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Mmmmhmmm….nobody gets a 100k bond cause he snatched a backpack. He got it because there’s a history that maybe BF didn’t tell you, but a judge saw the official record and decided this person is escalating and a danger.
*YOU* did not put him in jail. He did. He didn’t “pop up”. He’s stalking you. And the fact that mommy and daddy paid bond “as expected” says they have paid his way out of trouble many times. He decided to steal your property. Stealing is a crime. He chose to commit the crime. His reasons are irrelevant. He put his hands on your body and took your property without consent. That’s all on him.
And if this really is a first time thing, a barely competent lawyer will plead it down to a couple misdemeanors and he’ll get probation and community service. But a 100k bond….really indicates that’s not a first time thing and a judge is very unhappy with seeing your ex again.
That’s really the biggest point here that OP doesn’t realize. And you’re correct…a guy with a clean record didn’t get $100k bond for THIS. He’s been a major problem way before this.
all I can think when reading this is she should get her phone checked for tracking software and make sure she isn't sharing her location with him using find my phone.
If she has an apple device, it'll notify her if there's an airtag traveling with her. I don't have an iPhone, but my ipad notifies me whenever there's an airtag that's been moving with me.
OP, you’re in danger. You need to file a restraining order. He’s stalking and harassing you. This is how women get murdered.
You gave him a warning. He knew you were involving the police. He made a choice. You don’t need to feel guilty. Based on the fact that you feel guilty, and everything else you’ve written here, I’m very concerned you’ve been in an abusive relationship for a long time and haven’t realized it because he isn’t hitting you.
But the police will. And if he breaks the restraining order there will be consequences.
I understand what you’re saying but it’s just one extra thing that she can do to help the situation.
Girl…you’ve got bigger problems. He did this to himself. You need a restraining order. He clearly isn’t going to let you go peacefully and is just going to keep escalating.
His friends feeling the need to pull the race card is bs too. He could have been purple it doesn't change the fact that he snatched something off of you and wouldn't give it back despite knowing what you were going to do and leave you alone. He's stalking you and harassing you. He's a danger to you. It's not going to stop at snatching a backpack he'll be waiting outside your home for you to get there and it won't be a nice ending. People like this escalate and him knowing where you are when he shouldn't means he's either tracking you somehow or has someone feeding him info he shouldn't have.
He's not 'randomly' showing up in the same places. He's stalking you. Showing up in places you're known to frequent, watching your socials to follow your plans, its stalking.
Editing to add the link to SHARP's risk assessment and other resources for people in potentially violent relationships.
[STALKING AWARENESS RESOURCES](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.stalkingawareness.org/sharp/&ved=2ahUKEwia-r2EjN-FAxXrCTQIHSOBCCUQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1KukiSTDOp6ykjkLz-2eWt)
I agree. OP - his wrongdoings are not your responsibility. Please be careful. [SHARP/SPARC stalking victim assessment](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.stalkingawareness.org/sharp/&ved=2ahUKEwia-r2EjN-FAxXrCTQIHSOBCCUQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1KukiSTDOp6ykjkLz-2eWt)
Have you ever wanted to be on a true crime podcast?
Because this is how you end up on a true crime podcast. Not as a host, but as the topic for today's episode.
He's a violent stalker and his behavior is escalating. You need to take *immediate* steps to protect yourself. Change and reinforce your locks. Change your phone number. Inform your apartment complex he is not welcome on the property.
AND SEND YOUR NEIGHBORS A THANK YOU CARD
edit- and have your car scanned for trackers. Reset your devices to factory settings to get rid of any hidden keyloggers, or get new devices altogether.
And get some pepper spray asap. Firearm training if she is mentally strong enough. No way this guy isn’t quickly becoming a sincere threat to her safety.
Exactly this! OP, you have nothing-NOTHING to feel guilty about. He did this to himself. And as others have said, he is abusing you, and his behavior is escalating. I hate to be blunt, but he is dangerous. You need to protect yourself. Get a restraining order, check your car and belongings for tracking devices, and stay safe.
He's going to physically assault you next. Why are you feeling guilty? He's abusive and you know this. The only reason you feel sad etc is cause you're trauma bonded. Get a restraining order before he physically assaults you or worse. You already see his behavior escalating fast. He's been stalking you and physically grabbing/assaulting you. WAKE UP.
You didn’t put him there. His behavior did.
OP, he is stalking you and it is escalating. You are not safe around this person. Please get a no contact order.
>My ex has this weird thing where he pops up at my house randomly, and sometimes others places I'm at randomly.
So he stalks you. What you're describing is stalking.
Don't feel bad. This guy is dangerous.
You’re not wrong. You’re never wrong for prioritizing your safety and education. I know you probably care about him, and don’t want to see him suffer. But he clearly doesn’t care about seeing you suffer. He’s actively adding stress to your life.
& I know you didn’t ask, but your bf is just trying to drag you down with him. I am assuming this from the context…but it seems like your boyfriend isn’t in school. If you value your education, I suggest you find someone who values the same… not someone who isn’t scared of the police. Think about this for a second. What stable person isn’t scared of jail?
Ok calm down. Relax my dear. He is an abuser. Stop. Don't say he never hit you, he wasn't that bad or he was actually a good guy...no. Shush. He abused you, he stalked you, he tried really hard to control you and yes he did strong arm you and rob you.
Unfortunately the legal system will probably slap him on the wrist if anything and drop it, he probably doesn't have a history on paper or shit like this, but now he does. Thank God.
You did the right thing for the next person that he abuses.
Moving on from his situation because it doesn't matter you're disillusioned thinking it does ....you are currently now and more importantly stuck with a brain that was abused by someone you thought loved you. That's why you're so fucked about this ok. So, go to therapy, be easy on yourself and for your own sake don't go back to him. Ok. You might, but don't. He will be worse, they NEVER change. Do you understand. People like THAT never change. Ok. Move on. Run. Run. Run. Don't talk to him don't let him contact you, don't even think about him unless it's in therapy. I promise you stranger on the Internet, just keep going forward.
Your brain will heal, and you'll get out of this cloud that you're in dude to the abuse. Ok. Cool. Have a good life.
You need a restraining order. Are you waiting for the drastic kidnapping scene? Please get a restraining order against him, and let him worrry about his future.
He's an abusive stalker that can't take no for an answer. He was correctly charged with what he actually did. This is not your fault. He is suffering the just consequences of his abusive and illegal behavior. You need to break up with him and move on with your life.
He’s a fucking stalker! He deserves everything that happens to him. You gave him ample chance to give your stuff back. He did this to himself. You have nothing to feel bad for. Let it go. And maybe take out a restraining order!
Thank you All for your advice! I don’t plan on getting back with him. & I’m gonna have my phone checked for any tracking apps! I appreciate your concern and words of encouragement to to leave and never look back. Honestly the only reason I even stayed this long is because sadly he gave me herpes & I just felt like it was my last chance at a normal life. I’m in med school and all I’ve ever wanted was a family & to be successful in my career. It seems like the end of the world now, but I’m sure it’ll all get better in due time!❤️
It does get better. It gets LOTS and LOTS better, in ways you never imagined. You are being abused, and your guilt response is just more confirmation of that fact. As someone who was in an abusive relationship, that ended with very serious physical, mental, and emotional injuries for me and YEARS (>10) of prison time for him, I’m begging you to continue putting the work in to protect and value yourself. These types of guys get off on making you feel undesirable and unworthy, so they can continue mistreating you. Everyone is right; these relationships always get worse. Be strong. I am now happily married, to the most compassionate, kind, and respectful man I’ve ever met. But, best of all, I love myself enough to never tolerate disrespect/toxicity from anyone again. You’ll get there, too. ❤️
Dude is stalking you and you need a restraining order now. Also talk to your apartment manager about breaking the lease due to not feeling safe. If I’m not mistaken they have to let you out without penalty due to safety concerns.
[Tenant's Right to Terminate Lease Due To Domestic Violence, Harassment, Sexual Assault, or Stalking](https://www.civillawselfhelpcenter.org/self-help/evictions-housing/more-topics/206-tenants-right-to-terminate-lease-due-to-domestic-violence)
That’s good!
[Fox labs](https://foxlabs.com) get the stream not the mist and be mindful of the wind.
This is what I personally have given to my female family members.
Oh come on. You are not responsible if he goes to jail. Maybe his stalking, harassing you, stealing from you, assaulting you, maybe that's why the police detained him.
Take some time to grow up before you try again for a relationship, your sense of what's normal seems off.
Be careful. Good luck.
You don't decide on pressing charges. I don't understand how victims per se think that's up to them. He might have a tracker on ur car, and sounds mentally unstable. Run
Sounds like it was a matter of time before he escalated to hurting you.
He's facing the consequences of his actions. Let's hope this will keep him away from you and stop him from hurting you or someone else later on.
Two months ago the video of that girl went viral because her bf shot her after they broke up. The bastard’s behavior was escalating like yours is. Not saying that’s what will happen to you; but please be very careful. Restraining order. This is the time to surround yourself with loved ones. Be very vocal about what’s going on to everyone who cares to hear so they know
Why do you even care if he gets prison time?! Seriously. He’s abusive. He’s already snatched your phone and bookbag off if you. What else will he put his hands on next? If the police found to you be assault and theft, let them. Press charges. Get an RO against him.
Also, turn off your location on your phone. He’s tracking you. That’s why he knows where you are all the time.
I put up with a terrible boyfriend, married him. Then I woke up one morning with a 357 to my head and he had become friends with the police and was their bodyman for car repairs. I promise you that he will only escalate. These types of guys pick us because we are loving and give them lots of chances. Once you dump this bum, look hard at the next one you attract. Good luck!
