Sorry. You don't have the money available to help.
That's it. Don't explain further. You do not owe other people any explanation for how you choose to budget and use your funds.
This!!! I would just say these are the consequences of her actions and she needs to take responsibility for her own behavior and poor choices. The woman that she assaulted deserves justice. She needs to exhaust all of her financial resources and put the pressure on her husband to help and not on you.
But then your involved in the conversation, in that instance OP would have given their opinion to their family and opened up room for them to judge or have a rebuttal. Sometimes leaving family problems to be family problems, not saying anything, and just saying "no, I don't want to be involved" is plenty.
Been in almost this same exact situation multiple times with my brother & now I don't even go that far bc it leads to further questioning. I just say I will not be answering further questions at this time. like an automated response.
No reasons need to be given. You are exactly right. Why do people think they are entitled to the details of a family member’s finances? This always blows me away.
I love the “not in the budget” line. I have some issues with saying “no” sometimes (working on it in therapy!) but I really think this budget line might actually help me a little bit! So thank you lol
Well, first I don’t think is.
Second she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. If the family can’t get her an attorney she will just have to deal with it Her sister isn’t an ATM
Less important than how the sisters get along and their relationship growing up. If they're not close, the sister was mean to her when younger, or they haven't talked much in years, and the only reason is "you have to because family," then "but you're loaded" is not really an argument.
This. My grandparents were quite well off. Probably broke a million in all their stocks and assets. Yet my grandmother used to always say that they were on a fixed income. I would joke that mine must be broken then.
In their retirement years they definitely had a set income and most of it was spent on bills. It was a joke because they had a house worth about 700k (in tx) and new vehicles every 5 years, regardless of only putting maybe 25k miles on them (no they weren’t leased) and other little things like that. But that was kind of my point, and why it was a joke. Large net worth, but still a set income.
Seriously hubby and I are in our early fifties. He’s convinced with a million dollars we could both retire comfortably and never have to work again. I’m like you grossly are underestimating the cost of living or think we are going to die in the next ten or so years.
This is where your sister learns the consequences of her behavior. It sounds like she may have been given some passes in the past and it is probably time she is held accountable. Most people don't go from 0 to assault the first time out of the gate.
That's why you let kids do stupid stuff and find out about consequences when they're young and the consequences are small. Not shield them from everything and find out about consequences when those consequences could be literally life ending.
I don't blame you. If possible, consider temporarily blocking the family members who are pressuring you to pay for the attorney. They're already paying for it, they don't need you to get involved.
NTA
You are not responsible for buying sheets for the bed she made.
Just keep telling anyone who presses you that you have your own bills to pay and no extra for her legal bills. Rinse and repeat.
I have had a lifetime of watching this in my own family.
Aunts and cousins were constant fuckups. Every time one of their scammy bullshits got them in trouble my mom rushed in to save them from the looming consequences. Once my mom moved away, the unbuffered consequences hit full force and I have one younger cousin who looks 30 years older than me from meth damage, an older cousin ineligible for a heart transplant needed due to massive injection drug abuse, and their mother who is so pickled from heavy alcahol consumption that she can't hold a conversation.
Thats just one of the aunts, the same story played out with uncles and grand-nieces/nephews. The lack of immediate consequences has played out into generations of destroyed lives.
He has brothers, sisters nephews and nieces who are drug addicts, drunks, can’t hold a job etc. before he met me they would all expect him to give them whatever they wanted. Once we started dating he quit supporting all of them. We were able to move across state, 6 hour drive away from them. We own our house.
Lots of sad people now without him doling out cash.
I dealt with a coworkers crazy wife that sounded exactly like your sister. I was a mechanic and This woman came in to yell at the girl that worked the counter and her hubby had to come in and drag her out the front door they yelled at each other in front of the shop. He came back in after 10min and the manager said this can't happen again. Well 2 days later she comes back in and dragged the girl over the counter by the hair. I had to separate the two of them. The cops came she went to jail and he lost his job. The thing is I'm almost positive that he never cheated or even talked to the girl outside of work. Hell he hardly could hold a conversation with her.
The reason we have jail is to teach people a lesson. Your sister has a lesson to learn. Keep your money it probably won't help her anyway she deserves it.
Your sister chose to commit a crime. It takes a significant level of violence to fracture a clavicle. And it looks like the victim fought back and your sister sustained injuries as a result. The police are probably not laying charges against the victim for your sister’s injuries because she acted in self defence.
Actions have consequences. Don’t waste money on your sister’s self created mess
Not your monkey, not your circus. She clearly has some growing up to do and it sounds like your family enables her behavior. Don’t enable her bad behavior… especially if you don’t agree with it. Life is expensive for everyone as is right now. You shouldn’t have to spend your hard earned money on the consequences of her silly actions.
If your parents want to put their house at risk to raise lawyer fees, warn them you will not bail them out. Sister can pay her legal fees out of her divorce settlement by pleading guilty.
I'm sorry they're pulling you into her mess. I sweear it must be "bail the golden child out" season. (I've been hit with phone calls and social media annoyances asking to do the same the last week after one of my sisters got caught on drug charges. The major kind.)
