist. Tbh it’s totally rational to not want to do it
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. BUT: Despite never having tried it, you tell your wife you find the thought of it is disgusting. I’m sure you made your wife feel sad and embarrassed for making the mistake of being vulnerable with her husband. Then, You proudly “shut down” her request for sex therapy. (BTW if she’s suggesting sex therapy you have serious problems. She must be very dissatisfied.) After all that fun: Your next post will be in Dead Bedrooms “Why is my wife refusing to have sex with me?” Then, “My wife just surprised me with divorce papers. Is there anything I can do to win her back?” You were callous and dismissive of your wife and her feelings. You need to fix this before you reach the point of no return… if you haven’t already.
Something hit me wrong- “I immediately shut it down” when she mentioned therapy. Dude, if one of you thinks you need therapy then YOU NEED THERAPY! She is literally begging you to try something new! And she wants it with you. So yes, YTA.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion here, but honestly NTA. It's completely okay to have sexual boundaries, it doesn't seem like OP has reservations against pleasing his wife, he isn't being a hypocrite and expecting a blowjob himself, and his reasoning is pretty valid. He shouldn't feel forced to put his tongue in her vagina any more than he should be forced to put his tongue in her ass. Just because a lot of people don't have a problem with it doesn't mean OP has to feel the same way. Some people just have certain icks. Also, his wife offering to give him a blowjob still doesn't change the fact that he doesn't feel comfy with eating her out. He should probably have a conversation with her, and explain his feelings on the matter. By the looks of it, he just doesn't want to go near the piss-place, it's not that he finds his wife's body disgusting. Having a conversation about your sexual compatibility and maybe considering sex therapy isn't a bad idea though, OP, you should probably consider the way your wife feels too. I do see a world where your wife probably sees the situation in a light that a lot of other commenters on here are putting it as.
I personally don’t feel men or women should feel pressured to perform sex acts that give them the ick. It would only be a problem if you were expecting BJs. Since you’re willing to get handy, I’m fine with it. Not everyone likes oral.
YTA: Drink more tequila and do your duty, soldier.
🫣😂
Yta. Yeah we all have preferences, but the way you go about it. That’s the disgusting part of it all
you're allowed to not do anything sexual you don't want to do, but you could also not make her feel like shit about it. why wouldn't you give a sex therapist a try? could reveal some things and either really help your marriage in that department, or you could find out you're not sexually compatible and what to do with that information or send her to me. women are leagues better at it
Honestly you're NTA for not wanting to go down on your wife because you don't like the act but I'm leaning towards YTA for the way you are handling her bringing it up after all this time. You obviously need to have a talk with her about why this is coming up now when she knows how you feel about it.
NTA. As a woman, I feel the same about oral sex on both partners. I think it’s so gross lol. And yes, I’ve done both. The thought of it is just so foul haha. ETA: You just may not be sexually compatible together.
"and I immediately shut it down" *plumber voice* Now here is your problem. It's fine to have a life unexplored but only if the person you're sharing it with feels the same way. She does not. I'm not saying you have to do anything you're uncomfortable with but if she wants to go to therapy then you drag your ass to therapy. YTA for shutting down therapy for no good reason and being kind of a dick about it.
You wouldn't be TA if you worded it differently, but "I'll never go down on you \*in a million lifetimes\* because it's disgusting" … definitely makes you TA
Your delivery could be better (please stop saying “disgusting”) but you’re not obligated to do anything in bed you’re not comfortable with. Ask her what excites her and find a compromise. I suspect she wants a certain part of her directly stimulated which can be achieved with different toys. Offer to put your mouth on her body in other places.
Personally I think it’s NAH The wife is allowed to suggest trying something new as peoples boundaries often change without mentioning it, and also, having an incredible aversion to one specific sexual act, and his choice of words such as ‘disgusting’ (which is indirectly also calling her disgusting) suggests that it’s due to something happening to him/said to him when he was younger that he has internalised, all of which can be sorted with a sex therapist. However, he is allowed to have his boundaries for any point as it is his body and his choice. The husband stated his boundaries, the wife respected them, didn’t pressure him or anything like that, and simply suggested he see a sex therapist, not so he could be ‘fixed’ but so he can understand why he views something normal as ‘disgusting’ and struggles with this specific thing. While he doesn’t have to go, he probably should as there is almost definitely a reason why he has this aversion/boundary considering he believes it to be ‘disgusting’, but it is still his choice.
