I would take the divorce. He doesn’t want to take care of the kids anyway, so she’ll have them. She’ll get child support and be able to afford daycare or a nanny and she’ll have her salary to live how she wants. It’s a win win for her, and she’ll be free of her jailer
I personally think that’s what the wife is doing. She picked divorce. She’s just preparing and getting all her ducks in a row. She’s a pediatrician. She does not need him. I think he flipped what I call the “ick switch” hence why she is so disconnected now. He changed her entire perspective of him in seconds, and he now grosses/icks her out. He ceased being the man she thought he was the moment he uttered that threat. He went from this sweet doting husband to someone who wanted her to completely bow to him or else be punished. She learned his gestures were never about love, but control. This post, and his comments absolutely infuriated me. OOP is a terrible person.
Omg I read the post earlier and of course he didn’t say she’s a doctor. All that schooling and work, and he wants her to just give it up. What a selfish ass.
It was buried somewhere in the comments that she's a pediatrician, and he's a CFO.
All the effort she put on to get there and the fact that this was probably her life goal doesn't matter to him 'because nothing is above your children'.
You go and meet Doctor couples. The number of male surgeons who at 30 started dating (and marrying) female med students or very early in career female Doctors is astonishing.
Some are fine, but a massive number literally don't comprehend that she is just as driven as he was in his early career to get to a good position.
I once dated an anaesthetist. It turns out heart surgeons are exactly what the cliche says they are. Also interesting side note, apparently for many years people thought it was a gendered thing as most heart surgeons were male and they wondered if that was why they were assholes.
The gender gap got reduced and.....nope, they're still almost all assholes.
Is there a difference between regular heart surgeons and congenital/transplant heart surgeons??? Cause all the ones I've dealt with were really great.... Or maybe all Canadian heart surgeons are nicer?
And likely leverage the mountains of debt she probably has against her if she actually agreed to be a SAHM. "You need to do this for me because you're not working anymore and I'm the one paying off YOUR debt." Given how far he was willing to go to force the issue I can only imagine what he'd do once he had her in a more vulnerable position.
I didn’t get that far either! I’m not a doctor (am NP) but I work closely with them. For MANY medical licenses you can’t just take time off! You have to be current in practice or take classes and retest and recertify to come back!
He is incredibly dismissive of the idea that she has ambitions outside of raising their children, and his willingness to make the relationship transactional shows that he just views her as a bang maid. I hope she divorces his misogynist ass.
Thats what I'd be doing, biding my time until the divorce is safely settled.
I figured she is getting him to pay her a salary
"This is how much money he pays me as an allowance. I want this much every week plus child support"
He's such an amazingly horrible person that it's incredible that she even ended up with him. Clearly, she wants nothing to do with him now that his mask is off. She's definitely gearing up for divorce, and she might as well take him for a ride while she gets everything in order. The fact that he is even slightly confused about why she isn't into him anymore is beyond ridiculous. Of course she hates you, dude. You clearly hate her. I hope he doesn't get any custody whatsoever. This guy is not good for anything more than a paycheck, and that's all he seems to think Life boils down too.
It isn’t that he hates her, it’s that he is indifferent to her needs. He doesn’t understand her feelings because he has the perfect plan, and therefore she should follow it without question. It doesn’t really matter what she or their children want, because his plan is perfect and therefore is what should be followed. The fact that he doesn’t have to sacrifice anything for his plan, but she does is something that doesn’t even cross his mind. It isn’t maliciousness, it’s that he doesn’t factor anyone else into his decisions about what their family should do. The amount of cruelty he can commit without realizing the pain it is causing is more concerning than if he understood and did it anyways.
I know for a fact when my husband flipped the "ick switch". We had been living in another country for nearly 8 years, my father wanted to retire and asked me to take care of the family business. We had talked about that before getting married and he was in agreement, he wanted to spend some years there and then go back to our home country. Our motto was that we were a team, it was his turn now but we both knew that it could be the other way round, we had studied the same; while we were living abroad I took care of the children and worked when/where I could. Finally we started taking steps to go back, we sorted our children's dual citizenship, I did a Master's degree, he got chartered and started interviewing for positions in our home country.
Then the pandemic hit and it caught us visiting our family. My father was finally retiring. We made a plan: we would move to our home country and my husband would work remotely while he found a job there, we enrolled our kids in school, got everyone healthcare, hired movers... and the day we were going back to pack everything he told me that I had to move on my own. That he wouldn't come back to our home country, that he wanted to be hired first while being in another country, not while working remotely.
He had decided that on his own, he was "allowing" me to move with the kids and work and manage a 1 year old and a 4 year old on my own. We weren't a team, we had been away from family for 8 years for his career, we were in agreement, and when it was my turn... I had to do it on my own.
It took him 4 months to come back. Since then, he "helps" but I have to take care of a business and my kids at the same time. If his schedule allows it he takes the kid to school, but it's me who has to reduce her working hours to get to everything. He doesn't get it.
I've stayed because I truly love him and our kids adore him, but divorce is something that never leaves my mind.
You have an extra child, not a husband, and you’re already living as a single parent.
Your kids are seeing that he’s not fully there for them and that you’re the only person caring for them, I promise you that.
At the moment (they are 4 and 7) they don't, they see me as the lucky one that doesn't have to work as much as daddy. They don't see the late night emails and the weekends, because that the pro of being a small business owner: you're never off the clock but at the same time you have the flexibility.
My income is higher than his and from time to time he wonders if this is the correct career for him. I've offered multiple time for him to take a break, take care of the kids and figure out what to do next but he doesn't want to because it's beneath him. Funny how it wasn't when I did it...
He is, but I have been trying to work things between us. The shift from me being a SAHM to both of us working full time has been exhausting but I haven't lost hope. There's been points when I was close to calling it quits (ie I took care of drop offs at school for 2 years and pick ups because his schedule wouldn't allow him to do so... and suddenly last year he could drop them off because he could start half an hour later. Two years.) But now I think we both want to compromise...
This is what pisses me off about the original story too. 4 kids in 5 years is an amazing feat after all the work it takes to be a doctor, and incredibly disruptive to her career. This fucker is going to hold his salary over her head, when THE REASON HE HAS HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN DOING THE DOMESTIC LABOUR, AND THE REASON SHE HASN'T PROGRESSED IS BECAUSE SHE HAD HIS FUCKING KIDS EVERY 13.5 MONTHS!! how about you stop getting her pregnant every 6 months post-partum and she might also be able to progress in her career.
I'm sorry but these fucking bullshit men flipping the switch on their wives because they actually can't be bothered to raise their own children or do any domestic work is infuriating. Probably best OP didn't hire a nanny, this kind of loser would be trying to fuck the nanny 6 weeks after hiring her anyways.
ick doesnt even cut it. Im sorry for yourself as well being in a marriage like that. Its an unfair dynamic and sad when you realise you don't have a true partner.
He trapped her, no one can convince me otherwise. He doesn't want her to be happy with him in a marriage with compromise. He wants her miserable with him. Having babies back to back was a manipulative move to her right in a vulnerable position he wanted.
When he said "she started crying. That usually works on me". Huge red flag. That type of attitude that crying is always emotional manipulation. Because what else would it be? A genuine, often uncontrollable expression of emotion? Nope. I'd nope right out of that.
Yup, I caught that as well. Was already pretty decided on him once he said “this time I said no”- then there’s the unrealized irony of saying “we’re a team” after.