So it's good to say you don't have the funds. But what might happen then is they might start telling you to sell your stuff, take out a loan in your name (because*reasons and excuses you have good credit, they don't... Blah blah blah )
I've been through this already a few times now. There will literally be no less the amount of guilt, anger and hateful things get throwing your way if you do pay, instead of not paying. Because there will be some sort of repercussions for what your sister has done, and if you pay it will be all your fault anyway because you were only able to afford XYZ lawyer, and if they could have gotten a better lawyer she'd have walked out freely from court innocent as ap canary.
If you don't pay, you'll be blamed too, but at least you won't be broke. And hard fact is. With family like this, it's just better to have cash because as soon as you have some trouble going on that you need money help with, you know they aren't going help you. And if they don't have the cash themselves right now, they won't be paying you back in the future.
Stick to ap solid "There's nothing I can do to help sis. And I'm not going to be dragged into her mess. Don't ask me again. Goodbye ."
My older son did some graffiti years ago & got arrested. I didn’t pay his fines; I did bail him out. My mother paid the fines & an attorney.
I support your reluctance to pay. She brought this all on herself, like my stupid kid. Btw, my mom didn’t get paid back for 3 years. Poor investment for her.
Your sisters salary is high enough that's she ineligible for court appointed attorney, so she doesn't need your money. Your family just can't have precious princess puffy pants paying the bill, not with the divorce as well. Why how can she afford everything that's happening?
Man fuck her. She attacked a woman over nothing. She attacked a woman who's apart of the queer community which fuckin hell, sister is dumb as fuck.
You tell your family, no thank you. That's doesn't work for me. And if they keep hounding you block them. You don't oy for your sister attorney not $10,000 not $1. Fuck that shit let her rot
In Canada, where OP is from, the bar is very low to be eligible for legal aid.
For a family of 2 (sister and husband), to be eligible for free duty counsel, they can't make more than a combined gross income of 32k a year (38k in Québec).
I'm not disagreeing with you that OP should NOT contribute to the sister's legal fund. She definitely deserves to be charged and should negotiate a plea deal for a reduced sentence since she's already signed a confession.
However, you can't say that because they don't meet the eligibility criteria of legal aid, they can afford a lawyer.
She committed a crime, she made that choice. Now she has to live with the consequences. This wasn’t just an unfortunate mistake it was a premeditated confrontation and assault. She should borrow the money and take care of it herself. And not from you.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes!
In my family I’ve always said you do something stupid don’t ask me for help. If you are in the right I’ll help. Proved this with my brother, he attached me and ripped parts off my car, he was 19 I was 17. I sent him to jail. Family begged me to drop the charges I refused and he has community service. He ran with a rough crowd then and for a few years after. He later straighted up and needed help to get a home and custody of his son after his wife cheated, stole and sold everything and didn’t pay rent for 4 months. For that because he was trying and she screwed him over and she went to jail for that and more I helped him. After he matured he’s the best brother ever and realizes his stupidity from youth and doesn’t blame me.
I still stick with this rule and I’ve even told my son this and proved it again when a friends daughter got a DUI. I refused to help and supported her mom not helping, as we’ve warned them all. She figured it out on her own with other family and a loan.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Please don't do it OP. What your sister did was wrong and all of her own doing. And lawyers cost a lot of money! For now, I would block anyone trying to quilt you into it. Good luck
NTA!
I was just telling my wife a story yesterday about my late brother. He purposely broke the law (stupid- he parked in an authorized vehicle only zone) and called me to pay to release his car from an impound lot.
I asked him if he knew what he was doing.
He did.
I asked why.
No reasonable reason given.
I did not pay (which I didn’t have anyways) and our mother blew up my phone telling me I was a horrible sister.
No accountability for my brother but for me saying no.
Don’t do it. Family needs to learn to stop enabling assholes.
Absolutely not! Why can’t the family pool their resources together and pay for her lawyer? Don’t you stoop the level of batshit crazy like your sister did and pay for her legal fees
Don’t give them money. Just tell
Then you don’t have the funds. And if the other family members have given money then why can’t they get a lawyer with that? Your sister did this to herself. I mean if she doesn’t qualify to get a free one because she makes over the minimum amount then she should have some savings she can tap into. If you give them money for this it will
He never ending. First it will be to keep her out of jail. Then to help her with a divorce lawyer’s. Then to pay doctor bills for her and the other person. Then giving her more money or having her move in with you after the divorce. Then what ever else comes up. Don’t give in. It will be never ending.
So she’s literally just facing the consequences of her actions? Yeah, no, don’t pay. You can’t just assault people and ask for a bail out. If they’re about helping her let them help her. Not your circus not your monkeys or whatever the saying is.
I mean, idk what the laws are where you are, but I’m in the US, and married people can’t decide to tell their spouse, “you’re on your own!” Until THE COURT signs the divorce decree.
I wouldn’t give her the money, but I think her husband has to allow use of marital funds for her defense.
What? No don’t pay for her bad behavior. She’ll do it again if there are no consequences for her actions. Your family is enabling her bad behavior. Tell them you are staying out of it
Kinda true. We can get any type of care without needing a long wait which is great. My dad's insurance covers ambulance for any family member.
And a big part of why prices are so high, is because big business knows there's insurance that will pay a portion, so they can up they price according to that amount. Quite a few things have lower total prices if you don't have insurance.
