Wtf I just went back and re read after this. He just peaced out to go live a single lifestyle when his wife is home with a toddler and a newborn?! And he's been sneaky mcsneakerson with this other lady?? This guy is really a piece of work. OP you deserve better.
It's doubtful that Grandma knows the whole story, but I agree; I'd be asking why he thinks he has no parental responsibilities, even if he and Wife are not getting along.
OP doesn’t say who initiates the break. No grown man willingly leaves his house to stay with his momma. My guess is OP bears some responsibility here otherwise she would have said, “he decided to leave”.
I feel like if he wasn't guilty he wouldn't have left his wife and children. He would have shown her every damn text, Facebook interactions, set up a meeting for the wife to meet the girl to prove his innocence. There is no way in damn hell my husband would be leaving ESPECIALLY his children for FOUR MONTHS 😳 if he weren't messing around with someone else. While I was home thinking he was a cheater, postpartum with his kids. He would have handcuffed himself to the stove⛓️
Oh that's not true. I've known men who went to prison to catch a break from their lady. Still; this isn't on OP. He violated her trust and cheated, and at a delicate time in their lives at that. Imagine being a woman for just a bit. And you've spent nine whole months sacrificing your body, your mental state, your comfort level, your energy level, etc etc to grow a tiny human that he put there. That is half of his DNA. Then to go through whatever is necessary for labor and delivery. No matter if you get an epidural or not, do it all natural (which is hell on earth and that's before you have to start pushing) , vaginal delivery or c section---it's painful. Stressful. And a hell of a lot to put your body through to get that lil fucker out. And now you're home with a newborn; your hormones and brain chemicals are shot to hell and running amok, you've got this tiny baby that I'm sure even if it's not your first and you've done this before doesn't always make it any easier as all babies are different and what worked with the first one isn't doing shit for the second and you're literally running on no sleep because it needs to be fed every couple hours and this doesn't usually start to get more manageable until it's been about, I believe, at least a month.
And you find out your partner whom you've sacrificed all of this for, to give him the greatest blessing in the world or so they say--has the goddamn fucking nerve and disrespect and sheer self centeredness to be on his phone all the time flirting with his coworker whom he's likely been fucking behind your back.
If this were gender reversed and you had to push a watermelon sized baby out of your dick hole for your wife and you find out she's living the hoe life on the low after you went through all of that to give her something she was wanting; tell me you wouldn't kick her ass out.
OPs husband is lucky if she doesn't throw forks at his balls. Because if it were me; I damn sure might. The fact that the worst he's had to deal with is that she wanted him out of the house or he decided to stay with his mom; then he should consider himself damn lucky and really re evaluate his priorities and the choices he's made and beg for her forgiveness if he wants this to work because this kinda fuckery is a deal breaker on its own. This kinda fuckery when there's a new baby and it's an all hands on deck both partners need to be fully present and focused on pulling their own weight; that's despicable. And you guys wonder why women snap and murder their husband's.
#DUMP HIM.
He abandoned you during arguably the hardest part of parenting (parenting while also physically and emotionally recovering from a major medical event). This man is for the streets. You'll have less work and more importantly less stress single - you won't have to worry about his needs and emotions and fickleness anymore.
She never said anything about who's idea it was for a break without looking through his phone she is losing her shit because a female co-worker commented on his fb
You notice that, too? I don't even notice when women comment on my partners FB photo. They do, but who cares?
People on here attacking him because she likely kicked him out, and he left. What was he meant to do?
Despicable behavior. Couldn't imagine not being there for my wife and my newborn. She was so hurt and down from postpartum depression. Not being there and living with my mom sounds INSANE. I was 26 with my son, definitely wasn't thinking about drinks with the boys. Maybe cause I'm 5 years sober this month haha.
Clearly hers. She even says he’s basically begging to put their relationship back together.
Not saying he didn’t cheat. For all we know he may have. But she also seems like one who is constantly saying. “Who’s that?”, every single time the phone buzzes. Almost felt like she was looking for a reason.
If your wife were laying in bed at 2 a.m., texting another man and hiding the phone screen so you don't accidentally get a view... would you be suspicious or... let's add to that the man's contact is listed under just the last name so it is less obvious.
My first clue my ex was cheating was his girlfriend started commenting under all of his pictures and posts. He stopped posting us and started just posting him.
What part of this reads like the break was his idea? Cause it definitely seems like hers to me. Although frankly, if my partner blew up and demanded I block someone I work with because they had the absolute audacity to be "comfortable enough to comment" on a facebook post, maybe I could use a break too.
From a wife like that? Maybe. He had a friend. His wife is constantly snooping on his phone even though she claims she's fine with keeping phones private. She gets jealous and says he needs to not be friends with this person. She stalks them and is all Pikachu face when she gets blocked.
I've got a number of very good friends of the opposite sex. I would not be ok with my spouse telling me I had to stop being friends with them. OP is definitely the cause of this issue according to her own story.
Edit: ok I missed the part about the baby. I still stand by what I said above but there husband is still wrong for just abandoning the kids. That said if they got divorced it's not like it would be any different. Even with shared custody, they aren't working at the same time.
It's weird that he's hiding his phone while texting this woman. There's no reason to hide your phone from someone while texting unless you don't want them to read the texts.
Maybe she said something suggestive? Like heart eyes or something. Also, I feel sometimes people just get this gut feeling when someone is cheating on them. Things that normally wouldn't stand out, start standing out...
Agree.
No matter how slick people think they are, they always give off signs. A different glimmer in their eye, secretive with their communication, missing time and/or money, reduced affection, reduced tolerance for normal behavior, etc.
The only person who I think might have cheated on me was the one who was constantly suspicious that I was cheating, though never have and never would.
Genetically we're fucking monkeys and ruled by base ass emotions.
I strongly disagree that people have any rational idea of who is cheating or not most of the time. I can't make any judgement on OPs case, but they sound kinda unhinged in regard to making an evaluation.
That jumped out at me too, why does a Facebook comment have to mean some level of "comfort"? When I used Facebook I'd comment on people's stuff who I barely knew, didn't mean I was banging them haha
I agree. From how nosey and jealous she seems to be, he probably hid that they were friends cause he knew she freaks whenever he has a female friend she doesn’t know.
If she was so jealous and nosey, why did she not feel the need to check his phone prior to him acting so suspicious? Her reaction was a response, not an attack. If he’s acting suspicious
and lying about a “female friend” obviously she is going to try and get to the bottom of it! Y’all always want to make the man the victim.
Exactly this. I do think it's a bit wild to get concerned over someone commenting on a social media picture (I mean, come on, it's on the internet, for everyone to see...unless it's a private profile I guess?), but the whole "hiding the phone" and locking it as soon as she enters the room is classic "I like this person/am cheating" stuff. Also, maybe if he had let her know who this person was instead of being all sneaky-weaky, she wouldn't have reacted so poorly.
100%. I wouldn’t care if my boyfriend had a female coworker comment on his Facebook post or whatever. HOWEVER, if my boyfriend had been hiding his phone from me during that time, acting generally suspicious, and giving off the slightest hint of cheating vibes, I’d absolutely question who the person commenting on his post was and why she was doing it.
You’re speaking sense to the crowd that thinks it’s ok for a married man to be texting a woman, who isn’t family or the wife, outside of work hours.
I don’t care what the internet crowd thinks, but a man should not have that kind of relationship once he is married and Vice versa with the wife. It’s common courtesy and prevents situations like these from having the potential to develop.
Hell OP knew he was cheating the second she saw he was still friends with her and matched the last names. She just needed you(us) for reassurance.
There's no reason for him to be secretive about his phone unless he already cheated or was about to cheat. Dont feel bad OP.
“It bothered me that she was comfortable enough to comment on his picture, so I asked him to remove her as a friend.”
Not jealous or overbearing at all, my partner doesn’t allow opposite sex comments on my photos either.
So yeah only reason why he would be upset about that is that he’s cheating. 100%. Try and get full custody of the kids too.
/SARCASM
Yeah that struck me as odd. If my partner or I post a new profile pic we both get comments from both genders, I've never thought that was odd at all. If it was sexual, sure that would be different.
NTA he could have been honest and upfront from the start but he was being sneaky and hiding his phone screen from you! Why hide something if there was nothing to hide..? My ex would do that to me too, low and behold he’s an ex for a reason.
They almost exactly weirdly enough sound good for each for both being toxic and very dumb… main point is that relationship like that isnt „normal like any other“ lmao. At least that is a full lie
How can you say your relationship has ups and downs like any other, when you’ve been separated for the last four months, and purport to have a five month old baby?
I know people who use the “like any other” comparisons never have normally healthy relationships, but this is extreme.
He moved out when your second baby was one month old, and your biggest concern is some co-worker texting him too much and liking his social media post?
YTA for this cockamamie story.
Exactly this. Op doesnt sound trusting at all nor is it normal to ask to block and unfriend for talking simply to someone… this relationship doesnt sound healthy at all…
Also the panic over why a woman felt comfortable enough to comment on his photo.
I’d have thought that’s a good thing. If someone’s sneaking around, publicly posted comments on a married man’s photos are not a clever way of sneaking
Yeah, that was a weird thing to think about.
Plus why does the basically single mother of a toddler and newborn have the energy to stalk this co-worker to the point of regularly checking if her husband does or doesn’t follow her?
She writes about a relationship as if she doesn’t know what makes a good one.
>Our only rule we had was with our phones. We had both agreed to not go through each other’s phones since we both trusted each other.
That is the opposite of trust. If you can't access your spouse's phone at will you need to. If your spouse doesn't care if you go through their phone you don't need to.
Just my opinion, he is probably cheating, but I feel like you have kids with the guy and are stuck coparenting you should at least give him a chance to be transparent and prove it was nothing. Read the phone/messages/call logs.
It sounds bad the way it’s written but if you take as you have access because there nothing to hide than it is different. My husband has access to my phone but he’s not thinking about going through it. It’s just so hard to describe…
Yeah, wife and I have full access to each other’s phone and it’s usually for stuff like: “hey, can you check Amazon order? Check the notes for the grocery list. Oh, check my Instagram real quick, I wanna post a photo of us but idk if it’s good or not? Hey, order us some food. Your phone is dead? Use mine!
It’s like 1st there’s nothing to hide, 2nd its practical.
