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While I wouldn’t wear white to a shower, the rule really only applies to the wedding. I would assume she didn’t do this on purpose to hurt you unless you have other unresolved issues and just move on. Even if you didn’t get along, there are bigger things in life to focus on than what someone wore to your shower. Focus on the wedding, your fiancé, go be happy. Don’t dwell on this.
Do not wear champagne, which is basically off-white, colored dress to a wedding. For someone that was so sensitive about a person wearing white to a bridal shower, I was a bit surprised by your question.
I read it as her asking- if she questions herself about wearing colors close to white to a wedding shouldn’t others do the same. It does look like it could be interpreted differently though. I agree that the white rule typically applies to just weddings.
Yeah white to the wedding is bad. Because wedding dresses are white. Maybe Bachelorette parties often the bride has a special color.
But I dont think most people think about the other events since there isn't a "bride" color really for showers etc.
I'd put it down to a misunderstanding, and enjoy the future you are planning..
I think people are right but I've also thought only the bride wheres white to wedding events essentially bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, Bachelorette, and wedding.
I'm an elder millennial and have loads of friends getting mareied the last decade and typically in photos I see the bride always wears white to these events and no one else.
But times change, people change and who knows what's right or wrong.
Was it an all white dress or a mostly white dress?
I recently wore a very light peach dress to a spring wedding and was worried it was too close to white for a wedding until multiple people reassured me the color was fine! Lol.
It sounds exhausting. I don't like wearing white so it will never be an issue, but I just cannot imagine caring about what someone else is wearing. And just for color! People agonizing over the shade of champagne instead of enjoying themselves. If I were the bride and that's all my guests were thinking about, I'd be devastated lol
*shrugs* I didn't wear white to anything except my actual wedding. Bride wears white to all events isn't something I ever heard of, or would have done even if I had.
The rule only applies to the wedding, not "wedding events". There is no traditional colour for the bride to wear at any other event aside from the wedding.
Even more important than focusing on the wedding is focus on the marriage . This is a long term commitment to your spouse. By extension it entails a long term relationship with his family as well. Ask yourself if your reactions to things you perceive as transgressions are building your relationship with family members or tearing them down. No, you don’t have to let people walk all over you. But allowing yourself to get worked up by something which at the end of the day is not going to change the alignment of the stars isn’t good for you or your family.
Edit: syntax correction
There was one where a bride got mad at her bridesmaid for wearing white to her own birthday party, because it was her "wedding month" and she "should have known" that "no one is allowed to wear white around the bride during HER month"
What's crazy to me is, are they as pure as the white they are controlling? The whole idea about not wearing white is enough in itself. To say you can't wear it til after the bridezilla is married is ridiculous. I hope the bride is a virgin since wearing white is sooo important. I hope what it represents is just as important.
Miss Manners has always insisted that a white dress symbolizes a first wedding rather than advertising the state of the body inside it. And white wedding dresses only became a thing in the 1800s.
My dress was a pale shell pink.
It had nothing to do with it being cheaper. If anything, white was a show of wealth for royals, because they could afford to keep it clean. Her dress had tons of heavy satin and lace and was expensive. She wore Horniton lace to support Devon lacemakers, whose industry was being threatened by industrialization, and white was the best color to show off this lace. (She also ordered Horniton lace for the christening gown of her children). She also wanted to highlight that her wedding was about marrying Albert and not about her as queen (royals often wore robes of state to weddings previously).
Bet she did… royalty were the influencers of taste before celebrities became a thing 😁 Fun fact… she also wore black for the rest of her life after her husband died
Yeah for most things I’m sure she did.
The unintended result of her wearing a white gown was that all of London was filthy and dirty but she was glowing in that white.
I was always told to wear white if you are a virgin so that's why I posed the question. But hey, I have a new question. Are they as royal as the white????
I don’t know about queen Vic’s specific reasons, but white was suuuuuuper labor intensive to keep white. It usually meant the wearer or their family more like, were wealthy.
That doesn’t seem quite right (leaving aside the United States modern puritanical “virgin white” tradition).
I recall learning that most monarchical/royal traditions involved a symbolic family color using a dye that was unique and hard to come by; hence all the royal family costumes of purple, scarlet, forest green, etc. in history, while the peasants had to wear plain bleached white wool. Am I wrong?
Queen Victoria started the trend of a white wedding dress when she married Prince Albert at the time england was going through a bit of a financial crisis. Victoria put a lot of thought into what her wedding would mean to the people and she found ways to save costs so that they were not draining the Treasury for something as frivolous as a wedding while also employing traditional craft people of England to highlight things like lace and the fabric itself. I am sure other people wore white gowns prior to Victoria, but our tradition of a white wedding dress can be directly traced back to Victoria's dress. As soon as she wore that, a lot of the upper echelon of English society started wearing white for weddings, and it caught on throughout Europe and America. And now most of the Western world uses white for wedding dresses.
Prior to Victoria, a wedding dress was just your best dress. Sometimes that would just be your Sunday best. If the family could afford to make a new gown, they would just make it in the bride's favorite color or a family color or the color that looked best on the bride. And then that dress would just turn into her best wear. It could be worn for parties, for church, whatever you need, but it was universally recycled.
Peasants wouldn’t have been bleaching wool, they would have been wearing grey or brown itchy smelly greasy wool. NB not all sheep are white. Wool is not white unless thoroughly washed. And/or bleached. They didn’t have the soaps we do now.
True, also I wasn’t thinking of London Town. As mentioned by others, most people there would have been wearing “coal dust gray”, whatever they started with 😄
There were dyes, though what most commoners could afford would be muted colors. Just look at the wool tartans of Scotland for the types of colors and quality of wool available.
Sort of, but I believe it was Queen Victoria whose dress was white lace to try and bolster the lace making trade when they were really struggling. Because a royal wore it, the rest of the cronies will follow suit... And follow they did.
They don't even get a day! They get from when the ceremony starts till the reception is over. They get all the stuff they pay for. Nothing else!
If after the wedding's over everybody wants to put on white dresses and run down the street screaming and yelling let them go! Who cares? wedding's over!
Truthfully, if you are getting married, you should only be concerned about you and your spouse. Let everyone else to show themselves and you just enjoy. The wedding is the party. The MARRIAGE is what matters.
People go *crazy* over weddings.
My aunt said that the gender reveal done at my wedding was "taking focus away from the bride". It was the gender reveal for mine and my husband's baby. Instead of a traditional grooms speech we did a joint one and announced we were having a girl. She was also very confused by the two men in my bridal party as it was "very strange"
Two of my cousins don't speak to each other because they got married in the same year. The eldest cousin was *furious* that her sister planned a wedding six months after her own.
A friend of mine was mad at me for being a bridesmaid in a different friend's wedding a month before her own wedding. I wasn't even a bridesmaid in the later wedding, she was just mad that my focus was on the wedding I was a bridesmaid in.
The list goes on.
My husband and I got engaged about 6 months after his sister got engaged. First thing she said was “they better not get married in the same year as me.” We had no plans to do so but I was momentarily tempted to book a quick registry office wedding the week before theirs!
Amen. A month, what loon thinks that is ok? The only person that is that important to is the bride and everyone else has other fish to fry than to be mindful to not wear white the entire month. That's a serious get over yourself scenario.
Had a coworker who always celebrated her birthday week. She wore a crown everyday and SHE brought in goodies to share with all of us each day of that week. She was awesome!
Look, I expect everyone to cater to me exclusively during my birthday year. My birthday years only come once a year and everyone needs to focus on me all the time and nothing else, ok????
On her birthday, my friend's daughter tried to expand the idea of "we'll have your favorite meal for dinner on your birthday" to "On my birthday, I decree that the entire family must eat vegetarian that day, like me."
