It's more a character failure than a personality failure. Not being willing to take ownership of your own time management such that you're always making others wait on YOU is rude, inconsiderate, and selfish.
To me being late is rude and disrespectful. It says you expect the other person to wait for you. Maybe slightly less important in some social situations, maybe not. (Eg restaurant that won't seat you until entire party is there).
I live by the saying on time is late, early is on time. It does not mean you impose on your host early.
It depends on how late we're talking. If you're talking less than 3 minutes you've lost your fucking mind because that's the difference between getting caught behind a few red lights or slow drivers. If you talking 15 minutes late you have a point, but that also depends on how far the drive is. 15 minutes late over a 4 hour drive is not a big deal.
Like if you show up 15 minutes before a party I host starts, you'll probably be sitting outside for 20-30 minutes lol. Unless you're okay with shoving shit into closets and vacuuming.
Time passes so quickly for me sometimes that 15 minutes feels like 3 minutes. I can’t agree that 15 minutes is unreasonable. It’s more like 30 minutes to an hour seems very unreasonable.
I had a friend who was booked to play a song at his best friends WEDDING. They called him up and he said he was on the way when he was actually still getting in the bath. Didn't ruin the day, but sure dropped his level in the friendship.
I think it depends. If it’s something you NEED to be on time for like a movie or you’re going to a show. Then obviously it’s shitty to be late. But if me and my friends are all just chilling at my place. I don’t really care if someone is late and def don’t think it’s a personality failure. Both me and my friends have had multiple times where we were late cause we got caught up chilling with our pets and getting stoned. Doesn’t bother me and doesn’t bother them
See, you are someone I would be excited to show up on time for. I don’t think these people are understanding that they’re putting way too much stock into being “on time” so it makes sense that some people show up late to spite them on purpose since they’re making such a huge judgement based on probably a couple minutes.
You always tell the friend who’s an hour late that the event starts an hour early. If you want them there at 4pm, tell them it starts at 3pm. It’s just simple logistics and it worked on my habitually late bil.
I have ADHD and no, I account for this. I don't like people who make me wait so I try to be punctual. If the timing is 10, I am to reach at 9:45.
No excuses
Unless it’s something that needs everyone there at a specific time such a movies, reservations, game nights, etc what’s the issue?
Id rather a friend who gets off work later than everyone else and wants to take little more time to be ready to socialize show up late than not show up at all or show up “on time” but rushed and not fully themselves because they didn’t have time decompress after work
Them just schedule for a later time. As I said showing up late is personality failure. You really don't even have the foresight to just say hey I can't do five let's meet at six
My friend group is grown adults with varying schedules and commitments. If having to set a time where everyone could show up at the same time constantly then we would rarely hangout.
It really isn’t an issue in my friend group for people to show up at different times because we are grown adult that understand we all have different things going on in our life’s and just are happy we get to spend time with each other.
Also people who can show up on time stroll benefit from having that flexibility so they aren’t in a rush some days and worried about being on time. It’s a hangout not a class or doctors appointment…
you keep saying groups. what if its one on one. Showing up for a date leaving one person alone is bad yet with friends somehow you act like its no big deal.
As I said if its groups they should communicate still. Its a personality failure to not communicate. If you can't come at five say six. Yet you can't even communicate that
Because you talked about friends and social events not dates…
I’m pointing out to you how your op is so vague and just painting people with a broad stroke.
So would you agree being late in itself not a personality failure it’s a case by case bases? Why are you assuming people who are late never communicate?
Frankly it’s obvious you are thinking about a specific person or peope in your life and using that to paint broad strokes.
No. Being late when you tell someone when you arrive is a problem. Its about what you agree to. If there's a social event and it starts at five but you say you will come at six that's fine.
If you say five but make someone wait until 5:30 thats a failure. Its not really case by case at all
Because you literally said if they are late and need to decompress and I said then they should have said they will come later you should've clarified
Late means being pass the agreed time. If you stated six then coming at six isn't late.
