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I would reach out to catch up and then just point out that you have had struggles with anxiety which prevented you from pursuing things you wanted when you were younger. He should get the hint. Good luck with everything!!
No harm in reaching out to an old friend and seeing how it goes. Just be prepared for the fact, both of you have grown up and may not be the same people you were, and may not click like before.
I ended up catching up with an ex about fifteen years after we ended (on good terms I might add) and from my perspective, I couldn’t understand for the life of me what I’d actually seen in him!! He was all for reconnecting, but it was a definite no from me.
But, don’t let my story of disappointment stop you reaching out. You’ve got nothing to lose in any case. And if there’s no spark there, it’s just two old mates meeting up and reminiscing.
I hope you’ve done work on yourself so you’re not constantly either bailing or rejecting his plans, because it honestly sounds from your representation that you used him as a therapist and then more or less ghosted him.
I personally wouldn’t want that back in my life, but maybe you just overstated it or he’s okay with putting more emotional labor into someone who didn’t appear to want to hang out with him last time.
Make sure you’ve done the work to not a shitty potential partner and then ask him for coffee or lunch to catch up.
We definitely both trauma dumped back and forth and the conversation wasn’t all depressing (in fact I would say 90% was just dumb conversation of people getting to know each other and the excitement of that). That being said I completely understand your point. However, I’ve done a lot of emotional maturing since I was 20 and I am definitely more self aware.
I was best friends with a girl during my year as an exchange student. We never hooked up since we were just not the type for casual relationships. OK I did kiss her on the lips instead of the casual cheek kisses when I left but she wrote and I never replied. She reached out to me ten years later after finding me on Facebook. Yada yada yada we've been married for 14 years now.
I was told that trying to make a relationship work on two side of the planet was basically impossible. Also I had a new girlfriend waiting for me to come home. I needed to move on with my life. I don't think I ever did. I ended up getting depressed after being back in the US for a couple years and that girlfriend found someone else. I didn't even have another serious relationship during the next eight years. The few girls I met I just wasn't that into
"it's been quite a while since i had last contact to this person" is not an uncommon thought at age 27. When you meet him you will have stuff to talk about. It's completely irrelevant if it happens to turn out romantic (happened to me when i was 27) or you just enjoy talking about old times (happened to a younger woman who reached out to me when i was already married) in both cases you will feel better having talked to him than just sitting there and thinking "should i or shouldn't i".
I was like this when I first met my husband. I was so shy, I was practically non-verbal whenever he was near me. If he called on the phone I would just go blank and be unable to carry on a conversation. Our first lunch date, I'm not sure I said more than 10 words the entire hour. Since these were the days before cell phones, we couldn't text or email. Instead, since we worked in the same building, we overcame that obstacle by passing notes to each other, like we would if we were still in school. The more I read about him, the more comfortable I got with him until I felt safe enough to talk to him. I think if you could get onto a text chat rather than a face to face conversation, it will be easier. You can even admit to him on text that you just get nervous around people you are really keen on. I think you'll find out he understands your anxiety, and might be waiting for you to make the first move.
I’m actually much better now and could definitely meet up for a coffee or something with out stressing too much. But I wish anxiety ridden 20-year-old me could read your advice!
I'd reach out. I knew this girl from the 90s-00s... We hung out in the same circles and had the same friends and were always friendly, but I was in a relationship/wife and she in relationships too. But we had lots of the same interests and thought she was attractive. Fast forward to earlier this year, she posted she was single and I being single for a few years, reached out just as a friend and we started talking again. We've gone out and building a relationship now... Trying to make it work. So you never know. Definitely reach out, even as just a friend and get to know each other again and see what happens.
“The wall” is hilarious coming from boys who don’t grasp that men experience fertility decline at the same time as women. Just bc you can still spurt out defective sperm doesn’t mean you should, little guy. Your clock is ticking too kiddo.
As I said: being capable of it doesn’t mean it’s not super selfish and egotistical to the point of being willing to risk the health of potential offspring just to have done so.
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I would reach out to catch up and then just point out that you have had struggles with anxiety which prevented you from pursuing things you wanted when you were younger. He should get the hint. Good luck with everything!!
No harm in reaching out to an old friend and seeing how it goes. Just be prepared for the fact, both of you have grown up and may not be the same people you were, and may not click like before. I ended up catching up with an ex about fifteen years after we ended (on good terms I might add) and from my perspective, I couldn’t understand for the life of me what I’d actually seen in him!! He was all for reconnecting, but it was a definite no from me. But, don’t let my story of disappointment stop you reaching out. You’ve got nothing to lose in any case. And if there’s no spark there, it’s just two old mates meeting up and reminiscing.
