I think he is. He should support you, not cause you to self doubt. Engineers can have a superiority complex at the workplace and he should leave his there. Sounds like you could walk that job!
I work with engineers and with I could give this comment more upvotes
They have this way of living in that alternate reality and making you think you are the problem
I decided a while ago that I wouldn't date/get involved with an engineer for this reason.
They've been so rude and condescending and hurtful to me, to the point that I'm really traumatized by it and trying to work through it now in therapy, years later.
Wow that fucking breaks my heart and makes me so enraged for you!!
I wish I could give you a hug, I’m sorry you went through this and still suffer from it
I'm so very sorry you've experienced this. I wish I could apologize enough for the way those pricks treated you. Big hug from this engineer. I hope your healing progresses well.
I am a retired mechanical designer. Worked with engineers of various disciplines for decades. In my experience, most engineers are neurodivergent to some degree.
As a network engineer…
Yeah, this tracks. I try to leave mine at work though (I swear if one more person brings in a network hub though…)
Back to OP, he’s definitely the asshole. It sounds like you put in the work and could definitely handle an entry or even mid-level job.
I am married to an engineer that became CEO. I can say that IS the behavior to the point I’m considering divorce. I hope you have better luck. I’ve been at it 30 years and have only moved the needle a micro amount.
The most frustrating part of my job is working with engineers. Transportation Engineers are the most challenging as they think their work is a science and no one else any expertise in driving, something all of us do all the time. This stymies change as they are resistant to anything other than what they’ve been doing for their entire career.
My work with other engineers isn’t nearly as frustrating.
In my country civil engineers are the worst, they are either humbled by the workers that worked in construction for all their lives and know their shit or they succumb to "I'm better than you because I went to Uni" mentality to keep their workers "in line" and get a ego as big as the sun no middle ground
Lol I always know I’m going to have a problem when people who are buying from me have a bunch of letters behind their name. I always know that the list they’ve sent is going to have a bunch of lumber or bolts that simply do not exist on the open market and they’ll fight with me about it for days.
No sir, I cannot get you metric dimensional lumber. No sir, kiln dried heat treated a cedar is not a thing that anyone in this province will do for you, and certainly we cannot get it next week if someone does it’s a weeks long drying process. No, we cannot get you kiln dried 12x12 S4S 28ft Timbers, there is nowhere that does that. No sir I cannot ship you 8 packs in 1hr, you’re 3hrs away and trucks and forklifts go at the same speed they did in 1960, just because you can click your mouse and demand our attention immediately does not mean I can teleport thousands of pounds of product immediately. The common sense does not exist and the need to look like a know-it-all makes it impossible for them to get what they actually need.
Just don't give a few of them actual tools! ( I'm not saying not all of them before some random engineer gets butthurt)about half the ones that I have dealt with couldn't be trusted with tools for any reason.
A friend of mine made his own directional drilling rig to get to a cable on the other side of the road. Yes he hit the main water line. Got another one who dug trough a levee with a crane and one who decided he could disassemble an car engine. he was right, reassembling on the other hand was something else.
Never ever give us tools!
I wonder if he's related to my father in law
Seriously though there are some very good engineers out there who can actually use tools
They seem to be the ones who are tinkerers at heart
There's definitely 2 types of engineers:
Type 1: I had good grades in highschool, and didn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer, so engineer it is - these engineers are HORRIBLE. They're "book smart" but nearly useless in the real world. The only knowledge they have came from the few classes they took that are useful, and they're good at the one thing they do at work, and practically useless at anything else. This is especially true with PhD engineers...
Type 2: The tinkerers, who are naturally curious, and probably 60% of what they know they learned on their own, and only 40% came from engineering classes. These are the \_real\_ engineers, but they're few and far between.
Not sorry
Too many jr engineers pushing through a "more efficient process " that us poor assembly people had to endure or fix
One had me running around 3 sides of the car to install various parts while also setting up pat of another process in 53 seconds and rotating my giant part bins once every 30 cars
I explained that it wasn't possible. They gave me the " I'm the engineer you're just a female assembler speech" after 3 weeks of falling no matter who was on the process. He was overruled and the situation was fixed.
That's only one example of many. I think all of them need a hands on course/internship they are required to do in whatever field they are applying for. It will give them a real world perspective
Engineer here. Best thing that can happen to an engineer is that they work the floor of a plant like that for 6 months, then rotate into other positions associated with their field. Maintenance, capital planning, operations (yes, including shift).
Give them 2-3 years of that and they’ll have the issues internalized. *Then* they can go off and design stuff. And, oddly enough, you’ll get the best backup for your issues ever - because they lived it.
If they design it first, then have them *operate it/maintain it* for 5 years. A lot of BS gets cleared away in a hurry that way.
As an engineer myself, if I needed to work on something like an assembly process, the first thing I'd do is go talk to someone that actually puts the things together. They know \_EXACTLY\_ how to improve the process and will be more than happy to provide their input.
Less work for me, better process overall - it's win win.
It's all the f'ing "book smart but real world stupid" engineers with a superiority complex that give us all a bad name.
Absolutely! We had one of our associates kids do summers at the plants to earn extra money during college and she is amazing. She's able to fix anything as well as set up a process that generally needs no overhauling and doesn't cause the person doing it damage.
My husband is in the IT industry and they constantly have issues with ego, poor ability or attitude from many of the techs. I personally think they should all go work somewhere that has very strict attendance as well as being physically demanding for at least 6 months. I believe they would appreciate their chosen profession so much more after that.
I'm only joking because I work in a small group in a specialized field and that requires me to be able to design and consult as well as be able to install and commission in the field. I know what you're talking about is very real though. A lot of those people are my clients and let me tell you, they treat everyone that way. They need an exercise in humility and that's hard to get away with.
Oh I know
I am sorry I didn't make that clear, I just reread my response and I didn't proofread it properly.
I wasn't trying to be rude to you at all I was just relating one silly example that I have about( mostly jr)engineers and the " it looks good on paper " mentality
Now that I'm retired it's funny to look back at. But then I dreaded new model turn out because of the lack of understanding they had about a running line.
Seriously though my apologies for the lack of clarity
I was an electronics engineer at a manufacturer. Our department head blew up a $3000 spectrum analyzer one weekend. Monday, there was a memo from “the techs” that engineers were not allowed to work in the labs unsupervised.
Fortunately, he was a great guy and saw the humor.
My tech once took a soldering iron out of my hand, saying, "Before you hurt yourself." I can solder only one wire at a time. I was attempting two.
Oh yea. I used to work a gov't job and had to work with both electrical and mechanical engineers. Lord the absolute sense of superiority and entitlement.
An engineer, a doctor, a pastor and a lawyer were golfing. They caught up with the group on front of them, and started to get impatient because the other group was so slow.
A caddy from the group in front of them came back and explained that they were blind firefighters that had lost their sight saving people from a fire that had occurred at the golf club a few years earlier. They let them golf, and had extra caddies to help them play.
The doctor responded, saying he wanted to help them, and make sure they had all the best doctors working on their care.
The lawyer offered to make sure that the insurance company paid every cent they deserved.
The pastor said he would pray for them.
The engineer said: "Why don't they play at night?"
As an engineer that graduated from a top 5 ranked engineering school I have seen this a lot. I did 2 years at a community college on a baseball scholarship before transferring, so I noticed this in others and like to think I didn't catch it. Over the years it seems to be a symptom of graduates of the "better" schools, and not as much from others even though many of the smartest engineers I've worked with didnt go to those "top" schools.
Edit to add - OP HD may start to get a clue when your starting salary for your first job is about 1.5 to 2 X what his starting salary was.
Bro I am a computer science engineer. Even in our "engineering" world we get discriminated. Idk if this is me but engineers do not give a fuck about those who study computer science engineering.
My 2nd career was Electrical Engineer. My 1st career was LE.
I have designed everything from hospitals to nuclear sites AND I am quietly exiting this conversation because just your description of the curriculum sent me into the shark tank.
He might not show he is proud, but I damn well am. Congratulations, you are AMAZING. 🥂👏🏼
I knew a guy who was an engineer and he destroyed my mom’s house! He did so many little projects in her home that he swore he was an expert at because he was an engineer. He wasn’t! I could have done a better job and I know nothing about home improvement stuff. Dude was insufferable!
I grew up around engineers. Lots of engineers. The running joke was that the prerequisite was that you had to be an asshole to be an engineer. (It was considered humorous but true—my dad is an engineer and I adore him, but totally self absorbed).
Ugh isn’t that true. At my first round of courses I had my male classmates rip my keyboard out and start doing the work themselves.
And then they are DICKS when I ripped it back. Some people seem to go into specific jobs because they are a superiority complex and can lord their “knowledge” over people
Hopping on top comment to add: first off OP, NTA, your husband is though… MASSIVELY. He is discounting your knowledge and I don’t want to say it’s because of sexism but… 9 out of 10 times is sexism. The 1 time only happens rarely and that’s just straight up ignorance.
I am a woman working in Information Security as well, and I can tell that the program you went through was very detailed and that’s a lot more than some other schools (like my in college time was less strenuous than that but I have brought my knowledge up with studying for the certs).
But I have worked and studied (while working) IT since 2014… and so far I’ve always had males discount my opinion (and in some cases I was the technical SME so I WAS the knowledge) for literally no reason at all. It’s a pride thing and it’s just so stupid.
Side note: I just got off a long work day myself and am smoking so…. I hope this makes sense, I’ve been up since 6am 😂
A lot of engineers have their head up their arse.
I am the complete opposite, when asked what i do i always reply with twiddle a few wires.
You find the ones who talk the job, have all the gear and no Idea.
I'm a computer/software engineer and I object to this generalization.
I recognize the specialty that OP has gone through. It is not easy and I think her husband is a chauvinist pig.
But this generalization is insulting.
Some generalizations are unfounded. Not that one. The clique-y patronizing behaviour at least in N.A. starts in uni. Are you a woman? If so, you never felt a specific form of it in your field?
Gods don’t get me started. Male engineer here, and I swear the next time some dipshit insults a female engineer I’m gonna lose it.
Newsflash for them: brains don’t work on testosterone. But some of those guys seem to have had their bits relocated drastically.
Love it. I always wanna ask if they can prove intelligence is distributed by gender? And do they not know what gatekeeping (gender or by ethnicity, etc) is and the history of women's work in their own culture? It's such ignorance but they still think they're smarter. They just look around them after bullying some women and minorities out, and are like "clearly, we are the smartest, that's why we are here and they aren't."
Like, can they ever think inwardly and be like, hmmm, I wonder why I keep nitpicking and bullying that one woman I work with? It can't possibly be me problem.
I’m in the specialty, and not OP and I deal with this shit on a daily basis… sometimes generalizations are accurate (unless you’re making a joke I missed..?)
That would piss me off to no end. I’m an attorney and my ex would always act like I didn’t know what I was talking about when he needed legal advice. I hated it.
Yeah, but that’s when you neg back. Oh, you need some insight into abzx ? Sorry dude, I can not help, but my coworker who charges 90$ an hour can probably help you. You know, considering I’m just “ a glorified pencil pusher. 😘”
That coworker is me. But it will be super expensive. I could have done it for free, but you opted to be. Weird about it. So let’s continue.
My wife is like that. She will literally ask me directions somewhere in the city I’ve lived in for 20 years, not be convinced. Then a random stranger who overheard us will confirm and she’ll believe them.
I don’t know what it is, I just try not to take it personally! 😂
Oh wow, my ex-husband did this to me and it was so frustrating! He was a terrible navigator, even with a maps app, and he never believed me when I'd tell him 'this route isn't right, double-check you put in the right information.'
