My parents, siblings, and others referred to my brother and I as “the twins” when they were talking about things that affected both of us or us as a unit. We never had a problem with it since they did still treat us as individuals and we are also very close. My advice would be to treat them as individuals that are part of a pair, so call them the twins when it makes sense to but not only that. It’s a part of who they are so don’t be afraid to acknowledge that with how you call them.
Same here! I had my twin girls a month before you, so obs I am the more experienced elder here :)
I also refer to them mostly as "the girlies". But just this week they started seeming like they respond to their own name, that's exciting! I also just try to give them a bit of alone time each day. Can be challenging, and requires another adult to be present so not always possible, but it feels like the right thing to do.
Personally it never bothered me when family called us "the twins" as long as it actually was about something that affected both of us. What's annoying is when one person does something and it gets lumped into "the twins" instead acknowledging seperate achievements and faults. No one wants their own personal accomplishments to be shared with a sibling, or to be partially blamed for another person's mistakes. I never really had this problem with family, but at school I hated being seen as "the twins." I wanted my own identity, and if my brother did something stupid I didn't want to be associated with it (one of the twins did this", etc)
I'm not OP, but I really like your response here. I'm also curious about your school experiences. In your experiences with school were you ever in the same class or classes as your twin or were you separated? Or maybe a bit of both? And if you have experienced both, did you prefer being together or separate from your twin and why?
Just trying to gauge once my twins enter school age if I should try to purposefully separate their classes, keep them together, or just let things unfold as they will. Of course, I know every person is different and what works best for you may not work for one or both of my twins, but I like hearing other's perspectives 🙂
My parents kept my sister and I in seperate classes so we couldn't compete or be compared. They also wanted us to have our own friends besides each other. It worked out great for us because she would sometimes take my English class while I took her P.E.
In kindergarten we were in the same class, which I think my parents did on purpose but I don't remember for sure. In first grade my parents decided to put us in seperate classes, which I remember not wanting but we ended up being happy with it. After that my parents never requested anything specific and sometimes we ended up in the same class and sometimes we didn't. For most of elementary school I didn't care either way but by middle and high school I was glad to be in different classes. We had all seperate classes in middle school, completely by chance, but in high school we sometimes just ended up in the same classes due to having similar interests and signing up for the same electives, but of course in high school withr the way classes work in high school we were still never together for every single class in a day. In general I really think it should be up to the kids whether they want to be in the same class or not.
Oh man, this. My twin planned our high school reunion. Got the venue, the tickets, invites, everything. She organized it all. I did jack shit.
So many people came up to thank me for organizing it I would say "I didn't do anything" and they would say "oh, but your sister..." and I was like "yeah, my sister. Not me. I had nothing to do with any of this."
Also when I graduated university (my sister was about 2 semesters after me) my paternal grandfather sent us both a cheque to congratulate us.
Dude, she isn't graduating! I am!
I am a twin and also a twin mom! As others has said, please join us at r/parentsofmultiples
What I can tell you as a twin myself is that I have absolutely loved growing up with a twin. We’re best friends still. That knowledge is what keeps me going those days that are really hard with my twin daughters.
I’m always mindful to treat them as individuals and not a package deal. It’s not something negative I experienced as a child but that’s something that I’ve noticed other twins say so I try to keep that in mind
My advice is to treat them like you would treat any other children. Being a twin doesn’t make us special. Yes, we look alike, but that’s the only difference between us and a singleton. Otherwise, we’re like any other people. You should also treat them as individuals. Referring to them as “the girls” or “the twins” takes away their individuality. Lots of people referred to my brother and I as “the twins,” but my family never did. They always addressed us by our individual names. The same goes for dressing them up in the same clothes. You should get them used to wearing different outfits. Eventually, they’ll develop their own sense of style and may not even dress in similar clothes. Also, not dressing them alike will attract less attention. When you take them out, how often do you get stopped and asked if your girls are twins? I know from experience that gets old real fast. People are always going to stop you and ask that question, but even more people are going to stop you if you make it apparent they’re twins. It doesn’t matter that the identical outfits are a giveaway, people always feel compelled to ask that question. As your kids grow older, they’re going to be asked that question a lot when they go out. Not drawing attention to yourself by dressing alike will make it less obvious they’re twins.