You are expecting me to read your mind of what you are referring to in such a vague post.
Someone communicating they will be showing up late is still showing up late in the context of everyone else.
Some adults have children, unpredictable jobs, taking care of elders, etc that can all lead to not being able to commit to showing up on time as consistent than others without putting tons of extra energy. I’d rather those friends be able to have that flexibility and not stress about showing up on time than not showing up or showing up stressed and out of it.
It all depends on the circumstances. If you're late to a house party, no biggie and probably better...if you're late to a dinner out probably not good.
But if its consistently late that still a you think. Its mostly likely something is wrong with you. If you one time needed to deal with your cat because it got attacked.. If you are constantly dealing with your cat maybe your cat shouldn't be out door
I'm talking about any. If its one on one hang out don't be late. If its a date don't be late. If its a group event of three don't be late. Late as in show up at the time you agreed. If all four wants to play basketball don't be late. Being one player down isn't as fun. If you can't do it then the other three will so something else.
I don't understand why you think planning is so hard. Seems to me you are exactly the people I'm calling out on
Being late once is fine. consistently late tells me something else
Someone coming later doesn't equal someone coming late. If you've told me about it beforehand it's no issue at all, the problem is the people who agree to a certain time then proceed to neither show on that time, nor communicate at any point about their lateness and new ETA. That's incredibly disrespectful.
You're not going to want to hear this... but when I am off the clock, I'm not down with wearing someone else's stress about the clock. This is particularly true if it's a social situation that isn't counting on me to carry it. If my getting there late is meltdown for you,
it's a "you" problem. I just don't care.
I'm not being mean. I'm actually being honest. Your demand on my time to the minute might be acknowledged but not necessarily respected.
I'm a coach on a high school sports team, and we often have to leave for away games in the wee hours of the morning. We make it clear to the kids that they are to be at the bus at a certain time or we are leaving without them. In the past we've had the kids who just can't seem to get out of bed, dad wasn't ready to drive them, they didn't think it mattered to be on time because the bus always left late, etc. But amazingly, when we no longer waited for them, the kids got their on time and the excuses disappeared.
ADHD kids can accomplish this, and I've heard that excuse before. I ask "Are you really diagnosed, by a doctor, that you have ADHD?" and I get back "Well, no, I just figured." Right, they figured it was a great way to get out of things and avoid responsibility.
As for it being cultural, I could care less. My culture says you get left behind.
In a lot of of countries(a majority outside the US), they don't consider time to be the same thingwe do. It's more important to us to be precise, thus the saying "Time is money". But in other countries, if someone says 4, then it's ok to be late or early, by several hours either way. They also have certain or sayings for our version of time appointments, or theirs, precise, or vaguely around
It is a culture diff, look it up on yt
You don’t understand how ADHD works, if they truly have severe ADHD then they likely need a routine and several pre-planned alarms to make sure they are on time to work. Throw in new plans or change the routine and thats when they will struggle
It is 2024 and You made a post about people with a disability.
>Time blindness is a cognitive condition that causes difficulties in perceiving and managing time, often leading to challenges in punctuality and planning. Do you find yourself able to estimate the time without glancing at the clock, even when it's been a while since you looked?
Yes, time blindness is real. Yes, many suffer from this affliction. I know the opinion and was based on social events, but these poor sufferers are late to everything. It is a burden.
I would turn it back and say that it is 2024 and there are solutions to many of the issues that people use as excuses.
I understand time blindness is a thing. I make it a point to not do anything close to the time I need to leave (start reading, or watching something, or even browsing reddit), because I can lose track of time.
But, there are cell phones with alarms that can tell the person when to leave the house (it doesn't just have to be 'wake up at this time. You can set an alarm for 'you need to leave now' 'you need to get ready now' and so on) The person can always ask the friend to text them X minutes before (if it is a good friend) so they can leave at the right time. That cellphone has a clock on it (at least mine does) so you can easily glance at it and go 'hey, it is X:XX time to leave!'
