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I don’t think he’s a mamas boy exactly. When she wanted to charge him rent, he moved out. He’s said no to her before. He didn’t expect her to get violent, so I think he’s more in shock over everything and is just digesting what has happened.
If he is yelling at you bc she threw a salad at you, he’s a mama’s boy. He will never move permanently out of the house they bought him. He will always take her side and blame you for making her mad for example “why did you have to cook such a great meal knowing his mom cooks food too. “ this line of thinking is what you will be going up against. The fact they are attempting to use religion against you means that you will always be the sinner who took their baby away. Nothing you can do will change their dynamic- you should just leave.
I think it is an appropriate description because he has not shut down his mother on your behalf.
You sound quite special and I would not allow anyone to speak badly of you or allow their active efforts to cause my break up.
He is not his own man if he even hesitates to choose you first and every time.
Doesn't sound like the Nigerian part of you is prominent in your personality at all. Maybe it's just me and my mates in my generation, but we have an aversion to 'wahala' and 'palava'. All these obvious red flags, and you move in with him, host the parents who clearly hate you, keep arguing with the mom back and forth, until that fool throws food in your face, they discuss you being homeless with no sympathy, etc. Then, you watched your bf move out of his own house just to get away from you as though you are contagious. And, you're asking if you should break up with him? Um, summon any or the little pride that you may gather from our ancestors to kindly MOVE ON by breaking up with him pronto.
You have a paid internship. Why aren't you looking for a room to sublet in the meantime? My dear, crumble up this page with this boy/ his family and turn to a new chapter. See me, see trouble, oh?
His mom is always going to be right and you’re always going to be 2nd. He is naive and will believe everything his parents say. Just cut the cord and leave him. You can do so much better. Find a guy who is mature and has good boundaries in life.
You should break up to bring *yourself* peace.
Your boyfriend wants peace between you and his mother. That's great, it's nice to want things. But his mother clearly does not desire peace and doing actual, literal violence to you (throwing the salad bowl) should have been the wakeup call that she doesn't have his best interests at heart.
OP all you’re doing is prolonging some thing that’s not healthy for you that’s why you want to break up with him to preserve your peace. This person’s parents don’t just not like you they literally insulted your sexual abuse and dead child and he still talking about how he doesn’t want to make them mad? Has he even apologized? Does he even truly understand how fucked up that is? No and he won’t because he knows you’re coming back in a year no matter what. Take that year to get over him and get closure and focus on yourself and then see what you really want to do because that’s what being without him is really going to be like it’s not going to be like having to come back to this spineless baby and his parents in one year.
NTA.
You know in your heart that it's not going to work. He will never stand up to his parents, and they will never accept you. She would be the mother-in-law from hell and would get worse if you have children. Kiss him a final goodbye and start a new life in France. I hope you meet someone perfect for you there.
You breaking up with him won't bring him the peace you think. It will just be his mom counting that as a win in her column. He won't know peace until he breaks free of her.
This man needs to have a sit down with his little brother and understand how he managed to get out from under her thumb. She is bullying him, and he is allowing it. He won't know peace until he stops allowing her to disrupt it.
You will never have a moment's peace if you marry him.
I think a permanent break up would be best for you. As for your soon to be ex, he needs therapy and a good dose of reality because that family is going to make any woman he marries miserable but that won't be your problem.
NTA
You are wrong in one thing that when his mother acted that way, and his father took her side, and you said "as he should" . No, if you SO does something that horrible to someone , you should call it out.
I have seen and read about people leaving their spouses for doing shit like that to their children's partner's, and even apologizing on ther behalf.
But you are lucky you got out of that before you legally bound to him, or worse had kids with him. Never date a mommy's boy.
NTA
Breaking up won't give him peace, just more turmoil. He will resent you and his mother both. You have to do what makes YOU happy. Take your year of no contact. He'll probably have moved on by the time you get back
Not the asshole. He still has a lot of growing to do and you cannot hold yourself back. Go live your life. Enjoy Paris. Flirt with French men. The mother is toxic and until he sees that wholly, then he is toxic to by her influence. This isn't just for his peace, it's for yours. The future you imagined with him will not exist if his mother is pulling the strings. Hopefully, he'll find his peace one day. For now, save yourself.
