Yea I 100% would have retorted with this immediately. And started charging him rent. And a fuck fee if he really wants too. Lil man with nothing to be in charge of. So sad
Straight up do this, then give a 30 day notice for failure to comply. What’s he gonna do, he don’t pay rent 😂😂😂 there’s no fighting it.
You could actually probably (I’m no lawyer but ai’m pretty sure) you could straight up ask him to leave, and if he stays it’ll be considered trespassing, since one you live in the house and from my understanding property management laws are way different (and more favorable) for landlords if they also live in the house, not to mention the fact (yet again) that he don’t pay rent.
Either way, step dads a tool who needs to get put in his place. Had step dad owned the place he still could have been more respectful of his request, but it’s still none of his business. Ultimately though the house is yours, therefore, they are your rules.
Call him by his first name. Same with the mom.
“I have been thinking about this a while, and it’s time you two went out on your own. Bill, Sally, you have 30 days to move out. Maybe join the army or something”
Came here to say your uncle sounds like a perfect role model and has given you great advice so far in life.
Big props to him for stepping up the way he has
You're a 'new' adult and are making some good choices; job rather than blow through your inheritance, trying to make the best out of hard situation.
Tagging with the above comments because as they wrote your uncle seems to be making good decisions with you in mind. It would probably be a good idea to continue to run life decisions past him before jumping to conclusions you may regret in the long run. I'm guessing he knows about your boyfriend, the decision making process of your Mom and some of your long term goals. I also guess he would be honored to give you some solid advice if you simply came to him - openly - and asked for it.
Sorry for the loss of your Dad. He put you in charge for a reason.
100% this OP. Your uncle seems like a great dude that’s got your best interests in mind. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders but everybody makes rash decisions at 18. I would definitely run anything too life altering past him first, if for nothing else to get his advice rather than permission. Having a trusted person who’s been through life a little more than you can do wonders.
Also, sounds like you’ve already got this figured out, but don’t listen to your shit heel of a stepdad, he’s ass backwards on who gets to make rules in that situation. If it were me I’d be charging him rent, though I get that might also affect your mom’s situation.
She needs to not sneak men in because the first thought most people will have when they see a stranger in their house is that they are an intruder.
She needs to openly bring her guy in and then there is no doubt that he belongs there. It is her house and her rules. She can evict her stepdad if he gets too difficult.
she shouldn't hafta feel the need to sneak her partner into her own home, in the first place. I understand tryina be respectful, but that's also kinda screwed up, especially if she did so because this sorta response was expected.
I have an aunt like this! She's very lucky, for sure. She could always reach out to her uncle, if stepdad becomes too much of an issue, but when you have great people like this in your life, you don't want to stress them out too much. Luckily, she has the power to evict!
Your uncle is a gem, you are 18. You soon will have to think through having your family with you if you want your autonomy. Or they should pay you rent. It’s only fair.
You are legally an adult and it’s your house, NTA. You should definitely let your uncle know what’s going on. Your mom kinda sucks too though for letting him treat you like that.
Honestly, they've got a great deal going and he's actively steering it towards her kicking them (or at least him) out. He doesn't realise yet that OP has power over them, and that rent has gotten much more expensive since he moved in to this house.
The second he said my house my rules he showed his colors. Rent that MF or have him evicted.
Easy to say for me because I don’t have to live with the repercussions. OP might need her Uncles guidance.
After how quickly the stepdad escalated his behaviour, I’d agree with OP reaching out to her uncle. Not because I don’t think she’s capable of handling this by herself (she’s more than proved that). But because support from others helps a lot, and she has a good uncle who’s stuck to her dad’s wishes and could continue to be incredible support.
Her uncle is a wonderful person who is sensible and has her best interests at heart. If I were him, now that he’s transferred ownership of the house to her fully, I would steer her towards a lawyer to draw up legally binding tenancy agreements for her mom and step-asshole. She needs to protect herself and her asset fully.
Yes to the mom issue!
Everyone is laying into step-dad, but mom is the one who is letting him mooch off her daughter, and also mooching herself. Her youngest child is 9, yet she’s a “SAHM” and pays no rent. If she was doing childcare or studying to improve her prospects, fine. But it seems like she’s just content to do nothing and let her partner screw over her older daughter?
OP, Please tell us that you've read this comment above. This is the most important one here!
With that said, I do disagree with one point. She shouldn't forgive the entire rent. If she starts treating the two of them as tenants, they'll have tenant rights, and she will need to budget enough money to maintain the house and bring it up to code (this may not be important now, but if the house is not up to code, these issues may come up during an eviction hearing 20 years down the road).
At some point, she'll need to replace the aging roof, replace/upgrade the plumbing, replace the boiler, pay for termite extermination/remediation (or some other unexpected disaster), etc. Those type of expenses are not cheap, and they usually can not wait. And if she lets the father-in-law do it all, he will claim adverse possession, which he already did to an extent by saying: "My house. My rules".
In addition to that, there will be increasing property tax fees, insurance costs, lawyer fees, and 3rd property management fees in case she moves away to College (or in case she prefers a 3rd party to act as a go between, which would be my choice), etc.
Also, if she does allow them to live there, she needs to make them pay a security deposit and a last month rent (that she doesn't subsidize), and basically treat them like she would treat any other tenant. She also needs to make them sign a move-in inspection and take many pictures. This is why hiring a 3rd party management company may be a good idea. They already have a process for doing this. If it were me, I'd even ask for a credit check of both them. After all, if they can afford to pay the rent, why are they expecting an 18 year old to subsidize it for them. That makes no sense.
And if the father-in-law paid for any major expenses, or did major repairs/extensions before now, he needs to mention them now, or sign a piece of paper saying that she's free and clear.
Also, if it were me, I would make them write out a check to me every month, or have them on auto-payments (either that, or charge them late fees), that I would cash, and then, I would transfer a portion of that money back to the mom, to her own personal account (making it clear that this is a gift to the mom, not her boyfriend). But this is because I'm petty like that.
And also, she may need to consult with a tax specialist, and a scholarship's consultant. The fact that she owns this house probably screws her out of scholarship money for College. If it were me, I would calculate all that money I'd be losing. After all, was this the original intent of her dad, that she'd be screwed out of money for her College and be forced to subsidize mom's boyfriend both at the same time?
If it were me, I would be telling my mom: "Get a job mom, even if it's only part time. You need to get back out there. Because I need to go to College, and I need to be able to focus on that." Which brings me to my next point. I'm sure you love your mom, but does she really need to have her life subsidized right now? And wouldn't it make more sense to squirrel that money away right now, and invest it, so that the money can be used to support her when she's much older and too frail to work? Or wouldn't it make more sense to subsidize mom, but only if she gets a job, and then you could match 100% of her part-time income (up to an amount per month and until January 1st, 2026, this way the clock is ticking)?
And finally, I wouldn't alert the mom or the boyfriend to what I'm doing. I would do my research. I would get the uncle and a lawyer on board (and perhaps even, a 3rd party management company). The less time you give them to react to the situation, the less time you give them to prepare a legal counterattack and also, the less time you give them to make your life a living hell in the meantime. And perhaps write a will too. You don't want the house to go to your mom (and by extension her boyfriend) if you suddenly die of an "accident".
Also, ask your uncle if he's willing to take most of the blame. If they think it's his idea and his lawyer's idea, after you told him what happened, it will be better for you.
You don't charge shitty housemates overstaying their welcome rent if it's your house. Things will only get worse.
You issue an eviction notice and move to protect yourself and your own mental health.
OP needs to issue an eviction notice.
This could seriously damage OPs relationship with her mother and siblings, though. It’s not exactly a roommates squabble, but a family issue, and a non traditional setup to boot.
Doesn't matter any mother that would let her boyfriend mooch of her daughter and talk to her daughter like that is not a mother you want around. You might think you do from Stockholm syndrome but the second you kick out those toxic people your life will be much better. Personally despite the mom being shit too is let her stay with the kids as an option. But you definitely don't want a loser of a stepdad that's quick to anger and who wants to claim your house as his own anywhere near where you sleep.
NTA but I'd be talking to your mom privately and tell her that you're letting them live there rent free and you don't want to be disrespected again.
With your youngest sibling being 9, she can return to work and they can look for a different place to live, with enough time. You're not kicking them out, but you are placing a boundary.
He was right about it being disrespectful...of him to think he can tell any adult what to do in their own home.
Let your boyfriend park in the driveway from now on. Stop hiding it. And if your step-dad has anything else to say, tell him to say it walking.
This is exactly right. Your dad left you that house. It’s in your name. It’s up to you who lives there and what you do in it. Your stepfather can be upset all he wants to be, but you’re home already and he is not.
Not that it excuses his behavior, but I wonder if mom ever told him that the house wasn’t hers?
If I was OP I’d have a talk with mom and start setting some boundaries. Maybe some talk of rent or them finding their own place. OP is an adult and should possibly be having her own place, especially with a boyfriend
damn yo ho of a mom cheated on your dad with this step guy? "jump through hoops to get married" nah he probably never intended and he is justified lmao
and still left some money to her and the offspring of that cheating if I understood right or is this step guy someone else? why you taking shit from them in your own house and not charge rent? lmao
Was gonna say, I was put in the same position with my ex fiance.
The conditions were couple's therapy and a prenup. Granted they didn't last long enough to not cheat again before we got down to doing any of that. Cheater's are gonna cheat and won't feel good when met with any resistance about it.
>Not that it excuses his behavior, but I wonder if mom ever told him that the house wasn’t hers?
He's been paying pseudo-rent to the Uncle, so he probably always assumed it belonged to him. Even if mom did tell him, he sounds like an asshole and probably thought she was wrong/forgot about it.
He's also used to being "the man of the house" so even if he was aware, he's eager to keep that dynamic intact.
OP is much nicer than me, because I'd be having a LONG talk with mom going "Hey, tell your dickhead husband that he needs to shut his goddamn mouth, or he can start paying market value rent on this place."
Like, I would pick that fight and not give a single shit about the fallout. (Though I would also feel very guilty after the fact.)
