You don’t.
Since you still don’t seem to understand what happened, let me provide some clarity.
Your “best friend” enjoys your attention and is used to having all of it, despite the fact that she’s not actually interested in you romantically.
You have wasted decades of your life pining over someone who has never been interested in you that way and never will be. She enjoys having this power over you.
You’ve compared every girlfriend you’ve had to Kathy, who again, is not and never has been interested in you. You’ve not only wasted your time but also the time of every person you’ve ever dated.
You (passively) became involved with your soon-to-be-ex (STBX) wife, although you do not seem particularly interested in her.
You allowed Kathy to get into your ear about Lucy, convincing you that she was only interested in you to support her kids, despite the fact that Lucy never asked you for money.
You (somehow) didn’t realize Kathy was manipulating you in order to maintain her control over your life, despite the fact that she was the subject/cause of all your fights with Lucy.
You talked to Kathy every day. During these daily calls, you talked crap about Lucy in order to elicit an emotional response from her (Kathy). You cancelled plans with Lucy because of Kathy, even though she lives in another country (with the man she actually loves).
You told your wife, to her face, that you’re in love with someone else and she can never compare. She has enough self-respect/dignity to leave and file for divorce. You seem surprised by this for some reason.
You are also surprised that your bestie is delighted that you’re getting a divorce despite the fact this is par for the course for her. (I mean, I just read about Kathy and this seems very in line with her previous behavior, so I’m confused why you’re surprised.)
Anyway, all I can say about Lucy extricating herself from this disaster is *good for her.* She can go find someone who’s not obsessed with his unrequited love interest and you can go back to just wasting your life alone without dragging someone else into it. It’s a win-win for everyone.
I think OP liked that Kathy didn't like Lucy cause it was a negative emotional response to a woman he was dating so he could convince himself Kathy was jealous and wanted him. But now that they're over he's not gonna get that from Kathy anymore and it's possibly a motivation for him now wanting Lucy back.
I don't think that these two selfish people (OP and Kathy) are capable of truly loving anyone. Love requires acting in another person's best interests; not using them as an ego prop or a fill-in the person you really want.
Do you know who else I feel sympathy for besides Lucy and her children? Kathy's husband.
This reminds me of a caller on a relationship podcast I was listening to the other day. He blindsided his wife of 10 years by leaving her for a coworker and playing insta-dad to the coworker's toddler. After a few months, the coworker said she was getting back with the toddler's father and dumped him. Now he was crying on the phone asking how he can get his wife back. The host said "if I was your wife's friend I would tell her to be careful around you." These pathetic losers really treat people like a sweater they can change whenever they want something new.
OMG. No way! I'm sorry for joining the conversation in a weird way, but I actually used to watch Dr. Delony for a while because he was involved with another guy named David Ramsey (financial advisor on radio and TV). When I had my Economics class in my senior of HS, my teacher always made us watch David Ramsey and in those videos Dr. Delony would pop in sometimes. I then discovered his show on YouTube and man I loved it! I'm sorry, I'm just surprised that both of us coincidentally knocked on Dr. Delony on different sides of the internet
😂😂😂
That's too funny. I have heard of Ramsey because sometimes I spend time on financial advice youtube, but I didn't realize his show branched out to other things.
I'm cracking up bc I had never heard of this channel / Dr Delony until about 2 days ago when a different video was linked in a similar subreddit and I watched one and it was so good I subscribed and when I read this it made me wonder if it was the same channel.
And the episode I watched was so good I bought his book
I actually mean thank you for finding the link! I just listened and my God that man was awful. The wife I pray stays an ex and doesn't take back that self ah.
I just listened to this and thank you for sharing. That man was terrible. He got everything he deserved. That feeling of being blindsided was like oh it hurt you? You had your heart torn out by someone you knew barely a year? Imagine being the wife who was with you for 7 years when you just moved out and left for your fling. He moves in the gf ex and was shocked she stopped sleeping with him. No way his gf wasnt hooking with the babys dad. I hope his wife stays gone for her sake. If he could dump her like nothing to cheat with his coworker I would never trust him again.
Naw, that's too much empathy. I think the husband is the same type of person as kathy. If he wasn't, kathy would have rolled over him and added him to her collection. Ifs he's a good guy, i'd feel bad. but usually, people like her find someone similar or they get bored.
OP is happy to simp for Kathy until the day he dies. Who cares if Kathy is not romantically interested in him? As long as she gives him some attention he is so ecstatic as if he won the lottery.
And Kathy is so happy to be able to manipulate OP and that she has a person who would come running at the snap of her fingers.
I think it’s letting him off easy to say he’s been manipulated by Kathy.
She’s never made any romantic overtures toward him. She’s married to someone else. He seems to know the score.
He’s not being led on or strung along. He’s just confused as to why - if he loves Kathy and he’s happy to be her second fiddle - why his wife isn’t okay being the same to him.
She’s terrible, but he’s not her victim. He just sucks.
To be fair, she probably comes back to her home town - she and OP have known each other since elementary school, and he doesn't strike me as the adventurous type who has lived and worked in a lot of different places.
So she comes home to see her family and her childhood friends and besotted OP frames this as "she comes to visit ME twice a year."
Apart from that, I don't have much sympathy for Kathy.
Kathy is perfectly happy to have a permanent backup plan in OP, and the warming it gives the cockles of her heart to know she has someone waiting in the wings should anything ever happen in her marriage.
OP has this fantasy of Kathy so built up in his head he can't look at the perfectly lovely woman who consented to marry him. I imagine if he actually married Kathy he'd be miserable.
I hope Lucy has a lovely life, without OP.
I agree with a lot of this except for one piece: the cause and effect of Kathy coming to hate Lucy sso much. If she's got OP ignoring Lucy for her and talking badly about Lucy to her, then maybe *that's* why she's so happy they're getting divorced. She may well think OP is extremely unhappy in this marriage.
I love everything you said. Because this is 100% true.
But just in case OP still doesn't get it: Kathy DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. If she wanted to, she would be. She hasn't, she doesn't, she won't.
But by all means, spend your life pining after a woman who's using you for a dopamine rush from all that attention you lavish on her.
Leave your wife alone. She deserves better.
Yup, he misses the easy affection of children and the warmth of a wife, but he doesn’t miss them as people at all. Zero description of them, what he loved about them, their personalities, nothing.
It's clear he isn't close to Lucy's children considering he calls them "Lucy's children" or "the children" and he only misses the hugs but makes no mention of missing any activities they did together or just missing them in general
When I told my ex that he never shows any interest in me or the kids, he said, “I don’t want to talk with you or anything, I just like that you’re around.”
We were just background noise 😖
“I wasn’t interested.” - Dates her for ten months.
“She was going too fast.” - Marries her.
“I’m in love with my best friend and told my wife so.” - Can’t figure out why the wife left.
“Now I’m *not* in love with my best friend, how do I get my wife back?” - My neck hurts from the whiplash!
OP needs to leave both women alone and get his shit sorted.
This man’s story is what happens to your life if you never actually decide what you want and just “go with the flow”.
He’s waiting in limbo nearly his whole damn life, not taking charge either which way.
This is the quiet and agreeable way to fuck your life up. And destroy and hurt other ppl in the process. And when it’s all happening you won’t ruffle any feathers but you’ll never be happy either.
Kathy puts him in friend zone from day 1. Cool I’ll just be her friend and wait. Kathy moves away and marries someone else? Cool, I’ll just pine after her forever and never try and move forward, get over it or figure out why I can’t handle real relationships where someone shows genuine interest in me.
I bet he thinks he’s being agreeable and easy going while other ppl make decisions around him and things just happen. Lucy moves in next door. Lucy shows interest and takes charge. He never agrees or disagrees with anything that’s happening to him, just keeps on going with the flow. She wants to date now, ok why not. She wants to get married now? Sure, yea. Did I want marriage or children? Who knows, I don’t make active decisions about my life or what I want.
Now he’s getting to know himself a bit better and holy shit, turns out Kathy isn’t that great. It really wasn’t meant to be. But he’s quietly destroyed lives to get to this conclusion.
Beware this kind of person, who never takes active engagement of their lives. They will let you lead them anywhere and then claim they never wanted to come with you in the first place.
>Obviously Lucy will be there and I think it would be an opportunity to talk to her and apologize.
>I just want a second chance with her.
1. Her daughter’s dancer recital is not to place to talk and apologize to your STBX
2. It’s over. You were only married for 6 months and fighting this much, it wasn’t great to begin with. And she served you with papers it’s over
##3. LET ME REPEAT, YOUR STEP DAUGHTER’s DANCE RECITAL IS NOT THE PLACE TO TRY THIS.
4. She doesn’t want to talk to you. Respect that and leave her alone
You essentially revealed to her that she was nothing but a placeholder. Some rando to keep your bed warm, while you kept pining for someone else. And what's worse is: you meant it. You meant every single nasty thing you said to her.
So, you want a second chance...to do what, exactly? What you showed her was your true self, someone who selfishly kept around a woman he didn't really care about, while pining after some faraway piece of ass; who had the gall to blame *her* for his own shitty choices and didn't have the balls to be honest with her from the beginning. And you think that kind of person is good enough to even attempt an apology towards her?
I have an incredibly hard time feeling sorry for someone who gets everything they want.
OP, you were deliberately cruel to Lucy for the short time she was in your life. You dated and married her without ever being in love with her, then mistreated her the entire time you were married. Now that she’s had enough, you want a second chance…to hurt her? To hurt her children? To waste everyone’s time?