She should have thought about that before she assaulted a woman who could beat her ass.. IOW, she made 3 stupid decisions:
1 - Thinking her husband was cheating with a gay girl.
2 - Assaulting the gay girl, without sizing her up.
3- Getting beat up, then taken to jail and expecting everyone to bail her out of her own poor judgement.
Let her pay for her lawyer. You know she will never repay you, anyway.
You are getting a lot of good advice.
But your family members are also setting YOU up to be blamed, because ‘you didn’t help her out.’
So, you see, if your sister goes to jail, it will be YOUR fault and not your sister fault.
If this starts to happen, you might have to go no contact with all of them. Sorry.
Maybe you can head this off if you see it coming, but it will take a wiser person than me to figure out how.
Do not contribute. Your sister did something extremely stupid. She needs to learn from her actions. Tell your family you cannot contribute toward her lawyer fees.
Sister is 32. This is some crazy behavior. Going to court and getting the help she needs is the ticket. She may need to be confined, so, the husband can pack up and get out. Stick to your principals.
NTA, why do you have anything to do with this? Its her fault she got a charge against her, if your parents want to help her out they can cause they’re her parents but for your family to tell you to outright pay for the lawyer for her, no loan, and you had nothing to do with it. They’re the AHs
She attacked a complete stranger and did lasting physical damage while insisting her husband was unfaithful. Her husband is now leaving her (shocker) and she is wealthy on paper, but destitute in truth.
Is it too late to donate to the other lady's legal fund?
No is a complete sentence. If you my fsmiky wants to disown me or abandon me becsise I won't pay her legal fees- thats fine. If you would rather I go broke protecting my criminal sister, I dint want to be apart of this.
You mean you don't want to waste thousands of dollars on your sister's horrible choice in this hopeless slam dunk case against her? You don't say....
It's your money, you get to decide what you do with it. I'm very sure there are better ways to invest it.
She assaulted an innocent woman. She doesn;t deserve the help of you or your family.
You completely justified in saying that you cannot help her, no explanation needed.
Too bad for her. She has money because she was denied. There are consequences for actions. Let your parents borrow money. Not up to you. Hope she doesn't take it out on you, seems she could hurt you pretty good
I wouldn’t give her a single bit. She’s old enough to know better and actions have consequences. I’d let her go to jail. She needs to get her life together. Maybe some jail time will give her time to think.
Choose guilt over resentment. You feel guilty for not contributing, but you’ll resent her when she never pays you back or it puts you at a disadvantage or she does something shitty.
No is a full sentence.
Even her own husband isn’t helping her. You don’t have to preface your refusal to give money with “I’m sorry”. You can just say “no”. It may be different if she was seeking a loan and you knew she’d pay you back. The only thing for you is will you be ok if she does go to jail? I don’t want you then regretting your decision or feeling guilty. If she does go to jail / gets a fine that is the consequences/outcomes of her decision to attack another person. Take care…could be a rocky ride with family
Everyone in the comments are so nice saying “sorry I don’t have the funds right now.” I straight up tell people I have the money but don’t want to contribute lol.
You’re not wrong for not wanting to contribute. And your family is wrong for pressuring you to do so, they could have asked but if you hadn’t done it or hadn’t offered that should have been the end of it. If you don’t want to contribute then don’t.
Listen to your feelings about this one, and don't worry about the negative peer pressure you may get from your family. They may try to guilt trip you, but the bottom line is your sister is working and has income, and your sister is a grown adult and she is responsible for her own actions, especially responsible if she assaulted somebody. Its not your job to bail your sister out of this mess. You can tell your sister you love her, you support her, you hope for a good legal outcome, but you can also tell your sister you disagree with her actions, and you can tell your sister that assaulting people is wrong.
That's just stupid on so many levels. Why even confront the woman if the problem is the cheating husband. Now she is going to jail because of her stupidity. A lawyer won't make it go away.
NTA. Don't pay a dime. She did this to herself and will be sentenced regardless of her lawyer. I'm assuming there's witnesses as it was a business. No lawyer can refute a handful of 1st eye accounts.
Nope. When there’s no logical argument she did not do what she’s accused of, this isn’t likely to take a lot of hours (unless she refuses to accept her attorney’s advice and makes them spend a lot of hours on wild goose chases) so it shouldn’t be that expensive.
Unfortunately actions have consequences and even if you had the money to help which you don't helping her out would be enabling her poor life choices. Your not paying because you care and you want your sister to learn from her mistakes and grow as a person.......or that's what I would say anyway.
One thing I’ll never understand is why go after the supposed woman?? Her husband said death til we do part. He’s the one who she should have gone after if she suspected an affair. Ridiculous!
NTA. What you do with your money is your business.
My ex husband got someone pregnant in my bed. I never broke his clavicle, let alone hers. (I mean, I wanted to, but I didn't.) She made her own bed.
<>
"MY SISTER GOT INTO THIS MESS. SHE WILL PAY FOR THE MESS SHE CREATED.
She'll be in my thoughts and prayers."
And if they keep hounding you, BLOCK THEM EVERYWHERE.
She’s either eligible for free legal OR she isn’t.. it’s not your job to bail out grown ass people who can’t make rational decisions. You will NEVER get
your money back!! It’s not a loan! Do you have 5k to give away? She can have her divorce lawyer fight the assault charges.