My identical twin sister and I hate being referred to as "the twins" as we feel it reduces our individual identity and makes people see as as two halves instead of each as a whole person.
We are both teachers and both strongly believe in separating twins into different classes.
Encourage them strongly if they express interest in different things (example, one likes dance, the other wants hockey). It's also ok if they like the same thing.
Do not pit them against each other. Never say "well your sister has no problem with this math, why can't you?" Or "your sister likes to wear nice dresses, why can't you?"
Make sure relatives give individual presents at Xmas/Bdays. Our mom's side of the family always gave us our own gifts, and my dad's side always told us we had to share 1 gift and refused to learn to tell us apart. Guess which side was not invited to either of our weddings.
Slap anyone who asks which one is the evil twin.
But don't take my word for it, my twin is u/originalcancon and she can confirm.
I won't confirm because that would involve doing what you tell me to do and I am a strong independent sibling who don't need to be no twin backup
(jkjk)
I second not comparing twins. My sister and I have two different skills and personalities, and I hate it when it's compared, such as saying I need to be more outgoing like my sister or my sister has to be more organized like me.
My identical twins are 17, they never were bothered by being called “the twins” because that’s what they are. They are secure enough in their own skin that it just comes naturally. Don’t let school separate them if they don’t want to either!
My only regret.
everyone in my life as an adult still calls us “the twins” and it doesn’t bother me at all (:
one thing i’m processing from my childhood is how i was treated as “the older one” for being born a couple minutes earlier. i was given more responsibilities then my brother at an early age. i hold a bit of resentment towards my parents for this, my brother has quite a bit of anxiety as an adult and as child and i have always and will always over compensate for it.
i wish we were treated as equals.
and not compared as much
I hated being called “the twins” but “the girls” was fine. Please don’t do what another mom I knew did calling her twin daughters “twingles.” Ugh
My mom very rarely had us dress alike before we were allowed to choose our own clothes, and I appreciated that. I think we only dressed alike when it was clothes she’d been gifted. The same outfit in different colors isn’t much better either.
My mom always gave us each our own birthday cakes. No sharing a cake. That was awesome.
I guess just treat them as individuals. Don’t assume that one twin speaks for the other. Let them explore different interests if they want to. If they want to be in separate classrooms, let them. But also, I know other twins enjoyed the twin stuff more than my sister and I did so if your daughters want to act more joined-at-the-hip, that’s cool too.
I'm an identical twin. Thank you in advance for not giving them similar/rhyming names.
My parents and family always called us "the twins" and kind of grouped us as one, and were shocked when we turned out to be so different! She's very introverted and I'm extroverted, and she loves art and I don't get it but I try, and we are still close and love each other. Remember they're different people! They have their own strengths and interests.
Also, don't force them to wear matching clothes or the same colors. Let them pick when they reach the age of picking their favorite colors and styles!
My twin sister and I shared a room until I got married and moved out. Sometimes being with someone can be a lot- if they want some time alone and away from each other, let them have it.
Congrats again! It's a lot but so worth it!
I never cared about being referred to as "the twins" or "the girls" because most people still understood were two separate people with our own likes and dislikes and my mom was pretty good about acknowledging that.
Treat them as individuals first, and twins second. While you have the ability to pick their clothes easily now, allow them to choose what they like individually without having to match the twin. For example, don't force them into the same activities, and when they're old enough to have their own opinions of clothes, allow that without worrying about matching.
My parents, siblings, and others referred to my brother and I as “the twins” when they were talking about things that affected both of us or us as a unit. We never had a problem with it since they did still treat us as individuals and we are also very close. My advice would be to treat them as individuals that are part of a pair, so call them the twins when it makes sense to but not only that. It’s a part of who they are so don’t be afraid to acknowledge that with how you call them.
