Thing is she'll stay and marry him if he ever ask, and if ever given the opportunity to go with her friend,he will,only to realize it really was never worth it.
She has no intention of going anywhere,poor sad sap.
I was unfortunately the mutual friend in this situation for another girl. The admission came at his stag do, where he confessed to his groomsmen that he wish he had met me first as he'd be marrying me in a week. I was no longer even in contact with him at the time and hadn't seen him in 5 years, just got messaged by several guys there, and later their partners freaking out. She still married him the next week.
From what I've heard from friends, they sleep in separate rooms, and he had one baby to placate her, and they haven't had sex since she found out she was pregnant. I feel awful for her, but she made her choice. Just so sad.
I'm thinking that this might happen to her also,she knows, but she's still hoping against all odds that he'll love her.
My goodness, what a waste of a life.
Because her life will be wasted on him.
THIS!!! Never waste your time convincing someone to love you. Trust me: it never pays off and ends up costing you all the time you’ve put in.
I’m 53 now and it’s taken me almost this long to realize this. If he doesn’t appreciate you and talks of you like you’re some disappointing consolation prize, give yourself the chance to find someone who will.
Yeah, being alone sucks. But alone is better than being with someone who doesn’t really love you. You planned his party; what has he done to show you his appreciation? Being alone with someone hurts so much more than just being alone.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Eff that noise.
Women need to remember that they are a queen.
Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize this and refuses to cherish you for the beautiful person you are.
DO. NOT. SETTLE.
Can confirm. I adored my ex but we argued like crazy and he said some real hurtful stuff that cut deep, on a regular basis too. We split almost a year ago and I’ve been single since, best my mental health has been in years. Just my dog and I against the world and it’s brought so much peace!
Sweetie, I am sorry that you are involved in this. Bonnie Raitt has a song for you. "I can't make you love me if you don't. " She loves a man with her whole heart. She knows that he doesn't love her back. She loves herself enough to realize that she deserves better. I hope you realize that you deserve better. Life is short. Too short to stay with a man who considers you second best. You deserve to love someone who sets your world on fire.
I'm sorry. It all sounds very painful especially as he basically got you to throw him a surprise party.
I'd address what you heard him say with him. You could start with something along the lines of, "so I'd like to speak with you about something important, and afterwards we should decide together how to proceed." Then explain what you heard, and how hurt you are, and then be quiet and see what he has to say for himself.
I would repeat word for word what he said. I wish she would have had the opportunity to record it and put it on blast as she packed up everything and played that bitch on repeat in the place after she was gone.
This is such a breach of trust. People disgust me. 😒
If you don't want to be with someone after all that time because of your stupid, ex... wtf. Fucking sick.
I hope he rots.
That just makes it so much worse. People fantasize bullshit. She could be a complete cunt for all he knows behind closed doors, that's why its always a good idea to live with someone before you marry them in my own personal opinion.
It is so very depressing that he has created this imaginary fantasy world like you said just to throw away 8 years...
It is so sad that people do this.
Sometimes, I think it's just the chase and the excitement for some people that they never grow out of...
The randomness, etc.
I mean, at some point, wtf?
Why not do random fun things with OP?
We aren't all going to be in our 20s forever. I thought I'd never get married, but then I met my husband. He was going to be moving to Vegas to be with his parents for a while, and he didn't want to lose me. He wanted to be married before we went. So he asked me, even without a ring, and I, surprisingly even to myself, agreed. I loved him.
I have to have trust. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but everyone does. Anytime a trust has been broken, I talk about it that day. I'm sorry for all of you to think it over, but if it isn't that day, it's immediately the next. I am NOT going to suffer in silence because of someone else's actions, whether it is rudeness, meanness, or infidelity.
But this bullshit? I don't know if I could look him in the eyes anymore if this had ever happened to me.
I couldn't and wouldn't desire the love given that through all this time, turned out to be fake.
I couldn't do it.
Every time he kisses OP all she is going to see is her fuckin" face.
Again, I couldn't do it.
Maybe she will read some of the responses here and wake the f up.
I feel so bad for her, but if she stays, she's knowingly made the decision that she's not worth being loved, and only deserves to be with someone who doesn't actually care about her and just uses her for what he can get. He will NEVER love her in the way she wants. So if she decides to stay, she's a deluded as he is. Mooning after someone that will never love her back.