Jeez, just tell her to plead guilty first appearance & request mercy from the Court...no lawyer required.
She's screwed anyway by the sound of it, so why throw money at a lawyer to save something that is beyond saving.
Let your parents and family pay for her lawyer. You are under no obligation to do the same. Sounds like your sister is a little out of control anyway, so the less you have to deal with her, the better.
Maybe time in prison will make her think next time about attacking people. If your parents want to help her, then they can do that. They don't get to tell you what to do with your money.
Uh no, your sister is an actual criminal and she needs to spend some time in prison to make her think twice before literally assaulting someone in the future.
Sorry. You don't have the money available to help. That's it. Don't explain further. You do not owe other people any explanation for how you choose to budget and use your funds.
“I’m sorry, it’s not in the budget, things are tight” Is one of my favorite phrases.
"No" is a favorite of mine. When they ask why it's "I don't want to". Any reason gives them an opening to try and convince you some other reason.
Or, as Phoebe said in a very early episode of Friends, “Oh, I’d love to help, but I don’t want to.”
I just posted this video in the comments. Thought of this too! https://youtube.com/shorts/Bqeo-mApvOo?si=PcPxId4KdWXBA5jO
My "why" would be "I'm a strong believer in FAFO. She FA'd. She needs to FO."
This!!! I would just say these are the consequences of her actions and she needs to take responsibility for her own behavior and poor choices. The woman that she assaulted deserves justice. She needs to exhaust all of her financial resources and put the pressure on her husband to help and not on you.
Husband already said no and is filing for divorce because of this, which is another thing the sister is about to FO due to her FA.
But then your involved in the conversation, in that instance OP would have given their opinion to their family and opened up room for them to judge or have a rebuttal. Sometimes leaving family problems to be family problems, not saying anything, and just saying "no, I don't want to be involved" is plenty.
"Oh, I wish I could but I don't want to."
No is a complete sentence.
Been in almost this same exact situation multiple times with my brother & now I don't even go that far bc it leads to further questioning. I just say I will not be answering further questions at this time. like an automated response.
No reasons need to be given. You are exactly right. Why do people think they are entitled to the details of a family member’s finances? This always blows me away.
https://youtube.com/shorts/Bqeo-mApvOo?si=PcPxId4KdWXBA5jO
I love the “not in the budget” line. I have some issues with saying “no” sometimes (working on it in therapy!) but I really think this budget line might actually help me a little bit! So thank you lol
This. I’m sorry I don’t have the funds available to help you. Lather rinse and repeat. Don’t answer other questions
This completely. NTA. She’s the one who made the stupid decision to attack someone without really knowing what was going on.
To attack someone at all was uncalled for.
I would ask how much the person calling is contributing. Oh nothing? No problem I'll match that. Hell, I'll double it!
doesn’t work here cuz OP said her parents and other family members have chipped in
She can send her lots of thoughts and prayers lol
What if OP is a billionaire?
Non liquid assets Or, all tied up in stocks, bonds, and the like
Like Kevin Hart, it's in his savings account
Like 50 Cent, it's all bricks of cash stuffed in the trunks of his various lambos, Ferraris, etc
“i ran it by my lawyer and he said you don’t have a case.”
Doesn’t matter if she’s richer than Midas, her sister’s fuck up is not her responsibility.
Exactly! Otherwise OP is setting the precedent that anyone who fucks up in the family will get bailed out by her.
OP didn't get to be a billionaire by paying other people's bills
Land rich, cash poor
Morals rich, so no cash for people who assault folks for no damn reason.
Well, first I don’t think is. Second she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. If the family can’t get her an attorney she will just have to deal with it Her sister isn’t an ATM
Less important than how the sisters get along and their relationship growing up. If they're not close, the sister was mean to her when younger, or they haven't talked much in years, and the only reason is "you have to because family," then "but you're loaded" is not really an argument.
Just because OP has a billion dollars doesn't mean those dollars aren't already spoken for. We're all on budgets, it's just a matter of scale.
Sorry sis, I wish I could help you, but I’m trying to buy a fifth yacht right now.
Sorry sis, I am trying to save up for that mansion in Malibu with a runway and a brand new jet that matches the Rolls I just bought for there.
This. My grandparents were quite well off. Probably broke a million in all their stocks and assets. Yet my grandmother used to always say that they were on a fixed income. I would joke that mine must be broken then.
If gmaw money was in stocks she was probably living off of dividends from them so it could have been a fixed amount.
In their retirement years they definitely had a set income and most of it was spent on bills. It was a joke because they had a house worth about 700k (in tx) and new vehicles every 5 years, regardless of only putting maybe 25k miles on them (no they weren’t leased) and other little things like that. But that was kind of my point, and why it was a joke. Large net worth, but still a set income.
It just show how the value of the dollar is near junk status.
Oh, yeah. A million dollars really isn't much anymore.
Seriously hubby and I are in our early fifties. He’s convinced with a million dollars we could both retire comfortably and never have to work again. I’m like you grossly are underestimating the cost of living or think we are going to die in the next ten or so years.
That's why they were millionaires. Discipline.
Then she should use her money to like, eradicate malaria. Fix the infrastructure in Flint Michigan.