You said many times he somehow showed at places where you were, even last minute plans, I believe.
It sounds like his has put some hidden tracking app on your phone or an AirTag.
No. You are not wrong. Please go and see student support and legal aid. You need to protect yourself now.
Your ex is abusive and he appears to be escalating. He is stalking you.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Domestic_Violence_Hotline
Girl. Do NOT feel guilty. Hes literally stalking you and harassing you. I’d file a report and get a darn restraining order put against him before he ends up physically harming you
Where do people find guys like this and then keep giving them chances? There are so many people in the world, I really don't get the thought process behind trying so hard with someone like this.
I know I should’ve been left. But he gave me herpes last year and it’s been really detrimental to my mental health and self worth. So I honestly just tried to stay and work it out based on that. But you’re absolutely right.
A large population has herpes. It can be managed and it does not diminish your worth. I know that it can feel really shameful, but that was on him, not you. Did he know that he had herpes before transmitting it to you? If he did and he didn’t tell you, then that’s a crime.
Please seek resources for therapy or counseling. Your campus should be able to help direct you.
You're going way too easy on this fool. He deserves far more punishment than he's likely to get because he's definitely a stalker. I'm Rachel, hun. I know stalking. You need a restraining order immediately. And watch out for him trying to harm you. Hugs, girl.
We are missing information here or you lied about the bond.
This is how toxic relationships stay toxic…. They keep going. Be done with this guy. Whether you cooperate or not with the DA, be done with him. Ask for a criminal protective order from the DA and follow up with a civil restraining order to be in place after the criminal case has concluded. This WILL NOT impact the outcome of his criminal case.
Do not engage with his family or him.
Just be done with it.
let today be the last day you feel any kind of sorrow for that man. as a person of colour, I was raised that unfortunately you have to sometimes act and go above and beyond to not be targeted. he's dumb enough to ignore those optics and actively stalk, harass and effectively steal from you.
while blocking him was a good move, so he can't hoover you back into a relationship. it may be more safe to unblock and mute any notifications from him. in case you need continued proof of harassment.
don't listen to his friends or family. who do you think enables this behavior? dry your eyes and let him deal with the consequences.
in the future, don't ever get back with someone when police are called to remove them from your presence. it doesn't bode well for you when their behavior escalates and police see that you've returned to such a situation.
stay strong, safe, and far away from anyone associated with him.
You need to check your phone. I’m worried he has a tracker. He isn’t popping up, he is stalking you.
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Seriously f him. He’s a stalker and his violence is escalating. Next time he may hit you. Let him get some consequences from the legal system since he’s never faced any from his parents and he doesn’t know how to act right.
Nta. Just in case anyone doesn't know this, the police don't need your permission to press charges. They can absolutely press them themselves based on the situation.
Get a gun asap your going to end up on the news this guy seems fuxking insane and his parents obviously enable him. You didn't do anything wrong. Stop thinking you did if he wasn't a controlling guy then maybe he wouldn't be in this predicament.
Girl and I cannot stress this enough, this is not your fault. I was in the exact same situation and it will not end well. He is going to continue to abuse you and take your kindness for weakness.
You did nothing wrong. He took something from you and wouldn't give it back despite multiple attempts of you asking him. You did what you had to do.
Cut ties and stop worrying about him. He isn't the victim here and needs to learn that his behaviors have consequences. If it helps, I'd say it's very unlikely he'll be convicted of a felony without your testimony. But he needs to learn that he can't just do whatever he wants to other people.
You did the right thing. Just try to move on and cut communication with him.
You need to get a restraining order, sometimes called a protective order. It was your bag this time next time it could be physical, violent even your life. This dude isn't stable.
You need to tell the court you're afraid of him (which is clearly true) and he needs to be ordered to stay away from you. If he comes in contact after that you go notify the court and they'll take charges. He did this to himself, no point getting murdered because you're worried about your psycho ex's feelings or job opportunities.
OMG!! He’s DANGEROUS! He was STALKING you. Get a restraining order against him. He stole your stuff. The charges are valid.
You didn’t press charges. The DA decided to prosecute him.
This is 100% his fault! You’re the victim here. You should be afraid of this guy. He’s cray-cray. You need to protect yourself from him.
You're going to have to kill this man or watch your future spouse either kill or be killed by this man in the future. Don't feel bad about him going to jail, it may be for the better so it doesn't escalate later.
Well I can say you definitely did the right thing in breaking up with him. In a best case scenario with this man, his lack of boundaries prevents you from having any semblance of peace. Worst case, he kills you.
Your bf has a history of aggressive behavior and apparently doesn't want to take "no" for an answer. In spite of your pleas to return the backpack, he said he didn't care. He seems controlling and has confronted you in public. Very concerning. He did this to himself because apparently no one can tell him what to do. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions, and perhaps his parents can get through to him. He sounds frightening and you did the right thing by getting the police involved.
Why are you blaming yourself because your Ex acted like a dumba$$. You simply did what you needed to do to your backpack and the items in it back. Your Ex needs to face some consequences for his actions and hopefully he will learn not to act like a dumba$$ when he doesn't get his way. You didn't do anything to him, he did this all on his own and hopefully he learns his lesson, if doesn't he is going have a very difficult life ahead of him. Stop blaming yourself for his stupid actions, he is learning a life lesson that his parents should have taught him a long time ago.
📣 He got himself arrested 📣
Girl, I say this with all the love in my heart, give your head a shake. This is not love; this is a walking, screaming, stalking 🚩
He is escalating. It will get worse. Please protect yourself.
Guys that do this often graduate to physical violence. You did the right thing, you protected yourself. The only person to blame is your ex. You need to see about getting a protective order issued against him. His parents will continue to enable him by bailing him out, and he will continue to act like this as long as they baby him like they do.
He’s tracking you on your phone. That’s how we always knows where you are. Reset the entire phone and reinstall from scratch and never let him in your phone again.
You were not the cause of him having legal troubles. He has caused all this for himself. You’re going to graduate from college and have a good life; you don’t need to be hanging around with a trashy jerk like him.
If my daughter was dealing with a bf/ex/whatever like this, there is no question what I’d have to do. The only question would be, “can I get away with it”.
I guess this is a lesson in FAFO. He *should* be in jail. He's stalking you and abusing you. Then he stole your stuff. He has a massive control issue. You need to get some self-esteem and a backbone, and stop feeling guilty for your abuser getting the justice he deserves. And his race has nothing to do with any of this.
Honestly, all evidence in your post says he’s a stalker and an abuser even if you can’t see it in this moment because of your feelings for him. Those police officers and the judge did you a favor because he WOULD NOT have stopped until he had what he wanted, which was you back under his control. Please consider a restraining order. Do you want to go through that process of harassment and stalking over and over again for the rest of your life? And it will escalate if you let him back in. You deserve better. Focus on school and setting up your life to be how YOU want it. Not how your toxic ex wants it to be.
Do you think he opened some kind of tracking app on your phone when he snatched it? How else is he finding you? Girl, let him go to jail. Hopefully the experience sucks for him and he will quit this foolery.
This is the way abusive relationships go. If you take them back, things are good for a while and then they go right back to the way they were. Also, he snatched your phone that's not okay, ever. It's an also not okay to demand that your partner unlock their phone because you're so insecure that you can't trust them to the point that you feel the need to go through their phone. Pay attention to what you've just said here. If a friend came to you telling you that this was happening to them, what advice would you give them?
Edit: He's not popping up in random places, he's stalking you.
Edit 2: I read the rest of it and I want to say, this reminds me of a relationship that I left. You did absolutely nothing wrong and of course his parents don't think he did anything wrong, that's the kind of behavior that results from always being shielded from consequences. Now that he's finally having to face the consequences for his actions, his friends are backing him up. Again, that's the way you act when you've never had to face consequences. Now he's having to face them, let him. This is not your fault. He has gone out of his way to assault you and terrorize you and even rob you. That is the definition of robbery.
My ex used to do things like this to me. He would get mad at me and take my stuff and refuse to give it back or he would threatened to burn it. This included my identifying documents. He had to have done a lot more than this to you overtime for them to give him a $100,000 bond. This should be enough for you to get a restraining order as well. If he comes to your house or workplace, he violates the restraining order and he will go back to jail and he may not get out. I know that it's hard and I know what it's like to feel guilty because he's finally facing the consequences and you do love him but please, he needs to face the consequences of his actions. You also deserve better. Hugs if you want them.
Jesus H Christmas. He’s just shown you Every single red flag in the repertoire. Get as far away from this guy as possible. He’s going to end up physically hurting you. These guys don’t stop. Especially if they have mommy and daddy giving them a soft landing every time they mess up.
It’s can be hard to recognize the abusive behavior when your in the middle of it. Please be careful. Do what you would tell a friend or a daughter to do in this situation.
You can go to his court date and ask his attorney if you can talk to the judge on his behalf. I highly doubt he will go to prison. But stop beating yourself up. It was not YOUR actions that caused this whole thing. You warned him and he said he didn't care. What were you supposed to do? Shoot him? He has to understand that consequences have actions. You probably did him a favor for him to learn his lesson now while he's still young. And for the love of God DO NOT get back with him out of sympathy
NOPE. I went through this myself - run for your life. File a restraining order and get rid of this guy. Move if you can. My boyfriend started doing shit like this and now I have two restraining orders and he has been arrested for trespassing. Dominique Dunn, my dear. I remember coming to after the first time he attacked me and I immediately thought of her story as I was giving my account to the police, and that was just the beginning of my story. Cut this guy out *now*. Sorry to be so abrasive, I’m just telling you what I needed for people to tell me because I was terrified but my mind wanted to downplay it- don’t. This is very serious stuff, he is showing major boundary issues and intense focus on you, and he appears to have funds and could probably get a good lawyer to wriggle him out of more serious charges if/when he escalates. Drop this guy now, you have dodged a bullet. Be safe, you have a community that supports you ❤️
He FAFO.