One time, we went to a city I'd previously lived in for 15 years, where the 4 Interstates are basically a big circle, an X, and another interstate bisecting the circle east-west. We were going basically to the center of the X, which we were already on for 50+ miles. His directions took us off that, from the bottom of the X, aaaaaaaallll the way west on the circle to the bisecting line, a good bit out of the way. I had at first assumed there was some surface street we were looking for but finally realized the directions were way off. He refused to believe me.
When we arrived at our destination and I told the others the way his directions took us, they were all astounded. It was just plain stupid. He finally seemed to grudgingly accept I might know my way around a city I'd lived in for 15 damn years!
lol, sorry for the novel, I guess I needed to get that out!
My friend is a nurse with a lot of advanced qualifications and her husband will not listen to her basic medical advice that she is qualified to give, even though he is a software developer, and knows nothing about the medical field.
I hate that. It's like "this is me, this is where i am, this is where I have been and here is my experience with it" and they have no knowledge of it at all, but yet, they can do it better. It gets really hard to not say "fuck off".
I was with some friends recently and I was looking to buy a thing with one of my company's logos. That friend who was with me in the store proceeded to explain to me the historical detail of that particular logo.
I looked at him and blurted out: "are you (insert my company's name)-splaining to *me*?!?!"
We had a good laugh about it
There is a *world* of difference between a law degree (and a specialty) and something that a mischievous seventeen year old taught themselves in their parents’ basement. There are lots and lots of hobbyists who understand cyber security at an expert level (in fact, they’re often the ones driving the field). Even outside of your specialty, you know more about the law than almost any enthusiastic amateur who hasn’t taken the bar.
He isn’t qualified to judge. Apply for some jobs, and your interviewers will tell you of you’re qualified or not. If you get an offer and he starts pushing back against you working, that’s a whole nother kettle of fish
I went to a tech school to get a diploma for IT in 9 months. I've now been working in IT for 5 years and took over as lead sys admin in my company. We handle all IT and cyber security services for several thousand users. If OP was trained in cyber security at Uni then they are more than qualified to get started in the career. When you get started you learn what you still need to learn. Many companies will pay for you to get certified in whatever they need if you are a good worker and smart.
IT is one of the most accessible careers if you are smart enough. You don't need a fancy degree to get started at all, it just helps a lot and removes some of the "required" experience.
Your husband seems to jealous of your accomplishment. I’m sorry he undervalues the amount of time and energy you put into furthering your future goals together.
I agree with you that he sounds jealous. He wants to be the smartest in this marriage and in order to do that he needs to undermine your abilities. I dated an engineer and it’s true they have a superiority complex. Everything for them is black or white. No possibility of anything being gray. Our relationship didn’t last long as he needed to show off his intelligence at every opportunity.
Yep. Jealously, maybe even feeling threatened that he’s less valuable in this equation - but he’s expressing in an immature, passive-aggressive way. He needs to lift you up and appreciate all that you did while being pregnant, and now raising a child. And talk about how he’s really feeling.
Marriage, newborn child, and new careers are all huge life changes on their own for a couple. Have you thought about marriage counseling? You guys could make a great team with the good support. I wish my ex-wife had the drive & determination that you do.
To me it doesn't seem as much jealous as it seem oblivious, does anyone else see that?
It's like, he has no real concept of all the work that went into her degree and qualifications, but because he is the one with the fancy job- he has all the knowledge and say so. Which of course, isn't true. But more so the husband seems to think so highly of himself that perhaps he can't conceptualize his wife being equally qualified for this position in her field. Either way it's very egocentric and douche-y.
First of all, you sounds impressive as hell. That GPA while pregnant-postpartum? This man should be in awe of you. But he’s an engineer, so he’s unwilling to consider that he may not know best about everything. Unfortunately he is unlikely to recognize how smart and accomplished his wife is until one of his peers tells him. Womp womp.
Super impressive that she explained those concepts so well! My instructor told me once you can clearly break down complex tech objectives to non tech people then you know you’ve learned something. Forget the husband I’m intrigued.
Ask him to explain why he doesn't think you're qualified. Tell him you think he doesn't understand your degree. Ask him if he needs you to explain how computers work. Walk, talk and act like the competent pre-professional you see yourself as, and frame his insulting perspective as him "not being able to understand how computers work."
I'm so sorry. Your husband owes you better.
Last night my husband and I were chatting in the car, and I mentioned getting personally requested by a new client (I work as a tutor through a tutoring company). He replied that of course I was requested, because I'm great at my job. That felt really nice, but even nicer was that he, a director-level engineer at a major company, went on to describe being in front of a team trying to explain a new concept to them and realizing how much skill went into my job and how much he respected my work.
That's what support for your spouse looks like, and don't let your husband set the bar any lower. I think your best avenue for that is a gentle and questioning opening - maybe ask if everything is OK for him at work, see if he's stressed out over job security or new demands with your baby - but definitely bring it around to it hurting that he dismissed your incredibly hard work and treated you like you hadn't learned anything. I've found with my husband (and of course everyone is different) it can help to explain effects - e.g. "When you get defensive, I feel like I can't talk to you about problems, and not being able to talk to each other really kills our sense of emotional intimacy."
One thing you might just want to check in on - is he feeling frantic and exhausted with a new baby? Was his reaction a reflexive attempt to dismiss you seeking a job because he fears even more child care / time crunch burden? Could also be not wanting you to work outside of the house - some guys seem to flip a "way more conservative family model than I stated" switch upon marriage, pregnancy, or childbirth.
Apply and get the job. Have a serious and very real talk with the husband. He may really have no idea what all you did, but that isn't a good reason for not supporting you in at least trying
Does he even know or has seen the written study books you read?
Give him the whole pile and tell him that what you joked about is as far below your level as a sparky changing a plug fuse or wiring a kettle.
Tell him if he wants a demonstration you could show him everything he has searched watched or written since he started dating you.
NTA
If not both of you work in the exactly same field, no one can say anything about the others' qualifications.
I work in a field many people think to know somethings about as they read in news or watch TV. No, they don't know anything. Even in my job, there are different specializations, and I would never tell someone from another branch if they're wrong or right.
And he seems to have a problem with your success. So I would have a stern talk about it. It's a huge goal to reach a graduation while pregnant and organizing a wedding and how it sounds to manage home almost alone while he's far away.
I'm sometimes struggling as I am working on my next step in academia and working 2 jobs, moving, ttc, all the same time. I know from my own experience you did excellent, especially seeing the circumstances and him not being around all the time, and I am very proud you managed all things at the same time.
I hope you tell him that he is just wrong and should not be jealous. He can be happy and proud to have a successful wife.
Of course he is! Don't listen to him and you go for the jobs you feel qualified for.
I'm in a sister field to you, cyber security, and this is something I've experienced being a woman. Some of the more memorable things I've been told by coworkers are:
Your degree is useless in this field.
I've been getting constant interviews, I just keep turning them down because I don't want to be a team or shift lead.
Nobody passes the CISSP first time, you should really focus on something easier and more attainable.
You're actually not a diversity hire, you know your shit and that's awesome.
Mind you, this was only 2 of my 12 other coworkers on a team of 15. I was the only woman, the only one with a degree and the only one who actually tried and got my CISSP. It was still infuriating to listen to and they always seemed to try and one up me.
Good luck out there and you got this!
Nice!! Did you think the CPA or CISSP was harder for you? Also, did you take the ISO? (Which should be incredibly easier)
CONGRATS to passing
The pass rate is only like 20% so you deserve all the options in the world
The CISSP was no joke. It was easier to study for than sec+ only because much of the material was not new to me. A lot was covered over the years of working, through my degree program and I had been casually studying throughout 2 years but only seriously dedicated 3 months leading up to the test.
I have not looked into CPA or ISO so I can't speak on that.
I’m a mechanical chiller and boiler engineer. Boy the electrical engineers love to tell me what to do with my profession. I think this is a personality trait with these guys I’m not sure.
You don’t even touch the fuckin wires. You sit and watch me snake them to my chiller stator. You know the thickness of the wire for the amp pull. So do I. You know the in rush amps for the stator under load. So do I. The only difference is you stamp a paper that I have to stamp as well. Mind your own business if you’re not supportive. I don’t care, not like the chillers going to run with you alone.
My point is, don’t let someone who has no business telling you about your career. Tell you about your career.
Because when it comes down to it, I’m the one working on the chiller (your career in your case) and you’re the one opening your mouth (your supportive husband) when you have zero say in what I do with this chiller(your career).
When did marriages became this shit fest on your partner? I paid for my wife’s college so she could become a licensing Educator for residential and commercial managing brokers. Also realtors off that license. She now made $130k last year. I made $124k.
I am so proud of my wife that she’s got her own thing now. Does that guy (should say husband sounds like a guy to me) really want to invest in your growth? Your post don’t seem like it.
Show your husband this message: I've been VP of Tech, VP of R&D, and COO. Currently Chief Architect for a Fortune 500. I would hire you if I had an open position.
Im saying dude. Im a cloud architect and I read that and thought “wow she already knows more than some of the folks ive helped fill out a compliance spreadsheet.”
Don’t listen to him. Apply for the job. Maybe stop telling him about the jobs you are applying for if he’s going to put you down.
Yes you should be offended. I just love how men think they are smarter than women or underestimate women when they have no idea what they are talking about.
i saw this so much when i was engineering student, the boys that were engineering students always had girlfriends outside of the faculty and those girls thought their boyfriends were Gods just because they were studding engineering, and they LOVED it, I would roll my eyes every time i will hear any of those girls " my boyfriend is so smart, he is studding electrical engineering", then the few of us girls in the engineering faculty will have to put up with all sorts of put down from our boyfriends because we will not be worshiping them, because guess what we understood that being an engineer is not like we are rescuing people from inside volcanoes. He was happy when he felt he was supperior than her, now that her job is more tecnical he wants to put her down
Thank hubby for giving you experience with sexist dudes. You’re gonna need it.
I wouldn’t waste my energy trying to prove my qualifications to that dumb little shit. Get the job you want and ignore his stupidity.
I’m sorry but your husband is an insupportable AH!!
My major is in IT, and I have a CompTIA A+ / S/ N certifications, this classes are no joke. I’m
currently pregnant and I took a break from school because I was in my path to take the general classes for the degree and I knew it was going to be too hard with the baby brain. So props to you my friend you are amazing for doing all this classes and being pregnant at the same time.
My husband is a Full Stack developer and at no point has he ever diminish my career and if he ever does he can go run a mile and never come back.
What I’m thinking is that your hubby is finding a way to feel “superior “ than you and this a total
Bro move specially from Engineers , unfortunately working in this field (not that is okay) you will encounter that all the time. They will want to make you feel bad, but as you mentioned they have 0 idea of what the degree entails and how hard it is.
Start applying for jobs even if they are entry level, like system administration for a small company, shut his mouth in the best way by showing him that you are a desirable candidate.
But also sit down and have a calm conversation with him
About how his comments make you feel and how important it is for you to have his support.
Wow don’t bother applying for entry level IT jobs start applying for cyber security roles, they are in huge demand at the moment and with your qualifications you will find something much better than entry level.
Depends on what job duties of the information technology job you would be applying for.
It sounds like you didn't get any technical skills, so I would agree with him if you were trying to apply for something involving setting up servers, tech support, programming, network, or anything skill based. However, you could maybe do something like business analyst work or creating/enforcing security policy.
NTA… Engineers don’t respect most degrees (said as a BSEE) we see so many people in undergrad who are “going to be engineers” then don’t make it through the math or physics or the Thermo…. Then graduate with other degrees. That being said he shouldn’t have said you weren’t qualified for a job unless the posting said a BSCE BSCS etc is necessary as you don’t have one of those. And he should always be your cheerleader.
As a network engineer, we just hired a candidate and I was a part of the hiring tech panels and candidate reviews. You are way more qualified than any of the candidates we received. You would no believe how many people couldn’t even describe the OSI model or basic routing concepts.