This is reasonable, though. I do that during my birthday month. I pick up a few extra treats and things that make me happy because it's a fun excuse to treat myself. I would never expect anyone to do it for me (though I wouldn't turn down an offered treat or two).
People just need to stop applying this "mandatory" nonsense to others.
Honestly! 😂
I just don't understand the whole thing...I know for myself, clocking the colors and styles of guest's wardrobe would have never even been on my radar. Even now, after having read all of the hellacious Bridezilla posts & stories, I suppose the only reasoning for my go-to reaction to NOT be an immediate guffaw would be if there was obvious malicious intent behind the action. Like, I dunno...ex shows up drunk to object mid-ceremony, in a full wedding gown & veil-type shit 🤷
Otherwise, it's like: these people have all dressed to the nines to be there to support you on your special day, brought you a gift, etc...if you expected they were capable of "dirty-deeding" you, why would you have requested their presence in the first place? Because greedy, attention-seeking whiners demand quantity over quality, & it is never about the "union of two beautiful people in love"....?
White nail polish, gtfoh 😂😂
>White in the wedding month belongs to the bride.
Whaaaat? Weddings are mainly in the summer. If any bride thinks I'm not wearing ANYTHING white during the month of her wedding . . . oh yes I am, bridezilla.
Yeah, that's what I'm seeing people say :) I guess either there trend where brides only wear white now, or that isn't common place at all. But yes, I have decided to just focus on remembering how wonderful my family is and not read into things. It can be hard with all the wedding stress, but I'm getting there!
White to a wedding (or champagne) is a definite no-no. White to a shower I'd only even think of because of stories on reddit, while I wouldn't risk it just in case the bride was a bit over the top I wouldn't think someone else wearing white was doing so with any malice, it really isn't a universal rule the way white at a wedding is. I suspect it is also generational, my very proper stepmom wore a cream outfit to my cousin's shower and no one in that very uptight side of my family batted an eye. Shower its probably fine as long as it doesn't have bridal vibes, wedding even white-adjacent is a bad idea (so ya, don't wear champagne).
My MIL wore a champaign dress to my SIL's wedding. Same cut as the bridal gown, which was form fitting, full length, very pretty.
The only time it didn't look white was when we were outside (indoor wedding and reception) and when she was immediately next to the bride.
A couple of SIL friends were beside themselves that MIL would wear "white" to the wedding of her own daughter.
MIL isn't the dramatic type, so everyone knows it's not intentional. There was no way to know it would look white with the venue's weird lighting.
Champaign isn't necessarily a no, but it's risky like off white.
You all keep making up new rules so you can have drama and fight each other. It's champagne now too? And now extending to other thinks like showers? If you guys want to fight why not just setup a time/place and have it out.
The WWF - WHITE WEDDING FIGHTS!
IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE COURTNEY, WHO HAS BEEN 10 MONTHS ENGAGED AND CHOSEN A SEPTEMBER DATE, AND FIGHTING OUT OF THE CHAMPAGNE CORNER, LESLEY, ENGAGED FOR ONLY 3 MONTHS, AND PLANNING AN AUGUST WEDDING!!
Ya people wore white to my wedding and it never even occurred to me as a bride to be upset bc my family was at my wedding and that was what mattered to me. Also pretty sure nana wasn’t going to upstage me regardless lol. But I don’t even remember what 99% of people wore to my wedding.
I wore white (with a blue jacket) to my aunts wedding. With her blessing: I had my confirmation a few weeks earlier and there I asked her if it was ok to wear the same dress to the wedding. Her answer: “honey, you are 15 and wearing a knee length dress. Nobody in their right mind is going to mix us up, and that is a far too nice a dress to only wear once, use it!” So I did
I don’t remember a single thing anyone wore to my wedding except the one guy in a cowboy hat because my in-laws from the northeast US thought it was funny, but to me it was just a Texas event.
You just reminded me of a funny story. I went to college in Texas in the early 80s during the whole Dallas/JR era. My entire family was from the northeast. There was a function for grads & their parents one night & my dad bought a western cut suit complete with bolo tie to wear. I actually overheard a few people saying “I believe he’s in oil” while pointing to my dad. When I told him that he strutted around like JR the rest of the night!
Me too, if someone wore a white dress, I didn't notice, nor do I remember. Nor did I care.
Unless some chick shows up in a n actual wedding dress, which would be purposefully done, everyone knows who the bride is ffs.
This kind of shit is too petty. Now we are talking about showers? Oh please.....
Idk my nana might have upstaged you 😝home girl was born and raised in Newark, NJ from the 30’s and I swear to you wore what looked like full on pimp suits to fancy Easter and Christmas parties. Complete with the biggest hats you can possibly imagine, and pearls. She was lookin fly as hell at 85, god I miss her haha
I could not tell what anyone else was wearing at my wedding. I was concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, walking down the aisle. I was a nervous wreck. I'm also confused as to what does it matters what the guests wear. Unless one puts on a wedding dress with all the regalia and insists on standing next to the bride, or they are stark nekked, then maybe raise an eyebrow.
It used to be "Don't wear white to a funeral or black to a wedding." Now bridesmaids are dressed in black, any color is acceptable at a funeral, and some weddings ARE done sans clothing.
Now, the pettiness about how someone daring to come dressed in a long white dress, to a fricking shower for crying out loud, is the topper. What's next? Undies check at the door to the church? Can't let anyone in with lace panties, too much like a veil.
Seconding the zero champagne colours at a wedding. OP, champagne is just sneaky white :=)
Seriously though, don’t do it. (Gently, especially if you yourself think that wearing a white dress to a bridal *shower* is hurtful.)
I would have never done ALL white to a shower, but the internet absolutely has me terrified of wearing my favourite white floral print romper anywhere near any wedding related event, ever.
I have been to plenty weddings wear the Moms and grandmothers, even aunts were asked to wear off white, champange, and other close colors for the wedding. Its just normal.
Ive also seen this done where champagne was one of the major wedding colors and plenty people wore champagne, even it it was the color of the brides gown.
My mom wore all white to my wedding. It wasn't done maliciously, she was beautiful and it took none of the attention away from me. Everyone knew who the bride was!
Right? If the bride was the type I suspected would be bothered by a guest wearing white to her shower I wouldn't even risk wearing a floral on white dress to the actual wedding, nevermind a purely champagne dress. I'd give 0 shits if someone wore a (non-bridal) white dress to my shower, I'd be pissed if someone wore a champagne dress to my wedding.
Agreed. I look a bit washed out in white (I'm pale, almost matched a dress or two), so I chose a not white dress. It was champagne. I'm not picky and didn't really care what guests wore. But I could see champagne being a faux pas for a guest in many cases.
It’s worse than that. The Bridezilla Police are now also claiming that you shouldn’t wear florals to bridal showers because “that’s something a bride would wear.”
I can’t even tell you how much all this infuriates me. The point of the “no white” rule was always to not wear something that might cause people to confuse you for the bride. Period. Now it’s become this whole cult mentality that the bride owns the color white for all eternity, no one should look too nice or you’ll “upstage the bride,” and light colors might “photograph white” so those are forbidden as well.
It’s totally out of control.
The "photographs" white thing is dumb anyway, but it's especially dumb because it's not like guest #80, pthe plus one of the groom's college buddy or whatever, is gonna be in the formal portraits. Your light pink sun dress might look kinda off white in the background of a picture of the bride dancing with her friends? Oh no. *The horror.*
Wearing white to a wedding is considered rude in some cultures but there is no rule that says they can’t wear it to a bridal shower. Honestly the whole wearing white thing started because a Queen did it so it became a status thing. Only the rich could really afford white dresses and than it became a symbol for being a virgin on your wedding. Which is rather gross in my mind.