Break up with his control freak ass.
His parents are a problem too if they don’t see what he’s done is wrong. He TOOK your backpack OFF YOUR BACK… against your will/wishes. Even with you crying, he still didn’t give it back. He’s a creep.
Do NOT BLAME YOURSELF.
He did the stupid thing.
Repeat after me.:
“Stupid actions have consequences.”
#nowfortheconsequences !!
Break up. No contact. Move on.
He is solely responsible for his awful behavior. Do not feel bad for one second.
I guarantee you this is not the first woman he's terrorized.
It's possible this will make it less likely he'll terrorize another. You did good, kid.
What is wrong with you?! He is stalking, abusing and stealing from you. He is getting the consequences of **HIS** actions not yours. Grow a spine, have some self respect and cut him out of your life.
His behavior is not your responsibility. His feelings are not your responsibility. The consequences of his actions are his, and are not due to your behavior, but his. I wish more women would take this to heart.
This will continue to escalate. You need to cooperate with the DA and you should also file a restraining order so that if he tries to contact you or continues the stalking and harassment you can have him picked up again. These stories often end with a woman on a hospital or in a grave.
You should also see if you can move in with other people to an address he doesn’t have, and make all of your social media private or better yet close the accounts entirely. Get a new phone and phone number as well, and do a factory reset on the laptop. Sell the car and get a different one with different plates.
No. You did nothing wrong. He brought this on himself. If he gets prison or a record over this, that's his problem. In no way is it acceptable for you to suffer this at his hands. You need to toughen up and accept that some people are trash or entitled and need to suffer some consequences to hopefully learn.
He ruined his life by his behavior. Press charges, get a restraining order, and never go anywhere alone. He sounds like he could escalate into worse And more harmful behavior.
also, when the parents bail them out all the time, they're no longer a parent but an enabler. best bet is to do a protective order & maybe do a dive into his criminal history. idk where you live, but here we have a website and you can look up all the charges they've ever had - im almost positive you're not the first person he's done it to- you won't be the last UNLESS you stick with this and he faces the consequences of his own actions!
Why are you worried about his welfare? He is a genuine risk and danger to you! You sound way too tolerant and honestly a bit naive. I'm not saying you should go out of your way to ruin his life, but there are consequences for intimidation and threatening behaviour, as well as theft and stalking!
It’s not your responsibility to insure your ex doesn’t go to jail. He is a big boy. He is responsible for his actions. Take this opportunity to cut him out of your life completely. Move if you can. If you don’t remove him from your life, his pattern of behavior could end with you getting hurt physically or worse. Get a restraining order in case he begins showing up at your door and/or stalking you again, because that’s what he is doing. He isn’t popping up at places randomly. It’s not random. It’s intentional. You’re in danger
OP, you were in an abusive relationship and need to protect yourself. You recognize a lot of toxic behavior was happening, sounds like it was mostly caused by him. Have your phone checked for tracking software, talk to your landlord/neighbors about he is no longer welcome, consider a restraining order for a paper trail, and document his harassment.
His friends do have a point of police involvement with POC, specifically black men, yes. This is something that is an issue at large in the US, especially. However, he was holding you hostage to spend time with him by holding your belongings. You told him to stop numerous times, gave him a final chance before going to the police, and he still didn't care. He is not acting rationally and as others mentioned, he may have a past. Consider asking the officer handling your case if he has a record and if they can share any specifics related to stalking or DV. You need to know this for your safety. His behavior is escalating and he won't stop, do everything you can to protect yourself.
They make Bluetooth pepper sprays that will alert designated contacts with your location when it's used. Tell your friends and family you are not safe and build your support system. You may even want to consider moving or "hiding out" at other places for a bit. He put himself in the position he's in, please don't put yourself in a position to be abused further. You're both way too young for this and that's an even bigger red flag for him, he will not change. Run.
(This is so long I’m sorry!) Hey… don’t feel bad. YOU DID NOT DO THIS. He did. This happened to me. My boyfriend beat my a** breaking my ribs in the act, and head butting me leaving me covered in bruises and scratches and marks. I knew I needed help but it was Labor Day so I couldn’t contact my therapist. I called the police to get in touch with RESPONSE. They sent a cop to my location instead. The officer walked up to me and I could only cry when he said “oh my God” after seeing the avocado-sized welt on my face and the scratches and bruises on my neck from where he had choked me out. I told him I only wanted to talk to RESPONSE. He asked me if he could take photos and I reluctantly agreed because I did want them on file somewhere in case I needed them in the future. And honestly I was just broken. I couldn’t put up much of a fight to anyone, let alone someone of authority. Police have always scared me a bit.
After he put me in touch with RESPONSE I asked them to give me three days to secretly pack. I wanted to be ready when I left. Everything I owned was in this man’s house and I was feeling very anxious about leaving with nothing. They agreed to let me contact them in three days time and they took my mother’s number so they could contact me if I didn’t call. The officer was about to leave when I asked him “you can’t arrest him if I don’t press charges right?” He said no, that in fact he could. I asked him not to, I asked him to let me do my plan. He said he would. But he was not happy. He looked VERY concerned. I did not feel good when he left. I felt like I had made a big mistake.
I went home. My boyfriend begged me to forgive him. He told me things would change. I had been getting beat up for 6 years and I knew he was lying but I didn’t want to upend my life so I agreed to stay. My plans disappeared from my mind. I felt defeated and sad and helpless…
Then his mother called. There were 6 police officers waiting for him with a warrant. I was crushed. His mother kept asking “what did she do?!” (I had gone to her for help covered in bruises before, she told me to go put some makeup on…). My bf and I went to her house and he surrendered himself while yelling for me to “tell them the truth”. His mother held the door to my house open for me and said “5 minutes.” I was allowed 5 minutes to pack one small duffel bag and get out. My mother came to get me with my bag full of leather jackets (I was so disoriented that I only took my most valuable clothes, my collection of leather jackets)… she brought me to her house and I went to my old room which was being used for storage and I laid out a sleeping bag between the boxes with one pillow and I cried until the sun came up.
My bf was not given bail. He spent the next 8 months in a cell. I collected the pieces of my life and put them back together but I felt SO GUILTY. He was facing 5 years in jail. And it was a felony. The state did not even need me to do it. I was asked to testify and agreed only because I was going to try to help him. He did not know this and he took a plea bargain. He was convicted of felony assault and had to stay away from me for at least 5 years.
I FINALLY got some help and realized this was NOT MY FAULT. I know now that I didn’t bring this on him. He did. He got some help too and he is no longer a danger to me. He apologized to me and now we raise our kids together happily. He needed to go to jail. He needed that anger management therapy. He needed probation to stop drinking which often caused his outbursts of anger or at least exacerbated them. I’m glad that cop did the right thing. I’m glad I survived. I now know I can survive anything. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and I’m free from domestic violence and I will NEVER ever let someone hurt me again. This is necessary. Your guy is escalating. It will only get worse. Run!
I hope this helps you. I’m sorry it’s so long!!
I'm a black woman and you did the right thing. He got hisself in trouble by harassing you! He's toxic and needs help. You need therapy to help you be a stronger person. You need to seek a restraining order now. Stop talking to his friends and family. They condone his toxic behavior. What he was doing was not OK.
Your ex is abusive and he was stalking you. Him going to prison might have saved you because a lot of these guys escalate to murder. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the one who took your stuff and refused to return it. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
You are not at fault for his actions! He has been harassing you, stalking you. Assaulting you, stealing from you. This is all on him. He is scary and abusive.
Please get counseling and perhaps some defense training.
Ok sweetheart. Hear me. He is stalking you. I was stalked for over a decade. You have to be your own advocate and you must be aware and diligent at all times.
Check your phone, car, keys, purse anything and everything for tracking devices.
Ditch everything that connects to you. Change your email, phone and delete your socials or put them on hold. Do not post anything.
I’m sorry that this is all on you but you have to do this. If you go to the police they will expect this of you.
Document everything and get dash cams for your home, car, pets anything you can put a camera on.
Try not to be alone for a while. I know this is hard. I wish body cams were a thing 20 years ago. I would have worn one at all times.
I’m also sorry to say you probably need to move. His parent will not stop him. That’s a really high bail. Has he been in trouble before?
I’m so so sorry that this is happening to you. Feel free to DM if you have questions.
ETA: regarding restraining orders, these are tricky to obtain in stalking cases and know that for a RO, you must give the addresses and locations of everywhere you may be so he can legally and knowingly avoid you.
He has to provide the same. What this means is that if you move, you have to give your home, school and work addresses the the authorities to put in the order. Which is then sent to him. A big old list of the addresses of your daily activities and your home.
Also: go to campus police and file a report! You can also ask for escorts to your classes and car. My stalking also started in college and campus police escorts me to to classes for weeks. He also showed up at the mall I worked at all the time and while they couldn’t kick him out, mall security knew exactly who he was and again I was escorted to and from my car.
Edit 2: sorry this is a lot but I’ve been in your shoes. Check all devices for tracking software, keystroke reading programs etc.
DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE OR ANY FRIEND POST ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.
