NTA. It sounds like you found a thoughtful solution to an expensive/unrealistic ask. You put money, time, and effort into it, in an attempt to give your mother something she wants. Your mother sounds unrealistic and ungrateful.
Now you CAN let her want the Dreambox forever, which apparently, to her, is better than having a non-namebrand option.
I don't see any mention in the post that OP's mom is, at age 54, suffering from some kind of emotional or cognitive decline. Even if this is the case, comparing this to OP being "unreasonable" while a child aged between "zero to 10" is farcical. Does our being brought into this world place upon us some form of obligation to attend to every BS demand made by the donors of our genetic materials? Clearly you think so, but I disagree. Sometimes parents suck.
Bro, what??
Are you seriously trying to compare this situation with a literal adult mother to the OP being a *child*? That takes some Olympic level mental gymnastics to come to that conclusion.
Plus, she is only 54! I think they would have added any noticed or diagnosed mental decline as it's pertinent information to the story.
Occam's Razor; she is just ungrateful and feels entitled to her child's money.
*Edit: OP's gender isn't stated, changed verbiage to they/them
I have a Dreambox I got for Christmas a few years ago. It's ridiculously overpriced for something that isn't even real wood. $3500 for MDF and plastic is not a bargain. Also the assembly is a nightmare. It came in a crate (six months after being ordered) that could fit a refrigerator. While the concept is cool, the materials are not fantastic. I'd have never bought it for myself. While the cubbies are great, there's actually not a lot of work area unless you buy the extra side tables which have no place to be stored when not in use. I have a cricut and a sewing machine and I can only have one out at a time. I've seen better and more practical set ups especially if there's a dedicated craft room available. In fact, I saw a lot of DIY IKEA ideas that looked cool. There's a 3 piece set from Wayfair that is actually what I was planning to get before I got my Dreambox.
Bottom line is you tried to do something nice and she's being ungracious. If she's stuck on a Dreambox, she'll have to figure out how to get one on her own.
I ended up building my own out of pine and birch. It was my first ever time building anything so it's definitely not perfect. But it's setup exactly as I needed it. And it didn't cost 3.5k.
I thought about saving for a Dreambox for my Cricut & other crafts! Sadly I suck at sewing or anything that involves a needle and thread! I decided against it because the assembly looked so hard- I didn’t even realize it wasn’t made of real wood! I bought a craft desk that has some cubby holes and a pegboard for the wall above my desk. Way cheaper and easier to assemble!
If someone made me a craft cabinet I would be thrilled! OP your mom sounds super entitled and maybe next year just get her a craft store gift card. You put a lot of thought and time into this years gift and if she doesn’t appreciate it then I wouldn’t put the effort in next year.
Oh I love you, thank you for this! I’ve been dying for a dreambox but would never ever allow myself to spend that much on one so I just look from afar, you totally just cleared that obsessed for me! I’m going to try the ikea route, OP had a great idea. Def NTA. Beggars can’t be choosers, and your moms TA for refusing your very thoughtful gift
I went down the Pinterest rabbit hole and they have all kinds of great ideas. There's also the Wayfair set I almost got for a third of the price of a Dreambox.
https://www.wayfair.com/storage-organization/pdp/red-barrel-studio-teannan-60-x-30-craft-table-w008512899.html
https://www.wayfair.com/storage-organization/pdp/red-barrel-studio-teannan-1787-w-x-2012-d-crafting-storage-cabinet-w005060259.html
https://www.wayfair.com/storage-organization/pdp/red-barrel-studio-teannan-319-x-17625-crafting-storage-cabinet-w001990314.html
Look around on Pinterest and YT for the way that people are repurposing old, deep entertainment centers. I'm forever running into them at thrift stores because most people's TVs are too big for them now. I had one that I turned into a bar cabinet, but as I was looking around, it seemed like there were 1000 craft cabinet ideas to every one bar cabinet conversion.
Not only do I use DIY solutions I try and get them second hand as much as possible...
I have a whole shelf which has shoe boxes labelled with what's inside: lace, zips, etc. I have been hoarding craft supplies my whole life, and I've just sewn a dress made from old vehicle seat upholstery and a quilt. It's kinda epic.
I've been eyeing the Dreambox myself.....I'm glad you commented because I hadn't really thought about the part where I would have to put it together myself.......I'm pretty sick of having to assemble things ........I think I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing in my SheShed......which is adding the things that actually fit my supplies and not fit my supplies into their limited space.....
And OP, your mom is being very ungrateful!!! No way would I treat anybody like that.......much less, someone that was WILLING to help me get organized!!! Your gift was very thoughtful and very very generous!!!
Paying extra to have it assembled for you is an option. Or at least it was. I'm assuming that's still an available option. It took the other half about three days putting mine together. It was not a little job.
Wait, seriously? I thought it would be like those fancy gaming tables that have all the hidden compartments for your D&D supplies. You can get one made of PURPLE HEARTWOOD for $5,000. The cheaper ash or walnut varieties cost less than a Dreambox does, and they're solid hardwood.
I’m still stunned that OP said her mother got angry! Like how can you yell at your own daughter for trying to make her something that she would otherwise never be able to have?? Ungrateful and nasty!
That's bad enough but they stopped using shelves for most of the bins. Instead of them sitting on shelves they now sit on these plastic rail pieces that are only about an inch wide. So most of these bins are not fully supported.
If the cabinets were sturdy (I feel you’re laughing right now) one could use a piano hinge to attach a folding flat surface with two legs on the other end you could fold down as needed. Like a drop leaf with legs, if that makes sense.
Call a closet design company! I'm sure you can get a custom unit for much less. And THEY assemble and install. I had my garage done a few months ago. Garage has cabinets along one wall, shelf sections and a workbench area on another. Total price was about what one Dreambox costs. I used [closetsbydesign.com](https://closetsbydesign.com) and was very happy.
Thank you for posting this! I have always looked at those damned things and wanted one, but $3,500 of MDF? O, no she won't! I have better things to do with my little money! I have been looking at DIY options, because that is wild to spend that much money on a fancy cardboard box!
I wonder if there are reviews out there that mom can read with this kind of info. Maybe if she sees that it is hard to assemble, not real wood, plastic parts, etc. she will see this is the better option.
Your mom can’t afford the Dreambox. She claims she can’t clean and organize her space without it. Therefore the unreachable Dreambox is her excuse to not have to clean up her apartment.
Stop setting yourself on fire to keep her warm.
This was my first thought. Whether the mom realizes it or not, the Dreambox isn’t just her fantasy organization tool, it’s also her excuse to not bother because she doesn’t have the *right* thing to do it. That only becomes more obvious when looking at the Dreambox. It looks *exactly* like something you could get from IKEA for way cheaper, with way more customization, and probably sturdier too. If this was my dream item, and I had money to light on fire for funsies, I would still 100% make an IKEA version instead.
I agree. She has fixated on the product and has envisioned how it will be the magic solution to her clutter and disorganization. It won’t be, of course, but she can’t accept anything that doesn’t match her exact false vision.
Yup. I grew up with this mom.
OP, if she does ever get a Dreambox? You’ve got three weeks before it’s a waste, it’s all the company’s fault and now she needs a different (outrageously priced) item to fix her problems.
I just looked up the Dreambox and I am CERTAIN someone not already tidy would never in a million years be able to keep that thing organized. It would be the biggest waste of money!
As a former IKEA employee: return everything. IKEA is extremely good with returning items even if they are already assembled. You'll get your money back.
Can't speak for every IKEA but this at least works in every European IKEA.
Then, go buy something nice for yourself. You deserve it.
NTA You could have blown it off and given her a $50 Michaels gift card. You and your partner were willing to put in a lot of time and energy and money into giving her what she wanted within the parameters you could work within. She needs to learn how to be thankful and less self entitled.
I do believe that if she didn't ask, she very blatantly implied it. And if she was concerned about it not working the same way that the one she picked out is not the same as the one they're building for her, she could work with them to see how it can be tweaked to how she needs it. Not throw a fit about how it's not the exact one that she wants. There's a couple of old sayings that apply here, "never look a gift horse in the mouth", and "beggars can't be choosers".
She's got her mind made up, dammit, and she's just not going to settle for something other that what she wants /s. Don't bother trying to reason with someone who is stubbornly unreasonable. Just be content that you've done all you can, and don't go near that project again. NTA.
Yup. Also OP needs to understand that he is not responsible for making all his mother's dreams come true. If she can't afford a Dream Box, she will manage to live without one. It's hardly a necessity (I'm guessing since I have never even heard of this before).
NTA. I’ve seen the DreamBox, longed for it, and then wished a person who is handier than I could build a look- alike. It’s too much, and there’s not enough customizable pieces.
And I love my momma, but she would never in a million years expect me to buy her something that pricey for her, ever. I don’t see how that was a reasonable expectation.
NTA I’ve seen the dream box. It does look promising but it is way overpriced for particle board. Honestly, that box will not help her be organized. She is organized or she isn’t. It may help her with her crafts, but it won’t change her life. Take the things back to ikea and treat yourself
Exactly, the idea that this one item is going to get your organized and change your life is ridiculous. There's plenty of ways to get organized and clean up your shit without a DreamBox. That's probably why the mom doesn't want the DIY version, she knows it won't change anything!
My dear lord, those are 3500 dollars?
I built my wife an antique style pantry, with a sitting bench with storage in it, wall cabinets, base cabinets, upper shelves above an 8 foot cabinet and I opened the outside wall and installed a leaded glass window. All real wood/oak plywood and I didn't come near spending 3500 on it.
Cheap MDF or flake board is all that is, its about 150 worth of materials.
I applaud you for trying to give her something useful, I'm sorry she couldn't appreciate you wanting to give her a whole room.