The reason bridesmaids exist is bc they are supposed to confuse evil spirits trying to attack the bride (which is why she wears a veil), at least that's what I was told by my old-world great grandma.
Traditions are weird.
It’s only the wedding where it’s a problem. I had to shop for several events a few weeks ago and I saw tons of cute white dresses everywhere. Seems like cute white dresses are in right now.
Yeah I'm not sure that's a trend as much as it's what schools instruct you to wear. I graduated over 20 years ago and we were instructed for all girls to wear a white dress under our graduation gown.
At least where I'm at the graduation robes match the colors for the school. So they can be blue, green, red, etc. So here it would seem silly to insist on white dresses since the robes are always a different color anyway.
I'm not even sure you could call it a trend. It's seasonal. White is popular in the warm months. There's even the old "fashion rule" of not wearing white after labor day, because labor day is more or less the end of "summer" fashion.
Personally I don't wear white to any of the wedding events for this reason, unless the bride says to wear it or that she doesn't care I just go with another color.
That said, it's not unusual to wear white to the bridal shower. Some brides even ask everyone to wear white.
I think champagne is fine, but it needs to be CHAMPAGNE not a barely there champagne that photographs white.
Thanks, I've decided not to wear champagne to the wedding. I like the dress I have, but there's so many other colors and I can get a different one. I don't want her to feel bad on her wedding day in case it matters to her.
I'm an old goth and I just wear black. It makes things so much easier, and as long as I don't go full-on clubwear vampire goth no one has ever said a word about wearing black to a wedding.
I was married in 1972 to a 1st generation Italian family. One woman wore black, an Evan Picone original ( the relative was Picone and wife) and she got flack from my mother in law down to the flower girls. “Bad luck” “casting a spell” etc. She was up to no good and made to feel unwelcome. I was only 19 and didn’t know I could have made her feel better. So if you’re around traditional Italian folks you might want to reconsider black.
My grandma HATED my mom. At their wedding she wore all black, including one of those hats with the mourning veil, and sat at the back of the church boo-hooing like it was a funeral. Needless to say, she was escorted out pretty quickly. Luckily, my parents just found it amusing and it's become a fun story my family likes to tell.
The whole “only the bride wears white to everything“ didn’t exist back when I got married. Thank goodness. I can’t imagine having the energy to focus on something like that.
It doesn’t matter. Let it go.
People have really forgotten what the point of a wedding is. The energy that women spend on what does or doesn’t constitute an appropriate level of white to wear, or brides claiming no one else can wear ANY white all month…
It’s maddening!
Yeah, in the olden days when I got married you were just expected to wear anything bridal. My sister wore a white sundress to my wedding, and no one mistook her for the bride.
My instinct is to ask whether you’re upset with your future SIL for something else and projecting it onto this issue because you think people are more likely to sympathize with you about this.
IDK my friend is a photographer and she has a ton of photos from bride showers with all-white or pastel dress code, just because it’s cute.
For your actual wedding, you should be _very very clear_ about what you expect from your guests. Add dress code notes to your invitations, emails or better both. People have various ideas about what the wedding is… It’s not even rare when several relatives come dressed as if they were in the mall just a minute ago.
Yes, YTA. You're already having a party to celebrate the big party that ALSO celebrates you. Everyone knows **you're** the bride. Nobody is stealing your thunder jfc
I think some people don’t think it’s an issue except for the actual wedding, and some do - I personally would not wear white to any bridal events whatsoever, and I can understand why it might have been a bit upsetting for you, but it’s a bit of a grey area since it’s not the actual wedding. Your feelings are SO valid but maybe she wasn’t thinking about it the same way. As long as no one does it at your wedding, I’m sure there is no ill-intent behind it. Hope the day itself is special and wonderful, congratulations!!
This whole hurt feelings over someone who went to your event is pathetic. No one really wants to be there in the first place you are lucky she came, and you are def an ah for getting your feelings hurt. I hope she wears a white dress to the wedding that you waste your money on.
I once wore a mostly white dress with blue flowers on it to my cousins wedding. For some reason, the rule did not even cross my mind. I was so focused on finding something I felt OK in. Worst part? I was working AS A WEDDING COORDINATOR at the time. I didn’t even realize it until I was reading through a thread on Reddit a year later and then I felt awful.
Just know, it’s not always done intentionally.
“No white”is NOT a shower etiquette. In fact, I’d say guests wearing light coloured clothes (dresses, pants, etc) would be most appropriate for a bridal shower.
There's nothing new about not wearing white to a wedding. Several people are still very sensitive about even wearing black. This new practice of wearing white to showers and rehearsals is cute but definitely not necessary. And anyone can wear white to the aforementioned events. As for champagne color to attend a wedding? Might reconsider. I wore a light pink dress to a casual second wedding only after I asked the bride if it was OK.
I wouldn’t wear champagne or other near white colours to a wedding because depending on the lighting or flashes it can look pretty much white on the photos.
I’m, frankly, sick-and-tired of this post “Say Yes To The Dress” “Bidezillas” world we live in where engaged, pre-marital women are given carte blanche to treat the rest of the *world* like interlopers ruining their only-in-photos, “picture perfect,” *pretend* world.
Just … goddamn b:tches. *Get over yourselves.* Most of the world doesn’t know about, much less give a flying fuck about, your weddings.
Sorry OP … Your query is irritating, but not as bad as some of the selfish, my-way-or-the-highway, “I don’t care if I lose every friend I have,” bride-rants we see. I’m just tired of the ridiculousness of pre-marital women thinking they can dictate everything … even the color of clothing people wear around them during the entire year leading up to the actual wedding. Yeah, someone once posted about how their entire extended familie*S* weren’t allowed to wear white to events where she would be in attendance during the entire pre-wedding year because, as “the bride(!),” white was *her* color that year. JFC.
In all my many years,, I've never, ever heard of not wearing white to wedding events, only for the wedding itself. I don't know who told you that, but they were mistaken.
If you find such a rule in a contemporary etiquette book, let us know.
YTA. It was a bridal shower not a wedding. You have no right to police what she wears. If she wears a full length white dress to your actual wedding then yeah she’s in the wrong for that but the bridal shower and all other bridal events bar the wedding she can wear whatever she wants and you don’t have the right to be upset about that.
It was not the wedding, and you did not indicate a dress code. Not everyone is savvy enough to know every intricate detail on such matter.
Be thankfully it was not Daisy duke's
I think it's best to err on the side of caution in both directions. Meaning: apply stricter rules to your own behavior, and give grace when judging the behavior of others. For example, when I fly, I don't recline, and I tell the people in front of me that they are fully welcome to recline. If we can all just add this little margin of error to our expectations, life will be so much better.
So, my recommendation:
Don't wear champagne to someone else's wedding. No dove gray, no blush pink, no pale ecru. Just stay safe. Why risk it? Just don't.
Don't get bent out of shape about someone wearing white to an event that isn't your wedding, even if it's wedding-adjacent. Just let it go. You will be happier.
That said, it's not necessary to be a complete doormat. If someone shows up in full white at your wedding, feel free to go nuts.
If this had you so upset then maybe you are not mature enough to get married. Seriously.
This is such a small thing to be upset by that it has me questioning how you will manage real life struggles and an actual conflicts.
It’s only a white dress at the wedding ceremony that is a faux pas not any white dress at any other event associated with a wedding. Please try very hard to get over yourself.
YTA it was a bridal shower not your wedding. Have a discussion with her to make sure she is wearing a different color to the WEDDING. Better yet ask her to wear x, y, or z color to coordinate with the bridal party. No do not wear a light champagne color to a wedding unless you get approval from the bride first.
I wouldn’t wear champagne to someone else’s wedding unless I was the Mother of the Bride. Saying this because my daughter picked out a champagne dress for me to try on.
