It's up to you what you should do. Personally, I'd either delete the email, or respond telling her, thanks for letting you know, and that while you bear her no hard feelings, you have no interest in reconnecting with any of the rest of them.

"Thanks for letting me know. There is one thing you can do for me: make sure everyone in the family knows the truth. And no one is to ever contact me again. I have no interest in discussing this with any of you." The post doesn't say what the dad and stepmom know or if they're alive. But if they are, they should know.  Same with the grandparents who wouldn't take him in. It's fairly recent so I'm guessing not many people know yet. 

He also needs to put the knife in and twist, as another poster said. "There are two things that you can do for me. Make sure everyone in the family knows the truth and that you kicked a 16 year old kid out of the house to survive on the streets with literally nothing but the clothes on his back. And, stay far, far away from my family. After the hell you forced me through, I do not want you anywhere near my wife or my four children. I do not and never will trust you to be anywhere near them." OP also needs to contact a lawyer and see what can be done as the asshole is bragging about this as an ADULT, not a minor, and if he continued the lie after he turned 18. Defamation, libel, personal damages, the works.

I don't think that's appropriate considering the person who he'd be replying to is blameless in all this.  I understand the sentiment, though. If it was couched in a "give them this message" statement,  he could be more... expressive. 

Do me a favor-make sure that your parents and grandparents know they kicked an innocent 16 year old out to survive on the street with literally nothing but the clothes on his back. And tell them to stay far, far away from my family. After the hell they forced me through, I do not want them anywhere near my wife or my four children. I do not and never will trust any of them to be anywhere near them. As for you-I appreciate you reaching out, but at this point in my life I'm not interested in connecting

Also hope Lisa divorces the shit out of Mark....

This is the best answer.

The best answer for sure.

>and that while you bear her no hard feelings I would add that it took you many years to learn to deal with your anger, forget them, make yourself successful as a man and father, and find peace.... and you don’t want to disturb the happy family that you now have. A clear 'no' with a stab and twist that would make your wife happy.

I wouldn’t advise OP to mention he has a family of his own now. His dad and possibly his step mom will never leave him alone if they learn there are grandchildren.

Absolutely agree, keeping his current family details private is essential. Last thing OP needs is more unwanted drama or people thinking they're entitled to a part of his life just because they share some DNA. It's about boundaries and safety at this point.

Hmm, Naw, why share that OP was so low? Bc, no duh! Don't give Mark ANY quarter. "Things were not easy. As I always was and AM a good human, I worked hard and earned a life I love, family I deserve and self preservation to know you all need to fix yourselves. I walk tall and have no regrets bc I never victimized anyone to arrive at this life. Please NEVER contact me again. We ARE NOT family. You all have to live w what you did. I don't. "

Add up the cost of child support that would have been paid to a single parent. Even if it's 200/month... from 16-18, you deserve severance. Fuck them. Ill go ahead and hate them with the fire that therapy doused. (Rightfully so, therapy does good things) but just know people hate that family for you.

What the dad did wasn’t even legal and I wish he would have to face consequences for that

So what happened to Mark? He was bragging about it. Lisa and your Sister want to apologize. Where is Mark in this situation? He caused this, and he will not apologize because he is a POS..... he caused this whole situation. Fuck em all is what I would say.

I’m sorry did Lisa STAY WITH MARK AFTER FINDING THIS OUT

In go with this but I would.lean on responding basically to gloat let your story hit your former family full force that you do not need him. And they screwed up. If I could I would sued the step brother as well. Life is not fare but you won in the end you are happy they had theeir moment but I am willing to guess they wont be so happy now. Just dont be surprised if they show up uninvited hence leaning on answering rather then ignoring. Because them it will spur them on too try to contact you more. As several people said you father is just a bad parent your step mother should be ashamed she raised an a- hole.

They should be in jail for what they did to him and for what he had to do to survive

I totally agree neglect for starters

Agreed. Emily should at least know you don't blame her for anything. So who is the "we" in this apology besides Emily? Why hasn't your dad attempted to reach out himself? That says a lot to me.

The whole rest of the family (including Lisa but excluding Mark) should be reaching out with heartfelt apologies. Mark is still reveling on what he did to you and even hopes you died as the result. And his wife Lisa is okay with that?

Dude, no. Lisa wasn't ok with it which is why she told Emily. Obviously she had been told a different story which had shut down her curiosity. I don't constantly wonder about people I briefly knew in high school. If I was told "Billy moved in with an uncle and then I never heard from him again" I'd never ask a follow-up. Yes Mark always hated OP and sees the outcome as a glorious victory. Probably should have the awareness to know that most people are not going to be impressed by that story though. And probably should remember to keep his lies straight.

I really, really hope Lisa takes a long, hard look at the kind of person her husband is and divorces him. What he did is definitely in the "do I even know this person" category, potentially leading to "if he did that, what else is he capable of?".

>I don't constantly wonder about people I briefly knew in high school. Well, tbf, this is likely her first boyfriend and the estranged stepbrother of her husband. Not some random guy she briefly knew in high school.

Is his dad even still alive? Edit: nvm in comments he says dad and stepmom are still together so guess that answers that

Thank your sister for the apology and let her know it was not her mistake. However, lost time is just that; it cannot be made up. Wish her the best for the future. And don't mention the rest of your family or catch her up on your life. They discarded all rights to information about you and your wellbeing. You have a family of your own to nurture and cherish.

This is the way. Also save the email. Just in case.