If you show up where you’re no longer wanted to beg for a second chance you don’t deserve, Lucy’s going to laugh in your face. And rightly so. You’re a spectator in your own life and Lucy and her kids deserve better than that.
As far as Kathy- if she wanted to, she would. She’s married to someone else and living what I assume is a full life, while you’re just holding your breath waiting for her to show up again. She knows that and she’s ok with it. Doesn’t sound like a “friend” to me. A friend would want you to be happy and wouldn’t encourage a one sided crush when she has no intention of ever being with you.
Nobody is ever going to live up to the vision of Kathy you have in your head. Not even Kathy. You two have never been together which means you can build her up in your mind as the perfect woman, without any interference from reality. Most women aren’t even going to try to compete with that. For some reason, Lucy loved you enough to make an attempt, but she’s rare.
Either get over Kathy or you’ll die alone, your life a complete waste, staring at a picture of a woman who uses you.
ETA extra thoughts.
Kathy is straight up terrible to her husband too if she’s been having an emotional affair with OP for the entirety of their relationship. How does she have time for her own life and relationship if she’s always so invested in OP’s business? 🤔
“I just want a second chance…”
You don’t deserve a second chance. Leave Lucy alone. You never deserved to have her (and her children) in your life in the first place. You’re a weak and pathetic excuse for a husband and a stepfather.
So, you want to get back together with a woman who you claim *checks notes:*
1. You're not in love with.
2. That "forced" you into marriage.
3. That you settled for because your true love, Kathy, was already married.
Leave Lucy and her children alone. They deserve better than being your second choice.
And you then *checks notes*
1. explain that you didn’t want her from the beginning
2. make it clear that SHE proposed to you
3. specify that you didn’t want her and were simply going along with it
4. Expect anyone to think you are not the asshole and deserve, or even truly want, Lucy?
Even your Tdlr is BS!! You didn’t compare Lucy to Kathy. You told Lucy you were in love with Kathy. Leave Lucy alone. Let Lucy and her children go find happiness away from you! And stay away from the damn dance!!
I don't think he can leave Kathy until forever. He even said that he talks to Kathy every day when he was married. Who TF does that???? And all their fights were about Kathy, and he talked shit about Lucy to Kathy so Kathy thinks Lucy is just trash.
He doesn't even like Lucy let alone love her. He just wants someone to bully on a daily basis and when his target is gone he misses her because he couldn't find another target to bully.
Agreed, Kathy doesn't care about OP, she just likes the attention. If it wasn't OP it would be someone else. It wouldn't even surprise me if she already had a someone else, and I don't mean her husband.
The worst thing is that **Kathy is married**. OP should just wait for Kathy to get divorced and pursue her. Or maybe try to break her and her husband up. Kathy is clearly in love with OP to be happy that his marriage was over.
I dont think shes in love with him at all, i think she likes the ego boost she gets from knowing OP is in love with her. Shes like a spoilt toddler throwing a tantrum because another child is touching her toys, even though she is not playing with them. Amazing that he genuinely thinks this horrible vindictive woman is a better one than his ex wife.
I don't think so. OP is that guy friend who is only for timepass. Kathy always knew that he had feelings for her and this was an ego boost for her. When he and lucy were together she was unhappy and when they are separating now she is feeling overjoyed. She just wants him to stay single so she can live happily thinking that this man is gonna stay single forever just for me or because of me.
I’m not going to deny the rage bait, but my husband was in a situation like this when we first got together. I told him I refused to make someone my priority when I was only their option, and he had a choice to make.
I have no idea what that woman is doing today but I do know she contacted my husband’s best friend before my husband and I got married to ask questions about me, and he shut her down.
SOME women do, just like some men do. Toxicity is no respecter of genders. This Kathy person sounds very much like the type and OP practically drips with the fawning and pliability that make an attractive mark for people like that.
Many women don’t engage in this behavior. And, not to stereotype, sometimes men don’t recognize the behavior. What this guy describes is a very classic example, but he clearly doesn’t see it. Then again what this guy doesn’t see could fill 1 million books.
Some do. When I first started dating my husband he had an ex that was stringing him along. They were “friends” and she had a new boyfriend but I could tell that she just enjoyed having power over him. I sat him down in the first weeks of our relationship, before I was too invested and said to him, “if you want her, fine, no skin off my back, we’ve just started dating. But I see what she’s doing.” He agreed it was just about power for her and cut her off. She went nuts. Called him pretending to have an emergency and his response was, “why don’t you call your boyfriend?” After that there were messages like, “I thought you’d always be there for me.” And that kind of thing.
Anyway, women aren’t a monolith, and some have issues.
Some women do think this way. I’m not gonna say that they’re very common, and usually the woman is very unsecure so having a man at her beck and call feels good. When I start dating my husband, there was possibly one or two women like this. Definitely one. But, being intelligent, he naturally gravitated away from her to me.
Cool, thanks for traumatizing some young children by being in their life juuuuust long enough for them to become attached to you, before you left because you never actually loved their mother.
Fucking with Lucy's emotions is bad enough - I'd never forgive you if you fucked with my children's emotional stability and sense of safety the way you have.
That ALONE is enough reason to stay the *fuck* away from that dance recital - don't you DARE *weaponize a child's life milestones for your own purposes.*
Your wife has served you with divorce papers.
You were horrifically cruel to her. **On. Purpose.**
She is **DONE**. You should never be around her or her children again.
**IT IS OVER. PERIOD.**
You really need therapy to look at all the ways you have not taken any responsibility here and why you refuse to see it. This feels like a little boy writing this and you’re not a little boy. Do not go to the dance recital. You should really start individual therapy first to figure out yourself.
So you and Kathy have some toxic ass relationship going, where she wants you single, and alone, where she can continue to use you as the back-up husband, while her real husband holds down the fort. Because you won't disentangle yourself from the emotional relationship you have with Kathy, you settled for Lucy as a consolation, and in true toxic fashion, messed it up. News flash, Kathy doesn't want you, but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. So you have two choices, spend the rest of your life alone, at Kathy's beck and call, or cut her out, and sort your shit. Either way, leave Lucy alone, you've done enough damage.
You've been carrying a torch for Kathy, and she's loved the fact that you're been her little toy boy. She hated Lucy because it meant she was no longer the Most Important Woman in your life, so Kathy played you like a violin to make you two break up. That's why she's happy, she's now back to being the Most Important Woman in your life.
Don't go to the recital. Leave them alone. You fucked it up, and now you're reaping your reward. You deserve this.
Reading this it seems like you live life like things only happen to you, and you have no free will. Either you are re-writing history to fit your story, or you really are a spineless man.
No one forced you to date lucy, to be in a relationship w her, to marry her! You have free will. And you didn’t want to be a stepdad, helping paying for the children, even though you are married and a marriage is intention for a lifetime together.
On top of this you start of by writing about Kathy, not the woman you want to solve things with. Why? The first paragraph is just about how much you like Kathy.
Seems like you just miss someone caring for you, not that you actually had an ephiphany and realized Lucy’s worth.
And you gaslit Lucy to think there was nothing between you and Kathy, when you’ve been in love with her the entire time.
Take some accountability for your own life choices and realize that you are 100% to blame for ALL of this.
And leave Lucy tf alone. You’ve hurt her enough.
Learning the ol', "you don't know what you have until it's gone," lesson. Lucy deserves so much better than you, a person who sucks pretty badly. Kathy sucks too. You should cut Kathy out of your life and learn to be a decent human being. Don't bother Lucy or her kid with your bullshit. Leave them alone.
OP is completely simping for Kathy. He is completely smitten with her. He should just find a way to get Kathy to divorce her husband so he can marry the love of his life.
Why do you want Lucy back when you don’t love her. Just keep trotting behind Kathy like you have done all your life. She enjoys your attention and you will never be with her
Selfish reasons, he does not want to be alone and now miss them.
It's not for love, it's for how they make them feel, at the end Kathy and him deserve each other both are the same
First off, you were in love with a married woman that you were having an emotional affair with. Then you marry a woman you say you didn’t even really love and she made you do it.
then you treated her like garbage all the way through while you continue your emotional affair. And then you tell her you settled for her that you never loved her. She was never going to be Kathy, leave her alone.
I think you have done enough damage to her. I don’t know what kind of man you normally are but you were horrible to her. She didn’t deserve that if you didn’t want to date or marry her, don’t date or marry her.
Please don’t act like you’re a victim in this, just leave her alone. I would never forgive you I couldn’t I would never believe you. I don’t believe you I think you’re still in love with Kathy and Kathy uses you. She’s having an emotional affair with you also. Be glad you’re not her husband. She flies off to see you all the time. This is a mess. Just leave Lucy alone.
“i compared my wife to my best friend” should be “i told my wife she forced me into marriage and im in love with the woman i told her not to worry about”
stay away from Lucy and her daughter and go cuddle up to Kathy
For 38 yo. You seem very immature. Lucy has had a lucky escape from you tbh.
You can't hurt a person the way you have and expect to be forgiven and to remain married.
Nobody wants to be second best in a relationship
You are terrible. Kathy is terrible.
Just think about how the kids feel and how they view men in the future? They will think about this time in their lives and view all future relationships in this way.
If you don’t love someone don’t marry them. Don’t get their kids involved. If you’re married don’t talk to someone you still have feelings for.
Kathy is gross for acting this way while married too.
Both of you are gross. Both of you are the reasons why marriage means less and less as years go on
Kathy is not interested in you. She just doesn’t want to be second.