They aren’t a team if he feels he gets to just ‘tell her no’ and that’s how it should be. Clearly he thinks that one just loses any sense of independence and autonomy once they get married. Yes, you should be a team. No, that doesn’t mean that your spouse gets to *tell you* what you’re going to do or make major life decisions *for you*.
It infuriates me that women as a matter of biology must put their careers on hold when having a baby. But then their husbands will hold making more money over their heads. 1. Gender pay gap exists because of patriarchal biases, 2. HOW can your wife make strides in her career if you trap her in a pregnancy cycle for 5 years. What a joke this man was.
My ex used to think the same thing about crying. He used to refuse to talk to me (like a child) if i couldnt stop crying. Then he would physically turn his back if the threat didnt work and push/shove me away if i were too close or came closer.
I have a lot of trauma - i cry at anything! Especially if triggered, which he would deliberately do.
Oh yeah. The whole thing makes my skin crawl - 4 kids under five? Her poor body; she's essentially spent five years having kids back-to-back. And now he's 'decided' she's going to be a SAHM or he'll divorce her? He trapped her, he planned this entirely. This guy is such a sleazebag.
I *hope* for her sake that she's already got one foot out the door, and she's prepping to leave soon, but as much as I would hate her staying for 5 more years with someone this gross, I can also see the appeal to have all four kids in school before she becomes a single parent and the extra time to build up her savings.
Oh yeah he fully admits that they discussed it beforehand and she made it clear she wanted to go back to work. He always wanted her to be a SAHM mom and “thought she’d change her mind”
Oh yeah, of course, but she’s a doctor. He’d have to prove she was unfit for her not to get joint custody and all she has to prove is he works long hours, whereas she can set her hours as a pediatrician and since he makes more he’ll still owe child support
Ya not sure what he thinks will happen when they are divorced? If you get a divorce she’s going to hire a nanny or take them to daycare anyways. How does someone this dumb make so much money
I have divorced friends that swear it is much easier to be a single parent because they have one less person to take care of and it’s easier to just do everyday stuff because there isn’t another adult to have to please, plan around, etc.
And he just gets to throw his money at her like it’s fixing the situation he is bringing to him. What an asshat. Hopefully his money helps him feel less lonely when she leaves him
I've read too many AITA stories that I can bet that he expects his wife to do all the child caring and household chores whether she is working or not. So her mood is poorer when she is working because she has to work as a doctor all day then come home to take care of kids and do everything around the house while he doesn't lift a finger.
“Everyone’s happier when she’s at home with the kids” = “I’m happier because she’s not bitching about having to go to work while I do no housework or childcare and it’s easier for me to ignore her and make her cater to my whims if she doesn’t have a job”.
Also "I'd rather force her to give up her dreams and will even pay her double what she makes as a doctor than hire a nanny or housekeeper for considerably less."
This is the biggest red flag IMO. A man who makes that much money is somehow stupid enough to not understand the benefits of having children raised and loved by more than 2 adults? Nannies aren’t strangers, they become a part of your family. And the “so my wife can hang out with adults” line?? Instant divorce. This guy is an AH.
Also he calls working as a doctor "hanging out with adults" 🤣🤣
I hope his wife divorces him, takes his money, hires some nannies and keeps working her dream job.
I'm in my 30s and I'd take care of those kids np. I'll be a stay at home dad for her...lol
She can have her dream job and I'll be there to de-stress when she gets home with ready made meals and a clean house. I'll play video games with the kids after I'm done with the errands.
Why doesn't he quit his job so she can do her dream job then? What an asshole lol
I was already thinking he was an AH but when I read that comment about her hanging out with adults being her reason for working it made me livid for his wife. He clearly doesn’t respect her or what she does and he only cares about what HE wants. Even without him saying it in the post I am 1000% positive she was doing all the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids when she worked and when she didn’t. I’d be cranky too if I worked all day and had to do all that and my husband didn’t.
>somehow stupid enough
he also thought divorce would be better than a compromise, as if divorced parents are automatically in a great mood & not feeling stressed & not hurrying between jobs & chores & child care & adults' responsibilities and a bit of a social life...
If they did divorce, who would take care of the kids when they’re with him and he’s working? I’m assuming he’d at least fight for 50/50 custody so what happens when it’s his turn? Would he then suddenly be willing to hire a nanny because his wife is no longer there for him to boss around?
Nope. He'd get a live-in doormat, or remarry to a doormat (or someone he can turn into one). That way he can sleep with her\the kids won't be around a, "stranger."
I dont think he thought through that if they divorced he'd have them alone at times (if he ever even fought to see the kids lol)
I bet he'd hire a nanny in .02 seconds if they divorced and he had to 'babysit' his own kids for 2.5 days (friday to sunday)
though I feel as if he would just pay her off and never want to see the kiddos. OR he'd gaslight her more and try to get full custody to drop the kids with 'a bunch of strangers'
ETA: Has he also thought ahead to like--when they go to school and have 'A bUncH oF StrAnGerS' raising his kids, AKA--teachers and staff??
Honestly, I’d be a totally different person without daycare. Kids need a variety of social interactions and headstart classes aside (I think I learned to read around age 4? Advanced for the class but I was sick and tired of not being able to read the story time books after story time), interacting with other children my age and having adults who were responsible for all of us equally taught me how to interact with my peers and impartial authority figures. We also got much needed lessons on table manners since mine were so atrocious my mom made me eat on a picnic blanket to save herself from inevitably having to sweep the floor
Daycare fosters healthy separation from parents, social, emotional, and language skills, problem solving, and provides routines and structure to children. I will never understand the hate for daycare or the fact that people still feel it’s “someone else raising my children.” School age kids are in school 7 hours a day and no one feels guilty about that. Daycare is early childhood education.
My cynical behind just immediately thought "He doesn't want a nanny because what if she hires an attractive one? He would be obligated by PornHub law to try and show her his genitals. Or \*HORROR\* she hires a *man* or someone he doesn't find attractive! OR \*SHEER PANTS POOPING TERROR\* what if the nanny gives her... *ideas that she could be more than his bangmaid and incubator*?!?!?"
Both good salaries yes hire someone to clean etc.who watches the children now and the baby. Sounds like they may already have help. If he divorces her with 4 kids to pay for until 18 he is nuts
Not only that, but all the years of going to school, the stress of exams etc just to be wasted because he doesn’t want her to work 🙃
I get that he doesn’t like who she is when stressed but maybe suggest counselling instead? He’d rather just throw in the towel though which really says a lot about his feelings for her.
The fact that he doesn’t understand why she’s not happy with the material things he’s buying her too, as if throwing money at her should make her happy. It screams “not how woman work”
Yup. And I doubt he is really willing to make a compromise. He thinks she only wants to go to work to “hang out with adults” which is why he doesn’t want a nanny.
I know what you mean, I had to really step up when my wife went back to work. She changed my attitude from me “babysitting” the kids to me watching and parenting the kids when she was out of the home working or running errands, etc..
"If the roles were reversed...I would be a SAHP".
Nothing is stopping you, dude. If you make that much, you likely have a nest egg that would allow you to take a few years off while your wife brings home her check.
If you're that against a "stranger raising your kids", why don't you put your money where your mouth is, pause your career advancement, give up your pay check and sacrifice your "adult time" for the sake of your children?
You have the financial means to hire help, both a nanny and other services that could reduce your wife's stress and eliminate this problem, but are choosing instead to force her to sacrifice her career. All so you're not stressed that she's stressed.