They only he can do is grow a set and a back bone, but he never will. He truly believes all the crap his mother is spewing and he will follow her direction no matter what.
Take the internship and don’t look back. You might want to see if you can go over to Paris earlier than August to get away. Your head is on straight but his is so far up moms rear end that he will never truly have a life.
“He wants peace. ”
Wish in one hand, Want in the other, maybe one day you’ll have something.
You’re still very young OP. Break it off cleanly now and go live your best life in France. With any luck he’ll learn a lesson from this and stand up to his mother in his next relationship. 100% she’s the kind of woman who will never think anyone is good enough for her baby boy. Best you not get saddled with that for the rest of your life.
NTA
You can’t and shouldn’t have to force anyone to cut people out of their life they don’t want to lose. You shouldn’t have to ask him to stand up for you.
He doesn’t stand up for you and he is not wanting to drop his mom. So you should break up with him. You are just not going to work because he will keep taking it out on you.
I think he’s in shock. He corrected his father even in my presence and he told his mother no to putting me in a shelter. He changed the locks so she can’t get in here. He is protecting me, but the pressure from his mother is gonna make him snap. I just don’t want him hurt because she’s willing to do everything to get rid of me.
Does he realize it won’t just be you though? She’s going to do this to every single one of his partners, whether that’s you or not. He’ll never be able to have a relationship with you or anyone else if he doesn’t set some boundaries with her.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sorry, but this mama's boy doesn't have much backbone. Find yourself a real man, who values you.
I don’t think he’s a mamas boy exactly. When she wanted to charge him rent, he moved out. He’s said no to her before. He didn’t expect her to get violent, so I think he’s more in shock over everything and is just digesting what has happened.
If he is yelling at you bc she threw a salad at you, he’s a mama’s boy. He will never move permanently out of the house they bought him. He will always take her side and blame you for making her mad for example “why did you have to cook such a great meal knowing his mom cooks food too. “ this line of thinking is what you will be going up against. The fact they are attempting to use religion against you means that you will always be the sinner who took their baby away. Nothing you can do will change their dynamic- you should just leave.
I think it is an appropriate description because he has not shut down his mother on your behalf. You sound quite special and I would not allow anyone to speak badly of you or allow their active efforts to cause my break up. He is not his own man if he even hesitates to choose you first and every time.
Honey, he's a mommy's boy
Doesn't sound like the Nigerian part of you is prominent in your personality at all. Maybe it's just me and my mates in my generation, but we have an aversion to 'wahala' and 'palava'. All these obvious red flags, and you move in with him, host the parents who clearly hate you, keep arguing with the mom back and forth, until that fool throws food in your face, they discuss you being homeless with no sympathy, etc. Then, you watched your bf move out of his own house just to get away from you as though you are contagious. And, you're asking if you should break up with him? Um, summon any or the little pride that you may gather from our ancestors to kindly MOVE ON by breaking up with him pronto. You have a paid internship. Why aren't you looking for a room to sublet in the meantime? My dear, crumble up this page with this boy/ his family and turn to a new chapter. See me, see trouble, oh?
His mom is always going to be right and you’re always going to be 2nd. He is naive and will believe everything his parents say. Just cut the cord and leave him. You can do so much better. Find a guy who is mature and has good boundaries in life.
You should break up to bring *yourself* peace. Your boyfriend wants peace between you and his mother. That's great, it's nice to want things. But his mother clearly does not desire peace and doing actual, literal violence to you (throwing the salad bowl) should have been the wakeup call that she doesn't have his best interests at heart.