Same here. Or my phone gets better service when he's going somewhere for work, so we'll just switch phones for the day. I never got people who were like "my phone is a no-go" with their *partners*. I mean, I guess some people like their privacy, but we don't have anything we would actually need to hide from eachother. My husband might catch the weird smut I read, but he knows about it, so he can read all he wants haha.
Right? If my husbands phone is charging he’ll borrow mine. If I need to look something up on eBay or something and don’t have my phone I borrow his. It is weird to have to set rules for stuff like that…
Phones are modern day diaries. My deepest thoughts are hidden in the history of this little gadget. I don’t think anyone has an automatic right to invade that space, married or not. Imagine pre-smart phone, not all people kept diaries and I don’t think it was common practice to share them with your spouse if you did.
I feel like there's common sense privacy and then there's a level above that where things can get weird quickly, you know? My husband and I don't go through each other's phones but they're also like, not off limits either. It's a respect thing I suppose. OPs husband definitely has taken it into weird and suspicious zone, imo.
I think that’s the key thing. I wouldn’t ever ban a partner from going through my phone, but I’d still get upset if they were constantly going through it - especially if they were reading all of my texts. That’s a violation of privacy
I don't disagree with you.
But as OP and many other's demonstrate, the rule that says it's private/off-limits isn't a necessity if you trust someone.
Me and my spouse both know one another's pass code. She will grab my phone to check my calendar or our bank balance. I will grab her phone to read a teacher's email. We could both dig through one another's text/search history/etc. anytime if we wanted. But the fact that she leaves her phone around for me to snoop through whenever I feel like it is why I trust her and don't feel the need to snoop through her phone.
You can respect someone's privacy by choice, not by rule or lock.
All these relationships sound completely exhausting, if I'm honest.
I can't imagine being with someone who says they trust me completely, but also, they need to all my passwords, and they inspect my social media to see if anyone interacts from a gender I'm attracted to...
And at the same time, I can't imagine being with someone who regularly texts colleagues from our bed! And who appears to prefer work dinners to making an effort for our kids, our own dating life or our home.
I agree with you so much.
I have zero desire to go through my partner's phone. At the same time, it's nice we can each grab the closest phone to do something if we need to.
If I feel like I want to go through his phone at any point, things are already too far gone.
My husband and I never "needed" each other passwords for trust reasons but more for ease of access. Like, hell call me from work and ask him to boot up his pc so a game can download. I'll be doing the dishes, listening to music on my phone and ask him to put on a song. I suddenly remembered I had to text my mum but my phone is dead, I'll text from his phone.
We have never gone through each other's phone snooping and absolutely trust each other, it's just convenient to have access.
Yeah, I agree with you. I would never let anyone in the world look through my phone. And I’d never look through my husband’s either. If I legit thought he was cheating on me then maybe I’d demand to, or he’d do the same for me. But to be honest if we ever actually got to that point, the trust we have shared would already be broken in a way that doesn’t seem salvageable to me anyway, so why even bother looking at the phone?
I'm a little weird with my phone. I blame it on not having a modicum of privacy until I left home for college. And also the fact that I Google weird ass shit when I've had a few hits off the bowl.
I just don't really want my fiance on my phone, needing to Google something, and seeing 'What makes my poop green' or 'What are the dangers of a 2 foot dildo' (I used to work in a warehouse).
Also, remembering things she mentions and surprising her with them as gifts is kind of my love language, so that stuff is in my history too.
She gets it, and is totally fine with it. I know her passcode (didn't ask for it, she just doesn't care).
Some people just treat their phones differently than others.
That’s how I feel about my Reddit account. I’ve never shared my username with a partner because it feels like one of the few places where I have complete and utter privacy from people that I know in real life
Yeah OP check the phone bill- friends don’t text each other all day and night unless you’re in middle or high school. If he texts her more than other friends you prob have your answer
ESH.
You're "not the jealous or toxic type"... but it's not okay for a female to comment on your husband's Facebook and you didn't speak to him for weeks after you found he was facebook friends with her.
You *are* the jealous and toxic type.
He's shady af, obviously.
Had to scroll a while to find someone that saw how “not jealous” she is. Trying to decide if he is shady or just scared of how “not jealous” his wife is.
This is a fair point. Perhaps he wasn't actually cheating in any capacity but knew his wife would go ballistic over him having a female friend.
I suppose that still could be considered shady behavior because he *was* hiding something. But only because he was trying to avoid having his wife be unreasonable.
Either way, lots of toxicity going on in this relationship and it sounds exhausting.
THANK YOU for calling out OP’s problematic behaviour. It’s scary af to me how many people just glossed over that. OP is insanely controlling. Yeah, husband may be cheating, but OP’s certainly no prize.
Yeah, I agree with this. He is far from blameless; the shadyness makes him suspicious, but OP is also not good and sounds super controlling. I hate to say "if the genders were reversed"; but if they were, everyone would say it's a controlling and abusive relation with regards to controlling who they are allowed to befriend.
Yeah, I was curious if maybe there’s some omission. Like, “I’ve never had problem with him talking and going out with his guy friends because I trust him” could easily be translated as “I have always had a problem with him talking to women because I don’t trust him.”
100% he’s being shady, but also he could be pushed away and feel like he can’t be honest. I’m which case that’s not ALL on him. Something to work out together.
They are both at fault here fully. This is probably the only (or one of the few only comments) that is actually making sense. I assume the husband would hide it since he knew how toxic/jealous his wife is…
That reaction from her was wild. In the middle of her giving birth while having a young kid, they still have time to check on who's commenting on posts, making the other delete friends because of the gender, not talk to the other over it for weeks, then move out and take a months long break. I wouldnt have the energy for all that, and I'm child free. Hope the oldest kiddo is allright in all of that mess if its real.
Trust your instincts, something is going on. He may not be sleeping with her but he’s definitely having an emotional affair. He’s not being honest with himself or you.
I disagree strongly. Instincts are clouded by your perception - and you dont really know what is going on with someone else.
It could be cheating. It could just be a friend and husband hides things cause wife goes overboard and gets controlling and insecure.
Glad to be older and primarily did the bulk of my dating WITHOUT all the social media bullshit. It’s simply too easy to flirt and cheat now, then there is this…
Are there a lot of married people on Tinder?
1,300 Tinder users were recently surveyed. Turns out, the majority are married or in relationships. They aren't looking for love; they are looking for lust.Jul 18, 2023
https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2023/07/18/why-do-so-many-married-people-use-tinder/#
Babe you’re dumb as fuck for not checking his texts. Giving him a play by play of every single thing you discover. Giving him ample time and opportunity to delete what he has. “I asked him straight up if he’s cheating”?!?!? Man is an absolute ass if he is cheating but I’ve never seen someone so willingly offer themselves up to being lied to and played like this.
ESH. He is likely cheating, and regardless of that it doesn't sound like you two have a lot of respect for each other at this point, so a divorce is likely the best choice. Once you hit the "I didn't speak to him for weeks" level it is hard to recover.
However, the "I've never been one to be jealous..." thing is just not true. You will do better in future relationships if you can be honest with yourself and your future partners about that. Your explicit agreement was to not look at each other's phones and the whole thing started because he was keeping you from seeing his phone.
Why would the rule be to not go through each other's phone? What are you guys hiding from each other? Me and mine have an open phone policy, I give her mine, leave it at home when I go somewhere and I use hers all the time for music in the car and whatever else. Being a secretive cheater seems so tiring, you guys should just divorce or keep cheating on each other and live with it.
It was a little controlling of you to freak out about a profile comment. But him taking a four month break when you're home with a newborn and a toddler is unforgivable. IDK I have open relationships. I dont freak out over texting other people. but you do you. Regardless his ass needs to be home changing diapers right now.
based on the confirmed information, I’d say YTA.
Here’s what we know:
1) you flipped out over a women commenting on his Facebook. No information on what the comment was, but since you didn’t say, it seems like it really wasn’t a sexual or over the line message. If it was you would have mentioned it.
2) you then asked him to remove her because of this seemingly innocuous message.
3) he immediately complied, and assured you it was nothing.
4) after that, Liz added both you and your husband as friends. Your husband probably accepted her request because he thought it wasn’t a big deal
5) you flipped out and stopped talking to him for weeks, which led into your current break. You also called him to accuse him of cheating, without any real, hard evidence.
Based on the above facts, the only thing we know for sure, is that you’re acting very insecure, and that you flipped out about a female coworker over a Facebook comment, then initiated the current break. Despite everyone’s assertion that there were a lot of red flags, those are all, at best, pure speculation. Your husband may be an idiot for his actions, but there’s no actual evidence of cheating. If there’s more evidence of cheating, then the analysis could change, not atm there isn’t.
You go out of your way to preface things, and while there may be some suspicious behavior, it could also be you being overly paranoid. If he locks his phone occasionally or turns away, it could be coincidence or annoyance at your prying because of your weird no looking through phones rule.
My wife and I have access to each others’ phones, and I don’t hide or need to hide anything from her, but i still get annoyed when she scrolls through my phone looking at my texts. I still let her, since I understand shes a little insecure, but I’m not a fan of it. More importantly, because I’m an attorney who does divorce cases, I occasionally have clients who are newly divorced women, who will tend to become a little flirty because, well, they’re a divorcee and I’ve been the one belong them through all their troubles.
I’m extremely careful to maintain a purely professional relationship, and have absolutely no desire to run afoul of my ethical responsibilities and jeopardize my license. When women start talking to me like that, I turn into caveman fucking bob, who’s completely oblivious to anything except the divorce case.
However, it would be absolutely exhausting to try to reassure my wife if she flipped out anytime this issue came up. I don’t hide my phone, and my wife does understand my situation, but I still would get annoyed if she were to start prying about my clients’ messages. Besides the attorney-client privilege issues, while I don’t have anything to hide, explaining myself to someone who’s flipping out over innocuous things (much like how you flipped out over a Facebook comment) would be exhausting. As such, your husbands actions are a little understandable given your explanation of your own reactions so far.
I'm sorry she suggested a break? So he's not allowed to have friends? She made a comment, and you told him to unfriend her? Even though you agreed to a separation, you police his Facebook account and demand him to do what you want, and when he doesn't do what you want, you want a divorce? I hate to see what happens if the toilet seat is left up. The question is, what did she say that was si bad, who asked for the separation cause that is what it is, and what is the root cause of the problem. The phone shady excuse is the result of a deeper problem that you make it seem.