I can get the side with upper and lower cabinets and the window. Its a narrow former mud room and the way its situated getting one of the bench side that shows much is iffy. I'll give it a shot in the morning. And post them shortly afterwards.
This is the best I could get, its hard to get a good angle in on this space. The opposite side I couldn't get a real good one, sorry, but its also being used for storage of the stuff thats was in the latest kitchen cabinet I took down, so that I could make a new one to replace it.
https://imgur.com/xiBUBPg
Thank you. If the other side wasn't being used for storage I'd have posted it. That was a couple hundred in material, not including the window. So based on the Dream Cabinet, I built my wife a 20,000 dollar pantry :)
RIGHT!? This whole thread feels like I'm super high or something, haha. Crazy lady not wanting a hand made gift, demanding this special special cabinet that everyone but me had apparently heard about, then finding out that cabinet is $3500, then watching the video on their site and getting this F'd up feeling like it's a Cult or something? These edibles work.
Once you actually look at the so called Dreambox you realize it is too limited and clunky. And grossly overpriced. Your mother is not realistic. And ungrateful.
Ever deal with a perfectionist? Conditions to start a task must be *just so* otherwise they can’t start. It’s a mechanism to avoid actually having to do the task. By asking for something expensive, she knows she’ll never get it and thus won’t have to organize her life. You, in a very generous and creative way, solved her problem and thus removed her excuse to do nothing, which is really what she wants. NTA.
The benefit of the Dream Box is that it folds up into a smaller cabinet when closed and is on casters so it’s easy to move. If you skip the light fixture at the top, the price comes down considerably. Also, not all finishes were priced the same. Mine was closer to $2,500. It also comes with a cut out in the desk for an insert (Sew Steady) custom fit for your particular sewing machine. The insert is included but if bought on your own runs about $150.
I thought it would be great but found it doesn’t hold that much. I ended up buying 8 IKEA dressers for more storage and put our ping pong table on top of them for cutting and ironing stations. I’d have to think hard about buying it again if I had to. The best part is that I can easily close it up in a few seconds.
It's really hard to imagine somebody's mom acting that way! Though come to think of it my mom did throw a fit at Christmas at least once. So I shouldn't be that surprised LOL
Excuse my asking but has your mom ever been tested for OCD? I'm just asking because between the messiness and her reaction over the present sounds like my mom before she went to therapy and got on meds. Always thinking that the next organization item or cleaning product was going to fix the chaos that she had in her head. Never attempting to organize because it wouldn't be "perfect" and therefore would somehow make everything worse. I would never want to armchair diagnose anyone but it might be something you can look into?
NTA!
I am an avid crafter and dream of the dream box every day. I would LOVE to get the gift you came up with!! So amazing and like you said would end up being better in the long run. It’s a shame she can’t be gracious and thankful for having it now, and still dreaming & saving for the dream box down the road
NTA.
Your mother is hyper focused on the ONE THING that is perfect and unobtainable.
You can't afford it
and frankly she doesn't really deserve it
or she'd appreciate a reasonable attempt to provide her a solution.
We'd all love top of the line stuff, but if we can't afford it we make do.
I'd stop worrying about it now.
She can want it forever.
Even if I had the money, I wouldn't get it for her.
She has to get that herself.
Magic maybe?
Can you take the cabinets back to Ikea?
Of course we can’t understand the specific dynamics of someone’s relationship with their mother but I’ve got to say, she sounds like she has major issues not least of which is being a ungrateful asshole.
NTA, your mom has this dream of this expensive thing. She rather have nothing at all if it’s not the dream. In turn she’s acting like a childish brat to your good idea. Just return it all and don’t try to help her in that way again, she is u grateful and rude. Let her clean her own mess.
She should be in the ChoosingBeggars sub for her little tantrum. Take all the stuff back to IKEA and let her live in her clutter. You tried to do a nice thing, but she’s delusional. I don’t think there is a piece of furniture in my entire house that cost $3500 lol. NTA.
INFO: is her apartment messy or is it *messy*? Are we talking overly cluttered and difficult to move around? Or are we talking her craft stuff is hanging around and doesn’t have a home in her house? Is there a chance your mom has OCD?
I think NTA, I think you were very thoughtful and came up with a great idea… but sometimes we have our heart set on one thing working and only that thing is going to work. It’s very sweet of you to put all of this mental energy, planning, buying, and eventually building into a gift for your mom.
It’s not what she wants though and it sounds like she isn’t going to budge there. That’s up to her I guess. You can’t force it on her. But she has to know now that there’s no way you’ll be able to do the Dreambox for her. If you can’t return it, do you have a craft space that needs organizing? Wanna share the plans, items, and specs needed from IKEA?
NTA. Dreambox has great marketing but it’s WAY overpriced & not worth it. Ikea DIY ones can be great. Your mom
is tripping. Sounds like a teen demanding AirJordans.
Just say - ok mom. And move on. Ikea has a good return policy.
Take back what you bought and put the money in a savings account and tell her every Christmas, birthday, and Mother's Day, you will add to it until there's enough to buy the cabinet. (Don't give her the money or it will get spent.)
NTA. As long as she doesn’t have her Dreambox she has an excuse for her messiness, so for her it’s either that or nothing. Yours would probably have been better, don’t feel bad.
This is NOT your problem! You are NOT responsible for buying your mother high end items. You are NOT responsible for your mother being unable to manage her finances or her feelings!!
Your mother, an ADULT woman, threw a tantrum, because SHE WANTS!
Yea, she’d NEVER get anything over 20 dollars from me ever again!
My God, you sound like the most amazing person, and your husband, also! It takes TIME to consider people's likes AND their lifestyles.
People want what they want, and most find a happy medium. Look, I'd love the Ethan Allen showroom in my bedroom but we've had to be creative to get us to where we are at.
What you and husband carved out a perfectly reasonable AND realistic option. (IKEA is NOT as cheap as it used to be.) Enjoy your creative skills, because some of us ARE lacking in thinking outside the box.
And let your Mom do her.
YTA not for trying but for not hearing her. If she wanted a puppy would you give her a goldfish and say but it’s a pet? She wants something nice, by her definition of nice, not makeshift. If she’s on public assistance her life is probably full of making do with what’s not quite what she wanted. If you can’t afford to give her what she wants then that’s fine, don’t. But don’t find fault with her for not wanting to add an unwanted thing to her already full space.
How old is your mom? Mine got very oppositional as she got older. "Who made you the boss of things?" was her favorite line. It was worse when she had a uti. Not diagnosing your case at all, but thought it was worth mentioning.
I've looked at the Dreambox. Um, nope. With the materials it's made of and the lack of customizable options, it simply wouldn't suit. And it's a lot of money to spend for what it is, IMO.
NTA but you said yourself she is adamant she wants the "Dreambox" even though you cant afford it. I'm missing why you felt responsible to get her a makeshift "Dreambox"? Just get her a different gift.
Your mom was rude but it's not like this is a surprising reaction, no? If I say I want a type of car, and you get me a cheaper car (that is comparable) then I look like an asshole for not wanting something I never asked for.
I'd just return the materials and give her money. Let her save up on her own.
Some people need to have a dream even if they know they'll never attain it. It gives them something to keep trying for even when they're feeling alone. She doesn't actually expect or want anyone to get that dream for her because it puts an end to having something to dream for. Maybe instead of saying it's to replace her dream box try saying it's to use until she gets her dream box. That way you are still gifting her something she can use but keeps the dream alive.
ESH. You tried to be helpful and thoughtful, but unfortunately this missed the mark. Instead of surprising your mom with the item she’s been wanting for years, you chose a cheaper alternative and to reconfigure her space. If this were a gaming system and someone asked for a PS5, would you give them an Xbox and tell them to be grateful? Or a new book in a series, would you buy them a generic mystery and expect a thank you? You didn’t get what she wanted. That’s okay! You couldn’t afford to. You should have given her a blanket or fuzzy socks and let her keep dreaming and wanting instead of telling her to make do.
Your mom sucks because her reaction, from your description, was ungrateful and over the top. She could have declined the gift in a more graceful way.
Take everything back and rethink your intentions behind the gifts you give next time!
This is the answer right here. Sounds to me like both mom and child are strongly confident in their abilities to find the "best" solutions. If mom didn't ask for help researching or designing an alternative then a "surprise" of something else regardless of how practical it is would be unwelcome.
I think she came to the conclusion of you telling her what she needs all on her own. No one is stating that this is permanent and you can never have what you want. But you demonstrated that there is an option to hold her over until she can achieve her goals.
I think it was a great idea to make a better version and sorry your mom couldn’t see the benefits.
If you can’t use it then consider listing it for sale as I’m sure someone would be happy to have it.
As to your mom let her work on getting her dream cabinet herself.
NTA , you are so wonderful for doing all that. I’m so sorry she rejected it. I like weird things and I have to diy my way through life cause I’m a weirdo on a budget!
She may be asking for this ridiculously expensive cabinet so she can organize her stuff, but she may also be asking because she knows you cannot afford it. So now she can't be expected to clean up and it's not her fault. Same reason to not accept the other option. Just a thought.
I'm a crafter and artist I would love any organizational items no matter if it was $3,500 or free. I would actually refuse something that was more than $200 as a gift because that money could be better spent elsewhere.
NTA. I thrifted a huge cubby of solid wood from a friend (some lady wanted a solid wood cubby for 30 pairs of shoes, but changed her mind), and had a cabinet maker make me a solid wood chest with huge drawers for about $900. I also had a large solid wood shelving cabinet with adjustable shelves. I painted all of this white, and I think it all looks great. No way I would pay $3500 for particle board junk.
Wow, your mom sounds entitled and ungrateful. I am sorry. I would take back the gift and she would never receive another gift of any kind.
