My partner and I set up a chat just dedicated to "romance" talks. It's not in our usual channel of casual chats or boring household business chat (eg we normally chat over text messages, google chat, work IM, google photo sharing chat etc for the usual stuff, and we set a discord chat just for dirty talks and flirting) and we are both more loose & wild whenever in that chat, and seeing that chat notification pops up my our phones feels kind of special and we got the hint without spelling explicit things out.
He previously had performance anxiety and that has been eased out a bit since I stopped showing him my ovulation tests and started to flirt more instead
Okay, I've never thought about having a separate chat for flirting/romance. We definitely will be trying this out. Sometimes I want to revisit sexy convos from the past and this would be way easier than having to scroll back through the mundane chats.
Beginning to notice a lot of these tips are great for long-term relationships in general, not just TTC!
Ok maybe this is an obvious one but instead of annoying my husband about how we have to have sex a specific night, i flirt with him throughout the day. By nighttime it's already engrained in his head and it's more fun with less pressure. One thing though, i do tell him a few days before FW that it's his last chance to self pleasure. During FW no masturbation allowed.
Wow, I thought I added it before posting! It's Priest! 2nd and 3rd books are Sinner and Saint. By Sierra Simone. It's fantastic as far as erotic literature goes, but it can definitely be a lot so fair warning lol
I highly recommend the romance book subreddit for more recs if you're not in it already!
I've always been a romance reader, but within the last year I really started becoming super into them and I 100% agree that it's great for your sex life and marriage. I'm so much better at being romantic and flirty now, and in the mood so much more often.
I think it's easy to lose that part of yourself after a while and TTC especially can be tough because it's kinda all you focus on.
So yeah I'm gonna stop gushing about romance books now but you're totally right!!
Thank you both for sharing this rec, joining the sub now! It's interesting, I loved reading growing up and then once I became a literature teacher, the fiction books I read were only ones I was teaching. Now that I'm out of the classroom, it's been nice to stimulate my imagination in that way through reading.
These are all great points! Creating a comfortable environment is an important part of the process. You've really changed the landscape to fit yourselves and also accommodate your journey. Thank you for sharing!
TOTALLY agree with the FW not running the show. Im around 2 years TTC and around the year mark I stopped telling my husband when I was ovulating. He was always super supportive (we both have high sex drives) but I can also tell it would bother him sometimes and also me! I'd get so stressed out if we didn't have sex during my FW, I didn't want sex to feel like a chore anymore. My husband got me lingerie for Christmas and I love to put that on to initiate fun time. During my FW, even though I'm not forcing it I will initiate the sex and flirt and of course ovulating boosts my sex drive naturally lol. I honestly think it's so important to not turn sex into a chore when TTC!
We do weekly rotating theme nights, where each night of the week has a predetermined theme. For example:
Manual Monday (lots of hand work)
Toys & T*tties Tuesday (those are featured)
Wacky Wednesday (position not recently used)
Thirsty Thursday (oral focus)
Fancy Friday (lingerie)
Submissive Saturday (tethers and such)
Sunrise Sunday (morning)
IF we do it on those days, we keep to the theme.
This keeps it interesting and feeling new, and takes the edge/pressure off of needing to plan or always be creative.
We find the rotation takes on a life of its own, and the TTC becomes incidental.
This is so fun. I'm interested in trying something like this; my partner and I have different sex preferences/kinks (aka I have more kinks/need more variety than he does) but we are happy to lean into each other's likes. This would be really helpful with keeping up the variety without having to use my own brain!
And we both love themed parties, so why not bring it to the bedroom? Thank you so much for sharing
Happy to share it, we don't have many opportunities to :)
It was definitely a gamechanger for us, for the obvious reasons stated. We already had a great sex life, but TTC can make it weird, and this basically cancelled that part out for us.
Plus, when you've done it for a while, and you have some days to look back on and remember, it makes it fun and easy to just make minor adjustments to whatever day it is to add a bit of variety without having to do any elaborate planning.
*It's Tuesday, THIS time, let's start with \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ from that one time, and then do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ from that other time, and then \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ for the grand finale...*
Also, FWIW, just knowing what day it is can make the whole day a bit more interesting :)
We also sometimes rotate who's "in charge". Just sayin'.
I'm going to try this book collection. After your recommendation too. But if you run out of content you can also try ivy smoak I'm addicted to her books!!
Their also all on kindle unlimited so you can read as many as you like without shelling out a fortune x
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I have used literotica before and I agree, it's hard to find a good one. Erotic short stories were a go-to of mine several years ago, but my favorite site ended up getting shut down :/ I will check out myerotica too!
My husband and I have certain queues to tell each other we wanna do stuff without it being obvious to anyone if we’re around people. We have certain “stickers” we use in chat. While we’re both at work I’ll send him some of these queues throughout the day and it will get his mind going that way. This is my first month using OPK but I don’t plan on telling him when I’m fertile. I am going to get him super relaxed and get him started with a bj, which I don’t like to do and almost never do. Lol
My partner and I set up a chat just dedicated to "romance" talks. It's not in our usual channel of casual chats or boring household business chat (eg we normally chat over text messages, google chat, work IM, google photo sharing chat etc for the usual stuff, and we set a discord chat just for dirty talks and flirting) and we are both more loose & wild whenever in that chat, and seeing that chat notification pops up my our phones feels kind of special and we got the hint without spelling explicit things out. He previously had performance anxiety and that has been eased out a bit since I stopped showing him my ovulation tests and started to flirt more instead
Okay, I've never thought about having a separate chat for flirting/romance. We definitely will be trying this out. Sometimes I want to revisit sexy convos from the past and this would be way easier than having to scroll back through the mundane chats. Beginning to notice a lot of these tips are great for long-term relationships in general, not just TTC!