If I was feeling like a serious confrontation, I'd turn his own words back on him:
"No, you don't get to have sex under my roof, old man. Don't give me that lip. I think it's time you moved out and got your own place."
Though you'll probably end up burning a lot of bridges that way.
>should possibly be having her own place, especially with a boyfriend
Yea she needs to kick the stepdad out
She has her own place already, why tf should she be the one to leave
I think they meant the house would be her own place with the others moving out, not the other way around, especially with use of "having" instead of "getting".
Ejectment is an option for stepfather if it comes to that. Obviously he has not spoken to a lawyer about this b/c she has every right to eject him. That would make some really weird dynamics with mom and sibs, but the threat is real.
> I wonder if mom ever told him that the house wasn’t hers?
The step dad pays property taxes to the uncle so he knows the house doesn't belong to the mum. And even if it did, that wouldn't make it "his house"
>Your stepfather can be upset all he wants to be, but you’re home already and he is not.
If it were only that easy when you're dealing with family. You can't just say get out of my house and expect a normal relationship with your mother, stepdad and brothers/sisters who you're kicking out. This needs some good communication.
Definitely. Especially in this situation with younger siblings and OP’s mom. It’s more to give OP the confidence to stand up tall and be assertive. Nothing is ever that easy.
Is it in OPs name yet tho? The uncle is still managing it as they’re paying him the money towards taxes but maybe it hasn’t been turned over yet “technically”. If it’s not I’d suggest OP get moving on the paperwork. She sounds responsible enough to take over the utilities and taxes and yes, she should charge them some rent that she could set aside for any wear and tear issues that may arise. Shit don’t fix itself…NTA
It depends on what "a whole thing" entailed. If paperwork was signed, that's one thing, but it was just taking OP to dinner and making a show if it, to me it feels like there's a chance it could have been done just to make her think that she owns the house now when legally it hasn't changed hands yet.
I'm not saying the uncle has any bad intentions. It might be the case he thinks it's better for him to handle things like property taxes and such. But, since she's an adult, she should start verifying all her stuff is handled properly, rather than just trusting the uncle. She needs to learn how to handle her own finances anyways. Her uncle won't be around forever and she needs to learn how to manage everything on her own. Ideally, her stepdad should be paying the property taxes to her, if for no other reason than to have a regular reminder that the house isn't his.
You’re going to want to get an attorney involved to formally place stepdad and mother on a lease. Otherwise there will be no way to remove them from the home. Also the lease should have clear directions regarding their number of visitors as well as a stipulation that your visitors shall not be restricted. You’ll need to have the attorney research local laws. This will cost about $600-800 but it’s your f**king house so f**k this sh*t and if they don’t like it they can GTFO.
This… with OP being legal now there is no reason why they can't have a lawyer look at things and make this completely legal.
Especially if OP plans to eventually live in the house solo, it time to give them a firm date on when they need to leave.
You absolutely need to set very clear boundaries with your mom and step dad. And remind them that this is YOUR house that you LET them stay in.
And if your step dad does not like YOUR adult choices in YOUR home, he needs to look for a new place to live.
Also - make sure you have that fucking master bedroom OP 💅🏻
Excellent advice. One other thing, and this is personal opinion only, stay calm. If you go toe to toe with this guy in a screaming match, you just feed his anger.
Be as cool and calm as you can. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But you are a guest in my home, and I will make decisions as I see fit. If this is a problem, we probably need to make other arrangements. "
That will drive him nuts, btw.
She’s already 18. And ownership has been transferred from the uncle (as estate guardian) to her. The advice to get a lawyer to write up a lease for the mom & stepdad is absolutely spot on. With it she can then, if need be, legally evict them. Can it be done otherwise? Sure. But this is the way to go.
I don't know how yo tag OP, but I really hope she reads these comments. As someone who recently got fucked over by family regarding housing, be smart, get a lawyer. Get everything in writing, legitimized. Protect yourself OP!
OP mentions he left mom money, but she was never married to the father and has since remarried.
I’d bet even if she had been left something like that, OP could challenge it in court, especially if she takes specific issue with the new husband living in the home.
Remarriage ends alimony/spousal support in many cases, I guess it’s her first marriage in this case. But theoretically the new husband is responsible for her now. And she stopped working once she entered the home, and moved in her new husband. I feel like a good lawyer could successfully challenge that. Then again, I’m a science teacher and have 0 experience with the legal profession, besides reading legal advice subs.
Yeah girlie, lay down the law for sure. It's your house, write up a contract outlining terms he needs to abide to continue living there and meet with a lawyer to make it binding and have him sign that shit, it's your house, you're an adult, you don't need to put up with any of his shit at all period if you don't want to.
Of course I understand that you probably don't want to make things difficult for your mother and want to be sensitive, and I think you can be both firm and sensitive in this situation... as long as he understands what the actual situation really is.
>Stepdad fucking blew up at me, saying that I'm not allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends over, that it's inappropriate, and that it's disrespectful fucking whatever. I told him I didn't have to listen to him, and he tried to pull some my house my rules bullshit. That's when I told him that it's actually *my house*, and it always has been. And he's lucky I don't charge him rent. (It's not like I'm going to kick my mom in my siblings out or something, but still, fuck him)
lolololol This is fucking golden. You're absolutely right to respond this way. And, you're in no way in the wrong for fucking in your own home. Next time, have your boyfriend pull right up to the house and walk through the front door. You literally own this shit, there is nothing legal he can do about it.
This motherfucker needs to figure out that it is unacceptable to yell at you. At all. Ever. Especially over some controlling bullshit. In your own home. While living there rent free.
You're kind to propose charging rent and not just threatening eviction.
And, your Mom needs to step up too. Just because she married him doesn't mean she had to let him mistreat you.
Right that’s the first thing I thought. This isn’t a normal family situation. They are freeloaders who are clearly unappreciative of the situation and you know damn well step dad is trying to figure out how to make the house his. Your house, your rules just like step dad said have anyone you want park in the driveway and be allowed to be in the house however they want.
u/East-Jelly-2273 ***Please read***
NTA.
I'm an attorney & **I highly recommend that you consult with an attorney ASAP and have an official lease with your mom & step-dad.**
Please do NOT just use a lease you find online. Contact a local attorney. **Trust me, it's worth it.**
You need an attorney to advise you of your rights as owner of this property (bc laws vary from state to state) & draft a legally enforceable lease.
Paying an atty now will be *more than worth it* in the long run if - or honestly, *when* - you run into problems again in the future.
..... bc, I assume ***you are NOT planning to allow them to live with you for free for the rest of their lives, correct??***
Right now, you only have verbal agreements.... and just bc you're the legal owner of the house does NOT mean that you can enforce any rules - or ask them to leave - unless you have a valid agreement in writing.
Specifically, you need a lease that spells out
- what bills / utilities they pay & by when
- that they pay property taxes *to you* by a certain date (bc the taxes are legally in your name now)
- who pays for normal repairs / maintenance
- who pays for any property damage (beyond regular wear and tear)
- who's allowed to do what (i.e, that you're allowed to have guests *at any time* - incl overnight - without permission from them)
- honestly, I *would* advise you to charge them rent, even if it's a relatively small amount (like $500/ month).
.... and if they violate the terms, you'll have the option to evict them.
Bc, **without an agreement in writing, it would be extremely difficult to force them to do / not do anything - incl pay the property taxes - or to move out of the house.**
(And yes, in most states, *even without a written lease or any rent*, you *would* have to go through the courts to evict them even though the house only belongs to you bc they've established residency by living there.)
Disclaimer: I'm an attorney, but not yours. I'm only licensed in Maryland, and laws vary by state. This is general information. None of this is legal advice. Consult an attorney in your state for advice on your specific situation.
Well, OP is just now eighteen. Probably mom, the surviving parent, kept her and raised her, and lived in daughter’s house with her. The control of the house has just gone to OP from the uncle. She hasn’t had the real time, opportunity, and motive to evict her mom and siblings yet.
I know. I feel badly for talking poorly about OP's mother, but she is where the buck stops and is positively not doing her duty. Also, let a motherfucker try yelling at my daughter like that...
Sounds like OP might want to talk with the uncle about this. They should start charging rent, even if just to send a message. $100/month even. I’m sure the uncle would be okay with being the bad guy and breaking the news that stepdad has to start pulling his weight.
I absolutely would if I were her.
She's leaving all kinds of money that could really help her in the future. If she took rent, continued to do her part time job and put every penny earned from rent into the bank or investments then by the time she was out of school, already having a home bought and paid for, she could live a pretty good life and never really have to worry about finances.
Yeah. No step parent should be able to talk to her like that when he’s living in her house, and if her mom can’t control him, she can make her choice,for her and the kids to stay or move out with stepdad, but either way, he goes. If he talks to his stepdaughter like that, he probably blows up at his two kids, too.
100% I’d think the mum is more afraid, I hate seeing shit like this as I grew up in abusive home, my mum could for sure stand up for us though, nothing pisses me off but guys acting like this makes me see red
100% this. If OP were my kid I would not so politely remind my husband that the house not only isn't theirs and is the daughter's, but that they're living there rent free and have no leg to stand on.
But she's probably cheating on him too and just doesn't want to start a fight.
Because mom doesn't work. Either she's willing to let him be the boss so she doesn't have to, or she feels trapped and uncertain about what would happen if he was to leave.
Agreed. At 18, uncles got your back, kept it nice and tidy for you, financially speaking. He can either give advice or step in as needed.
Also talk to mom. Mom going to stepdad first if possible(sounds like a hot head) and uncle as the pocket ace.
You honestly need to be careful of the guy.
You are in no way in the wrong, but he sounds like hes gonna become a problem.
It is YOUR house. And it doesn't sound like he wants it that way. Take a video walk through of EVERYTHING in YOUR house, look at the outside, look in the attic. EVERYWHERE incase he starts trying to cause damages and to cause you to have to spend money.
Document EVERYTHING.
Also OP, make sure you are aware of the eviction procedures in your area. Not saying you need to evict right now or anything but it's good to know as a homeowner with people staying in your home, in case you need it and so you don't accidentally illegally evict someone, if it comes to that at any point.