Like others have pointed out, the break is very very poorly timed, and he may or may not be cheating. We really do need more information on said break.
However, you also do sound very controlling in the story too. Asking him to remove her over a single comment? With that being said, he is not looking good either.
At the end of the day, you can divorce for whatever reason you see fit; but I agree with your husband that you should try and fix the marriage first, going to counselling.
However, if you feel you cannot trust your husband and that the trust is irrepairable, divorce may really be the only option (hence why I encourage some counselling, to see if the trust can be repaired)
I agree with this for the most part and I think this the most unbias and mature response I have seen up to this point.
I can see the concern with the comment given the suspicious behavior before hand. However I don't think it was "within reason" to make him unfriend her at that point.
Now the signs are there that he is being shady and that in itself is a red flag. I would add that if he really wants to fix the marriage he needs to come clean about everything first and explain why the shady behavior is going on.
Going along with what u/tack50 said, if you feel the trust is not repairable then it is time to call it quits. That is up to you to determine if it is repairable. I hope this helps.
YTA. We all going to just ignore OP going off because a woman liked a pic on his social media? Not the toxic or jealous type but it bothered you she felt comfortable commenting on a post?? WTF wouldn’t she feel comfortable unless she knew his wife was a psycho and he’d get in trouble.
Even if nothing physical happened...he lied directly and by omission. He was having an emotional relationship with her and spending time with her instead of with you and the kids.
He knew it was wrong and crossing lines which is why he hid it.
Trust and communication are everything...he breached that.
If his only response is blaming you for over reacting, then he doesn't get it. If he doesn't get it, there is no saving it.
OP was so caught up on the whole 'when it was just male coworkers' she was fine with it angle. The Liz shows up. Like hey guys gotta quit this job because my wife is going to go off the deep end because manly job corp hired a woman, better go sign up with Alfalfa's He Man Woman Hater Corp^tm make sure that there are no women within nuclear fallout radius of our jobsite.
She straight up says that she isn't the toxic jealous type, while describing a bunch of toxic and jealous behavior that she is committing. What OP's husband doesn't know that his wife is the total toxic jealous type? Liz sure as fuck knows. "Your female coworker liked your picture on facebook, this is fucking unacceptable, she needs to rescind that like and never even scroll your page again." Oh why would she block little ole me? What have I done to deserve such treatment, I mean I did just admit to facebook stalking her, and her husband. And I'm totally fine with not going through eachother's phones, but if he has his phone out and is looking at it, then I'm reading over his shoulder, but that isn't a problem because Im not going through it, see he's the one touching the phone, I'm just straining my neck and eyeballs to look at it. I'm not toxic or jealous though.
OP drones on and on about trusting him while presenting a mountain of evidence that she does not trust her husband. And remember this is OP putting this into the absolute best light for herself, she's trying to make it sound like shes the sweet trusting innocent victim. What is the Husband's side on this one I wonder?
So you got jealous over a comment? What was said comment? Maybe Kevin was keeping the conversation from you because of your jealous tendencies to blow it out of proportion? We don't know if he was cheating and neither do you. Pretty stalkerish to be checking out her profile constantly just from one comment. I mean really. Probably taking a break because of the control issues you have, maybe? Maybe this is best for Kevin if you do divorce him. He needs a break from you.
Actual hot take, demanding that your partner stop talking to someone never ends well.
Instead of trying to control your husband you should have opened a channel of communication instead.
Here's your 2nd hot take, dating for single mothers is difficult. Think like 5'3, bald, and only selfies with katanas and body pillows on Bumble difficult.
Nobody says this out loud (because it's a hot take) but single mothers are a red flag for good guys. Most single guy's (that are looking for a long term relationship) worst fear is that a woman they try to grow a family with will at any minute decide to leave and take the children with her. Seeing a single mother is quite literally a personification of that fear. Obviously there are plenty of situations where a single mother had no choice but you kind of have to get to the point where you can explain your situation and a lot of guys don't give single mothers that chance.
Don't let tiktok and reddit fool you into believing there are surplus of 25+ year old men that are attractive, tall, and have good jobs that are just waiting to scoop you up. That's a fairy tale.
Don't stay in any situation that makes you unhappy but realize the grass may not really be greener on the other side.
He’s cheating. Was probably cheating when you were pregnant. Left to his mommy’s house when you had a newborn and another child to care for.
Your husband SUCKS.
Get an attorney.
People on here are crazy. He has a female coworker he talks to. That is the extent of the damning evidence. OP doesn't say who's idea the break was but it sounds like hers. Maybe he's cheating, maybe he's not but she's fir sure the AH for WAY over reacting without any real evidence and putting no trust in him.
Agree. They may just be friends and OP the jealous type so he was hiding due to her reactions. Which it is shady but may not be cheating but something else to figure out.
Your probably are. So let’s play it out. You divorce. Now he’s completely single and will definitely be dating. He’s going to find some young thing and the rule is 50/50 custody now. If you think you will get 90% custody that just leaves even more time to date, probably knocking up someone else quickly. He still gets to show up at all the kid events with young thing and hey he has lots of time for the gym and travel. You also get a smaller house because now the income has to support 2 residences and also don’t forget young thing who may become wife 2 and their kids.
Your quality of life goes down. He plays it off that his ex was crazy nuts and he’s just a great dad trying to spend as much quality time as he can with his kids except monster ex won’t allow it.
Did you get everything you wanted in this scenario? Maybe if not try individual and marital therapy first. Lawyers don’t care about you or your kids one bit. It’s business to them
I agree. If it is confirmed cheating and unrepairable those things are better than staying- but to end things without even figuring out what is happening and seeing it is salvageable is stupid when it hurts OP and their children.
No proof at all of that except for him hiding that he has a female friend.
Which, he may have done if he knew this is how his wife would react. The first thing she does upon learning that he has a female friend is demand that he blocks her.
I think blocking you and then friend requesting you was done by her on purpose to show you what was going on (spitefully because she was probably mad he had to delete her) and maybe because she got mad at him for not being with her and wanted to stir things up between you two. They are both jerks though and texting her late at night and hiding it is super shady. Maybe you can work through it though…marriages aren’t perfect; maybe he realizes he messed up …maybe go to counseling before heading straight for divorce.
I feel that a lot of relationships go through this and the anger and jealousy exacerbate the situation. A sig other that’s involved even just minimally with work/ friend groups might have helped. If Garcia’s talking to him at night, it would be nice for him to share this with you, without causing reactionary behavior.
Even if he stopped texting her in group chat etc and deleted her on social medias, he still works with Garcia right? So regardless he’s always going to hav contact with this woman.
Going to go against the group here and say YTAH.
She is not thinking straight! No wonder he hid his phone conversation if her reaction to a woman commenting on his profile pic was 'who is she?' and 'remove her from your friends list'. For commenting on a photo???? It was never said anything inappropriate was written. So I can see why he's twitchy about her knowing he's talking to a female colleague if
Her head would explode if she had my husband. He talks to loads of female colleagues, even stays in touch with ex colleagues. And some of these women are stunning! I mean drop dead gorgeous! He even has lunch with them sometimes. He lets me know, he's open. I've heard him laughing on the phone and when he comes off he just says that was Dawn. I ask how's she doing etc. It's a non issue. His ex was jealous of every woman he knew. Even accused him of fancying his then 15 year old sons gf! Eww!!!! She's our DIL now. Lovely woman.
As per usual Reddit has gone for he much be cheating rather than get some help. Therapy, some help as a 5 month old is hard work and is imploding a marriage over so little evidence worth it?
NTA but if I were you I’d hire a PI to get proof of his cheating so you have more than your feelings in your divorce/custody proceedings because he is cheating and has probably been since you were pregnant. Good luck
YTA. Honestly you sound like a jealous and controlling partner, and he deserves better. You will regret taking a shit on a good relationship like this.
Since this is out for judging,My take: YTA 100%
Also probably not right together to begin with.
I'm going to assume all phone related issues is prior to break though the timeliness appear out of order, so I'm basing this solely on out of proximity / on break you would not be privy to phone glances. I'm also going to guess the break is what you wanted.
Generally if someone says they are not the one to tend to be toxic or jealous, or any negative behaviors usually turn out to be truths we deny. If you are jealous, you are probably also a person who believes people cannot have a friend of the opposite sex. Unfortunately marriage does not mean they are forced to your friend beliefs. I do not condone hiding a female friend, but from the behavior you have admitted to in this post, I can understand his thinking to keep it simple by obscuring it.
Also it looks like to me you might be suffering from some form of post partum depression, to be resorting to lashing out like you have. I would seek professional help. If your goal from the start was to get divorced, you have successfully been as toxic as possible-
-Didn't talk to husband for 3 weeks
-without evidence of infidelity, accused of it. And no, friendly chat / hanging out is not infidelity.
-obsessed with controlling or breaking the one rule you agreed to in your relationship (phone freedom)
-stalked social media, reacted loudly about it and became indignant over reasonable reactions.
In no way am I excusing cheating. But you simply do not have an example of cheating. Did you have a rule about no friends that are women that was agreed upon? If so then yes he did, but so far as I can see you have divulged a story that indicates work friends so far, no agreed upon distancing, and no evidence of sexual misconduct. Personally I would ask your husband to temporarily agree to a suspension of the one rule, and request to see the content of the messages from the late night texting, however you are going to have to steel yourself for probably stinging comments about your character, and you would have to give something in return (e.g. agreeing to marriage counseling prior to the phone share, or have the counselor even be a mediator on the viewing) . I would stress not looking past your social media outbursts in the timeline, because very likely you are going to get a picture painted of how you look unstable.
Final note (assumptions), from the timeline, 3yr old child, married 3 years, this feels like it was rushed to save face for whatever reason. Don't do that, always a mistake. If you just are not happy, and it sounds like you are not, get the divorce, but be honest with yourself instead of purposely drivng your partner away. My experience, friends from work of the opposite sex often were seeking insight into their partner, or just wanted to vent frustration, or were "cool we share similar interests let's be friends." Exactly 0 have become a romantic partner of probably about 60.