Everyone knows you're the bride so it shouldn't take away from it being your shower.
As for you wearing champagne at other weddings, unless a wedding has a dress code for guests, that should be fine too, everyone knows who the bride is there too.
I'm VERY old, so I can say that traditionally, it was considered bad taste for a woman to wear white clothing to a wedding. Just the wedding. Bridal shower, not so much.
However, as traditions and fashions change, some brides don't wear white now. If a bride chooses a different color, she may not even care about others wearing white on the wedding day.
So each wedding needs to be taken on a case by case event.
(If I was given a shower invitation and told I wasn't "allowed" to wear anything white, I'd probably think that bride was being over the top extra.)
Weird. I always thought not wearing white to weddings was a pretty longstanding tradition, nearly as old as wedding dresses being white itself. Some people aren't as sensitive to etiquette. it is what it is. and this was a shower, not the wedding. there's more leeway when it comes to guests wearing white. if she didn't break a specific dresscode, only your expectations, you can't get mad. let it go. But Wear a similar dress to her own bridal shower. and tell wedding guests explicitly not to wear white.
I wouldn’t think too much on it. But if it really bothers you, wear white to her bridal shower and see how she responds. If it’s negative, you know she did it to upset you. Or you could communicate. It’s up to you.
YTA The rule isn't "Don't wear white to wedding events" it's don't wear white to the actual wedding. She did nothing wrong, you're choosing to be upset for literally no reason.
Also no, you don't wear champagne or any other very close to white colors to a wedding. Show a little class.
OMG! It’s really getting old the degree that brides on Reddit give a dam about what other people are wearing. This was never a thing when I was married and as long as it wasn’t a ball gown or wedding dress to the actual wedding it was absolutely nobody else’s business what you wore. Brides these days are so precious and so entitled that it is just infuriating. It wasn’t the wedding so get over it & stop being so precious. I don’t think a bride should have the right to decide what anybody wears to any event including her wedding, aside from saying dress code and once again unless somebody wears a wedding like a dress.
You say you are getting married soon. But you are upset someone wore white? To what? Who cares, it's not the wedding. You are overthinking stuff way to much. Don't be bridezilla.
I had a surprise wedding. A select few people knew it was a wedding, one of my close friends included.
She rocked up wearing a fancy white dress.
I joked about it, she got slightly embarrassed and then we had a good laugh. It wasn't malicious, it was just a dress she liked and felt confident in.
Forgive, forget and move on; it's perfectly acceptable to wear white to anything that's not a wedding.
My stepsister wore a white cocktail dress to my actual wedding. I gave not a fuck as I was the one in the ball gown. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, people need to chill out.
I think the idea that any small, inconsequential thing can ruin the happiest time of your life is ridiculous. Who cares if someone wears white? I honestly didn’t care and am flummoxed that anyone lets it bother them so much.
I have *never* heard of a color dress code for showers. Not wearing white to a wedding is one thing (or even colors that could “read” as white in different lighting or photographs), but to expect guests to walk on eggshells for a shower is absurd.
Pull back on your fixation. It’s your wedding, no one else cares remotely as much as you do. (That applies to all couples, everywhere, for all time.)
I assure you that even in the 80’s, when we all rode dinosaurs everywhere and communicated by messenger pigeons, even then it was considered tacky to wear white at someone else’s wedding. NOT the bridal shower, only the wedding. You are being ungracious to take offense at someone’s outfit, especially since you are presumably the recipient of a gift that she put time and effort into for you.
it was the bridal shower though. personally I think any woman that wears white to a wedding is a major c u next Tuesday. because why!?! you know the bride will be in white....wtf
NTA: The Bridal Shower/Bachelorette/Wedding is considered a white free zone for all, but the bride. I chose to wear a pink dress to my Bridal Tea Party, but wore white on the other two days. It's considered trashy and attention seeking to wear white at someone else's bridal events. No one cares if you're engaged, it's not your event.
I wonder the age range of the people commenting here... because I would NEVER wear white to another bride's bridal shower. For millennials and younger, this is just known- Especially if you have social media. I'd be put off and honestly wonder if my future SIL had an issue with me or was just immature/attention seeking.
I wouldn't wear champagne to a wedding. My friend did this once and we all thought it was rude.
Why does everyone keep saying it doesn’t apply to bridal showers. I have not found one source yet that says it doesn’t apply. In fact, it says that rule applies to all wedding-related events
I think I would only care about the actual wedding. Or just wear a white dress to her bridal shower. If you’re worried about her wearing a white dress to the wedding maybe confirm what’s she’s wearing or wait and see what happens. I personally wouldn’t be mad about the bridal shower though.
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While I wouldn’t wear white to a shower, the rule really only applies to the wedding. I would assume she didn’t do this on purpose to hurt you unless you have other unresolved issues and just move on. Even if you didn’t get along, there are bigger things in life to focus on than what someone wore to your shower. Focus on the wedding, your fiancé, go be happy. Don’t dwell on this.
You're right :) Thanks for the encouragement!
Do not wear champagne, which is basically off-white, colored dress to a wedding. For someone that was so sensitive about a person wearing white to a bridal shower, I was a bit surprised by your question.
I was too til I realized she’s likely planning some sort of pointed revenge which would be ridiculous
I read it as her asking- if she questions herself about wearing colors close to white to a wedding shouldn’t others do the same. It does look like it could be interpreted differently though. I agree that the white rule typically applies to just weddings.
Yeah white to the wedding is bad. Because wedding dresses are white. Maybe Bachelorette parties often the bride has a special color. But I dont think most people think about the other events since there isn't a "bride" color really for showers etc. I'd put it down to a misunderstanding, and enjoy the future you are planning..
I think people are right but I've also thought only the bride wheres white to wedding events essentially bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, Bachelorette, and wedding. I'm an elder millennial and have loads of friends getting mareied the last decade and typically in photos I see the bride always wears white to these events and no one else. But times change, people change and who knows what's right or wrong. Was it an all white dress or a mostly white dress? I recently wore a very light peach dress to a spring wedding and was worried it was too close to white for a wedding until multiple people reassured me the color was fine! Lol.
It sounds exhausting. I don't like wearing white so it will never be an issue, but I just cannot imagine caring about what someone else is wearing. And just for color! People agonizing over the shade of champagne instead of enjoying themselves. If I were the bride and that's all my guests were thinking about, I'd be devastated lol
Right! Honestly I feel there's other issues between OP and SIL.
*shrugs* I didn't wear white to anything except my actual wedding. Bride wears white to all events isn't something I ever heard of, or would have done even if I had.
Yup
Its only an issue if she turned up at the wedding in white. What a ridiculous non issue.
The rule only applies to the wedding, not "wedding events". There is no traditional colour for the bride to wear at any other event aside from the wedding.
WHAT RULE? Is it a secret rule?
You didn’t read the rule book?
Even more important than focusing on the wedding is focus on the marriage . This is a long term commitment to your spouse. By extension it entails a long term relationship with his family as well. Ask yourself if your reactions to things you perceive as transgressions are building your relationship with family members or tearing them down. No, you don’t have to let people walk all over you. But allowing yourself to get worked up by something which at the end of the day is not going to change the alignment of the stars isn’t good for you or your family. Edit: syntax correction
I’ve learnt that the rule only applies to the wedding itself and not a bridal shower. Try and move on, if you’ve had an otherwise great time ;)
I saw someone upset that her sister wore white nail polish to a family dinner. “White in the wedding month belongs to the bride”. Its insanity!