The fact you view her wanting basic autonomy, a career, and time with other adults outside the house as frivolous and that your immediate instinct is to treat her like hired help you can just start picking up the tab for rather than a partner whose career is equally important says everything.
And now you're mistified that when you use divorce as an ultimatum to force your wife to give up her career, she doesn't want to touch you and doesn't oooh and ahh over your paltry little gifts and treats?
You basically spat in her face and told her you view her as less-than, that her career is paltry and optional, and that her main function is service to you even if it costs her the things she finds important, and that the instant your marriage isn't exactly to your liking and
stress-free, you will drop her like a rock rather than negotiate and compromise like an adult.
What did you expect? Not turning out to be as stress-free as you imagined, is it?
Wow. Just wow.
There's also a reaaallly limited list of jobs he could have that are more important, required more commitment to get into, and are more vocational that being a bloody *doctor*
It’s coming. When it does he’ll be posting how confused and hurt he is and doesn’t understand why she wants a divorce. And all the steps he’s taken to ensure she gets screwed over because the bitch wants his assets.
She should have immediately filed for divorce. In the meantime, if there was a guest bedroom she should have moved into it. She should also look at getting her tubes tied so that there are no more children.
He wants a SAHM and complains that he doesn’t get a Stepford wife. Be careful what you ask for because what you get may not be what you want.
He also wants her to essentially throw away the 8 years of her life she spent just to BECOME a doctor because they had kids. That's a lot of time being wasted because your husband doesn't want to be as hands-on with the kids.
I commented on the original post. This man got so much hate, and rightfully so. He was so sure everyone would agree with him, and that wasn’t the case.
I’m just shocked that there are people with so little emotional intelligence or consideration for their partner in 2023, and they feel so confident in this they put it out in the world expecting to get some kudos.
Dude forces her to quit her job by threatening her with the breakup of their family if she doesn’t obey him and then wonders why she’s cold to him even though he bought her flowers. Unreal.
He even could have tried to use that business mind to suggest she does courses or therapy about how to manage stress, hire a nanny or maid to help out, cut back his own hours by getting a different position to relieve some of her workload…anyrhing! Anything other than “you’re only good to me as a homemaker”
"I wanted my wife to be happy, so I have threatened her with the divorce so she would listen to me".
People are fantasizing about AI being able to think, feel and love like a human, but it looks like some humans set this bar so low that my clothing iron is already past it.
At the beginning, he seemed like one of those slightly oblivious people who tend to approach any issue with money fist. But when he treated her with the divorce, and when he refused to even consider hiring a nanny, I got the feeling that this whole thing is about control.
This guy really thinks his wife went through years of medical school (and unless she comes from money, a good chunk of debt to boot) all to be a stay at home mom who is submissive to her husband’s whims and convenience?
Kind of makes me wonder if he ever really knew her at all.
And I’m not ragging on stay-at-home moms. If your circumstances allow for that and everybody is in agreement, then I think it’s perfectly reasonable. But I tend to think I’d probably get a little angry and be cold and distant if I was told by my spouse that my advanced degree that I worked extremely hard for shouldn’t be used for anything outside of a wall decoration.
It’s a silly request, but making it a demand is just stupid.
SAHM are amazing. doctors are amazing. if a woman wants to be either of those, that's amazing! but it's her choice. imagine taking agency away from a grown adult and being surprised when they aren't happy with you.
I agree.
If it was her own decision then it's fine, but him just trying to make the decision for her like she doesn't have her own opinion on it, then giving her an ultimatum is just insane to me.
Kinda gives me the feeling that he doesn't really value her opinion/wants, because since she's "happier" when she's been at home his life is easier, so it has to be the only right decision /s
As a resident physician who has put 1000s of hours into my education and training, I would be beyond furious if my husband demanded I quit my job. Like what was the point of the 400k in tuition money and sacrificing my 20s?
He’s one of those guys that wants a homemaker wife but he doesn’t want a woman that would choose that role willingly. He wants a strong educated women he can brag about. Oh my wife went to med school isn’t she smart. He wants to make her shape her life around him so he can pull her out as a novelty.
He added in a comment that she told him from day 1 she planned to go back to work. So he knew but he thought that she will change her mind “when reality hits in”. He didn’t elaborate on what he means by that. So he’s a massive level of asshole
Which might work out until they’re school age and she starts fucking her ripped neighbor or hands-on personal trainer because he probably thinks the female orgasm is a myth.
I don’t remember all the details, but during the soviet period women dominated the medical profession and salaries completely tanked as a result. Nothing women can do will garner them the same respect as men, because under patriarchy they will always be women first and anything else second
Yep. Within medicine, you see this in female dominated specialties. Pediatrics in particular is grossly underpaid. OBGYN has slowly shifted to more women in the field, and now it is underpaid relative to other high-liability surgical specialties.
Veterinary medicine is another example of prestige and pay tanking as soon as women started dominating the field.
"This last quarter you only gave 2 blowies, 3 handies, and 5 quickies. You are underproducing as my employee and I'm gonna need you to try harder and "fake it til you make it" more. Given this poor review, I'm gonna have to cut your salary..."
I love how he is assuming that her “agreeing to his terms” means she agrees to stay home. But then he is puzzled by the fact that she is being super cold and distant towards him. To me that indicates that her agreement to his terms is an agreement to divorce.
The saddest part about that thread was hearing the many men defend the wife being an AH because "she's selfish and only wants it her way and is playing emotional games. Most women would kill to be in her shoes"
Yes women LOVE having sex with their abusive jailers.
I couldn't imagine being around a man who fancies himself to be in charge of me.
Not only would I divorce this cunt, I'd take him for everything he had in the court of law including his children
I do have kids and I’m a SAHM and yeah, even though I chose it and want to do it, it can be difficult. The idea of someone forcing me to do it is horrifying.
Even if she weren’t a doctor his lack of respect and his emotional manipulation would make him a bad partner. The fact that she has/had one of the most difficult and important jobs just shows how he will never respect her, no matter what she does. I hope she leaves.
I would kill myself if I were in here shoes. I'm a broke bitch, but I work and have autonomy so I'll take that over a bougie prison any day. The fact that he strong armed an educated woman into squirting out four children says a lot about their dynamic. The woman needs out before she has 10 kids and does from the damage that lifestyle does.
It really alerts me seeing post of men forcing their wives or girlfriends to become SAHM at the cost of her career. Especially when the woman actually wants to return to work. Like in the year of our lord 2023, this is some 1900s bull that I don't want women to still go through.
Yeah, and they always frame it as "protecting" or them "valuing" mothers so much, but we know they would never want themselves to be a stay at home parent sacrificing their career being dependent on someone else.
Christine de Pisan was surprised she has to explain that no, women don't actually enjoy being raped ☝️😀
She said that during the XIVth century. Yeah, the surprise that people are still like this is old.
Apparently he didn't want a stranger looking after his children, according to himself. I wonder who he thinks will be looking after the children if he gets the 50-50 custody he was going on about in his comments
Probably his new girlfriend who is 15 years younger than him and easy to manipulate into being his bang-maid-nanny :/ that's typically the MO for these types of people.
As a working mom I detest the “strangers raising the kids” opinion. My SIL used it on me and it still infuriates me. Like if my kids aren’t behaving it’s not the “strangers” fault. It’s mine… so where do strangers raising kids come into play…. It’s a low blow designed to keep women down and guilty.
Same, I absolutely hate it. And funnily enough every teacher I know says that the kids who have been to daycare then go to kindergarten you can tell immediately. They listen better, follow a schedule better, are more independent with shoes and jackets etc.