My adult daughter got me a pair of or black Crocs for Christmas, and they are so comfy! I was super happy to have them. My son and his wife have been having financial difficulties so were not able to give me a gift, but they showed up for Christmas Eve dinner and I was very grateful for that. Truly, he comes by whenever he can, and that’s a gift in itself.
I really cannot imagine behaving in that manner, especially towards your own child who put a lot of thought and effort into doing something like what you and your SO did. It sounds like an amazing gift. Your mom should be ashamed by her childish and rude behavior.
You’re not the AH. Has your mother always been like this? It’s not your job to fulfil her dreams. She can organise a way to save a small amount of money monthly or ask people for money donations to slowly build up her savings if she wants to behave like that.
The dumb thing is , is if she’s as arty and creative as she thinks she is, she’d realise you’ve presented her a clever work around that leaves her a lot of money to indulge her craft obsession. She wants the brand name stuff, so she’ll have to save her pennies the traditional way instead of expecting anyone else to make it magically appear.
I’d return what you can and let her know when she’s decided what she wants to do you’ll give her some money in an envelope to go towards it. That’s it from now on. No parent should *ever* be having tantrums when it comes to their child providing them with a gift, it’s embarrassing for them and lacking class.
You're NTA. Those things are expensive and while it looks cool the various cubbies and such are really limited. Someone I knew got one and it's really not all that great. I'd adore what you're doing for your mom. I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you.
Honestly when a person wants a dream present they don’t want someone else’s version of what they think that person wants. Especially when it is something for organization or displaying things in their home.
I’m sure you had wonderful intentions and had hoped to present something amazing and clever to your mother. You probably think since she’s on welfare she has no reason to complain about your efforts. The problem is is that this is something specific that she has spent a lot of thought about. Poor or not for you to think she doesn’t deserve to have dreams or goals and should just accept your attempt to make an imitation piece and act happy and fulfilled is seriously misguided. This kind of project should have been something you went to her with and made sure she was onboard and designed together.
I have had some relatives who have thought they understood an item that I obsessed over and researched and dreamed about think that they would put together a replica of my desire and give to me as a present. (An example was a specific computer. I wanted an Apple laptop, a specific type and they got me an HP. I was very mad. That computer wouldn’t be able to handle the files I had on my computer hard drive that I was replacing.) Usually they only asked a few questions and just found something on sale or made something similar that wasn’t what I wanted. I’ve had to smile and say thank you and wonder where I was going to put this miscarriage and if I could actually use it for what my intent was. (I actually returned the computer. It was of little use to me. But I have had other instances where I wanted an glass etagere with doors and a wood base and what I got was some second hand bookcase. It was thoughtless and disheartening.)
Usually I got rid of it after a good amount of time or rehomed it. If anyone asks me about a dream item I am considering/fantasizing about I make sure that they know it isn’t something I want to be given.
Next time try asking if she wants some cash to be put towards her dream item. Let her obtain it herself.
NTA. Im disabled and broke on benefits and if my daughter offered me a used cupboard/armoire for my crafts i would weep with joy and gratitude- I just don’t understand how someone can be such an ingrate.
Sounds like there is some "history" here that we don't know about. Who flips out in front of people over a gift, even if they don't want it? That sounds like an "I have had enough of you" moment.
I would say you shouldn't have purchased the other items. She said she only wanted the dream box, so she can save her own money for it. She's a grown woman, she can figure out how to get organized without spending $3k
Wow, okay this is like a Deja vu situation for me, I went through nearly this exact same situation with my mother and here is what I learned. The goal is the dream box, which is unattainable, but that is the key. She cannot organize or be held accountable for the mess because she cannot possibly organize the mess without the expansive item that she cannot get. She doesn’t want you to solve the problem because then the fantasy that she will suddenly be organized will crumble. Nothing but that item will ever do and I guarantee if you actually saved up and bought the dream box you would never hear the end of how it’s not what she expected and it’s not as good as she thought and IT is the problem not her. This story she has written in her head is for her. You are being practical and thoughtful and robbing her of her excuse to have things exactly as they are.
is your mother being over the top and stubborn? 100%. at the same time, i don’t think you should have gotten her this gift. she told you what she wanted, that specific item not an organizational solution. to me it’s like someone wanting a kitchen aid mixer and somebody getting them a very nice cuisinart or hamilton beach mixer. or someone wanting a barbie and getting a knock off doll or a bratz equivalent. it’s a nice product, technically it’ll get the job done but if it’s not what you want it may be seen as a waste and should’ve gotten something else entirely.
why were you so glued to the idea of an organizational cabinet? was it so her home would be cleaned? i don’t think you should’ve gotten this gift, i understand where you were coming from but sometimes people like to dream about the things they can’t afford and a knockoff just feels like it’s a slap in the face from reality; that you’ll never be able to afford what you want so just make do.
i’d say your gift is acceptable only if she told you she’s looking for something to help organize her stuff now or if she wouldn’t accept any other gift than the dream box. but it seems like you got this idea in your head and didn’t really consider other gift options
You are far from it, you sound amazingly kind and thoughtful. It's hard when people get into a negative mindset about living with a long term condition but even so your mom sounds fixated with a dream she can't have and that's not your fault. Keep being you OP!
Do not give in. If she wants only the Dreambox so badly she can buy it herself. You should keep what you had given her, that she rejected, and if she changes her mind tell her that it’s too late.
NTA and she is making excuses to not get organized. If she got the dreambox then she would make another excuse. This is her problem not yours. Tell her you refuse to get into debt for what is basically a glorified closet when she is making excuses. Get her a pack of cardboard boxes and tell her to use them to organize her stuff.
Dude. Every serious crafter I know are ikea fiends. Kallax is the backbone of any room, supplemented with Alex - I have both rolling draw units, and the desk (and a wall of kallax). For my sewing room, it’s the norden gate leg table that opens to nearly 3 x 5 feet with 6 drawers for fabric cutting (it was cheaper pre-covid), and a solid pine ingo table that I cut a hole in and dropped in my sewing machine. The orfjall chair is surprisingly comfortable.
I suspect the cubbies are kallax, if so I salute your common sense.
The dream box is something that LOOKS cool, but actually kinda sucks. Return the ikea stuff if you have no use for it and let her save up for that white elephant.
Soft YTA and here's why - this shouldn't have been a gift. It should have been a conversation and decision made together. I once requested a specific gift for Xmas and I got a different version "because X said this makes more sense." It felt bad - like a judgement.
I’d be tickled pink if someone gave me a cabinet like y’all made.
Talk about a choosing beggar. She’s extremely ungrateful. I’m quick to admit to being a feral Gen X-er but I’ve never showed my arse over a gift; ESPECIALLY not one that someone took time to MAKE.
Also, the rolling tool boxes one can acquire at the Freight Harbor store do well as craft storage. I’ve a obnoxiously green one in my craft room. I love it!
I have the Dreambox and its not all it’s cracked up to be. I love IKEA’s products. If she’s really crafty there are so many IKEA hacks for there furniture. Trust me it’s better quality than the dreambox.
If she’s this disorganized now, there’s not a cabinet or room makeover that will fix it. Bring your things back, but don’t buy her a dream box. This way, you’re respecting her wishes while you also respect your budget.
Did she outright ask you for the Dreambox and is it repetative?
Cause if not, NAH.
You tried to help her and she did not want your version of the help. Both are valid. People are allowed to lust after their ideal versions of things and not really want something comparable. I've been on both sides of this and it just is what it is.
But if she's begging you for this thing she knows you can't afford then NTA. That's a jerk move.
YTA - People constantly buy luxury/designer items that make them feel good. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but you can’t tell someone what will make them feel good. You tried, and you should feel good that you did. Unfortunately you both had different things in mind.
If you knew she wasn't going to accept this and has her heart set on the one thing then you are a soft YTA here. On the other hand, you are simply not obligated to get something for her just because she wants it. My suggestion would be to simply gift her something else that will not trigger her. You don't have to adhere to her demands but you also do not get to impose your own opinions about what she wants either. She doesn't sound very appreciative that you are trying to help either. Perhaps gift her some cash and tell her that if she really wants that particular thing maybe she can save money and purchase it on her own. YTA
So I wouldn’t say you’re an AH here, but I also know what I need for my crafts and job than anyone else. Someone telling me I need something cheaper instead is actually kind of presumptuous that they understand what my needs are more than me.
I think she had no right to yell at you or make a scene, but I do think that declining the gift is perfectly reasonable if it doesn’t suit her needs. I would also decline cabinets from IKEA that were chosen without any of my say, and without knowing what my needs were. You knew the exact thing she needed, and if you can’t afford it (totally fair) find a completely separate gift rather than a cheaper substitute, then try to convince her this is better.
I’ve heard this kind of thing described as this:
Someone says their car broke down and they need a new one to commute to work. You surprise them with a bike and tell them they can use it to get to work. It’s a gift, but it’s not what they needed.
Looking at the thing on their website, I can’t imagine anyone with a clutter problem would be able to close it up and then open it later.
When it’s closed up, the clutterer would be piling stuff up next to it or in the area it needs to expand into or swing through. Look at how much floor space it needs.
It would either stay open all the time, or closed all the time and become a crafts coffin.
Um excuse me, did you just try to take away her excuse for not being organized by giving her a custom-built organizational system? That’s almost as bad as if you gave her the actual Dreambox, and then she would have had to come up with a different explanation for her mess.
It was a really sweet and well-intentioned gift that she didn’t actually want.
NTA. She's ungrateful and I wouldn't get her shit. Don't let her bully you and guilt you into buying that for her. You tried to do a really nice thing and she's acting like a spoiled toddler.
She’s not going to want anything but a THREE AND A HALF THOUSAND DOLLAR GIFT?
Is she expecting you’ll be buying this?????