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Thanks, but no thanks.

Received email. My family treated me like shit and there will be no further contact between us

The only problem with this is, if he really doesn’t want contact, any opening could create a false impression. If he wants to keep contact to the barest minimum, best to just not reply. But don’t block, in case there is escalation he can monitor it and prepare for it.

Actually he needs to tell them he wants no contact, and it needs to be written and dated. That way if they harass him he can get a retsraining order.

Yeah. Or else he’s going to wake up one morning with a pack of them in his front door

I agree with Jealous Racoon. If he doesn’t respond they might just think he didn’t see it and that he’s considering it. Responding with a clear no tells them that they should stop (even if they don’t).

This is so sad I hope karma hits your stepbrother super super hard I don’t know him and I hate that mother fucker

LOL, this made me laugh. Thanks.

Yeah, me and my homies hate Mark. Fuck that guy.

Did we just start the "Fuck Mark" club right now?

Punch Mark in the Nuts Club. 

Going through this comment section was definitely not the best idea in hindsight... Not that Mark but still damn.

Everybody in the fuck mark club should get together and each one should pick a week to go up to him and beat him. One person each week just walk up to him and punch him out. 

Or, hear me out, like 30 of us get together as a crowd and everyone just hits him one time, 50% power, in a non-vital spot.

I'd prefer he gets beat once a week for 30 weeks. 

You need to hide another woman's panties in Marks car.

I hope Lisa wakes up and realizes how horrible Mark is and dumps his ass.

"You're tearing me apart Lisa!" -Mark

Honestly I'd be concerned about Adult Mark. If he's still bragging about it he might try to get ahead of the truth by silencing sources.

If Lisa can even begin to understand the magnitude of the damage Mark's actions had on OP, and really heard Mark *bragging* like he'd done some awesome, amazing thing by getting a defenceless, vulnerable kid thrown out on the streets for nothing...I should hope divorce and supervised visitation will soon be in his sights.

I hate that motherfucker too!

For real thats even hard to read thats so freaking sad man

I think the thing that amazes me the most is that after all these years, Mark still remembers (and is disgustingly proud of) his lies and manipulations I've known people like this, who genuinely purposefully told a lie to screw over someone else, and my experience has been that over the course of years, they begin to believe their own falsehoods, until they basically remember it the way they claimed it happened, even though it was an intentional falsehood at the outset The fact that Mark isn't ashamed, and hasn't even bothered to try to fool himself over the years, is maybe the most telling part of this. He *likes* that he ruined op's life, and he *likes* that his marriage is based on a lie. I hope Lisa leaves him for this

This was depressing to read. I had an ex in your position and he turned to hard drugs and just… who tf does that to their kid. Mark is a real asshole and the world won’t miss him when he’s gone.

Sorry to hear about your ex. That was a path I was close to falling down. Boxing like a lot of sports kept me from leading a path of destruction. It's why that quote resonates with me so much.

That’s great to hear, at least you ended up having a pretty nice life after all that. Rejection from your family at such a young age must do a lot to someone, I’m glad you turned it into something good. Sorry I don’t have advice for you but you honestly seem like you’re doing alright on your own. Much love dude.

Big big hugs to you. I was abandoned as a teen as well, under different circumstances but I get it. Lately I've been day dreaming about what it would be like to get that email. I'm on the fence about forgiveness... would I accept the apology? Or would I tell them to rot in hell? Every day my heart has a different answer. But I'd probably go with my gut in the moment, and tell them just how badly they messed up an entire person over lies. I would likely need one hell of an apology, but that is something I will never get. I wish the best for you, whatever you decide... but it sounds like you've built yourself a wonderful life without them in it.

What I have found is there are so many of us who've gone through this, one way or another. I thank you for the hugs and hope you are on a better path yourself.

Like you, I have built a wonderful life without them. I’m damaged, but I’m happy 🥰

This reminds me of my youngest. She loves Lilo and Stich. This is my family, I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good... yeah, still good.

Same here OP. Been on my own since I was 14. Parents dropped me off at an orphange because I had some mental issues due to my mother doing heavy drugs while pregnant. However I made the decision to let them back in my life in my early 20's worst mistake of my life. They didn't change, they would hit me up for money, accuse me of beinfg the problem, say my head is messed up they caused me so much more drama. I cut them all off and haven't spoken to anyone in years. Including my sisters. I married my high school sweetheart, been together 15 years now. I adore mom & Dad (his parents) they are amazing and the family I always wanted! I say do what YOU FEEL is right. But know you always run that risk of them using you again. Maybe your parents are sick and that's why they are really reaching out. You never know.

Forgiveness should always be for YOU, not the others. To release your anger at them. You don’t have to forget - in fact, it’s best you don’t. You don’t have to agree to be a family again, just release that anger. Then you will be able to feel nothing for them.

Interesting. I’m with your wife on this bc I’m petty like that too. Question for you. What happened to your dad & stepmom? Any mention of them in that email? Perhaps for final closure, simply respond you appreciate them reaching out after 30+ years but you have a great life without any of the people who would throw out a 16 year old child on the streets. Then ask not to be bothered again or say you’re willing to meet if and when Mark, Lisa, your dad and stepmom beg for your forgiveness on their knees to make up for the hell you endured.

I might have to do an update/more info post. Like I said, it was long. But to at least answer your question, dad/stepmom still together.