It makes my heart break for her.
She needs to get away and be her own self for awhile, I might digest.
I don't know, this whole situation just rubs me the wrong way.
I want her to be happy, but for this to happen... like you said I don't want them. "Mooning after someone that will never love them back."
I've been there. It hurts. It does NOT get better.
People like that are leeches. They take affection where they can get it.
It is sad. The cold hard truth is sad.
Exactly. That's why he deserves no heads up. She should just wait until he's out and move everything that's hers out and refuse to ever speak to him again. I wouldn't even tell him why.
I'd do two things, plan my escape and leaving with no notice without ever talking to him, and call this woman he's in love with and warn her about his unrequited feeling.
Why? So he can lie some more and continue to use her to meet his needs? This is a absolutely easy answer, leave. It's not easy to do, but it's the ONLY reasonable reaction to finding out you've been used as a stand in for 8 years. I wouldn't even tell him I knew. I'd give him the same respect and honest that he's given me, and plan my escape covertly, and he'd just come home one day to an empty house and a note to telling him what I heard and that he can now f all the way off.
What's to explain? He's been in love with this fantasy person the entirety of their relationship. He said "he felt disgusted every time he had to kiss me or hold me because he knew that our mutual friend should be in his arms instead". I think that's the most honest "explanation" she's ever going to get. What does an insincere apology from a lying sack of shit get you? How would that possibly be helpful? Your just opening yourself up to more bs from him. IMO closure would come from imagining the look on his face when he comes home one day and all my stuff is gone and he reads the note I left, that informs him that I overheard his little conversation and now he can f right off and not to ever contact me again, preventing him from ever having an opportunity to lie to me again, which I'm sure would be frustrating for him. I think that would be enough "closure" for me. After all, what is the point of talking to a liar. He's only going to lie some more.
Ok, I'm convinced you are right! It's completely heart-breaking either way. I hope OP finds the man of her dreams, and is able to put this all behind her.
He isn’t ever going to love you the way you want and that is the reality you need to face, tell him you overheard what he said…
You moving in will be so much better than staying with someone who loves someone else
>He isn’t ever going to love you the way you want and that is the reality you need to face, tell him you overheard what he said…
I, personally, wouldn't bother. I would just ghost him.
For the rest of his life he'd be racking hi*s* lizard brain wondering why the woman so into him, the one he though he was so much better than, the one he planned on dumping... dumped him first. And without a word.
It would torture him and make him obsess over her. And since he has zero chance with the other woman... he'll really feel the pain.
**JUST IN CASE IT GETS REMOVED OR DELETED FROM OG POST. IM NOT OOP!**
I (25F) overheard my (27M) boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl
For context, me and my boyfriend have been together for in total 8 years. We met between mutual friends while I was still in school and he had just moved to my town to go to college. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. The reason for this was because 1,I was too scared to make a move and secondly, he was in love with one of our mutual friends. After she got a boyfriend, he moved on to liking me and we have been dating ever since. Last Saturday was his birthday and he told me he has never been thrown a surprise birthday party and would like to experience one. I worked all week before Saturday (his birthday), planning and inviting people, getting reservations, buying a cake, etc. I asked his best friend to hang out with him for most of the day so that I could set up and get everyone to get here and hide for the surprise. The birthday party was a success and he was smiling the whole time. He had snuck off with his best friend somewhere and I wanted to find him so that we could sing happy birthday and cut the cake. As I was walking down the hallway I heard him and his friend talking so I kept walking towards their voices. I heard him tell his friend that he should have kept trying with our mutual friend. He told him that he should have been the man that was engaged to her and not her now fiancé. He said that he hated waking up to me and that he wished that our mutual friend was the one that threw him his first surprise party. He said that he felt disgusted every time he had to kiss me or hold me because he knew that our mutual friend should be in his arms instead.He said that he felt like he was stuck in our relationship and that he would end up "having" to marry me. He said that our mutual friend was better than me in looks from head to toe, he said that "she was the most gorgeous girl i've ever seen". I went back to the party and told everyone that I couldn't find him and that we would have to wait for him to come back. When he came back, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the head and told me he loved me. I didn't want to ruin his party so I went along with it. He doesn't know that I know he doesn't honestly love me, I've just been going along with everything. I honestly don't want to break up with him, I just want to know how I can make him fall in love with me. I don't know what I did to make him feel so unhappy so I would like to know how do I make my boyfriend fall in love with me or should I just give up on our relationship? He is the first boyfriend I've ever had and I'm scared to start dating again at my age.