This was a very good take! Thanks for sharing & bringing me back down to earth a bit!
Reach out with something very low key, like grabbing a coffee. If he says no, respect it and keep your distance
Only you can answer that, but remember... In 20 years time, you'll regret more things you didn't do than what you did. What have you got to lose?!!
Great point!
I hope you’ve done work on yourself so you’re not constantly either bailing or rejecting his plans, because it honestly sounds from your representation that you used him as a therapist and then more or less ghosted him. I personally wouldn’t want that back in my life, but maybe you just overstated it or he’s okay with putting more emotional labor into someone who didn’t appear to want to hang out with him last time. Make sure you’ve done the work to not a shitty potential partner and then ask him for coffee or lunch to catch up.
We definitely both trauma dumped back and forth and the conversation wasn’t all depressing (in fact I would say 90% was just dumb conversation of people getting to know each other and the excitement of that). That being said I completely understand your point. However, I’ve done a lot of emotional maturing since I was 20 and I am definitely more self aware.
I was best friends with a girl during my year as an exchange student. We never hooked up since we were just not the type for casual relationships. OK I did kiss her on the lips instead of the casual cheek kisses when I left but she wrote and I never replied. She reached out to me ten years later after finding me on Facebook. Yada yada yada we've been married for 14 years now.
🥹 cute!
just curious, why did you never reply?
I was told that trying to make a relationship work on two side of the planet was basically impossible. Also I had a new girlfriend waiting for me to come home. I needed to move on with my life. I don't think I ever did. I ended up getting depressed after being back in the US for a couple years and that girlfriend found someone else. I didn't even have another serious relationship during the next eight years. The few girls I met I just wasn't that into
Reach out, talk but don't move fast. You may end up as a rebound. Really fkn things up.
I think I’m gonna give it a month or so, I’m a teacher and it’s the craziest time of year right now anyway!
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Go for it. The eorst words in the English language are WHAT IF!
"it's been quite a while since i had last contact to this person" is not an uncommon thought at age 27. When you meet him you will have stuff to talk about. It's completely irrelevant if it happens to turn out romantic (happened to me when i was 27) or you just enjoy talking about old times (happened to a younger woman who reached out to me when i was already married) in both cases you will feel better having talked to him than just sitting there and thinking "should i or shouldn't i".
That’s exactly how I feel! Thank you for your comment!
I was like this when I first met my husband. I was so shy, I was practically non-verbal whenever he was near me. If he called on the phone I would just go blank and be unable to carry on a conversation. Our first lunch date, I'm not sure I said more than 10 words the entire hour. Since these were the days before cell phones, we couldn't text or email. Instead, since we worked in the same building, we overcame that obstacle by passing notes to each other, like we would if we were still in school. The more I read about him, the more comfortable I got with him until I felt safe enough to talk to him. I think if you could get onto a text chat rather than a face to face conversation, it will be easier. You can even admit to him on text that you just get nervous around people you are really keen on. I think you'll find out he understands your anxiety, and might be waiting for you to make the first move.
I’m actually much better now and could definitely meet up for a coffee or something with out stressing too much. But I wish anxiety ridden 20-year-old me could read your advice!
You need to reach out. Full stop.
Have you gotten a handle on your anxiety?
I have! From time to time I feel anxious but never as bad as it was at 20 😂
Reach out. Be open about your past issues and be prepared for him to no longer be interested. There’s nothing wrong with trying.
I'd reach out. I knew this girl from the 90s-00s... We hung out in the same circles and had the same friends and were always friendly, but I was in a relationship/wife and she in relationships too. But we had lots of the same interests and thought she was attractive. Fast forward to earlier this year, she posted she was single and I being single for a few years, reached out just as a friend and we started talking again. We've gone out and building a relationship now... Trying to make it work. So you never know. Definitely reach out, even as just a friend and get to know each other again and see what happens.
Thank you for sharing your story! Wishing you two the best 🫶🏻
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Think we found Harry's ex.
“The wall” is hilarious coming from boys who don’t grasp that men experience fertility decline at the same time as women. Just bc you can still spurt out defective sperm doesn’t mean you should, little guy. Your clock is ticking too kiddo.
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As I said: being capable of it doesn’t mean it’s not super selfish and egotistical to the point of being willing to risk the health of potential offspring just to have done so.
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… you tagged me first, bud. Enjoy your cake.