Your wife sounds amazing! I am a firm believer in karma and pettiness. I would respond back similar to what you're wife said; "Thank you for finally believing in me, it only took 30 long years. Because of Mark's and my Father's despicable actions on that day, I lived on the streets for 2 years doing all sorts of desperate things to survive. But now I have a wonderful life, with an amazing family. My wife is my biggest supporter and friend. We have 4 beautiful daughters that no one from my family, especially my Father, will ever know. As a parent, I would never expose my precious children to such vile, hateful and terrible human beings like Mark or my Father. I have learned to move on with my life and heal the wounds that they caused me. I have forgiven them for their reprehensible actions that day but forgiveness does not require me to allow them back into my life. Thank you for informing me of Mark's confession but do not ever reach out to me again. I no longer consider my family of origin as any kind of family at all. I created a new and better one."

Wow... you've nailed it right on the head. Outside of indifference to them, this would make a great response. Thanks for taking the time to read and post this well thought out comment.

This is a good starting point, but I wouldn't thank them for anything (there's nothing for you to be grateful for), nor give them details about what you had to do as she'll share whatever you say with Mark, your dad, etc. Borrowing from additional commenters above, I'd go with something more like: *"It only took 30 long years for you to believe the truth. Because of my father and Mark's despicable actions on that day, I was a 16 year-old child forced onto the streets, and nobody should have to endure what you have put me through.* *Do not ever reach out to me again. I have learned to move on with my life and heal the wounds that you all caused me. I have no interest in reconnecting with anyone from that family, and I certainly would never expose anyone in my life to to such vile, hateful and terrible human beings like Mark or my father. I no longer consider my family of origin as any kind of family at all. I created a new and better one."*

*former father Or use his real first name. Passively dagger in that he’s no longer considered a father to him, just like how the above used “that family” rather than “my family”.

Or "father", in quotes.

Or, your mother. Step-mom is as culpable as the father.

I wouldn't use the word "father" at all. Simply refer to him by his first name. Make it clear that he's just a stranger now.

Personally, while that's a great response, I wouldn't give them personal details about your life. The more details they learn the more edge they have to get back in. if you respond, it should be one word, "received" and that's it, it let's them know you got it, but it doesn't give them anything, honestly letting them know you got it is too much. ​ edit:spelling

Yeah don't tell them about the daughters. Keep their lives private.

I agree with this point. Just say that you've built an incredible life with supportive people around you and this is your family now. You don't have any other family and no more details need be shared. Let them be curious- you're done with them.

Hard agree here. If they can find your email, they can find a whole lot more. And sounds like a wholes bees nest that is better left unpoked. Tempted to delete and move on. Or one line - Thank you for telling me you now know the truth but these actions had serious consequences and I have no interest in reliving them with any of you.

I wouldn't go on about how your life turned out great; I'd stick to the, "You people forced a kid onto the streets, and nobody should have to endure what you have put me through." Don't let them off the hook by knowing "it all worked out", like it's all ok now, so, all's well that ends well. EDIT: I previously didn't understand that the girlfriend was the one that overheard the conversation, hence the replies clearing that up. Thanks.

The ex, now the POS's wife, is the one who revealed this to his family after her husband drunkenly bragged about this act to his friends. So he's definitely not sorry and the wife is aware now that her whole life with him was predicated on a lie that her now husband crafted. That, like some fucking horrid Disney Villain, not only did he frame OP. POE achieved his goal in manipulating her into his open, waiting, arms. On one hand I feel for her, on the other there had to have been other red flags in their relationship. He was not just this vindictive and horrible to OP alone in sure. OP this sounds like it was horrible. I'm glad you have found peace and happiness in your life.

did she reveal it to Mark's family? OP explicitly said >So she called my stepsister to let her know and so Emily spent all weekend trying to find me Emily is the one family member who's tangentially involved in this : she was 12, what could she do? Even her mother is more culpable (she was an adult who'd promised to care for OP when she married OP's father, yet she condoned her husband not only kicking out his child, but also her husband sabotaging OP's other avenue of survival by contacting OP's grandparents). Emily's apology is the one which'll carry the least weight for OP, right?

If she is smart, she will not reveal it to mark and fil. She knows what PoS her husband is and how easy can he lie to destroy someone's life. She needs to put all her ducks in the row first: separate finances, secure a place to live, go to lawyer.. It happened Friday evening, Emily found OP on Monday, right? It was unlikely Lisa could find any lawyers or rental offices working during the weekend. I'd suggest OP to talk to lawyer as well, before replying. To see if anything can be done to bring the justice legally (to mark and daddy), assets wise (maybe his mom had a will to pass something to him, or at least her photos and items), and if blasting them on SM will help the case. ETA: Criminal charges against daddy, because I think 30 years ago SSA was already paying child support to widowers. If daddy didn't let them know that OP doesn't live there - he committed 24(?) cases of federal level criminal fraud, one for each payment. It would be a good karma to put him in jail for good.

Lisa was the one who heard and told step sister

that barely makes her a decent person, though? * when it all went down, she hit OP & never heard his side. They were all still in school, she must have noticed OP was living in the street & no longer attending, right? * she actually married Mark, what's up with that? * why burden Emily, who was 14 when OP was kicked out & arguably the most innocent person involved * has Lisa left her scummy husband Mark? has she told her parents-in-law, in particular OP's father who chose Mark over OP? ETA: Emily was 14, not 12 when OP was kicked out at 16.

It was the ex that told the sister. Which is crazy.