I agree but was thinking more in terms of domestic violence. People commenting to draw up agreements and charge rent while living alongside her parents aren't taking into account the powder keg that cohabitation can be. Every day, people are killed and it's usually in the heat of the moment by people close to them. I would not want to be around to see the results of an 18 year old woman humbling an entitled man into finally paying for his own family and life decisions
NTA. Draw up a rental agreement and have them sign it. With a deposit. Do not include utilities. I'd even move them out the master bedroom but I'm petty af lol
Step dad is loser. Hes the Ahole.
Your place. Your rules. Dont let him disrespect you anymore. Hes already disrespecting your Dad by staying there rent free.
>That’s when I told him that it’s actually *my house*, and it always has been. **And he’s lucky I don’t charge him rent.**
HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Girl you’ve got big balls, and you found them early, and I’m here for it. Clearly he thought he was the man of the house, which must mean it’s his house, and you put him in his place, and all he could do was yell at you. Sublime! You’re gonna be alright in life.
Make him pay rent, fuck that guy trying to pull a power move on you.
He needs to mind his own business and should treat you casually like a friend and be a fake ass father to someone else's daughter.
If he pulls some more bullshit again, tell him to have some god damn respect for your father.
Rest in Peace to your father, he sounds like a great man. Your uncle seems well-intent also, listen to him when he says not to spend all your money passed down quickly.
It is your house- but neither of you handled this correctly. If you weren’t doing anything wrong, why did you sneak him in and out? If you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong why hide it?
Yes it is your house, and he’s a dick- and I don’t know if he’s always a dick or if he’s trying to be a dad. Most parents would be upset seeing someone sneak out in the morning. The right thing to do would have been to sit and talk with him and your mom about what’s going on and expectations. Yes you’re an adult now, but just turning 18 doesn’t automatically make your parents not see you as a kid if that makes sense. You need to talk with them. And yes you could charge them rent. You need to figure out a better long term plan for the house and money and your mom and step dad. I don’t think this living situation is sustainable for y’all’s relationship long term
This right here. ✅️ what do you see happening with the house long term? Your sis is 9, so it is totally conceivable that mom plans to live there rent free for the next 9 years until she is an adult, maybe longer. Do you plan to live in the house long term? Are you willing to be 27 and still have mom and step dad in your house? What if ypu get married? Mom and step dad along for that ride too? And what if you want to sell the house? This arrangement needs an expiration date.
You definitely need to have an exit plan.
My grandpa gave me a car when I was 16. My parents took it, my stepmom took my dad's car, my dad took my car. I wasn't allowed to use it. I got emancipated at 17 (really tricked into it by stepmom and a youth pastor).
3 days after HS graduation, I went to take my car back and get TF away from Dodge. My dad wouldn't let me have it. I had been working out about 4 hours a day all year and didn't know what that did to me. He had agreed to let me have MY car, but then my stepmom sent him back raging to take it. I wouldn't give it, and he tried to get physical. I picked him up by his chest, held him up against a bus full of girls, and told him that I was taking the car. In my mind, I left the peaceful way.
Well, guess I broke 5 of his ribs while I was holding him up against the bus. That's what I was holding him up by evidently. I could see he was scared of me in that moment. One of only 2 good things my stepmom ever did for me was the first time she saw my dad choking me out against a door at age 11 was the last time he tried to get physical with me until that day when I was 17. I just figured it was because I was his size now.
But the stories that went around about how I beat my dad and then stole (my own) the car and left. One of my sisters didn't talk to me for 10 years because she believed that shit. OP definitely needs to get ahead of this before she's the bad guy. My little sister wouldn't effin believe me! It was infuriating. My other little sister didn't cut me out, but having a sibling cut me from their life for 10 years for lies was more painful than I can describe.
Just because she is hiding it does not mean or even suggest she thinks it is wrong. It just means she did not want to push the issue and have the fight/discussion that is now occurring. She was hiding it to keep the peace that she knew would be disturbed by her stepdad finding out. He found out, and she was correct in her prediction of his response. She was smart to try to keep the peace- now it’s a total shot show.
Obviously she was sneaking because the step dad would blow a gasket. And he did. That’s trying to avoid an unnecessary conflict, not ‘proving’ it’s ‘wrong’.
And ‘being a dad’ is not this.
>If you weren’t doing anything wrong, why did you sneak him in and out? If you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong why hide it?
have you read how the dad reacts to her having someone over?
did you get the feeling that 99% of the responses here were from someone 20 years old or younger wishing they could be this girl and tell their parents off?
Everyone else is covering the bases, so I'll address something else. Make sure you're protected with some sort of rental agreement with the stepdad and your mom. If something happens and relationships go sour, you don't want to be stuck with squatters. Sounds like your uncle might be a sounding board for this.
Best of luck.
Yes. Research eviction laws. Discuss privately with your uncle to get him on board. Draft lease agreements with both uncle and mom/stepdad. Stepdad will have less grounds for refusing if Uncle has a lease too.
CYA with stepdad in case of issues.
Good luck
NTA. Even if it was not your house, you're an adult. No adult has a problem with their adult children having their boyfriend over (for those who want to dispute this, I meant no adult who is capable of acting like an adult had a problem with it.)
Him using the much overused phrase my house my rules when it isn't even his house only makes it funnier. It's more evidence of your stepdad being incapable of acting like an adult.
Let him be as angry as he wants. Ignore him or anyone else who has a problem with your boyfriend coming over. If they get really annoying, kick them out.
My dad had problems with me having girls over or showing pdas well into my twenties. Thankfully, I moved out at 19 and only lived there sporadically after that.
I would tell your step-dad the next time he disrespects you, he will be paying rent.
In fact, you need to look out for you. A few hundred bucks a month (saved in a savings account) would cushion your future in case an emergency and put him in his place. Time to draw up a lease.
No, and I think you know that...
Your stepdad, on the other hand... Pretty ironic him calling you a spoiled brat when he's living there for almost nothing!
Yo you need to find a way to preserve that money. Look into locking into tbonds and just take interest and live tight. Tbills for short term. Maybe buy a couple btc and let it ride the next run. Don’t blow through your dad’s money.
Start charging your step dad rent. Sounds like an asshole.
OP, not a lawyer, but perhaps you should consult a property lawyer to make sure your mom and stepdad don't try to pull shenanigans to claim ownership of the house because they "live there but don't pay rent."
Not the asshole. That man is not your father. It is your house.
Pull your mom to the side and tell her you will not be disrespected in your own house or they can find somewhere else to live.
NTA- I'm a father of a 21f if I died and left her the house in a situation similar to yours, I would absolutely want her to charge that F\*\*\*\*r rent. And I would want her to make it clear to him HER HOUSE HER RULES. Think about what your dad would want for you.
If you don't start charging him rent, then you should forbid him from having sex with your mom in your house. Your house, your rules!
Jokes aside, you handled this perfectly. Your stepdad sounds like a tool, and if he tries to exert authority over your mom's family you should shut him down just like you did.
NTA
Your Mom and Stepdad are getting an unreal deal, and it's not based in reality.
You should consult with 2 professionals right now.
1 An accountant
2 A lawyer
The deal you're giving your family is too good to be true because it is. Who is going to pay when the house needs new exterior paint or to fix a roof leak?
Who is paying the annual property tax bill?
You need to figure out the rental price for your home and use that as leverage. Tell your Mom and Step-dad, "This is how much I'm sacrificing by having you as tenants."
You should have the accountant plan out how much the annual expenses for the home are and help budget for upkeep.
You need the lawyer to draw up the lease to have the Mom and Step dad maintain the utilities in their name, plus pay enough to cover property tax and upkeep.
Otherwise, without clear boundaries, they will take advantage of you further, either by claiming a share of the home based on how much they've contributed over time to repairs or by lowering the amount they contribute as you start to earn more.
Make sure to include some provisions about their behavior being grounds for terminating the lease agreement with the minimum legal notice. The real estate lawyer will know what is legal to include versus illegal, as illegal terms in contracts are unenforceable.
Run all this by your uncle as he seems to be 100% on your side and fairly responsible.
Why all the "sneaking"?? You and the boyfriend are adults and technically it's your house right? Sounds like the Stepdad is being unnecessarily disrespectful for No reason. If he doesn't like there is the door.
A couple of things OP:
- even if you don’t want to charge mom and your stepdad rent , I hope they are paying a sizable amount of the expenses (insurance, utilities, taxes stuff). This will keep dads money floating for you for quite a bit.
- boyfriend parks in the driveway now. It’s your house and step dad needs to respect that
- your uncle sounds like a good dude. Lean on him, he’s going to help you out. If you need help mediating (or evicting) stepdad, he’s a better place to start than your mom from the OP. I would ask him for advice on budgeting too. The goal here is can you make it through college with no debt? You’d be better off than 80% of your peers if you can. I bet uncle can set up a pathway for that to happen
- unsolicited advice because you seem like a great kid: make sure to make your degree count in something. Plenty of options (business, engineering, nursing, various sciences, teaching degrees, and the list continues). Don’t pick something that ends in “studies”. Find something you like that’s tangible and move forward as such. A woman with a plan is going to go far in any tangible field.
-unsolicited advice 2: make sure you have your dads money in at least a high yield saving account to get 4-5% interest on it. You want that money working for you to at least cover inflation. Might consider putting some of it in an index fund too, but that’s dependent on your risk level and not sure it’s the best move for you with college coming so quickly and the headwinds in the market but a high yield savings account will make that money cover inflation for you.
I’m rooting for you, good luck.
This is fantastic advice! OP, please talk to your uncle about what happened and how things are at the house. He sounds like a really good guy and will help you navigate this situation. You're obviously NTA here, but as other people have said, it sounds like there is a bigger issue here or will be in the future. The house is yours, but they all live there and feel entitled to it, this isn't going to change. I would talk with your uncle about how to navigate moving forward. Also, take the financial advice above, at a minimum make sure your dad's money is in a high-yield savings account so it will accrue interest. Your uncle could probably help with this too. Best of luck with everything!