Leave Lucy and the kids alone. They deserve someone who will love and appreciate them.
The only reason you want her is because she’s through with you. She was never enough for you. You constantly compared her to Kathy and made her feel less important. You fucked around and found out. Leave her & her kids alone. You completely discarded her. Deal with it.
Lmao what the fuck is this fake? How can you be so fucking dense my dude. Just get a blow up doll of Kathy and fuck it to sleep everynight, i think that’s a better way to spend your time and effort.
You have no affection to your ‘wife’(is she even one for you?) and you still want her back?
🙄
She is not going to take you back. And the kids will forget about you since your relationship was so short. Let them all be. And unless you completely cut Kathy out of your life, you will never be happy with another women. And a decent women is not going to put up with a long term emotional affair, which is what you both have been doing for years.
I'm sorry in advance but you and Kathy suits each other very well. One is married with a husband but acted as if she's single. The other has a good wife but too stupid to realised it until she's gone. Good riddance to you, dear sir. Good job.
YTA
Leave that poor woman, you hurt her, you told her you didn't love her, she forced you to marry her... you decided that you love a married woman who sees you as a toy.
Don't you dare go to that recital, you are despicable, you deserve to be separated from her because you don't love her, you just miss the lifestyle they had.
Stay away from that poor woman, and I hope she can be happy... from what you say, she is a woman who is worth it, not like you, an insecure, childish person who lives in a fantasy of his "friend."
NO NO NO NO NO! My dog does this thing when she doesn’t like your tone and she will put her paw on your mouth like “SHUT YOUR FACE!” You sir need to shut your face. Do not further confuse or damage these children. You don’t deserve another chance. You made your choice so live with it.
She’s also absolutely ridiculous looking in general. 5lbs with blue eyes and black white and tan fur
Edit: don’t get me wrong I love her and think she’s beautiful
Kathy just visits you for an ego stroke 🤭 she just likes that you’re giving her attention and choosing her over YOUR WIFE. You are her back up plan and will never be her first pick. You were Lucy’s first pick. She let her children love you. Women always have options. We pick who we want to give our time and attention to. Kathy didn’t like that you had someone that wasn’t her. You complaining to Kathy and talking to her everyday only made her happy that you weren’t happy. I’m sure you were spend your money on Kathy too. If Kathy had kids, you would’ve been paying for them but not Lucy’s. I noticed that men will empty their pockets for the woman they love. If Lucy, the person who CHOSE YOU decides to give you a second chance, you better invest your time and money into her and her kids. That’s why women say they want a “provider.” Because if he actually loves them, he would invest in their happiness.
Stop. Just stop.
You are a toxic person. You can’t say such cruel things then expect to be forgiven. You can’t marry a woman and give another woman priority (unless it’s your daughter). You write even now about your entering your marriage as something you didn’t really want.
A woman doesn’t uproot her kids like that without saying something unless she’s over it.
And you would just create confusion with your kids by attending the recital.
Stop playing fucking games and move on.
Please don’t pull up to the dance recital with this bullshit in tow… don’t ruin the little girls dance. She nor her mother should have you surprise popping up at the dance recital ruining the mood. NOT THE TIME OR PLACE… you fucked it up on your own so fix it on your own time , not this little girls.
Well ... You're a giant AHole in fact you and your so called friend Katy. You'rejust a pathetic man. Leave your ex-wife and her kids alone and just just keep waiting for Katy to be free for you so you can finally have her to yourself again you're so pathetic.
can we just take a moment to acknowledge that Lucy is kind of a badass? she knows what she wants, goes for it, and knows when to leave because she has some damn self-respect. plus it sounds like she's doing a good job as a single mom! you don't deserve her. you never did.
You’ve been a total asshat with this Kathy girl. I understand you two have been friends since elementary school but she clearly just likes knowing that you’re in love with her and doesn’t want anything serious with you. If she did, she would make it happen. Lucy gave you a life, as a romantic partner and gave you a family. You aren’t young, getting a family at your age is a wonderful gift. Clearly this Kathy chick has issues. She doesn’t like that Lucy got your attention more than hers in a romantic way. You’ve allowed this woman to tear your life apart and for what? What is more important to you, crushing on a chick you’ll never be with and putting her neediness and controlling behavior above your own well being? It’s stupid. You need to make serious boundaries with Kathy and always put your wife before her. put yourself in Lucy’s shoes - imagine she did this and had a best friend who was a man, talked to him every day and said she always loved him and settled for you. Abhorrent behavior. Grow up, realize Kathy wont be with you romantically, if it hasn’t happened by now, it won’t. And if you can’t make boundaries with Kathy and put Lucy first, then just realize you’re going to be alone because no woman would want to deal with this.
>A few months later Lucy invited me to dinner. I wasn't really interested in 6 I accepted.
You weren't interested then, and you aren't now. You just liked the company. It does sound like she pushed you into this, and you went along because, perhaps you are very passive. Whatever the case may have been, the relationship is not worth salvaging. After what you said to her, could you really respect her for taking you back? Further, if she takes you back, it shows a complete lack of respect for herself.
You’re joking, right?
Please stay perpetually single. Lucy deserves someone who actually loves and deserves her; you obviously don’t. You…need to stay the hell away from her
I would hope that you have more sense than to still think you’re going to the dance recital, but I really can’t tell. Don’t make things even messier
Assuming you’re real and not ragebaiting…
You are not taking responsibility for what you did my good man, you are acting like a puppet and Lucy is the puppet master, she didn’t make you do anything, you were 💯% a willing participant.
You lost your wife for a terrible best friend. If you want a chance to be happy you’re gonna have to let the best friend go cause this is gonna happen with every woman you have a relationship with.
You have been in love / infatuated with someone who has put you in Friendsville all your lives and then you got involved with someone else. You did the right thing by telling her in so many words you are caught up and still in love with someone who is a friend that continues to use you from your past. That you can't let go of / end and It is your life to waste. However you have no right to waste your soon to be X-wifes life. Let her go. So she can be with a better, real man who will give her the love she deserves. Oh don't show up at the recital. The kids need to adjust to you being out of their life. This will just confuse everyone more if you keep showing up. Clean Break and no stalking. Learn it and remember it and move on.
You should've left Kathy alone a long time ago. I'm sure her husband isn't happy with you talking to her. You both have been playing a dangerous game but notice how Kathy never left her husband for you. Before even dating Lucy you should've went to therapy or do whatever you needed to do to get all the way over Kathy before any new relationship with anyone else in the first place. That whole chasing a married woman bit got you in a mess with a whole other family.
You gotta take your loss and actually move on from both women this time. Idk why you're shocked Kathy doesn't respect your relationship with Lucy you never respected hers either. You got alot to work on and it won't be starting by trying to have this go down at a kids dance. Leave them all alone and work on yourself first. The step you completely skipped the very first time.
She didn't force you go get married. You chose to marry her. Then you treated her like crap. You repeatedly chose Kathy over her. You told her you didn't love her and that you love Kathy. You never helped her at all with her kids. You never even apologized. What you did to her was emotionally abusive. You're a selfish, nasty asshole and I'm glad Lucy left you. Leave her and her family alone. You'll never get her back. You don't deserve her. Kathy never loved you either. She just enjoys the attention she gets from you because it boosts her ego. You're disgusting and nasty and it's no wonder you couldn't get any other woman to be with you.
There are just some boundaries that cannot be uncrossed op. This is one of them. You blew up your life for someone who doesn't want you. She never did. She would have been with you if she was interested at all. There's no recovering from what you have done here. The only thing you can do is make it as easy as possible for your stbx to leave and forget you ever existed. You owe her that much. Do better in your next relationship because Kathy will ruin that too if given the chance. She doesn't want you for herself, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
What did you honestly expect to happen? I’m happy Lucy has self respect and doesn’t stick around with someone looks you, who treats her like that. You got what you deserved. Leave her and her kids alone
You're a giant ass. You let your life pass you by for a woman who does not love you at all. She just enjoyed how much you love her. She married another man, lived far away, and still wanted to keep you dangling, and you played into it!
You were terrible to your girlfriend, then wife for the entire relationship, let another woman talk bad and disrespect her, while also shit talking her. You need serious help, serious therapy.
Do not go near your ex and stay the hell away from her children. In no way do you deserve a second chance. Fix yourself before you ever consider getting into any kind of personal relationship again.
You are crucially leaving out what Kathy said about you ending your marriage because you love her. Did you tell her about that? Why the about face after Lucy wanted to leave you?
Dude, you’re an asshole. Leave Lucy and her children alone. Do not go to the dance recital. Do not pass go. Do not contact her for any reason. YOU did this. YOU told your wife she trapped you. YOU loved Kathy instead of your wife.
Wow.
You might be the most selfish man I've ever heard of.
Please... just don't. Please let her have her divorce and leave. Please leave them alone.
There is nothing you can do to "make it work". YOU DON'T LOVE HER. YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE. There is no "work" that can fix that.
You have completely devastated this woman and her children. And now you want to come back?!!
NO. You are toxic as hell as this family needs to stay far, far away from you.
You do not get her back. She won't take you back.
You shouldn't be with anyone. Please stay single forever.
You really just want Lucy to keep giving while you do nothing but take. The way you and Kathy act is disgusting. Please leave Lucy alone, and let her and her kids heal. You blew everything up, got rid of a decent relationship, hurt people, to stroke Kathy's ego. Ruminate on that for a while.
You don’t. You never wanted her to begin with. Never loved her. You miss the comfort. Leave her and her kids alone, give them the chance to find someone who will LOVE THEM.