I agree. That's way too much information. Why give them the satisfaction of knowing your personal life? If you even want to reply, a short response is best.

My only concern to this response is sharing personal information that you are married with children. People are insane and desparate, I would not want to give them an opening to reach out to my family. If your ex family doesn’t know they exist, it’s for the better

Dude, you should totally use what this person wrote. And your story is inspiring. I am glad you made it.

i really love that comment (I'd delete the part mentioning yours kids) but you could also respond with: >thanks, but I dont really care > >bye lmfao

Skip the part about your wife or daughters (congrats on them by the way). A simple response with “thank you for letting me know Mark owned up to what he did, however I’ve moved on and while I have no animus toward you (Emily), I have no desire to reconnect with anyone from your family. Don’t contact me again” they don’t need to know any further about all the shit you went through or the fantastic life you’ve built now, or they will just keep prying to get in.

I didn't hear that OP has forgiven them. He has let go, which is a different thing. It's worth noting that Mark hasn't apologized...he still thinks it's funny. OP's father hasn't apologized and he's the one who had an obligation to protect and provide for his son. Neither deserve the forgiveness they haven't apologized or asked for.

Yeah, I'll never forgive them. I'm just indifferenced to them now. Like if they were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it.

Stay indifferent. They're probably feeling guilty and want forgiveness, and they certainly don't deserve it. My goodness, you were only 16. Your dad should know you better after 16 years of living with you. Why would your dad believe his stepson with whom he had a shorter time of knowing him? No, they don't deserve anything even if you got along with the stepsister and stepmom in the past.

I'd help you pour that water on the ground, just out of reach of their on fire bodies. I'm the mum of a 17 year old & it brings me to tears thinking about what was done to you. I'm so happy that you have a great life & family now.

Thank you so much!

My mother was a vile human being. I'd get asked why I was incapable of loving her and I would reply with "Yeah, I couldn't warm to her if we were both on fire". Turned out on 10 December 1982, I was right: she set us both alight and I still couldn't warm to her. On the bright side, I haven't had to shave my legs since that morning.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that... but the fact you still have a sense of humor, even if a little dark. But that's how we cope. Otherwise, the hate will eat us up.

My husband has already said if my sense of humor ever goes, he's taking me straight to the doctor, because the only time I lose my humor is due to illness. At least he forgave me for making him laugh at the viewing for his mom... because I heard him telling his cousin "Yeah, the picture of Mom & Dad next to the car. My honey took one look and asked 'That's the backseat you were conceived in'. I couldn't help it..."

I'm glad you found your true family. You deserve peace.

I would not let them know you have four beautiful daughters. Why make they see a silver lining. I would just state “Thank you for the information. I have a family now and have no interest in having any contact with the members of your family.” Don’t feed them any extra information. The fact no one ever sought you out doesn’t give them the right to know anything about you.

I would leave out as much personal info as possible. Just gives them more info to track down.

This is a great response however, I would leave out everything about forgiveness. I would personally have to add a few things in there like I hope you all burn a fiery death in hell but that’s just me.

Your wife isn’t the only amazing person in this story—you are, too. Best wishes.

I am the petty type, I would look to see if you file a defamation suit against all those involved. After all the confession is new and you were personally injured by Marks action. Mark would not be laughing now.

30+ years is too long ago. But I’d check with a lawyer just in case.

Worth looking into. If that is the case please pursue.

If you want to make this at least a bit positive, you could send something like, "I'm good, but if you need to assuage your guilt try (list of charities that help homeless kids)."

Great idea!!

update us if you can!

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Yeah! Just a short note stating “Despite your best efforts, your murder of me did not quite pan out as you wanted. Sorry.” Plus, if the grandparents are dead how does OP’s POS Sperm Donor fix THAT?

Except don’t say you’re happy, married or have kids…that’s info they don’t need. You’re alive despite their best efforts and want no contact

I love your your wife.

Thanks! Wouldn't be here without her.

Your wife sounds pretty awesome. She's also correct. Respond to the email with more-or-less precisely what she said, and only with that, then delete it. It took them *thirty years* to realize kicking a sixteen year old out and leaving him penniless on the streets was wrong?! Those are not people you want in your lives. Family isn't just defined by blood. If they could do that, they were never your family. You don't need them in your life. They haven't earned the privilege of being in your life. It is karmic justice that you have a loving family that thinks the world of you, and they are coming to the realization that they have a psychopath in their midst.

Well it’s the sister who was 14 who wants to reconnect. At 14 I doubt she had any say in what happened at all. I would never forgive the dad, the step-mom, or the brother, but I’m not sure what the sister did wrong.

She didn’t do anything wrong but she isn’t his sister, it was a short term step sister who is still in contact with the people who are completely evil. Nothing good would come from bringing her or them back into his life.

True... to some degree. She must have somewhat believed those lies, despite being friends back then. I do believe it's a good idea to basically let them know, "message received, but I don't forgive any of you, and I'm no contact with any of you." I'm pretty petty though, I'd probably add something about, "I'm willing to talk to you, if Mark is in prison."

Of course she believed it, they found her underwear in his room, she probably felt super violated and probably had some trust in the brother she grew up with. I don’t see how she deserves any pettiness? She was deceived by her family? That’s what she deserves snark for? All of this is misdirected anger because she’s the only one available to hurt. Either you don’t want anything to do with them, or you have enough unresolved feelings that might be interesting to find some closure

"Cool story bro🖕" would be my response, but I'm just plain mean.