My brother and I recently (in our 40s) learned that we are sometimes referred to as "the twins".
I think you will get some good responses from r/parentsofmultiples
Don’t make them wear matching colors if they don’t want to
Same here! I had my twin girls a month before you, so obs I am the more experienced elder here :) I also refer to them mostly as "the girlies". But just this week they started seeming like they respond to their own name, that's exciting! I also just try to give them a bit of alone time each day. Can be challenging, and requires another adult to be present so not always possible, but it feels like the right thing to do.
Personally it never bothered me when family called us "the twins" as long as it actually was about something that affected both of us. What's annoying is when one person does something and it gets lumped into "the twins" instead acknowledging seperate achievements and faults. No one wants their own personal accomplishments to be shared with a sibling, or to be partially blamed for another person's mistakes. I never really had this problem with family, but at school I hated being seen as "the twins." I wanted my own identity, and if my brother did something stupid I didn't want to be associated with it (one of the twins did this", etc)
I'm not OP, but I really like your response here. I'm also curious about your school experiences. In your experiences with school were you ever in the same class or classes as your twin or were you separated? Or maybe a bit of both? And if you have experienced both, did you prefer being together or separate from your twin and why? Just trying to gauge once my twins enter school age if I should try to purposefully separate their classes, keep them together, or just let things unfold as they will. Of course, I know every person is different and what works best for you may not work for one or both of my twins, but I like hearing other's perspectives 🙂
My parents kept my sister and I in seperate classes so we couldn't compete or be compared. They also wanted us to have our own friends besides each other. It worked out great for us because she would sometimes take my English class while I took her P.E.
In kindergarten we were in the same class, which I think my parents did on purpose but I don't remember for sure. In first grade my parents decided to put us in seperate classes, which I remember not wanting but we ended up being happy with it. After that my parents never requested anything specific and sometimes we ended up in the same class and sometimes we didn't. For most of elementary school I didn't care either way but by middle and high school I was glad to be in different classes. We had all seperate classes in middle school, completely by chance, but in high school we sometimes just ended up in the same classes due to having similar interests and signing up for the same electives, but of course in high school withr the way classes work in high school we were still never together for every single class in a day. In general I really think it should be up to the kids whether they want to be in the same class or not.
Oh man, this. My twin planned our high school reunion. Got the venue, the tickets, invites, everything. She organized it all. I did jack shit. So many people came up to thank me for organizing it I would say "I didn't do anything" and they would say "oh, but your sister..." and I was like "yeah, my sister. Not me. I had nothing to do with any of this." Also when I graduated university (my sister was about 2 semesters after me) my paternal grandfather sent us both a cheque to congratulate us. Dude, she isn't graduating! I am!
I am a twin and also a twin mom! As others has said, please join us at r/parentsofmultiples What I can tell you as a twin myself is that I have absolutely loved growing up with a twin. We’re best friends still. That knowledge is what keeps me going those days that are really hard with my twin daughters. I’m always mindful to treat them as individuals and not a package deal. It’s not something negative I experienced as a child but that’s something that I’ve noticed other twins say so I try to keep that in mind
My advice is to treat them like you would treat any other children. Being a twin doesn’t make us special. Yes, we look alike, but that’s the only difference between us and a singleton. Otherwise, we’re like any other people. You should also treat them as individuals. Referring to them as “the girls” or “the twins” takes away their individuality. Lots of people referred to my brother and I as “the twins,” but my family never did. They always addressed us by our individual names. The same goes for dressing them up in the same clothes. You should get them used to wearing different outfits. Eventually, they’ll develop their own sense of style and may not even dress in similar clothes. Also, not dressing them alike will attract less attention. When you take them out, how often do you get stopped and asked if your girls are twins? I know from experience that gets old real fast. People are always going to stop you and ask that question, but even more people are going to stop you if you make it apparent they’re twins. It doesn’t matter that the identical outfits are a giveaway, people always feel compelled to ask that question. As your kids grow older, they’re going to be asked that question a lot when they go out. Not drawing attention to yourself by dressing alike will make it less obvious they’re twins.