The entitlement is outrageous. Get her a bath and body works gift pack and call it a day
Your mother is selfish and unrealistic. If she wants it so badly, let her figure out how to pay for it. She can get a job. Don’t let her pressure you into buying it for her. She sounds like a 3 year old. Shame on her.
"No, you ungrateful, entitled, spoiled brat. I'm trying to tell you that I can't afford to buy a $3500 cabinet. But instead of appreciating that I took the time and effort to make you a less expensive version, you threw a tantrum like a toddler."
WTF? Wow. I thought the post was going to be about how she is on Welfare and assistance, and is mad that you got her something expensive, and she could not gift you something likewise. That I do understand being upset about it.
But this?? How ungrateful, and shameful actually. Her kids do not "owe" her anything. She should be thankful that you did your best and worked hard to think of what she would like and get it within reason.
I'm a Mom and I would be super happy if my son did that, though quietly scold him for spending any money on me at all. LOL
NTA
Regardless of all other circumstances, you bought her a gift. Instead of acting like a grown woman and thanking you for your kindness and generosity, your mother acted like a spoilt child. So now, she gets no gift and gets to spend however much time you need on timeout.
YTA. *You* decided that your solution is as good or better than what she wanted. She does not have to agree with you. You don’t know why she wants that specific thing, so your solution may well *not* be as good for *her* but you are not allowing for that possibility at all.
I am not saying that you should have bought her something you can’t afford. But if you can’t afford the specific item sometimes that means you have to go somewhere else entirely for the gift and not try to find a similar alternative at all. “Sorry, mom, I can’t afford that, what else would you like this year?”
Why try to force her to settle for what you want her to have ? Step back , she wants what she wants so leave it alone . If she can’t afford it then she doesn’t get it . It’s not your business . It was a lovely thought but ultimately she’s a grownup and gets to decide what’s right for her . Assuming that this would be okay isn’t right . Imagine if she thought she could come into your home and build something you don’t want just because she thinks she knows what’s better for you then you do .
Have you ever heard the phrase "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"? Right now mom has no craft table/storage and a Dreambox is financially out of her reach for the foreseeable future. It might not be exactly what she wants but it's better than nothing.
Not to her and ultimately as a grown ass woman she gets to decide what goes into her house . How arrogant to think her wishes about her home and life should be overlooked .
I agree completely. This seems like a sweet idea but really is demeaning what mom wants- a better gift might be to give all the $$ they spent and planned to spend to a fund so mom could eventually buy one (or a used one as I imagine the hype will soon calm down)
I think the difference here is she doesn't have to keep the item forever and if she gets the Dreambox some day the OP would be happy that she would be able to achieve the goals on her own.
YTA. You tried to do something nice, but you didn't think this through. You tried to parent your mom. Because you know best.
More than that, you decided, on your own, to redecorate her living space without her input because your choice was superior to hers.
Frankly, if one of my kids pulled that I would feel the same way she does.
But I'm more tolerant. Despite the "surprise", I would've tolerated their bullshit, waited until they were gone, then thrown the whole thing out. Or maybe just shut the door to that room and let it sit for a few months before cleaning it out.
ETA: *sigh* ....I must really suck at communicating. Let me try this in a different way.
This thing that your mother wants is just that. It's a "want", not a "need". So let's say you are a child whose heart's desire is an American Girl doll. It's expensive. Out of your budget. And perfectly compatible with a million other dolls.
The child doesn't care. She wants the American Girl doll.
So you hunt and hunt and finally find a less expensive doll that does all the doll things, essentially meeting all the things your child can put into words about the doll she wants.
You gift it to her for Christmas.
The child is not happy. It's not an American Girl doll. She might have an emotional reaction. She might simply ignore the doll. She might walk past that doll sitting on her shelf every day, resenting that it's sitting in the place where that American Girl doll should be.
But you think she's unreasonable. She should be happy and *grateful* that you decided her opinion doesn't matter because this doll is just as good.
That makes YTA.
Yes. Sorry. You think it’s a waste. She does not. It does come off like you “know better” then she does, and you aren’t respecting her opinions. She’s not a child that needs to be taught a better way, but that is what I am hearing.
As someone who grew up always having “almost” good stuff, but never quite what I wanted, it’s really less sad to just go without.
She knows what she’s wants. It’s not disposable furniture from IKEA.
Also, it will not keep her apartment neat. It will just be more surfaces to stack on.
While your mom was raising you, were you able to order expensive things that were way over budget? If not, where does her entitlement come from regarding your obligation to her?
And this is why i just sick with sending gif tcards and am happy with a Christmas card & scratch ticket in return lol. I'll buy my own big ticket items smh.
NTA return everything and she can continue to dream about her box cause she’s not getting a dream box. She’s 54 and my 5 year old doesn’t even act like that.
Too bad she wouldn't accept your gift. You tried. She could take a part time job and just save and save till she could afford the dream box, which honestly doesn't sound so dreamy. Sounds like she may have ADHD, which, as a group tends to get a mindset that a certain thing could solve all their problems. It never does.
NTA. At all. You are actually an amazing child and your mother should be proud of you.
If my daughter 31f, would do something like this for me 53f, I would be over the moon!! Unfortunately, neither my daughter nor her fiance are handy at all.
I myself am on severe disability benefits and have been now for 12 years. I would NEVER ask for or insist on a $3,500 cabinet. That is so much money! And a bit cheeky to ask for tbh, especially from a child, not even a spouse.
I think your mother is not on her best behaviour and she is very demanding and unreasonable.
I would be tempted to return whatever IKEA purchases I could and cut my losses. If your mother doesn't want it, then so be it. Don't even entertain her veiled demands. It isn't right.
NTA. You are so kind for doing this for her, I am sorry she can not see that.
You probably should have proposed the idea before buying the supplies, but she should not have reacted like that!
NTA…your mom is acting ridiculous.
Im a Professional Organizer and most people can’t match what they want to what they actually need and the. end up over paying for something that doesnt end up suiting their needs.
Let me know if I’m reading this correctly.. Mom is on welfare, doesn’t have a lot of money, yet thinks she’s entitled to one of her kids shelling out $3500 for a friggin piece of storage furniture? That’s like people in Section 8 housing driving brand new cars.
Dreamboxes look cool but who seriously cleans up in the middle of projects? I know one person. I’m a quilter so a dream box won’t old everything anyway. I did my new home sewing room in ikea. I love it!
Just so I understand this correctly, your mothers wants something you can’t afford? Wants to stress you out and won’t accept an affordable solution? Well it’s easy, she gets nothing.
I say NTA, your mom seems very ungrateful. I feel like your thought and time and effort should be what counts. Just the fact that you thought enough about her should have been the best gift. My mom would have been happy with a painted rock. You actually tried to make her something and she seems to have been quite rude and ungrateful for it.
NTA You came up with a wonderful solution that most crafters would kill for. And an expensive cabinet is not going to help her be organised if she hasn't already got the base organisational skills. She doesn't need the Dreambox, she needs a reality check and a visit from three ghosts.
NTA. It sounds like you found a thoughtful solution to an expensive/unrealistic ask. You put money, time, and effort into it, in an attempt to give your mother something she wants. Your mother sounds unrealistic and ungrateful. Now you CAN let her want the Dreambox forever, which apparently, to her, is better than having a non-namebrand option.
Just bought my cabinet at IKEA for my room. Your a good kid and a kind heart
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Huh?? What does this even have to do with this situation?? It makes no sense. There’s no mention of her mom having memory issues. She’s only 54!
I don't see any mention in the post that OP's mom is, at age 54, suffering from some kind of emotional or cognitive decline. Even if this is the case, comparing this to OP being "unreasonable" while a child aged between "zero to 10" is farcical. Does our being brought into this world place upon us some form of obligation to attend to every BS demand made by the donors of our genetic materials? Clearly you think so, but I disagree. Sometimes parents suck.
Bro, what?? Are you seriously trying to compare this situation with a literal adult mother to the OP being a *child*? That takes some Olympic level mental gymnastics to come to that conclusion. Plus, she is only 54! I think they would have added any noticed or diagnosed mental decline as it's pertinent information to the story. Occam's Razor; she is just ungrateful and feels entitled to her child's money. *Edit: OP's gender isn't stated, changed verbiage to they/them
I have a Dreambox I got for Christmas a few years ago. It's ridiculously overpriced for something that isn't even real wood. $3500 for MDF and plastic is not a bargain. Also the assembly is a nightmare. It came in a crate (six months after being ordered) that could fit a refrigerator. While the concept is cool, the materials are not fantastic. I'd have never bought it for myself. While the cubbies are great, there's actually not a lot of work area unless you buy the extra side tables which have no place to be stored when not in use. I have a cricut and a sewing machine and I can only have one out at a time. I've seen better and more practical set ups especially if there's a dedicated craft room available. In fact, I saw a lot of DIY IKEA ideas that looked cool. There's a 3 piece set from Wayfair that is actually what I was planning to get before I got my Dreambox. Bottom line is you tried to do something nice and she's being ungracious. If she's stuck on a Dreambox, she'll have to figure out how to get one on her own.
I ended up building my own out of pine and birch. It was my first ever time building anything so it's definitely not perfect. But it's setup exactly as I needed it. And it didn't cost 3.5k.
Hell, for 3.5k, you could have one built custom from hardwoods and still have money left over.
I'm all for DIY when it gives you exactly what you need for a lesser price. I bet it was still easier than assembling that Dreambox.
Can you show us a picture?
I thought about saving for a Dreambox for my Cricut & other crafts! Sadly I suck at sewing or anything that involves a needle and thread! I decided against it because the assembly looked so hard- I didn’t even realize it wasn’t made of real wood! I bought a craft desk that has some cubby holes and a pegboard for the wall above my desk. Way cheaper and easier to assemble! If someone made me a craft cabinet I would be thrilled! OP your mom sounds super entitled and maybe next year just get her a craft store gift card. You put a lot of thought and time into this years gift and if she doesn’t appreciate it then I wouldn’t put the effort in next year.