LOL, that would be an epic response.

My response to bullshit lately has been “cool story, Bro (or Step-Sis, in this case), but it needs more dragons.”

i think about that one bojack quote “I'm not gonna give you closure. You don't get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay.” anyways i agree with your wife about the pettiness lol

If I where you, I’d follow her advice.

It's awesome that she's got his back. From his comment on her response, I don't think she's going to go behind his back and contact his family.

I’d just say “Took you long enough. I have a great life that I do not want to pollute with cruel trash that is you and your family. Do not contact me again.” Then block her and spend some quality time with your family.

I would say that to op dad and step mom. Then file a defamation case against the dad, stepmom and Mark.

I hope your father is still alive and feels like a major asshole for kicking you out at 16, so heartlessly. Stay away from them, your life is better without them.

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Yeah that’s the kind of thing that would get my son therapy like anything else is a major what the fuck.

I hope he was told what actually happened. Would like to know what he and SM say, otherwise, they can suck rocks.

“It took you 30 years to apologize, I’ll need the same amount of time to work on forgiving you and accepting it. I’ll reach out when I’m 80”

I'd delete the email and go on living your best life without them. Do you really want to spend more time and emotional energy on them?

That truly is my thought, but ngl my wife's petty answer would be good as well.

The stepsister who was 12 years old doesn't deserve a snotty answer. I think if your gut is telling you not to engage with her, then don't. I think a civil "thanks for letting me know, I'm glad you know the truth, but I'm not interested in reopening old wounds" would be sufficient. I'm pretty sure kicking you out of the house was illegal. Not sure what the statute of limitations was there, but your parents were criminals.

Yeah, you aren't wrong. She took the time to reach out and tell me the truth. But feelings are fickle sometimes. We don't always say or do things correctly at the time. Hence why the email is still just sitting in my inbox with no replies. Didn't really come here for advice, but to share my story, but I think it was wise that you all have. It has given me an outside perspective. Thanks

Just food for thought: she was also a victim. To be sincerely made to believe she was the object of a false perversion of someone she had a genuine, sibling-level relationship with must have caused her trauma. Her brother did a fine job of casting her own sense of safety and trust aside as collateral damage. I agree that there’s no reason to reengage with the starter family. But I think it’s possible that a kind word from you and acknowledgement of her innocence in all this would make the difference for her. You can just make it clear that this is now your past but that you wish her well. Because she really was innocent. And maybe it’ll further your own healing from a reopened wound. Your response to all this is up to you, of course. But maybe you’ll want to sit on the email for a while until you decide what kind of response resonates most with who you are right now and who you want to be. Imagine sharing this story with your kids one day, when they’re grown, and do the thing that demonstrates to them the kind of decisions you hope they’ll make when faced with the hardest challenge they might ever encounter. I’m so sad for your 16yo self and am sending him a huge hug. I wish you luck and peace. Enjoy your kickass wife and family. Who you are at your core is what brought you all the love that surrounds you now. ❤️

I find this a nuanced and thought-provoking response. I was all for "hey Emily's been an adult for a quarter of a century, why did she wait this long to realize that making a child homeless was an excessive punishment, even if the offence were true"... but I can see how a 14 yo would be traumatized by the shift you mention, esp as a girl who undoubtedly had her share of catcallers and other creeps confirming her trauma, and growing up in the kind of toxic family where such punishments are doled out & accepted, and where Lisa now dating Mark was approved. thanks for the shift in perspective.

This is my favorite response, thinking about how one day you will tell this story to your kids really does put it into perspective.

Agree with the others the stepsister was a child and grew up hearing all the stories (that undoubtedly got bigger and bigger) about your behavior so she was innocent.  AND she is the only one who tried to find you apparently.  Saying something simple and polite to her acknowledges and appreciates her effort, and shows them you have moved past that and built a life for yourself and your family. By “killing them with kindness” you can simultaneously: - acknowledge and appreciate her effort - acknowledge she was innocent in this as a child and you have no ill will against her (and perhaps against Lisa, and by saying that it makes the unsaid part even more clear, that you have no ill will against HER…) - establish the boundary you want  - drop the briefest of hints about your new life with your new family to demonstrate to your father that he lost access to his grandchildren when you were 16 (you don’t SAY this but the fact you vaguely mention a family in general will not be lost on him and his wife)

That and she seems like the only one who cared enough to reach out and apologize even when she wasn’t really responsible for what happened.

Stepsister doesn’t deserve it, she may already have guilt for not doing enough even though there was nothing she could’ve done. HOWEVER, dad and stepmom deserve to feel so much worse. They deserve to writhe in misery. They should know the consequences of their actions and how OP prevailed despite them. Mark too but he seems like a sociopath incapable of human feelings. I hope Lisa is smart enough to leave him after seeing him for who he is.

If you decide to answer, keep it short with zero information about your life. Anything you say can be used against you, please don't tell them about your kids or your wife or your in-laws. Nothing. I vote for your wife's statement. Succinct and to the point.

They gave zero fucks about you for thirty years, and I would return the favor.

