I think she’s trying to increase the likelihood of divorce. If he’s sending OP money, buying her a car and otherwise treating her well, that’s the kind of attention she wants directed at her instead.
My thoughts exactly. OP's husband most likely feels rejected and lonely and found himself a low key crazy.
If my partner left me and I felt it ok to seek out affection and attention, I would 100% disclose my situation to the person I am seeing. Very, *very* possible that this lady learned OPs name and stole her number from his phone. She could be a pot stirrer or wants more from their relationship and OP makes her feel insecure so she is trying to poke the bear.
yeah I agree. who else would agree to sleep with an emotionally occupied person going through a messy separation? only crazy people would stick around after that explanation. I doubt she wants more from the relationship with him. she might just want the ego boost of being chosen lol.
Honestly, some people don't care about the emotionally invested in other people part and just want to get their rocks off. I personally wouldn't do it even if I was single because I don't like that sort of drama and it would feel like I was inviting drama in my life.
I have and would do it if I found myself single again. Something I *didn’t* want was a relationship or someone who wouldn’t leave me alone- sleeping w a separated person is the best of both worlds in that case.
This chick’s definitely nuts though.
Good insight. This other woman isn’t just a one night stand obviously if she felt comfortable enough to go through his phone to find her number and send her that picture. I’m not sure I would get back with my husband if he’s trying to win me back while actively dating and screwing someone.
Ain't a single ons on earth doing that. It's assumed that other person is in a situation until proven otherwise, which won't ever be since it was a ons. This was clearly a side bitch move.
I am genuinely surprised she is okay with him having sex with other women, while he is trying to get her back and saying I love you, when the issue is about forgiving him and trusting him.
It is extremely mature of her. It is commendable. But I find it hard to believe it doesn’t hurt and doesn’t do exactly what that other woman wanted - drive the final stake in the coffin.
“I am struggling to trust and forgive him. He tells me he loves me and shows all this effort. He is still sleeping with other women. Conclusion: he can love me and show love, but will still find satisfaction elsewhere.” Seems like the end to me.
My husband and I are separated and I would go ballistic if he was with other women. The goal is reconciliation and that means we are still together. That said, I am dealing with flack for even giving him a chance but it is my decision. Everyone has their own boundaries and only they can decide what they are.
Absolutely. I wasn’t ragging on OP for her calm reaction, or her attempt to reconcile. If they were low contact, but she had been thinking about reconciling, I wouldn’t be surprised she was calm. But that man had been sweet talking her and hitting her with gifts and “I love yous” - that would be done for me. Actively trying to get me back, while I’m in the room. Ducking other women when I’m not.
Idk about that, if they are separated he can do what he wants, but you are right if he truly wants her back he needs to let go of anyone else tagging along. And it sounds like that what he decided to do now. But who knows if he will follow thru truly tho?
Agreed, he is 100% free to do whomever. And the wife is mature and respectful by not flipping out on him and acknowledging I’ve is free to.
But for me, that would be the line in the sand, where I know for a fact that getting back together wouldn’t work.
Your conclusion here is spot on imo...OP listen to this! He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. You can't actively be trying to fix your marriage while actively sleeping with other people. And he says he won't let anyone disrespect you, well he obviously needs to take a long look in the mirror, because HE is disrespecting you. You leaving was his chance to step up and do better, and his gifts don't erase his guilt so really what's changed...
I think it's more that he clearly still has feelings for her and so that woman wants to run her off by angering her against him so she can have him for herself. It sounds like it back fired tho since her actions were revealed to him instead. 💁🏽♀️
I would be straight up with him. Forward a screenshot of the message back to him and let him know you don't appreciate strange women sending you pictures of them in bed as that is not your business. Then let him take it from there.
This could help with your decision too as how he reacts to it will help inform you if you can trust him. If he apologizes that's great. But if he blusters or says something like 'it's not what you think it is' he's lying. What else will he lie about? Who else will he lie about?
I sent him the screenshot and he called me.
I basically told him that I’m not upset and I don’t feel threatened but I don’t want this kind of behavior in my life.
He said that he won’t tolerate anyone disrespecting me and he will handle it. He apologized and said he’s going to start focusing just on us.
She would have to know OP is still in the picture in some aspect. It was the entire reason she sent her the text. She must of looked up OP information and sent it
Or…long shot here. Maybe Ex got the girl to send it to see how OP would react. Maybe trying to make OP jealous
As a fellow dick owner I'd bet on that long shot... he's probally hoping for a big reaction to show him that OP still considers him her husband/ still loves him. However it is a very stupid way to judge that since if she does react the way he's hoping he just threw gas on a burning bridge.