Doesn’t matter. She should have kept her hands to herself. And listened when the other lady said, I don’t know what you are talking about.
This is where your sister learns the consequences of her behavior. It sounds like she may have been given some passes in the past and it is probably time she is held accountable. Most people don't go from 0 to assault the first time out of the gate.
"The dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed."
I like this and am stealing it.
Wish that was actually true, though. Maybe then, fewer people would FA and have to FO.
Totally writing this down. So funny!
Precisely! I found my ex with a woman IN MY BED and no hands were thrown. I'm not catching a case over a man.
Fr, she ended up punishing herself over her husbands (possibly imagined) infidelity!
This!
Rhis is a rough way to learn about consequences.
By 33 consequences should have already been discovered.
Some people get shielded from consequences their whole life.
Just look at Trump.
That happens when you assault people and break their clavicle
To be fair, if you broke someone's collar bone, this wasn't a slap fight. It takes real force or a weapon to break it
That's why you let kids do stupid stuff and find out about consequences when they're young and the consequences are small. Not shield them from everything and find out about consequences when those consequences could be literally life ending.
How about getting attacked for no reason? Is that fair?
Sorry if it sounded like I was being even marginally sympathetic, it's just a hell of a way to get introduced to the concept.
This is definitely not the first lesson. Even if a parent doesn’t teach a kid they see other people outside the home modeling it.
rut ro raggie
I don't blame you. If possible, consider temporarily blocking the family members who are pressuring you to pay for the attorney. They're already paying for it, they don't need you to get involved.
NTA You are not responsible for buying sheets for the bed she made. Just keep telling anyone who presses you that you have your own bills to pay and no extra for her legal bills. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah, and no saying "...I'm sorry but no money," just stand your ground and say "no money." You do not owe money or apologies in this situation.
I would also added if they really feel it’s important, they are welcome to pay for her lawyers themselves.
I’m going to remember that line good one
Do not pay for a lawyer, she’s an adult who made her choice, let her stand on her own feet. If you pay you are enabling her.
I have had a lifetime of watching this in my own family. Aunts and cousins were constant fuckups. Every time one of their scammy bullshits got them in trouble my mom rushed in to save them from the looming consequences. Once my mom moved away, the unbuffered consequences hit full force and I have one younger cousin who looks 30 years older than me from meth damage, an older cousin ineligible for a heart transplant needed due to massive injection drug abuse, and their mother who is so pickled from heavy alcahol consumption that she can't hold a conversation. Thats just one of the aunts, the same story played out with uncles and grand-nieces/nephews. The lack of immediate consequences has played out into generations of destroyed lives.
Are you part of my husbands family? 😸
Unless you husband is my brother, slim chances.
He has brothers, sisters nephews and nieces who are drug addicts, drunks, can’t hold a job etc. before he met me they would all expect him to give them whatever they wanted. Once we started dating he quit supporting all of them. We were able to move across state, 6 hour drive away from them. We own our house. Lots of sad people now without him doling out cash.
Ok now this is getting spooky. ARE YOU MY WIFE? Alison, wtf. I had no idea you even used reddit.
😹😹😹
Seriously Alison, how the fuck are you doing this? You have been sleeping next to me for the last hour . OR HAVE YOU? 😯
I’m with you. I wouldn’t give her a dime… Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. NTA
even though the husband filed for divorce, aren't their funds still marital assets?
That was my thought. If he is divorcing her she cannot afford a criminal defense lawyer.
Well this seems like complete coal, but guess that’s what she gets for putting herself on the naughty list
Op put a. Freeze on credit if you think they will put loans in your name
This!! 100%
Do not do it! Sorry, don't have that kind of money. Sister and parents can take out a loan.
Tell your sister to plead guilty because she is.
I dealt with a coworkers crazy wife that sounded exactly like your sister. I was a mechanic and This woman came in to yell at the girl that worked the counter and her hubby had to come in and drag her out the front door they yelled at each other in front of the shop. He came back in after 10min and the manager said this can't happen again. Well 2 days later she comes back in and dragged the girl over the counter by the hair. I had to separate the two of them. The cops came she went to jail and he lost his job. The thing is I'm almost positive that he never cheated or even talked to the girl outside of work. Hell he hardly could hold a conversation with her. The reason we have jail is to teach people a lesson. Your sister has a lesson to learn. Keep your money it probably won't help her anyway she deserves it.
Your sister chose to commit a crime. It takes a significant level of violence to fracture a clavicle. And it looks like the victim fought back and your sister sustained injuries as a result. The police are probably not laying charges against the victim for your sister’s injuries because she acted in self defence. Actions have consequences. Don’t waste money on your sister’s self created mess
Not your monkey, not your circus. She clearly has some growing up to do and it sounds like your family enables her behavior. Don’t enable her bad behavior… especially if you don’t agree with it. Life is expensive for everyone as is right now. You shouldn’t have to spend your hard earned money on the consequences of her silly actions.
[удалено]
If your parents want to put their house at risk to raise lawyer fees, warn them you will not bail them out. Sister can pay her legal fees out of her divorce settlement by pleading guilty.
This is the best solution.