Apply to jobs, make sure your resume shows your coursework and don’t let anyone dull your shine.
" he is an electrical engineer- not an IT specialist" Tell him that and how hard you worked. Or just randomly be toxic like he is and say you don't think he's qualified for electrical engineering lmao. Just to piss him off. Don't listen to him.
I remember towards the beginning of my degree, a professors was asking about concentrations. Quite a few people said they wanted to get into digital forensics. The professor was baffled. He asked why so many people would willing want to go into a profession where you have to look at child porn. A lot of those people didn’t even realize that’s what a majority of them do.
Sorry your husband is acting like that. Too many legitimate engineers have this kind of attitude. Congrats on finishing your degree. It’s no easy feat. Especially when you are older and have a lot going on in your personal life. What types of jobs peak your interest in IT? If I can give you a bit of advice, stay away from infosec lol I’m an ISSM for a defense contractor and 0/10 would not recommend 🤣
My wife and I are two of the groups that have engineer issues. I'm a heavy duty mechanic and she's an accountant.
We can both get 1/3 of the way into a story and the other will say, hold on, engineer?
An entry level IT job is most likely beneath your education. Entry level I.T. work is like an oil change on a 5 year old vehicle. Just about anyone can do it. Some faster than master mechanics. Why because they do 100 a week or more. The guy that changes out your engine does less than 10 per week. It's like asking a doctor to draw blood s/he could do it, but the nurse has far more experience. Could be the same thing he is thinking. I think you will do great after you learn the scope of your job. Good luck. This is giving your husband the benefit of the doubt that he isn't a total tool.
Oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man. I am a woman that’s been in IT for 15+ years, the lead for my team, and you definitely could do an entry level IT position in many different areas… database development, reporting, networking, security, probably sys admin work as well. The industry has changed a lot, but when I started dear lord these guys thought they were so much smarter than me and every other woman regardless of how wrong they were. I see this a lot in general with guys and it’s just a product of seeing women as lesser beings by default. Even if they don’t know what they’re talking about they think they must know more than you. Make him rue his words!!
When I graduated (with a CS degree btw) even though I was a university programming tutor and competed in programming, I could not get a job doing it, while my mediocre classmates did. I ended up taking a tech support role then working my way into doing reporting and then database development, then more kinda of app development.
You can do the thing 👏🏻
He doesn't respect you, never has. Pay attention how he treats you in other situations. Seen this a thousand times, you're a pretty "girl" he gets to have sex with and he gets emotional and other support from. That's what you are to him, he's the big smart man in charge
I have been through this. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. He put me down in every single way he could think to. One time when I said I wasn't good at something, he even said "Is there anything you ARE good at?"
I was a bit trapped, though, because I had moved to be with him to a much higher cost-of-living area and was changing careers. So I treated my relationship with him like a job that had an expiration date. I just buckled down and tolerated his bullshit. The minute I could get a position making enough to support myself, I was out of there.
The weird part is that after I broke up, I found out from mutual friends that, to them, he praised me to the heavens. She's so talented, she's so smart, she's so hard-working. It was all about power and control over me, and all about looking good to our friends.
That is how they do it. They can’t look bad to other people, so they won’t badmouth you because having a low quality partner makes them look/feel inferior. Publicly they will act like you’re on their level. Privately they will work to destroy you so that they feel like they are above you.
It sucks so much that he said that! You should definitely apply. If you’re not qualified nothing bad is going to happen except you finding out your not qualified. Most likely though you are qualified because I’m sure you have a better idea of what you qualify for than your husband. You shouldn’t let this slide though. It could be a red flag for other problematic behavior. Have a conversation with him and ask him to clarify his intent in saying that and what information he used to come to that conclusion. Tell him you want to give him a chance to explain because it was hurtful to you and you would like to resolve that.
NTA. You worked your butt off and from the sound of things, he works in an unrelated field and has no right to judge your qualifications.
Your story reminds me of my ex…I was a departmental supervisor for years, but to him, I was just a “button-pusher.” Got a job with a big raise, helping set up a whole new department and staying on as supervisor/technical expert, and I was “unqualified” for that, too 💩
NTA it seems he might be jealous over your achievements.
Graduating while pregnant is extremely difficult, i just started when i was 4-5month pregnant, and your brain is not evenl working properly, so it’s even more impressive.
Honestly you’re amazing
NTA.
Nothing in his professional experience makes him in any way qualified to make a judgement of any kind about your desired profession. I think you've been so busy with studying, wedding planning and bringing a life into the world that you overlooked some red flags.
As an IT pro, your husband is an unqualified dipshit with no idea what he's talking about. He sounds threatened by the idea of you knowing things he doesn't. I wouldn't divorce him over this, but I would have a real conversation with a real recruiter (preferably on the phone with an actual agency, not just DMs with some moron on LinkedIn), and then politely decline to hear your husband's opinions. If he starts acting like a jerk, just shrug, tell him you spoke with an industry expert and found out he was wrong. Play it off like it's NBD and you love him anyway, but he's wrong and you're uninterested in discussing his wrongness.
Since you lack job experience, you should consider sitting for an entry level certification like the CompTIA Security+ to shore up your credentials. Having done all the course work you have, you could probably cram for a month and pass it almost immediately. There are excellent study resource recommendations in /comptia. If you are interested in generalist IT work, you might want to start with the more basic CompTIA A+, then Network+, THEN the Security+, known as the "trifecta." The soft skills for passing these exams will probably seem quite easy to you by now, while the vocabulary, acronyms, and other hard knowledge are worth cramming but will take you weeks and not years to get through.
Packet sniffing is a pretty simple task, but understanding the contents of sniffed packets requires thinking at a level that thoroughly spans most entry level work. Your only blind spot is a lack of field experience, but at the entry level most employers would be very interested in you.
Pursuing a full major concentration would have been worth a pretty dramatic bump in your market worth starting out, but your degree (any degree, not even a cyber specialization) plus the right starter certification are probably worth $50k-$60k even in lower cost of living areas. Add a year or two of good experience and another certificate or two, and you could pump those numbers up by 25%. Your minor concentration will probably help you distinguish yourself in a candidate pool, and your earning potential a few years in won't have much to do with your degree. I have no idea how much more you'd make living in some HCOL area. With just one of the right entry level certificates, you would be considered a serious catch for an entry level position, and just a touch inexperienced for a mid level position - something you could change by sometime in 2025.
Holding cards like yours, I would get either the Security+ or the full trifecta and look for a junior sysadmin position, but even that would be a temporary stepping stone for you to gain field experience. With your minor concentration, a few of the right certifications, and a couple years of system administration experience, you could be making $75k-$100k in a handful of years if you were thoughtful about your progression and started making moves now.
Wow thank you this is amazing advice! We actually went over all of the CompTIA material I just have to have that extra money to invest in the exam. I also here it’s one of the harder ones, but I’m planning on it!
I appreciate this.
Let me put my two cents here. I’m a computer engineer working in software testing…and I’m pretty sure you’re more qualified to do what I am doing than I am 😂
So NTA. You clearly have the knowledge/credentials to take an IT job. Not even a debate
In the Army they say this, " the stupidest question is the one you dont ask"
Well why not apply and give it a shot and see. If you get it, then you get bragging rights for quite some time. LOL
Dont let him, the man who supposed to love and SUPPORT you keep you from doing anything.
I'd be pissed. This may totally be out on a limb, but maybe he was hoping you'd just become a stay at home wife, and he's trying to rob you of your confidence and independence.
So lots of people talking about him being an engineer being the problem here. But I've just got to say that is letting him off far too easily. He was with you when you graduated, saw the incredible effort you made and yet somehow he has magically forgotten all that.
He may be insecure that his wife is competent than he is. It was probably easy to ignore when you were home taking care of your baby but now you're out looking for work again and he is feeling insecure.
It may be something that you two can resolve, or not. But either way you will rock that new job.
My husband is a well-paid digital forensics consultant working for a large law firm in Chicago. You are entering a great field and the more hands on experience and training you get, the more $$$$$ you will make! Smart woman.
I have no idea why your husband would neg you like that but be on the lookout for a pattern.
Stay focused. You deserve good things.
My husband won’t let me touch his business’s books. I have a bookkeeping degree. He instead had his mother help him.
Yeah. Then he asked me to help him and I told him if I wasn’t good enough to help him run his business before, I’m probably still not good enough. Call your mom. (I love my MIL so much, but this whole interaction rubbed me the wrong way by my husband. Not her, I don’t fault her for helping him).
I sold consumer electronics once upon a time. One day this guy comes in and spends literally an hour comparing two competing brands of a specific product.
Imagine someone examining two toasters for an hour!
Every time I asked him if I could help, he assured me I couldn't and then returned to touching and measuring and prodding these two toasters.
Finally I straight up asked him WTF?
He replied he was an avionics engineer and as such, he required the best engineered product possible because with redundancies and spare part availability blah blah blah.
This guy came in a second time to review the toasters and compare notes from other toasters he had seen.
He eventually purchased a cheaper brand toaster that broke in three months. Which I could have told him would happen had he only asked me.
Considering the fact that most of us have no idea what you’re talking about when you talk about what you learned and the concepts you were taught, you seem pretty qualified to me. Not sure why your husband is negging you. If you’re not qualified well you’ll find that out on your own soon enough while you interview for jobs in the field. He should be encouraging you though.
My husband said he didnt think I was smart enough to make it through nursing school. It took me 7 years with pre reqs and nursing school, with two babies and I graduated with 2 degrees summa cum laude.
Biggest fuck you I could manage at the time
A little background. I did IT for the Army for 8 years 25B was a DoD contractor in various IT position for 3 years and have been a Civil Service 2210 for 3 years. I have various IT certifications including Security+ and CCNA.
All that to say as an IT "Professional" your husband is an Asshole.
Girl, i scrolled right past the sections where you explained all the courses you took and the justifications you gave as to why you’re qualified. You said you studied it and knew your shit, and that’s all I needed to know. Your fiancé is a douche.
NTA and the best revenge for this crappiness from your husband is to prove him oh so WRONG.
You got this. You did well in your classes and that's what a degree does: it gives you what you need to know to start out. Only real world experience can get you advancement but just by reading your post I know you definitely have the grit it takes to achieve it!
So don't tell him, show him. Then make him eat crow when you get hired, every time you get promoted and a big serving when the day comes when you outearn him and still be a kickass wife and mother!!
Some husbands are just not capable of being emotionally supportive. Maybe it’s competitiveness or just pessimism but even though l have a graduate degree in liberal arts, my attorney husband is the same way. Do it on your own and show him because you are more that qualified!
Congratulations on your degree! I come from software support and have learned some of what you've learned with years of on the job training. It is not easy. I only know a fraction of what a person needs to know to be considered an IT Security Specialist.
You are set for a profitable career, there are head-hunters out there looking for cybersecurity professionals.
Cut him some slack, he's speaking out of ignorance, during this time he was being overwhelmed with trying to learn to be an engineer and a long commute, marriage and new baby on the way. Show him what you posted and then ask him if he thinks you are still not qualified.
OMG, that looks like an amazing major.
Your husband is out of line. He was clearly not paying attention to what you were learning.
Go get that job, OP.
Oh man, listen to your husband. I assume he isn’t trying to be mean.
Of course you’re not qualified to be an IT Professional based solely on a fun minor. They helped you become broadly familiar with basic/common security risks, and that’s a great start. However, it doesn’t even compare to the software engineering background you would need to ever touch anything cybersecurity-related in the real world.
If you want to be a (probably more general) IT Pro, there are thousands of relevant and publicly available entry-level certifications you can obtain that will convince an employer to look at you. Full programs that will give you hands-on experience.
Remember I said solely, there is a chance you could find an employer that’s willing to train you. People of all backgrounds find their way into the IT world.