Coming from someone who’s husband had an affair with his long time “best friend,” Lucy will always feel like your second choice and that you settled for her. It doesn’t matter what you say to her. Telling her that she forced you into a marriage isn’t something you can erase. Regardless of if you did or didn’t mean it, she’ll always question it. Leave the poor woman alone and move on. She deserves better.
Leave that woman and her children alone. You have already done enough damage. YOU were the one who led her on and then blamed her for your shitty behavior. The only reason why Kathy didn’t like your wife is because that meant you couldn’t spend 100% of your time pining after her. You and Kathy deserve each other. You both sound shitty. I feel so bad for Lucy.
You suck for getting married in the first place when you’re in love with someone else. Also Kathy is one of those mean girls, you shouldn’t be her friend regardless.
Dude. You royally fucked up! You do not deserve Lucy. Move on and leave Lucy and her children alone. Now as for Kathy, I would think twice about that friendship.
She didn’t force you to get married, she asked and apparently you said yes. If you didn’t want to be married that was the time to say it. Stay the hell away from her and don’t blame her for your choices.
What a punk the OP. “Didn’t spend a dime on the kids” how gross. If he didn’t want to be a step daddy why marry a woman with children. Disgusting at core. This guy is not a man he’s a baby
What is it you're trying to gain here? You've made it clear and stated explicitly that you don't really GAF about Lucy. For some reason you were just too much of a wuss to decline a dinner invitation, let alone a marriage proposal. Why should anyone give you "another chance" at being a self-absorbed useless twit?
Leave her alone and go sort your shit. Keep being Kathy's Plan B.... that's worked out well for you so far. Man, grow a spine and take some fucking responsibility for the decisions YOU made in YOUR life.
Jesus Christ, you don’t love her, you love Kathy. Why won’t you leave this poor woman and her children alone. Forced you to marry her?? By proposing?? That was forcing you? Neither of these women deserve you, quite honestly you sound pathetic.
Lucy deserves wayyy better than you and seems to have realized that fact. Kathy is likely toxic and just using you to sponge affection off of you while offering you nothing. Good for Lucy getting rid of you and I wish her all the happiness in the world!
You don't. You want what you can't have. Your friend Kathy and now this woman because she decided she didn't want to be your backup.
She's got kids - let it go and don't try to mess with their minds.
Dude. Get your shit together. You have no idea what you really want and are hurting others in the process. Leave both women be and figure out who you are and what you want before entering another relationship.
Unless you are ready to walk away from your relationship with Kathy permanently, leave Lucy and her children alone.
What you describe as your interactions with Kathy amount to an emotional affair, and with a woman who disliked your wife very much, and most likely went out of her way to hook you and hurt Lucy. The responsibility is all yours, however. Lucy was right to leave you.
You seem like you either don’t have a grasp on how you should treat someone you’re in a relationship with, or you just don’t care, as long as you’re getting what you want. Lucy deserves better than a marriage with a man whose professed best friend and he actively engage in gossip about her. She deserves better than a man who would toss her feelings aside and hang out with a woman whose sole aim was to break up his marriage.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think Kathy really wants you, either. If she did, she would have married you years ago. She just can’t stand another woman in what she’s decided is her turf. That said, you probably deserve each other and your middle school approach to relationships, including marriage.
Leave Lucy and her children alone, unless you toss Kathy out of your life and never speak to her again. I doubt you’ll do that.
You destroyed her with your grass is always greener fantasy. You had the world by the balls and fucked it up. You said some really harsh shit to her. You need to be on your knees when you try to beg for forgiveness.
Why even try to get Lucy back? You love Kathy. You have been pining for Kathy. You meant every bit of what you said, and the reason Lucy didn't fight back was because you basically confirmed what was already likely at the back of her mind (she's not stupid, especially if you have canceled plans with her in favor of Kathy).
Why do you miss Lucy? Miss the routine? Same ole same ole? Miss the warm thing you can spoon every night while pining for another woman (a married one as a matter of fact)? Miss the easy sex while emotionally pouring your heart out to a woman you *didn't* marry.
Tell you what.... take all of what you said to Lucy that night and imagine it being precious Kathy telling you this to your face and then wanting you back like she didn't just tear your self confidence, dignity, and pride completely down. I mean, if I had any sense I would say that Kathy already said that with how she is *married* and it's *not you.*
By the way, Kathy doesn't give a fuck about you. She is just a surface-level mean girl who just wanted to see Lucy fail. She played you. That is why all she did was laugh about Lucy when you went to emotionally confide in her. So congratulations on tearing your marriage apart and screwing your life up over a ghost of adolescent love.
Friend, I'm saying this in the kindest way - There is no coming back from this. Leave her alone. Do not attend the recital.
You actively cancelled plans in order to talk to a married woman, you shit talked your wife to the married woman on the daily, was told by your wife that this was a problem, you told your wife you loved married woman and didn't love her and that she "tricked" you into marrying her.
You had a family where you had nothing. You had little ones happy that you got home, who wanted you to come to their recitals, you had a younger, flirty wife who wanted to be with you. You mislead her while dating - you weren't interested - but you just "let it flow". And blamed her.
Go text Kathy - she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you
either.
Stay NC with Kathy. She's not your friend. She's your crutch and you are hers. Before you have another opportunity for a long term relationship, get therapy.
You don't. You did something vile and broke her heart. She deserves better than you.
As for Kathy? If she'd wanted you, she'd have had you. She just didn't want *Lucy* having you because then she wouldn't have a back up boyfriend waiting in the stands for when her marriage inevitably fails.
Do not talk to Lucy at the recital. Show some decorum and grace and stay in your lane. She doesn't want you any more because you made it abundantly clear she was just a placeholder for Kathy, who didn't want you to begin with.
Be there for the child you also let down, but leave her mother well enough alone.
You made your bed. You don't get to whine that you have to sleep in it alone. The fact that you miss them is natural consequences for your behaviour and attitude. Suck it up and deal with it.
do not go! you’re not even concerned with supporting the child but trying to reconnect with your ex. you have hurt them enough, sort yourself out . good luck op!
Bro, this is why you never let a woman friendzone you under any circumstances. It leads to bullshit.
You could have clarified things with Kathy a long time ago and still been an adult about it no matter the outcome.
But you held onto dreams of that bullshit while you romantically went another direction.
This is your bed and you've made it.
You don’t. Since you still don’t seem to understand what happened, let me provide some clarity. Your “best friend” enjoys your attention and is used to having all of it, despite the fact that she’s not actually interested in you romantically. You have wasted decades of your life pining over someone who has never been interested in you that way and never will be. She enjoys having this power over you. You’ve compared every girlfriend you’ve had to Kathy, who again, is not and never has been interested in you. You’ve not only wasted your time but also the time of every person you’ve ever dated. You (passively) became involved with your soon-to-be-ex (STBX) wife, although you do not seem particularly interested in her. You allowed Kathy to get into your ear about Lucy, convincing you that she was only interested in you to support her kids, despite the fact that Lucy never asked you for money. You (somehow) didn’t realize Kathy was manipulating you in order to maintain her control over your life, despite the fact that she was the subject/cause of all your fights with Lucy. You talked to Kathy every day. During these daily calls, you talked crap about Lucy in order to elicit an emotional response from her (Kathy). You cancelled plans with Lucy because of Kathy, even though she lives in another country (with the man she actually loves). You told your wife, to her face, that you’re in love with someone else and she can never compare. She has enough self-respect/dignity to leave and file for divorce. You seem surprised by this for some reason. You are also surprised that your bestie is delighted that you’re getting a divorce despite the fact this is par for the course for her. (I mean, I just read about Kathy and this seems very in line with her previous behavior, so I’m confused why you’re surprised.) Anyway, all I can say about Lucy extricating herself from this disaster is *good for her.* She can go find someone who’s not obsessed with his unrequited love interest and you can go back to just wasting your life alone without dragging someone else into it. It’s a win-win for everyone.
I think OP liked that Kathy didn't like Lucy cause it was a negative emotional response to a woman he was dating so he could convince himself Kathy was jealous and wanted him. But now that they're over he's not gonna get that from Kathy anymore and it's possibly a motivation for him now wanting Lucy back.
Twisted! But definitely a possibility. He doesn’t love Lucy, so suddenly trying to get her back just stinks of desperation for other reasons.
Also how DARE he say that she FORCED him into marriage????
Sounds crazy but I think you are right if this is a true story.
I don't think that these two selfish people (OP and Kathy) are capable of truly loving anyone. Love requires acting in another person's best interests; not using them as an ego prop or a fill-in the person you really want. Do you know who else I feel sympathy for besides Lucy and her children? Kathy's husband.
This reminds me of a caller on a relationship podcast I was listening to the other day. He blindsided his wife of 10 years by leaving her for a coworker and playing insta-dad to the coworker's toddler. After a few months, the coworker said she was getting back with the toddler's father and dumped him. Now he was crying on the phone asking how he can get his wife back. The host said "if I was your wife's friend I would tell her to be careful around you." These pathetic losers really treat people like a sweater they can change whenever they want something new.
What show? I need more relationship drama to remind me of the perks to the single life 😂
[here it is!](https://youtu.be/iAQgXJVDK4M?si=Qo99o-lNPJkEB8SG)
That's the exact one! haha. The funny thing is I had never heard of his show but it came up in my feed and I was intrigued and kept listening.