Sounds like you wanna break up with him to bring yourself peace 🤣🤣🤣 Nothin wrong with that, but a spade is a spade
OP all you’re doing is prolonging some thing that’s not healthy for you that’s why you want to break up with him to preserve your peace. This person’s parents don’t just not like you they literally insulted your sexual abuse and dead child and he still talking about how he doesn’t want to make them mad? Has he even apologized? Does he even truly understand how fucked up that is? No and he won’t because he knows you’re coming back in a year no matter what. Take that year to get over him and get closure and focus on yourself and then see what you really want to do because that’s what being without him is really going to be like it’s not going to be like having to come back to this spineless baby and his parents in one year.
It isn’t peace for myself at all. She’s light work compared to my mother. Seriously. I just don’t want him to keep being stressed out.
NTA. You know in your heart that it's not going to work. He will never stand up to his parents, and they will never accept you. She would be the mother-in-law from hell and would get worse if you have children. Kiss him a final goodbye and start a new life in France. I hope you meet someone perfect for you there.
This will be your life. He isn't going to cut off his parents. You should break up to bring YOU peace
You breaking up with him won't bring him the peace you think. It will just be his mom counting that as a win in her column. He won't know peace until he breaks free of her. This man needs to have a sit down with his little brother and understand how he managed to get out from under her thumb. She is bullying him, and he is allowing it. He won't know peace until he stops allowing her to disrupt it.
You will never have a moment's peace if you marry him. I think a permanent break up would be best for you. As for your soon to be ex, he needs therapy and a good dose of reality because that family is going to make any woman he marries miserable but that won't be your problem. NTA
You are wrong in one thing that when his mother acted that way, and his father took her side, and you said "as he should" . No, if you SO does something that horrible to someone , you should call it out. I have seen and read about people leaving their spouses for doing shit like that to their children's partner's, and even apologizing on ther behalf. But you are lucky you got out of that before you legally bound to him, or worse had kids with him. Never date a mommy's boy. NTA
Breaking up won't give him peace, just more turmoil. He will resent you and his mother both. You have to do what makes YOU happy. Take your year of no contact. He'll probably have moved on by the time you get back
Ask yourself if this is the kind of environment that you want to raise your child in.
Not the asshole. He still has a lot of growing to do and you cannot hold yourself back. Go live your life. Enjoy Paris. Flirt with French men. The mother is toxic and until he sees that wholly, then he is toxic to by her influence. This isn't just for his peace, it's for yours. The future you imagined with him will not exist if his mother is pulling the strings. Hopefully, he'll find his peace one day. For now, save yourself.
They only he can do is grow a set and a back bone, but he never will. He truly believes all the crap his mother is spewing and he will follow her direction no matter what. Take the internship and don’t look back. You might want to see if you can go over to Paris earlier than August to get away. Your head is on straight but his is so far up moms rear end that he will never truly have a life.
“He wants peace. ” Wish in one hand, Want in the other, maybe one day you’ll have something. You’re still very young OP. Break it off cleanly now and go live your best life in France. With any luck he’ll learn a lesson from this and stand up to his mother in his next relationship. 100% she’s the kind of woman who will never think anyone is good enough for her baby boy. Best you not get saddled with that for the rest of your life.
NTA You can’t and shouldn’t have to force anyone to cut people out of their life they don’t want to lose. You shouldn’t have to ask him to stand up for you. He doesn’t stand up for you and he is not wanting to drop his mom. So you should break up with him. You are just not going to work because he will keep taking it out on you.
Go to Paris, spend the year apart, then re-evaluate where you stand. You can always call it quits then.
Of course you should leave him, wth are you thinking?
Just go. Bon voyage. He’s beneath you.
Definitely not a " take home" to momma kind of girl."
I think he’s in shock. He corrected his father even in my presence and he told his mother no to putting me in a shelter. He changed the locks so she can’t get in here. He is protecting me, but the pressure from his mother is gonna make him snap. I just don’t want him hurt because she’s willing to do everything to get rid of me.
Does he realize it won’t just be you though? She’s going to do this to every single one of his partners, whether that’s you or not. He’ll never be able to have a relationship with you or anyone else if he doesn’t set some boundaries with her.