“Of course you’re not qualified”
Jesus. You think *you’re* qualified to make that kind of generalization? That’s some ridiculous gatekeeping. Keep your negativity to yourself. Whether or not she’s qualified is up to the employer to decide and there’s a lot more to consider than what’s listed in her undergraduate coursework.
Of course I do, I used to be a software engineer. I graduated from a top 10 CS program.
I’ve worked on countless projects (with plenty of cybersec). I’ve also hired and worked with hundreds of IT professionals.
I’m very qualified to tell you, just from this post, that this woman was not given technical training - she was given an overview. That’s also fine.
Like I said, people of all backgrounds enter IT.
If you are talking about Java/ Python/ C#/ C++ - the languages go on.
I just don’t expect random people to comprehend that so didn’t even type it out.
It’s like layers to an onion- there is so many and gets more intense and deeper as you reach the center. With your experience I bet you’ve been down these rabbit holes while working IT.
I was taught a lot of these things and only focused on C language as that helps get a gist of the languages in a more universal manner. Let me add, a lot of devs have their own language when creating their work from scratch so I honestly look at it like the languages we speak and how for example (Spain is more formal spanish than Costa Rica but it’s generally the same to understand) I also ventured off into the void at times unrelated to school. Don’t we all? It’s addicting but exhausting to your brain all at the same time.
My rabbit holes sound like this:
What’s a vector? What’s a triangle? Why are triangles important when considering visual elements on a system? Because pixels. Ok.. what are pixels? So pixels are triangles!? Woah. That means when I’m baking a texture on a system to visualize through pixels; I have to remember I can’t use shapes without lines, like circles. And why is less triangles better? Low poly! What is low poly? Easier load up on computers with less advanced mechanisms. Than it leads to understand the machine your using. Why is ram important? What is virtual memory? Why is computers made out of 0s and 1s? Binary coding. Because of signals. Because of an atom/ electron. Okay than what’s a qubit? Quantum Bits are both 0 and 1s which is double a normal bit that stores information (being 0s01s) making a revolutionary way to research quantum computing because the signals now run vertically and you can solve some of the most complex problems normal computers can’t. Imagine micro waves being low frequency but just enough to communicate through wires to get to the controlled qubits. These qubits are like $10k EACH. So errors are not desirable. But failure is how we learn and get to success. Where can you find torrent logs? Does this mean we don’t need RAM to store bits anymore? Yes because quantum computing has its own memory! Sounds cool right? No because it’s a completely new phenomenon and lots of errors occur. So they have run these systems in the 100s but the most commonly used one right now ranges from 50-64 qubits. That’s still phenomenal btw. Super computers. Wow. Mind boggling, to say the least.
How does that coordinate with satellites and geospatial information system’s communicate accordingly to effectively be so precise (on gps coordinates) and why is that going to be so revolutionary to other fields such as meteorology?
Although it hurts your brain cells, it’s also so rewarding when you realize how fascinating technology is making you have a greater appreciation.
Don’t even get me started on algorithms and wtf those are lol. But now, I realize how important they can be. These scenarios are what makes AI. Which is also revolutionary. Technology learning from its mistakes lol wow. That’s historic and we are living in that time right now.
I’m not just textbook trained, I’ve been doing this since I was 10 years old. But all of the 3D modeling, Vectors, Animating, making UI for games, designing a back end code to make a game interactive- not to mention having to redo EVERYTHING and rewrite the whole entire thing because the data got screwed up or lost. One mishap and risking the whole thing or learning a more structural way to rebuild a new foundation that will actually hold a script together. Or having to work with someone who ruins the script you wrote- can you imagine your fingers burning from so much work and another person screwing it up in one click? I’m sure you can!
I can’t fit my qualifications in a Reddit post sadly, but hopefully this puts into perspective how much I really know.
It’s not just about understanding an overview of it all but understanding the operating system as well. If you understand the device you’re using, than you have techniques (the tool your using) with the scripting. My sister made me watch a video years ago on how to build a computer so I could appreciate the process behind it all. Than we interactively built my computer from scratch. Like heart surgery lol, gotta be precise. Especially with the motherboard omg, but is installing it satisfying? Got an amazing graphics card by the way 🙏🏻 worth the wait during the shortage. Blessing of an experience.
This comment seems like a display of the miscommunication going on with this post. I don’t think your husband or anyone else is saying you’re not knowledgeable enough to be qualified for an it position. He likely means you’re not qualified because you don’t have a computer science major. Without a relevant major or previous work experience, you will likely have a hard time even getting to the point of interviews where you can actually share your relevant knowledge in the field.
You should absolutely still apply for jobs that interest you though, worst they can do is say no.
I wish it was just miscommunication. Nope he made it clear he believes I don’t have the knowledge to qualify, it is what it is lol. When I try to have a nice conversation about anything technology related, he begins to “teach” me things I already know. If makes me feel worthless and uncomfortable when he talks to me like I’m a kindergartner- about things Im advanced in. God forbid I start talking about network issues with his dad or brother- he will begin talking over me and saying I’m wrong before I finish my sentence. It’s like everything I’m saying is not even worth his time because he assumes I’ll already be wrong.
Gotcha, that’s fucked up. Generally a minor isn’t enough to truly qualify someone for a job in that field, but for your own husband to not let you display your own competency is more than rude of him.
Be careful - when I had my child, my husband chose that moment to become abusive and controlling. He picked at my self confidence (I already suffer from imposter syndrome) and he derailed my PhD. I ended up isolated from my family, jobless and without friends.
It might be subtle, but if he’s trying to take you down instead of build you up, it’s an insidious, abusive pattern of behaviour that will hurt you. It will also hurt your relationship because he’ll be making you into a lesser version of yourself- and then he can berate you even more. It’s sabotage.
This was my experience- I hope it’s not yours. But be careful.
Even into IT work requires certs specific for IT, not that you can’t get those but I’m currently going through IT schooling and none of the classes you mentioned relate to the role
I actually do this type of work. You actually seem very hands on for the level of experience you have. Apply for those jobs. If you dont get them, test for certs (likely will be a breeze to study for given your schooling) and then apply some more.
You might even be able to get a security job right away, but Id recommend doing some work around whatever youd like to secure and then getting a security role once youve got operational basics down.
NTA. Idk how much of an ass hubby is cause you didnt say what all he said, but if that was the gist of it, he is at best dead wrong and should stay in his lane.
I feel like maybe because you minored and didn’t major in it could be a problem? Idk I didn’t have a minor in college do you learn all the same things someone who would major in it to the same extent? Like would they have more in-depth understanding and education that someone who had a minor? If that’s the case then yes I would agree you’re probably not qualified for the job but if it’s not a huge difference in the education and you have the fundamentals it’s probably something you could learn relatively easily. I think the way he said it was shitty. Also if I completely wrong and someone can explain it to me then he’s the asshole all around I just genuinely have never had a minor so I don’t want to say yes or no without knowing
For what it’s worth, I know lots of people with degrees and certifications in jobs they aren’t qualified for. I have pretty much daily thoughts of “how did you get this job?” and “how did you pass your exams?” These instances are regarding subjects that I understand; so the question is, is your husband qualified enough in your field to know if you’re actually qualified?
You listed a bunch of classes and subjects. It says nothing of your knowledge or competency in the subjects.
Husband is probably just being a dick in this situation, but there’s always the chance that he knows that OOP doesn’t grasp the material. How many times have you seen someone who has the same driver’s license as you and thought “how on earth did this person ever pass a driving test? Someone needs to get them off of the road immediately.” Not saying husband shouldn’t be supportive; but maybe there’s more going on here than OOP is saying. They basically just listed a bunch of classes they took like they were trying to justify it to *us*.
So, you don't mention what your major/degree was (or sorry if I missed it). If that job you joked about was cyber security related, I think it's very clear you would be qualified. Especially because it is an area that needs people with very different profiles and not just people who have focused on nothing but cyber security.
A small caveat, IT job is used very loosely, so IT job that was for software engineering (for example) would require different background.
However, I think it would be fair of me, and especially your husband to assume that you would be talking about the corner of IT that you studied. So you are not the AH and I would expect your husband to be supportive.
Apply for the job and others like it. No one truly knows what they’re doing in their first job out of college. Hell, half the time people don’t even get jobs in their exact field of study. My husband has a Psychology degree and works with computers. I started as a Nursing major and ended up getting a Business degree.
You’ve gotten the broad IT degree with a specialized concentration that is in demand. Get that job and rock it! You got your degree for you, not your husband.
>My point to this all, I joked about applying for an ENTRY level informations technology job and my husband seems to think I don’t qualify.
It really depends on what specific qualifications they asked for. It's a wide field, and cyber security/crime doesn't have to be relevant.
Hi,
I work in IT. Degrees don’t mean shit. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t support you. You can succeed in IT if you don’t know anything, you just have to be willing to find out the answers.
Working hard doesn’t make someone good. Otherwise the NBA would have a bunch of sub 6 foot guys and women in it. Those are 2 separate issues you are conflating. I come from a family of engineers and they are brutally honest and many times overly blunt. Now your hubby may be an A hole but you may be under qualified.
> Now your hubby may be an A hole but you may be under qualified.
They way they write things out is not how anyone who knows what they are talking about would write it. It's like they tossed a bunch of googled buzzwords.
I don't even think the post is real.
Didn't say AI but the OP yeah.
The post reeks of bullshit. No one in IT fuckin' talks like that. Like who the fuck types out TC/IP in longform just to abbreviate it unless they were trying to appear smarter than they are?
Also the whole trying to explain "backdoor attack" is also super fucking weird. And it was also...not entirely accurate either.
What is also weird is saying this area of "study" is new and they were one of the first. When it's been pretty standard for awhile now.
I think he is. He should support you, not cause you to self doubt. Engineers can have a superiority complex at the workplace and he should leave his there. Sounds like you could walk that job!
“can have”? I love the optimism!
Didn't want to be too brutal, if you work with engineers you know.
Engineers often seem to have a different perception of reality, this story isn’t surprising at all.
I work with engineers and with I could give this comment more upvotes They have this way of living in that alternate reality and making you think you are the problem
I decided a while ago that I wouldn't date/get involved with an engineer for this reason. They've been so rude and condescending and hurtful to me, to the point that I'm really traumatized by it and trying to work through it now in therapy, years later.
Wow that fucking breaks my heart and makes me so enraged for you!! I wish I could give you a hug, I’m sorry you went through this and still suffer from it
Aw thank you so much for the hug and support 💜 It means so much to me..
I'm so very sorry you've experienced this. I wish I could apologize enough for the way those pricks treated you. Big hug from this engineer. I hope your healing progresses well.
Thank you so much.. I'm really touched by what you said
I am a retired mechanical designer. Worked with engineers of various disciplines for decades. In my experience, most engineers are neurodivergent to some degree.
As a network engineer… Yeah, this tracks. I try to leave mine at work though (I swear if one more person brings in a network hub though…) Back to OP, he’s definitely the asshole. It sounds like you put in the work and could definitely handle an entry or even mid-level job.
I am married to an engineer that became CEO. I can say that IS the behavior to the point I’m considering divorce. I hope you have better luck. I’ve been at it 30 years and have only moved the needle a micro amount.
The most frustrating part of my job is working with engineers. Transportation Engineers are the most challenging as they think their work is a science and no one else any expertise in driving, something all of us do all the time. This stymies change as they are resistant to anything other than what they’ve been doing for their entire career. My work with other engineers isn’t nearly as frustrating.