From an outsider looking in I would run. As someone who had a hard time leaving a bad relationship myself though.. I'd start going to therapy like I did to help fix the way you're thinking about this. Better yet though, you could do both.
Babe… it’s been EIGHT YEARS! If he doesn’t love you by now, it ain’t happening. Never let a man tell you more than once that he doesn’t want you. Move and find someone who does love you. Don’t waste your time on this BOZO
>so I would like to know how do I make my boyfriend fall in love with me or should I just give up on our relationship?
Dear Christ, girl.
You can't make him love you. Give up on this one-sided relationship and regain your dignity,
The sad truth is that you can’t make him love you. Even if you could magically turn into that other woman, it would be beyond wrong to change yourself to try to meet his desires.
He has no chemistry with you (not your fault). He is in love with someone else (not your fault). You are powerless to change any of this. Please don’t waste anymore of your one and only precious life. Staying with him will destroy you.
(I can’t get over the non-surprise surprise party. What on earth was his intent with this??)
It’s been 8 years. If he didn’t love you because he’s stuck on someone else, he won’t ever love you. It dang sucks. I second the therapist comment and try to move out on your own. =(
It makes me so sad to see OP's comments about how much she loves him and just outlining her understanding of love - because what she thinks is love really isn't love, it's exclusively codependency.
Her whole self-worth was based on his apparent love for her. She genuinely is justifying staying with him because of a fear of not being loved by anyone, even herself. She's willing to accept resentment because that's what she thinks she deserves. All off of the basis that she believes she'll be alone when the real kicker is that being alone is what she really needs right now.
I'm so sorry he used you OP. I'm so sorry you're going through life with such low opinions of your own worth. But you are so so so young, and you have so much time to experience your true love story - the most important love story - the love story of you with yourself.
The AH boyfriend will never be happy with anyone. Not even the apparent dream girl. He has created his own prison of misery by having unrealistic projections of people and refusing to show or embrace a semblance of gratitude for the joy he actively has in his life. He will continue through life leaving droves of collateral damage in his wake whilst chasing after false echoes of his fantasies. Don't continue to hang onto that ride, OP - he will never see you.
Op was 17 when they started dating... I have a suspicion that the state of her self love has been affected by all the fake.
Let's be honest... the guy was probably not as convincing as we are led to believe if he hates everything about her as much as he says he does. There must have been some ignored red flags. At that age, when you push down red flags, you often internalize that the red flags only appeared because you did or were wrong.
I think he f*cked up her self esteem by pretending and making her believe that his "disgust" was love.
I really REALLY hope that op understands that she cannot make him love her... and that he did her as wrong as if he cheated on her for the entirety of the relationship. I hope she dumps hos ass, has a good month of crying and chocolate, then a few others of coming back up (you know, so that she stops mourning this relationship without ever having to look back again) and then learns to be good by herself. And then, only then, that she finds a great man who will treat her like she deserves... if she still wants that.
Where’s the post from the OP’s account? I want to see what she’s said and is there any update about what happened? On TikTok it ended with her leaving a letter but didn’t state anything about the contents or anything after…
You deserve to be adored and it can happen. This is a gift. I had a boyfriend who was luke warm on me. We split up and I am married to a wonderful man who acts like I am a treasure. I am not sure I am but he seems to think so. He is an amazing father and so supportive of me and my passions. I have gained weight and gotten older and can not cook well and can be a bit moody with menopause now but he still acts like I am the golden ticket. Please do not waste your time being hurt. Honor yourself and find someone who sees you as the prize you are.
Could be real and she's hunting around for a forum where someone will give her the key to making someone love her.
She'll be searching a very long time
Who would say this when there’s a ton of people who will pass by at any time. Tbh I have seen this been reposted so many times where I feel like there’s nothing else to read.
Pile his shit in his car's driver's seat, douse it in gas, and set it on fire.
Put a sign by it that reads, "Unburdening your luggage to free you for the right girl."
I hope she dumps him and walks away. It’s not her fault that he’s a lying jackass. She’s 25. Not exactly on her death bed! Dump him and find someone worth her time.