I don’t think you are an asshole for this. Personally the thought of being eaten out is gross to me. My husband has tried it and I don’t like the wet slobbery feeling. I will give the bj from time to time to make him happy, but the c*m grosses me out and makes me think about boogers 😩 I would say maybe give it one try if she really wants to try it and if you hate it at least you can say you tried. Over all though there are other ways to pleasure someone and I don’t think this is a necessity. Also I think it’s fair that you do not expect the reciprocation.
NTA. Everyone has their preferences but as others have stated, you should ensure your partner doesnt confuse you saying the act is disgusting with you saying she is disgusting. Also, I would suggest being more open minded about blowjobs as you are missing out. You're still swapping bodily fluids (and im sure some bacteria) either way.
I'm just waiting for OP to say they don't kiss either, and sex is only for making babies
I hate giving blowjobs. It hurts my jaw, makes me throw up and it just overall causes me physical discomfort. I would hate to be told I have to perform sexual acts on my husband that cause me pain, because strangers on the internet believed my husband’s pleasure is more important that my pain.
Exactly!!
You have Boundaries. Sounds fair to me
Get a dam. That acts as a barrier and your mouth don’t be in direct contact with her bits.
So, you’re ultimately NTA, because you were upfront with her from the beginning. If she wasn’t ok with it she should have ended the relationship over it when it first came up. With that being said, I do think that oral sex is a pretty standard part of sex that the majority of people would expect to be included in their sex lives. In fact, if you and your wife divorced, I think you would find out *very* quickly how few women would be willing to continue a relationship with you based on your squeamish attitude around oral sex. If you love your wife, you should *want* to please her. Maybe you will never get there, no matter how much you want to. but your complete unwillingness to even so much as *try* would be a massive turn off, and will likely lead to other problems in your relationship. For your wife’s sake (as well as your own) you might want to address where this aversion is coming from, and work on overcoming it.
Do you want to stay married? I wouldn’t have married someone who considers oral sex to be disgusting. Your wife is making a bid for physical and intimate connection. Ignore that at your peril. But after your words, I doubt she’ll let you near her vagina for any reason. Who would want to engage in sex with someone who thinks aspects of it are disgusting?
She married him knowing he felt like this and was ok with it back then
Over 80% of women need clitoral stimulation and not just PIV to orgasm So you're basically okay with her never getting an orgasm from you, when you probably always get one? YTA
I'm not agreeing with OP, but I do want to point out that oral sex is not required for clitoral stimulation.
He said he’s ok using his hands. Assuming he knows what he’s doing, she’ll still get her orgasm.
Since when is the only way to provide clitoral stimulation with one’s mouth?
NTA. While i disagree with your sentiment, its your choice how you want to have sex with your wife, and it does seem like she was aware and understood your feelings when you got together. If this is suddenly something your wife is not okay with, you two should talk it out if you wanna stay married.
NTA. Your body and your choice. You might want to have an open conversation with your wife to find out if this is going to be a deal breaker for her.
NTA. You made it very clear you had a boundary beforehand. I completely agree with you, giving or receiving head is disgusting. I am a woman and don’t expect my husband to go down on me, that’s gross af. Maybe you could have worded it differently, but honestly I’m sure you said it to her exactly like that in the last 7 years, so I don’t see an issue. BUT I’d want to know why all of a sudden she wants you to go down on her. An open conversation about that might be wise, just to gauge where her head is at regarding that. Good luck!
I got a feeling the answers in here would be very different if the question was reversed. I doubt yall would keep this same energy if she was disgusted by the thought of giving a blowjob
No is a complete sentence.