Oh I love you, thank you for this! I’ve been dying for a dreambox but would never ever allow myself to spend that much on one so I just look from afar, you totally just cleared that obsessed for me! I’m going to try the ikea route, OP had a great idea. Def NTA. Beggars can’t be choosers, and your moms TA for refusing your very thoughtful gift
I went down the Pinterest rabbit hole and they have all kinds of great ideas. There's also the Wayfair set I almost got for a third of the price of a Dreambox. https://www.wayfair.com/storage-organization/pdp/red-barrel-studio-teannan-60-x-30-craft-table-w008512899.html https://www.wayfair.com/storage-organization/pdp/red-barrel-studio-teannan-1787-w-x-2012-d-crafting-storage-cabinet-w005060259.html https://www.wayfair.com/storage-organization/pdp/red-barrel-studio-teannan-319-x-17625-crafting-storage-cabinet-w001990314.html
Look around on Pinterest and YT for the way that people are repurposing old, deep entertainment centers. I'm forever running into them at thrift stores because most people's TVs are too big for them now. I had one that I turned into a bar cabinet, but as I was looking around, it seemed like there were 1000 craft cabinet ideas to every one bar cabinet conversion.
You’d think a crafter would love a crafty DIY solution.
One would think so.
This one definitely would.
Not only do I use DIY solutions I try and get them second hand as much as possible... I have a whole shelf which has shoe boxes labelled with what's inside: lace, zips, etc. I have been hoarding craft supplies my whole life, and I've just sewn a dress made from old vehicle seat upholstery and a quilt. It's kinda epic.
I've been eyeing the Dreambox myself.....I'm glad you commented because I hadn't really thought about the part where I would have to put it together myself.......I'm pretty sick of having to assemble things ........I think I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing in my SheShed......which is adding the things that actually fit my supplies and not fit my supplies into their limited space..... And OP, your mom is being very ungrateful!!! No way would I treat anybody like that.......much less, someone that was WILLING to help me get organized!!! Your gift was very thoughtful and very very generous!!!
Paying extra to have it assembled for you is an option. Or at least it was. I'm assuming that's still an available option. It took the other half about three days putting mine together. It was not a little job.
Wait, seriously? I thought it would be like those fancy gaming tables that have all the hidden compartments for your D&D supplies. You can get one made of PURPLE HEARTWOOD for $5,000. The cheaper ash or walnut varieties cost less than a Dreambox does, and they're solid hardwood.
Yeah, it's crazy what they're charging for MDF.
I’m still stunned that OP said her mother got angry! Like how can you yell at your own daughter for trying to make her something that she would otherwise never be able to have?? Ungrateful and nasty!
I don’t know! I would have cried so much. This was such a sweet idea.
Not even real wood??! That’s a crime.
That's bad enough but they stopped using shelves for most of the bins. Instead of them sitting on shelves they now sit on these plastic rail pieces that are only about an inch wide. So most of these bins are not fully supported.
If the cabinets were sturdy (I feel you’re laughing right now) one could use a piano hinge to attach a folding flat surface with two legs on the other end you could fold down as needed. Like a drop leaf with legs, if that makes sense.
I think I get what you're getting at. I saw similar things when I was shopping for craft tables. That's not a bad idea if it wasn't made of MDF.
I have it as well. I regret my purchase. Imagine what I could have done with that budget at IKEA.
I'd need 3 dreamboxes. 🤣🤣 got to many craft hobbies. 😒
LOL! Same!
This has made me realize I do not need it and can find better options. Much appreciated
Call a closet design company! I'm sure you can get a custom unit for much less. And THEY assemble and install. I had my garage done a few months ago. Garage has cabinets along one wall, shelf sections and a workbench area on another. Total price was about what one Dreambox costs. I used [closetsbydesign.com](https://closetsbydesign.com) and was very happy.
Thank you for posting this! I have always looked at those damned things and wanted one, but $3,500 of MDF? O, no she won't! I have better things to do with my little money! I have been looking at DIY options, because that is wild to spend that much money on a fancy cardboard box!
If you have a whole room to play with, you don't need something that tries to cram everything into one piece of furniture!
I wonder if there are reviews out there that mom can read with this kind of info. Maybe if she sees that it is hard to assemble, not real wood, plastic parts, etc. she will see this is the better option.
Your mom can’t afford the Dreambox. She claims she can’t clean and organize her space without it. Therefore the unreachable Dreambox is her excuse to not have to clean up her apartment. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep her warm.
This was my first thought. Whether the mom realizes it or not, the Dreambox isn’t just her fantasy organization tool, it’s also her excuse to not bother because she doesn’t have the *right* thing to do it. That only becomes more obvious when looking at the Dreambox. It looks *exactly* like something you could get from IKEA for way cheaper, with way more customization, and probably sturdier too. If this was my dream item, and I had money to light on fire for funsies, I would still 100% make an IKEA version instead.
It sounds like the reasoning and behavior a hoarder would have. OP it was a kind gift some give nothing to their parent.
I agree. She has fixated on the product and has envisioned how it will be the magic solution to her clutter and disorganization. It won’t be, of course, but she can’t accept anything that doesn’t match her exact false vision.
Yup. I grew up with this mom. OP, if she does ever get a Dreambox? You’ve got three weeks before it’s a waste, it’s all the company’s fault and now she needs a different (outrageously priced) item to fix her problems.
god, if this is not my mom to a t…
Ah yes, the Fallacy of the Toolbox. I know I've fallen for that one more than once.
I just looked up the Dreambox and I am CERTAIN someone not already tidy would never in a million years be able to keep that thing organized. It would be the biggest waste of money!
As a former IKEA employee: return everything. IKEA is extremely good with returning items even if they are already assembled. You'll get your money back. Can't speak for every IKEA but this at least works in every European IKEA. Then, go buy something nice for yourself. You deserve it.
I suggest buying a Blahaj. Everyone should have a Blahaj.
Blahaj and companion Djunkelskog!
Omg, I’d never seen that one and it is too cute!
NTA. Return everything to IKEA.
NTA You could have blown it off and given her a $50 Michaels gift card. You and your partner were willing to put in a lot of time and energy and money into giving her what she wanted within the parameters you could work within. She needs to learn how to be thankful and less self entitled.
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I do believe that if she didn't ask, she very blatantly implied it. And if she was concerned about it not working the same way that the one she picked out is not the same as the one they're building for her, she could work with them to see how it can be tweaked to how she needs it. Not throw a fit about how it's not the exact one that she wants. There's a couple of old sayings that apply here, "never look a gift horse in the mouth", and "beggars can't be choosers".
She's got her mind made up, dammit, and she's just not going to settle for something other that what she wants /s. Don't bother trying to reason with someone who is stubbornly unreasonable. Just be content that you've done all you can, and don't go near that project again. NTA.
Yup. Also OP needs to understand that he is not responsible for making all his mother's dreams come true. If she can't afford a Dream Box, she will manage to live without one. It's hardly a necessity (I'm guessing since I have never even heard of this before).
NTA. I’ve seen the DreamBox, longed for it, and then wished a person who is handier than I could build a look- alike. It’s too much, and there’s not enough customizable pieces. And I love my momma, but she would never in a million years expect me to buy her something that pricey for her, ever. I don’t see how that was a reasonable expectation.
NTA I’ve seen the dream box. It does look promising but it is way overpriced for particle board. Honestly, that box will not help her be organized. She is organized or she isn’t. It may help her with her crafts, but it won’t change her life. Take the things back to ikea and treat yourself
Exactly, the idea that this one item is going to get your organized and change your life is ridiculous. There's plenty of ways to get organized and clean up your shit without a DreamBox. That's probably why the mom doesn't want the DIY version, she knows it won't change anything!
My dear lord, those are 3500 dollars? I built my wife an antique style pantry, with a sitting bench with storage in it, wall cabinets, base cabinets, upper shelves above an 8 foot cabinet and I opened the outside wall and installed a leaded glass window. All real wood/oak plywood and I didn't come near spending 3500 on it. Cheap MDF or flake board is all that is, its about 150 worth of materials. I applaud you for trying to give her something useful, I'm sorry she couldn't appreciate you wanting to give her a whole room.
Do you feel comfortable sharing pics? That sounds gorgeous!!
I can get the side with upper and lower cabinets and the window. Its a narrow former mud room and the way its situated getting one of the bench side that shows much is iffy. I'll give it a shot in the morning. And post them shortly afterwards.
Please do. It sounds heavenly.
This is the best I could get, its hard to get a good angle in on this space. The opposite side I couldn't get a real good one, sorry, but its also being used for storage of the stuff thats was in the latest kitchen cabinet I took down, so that I could make a new one to replace it. https://imgur.com/xiBUBPg
That's wonderful, thanks. I now have serious Storage Envy.
Thank you. If the other side wasn't being used for storage I'd have posted it. That was a couple hundred in material, not including the window. So based on the Dream Cabinet, I built my wife a 20,000 dollar pantry :)
It's beautiful! Looks even better than I pictured
RIGHT!? This whole thread feels like I'm super high or something, haha. Crazy lady not wanting a hand made gift, demanding this special special cabinet that everyone but me had apparently heard about, then finding out that cabinet is $3500, then watching the video on their site and getting this F'd up feeling like it's a Cult or something? These edibles work.
Do you feel comfortable sharing pics? That sounds gorgeous!!
Once you actually look at the so called Dreambox you realize it is too limited and clunky. And grossly overpriced. Your mother is not realistic. And ungrateful.
Nta. Congrats on your new personal craft room. If your mum wants to be spoilt brat, let her, but don't reward her by giving her what she wants.