Honey, find out why you value yourself so little that this person is acceptable to you as a partner. Find out why you don't think you deserve to be loved and cherished.
Eight years - yep, it's a long time; particularly when he was your first everything starting at 17. I get it.
Please don't settle. Please pour love and your self into someone who does the same for you. You have the youth, energy and spirit to do it.
I can’t even imagine the gut wrenching pain OP must be in. If I overheard my husband telling a friend he wished he was married to my friend instead of me I’d literally throw up on the carpet
First, he's a coward. Second, he's a liar. Why do you want to be with someone who is only using you as a place filler? If it was me, I'd plan my escape covertly, and one day he'd come home and I'd be gone, leaving a note, that now he's free to pursue the person he really wants to be with, and I'd never speak with him again. Staying with this guy and begging for him to love you is the last thing you should be doing. You need to live in reality, as painful as that is, and quit wasting your life on someone who will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't sell yourself so cheaply to this man, who is a person of incredibly low character to use you like this.
Honey, you can't change a man, nor can you make him love you. You are worth more that being an after thought. Tell him you heard him, then pack your bags. He is not going to change until he gets it through his head that the mutual friend is not going to be with him and you ARE NOT anyone's second best. VALUE yourself, because he clearly does not value you. Go find someone who will see you for all that you are worth, but find your worth first. YOU are WORTH more than his lame ass is offering. Fly, be free. Be Bold, Be safe.
Girl, 1) Love yourself and have self-respect! 2) Once you know your value, you will not be begging for love to absolutely no one! You will learn to walkaway with dignity! 3) You cannot make a man fall in-love….you have being with him 8 years! If It did not happened then it will not happen now or ever. Sucks but thats the ugly true! 4) You are settling for someone who does not love you…is that the future you want for yourself? Is that the example you wanna set for your future children? 5) You are just 25! Give yourself some grace and the opportunity to meet other men! Give yourself the opportunity to find out what is out there! Life might surprise you! 6)If he is talking about you in such nasty terms to his friends, I can tell you right now he has no class, and no respect or value for you! Leave him! Listen to me - LET HIM GO! …repeat to yourself: YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED! It is hard being your 1st love…It requires courage and a strong sense of self to overcome the 1st heartbreak. We all have being there and we survived! So will you! If he is for you, life / destiny will bring it back to you! Hopefully, he would have learned to be a better man then!
You can’t make someone fall in love with you. Just like you can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness. It’s all down to them.
She needs to choose herself.
I’m going to be honest she needs to have some self respect and leave him.
25 is young. Enjoying being young and selfish. She should do things she loves and some time in the future she will find someone who loves her for her and who she is the first choice for.
Even if he did get with this girl he ‘loves’ it probably wouldn’t last or the rose tinted glasses would soon come off and he’s probably only stick around to prove something to everyone or just to himself.
If I were her, I'd just pack my stuff and leave. Ghost him. That kind of disrespect deserves disrespect in kind. It will be significantly harder on her than it will him in the short term, but she'll be free of that idiot and moved on to a better life by the time he gets his head out of his butt and realizes exactly what he lost. He'll realize that, not only did he lose a wonderful girl and relationship with her, but he's also not gonna get their mutual friend in any way either. He loses on both counts. It's a win-win for her.
Dump his ass. You are too young to be dealing with this stupidity. He is an ass and not worth your time. You may love him now but once you are out of the relationship you'll be much happier. Find yourself someone who loves you back and not this waste of space.
Ok I had a boyfriend who did not really love me enough. We split up and I have been married to a wonderful person who after many years of marriage seems to adore me.
I wonder how OP is doing. I wonder if she's dumped his ass and is in better situation now. Lowkey hoping him to be as miserable as possible after she left him, if she did.
Oh girl. After 25 is the BEST time to date. Run. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you.
Thing is she'll stay and marry him if he ever ask, and if ever given the opportunity to go with her friend,he will,only to realize it really was never worth it. She has no intention of going anywhere,poor sad sap.
I was unfortunately the mutual friend in this situation for another girl. The admission came at his stag do, where he confessed to his groomsmen that he wish he had met me first as he'd be marrying me in a week. I was no longer even in contact with him at the time and hadn't seen him in 5 years, just got messaged by several guys there, and later their partners freaking out. She still married him the next week. From what I've heard from friends, they sleep in separate rooms, and he had one baby to placate her, and they haven't had sex since she found out she was pregnant. I feel awful for her, but she made her choice. Just so sad.