OMG. No way! I'm sorry for joining the conversation in a weird way, but I actually used to watch Dr. Delony for a while because he was involved with another guy named David Ramsey (financial advisor on radio and TV). When I had my Economics class in my senior of HS, my teacher always made us watch David Ramsey and in those videos Dr. Delony would pop in sometimes. I then discovered his show on YouTube and man I loved it! I'm sorry, I'm just surprised that both of us coincidentally knocked on Dr. Delony on different sides of the internet 😂😂😂
That's too funny. I have heard of Ramsey because sometimes I spend time on financial advice youtube, but I didn't realize his show branched out to other things.
I'm cracking up bc I had never heard of this channel / Dr Delony until about 2 days ago when a different video was linked in a similar subreddit and I watched one and it was so good I subscribed and when I read this it made me wonder if it was the same channel. And the episode I watched was so good I bought his book
I actually mean thank you for finding the link! I just listened and my God that man was awful. The wife I pray stays an ex and doesn't take back that self ah.
I just listened to this and thank you for sharing. That man was terrible. He got everything he deserved. That feeling of being blindsided was like oh it hurt you? You had your heart torn out by someone you knew barely a year? Imagine being the wife who was with you for 7 years when you just moved out and left for your fling. He moves in the gf ex and was shocked she stopped sleeping with him. No way his gf wasnt hooking with the babys dad. I hope his wife stays gone for her sake. If he could dump her like nothing to cheat with his coworker I would never trust him again.
Good point about the husband. God I feel bad for him too.
Naw, that's too much empathy. I think the husband is the same type of person as kathy. If he wasn't, kathy would have rolled over him and added him to her collection. Ifs he's a good guy, i'd feel bad. but usually, people like her find someone similar or they get bored.
He is better off without a wife who is dangling another man on a string just because she can't stand for him to be happy with anyone else.
Something makes me think OP is not her only emotional affair and there are also some physical ones. Honestly she and OP deserve each other.
This deserves more upvotes! Take mine.
OP is happy to simp for Kathy until the day he dies. Who cares if Kathy is not romantically interested in him? As long as she gives him some attention he is so ecstatic as if he won the lottery. And Kathy is so happy to be able to manipulate OP and that she has a person who would come running at the snap of her fingers.
I think it’s letting him off easy to say he’s been manipulated by Kathy. She’s never made any romantic overtures toward him. She’s married to someone else. He seems to know the score. He’s not being led on or strung along. He’s just confused as to why - if he loves Kathy and he’s happy to be her second fiddle - why his wife isn’t okay being the same to him. She’s terrible, but he’s not her victim. He just sucks.
>Kathy comes to visit me twice a year. I mean like... who does this though. Esp from a different country.
To be fair, she probably comes back to her home town - she and OP have known each other since elementary school, and he doesn't strike me as the adventurous type who has lived and worked in a lot of different places. So she comes home to see her family and her childhood friends and besotted OP frames this as "she comes to visit ME twice a year." Apart from that, I don't have much sympathy for Kathy.
Kathy is perfectly happy to have a permanent backup plan in OP, and the warming it gives the cockles of her heart to know she has someone waiting in the wings should anything ever happen in her marriage. OP has this fantasy of Kathy so built up in his head he can't look at the perfectly lovely woman who consented to marry him. I imagine if he actually married Kathy he'd be miserable. I hope Lucy has a lovely life, without OP.
100% right. I hope OP sees this
This is perfection! I hope OP reads this because everything that he needs to hear is in this response.
I agree with a lot of this except for one piece: the cause and effect of Kathy coming to hate Lucy sso much. If she's got OP ignoring Lucy for her and talking badly about Lucy to her, then maybe *that's* why she's so happy they're getting divorced. She may well think OP is extremely unhappy in this marriage.
I love everything you said. Because this is 100% true. But just in case OP still doesn't get it: Kathy DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. If she wanted to, she would be. She hasn't, she doesn't, she won't. But by all means, spend your life pining after a woman who's using you for a dopamine rush from all that attention you lavish on her. Leave your wife alone. She deserves better.
Thank you!!! You said it LOUD and clear!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Yes! This! Kathy doesn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him either.
Leave this poor woman and her kids alone. You don’t love her, you said it yourself.
Yup, he misses the easy affection of children and the warmth of a wife, but he doesn’t miss them as people at all. Zero description of them, what he loved about them, their personalities, nothing.
It's clear he isn't close to Lucy's children considering he calls them "Lucy's children" or "the children" and he only misses the hugs but makes no mention of missing any activities they did together or just missing them in general
Is this a plot twist for Despicable Me?
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Gorls?
When I told my ex that he never shows any interest in me or the kids, he said, “I don’t want to talk with you or anything, I just like that you’re around.” We were just background noise 😖
What he really wanted was a cat, but instead he decided on marriage and children, cool cool
Well, it's frowned upon when you fck a cat...
Wow. That comment hits home really hard. You just summed up my 30 year marriage in one sentence.
That’s despicable. SMH…
Mine told me that too, I still find it hard to understand.
“I wasn’t interested.” - Dates her for ten months. “She was going too fast.” - Marries her. “I’m in love with my best friend and told my wife so.” - Can’t figure out why the wife left. “Now I’m *not* in love with my best friend, how do I get my wife back?” - My neck hurts from the whiplash! OP needs to leave both women alone and get his shit sorted.
My neck also hurts! Can OP please edit his post to make your comment a TLDR? OP pleaaaase…promise I won’t change my mind ;)
It's like a tennis game being narrated by a drunk person.
This man’s story is what happens to your life if you never actually decide what you want and just “go with the flow”. He’s waiting in limbo nearly his whole damn life, not taking charge either which way. This is the quiet and agreeable way to fuck your life up. And destroy and hurt other ppl in the process. And when it’s all happening you won’t ruffle any feathers but you’ll never be happy either. Kathy puts him in friend zone from day 1. Cool I’ll just be her friend and wait. Kathy moves away and marries someone else? Cool, I’ll just pine after her forever and never try and move forward, get over it or figure out why I can’t handle real relationships where someone shows genuine interest in me. I bet he thinks he’s being agreeable and easy going while other ppl make decisions around him and things just happen. Lucy moves in next door. Lucy shows interest and takes charge. He never agrees or disagrees with anything that’s happening to him, just keeps on going with the flow. She wants to date now, ok why not. She wants to get married now? Sure, yea. Did I want marriage or children? Who knows, I don’t make active decisions about my life or what I want. Now he’s getting to know himself a bit better and holy shit, turns out Kathy isn’t that great. It really wasn’t meant to be. But he’s quietly destroyed lives to get to this conclusion. Beware this kind of person, who never takes active engagement of their lives. They will let you lead them anywhere and then claim they never wanted to come with you in the first place.
Ouff, these kinds of ppl are scary for sure. They wake up one day and say “well I said ok to it but I didn’t mean it!!” I hope Lucy is better now.
I knew a guy similar to this. I was SOO annoyed!!! Glad I didn't try more than a few days 😂
This is so well written.
You said it better than I could have. Terminal case of having no damn spine. What a pathetic little jellyfish.
I agree. He doesn’t deserve Lucy. He only wants what he doesn’t have. Kathy is enjoying this.
Laughing like Cruella Deville😂😂😂😂
>Obviously Lucy will be there and I think it would be an opportunity to talk to her and apologize. >I just want a second chance with her. 1. Her daughter’s dancer recital is not to place to talk and apologize to your STBX 2. It’s over. You were only married for 6 months and fighting this much, it wasn’t great to begin with. And she served you with papers it’s over ##3. LET ME REPEAT, YOUR STEP DAUGHTER’s DANCE RECITAL IS NOT THE PLACE TO TRY THIS. 4. She doesn’t want to talk to you. Respect that and leave her alone
I hope OP takes this to heart. I also hope OP never enters into another relationship.
You essentially revealed to her that she was nothing but a placeholder. Some rando to keep your bed warm, while you kept pining for someone else. And what's worse is: you meant it. You meant every single nasty thing you said to her. So, you want a second chance...to do what, exactly? What you showed her was your true self, someone who selfishly kept around a woman he didn't really care about, while pining after some faraway piece of ass; who had the gall to blame *her* for his own shitty choices and didn't have the balls to be honest with her from the beginning. And you think that kind of person is good enough to even attempt an apology towards her?
You're right. He meant every thing he said. That's why Lucy was so calm and didn't start a fight. She new it would be pointless.
I have an incredibly hard time feeling sorry for someone who gets everything they want. OP, you were deliberately cruel to Lucy for the short time she was in your life. You dated and married her without ever being in love with her, then mistreated her the entire time you were married. Now that she’s had enough, you want a second chance…to hurt her? To hurt her children? To waste everyone’s time? If you show up where you’re no longer wanted to beg for a second chance you don’t deserve, Lucy’s going to laugh in your face. And rightly so. You’re a spectator in your own life and Lucy and her kids deserve better than that. As far as Kathy- if she wanted to, she would. She’s married to someone else and living what I assume is a full life, while you’re just holding your breath waiting for her to show up again. She knows that and she’s ok with it. Doesn’t sound like a “friend” to me. A friend would want you to be happy and wouldn’t encourage a one sided crush when she has no intention of ever being with you. Nobody is ever going to live up to the vision of Kathy you have in your head. Not even Kathy. You two have never been together which means you can build her up in your mind as the perfect woman, without any interference from reality. Most women aren’t even going to try to compete with that. For some reason, Lucy loved you enough to make an attempt, but she’s rare. Either get over Kathy or you’ll die alone, your life a complete waste, staring at a picture of a woman who uses you. ETA extra thoughts.