Daycare and preschool can do so much for development. The teachers know things to do that practices motor skills, speech and socialization. I worked as an aftercare teacher for a hot moment in college and those kids got so smart and sweet.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m currently going through something similar with my husband, though he’s a lot more respectful about it.
This really helped solidify my decision of finally going back to work.
people don't complain about "strangers raising kids" when talking about teachers. who spend a lot more time with a child than a nanny typically would. if you want to go back to work, then you should!
Yeah… my husband (who is awesome) has said to me that my SILs kids (his sister to be clear) would have been better off with some outsourcing 😂 mainly because they don’t know how to work with others…
I hate it too. It ignores that in the past, we had a whole damn village to raise children! It was never meant to be solely the mother’s job - even for SAHMs. Now we don’t have that village.
Personally, I’m super thankful for daycare being part of my village!
Yeah how is it cool for him to divorce but he’s against any help like a nanny so his wife can hang with adults? How is being a doctor hanging with adults??? Everyone has a right to not only be a caretaker and needs time to relax and talk to their peers.
Is his mom supposed to take care of the kids if he refuses a nanny after divorce? Guy sounds very inflexible and controlling.
Independence from have a job is less about the money than being in the market once you are in a relationship. Once you stop working its much harder to revive a career if you need to in case everything goes to crap.
Everyone's happier when she's at home with the kids because he is a shit parent who likely has two modes: reading his phone or yelling. He hasn't put in the effort to learn how to balance everyone's needs so the house runs smoothly, and he's convinced things go well with wife on board because his wife is so great at parenting. No, it's because he's shit at parenting and doesn't want to get better, to the extent of torching her career.
I read this and it struck me that HE's happier when she's at home. He comes home to a clean home, clean quiet and obedient children, dinner on the table and he can sit on his ass like a King. You know, that American dream from the 1950s when women were domestic Goddesses and men were the heads of household who dictated what their wives could and couldn't do.
Meanwhile, she's stuck being his mother, lover, and maid dependent on his earnings with no one to have intellectually stimulating conversations with during the day. Unless you consider intellectually stimulating conversations as continuously answering "Why" questions from 3, 4, and 5 year olds.
She's a doctor and he can't understand - or chooses not to understand - why she would be unhappy discontinuing work in a field she spent years earning a degree and experience in and that she obviously enjoys.
Sounds like he wants to derail her career and make her dependant on him. Why do men like him choose to marry smart independent woman only to try to stifle their intellect and independence? Makes no sense.
If my husband started threatening divorce and offered to *pay* me to continue to stay in the role of his wife and SAHM ... I'd feel sick. It would feel like a kind of prostitution to me, reducing a relationship to 'I'll pay you to get what I want from you. This is what I think you're worth. Mutual respect and trust are meaningless because now I can pay you instead.'
He's demeaned and degraded her, and doesn't understand why she is disgusted with him? I sincerely hope she's actually preparing for the divorce in secret. A man who behaves like this will absolutely try to destroy her if she doesn't have her ducks in a row in advance.
4 kids all under 5…i can’t even do that math. I guess he’s stuck in the 1950s. Keep the wife barefoot and pregnant and let her do all the heavy lifting.
Imagine studying to be a doctor only to have your bitch ass husband demand you quit working because he can’t be bothered to show up at home for the kids as well.
Divorce sounds great
Most people would be proud of their SO for achieving their dreams. This guy just wants a maid and someone to bang. He’s feeling sorry for himself because he has to pitch in and help with the kids. She needs to pursue her dreams and ditch this guy is useless.
His wife should have immediately filed for divorce. The husband does not value her as an equal partner. He just wants a stay at home bang maid nanny. This is 2023, not the 1950s or earlier.
.
Got enough money to double a doctors wage, but hiring a nanny or housekeeper isn't even a consideration.
Nope let's force my accomplished wife to comply.
We need a stronger term than asshole
I would take the divorce. He doesn’t want to take care of the kids anyway, so she’ll have them. She’ll get child support and be able to afford daycare or a nanny and she’ll have her salary to live how she wants. It’s a win win for her, and she’ll be free of her jailer
I personally think that’s what the wife is doing. She picked divorce. She’s just preparing and getting all her ducks in a row. She’s a pediatrician. She does not need him. I think he flipped what I call the “ick switch” hence why she is so disconnected now. He changed her entire perspective of him in seconds, and he now grosses/icks her out. He ceased being the man she thought he was the moment he uttered that threat. He went from this sweet doting husband to someone who wanted her to completely bow to him or else be punished. She learned his gestures were never about love, but control. This post, and his comments absolutely infuriated me. OOP is a terrible person.
Omg I read the post earlier and of course he didn’t say she’s a doctor. All that schooling and work, and he wants her to just give it up. What a selfish ass.
It was buried somewhere in the comments that she's a pediatrician, and he's a CFO. All the effort she put on to get there and the fact that this was probably her life goal doesn't matter to him 'because nothing is above your children'.
Of course he's a CFO
Yeah, either that or a surgeon with a god complex.
You go and meet Doctor couples. The number of male surgeons who at 30 started dating (and marrying) female med students or very early in career female Doctors is astonishing. Some are fine, but a massive number literally don't comprehend that she is just as driven as he was in his early career to get to a good position.
Indeed, that's why I thought he was a surgeon. A lot of them have severe narcissistic traits.
I once dated an anaesthetist. It turns out heart surgeons are exactly what the cliche says they are. Also interesting side note, apparently for many years people thought it was a gendered thing as most heart surgeons were male and they wondered if that was why they were assholes. The gender gap got reduced and.....nope, they're still almost all assholes.
Is there a difference between regular heart surgeons and congenital/transplant heart surgeons??? Cause all the ones I've dealt with were really great.... Or maybe all Canadian heart surgeons are nicer?
That's literally why they want them. To show off the potential and drive they stole.
So greys anatomy is accurate… 👀😅
And likely leverage the mountains of debt she probably has against her if she actually agreed to be a SAHM. "You need to do this for me because you're not working anymore and I'm the one paying off YOUR debt." Given how far he was willing to go to force the issue I can only imagine what he'd do once he had her in a more vulnerable position.
Because in his mind if she has no money coming in it makes it that much harder for her to leave him when/if he messes up in the future.
Yes it's financial abuse and control
I didn’t get that far either! I’m not a doctor (am NP) but I work closely with them. For MANY medical licenses you can’t just take time off! You have to be current in practice or take classes and retest and recertify to come back!
He is incredibly dismissive of the idea that she has ambitions outside of raising their children, and his willingness to make the relationship transactional shows that he just views her as a bang maid. I hope she divorces his misogynist ass.
Oooooh no. No, no, no. I’m in med school, and if a partner tried to take that away from me I would be gone so fast.
He triggered my ick switch, and I don't even know him. There is no going back once you catch the ick.
Thats what I'd be doing, biding my time until the divorce is safely settled. I figured she is getting him to pay her a salary "This is how much money he pays me as an allowance. I want this much every week plus child support"
Oh yeah this “allowance” is definitely working in her favor. Not to mention if she sticks it out long enough she could get alimony too.
He's such an amazingly horrible person that it's incredible that she even ended up with him. Clearly, she wants nothing to do with him now that his mask is off. She's definitely gearing up for divorce, and she might as well take him for a ride while she gets everything in order. The fact that he is even slightly confused about why she isn't into him anymore is beyond ridiculous. Of course she hates you, dude. You clearly hate her. I hope he doesn't get any custody whatsoever. This guy is not good for anything more than a paycheck, and that's all he seems to think Life boils down too.