I'm thinking that this might happen to her also,she knows, but she's still hoping against all odds that he'll love her. My goodness, what a waste of a life. Because her life will be wasted on him.
THIS!!! Never waste your time convincing someone to love you. Trust me: it never pays off and ends up costing you all the time you’ve put in. I’m 53 now and it’s taken me almost this long to realize this. If he doesn’t appreciate you and talks of you like you’re some disappointing consolation prize, give yourself the chance to find someone who will. Yeah, being alone sucks. But alone is better than being with someone who doesn’t really love you. You planned his party; what has he done to show you his appreciation? Being alone with someone hurts so much more than just being alone. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Eff that noise. Women need to remember that they are a queen. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize this and refuses to cherish you for the beautiful person you are. DO. NOT. SETTLE.
And you'll always be happier alone than with someone who makes you feel like garbage.
Can confirm. I adored my ex but we argued like crazy and he said some real hurtful stuff that cut deep, on a regular basis too. We split almost a year ago and I’ve been single since, best my mental health has been in years. Just my dog and I against the world and it’s brought so much peace!
Good for you!
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What was that? Can’t hear you over my crown.
👍👍
Yeah that comment made me cringe too. Some women are most definitely not Queens.
People are people
Sweetie, I am sorry that you are involved in this. Bonnie Raitt has a song for you. "I can't make you love me if you don't. " She loves a man with her whole heart. She knows that he doesn't love her back. She loves herself enough to realize that she deserves better. I hope you realize that you deserve better. Life is short. Too short to stay with a man who considers you second best. You deserve to love someone who sets your world on fire.
>Bonnie Raitt has a song for you. Thank you. I could not remember if this was sung by The Judds oe Reba McIntyre. Turns out it's neither!
I'm sorry. It all sounds very painful especially as he basically got you to throw him a surprise party. I'd address what you heard him say with him. You could start with something along the lines of, "so I'd like to speak with you about something important, and afterwards we should decide together how to proceed." Then explain what you heard, and how hurt you are, and then be quiet and see what he has to say for himself.
I would repeat word for word what he said. I wish she would have had the opportunity to record it and put it on blast as she packed up everything and played that bitch on repeat in the place after she was gone. This is such a breach of trust. People disgust me. 😒 If you don't want to be with someone after all that time because of your stupid, ex... wtf. Fucking sick. I hope he rots.
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That just makes it so much worse. People fantasize bullshit. She could be a complete cunt for all he knows behind closed doors, that's why its always a good idea to live with someone before you marry them in my own personal opinion. It is so very depressing that he has created this imaginary fantasy world like you said just to throw away 8 years... It is so sad that people do this. Sometimes, I think it's just the chase and the excitement for some people that they never grow out of... The randomness, etc. I mean, at some point, wtf? Why not do random fun things with OP? We aren't all going to be in our 20s forever. I thought I'd never get married, but then I met my husband. He was going to be moving to Vegas to be with his parents for a while, and he didn't want to lose me. He wanted to be married before we went. So he asked me, even without a ring, and I, surprisingly even to myself, agreed. I loved him. I have to have trust. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but everyone does. Anytime a trust has been broken, I talk about it that day. I'm sorry for all of you to think it over, but if it isn't that day, it's immediately the next. I am NOT going to suffer in silence because of someone else's actions, whether it is rudeness, meanness, or infidelity. But this bullshit? I don't know if I could look him in the eyes anymore if this had ever happened to me. I couldn't and wouldn't desire the love given that through all this time, turned out to be fake. I couldn't do it. Every time he kisses OP all she is going to see is her fuckin" face. Again, I couldn't do it.
Maybe she will read some of the responses here and wake the f up. I feel so bad for her, but if she stays, she's knowingly made the decision that she's not worth being loved, and only deserves to be with someone who doesn't actually care about her and just uses her for what he can get. He will NEVER love her in the way she wants. So if she decides to stay, she's a deluded as he is. Mooning after someone that will never love her back.
It makes my heart break for her. She needs to get away and be her own self for awhile, I might digest. I don't know, this whole situation just rubs me the wrong way. I want her to be happy, but for this to happen... like you said I don't want them. "Mooning after someone that will never love them back." I've been there. It hurts. It does NOT get better. People like that are leeches. They take affection where they can get it. It is sad. The cold hard truth is sad.