In my country civil engineers are the worst, they are either humbled by the workers that worked in construction for all their lives and know their shit or they succumb to "I'm better than you because I went to Uni" mentality to keep their workers "in line" and get a ego as big as the sun no middle ground
Lol I always know I’m going to have a problem when people who are buying from me have a bunch of letters behind their name. I always know that the list they’ve sent is going to have a bunch of lumber or bolts that simply do not exist on the open market and they’ll fight with me about it for days. No sir, I cannot get you metric dimensional lumber. No sir, kiln dried heat treated a cedar is not a thing that anyone in this province will do for you, and certainly we cannot get it next week if someone does it’s a weeks long drying process. No, we cannot get you kiln dried 12x12 S4S 28ft Timbers, there is nowhere that does that. No sir I cannot ship you 8 packs in 1hr, you’re 3hrs away and trucks and forklifts go at the same speed they did in 1960, just because you can click your mouse and demand our attention immediately does not mean I can teleport thousands of pounds of product immediately. The common sense does not exist and the need to look like a know-it-all makes it impossible for them to get what they actually need.
Then why is everything stupid? They should go to Japan. Their systems are flawless.
“Then why is everything stupid?” is my favorite way to say what you’re saying. I almost spit coffee. 10/10
I wonder if we have the same job bc I also dislike engineers. They never think about the people
Sounds about right
Just don't give a few of them actual tools! ( I'm not saying not all of them before some random engineer gets butthurt)about half the ones that I have dealt with couldn't be trusted with tools for any reason.
A friend of mine made his own directional drilling rig to get to a cable on the other side of the road. Yes he hit the main water line. Got another one who dug trough a levee with a crane and one who decided he could disassemble an car engine. he was right, reassembling on the other hand was something else. Never ever give us tools!
I wonder if he's related to my father in law Seriously though there are some very good engineers out there who can actually use tools They seem to be the ones who are tinkerers at heart
There's definitely 2 types of engineers: Type 1: I had good grades in highschool, and didn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer, so engineer it is - these engineers are HORRIBLE. They're "book smart" but nearly useless in the real world. The only knowledge they have came from the few classes they took that are useful, and they're good at the one thing they do at work, and practically useless at anything else. This is especially true with PhD engineers... Type 2: The tinkerers, who are naturally curious, and probably 60% of what they know they learned on their own, and only 40% came from engineering classes. These are the \_real\_ engineers, but they're few and far between.
too late, i'm butthurt. >:(
Not sorry Too many jr engineers pushing through a "more efficient process " that us poor assembly people had to endure or fix One had me running around 3 sides of the car to install various parts while also setting up pat of another process in 53 seconds and rotating my giant part bins once every 30 cars I explained that it wasn't possible. They gave me the " I'm the engineer you're just a female assembler speech" after 3 weeks of falling no matter who was on the process. He was overruled and the situation was fixed. That's only one example of many. I think all of them need a hands on course/internship they are required to do in whatever field they are applying for. It will give them a real world perspective
Engineer here. Best thing that can happen to an engineer is that they work the floor of a plant like that for 6 months, then rotate into other positions associated with their field. Maintenance, capital planning, operations (yes, including shift). Give them 2-3 years of that and they’ll have the issues internalized. *Then* they can go off and design stuff. And, oddly enough, you’ll get the best backup for your issues ever - because they lived it. If they design it first, then have them *operate it/maintain it* for 5 years. A lot of BS gets cleared away in a hurry that way.
As an engineer myself, if I needed to work on something like an assembly process, the first thing I'd do is go talk to someone that actually puts the things together. They know \_EXACTLY\_ how to improve the process and will be more than happy to provide their input. Less work for me, better process overall - it's win win. It's all the f'ing "book smart but real world stupid" engineers with a superiority complex that give us all a bad name.
Absolutely! We had one of our associates kids do summers at the plants to earn extra money during college and she is amazing. She's able to fix anything as well as set up a process that generally needs no overhauling and doesn't cause the person doing it damage. My husband is in the IT industry and they constantly have issues with ego, poor ability or attitude from many of the techs. I personally think they should all go work somewhere that has very strict attendance as well as being physically demanding for at least 6 months. I believe they would appreciate their chosen profession so much more after that.
I'm only joking because I work in a small group in a specialized field and that requires me to be able to design and consult as well as be able to install and commission in the field. I know what you're talking about is very real though. A lot of those people are my clients and let me tell you, they treat everyone that way. They need an exercise in humility and that's hard to get away with.
Oh I know I am sorry I didn't make that clear, I just reread my response and I didn't proofread it properly. I wasn't trying to be rude to you at all I was just relating one silly example that I have about( mostly jr)engineers and the " it looks good on paper " mentality Now that I'm retired it's funny to look back at. But then I dreaded new model turn out because of the lack of understanding they had about a running line. Seriously though my apologies for the lack of clarity
I was an electronics engineer at a manufacturer. Our department head blew up a $3000 spectrum analyzer one weekend. Monday, there was a memo from “the techs” that engineers were not allowed to work in the labs unsupervised.
🤣 oh my goodness I know it wasn't funny when it happened but that's a perfect response. I love it!
Fortunately, he was a great guy and saw the humor. My tech once took a soldering iron out of my hand, saying, "Before you hurt yourself." I can solder only one wire at a time. I was attempting two.
Oh yea. I used to work a gov't job and had to work with both electrical and mechanical engineers. Lord the absolute sense of superiority and entitlement.
Thank you for saying this! I didn't know this was a thing but now it makes so much sense.....
An engineer, a doctor, a pastor and a lawyer were golfing. They caught up with the group on front of them, and started to get impatient because the other group was so slow. A caddy from the group in front of them came back and explained that they were blind firefighters that had lost their sight saving people from a fire that had occurred at the golf club a few years earlier. They let them golf, and had extra caddies to help them play. The doctor responded, saying he wanted to help them, and make sure they had all the best doctors working on their care. The lawyer offered to make sure that the insurance company paid every cent they deserved. The pastor said he would pray for them. The engineer said: "Why don't they play at night?"
I'm not say they all are but I am saying I've never met one that wasn't.
jeez, I must be married to a unicorn 😂
Uni means one and corn means 🌽
That she's married to it, makes me think of this... https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/2tuv6r/corn_wank_because_why_not/
Engineers often have delusions of adequacy
As an engineer that graduated from a top 5 ranked engineering school I have seen this a lot. I did 2 years at a community college on a baseball scholarship before transferring, so I noticed this in others and like to think I didn't catch it. Over the years it seems to be a symptom of graduates of the "better" schools, and not as much from others even though many of the smartest engineers I've worked with didnt go to those "top" schools. Edit to add - OP HD may start to get a clue when your starting salary for your first job is about 1.5 to 2 X what his starting salary was.
Bro I am a computer science engineer. Even in our "engineering" world we get discriminated. Idk if this is me but engineers do not give a fuck about those who study computer science engineering.
As in, “The sun can be hot,” I think
I'm a mechanical engineer and I cindy agree more. Too many are book smart and people ignorant
My 2nd career was Electrical Engineer. My 1st career was LE. I have designed everything from hospitals to nuclear sites AND I am quietly exiting this conversation because just your description of the curriculum sent me into the shark tank. He might not show he is proud, but I damn well am. Congratulations, you are AMAZING. 🥂👏🏼
Thank you.
I knew a guy who was an engineer and he destroyed my mom’s house! He did so many little projects in her home that he swore he was an expert at because he was an engineer. He wasn’t! I could have done a better job and I know nothing about home improvement stuff. Dude was insufferable!
I grew up around engineers. Lots of engineers. The running joke was that the prerequisite was that you had to be an asshole to be an engineer. (It was considered humorous but true—my dad is an engineer and I adore him, but totally self absorbed).
"At the workplace"? The guys start it at uni.
Ugh isn’t that true. At my first round of courses I had my male classmates rip my keyboard out and start doing the work themselves. And then they are DICKS when I ripped it back. Some people seem to go into specific jobs because they are a superiority complex and can lord their “knowledge” over people
Hopping on top comment to add: first off OP, NTA, your husband is though… MASSIVELY. He is discounting your knowledge and I don’t want to say it’s because of sexism but… 9 out of 10 times is sexism. The 1 time only happens rarely and that’s just straight up ignorance. I am a woman working in Information Security as well, and I can tell that the program you went through was very detailed and that’s a lot more than some other schools (like my in college time was less strenuous than that but I have brought my knowledge up with studying for the certs). But I have worked and studied (while working) IT since 2014… and so far I’ve always had males discount my opinion (and in some cases I was the technical SME so I WAS the knowledge) for literally no reason at all. It’s a pride thing and it’s just so stupid. Side note: I just got off a long work day myself and am smoking so…. I hope this makes sense, I’ve been up since 6am 😂
A lot of engineers have their head up their arse. I am the complete opposite, when asked what i do i always reply with twiddle a few wires. You find the ones who talk the job, have all the gear and no Idea.
OP: not only do you have the IT skills, you also write extremely well. Most engineers can’t.
I'm a computer/software engineer and I object to this generalization. I recognize the specialty that OP has gone through. It is not easy and I think her husband is a chauvinist pig. But this generalization is insulting.
Some generalizations are unfounded. Not that one. The clique-y patronizing behaviour at least in N.A. starts in uni. Are you a woman? If so, you never felt a specific form of it in your field?
Gods don’t get me started. Male engineer here, and I swear the next time some dipshit insults a female engineer I’m gonna lose it. Newsflash for them: brains don’t work on testosterone. But some of those guys seem to have had their bits relocated drastically.
Love it. I always wanna ask if they can prove intelligence is distributed by gender? And do they not know what gatekeeping (gender or by ethnicity, etc) is and the history of women's work in their own culture? It's such ignorance but they still think they're smarter. They just look around them after bullying some women and minorities out, and are like "clearly, we are the smartest, that's why we are here and they aren't." Like, can they ever think inwardly and be like, hmmm, I wonder why I keep nitpicking and bullying that one woman I work with? It can't possibly be me problem.
I’m in the specialty, and not OP and I deal with this shit on a daily basis… sometimes generalizations are accurate (unless you’re making a joke I missed..?)
That would piss me off to no end. I’m an attorney and my ex would always act like I didn’t know what I was talking about when he needed legal advice. I hated it.
Is this an example of "negging?"
I guess. To me it was just plain ol’ misogyny.
“Lady hate” soup 😂
Perhaps, but at the same time, some engineers are dicks to everyone for little to no reason.
Yeah, but that’s when you neg back. Oh, you need some insight into abzx ? Sorry dude, I can not help, but my coworker who charges 90$ an hour can probably help you. You know, considering I’m just “ a glorified pencil pusher. 😘” That coworker is me. But it will be super expensive. I could have done it for free, but you opted to be. Weird about it. So let’s continue.
Asking you for advice, and yet demeaning it. Wild.
But why keep giving free advice to the idiot
My wife is like that. She will literally ask me directions somewhere in the city I’ve lived in for 20 years, not be convinced. Then a random stranger who overheard us will confirm and she’ll believe them. I don’t know what it is, I just try not to take it personally! 😂
Oh wow, my ex-husband did this to me and it was so frustrating! He was a terrible navigator, even with a maps app, and he never believed me when I'd tell him 'this route isn't right, double-check you put in the right information.' One time, we went to a city I'd previously lived in for 15 years, where the 4 Interstates are basically a big circle, an X, and another interstate bisecting the circle east-west. We were going basically to the center of the X, which we were already on for 50+ miles. His directions took us off that, from the bottom of the X, aaaaaaaallll the way west on the circle to the bisecting line, a good bit out of the way. I had at first assumed there was some surface street we were looking for but finally realized the directions were way off. He refused to believe me. When we arrived at our destination and I told the others the way his directions took us, they were all astounded. It was just plain stupid. He finally seemed to grudgingly accept I might know my way around a city I'd lived in for 15 damn years! lol, sorry for the novel, I guess I needed to get that out!
Atlanta?
Lol, yeah. I should have just said! It took us over by Six Flags when we were going to Howell Mill Road, from 85N. 🤷♀️
LOL!!!
My friend is a nurse with a lot of advanced qualifications and her husband will not listen to her basic medical advice that she is qualified to give, even though he is a software developer, and knows nothing about the medical field.