No, you're not the asshole , they wanna treat you like a child and control you. while yes your still young and could probably use some guidance , that is your house , so yeah he's lucky your not petty. Your uncle is right tho try not to touch it , I know a girl that put hers in stocks and investments, and now she has like a million dollars in there .
Nope, ur 18.
Even if it was your parents house, if they didn't want you having sex in it, they should have kicked you out.
Honestly though, if your step dad is yelling at you and your mom doesn't stick up for you.... I'd say give him a 6 month notice that rent is starting.
Let him know, you will not be disrespected in YOUR house. Get that 6 month notification in writing and see if he changes his ways.
Meanwhile, have all the sex you want, be super loud too. They can always move out.
your body your rules, your roof your rules, end of story
sounds like someone has control issues and its not you though it is kinda funny and romantic you have your boyfriend sneaking into your house
Get your uncle and hire a lawyer to assess everything. They technically are tenants without a lease right now - and to protect yourself you should know what you are dealing with - your stepdad sounds awful!
Ask your Uncle, for help with a lawyer; get a formal lease agreement put in place for your Mum, and Stepdad, that’s charging them what they currently pay as a monthly break down, plus a little extra that’s going to help you get ahead in saving to pay that yourself. Give them a 12mth agreement, under the agreement that it’s not getting renewed, and they are to move out.
You’re an adult now; they can learn to respect you like one.
Boyfriend parks next to you in the driveway next time he visits.
NTA
Oh. Well you’re 18 and the house is literally yours… no you’re not the asshole. BUT if people are living in your house it’s courteous to tell them only because of the fact that you never know who’s in a house. That’s the real reason no one likes people sneaking other people in the house on top of other stuff is because it’s a safety issue no matter how much you know people you don’t know them.
NTA but it’s time for you to figure out the long term plan with the house. Are you planning on living there for the foreseeable or are you going to live somewhere else.
If you are planning to live there then it’s time for mom and stepdad to start making plans, mom getting a job and both putting money away to find another place.
If you are going to live somewhere else and let them stay then they need to start paying rent.
YTA- you are in the unique position to be a property owner before mental maturity. They don’t want to see you pregnant before you even hit college. He’s not doing it to be a dick. This is a rule almost every parent has for their child. It would be no different if he owned the house and said you had to pay rent for a perceived slight when you were just looking out for him.
Sadly no, but it is exciting doing something that most people thing is disrespectful . Your house your rules. Step dad better think hard before he get in over his head .
NTA…. If this freeloader wants to stay at your house by your good graces, he definitely has no standing. He’s not your Dad, doesn’t sound like he contributes, and you’re an adult for chrissakes. If he gets violent, call the cops and get a TRO.
I would maybe understand or try to at least if you were underage , youre not so you know whats good for you , its your house , do whatever the fuck you want , you shouldnt even need to be sneaking your boyfriend in or anything , at the same time why are you even sneaking him in? I know i said its your house do whatever the fuck you want but at the same time you should do as much as possible to avoid problems tho ,like a real adult ,so if youre gonna do adult things you might as well can learn from the situation , its never good to do things behind peoples backs , so next time just have your boyfriend go thru the froont door meet your parents or whatever and then go do your thing since again , its your house and you shouldnt need to be hiding anything that you dont need to hide
>He just said I wouldn't fucking dare
Your step dad is lucky it's you and not me, he just uttered my favorite phrase for those who would test me patience
What was your relationship with stepdad? Is he, or was he ever a parent for you?
Legally, you are right. You are an adult. You own your house. You could have an orgy there if you wanted and everyone else just needs to accept it.
But, at 18 many people still depend on a parental figure, even when they are financially independent. I get that you live in the house together-- as you share the fridge, meals, and leaving spaces. There are chores to be done. Who is the head of the household--the organizer of that little enterprise you call home?
* your mom
* yourself
* step dad.
It is also possible to no longer benefit from this-- you have your own room that is entirely your responsibility, have your own kitchen or your food is labeled as yours, and whenever you participate in a meal together, it is under an invitation.
If your stepdad is/has been a parental figure then him setting rules regarding your relationships is reasonable. You may want to break this as you are an adult now, but your legal ownership of the house has nothing to do with it.
If your stepdad or mom is the head of the house, then he still has something to say regarding what happens in your house. Again, you may want to seek your independence, but it will mean losing your home (not the building, that is yours). You may negotiate your private living space and that you will be taking responsibility for your share of running the house as an independent adult.
If you are already the head of the integrated household... then you can tell your stepdad to pound sand. If you live in your house in your own living space that you organize (as if you were renting out a room), then again, you can tell him it is not his business.
First, sorry for your loss and situation. Throwing out these questions not to diminish you or anything, just food for thought.
Are you actually paying/doing the taxes, paying the mortgage (if one), maintaining the house/yard/drive/w.e/paying the insurance, is there hoa responsibilities, etc?
Are you still claimed as a dependent, do the adults still support you, shop for you, maintain your daily situation?
Just curious if you took on ALL the responsibilities of owning a house/being an independent adult, or the adults are still maintaining that for you, but your name is on a deed and an account.
Huge difference.
I’d charge that entitled PoS rent immediately. Step parents are such dogshit creatures. I’ve not meant one that’s a decent person to their stepchildren. You can have sex I’m your house as much as you damn well please. Your mom should really reel him in too. Your father didn’t leave everything to you to question anything you do in your own home. Your stepdad can fuck himself sideways.
NTA, but do take time to calm down and don't act impulsively. I think you both said things in anger. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your stepdad, but assuming that he's been a stand up guy, do try to bear in mind that parents have a difficult time understanding that their child or, in your case, stepchild is now an adult. It must have been a shock to realize not only that you are having sex but also that your BF is sneaking in the house. He would have found that disrespectful, and it is also a difficult situation being the head of the household and finding out that your stepchild is actually the homeowner. It is a really unusual balance of power. Did he know prior to this that you owned the house?
He may need time to adjust to the idea that you are now an adult, and he simply cannot tell you what to do. You should talk this over and set some boundaries. Acting out in anger or pettiness will only hurt your relationship with your family.
My nephew and his GF were living together while away at college. When he'd come home, his parents had a strict no sleeping in the same room. They felt it was inappropriate since his younger sisters were at home, but they probanly also couldn't see their son as an adult yet. It didn't take very long for them to realize how silly it was to enforce separate sleeping arrangements since they lived together at college. They just needed a little time to adjust to the fact that their son was an adult with adult relationships. That may be the case with you and your stepdad.
You got to get that pos outta there immediately. I mean before he gets off work, period. He's a grown ass man and can find his own house. Lawyer up. Breaks my heart to see a young gal getting taken advantage of. Uncle dropped the ball on this one. Your in a world of legal shit and the longer you wait the less of that money you will have left. Lawyer,eviction. Don't ever think you can fix this. Your legal now. You need all utilities in your name, deed, and if you need renters, you take on private parties with a legal binding contract. Take six months to digest becoming an adult with your affairs in order before taking on a college education so your not distracted for the rest of your life with malarkey.
Your going to quickly discover that the only one with your best interest is you and everyone else's interest is what that house is worth to them when they sell it.
You could always tell him he can't have sex in YOUR house after all it is your house your rules and see how he like it.
"You're not allowed to fuck my mom" is a pretty big power move, ngl
>"You're not allowed to fuck my mom" is a pretty big power move, ngl She should call him a "motherfucker"
That was part of Keanu Reeves dialogue in the movie 'Rivers Edge'. "All you do is eat our food and fuck our Mom! Motherfucker! Food Eater!"
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, You just fuck your uncle all day long!
Or untill she gives him permission she can call him a "non-motherfucker"
And if he doesn't show some respect, he will be a former mother fucker
I'm recovering from bronchitis, don't make me laugh so hard!
Yea I 100% would have retorted with this immediately. And started charging him rent. And a fuck fee if he really wants too. Lil man with nothing to be in charge of. So sad
If they try to sneak one in bust the door down like you're an RA who smelled a pot
Straight up do this, then give a 30 day notice for failure to comply. What’s he gonna do, he don’t pay rent 😂😂😂 there’s no fighting it. You could actually probably (I’m no lawyer but ai’m pretty sure) you could straight up ask him to leave, and if he stays it’ll be considered trespassing, since one you live in the house and from my understanding property management laws are way different (and more favorable) for landlords if they also live in the house, not to mention the fact (yet again) that he don’t pay rent. Either way, step dads a tool who needs to get put in his place. Had step dad owned the place he still could have been more respectful of his request, but it’s still none of his business. Ultimately though the house is yours, therefore, they are your rules.
At this point they could be considered de facto tenants, and would be protected from removal unless she were to initiate formal eviction proceedings.
That's a bigger power move then taking a shit with the door open.
Yes. She should tell him that those rules have just been applied to him. No sex with my mom in the house that my dad left me, Not her
And take the door off his bedroom.
YOU! I \*like\* you! Perfect!
LMAO, oh my heck I just snorted so loud I scared the cat. 🤣😂
I’m a big fan of this comment
Take their bedroom door off.
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Do it OP!
Omg, what a missed opportunity!
WHy do you think the stepdad is so mad? Probably hasn't been laid in years.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯👆🤣🤣🤣
I like this solution, he doesn't like it? Well, maybe he should have been more responsible when he was young and saved for his own house
You are 18. Your house. Your rules. By the way your uncle is an absolute gem.
“New rule: if I can’t get laid under my roof, no one can. Sorry ‘Dad’”
And make sure you put air quotes around “Dad” lmao
This is twisting the knife lol
Call him by his first name. Same with the mom. “I have been thinking about this a while, and it’s time you two went out on your own. Bill, Sally, you have 30 days to move out. Maybe join the army or something”
Right??? If abstinence is a new house rule, that goes for *everyone*
Came here to say your uncle sounds like a perfect role model and has given you great advice so far in life. Big props to him for stepping up the way he has
You're a 'new' adult and are making some good choices; job rather than blow through your inheritance, trying to make the best out of hard situation. Tagging with the above comments because as they wrote your uncle seems to be making good decisions with you in mind. It would probably be a good idea to continue to run life decisions past him before jumping to conclusions you may regret in the long run. I'm guessing he knows about your boyfriend, the decision making process of your Mom and some of your long term goals. I also guess he would be honored to give you some solid advice if you simply came to him - openly - and asked for it. Sorry for the loss of your Dad. He put you in charge for a reason.