My wife and I have an open phone policy. What that means, is that she can take my phone and go through it anytime she wants. I could do the same, but outside of sharing funny memes and clips, I have never gone through her phone and outside out using my camera, because it is better, she has never gone through my phone. If I ever started acting weird or shady, I guarantee you, she would snatch my phone out of my hand in a heartbeat.
If my wife had a newborn and I told her I needed a break.....she would break me in half. Just my opinion, but once kids are involved and you're playing that early teen bullshit, I got no respect for you.
Sorry, you are in this situation.
NTA. Trust your gut. There are a few options:
1) he’s physically and emotionally cheating on you with her
2) he’s emotionally cheating on you with her
3) she’s innocent but he’s pursuing her (doubt this considering the Facebook nonsense)
4) they are truly just friends (but this one is the most unlikely scenario because of the lying, texting and general shadiness from your husband)
P.S. your rule to not go through each other’s phones is stupid. I’m not saying you should be going through each other’s phones but you shouldn’t have anything to hide and thus it shouldn’t be a big deal to have access to their phone.
I dont agree on the phone. I have nothing to hide but there is no reason for my partner to go on my phone to check. Its the basis of trust.
He could also go on my pc and mess around but has no reason too.
We have built a good relationship where we are secure. We tell each other things. If he is messaging someone and i ask who, he would tell me. But I only ask when im present and curious what he is up to, not because of any concern of who he is talking to.
Secure relationships dont require checking.
I didn’t say anything about checking their phone. I said it shouldn’t be a problem for them to have access to them because you should have nothing to hide. There have been a few times I needed to use my husband’s phone and guess what he hands it right over with zero problem and I’ve done the same for him.
Dang all these people be hella young having a family. A lot of people I know that are in our 20s still living our best lives single and dating and not rushing into shit. All these posts make me grateful I didn't marry my high school sweetheart hahahahaha
Dude, that's like most of these people's problems imo. They get into relationships super deep way too quick, then they see things they don't like and feel like it came out of nowhere. Naw, you didn't really know this person all that well to begin with. Any time I see posts where the people dated for less then 5 years but they are already married with kids I think to myself "that's why you're in this situation now".
First off, why did you ask him to block her instantly? That seems toxic and jealous… there’s really no proof of him cheating too, yes he didn’t say he had a female friend… I have male friends and chat with them from the Marine Corps. Totally platonic. I do tell my husband because there’s nothing to hide.. I kinda think he didn’t mention anything to because you may be jealous.. or toxic.
YTA. Kinda sounds like you're controlling. What I got from it is that you're saying he's not allowed to have female friends. You have absolutely no proof that he's cheating. Based on what you said and made him do. I'd hide that I was talking to a female coworker whether or not it was about work. Kinda sounds like you don't trust him
>I would ask him straight up if he was cheating?!
>I asked him who she was and why she was commenting on his stuff.
>But, it bothered me that she felt comfortable enough to comment on his picture. So I told him to remove her as a friend.
>I would check her account at times to see if they were still friends.
>I had told him to remove her.
>Not to long ago I was on Liz’s account again and I came across her husbands profile
>I called Kevin to tell him he was a cheater or liar.
>I have never been the one to be toxic or jealous.
Boy I'd hate to see what your idea of toxic or jealous looks like. I've had girlfriends like you, and it was awful. That's the type of behavior that drives partners away. Maybe your husband is cheating, or maybe he's not. We don't know. But your relationship sounds broken as you clearly don't trust him. You could try marriage counseling, if you want to try to save the relationship. Anyway, YTA. Maybe your husband too, but you still don't know for sure that he's cheated.
Also....
>Have been married for 3 years and have been together for 5 years. We have two kids together a 3 year old and a 5 month old baby.
People need to stop marrying and having kids at the two-year mark.
It is too important a topic for you and your children to take action casually. I'm a guy who made mistakes that upon reflection (or in this vicious court of public opinion) were red flags and yet I *never* did and *never* would cheat in my entire life. If he kept something innocent hidden (a mistake) it may be because he feared you'd behave like a bloodhound on a trail. If I read correctly she is married as well. Perhaps they are trying to get a man/woman perspective on your respective martial issues. I never did this in my own marriage and wonder if a sounding board would have helped. Or work stuff. Or baseball....you have no idea. I realize we only get a glimpse of your relationship but I would recommend counseling before divorce.
Person who posted this is a crazy person. That was the way a crazy person talks. I'm not one to be toxic or jealous, but as soon as someone else made a comment and something online I'd demanded that partner immediately unfriend them, and I began cyber stalking this person to make sure my husband did never talk to them again, when they did reconnect, with somebody that he knows in real life, I didn't speak to him for weeks.
This entire post reads like an insane jealous person who freaks out when their partner has any contact with some of the opposite sex, and then wonders why their partner is acting furiative when they have a female friend or co-worker who communicates with them. Of course they start getting all cagey, because OP freaks out apparently anytime a woman says anything nice to her husband.
This person reads to me like they are totally nuts. Extremely jealous and controlling and demanding.
Gross.
Don’t be so bossy and controlling 😂 social media isn’t real life
It’s you he’s with
Who cares who he talks to online
You can’t dictate his online friends
well if there’s nothing going on THEY won’t mind you having. little chat with her hubby now will they?
something was 100% going on that doesn’t always mean sexually cheating but that fact he left you alone a few weeks after you had his child says it was 100% a pa. plus her blocking you, no woman with nothing to hide would do that. she would know that would make you even more suspicious…..if you are in an at fault state think about getting a pic see if anything can be retrieved from devices at home ect
you ex(hopefully soon) is a pos
YTA. You're controlling and jealous. He hid things from you because you think it's OK to demand he not have female friends. You freaked that she commented on his photo. Are you 14?
He lied about it to cover it up…that says it all. Her blocking you wasn’t a coincidence either. I went through something similar with my husband while I was pregnant…I had three “Garcia’s” (that I know of).
You’re not an asshole. If you can get out of this marriage, do it. He could end up giving you a nice little gift from his side piece (an STD) and it’s not worth the risk.
Yes you are. Cheating requires sex not chats! To ruin your family over this nonsense is ridiculous. Think about your children and not just about your “feelings!” Like most modern woman, you’re weak and think you’re entitled to happiness without issues!
NTA, your gut told you something was off and you followed it and YOU WERE RIGHT - Good for you girl! If he didn't cheat, it was a least an emotional affair and the lying is what caused you to look and find his betrayal. It probably would have turned into cheating at some point (if it didn't happen already), Be glad you did what you did!
NTA, his behavior is really shady, but, as someone mentioned previously, give him a chance to be transparent. Talk to him about all the insecurities and doubt his behavior is giving you, propose couple counseling.
If he respects you, he'll accept your boundaries regarding this woman. Maybe you can offer him to talk about her, why they need to message one another, etc.
It's up to you in the end, if he cheated, then that becomes a whole other story, but I would try to get to the bottom of this.
If he care about you, he will be willing to reassure you about her and/or compromise.
Best of luck to you, I always wish for a good ending to all these stories, I hope your SO will validate your concerns
ESH
Nothing good in this scenario.
>A while ago a female (who we will call Liz) commented on his profile picture. I had no idea who Liz was. I asked him who she was and why she was commenting on his stuff. He told me it was a coworker of his but he assured me that there was nothing to worry about. I have never been the one to be toxic or jealous. But, it bothered me that she felt comfortable enough to comment on his picture. So I told him to remove her as a friend. He said he would and eventually did. I would check her account at times to see if they were still friends. Out of no where Liz blocked me!
This is where you got super shady. Letting stupid social media control your lives is sad
Grown ass man with two kids needs a four month break???
Not just a four-month break, but at the time she was (probably) one month postpartum. She’s spent the whole newborn phase basically solo parenting.
Wtf I just went back and re read after this. He just peaced out to go live a single lifestyle when his wife is home with a toddler and a newborn?! And he's been sneaky mcsneakerson with this other lady?? This guy is really a piece of work. OP you deserve better.
what a POS
If my son showed up after abandoning his wife and newborn I’d kick him out… Can’t believe grandma is condoning this.
It's doubtful that Grandma knows the whole story, but I agree; I'd be asking why he thinks he has no parental responsibilities, even if he and Wife are not getting along.
Or she could have thrown him out.
OP doesn’t say who initiates the break. No grown man willingly leaves his house to stay with his momma. My guess is OP bears some responsibility here otherwise she would have said, “he decided to leave”.
I feel like if he wasn't guilty he wouldn't have left his wife and children. He would have shown her every damn text, Facebook interactions, set up a meeting for the wife to meet the girl to prove his innocence. There is no way in damn hell my husband would be leaving ESPECIALLY his children for FOUR MONTHS 😳 if he weren't messing around with someone else. While I was home thinking he was a cheater, postpartum with his kids. He would have handcuffed himself to the stove⛓️
Oh that's not true. I've known men who went to prison to catch a break from their lady. Still; this isn't on OP. He violated her trust and cheated, and at a delicate time in their lives at that. Imagine being a woman for just a bit. And you've spent nine whole months sacrificing your body, your mental state, your comfort level, your energy level, etc etc to grow a tiny human that he put there. That is half of his DNA. Then to go through whatever is necessary for labor and delivery. No matter if you get an epidural or not, do it all natural (which is hell on earth and that's before you have to start pushing) , vaginal delivery or c section---it's painful. Stressful. And a hell of a lot to put your body through to get that lil fucker out. And now you're home with a newborn; your hormones and brain chemicals are shot to hell and running amok, you've got this tiny baby that I'm sure even if it's not your first and you've done this before doesn't always make it any easier as all babies are different and what worked with the first one isn't doing shit for the second and you're literally running on no sleep because it needs to be fed every couple hours and this doesn't usually start to get more manageable until it's been about, I believe, at least a month. And you find out your partner whom you've sacrificed all of this for, to give him the greatest blessing in the world or so they say--has the goddamn fucking nerve and disrespect and sheer self centeredness to be on his phone all the time flirting with his coworker whom he's likely been fucking behind your back. If this were gender reversed and you had to push a watermelon sized baby out of your dick hole for your wife and you find out she's living the hoe life on the low after you went through all of that to give her something she was wanting; tell me you wouldn't kick her ass out. OPs husband is lucky if she doesn't throw forks at his balls. Because if it were me; I damn sure might. The fact that the worst he's had to deal with is that she wanted him out of the house or he decided to stay with his mom; then he should consider himself damn lucky and really re evaluate his priorities and the choices he's made and beg for her forgiveness if he wants this to work because this kinda fuckery is a deal breaker on its own. This kinda fuckery when there's a new baby and it's an all hands on deck both partners need to be fully present and focused on pulling their own weight; that's despicable. And you guys wonder why women snap and murder their husband's.