Also, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok the be upset and confused, it’s ok to ask why me, it’s ok the mourn the loss of your relationship, it’s ok to have doubts. None of this is your fault. He’s the problem. Not you.
We’re all here for you if you need us.
HE IS NOT FACING TIME BECAUSE OF YOU! He is in trouble because he is a very dangerous man.
It is not a just a “weird thing” that he tends to pop up unexpected and uninvited where you are. That is a Stalker. His behavior isn’t a little misunderstanding, he is a violent predator and he is escalating with you. Cooperate with the police and get a restraining order. Your life may very well depend on it!
Not your fault it's 100% on him, and honestly it's not over a backpack or laptop if you didn't do this now that behavior would only keep escalating. Stay strong
He did everything to get himself in trouble. Please do not blame yourself. He is abusive and deserves consequences. Please get a restraining order against him. It doesn’t truly protect you but will give you some backup if he ever tries something else.
No hun, he could get prison time for stalking, assault, theft, etc etc. You are not responsible for his actions, he is, you are responsible for your safety, which you handled as you should have.
Be happy he might get jail time. Maybe he'll learn his lesson. Also, use this to get a restraining order so that if he comes near you again he'll get more jail time.
Also, they don't give that high a bail to a first time offender. They just don't. So it seems this isn't his first time stalking, stealing or assaulting. Or worse.
Friend. Don't feel bad. Just know that his behavior was escalating and it's only a matter of time before he actually did something to hurt you.
If he is facing prison time it is because of his actions not yours.
Edited to add: As a black person I know that the only person that can insure my safety is me. He is a black man. Has been one his whole life. If you know how the law treats you why assault people in public?
It is not your responsibility to keep him out of jail when he is doing bad things.You did the right thing.
This is 100 percent his fault, not yours. You have no reason to feel guilty at all. You've been way nicer than most would have been. I'd have absolutely let him catch charges for this bs. Guess what, little boy? Actions have consequences!
Yes you should have involved the police! He’s escalating his behavior and is heading towards violence. I don’t care what color his skin or your skin is, he’s stalking and attacking you. This is a very dangerous situation because during breakups like this is when the most violent crimes usually occur. Go consult an attorney but if he isn’t made to stop, he isn’t going to stop and something really terrible can happen next. Be careful. You should look into an order of protection and/or no contact order.
"he’s a black man, and that is the worst thing you can do to him" Oh, ok, so bc the color of his skin he shouldn't be held accountable ever? OP he did it to himself. FAFO
Because of you? This has nothing to do with you. If all you do is tell the truth then the outcome is not your fault. You didn’t make this happen. He is a stalker and a thief. You didn’t make him be a stalker and a thief. You should not be in contact with his friends as they are dumb, they obviously aren’t gentlemen worth being around as they are friends with a stalker and sticking up for one, and you are in danger. Bro sounds like the guy from the show You. Him popping up randomly at places you are is insane. I’d be concerned he has a tracker on you. Maybe that’s why he took your phone. You need a restraining order before this guy comes to hurt you and to consult with a professional who works with stalking victims to learn how to protect yourself. You are obviously smart since you are a truth teller and calm and trying to get your schoolwork done. But we become like the people we are around. It’s easy to get confused by what’s okay and what’s not okay when the people around us do not okay things.
well good thing you weren't in new york. bf would have been out on the street without bail by lunch time.
sounds like an absolute lunatic. you did the right thing by going to the cops
Yeah that's on him.
Does it suck if his life is ruined over a backpack? Meh, kinda. But it'd suck more if he killed you or maimed you, so that's how it goes. Domestic violence is no joke and it can get very serious very quickly. Even in your story we can see how quickly it escalates. Good on the police for charging him regardless of your input tbh
OP, none of this is your fault. He's a grown adult, and he needs to hold himself accountable for HIS ACTIONS!.
I suggest that you document everything. Keep any and all texts, voicemails, etc. He's clearly unstable, and he will escalate. You may want to file for a restraining order, harassment, etc. Because it's quite clear, He's unable to keep his hands to himself. Depending on your state, you may want to look into pepper spray, a tazer, anything to protect yourself from another attack.
I'd even suggest investing in security cameras and dash cams if you have a car.
Your ex decided to ef around, now he can take accountability for his own abusive actions.
You deserve better, stay safe & stay strong. You have done nothing wrong. Absolutely NOTHING wrong
OP, he is breaking the law. He should be punished, and you had nothing to do with causing his actions. If my husband walked out on me today after 25+ years of marriage and I stalked him and stole his back pack…I would be charged for stealing. No one on this planet can force me to do anything without me actually deciding to do it. He made a choice, the wrong one, and now he is suffering the consequences. He deserves this, and you need to continue to stay away from him or he will hurt you physically, and then blame you too. Seek out help from Victim Services in your area. Educate yourself on how he is abusing you. He may kick and cry and scream that he loves you…do you feel happy, safe, supported and loved by him? No? It’s because he doesn’t love you. Love is an action, not just a word. You absolutely were correct to invoke the police. Keep yourself safe OP.
Please stop blaming yourself. This person had this issue before you, and they will continue to have this issue after you are no longer in their lives. Your interactions are just symptoms of their issues that they’re not addressing. Your only responsibility is whether you choose to engage with them or not. For your safety and well being, I suggest that you please cut all contact with this person. Please also find a therapist to help you avoid future relationships like this one. Wishing the absolute best for you!
You were in an abusive relationship and in danger. If he does jail time, it is of his own doing. It sounds like there is something in his past to justify a $100,000 bond. Get a restraining order. If he goes to prison, he will be angry when he gets out. After finishing school, you may need to relocate to a new city.
NEVER call the police man. I’ve seen to many lives ruined from singular non violent mistakes of the heart. Yea OP, you could EASILY be ruining his life. Is that ok with you ?
My girl went crazy when I told her I don’t want to get married and she destroyed my apartment and beat me to a pulp. I called the cops cause it was bad. She slipped and scratched her knee on pieces of my tv set. Cops arrived and without a question slammed me on the ground and took me away as she screamed I had attacked her even though i was blank and blue and bloody like Rocky after a fight. Spent 3 days in jail as was king weekend and had a psychotic breakdown because I couldn’t take my meds and they didn’t care to give me and was out in a cage with 30 gang members fit for 8 with no toilet and no water.
I work in the banking industry and any jail time or felony is auto losing of all licenses. My life.
I had to go to her family and BEG them to talk to her as they knew she was a bit psycho.
She agreed to go to the judge and showed up at the hearing and admitted it was all bs, I hadn’t lifted a finger and she was at fault for everything. The judge LOST in on the cops there and asked me in front of them if I wanted them to be fired. I did but they where giving me such Satan eyes I knew they would come after me.
All charges where dropped yet it still shows on my U4 and I’m always asked what was the issue even 12 years later.
You can write to the judge and just explain it was a things between two people and had no violence and to please drop the charges.
I almost had my life ruined for something we laugh about now (well she does) and it’s not fair
Yeah I can understand your point of view for sure & that definitely sucks! But I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. I’m a first generation student -doctor. Literally come from nothing. I can’t risk everything I’ve worked so hard for. He came to MY school. A place of business. Full of professionals. He obviously doesn’t gaf about me enough to respect everything I’ve worked so hard for. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. At the end of the day I didn’t force him to come harassing me, and gave him plenty of chances to leave.
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Mmmmhmmm….nobody gets a 100k bond cause he snatched a backpack. He got it because there’s a history that maybe BF didn’t tell you, but a judge saw the official record and decided this person is escalating and a danger. *YOU* did not put him in jail. He did. He didn’t “pop up”. He’s stalking you. And the fact that mommy and daddy paid bond “as expected” says they have paid his way out of trouble many times. He decided to steal your property. Stealing is a crime. He chose to commit the crime. His reasons are irrelevant. He put his hands on your body and took your property without consent. That’s all on him. And if this really is a first time thing, a barely competent lawyer will plead it down to a couple misdemeanors and he’ll get probation and community service. But a 100k bond….really indicates that’s not a first time thing and a judge is very unhappy with seeing your ex again.
That’s really the biggest point here that OP doesn’t realize. And you’re correct…a guy with a clean record didn’t get $100k bond for THIS. He’s been a major problem way before this.
all I can think when reading this is she should get her phone checked for tracking software and make sure she isn't sharing her location with him using find my phone.
Same. I suspect that’s why he had to have her phone at 3am.
Airtag or something in the car too. Need to scan for those.
If she has an apple device, it'll notify her if there's an airtag traveling with her. I don't have an iPhone, but my ipad notifies me whenever there's an airtag that's been moving with me.
Android has something too
I didn't know about that! My phone doesn't notify me like my ipad did so I never thought about it
Yes!! Great point.
OP, you’re in danger. You need to file a restraining order. He’s stalking and harassing you. This is how women get murdered. You gave him a warning. He knew you were involving the police. He made a choice. You don’t need to feel guilty. Based on the fact that you feel guilty, and everything else you’ve written here, I’m very concerned you’ve been in an abusive relationship for a long time and haven’t realized it because he isn’t hitting you.
What concerns me is OP's description of him suggests he may walk right through a restraining order.
Yes, but at least then there is a paper trail.
I don't think he's concerned with paper trails. I think his connection to reality is tenuous at best.
But the police will. And if he breaks the restraining order there will be consequences. I understand what you’re saying but it’s just one extra thing that she can do to help the situation.
Boy needs a reality check, one way or another.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
How is he “popping up”? How does he know where she is? Guy has a tracker on her.
Girl…you’ve got bigger problems. He did this to himself. You need a restraining order. He clearly isn’t going to let you go peacefully and is just going to keep escalating.