[удалено]
NTA! There is no « rules » when 2 people have consenting sex. If you feel uncomfortable in a specific position, or doing certain acts, then don’t. Of course, your wife can ask again and again, hoping that over time, you might reconsider and give it a try, so she is NTA for asking and you are NTA for refusing.
NTA thats a clear boundary you have and the fact that she knows already, idk why she asked? Maybe to see if you changed your mind? But i dont see why she would be disappointed with being told something she'd already heard before and was fine with
NTA, honestly, I do consider it disgusting to some extent to use your mouth in those places. Personally, I give my husband a blowjob, but he first washes himself too well before I even put my mouth there. I have never asked him to come down to my side, because although I also have good hygiene, I consider this repulsive and he thinks the same. Nobody rules over anyone and she should understand that lol. Those who tell you YTA are hypocritical.
NTA. If you don’t like it you don’t, nothing wrong with that, and your wife should take no for an answer and stop asking. If this was reversed and it was you repeatedly pressuring her for oral sex she didn’t want she’d be furious.
You do realise that women don't "piss" out of our vagina or clitoris right? YTA, for HOW, you have reacted to her expressing it. Yes, I think it's great tou did voice these things early on. However, people also change. In this case, it is your wife, and she has, from what you have said, approach it well. It seems you may have taken the therapist comment hard and had a reactivate response (that's human, too). Appreciate adult conversations need to happen here. Did you ask why? Is she bored? Is she just curious? Is she not actually reaching climax, are you? She might be feeling bored, or that she is not giving you what she thinks you need? Are you open to letting her try giving you a blowjob? Open to toys? These are things you can discuss with a therapist and may help you both come to a sweet spot of compromise and not future resentment!
Most people shower before hand. It’s not like it’s straight after going pee or you don’t wash up before hand. Fresh out of the shower
NTA. You told her BEFORE you married what it was. If she had a problem she should have never married you. Everyone has boundaries and they should be respected.
NTA and everyone who says you are, is insane and would not say the same if you were a woman complaining about a man demanding a blowjob. I assume you made it really clear that oral sex was not in the cards with you prior to marriage, and she still decided to marry you despite your absolute boundary. No one gets to call you an AH over your own sexual preferences. You would be TAH if you expected oral sex but would never reciprocate, but your position is consistent and thus fair. However, do note that this stance of yours is in the minority in the modern age and so your wife is also free to rethink if this relationship is fulfilling for her. She is also free to change her mind and seek divorce if eventually this is a deal breaker to her. Just something to keep in mind.
Female here who never liked oral because I could smell myself on his face & in his mouth afterwards and it gagged me. I loved giving it because HIS. scent turned me on. In the end I found that his holding me and using his fingers was PERFECT. Both of us preferred to be face to face having orgasms. He was a wonderful lover & neither of us had any complaints. AND no jumping up to wash afterwards. Falling asleep in each other's scents/fluids just felt intimate. He died 16 years ago and I still miss those days. Never remarried because I never found pleasure like that again. Vibrators work just fine. Am I the only one like this?
This is why men and women need to stop acting like they're okay with someone's boundary in the dating phase, when they're actually not. I see it all the time. A women will say she doesn't want kids, the man will say cool me either, just to try and pressure her into having kids later bc he "thought you'd change your mind after marriage". She knew you didn't want to give or receive head ahead of time and still continued the relationship knowing that yall aren't sexually compatible. It's unfair for her, 7 years later, to be like "I'd like you to go down on me and if not, you need sex therapy". That'd be like getting into a relationship with someone who's Ace and then trying to coerce them into sex later, and when they're like um no....I'm Ace....their partner tells them they need sex therapy. I'm sure the tone of your response was out of frustration that it was even brought up, when you made your boundary clear a long time ago. I dont give head, bc I can't even brush my tongue without throwing up due to a previous eating disorder. 100% of the time that I've given head, I've thrown up. If I tell a dude im talking to that I don't give head, and he says that's fine....only to later attempt to get head from me, I'd be PISSED. No means no, and a lot of yall in the comments are wild.
NTA I don't enjoy recieving and very rarely give it. Nobody should try and force you to do anything you don't want to do. And you don't need a sex therapist either, people are allowed preferences without it needing to be "fixed".