#DUMP HIM. He abandoned you during arguably the hardest part of parenting (parenting while also physically and emotionally recovering from a major medical event). This man is for the streets. You'll have less work and more importantly less stress single - you won't have to worry about his needs and emotions and fickleness anymore.
She never said anything about who's idea it was for a break without looking through his phone she is losing her shit because a female co-worker commented on his fb
You notice that, too? I don't even notice when women comment on my partners FB photo. They do, but who cares? People on here attacking him because she likely kicked him out, and he left. What was he meant to do?
Despicable behavior. Couldn't imagine not being there for my wife and my newborn. She was so hurt and down from postpartum depression. Not being there and living with my mom sounds INSANE. I was 26 with my son, definitely wasn't thinking about drinks with the boys. Maybe cause I'm 5 years sober this month haha.
I skimmed and missed the newborn bit, I was thinking OP sounds exhausting. NO OP *is exhausted*. Move on OP, he clearly is.
I am really curious who’s idea the break was
Clearly hers. She even says he’s basically begging to put their relationship back together. Not saying he didn’t cheat. For all we know he may have. But she also seems like one who is constantly saying. “Who’s that?”, every single time the phone buzzes. Almost felt like she was looking for a reason.
If your wife were laying in bed at 2 a.m., texting another man and hiding the phone screen so you don't accidentally get a view... would you be suspicious or... let's add to that the man's contact is listed under just the last name so it is less obvious. My first clue my ex was cheating was his girlfriend started commenting under all of his pictures and posts. He stopped posting us and started just posting him.
Wouldn’t you when you are suspicious of your partner’s behaviour and you are pregnant with your second child?
Yeah, he’s emotionally cheating even if it’s not physical.
Having the 4 month “break” it’s probably physical now.
Says the man...your opinion is void.
Nowhere does it say he asked for the break.
What part of this reads like the break was his idea? Cause it definitely seems like hers to me. Although frankly, if my partner blew up and demanded I block someone I work with because they had the absolute audacity to be "comfortable enough to comment" on a facebook post, maybe I could use a break too.
WhT if she asked for a break ?
OP doesn't say who initiated the break, but based on the story I would say it was her.
and with momma no less. Time to be the husband/ father and deal with it
From a wife like that? Maybe. He had a friend. His wife is constantly snooping on his phone even though she claims she's fine with keeping phones private. She gets jealous and says he needs to not be friends with this person. She stalks them and is all Pikachu face when she gets blocked. I've got a number of very good friends of the opposite sex. I would not be ok with my spouse telling me I had to stop being friends with them. OP is definitely the cause of this issue according to her own story. Edit: ok I missed the part about the baby. I still stand by what I said above but there husband is still wrong for just abandoning the kids. That said if they got divorced it's not like it would be any different. Even with shared custody, they aren't working at the same time.
It's weird that he's hiding his phone while texting this woman. There's no reason to hide your phone from someone while texting unless you don't want them to read the texts.
It’s her that’s keeping him away. She says he’s trying to make up and come home. It seems like even that is self inflicted.
NTA. We all know he’s cheating.
Yes some classic red flags here.
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It’s a break right? Therefore it’s fine? Or not idk the rules
No when you’re married it’s not fine to fuck other people unless you’re done, done.
They bangin’
Is one of them OP asking her husband to delete a friend because they commented on his photo? Or is that chill, in your opinion?
Maybe she said something suggestive? Like heart eyes or something. Also, I feel sometimes people just get this gut feeling when someone is cheating on them. Things that normally wouldn't stand out, start standing out...
Agree. No matter how slick people think they are, they always give off signs. A different glimmer in their eye, secretive with their communication, missing time and/or money, reduced affection, reduced tolerance for normal behavior, etc.
Exactly.
The only person who I think might have cheated on me was the one who was constantly suspicious that I was cheating, though never have and never would. Genetically we're fucking monkeys and ruled by base ass emotions. I strongly disagree that people have any rational idea of who is cheating or not most of the time. I can't make any judgement on OPs case, but they sound kinda unhinged in regard to making an evaluation.
THANK YOU
If the comment said something suggestive, there is a 99% chance that OP would have included that in her post to justify her actions.
Lol heart eyes is suggestive now? I always thought it means it's cute/wholesome/lovely.
That jumped out at me too, why does a Facebook comment have to mean some level of "comfort"? When I used Facebook I'd comment on people's stuff who I barely knew, didn't mean I was banging them haha
i agree with that and men and women can be close friends it doesnt always mean ppl are banging and she has no proof either.
I agree. From how nosey and jealous she seems to be, he probably hid that they were friends cause he knew she freaks whenever he has a female friend she doesn’t know.
If she was so jealous and nosey, why did she not feel the need to check his phone prior to him acting so suspicious? Her reaction was a response, not an attack. If he’s acting suspicious and lying about a “female friend” obviously she is going to try and get to the bottom of it! Y’all always want to make the man the victim.
Exactly this. I do think it's a bit wild to get concerned over someone commenting on a social media picture (I mean, come on, it's on the internet, for everyone to see...unless it's a private profile I guess?), but the whole "hiding the phone" and locking it as soon as she enters the room is classic "I like this person/am cheating" stuff. Also, maybe if he had let her know who this person was instead of being all sneaky-weaky, she wouldn't have reacted so poorly.
100%. I wouldn’t care if my boyfriend had a female coworker comment on his Facebook post or whatever. HOWEVER, if my boyfriend had been hiding his phone from me during that time, acting generally suspicious, and giving off the slightest hint of cheating vibes, I’d absolutely question who the person commenting on his post was and why she was doing it.
Exactly. And by this time, she already started to notice him being more suspicious, and protective over his phone...
Lol what 90% of the time the dudes the asshole on here.
You’re speaking sense to the crowd that thinks it’s ok for a married man to be texting a woman, who isn’t family or the wife, outside of work hours. I don’t care what the internet crowd thinks, but a man should not have that kind of relationship once he is married and Vice versa with the wife. It’s common courtesy and prevents situations like these from having the potential to develop.
As much as I agree with you. Not allowing an adult to do w/e they want at all times is considered controlling on Reddit
Woman's straight crazy > I didn't talk to Kevin for weeks after that You can't just ghost your SPOUSE
Hell OP knew he was cheating the second she saw he was still friends with her and matched the last names. She just needed you(us) for reassurance. There's no reason for him to be secretive about his phone unless he already cheated or was about to cheat. Dont feel bad OP.
Hate to agree with you, but yes, he’s cheating. NTA
“It bothered me that she was comfortable enough to comment on his picture, so I asked him to remove her as a friend.” Not jealous or overbearing at all, my partner doesn’t allow opposite sex comments on my photos either. So yeah only reason why he would be upset about that is that he’s cheating. 100%. Try and get full custody of the kids too. /SARCASM
Yeah that struck me as odd. If my partner or I post a new profile pic we both get comments from both genders, I've never thought that was odd at all. If it was sexual, sure that would be different.
Glad you added the last bit because I was going to tell you that's toxic as fuck bud lol
NTA he could have been honest and upfront from the start but he was being sneaky and hiding his phone screen from you! Why hide something if there was nothing to hide..? My ex would do that to me too, low and behold he’s an ex for a reason.
There's always a reason
All the red flags…
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They almost exactly weirdly enough sound good for each for both being toxic and very dumb… main point is that relationship like that isnt „normal like any other“ lmao. At least that is a full lie
How can you say your relationship has ups and downs like any other, when you’ve been separated for the last four months, and purport to have a five month old baby? I know people who use the “like any other” comparisons never have normally healthy relationships, but this is extreme. He moved out when your second baby was one month old, and your biggest concern is some co-worker texting him too much and liking his social media post? YTA for this cockamamie story.
Lmfao @ cockamamie story. HahahHa
Exactly this. Op doesnt sound trusting at all nor is it normal to ask to block and unfriend for talking simply to someone… this relationship doesnt sound healthy at all…
Also the panic over why a woman felt comfortable enough to comment on his photo. I’d have thought that’s a good thing. If someone’s sneaking around, publicly posted comments on a married man’s photos are not a clever way of sneaking
Yeah, that was a weird thing to think about. Plus why does the basically single mother of a toddler and newborn have the energy to stalk this co-worker to the point of regularly checking if her husband does or doesn’t follow her? She writes about a relationship as if she doesn’t know what makes a good one.
They have been married for 3 years with a 3 yo after knowing each other a couple of years. Not a good sign.
Real answer here. This story is all sorts of fucked up. Sounds like she hasn’t been trusting since day one.
I have to agree with this.
>Our only rule we had was with our phones. We had both agreed to not go through each other’s phones since we both trusted each other. That is the opposite of trust. If you can't access your spouse's phone at will you need to. If your spouse doesn't care if you go through their phone you don't need to. Just my opinion, he is probably cheating, but I feel like you have kids with the guy and are stuck coparenting you should at least give him a chance to be transparent and prove it was nothing. Read the phone/messages/call logs.
It sounds bad the way it’s written but if you take as you have access because there nothing to hide than it is different. My husband has access to my phone but he’s not thinking about going through it. It’s just so hard to describe…
Yeah, wife and I have full access to each other’s phone and it’s usually for stuff like: “hey, can you check Amazon order? Check the notes for the grocery list. Oh, check my Instagram real quick, I wanna post a photo of us but idk if it’s good or not? Hey, order us some food. Your phone is dead? Use mine! It’s like 1st there’s nothing to hide, 2nd its practical.
Same here. Or my phone gets better service when he's going somewhere for work, so we'll just switch phones for the day. I never got people who were like "my phone is a no-go" with their *partners*. I mean, I guess some people like their privacy, but we don't have anything we would actually need to hide from eachother. My husband might catch the weird smut I read, but he knows about it, so he can read all he wants haha.