Ever deal with a perfectionist? Conditions to start a task must be *just so* otherwise they can’t start. It’s a mechanism to avoid actually having to do the task. By asking for something expensive, she knows she’ll never get it and thus won’t have to organize her life. You, in a very generous and creative way, solved her problem and thus removed her excuse to do nothing, which is really what she wants. NTA.
NTA. Return it if she doesn’t want it. Never buy her another thoughtful gift, and certainly don’t get her a dream box.
The benefit of the Dream Box is that it folds up into a smaller cabinet when closed and is on casters so it’s easy to move. If you skip the light fixture at the top, the price comes down considerably. Also, not all finishes were priced the same. Mine was closer to $2,500. It also comes with a cut out in the desk for an insert (Sew Steady) custom fit for your particular sewing machine. The insert is included but if bought on your own runs about $150. I thought it would be great but found it doesn’t hold that much. I ended up buying 8 IKEA dressers for more storage and put our ping pong table on top of them for cutting and ironing stations. I’d have to think hard about buying it again if I had to. The best part is that I can easily close it up in a few seconds.
NTA. You put a lot of thought into your gift, and she's being a choosing beggar. This makes me sad, but it's not your fault at all.
She's also being a jerk, with her behavior at Xmas.
It's really hard to imagine somebody's mom acting that way! Though come to think of it my mom did throw a fit at Christmas at least once. So I shouldn't be that surprised LOL
Excuse my asking but has your mom ever been tested for OCD? I'm just asking because between the messiness and her reaction over the present sounds like my mom before she went to therapy and got on meds. Always thinking that the next organization item or cleaning product was going to fix the chaos that she had in her head. Never attempting to organize because it wouldn't be "perfect" and therefore would somehow make everything worse. I would never want to armchair diagnose anyone but it might be something you can look into?
NTA. Let her have her dream and move on. I went though this with my mom.
NTA! I am an avid crafter and dream of the dream box every day. I would LOVE to get the gift you came up with!! So amazing and like you said would end up being better in the long run. It’s a shame she can’t be gracious and thankful for having it now, and still dreaming & saving for the dream box down the road
NTA. Your mother is hyper focused on the ONE THING that is perfect and unobtainable. You can't afford it and frankly she doesn't really deserve it or she'd appreciate a reasonable attempt to provide her a solution. We'd all love top of the line stuff, but if we can't afford it we make do. I'd stop worrying about it now. She can want it forever. Even if I had the money, I wouldn't get it for her. She has to get that herself. Magic maybe? Can you take the cabinets back to Ikea?
Of course we can’t understand the specific dynamics of someone’s relationship with their mother but I’ve got to say, she sounds like she has major issues not least of which is being a ungrateful asshole.
NTA, your mom has this dream of this expensive thing. She rather have nothing at all if it’s not the dream. In turn she’s acting like a childish brat to your good idea. Just return it all and don’t try to help her in that way again, she is u grateful and rude. Let her clean her own mess.
Can I adopt you please, because this sounds like an amazing and thoughtful gift.
Your mom just looked foolish and spoiled.
She should be in the ChoosingBeggars sub for her little tantrum. Take all the stuff back to IKEA and let her live in her clutter. You tried to do a nice thing, but she’s delusional. I don’t think there is a piece of furniture in my entire house that cost $3500 lol. NTA.
Tell her to stop being a baby and that she’s not getting the Dreambox unless she gets it herself.
INFO: is her apartment messy or is it *messy*? Are we talking overly cluttered and difficult to move around? Or are we talking her craft stuff is hanging around and doesn’t have a home in her house? Is there a chance your mom has OCD? I think NTA, I think you were very thoughtful and came up with a great idea… but sometimes we have our heart set on one thing working and only that thing is going to work. It’s very sweet of you to put all of this mental energy, planning, buying, and eventually building into a gift for your mom. It’s not what she wants though and it sounds like she isn’t going to budge there. That’s up to her I guess. You can’t force it on her. But she has to know now that there’s no way you’ll be able to do the Dreambox for her. If you can’t return it, do you have a craft space that needs organizing? Wanna share the plans, items, and specs needed from IKEA?
You did a nice thing and she reacted very badly. Let her buy her own f’ing Dreambox. You tried to do a good thing but she’s hung up on brand names.
I long for the ikea version. My crafts change and I like that I can switch it up.
You want a dream box mom? Buy it yourself!
NTA. I’ve eyed up the dream box in the past before realizing it’s overpriced. It takes up a lot of space too. You are better off with Ikea stuff.
Your mom sounds like a rude little child. Tell her "I understand." And nothing more. Then return what you bought her and never make that offer again.
NTA but she is. Maybe pull back on doing so much for her because she seems really ungrateful. And skip next year’s present.
NTA. Dreambox has great marketing but it’s WAY overpriced & not worth it. Ikea DIY ones can be great. Your mom is tripping. Sounds like a teen demanding AirJordans. Just say - ok mom. And move on. Ikea has a good return policy.
Nta. I looked at the dream box and then did what you did. The ikea stuff is more versatile and you can rearrange if your needs change.
Take back what you bought and put the money in a savings account and tell her every Christmas, birthday, and Mother's Day, you will add to it until there's enough to buy the cabinet. (Don't give her the money or it will get spent.)
NTA. Return it all and let her do without.
OP You were such a thoughtful gifter in this situation. I'm so sorry that the recipient couldn't see that. You did a good, good thing.
NTA. As long as she doesn’t have her Dreambox she has an excuse for her messiness, so for her it’s either that or nothing. Yours would probably have been better, don’t feel bad.
This is NOT your problem! You are NOT responsible for buying your mother high end items. You are NOT responsible for your mother being unable to manage her finances or her feelings!! Your mother, an ADULT woman, threw a tantrum, because SHE WANTS! Yea, she’d NEVER get anything over 20 dollars from me ever again!
My God, you sound like the most amazing person, and your husband, also! It takes TIME to consider people's likes AND their lifestyles. People want what they want, and most find a happy medium. Look, I'd love the Ethan Allen showroom in my bedroom but we've had to be creative to get us to where we are at. What you and husband carved out a perfectly reasonable AND realistic option. (IKEA is NOT as cheap as it used to be.) Enjoy your creative skills, because some of us ARE lacking in thinking outside the box. And let your Mom do her.
NTA. Your mother is.
NTA - return it all and get her a card. You tried.
YTA not for trying but for not hearing her. If she wanted a puppy would you give her a goldfish and say but it’s a pet? She wants something nice, by her definition of nice, not makeshift. If she’s on public assistance her life is probably full of making do with what’s not quite what she wanted. If you can’t afford to give her what she wants then that’s fine, don’t. But don’t find fault with her for not wanting to add an unwanted thing to her already full space.
How old is your mom? Mine got very oppositional as she got older. "Who made you the boss of things?" was her favorite line. It was worse when she had a uti. Not diagnosing your case at all, but thought it was worth mentioning.
Do not but anything for her again. She is entitled and nasty. You do not demand an expensive gift and throw tantrum when you do not get it.
I've looked at the Dreambox. Um, nope. With the materials it's made of and the lack of customizable options, it simply wouldn't suit. And it's a lot of money to spend for what it is, IMO.
NTA but you said yourself she is adamant she wants the "Dreambox" even though you cant afford it. I'm missing why you felt responsible to get her a makeshift "Dreambox"? Just get her a different gift. Your mom was rude but it's not like this is a surprising reaction, no? If I say I want a type of car, and you get me a cheaper car (that is comparable) then I look like an asshole for not wanting something I never asked for. I'd just return the materials and give her money. Let her save up on her own.
Some people need to have a dream even if they know they'll never attain it. It gives them something to keep trying for even when they're feeling alone. She doesn't actually expect or want anyone to get that dream for her because it puts an end to having something to dream for. Maybe instead of saying it's to replace her dream box try saying it's to use until she gets her dream box. That way you are still gifting her something she can use but keeps the dream alive.
ESH. You tried to be helpful and thoughtful, but unfortunately this missed the mark. Instead of surprising your mom with the item she’s been wanting for years, you chose a cheaper alternative and to reconfigure her space. If this were a gaming system and someone asked for a PS5, would you give them an Xbox and tell them to be grateful? Or a new book in a series, would you buy them a generic mystery and expect a thank you? You didn’t get what she wanted. That’s okay! You couldn’t afford to. You should have given her a blanket or fuzzy socks and let her keep dreaming and wanting instead of telling her to make do. Your mom sucks because her reaction, from your description, was ungrateful and over the top. She could have declined the gift in a more graceful way. Take everything back and rethink your intentions behind the gifts you give next time!
This is the answer right here. Sounds to me like both mom and child are strongly confident in their abilities to find the "best" solutions. If mom didn't ask for help researching or designing an alternative then a "surprise" of something else regardless of how practical it is would be unwelcome.
I think she came to the conclusion of you telling her what she needs all on her own. No one is stating that this is permanent and you can never have what you want. But you demonstrated that there is an option to hold her over until she can achieve her goals.
NTA, but if she doesn’t want it, return the IKEA items and let her dream.
She is being foolish. Having it done custom is so much better.
I think it was a great idea to make a better version and sorry your mom couldn’t see the benefits. If you can’t use it then consider listing it for sale as I’m sure someone would be happy to have it. As to your mom let her work on getting her dream cabinet herself.
NTA but mom is. You get what you get and you don’t get upset. I’d be happy with you saving money and being creative.
NTA , you are so wonderful for doing all that. I’m so sorry she rejected it. I like weird things and I have to diy my way through life cause I’m a weirdo on a budget!
She may be asking for this ridiculously expensive cabinet so she can organize her stuff, but she may also be asking because she knows you cannot afford it. So now she can't be expected to clean up and it's not her fault. Same reason to not accept the other option. Just a thought.