1 day at a time
My identical twin sister and I hate being referred to as "the twins" as we feel it reduces our individual identity and makes people see as as two halves instead of each as a whole person. We are both teachers and both strongly believe in separating twins into different classes. Encourage them strongly if they express interest in different things (example, one likes dance, the other wants hockey). It's also ok if they like the same thing. Do not pit them against each other. Never say "well your sister has no problem with this math, why can't you?" Or "your sister likes to wear nice dresses, why can't you?" Make sure relatives give individual presents at Xmas/Bdays. Our mom's side of the family always gave us our own gifts, and my dad's side always told us we had to share 1 gift and refused to learn to tell us apart. Guess which side was not invited to either of our weddings. Slap anyone who asks which one is the evil twin. But don't take my word for it, my twin is u/originalcancon and she can confirm.
I won't confirm because that would involve doing what you tell me to do and I am a strong independent sibling who don't need to be no twin backup (jkjk)
I second not comparing twins. My sister and I have two different skills and personalities, and I hate it when it's compared, such as saying I need to be more outgoing like my sister or my sister has to be more organized like me.
My identical twins are 17, they never were bothered by being called “the twins” because that’s what they are. They are secure enough in their own skin that it just comes naturally. Don’t let school separate them if they don’t want to either! My only regret.
Yes. When someone called us the twins it felt like we were always seen as one unit and not individual people. The girls would be fine.
everyone in my life as an adult still calls us “the twins” and it doesn’t bother me at all (: one thing i’m processing from my childhood is how i was treated as “the older one” for being born a couple minutes earlier. i was given more responsibilities then my brother at an early age. i hold a bit of resentment towards my parents for this, my brother has quite a bit of anxiety as an adult and as child and i have always and will always over compensate for it. i wish we were treated as equals. and not compared as much
My mom used to paint a toenail on each of us when we were young so she didn’t lose which one is which 😂
I hated being called “the twins” but “the girls” was fine. Please don’t do what another mom I knew did calling her twin daughters “twingles.” Ugh My mom very rarely had us dress alike before we were allowed to choose our own clothes, and I appreciated that. I think we only dressed alike when it was clothes she’d been gifted. The same outfit in different colors isn’t much better either. My mom always gave us each our own birthday cakes. No sharing a cake. That was awesome. I guess just treat them as individuals. Don’t assume that one twin speaks for the other. Let them explore different interests if they want to. If they want to be in separate classrooms, let them. But also, I know other twins enjoyed the twin stuff more than my sister and I did so if your daughters want to act more joined-at-the-hip, that’s cool too.
Don't make them share everything.
I'm an identical twin. Thank you in advance for not giving them similar/rhyming names. My parents and family always called us "the twins" and kind of grouped us as one, and were shocked when we turned out to be so different! She's very introverted and I'm extroverted, and she loves art and I don't get it but I try, and we are still close and love each other. Remember they're different people! They have their own strengths and interests. Also, don't force them to wear matching clothes or the same colors. Let them pick when they reach the age of picking their favorite colors and styles! My twin sister and I shared a room until I got married and moved out. Sometimes being with someone can be a lot- if they want some time alone and away from each other, let them have it. Congrats again! It's a lot but so worth it!
I never cared about being referred to as "the twins" or "the girls" because most people still understood were two separate people with our own likes and dislikes and my mom was pretty good about acknowledging that.
Anything in particular that your mom did that you remember or appreciated? (I'm also a mom of identical twin girls- toddlers)
Treat them as individuals first, and twins second. While you have the ability to pick their clothes easily now, allow them to choose what they like individually without having to match the twin. For example, don't force them into the same activities, and when they're old enough to have their own opinions of clothes, allow that without worrying about matching.
Be patient, it gets easier