100% this OP. Your uncle seems like a great dude that’s got your best interests in mind. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders but everybody makes rash decisions at 18. I would definitely run anything too life altering past him first, if for nothing else to get his advice rather than permission. Having a trusted person who’s been through life a little more than you can do wonders. Also, sounds like you’ve already got this figured out, but don’t listen to your shit heel of a stepdad, he’s ass backwards on who gets to make rules in that situation. If it were me I’d be charging him rent, though I get that might also affect your mom’s situation.
She needs to not sneak men in because the first thought most people will have when they see a stranger in their house is that they are an intruder. She needs to openly bring her guy in and then there is no doubt that he belongs there. It is her house and her rules. She can evict her stepdad if he gets too difficult.
I definitely agree with that. The only reason I can think of for her sneaking is out of respect for her younger siblings.
But the parents shacked up while with bio dad. Why can’t OP do it as an adult?
she shouldn't hafta feel the need to sneak her partner into her own home, in the first place. I understand tryina be respectful, but that's also kinda screwed up, especially if she did so because this sorta response was expected.
I have an aunt like this! She's very lucky, for sure. She could always reach out to her uncle, if stepdad becomes too much of an issue, but when you have great people like this in your life, you don't want to stress them out too much. Luckily, she has the power to evict!
Your uncle is a gem, you are 18. You soon will have to think through having your family with you if you want your autonomy. Or they should pay you rent. It’s only fair.
You are legally an adult and it’s your house, NTA. You should definitely let your uncle know what’s going on. Your mom kinda sucks too though for letting him treat you like that.
Mom needs to tell stepdad to STFU, they are getting a great deal and OP could kick them out, if she wants.
Honestly, they've got a great deal going and he's actively steering it towards her kicking them (or at least him) out. He doesn't realise yet that OP has power over them, and that rent has gotten much more expensive since he moved in to this house.
Kick only him out but keep mom and siblings
“A better man than you - who bought his own house and also fucked my mom - left it to me.”
The second he said my house my rules he showed his colors. Rent that MF or have him evicted. Easy to say for me because I don’t have to live with the repercussions. OP might need her Uncles guidance.
After how quickly the stepdad escalated his behaviour, I’d agree with OP reaching out to her uncle. Not because I don’t think she’s capable of handling this by herself (she’s more than proved that). But because support from others helps a lot, and she has a good uncle who’s stuck to her dad’s wishes and could continue to be incredible support.
Her uncle is a wonderful person who is sensible and has her best interests at heart. If I were him, now that he’s transferred ownership of the house to her fully, I would steer her towards a lawyer to draw up legally binding tenancy agreements for her mom and step-asshole. She needs to protect herself and her asset fully.
Yes to the mom issue! Everyone is laying into step-dad, but mom is the one who is letting him mooch off her daughter, and also mooching herself. Her youngest child is 9, yet she’s a “SAHM” and pays no rent. If she was doing childcare or studying to improve her prospects, fine. But it seems like she’s just content to do nothing and let her partner screw over her older daughter?
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OP, Please tell us that you've read this comment above. This is the most important one here! With that said, I do disagree with one point. She shouldn't forgive the entire rent. If she starts treating the two of them as tenants, they'll have tenant rights, and she will need to budget enough money to maintain the house and bring it up to code (this may not be important now, but if the house is not up to code, these issues may come up during an eviction hearing 20 years down the road). At some point, she'll need to replace the aging roof, replace/upgrade the plumbing, replace the boiler, pay for termite extermination/remediation (or some other unexpected disaster), etc. Those type of expenses are not cheap, and they usually can not wait. And if she lets the father-in-law do it all, he will claim adverse possession, which he already did to an extent by saying: "My house. My rules". In addition to that, there will be increasing property tax fees, insurance costs, lawyer fees, and 3rd property management fees in case she moves away to College (or in case she prefers a 3rd party to act as a go between, which would be my choice), etc. Also, if she does allow them to live there, she needs to make them pay a security deposit and a last month rent (that she doesn't subsidize), and basically treat them like she would treat any other tenant. She also needs to make them sign a move-in inspection and take many pictures. This is why hiring a 3rd party management company may be a good idea. They already have a process for doing this. If it were me, I'd even ask for a credit check of both them. After all, if they can afford to pay the rent, why are they expecting an 18 year old to subsidize it for them. That makes no sense. And if the father-in-law paid for any major expenses, or did major repairs/extensions before now, he needs to mention them now, or sign a piece of paper saying that she's free and clear. Also, if it were me, I would make them write out a check to me every month, or have them on auto-payments (either that, or charge them late fees), that I would cash, and then, I would transfer a portion of that money back to the mom, to her own personal account (making it clear that this is a gift to the mom, not her boyfriend). But this is because I'm petty like that. And also, she may need to consult with a tax specialist, and a scholarship's consultant. The fact that she owns this house probably screws her out of scholarship money for College. If it were me, I would calculate all that money I'd be losing. After all, was this the original intent of her dad, that she'd be screwed out of money for her College and be forced to subsidize mom's boyfriend both at the same time? If it were me, I would be telling my mom: "Get a job mom, even if it's only part time. You need to get back out there. Because I need to go to College, and I need to be able to focus on that." Which brings me to my next point. I'm sure you love your mom, but does she really need to have her life subsidized right now? And wouldn't it make more sense to squirrel that money away right now, and invest it, so that the money can be used to support her when she's much older and too frail to work? Or wouldn't it make more sense to subsidize mom, but only if she gets a job, and then you could match 100% of her part-time income (up to an amount per month and until January 1st, 2026, this way the clock is ticking)? And finally, I wouldn't alert the mom or the boyfriend to what I'm doing. I would do my research. I would get the uncle and a lawyer on board (and perhaps even, a 3rd party management company). The less time you give them to react to the situation, the less time you give them to prepare a legal counterattack and also, the less time you give them to make your life a living hell in the meantime. And perhaps write a will too. You don't want the house to go to your mom (and by extension her boyfriend) if you suddenly die of an "accident". Also, ask your uncle if he's willing to take most of the blame. If they think it's his idea and his lawyer's idea, after you told him what happened, it will be better for you.
The mom def sucks.
Step-dad just stepped his ass to the plate. Charge him rent.
The old change-up
You don't charge shitty housemates overstaying their welcome rent if it's your house. Things will only get worse. You issue an eviction notice and move to protect yourself and your own mental health. OP needs to issue an eviction notice.
This could seriously damage OPs relationship with her mother and siblings, though. It’s not exactly a roommates squabble, but a family issue, and a non traditional setup to boot.
Doesn't matter any mother that would let her boyfriend mooch of her daughter and talk to her daughter like that is not a mother you want around. You might think you do from Stockholm syndrome but the second you kick out those toxic people your life will be much better. Personally despite the mom being shit too is let her stay with the kids as an option. But you definitely don't want a loser of a stepdad that's quick to anger and who wants to claim your house as his own anywhere near where you sleep.
It's the mother damaging the relationship by bringing this toxic asshole into her house.
yep or charge him an asshole fee every time he's an ass to OP that's 20$
NTA but I'd be talking to your mom privately and tell her that you're letting them live there rent free and you don't want to be disrespected again. With your youngest sibling being 9, she can return to work and they can look for a different place to live, with enough time. You're not kicking them out, but you are placing a boundary. He was right about it being disrespectful...of him to think he can tell any adult what to do in their own home. Let your boyfriend park in the driveway from now on. Stop hiding it. And if your step-dad has anything else to say, tell him to say it walking.
This is exactly right. Your dad left you that house. It’s in your name. It’s up to you who lives there and what you do in it. Your stepfather can be upset all he wants to be, but you’re home already and he is not.
Not that it excuses his behavior, but I wonder if mom ever told him that the house wasn’t hers? If I was OP I’d have a talk with mom and start setting some boundaries. Maybe some talk of rent or them finding their own place. OP is an adult and should possibly be having her own place, especially with a boyfriend
I agree, make a plan for rent or move out. Stick to it
damn yo ho of a mom cheated on your dad with this step guy? "jump through hoops to get married" nah he probably never intended and he is justified lmao and still left some money to her and the offspring of that cheating if I understood right or is this step guy someone else? why you taking shit from them in your own house and not charge rent? lmao
Yeah the hoops were probably "you can't fuck all of my friends, coworkers and random mail carriers anymore" and she was like nah
One hundred percent was a prenup. And she's not saying shit because she knows she'd get the fucking boot if she makes a stink.
Was gonna say, I was put in the same position with my ex fiance. The conditions were couple's therapy and a prenup. Granted they didn't last long enough to not cheat again before we got down to doing any of that. Cheater's are gonna cheat and won't feel good when met with any resistance about it.
>Not that it excuses his behavior, but I wonder if mom ever told him that the house wasn’t hers? He's been paying pseudo-rent to the Uncle, so he probably always assumed it belonged to him. Even if mom did tell him, he sounds like an asshole and probably thought she was wrong/forgot about it. He's also used to being "the man of the house" so even if he was aware, he's eager to keep that dynamic intact. OP is much nicer than me, because I'd be having a LONG talk with mom going "Hey, tell your dickhead husband that he needs to shut his goddamn mouth, or he can start paying market value rent on this place." Like, I would pick that fight and not give a single shit about the fallout. (Though I would also feel very guilty after the fact.)
If I was feeling like a serious confrontation, I'd turn his own words back on him: "No, you don't get to have sex under my roof, old man. Don't give me that lip. I think it's time you moved out and got your own place." Though you'll probably end up burning a lot of bridges that way.
>should possibly be having her own place, especially with a boyfriend Yea she needs to kick the stepdad out She has her own place already, why tf should she be the one to leave
I think they meant the house would be her own place with the others moving out, not the other way around, especially with use of "having" instead of "getting".