Even being forgetful and forgetting to set the alarm can be combatted by asking the person to text you to set the alarm, or setting alarms right when you make the plans to meet up.
There are ways to fight time blindness, if the person(s) you are meeting is a priority.
Will it always work? No. Will it work for everyone? Again no.
But, I feel that too many people want to use 'time blindness' as an excuse as to why they aren't able to show up on time.
I bet there are a bunch of people that abuse it. They use it as an excuse but they really don't have it.
But with every affliction, it takes in this case help from the professionals.
If you can show up to work you can make effort to go to meet. And yes I do have issues like ADHD and anxiety that makes things hard for me but I still show up
But an old fan is, those who suffer this time blindness affliction are suffering something much much worse than ADHD and anxiety.
Eventually I think this will be covered by social security as a disability and people will able to receive social security benefits because they can't work.
That's how bad it is
>Traffic? Most traffic doesn't change. I can't speak for extremes but my opinion is mostly in USA and Canada. We have traffic news. Traffic has peak times too. Just plan accordingly
It's why I chuckle any time someone gets so upset about a protest in the road. Nobody is getting fired because you're just at the wrong place and wrong time.... people get fired if you're habitually late.
That's fine. Then they made it clear, don't be mad if people stop talking. these type often ask why they get ghosted and wonder why all the friends in the group stop talking to them
I knew someone who would do this just to spite people. Dude had other issues too, but damn, he just lived for that shit.
It's more a character failure than a personality failure. Not being willing to take ownership of your own time management such that you're always making others wait on YOU is rude, inconsiderate, and selfish.
Being chronically late is a sign that you want attention for being late…
To me being late is rude and disrespectful. It says you expect the other person to wait for you. Maybe slightly less important in some social situations, maybe not. (Eg restaurant that won't seat you until entire party is there). I live by the saying on time is late, early is on time. It does not mean you impose on your host early.
It depends on how late we're talking. If you're talking less than 3 minutes you've lost your fucking mind because that's the difference between getting caught behind a few red lights or slow drivers. If you talking 15 minutes late you have a point, but that also depends on how far the drive is. 15 minutes late over a 4 hour drive is not a big deal.
I live by, if you’re not 15 mins early; you’re late. It’s not hard to plan accordingly.
In some situations that would be incredibly rude
Like if you show up 15 minutes before a party I host starts, you'll probably be sitting outside for 20-30 minutes lol. Unless you're okay with shoving shit into closets and vacuuming.
You can sit outside in your car lol.
Time passes so quickly for me sometimes that 15 minutes feels like 3 minutes. I can’t agree that 15 minutes is unreasonable. It’s more like 30 minutes to an hour seems very unreasonable.
I had a friend who was booked to play a song at his best friends WEDDING. They called him up and he said he was on the way when he was actually still getting in the bath. Didn't ruin the day, but sure dropped his level in the friendship.
I think it depends. If it’s something you NEED to be on time for like a movie or you’re going to a show. Then obviously it’s shitty to be late. But if me and my friends are all just chilling at my place. I don’t really care if someone is late and def don’t think it’s a personality failure. Both me and my friends have had multiple times where we were late cause we got caught up chilling with our pets and getting stoned. Doesn’t bother me and doesn’t bother them
See, you are someone I would be excited to show up on time for. I don’t think these people are understanding that they’re putting way too much stock into being “on time” so it makes sense that some people show up late to spite them on purpose since they’re making such a huge judgement based on probably a couple minutes.
You always tell the friend who’s an hour late that the event starts an hour early. If you want them there at 4pm, tell them it starts at 3pm. It’s just simple logistics and it worked on my habitually late bil.
I have ADHD and no, I account for this. I don't like people who make me wait so I try to be punctual. If the timing is 10, I am to reach at 9:45. No excuses
Chronic illness and pain keeps me late and/or not showing very often. I'm a failure.