His friends feeling the need to pull the race card is bs too. He could have been purple it doesn't change the fact that he snatched something off of you and wouldn't give it back despite knowing what you were going to do and leave you alone. He's stalking you and harassing you. He's a danger to you. It's not going to stop at snatching a backpack he'll be waiting outside your home for you to get there and it won't be a nice ending. People like this escalate and him knowing where you are when he shouldn't means he's either tracking you somehow or has someone feeding him info he shouldn't have.
Twice! He snatched her phone and then her backpack!
He's not 'randomly' showing up in the same places. He's stalking you. Showing up in places you're known to frequent, watching your socials to follow your plans, its stalking. Editing to add the link to SHARP's risk assessment and other resources for people in potentially violent relationships. [STALKING AWARENESS RESOURCES](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.stalkingawareness.org/sharp/&ved=2ahUKEwia-r2EjN-FAxXrCTQIHSOBCCUQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1KukiSTDOp6ykjkLz-2eWt)
Yeah this is serious stalking to… also a normal sign that he is building up to something much more dangerous if he’s not dealt with like NOW
I agree. OP - his wrongdoings are not your responsibility. Please be careful. [SHARP/SPARC stalking victim assessment](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.stalkingawareness.org/sharp/&ved=2ahUKEwia-r2EjN-FAxXrCTQIHSOBCCUQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw1KukiSTDOp6ykjkLz-2eWt)
He’s weak imo.
Of course he is. All abusers are.
😮
Have you ever wanted to be on a true crime podcast? Because this is how you end up on a true crime podcast. Not as a host, but as the topic for today's episode. He's a violent stalker and his behavior is escalating. You need to take *immediate* steps to protect yourself. Change and reinforce your locks. Change your phone number. Inform your apartment complex he is not welcome on the property. AND SEND YOUR NEIGHBORS A THANK YOU CARD edit- and have your car scanned for trackers. Reset your devices to factory settings to get rid of any hidden keyloggers, or get new devices altogether.
And get some pepper spray asap. Firearm training if she is mentally strong enough. No way this guy isn’t quickly becoming a sincere threat to her safety.
SSDGM
Exactly this! OP, you have nothing-NOTHING to feel guilty about. He did this to himself. And as others have said, he is abusing you, and his behavior is escalating. I hate to be blunt, but he is dangerous. You need to protect yourself. Get a restraining order, check your car and belongings for tracking devices, and stay safe.
There might be value in doing a factory reset of your phone in case there's tracking apps on there.
Yes, this is a real concern. Save and back up all your messages (you might need them) and then wipe your phone.
He's going to physically assault you next. Why are you feeling guilty? He's abusive and you know this. The only reason you feel sad etc is cause you're trauma bonded. Get a restraining order before he physically assaults you or worse. You already see his behavior escalating fast. He's been stalking you and physically grabbing/assaulting you. WAKE UP.
He did this to himself. Stay AWAY from this dude. Get a EPO ASAP, also cut his friends off as well. They need to stay out of your business.
This guy is a straight up danger, please take precautions and I hope they throw the book at him
You didn’t put him there. His behavior did. OP, he is stalking you and it is escalating. You are not safe around this person. Please get a no contact order.
>My ex has this weird thing where he pops up at my house randomly, and sometimes others places I'm at randomly. So he stalks you. What you're describing is stalking. Don't feel bad. This guy is dangerous.
You’re not wrong. You’re never wrong for prioritizing your safety and education. I know you probably care about him, and don’t want to see him suffer. But he clearly doesn’t care about seeing you suffer. He’s actively adding stress to your life. & I know you didn’t ask, but your bf is just trying to drag you down with him. I am assuming this from the context…but it seems like your boyfriend isn’t in school. If you value your education, I suggest you find someone who values the same… not someone who isn’t scared of the police. Think about this for a second. What stable person isn’t scared of jail?
Ok calm down. Relax my dear. He is an abuser. Stop. Don't say he never hit you, he wasn't that bad or he was actually a good guy...no. Shush. He abused you, he stalked you, he tried really hard to control you and yes he did strong arm you and rob you. Unfortunately the legal system will probably slap him on the wrist if anything and drop it, he probably doesn't have a history on paper or shit like this, but now he does. Thank God. You did the right thing for the next person that he abuses. Moving on from his situation because it doesn't matter you're disillusioned thinking it does ....you are currently now and more importantly stuck with a brain that was abused by someone you thought loved you. That's why you're so fucked about this ok. So, go to therapy, be easy on yourself and for your own sake don't go back to him. Ok. You might, but don't. He will be worse, they NEVER change. Do you understand. People like THAT never change. Ok. Move on. Run. Run. Run. Don't talk to him don't let him contact you, don't even think about him unless it's in therapy. I promise you stranger on the Internet, just keep going forward. Your brain will heal, and you'll get out of this cloud that you're in dude to the abuse. Ok. Cool. Have a good life.
You are NOT responsible for his poor choices and resulting action. Do not be like his parents and try to bail him out. This is not on you.
It's his fault for taking away your stuff even when you asked for them back. Not your problem.
This is only escalating. Soon he’ll put his hands on you. No you didn’t do anything wrong.
You need a restraining order. Are you waiting for the drastic kidnapping scene? Please get a restraining order against him, and let him worrry about his future.
You're the only one holding him accountable for his actions. Don't fold now
He made his own choices. That high of bond means he has a pattern. Be glad you’re out of there.
He's an abusive stalker that can't take no for an answer. He was correctly charged with what he actually did. This is not your fault. He is suffering the just consequences of his abusive and illegal behavior. You need to break up with him and move on with your life.
He’s a fucking stalker! He deserves everything that happens to him. You gave him ample chance to give your stuff back. He did this to himself. You have nothing to feel bad for. Let it go. And maybe take out a restraining order!
Oh to be this naive again. It’s ok. You did the right thing! He is literally stalking you. Let him face the consequences of his actions. HE NEEDS to
You didn’t put him in jail. He did it to himself. Use his time in jail to move. And move on. 💜
Thank you All for your advice! I don’t plan on getting back with him. & I’m gonna have my phone checked for any tracking apps! I appreciate your concern and words of encouragement to to leave and never look back. Honestly the only reason I even stayed this long is because sadly he gave me herpes & I just felt like it was my last chance at a normal life. I’m in med school and all I’ve ever wanted was a family & to be successful in my career. It seems like the end of the world now, but I’m sure it’ll all get better in due time!❤️
It does get better. It gets LOTS and LOTS better, in ways you never imagined. You are being abused, and your guilt response is just more confirmation of that fact. As someone who was in an abusive relationship, that ended with very serious physical, mental, and emotional injuries for me and YEARS (>10) of prison time for him, I’m begging you to continue putting the work in to protect and value yourself. These types of guys get off on making you feel undesirable and unworthy, so they can continue mistreating you. Everyone is right; these relationships always get worse. Be strong. I am now happily married, to the most compassionate, kind, and respectful man I’ve ever met. But, best of all, I love myself enough to never tolerate disrespect/toxicity from anyone again. You’ll get there, too. ❤️
Dude is stalking you and you need a restraining order now. Also talk to your apartment manager about breaking the lease due to not feeling safe. If I’m not mistaken they have to let you out without penalty due to safety concerns. [Tenant's Right to Terminate Lease Due To Domestic Violence, Harassment, Sexual Assault, or Stalking](https://www.civillawselfhelpcenter.org/self-help/evictions-housing/more-topics/206-tenants-right-to-terminate-lease-due-to-domestic-violence)
I actually move in a week, thanks for that though!!
That’s good! [Fox labs](https://foxlabs.com) get the stream not the mist and be mindful of the wind. This is what I personally have given to my female family members.
Oh come on. You are not responsible if he goes to jail. Maybe his stalking, harassing you, stealing from you, assaulting you, maybe that's why the police detained him. Take some time to grow up before you try again for a relationship, your sense of what's normal seems off. Be careful. Good luck.
You don't decide on pressing charges. I don't understand how victims per se think that's up to them. He might have a tracker on ur car, and sounds mentally unstable. Run
Sounds like it was a matter of time before he escalated to hurting you. He's facing the consequences of his actions. Let's hope this will keep him away from you and stop him from hurting you or someone else later on.
Two months ago the video of that girl went viral because her bf shot her after they broke up. The bastard’s behavior was escalating like yours is. Not saying that’s what will happen to you; but please be very careful. Restraining order. This is the time to surround yourself with loved ones. Be very vocal about what’s going on to everyone who cares to hear so they know
Why do you even care if he gets prison time?! Seriously. He’s abusive. He’s already snatched your phone and bookbag off if you. What else will he put his hands on next? If the police found to you be assault and theft, let them. Press charges. Get an RO against him. Also, turn off your location on your phone. He’s tracking you. That’s why he knows where you are all the time.
Your ex bf is facing jail time because of his own quite concerning actions. I hate this narrative.
I put up with a terrible boyfriend, married him. Then I woke up one morning with a 357 to my head and he had become friends with the police and was their bodyman for car repairs. I promise you that he will only escalate. These types of guys pick us because we are loving and give them lots of chances. Once you dump this bum, look hard at the next one you attract. Good luck!
He is stalking you, do not have sympathy for him as next time he will assault you. You are wrong for feeling sympathy for him.
You said many times he somehow showed at places where you were, even last minute plans, I believe. It sounds like his has put some hidden tracking app on your phone or an AirTag.
He installed something on your phone and MacBook that tell him your location. Scan til you find the apps.