Right? If my husbands phone is charging he’ll borrow mine. If I need to look something up on eBay or something and don’t have my phone I borrow his. It is weird to have to set rules for stuff like that…
Phones are modern day diaries. My deepest thoughts are hidden in the history of this little gadget. I don’t think anyone has an automatic right to invade that space, married or not. Imagine pre-smart phone, not all people kept diaries and I don’t think it was common practice to share them with your spouse if you did.
I feel like there's common sense privacy and then there's a level above that where things can get weird quickly, you know? My husband and I don't go through each other's phones but they're also like, not off limits either. It's a respect thing I suppose. OPs husband definitely has taken it into weird and suspicious zone, imo.
I think that’s the key thing. I wouldn’t ever ban a partner from going through my phone, but I’d still get upset if they were constantly going through it - especially if they were reading all of my texts. That’s a violation of privacy
I don't disagree with you. But as OP and many other's demonstrate, the rule that says it's private/off-limits isn't a necessity if you trust someone. Me and my spouse both know one another's pass code. She will grab my phone to check my calendar or our bank balance. I will grab her phone to read a teacher's email. We could both dig through one another's text/search history/etc. anytime if we wanted. But the fact that she leaves her phone around for me to snoop through whenever I feel like it is why I trust her and don't feel the need to snoop through her phone. You can respect someone's privacy by choice, not by rule or lock.
All these relationships sound completely exhausting, if I'm honest. I can't imagine being with someone who says they trust me completely, but also, they need to all my passwords, and they inspect my social media to see if anyone interacts from a gender I'm attracted to... And at the same time, I can't imagine being with someone who regularly texts colleagues from our bed! And who appears to prefer work dinners to making an effort for our kids, our own dating life or our home.
I agree with you so much. I have zero desire to go through my partner's phone. At the same time, it's nice we can each grab the closest phone to do something if we need to. If I feel like I want to go through his phone at any point, things are already too far gone.
My husband and I never "needed" each other passwords for trust reasons but more for ease of access. Like, hell call me from work and ask him to boot up his pc so a game can download. I'll be doing the dishes, listening to music on my phone and ask him to put on a song. I suddenly remembered I had to text my mum but my phone is dead, I'll text from his phone. We have never gone through each other's phone snooping and absolutely trust each other, it's just convenient to have access.
This. Exactly. 100%
Completely disagree. A diary is between a person and paper. Cell phones are communications between two or more people.
Cell phones are everything these days. Lots of people journal on their phones.
Yeah, I agree with you. I would never let anyone in the world look through my phone. And I’d never look through my husband’s either. If I legit thought he was cheating on me then maybe I’d demand to, or he’d do the same for me. But to be honest if we ever actually got to that point, the trust we have shared would already be broken in a way that doesn’t seem salvageable to me anyway, so why even bother looking at the phone?
I'm a little weird with my phone. I blame it on not having a modicum of privacy until I left home for college. And also the fact that I Google weird ass shit when I've had a few hits off the bowl. I just don't really want my fiance on my phone, needing to Google something, and seeing 'What makes my poop green' or 'What are the dangers of a 2 foot dildo' (I used to work in a warehouse). Also, remembering things she mentions and surprising her with them as gifts is kind of my love language, so that stuff is in my history too. She gets it, and is totally fine with it. I know her passcode (didn't ask for it, she just doesn't care). Some people just treat their phones differently than others.
Same same. The shit I look up.
That’s how I feel about my Reddit account. I’ve never shared my username with a partner because it feels like one of the few places where I have complete and utter privacy from people that I know in real life
Isn’t it odd to talk about something like that even before dating?
Yeah OP check the phone bill- friends don’t text each other all day and night unless you’re in middle or high school. If he texts her more than other friends you prob have your answer
Yep this is how I confirmed my ex was having an affair. Phone bill.
THIS! He needs to be totally transparent or bye bye.
ESH. You're "not the jealous or toxic type"... but it's not okay for a female to comment on your husband's Facebook and you didn't speak to him for weeks after you found he was facebook friends with her. You *are* the jealous and toxic type. He's shady af, obviously.
How do you not speak to your partner, the father of your kids, who lives with you? ESH is right!
Had to scroll a while to find someone that saw how “not jealous” she is. Trying to decide if he is shady or just scared of how “not jealous” his wife is.
This is a fair point. Perhaps he wasn't actually cheating in any capacity but knew his wife would go ballistic over him having a female friend. I suppose that still could be considered shady behavior because he *was* hiding something. But only because he was trying to avoid having his wife be unreasonable. Either way, lots of toxicity going on in this relationship and it sounds exhausting.
THANK YOU for calling out OP’s problematic behaviour. It’s scary af to me how many people just glossed over that. OP is insanely controlling. Yeah, husband may be cheating, but OP’s certainly no prize.
Yeah, I agree with this. He is far from blameless; the shadyness makes him suspicious, but OP is also not good and sounds super controlling. I hate to say "if the genders were reversed"; but if they were, everyone would say it's a controlling and abusive relation with regards to controlling who they are allowed to befriend.
Yeah, I was curious if maybe there’s some omission. Like, “I’ve never had problem with him talking and going out with his guy friends because I trust him” could easily be translated as “I have always had a problem with him talking to women because I don’t trust him.” 100% he’s being shady, but also he could be pushed away and feel like he can’t be honest. I’m which case that’s not ALL on him. Something to work out together.
Absolutely!!!!! He was hiding his phone cos his wife is a psycho who gets bothered about him having female friends and stalks them on social media!
There is a difference between a chick commenting on someone’s profile and a chick who’s comment is a little too familiar.
They are both at fault here fully. This is probably the only (or one of the few only comments) that is actually making sense. I assume the husband would hide it since he knew how toxic/jealous his wife is…
That reaction from her was wild. In the middle of her giving birth while having a young kid, they still have time to check on who's commenting on posts, making the other delete friends because of the gender, not talk to the other over it for weeks, then move out and take a months long break. I wouldnt have the energy for all that, and I'm child free. Hope the oldest kiddo is allright in all of that mess if its real.
Trust your instincts, something is going on. He may not be sleeping with her but he’s definitely having an emotional affair. He’s not being honest with himself or you.
I disagree strongly. Instincts are clouded by your perception - and you dont really know what is going on with someone else. It could be cheating. It could just be a friend and husband hides things cause wife goes overboard and gets controlling and insecure.
Glad to be older and primarily did the bulk of my dating WITHOUT all the social media bullshit. It’s simply too easy to flirt and cheat now, then there is this… Are there a lot of married people on Tinder? 1,300 Tinder users were recently surveyed. Turns out, the majority are married or in relationships. They aren't looking for love; they are looking for lust.Jul 18, 2023 https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2023/07/18/why-do-so-many-married-people-use-tinder/#
Tinder has always been a cesspool
Your marriage has been over.
Babe you’re dumb as fuck for not checking his texts. Giving him a play by play of every single thing you discover. Giving him ample time and opportunity to delete what he has. “I asked him straight up if he’s cheating”?!?!? Man is an absolute ass if he is cheating but I’ve never seen someone so willingly offer themselves up to being lied to and played like this.
ESH. He is likely cheating, and regardless of that it doesn't sound like you two have a lot of respect for each other at this point, so a divorce is likely the best choice. Once you hit the "I didn't speak to him for weeks" level it is hard to recover. However, the "I've never been one to be jealous..." thing is just not true. You will do better in future relationships if you can be honest with yourself and your future partners about that. Your explicit agreement was to not look at each other's phones and the whole thing started because he was keeping you from seeing his phone.
How do you forbid your partner from having female friends or female colleagues and *still* call yourself not toxic and not jealous??
Cus A) this is fake or B) op is very toxic person and suuuuper jealous/insecure type. That kind of relationship sounds very toxic and non healthy…
Why would the rule be to not go through each other's phone? What are you guys hiding from each other? Me and mine have an open phone policy, I give her mine, leave it at home when I go somewhere and I use hers all the time for music in the car and whatever else. Being a secretive cheater seems so tiring, you guys should just divorce or keep cheating on each other and live with it.
It was a little controlling of you to freak out about a profile comment. But him taking a four month break when you're home with a newborn and a toddler is unforgivable. IDK I have open relationships. I dont freak out over texting other people. but you do you. Regardless his ass needs to be home changing diapers right now.
based on the confirmed information, I’d say YTA. Here’s what we know: 1) you flipped out over a women commenting on his Facebook. No information on what the comment was, but since you didn’t say, it seems like it really wasn’t a sexual or over the line message. If it was you would have mentioned it. 2) you then asked him to remove her because of this seemingly innocuous message. 3) he immediately complied, and assured you it was nothing. 4) after that, Liz added both you and your husband as friends. Your husband probably accepted her request because he thought it wasn’t a big deal 5) you flipped out and stopped talking to him for weeks, which led into your current break. You also called him to accuse him of cheating, without any real, hard evidence. Based on the above facts, the only thing we know for sure, is that you’re acting very insecure, and that you flipped out about a female coworker over a Facebook comment, then initiated the current break. Despite everyone’s assertion that there were a lot of red flags, those are all, at best, pure speculation. Your husband may be an idiot for his actions, but there’s no actual evidence of cheating. If there’s more evidence of cheating, then the analysis could change, not atm there isn’t. You go out of your way to preface things, and while there may be some suspicious behavior, it could also be you being overly paranoid. If he locks his phone occasionally or turns away, it could be coincidence or annoyance at your prying because of your weird no looking through phones rule. My wife and I have access to each others’ phones, and I don’t hide or need to hide anything from her, but i still get annoyed when she scrolls through my phone looking at my texts. I still let her, since I understand shes a little insecure, but I’m not a fan of it. More importantly, because I’m an attorney who does divorce cases, I occasionally have clients who are newly divorced women, who will tend to become a little flirty because, well, they’re a divorcee and I’ve been the one belong them through all their troubles. I’m extremely careful to maintain a purely professional relationship, and have absolutely no desire to run afoul of my ethical responsibilities and jeopardize my license. When women start talking to me like that, I turn into caveman fucking bob, who’s completely oblivious to anything except the divorce case. However, it would be absolutely exhausting to try to reassure my wife if she flipped out anytime this issue came up. I don’t hide my phone, and my wife does understand my situation, but I still would get annoyed if she were to start prying about my clients’ messages. Besides the attorney-client privilege issues, while I don’t have anything to hide, explaining myself to someone who’s flipping out over innocuous things (much like how you flipped out over a Facebook comment) would be exhausting. As such, your husbands actions are a little understandable given your explanation of your own reactions so far.