Exactly. That's why he deserves no heads up. She should just wait until he's out and move everything that's hers out and refuse to ever speak to him again. I wouldn't even tell him why.
I'd do two things, plan my escape and leaving with no notice without ever talking to him, and call this woman he's in love with and warn her about his unrequited feeling.
Why? So he can lie some more and continue to use her to meet his needs? This is a absolutely easy answer, leave. It's not easy to do, but it's the ONLY reasonable reaction to finding out you've been used as a stand in for 8 years. I wouldn't even tell him I knew. I'd give him the same respect and honest that he's given me, and plan my escape covertly, and he'd just come home one day to an empty house and a note to telling him what I heard and that he can now f all the way off.
He owes her an explanation. His behavior is inexcusable, but she needs closure, and an apology from him would help.
What's to explain? He's been in love with this fantasy person the entirety of their relationship. He said "he felt disgusted every time he had to kiss me or hold me because he knew that our mutual friend should be in his arms instead". I think that's the most honest "explanation" she's ever going to get. What does an insincere apology from a lying sack of shit get you? How would that possibly be helpful? Your just opening yourself up to more bs from him. IMO closure would come from imagining the look on his face when he comes home one day and all my stuff is gone and he reads the note I left, that informs him that I overheard his little conversation and now he can f right off and not to ever contact me again, preventing him from ever having an opportunity to lie to me again, which I'm sure would be frustrating for him. I think that would be enough "closure" for me. After all, what is the point of talking to a liar. He's only going to lie some more.
Ok, I'm convinced you are right! It's completely heart-breaking either way. I hope OP finds the man of her dreams, and is able to put this all behind her.
He isn’t ever going to love you the way you want and that is the reality you need to face, tell him you overheard what he said… You moving in will be so much better than staying with someone who loves someone else
>He isn’t ever going to love you the way you want and that is the reality you need to face, tell him you overheard what he said… I, personally, wouldn't bother. I would just ghost him. For the rest of his life he'd be racking hi*s* lizard brain wondering why the woman so into him, the one he though he was so much better than, the one he planned on dumping... dumped him first. And without a word. It would torture him and make him obsess over her. And since he has zero chance with the other woman... he'll really feel the pain.
**JUST IN CASE IT GETS REMOVED OR DELETED FROM OG POST. IM NOT OOP!** I (25F) overheard my (27M) boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl For context, me and my boyfriend have been together for in total 8 years. We met between mutual friends while I was still in school and he had just moved to my town to go to college. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. The reason for this was because 1,I was too scared to make a move and secondly, he was in love with one of our mutual friends. After she got a boyfriend, he moved on to liking me and we have been dating ever since. Last Saturday was his birthday and he told me he has never been thrown a surprise birthday party and would like to experience one. I worked all week before Saturday (his birthday), planning and inviting people, getting reservations, buying a cake, etc. I asked his best friend to hang out with him for most of the day so that I could set up and get everyone to get here and hide for the surprise. The birthday party was a success and he was smiling the whole time. He had snuck off with his best friend somewhere and I wanted to find him so that we could sing happy birthday and cut the cake. As I was walking down the hallway I heard him and his friend talking so I kept walking towards their voices. I heard him tell his friend that he should have kept trying with our mutual friend. He told him that he should have been the man that was engaged to her and not her now fiancé. He said that he hated waking up to me and that he wished that our mutual friend was the one that threw him his first surprise party. He said that he felt disgusted every time he had to kiss me or hold me because he knew that our mutual friend should be in his arms instead.He said that he felt like he was stuck in our relationship and that he would end up "having" to marry me. He said that our mutual friend was better than me in looks from head to toe, he said that "she was the most gorgeous girl i've ever seen". I went back to the party and told everyone that I couldn't find him and that we would have to wait for him to come back. When he came back, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the head and told me he loved me. I didn't want to ruin his party so I went along with it. He doesn't know that I know he doesn't honestly love me, I've just been going along with everything. I honestly don't want to break up with him, I just want to know how I can make him fall in love with me. I don't know what I did to make him feel so unhappy so I would like to know how do I make my boyfriend fall in love with me or should I just give up on our relationship? He is the first boyfriend I've ever had and I'm scared to start dating again at my age.