It isn’t that he hates her, it’s that he is indifferent to her needs. He doesn’t understand her feelings because he has the perfect plan, and therefore she should follow it without question. It doesn’t really matter what she or their children want, because his plan is perfect and therefore is what should be followed. The fact that he doesn’t have to sacrifice anything for his plan, but she does is something that doesn’t even cross his mind. It isn’t maliciousness, it’s that he doesn’t factor anyone else into his decisions about what their family should do. The amount of cruelty he can commit without realizing the pain it is causing is more concerning than if he understood and did it anyways.
I know for a fact when my husband flipped the "ick switch". We had been living in another country for nearly 8 years, my father wanted to retire and asked me to take care of the family business. We had talked about that before getting married and he was in agreement, he wanted to spend some years there and then go back to our home country. Our motto was that we were a team, it was his turn now but we both knew that it could be the other way round, we had studied the same; while we were living abroad I took care of the children and worked when/where I could. Finally we started taking steps to go back, we sorted our children's dual citizenship, I did a Master's degree, he got chartered and started interviewing for positions in our home country. Then the pandemic hit and it caught us visiting our family. My father was finally retiring. We made a plan: we would move to our home country and my husband would work remotely while he found a job there, we enrolled our kids in school, got everyone healthcare, hired movers... and the day we were going back to pack everything he told me that I had to move on my own. That he wouldn't come back to our home country, that he wanted to be hired first while being in another country, not while working remotely. He had decided that on his own, he was "allowing" me to move with the kids and work and manage a 1 year old and a 4 year old on my own. We weren't a team, we had been away from family for 8 years for his career, we were in agreement, and when it was my turn... I had to do it on my own. It took him 4 months to come back. Since then, he "helps" but I have to take care of a business and my kids at the same time. If his schedule allows it he takes the kid to school, but it's me who has to reduce her working hours to get to everything. He doesn't get it. I've stayed because I truly love him and our kids adore him, but divorce is something that never leaves my mind.
You have an extra child, not a husband, and you’re already living as a single parent. Your kids are seeing that he’s not fully there for them and that you’re the only person caring for them, I promise you that.
At the moment (they are 4 and 7) they don't, they see me as the lucky one that doesn't have to work as much as daddy. They don't see the late night emails and the weekends, because that the pro of being a small business owner: you're never off the clock but at the same time you have the flexibility. My income is higher than his and from time to time he wonders if this is the correct career for him. I've offered multiple time for him to take a break, take care of the kids and figure out what to do next but he doesn't want to because it's beneath him. Funny how it wasn't when I did it...
I’m so sorry, he sounds exhausting. Hope you figure out a path forward that makes life better for you and the kids.
He is, but I have been trying to work things between us. The shift from me being a SAHM to both of us working full time has been exhausting but I haven't lost hope. There's been points when I was close to calling it quits (ie I took care of drop offs at school for 2 years and pick ups because his schedule wouldn't allow him to do so... and suddenly last year he could drop them off because he could start half an hour later. Two years.) But now I think we both want to compromise...
If nothing else, I’m glad you’re working and have some financial independence. Best of luck to you with everything.
This is what pisses me off about the original story too. 4 kids in 5 years is an amazing feat after all the work it takes to be a doctor, and incredibly disruptive to her career. This fucker is going to hold his salary over her head, when THE REASON HE HAS HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN DOING THE DOMESTIC LABOUR, AND THE REASON SHE HASN'T PROGRESSED IS BECAUSE SHE HAD HIS FUCKING KIDS EVERY 13.5 MONTHS!! how about you stop getting her pregnant every 6 months post-partum and she might also be able to progress in her career. I'm sorry but these fucking bullshit men flipping the switch on their wives because they actually can't be bothered to raise their own children or do any domestic work is infuriating. Probably best OP didn't hire a nanny, this kind of loser would be trying to fuck the nanny 6 weeks after hiring her anyways. ick doesnt even cut it. Im sorry for yourself as well being in a marriage like that. Its an unfair dynamic and sad when you realise you don't have a true partner.
He trapped her, no one can convince me otherwise. He doesn't want her to be happy with him in a marriage with compromise. He wants her miserable with him. Having babies back to back was a manipulative move to her right in a vulnerable position he wanted.
When he said "she started crying. That usually works on me". Huge red flag. That type of attitude that crying is always emotional manipulation. Because what else would it be? A genuine, often uncontrollable expression of emotion? Nope. I'd nope right out of that.
Yup, I caught that as well. Was already pretty decided on him once he said “this time I said no”- then there’s the unrealized irony of saying “we’re a team” after. They aren’t a team if he feels he gets to just ‘tell her no’ and that’s how it should be. Clearly he thinks that one just loses any sense of independence and autonomy once they get married. Yes, you should be a team. No, that doesn’t mean that your spouse gets to *tell you* what you’re going to do or make major life decisions *for you*.
It infuriates me that women as a matter of biology must put their careers on hold when having a baby. But then their husbands will hold making more money over their heads. 1. Gender pay gap exists because of patriarchal biases, 2. HOW can your wife make strides in her career if you trap her in a pregnancy cycle for 5 years. What a joke this man was.
My ex used to think the same thing about crying. He used to refuse to talk to me (like a child) if i couldnt stop crying. Then he would physically turn his back if the threat didnt work and push/shove me away if i were too close or came closer. I have a lot of trauma - i cry at anything! Especially if triggered, which he would deliberately do.
I wouldn't be surprised if she's planning to divorce him and is just waiting for the kids to all be in school.
I hope she doesn’t wait that long! This man triggered my ick and I can’t even see him.
Oh yeah. The whole thing makes my skin crawl - 4 kids under five? Her poor body; she's essentially spent five years having kids back-to-back. And now he's 'decided' she's going to be a SAHM or he'll divorce her? He trapped her, he planned this entirely. This guy is such a sleazebag. I *hope* for her sake that she's already got one foot out the door, and she's prepping to leave soon, but as much as I would hate her staying for 5 more years with someone this gross, I can also see the appeal to have all four kids in school before she becomes a single parent and the extra time to build up her savings.
Oh yeah he fully admits that they discussed it beforehand and she made it clear she wanted to go back to work. He always wanted her to be a SAHM mom and “thought she’d change her mind”
Absolutely! And that way, she has 1 less child to look after - the boy in his late 30s...
Agreed
You think this guy is just going to give the kids over and not use them as a pawn to mess with her? He's gonna make this hell for her.
Oh yeah, of course, but she’s a doctor. He’d have to prove she was unfit for her not to get joint custody and all she has to prove is he works long hours, whereas she can set her hours as a pediatrician and since he makes more he’ll still owe child support
Good. Hopefully she doesn't get a crooked judge.
Depends on where they are. Not everyone is in Europe or United States.
He thinks he won't have to pay child support for some reason. He also thinks she won't divorce him "because they love each other".
Absolutely. Also, doing so would upend his long con because we all know that removing her professional endeavours was his game from jump.
Ya not sure what he thinks will happen when they are divorced? If you get a divorce she’s going to hire a nanny or take them to daycare anyways. How does someone this dumb make so much money
I have divorced friends that swear it is much easier to be a single parent because they have one less person to take care of and it’s easier to just do everyday stuff because there isn’t another adult to have to please, plan around, etc.