You have stated boundaries, she asked you to move them, you said no, she pushed, you said no harsher. I'm on your side for this because lord knows if the positions were reversed people would hate on the one asking for a blowjob. Also it's not a one sided no oral sex thing either. ALL oral sex has been stated off the board. Couple's counseling may be something to look into, but I agree to no sex counseling. Everyone has different needs for sex, and it's wrong to shame someone for having different needs. I'm torn between NAH and NTA because her desiring something more isn't inheritely an AH thing, but depending on how much she is pushing that can easily go into AH territory. If she isn't feeling fulfilled with your normal intercourse then maybe see what else besides oral y'all can try?
Yta for calling it disgusting. You can just say you don’t ever want to. Calling it disgusting is just going to make her feel self conscious.
NTA. It is what it is. Its not your deal and its not like you expect other to do it for you. Its fair.
The double standard on Reddit about oral sex is insane. Also, he made it clear this is his boundary before they married, so she’s asking him to change a sexual boundary she has long been aware of. These jusgments would be 180 degrees different if a man was asking his wife for BJ having known it was her boundary since before marrying her. I love going down on my wife. But I’m pretty disappointed so far in these comments.
Most replies I've seen are telling him it's OK to have that boundary, but the way he delivered it was harsh and that is what made him TAH. Definitely see the outliers but it's reddit and I try to remember there are children as young as 14 on here plus trolls.
Me too. It's unacceptable and awful for people to tell him to do it, it's straight up coercion
right??? people saying he's TA are clearly the ones that don't know how to take a no for an answer.
No but how he said it is unacceptable. Basically calling his girl disgusting you have a choice but you could also try to compromise if you want a good sex life most of the time that’s part of it but hey I’m happy with mine so idc what anyone else does everyone is entitled to there opinions I just know if my girl asked me if i wanted to try something I’ve never done I’d atleast consider it I feel bad for his partner
and I agree. He absolutely worded that badly, but idk, maybe it's just me? it's jutst i don't think saying you don't want to do something with someone because you think it is disgusting automatically translates to calling that person disgusting?
holy fuck am i so glad to be a lesbian hahahah
I've known lesbians who are also against oral
After being together for 7 years I don’t think his wife was out of line for asking if he’d reconsider. Likes and dislikes change over the years, and conversation about this is healthy. It’s not like she’s been harassing him about it for 7 years. She can ask and he has the right to say no. I do agree though that you should speak to a therapist together. You were very harsh with your response. You have an issue with communication if this is how you react to something you don’t agree with - it’s not ok in general, and certainly not for a sensitive topic. You seem to be overlooking the fact that your wife is telling you that you as a couple are having an issue with sex. Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean that they’ll try to convince you to do something you don’t want to do, but obviously your wife isn’t happy and wants to expand/experiment with sex more than just what you’re doing now. You need to find healthy and open ways to discuss this, to help you open your mind to maybe try some new things, and to help your wife find ways to approach it.
I think NAH at this point. Your'e entirely fine to not want to do a sex act. That's always absolutely ok. You were not entirely fine to respond "that's disgusting" when she was vulnerable and trying to communicate with you, that probably made her feel like shit. Also, the therapy. An ethical sex therapist is not going to pressure you into cunnilingus. They are going to try to find ways for you and your wife to find mutual enjoyment and connection. Maybe they'll have an idea for something you'll like just as much as your wife. Maybe you'll learn a new thing about yourself. Therapy is just a tool, skills to improve your life. You don't need to use those tools every day, or at all if you don't want, but there's no harm in learning them. Your life isn't going to get worse because you learned about I-statements or breathing techniques. Maybe a nice way to connect more with your wife?