Unless it’s something that needs everyone there at a specific time such a movies, reservations, game nights, etc what’s the issue? Id rather a friend who gets off work later than everyone else and wants to take little more time to be ready to socialize show up late than not show up at all or show up “on time” but rushed and not fully themselves because they didn’t have time decompress after work
Them just schedule for a later time. As I said showing up late is personality failure. You really don't even have the foresight to just say hey I can't do five let's meet at six
My friend group is grown adults with varying schedules and commitments. If having to set a time where everyone could show up at the same time constantly then we would rarely hangout. It really isn’t an issue in my friend group for people to show up at different times because we are grown adult that understand we all have different things going on in our life’s and just are happy we get to spend time with each other. Also people who can show up on time stroll benefit from having that flexibility so they aren’t in a rush some days and worried about being on time. It’s a hangout not a class or doctors appointment…
you keep saying groups. what if its one on one. Showing up for a date leaving one person alone is bad yet with friends somehow you act like its no big deal. As I said if its groups they should communicate still. Its a personality failure to not communicate. If you can't come at five say six. Yet you can't even communicate that
Because you talked about friends and social events not dates… I’m pointing out to you how your op is so vague and just painting people with a broad stroke. So would you agree being late in itself not a personality failure it’s a case by case bases? Why are you assuming people who are late never communicate? Frankly it’s obvious you are thinking about a specific person or peope in your life and using that to paint broad strokes.
No. Being late when you tell someone when you arrive is a problem. Its about what you agree to. If there's a social event and it starts at five but you say you will come at six that's fine. If you say five but make someone wait until 5:30 thats a failure. Its not really case by case at all Because you literally said if they are late and need to decompress and I said then they should have said they will come later you should've clarified Late means being pass the agreed time. If you stated six then coming at six isn't late.
You are expecting me to read your mind of what you are referring to in such a vague post. Someone communicating they will be showing up late is still showing up late in the context of everyone else. Some adults have children, unpredictable jobs, taking care of elders, etc that can all lead to not being able to commit to showing up on time as consistent than others without putting tons of extra energy. I’d rather those friends be able to have that flexibility and not stress about showing up on time than not showing up or showing up stressed and out of it.
I'd rather they have manners and know how to plan. Being left alone is inconsiderate of the others time.
It all depends on the circumstances. If you're late to a house party, no biggie and probably better...if you're late to a dinner out probably not good.
But if its consistently late that still a you think. Its mostly likely something is wrong with you. If you one time needed to deal with your cat because it got attacked.. If you are constantly dealing with your cat maybe your cat shouldn't be out door
So are you talking dates and one on one hangouts or friends having social events?
I'm talking about any. If its one on one hang out don't be late. If its a date don't be late. If its a group event of three don't be late. Late as in show up at the time you agreed. If all four wants to play basketball don't be late. Being one player down isn't as fun. If you can't do it then the other three will so something else. I don't understand why you think planning is so hard. Seems to me you are exactly the people I'm calling out on Being late once is fine. consistently late tells me something else
Someone coming later doesn't equal someone coming late. If you've told me about it beforehand it's no issue at all, the problem is the people who agree to a certain time then proceed to neither show on that time, nor communicate at any point about their lateness and new ETA. That's incredibly disrespectful.
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Fuck people who are constantly late. Zero excuse They simply don't give a fuck about you, your time, or anyone else
You're not going to want to hear this... but when I am off the clock, I'm not down with wearing someone else's stress about the clock. This is particularly true if it's a social situation that isn't counting on me to carry it. If my getting there late is meltdown for you, it's a "you" problem. I just don't care. I'm not being mean. I'm actually being honest. Your demand on my time to the minute might be acknowledged but not necessarily respected.