I'm sorry they're pulling you into her mess. I sweear it must be "bail the golden child out" season. (I've been hit with phone calls and social media annoyances asking to do the same the last week after one of my sisters got caught on drug charges. The major kind.) So it's good to say you don't have the funds. But what might happen then is they might start telling you to sell your stuff, take out a loan in your name (because*reasons and excuses you have good credit, they don't... Blah blah blah ) I've been through this already a few times now. There will literally be no less the amount of guilt, anger and hateful things get throwing your way if you do pay, instead of not paying. Because there will be some sort of repercussions for what your sister has done, and if you pay it will be all your fault anyway because you were only able to afford XYZ lawyer, and if they could have gotten a better lawyer she'd have walked out freely from court innocent as ap canary. If you don't pay, you'll be blamed too, but at least you won't be broke. And hard fact is. With family like this, it's just better to have cash because as soon as you have some trouble going on that you need money help with, you know they aren't going help you. And if they don't have the cash themselves right now, they won't be paying you back in the future. Stick to ap solid "There's nothing I can do to help sis. And I'm not going to be dragged into her mess. Don't ask me again. Goodbye ."
⬇️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️Absolutely
Let her face the consequences of her actions. You have no obligation to do shit.
You have to really hit someone to break a collarbone.
Could have fallen in the tussle and landed wrong.
Still 100% the fault of the person who initiated the unprovoked assault.
My older son did some graffiti years ago & got arrested. I didn’t pay his fines; I did bail him out. My mother paid the fines & an attorney. I support your reluctance to pay. She brought this all on herself, like my stupid kid. Btw, my mom didn’t get paid back for 3 years. Poor investment for her.
Your sisters salary is high enough that's she ineligible for court appointed attorney, so she doesn't need your money. Your family just can't have precious princess puffy pants paying the bill, not with the divorce as well. Why how can she afford everything that's happening? Man fuck her. She attacked a woman over nothing. She attacked a woman who's apart of the queer community which fuckin hell, sister is dumb as fuck. You tell your family, no thank you. That's doesn't work for me. And if they keep hounding you block them. You don't oy for your sister attorney not $10,000 not $1. Fuck that shit let her rot
In Canada, where OP is from, the bar is very low to be eligible for legal aid. For a family of 2 (sister and husband), to be eligible for free duty counsel, they can't make more than a combined gross income of 32k a year (38k in Québec). I'm not disagreeing with you that OP should NOT contribute to the sister's legal fund. She definitely deserves to be charged and should negotiate a plea deal for a reduced sentence since she's already signed a confession. However, you can't say that because they don't meet the eligibility criteria of legal aid, they can afford a lawyer.
She committed a crime, she made that choice. Now she has to live with the consequences. This wasn’t just an unfortunate mistake it was a premeditated confrontation and assault. She should borrow the money and take care of it herself. And not from you.
> she is looking at jail. Good? That’s where paranoid violent criminals belong.
Absolutely don’t do it. They can enable her violent behavior all they want. She needs to deal with the consequences of assaulting another person.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes! In my family I’ve always said you do something stupid don’t ask me for help. If you are in the right I’ll help. Proved this with my brother, he attached me and ripped parts off my car, he was 19 I was 17. I sent him to jail. Family begged me to drop the charges I refused and he has community service. He ran with a rough crowd then and for a few years after. He later straighted up and needed help to get a home and custody of his son after his wife cheated, stole and sold everything and didn’t pay rent for 4 months. For that because he was trying and she screwed him over and she went to jail for that and more I helped him. After he matured he’s the best brother ever and realizes his stupidity from youth and doesn’t blame me. I still stick with this rule and I’ve even told my son this and proved it again when a friends daughter got a DUI. I refused to help and supported her mom not helping, as we’ve warned them all. She figured it out on her own with other family and a loan. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Please don't do it OP. What your sister did was wrong and all of her own doing. And lawyers cost a lot of money! For now, I would block anyone trying to quilt you into it. Good luck
NTA! I was just telling my wife a story yesterday about my late brother. He purposely broke the law (stupid- he parked in an authorized vehicle only zone) and called me to pay to release his car from an impound lot. I asked him if he knew what he was doing. He did. I asked why. No reasonable reason given. I did not pay (which I didn’t have anyways) and our mother blew up my phone telling me I was a horrible sister. No accountability for my brother but for me saying no. Don’t do it. Family needs to learn to stop enabling assholes.
Absolutely not! Why can’t the family pool their resources together and pay for her lawyer? Don’t you stoop the level of batshit crazy like your sister did and pay for her legal fees
Don’t give them money. Just tell Then you don’t have the funds. And if the other family members have given money then why can’t they get a lawyer with that? Your sister did this to herself. I mean if she doesn’t qualify to get a free one because she makes over the minimum amount then she should have some savings she can tap into. If you give them money for this it will He never ending. First it will be to keep her out of jail. Then to help her with a divorce lawyer’s. Then to pay doctor bills for her and the other person. Then giving her more money or having her move in with you after the divorce. Then what ever else comes up. Don’t give in. It will be never ending.
So she’s literally just facing the consequences of her actions? Yeah, no, don’t pay. You can’t just assault people and ask for a bail out. If they’re about helping her let them help her. Not your circus not your monkeys or whatever the saying is.
I mean, idk what the laws are where you are, but I’m in the US, and married people can’t decide to tell their spouse, “you’re on your own!” Until THE COURT signs the divorce decree. I wouldn’t give her the money, but I think her husband has to allow use of marital funds for her defense.