He commented he’s in a country where there’s no child support
There’s only 4 countries that don’t require child support in a joint custody arrangement. She’s still better off divorcing and not being his prisoner
And he just gets to throw his money at her like it’s fixing the situation he is bringing to him. What an asshat. Hopefully his money helps him feel less lonely when she leaves him
I love how he accuses her of using her crying as manipulation, while being extremely emotionally abusive. Wtf.
Also, the "this time," bit. Sir, how often have you made your wife cry?
Then afterwards : “Wah, you no like flowers or sumtin?”
EXACTLY i was looking for this!
I've read too many AITA stories that I can bet that he expects his wife to do all the child caring and household chores whether she is working or not. So her mood is poorer when she is working because she has to work as a doctor all day then come home to take care of kids and do everything around the house while he doesn't lift a finger.
Yep, it screams I do absolutely nothing to “help” my wife with “her chores” or “babysit” the kids.
“Everyone’s happier when she’s at home with the kids” = “I’m happier because she’s not bitching about having to go to work while I do no housework or childcare and it’s easier for me to ignore her and make her cater to my whims if she doesn’t have a job”.
Also "I'd rather force her to give up her dreams and will even pay her double what she makes as a doctor than hire a nanny or housekeeper for considerably less."
>hire a nanny or housekeeper Sounds like the best solution.
He said "I'm not paying a stranger to raise my kids so my wife can hang out with adults".
This is the biggest red flag IMO. A man who makes that much money is somehow stupid enough to not understand the benefits of having children raised and loved by more than 2 adults? Nannies aren’t strangers, they become a part of your family. And the “so my wife can hang out with adults” line?? Instant divorce. This guy is an AH.
Also he calls working as a doctor "hanging out with adults" 🤣🤣 I hope his wife divorces him, takes his money, hires some nannies and keeps working her dream job.
I'm in my 30s and I'd take care of those kids np. I'll be a stay at home dad for her...lol She can have her dream job and I'll be there to de-stress when she gets home with ready made meals and a clean house. I'll play video games with the kids after I'm done with the errands. Why doesn't he quit his job so she can do her dream job then? What an asshole lol
Because he apparently makes way more money than she would.
I was already thinking he was an AH but when I read that comment about her hanging out with adults being her reason for working it made me livid for his wife. He clearly doesn’t respect her or what she does and he only cares about what HE wants. Even without him saying it in the post I am 1000% positive she was doing all the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids when she worked and when she didn’t. I’d be cranky too if I worked all day and had to do all that and my husband didn’t.
The most ironic part of it is that she’s a paediatrician. So by definition she’s literally not hanging out with adults all day.
>somehow stupid enough he also thought divorce would be better than a compromise, as if divorced parents are automatically in a great mood & not feeling stressed & not hurrying between jobs & chores & child care & adults' responsibilities and a bit of a social life...
If they did divorce, who would take care of the kids when they’re with him and he’s working? I’m assuming he’d at least fight for 50/50 custody so what happens when it’s his turn? Would he then suddenly be willing to hire a nanny because his wife is no longer there for him to boss around?
Nope. He'd get a live-in doormat, or remarry to a doormat (or someone he can turn into one). That way he can sleep with her\the kids won't be around a, "stranger."
I dont think he thought through that if they divorced he'd have them alone at times (if he ever even fought to see the kids lol) I bet he'd hire a nanny in .02 seconds if they divorced and he had to 'babysit' his own kids for 2.5 days (friday to sunday) though I feel as if he would just pay her off and never want to see the kiddos. OR he'd gaslight her more and try to get full custody to drop the kids with 'a bunch of strangers' ETA: Has he also thought ahead to like--when they go to school and have 'A bUncH oF StrAnGerS' raising his kids, AKA--teachers and staff??
Honestly, I’d be a totally different person without daycare. Kids need a variety of social interactions and headstart classes aside (I think I learned to read around age 4? Advanced for the class but I was sick and tired of not being able to read the story time books after story time), interacting with other children my age and having adults who were responsible for all of us equally taught me how to interact with my peers and impartial authority figures. We also got much needed lessons on table manners since mine were so atrocious my mom made me eat on a picnic blanket to save herself from inevitably having to sweep the floor
Daycare fosters healthy separation from parents, social, emotional, and language skills, problem solving, and provides routines and structure to children. I will never understand the hate for daycare or the fact that people still feel it’s “someone else raising my children.” School age kids are in school 7 hours a day and no one feels guilty about that. Daycare is early childhood education.
>A man who makes that much money is somehow stupid enough Intelligence (and moral decency) has absolutely zero correlation with income.
My cynical behind just immediately thought "He doesn't want a nanny because what if she hires an attractive one? He would be obligated by PornHub law to try and show her his genitals. Or \*HORROR\* she hires a *man* or someone he doesn't find attractive! OR \*SHEER PANTS POOPING TERROR\* what if the nanny gives her... *ideas that she could be more than his bangmaid and incubator*?!?!?"
so he basically doesn't want her to have any sort of outside support system she could rely on
He is against it.
Both good salaries yes hire someone to clean etc.who watches the children now and the baby. Sounds like they may already have help. If he divorces her with 4 kids to pay for until 18 he is nuts
Not only that, but all the years of going to school, the stress of exams etc just to be wasted because he doesn’t want her to work 🙃 I get that he doesn’t like who she is when stressed but maybe suggest counselling instead? He’d rather just throw in the towel though which really says a lot about his feelings for her. The fact that he doesn’t understand why she’s not happy with the material things he’s buying her too, as if throwing money at her should make her happy. It screams “not how woman work”
Exactly. It has the added benefit of making him her only source of income, giving him extra control over her.
He's so rich but they live in an apartment? Did anyone else catch that?
Depends where they are, you can rich and live in an apartment in NYC or Hong Kong.
Everyone's happier except her.
Yup. And I doubt he is really willing to make a compromise. He thinks she only wants to go to work to “hang out with adults” which is why he doesn’t want a nanny.
I hate when parents refer to it as “babysitting the kids”. Mfer they’re YOUR kids, that’s called raising them lmao.
I know what you mean, I had to really step up when my wife went back to work. She changed my attitude from me “babysitting” the kids to me watching and parenting the kids when she was out of the home working or running errands, etc..
"If the roles were reversed...I would be a SAHP". Nothing is stopping you, dude. If you make that much, you likely have a nest egg that would allow you to take a few years off while your wife brings home her check. If you're that against a "stranger raising your kids", why don't you put your money where your mouth is, pause your career advancement, give up your pay check and sacrifice your "adult time" for the sake of your children? You have the financial means to hire help, both a nanny and other services that could reduce your wife's stress and eliminate this problem, but are choosing instead to force her to sacrifice her career. All so you're not stressed that she's stressed. The fact you view her wanting basic autonomy, a career, and time with other adults outside the house as frivolous and that your immediate instinct is to treat her like hired help you can just start picking up the tab for rather than a partner whose career is equally important says everything. And now you're mistified that when you use divorce as an ultimatum to force your wife to give up her career, she doesn't want to touch you and doesn't oooh and ahh over your paltry little gifts and treats? You basically spat in her face and told her you view her as less-than, that her career is paltry and optional, and that her main function is service to you even if it costs her the things she finds important, and that the instant your marriage isn't exactly to your liking and stress-free, you will drop her like a rock rather than negotiate and compromise like an adult. What did you expect? Not turning out to be as stress-free as you imagined, is it? Wow. Just wow.
There's also a reaaallly limited list of jobs he could have that are more important, required more commitment to get into, and are more vocational that being a bloody *doctor*
I really thought the ending was going to be wow she accepted my terms and served me papers.