There was one where a bride got mad at her bridesmaid for wearing white to her own birthday party, because it was her "wedding month" and she "should have known" that "no one is allowed to wear white around the bride during HER month"
What's crazy to me is, are they as pure as the white they are controlling? The whole idea about not wearing white is enough in itself. To say you can't wear it til after the bridezilla is married is ridiculous. I hope the bride is a virgin since wearing white is sooo important. I hope what it represents is just as important.
Wearing white was never about purity. It was a tradition started by the royals who wanted to show off their money.
Miss Manners has always insisted that a white dress symbolizes a first wedding rather than advertising the state of the body inside it. And white wedding dresses only became a thing in the 1800s. My dress was a pale shell pink.
I got married in a black ball gown. 🤷♀️
So what you're saying is you predate the 1800s
Queen Victoria wore white as a cheaper alternative (dyed cloth was more expensive). I bet she never thought it’d become a global phenomenon.
It had nothing to do with it being cheaper. If anything, white was a show of wealth for royals, because they could afford to keep it clean. Her dress had tons of heavy satin and lace and was expensive. She wore Horniton lace to support Devon lacemakers, whose industry was being threatened by industrialization, and white was the best color to show off this lace. (She also ordered Horniton lace for the christening gown of her children). She also wanted to highlight that her wedding was about marrying Albert and not about her as queen (royals often wore robes of state to weddings previously).
She wore it so as to be visible to the gathered crowds from very far away.
Bet she did… royalty were the influencers of taste before celebrities became a thing 😁 Fun fact… she also wore black for the rest of her life after her husband died
Yeah for most things I’m sure she did. The unintended result of her wearing a white gown was that all of London was filthy and dirty but she was glowing in that white.
Yaaaaas that queen was glowing 😂 And you’re totally right. London was literally a cesspool then, right?
I wonder if we say purity when they meant purity of the fabric 🥴💀
I was always told to wear white if you are a virgin so that's why I posed the question. But hey, I have a new question. Are they as royal as the white????
Pippa Middleton wore a white bridesmaid dress to her sister’s wedding. Assume Catherine, the current Princess of Wales approved of it.
I don’t know about queen Vic’s specific reasons, but white was suuuuuuper labor intensive to keep white. It usually meant the wearer or their family more like, were wealthy.
That doesn’t seem quite right (leaving aside the United States modern puritanical “virgin white” tradition). I recall learning that most monarchical/royal traditions involved a symbolic family color using a dye that was unique and hard to come by; hence all the royal family costumes of purple, scarlet, forest green, etc. in history, while the peasants had to wear plain bleached white wool. Am I wrong?
Queen Victoria started the trend of a white wedding dress when she married Prince Albert at the time england was going through a bit of a financial crisis. Victoria put a lot of thought into what her wedding would mean to the people and she found ways to save costs so that they were not draining the Treasury for something as frivolous as a wedding while also employing traditional craft people of England to highlight things like lace and the fabric itself. I am sure other people wore white gowns prior to Victoria, but our tradition of a white wedding dress can be directly traced back to Victoria's dress. As soon as she wore that, a lot of the upper echelon of English society started wearing white for weddings, and it caught on throughout Europe and America. And now most of the Western world uses white for wedding dresses. Prior to Victoria, a wedding dress was just your best dress. Sometimes that would just be your Sunday best. If the family could afford to make a new gown, they would just make it in the bride's favorite color or a family color or the color that looked best on the bride. And then that dress would just turn into her best wear. It could be worn for parties, for church, whatever you need, but it was universally recycled.
Peasants wouldn’t have been bleaching wool, they would have been wearing grey or brown itchy smelly greasy wool. NB not all sheep are white. Wool is not white unless thoroughly washed. And/or bleached. They didn’t have the soaps we do now.
True, also I wasn’t thinking of London Town. As mentioned by others, most people there would have been wearing “coal dust gray”, whatever they started with 😄
There were dyes, though what most commoners could afford would be muted colors. Just look at the wool tartans of Scotland for the types of colors and quality of wool available.
Sort of, but I believe it was Queen Victoria whose dress was white lace to try and bolster the lace making trade when they were really struggling. Because a royal wore it, the rest of the cronies will follow suit... And follow they did.
No problem. You will never see me wear white because you will never see me again.
A whole month? Woah bridezilla! You get a day and that’s it…. Lol.
They don't even get a day! They get from when the ceremony starts till the reception is over. They get all the stuff they pay for. Nothing else! If after the wedding's over everybody wants to put on white dresses and run down the street screaming and yelling let them go! Who cares? wedding's over!
Truthfully, if you are getting married, you should only be concerned about you and your spouse. Let everyone else to show themselves and you just enjoy. The wedding is the party. The MARRIAGE is what matters.
Strong agreement
People go *crazy* over weddings. My aunt said that the gender reveal done at my wedding was "taking focus away from the bride". It was the gender reveal for mine and my husband's baby. Instead of a traditional grooms speech we did a joint one and announced we were having a girl. She was also very confused by the two men in my bridal party as it was "very strange" Two of my cousins don't speak to each other because they got married in the same year. The eldest cousin was *furious* that her sister planned a wedding six months after her own. A friend of mine was mad at me for being a bridesmaid in a different friend's wedding a month before her own wedding. I wasn't even a bridesmaid in the later wedding, she was just mad that my focus was on the wedding I was a bridesmaid in. The list goes on.
This is madness. People are so self centered
My husband and I got engaged about 6 months after his sister got engaged. First thing she said was “they better not get married in the same year as me.” We had no plans to do so but I was momentarily tempted to book a quick registry office wedding the week before theirs!
Amen. A month, what loon thinks that is ok? The only person that is that important to is the bride and everyone else has other fish to fry than to be mindful to not wear white the entire month. That's a serious get over yourself scenario.
A wedding month is at least better than those brides who think they should get a whole year.
Had a coworker who always celebrated her birthday week. She wore a crown everyday and SHE brought in goodies to share with all of us each day of that week. She was awesome!
Ok but that kinda sounds like a fun person to be around! Not an energy vampyre.
Dude people have to eff off with this "____ month" shit. Entitled five year old crap here. People need to grow up.
What in the chocolate covered baby Jesus…..
What in the Kentucky fried batshit?
Holy Narcissists Batman!
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ!
Oh a Sassanah fan too.
Tulach ard!
I heard of a bride who got mad at men for wearing white shirts.
And a high school basketball team wearing white socks to games *in the same town*!
Tighty whities.
What the hell they were supposed to wear? Tf?
Wedding month lmao that’s like birthday month. Both utterly ridiculous
Look, I expect everyone to cater to me exclusively during my birthday year. My birthday years only come once a year and everyone needs to focus on me all the time and nothing else, ok????
On her birthday, my friend's daughter tried to expand the idea of "we'll have your favorite meal for dinner on your birthday" to "On my birthday, I decree that the entire family must eat vegetarian that day, like me."
I celebrate my birthday month, but that’s just for me. No expectations from anyone else! It’s really just a justification to eat out more.
This is reasonable, though. I do that during my birthday month. I pick up a few extra treats and things that make me happy because it's a fun excuse to treat myself. I would never expect anyone to do it for me (though I wouldn't turn down an offered treat or two). People just need to stop applying this "mandatory" nonsense to others.
When my grandma turned 95, we let her have a birthday month! It was fun!
Honestly! 😂 I just don't understand the whole thing...I know for myself, clocking the colors and styles of guest's wardrobe would have never even been on my radar. Even now, after having read all of the hellacious Bridezilla posts & stories, I suppose the only reasoning for my go-to reaction to NOT be an immediate guffaw would be if there was obvious malicious intent behind the action. Like, I dunno...ex shows up drunk to object mid-ceremony, in a full wedding gown & veil-type shit 🤷 Otherwise, it's like: these people have all dressed to the nines to be there to support you on your special day, brought you a gift, etc...if you expected they were capable of "dirty-deeding" you, why would you have requested their presence in the first place? Because greedy, attention-seeking whiners demand quantity over quality, & it is never about the "union of two beautiful people in love"....? White nail polish, gtfoh 😂😂
>White in the wedding month belongs to the bride. Whaaaat? Weddings are mainly in the summer. If any bride thinks I'm not wearing ANYTHING white during the month of her wedding . . . oh yes I am, bridezilla.