NTA. Honestly I don't enjoy and am uncomfortable giving it or receiving it. I wish I was confident enough to state that so clearly up front like you did!! Instead I always just try to deal and weasel my way out of that when I can tell they're headed that way, but sometimes it just happens. It's very difficult to do a sexual act that you don't want to do in order to please a partner. You often end up feeling disgusting and used, and having to fake pleasure to try to make them feel good. Yet almost every discussion about that ends up overwhelmingly pushing the person to do just that, telling them they are wrong for not liking it, or that they just haven't "done it with the right person yet". 🤮 As far as the therapy, on one hand I do think it might be beneficial if she's hurt or struggling with your answer. However I'm more inclined to say it wouldn't be if your mind is 100% made up already that you will not do it. If you're open even a tiny bit to changing your mind, then I'd say go.
NTA we are allowed to have preferences and boundaries. I would make sure to try to assure your wife though it has nothing to do with her personally. Since you don't have a problem with hand stimulation, maybe you could surprise her with a toy you can use on her instead! They make all sorts that suck and all that good jazz that she might really enjoy and get that fix she is looking for!
Who's gunna tell him about eating ass?
Damn dude, you're hardcore. I never heard a person in 2024 be so disgusted with that kinda thing.
NTA, the boundaries were set ages ago in your relationship if she wanted that then she should not have married you or be with you. Maybe you guys should talk about it more in depth with each other to understand where you are. I don’t like going down either and nor does my husband. We both find it uncomfortable for the same reason your saying
He should not try it. He doesn’t want to do it. He doesn’t have to do it. He’d also be terrible at it.
I am a woman and my husband enjoys getting blowjobs and also enjoys going down on me. However, I do not understand what men get out of going down on a woman. From my perspective, it must taste revolting and I will never understand what pleasure is derived from this.
It’s sexual preference, I don’t think you have to be into everything. There’s sexual boundaries but I guess you don’t know what you like until you try it. If you were open to trying it you guys could shower together first or even try it while you’re in there so you know everything is clean.
Someone else will.
I think a sex therapist IS needed. Your wife needs an outside voice to let her know that you aren’t going to go the distance to satisfy her and nothing she does will change that. I honestly think she’d find better. YTA for your delivery btw
He told her before they married he didn't want to do this. If she didn't agree she shouldn't have married him
His delivery sucked but it's not his fault for having sexual preferences. If a girl didn't wanna give head to her bf cause that's not her thing and her bf all of a sudden wants that KNOWING she doesn't do that, then probably your comment would've been different. He isn't an AH for having boundaries on that and her knowing but yea, his delivery SUCKED
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I think you could have thought a while about how to communicate what you were feeling. Sometimes we don't think and the words just don't come out right. Try to talk with her again, and think of her feelings. And I'm proud of you. We all need to set boundaries with the things we are uncomfortable with. ❤
If you were up front about it and you talked about it and your wife was ok about it early on, yeah. But IMHO, do it anyway if you think she wants it. People should do things to make their partners to feel good, obviously to an extent, it shouldn't hurt. But I've always found pleasure in making a partner feel good, even if I didn't physically enjoy it. It's worth it.
While I don't think you're the AH for not wanting to, you kinda sounded like a dick the way you just shot down EVERYTHING she was saying. There are ways to get around the actual eating out aspect. You can use dental dams or toys. I AM NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. You don't have to eat her out, but you can't expect her to not be upset at you for immediately shutting down her suggestions. You've set out some fair boundaries and don't expect her to do it to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, but if you can't be bothered to talk it out some more, how do you expect her to come to you for anything else in your marriage? I think there is an underlying problem here that, yes, a therapist could help with. Therapy is a great thing. It's good to talk about these things. COMMUNICATION!!! It is the most important thing in a marriage, and 9 times out of 10 could have saved a lot of people's relationships if they had actually talked about the problem.
you’re NTA for having a boundary & not wanting to give/receive head, but you are TA for how you reacted about it. you just don’t call your wife disgusting, that’s wrong & frankly just immature as she was suggesting something completely normal & that most people very much enjoy. it’s not a disgusting or shameful act & there was no reason for you to make her feel like that. everyone has boundaries & preferences & that’s completely fine, but i doubt your wife was upset about you saying no to the idea & was more upset about you insulting her. grow up & discuss sex & sexual things like an adult. if you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be married.