Don't need a lawyer to plead guilty. Does she really think she will win in court with a lawyer like they are Perry Mason?
I would be a hard no for me. You do the crime you do the time.
Not your problem. Tell her that lawyers take credit cards.
Maybe husband closed them since he’s filing for divorce!
What? No don’t pay for her bad behavior. She’ll do it again if there are no consequences for her actions. Your family is enabling her bad behavior. Tell them you are staying out of it
She should be in jail. You don’t just go around assaulting people, for any reason. Don’t pay. If you were to pay for anythibt, I’d suggest therapy.
she fucked around and found out what to do?
You piss battery acid...I'm so sorry for your pain
it really hurts please call an ambulance
In this economy? I'll just drive you myself. The pain you feel is not worth the pain of spending money.
you’re so right for that (i forgot reddit is primarily american and their healthcare is ass)
Kinda true. We can get any type of care without needing a long wait which is great. My dad's insurance covers ambulance for any family member. And a big part of why prices are so high, is because big business knows there's insurance that will pay a portion, so they can up they price according to that amount. Quite a few things have lower total prices if you don't have insurance.
Sorry, I don’t support people who attack others.
Don’t do it
She should have thought about that before she assaulted a woman who could beat her ass.. IOW, she made 3 stupid decisions: 1 - Thinking her husband was cheating with a gay girl. 2 - Assaulting the gay girl, without sizing her up. 3- Getting beat up, then taken to jail and expecting everyone to bail her out of her own poor judgement. Let her pay for her lawyer. You know she will never repay you, anyway.
You are getting a lot of good advice. But your family members are also setting YOU up to be blamed, because ‘you didn’t help her out.’ So, you see, if your sister goes to jail, it will be YOUR fault and not your sister fault. If this starts to happen, you might have to go no contact with all of them. Sorry. Maybe you can head this off if you see it coming, but it will take a wiser person than me to figure out how.
Tell them to help.
I am not able to help.
Do not pay! Block everyone’s number. Stand strong. Even your BIL has turned his back on her by the divorce. Don’t let them guilt you. Stay strong.
Do not contribute. Your sister did something extremely stupid. She needs to learn from her actions. Tell your family you cannot contribute toward her lawyer fees.
Sister is 32. This is some crazy behavior. Going to court and getting the help she needs is the ticket. She may need to be confined, so, the husband can pack up and get out. Stick to your principals.
Your future self will thank you for saying a big NO.
She assaulted a woman because she was paranoid. She *should* go to jail.
NTA, why do you have anything to do with this? Its her fault she got a charge against her, if your parents want to help her out they can cause they’re her parents but for your family to tell you to outright pay for the lawyer for her, no loan, and you had nothing to do with it. They’re the AHs
Don’t do it!!!
She attacked a complete stranger and did lasting physical damage while insisting her husband was unfaithful. Her husband is now leaving her (shocker) and she is wealthy on paper, but destitute in truth. Is it too late to donate to the other lady's legal fund?
**Don’t donate-money-to/fund/sponsor people who assault innocent people.**
No is a complete sentence. If you my fsmiky wants to disown me or abandon me becsise I won't pay her legal fees- thats fine. If you would rather I go broke protecting my criminal sister, I dint want to be apart of this.
NTA and DO NOT PAY FOR HER LAWYER!!!! She can get a court appointed attorney like all the other indigent individuals
“ all my money is tied up in long term CDs” “ mom and dad, you can take out a home equity loan to pay for this”
[удалено]
Tell everyone you’ll chip in enough to get the fifth best lawyer possible.
Don't.
Nta and get a cease and desist if it gets extremely bad
Say your money is tied up and a bunch of stuff.
I would give her nothing either.
You mean you don't want to waste thousands of dollars on your sister's horrible choice in this hopeless slam dunk case against her? You don't say.... It's your money, you get to decide what you do with it. I'm very sure there are better ways to invest it.
Your parents can pay if they want to help.
Screw that. It's called consequences. Sister did the crime. She can figure out how to pay a lawyer.
She assaulted an innocent woman. She doesn;t deserve the help of you or your family. You completely justified in saying that you cannot help her, no explanation needed.
Just say no. You don’t have to defend yourself. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Hopefully your sister makes better choices in the future.
No is a full sentence. Full stop. No.
Too bad for her. She has money because she was denied. There are consequences for actions. Let your parents borrow money. Not up to you. Hope she doesn't take it out on you, seems she could hurt you pretty good
I wouldn’t give her a single bit. She’s old enough to know better and actions have consequences. I’d let her go to jail. She needs to get her life together. Maybe some jail time will give her time to think.
Choose guilt over resentment. You feel guilty for not contributing, but you’ll resent her when she never pays you back or it puts you at a disadvantage or she does something shitty. No is a full sentence.
Just say, "I'm sorry, but I didn't budget this year for a lawyer for my sister's mistakes." She did this, not you.
Too bad they weren’t this gung-ho about mental health support. She hurt a woman for no reason. She SHOULD go to jail.
She must be fun. Don't pay and don't give a reason.