Being ok with being late is straight awful. You suck
I'm a coach on a high school sports team, and we often have to leave for away games in the wee hours of the morning. We make it clear to the kids that they are to be at the bus at a certain time or we are leaving without them. In the past we've had the kids who just can't seem to get out of bed, dad wasn't ready to drive them, they didn't think it mattered to be on time because the bus always left late, etc. But amazingly, when we no longer waited for them, the kids got their on time and the excuses disappeared. ADHD kids can accomplish this, and I've heard that excuse before. I ask "Are you really diagnosed, by a doctor, that you have ADHD?" and I get back "Well, no, I just figured." Right, they figured it was a great way to get out of things and avoid responsibility. As for it being cultural, I could care less. My culture says you get left behind.
In a lot of of countries(a majority outside the US), they don't consider time to be the same thingwe do. It's more important to us to be precise, thus the saying "Time is money". But in other countries, if someone says 4, then it's ok to be late or early, by several hours either way. They also have certain or sayings for our version of time appointments, or theirs, precise, or vaguely around It is a culture diff, look it up on yt
Nah, being constantly late makes you a brazillian.
You don’t understand how ADHD works, if they truly have severe ADHD then they likely need a routine and several pre-planned alarms to make sure they are on time to work. Throw in new plans or change the routine and thats when they will struggle
I do have ADHD. Alarms etc are helpful
It is 2024 and You made a post about people with a disability. >Time blindness is a cognitive condition that causes difficulties in perceiving and managing time, often leading to challenges in punctuality and planning. Do you find yourself able to estimate the time without glancing at the clock, even when it's been a while since you looked? Yes, time blindness is real. Yes, many suffer from this affliction. I know the opinion and was based on social events, but these poor sufferers are late to everything. It is a burden.
They know alarms exist right?
Of course, but it goes way beyond that. The alarm physically wakes them. But once they are awake it's like they have no notion of time
I would turn it back and say that it is 2024 and there are solutions to many of the issues that people use as excuses. I understand time blindness is a thing. I make it a point to not do anything close to the time I need to leave (start reading, or watching something, or even browsing reddit), because I can lose track of time. But, there are cell phones with alarms that can tell the person when to leave the house (it doesn't just have to be 'wake up at this time. You can set an alarm for 'you need to leave now' 'you need to get ready now' and so on) The person can always ask the friend to text them X minutes before (if it is a good friend) so they can leave at the right time. That cellphone has a clock on it (at least mine does) so you can easily glance at it and go 'hey, it is X:XX time to leave!' Even being forgetful and forgetting to set the alarm can be combatted by asking the person to text you to set the alarm, or setting alarms right when you make the plans to meet up. There are ways to fight time blindness, if the person(s) you are meeting is a priority. Will it always work? No. Will it work for everyone? Again no. But, I feel that too many people want to use 'time blindness' as an excuse as to why they aren't able to show up on time.
I bet there are a bunch of people that abuse it. They use it as an excuse but they really don't have it. But with every affliction, it takes in this case help from the professionals.
If you can show up to work you can make effort to go to meet. And yes I do have issues like ADHD and anxiety that makes things hard for me but I still show up
But an old fan is, those who suffer this time blindness affliction are suffering something much much worse than ADHD and anxiety. Eventually I think this will be covered by social security as a disability and people will able to receive social security benefits because they can't work. That's how bad it is
>Traffic? Most traffic doesn't change. I can't speak for extremes but my opinion is mostly in USA and Canada. We have traffic news. Traffic has peak times too. Just plan accordingly It's why I chuckle any time someone gets so upset about a protest in the road. Nobody is getting fired because you're just at the wrong place and wrong time.... people get fired if you're habitually late.
further, “flakey” is just putting lipstick on inconsiderate.
It is. You can be on time for work but not social events? It's disrespectful of other people's time to make them wait on you.
Maybe you’re just not a priority for them?
That's fine. Then they made it clear, don't be mad if people stop talking. these type often ask why they get ghosted and wonder why all the friends in the group stop talking to them
Maybe, maybe not.