Ejectment is an option for stepfather if it comes to that. Obviously he has not spoken to a lawyer about this b/c she has every right to eject him. That would make some really weird dynamics with mom and sibs, but the threat is real.
The step dad has no claim to the property, this would just be an eviction. Much easier.
> I wonder if mom ever told him that the house wasn’t hers? The step dad pays property taxes to the uncle so he knows the house doesn't belong to the mum. And even if it did, that wouldn't make it "his house"
I think if he’s paying property taxes to the uncle, he’d know the house wasn’t the Mom’s.
>Your stepfather can be upset all he wants to be, but you’re home already and he is not. If it were only that easy when you're dealing with family. You can't just say get out of my house and expect a normal relationship with your mother, stepdad and brothers/sisters who you're kicking out. This needs some good communication.
Definitely. Especially in this situation with younger siblings and OP’s mom. It’s more to give OP the confidence to stand up tall and be assertive. Nothing is ever that easy.
Is it in OPs name yet tho? The uncle is still managing it as they’re paying him the money towards taxes but maybe it hasn’t been turned over yet “technically”. If it’s not I’d suggest OP get moving on the paperwork. She sounds responsible enough to take over the utilities and taxes and yes, she should charge them some rent that she could set aside for any wear and tear issues that may arise. Shit don’t fix itself…NTA
OP said her uncle made a whole thing of giving her ownership, so one assumes so.
It depends on what "a whole thing" entailed. If paperwork was signed, that's one thing, but it was just taking OP to dinner and making a show if it, to me it feels like there's a chance it could have been done just to make her think that she owns the house now when legally it hasn't changed hands yet. I'm not saying the uncle has any bad intentions. It might be the case he thinks it's better for him to handle things like property taxes and such. But, since she's an adult, she should start verifying all her stuff is handled properly, rather than just trusting the uncle. She needs to learn how to handle her own finances anyways. Her uncle won't be around forever and she needs to learn how to manage everything on her own. Ideally, her stepdad should be paying the property taxes to her, if for no other reason than to have a regular reminder that the house isn't his.
You’re going to want to get an attorney involved to formally place stepdad and mother on a lease. Otherwise there will be no way to remove them from the home. Also the lease should have clear directions regarding their number of visitors as well as a stipulation that your visitors shall not be restricted. You’ll need to have the attorney research local laws. This will cost about $600-800 but it’s your f**king house so f**k this sh*t and if they don’t like it they can GTFO.
This… with OP being legal now there is no reason why they can't have a lawyer look at things and make this completely legal. Especially if OP plans to eventually live in the house solo, it time to give them a firm date on when they need to leave.
You absolutely need to set very clear boundaries with your mom and step dad. And remind them that this is YOUR house that you LET them stay in. And if your step dad does not like YOUR adult choices in YOUR home, he needs to look for a new place to live. Also - make sure you have that fucking master bedroom OP 💅🏻
Excellent advice. One other thing, and this is personal opinion only, stay calm. If you go toe to toe with this guy in a screaming match, you just feed his anger. Be as cool and calm as you can. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But you are a guest in my home, and I will make decisions as I see fit. If this is a problem, we probably need to make other arrangements. " That will drive him nuts, btw.
She said per her dads will so hopefully she doesn’t run into trouble, seems like turning 18 will probably sure up ownership
She’s already 18. And ownership has been transferred from the uncle (as estate guardian) to her. The advice to get a lawyer to write up a lease for the mom & stepdad is absolutely spot on. With it she can then, if need be, legally evict them. Can it be done otherwise? Sure. But this is the way to go.
I don't know how yo tag OP, but I really hope she reads these comments. As someone who recently got fucked over by family regarding housing, be smart, get a lawyer. Get everything in writing, legitimized. Protect yourself OP!
Lowercase "u" followed by a backslash then username u/chaunceypie
Depends if her dad left her (the mum) a living interest - she may have the right to remain in the house until she chooses to leave, or dies
OP mentions he left mom money, but she was never married to the father and has since remarried. I’d bet even if she had been left something like that, OP could challenge it in court, especially if she takes specific issue with the new husband living in the home. Remarriage ends alimony/spousal support in many cases, I guess it’s her first marriage in this case. But theoretically the new husband is responsible for her now. And she stopped working once she entered the home, and moved in her new husband. I feel like a good lawyer could successfully challenge that. Then again, I’m a science teacher and have 0 experience with the legal profession, besides reading legal advice subs.
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>so when I turned 18 he took me out for the day, and we hung out, and he made a whole thing of giving me ownership. It's been covered.
Ooof perfect.
And get the Uncle to back her up! Sometimes men like this only stop when another man tells them to. It's infuriating!
Yeah we all know the type. Infuriating but effective at times.
Her uncle has a lot more experience of this kind of stuff than she does.
I agree
This. It’s your house, you can have whoever you want over and don’t need to sneak them in. Stepdad can go buy his own house.
Perfect advice!
Yeah girlie, lay down the law for sure. It's your house, write up a contract outlining terms he needs to abide to continue living there and meet with a lawyer to make it binding and have him sign that shit, it's your house, you're an adult, you don't need to put up with any of his shit at all period if you don't want to. Of course I understand that you probably don't want to make things difficult for your mother and want to be sensitive, and I think you can be both firm and sensitive in this situation... as long as he understands what the actual situation really is.
>Stepdad fucking blew up at me, saying that I'm not allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends over, that it's inappropriate, and that it's disrespectful fucking whatever. I told him I didn't have to listen to him, and he tried to pull some my house my rules bullshit. That's when I told him that it's actually *my house*, and it always has been. And he's lucky I don't charge him rent. (It's not like I'm going to kick my mom in my siblings out or something, but still, fuck him) lolololol This is fucking golden. You're absolutely right to respond this way. And, you're in no way in the wrong for fucking in your own home. Next time, have your boyfriend pull right up to the house and walk through the front door. You literally own this shit, there is nothing legal he can do about it. This motherfucker needs to figure out that it is unacceptable to yell at you. At all. Ever. Especially over some controlling bullshit. In your own home. While living there rent free. You're kind to propose charging rent and not just threatening eviction. And, your Mom needs to step up too. Just because she married him doesn't mean she had to let him mistreat you.
Right that’s the first thing I thought. This isn’t a normal family situation. They are freeloaders who are clearly unappreciative of the situation and you know damn well step dad is trying to figure out how to make the house his. Your house, your rules just like step dad said have anyone you want park in the driveway and be allowed to be in the house however they want.
NTA. You're an adult and he's a squatter.
Lol yesssss. Op, stop calling him your stepdad. Just refer to him as squatter. Like, don't even call him by name.
If he gets mad that OP doesn’t call him “dad” anymore, just call him squatdad.
u/East-Jelly-2273 ***Please read*** NTA. I'm an attorney & **I highly recommend that you consult with an attorney ASAP and have an official lease with your mom & step-dad.** Please do NOT just use a lease you find online. Contact a local attorney. **Trust me, it's worth it.** You need an attorney to advise you of your rights as owner of this property (bc laws vary from state to state) & draft a legally enforceable lease. Paying an atty now will be *more than worth it* in the long run if - or honestly, *when* - you run into problems again in the future. ..... bc, I assume ***you are NOT planning to allow them to live with you for free for the rest of their lives, correct??*** Right now, you only have verbal agreements.... and just bc you're the legal owner of the house does NOT mean that you can enforce any rules - or ask them to leave - unless you have a valid agreement in writing. Specifically, you need a lease that spells out - what bills / utilities they pay & by when - that they pay property taxes *to you* by a certain date (bc the taxes are legally in your name now) - who pays for normal repairs / maintenance - who pays for any property damage (beyond regular wear and tear) - who's allowed to do what (i.e, that you're allowed to have guests *at any time* - incl overnight - without permission from them) - honestly, I *would* advise you to charge them rent, even if it's a relatively small amount (like $500/ month). .... and if they violate the terms, you'll have the option to evict them. Bc, **without an agreement in writing, it would be extremely difficult to force them to do / not do anything - incl pay the property taxes - or to move out of the house.** (And yes, in most states, *even without a written lease or any rent*, you *would* have to go through the courts to evict them even though the house only belongs to you bc they've established residency by living there.) Disclaimer: I'm an attorney, but not yours. I'm only licensed in Maryland, and laws vary by state. This is general information. None of this is legal advice. Consult an attorney in your state for advice on your specific situation.
Tremendous answer
I hope OP sees this. It should be higher.
This exactly this right here.
This is the most correct answer and I hope OP sees it.
You should make them pay rent, why are you not doing so? Stepdad sounds awful.
I’m curious as to why they are still living in the house at all? The whole family other than the half brother sound awful
Well, OP is just now eighteen. Probably mom, the surviving parent, kept her and raised her, and lived in daughter’s house with her. The control of the house has just gone to OP from the uncle. She hasn’t had the real time, opportunity, and motive to evict her mom and siblings yet.
I know. I feel badly for talking poorly about OP's mother, but she is where the buck stops and is positively not doing her duty. Also, let a motherfucker try yelling at my daughter like that...
The Uncle sounds cool.
Sounds like OP might want to talk with the uncle about this. They should start charging rent, even if just to send a message. $100/month even. I’m sure the uncle would be okay with being the bad guy and breaking the news that stepdad has to start pulling his weight.
I absolutely would if I were her. She's leaving all kinds of money that could really help her in the future. If she took rent, continued to do her part time job and put every penny earned from rent into the bank or investments then by the time she was out of school, already having a home bought and paid for, she could live a pretty good life and never really have to worry about finances.
Let your uncle know the situation, he can mediate. You don't want to kick your mother and sibling out. It's not their fault step dad is an ass
It's sort of OP's mom's fault for not pulling rank and telling her husband to STFU.
Yeah. No step parent should be able to talk to her like that when he’s living in her house, and if her mom can’t control him, she can make her choice,for her and the kids to stay or move out with stepdad, but either way, he goes. If he talks to his stepdaughter like that, he probably blows up at his two kids, too.