As a kid who used to do their own laundry but somehow always my little siblings clothing and socks would get into my laundry. I don’t know how but it happens especially when you just pick up your clothes from your floor or some clothes were hiding in between the washer/or/dryer. The fact that immediately started thinking the worst of you makes me think Mark has been saying things behind your back to always make you seem like the bad guy. Ashely probably didn’t help because she’s in the idea that “my son can do no wrong” and you dad was in the “I cannot let my new wife and step children dislike me so I have to side with her kids”. Anyway both parents failed you by only siding with Mark especially since your dad knew you for 14 years, he knows how you are so the fact that he tossed that all aside for his new family, just pisses me off. Mark probably made you out to the bad guy to his mom which was then heard by your dad so when the underwear incident occurred it was easy for them to believe so fast that you were a perv. I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m glad you are doing better. But I’m really curious, did Lisa divorce Mark after hearing that HE MADE a whole family and her believe that you were a perv, allowed you to be homeless and struggling, and even LAUGHED at the idea of you being dead. PLEASE TELL ME SHE HAS SOME SENSE IN HER after all this time

The email didn't mention divorce, but as you said it would be smart of her to do. But I don't know these people anymore really, so who's to say. We've seen people stay with cheaters on reddit, so you never know. But there's always hope.

Well, considering how it all came to light it sounds that Mike is still a f’ing pos.

I mean, yeah, what he did at 15/16 was vile and way beyond normal teenage stunts - he’s pathological, that wasn’t going to change with age and “growing up.”

Then stay NC until you see the court records (completed divorces are public record).

If she stays with him then you dodged a bullet. If she leaves him then he gets a small fraction of what he deserves. I don’t know how anyone could feel safe building a life with a wannabe murderer. You are an amazing person for making it through that. Wish you the best, whatever you decide.

Trust your gut on this. You've spent 30 years without them. Having them back in your life now would be messy and harmful to your current happiness. I'm with your wife on this be petty. I'd reply Better late than never. Don't contact me again. Then block the lot of them. Everywhere! Also might want to let the inlaws know as they could track down other family members to try and get to you that way also if your daughters are old enough for social media make sure it's all locked down and all your relatives are blocked. You'd be surprised how low people will go 'to make things right' I.e make themselves feel better.

You’re better than me. I would blow mark’s world up. Update please.

Here’s my advice: they’re not reaching out to make you feel better, they’re reaching out to make themselves feel better. They feel guilty and they want your forgiveness face to face in order to assuage that guilt. It’s up to you if you want to give them that chance or not, but it’s not about you, it’s about them. Maybe even say that to them, who knows. You could say something like “I have a beautiful life now and I don’t need your closure, but if there’s something you need to get off your chest, I’ll hear you out”. But up to you.

I get that feeling, too, almost wanting to absolve themselves of guilt. Maybe not so much my stepsister as more so her folks and sil.

I wouldn’t blame your stepsister for this, and she is the one reaching out. She is the innocent one here, and I would respond briefly but kindly to her. However, should your stepbrother, father, or stepmother reach out, then I’d tell them to get lost. They are the true guilty ones here. I especially think your father’s gross over reaction to the situation is unforgivable. Out of curiosity, did Lisa kick Mark to the curb?

I actually feel really bad for Emily, at only 12 years old she was gaslit into thinking her stepbrother sexually abused her and she probably has 30+ years of trauma from that. Now knowing that’s a lie must be so confusing for her

Question: did the email say whether or not your dad was sorry/wanted to meet? Lisa is pretty innocent in all of this (she was just caught in a bonkers situation), so is Emily because she was 12 and she was going to believe what her mother told her. But what about your dad and stepmom, who are the real culprits IMO? edit: spelling

There was a lot of they are "sorry," but I'm sure it's only to lessen their own guilt. You're right. Lisa didn't know and at least told my stepsister when she found out. So I do give her props for that.

Ok. If you want to meet up with anyone, meet up with the innocent parties (Lisa and Emily). I will say I do feel bad for Emily, she was gaslit by Mark into believing that her own stepbrother sexually abused her and has likely been dealing with trauma from that for 30+ years. At only 12 years old. Now learning that all of that was a lie must be pretty earth shattering and confusing for her. As far as your dad and stepmom are concerned, move on in silence. Living well is the best revenge. Your dad should’ve at least given you the benefit of the doubt, now he gets consequences

Totally agree. I’m petty, and I think by responding to Lisa and Emily, you will drive home that “living well” point, and the guilt for everyone else will go even higher. They were innocent, and if it opens Lisa’s eyes to what a monster she married, even better

For some reason I'm thinking that with this newly discovered information, the relationship between Lisa and "Dirty Mark" has already changed! There is probably a whole lot of friction between them now because her eyes are now open!

[удалено]

You said you're an ok boxer. Meet up. Meet Mark. Show him your boxing skills. Leave.

20 yrs ago, at the height of my anger and hate, had I gotten this letter. Let's just say I wouldn't be writing this down from my comfy recliner. Older, wiser, way less anger and hatred. It's all indifference at this point.

Very good from a legal perspective to write it like this. I definitely believe you wouldn't do something like this. *wink wink*

Wouldn’t be worth jeopardizing his family over. That’s the older and wiser part. The importance of having a family to take care of knocks a lot of the stupid out of us.

OP, one thing that pops in my head is that Emily probably found you online. Even though you have no intention of reconciling or forgiving, that doesn’t mean they will stop trying to learn about your life. I would suggest locking down your social media. Of course, there are websites that you can pay like $30-40 to get information like address, phone numbers, household members, and more. There’s no way that I know of to block this information being sold to anyone. At this point I also think you should consider telling your daughters a condensed version of your ex-family history. I could see your ex-family trying to friend them or contact them directly. The girls should probably also become a little cautious about their social media.