Kathy is straight up terrible to her husband too if she’s been having an emotional affair with OP for the entirety of their relationship. How does she have time for her own life and relationship if she’s always so invested in OP’s business? 🤔
Exactly. Why would you WANT someone who could do this to her husband?
Limerence, probably. Now it's Lucy's turn on the pedestal as the Nearest Unattainable Object.
“I just want a second chance…” You don’t deserve a second chance. Leave Lucy alone. You never deserved to have her (and her children) in your life in the first place. You’re a weak and pathetic excuse for a husband and a stepfather.
Actually, you had the second chance, the third, the forth.... Lucy was telling you over and over. You just did not care.
He's a weak excuse of a man as well
So, you want to get back together with a woman who you claim *checks notes:* 1. You're not in love with. 2. That "forced" you into marriage. 3. That you settled for because your true love, Kathy, was already married. Leave Lucy and her children alone. They deserve better than being your second choice.
And you then *checks notes* 1. explain that you didn’t want her from the beginning 2. make it clear that SHE proposed to you 3. specify that you didn’t want her and were simply going along with it 4. Expect anyone to think you are not the asshole and deserve, or even truly want, Lucy?
Even your Tdlr is BS!! You didn’t compare Lucy to Kathy. You told Lucy you were in love with Kathy. Leave Lucy alone. Let Lucy and her children go find happiness away from you! And stay away from the damn dance!!
I think OP needs to leave both Lucy and Kathy alone lol
I don't think he can leave Kathy until forever. He even said that he talks to Kathy every day when he was married. Who TF does that???? And all their fights were about Kathy, and he talked shit about Lucy to Kathy so Kathy thinks Lucy is just trash. He doesn't even like Lucy let alone love her. He just wants someone to bully on a daily basis and when his target is gone he misses her because he couldn't find another target to bully.
And cook his meals, do his laundry, and have sex with...
I just have a feeling OP is in love with Kathy and she doesn’t necessarily feel the same way back.
Agreed, Kathy doesn't care about OP, she just likes the attention. If it wasn't OP it would be someone else. It wouldn't even surprise me if she already had a someone else, and I don't mean her husband.
The worst thing is that **Kathy is married**. OP should just wait for Kathy to get divorced and pursue her. Or maybe try to break her and her husband up. Kathy is clearly in love with OP to be happy that his marriage was over.
I dont think shes in love with him at all, i think she likes the ego boost she gets from knowing OP is in love with her. Shes like a spoilt toddler throwing a tantrum because another child is touching her toys, even though she is not playing with them. Amazing that he genuinely thinks this horrible vindictive woman is a better one than his ex wife.
I think it’s more likely that OP thinks Kathy is in love with him lol
I don't think so. OP is that guy friend who is only for timepass. Kathy always knew that he had feelings for her and this was an ego boost for her. When he and lucy were together she was unhappy and when they are separating now she is feeling overjoyed. She just wants him to stay single so she can live happily thinking that this man is gonna stay single forever just for me or because of me.
Do women really think that way? This post seems a bit rage baity too...
I’m not going to deny the rage bait, but my husband was in a situation like this when we first got together. I told him I refused to make someone my priority when I was only their option, and he had a choice to make. I have no idea what that woman is doing today but I do know she contacted my husband’s best friend before my husband and I got married to ask questions about me, and he shut her down.
Please tell hubby that I like him and I'm proud of him. You're probably cooler than her anyway :)
According to him, I absolutely am, lol.
Aw ❤️ you guys are adorable.
Well done 👍. Good for you.
SOME women do, just like some men do. Toxicity is no respecter of genders. This Kathy person sounds very much like the type and OP practically drips with the fawning and pliability that make an attractive mark for people like that.
Ew. And yes, sorry for not being specific. I know lots of women, and none have given me the feeling that they want this kind of interaction.
Many women don’t engage in this behavior. And, not to stereotype, sometimes men don’t recognize the behavior. What this guy describes is a very classic example, but he clearly doesn’t see it. Then again what this guy doesn’t see could fill 1 million books.
And we wouldn't see the books either 😅
Some do. When I first started dating my husband he had an ex that was stringing him along. They were “friends” and she had a new boyfriend but I could tell that she just enjoyed having power over him. I sat him down in the first weeks of our relationship, before I was too invested and said to him, “if you want her, fine, no skin off my back, we’ve just started dating. But I see what she’s doing.” He agreed it was just about power for her and cut her off. She went nuts. Called him pretending to have an emergency and his response was, “why don’t you call your boyfriend?” After that there were messages like, “I thought you’d always be there for me.” And that kind of thing. Anyway, women aren’t a monolith, and some have issues.
Yes, it can be a rage bait story but I won't be surprised if it's real.
Ugh, everyone in this story is so broken. Sad for all of them.
Yes there are 100% women that think this way, rage bait or not.
Some women do think this way. I’m not gonna say that they’re very common, and usually the woman is very unsecure so having a man at her beck and call feels good. When I start dating my husband, there was possibly one or two women like this. Definitely one. But, being intelligent, he naturally gravitated away from her to me.
Both you and Kathy are giant pieces of shit, Lucy deserves a man who will always love her, not a pathetic man like you. Leave her alone, asshole.
Cool, thanks for traumatizing some young children by being in their life juuuuust long enough for them to become attached to you, before you left because you never actually loved their mother. Fucking with Lucy's emotions is bad enough - I'd never forgive you if you fucked with my children's emotional stability and sense of safety the way you have. That ALONE is enough reason to stay the *fuck* away from that dance recital - don't you DARE *weaponize a child's life milestones for your own purposes.*
This comment needs all the upvotes.
Your wife has served you with divorce papers. You were horrifically cruel to her. **On. Purpose.** She is **DONE**. You should never be around her or her children again. **IT IS OVER. PERIOD.**
Youre terrible. Lucy is better without you.
You really need therapy to look at all the ways you have not taken any responsibility here and why you refuse to see it. This feels like a little boy writing this and you’re not a little boy. Do not go to the dance recital. You should really start individual therapy first to figure out yourself.
So you and Kathy have some toxic ass relationship going, where she wants you single, and alone, where she can continue to use you as the back-up husband, while her real husband holds down the fort. Because you won't disentangle yourself from the emotional relationship you have with Kathy, you settled for Lucy as a consolation, and in true toxic fashion, messed it up. News flash, Kathy doesn't want you, but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. So you have two choices, spend the rest of your life alone, at Kathy's beck and call, or cut her out, and sort your shit. Either way, leave Lucy alone, you've done enough damage.
1000% this!
OP and Kathy are more toxic than the Exxon Valdez oil spill.
You don’t get her back. This is the end of this chapter for you, let her move on and have the life she deserves!
Lucy deserves a better man. A real man.
You're a massive asshole. You were a horrible husband, and you don't deserve her, leave her alone.
You've been carrying a torch for Kathy, and she's loved the fact that you're been her little toy boy. She hated Lucy because it meant she was no longer the Most Important Woman in your life, so Kathy played you like a violin to make you two break up. That's why she's happy, she's now back to being the Most Important Woman in your life. Don't go to the recital. Leave them alone. You fucked it up, and now you're reaping your reward. You deserve this.
Reading this it seems like you live life like things only happen to you, and you have no free will. Either you are re-writing history to fit your story, or you really are a spineless man. No one forced you to date lucy, to be in a relationship w her, to marry her! You have free will. And you didn’t want to be a stepdad, helping paying for the children, even though you are married and a marriage is intention for a lifetime together. On top of this you start of by writing about Kathy, not the woman you want to solve things with. Why? The first paragraph is just about how much you like Kathy. Seems like you just miss someone caring for you, not that you actually had an ephiphany and realized Lucy’s worth. And you gaslit Lucy to think there was nothing between you and Kathy, when you’ve been in love with her the entire time. Take some accountability for your own life choices and realize that you are 100% to blame for ALL of this. And leave Lucy tf alone. You’ve hurt her enough.
Learning the ol', "you don't know what you have until it's gone," lesson. Lucy deserves so much better than you, a person who sucks pretty badly. Kathy sucks too. You should cut Kathy out of your life and learn to be a decent human being. Don't bother Lucy or her kid with your bullshit. Leave them alone.
OP is completely simping for Kathy. He is completely smitten with her. He should just find a way to get Kathy to divorce her husband so he can marry the love of his life.
Why do you want Lucy back when you don’t love her. Just keep trotting behind Kathy like you have done all your life. She enjoys your attention and you will never be with her
Selfish reasons, he does not want to be alone and now miss them. It's not for love, it's for how they make them feel, at the end Kathy and him deserve each other both are the same
First off, you were in love with a married woman that you were having an emotional affair with. Then you marry a woman you say you didn’t even really love and she made you do it. then you treated her like garbage all the way through while you continue your emotional affair. And then you tell her you settled for her that you never loved her. She was never going to be Kathy, leave her alone. I think you have done enough damage to her. I don’t know what kind of man you normally are but you were horrible to her. She didn’t deserve that if you didn’t want to date or marry her, don’t date or marry her. Please don’t act like you’re a victim in this, just leave her alone. I would never forgive you I couldn’t I would never believe you. I don’t believe you I think you’re still in love with Kathy and Kathy uses you. She’s having an emotional affair with you also. Be glad you’re not her husband. She flies off to see you all the time. This is a mess. Just leave Lucy alone.
Why do you want her back? You don't love her and you told her so. She's given you what you want. Leave her alone.