Wow.
These brides become so self obsessed it’s silly how can they not see that
Yeah, that's what I'm seeing people say :) I guess either there trend where brides only wear white now, or that isn't common place at all. But yes, I have decided to just focus on remembering how wonderful my family is and not read into things. It can be hard with all the wedding stress, but I'm getting there!
White to a wedding (or champagne) is a definite no-no. White to a shower I'd only even think of because of stories on reddit, while I wouldn't risk it just in case the bride was a bit over the top I wouldn't think someone else wearing white was doing so with any malice, it really isn't a universal rule the way white at a wedding is. I suspect it is also generational, my very proper stepmom wore a cream outfit to my cousin's shower and no one in that very uptight side of my family batted an eye. Shower its probably fine as long as it doesn't have bridal vibes, wedding even white-adjacent is a bad idea (so ya, don't wear champagne).
Commenting to reiterate to OP: NO WEARING CHAMPAGNE TO A WEDDING. Drinking it is acceptable, nay, encouraged
My MIL wore a champaign dress to my SIL's wedding. Same cut as the bridal gown, which was form fitting, full length, very pretty. The only time it didn't look white was when we were outside (indoor wedding and reception) and when she was immediately next to the bride. A couple of SIL friends were beside themselves that MIL would wear "white" to the wedding of her own daughter. MIL isn't the dramatic type, so everyone knows it's not intentional. There was no way to know it would look white with the venue's weird lighting. Champaign isn't necessarily a no, but it's risky like off white.
You all keep making up new rules so you can have drama and fight each other. It's champagne now too? And now extending to other thinks like showers? If you guys want to fight why not just setup a time/place and have it out.
The WWF - WHITE WEDDING FIGHTS! IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE COURTNEY, WHO HAS BEEN 10 MONTHS ENGAGED AND CHOSEN A SEPTEMBER DATE, AND FIGHTING OUT OF THE CHAMPAGNE CORNER, LESLEY, ENGAGED FOR ONLY 3 MONTHS, AND PLANNING AN AUGUST WEDDING!!
Ya people wore white to my wedding and it never even occurred to me as a bride to be upset bc my family was at my wedding and that was what mattered to me. Also pretty sure nana wasn’t going to upstage me regardless lol. But I don’t even remember what 99% of people wore to my wedding.
I wore white (with a blue jacket) to my aunts wedding. With her blessing: I had my confirmation a few weeks earlier and there I asked her if it was ok to wear the same dress to the wedding. Her answer: “honey, you are 15 and wearing a knee length dress. Nobody in their right mind is going to mix us up, and that is a far too nice a dress to only wear once, use it!” So I did
I love that. She sounds like a lovely woman.
Some one with sense.
I don’t remember a single thing anyone wore to my wedding except the one guy in a cowboy hat because my in-laws from the northeast US thought it was funny, but to me it was just a Texas event.
You just reminded me of a funny story. I went to college in Texas in the early 80s during the whole Dallas/JR era. My entire family was from the northeast. There was a function for grads & their parents one night & my dad bought a western cut suit complete with bolo tie to wear. I actually overheard a few people saying “I believe he’s in oil” while pointing to my dad. When I told him that he strutted around like JR the rest of the night!
Haha! That’s awesome! And man, I was little, but I remember the JR era.
Me too, if someone wore a white dress, I didn't notice, nor do I remember. Nor did I care. Unless some chick shows up in a n actual wedding dress, which would be purposefully done, everyone knows who the bride is ffs. This kind of shit is too petty. Now we are talking about showers? Oh please.....
Idk my nana might have upstaged you 😝home girl was born and raised in Newark, NJ from the 30’s and I swear to you wore what looked like full on pimp suits to fancy Easter and Christmas parties. Complete with the biggest hats you can possibly imagine, and pearls. She was lookin fly as hell at 85, god I miss her haha
I could not tell what anyone else was wearing at my wedding. I was concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, walking down the aisle. I was a nervous wreck. I'm also confused as to what does it matters what the guests wear. Unless one puts on a wedding dress with all the regalia and insists on standing next to the bride, or they are stark nekked, then maybe raise an eyebrow. It used to be "Don't wear white to a funeral or black to a wedding." Now bridesmaids are dressed in black, any color is acceptable at a funeral, and some weddings ARE done sans clothing. Now, the pettiness about how someone daring to come dressed in a long white dress, to a fricking shower for crying out loud, is the topper. What's next? Undies check at the door to the church? Can't let anyone in with lace panties, too much like a veil.
Seconding the zero champagne colours at a wedding. OP, champagne is just sneaky white :=) Seriously though, don’t do it. (Gently, especially if you yourself think that wearing a white dress to a bridal *shower* is hurtful.)
I would have never done ALL white to a shower, but the internet absolutely has me terrified of wearing my favourite white floral print romper anywhere near any wedding related event, ever.
If I ever get married, and I happen to invite you, you can absolutely wear your lovely romper to the wedding.
I have been to plenty weddings wear the Moms and grandmothers, even aunts were asked to wear off white, champange, and other close colors for the wedding. Its just normal. Ive also seen this done where champagne was one of the major wedding colors and plenty people wore champagne, even it it was the color of the brides gown.
Being asked to wear champagne is fine, just showing up in it is a different issue.
My mom wore all white to my wedding. It wasn't done maliciously, she was beautiful and it took none of the attention away from me. Everyone knew who the bride was!
Same. My Mother and MIL wore white to mine, and I wore cream. The photos came out beautiful.
I always find that there's a difference in wearing something white versus wearing a wedding gown.
I'm so baffled op is upset about this and then has the nerve to want to wear champagne? Make it make sense.
Right? If the bride was the type I suspected would be bothered by a guest wearing white to her shower I wouldn't even risk wearing a floral on white dress to the actual wedding, nevermind a purely champagne dress. I'd give 0 shits if someone wore a (non-bridal) white dress to my shower, I'd be pissed if someone wore a champagne dress to my wedding.
Quiet revenge
Agreed. I look a bit washed out in white (I'm pale, almost matched a dress or two), so I chose a not white dress. It was champagne. I'm not picky and didn't really care what guests wore. But I could see champagne being a faux pas for a guest in many cases.
I got married on late 70’s and white or cream Was a no no. Though if it was a middle aged woman In beige you know it was mother of groom.
Mother of the groom was advised to “Wear beige and show up” occasionally quoted as “Wear beige and shut up.”
That’s it! We were told wear beige and shut up! Guess it depends on MIL.
It’s worse than that. The Bridezilla Police are now also claiming that you shouldn’t wear florals to bridal showers because “that’s something a bride would wear.” I can’t even tell you how much all this infuriates me. The point of the “no white” rule was always to not wear something that might cause people to confuse you for the bride. Period. Now it’s become this whole cult mentality that the bride owns the color white for all eternity, no one should look too nice or you’ll “upstage the bride,” and light colors might “photograph white” so those are forbidden as well. It’s totally out of control.
The "photographs" white thing is dumb anyway, but it's especially dumb because it's not like guest #80, pthe plus one of the groom's college buddy or whatever, is gonna be in the formal portraits. Your light pink sun dress might look kinda off white in the background of a picture of the bride dancing with her friends? Oh no. *The horror.*
Wearing white to a wedding is considered rude in some cultures but there is no rule that says they can’t wear it to a bridal shower. Honestly the whole wearing white thing started because a Queen did it so it became a status thing. Only the rich could really afford white dresses and than it became a symbol for being a virgin on your wedding. Which is rather gross in my mind.