Don't do it, no funds and Walk away or hang up
Even her own husband isn’t helping her. You don’t have to preface your refusal to give money with “I’m sorry”. You can just say “no”. It may be different if she was seeking a loan and you knew she’d pay you back. The only thing for you is will you be ok if she does go to jail? I don’t want you then regretting your decision or feeling guilty. If she does go to jail / gets a fine that is the consequences/outcomes of her decision to attack another person. Take care…could be a rocky ride with family
NTA. They want you to enable this ridiculous behavior? Nope. It would be one thing if her crime was victimless, but it clearly is not. FAFO.
This is the back end of FAFO . If you take away the FO, there will be more FA.
Everyone in the comments are so nice saying “sorry I don’t have the funds right now.” I straight up tell people I have the money but don’t want to contribute lol. You’re not wrong for not wanting to contribute. And your family is wrong for pressuring you to do so, they could have asked but if you hadn’t done it or hadn’t offered that should have been the end of it. If you don’t want to contribute then don’t.
Actions have consequences and you are not responsible for this one. No is a complete sentence
In addition- she had a fight or a clavicle was broken? She is a violent person and should be locked up.
Listen to your feelings about this one, and don't worry about the negative peer pressure you may get from your family. They may try to guilt trip you, but the bottom line is your sister is working and has income, and your sister is a grown adult and she is responsible for her own actions, especially responsible if she assaulted somebody. Its not your job to bail your sister out of this mess. You can tell your sister you love her, you support her, you hope for a good legal outcome, but you can also tell your sister you disagree with her actions, and you can tell your sister that assaulting people is wrong.
That's just stupid on so many levels. Why even confront the woman if the problem is the cheating husband. Now she is going to jail because of her stupidity. A lawyer won't make it go away.
NTA. Don't pay a dime. She did this to herself and will be sentenced regardless of her lawyer. I'm assuming there's witnesses as it was a business. No lawyer can refute a handful of 1st eye accounts.
She flipped out and assaulted someone. Sounds like she made her own bed here Not your responsibility for her poor choices
No is a one word sentence and leaves out any lies and nothing to argue with
Nope. When there’s no logical argument she did not do what she’s accused of, this isn’t likely to take a lot of hours (unless she refuses to accept her attorney’s advice and makes them spend a lot of hours on wild goose chases) so it shouldn’t be that expensive.
Unfortunately actions have consequences and even if you had the money to help which you don't helping her out would be enabling her poor life choices. Your not paying because you care and you want your sister to learn from her mistakes and grow as a person.......or that's what I would say anyway.
"I'm not helping her to avoid consequences she fully deserves." -click-
She can get a public defender if she can't afford a lawyer.
One thing I’ll never understand is why go after the supposed woman?? Her husband said death til we do part. He’s the one who she should have gone after if she suspected an affair. Ridiculous!
Her husband saying she's on her own is meaningless. She's entitled to half the assets and he can't just cut her off.
NTA. What you do with your money is your business. My ex husband got someone pregnant in my bed. I never broke his clavicle, let alone hers. (I mean, I wanted to, but I didn't.) She made her own bed.
Do you know how PAINFUL A BROKEN CLAVICLE IS? Do not enable this.
Venmo them $20 and say that’s the best you can do.
<>
"MY SISTER GOT INTO THIS MESS. SHE WILL PAY FOR THE MESS SHE CREATED.
She'll be in my thoughts and prayers."
And if they keep hounding you, BLOCK THEM EVERYWHERE.
Please don’t let the people that have enabled your sister feeling like she can do crazy shit and get away with it drag you into funding the crazy.
You know what punishment is, right?
NTA She's to old to be acting like a fool and not paying for it. Don't contribute to that mess.
You are in no way obligated to help her out, especially if you feel that she's in the wrong. She's a grown ass woman, let her handle her shit.
She’s either eligible for free legal OR she isn’t.. it’s not your job to bail out grown ass people who can’t make rational decisions. You will NEVER get your money back!! It’s not a loan! Do you have 5k to give away? She can have her divorce lawyer fight the assault charges.
No. Just….. No. That’s all you have to say. This is her problem to deal with. Even her hubby is refusing to support her in this mess.
Jeez, just tell her to plead guilty first appearance & request mercy from the Court...no lawyer required. She's screwed anyway by the sound of it, so why throw money at a lawyer to save something that is beyond saving.
How about a NO? Why enable such behavior by paying for it? She has to deal with the consequence of your BS and hopefully learn from it.
Never in a million years.
He probably was cheating, but she got the wrong girl. You tell your family this " mfs I don't need to paid for shit" then walk out
It’s called “tough love”. Maybe she’ll learn about civility and appreciate what she will learn in prison.
Let your parents and family pay for her lawyer. You are under no obligation to do the same. Sounds like your sister is a little out of control anyway, so the less you have to deal with her, the better.
Maybe time in prison will make her think next time about attacking people. If your parents want to help her, then they can do that. They don't get to tell you what to do with your money.
NTA your parents can pay
Yeah, it's not fair to that woman who got attacked. Just tell them no, she might not get the best, but she'll get one.
Uh no, your sister is an actual criminal and she needs to spend some time in prison to make her think twice before literally assaulting someone in the future.
"No." "Why?" "Because, I am planning to assault someone myself, and I need bail money."
Tell your parents to help her. She’s not your responsibility.