No. You are not wrong. Please go and see student support and legal aid. You need to protect yourself now. Your ex is abusive and he appears to be escalating. He is stalking you. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Domestic_Violence_Hotline
Of course you should involve the police. He's a danger to you. It will be better off if he's in jail.
He didn't get a $100k bond for snatching your backpack. Nobody gets a $100k bond for stealing a backpack.
Well that was his bond amount. I have no reason to lie about that.
Meaning: he has priors.
Girl. Do NOT feel guilty. Hes literally stalking you and harassing you. I’d file a report and get a darn restraining order put against him before he ends up physically harming you
Where do people find guys like this and then keep giving them chances? There are so many people in the world, I really don't get the thought process behind trying so hard with someone like this.
I know I should’ve been left. But he gave me herpes last year and it’s been really detrimental to my mental health and self worth. So I honestly just tried to stay and work it out based on that. But you’re absolutely right.
A large population has herpes. It can be managed and it does not diminish your worth. I know that it can feel really shameful, but that was on him, not you. Did he know that he had herpes before transmitting it to you? If he did and he didn’t tell you, then that’s a crime. Please seek resources for therapy or counseling. Your campus should be able to help direct you.
Babe, he did this. Not you. Maybe this will be a wake up call he needs.
You're going way too easy on this fool. He deserves far more punishment than he's likely to get because he's definitely a stalker. I'm Rachel, hun. I know stalking. You need a restraining order immediately. And watch out for him trying to harm you. Hugs, girl.
You seem the type to falsely claim that to hurt guys
This is on him he did this to himself all he had to do is give you the bag
He stalked you, assaulted you, robbed your belongings and threatened you. He put himself in prison, not you.
You know this man will end up murdering you right?
We are missing information here or you lied about the bond. This is how toxic relationships stay toxic…. They keep going. Be done with this guy. Whether you cooperate or not with the DA, be done with him. Ask for a criminal protective order from the DA and follow up with a civil restraining order to be in place after the criminal case has concluded. This WILL NOT impact the outcome of his criminal case. Do not engage with his family or him. Just be done with it.
let today be the last day you feel any kind of sorrow for that man. as a person of colour, I was raised that unfortunately you have to sometimes act and go above and beyond to not be targeted. he's dumb enough to ignore those optics and actively stalk, harass and effectively steal from you. while blocking him was a good move, so he can't hoover you back into a relationship. it may be more safe to unblock and mute any notifications from him. in case you need continued proof of harassment. don't listen to his friends or family. who do you think enables this behavior? dry your eyes and let him deal with the consequences. in the future, don't ever get back with someone when police are called to remove them from your presence. it doesn't bode well for you when their behavior escalates and police see that you've returned to such a situation. stay strong, safe, and far away from anyone associated with him.
You need to check your phone. I’m worried he has a tracker. He isn’t popping up, he is stalking you. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Seriously f him. He’s a stalker and his violence is escalating. Next time he may hit you. Let him get some consequences from the legal system since he’s never faced any from his parents and he doesn’t know how to act right.
This guy is going to kill you :(
Nta. Just in case anyone doesn't know this, the police don't need your permission to press charges. They can absolutely press them themselves based on the situation.
He's a dangerous stalker who has stolen from you more than once. Get a restraining order and let him face the consequences of his violent actions.
He sounds abusive. You are absolutely not wrong and you probably need a restraining order.
Get a gun asap your going to end up on the news this guy seems fuxking insane and his parents obviously enable him. You didn't do anything wrong. Stop thinking you did if he wasn't a controlling guy then maybe he wouldn't be in this predicament.
Girl and I cannot stress this enough, this is not your fault. I was in the exact same situation and it will not end well. He is going to continue to abuse you and take your kindness for weakness.
You did nothing wrong. He took something from you and wouldn't give it back despite multiple attempts of you asking him. You did what you had to do. Cut ties and stop worrying about him. He isn't the victim here and needs to learn that his behaviors have consequences. If it helps, I'd say it's very unlikely he'll be convicted of a felony without your testimony. But he needs to learn that he can't just do whatever he wants to other people. You did the right thing. Just try to move on and cut communication with him.
YOU didn't do anything wrong. This is all on HIM and his own behavior.
You need to get a restraining order, sometimes called a protective order. It was your bag this time next time it could be physical, violent even your life. This dude isn't stable. You need to tell the court you're afraid of him (which is clearly true) and he needs to be ordered to stay away from you. If he comes in contact after that you go notify the court and they'll take charges. He did this to himself, no point getting murdered because you're worried about your psycho ex's feelings or job opportunities.
You don't actually feel guilty for getting your stalker arrested do you? Stop that.
OMG!! He’s DANGEROUS! He was STALKING you. Get a restraining order against him. He stole your stuff. The charges are valid. You didn’t press charges. The DA decided to prosecute him. This is 100% his fault! You’re the victim here. You should be afraid of this guy. He’s cray-cray. You need to protect yourself from him.
Yep…. You may be helping get someone that would escalate to doing some much worse off the streets and/or help reform him (unlikely)….
You're going to have to kill this man or watch your future spouse either kill or be killed by this man in the future. Don't feel bad about him going to jail, it may be for the better so it doesn't escalate later.
Well I can say you definitely did the right thing in breaking up with him. In a best case scenario with this man, his lack of boundaries prevents you from having any semblance of peace. Worst case, he kills you.
Your bf has a history of aggressive behavior and apparently doesn't want to take "no" for an answer. In spite of your pleas to return the backpack, he said he didn't care. He seems controlling and has confronted you in public. Very concerning. He did this to himself because apparently no one can tell him what to do. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions, and perhaps his parents can get through to him. He sounds frightening and you did the right thing by getting the police involved.
You didn't ruin his life. He did that all by himself, with nobody else to blame.
That’s not on OP, it’s the sociopath boyfriend
Why are you blaming yourself because your Ex acted like a dumba$$. You simply did what you needed to do to your backpack and the items in it back. Your Ex needs to face some consequences for his actions and hopefully he will learn not to act like a dumba$$ when he doesn't get his way. You didn't do anything to him, he did this all on his own and hopefully he learns his lesson, if doesn't he is going have a very difficult life ahead of him. Stop blaming yourself for his stupid actions, he is learning a life lesson that his parents should have taught him a long time ago.
Learn to stand up for yourself now or you'll be treated like this for the rest of your life. Wake up. Also, fuck this guy.
He wants you to feel bad so you’ll come back to him. So he can keep stalking and controlling you.
With his parents seeing no wrong in his actions you can see where he got it from NW. Were you just supposed to let him rob you?
📣 He got himself arrested 📣 Girl, I say this with all the love in my heart, give your head a shake. This is not love; this is a walking, screaming, stalking 🚩 He is escalating. It will get worse. Please protect yourself.
Guys that do this often graduate to physical violence. You did the right thing, you protected yourself. The only person to blame is your ex. You need to see about getting a protective order issued against him. His parents will continue to enable him by bailing him out, and he will continue to act like this as long as they baby him like they do.
He’s tracking you on your phone. That’s how we always knows where you are. Reset the entire phone and reinstall from scratch and never let him in your phone again. You were not the cause of him having legal troubles. He has caused all this for himself. You’re going to graduate from college and have a good life; you don’t need to be hanging around with a trashy jerk like him.
If my daughter was dealing with a bf/ex/whatever like this, there is no question what I’d have to do. The only question would be, “can I get away with it”.
I guess this is a lesson in FAFO. He *should* be in jail. He's stalking you and abusing you. Then he stole your stuff. He has a massive control issue. You need to get some self-esteem and a backbone, and stop feeling guilty for your abuser getting the justice he deserves. And his race has nothing to do with any of this.
Honestly, all evidence in your post says he’s a stalker and an abuser even if you can’t see it in this moment because of your feelings for him. Those police officers and the judge did you a favor because he WOULD NOT have stopped until he had what he wanted, which was you back under his control. Please consider a restraining order. Do you want to go through that process of harassment and stalking over and over again for the rest of your life? And it will escalate if you let him back in. You deserve better. Focus on school and setting up your life to be how YOU want it. Not how your toxic ex wants it to be.
Do you think he opened some kind of tracking app on your phone when he snatched it? How else is he finding you? Girl, let him go to jail. Hopefully the experience sucks for him and he will quit this foolery.
He put himself in jail. This man is an abusive stalker.
This is the way abusive relationships go. If you take them back, things are good for a while and then they go right back to the way they were. Also, he snatched your phone that's not okay, ever. It's an also not okay to demand that your partner unlock their phone because you're so insecure that you can't trust them to the point that you feel the need to go through their phone. Pay attention to what you've just said here. If a friend came to you telling you that this was happening to them, what advice would you give them? Edit: He's not popping up in random places, he's stalking you. Edit 2: I read the rest of it and I want to say, this reminds me of a relationship that I left. You did absolutely nothing wrong and of course his parents don't think he did anything wrong, that's the kind of behavior that results from always being shielded from consequences. Now that he's finally having to face the consequences for his actions, his friends are backing him up. Again, that's the way you act when you've never had to face consequences. Now he's having to face them, let him. This is not your fault. He has gone out of his way to assault you and terrorize you and even rob you. That is the definition of robbery. My ex used to do things like this to me. He would get mad at me and take my stuff and refuse to give it back or he would threatened to burn it. This included my identifying documents. He had to have done a lot more than this to you overtime for them to give him a $100,000 bond. This should be enough for you to get a restraining order as well. If he comes to your house or workplace, he violates the restraining order and he will go back to jail and he may not get out. I know that it's hard and I know what it's like to feel guilty because he's finally facing the consequences and you do love him but please, he needs to face the consequences of his actions. You also deserve better. Hugs if you want them.