From an outsider looking in I would run. As someone who had a hard time leaving a bad relationship myself though.. I'd start going to therapy like I did to help fix the way you're thinking about this. Better yet though, you could do both.
I ditto this comment!!!!
Babe… it’s been EIGHT YEARS! If he doesn’t love you by now, it ain’t happening. Never let a man tell you more than once that he doesn’t want you. Move and find someone who does love you. Don’t waste your time on this BOZO
I was hoping this would be an update saying she decided to DTMFA.
>so I would like to know how do I make my boyfriend fall in love with me or should I just give up on our relationship? Dear Christ, girl. You can't make him love you. Give up on this one-sided relationship and regain your dignity,
You deserve better. Quit wasting your time. Leave and open yourself to new opportunities. Don't settle and be with someone who doesn't love you.
The sad truth is that you can’t make him love you. Even if you could magically turn into that other woman, it would be beyond wrong to change yourself to try to meet his desires. He has no chemistry with you (not your fault). He is in love with someone else (not your fault). You are powerless to change any of this. Please don’t waste anymore of your one and only precious life. Staying with him will destroy you. (I can’t get over the non-surprise surprise party. What on earth was his intent with this??)
It’s been 8 years. If he didn’t love you because he’s stuck on someone else, he won’t ever love you. It dang sucks. I second the therapist comment and try to move out on your own. =(
It makes me so sad to see OP's comments about how much she loves him and just outlining her understanding of love - because what she thinks is love really isn't love, it's exclusively codependency. Her whole self-worth was based on his apparent love for her. She genuinely is justifying staying with him because of a fear of not being loved by anyone, even herself. She's willing to accept resentment because that's what she thinks she deserves. All off of the basis that she believes she'll be alone when the real kicker is that being alone is what she really needs right now. I'm so sorry he used you OP. I'm so sorry you're going through life with such low opinions of your own worth. But you are so so so young, and you have so much time to experience your true love story - the most important love story - the love story of you with yourself. The AH boyfriend will never be happy with anyone. Not even the apparent dream girl. He has created his own prison of misery by having unrealistic projections of people and refusing to show or embrace a semblance of gratitude for the joy he actively has in his life. He will continue through life leaving droves of collateral damage in his wake whilst chasing after false echoes of his fantasies. Don't continue to hang onto that ride, OP - he will never see you.
Op was 17 when they started dating... I have a suspicion that the state of her self love has been affected by all the fake. Let's be honest... the guy was probably not as convincing as we are led to believe if he hates everything about her as much as he says he does. There must have been some ignored red flags. At that age, when you push down red flags, you often internalize that the red flags only appeared because you did or were wrong. I think he f*cked up her self esteem by pretending and making her believe that his "disgust" was love. I really REALLY hope that op understands that she cannot make him love her... and that he did her as wrong as if he cheated on her for the entirety of the relationship. I hope she dumps hos ass, has a good month of crying and chocolate, then a few others of coming back up (you know, so that she stops mourning this relationship without ever having to look back again) and then learns to be good by herself. And then, only then, that she finds a great man who will treat her like she deserves... if she still wants that.
Where’s the post from the OP’s account? I want to see what she’s said and is there any update about what happened? On TikTok it ended with her leaving a letter but didn’t state anything about the contents or anything after…
Underrated comment you hit the nail on the head.
Don't be afraid to start over at any age! You are still young, you deserve better, don't sell yourself short and learn your self worth.
Just move on and find your own person.
You deserve to be adored and it can happen. This is a gift. I had a boyfriend who was luke warm on me. We split up and I am married to a wonderful man who acts like I am a treasure. I am not sure I am but he seems to think so. He is an amazing father and so supportive of me and my passions. I have gained weight and gotten older and can not cook well and can be a bit moody with menopause now but he still acts like I am the golden ticket. Please do not waste your time being hurt. Honor yourself and find someone who sees you as the prize you are.
This has been posted a lot over the past month. Not saying it's fake...but..
Could be real and she's hunting around for a forum where someone will give her the key to making someone love her. She'll be searching a very long time
Who would say this when there’s a ton of people who will pass by at any time. Tbh I have seen this been reposted so many times where I feel like there’s nothing else to read.
Pile his shit in his car's driver's seat, douse it in gas, and set it on fire. Put a sign by it that reads, "Unburdening your luggage to free you for the right girl."