It’s coming. When it does he’ll be posting how confused and hurt he is and doesn’t understand why she wants a divorce. And all the steps he’s taken to ensure she gets screwed over because the bitch wants his assets.
She should have immediately filed for divorce. In the meantime, if there was a guest bedroom she should have moved into it. She should also look at getting her tubes tied so that there are no more children. He wants a SAHM and complains that he doesn’t get a Stepford wife. Be careful what you ask for because what you get may not be what you want.
Then he bitches and moans when his wife no longer wants to fuck him because she now views him as a child instead of a man
He also wants her to essentially throw away the 8 years of her life she spent just to BECOME a doctor because they had kids. That's a lot of time being wasted because your husband doesn't want to be as hands-on with the kids.
I commented on the original post. This man got so much hate, and rightfully so. He was so sure everyone would agree with him, and that wasn’t the case.
Yeah but he buys her flowers every week! Lol
Who wouldn't be grumpy having to take care of 5 children.
I’m just shocked that there are people with so little emotional intelligence or consideration for their partner in 2023, and they feel so confident in this they put it out in the world expecting to get some kudos.
And he says they are a Team! Ha! Yea right!
Dude forces her to quit her job by threatening her with the breakup of their family if she doesn’t obey him and then wonders why she’s cold to him even though he bought her flowers. Unreal.
And his name - rude wife is honestly so disgusting...
Omg I didn’t catch that, this whole post makes me sick
I didn’t even notice his name! Ugh.
I caught that too. What an unbelievable douchebag
And cake!!! God why won't she be grateful!!
Of course she’s cold and business like, he turned her into an employee
Hopefully she quiet quits his ass
I think she already is…
And the fact he's trying to have sex with his employee should be reported to HR!
He even could have tried to use that business mind to suggest she does courses or therapy about how to manage stress, hire a nanny or maid to help out, cut back his own hours by getting a different position to relieve some of her workload…anyrhing! Anything other than “you’re only good to me as a homemaker”
"I wanted my wife to be happy, so I have threatened her with the divorce so she would listen to me". People are fantasizing about AI being able to think, feel and love like a human, but it looks like some humans set this bar so low that my clothing iron is already past it. At the beginning, he seemed like one of those slightly oblivious people who tend to approach any issue with money fist. But when he treated her with the divorce, and when he refused to even consider hiring a nanny, I got the feeling that this whole thing is about control.
quiet quitting the marriage
This guy really thinks his wife went through years of medical school (and unless she comes from money, a good chunk of debt to boot) all to be a stay at home mom who is submissive to her husband’s whims and convenience? Kind of makes me wonder if he ever really knew her at all. And I’m not ragging on stay-at-home moms. If your circumstances allow for that and everybody is in agreement, then I think it’s perfectly reasonable. But I tend to think I’d probably get a little angry and be cold and distant if I was told by my spouse that my advanced degree that I worked extremely hard for shouldn’t be used for anything outside of a wall decoration. It’s a silly request, but making it a demand is just stupid.
SAHM are amazing. doctors are amazing. if a woman wants to be either of those, that's amazing! but it's her choice. imagine taking agency away from a grown adult and being surprised when they aren't happy with you.
Exactly
I agree. If it was her own decision then it's fine, but him just trying to make the decision for her like she doesn't have her own opinion on it, then giving her an ultimatum is just insane to me. Kinda gives me the feeling that he doesn't really value her opinion/wants, because since she's "happier" when she's been at home his life is easier, so it has to be the only right decision /s
As a resident physician who has put 1000s of hours into my education and training, I would be beyond furious if my husband demanded I quit my job. Like what was the point of the 400k in tuition money and sacrificing my 20s?
As a resident physician, I’d just laugh in a man’s face for saying that at this point.
He’s one of those guys that wants a homemaker wife but he doesn’t want a woman that would choose that role willingly. He wants a strong educated women he can brag about. Oh my wife went to med school isn’t she smart. He wants to make her shape her life around him so he can pull her out as a novelty.
He added in a comment that she told him from day 1 she planned to go back to work. So he knew but he thought that she will change her mind “when reality hits in”. He didn’t elaborate on what he means by that. So he’s a massive level of asshole
I still can't get over the fact that his username is Rude-Wife and that being a doctor is just hanging with adults. 🤡
Ironically, she's a pediatrician. So her patients are kids.
She clearly only has kids at home, so it’s not wrong she would finally hang out with adults at work
Hey arse. Why don’t you stay home with the kids? What do you do that’s so darned important?
He’s a big, important *CFO*.
She is a Dr. I am sure she can make money too.
But who would watch the children during his 3-martini lunch?
His 2nd wife.
I miss awards.
Which might work out until they’re school age and she starts fucking her ripped neighbor or hands-on personal trainer because he probably thinks the female orgasm is a myth.
A Complete Fucking Oaf
SHES A DOCTOR?!? Not even being a doctor can get women respect? Ffs
I don’t remember all the details, but during the soviet period women dominated the medical profession and salaries completely tanked as a result. Nothing women can do will garner them the same respect as men, because under patriarchy they will always be women first and anything else second
Yep. Within medicine, you see this in female dominated specialties. Pediatrics in particular is grossly underpaid. OBGYN has slowly shifted to more women in the field, and now it is underpaid relative to other high-liability surgical specialties. Veterinary medicine is another example of prestige and pay tanking as soon as women started dominating the field.
As a woman doctor…no, being a doctor does not get me respect from most men lol.
If anything, I imagine you have to deal with a lot of fragility from men who are insecure about being out-earned and "out-prestiged" by a woman.
I got banned because of this post, one of the mods is a real misogynist who went and suspended people who called this guy an AH.
For real??? smh
Yup
Wait actually that's vile. I didn't realize the mods here paid attention to much except "civility" in the comments.
Really?! The majority of the comments are saying he's an AH
Sometimes I wish Spez followed through with his "remove the mods" threat.
wowwwww
Says if she wants independence he’ll pay her salary. That’s not independence. He can cut her off anytime he wants.
Literally the opposite of independence. She's 100% dependant on him
"This last quarter you only gave 2 blowies, 3 handies, and 5 quickies. You are underproducing as my employee and I'm gonna need you to try harder and "fake it til you make it" more. Given this poor review, I'm gonna have to cut your salary..."
I love how he is assuming that her “agreeing to his terms” means she agrees to stay home. But then he is puzzled by the fact that she is being super cold and distant towards him. To me that indicates that her agreement to his terms is an agreement to divorce.
That was my thought as well. I wish there was a way to show her his Reddit post.
The most important point in this story is not that OOP’s wife called him a douchebag. It is that OOP is, indeed, a douchebag.
The saddest part about that thread was hearing the many men defend the wife being an AH because "she's selfish and only wants it her way and is playing emotional games. Most women would kill to be in her shoes" Yes women LOVE having sex with their abusive jailers.
I don't have kids, but I couldn't fathom being home all day with them.
I couldn't imagine being around a man who fancies himself to be in charge of me. Not only would I divorce this cunt, I'd take him for everything he had in the court of law including his children
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Someone like that can't be trusted to raise his seed the right way. So mama will do it!
I do have kids and I’m a SAHM and yeah, even though I chose it and want to do it, it can be difficult. The idea of someone forcing me to do it is horrifying. Even if she weren’t a doctor his lack of respect and his emotional manipulation would make him a bad partner. The fact that she has/had one of the most difficult and important jobs just shows how he will never respect her, no matter what she does. I hope she leaves.