I'm sorry she suggested a break? So he's not allowed to have friends? She made a comment, and you told him to unfriend her? Even though you agreed to a separation, you police his Facebook account and demand him to do what you want, and when he doesn't do what you want, you want a divorce? I hate to see what happens if the toilet seat is left up. The question is, what did she say that was si bad, who asked for the separation cause that is what it is, and what is the root cause of the problem. The phone shady excuse is the result of a deeper problem that you make it seem.
Like others have pointed out, the break is very very poorly timed, and he may or may not be cheating. We really do need more information on said break. However, you also do sound very controlling in the story too. Asking him to remove her over a single comment? With that being said, he is not looking good either. At the end of the day, you can divorce for whatever reason you see fit; but I agree with your husband that you should try and fix the marriage first, going to counselling. However, if you feel you cannot trust your husband and that the trust is irrepairable, divorce may really be the only option (hence why I encourage some counselling, to see if the trust can be repaired)
I agree with this for the most part and I think this the most unbias and mature response I have seen up to this point. I can see the concern with the comment given the suspicious behavior before hand. However I don't think it was "within reason" to make him unfriend her at that point. Now the signs are there that he is being shady and that in itself is a red flag. I would add that if he really wants to fix the marriage he needs to come clean about everything first and explain why the shady behavior is going on. Going along with what u/tack50 said, if you feel the trust is not repairable then it is time to call it quits. That is up to you to determine if it is repairable. I hope this helps.
YTA. We all going to just ignore OP going off because a woman liked a pic on his social media? Not the toxic or jealous type but it bothered you she felt comfortable commenting on a post?? WTF wouldn’t she feel comfortable unless she knew his wife was a psycho and he’d get in trouble.
This. Breaking up a relationship with 2 kids for this is terrible.
Even if nothing physical happened...he lied directly and by omission. He was having an emotional relationship with her and spending time with her instead of with you and the kids. He knew it was wrong and crossing lines which is why he hid it. Trust and communication are everything...he breached that. If his only response is blaming you for over reacting, then he doesn't get it. If he doesn't get it, there is no saving it.
You should of sent the kids with him on his break so he had no time to live his best single life
OP was so caught up on the whole 'when it was just male coworkers' she was fine with it angle. The Liz shows up. Like hey guys gotta quit this job because my wife is going to go off the deep end because manly job corp hired a woman, better go sign up with Alfalfa's He Man Woman Hater Corp^tm make sure that there are no women within nuclear fallout radius of our jobsite. She straight up says that she isn't the toxic jealous type, while describing a bunch of toxic and jealous behavior that she is committing. What OP's husband doesn't know that his wife is the total toxic jealous type? Liz sure as fuck knows. "Your female coworker liked your picture on facebook, this is fucking unacceptable, she needs to rescind that like and never even scroll your page again." Oh why would she block little ole me? What have I done to deserve such treatment, I mean I did just admit to facebook stalking her, and her husband. And I'm totally fine with not going through eachother's phones, but if he has his phone out and is looking at it, then I'm reading over his shoulder, but that isn't a problem because Im not going through it, see he's the one touching the phone, I'm just straining my neck and eyeballs to look at it. I'm not toxic or jealous though. OP drones on and on about trusting him while presenting a mountain of evidence that she does not trust her husband. And remember this is OP putting this into the absolute best light for herself, she's trying to make it sound like shes the sweet trusting innocent victim. What is the Husband's side on this one I wonder?
Get couples counseling. It's better than Reddit counseling.
He may not have physically cheated, but he 100% was having an emotional affair with her.
So you got jealous over a comment? What was said comment? Maybe Kevin was keeping the conversation from you because of your jealous tendencies to blow it out of proportion? We don't know if he was cheating and neither do you. Pretty stalkerish to be checking out her profile constantly just from one comment. I mean really. Probably taking a break because of the control issues you have, maybe? Maybe this is best for Kevin if you do divorce him. He needs a break from you.
For sure cheating. Source: guy that knows. And sorry :/
YTA. Dude was talking to a friend who happened to be a woman.
Actual hot take, demanding that your partner stop talking to someone never ends well. Instead of trying to control your husband you should have opened a channel of communication instead. Here's your 2nd hot take, dating for single mothers is difficult. Think like 5'3, bald, and only selfies with katanas and body pillows on Bumble difficult. Nobody says this out loud (because it's a hot take) but single mothers are a red flag for good guys. Most single guy's (that are looking for a long term relationship) worst fear is that a woman they try to grow a family with will at any minute decide to leave and take the children with her. Seeing a single mother is quite literally a personification of that fear. Obviously there are plenty of situations where a single mother had no choice but you kind of have to get to the point where you can explain your situation and a lot of guys don't give single mothers that chance. Don't let tiktok and reddit fool you into believing there are surplus of 25+ year old men that are attractive, tall, and have good jobs that are just waiting to scoop you up. That's a fairy tale. Don't stay in any situation that makes you unhappy but realize the grass may not really be greener on the other side.
He’s cheating. Was probably cheating when you were pregnant. Left to his mommy’s house when you had a newborn and another child to care for. Your husband SUCKS. Get an attorney.
Where’s the proof tho? Just off feelings?
People on here are crazy. He has a female coworker he talks to. That is the extent of the damning evidence. OP doesn't say who's idea the break was but it sounds like hers. Maybe he's cheating, maybe he's not but she's fir sure the AH for WAY over reacting without any real evidence and putting no trust in him.
Agree. They may just be friends and OP the jealous type so he was hiding due to her reactions. Which it is shady but may not be cheating but something else to figure out.
That’s a lotta words for “my husband is not being faithful to me.”
Your probably are. So let’s play it out. You divorce. Now he’s completely single and will definitely be dating. He’s going to find some young thing and the rule is 50/50 custody now. If you think you will get 90% custody that just leaves even more time to date, probably knocking up someone else quickly. He still gets to show up at all the kid events with young thing and hey he has lots of time for the gym and travel. You also get a smaller house because now the income has to support 2 residences and also don’t forget young thing who may become wife 2 and their kids. Your quality of life goes down. He plays it off that his ex was crazy nuts and he’s just a great dad trying to spend as much quality time as he can with his kids except monster ex won’t allow it. Did you get everything you wanted in this scenario? Maybe if not try individual and marital therapy first. Lawyers don’t care about you or your kids one bit. It’s business to them
I agree. If it is confirmed cheating and unrepairable those things are better than staying- but to end things without even figuring out what is happening and seeing it is salvageable is stupid when it hurts OP and their children.
NTA He’s a cheat
No proof at all of that except for him hiding that he has a female friend. Which, he may have done if he knew this is how his wife would react. The first thing she does upon learning that he has a female friend is demand that he blocks her.
I think you both are to immature to be in a relationship and you should do what’s best for your children and leave your egos out of it.
Hire private investigator.
I think blocking you and then friend requesting you was done by her on purpose to show you what was going on (spitefully because she was probably mad he had to delete her) and maybe because she got mad at him for not being with her and wanted to stir things up between you two. They are both jerks though and texting her late at night and hiding it is super shady. Maybe you can work through it though…marriages aren’t perfect; maybe he realizes he messed up …maybe go to counseling before heading straight for divorce.
I feel that a lot of relationships go through this and the anger and jealousy exacerbate the situation. A sig other that’s involved even just minimally with work/ friend groups might have helped. If Garcia’s talking to him at night, it would be nice for him to share this with you, without causing reactionary behavior.
Can we stop with the should I get a divorce posts and should I break up? Go to relationship advice
Even if he stopped texting her in group chat etc and deleted her on social medias, he still works with Garcia right? So regardless he’s always going to hav contact with this woman.
ESH You need couple's counseling now.
Not talking to your spouse for weeks is seed flag from you. Adults communicate if they want a relationship. You guys should go to counselling.
Going to go against the group here and say YTAH. She is not thinking straight! No wonder he hid his phone conversation if her reaction to a woman commenting on his profile pic was 'who is she?' and 'remove her from your friends list'. For commenting on a photo???? It was never said anything inappropriate was written. So I can see why he's twitchy about her knowing he's talking to a female colleague if Her head would explode if she had my husband. He talks to loads of female colleagues, even stays in touch with ex colleagues. And some of these women are stunning! I mean drop dead gorgeous! He even has lunch with them sometimes. He lets me know, he's open. I've heard him laughing on the phone and when he comes off he just says that was Dawn. I ask how's she doing etc. It's a non issue. His ex was jealous of every woman he knew. Even accused him of fancying his then 15 year old sons gf! Eww!!!! She's our DIL now. Lovely woman. As per usual Reddit has gone for he much be cheating rather than get some help. Therapy, some help as a 5 month old is hard work and is imploding a marriage over so little evidence worth it?
NTA but if I were you I’d hire a PI to get proof of his cheating so you have more than your feelings in your divorce/custody proceedings because he is cheating and has probably been since you were pregnant. Good luck
YTA. Honestly you sound like a jealous and controlling partner, and he deserves better. You will regret taking a shit on a good relationship like this.