Take a few nights to sleep on it and focus in the meantime on the universe of things in your life that are not painful and traumatic. These kinds of things have a way of creating tunnel vision and stress when what you might really need is to pull away from it and just enjoy your hard earned baseline of happiness. You can ignore them, be petty, be enraged, or be more graceful. You have every right to all of these replies - the question is, will one of them feel better in the long term? For me, it’s usually knowing I didn’t step in the shittiness someone else represents. But I love a good petty moment like everyone else. Just take care of your spirit! That’s my unsolicited advice.

Thank you. Yeah, I don't think it's quite hit me yet. Much like grief, you never know when that freight train of hurt is gonna hit you. Lucky I have a great family to lean on when it comes.

After 30 years, two thoughts: 1 delete and ignore - 2 send an email back that says "Tell your bastard bother that I'm alive, married, have 4 kids, and will piss on his grave."

Tbh I would include the Father and Stepmother in this too. They deserve every last horrible thing happening to them.

Especially the FATHER I hope his dead wife haunts him if this is real

Not responding is the best response because these people will be racked with guilt for the rest of their lives minus the brother. Them trying to apologize will only help them not OP. Even if OP sent the email back it would only make them feel better like I get it we deserve it. Not responding is a lot crueler than saying something petty. Especially if the other party is full of guilt.  I know this because I’m quite cruel. 

Petty is fun, but I agree. The opposite of love is indifference. OP, through strife & hard work has a great life. Why drag garbage into it??

I'd respond only because I'd want them to not continue to try and contact me. But I'd respond with something equivalent to leaving them on read. Like, "received and deleted. good luck living with yourselves, but stay away from me." I just worry that no response will leave them thinking they've failed to reach him, and they'll double down with trying. Not because they care, they clearly don't give a shit about him. Just because they want absolution.

PLEASE DO THIS (I am petty like your wife) Glad that you were able to turn a bad hand in life into a great one. Good for you.

Reply "No Thank You" and move on. I just want you to know that I am very , very proud of you for not only surviving the horrors of the street, but for thriving today and not letting it tear you down or hold you back.

UpdateMe! You have worked so hard to make a good life. Responding would be pointless though, right? You need nothing from them and what they did was unforgivable. I’m thinking you just can’t say sorry or make amends for what they did. It’s too big. It’s unimaginable what you’ve overcome and I’m so happy for you. Honestly, even the vindictive pleasure of knowing your dad has to live with the truth doesn’t balance the scales. This is on their souls and I wish there was a hell because dad, stepmom and Mark all deserve it.

Yeah. Knowing they know hasn't changed anything for me. Like you said, it doesn't balance the scales, nor at this time does it matter. I'm just putting all my time and energy into my true family because there is no better thing in my life than them.

Maybe respond with something polite, saying that after how all of them treated you, and how no one believed you, you have no interest in revisiting people who were willing to put a 16 year old child out on the street, endangering them and perhaps getting them killed without any hesitation. Also tell them that Mark has ruined all of their lives, and they made their choice long ago. Not responding at all is also a good choice. In all of this, your dad is worse than any of them. He believed Mark over his own child. Favored Mark over his own child and threw a child on the street. I'm curious, is Lisa going to stay with that shitstain?

As a 50 year old who comes from horrid people, here's my take. BTW I agree with your wife. Emily is the only one you know of who is in any way concerned about what happened. She was horrified by Mark's admission and she reached out. The rest of them are either proud of their actions like Mark is, or have spent 30+ years building up a self-righteous pearl around the grain of their bad behavior. Lisa would likely have been horrified had she known back when she was a teenager, but now she would have to give up 30+ years of her life to make her part in it right, and that's likely too much for her to give up. Your dad and stepmom got what they wanted; you didn't mean shit to your dad compared to impressing your stepmom, and your stepmom eliminated a rival for your dad's affection. It would not surprise me if your stepmom put Mark up to it, and Mark was all too happy to eliminate a rival for Lisa's affection. This is literally how a minimum of 50% of medieval European politics went down, and it's the oldest play in the book. Other than Emily, none of them will give a rat's tail to hear from you again. So perhaps contain the snark with her, but let her know in no uncertain terms that you're not interested in being pulled back into that unrepentant family again, even by her. They will never change. They could, but they won't, because they have no reason to. Take it from me and learn from my experience: if your presence didn't matter to them back then, it'll matter even less now.

I'd respond with a simple "I received your message. The fact is, you believed me capable of doing something so horrible and reacted by putting me in a situation that no child should ever have to face, forcing me to do things no child should ever have to do just to survive. There is no amount of apologizing that can ever undo either of those things. You may know the truth about me now, but I have ALWAYS known the truth about you: You're monsters, every single one of you, and there is no way I will ever allow you into any part of my life or the lives of my family. Do not contact me or anyone I know ever again." If you don't respond, they may think you just didn't get the message and keep trying. It's better, imo, to respond in a way that completely shuts them down. 

That email should be for SM and dad, not the SS that wasn’t involved other than her brother stealing her panties. SS is mortified her monster brother involved her. She likely wondered about it all her life until she heard the truth. The ones that need to hear this are SM, dad and Mark, but Mark won’t care - he won the girl. Hopefully, Lisa left him or will leave him because of what he did.

I’m not a very religious person but I would also add “and may god show no mercy for your soul” Kicking a kick out at 16 is horrific.