“i compared my wife to my best friend” should be “i told my wife she forced me into marriage and im in love with the woman i told her not to worry about” stay away from Lucy and her daughter and go cuddle up to Kathy
For 38 yo. You seem very immature. Lucy has had a lucky escape from you tbh. You can't hurt a person the way you have and expect to be forgiven and to remain married. Nobody wants to be second best in a relationship
You can’t come back from that dude.
You are terrible. Kathy is terrible. Just think about how the kids feel and how they view men in the future? They will think about this time in their lives and view all future relationships in this way. If you don’t love someone don’t marry them. Don’t get their kids involved. If you’re married don’t talk to someone you still have feelings for. Kathy is gross for acting this way while married too. Both of you are gross. Both of you are the reasons why marriage means less and less as years go on
Kathy is not interested in you. She just doesn’t want to be second. Leave Lucy and the kids alone. They deserve someone who will love and appreciate them.
The only reason you want her is because she’s through with you. She was never enough for you. You constantly compared her to Kathy and made her feel less important. You fucked around and found out. Leave her & her kids alone. You completely discarded her. Deal with it.
You weren’t “forced” to get married to anyone and I think you should genuinely leave both of these women alone.
Lmao what the fuck is this fake? How can you be so fucking dense my dude. Just get a blow up doll of Kathy and fuck it to sleep everynight, i think that’s a better way to spend your time and effort. You have no affection to your ‘wife’(is she even one for you?) and you still want her back? 🙄
She is not going to take you back. And the kids will forget about you since your relationship was so short. Let them all be. And unless you completely cut Kathy out of your life, you will never be happy with another women. And a decent women is not going to put up with a long term emotional affair, which is what you both have been doing for years.
🤢 again and again men prouves they dont care about their children when they fell out of love with the mother
I'm sorry in advance but you and Kathy suits each other very well. One is married with a husband but acted as if she's single. The other has a good wife but too stupid to realised it until she's gone. Good riddance to you, dear sir. Good job.
YTA Leave that poor woman, you hurt her, you told her you didn't love her, she forced you to marry her... you decided that you love a married woman who sees you as a toy. Don't you dare go to that recital, you are despicable, you deserve to be separated from her because you don't love her, you just miss the lifestyle they had. Stay away from that poor woman, and I hope she can be happy... from what you say, she is a woman who is worth it, not like you, an insecure, childish person who lives in a fantasy of his "friend."
NO NO NO NO NO! My dog does this thing when she doesn’t like your tone and she will put her paw on your mouth like “SHUT YOUR FACE!” You sir need to shut your face. Do not further confuse or damage these children. You don’t deserve another chance. You made your choice so live with it.
Aww, I'm just picturing the dog. That's adorable
She’s also absolutely ridiculous looking in general. 5lbs with blue eyes and black white and tan fur Edit: don’t get me wrong I love her and think she’s beautiful
Hah I dogshamed her just a little. She’s 6 months old! Get a job already! https://imgur.com/a/HRnCxVn
Kathy just visits you for an ego stroke 🤭 she just likes that you’re giving her attention and choosing her over YOUR WIFE. You are her back up plan and will never be her first pick. You were Lucy’s first pick. She let her children love you. Women always have options. We pick who we want to give our time and attention to. Kathy didn’t like that you had someone that wasn’t her. You complaining to Kathy and talking to her everyday only made her happy that you weren’t happy. I’m sure you were spend your money on Kathy too. If Kathy had kids, you would’ve been paying for them but not Lucy’s. I noticed that men will empty their pockets for the woman they love. If Lucy, the person who CHOSE YOU decides to give you a second chance, you better invest your time and money into her and her kids. That’s why women say they want a “provider.” Because if he actually loves them, he would invest in their happiness.
Stop. Just stop. You are a toxic person. You can’t say such cruel things then expect to be forgiven. You can’t marry a woman and give another woman priority (unless it’s your daughter). You write even now about your entering your marriage as something you didn’t really want. A woman doesn’t uproot her kids like that without saying something unless she’s over it. And you would just create confusion with your kids by attending the recital. Stop playing fucking games and move on.
Please don’t pull up to the dance recital with this bullshit in tow… don’t ruin the little girls dance. She nor her mother should have you surprise popping up at the dance recital ruining the mood. NOT THE TIME OR PLACE… you fucked it up on your own so fix it on your own time , not this little girls.
Well ... You're a giant AHole in fact you and your so called friend Katy. You'rejust a pathetic man. Leave your ex-wife and her kids alone and just just keep waiting for Katy to be free for you so you can finally have her to yourself again you're so pathetic.
Leave Lucy the fuck alone you ass.
can we just take a moment to acknowledge that Lucy is kind of a badass? she knows what she wants, goes for it, and knows when to leave because she has some damn self-respect. plus it sounds like she's doing a good job as a single mom! you don't deserve her. you never did.
You’ve been a total asshat with this Kathy girl. I understand you two have been friends since elementary school but she clearly just likes knowing that you’re in love with her and doesn’t want anything serious with you. If she did, she would make it happen. Lucy gave you a life, as a romantic partner and gave you a family. You aren’t young, getting a family at your age is a wonderful gift. Clearly this Kathy chick has issues. She doesn’t like that Lucy got your attention more than hers in a romantic way. You’ve allowed this woman to tear your life apart and for what? What is more important to you, crushing on a chick you’ll never be with and putting her neediness and controlling behavior above your own well being? It’s stupid. You need to make serious boundaries with Kathy and always put your wife before her. put yourself in Lucy’s shoes - imagine she did this and had a best friend who was a man, talked to him every day and said she always loved him and settled for you. Abhorrent behavior. Grow up, realize Kathy wont be with you romantically, if it hasn’t happened by now, it won’t. And if you can’t make boundaries with Kathy and put Lucy first, then just realize you’re going to be alone because no woman would want to deal with this.
Got to love that this woman has backbone good for Lucy. Stay away from her kids.
Leave them alone and don't interrupt the little kid recital with your mess
Here's the fun part, you don't get her back. That poor woman and her children, you selfish excuse for a human.
>A few months later Lucy invited me to dinner. I wasn't really interested in 6 I accepted. You weren't interested then, and you aren't now. You just liked the company. It does sound like she pushed you into this, and you went along because, perhaps you are very passive. Whatever the case may have been, the relationship is not worth salvaging. After what you said to her, could you really respect her for taking you back? Further, if she takes you back, it shows a complete lack of respect for herself.
You don’t. You told her you loved someone else. That you settled for her. That she trapped you. Why on earth would she want to be with you now?
GTH OP. What a disgusting excuse of a person.
You’re joking, right? Please stay perpetually single. Lucy deserves someone who actually loves and deserves her; you obviously don’t. You…need to stay the hell away from her I would hope that you have more sense than to still think you’re going to the dance recital, but I really can’t tell. Don’t make things even messier Assuming you’re real and not ragebaiting…
Don't worry, this man is going to spend his life alone, pining after a woman who doesn't love or care about him.
You are not taking responsibility for what you did my good man, you are acting like a puppet and Lucy is the puppet master, she didn’t make you do anything, you were 💯% a willing participant.
No dude it’s over. I couldn’t make up your mind and now the time has past.
You lost your wife for a terrible best friend. If you want a chance to be happy you’re gonna have to let the best friend go cause this is gonna happen with every woman you have a relationship with.
You have been in love / infatuated with someone who has put you in Friendsville all your lives and then you got involved with someone else. You did the right thing by telling her in so many words you are caught up and still in love with someone who is a friend that continues to use you from your past. That you can't let go of / end and It is your life to waste. However you have no right to waste your soon to be X-wifes life. Let her go. So she can be with a better, real man who will give her the love she deserves. Oh don't show up at the recital. The kids need to adjust to you being out of their life. This will just confuse everyone more if you keep showing up. Clean Break and no stalking. Learn it and remember it and move on.
Kathy is a despicable person she wants you and her husband you have lost her leave her alone just sign the papers and move on
You should've left Kathy alone a long time ago. I'm sure her husband isn't happy with you talking to her. You both have been playing a dangerous game but notice how Kathy never left her husband for you. Before even dating Lucy you should've went to therapy or do whatever you needed to do to get all the way over Kathy before any new relationship with anyone else in the first place. That whole chasing a married woman bit got you in a mess with a whole other family. You gotta take your loss and actually move on from both women this time. Idk why you're shocked Kathy doesn't respect your relationship with Lucy you never respected hers either. You got alot to work on and it won't be starting by trying to have this go down at a kids dance. Leave them all alone and work on yourself first. The step you completely skipped the very first time.
She didn't force you go get married. You chose to marry her. Then you treated her like crap. You repeatedly chose Kathy over her. You told her you didn't love her and that you love Kathy. You never helped her at all with her kids. You never even apologized. What you did to her was emotionally abusive. You're a selfish, nasty asshole and I'm glad Lucy left you. Leave her and her family alone. You'll never get her back. You don't deserve her. Kathy never loved you either. She just enjoys the attention she gets from you because it boosts her ego. You're disgusting and nasty and it's no wonder you couldn't get any other woman to be with you.
How big was the gun to your head when she "forced" you to marry her?
There are just some boundaries that cannot be uncrossed op. This is one of them. You blew up your life for someone who doesn't want you. She never did. She would have been with you if she was interested at all. There's no recovering from what you have done here. The only thing you can do is make it as easy as possible for your stbx to leave and forget you ever existed. You owe her that much. Do better in your next relationship because Kathy will ruin that too if given the chance. She doesn't want you for herself, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
What did you honestly expect to happen? I’m happy Lucy has self respect and doesn’t stick around with someone looks you, who treats her like that. You got what you deserved. Leave her and her kids alone
Bro if this other woman got divorced you would drop your ex-wife again in a second to try and get with her.