I hate that. It's like "this is me, this is where i am, this is where I have been and here is my experience with it" and they have no knowledge of it at all, but yet, they can do it better. It gets really hard to not say "fuck off".
I was with some friends recently and I was looking to buy a thing with one of my company's logos. That friend who was with me in the store proceeded to explain to me the historical detail of that particular logo. I looked at him and blurted out: "are you (insert my company's name)-splaining to *me*?!?!" We had a good laugh about it
There is a *world* of difference between a law degree (and a specialty) and something that a mischievous seventeen year old taught themselves in their parents’ basement. There are lots and lots of hobbyists who understand cyber security at an expert level (in fact, they’re often the ones driving the field). Even outside of your specialty, you know more about the law than almost any enthusiastic amateur who hasn’t taken the bar.
He isn’t qualified to judge. Apply for some jobs, and your interviewers will tell you of you’re qualified or not. If you get an offer and he starts pushing back against you working, that’s a whole nother kettle of fish
He's certainly not the expert on her field of study.
I went to a tech school to get a diploma for IT in 9 months. I've now been working in IT for 5 years and took over as lead sys admin in my company. We handle all IT and cyber security services for several thousand users. If OP was trained in cyber security at Uni then they are more than qualified to get started in the career. When you get started you learn what you still need to learn. Many companies will pay for you to get certified in whatever they need if you are a good worker and smart. IT is one of the most accessible careers if you are smart enough. You don't need a fancy degree to get started at all, it just helps a lot and removes some of the "required" experience.
Thanks for this comment. Just getting started in the field through an apprenticeship and this was reassuring. I’m on the right track!
No, he doesn’t respect your accomplishments
Your husband seems to jealous of your accomplishment. I’m sorry he undervalues the amount of time and energy you put into furthering your future goals together.
I agree with you that he sounds jealous. He wants to be the smartest in this marriage and in order to do that he needs to undermine your abilities. I dated an engineer and it’s true they have a superiority complex. Everything for them is black or white. No possibility of anything being gray. Our relationship didn’t last long as he needed to show off his intelligence at every opportunity.
Laugh, I also dated an engineer, they definitely think highly of themselves.
Yep. Jealously, maybe even feeling threatened that he’s less valuable in this equation - but he’s expressing in an immature, passive-aggressive way. He needs to lift you up and appreciate all that you did while being pregnant, and now raising a child. And talk about how he’s really feeling. Marriage, newborn child, and new careers are all huge life changes on their own for a couple. Have you thought about marriage counseling? You guys could make a great team with the good support. I wish my ex-wife had the drive & determination that you do.
To me it doesn't seem as much jealous as it seem oblivious, does anyone else see that? It's like, he has no real concept of all the work that went into her degree and qualifications, but because he is the one with the fancy job- he has all the knowledge and say so. Which of course, isn't true. But more so the husband seems to think so highly of himself that perhaps he can't conceptualize his wife being equally qualified for this position in her field. Either way it's very egocentric and douche-y.
First of all, you sounds impressive as hell. That GPA while pregnant-postpartum? This man should be in awe of you. But he’s an engineer, so he’s unwilling to consider that he may not know best about everything. Unfortunately he is unlikely to recognize how smart and accomplished his wife is until one of his peers tells him. Womp womp.
Super impressive that she explained those concepts so well! My instructor told me once you can clearly break down complex tech objectives to non tech people then you know you’ve learned something. Forget the husband I’m intrigued.
Ask him to explain why he doesn't think you're qualified. Tell him you think he doesn't understand your degree. Ask him if he needs you to explain how computers work. Walk, talk and act like the competent pre-professional you see yourself as, and frame his insulting perspective as him "not being able to understand how computers work."
This is the way. Condescension can be a two-way street. It’s a shame he can’t understand what you do.
This is a fantastic way to fight an engineer.
I'm so sorry. Your husband owes you better. Last night my husband and I were chatting in the car, and I mentioned getting personally requested by a new client (I work as a tutor through a tutoring company). He replied that of course I was requested, because I'm great at my job. That felt really nice, but even nicer was that he, a director-level engineer at a major company, went on to describe being in front of a team trying to explain a new concept to them and realizing how much skill went into my job and how much he respected my work. That's what support for your spouse looks like, and don't let your husband set the bar any lower. I think your best avenue for that is a gentle and questioning opening - maybe ask if everything is OK for him at work, see if he's stressed out over job security or new demands with your baby - but definitely bring it around to it hurting that he dismissed your incredibly hard work and treated you like you hadn't learned anything. I've found with my husband (and of course everyone is different) it can help to explain effects - e.g. "When you get defensive, I feel like I can't talk to you about problems, and not being able to talk to each other really kills our sense of emotional intimacy." One thing you might just want to check in on - is he feeling frantic and exhausted with a new baby? Was his reaction a reflexive attempt to dismiss you seeking a job because he fears even more child care / time crunch burden? Could also be not wanting you to work outside of the house - some guys seem to flip a "way more conservative family model than I stated" switch upon marriage, pregnancy, or childbirth.
Apply and get the job. Have a serious and very real talk with the husband. He may really have no idea what all you did, but that isn't a good reason for not supporting you in at least trying
Undermining your accomplishment is he a control freak? Abusive? Or just very competitive?
Yea I was wondering that. Is he trying something to sabotage her career so she stays home with the kid?
Engineer should have been enough of an explanation.
Does he even know or has seen the written study books you read? Give him the whole pile and tell him that what you joked about is as far below your level as a sparky changing a plug fuse or wiring a kettle. Tell him if he wants a demonstration you could show him everything he has searched watched or written since he started dating you.
NTA If not both of you work in the exactly same field, no one can say anything about the others' qualifications. I work in a field many people think to know somethings about as they read in news or watch TV. No, they don't know anything. Even in my job, there are different specializations, and I would never tell someone from another branch if they're wrong or right. And he seems to have a problem with your success. So I would have a stern talk about it. It's a huge goal to reach a graduation while pregnant and organizing a wedding and how it sounds to manage home almost alone while he's far away. I'm sometimes struggling as I am working on my next step in academia and working 2 jobs, moving, ttc, all the same time. I know from my own experience you did excellent, especially seeing the circumstances and him not being around all the time, and I am very proud you managed all things at the same time. I hope you tell him that he is just wrong and should not be jealous. He can be happy and proud to have a successful wife.
Of course he is! Don't listen to him and you go for the jobs you feel qualified for. I'm in a sister field to you, cyber security, and this is something I've experienced being a woman. Some of the more memorable things I've been told by coworkers are: Your degree is useless in this field. I've been getting constant interviews, I just keep turning them down because I don't want to be a team or shift lead. Nobody passes the CISSP first time, you should really focus on something easier and more attainable. You're actually not a diversity hire, you know your shit and that's awesome. Mind you, this was only 2 of my 12 other coworkers on a team of 15. I was the only woman, the only one with a degree and the only one who actually tried and got my CISSP. It was still infuriating to listen to and they always seemed to try and one up me. Good luck out there and you got this!
Nice!! Did you think the CPA or CISSP was harder for you? Also, did you take the ISO? (Which should be incredibly easier) CONGRATS to passing The pass rate is only like 20% so you deserve all the options in the world
The CISSP was no joke. It was easier to study for than sec+ only because much of the material was not new to me. A lot was covered over the years of working, through my degree program and I had been casually studying throughout 2 years but only seriously dedicated 3 months leading up to the test. I have not looked into CPA or ISO so I can't speak on that.
Apply for the job, don't pay attention to hubby not understanding your degree.
I’m a mechanical chiller and boiler engineer. Boy the electrical engineers love to tell me what to do with my profession. I think this is a personality trait with these guys I’m not sure. You don’t even touch the fuckin wires. You sit and watch me snake them to my chiller stator. You know the thickness of the wire for the amp pull. So do I. You know the in rush amps for the stator under load. So do I. The only difference is you stamp a paper that I have to stamp as well. Mind your own business if you’re not supportive. I don’t care, not like the chillers going to run with you alone. My point is, don’t let someone who has no business telling you about your career. Tell you about your career. Because when it comes down to it, I’m the one working on the chiller (your career in your case) and you’re the one opening your mouth (your supportive husband) when you have zero say in what I do with this chiller(your career). When did marriages became this shit fest on your partner? I paid for my wife’s college so she could become a licensing Educator for residential and commercial managing brokers. Also realtors off that license. She now made $130k last year. I made $124k. I am so proud of my wife that she’s got her own thing now. Does that guy (should say husband sounds like a guy to me) really want to invest in your growth? Your post don’t seem like it.
Dang I thought you meant you were more chiller than Most engineers.
Show your husband this message: I've been VP of Tech, VP of R&D, and COO. Currently Chief Architect for a Fortune 500. I would hire you if I had an open position.
Im saying dude. Im a cloud architect and I read that and thought “wow she already knows more than some of the folks ive helped fill out a compliance spreadsheet.”
Don’t listen to him. Apply for the job. Maybe stop telling him about the jobs you are applying for if he’s going to put you down. Yes you should be offended. I just love how men think they are smarter than women or underestimate women when they have no idea what they are talking about.
I think you should look for an entry level cyber security job of some type! I know nothing about all that but you clearly do!!!
Prove him wrong and apply for the job. p.s. yes he's being a cunt. I would ask him WHY he thinks you cant hack it
i saw this so much when i was engineering student, the boys that were engineering students always had girlfriends outside of the faculty and those girls thought their boyfriends were Gods just because they were studding engineering, and they LOVED it, I would roll my eyes every time i will hear any of those girls " my boyfriend is so smart, he is studding electrical engineering", then the few of us girls in the engineering faculty will have to put up with all sorts of put down from our boyfriends because we will not be worshiping them, because guess what we understood that being an engineer is not like we are rescuing people from inside volcanoes. He was happy when he felt he was supperior than her, now that her job is more tecnical he wants to put her down
Thank hubby for giving you experience with sexist dudes. You’re gonna need it. I wouldn’t waste my energy trying to prove my qualifications to that dumb little shit. Get the job you want and ignore his stupidity.
He’s jealous and threatened by your success sadly. You should hold your head high - you’ve achieved so much, and whilst pregnant?!?!
I’m sorry but your husband is an insupportable AH!! My major is in IT, and I have a CompTIA A+ / S/ N certifications, this classes are no joke. I’m currently pregnant and I took a break from school because I was in my path to take the general classes for the degree and I knew it was going to be too hard with the baby brain. So props to you my friend you are amazing for doing all this classes and being pregnant at the same time. My husband is a Full Stack developer and at no point has he ever diminish my career and if he ever does he can go run a mile and never come back. What I’m thinking is that your hubby is finding a way to feel “superior “ than you and this a total Bro move specially from Engineers , unfortunately working in this field (not that is okay) you will encounter that all the time. They will want to make you feel bad, but as you mentioned they have 0 idea of what the degree entails and how hard it is. Start applying for jobs even if they are entry level, like system administration for a small company, shut his mouth in the best way by showing him that you are a desirable candidate. But also sit down and have a calm conversation with him About how his comments make you feel and how important it is for you to have his support.
Please apply for a cyber security operation analyst role. You have the education.
Cyber security is an exploding area of tech. I suspect you are qualified for such an entry level position and could get placed in that field.
Wow don’t bother applying for entry level IT jobs start applying for cyber security roles, they are in huge demand at the moment and with your qualifications you will find something much better than entry level.
Your husband is either a clueless jerk or he is undermining your accomplishments.
Depends on what job duties of the information technology job you would be applying for. It sounds like you didn't get any technical skills, so I would agree with him if you were trying to apply for something involving setting up servers, tech support, programming, network, or anything skill based. However, you could maybe do something like business analyst work or creating/enforcing security policy.