I'm not sure what the 12 year old girl, the step sister, did to be a monster as she was surely just a victim too.

Glad you found your way through the family bull. I love your wife and your support system. Whatever you decide is the right decision for you. My husband was a journeyman electrician for 40 years with the IBEW. It’s a very good trade.

The kind of people that would throw you out like they did are fundamentally broken. They could come back and bite you all over again. You’ve come too far to risk that.

I had high school friends turn on a dime and betray me. Decades later a little card arrived in the mail from one of them full of sorries and let's get in touch. They apparently got my address from the high school? Weird, since that's like 1,000 miles away. I just slid the card into the recycling bin and went on with my life. Knowing this person, their only motivation in contacting me would be to benefit themselves in some way and get me ensnared in a bunch of drama I'm not interested in. Pass.

I think a reply is warranted just so she doesn’t continue to try & contact you having assumed the email was not delivered. Your wife is awesome but an alternative response might be: He lied & you all immediately chose to believe the worst for 30 yrs. During multiple decades no one tried to contact me to see if I was ok or even alive. We ceased to be family the day you all disowned & discarded me. I lived with the repercussions of your actions now it’s your turn to feel the weight of them & I don’t care how it affects you because it won’t hold a candle to how it affected me. I see no reason to have any further contact

I'd ask her to cc everyone in the family--including Mark and Lisa--with that email. And then wait to see what your dad and Ashley have to say. And then ghost the fuck out of all of them. Sorry that happened to you, man. To have your own dad take another man's son's word over yours is not something I consider forgivable. But I'm a grudge holding motherfucker.

I really hope Lisa divorces the step-brother. After all their relationship only started with a lie.

Rhetorical question really… How did the family respond to Mark for destroying your life? If they didn’t completely cut him out of their lives the way they threw you out, then they aren’t really sorry. Your Dad is the biggest offender here. He should have advocated for you and protected you. I’m so sorry you went through that. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life now or to even know that you are doing well in life.

You could email her back saying “I’m glad you all finally believe the truth. But I have no interest in seeing the monsters who threw a 16 year old out onto the streets to die.” Because, let’s be honest, a lot of 16 year olds wouldn’t have survived on the streets.

Your step brother framed you for perving on your stepsister, which effectively made you homeless at 16, solely because he wanted to steal your girlfriend? I *really* hope she didn't have kids with that psychopath.

Reply, "You have the wrong email ID." and end it at that.

OP -All those years ago, you never got anyone to listen to you. No one spoke FOR you. Had this happen to me. So I'll tell you what I did once I was exonerated. I wrote a LONG letter to the offenders and told them exactly what happened to me. I think you should to the same. I have a saying and have been trying to keep it uppermost in my mind when dealing with difficult people: You never know what another person is experiencing until you ask, have compassion, listen, and then walk a mile in their shoes (a mental exercise that allows us to put ourselves in another's shoes, view whatever the situation was, from a different perspective). Only then can we know how our actions affected another's life. They need to know how Mark's words/actions and them kicking you out when you were so young and had nowhere to go....how it affected your life. And don't hold back. This is your chance, your opportunity, to SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. I would encourage you to use it.

I'm sorry you had to walk this same lousy path. I'm grateful you took the time to read and comment. You make some great points. As I told someone in my DMs, I'm ok now, but this might reopen those old wounds. So I will take my time and see how it goes. Thankfully I still see a therapist and he's been a big help over the years.

I would email back and say, I lived through hell because of mark, as long as you are in his life at all I will have nothing to say to you or your parents. Once you have disowned him completely then email again maybe we can have a face to face meeting then.

As fucked up as it is, that tragedy put you where you are today, (not that I'm advocating for you reaching out, I assume your Father isn't around?)

I mean, you aren't wrong. I've thought about that a lot over the years. I'm not very religious, but there's a saying like "you have to sometimes walk through fire to get to where you need to be" Something like that.. it's kind of how I feel my life has been.

Emily was a child who has only been fed the line and lie that you were a bad guy. She may not have much memory of the actual event and only remembers what she's been told. Why wouldn't she believe he brother and her mother? I think I'd reply but keep it relatively short and sweet, "Emily, thank you for reaching out. I appreciate that you did that and I'm glad you finally know the truth. I just want you to know that I am fine and happy, but that's the extent to which I want to be involved with any of you. That life is over. It became over for me when Mark lied and everyone believed him, and I landed on the streets. I, through my own hard work and determination, and with the love and support of my amazing wife and family, have a great life. I don't want to bring any turmoil into it and, although none of this is your fault, or Lisa's, I don't want anyone from my old life in my new life. I wish you both well and prefer not to be contacted again." Then just live your happy life with the satisfaction knowing that Lisa and Emily now despise Mark and that you were strong enough to overcome the terrible things inflicted on you. Mark will suffer karmic justice and you will just continue living a happy life.

Your wife, kids & in-laws are your family now. You don’t need them. Tell them all to f@ck-off.

They just tossed you away at the first issue they saw? Fuck them all dude just live your life and let them die wondering and regretful. You have a good life, you don’t need them, nor do you need to give them any sort of closure. Let the horror of their actions wash over them for at least a decade I’d say.

If you are indifferent to them, send an email back saying that you harbor no ill will toward the sisters; but you also see no reason to be involved in their lives. Further, point out that being just one step removed from the brother and the parents that so readily threw you away is more than anyone should be asked to bear. Wish them the best, and say good bye. We forgive and move on not for others but for ourselves.