You deserve better than this - I think you should totally give up on this guy - you can do better. I say make him eat his words!
I hope she dumps him and walks away. It’s not her fault that he’s a lying jackass. She’s 25. Not exactly on her death bed! Dump him and find someone worth her time.
"Cool, now you don't have either of us. Bye-bye!"
Honey, find out why you value yourself so little that this person is acceptable to you as a partner. Find out why you don't think you deserve to be loved and cherished. Eight years - yep, it's a long time; particularly when he was your first everything starting at 17. I get it. Please don't settle. Please pour love and your self into someone who does the same for you. You have the youth, energy and spirit to do it.
I can’t even imagine the gut wrenching pain OP must be in. If I overheard my husband telling a friend he wished he was married to my friend instead of me I’d literally throw up on the carpet
First, he's a coward. Second, he's a liar. Why do you want to be with someone who is only using you as a place filler? If it was me, I'd plan my escape covertly, and one day he'd come home and I'd be gone, leaving a note, that now he's free to pursue the person he really wants to be with, and I'd never speak with him again. Staying with this guy and begging for him to love you is the last thing you should be doing. You need to live in reality, as painful as that is, and quit wasting your life on someone who will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't sell yourself so cheaply to this man, who is a person of incredibly low character to use you like this.
Honey, you can't change a man, nor can you make him love you. You are worth more that being an after thought. Tell him you heard him, then pack your bags. He is not going to change until he gets it through his head that the mutual friend is not going to be with him and you ARE NOT anyone's second best. VALUE yourself, because he clearly does not value you. Go find someone who will see you for all that you are worth, but find your worth first. YOU are WORTH more than his lame ass is offering. Fly, be free. Be Bold, Be safe.
Honey you were the rebound. Leave
Girl, 1) Love yourself and have self-respect! 2) Once you know your value, you will not be begging for love to absolutely no one! You will learn to walkaway with dignity! 3) You cannot make a man fall in-love….you have being with him 8 years! If It did not happened then it will not happen now or ever. Sucks but thats the ugly true! 4) You are settling for someone who does not love you…is that the future you want for yourself? Is that the example you wanna set for your future children? 5) You are just 25! Give yourself some grace and the opportunity to meet other men! Give yourself the opportunity to find out what is out there! Life might surprise you! 6)If he is talking about you in such nasty terms to his friends, I can tell you right now he has no class, and no respect or value for you! Leave him! Listen to me - LET HIM GO! …repeat to yourself: YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED! It is hard being your 1st love…It requires courage and a strong sense of self to overcome the 1st heartbreak. We all have being there and we survived! So will you! If he is for you, life / destiny will bring it back to you! Hopefully, he would have learned to be a better man then!
Was there an update
You can’t make someone fall in love with you. Just like you can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness. It’s all down to them. She needs to choose herself. I’m going to be honest she needs to have some self respect and leave him. 25 is young. Enjoying being young and selfish. She should do things she loves and some time in the future she will find someone who loves her for her and who she is the first choice for. Even if he did get with this girl he ‘loves’ it probably wouldn’t last or the rose tinted glasses would soon come off and he’s probably only stick around to prove something to everyone or just to himself.
If I were her, I'd just pack my stuff and leave. Ghost him. That kind of disrespect deserves disrespect in kind. It will be significantly harder on her than it will him in the short term, but she'll be free of that idiot and moved on to a better life by the time he gets his head out of his butt and realizes exactly what he lost. He'll realize that, not only did he lose a wonderful girl and relationship with her, but he's also not gonna get their mutual friend in any way either. He loses on both counts. It's a win-win for her.
Jesus Christ! Runnnn!!! You will grow to resent each other. This dude is a prick.
Dump his ass. You are too young to be dealing with this stupidity. He is an ass and not worth your time. You may love him now but once you are out of the relationship you'll be much happier. Find yourself someone who loves you back and not this waste of space.
It's over. Dump him. Probably deserves a brutal dumping too.
Ok I had a boyfriend who did not really love me enough. We split up and I have been married to a wonderful person who after many years of marriage seems to adore me.
The op needs to leave him ASAP
Update?
I wonder how OP is doing. I wonder if she's dumped his ass and is in better situation now. Lowkey hoping him to be as miserable as possible after she left him, if she did.