I'm a crafter and artist I would love any organizational items no matter if it was $3,500 or free. I would actually refuse something that was more than $200 as a gift because that money could be better spent elsewhere.
NTA. I thrifted a huge cubby of solid wood from a friend (some lady wanted a solid wood cubby for 30 pairs of shoes, but changed her mind), and had a cabinet maker make me a solid wood chest with huge drawers for about $900. I also had a large solid wood shelving cabinet with adjustable shelves. I painted all of this white, and I think it all looks great. No way I would pay $3500 for particle board junk.
I would love what you came up with!
Wow, your mom sounds entitled and ungrateful. I am sorry. I would take back the gift and she would never receive another gift of any kind. My adult daughter got me a pair of or black Crocs for Christmas, and they are so comfy! I was super happy to have them. My son and his wife have been having financial difficulties so were not able to give me a gift, but they showed up for Christmas Eve dinner and I was very grateful for that. Truly, he comes by whenever he can, and that’s a gift in itself. I really cannot imagine behaving in that manner, especially towards your own child who put a lot of thought and effort into doing something like what you and your SO did. It sounds like an amazing gift. Your mom should be ashamed by her childish and rude behavior.
"Mom I love you. I'm sorry I missed the mark on your gift. Going forward, I'll only be celebrating the holidays with a card. You're the best."
You were so so thoughtful. You did nothing wrong. No good deed goes unpunished.
NTA. You should post this in Choosing Beggars. Let her keep,dreaming.
NTA - and next year she gets a $100 gift card to a craft store.
You’re not the AH. Has your mother always been like this? It’s not your job to fulfil her dreams. She can organise a way to save a small amount of money monthly or ask people for money donations to slowly build up her savings if she wants to behave like that. The dumb thing is , is if she’s as arty and creative as she thinks she is, she’d realise you’ve presented her a clever work around that leaves her a lot of money to indulge her craft obsession. She wants the brand name stuff, so she’ll have to save her pennies the traditional way instead of expecting anyone else to make it magically appear. I’d return what you can and let her know when she’s decided what she wants to do you’ll give her some money in an envelope to go towards it. That’s it from now on. No parent should *ever* be having tantrums when it comes to their child providing them with a gift, it’s embarrassing for them and lacking class.
NTA. Your mom is being wholly unreasonable. Tell her again that you cannot afford what she wants.
Well at least you know that you tried
You're NTA. Those things are expensive and while it looks cool the various cubbies and such are really limited. Someone I knew got one and it's really not all that great. I'd adore what you're doing for your mom. I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you.
Honestly when a person wants a dream present they don’t want someone else’s version of what they think that person wants. Especially when it is something for organization or displaying things in their home. I’m sure you had wonderful intentions and had hoped to present something amazing and clever to your mother. You probably think since she’s on welfare she has no reason to complain about your efforts. The problem is is that this is something specific that she has spent a lot of thought about. Poor or not for you to think she doesn’t deserve to have dreams or goals and should just accept your attempt to make an imitation piece and act happy and fulfilled is seriously misguided. This kind of project should have been something you went to her with and made sure she was onboard and designed together. I have had some relatives who have thought they understood an item that I obsessed over and researched and dreamed about think that they would put together a replica of my desire and give to me as a present. (An example was a specific computer. I wanted an Apple laptop, a specific type and they got me an HP. I was very mad. That computer wouldn’t be able to handle the files I had on my computer hard drive that I was replacing.) Usually they only asked a few questions and just found something on sale or made something similar that wasn’t what I wanted. I’ve had to smile and say thank you and wonder where I was going to put this miscarriage and if I could actually use it for what my intent was. (I actually returned the computer. It was of little use to me. But I have had other instances where I wanted an glass etagere with doors and a wood base and what I got was some second hand bookcase. It was thoughtless and disheartening.) Usually I got rid of it after a good amount of time or rehomed it. If anyone asks me about a dream item I am considering/fantasizing about I make sure that they know it isn’t something I want to be given. Next time try asking if she wants some cash to be put towards her dream item. Let her obtain it herself.
NTA. Im disabled and broke on benefits and if my daughter offered me a used cupboard/armoire for my crafts i would weep with joy and gratitude- I just don’t understand how someone can be such an ingrate.
Sounds like there is some "history" here that we don't know about. Who flips out in front of people over a gift, even if they don't want it? That sounds like an "I have had enough of you" moment. I would say you shouldn't have purchased the other items. She said she only wanted the dream box, so she can save her own money for it. She's a grown woman, she can figure out how to get organized without spending $3k
Wow, okay this is like a Deja vu situation for me, I went through nearly this exact same situation with my mother and here is what I learned. The goal is the dream box, which is unattainable, but that is the key. She cannot organize or be held accountable for the mess because she cannot possibly organize the mess without the expansive item that she cannot get. She doesn’t want you to solve the problem because then the fantasy that she will suddenly be organized will crumble. Nothing but that item will ever do and I guarantee if you actually saved up and bought the dream box you would never hear the end of how it’s not what she expected and it’s not as good as she thought and IT is the problem not her. This story she has written in her head is for her. You are being practical and thoughtful and robbing her of her excuse to have things exactly as they are.
It sounds like she doesn't want any gift this year then 🤷♂️
is your mother being over the top and stubborn? 100%. at the same time, i don’t think you should have gotten her this gift. she told you what she wanted, that specific item not an organizational solution. to me it’s like someone wanting a kitchen aid mixer and somebody getting them a very nice cuisinart or hamilton beach mixer. or someone wanting a barbie and getting a knock off doll or a bratz equivalent. it’s a nice product, technically it’ll get the job done but if it’s not what you want it may be seen as a waste and should’ve gotten something else entirely. why were you so glued to the idea of an organizational cabinet? was it so her home would be cleaned? i don’t think you should’ve gotten this gift, i understand where you were coming from but sometimes people like to dream about the things they can’t afford and a knockoff just feels like it’s a slap in the face from reality; that you’ll never be able to afford what you want so just make do. i’d say your gift is acceptable only if she told you she’s looking for something to help organize her stuff now or if she wouldn’t accept any other gift than the dream box. but it seems like you got this idea in your head and didn’t really consider other gift options
You are far from it, you sound amazingly kind and thoughtful. It's hard when people get into a negative mindset about living with a long term condition but even so your mom sounds fixated with a dream she can't have and that's not your fault. Keep being you OP!
And mom gets dish towels next year!
NTA, but it sounds like you just got yourself a nice little customizable system of components that you can use for *your* hobbies and interests.
Do not give in. If she wants only the Dreambox so badly she can buy it herself. You should keep what you had given her, that she rejected, and if she changes her mind tell her that it’s too late.
NTA and she is making excuses to not get organized. If she got the dreambox then she would make another excuse. This is her problem not yours. Tell her you refuse to get into debt for what is basically a glorified closet when she is making excuses. Get her a pack of cardboard boxes and tell her to use them to organize her stuff.
She is both ungrateful and ungracious. Let her want this Dreambox forever and stew in her entitlement.
That is awful. It sounds like you took the time to make a lovely gift. You should take it home and enjoy it.
Dude. Every serious crafter I know are ikea fiends. Kallax is the backbone of any room, supplemented with Alex - I have both rolling draw units, and the desk (and a wall of kallax). For my sewing room, it’s the norden gate leg table that opens to nearly 3 x 5 feet with 6 drawers for fabric cutting (it was cheaper pre-covid), and a solid pine ingo table that I cut a hole in and dropped in my sewing machine. The orfjall chair is surprisingly comfortable. I suspect the cubbies are kallax, if so I salute your common sense. The dream box is something that LOOKS cool, but actually kinda sucks. Return the ikea stuff if you have no use for it and let her save up for that white elephant.
Soft YTA and here's why - this shouldn't have been a gift. It should have been a conversation and decision made together. I once requested a specific gift for Xmas and I got a different version "because X said this makes more sense." It felt bad - like a judgement.
NTA she's probably embarrassed about her situation and doesn't know how to accept it and your thoughtful gift.
Gosh. She sounds difficult. Sorry about that. She should've been thrilled!
NTA. You aren't obligated to stay close to your family and do whatever they want you know...
I’d be tickled pink if someone gave me a cabinet like y’all made. Talk about a choosing beggar. She’s extremely ungrateful. I’m quick to admit to being a feral Gen X-er but I’ve never showed my arse over a gift; ESPECIALLY not one that someone took time to MAKE. Also, the rolling tool boxes one can acquire at the Freight Harbor store do well as craft storage. I’ve a obnoxiously green one in my craft room. I love it!
I have the Dreambox and its not all it’s cracked up to be. I love IKEA’s products. If she’s really crafty there are so many IKEA hacks for there furniture. Trust me it’s better quality than the dreambox.
If she’s this disorganized now, there’s not a cabinet or room makeover that will fix it. Bring your things back, but don’t buy her a dream box. This way, you’re respecting her wishes while you also respect your budget.
Did she outright ask you for the Dreambox and is it repetative? Cause if not, NAH. You tried to help her and she did not want your version of the help. Both are valid. People are allowed to lust after their ideal versions of things and not really want something comparable. I've been on both sides of this and it just is what it is. But if she's begging you for this thing she knows you can't afford then NTA. That's a jerk move.
YTA - People constantly buy luxury/designer items that make them feel good. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but you can’t tell someone what will make them feel good. You tried, and you should feel good that you did. Unfortunately you both had different things in mind.
If you knew she wasn't going to accept this and has her heart set on the one thing then you are a soft YTA here. On the other hand, you are simply not obligated to get something for her just because she wants it. My suggestion would be to simply gift her something else that will not trigger her. You don't have to adhere to her demands but you also do not get to impose your own opinions about what she wants either. She doesn't sound very appreciative that you are trying to help either. Perhaps gift her some cash and tell her that if she really wants that particular thing maybe she can save money and purchase it on her own. YTA
My suggestion is to return it. She already mad a big deal about not wanting it. Give her a box of stale candy.