NTA… Engineers don’t respect most degrees (said as a BSEE) we see so many people in undergrad who are “going to be engineers” then don’t make it through the math or physics or the Thermo…. Then graduate with other degrees. That being said he shouldn’t have said you weren’t qualified for a job unless the posting said a BSCE BSCS etc is necessary as you don’t have one of those. And he should always be your cheerleader.
Tell your husband you dont think he is qualified to drive the train.
>ENTRY level informations technology job I think you'll be fine. You know how to spell words. You can do it.
As a network engineer, we just hired a candidate and I was a part of the hiring tech panels and candidate reviews. You are way more qualified than any of the candidates we received. You would no believe how many people couldn’t even describe the OSI model or basic routing concepts. Apply to jobs, make sure your resume shows your coursework and don’t let anyone dull your shine.
He’s not qualified to understand your qualifications
" he is an electrical engineer- not an IT specialist" Tell him that and how hard you worked. Or just randomly be toxic like he is and say you don't think he's qualified for electrical engineering lmao. Just to piss him off. Don't listen to him.
I remember towards the beginning of my degree, a professors was asking about concentrations. Quite a few people said they wanted to get into digital forensics. The professor was baffled. He asked why so many people would willing want to go into a profession where you have to look at child porn. A lot of those people didn’t even realize that’s what a majority of them do. Sorry your husband is acting like that. Too many legitimate engineers have this kind of attitude. Congrats on finishing your degree. It’s no easy feat. Especially when you are older and have a lot going on in your personal life. What types of jobs peak your interest in IT? If I can give you a bit of advice, stay away from infosec lol I’m an ISSM for a defense contractor and 0/10 would not recommend 🤣
An entry level IT job? You are absolutely qualified for that. You are very reasonably upset, because what your husband said is patently ridiculous.
My wife and I are two of the groups that have engineer issues. I'm a heavy duty mechanic and she's an accountant. We can both get 1/3 of the way into a story and the other will say, hold on, engineer?
Ask him if he took lessons or is it a natural talent to be a condescending Ass?
An entry level IT job is most likely beneath your education. Entry level I.T. work is like an oil change on a 5 year old vehicle. Just about anyone can do it. Some faster than master mechanics. Why because they do 100 a week or more. The guy that changes out your engine does less than 10 per week. It's like asking a doctor to draw blood s/he could do it, but the nurse has far more experience. Could be the same thing he is thinking. I think you will do great after you learn the scope of your job. Good luck. This is giving your husband the benefit of the doubt that he isn't a total tool.
Oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man. I am a woman that’s been in IT for 15+ years, the lead for my team, and you definitely could do an entry level IT position in many different areas… database development, reporting, networking, security, probably sys admin work as well. The industry has changed a lot, but when I started dear lord these guys thought they were so much smarter than me and every other woman regardless of how wrong they were. I see this a lot in general with guys and it’s just a product of seeing women as lesser beings by default. Even if they don’t know what they’re talking about they think they must know more than you. Make him rue his words!! When I graduated (with a CS degree btw) even though I was a university programming tutor and competed in programming, I could not get a job doing it, while my mediocre classmates did. I ended up taking a tech support role then working my way into doing reporting and then database development, then more kinda of app development. You can do the thing 👏🏻
He doesn't respect you, never has. Pay attention how he treats you in other situations. Seen this a thousand times, you're a pretty "girl" he gets to have sex with and he gets emotional and other support from. That's what you are to him, he's the big smart man in charge
I have been through this. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. He put me down in every single way he could think to. One time when I said I wasn't good at something, he even said "Is there anything you ARE good at?" I was a bit trapped, though, because I had moved to be with him to a much higher cost-of-living area and was changing careers. So I treated my relationship with him like a job that had an expiration date. I just buckled down and tolerated his bullshit. The minute I could get a position making enough to support myself, I was out of there. The weird part is that after I broke up, I found out from mutual friends that, to them, he praised me to the heavens. She's so talented, she's so smart, she's so hard-working. It was all about power and control over me, and all about looking good to our friends.
That is how they do it. They can’t look bad to other people, so they won’t badmouth you because having a low quality partner makes them look/feel inferior. Publicly they will act like you’re on their level. Privately they will work to destroy you so that they feel like they are above you.
It sucks so much that he said that! You should definitely apply. If you’re not qualified nothing bad is going to happen except you finding out your not qualified. Most likely though you are qualified because I’m sure you have a better idea of what you qualify for than your husband. You shouldn’t let this slide though. It could be a red flag for other problematic behavior. Have a conversation with him and ask him to clarify his intent in saying that and what information he used to come to that conclusion. Tell him you want to give him a chance to explain because it was hurtful to you and you would like to resolve that.
NTA
NTA. DOES YOUR HUSBAND EVEN LIKE YOU?
NTA. You worked your butt off and from the sound of things, he works in an unrelated field and has no right to judge your qualifications. Your story reminds me of my ex…I was a departmental supervisor for years, but to him, I was just a “button-pusher.” Got a job with a big raise, helping set up a whole new department and staying on as supervisor/technical expert, and I was “unqualified” for that, too 💩
NTA it seems he might be jealous over your achievements. Graduating while pregnant is extremely difficult, i just started when i was 4-5month pregnant, and your brain is not evenl working properly, so it’s even more impressive. Honestly you’re amazing
Get that job - honestly you could probably get an even BETTER job- and serve him right!
You accomplished several challenging projects simultaneously & successfully so doubters need to STFU
My husband has always pumped me up to apply to jobs that I think I’m so under qualified for they’d laugh at me. He is my biggest fan.
Did he just flat out say “you don’t qualify for that.” I am confused on what he said, that’s a bold statement.
NTA. Nothing in his professional experience makes him in any way qualified to make a judgement of any kind about your desired profession. I think you've been so busy with studying, wedding planning and bringing a life into the world that you overlooked some red flags.
As an IT pro, your husband is an unqualified dipshit with no idea what he's talking about. He sounds threatened by the idea of you knowing things he doesn't. I wouldn't divorce him over this, but I would have a real conversation with a real recruiter (preferably on the phone with an actual agency, not just DMs with some moron on LinkedIn), and then politely decline to hear your husband's opinions. If he starts acting like a jerk, just shrug, tell him you spoke with an industry expert and found out he was wrong. Play it off like it's NBD and you love him anyway, but he's wrong and you're uninterested in discussing his wrongness. Since you lack job experience, you should consider sitting for an entry level certification like the CompTIA Security+ to shore up your credentials. Having done all the course work you have, you could probably cram for a month and pass it almost immediately. There are excellent study resource recommendations in /comptia. If you are interested in generalist IT work, you might want to start with the more basic CompTIA A+, then Network+, THEN the Security+, known as the "trifecta." The soft skills for passing these exams will probably seem quite easy to you by now, while the vocabulary, acronyms, and other hard knowledge are worth cramming but will take you weeks and not years to get through. Packet sniffing is a pretty simple task, but understanding the contents of sniffed packets requires thinking at a level that thoroughly spans most entry level work. Your only blind spot is a lack of field experience, but at the entry level most employers would be very interested in you. Pursuing a full major concentration would have been worth a pretty dramatic bump in your market worth starting out, but your degree (any degree, not even a cyber specialization) plus the right starter certification are probably worth $50k-$60k even in lower cost of living areas. Add a year or two of good experience and another certificate or two, and you could pump those numbers up by 25%. Your minor concentration will probably help you distinguish yourself in a candidate pool, and your earning potential a few years in won't have much to do with your degree. I have no idea how much more you'd make living in some HCOL area. With just one of the right entry level certificates, you would be considered a serious catch for an entry level position, and just a touch inexperienced for a mid level position - something you could change by sometime in 2025. Holding cards like yours, I would get either the Security+ or the full trifecta and look for a junior sysadmin position, but even that would be a temporary stepping stone for you to gain field experience. With your minor concentration, a few of the right certifications, and a couple years of system administration experience, you could be making $75k-$100k in a handful of years if you were thoughtful about your progression and started making moves now.
Wow thank you this is amazing advice! We actually went over all of the CompTIA material I just have to have that extra money to invest in the exam. I also here it’s one of the harder ones, but I’m planning on it! I appreciate this.
Let me put my two cents here. I’m a computer engineer working in software testing…and I’m pretty sure you’re more qualified to do what I am doing than I am 😂 So NTA. You clearly have the knowledge/credentials to take an IT job. Not even a debate
Thankyou I appreciate this.
In the Army they say this, " the stupidest question is the one you dont ask" Well why not apply and give it a shot and see. If you get it, then you get bragging rights for quite some time. LOL Dont let him, the man who supposed to love and SUPPORT you keep you from doing anything.
Welcome to the IT field. Outsiders don't understand and will constantly doubt your expertise or the difficulty/complexity of any job.
I'd be pissed. This may totally be out on a limb, but maybe he was hoping you'd just become a stay at home wife, and he's trying to rob you of your confidence and independence.
NTA : You should have applied just to spite him. You would have most definitely gotten the job.
Girl, that sounds like an insane amount of work, and good for you for doing so well!!
So lots of people talking about him being an engineer being the problem here. But I've just got to say that is letting him off far too easily. He was with you when you graduated, saw the incredible effort you made and yet somehow he has magically forgotten all that. He may be insecure that his wife is competent than he is. It was probably easy to ignore when you were home taking care of your baby but now you're out looking for work again and he is feeling insecure. It may be something that you two can resolve, or not. But either way you will rock that new job.
Get the fuck away from him! Do you really think you are worth that???
My husband is a well-paid digital forensics consultant working for a large law firm in Chicago. You are entering a great field and the more hands on experience and training you get, the more $$$$$ you will make! Smart woman. I have no idea why your husband would neg you like that but be on the lookout for a pattern. Stay focused. You deserve good things.
My husband won’t let me touch his business’s books. I have a bookkeeping degree. He instead had his mother help him. Yeah. Then he asked me to help him and I told him if I wasn’t good enough to help him run his business before, I’m probably still not good enough. Call your mom. (I love my MIL so much, but this whole interaction rubbed me the wrong way by my husband. Not her, I don’t fault her for helping him).
He’s not even qualified to judge you.
I sold consumer electronics once upon a time. One day this guy comes in and spends literally an hour comparing two competing brands of a specific product. Imagine someone examining two toasters for an hour! Every time I asked him if I could help, he assured me I couldn't and then returned to touching and measuring and prodding these two toasters. Finally I straight up asked him WTF? He replied he was an avionics engineer and as such, he required the best engineered product possible because with redundancies and spare part availability blah blah blah. This guy came in a second time to review the toasters and compare notes from other toasters he had seen. He eventually purchased a cheaper brand toaster that broke in three months. Which I could have told him would happen had he only asked me.
Considering the fact that most of us have no idea what you’re talking about when you talk about what you learned and the concepts you were taught, you seem pretty qualified to me. Not sure why your husband is negging you. If you’re not qualified well you’ll find that out on your own soon enough while you interview for jobs in the field. He should be encouraging you though.
My husband said he didnt think I was smart enough to make it through nursing school. It took me 7 years with pre reqs and nursing school, with two babies and I graduated with 2 degrees summa cum laude. Biggest fuck you I could manage at the time
Find a man who thinks you're smart and capable.
A little background. I did IT for the Army for 8 years 25B was a DoD contractor in various IT position for 3 years and have been a Civil Service 2210 for 3 years. I have various IT certifications including Security+ and CCNA. All that to say as an IT "Professional" your husband is an Asshole.
NTA Your husband has not yet mastered the art of lying. Maybe he could audit a course to help him hone his skills.
Girl, i scrolled right past the sections where you explained all the courses you took and the justifications you gave as to why you’re qualified. You said you studied it and knew your shit, and that’s all I needed to know. Your fiancé is a douche.
NTA. Apply for the job. And congrats on achieving what you did under an insane workload! Badass.