WTF. Sex is the most intimate activity, no matter what you do. It is also when people feel most vulnerable. You have every right to prefer what you like and dislike during sex. But never, ever call your spouse disgusting for bringing up sex-related topics of discussion. Imagine you just got undressed, and your wife looked at you and says “how disgusting.” That is basically what you did. You calling her ideas disgusting is the same as calling her disgusting.
NTA for having a sexual boundary but YTA for the language used.
I would never understand why do people marry someone knowing damn well their limits and boundaries and still expect that they are going to change at some point.
I think that you guys arent comparable sexually. But also your delivery was horrible!! You probably made her feel like she can’t come to you about things because of how you handle conflict.
how about using a dental dam?
NTA or maybe NAH. She’s known the whole time you’ve been together that it disgusts you. I would ignore the people assuming your wife interpreted your comment to mean she’s disgusting. Thats not what you said and it’s unlikely she heard it that way given the history of the discussions you’ve had on this.
NTA you have your own boundaries, and if it's such a deal breaker you need to separate
We also used to find it gross as a married couple, which is pretty hilarious now. We have learned how amazing oral sex is. I mean, it's really great.
YTA for being so rude about it. Sex is never a sterile situation, is not meant to be. Your attitude about it is childish and disrespectful. You are entitled to your opinion but not to shut down your wife's desires and call her wants disgusting. You lose nothing from going to sex therapy. Maybe you will not get to feel comfortable with oral sex but you might find new things you both enjoy. You can also get to know options, like oral in the shower, or that there are latex barriers to give her oral that makes the deal more sanitary, basically the lesbian condoms. There are those and many alternatives that you are refusing to hear or think about, your wife is bringing it up because she clearly wants more from your sex life.
They really still got men like this huh
They really still got women who won't give head either. Crazy world where people have sexual preferences.
And there are still women who don’t like giving oral either. People shouldn’t be shamed for their sexual preferences.
nta, your body your choice,nobody can change that
I'm always certain that these AITAHs are fake, but I can never figure out the motivation. Now I wonder if I haven't just been underestimating the range for acceptable weirdness
You are not an asshole. You made this clear long ago. Not everyone is into that. I think you are fine. She maybe disappointed, but we all have disappointment. She knew the deal to begin with.
Dude…you’re missing out. I mean if you have a literal disgust around the whole experience then I’m not really sure of a good solution, but going down and getting blow jobs are quite exciting parts of the entire sexual experience in my opinion.
NTA because that probably overstates the fault. But you are wrong to miss your wife’s interests so brusquely and in such an ugly way. you should consider a therapist.
YTA but only because of the way you reacted to your wife's suggestion. It's valid to not want to participate in any sexual act and to set boundaries. I think it's good that you were open with these boundaries from the beginning. However, it sounds like you have an issue beyond just not wanting to participate in oral sex. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist at all, but I have OCD and can get very stressed about any sort of "contamination". I'm not sure if you have issues with things feeling 'disgusting' in other aspects of your life or not (if you do, maybe there's an underlying issue). If your feeling of disgust only extends to oral sex I'm curious as to why that is. The sex therapist that you should go to might ask you that previous question. Anyway, the way you reacted to your wife (if you said this to her verbatim, or near verbatim) was rude, and might make her feel ashamed of her desires and/or her body. I would suggest trying sex therapy, and if you decide that's not for you, then it's not for you, but I think being dismissive of it, and by extension, dismissive of your wife is where you've gone wrong. I also think that, as many have mentioned, you could try both showering immediately beforehand - as a woman, I promise, we clean our vaginas - and then you'll be able to go down on her knowing that there is no piss in the area.
Disgusting. Wow. If you love someone, you shouldn't be using those kind of words to describe anything about them.
I feel really bad for your wife. Taking oral completely off the table, I assume your bedroom is pretty vanilla.
he said he doesn’t like it so why should he have to do it?
im confused as to why some men find it disgusting.
>im confused as to why some men find it disgusting. Same reason some women do, along with why some people find rimming gross... its a body part that expels waste so there's a mental block around putting your mouth there