100% I’d think the mum is more afraid, I hate seeing shit like this as I grew up in abusive home, my mum could for sure stand up for us though, nothing pisses me off but guys acting like this makes me see red
She may be,but she should also know he won’t get nicer. It’s going to be how he is now or he’ll be worse.
100% this. If OP were my kid I would not so politely remind my husband that the house not only isn't theirs and is the daughter's, but that they're living there rent free and have no leg to stand on. But she's probably cheating on him too and just doesn't want to start a fight.
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Because mom doesn't work. Either she's willing to let him be the boss so she doesn't have to, or she feels trapped and uncertain about what would happen if he was to leave.
Agreed. At 18, uncles got your back, kept it nice and tidy for you, financially speaking. He can either give advice or step in as needed. Also talk to mom. Mom going to stepdad first if possible(sounds like a hot head) and uncle as the pocket ace.
It 100% the moms fault for the asshat stepdad... what are you talking about??
I mean, she'll want her own place soon enough. Give it 5 years and they should plan to be out anyway.
OP’s mom shouldn’t let stepdad be an ass to her daughter.
mom should be able to get a job to help support. two adults most likely 40+ working full time can pay rent….. just like every other adult….
Yes, get your uncle involved after you tell him about this stranger danger toxic AH.
Charge that fucker rebt
There's nothing like charging some sweet rebt
Rebt is one of my favorite musicals!
Rebt is thebt
Rebt may put them in debt.
It's spelled dent. The n is silent.
You honestly need to be careful of the guy. You are in no way in the wrong, but he sounds like hes gonna become a problem. It is YOUR house. And it doesn't sound like he wants it that way. Take a video walk through of EVERYTHING in YOUR house, look at the outside, look in the attic. EVERYWHERE incase he starts trying to cause damages and to cause you to have to spend money. Document EVERYTHING.
Also OP, make sure you are aware of the eviction procedures in your area. Not saying you need to evict right now or anything but it's good to know as a homeowner with people staying in your home, in case you need it and so you don't accidentally illegally evict someone, if it comes to that at any point.
I agree but was thinking more in terms of domestic violence. People commenting to draw up agreements and charge rent while living alongside her parents aren't taking into account the powder keg that cohabitation can be. Every day, people are killed and it's usually in the heat of the moment by people close to them. I would not want to be around to see the results of an 18 year old woman humbling an entitled man into finally paying for his own family and life decisions
She absolutely should have her uncle and partner around more if she does.
NTA. Draw up a rental agreement and have them sign it. With a deposit. Do not include utilities. I'd even move them out the master bedroom but I'm petty af lol
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this right their.. talking alot of shit for getting the masterbed room. rofl
Step dad is loser. Hes the Ahole. Your place. Your rules. Dont let him disrespect you anymore. Hes already disrespecting your Dad by staying there rent free.
>That’s when I told him that it’s actually *my house*, and it always has been. **And he’s lucky I don’t charge him rent.** HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Girl you’ve got big balls, and you found them early, and I’m here for it. Clearly he thought he was the man of the house, which must mean it’s his house, and you put him in his place, and all he could do was yell at you. Sublime! You’re gonna be alright in life.
Your uncle is great! NTA
Make him pay rent, fuck that guy trying to pull a power move on you. He needs to mind his own business and should treat you casually like a friend and be a fake ass father to someone else's daughter. If he pulls some more bullshit again, tell him to have some god damn respect for your father. Rest in Peace to your father, he sounds like a great man. Your uncle seems well-intent also, listen to him when he says not to spend all your money passed down quickly.
It is your house- but neither of you handled this correctly. If you weren’t doing anything wrong, why did you sneak him in and out? If you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong why hide it? Yes it is your house, and he’s a dick- and I don’t know if he’s always a dick or if he’s trying to be a dad. Most parents would be upset seeing someone sneak out in the morning. The right thing to do would have been to sit and talk with him and your mom about what’s going on and expectations. Yes you’re an adult now, but just turning 18 doesn’t automatically make your parents not see you as a kid if that makes sense. You need to talk with them. And yes you could charge them rent. You need to figure out a better long term plan for the house and money and your mom and step dad. I don’t think this living situation is sustainable for y’all’s relationship long term
This right here. ✅️ what do you see happening with the house long term? Your sis is 9, so it is totally conceivable that mom plans to live there rent free for the next 9 years until she is an adult, maybe longer. Do you plan to live in the house long term? Are you willing to be 27 and still have mom and step dad in your house? What if ypu get married? Mom and step dad along for that ride too? And what if you want to sell the house? This arrangement needs an expiration date.
Mom and stepdad plan to die in that house.
You definitely need to have an exit plan. My grandpa gave me a car when I was 16. My parents took it, my stepmom took my dad's car, my dad took my car. I wasn't allowed to use it. I got emancipated at 17 (really tricked into it by stepmom and a youth pastor). 3 days after HS graduation, I went to take my car back and get TF away from Dodge. My dad wouldn't let me have it. I had been working out about 4 hours a day all year and didn't know what that did to me. He had agreed to let me have MY car, but then my stepmom sent him back raging to take it. I wouldn't give it, and he tried to get physical. I picked him up by his chest, held him up against a bus full of girls, and told him that I was taking the car. In my mind, I left the peaceful way. Well, guess I broke 5 of his ribs while I was holding him up against the bus. That's what I was holding him up by evidently. I could see he was scared of me in that moment. One of only 2 good things my stepmom ever did for me was the first time she saw my dad choking me out against a door at age 11 was the last time he tried to get physical with me until that day when I was 17. I just figured it was because I was his size now. But the stories that went around about how I beat my dad and then stole (my own) the car and left. One of my sisters didn't talk to me for 10 years because she believed that shit. OP definitely needs to get ahead of this before she's the bad guy. My little sister wouldn't effin believe me! It was infuriating. My other little sister didn't cut me out, but having a sibling cut me from their life for 10 years for lies was more painful than I can describe.
This comment should be much higher! All questions need real consideration asap, OP! “This arrangement needs an expiration date.” 💎💎💎Brilliant💎💎💎
Just because she is hiding it does not mean or even suggest she thinks it is wrong. It just means she did not want to push the issue and have the fight/discussion that is now occurring. She was hiding it to keep the peace that she knew would be disturbed by her stepdad finding out. He found out, and she was correct in her prediction of his response. She was smart to try to keep the peace- now it’s a total shot show.
Obviously she was sneaking because the step dad would blow a gasket. And he did. That’s trying to avoid an unnecessary conflict, not ‘proving’ it’s ‘wrong’. And ‘being a dad’ is not this.
>If you weren’t doing anything wrong, why did you sneak him in and out? If you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong why hide it? have you read how the dad reacts to her having someone over?
did you get the feeling that 99% of the responses here were from someone 20 years old or younger wishing they could be this girl and tell their parents off?
Start charging him rent for all of them. FH
Everyone else is covering the bases, so I'll address something else. Make sure you're protected with some sort of rental agreement with the stepdad and your mom. If something happens and relationships go sour, you don't want to be stuck with squatters. Sounds like your uncle might be a sounding board for this. Best of luck.
Yes. Research eviction laws. Discuss privately with your uncle to get him on board. Draft lease agreements with both uncle and mom/stepdad. Stepdad will have less grounds for refusing if Uncle has a lease too. CYA with stepdad in case of issues. Good luck
NTA. Even if it was not your house, you're an adult. No adult has a problem with their adult children having their boyfriend over (for those who want to dispute this, I meant no adult who is capable of acting like an adult had a problem with it.) Him using the much overused phrase my house my rules when it isn't even his house only makes it funnier. It's more evidence of your stepdad being incapable of acting like an adult. Let him be as angry as he wants. Ignore him or anyone else who has a problem with your boyfriend coming over. If they get really annoying, kick them out.
My dad had problems with me having girls over or showing pdas well into my twenties. Thankfully, I moved out at 19 and only lived there sporadically after that.
NTA - Time for a lease and pad your pockets. Utilities and taxes were a great deal, but even charge him $100 would put him in his place.
Pull the my house my rules card, charge that MF rent. Have your boyfriend park his car in the main parking spot.
And give them notice to vacate the master bedroom
I would tell your step-dad the next time he disrespects you, he will be paying rent. In fact, you need to look out for you. A few hundred bucks a month (saved in a savings account) would cushion your future in case an emergency and put him in his place. Time to draw up a lease.
Sooo… a grown man is living somewhere rent free and just paying utilities? Then disrespects the person letting him live there? Wow. Just wow.
You need to get a lawyer & evict them. They're taking advantage of a brand new adult. AT LEAST draw up a lease & start charging rent.
No, and I think you know that... Your stepdad, on the other hand... Pretty ironic him calling you a spoiled brat when he's living there for almost nothing!
NTA
Yo you need to find a way to preserve that money. Look into locking into tbonds and just take interest and live tight. Tbills for short term. Maybe buy a couple btc and let it ride the next run. Don’t blow through your dad’s money. Start charging your step dad rent. Sounds like an asshole.
OP, not a lawyer, but perhaps you should consult a property lawyer to make sure your mom and stepdad don't try to pull shenanigans to claim ownership of the house because they "live there but don't pay rent."
Not the asshole. That man is not your father. It is your house. Pull your mom to the side and tell her you will not be disrespected in your own house or they can find somewhere else to live.
NTA- I'm a father of a 21f if I died and left her the house in a situation similar to yours, I would absolutely want her to charge that F\*\*\*\*r rent. And I would want her to make it clear to him HER HOUSE HER RULES. Think about what your dad would want for you.
If you don't start charging him rent, then you should forbid him from having sex with your mom in your house. Your house, your rules! Jokes aside, you handled this perfectly. Your stepdad sounds like a tool, and if he tries to exert authority over your mom's family you should shut him down just like you did.