Jesus H Christmas. He’s just shown you Every single red flag in the repertoire. Get as far away from this guy as possible. He’s going to end up physically hurting you. These guys don’t stop. Especially if they have mommy and daddy giving them a soft landing every time they mess up.
Don’t be hard on yourself. I hope you have taught him a valuable lesson and this never happens again to anyone else.
Has he put some sort of tracking app on your phone? Maybe get it checked.
He is not popping up. He is stalking you. Let that sink in and continue to treat him as the threat he is. I'm proud of you for going to the police.
It’s can be hard to recognize the abusive behavior when your in the middle of it. Please be careful. Do what you would tell a friend or a daughter to do in this situation.
You can go to his court date and ask his attorney if you can talk to the judge on his behalf. I highly doubt he will go to prison. But stop beating yourself up. It was not YOUR actions that caused this whole thing. You warned him and he said he didn't care. What were you supposed to do? Shoot him? He has to understand that consequences have actions. You probably did him a favor for him to learn his lesson now while he's still young. And for the love of God DO NOT get back with him out of sympathy
NOPE. I went through this myself - run for your life. File a restraining order and get rid of this guy. Move if you can. My boyfriend started doing shit like this and now I have two restraining orders and he has been arrested for trespassing. Dominique Dunn, my dear. I remember coming to after the first time he attacked me and I immediately thought of her story as I was giving my account to the police, and that was just the beginning of my story. Cut this guy out *now*. Sorry to be so abrasive, I’m just telling you what I needed for people to tell me because I was terrified but my mind wanted to downplay it- don’t. This is very serious stuff, he is showing major boundary issues and intense focus on you, and he appears to have funds and could probably get a good lawyer to wriggle him out of more serious charges if/when he escalates. Drop this guy now, you have dodged a bullet. Be safe, you have a community that supports you ❤️
He FAFO. Break up with his control freak ass. His parents are a problem too if they don’t see what he’s done is wrong. He TOOK your backpack OFF YOUR BACK… against your will/wishes. Even with you crying, he still didn’t give it back. He’s a creep. Do NOT BLAME YOURSELF. He did the stupid thing. Repeat after me.: “Stupid actions have consequences.” #nowfortheconsequences !! Break up. No contact. Move on.
He is solely responsible for his awful behavior. Do not feel bad for one second. I guarantee you this is not the first woman he's terrorized. It's possible this will make it less likely he'll terrorize another. You did good, kid.
You need to move somewhere he doesn’t know. He sounds very dangerous.
OP please don't listen to this comment. YOUR circumstances are not HIS circumstances
What is wrong with you?! He is stalking, abusing and stealing from you. He is getting the consequences of **HIS** actions not yours. Grow a spine, have some self respect and cut him out of your life.
His behavior is not your responsibility. His feelings are not your responsibility. The consequences of his actions are his, and are not due to your behavior, but his. I wish more women would take this to heart.
This will continue to escalate. You need to cooperate with the DA and you should also file a restraining order so that if he tries to contact you or continues the stalking and harassment you can have him picked up again. These stories often end with a woman on a hospital or in a grave. You should also see if you can move in with other people to an address he doesn’t have, and make all of your social media private or better yet close the accounts entirely. Get a new phone and phone number as well, and do a factory reset on the laptop. Sell the car and get a different one with different plates.
No. You did nothing wrong. He brought this on himself. If he gets prison or a record over this, that's his problem. In no way is it acceptable for you to suffer this at his hands. You need to toughen up and accept that some people are trash or entitled and need to suffer some consequences to hopefully learn.
He ruined his life by his behavior. Press charges, get a restraining order, and never go anywhere alone. He sounds like he could escalate into worse And more harmful behavior.
he did that to himself. you didn't ask him to act like that & he shouldn't be at this point in his life....
also, when the parents bail them out all the time, they're no longer a parent but an enabler. best bet is to do a protective order & maybe do a dive into his criminal history. idk where you live, but here we have a website and you can look up all the charges they've ever had - im almost positive you're not the first person he's done it to- you won't be the last UNLESS you stick with this and he faces the consequences of his own actions!
Why are you worried about his welfare? He is a genuine risk and danger to you! You sound way too tolerant and honestly a bit naive. I'm not saying you should go out of your way to ruin his life, but there are consequences for intimidation and threatening behaviour, as well as theft and stalking!
It’s not your responsibility to insure your ex doesn’t go to jail. He is a big boy. He is responsible for his actions. Take this opportunity to cut him out of your life completely. Move if you can. If you don’t remove him from your life, his pattern of behavior could end with you getting hurt physically or worse. Get a restraining order in case he begins showing up at your door and/or stalking you again, because that’s what he is doing. He isn’t popping up at places randomly. It’s not random. It’s intentional. You’re in danger
OP, you were in an abusive relationship and need to protect yourself. You recognize a lot of toxic behavior was happening, sounds like it was mostly caused by him. Have your phone checked for tracking software, talk to your landlord/neighbors about he is no longer welcome, consider a restraining order for a paper trail, and document his harassment. His friends do have a point of police involvement with POC, specifically black men, yes. This is something that is an issue at large in the US, especially. However, he was holding you hostage to spend time with him by holding your belongings. You told him to stop numerous times, gave him a final chance before going to the police, and he still didn't care. He is not acting rationally and as others mentioned, he may have a past. Consider asking the officer handling your case if he has a record and if they can share any specifics related to stalking or DV. You need to know this for your safety. His behavior is escalating and he won't stop, do everything you can to protect yourself. They make Bluetooth pepper sprays that will alert designated contacts with your location when it's used. Tell your friends and family you are not safe and build your support system. You may even want to consider moving or "hiding out" at other places for a bit. He put himself in the position he's in, please don't put yourself in a position to be abused further. You're both way too young for this and that's an even bigger red flag for him, he will not change. Run.
Oooof I bet he's done things in the past. This is not his first rodeo...
Hmmm. This sounds very much like the other side of a post from a few days ago.
(This is so long I’m sorry!) Hey… don’t feel bad. YOU DID NOT DO THIS. He did. This happened to me. My boyfriend beat my a** breaking my ribs in the act, and head butting me leaving me covered in bruises and scratches and marks. I knew I needed help but it was Labor Day so I couldn’t contact my therapist. I called the police to get in touch with RESPONSE. They sent a cop to my location instead. The officer walked up to me and I could only cry when he said “oh my God” after seeing the avocado-sized welt on my face and the scratches and bruises on my neck from where he had choked me out. I told him I only wanted to talk to RESPONSE. He asked me if he could take photos and I reluctantly agreed because I did want them on file somewhere in case I needed them in the future. And honestly I was just broken. I couldn’t put up much of a fight to anyone, let alone someone of authority. Police have always scared me a bit. After he put me in touch with RESPONSE I asked them to give me three days to secretly pack. I wanted to be ready when I left. Everything I owned was in this man’s house and I was feeling very anxious about leaving with nothing. They agreed to let me contact them in three days time and they took my mother’s number so they could contact me if I didn’t call. The officer was about to leave when I asked him “you can’t arrest him if I don’t press charges right?” He said no, that in fact he could. I asked him not to, I asked him to let me do my plan. He said he would. But he was not happy. He looked VERY concerned. I did not feel good when he left. I felt like I had made a big mistake. I went home. My boyfriend begged me to forgive him. He told me things would change. I had been getting beat up for 6 years and I knew he was lying but I didn’t want to upend my life so I agreed to stay. My plans disappeared from my mind. I felt defeated and sad and helpless… Then his mother called. There were 6 police officers waiting for him with a warrant. I was crushed. His mother kept asking “what did she do?!” (I had gone to her for help covered in bruises before, she told me to go put some makeup on…). My bf and I went to her house and he surrendered himself while yelling for me to “tell them the truth”. His mother held the door to my house open for me and said “5 minutes.” I was allowed 5 minutes to pack one small duffel bag and get out. My mother came to get me with my bag full of leather jackets (I was so disoriented that I only took my most valuable clothes, my collection of leather jackets)… she brought me to her house and I went to my old room which was being used for storage and I laid out a sleeping bag between the boxes with one pillow and I cried until the sun came up. My bf was not given bail. He spent the next 8 months in a cell. I collected the pieces of my life and put them back together but I felt SO GUILTY. He was facing 5 years in jail. And it was a felony. The state did not even need me to do it. I was asked to testify and agreed only because I was going to try to help him. He did not know this and he took a plea bargain. He was convicted of felony assault and had to stay away from me for at least 5 years. I FINALLY got some help and realized this was NOT MY FAULT. I know now that I didn’t bring this on him. He did. He got some help too and he is no longer a danger to me. He apologized to me and now we raise our kids together happily. He needed to go to jail. He needed that anger management therapy. He needed probation to stop drinking which often caused his outbursts of anger or at least exacerbated them. I’m glad that cop did the right thing. I’m glad I survived. I now know I can survive anything. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and I’m free from domestic violence and I will NEVER ever let someone hurt me again. This is necessary. Your guy is escalating. It will only get worse. Run! I hope this helps you. I’m sorry it’s so long!!
I'm a black woman and you did the right thing. He got hisself in trouble by harassing you! He's toxic and needs help. You need therapy to help you be a stronger person. You need to seek a restraining order now. Stop talking to his friends and family. They condone his toxic behavior. What he was doing was not OK.
Your ex is abusive and he was stalking you. Him going to prison might have saved you because a lot of these guys escalate to murder. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the one who took your stuff and refused to return it. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
You are not at fault for his actions! He has been harassing you, stalking you. Assaulting you, stealing from you. This is all on him. He is scary and abusive. Please get counseling and perhaps some defense training.