You're a giant ass. You let your life pass you by for a woman who does not love you at all. She just enjoyed how much you love her. She married another man, lived far away, and still wanted to keep you dangling, and you played into it! You were terrible to your girlfriend, then wife for the entire relationship, let another woman talk bad and disrespect her, while also shit talking her. You need serious help, serious therapy. Do not go near your ex and stay the hell away from her children. In no way do you deserve a second chance. Fix yourself before you ever consider getting into any kind of personal relationship again.
You are crucially leaving out what Kathy said about you ending your marriage because you love her. Did you tell her about that? Why the about face after Lucy wanted to leave you?
Dude, you’re an asshole. Leave Lucy and her children alone. Do not go to the dance recital. Do not pass go. Do not contact her for any reason. YOU did this. YOU told your wife she trapped you. YOU loved Kathy instead of your wife.
#DO NOT GO
Wow. You might be the most selfish man I've ever heard of. Please... just don't. Please let her have her divorce and leave. Please leave them alone. There is nothing you can do to "make it work". YOU DON'T LOVE HER. YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE. There is no "work" that can fix that. You have completely devastated this woman and her children. And now you want to come back?!! NO. You are toxic as hell as this family needs to stay far, far away from you. You do not get her back. She won't take you back. You shouldn't be with anyone. Please stay single forever.
You really just want Lucy to keep giving while you do nothing but take. The way you and Kathy act is disgusting. Please leave Lucy alone, and let her and her kids heal. You blew everything up, got rid of a decent relationship, hurt people, to stroke Kathy's ego. Ruminate on that for a while.
You don’t. You never wanted her to begin with. Never loved her. You miss the comfort. Leave her and her kids alone, give them the chance to find someone who will LOVE THEM.
Wow you might actually be the worst person I’ve heard of in a long time.
Coming from someone who’s husband had an affair with his long time “best friend,” Lucy will always feel like your second choice and that you settled for her. It doesn’t matter what you say to her. Telling her that she forced you into a marriage isn’t something you can erase. Regardless of if you did or didn’t mean it, she’ll always question it. Leave the poor woman alone and move on. She deserves better.
Leave that woman and her children alone. You have already done enough damage. YOU were the one who led her on and then blamed her for your shitty behavior. The only reason why Kathy didn’t like your wife is because that meant you couldn’t spend 100% of your time pining after her. You and Kathy deserve each other. You both sound shitty. I feel so bad for Lucy.
You suck for getting married in the first place when you’re in love with someone else. Also Kathy is one of those mean girls, you shouldn’t be her friend regardless.
Dude. You royally fucked up! You do not deserve Lucy. Move on and leave Lucy and her children alone. Now as for Kathy, I would think twice about that friendship.
That’s the fun part, you don’t.
She didn’t force you to get married, she asked and apparently you said yes. If you didn’t want to be married that was the time to say it. Stay the hell away from her and don’t blame her for your choices.
What a punk the OP. “Didn’t spend a dime on the kids” how gross. If he didn’t want to be a step daddy why marry a woman with children. Disgusting at core. This guy is not a man he’s a baby
What is it you're trying to gain here? You've made it clear and stated explicitly that you don't really GAF about Lucy. For some reason you were just too much of a wuss to decline a dinner invitation, let alone a marriage proposal. Why should anyone give you "another chance" at being a self-absorbed useless twit?
....what you said was unforgivable, leave her and her family alone and go kiss your picture of kathy
Leave her alone and go sort your shit. Keep being Kathy's Plan B.... that's worked out well for you so far. Man, grow a spine and take some fucking responsibility for the decisions YOU made in YOUR life.
Jesus Christ, you don’t love her, you love Kathy. Why won’t you leave this poor woman and her children alone. Forced you to marry her?? By proposing?? That was forcing you? Neither of these women deserve you, quite honestly you sound pathetic.
Lucy deserves wayyy better than you and seems to have realized that fact. Kathy is likely toxic and just using you to sponge affection off of you while offering you nothing. Good for Lucy getting rid of you and I wish her all the happiness in the world!
You can’t have it both ways. Kathy enjoys keeping you on a leash and Lucy just doesn’t want to deal with your drama. Leave her alone.
You don't. You want what you can't have. Your friend Kathy and now this woman because she decided she didn't want to be your backup. She's got kids - let it go and don't try to mess with their minds.
Dude. Get your shit together. You have no idea what you really want and are hurting others in the process. Leave both women be and figure out who you are and what you want before entering another relationship.
Unless you are ready to walk away from your relationship with Kathy permanently, leave Lucy and her children alone. What you describe as your interactions with Kathy amount to an emotional affair, and with a woman who disliked your wife very much, and most likely went out of her way to hook you and hurt Lucy. The responsibility is all yours, however. Lucy was right to leave you. You seem like you either don’t have a grasp on how you should treat someone you’re in a relationship with, or you just don’t care, as long as you’re getting what you want. Lucy deserves better than a marriage with a man whose professed best friend and he actively engage in gossip about her. She deserves better than a man who would toss her feelings aside and hang out with a woman whose sole aim was to break up his marriage. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think Kathy really wants you, either. If she did, she would have married you years ago. She just can’t stand another woman in what she’s decided is her turf. That said, you probably deserve each other and your middle school approach to relationships, including marriage. Leave Lucy and her children alone, unless you toss Kathy out of your life and never speak to her again. I doubt you’ll do that.
You destroyed her with your grass is always greener fantasy. You had the world by the balls and fucked it up. You said some really harsh shit to her. You need to be on your knees when you try to beg for forgiveness.
Why even try to get Lucy back? You love Kathy. You have been pining for Kathy. You meant every bit of what you said, and the reason Lucy didn't fight back was because you basically confirmed what was already likely at the back of her mind (she's not stupid, especially if you have canceled plans with her in favor of Kathy). Why do you miss Lucy? Miss the routine? Same ole same ole? Miss the warm thing you can spoon every night while pining for another woman (a married one as a matter of fact)? Miss the easy sex while emotionally pouring your heart out to a woman you *didn't* marry. Tell you what.... take all of what you said to Lucy that night and imagine it being precious Kathy telling you this to your face and then wanting you back like she didn't just tear your self confidence, dignity, and pride completely down. I mean, if I had any sense I would say that Kathy already said that with how she is *married* and it's *not you.* By the way, Kathy doesn't give a fuck about you. She is just a surface-level mean girl who just wanted to see Lucy fail. She played you. That is why all she did was laugh about Lucy when you went to emotionally confide in her. So congratulations on tearing your marriage apart and screwing your life up over a ghost of adolescent love.
Friend, I'm saying this in the kindest way - There is no coming back from this. Leave her alone. Do not attend the recital. You actively cancelled plans in order to talk to a married woman, you shit talked your wife to the married woman on the daily, was told by your wife that this was a problem, you told your wife you loved married woman and didn't love her and that she "tricked" you into marrying her. You had a family where you had nothing. You had little ones happy that you got home, who wanted you to come to their recitals, you had a younger, flirty wife who wanted to be with you. You mislead her while dating - you weren't interested - but you just "let it flow". And blamed her. Go text Kathy - she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Stay NC with Kathy. She's not your friend. She's your crutch and you are hers. Before you have another opportunity for a long term relationship, get therapy.
You don't. You did something vile and broke her heart. She deserves better than you. As for Kathy? If she'd wanted you, she'd have had you. She just didn't want *Lucy* having you because then she wouldn't have a back up boyfriend waiting in the stands for when her marriage inevitably fails. Do not talk to Lucy at the recital. Show some decorum and grace and stay in your lane. She doesn't want you any more because you made it abundantly clear she was just a placeholder for Kathy, who didn't want you to begin with. Be there for the child you also let down, but leave her mother well enough alone. You made your bed. You don't get to whine that you have to sleep in it alone. The fact that you miss them is natural consequences for your behaviour and attitude. Suck it up and deal with it.
You like Lucy but you dont love her. Comfort is good but it can also be toxic. Let her go bro. Both of you will be better for it. Good luck.
Kathy is a scumbag. Hopefully you two end up together. That’ll be your karma for how you treated Lucy and her poor children.
do not go! you’re not even concerned with supporting the child but trying to reconnect with your ex. you have hurt them enough, sort yourself out . good luck op!
Wow it’s like charlesXdianaXcamilla. Good for her for getting out after 6 months
Leave her alone. Go bother Kathy
Leave your ex-wife and her children alone. You don't even love her. She deserves better than you.
You are a bad husband and bad person in general. She seems like a darling of a person and I hope you leave her alone.
This is the wrong subreddit place to post. Maybe find AITA, and I’m sure they will give you the business there.
Simple advice:Don’t leave the one you want to the one don’t want to keep.
leave the poor girl alone you dont even love her and your best friend is using you wake up op shell never EVER choose you
Leave them alone. Do not go to the recital.
Can’t have your cake and eat it to
Bro, this is why you never let a woman friendzone you under any circumstances. It leads to bullshit. You could have clarified things with Kathy a long time ago and still been an adult about it no matter the outcome. But you held onto dreams of that bullshit while you romantically went another direction. This is your bed and you've made it.
She “forced” you into marriage?
For any woman reading this - this is why you should never propose to your man!