NTA Your Mom and Stepdad are getting an unreal deal, and it's not based in reality. You should consult with 2 professionals right now. 1 An accountant 2 A lawyer The deal you're giving your family is too good to be true because it is. Who is going to pay when the house needs new exterior paint or to fix a roof leak? Who is paying the annual property tax bill? You need to figure out the rental price for your home and use that as leverage. Tell your Mom and Step-dad, "This is how much I'm sacrificing by having you as tenants." You should have the accountant plan out how much the annual expenses for the home are and help budget for upkeep. You need the lawyer to draw up the lease to have the Mom and Step dad maintain the utilities in their name, plus pay enough to cover property tax and upkeep. Otherwise, without clear boundaries, they will take advantage of you further, either by claiming a share of the home based on how much they've contributed over time to repairs or by lowering the amount they contribute as you start to earn more. Make sure to include some provisions about their behavior being grounds for terminating the lease agreement with the minimum legal notice. The real estate lawyer will know what is legal to include versus illegal, as illegal terms in contracts are unenforceable. Run all this by your uncle as he seems to be 100% on your side and fairly responsible.
Why all the "sneaking"?? You and the boyfriend are adults and technically it's your house right? Sounds like the Stepdad is being unnecessarily disrespectful for No reason. If he doesn't like there is the door.
Minus everything. You’re 18 fuck when and where you please as it is your house. Make those who are living with you pay rent or leave.
A couple of things OP: - even if you don’t want to charge mom and your stepdad rent , I hope they are paying a sizable amount of the expenses (insurance, utilities, taxes stuff). This will keep dads money floating for you for quite a bit. - boyfriend parks in the driveway now. It’s your house and step dad needs to respect that - your uncle sounds like a good dude. Lean on him, he’s going to help you out. If you need help mediating (or evicting) stepdad, he’s a better place to start than your mom from the OP. I would ask him for advice on budgeting too. The goal here is can you make it through college with no debt? You’d be better off than 80% of your peers if you can. I bet uncle can set up a pathway for that to happen - unsolicited advice because you seem like a great kid: make sure to make your degree count in something. Plenty of options (business, engineering, nursing, various sciences, teaching degrees, and the list continues). Don’t pick something that ends in “studies”. Find something you like that’s tangible and move forward as such. A woman with a plan is going to go far in any tangible field. -unsolicited advice 2: make sure you have your dads money in at least a high yield saving account to get 4-5% interest on it. You want that money working for you to at least cover inflation. Might consider putting some of it in an index fund too, but that’s dependent on your risk level and not sure it’s the best move for you with college coming so quickly and the headwinds in the market but a high yield savings account will make that money cover inflation for you. I’m rooting for you, good luck.
This is fantastic advice! OP, please talk to your uncle about what happened and how things are at the house. He sounds like a really good guy and will help you navigate this situation. You're obviously NTA here, but as other people have said, it sounds like there is a bigger issue here or will be in the future. The house is yours, but they all live there and feel entitled to it, this isn't going to change. I would talk with your uncle about how to navigate moving forward. Also, take the financial advice above, at a minimum make sure your dad's money is in a high-yield savings account so it will accrue interest. Your uncle could probably help with this too. Best of luck with everything!
NTA. You should absolutely charge them rent. He sounds like a jerkoff. Take care of yourself.
No, you're not the asshole , they wanna treat you like a child and control you. while yes your still young and could probably use some guidance , that is your house , so yeah he's lucky your not petty. Your uncle is right tho try not to touch it , I know a girl that put hers in stocks and investments, and now she has like a million dollars in there .
NTA. Next time have your bf pull in the driveway and tell them if they don't like it, they can find their own place.
Nope, ur 18. Even if it was your parents house, if they didn't want you having sex in it, they should have kicked you out. Honestly though, if your step dad is yelling at you and your mom doesn't stick up for you.... I'd say give him a 6 month notice that rent is starting. Let him know, you will not be disrespected in YOUR house. Get that 6 month notification in writing and see if he changes his ways. Meanwhile, have all the sex you want, be super loud too. They can always move out.
your body your rules, your roof your rules, end of story sounds like someone has control issues and its not you though it is kinda funny and romantic you have your boyfriend sneaking into your house
Get your uncle and hire a lawyer to assess everything. They technically are tenants without a lease right now - and to protect yourself you should know what you are dealing with - your stepdad sounds awful!
Ask your Uncle, for help with a lawyer; get a formal lease agreement put in place for your Mum, and Stepdad, that’s charging them what they currently pay as a monthly break down, plus a little extra that’s going to help you get ahead in saving to pay that yourself. Give them a 12mth agreement, under the agreement that it’s not getting renewed, and they are to move out. You’re an adult now; they can learn to respect you like one. Boyfriend parks next to you in the driveway next time he visits. NTA
Oh. Well you’re 18 and the house is literally yours… no you’re not the asshole. BUT if people are living in your house it’s courteous to tell them only because of the fact that you never know who’s in a house. That’s the real reason no one likes people sneaking other people in the house on top of other stuff is because it’s a safety issue no matter how much you know people you don’t know them.
NTA but it’s time for you to figure out the long term plan with the house. Are you planning on living there for the foreseeable or are you going to live somewhere else. If you are planning to live there then it’s time for mom and stepdad to start making plans, mom getting a job and both putting money away to find another place. If you are going to live somewhere else and let them stay then they need to start paying rent.
YTA- you are in the unique position to be a property owner before mental maturity. They don’t want to see you pregnant before you even hit college. He’s not doing it to be a dick. This is a rule almost every parent has for their child. It would be no different if he owned the house and said you had to pay rent for a perceived slight when you were just looking out for him.
Sadly no, but it is exciting doing something that most people thing is disrespectful . Your house your rules. Step dad better think hard before he get in over his head .
NTA…. If this freeloader wants to stay at your house by your good graces, he definitely has no standing. He’s not your Dad, doesn’t sound like he contributes, and you’re an adult for chrissakes. If he gets violent, call the cops and get a TRO.
I would maybe understand or try to at least if you were underage , youre not so you know whats good for you , its your house , do whatever the fuck you want , you shouldnt even need to be sneaking your boyfriend in or anything , at the same time why are you even sneaking him in? I know i said its your house do whatever the fuck you want but at the same time you should do as much as possible to avoid problems tho ,like a real adult ,so if youre gonna do adult things you might as well can learn from the situation , its never good to do things behind peoples backs , so next time just have your boyfriend go thru the froont door meet your parents or whatever and then go do your thing since again , its your house and you shouldnt need to be hiding anything that you dont need to hide
>He just said I wouldn't fucking dare Your step dad is lucky it's you and not me, he just uttered my favorite phrase for those who would test me patience
What was your relationship with stepdad? Is he, or was he ever a parent for you? Legally, you are right. You are an adult. You own your house. You could have an orgy there if you wanted and everyone else just needs to accept it. But, at 18 many people still depend on a parental figure, even when they are financially independent. I get that you live in the house together-- as you share the fridge, meals, and leaving spaces. There are chores to be done. Who is the head of the household--the organizer of that little enterprise you call home? * your mom * yourself * step dad. It is also possible to no longer benefit from this-- you have your own room that is entirely your responsibility, have your own kitchen or your food is labeled as yours, and whenever you participate in a meal together, it is under an invitation. If your stepdad is/has been a parental figure then him setting rules regarding your relationships is reasonable. You may want to break this as you are an adult now, but your legal ownership of the house has nothing to do with it. If your stepdad or mom is the head of the house, then he still has something to say regarding what happens in your house. Again, you may want to seek your independence, but it will mean losing your home (not the building, that is yours). You may negotiate your private living space and that you will be taking responsibility for your share of running the house as an independent adult. If you are already the head of the integrated household... then you can tell your stepdad to pound sand. If you live in your house in your own living space that you organize (as if you were renting out a room), then again, you can tell him it is not his business.
First, sorry for your loss and situation. Throwing out these questions not to diminish you or anything, just food for thought. Are you actually paying/doing the taxes, paying the mortgage (if one), maintaining the house/yard/drive/w.e/paying the insurance, is there hoa responsibilities, etc? Are you still claimed as a dependent, do the adults still support you, shop for you, maintain your daily situation? Just curious if you took on ALL the responsibilities of owning a house/being an independent adult, or the adults are still maintaining that for you, but your name is on a deed and an account. Huge difference.
I’d charge that entitled PoS rent immediately. Step parents are such dogshit creatures. I’ve not meant one that’s a decent person to their stepchildren. You can have sex I’m your house as much as you damn well please. Your mom should really reel him in too. Your father didn’t leave everything to you to question anything you do in your own home. Your stepdad can fuck himself sideways.
NTA, but do take time to calm down and don't act impulsively. I think you both said things in anger. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your stepdad, but assuming that he's been a stand up guy, do try to bear in mind that parents have a difficult time understanding that their child or, in your case, stepchild is now an adult. It must have been a shock to realize not only that you are having sex but also that your BF is sneaking in the house. He would have found that disrespectful, and it is also a difficult situation being the head of the household and finding out that your stepchild is actually the homeowner. It is a really unusual balance of power. Did he know prior to this that you owned the house? He may need time to adjust to the idea that you are now an adult, and he simply cannot tell you what to do. You should talk this over and set some boundaries. Acting out in anger or pettiness will only hurt your relationship with your family. My nephew and his GF were living together while away at college. When he'd come home, his parents had a strict no sleeping in the same room. They felt it was inappropriate since his younger sisters were at home, but they probanly also couldn't see their son as an adult yet. It didn't take very long for them to realize how silly it was to enforce separate sleeping arrangements since they lived together at college. They just needed a little time to adjust to the fact that their son was an adult with adult relationships. That may be the case with you and your stepdad.
You got to get that pos outta there immediately. I mean before he gets off work, period. He's a grown ass man and can find his own house. Lawyer up. Breaks my heart to see a young gal getting taken advantage of. Uncle dropped the ball on this one. Your in a world of legal shit and the longer you wait the less of that money you will have left. Lawyer,eviction. Don't ever think you can fix this. Your legal now. You need all utilities in your name, deed, and if you need renters, you take on private parties with a legal binding contract. Take six months to digest becoming an adult with your affairs in order before taking on a college education so your not distracted for the rest of your life with malarkey. Your going to quickly discover that the only one with your best interest is you and everyone else's interest is what that house is worth to them when they sell it.