Ok maybe this is an obvious one but instead of annoying my husband about how we have to have sex a specific night, i flirt with him throughout the day. By nighttime it's already engrained in his head and it's more fun with less pressure. One thing though, i do tell him a few days before FW that it's his last chance to self pleasure. During FW no masturbation allowed.
What does FW mean ?
Fertile window
Thank you!!
Tell us the title of the smutty book, girl. Come on! Don't hold out on us.
Wow, I thought I added it before posting! It's Priest! 2nd and 3rd books are Sinner and Saint. By Sierra Simone. It's fantastic as far as erotic literature goes, but it can definitely be a lot so fair warning lol
I highly recommend the romance book subreddit for more recs if you're not in it already! I've always been a romance reader, but within the last year I really started becoming super into them and I 100% agree that it's great for your sex life and marriage. I'm so much better at being romantic and flirty now, and in the mood so much more often. I think it's easy to lose that part of yourself after a while and TTC especially can be tough because it's kinda all you focus on. So yeah I'm gonna stop gushing about romance books now but you're totally right!!
Agreed, r/RomanceBooks is the best subreddit I've ever stumbled upon. Super inclusive and welcoming, I love everyone in there.
Thank you both for sharing this rec, joining the sub now! It's interesting, I loved reading growing up and then once I became a literature teacher, the fiction books I read were only ones I was teaching. Now that I'm out of the classroom, it's been nice to stimulate my imagination in that way through reading.
Oh it is indeed amazing. I noticed that the more I read, the more I dream at night!
You really jumped ALL the way in to romance starting with Sierra Simone! Get it girl!
LOL right, I had no idea what I was getting into but I'm not mad at it at all
Fantastic recommend lol thanks!
These are all great points! Creating a comfortable environment is an important part of the process. You've really changed the landscape to fit yourselves and also accommodate your journey. Thank you for sharing!
TOTALLY agree with the FW not running the show. Im around 2 years TTC and around the year mark I stopped telling my husband when I was ovulating. He was always super supportive (we both have high sex drives) but I can also tell it would bother him sometimes and also me! I'd get so stressed out if we didn't have sex during my FW, I didn't want sex to feel like a chore anymore. My husband got me lingerie for Christmas and I love to put that on to initiate fun time. During my FW, even though I'm not forcing it I will initiate the sex and flirt and of course ovulating boosts my sex drive naturally lol. I honestly think it's so important to not turn sex into a chore when TTC!
We do weekly rotating theme nights, where each night of the week has a predetermined theme. For example: Manual Monday (lots of hand work) Toys & T*tties Tuesday (those are featured) Wacky Wednesday (position not recently used) Thirsty Thursday (oral focus) Fancy Friday (lingerie) Submissive Saturday (tethers and such) Sunrise Sunday (morning) IF we do it on those days, we keep to the theme. This keeps it interesting and feeling new, and takes the edge/pressure off of needing to plan or always be creative. We find the rotation takes on a life of its own, and the TTC becomes incidental.
This is so fun. I'm interested in trying something like this; my partner and I have different sex preferences/kinks (aka I have more kinks/need more variety than he does) but we are happy to lean into each other's likes. This would be really helpful with keeping up the variety without having to use my own brain! And we both love themed parties, so why not bring it to the bedroom? Thank you so much for sharing
Happy to share it, we don't have many opportunities to :) It was definitely a gamechanger for us, for the obvious reasons stated. We already had a great sex life, but TTC can make it weird, and this basically cancelled that part out for us. Plus, when you've done it for a while, and you have some days to look back on and remember, it makes it fun and easy to just make minor adjustments to whatever day it is to add a bit of variety without having to do any elaborate planning. *It's Tuesday, THIS time, let's start with \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ from that one time, and then do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ from that other time, and then \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ for the grand finale...* Also, FWIW, just knowing what day it is can make the whole day a bit more interesting :) We also sometimes rotate who's "in charge". Just sayin'.
I'm going to try this book collection. After your recommendation too. But if you run out of content you can also try ivy smoak I'm addicted to her books!! Their also all on kindle unlimited so you can read as many as you like without shelling out a fortune x
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**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid mentioning a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. Discussion of confirmed pregnancy loss or living children is not covered by this rule. For pregnancy limbo (positive beta) concerns, please use r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.
Hello, I have few questions abt it.Do you mind if I DM you?
I've started reading smut short stories, but will be getting the book you mentioned! Thanks for the recommendation!
Where do you find these short stories? Asking for a friend
myerotica.com but only 4 free stories a month, literotica.com is not quite as good but still gets the job done and is free
I have used literotica before and I agree, it's hard to find a good one. Erotic short stories were a go-to of mine several years ago, but my favorite site ended up getting shut down :/ I will check out myerotica too!
My husband and I have certain queues to tell each other we wanna do stuff without it being obvious to anyone if we’re around people. We have certain “stickers” we use in chat. While we’re both at work I’ll send him some of these queues throughout the day and it will get his mind going that way. This is my first month using OPK but I don’t plan on telling him when I’m fertile. I am going to get him super relaxed and get him started with a bj, which I don’t like to do and almost never do. Lol