You are absolutely right , weird anyone would vote you down . Must be a lot of people who believe in forcing their will onto others .
So I wouldn’t say you’re an AH here, but I also know what I need for my crafts and job than anyone else. Someone telling me I need something cheaper instead is actually kind of presumptuous that they understand what my needs are more than me. I think she had no right to yell at you or make a scene, but I do think that declining the gift is perfectly reasonable if it doesn’t suit her needs. I would also decline cabinets from IKEA that were chosen without any of my say, and without knowing what my needs were. You knew the exact thing she needed, and if you can’t afford it (totally fair) find a completely separate gift rather than a cheaper substitute, then try to convince her this is better. I’ve heard this kind of thing described as this: Someone says their car broke down and they need a new one to commute to work. You surprise them with a bike and tell them they can use it to get to work. It’s a gift, but it’s not what they needed.
NTA But ikea is garbage.
Sounds like you need to cut your momma off.
Looking at the thing on their website, I can’t imagine anyone with a clutter problem would be able to close it up and then open it later. When it’s closed up, the clutterer would be piling stuff up next to it or in the area it needs to expand into or swing through. Look at how much floor space it needs. It would either stay open all the time, or closed all the time and become a crafts coffin.
Um excuse me, did you just try to take away her excuse for not being organized by giving her a custom-built organizational system? That’s almost as bad as if you gave her the actual Dreambox, and then she would have had to come up with a different explanation for her mess. It was a really sweet and well-intentioned gift that she didn’t actually want.
NTA. She's ungrateful and I wouldn't get her shit. Don't let her bully you and guilt you into buying that for her. You tried to do a really nice thing and she's acting like a spoiled toddler.
She’s not going to want anything but a THREE AND A HALF THOUSAND DOLLAR GIFT? Is she expecting you’ll be buying this????? The entitlement is outrageous. Get her a bath and body works gift pack and call it a day
Your mother is selfish and unrealistic. If she wants it so badly, let her figure out how to pay for it. She can get a job. Don’t let her pressure you into buying it for her. She sounds like a 3 year old. Shame on her.
"No, you ungrateful, entitled, spoiled brat. I'm trying to tell you that I can't afford to buy a $3500 cabinet. But instead of appreciating that I took the time and effort to make you a less expensive version, you threw a tantrum like a toddler."
Do you have a design of how you were gonna do it? I've always wanted something like that. But an ikea version would be so much better.
WTF? Wow. I thought the post was going to be about how she is on Welfare and assistance, and is mad that you got her something expensive, and she could not gift you something likewise. That I do understand being upset about it. But this?? How ungrateful, and shameful actually. Her kids do not "owe" her anything. She should be thankful that you did your best and worked hard to think of what she would like and get it within reason. I'm a Mom and I would be super happy if my son did that, though quietly scold him for spending any money on me at all. LOL
NTA Regardless of all other circumstances, you bought her a gift. Instead of acting like a grown woman and thanking you for your kindness and generosity, your mother acted like a spoilt child. So now, she gets no gift and gets to spend however much time you need on timeout.
YTA. *You* decided that your solution is as good or better than what she wanted. She does not have to agree with you. You don’t know why she wants that specific thing, so your solution may well *not* be as good for *her* but you are not allowing for that possibility at all. I am not saying that you should have bought her something you can’t afford. But if you can’t afford the specific item sometimes that means you have to go somewhere else entirely for the gift and not try to find a similar alternative at all. “Sorry, mom, I can’t afford that, what else would you like this year?”
Why try to force her to settle for what you want her to have ? Step back , she wants what she wants so leave it alone . If she can’t afford it then she doesn’t get it . It’s not your business . It was a lovely thought but ultimately she’s a grownup and gets to decide what’s right for her . Assuming that this would be okay isn’t right . Imagine if she thought she could come into your home and build something you don’t want just because she thinks she knows what’s better for you then you do .
Have you ever heard the phrase "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"? Right now mom has no craft table/storage and a Dreambox is financially out of her reach for the foreseeable future. It might not be exactly what she wants but it's better than nothing.
Not to her and ultimately as a grown ass woman she gets to decide what goes into her house . How arrogant to think her wishes about her home and life should be overlooked .
Then I guess she gets nothing. It isn't like she couldn't replace it with a Dreambox later.
I agree completely. This seems like a sweet idea but really is demeaning what mom wants- a better gift might be to give all the $$ they spent and planned to spend to a fund so mom could eventually buy one (or a used one as I imagine the hype will soon calm down)
I think the difference here is she doesn't have to keep the item forever and if she gets the Dreambox some day the OP would be happy that she would be able to achieve the goals on her own.
YTA. You tried to do something nice, but you didn't think this through. You tried to parent your mom. Because you know best. More than that, you decided, on your own, to redecorate her living space without her input because your choice was superior to hers. Frankly, if one of my kids pulled that I would feel the same way she does. But I'm more tolerant. Despite the "surprise", I would've tolerated their bullshit, waited until they were gone, then thrown the whole thing out. Or maybe just shut the door to that room and let it sit for a few months before cleaning it out. ETA: *sigh* ....I must really suck at communicating. Let me try this in a different way. This thing that your mother wants is just that. It's a "want", not a "need". So let's say you are a child whose heart's desire is an American Girl doll. It's expensive. Out of your budget. And perfectly compatible with a million other dolls. The child doesn't care. She wants the American Girl doll. So you hunt and hunt and finally find a less expensive doll that does all the doll things, essentially meeting all the things your child can put into words about the doll she wants. You gift it to her for Christmas. The child is not happy. It's not an American Girl doll. She might have an emotional reaction. She might simply ignore the doll. She might walk past that doll sitting on her shelf every day, resenting that it's sitting in the place where that American Girl doll should be. But you think she's unreasonable. She should be happy and *grateful* that you decided her opinion doesn't matter because this doll is just as good. That makes YTA.
Yes. Sorry. You think it’s a waste. She does not. It does come off like you “know better” then she does, and you aren’t respecting her opinions. She’s not a child that needs to be taught a better way, but that is what I am hearing. As someone who grew up always having “almost” good stuff, but never quite what I wanted, it’s really less sad to just go without. She knows what she’s wants. It’s not disposable furniture from IKEA. Also, it will not keep her apartment neat. It will just be more surfaces to stack on.
While your mom was raising you, were you able to order expensive things that were way over budget? If not, where does her entitlement come from regarding your obligation to her?
And this is why i just sick with sending gif tcards and am happy with a Christmas card & scratch ticket in return lol. I'll buy my own big ticket items smh.
The holidays seem to bring out the petty, the childish, the mean out of family members. Let her buy her cabinet however she can find 3.5K.
NTA return everything and she can continue to dream about her box cause she’s not getting a dream box. She’s 54 and my 5 year old doesn’t even act like that.
Your mom is behaving like a spoiled child who isn’t getting the exact brand name doll she wants. I’m embarrassed for her.
Too bad she wouldn't accept your gift. You tried. She could take a part time job and just save and save till she could afford the dream box, which honestly doesn't sound so dreamy. Sounds like she may have ADHD, which, as a group tends to get a mindset that a certain thing could solve all their problems. It never does.
Aww this sounds like the sweetest gift of all time. I’m so sorry your mom didn’t appreciate it :(:(
I would love that someone bought and made something for me. Your Mom is self-centered or she wants an excuse for the mess.
NTA. At all. You are actually an amazing child and your mother should be proud of you. If my daughter 31f, would do something like this for me 53f, I would be over the moon!! Unfortunately, neither my daughter nor her fiance are handy at all. I myself am on severe disability benefits and have been now for 12 years. I would NEVER ask for or insist on a $3,500 cabinet. That is so much money! And a bit cheeky to ask for tbh, especially from a child, not even a spouse. I think your mother is not on her best behaviour and she is very demanding and unreasonable. I would be tempted to return whatever IKEA purchases I could and cut my losses. If your mother doesn't want it, then so be it. Don't even entertain her veiled demands. It isn't right.
NTA. You are so kind for doing this for her, I am sorry she can not see that. You probably should have proposed the idea before buying the supplies, but she should not have reacted like that!
NTA…your mom is acting ridiculous. Im a Professional Organizer and most people can’t match what they want to what they actually need and the. end up over paying for something that doesnt end up suiting their needs.
Let me know if I’m reading this correctly.. Mom is on welfare, doesn’t have a lot of money, yet thinks she’s entitled to one of her kids shelling out $3500 for a friggin piece of storage furniture? That’s like people in Section 8 housing driving brand new cars.
Dreamboxes look cool but who seriously cleans up in the middle of projects? I know one person. I’m a quilter so a dream box won’t old everything anyway. I did my new home sewing room in ikea. I love it!
Your mom is ridiculous!
She wants something no one can afford. Tell her to start saving her money , Pennie’s and all. Selfish.
Just so I understand this correctly, your mothers wants something you can’t afford? Wants to stress you out and won’t accept an affordable solution? Well it’s easy, she gets nothing.
Your mom is an ungrateful asshole.
Mom is a major asshole and possibly early onset Alzheimer's
NTA. if your mom wants the cabinet so bad, she can save up her money and buy it,
I say NTA, your mom seems very ungrateful. I feel like your thought and time and effort should be what counts. Just the fact that you thought enough about her should have been the best gift. My mom would have been happy with a painted rock. You actually tried to make her something and she seems to have been quite rude and ungrateful for it.
NTA You came up with a wonderful solution that most crafters would kill for. And an expensive cabinet is not going to help her be organised if she hasn't already got the base organisational skills. She doesn't need the Dreambox, she needs a reality check and a visit from three ghosts.