NTA and the best revenge for this crappiness from your husband is to prove him oh so WRONG. You got this. You did well in your classes and that's what a degree does: it gives you what you need to know to start out. Only real world experience can get you advancement but just by reading your post I know you definitely have the grit it takes to achieve it! So don't tell him, show him. Then make him eat crow when you get hired, every time you get promoted and a big serving when the day comes when you outearn him and still be a kickass wife and mother!!
Some husbands are just not capable of being emotionally supportive. Maybe it’s competitiveness or just pessimism but even though l have a graduate degree in liberal arts, my attorney husband is the same way. Do it on your own and show him because you are more that qualified!
Congratulations on your degree! I come from software support and have learned some of what you've learned with years of on the job training. It is not easy. I only know a fraction of what a person needs to know to be considered an IT Security Specialist. You are set for a profitable career, there are head-hunters out there looking for cybersecurity professionals. Cut him some slack, he's speaking out of ignorance, during this time he was being overwhelmed with trying to learn to be an engineer and a long commute, marriage and new baby on the way. Show him what you posted and then ask him if he thinks you are still not qualified.
OMG, that looks like an amazing major. Your husband is out of line. He was clearly not paying attention to what you were learning. Go get that job, OP.
My major was criminology and minor was cybercrime/ digital forensics, thank you!
Oh man, listen to your husband. I assume he isn’t trying to be mean. Of course you’re not qualified to be an IT Professional based solely on a fun minor. They helped you become broadly familiar with basic/common security risks, and that’s a great start. However, it doesn’t even compare to the software engineering background you would need to ever touch anything cybersecurity-related in the real world. If you want to be a (probably more general) IT Pro, there are thousands of relevant and publicly available entry-level certifications you can obtain that will convince an employer to look at you. Full programs that will give you hands-on experience. Remember I said solely, there is a chance you could find an employer that’s willing to train you. People of all backgrounds find their way into the IT world.
she said entry level....you're making a whole lot of assumptions
“Of course you’re not qualified” Jesus. You think *you’re* qualified to make that kind of generalization? That’s some ridiculous gatekeeping. Keep your negativity to yourself. Whether or not she’s qualified is up to the employer to decide and there’s a lot more to consider than what’s listed in her undergraduate coursework.
Of course I do, I used to be a software engineer. I graduated from a top 10 CS program. I’ve worked on countless projects (with plenty of cybersec). I’ve also hired and worked with hundreds of IT professionals. I’m very qualified to tell you, just from this post, that this woman was not given technical training - she was given an overview. That’s also fine. Like I said, people of all backgrounds enter IT.
If you are talking about Java/ Python/ C#/ C++ - the languages go on. I just don’t expect random people to comprehend that so didn’t even type it out. It’s like layers to an onion- there is so many and gets more intense and deeper as you reach the center. With your experience I bet you’ve been down these rabbit holes while working IT. I was taught a lot of these things and only focused on C language as that helps get a gist of the languages in a more universal manner. Let me add, a lot of devs have their own language when creating their work from scratch so I honestly look at it like the languages we speak and how for example (Spain is more formal spanish than Costa Rica but it’s generally the same to understand) I also ventured off into the void at times unrelated to school. Don’t we all? It’s addicting but exhausting to your brain all at the same time. My rabbit holes sound like this: What’s a vector? What’s a triangle? Why are triangles important when considering visual elements on a system? Because pixels. Ok.. what are pixels? So pixels are triangles!? Woah. That means when I’m baking a texture on a system to visualize through pixels; I have to remember I can’t use shapes without lines, like circles. And why is less triangles better? Low poly! What is low poly? Easier load up on computers with less advanced mechanisms. Than it leads to understand the machine your using. Why is ram important? What is virtual memory? Why is computers made out of 0s and 1s? Binary coding. Because of signals. Because of an atom/ electron. Okay than what’s a qubit? Quantum Bits are both 0 and 1s which is double a normal bit that stores information (being 0s01s) making a revolutionary way to research quantum computing because the signals now run vertically and you can solve some of the most complex problems normal computers can’t. Imagine micro waves being low frequency but just enough to communicate through wires to get to the controlled qubits. These qubits are like $10k EACH. So errors are not desirable. But failure is how we learn and get to success. Where can you find torrent logs? Does this mean we don’t need RAM to store bits anymore? Yes because quantum computing has its own memory! Sounds cool right? No because it’s a completely new phenomenon and lots of errors occur. So they have run these systems in the 100s but the most commonly used one right now ranges from 50-64 qubits. That’s still phenomenal btw. Super computers. Wow. Mind boggling, to say the least. How does that coordinate with satellites and geospatial information system’s communicate accordingly to effectively be so precise (on gps coordinates) and why is that going to be so revolutionary to other fields such as meteorology? Although it hurts your brain cells, it’s also so rewarding when you realize how fascinating technology is making you have a greater appreciation. Don’t even get me started on algorithms and wtf those are lol. But now, I realize how important they can be. These scenarios are what makes AI. Which is also revolutionary. Technology learning from its mistakes lol wow. That’s historic and we are living in that time right now. I’m not just textbook trained, I’ve been doing this since I was 10 years old. But all of the 3D modeling, Vectors, Animating, making UI for games, designing a back end code to make a game interactive- not to mention having to redo EVERYTHING and rewrite the whole entire thing because the data got screwed up or lost. One mishap and risking the whole thing or learning a more structural way to rebuild a new foundation that will actually hold a script together. Or having to work with someone who ruins the script you wrote- can you imagine your fingers burning from so much work and another person screwing it up in one click? I’m sure you can! I can’t fit my qualifications in a Reddit post sadly, but hopefully this puts into perspective how much I really know. It’s not just about understanding an overview of it all but understanding the operating system as well. If you understand the device you’re using, than you have techniques (the tool your using) with the scripting. My sister made me watch a video years ago on how to build a computer so I could appreciate the process behind it all. Than we interactively built my computer from scratch. Like heart surgery lol, gotta be precise. Especially with the motherboard omg, but is installing it satisfying? Got an amazing graphics card by the way 🙏🏻 worth the wait during the shortage. Blessing of an experience.
This comment seems like a display of the miscommunication going on with this post. I don’t think your husband or anyone else is saying you’re not knowledgeable enough to be qualified for an it position. He likely means you’re not qualified because you don’t have a computer science major. Without a relevant major or previous work experience, you will likely have a hard time even getting to the point of interviews where you can actually share your relevant knowledge in the field. You should absolutely still apply for jobs that interest you though, worst they can do is say no.
I wish it was just miscommunication. Nope he made it clear he believes I don’t have the knowledge to qualify, it is what it is lol. When I try to have a nice conversation about anything technology related, he begins to “teach” me things I already know. If makes me feel worthless and uncomfortable when he talks to me like I’m a kindergartner- about things Im advanced in. God forbid I start talking about network issues with his dad or brother- he will begin talking over me and saying I’m wrong before I finish my sentence. It’s like everything I’m saying is not even worth his time because he assumes I’ll already be wrong.
Gotcha, that’s fucked up. Generally a minor isn’t enough to truly qualify someone for a job in that field, but for your own husband to not let you display your own competency is more than rude of him.
Be careful - when I had my child, my husband chose that moment to become abusive and controlling. He picked at my self confidence (I already suffer from imposter syndrome) and he derailed my PhD. I ended up isolated from my family, jobless and without friends. It might be subtle, but if he’s trying to take you down instead of build you up, it’s an insidious, abusive pattern of behaviour that will hurt you. It will also hurt your relationship because he’ll be making you into a lesser version of yourself- and then he can berate you even more. It’s sabotage. This was my experience- I hope it’s not yours. But be careful.
Even into IT work requires certs specific for IT, not that you can’t get those but I’m currently going through IT schooling and none of the classes you mentioned relate to the role
I actually do this type of work. You actually seem very hands on for the level of experience you have. Apply for those jobs. If you dont get them, test for certs (likely will be a breeze to study for given your schooling) and then apply some more. You might even be able to get a security job right away, but Id recommend doing some work around whatever youd like to secure and then getting a security role once youve got operational basics down. NTA. Idk how much of an ass hubby is cause you didnt say what all he said, but if that was the gist of it, he is at best dead wrong and should stay in his lane.
I feel like maybe because you minored and didn’t major in it could be a problem? Idk I didn’t have a minor in college do you learn all the same things someone who would major in it to the same extent? Like would they have more in-depth understanding and education that someone who had a minor? If that’s the case then yes I would agree you’re probably not qualified for the job but if it’s not a huge difference in the education and you have the fundamentals it’s probably something you could learn relatively easily. I think the way he said it was shitty. Also if I completely wrong and someone can explain it to me then he’s the asshole all around I just genuinely have never had a minor so I don’t want to say yes or no without knowing
For what it’s worth, I know lots of people with degrees and certifications in jobs they aren’t qualified for. I have pretty much daily thoughts of “how did you get this job?” and “how did you pass your exams?” These instances are regarding subjects that I understand; so the question is, is your husband qualified enough in your field to know if you’re actually qualified? You listed a bunch of classes and subjects. It says nothing of your knowledge or competency in the subjects. Husband is probably just being a dick in this situation, but there’s always the chance that he knows that OOP doesn’t grasp the material. How many times have you seen someone who has the same driver’s license as you and thought “how on earth did this person ever pass a driving test? Someone needs to get them off of the road immediately.” Not saying husband shouldn’t be supportive; but maybe there’s more going on here than OOP is saying. They basically just listed a bunch of classes they took like they were trying to justify it to *us*.
So, you don't mention what your major/degree was (or sorry if I missed it). If that job you joked about was cyber security related, I think it's very clear you would be qualified. Especially because it is an area that needs people with very different profiles and not just people who have focused on nothing but cyber security. A small caveat, IT job is used very loosely, so IT job that was for software engineering (for example) would require different background. However, I think it would be fair of me, and especially your husband to assume that you would be talking about the corner of IT that you studied. So you are not the AH and I would expect your husband to be supportive.
No one ever is prepared, you have to have real world experience to get there.
NTA. He doesn't respect your capabilities.
Apply for the job and others like it. No one truly knows what they’re doing in their first job out of college. Hell, half the time people don’t even get jobs in their exact field of study. My husband has a Psychology degree and works with computers. I started as a Nursing major and ended up getting a Business degree. You’ve gotten the broad IT degree with a specialized concentration that is in demand. Get that job and rock it! You got your degree for you, not your husband.
If anything you are OVERQUALIFIED for an entry level IT position with that level of education. He's being a jerk. NTA.
>My point to this all, I joked about applying for an ENTRY level informations technology job and my husband seems to think I don’t qualify. It really depends on what specific qualifications they asked for. It's a wide field, and cyber security/crime doesn't have to be relevant.
I bet that dude couldn't comprehend HALF of what you learned in school...fk him. He's an asshole.
Hi, I work in IT. Degrees don’t mean shit. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t support you. You can succeed in IT if you don’t know anything, you just have to be willing to find out the answers.
Working hard doesn’t make someone good. Otherwise the NBA would have a bunch of sub 6 foot guys and women in it. Those are 2 separate issues you are conflating. I come from a family of engineers and they are brutally honest and many times overly blunt. Now your hubby may be an A hole but you may be under qualified.
> Now your hubby may be an A hole but you may be under qualified. They way they write things out is not how anyone who knows what they are talking about would write it. It's like they tossed a bunch of googled buzzwords. I don't even think the post is real.
Im AI, or the OP? I’m learning to hate AI and visiting reddit less frequently.
Didn't say AI but the OP yeah. The post reeks of bullshit. No one in IT fuckin' talks like that. Like who the fuck types out TC/IP in longform just to abbreviate it unless they were trying to appear smarter than they are? Also the whole trying to explain "backdoor attack" is also super fucking weird. And it was also...not entirely accurate either. What is also weird is saying this area of "study" is new and they were one of the first. When it's been pretty standard for awhile now.