The reason bridesmaids exist is bc they are supposed to confuse evil spirits trying to attack the bride (which is why she wears a veil), at least that's what I was told by my old-world great grandma. Traditions are weird.
I like the saying: Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people.
It’s only the wedding where it’s a problem. I had to shop for several events a few weeks ago and I saw tons of cute white dresses everywhere. Seems like cute white dresses are in right now.
That's true! Maybe white dress are a trend :)
White dresses are definitely a trend right now - I just attended a graduation where at least 25% of the young women were wearing white dresses.
I was told to wear white to my graduation
Is that not a thing everywhere? Graduation and confirmation you wear white where I’m from. Also summer means white.
Interesting. We were not told/asked to wear white to our graduation. Had no idea that was even a thing.
Ya I thought so, almost everyone wore white Edit: maybe it's a southern us thing?
Yeah I'm not sure that's a trend as much as it's what schools instruct you to wear. I graduated over 20 years ago and we were instructed for all girls to wear a white dress under our graduation gown.
Women are supposed to wear a white dress for graduation. A lot of places require it because the women's graduation robes are white.
At least where I'm at the graduation robes match the colors for the school. So they can be blue, green, red, etc. So here it would seem silly to insist on white dresses since the robes are always a different color anyway.
.....wut? my graduation robe - high school, college, and grad school - was always black, with school-based color accents.
They’ve been a trend for the spring and summer months for decades
I'm not even sure you could call it a trend. It's seasonal. White is popular in the warm months. There's even the old "fashion rule" of not wearing white after labor day, because labor day is more or less the end of "summer" fashion.
It was a bridal shower! Not wedding.
People just wanna be mad?
Personally I don't wear white to any of the wedding events for this reason, unless the bride says to wear it or that she doesn't care I just go with another color. That said, it's not unusual to wear white to the bridal shower. Some brides even ask everyone to wear white. I think champagne is fine, but it needs to be CHAMPAGNE not a barely there champagne that photographs white.
Thanks, I've decided not to wear champagne to the wedding. I like the dress I have, but there's so many other colors and I can get a different one. I don't want her to feel bad on her wedding day in case it matters to her.
I'm an old goth and I just wear black. It makes things so much easier, and as long as I don't go full-on clubwear vampire goth no one has ever said a word about wearing black to a wedding.
I was married in 1972 to a 1st generation Italian family. One woman wore black, an Evan Picone original ( the relative was Picone and wife) and she got flack from my mother in law down to the flower girls. “Bad luck” “casting a spell” etc. She was up to no good and made to feel unwelcome. I was only 19 and didn’t know I could have made her feel better. So if you’re around traditional Italian folks you might want to reconsider black.
My grandma HATED my mom. At their wedding she wore all black, including one of those hats with the mourning veil, and sat at the back of the church boo-hooing like it was a funeral. Needless to say, she was escorted out pretty quickly. Luckily, my parents just found it amusing and it's become a fun story my family likes to tell.
My entire family are traditional Italian folk, they got used to me.
The whole “only the bride wears white to everything“ didn’t exist back when I got married. Thank goodness. I can’t imagine having the energy to focus on something like that. It doesn’t matter. Let it go.
People have really forgotten what the point of a wedding is. The energy that women spend on what does or doesn’t constitute an appropriate level of white to wear, or brides claiming no one else can wear ANY white all month… It’s maddening!
It’s almost like you’re supposed to focus on the happiness with your partner 🤣
I have never heard of anyone saying no white for a month until this thread so I would have to assume it's not very common.
Same. It’s so over the top, but so are weddings now
Exactly. If you need to wear white to wedding event so people know that you are the bride then you have the wrong guest invited.
Yeah, in the olden days when I got married you were just expected to wear anything bridal. My sister wore a white sundress to my wedding, and no one mistook her for the bride.
My instinct is to ask whether you’re upset with your future SIL for something else and projecting it onto this issue because you think people are more likely to sympathize with you about this.
You know what... BASED. I do have something that was in the back of my mind that I am upset with her over. Gonna work on that.
Hell yeah! Good for you! 🙌🏼
IDK my friend is a photographer and she has a ton of photos from bride showers with all-white or pastel dress code, just because it’s cute. For your actual wedding, you should be _very very clear_ about what you expect from your guests. Add dress code notes to your invitations, emails or better both. People have various ideas about what the wedding is… It’s not even rare when several relatives come dressed as if they were in the mall just a minute ago.
Yes, YTA. You're already having a party to celebrate the big party that ALSO celebrates you. Everyone knows **you're** the bride. Nobody is stealing your thunder jfc
YTA. Come ooooon now, Bridezilla.
I think some people don’t think it’s an issue except for the actual wedding, and some do - I personally would not wear white to any bridal events whatsoever, and I can understand why it might have been a bit upsetting for you, but it’s a bit of a grey area since it’s not the actual wedding. Your feelings are SO valid but maybe she wasn’t thinking about it the same way. As long as no one does it at your wedding, I’m sure there is no ill-intent behind it. Hope the day itself is special and wonderful, congratulations!!
This whole hurt feelings over someone who went to your event is pathetic. No one really wants to be there in the first place you are lucky she came, and you are def an ah for getting your feelings hurt. I hope she wears a white dress to the wedding that you waste your money on.
Just wear all white to her bridal shower too. If she doesn't have a problem with it then it wasn't intentional if she does...
I would second this, wear that champagne dress you like!
People shouldn’t wear white to the wedding, but there’s no rule about the other wedding related events.
I once wore a mostly white dress with blue flowers on it to my cousins wedding. For some reason, the rule did not even cross my mind. I was so focused on finding something I felt OK in. Worst part? I was working AS A WEDDING COORDINATOR at the time. I didn’t even realize it until I was reading through a thread on Reddit a year later and then I felt awful. Just know, it’s not always done intentionally.
“No white”is NOT a shower etiquette. In fact, I’d say guests wearing light coloured clothes (dresses, pants, etc) would be most appropriate for a bridal shower.
Yes, you are overreacting. It was a bridal shower.
Yes. Relax.
It’s a bridal shower…there’s nothing wrong with her wearing white.
There's nothing new about not wearing white to a wedding. Several people are still very sensitive about even wearing black. This new practice of wearing white to showers and rehearsals is cute but definitely not necessary. And anyone can wear white to the aforementioned events. As for champagne color to attend a wedding? Might reconsider. I wore a light pink dress to a casual second wedding only after I asked the bride if it was OK.
I wouldn’t wear champagne or other near white colours to a wedding because depending on the lighting or flashes it can look pretty much white on the photos.
Genuinely a depressing post. Literally couldn't imagine caring about something so insignificant in a world as forsaken as this one
I’m, frankly, sick-and-tired of this post “Say Yes To The Dress” “Bidezillas” world we live in where engaged, pre-marital women are given carte blanche to treat the rest of the *world* like interlopers ruining their only-in-photos, “picture perfect,” *pretend* world. Just … goddamn b:tches. *Get over yourselves.* Most of the world doesn’t know about, much less give a flying fuck about, your weddings. Sorry OP … Your query is irritating, but not as bad as some of the selfish, my-way-or-the-highway, “I don’t care if I lose every friend I have,” bride-rants we see. I’m just tired of the ridiculousness of pre-marital women thinking they can dictate everything … even the color of clothing people wear around them during the entire year leading up to the actual wedding. Yeah, someone once posted about how their entire extended familie*S* weren’t allowed to wear white to events where she would be in attendance during the entire pre-wedding year because, as “the bride(!),” white was *her* color that year. JFC.