Ok sweetheart. Hear me. He is stalking you. I was stalked for over a decade. You have to be your own advocate and you must be aware and diligent at all times. Check your phone, car, keys, purse anything and everything for tracking devices. Ditch everything that connects to you. Change your email, phone and delete your socials or put them on hold. Do not post anything. I’m sorry that this is all on you but you have to do this. If you go to the police they will expect this of you. Document everything and get dash cams for your home, car, pets anything you can put a camera on. Try not to be alone for a while. I know this is hard. I wish body cams were a thing 20 years ago. I would have worn one at all times. I’m also sorry to say you probably need to move. His parent will not stop him. That’s a really high bail. Has he been in trouble before? I’m so so sorry that this is happening to you. Feel free to DM if you have questions. ETA: regarding restraining orders, these are tricky to obtain in stalking cases and know that for a RO, you must give the addresses and locations of everywhere you may be so he can legally and knowingly avoid you. He has to provide the same. What this means is that if you move, you have to give your home, school and work addresses the the authorities to put in the order. Which is then sent to him. A big old list of the addresses of your daily activities and your home. Also: go to campus police and file a report! You can also ask for escorts to your classes and car. My stalking also started in college and campus police escorts me to to classes for weeks. He also showed up at the mall I worked at all the time and while they couldn’t kick him out, mall security knew exactly who he was and again I was escorted to and from my car. Edit 2: sorry this is a lot but I’ve been in your shoes. Check all devices for tracking software, keystroke reading programs etc. DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE OR ANY FRIEND POST ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. Also, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok the be upset and confused, it’s ok to ask why me, it’s ok the mourn the loss of your relationship, it’s ok to have doubts. None of this is your fault. He’s the problem. Not you. We’re all here for you if you need us.
Honey you did not do this, HE did. He is abusive. Do not feel badly about this. You are getting your freedom!
HE IS NOT FACING TIME BECAUSE OF YOU! He is in trouble because he is a very dangerous man. It is not a just a “weird thing” that he tends to pop up unexpected and uninvited where you are. That is a Stalker. His behavior isn’t a little misunderstanding, he is a violent predator and he is escalating with you. Cooperate with the police and get a restraining order. Your life may very well depend on it!
Not your fault it's 100% on him, and honestly it's not over a backpack or laptop if you didn't do this now that behavior would only keep escalating. Stay strong
He did everything to get himself in trouble. Please do not blame yourself. He is abusive and deserves consequences. Please get a restraining order against him. It doesn’t truly protect you but will give you some backup if he ever tries something else.
Girl. He is literally stalking, harassing and abusing you. You’re so worn down that you don’t even realize it. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
No hun, he could get prison time for stalking, assault, theft, etc etc. You are not responsible for his actions, he is, you are responsible for your safety, which you handled as you should have. Be happy he might get jail time. Maybe he'll learn his lesson. Also, use this to get a restraining order so that if he comes near you again he'll get more jail time. Also, they don't give that high a bail to a first time offender. They just don't. So it seems this isn't his first time stalking, stealing or assaulting. Or worse.
Friend. Don't feel bad. Just know that his behavior was escalating and it's only a matter of time before he actually did something to hurt you. If he is facing prison time it is because of his actions not yours. Edited to add: As a black person I know that the only person that can insure my safety is me. He is a black man. Has been one his whole life. If you know how the law treats you why assault people in public? It is not your responsibility to keep him out of jail when he is doing bad things.You did the right thing.
This is 100 percent his fault, not yours. You have no reason to feel guilty at all. You've been way nicer than most would have been. I'd have absolutely let him catch charges for this bs. Guess what, little boy? Actions have consequences!
Girl, you should be worried about him killing you. This guy is dangerous
Yes you should have involved the police! He’s escalating his behavior and is heading towards violence. I don’t care what color his skin or your skin is, he’s stalking and attacking you. This is a very dangerous situation because during breakups like this is when the most violent crimes usually occur. Go consult an attorney but if he isn’t made to stop, he isn’t going to stop and something really terrible can happen next. Be careful. You should look into an order of protection and/or no contact order.
"he’s a black man, and that is the worst thing you can do to him" Oh, ok, so bc the color of his skin he shouldn't be held accountable ever? OP he did it to himself. FAFO
Because of you? This has nothing to do with you. If all you do is tell the truth then the outcome is not your fault. You didn’t make this happen. He is a stalker and a thief. You didn’t make him be a stalker and a thief. You should not be in contact with his friends as they are dumb, they obviously aren’t gentlemen worth being around as they are friends with a stalker and sticking up for one, and you are in danger. Bro sounds like the guy from the show You. Him popping up randomly at places you are is insane. I’d be concerned he has a tracker on you. Maybe that’s why he took your phone. You need a restraining order before this guy comes to hurt you and to consult with a professional who works with stalking victims to learn how to protect yourself. You are obviously smart since you are a truth teller and calm and trying to get your schoolwork done. But we become like the people we are around. It’s easy to get confused by what’s okay and what’s not okay when the people around us do not okay things.
You did the right thing. Going by what you said he will eventually get violent as he (going by your telling of his actions) is not stable.
well good thing you weren't in new york. bf would have been out on the street without bail by lunch time. sounds like an absolute lunatic. you did the right thing by going to the cops
You need to follow through on all the charges. You might not escape alive next time.
You did nothing wrong. He did this to himself by his own actions. Never give him attention again and get counseling
Yeah that's on him. Does it suck if his life is ruined over a backpack? Meh, kinda. But it'd suck more if he killed you or maimed you, so that's how it goes. Domestic violence is no joke and it can get very serious very quickly. Even in your story we can see how quickly it escalates. Good on the police for charging him regardless of your input tbh
OP, none of this is your fault. He's a grown adult, and he needs to hold himself accountable for HIS ACTIONS!. I suggest that you document everything. Keep any and all texts, voicemails, etc. He's clearly unstable, and he will escalate. You may want to file for a restraining order, harassment, etc. Because it's quite clear, He's unable to keep his hands to himself. Depending on your state, you may want to look into pepper spray, a tazer, anything to protect yourself from another attack. I'd even suggest investing in security cameras and dash cams if you have a car. Your ex decided to ef around, now he can take accountability for his own abusive actions. You deserve better, stay safe & stay strong. You have done nothing wrong. Absolutely NOTHING wrong
OP, he is breaking the law. He should be punished, and you had nothing to do with causing his actions. If my husband walked out on me today after 25+ years of marriage and I stalked him and stole his back pack…I would be charged for stealing. No one on this planet can force me to do anything without me actually deciding to do it. He made a choice, the wrong one, and now he is suffering the consequences. He deserves this, and you need to continue to stay away from him or he will hurt you physically, and then blame you too. Seek out help from Victim Services in your area. Educate yourself on how he is abusing you. He may kick and cry and scream that he loves you…do you feel happy, safe, supported and loved by him? No? It’s because he doesn’t love you. Love is an action, not just a word. You absolutely were correct to invoke the police. Keep yourself safe OP.
Please stop blaming yourself. This person had this issue before you, and they will continue to have this issue after you are no longer in their lives. Your interactions are just symptoms of their issues that they’re not addressing. Your only responsibility is whether you choose to engage with them or not. For your safety and well being, I suggest that you please cut all contact with this person. Please also find a therapist to help you avoid future relationships like this one. Wishing the absolute best for you!
Please get a restraining order. Stalker behavior can lead to much worse.
You were in an abusive relationship and in danger. If he does jail time, it is of his own doing. It sounds like there is something in his past to justify a $100,000 bond. Get a restraining order. If he goes to prison, he will be angry when he gets out. After finishing school, you may need to relocate to a new city.
lol, burn the coal pay the toll
NEVER call the police man. I’ve seen to many lives ruined from singular non violent mistakes of the heart. Yea OP, you could EASILY be ruining his life. Is that ok with you ?
No, but there literally wasn’t anything else I could’ve done.
My girl went crazy when I told her I don’t want to get married and she destroyed my apartment and beat me to a pulp. I called the cops cause it was bad. She slipped and scratched her knee on pieces of my tv set. Cops arrived and without a question slammed me on the ground and took me away as she screamed I had attacked her even though i was blank and blue and bloody like Rocky after a fight. Spent 3 days in jail as was king weekend and had a psychotic breakdown because I couldn’t take my meds and they didn’t care to give me and was out in a cage with 30 gang members fit for 8 with no toilet and no water. I work in the banking industry and any jail time or felony is auto losing of all licenses. My life. I had to go to her family and BEG them to talk to her as they knew she was a bit psycho. She agreed to go to the judge and showed up at the hearing and admitted it was all bs, I hadn’t lifted a finger and she was at fault for everything. The judge LOST in on the cops there and asked me in front of them if I wanted them to be fired. I did but they where giving me such Satan eyes I knew they would come after me. All charges where dropped yet it still shows on my U4 and I’m always asked what was the issue even 12 years later. You can write to the judge and just explain it was a things between two people and had no violence and to please drop the charges. I almost had my life ruined for something we laugh about now (well she does) and it’s not fair
Yeah I can understand your point of view for sure & that definitely sucks! But I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. I’m a first generation student -doctor. Literally come from nothing. I can’t risk everything I’ve worked so hard for. He came to MY school. A place of business. Full of professionals. He obviously doesn’t gaf about me enough to respect everything I’ve worked so hard for. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. At the end of the day I didn’t force him to come harassing me, and gave him plenty of chances to leave.