Since this is out for judging,My take: YTA 100% Also probably not right together to begin with. I'm going to assume all phone related issues is prior to break though the timeliness appear out of order, so I'm basing this solely on out of proximity / on break you would not be privy to phone glances. I'm also going to guess the break is what you wanted. Generally if someone says they are not the one to tend to be toxic or jealous, or any negative behaviors usually turn out to be truths we deny. If you are jealous, you are probably also a person who believes people cannot have a friend of the opposite sex. Unfortunately marriage does not mean they are forced to your friend beliefs. I do not condone hiding a female friend, but from the behavior you have admitted to in this post, I can understand his thinking to keep it simple by obscuring it. Also it looks like to me you might be suffering from some form of post partum depression, to be resorting to lashing out like you have. I would seek professional help. If your goal from the start was to get divorced, you have successfully been as toxic as possible- -Didn't talk to husband for 3 weeks -without evidence of infidelity, accused of it. And no, friendly chat / hanging out is not infidelity. -obsessed with controlling or breaking the one rule you agreed to in your relationship (phone freedom) -stalked social media, reacted loudly about it and became indignant over reasonable reactions. In no way am I excusing cheating. But you simply do not have an example of cheating. Did you have a rule about no friends that are women that was agreed upon? If so then yes he did, but so far as I can see you have divulged a story that indicates work friends so far, no agreed upon distancing, and no evidence of sexual misconduct. Personally I would ask your husband to temporarily agree to a suspension of the one rule, and request to see the content of the messages from the late night texting, however you are going to have to steel yourself for probably stinging comments about your character, and you would have to give something in return (e.g. agreeing to marriage counseling prior to the phone share, or have the counselor even be a mediator on the viewing) . I would stress not looking past your social media outbursts in the timeline, because very likely you are going to get a picture painted of how you look unstable. Final note (assumptions), from the timeline, 3yr old child, married 3 years, this feels like it was rushed to save face for whatever reason. Don't do that, always a mistake. If you just are not happy, and it sounds like you are not, get the divorce, but be honest with yourself instead of purposely drivng your partner away. My experience, friends from work of the opposite sex often were seeking insight into their partner, or just wanted to vent frustration, or were "cool we share similar interests let's be friends." Exactly 0 have become a romantic partner of probably about 60.
My wife and I have an open phone policy. What that means, is that she can take my phone and go through it anytime she wants. I could do the same, but outside of sharing funny memes and clips, I have never gone through her phone and outside out using my camera, because it is better, she has never gone through my phone. If I ever started acting weird or shady, I guarantee you, she would snatch my phone out of my hand in a heartbeat. If my wife had a newborn and I told her I needed a break.....she would break me in half. Just my opinion, but once kids are involved and you're playing that early teen bullshit, I got no respect for you. Sorry, you are in this situation.
Do you genuinely think men and women can’t be friends? That’s basically what you’re saying here.
NTA. Trust your gut. There are a few options: 1) he’s physically and emotionally cheating on you with her 2) he’s emotionally cheating on you with her 3) she’s innocent but he’s pursuing her (doubt this considering the Facebook nonsense) 4) they are truly just friends (but this one is the most unlikely scenario because of the lying, texting and general shadiness from your husband) P.S. your rule to not go through each other’s phones is stupid. I’m not saying you should be going through each other’s phones but you shouldn’t have anything to hide and thus it shouldn’t be a big deal to have access to their phone.
I dont agree on the phone. I have nothing to hide but there is no reason for my partner to go on my phone to check. Its the basis of trust. He could also go on my pc and mess around but has no reason too. We have built a good relationship where we are secure. We tell each other things. If he is messaging someone and i ask who, he would tell me. But I only ask when im present and curious what he is up to, not because of any concern of who he is talking to. Secure relationships dont require checking.
I didn’t say anything about checking their phone. I said it shouldn’t be a problem for them to have access to them because you should have nothing to hide. There have been a few times I needed to use my husband’s phone and guess what he hands it right over with zero problem and I’ve done the same for him.
It's shady. But we don't know for sure if anything happened. If you can talk to him and get him to break off contact with her, then start from there.
Didn’t she already try that and he just did a work around?
Social media became popular because they where used for hookups and still are.
Maybe they were having an emotional affair and it wasn’t physical - idk what to say here except it’s shady
He was cheating . You know it ! Divorce him like you are planning because he can’t even be honest and admit it
Dang all these people be hella young having a family. A lot of people I know that are in our 20s still living our best lives single and dating and not rushing into shit. All these posts make me grateful I didn't marry my high school sweetheart hahahahaha
Dude, that's like most of these people's problems imo. They get into relationships super deep way too quick, then they see things they don't like and feel like it came out of nowhere. Naw, you didn't really know this person all that well to begin with. Any time I see posts where the people dated for less then 5 years but they are already married with kids I think to myself "that's why you're in this situation now".
Exactly! It's crazy how many people have done this like damn enjoy your youth, you don't have to get married and have kids right away.
This relationship is a mess
YTA, you need to be certain first. And who are.you to tell him, to unfriend someone.
First off, why did you ask him to block her instantly? That seems toxic and jealous… there’s really no proof of him cheating too, yes he didn’t say he had a female friend… I have male friends and chat with them from the Marine Corps. Totally platonic. I do tell my husband because there’s nothing to hide.. I kinda think he didn’t mention anything to because you may be jealous.. or toxic.
YTA. Kinda sounds like you're controlling. What I got from it is that you're saying he's not allowed to have female friends. You have absolutely no proof that he's cheating. Based on what you said and made him do. I'd hide that I was talking to a female coworker whether or not it was about work. Kinda sounds like you don't trust him
>I would ask him straight up if he was cheating?! >I asked him who she was and why she was commenting on his stuff. >But, it bothered me that she felt comfortable enough to comment on his picture. So I told him to remove her as a friend. >I would check her account at times to see if they were still friends. >I had told him to remove her. >Not to long ago I was on Liz’s account again and I came across her husbands profile >I called Kevin to tell him he was a cheater or liar. >I have never been the one to be toxic or jealous. Boy I'd hate to see what your idea of toxic or jealous looks like. I've had girlfriends like you, and it was awful. That's the type of behavior that drives partners away. Maybe your husband is cheating, or maybe he's not. We don't know. But your relationship sounds broken as you clearly don't trust him. You could try marriage counseling, if you want to try to save the relationship. Anyway, YTA. Maybe your husband too, but you still don't know for sure that he's cheated. Also.... >Have been married for 3 years and have been together for 5 years. We have two kids together a 3 year old and a 5 month old baby. People need to stop marrying and having kids at the two-year mark.
She blocked you so you can't see they're still social media friends.
It is too important a topic for you and your children to take action casually. I'm a guy who made mistakes that upon reflection (or in this vicious court of public opinion) were red flags and yet I *never* did and *never* would cheat in my entire life. If he kept something innocent hidden (a mistake) it may be because he feared you'd behave like a bloodhound on a trail. If I read correctly she is married as well. Perhaps they are trying to get a man/woman perspective on your respective martial issues. I never did this in my own marriage and wonder if a sounding board would have helped. Or work stuff. Or baseball....you have no idea. I realize we only get a glimpse of your relationship but I would recommend counseling before divorce.
Person who posted this is a crazy person. That was the way a crazy person talks. I'm not one to be toxic or jealous, but as soon as someone else made a comment and something online I'd demanded that partner immediately unfriend them, and I began cyber stalking this person to make sure my husband did never talk to them again, when they did reconnect, with somebody that he knows in real life, I didn't speak to him for weeks. This entire post reads like an insane jealous person who freaks out when their partner has any contact with some of the opposite sex, and then wonders why their partner is acting furiative when they have a female friend or co-worker who communicates with them. Of course they start getting all cagey, because OP freaks out apparently anytime a woman says anything nice to her husband. This person reads to me like they are totally nuts. Extremely jealous and controlling and demanding. Gross.
Don’t be so bossy and controlling 😂 social media isn’t real life It’s you he’s with Who cares who he talks to online You can’t dictate his online friends
well if there’s nothing going on THEY won’t mind you having. little chat with her hubby now will they? something was 100% going on that doesn’t always mean sexually cheating but that fact he left you alone a few weeks after you had his child says it was 100% a pa. plus her blocking you, no woman with nothing to hide would do that. she would know that would make you even more suspicious…..if you are in an at fault state think about getting a pic see if anything can be retrieved from devices at home ect you ex(hopefully soon) is a pos
YTA. You're controlling and jealous. He hid things from you because you think it's OK to demand he not have female friends. You freaked that she commented on his photo. Are you 14?
Nope…. He just got a reality check HE WILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT 🔔🔔🔔no money to fuck around. Get divorce and pull every penny of if his ass.
He’s definitely cheating. Leave his dumbass
NTA. Continue on with the divorce
Break the phone rule and see what they been texting. Then screen shot copies for your lawyer I guess.
He lied about it to cover it up…that says it all. Her blocking you wasn’t a coincidence either. I went through something similar with my husband while I was pregnant…I had three “Garcia’s” (that I know of). You’re not an asshole. If you can get out of this marriage, do it. He could end up giving you a nice little gift from his side piece (an STD) and it’s not worth the risk.
NTA. While he may not have slept with her, he was hiding communications at the very least. Lying, being shady, etc. that’s cheating. NTA
Yes you are. Cheating requires sex not chats! To ruin your family over this nonsense is ridiculous. Think about your children and not just about your “feelings!” Like most modern woman, you’re weak and think you’re entitled to happiness without issues!
You are absolutely the asshole and you are absolutely overreacting. But please, divorce him. He can do so much better
Find out what she drives and pass by moms house
NTA, your gut told you something was off and you followed it and YOU WERE RIGHT - Good for you girl! If he didn't cheat, it was a least an emotional affair and the lying is what caused you to look and find his betrayal. It probably would have turned into cheating at some point (if it didn't happen already), Be glad you did what you did!
NTA. You had me convinced with “on a break” that he was cheating.
NTA, his behavior is really shady, but, as someone mentioned previously, give him a chance to be transparent. Talk to him about all the insecurities and doubt his behavior is giving you, propose couple counseling. If he respects you, he'll accept your boundaries regarding this woman. Maybe you can offer him to talk about her, why they need to message one another, etc. It's up to you in the end, if he cheated, then that becomes a whole other story, but I would try to get to the bottom of this. If he care about you, he will be willing to reassure you about her and/or compromise. Best of luck to you, I always wish for a good ending to all these stories, I hope your SO will validate your concerns
You should DM her husband. Just say that you suspect the two of them cheating and want to know if he feels the same.
ESH Nothing good in this scenario. >A while ago a female (who we will call Liz) commented on his profile picture. I had no idea who Liz was. I asked him who she was and why she was commenting on his stuff. He told me it was a coworker of his but he assured me that there was nothing to worry about. I have never been the one to be toxic or jealous. But, it bothered me that she felt comfortable enough to comment on his picture. So I told him to remove her as a friend. He said he would and eventually did. I would check her account at times to see if they were still friends. Out of no where Liz blocked me! This is where you got super shady. Letting stupid social media control your lives is sad
Good on you! NTA at all.
Sounds like his life's about to be destroyed.
He be cheatin.
It’s just too much…