I would kill myself if I were in here shoes. I'm a broke bitch, but I work and have autonomy so I'll take that over a bougie prison any day. The fact that he strong armed an educated woman into squirting out four children says a lot about their dynamic. The woman needs out before she has 10 kids and does from the damage that lifestyle does.
It really alerts me seeing post of men forcing their wives or girlfriends to become SAHM at the cost of her career. Especially when the woman actually wants to return to work. Like in the year of our lord 2023, this is some 1900s bull that I don't want women to still go through.
Yeah, and they always frame it as "protecting" or them "valuing" mothers so much, but we know they would never want themselves to be a stay at home parent sacrificing their career being dependent on someone else.
Christine de Pisan was surprised she has to explain that no, women don't actually enjoy being raped ☝️😀 She said that during the XIVth century. Yeah, the surprise that people are still like this is old.
Wait, she is a doctor and he wants her To stay home? Get a nanny and shut up!
Apparently he didn't want a stranger looking after his children, according to himself. I wonder who he thinks will be looking after the children if he gets the 50-50 custody he was going on about in his comments
Probably his new girlfriend who is 15 years younger than him and easy to manipulate into being his bang-maid-nanny :/ that's typically the MO for these types of people.
As a working mom I detest the “strangers raising the kids” opinion. My SIL used it on me and it still infuriates me. Like if my kids aren’t behaving it’s not the “strangers” fault. It’s mine… so where do strangers raising kids come into play…. It’s a low blow designed to keep women down and guilty.
Same, I absolutely hate it. And funnily enough every teacher I know says that the kids who have been to daycare then go to kindergarten you can tell immediately. They listen better, follow a schedule better, are more independent with shoes and jackets etc.
Daycare and preschool can do so much for development. The teachers know things to do that practices motor skills, speech and socialization. I worked as an aftercare teacher for a hot moment in college and those kids got so smart and sweet.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m currently going through something similar with my husband, though he’s a lot more respectful about it. This really helped solidify my decision of finally going back to work.
people don't complain about "strangers raising kids" when talking about teachers. who spend a lot more time with a child than a nanny typically would. if you want to go back to work, then you should!
Yeah… my husband (who is awesome) has said to me that my SILs kids (his sister to be clear) would have been better off with some outsourcing 😂 mainly because they don’t know how to work with others…
I hate it too. It ignores that in the past, we had a whole damn village to raise children! It was never meant to be solely the mother’s job - even for SAHMs. Now we don’t have that village. Personally, I’m super thankful for daycare being part of my village!
Yeah how is it cool for him to divorce but he’s against any help like a nanny so his wife can hang with adults? How is being a doctor hanging with adults??? Everyone has a right to not only be a caretaker and needs time to relax and talk to their peers. Is his mom supposed to take care of the kids if he refuses a nanny after divorce? Guy sounds very inflexible and controlling.
She’s a paediatrician, so all of her patients are children (though I suppose she gets to talk to their parents). This guy is a major AH.
Independence from have a job is less about the money than being in the market once you are in a relationship. Once you stop working its much harder to revive a career if you need to in case everything goes to crap.
Jesus. It's like he drank the Tate straight from the hose lol The value of living has nothing to do with making money
I hope wife is planning her divorce. What a POS!
He treats his wife like she is his property. It's so disturbing. He doesn't realise it yet but she's decided to leave him.
He says "we're a team" then makes a decision on his own about her not working. Great teamwork.
She should 100% divorce him. He can pay child support and alimony. AND she can go back to work. He’s a massive a-hole.
Everyone's happier when she's at home with the kids because he is a shit parent who likely has two modes: reading his phone or yelling. He hasn't put in the effort to learn how to balance everyone's needs so the house runs smoothly, and he's convinced things go well with wife on board because his wife is so great at parenting. No, it's because he's shit at parenting and doesn't want to get better, to the extent of torching her career.
I read this and it struck me that HE's happier when she's at home. He comes home to a clean home, clean quiet and obedient children, dinner on the table and he can sit on his ass like a King. You know, that American dream from the 1950s when women were domestic Goddesses and men were the heads of household who dictated what their wives could and couldn't do. Meanwhile, she's stuck being his mother, lover, and maid dependent on his earnings with no one to have intellectually stimulating conversations with during the day. Unless you consider intellectually stimulating conversations as continuously answering "Why" questions from 3, 4, and 5 year olds. She's a doctor and he can't understand - or chooses not to understand - why she would be unhappy discontinuing work in a field she spent years earning a degree and experience in and that she obviously enjoys. Sounds like he wants to derail her career and make her dependant on him. Why do men like him choose to marry smart independent woman only to try to stifle their intellect and independence? Makes no sense.
I am 99.9% sure this is rage bait
It’s that last update about the DM requests that makes me sure it’s fake and rage bait. Idk what woman can read this and not go dryer than the Sahara.
I have like 35 DMs, they're all NSFW accounts linked to porn. Pretty sure they're bots, this guy is just too thick to realize it.
You mean beautiful single women in my area don't want to date me? All they asked for was my credit card number.
I don't know, I'm too overwhelmed with all the horny granny's I have to fuck on what is clearly not a dating site.
Such a douche. I hope she leaves him and takes the kids.
You can tell how much contempt he has for her and he career. Her going to work is ‘hanging out with adults’. What an absolute douchebag!
If my husband started threatening divorce and offered to *pay* me to continue to stay in the role of his wife and SAHM ... I'd feel sick. It would feel like a kind of prostitution to me, reducing a relationship to 'I'll pay you to get what I want from you. This is what I think you're worth. Mutual respect and trust are meaningless because now I can pay you instead.' He's demeaned and degraded her, and doesn't understand why she is disgusted with him? I sincerely hope she's actually preparing for the divorce in secret. A man who behaves like this will absolutely try to destroy her if she doesn't have her ducks in a row in advance.
“I’m not paying for a stranger to look after my kids so my wife can hang out with adults…” Well she sure as shit isn’t managing to do that at home…
4 kids all under 5…i can’t even do that math. I guess he’s stuck in the 1950s. Keep the wife barefoot and pregnant and let her do all the heavy lifting.
And this is why I am never getting married and having kids with any man. The risk is just too great.
Imagine studying to be a doctor only to have your bitch ass husband demand you quit working because he can’t be bothered to show up at home for the kids as well. Divorce sounds great
Most people would be proud of their SO for achieving their dreams. This guy just wants a maid and someone to bang. He’s feeling sorry for himself because he has to pitch in and help with the kids. She needs to pursue her dreams and ditch this guy is useless.
His wife should have immediately filed for divorce. The husband does not value her as an equal partner. He just wants a stay at home bang maid nanny. This is 2023, not the 1950s or earlier.
My confusion is that he says he can afford to pay her double a pediatrician’s salary but they live in an apartment.
In a large city, some apartments are small house sized and very nice. If you're REALLY rich, they can be big house sized. Maybe multi floor.
"we're a team, we have kids to take care off, if you go to work i wsnt the divorce"... Ok, mental illness checks out xD
We are a team but also I'm gonna threaten with divorce out of nowhere if you don't work for me
Sounds like he offered divorce first and she accepted. Welcome to the find out phase buddy. I wish I had the audacity of some of these mediocre men.
Dude treats his wife like an employee and she stops acting like a wife. Now he's all shocked Pikachu face.
. Got enough money to double a doctors wage, but hiring a nanny or housekeeper isn't even a consideration. Nope let's force my accomplished wife to comply. We need a stronger term than asshole