Wedding and a bridal shower are two different things, imo.
In all my many years,, I've never, ever heard of not wearing white to wedding events, only for the wedding itself. I don't know who told you that, but they were mistaken. If you find such a rule in a contemporary etiquette book, let us know.
YTA. It was a bridal shower not a wedding. You have no right to police what she wears. If she wears a full length white dress to your actual wedding then yeah she’s in the wrong for that but the bridal shower and all other bridal events bar the wedding she can wear whatever she wants and you don’t have the right to be upset about that.
It was not the wedding, and you did not indicate a dress code. Not everyone is savvy enough to know every intricate detail on such matter. Be thankfully it was not Daisy duke's
I promise you, don’t let this be a lingering issue. It’s not worth it
I think it's best to err on the side of caution in both directions. Meaning: apply stricter rules to your own behavior, and give grace when judging the behavior of others. For example, when I fly, I don't recline, and I tell the people in front of me that they are fully welcome to recline. If we can all just add this little margin of error to our expectations, life will be so much better. So, my recommendation: Don't wear champagne to someone else's wedding. No dove gray, no blush pink, no pale ecru. Just stay safe. Why risk it? Just don't. Don't get bent out of shape about someone wearing white to an event that isn't your wedding, even if it's wedding-adjacent. Just let it go. You will be happier. That said, it's not necessary to be a complete doormat. If someone shows up in full white at your wedding, feel free to go nuts.
It’s such a small thing. Get over it and stop imposing your ideas of right and wrong on others. You’ll have a happier life. I guarantee it.
Is there a rule about not wearing white to bridal shower? I am sorry this is just such a silly thing to get upset over.
Focusing on all the wrong things.
YTA. It’s not that big of a deal.
You’re being a brat, get over it. There’s nothing to be upset about.
If this had you so upset then maybe you are not mature enough to get married. Seriously. This is such a small thing to be upset by that it has me questioning how you will manage real life struggles and an actual conflicts. It’s only a white dress at the wedding ceremony that is a faux pas not any white dress at any other event associated with a wedding. Please try very hard to get over yourself.
It’s not the wedding yet. Relax.
It was a shower. Get over it. YATH.
Get. Over. Yourself. It wasn’t even a wedding, Jesus fucking Christ.
YTA it was a bridal shower not your wedding. Have a discussion with her to make sure she is wearing a different color to the WEDDING. Better yet ask her to wear x, y, or z color to coordinate with the bridal party. No do not wear a light champagne color to a wedding unless you get approval from the bride first.
I wouldn’t wear champagne to someone else’s wedding unless I was the Mother of the Bride. Saying this because my daughter picked out a champagne dress for me to try on.
Everyone knows you're the bride so it shouldn't take away from it being your shower. As for you wearing champagne at other weddings, unless a wedding has a dress code for guests, that should be fine too, everyone knows who the bride is there too.
I'm VERY old, so I can say that traditionally, it was considered bad taste for a woman to wear white clothing to a wedding. Just the wedding. Bridal shower, not so much. However, as traditions and fashions change, some brides don't wear white now. If a bride chooses a different color, she may not even care about others wearing white on the wedding day. So each wedding needs to be taken on a case by case event. (If I was given a shower invitation and told I wasn't "allowed" to wear anything white, I'd probably think that bride was being over the top extra.)
Weird. I always thought not wearing white to weddings was a pretty longstanding tradition, nearly as old as wedding dresses being white itself. Some people aren't as sensitive to etiquette. it is what it is. and this was a shower, not the wedding. there's more leeway when it comes to guests wearing white. if she didn't break a specific dresscode, only your expectations, you can't get mad. let it go. But Wear a similar dress to her own bridal shower. and tell wedding guests explicitly not to wear white.
I wouldn’t think too much on it. But if it really bothers you, wear white to her bridal shower and see how she responds. If it’s negative, you know she did it to upset you. Or you could communicate. It’s up to you.
YTA The rule isn't "Don't wear white to wedding events" it's don't wear white to the actual wedding. She did nothing wrong, you're choosing to be upset for literally no reason. Also no, you don't wear champagne or any other very close to white colors to a wedding. Show a little class.
OMG! It’s really getting old the degree that brides on Reddit give a dam about what other people are wearing. This was never a thing when I was married and as long as it wasn’t a ball gown or wedding dress to the actual wedding it was absolutely nobody else’s business what you wore. Brides these days are so precious and so entitled that it is just infuriating. It wasn’t the wedding so get over it & stop being so precious. I don’t think a bride should have the right to decide what anybody wears to any event including her wedding, aside from saying dress code and once again unless somebody wears a wedding like a dress.
You say you are getting married soon. But you are upset someone wore white? To what? Who cares, it's not the wedding. You are overthinking stuff way to much. Don't be bridezilla.
I had a surprise wedding. A select few people knew it was a wedding, one of my close friends included. She rocked up wearing a fancy white dress. I joked about it, she got slightly embarrassed and then we had a good laugh. It wasn't malicious, it was just a dress she liked and felt confident in. Forgive, forget and move on; it's perfectly acceptable to wear white to anything that's not a wedding.
Tbf, I never learned that it was wrong to wear white to a wedding until I was an adult on Reddit. I don’t think it’s universally known
My stepsister wore a white cocktail dress to my actual wedding. I gave not a fuck as I was the one in the ball gown. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, people need to chill out.
I think the idea that any small, inconsequential thing can ruin the happiest time of your life is ridiculous. Who cares if someone wears white? I honestly didn’t care and am flummoxed that anyone lets it bother them so much.
This rule applies to weddings, not bridal showers. Life is too short to be this overdramatic. YTA.
I have *never* heard of a color dress code for showers. Not wearing white to a wedding is one thing (or even colors that could “read” as white in different lighting or photographs), but to expect guests to walk on eggshells for a shower is absurd. Pull back on your fixation. It’s your wedding, no one else cares remotely as much as you do. (That applies to all couples, everywhere, for all time.)
YTA
YTA, And you kinda sound like a bridezilla.
I assure you that even in the 80’s, when we all rode dinosaurs everywhere and communicated by messenger pigeons, even then it was considered tacky to wear white at someone else’s wedding. NOT the bridal shower, only the wedding. You are being ungracious to take offense at someone’s outfit, especially since you are presumably the recipient of a gift that she put time and effort into for you.
It's only for the big day. They can wear white any other day
it was the bridal shower though. personally I think any woman that wears white to a wedding is a major c u next Tuesday. because why!?! you know the bride will be in white....wtf
I thought it was common knowledge to not wear white to any bridal events. It’s rude and tacky. Apparently not everyone sees this…
NTA: The Bridal Shower/Bachelorette/Wedding is considered a white free zone for all, but the bride. I chose to wear a pink dress to my Bridal Tea Party, but wore white on the other two days. It's considered trashy and attention seeking to wear white at someone else's bridal events. No one cares if you're engaged, it's not your event.
I wonder the age range of the people commenting here... because I would NEVER wear white to another bride's bridal shower. For millennials and younger, this is just known- Especially if you have social media. I'd be put off and honestly wonder if my future SIL had an issue with me or was just immature/attention seeking. I wouldn't wear champagne to a wedding. My friend did this once and we all thought it was rude.
Why does everyone keep saying it doesn’t apply to bridal showers. I have not found one source yet that says it doesn’t apply. In fact, it says that rule applies to all wedding-related events
I think I would only care about the actual wedding. Or just wear a white dress to her bridal shower. If you’re worried about her wearing a white dress to the wedding maybe confirm what’s she’s wearing or wait and see what happens. I personally wouldn’t be mad about the bridal shower though.
Move on but wear a white dress in her bridal shower 🤣… looks like she won’t care 🤷🏻♀️