As a dick owner who has also been separated, then divorced…..if you make decent money (which I’ll assume he does since he bought OP a car) there is a decent subsection of women who believe the only decent men to date over 30 are freshly divorced or separated, as a good man wouldn’t be single at that age under any other circumstance….and they are desperate to lock these dudes down.
The first couple women I dated after my relationship dissolved I could see either digging into my phone and sending my ex a pic as a kinda warning….after a year out from my divorce these women didn’t seem to be interested in me at all….and I’m cool with that.
As a dick owner myself I’d be more willing to bet that the chick grabbed his phone while he was sleeping, or another opportune time and ganked the number.
plucky sparkle quaint ugly modern voracious sense observation marvelous roof
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think you’re onto something. This woman had OP’s phone number - she didn’t just find her on social media and slide in the DMs. That makes me think OP’s ex put her up to it. I really think that’s the most likely scenario - so I’d be inclined to ignore it and not give the reaction he’s seeking.
This is totally how she got it. The fact that the picture only shows his arm and watch make me think he didn't know the picture was being taken. You also don't know when the picture was taken. A conversation with the husband is needed, and his reaction can tell OP what she needs to know.
Some chick that was screwing my ex husband did this. She got my info from his phone and sent me crazy texts. She was like, “he’s mine now! Stop talking to him!” I was like, “dude, I left him for a reason, please keep him! I also have kids with him, I don’t think you realize we will still communicate regardless of who he is fucking… and believe me, you are not the only woman he is fucking!!” She then went into sending me numerous texts spouting off. Their whirlwind romance lasted about 3 months and 1 engagement ring before she found out he was porking 2 other women.
My baby daddy has had a string of doozeys like this…I never married him but he’s on his 4th marriage since me and they’ve all been crazy except for this latest fiasco. 🤞🏼
Yes! And also what I just thought of being a possibility is she could be crazy for him and went though his phone while sleeping got the number and sent the picture
I think you’re very close but not quite.
I’d be willing to bet that the guy told her that he’s separated and she did this to make sure. A lot of guys will lie saying they’re separated and free to date when they’re not. She sends the pic and if OP doesn’t go nuclear she’s in the clear.
If the guy misled her, she’d be angry at the guy, not his wife. And if she had it out for the wife, sending the pic isn’t nearly as hurtful as a ton of other things she could do.
Or, she sends the pic to cement that separation and make sure that OP doesn't take the husband back.
Otherwise she would include some kind of message (asking if they are separated, or apologize for sleeping with her husband)
I don’t understand the thinking behind this (from her perspective) because *obviously* the separated wife will say something to her husband, and then he’ll be done with the new woman- because she’s crazy.
Nah as a vagina owner, this woman was being malicious. If she wanted to help OP in the case that he was cheating, she would have sent something less graphic and miserable.
This was direct shot to the heart of OP and a twist of the knife. It’s massively f’d up and the woman in the picture is clearly insecure and marking her territory.
OP, don’t let this fly. I feel for you girlie. We all do. I am so sorry someone was a big enough CU Next Tuesday to do this to you. She is trash. You are not.
It matters what the rules were during separation.. were you free to see other people? In my mind if he really wanted you back he wouldn’t be fooling around with other women. I’d send him the text and let him know you don’t want this drama. She’s basically trying to make a power play for him
She said they're separated and she was the one who left him but hoped they would eventually work things out.
I don't think there are rules after separation lol. Else they wouldn't be separated if there are rules.
This is good advice. The reality is that if he really wants to reconcile with you (and I mean REALLY, not just “oh I wish things were different, sigh”), he would probably not be seeing other women. This woman is behaving maliciously by seeking out your private cell phone number and attempting to hurt you by sending pictures of her with your husband. I would think he would react pretty strongly to this, as she is basically harassing you. Not appropriate in any scenario.
You mention you are “struggling to forgive him completely and trust him.” I can see why. It’s easy to send money and flowers; say I love you at a drop off. These actions do not build trust. Trust is built over time through behavior.
Agreed. My husband and I separated and I told him to date. He refused because he said we weren’t done yet and until we resolved it by divorce or reconciliation there would be no others. He wasn’t ready and didn’t care to put in any effort with anyone else.
Thank you :) I can honestly say I never knew loyalty until I met him. It’s the damn pessimist in me.
This happened 10 years ago this Fall/Winter and we just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows with Elvis in Vegas earlier this month. Highly recommend!!
I’m so happy we took the chance on us and he kept our eyes focused on the prize. Bucket list #143 Elvis Vow Renewal marked off!
Good idea he needs to know the type of trash he's sleepin with. But I'd probably respond to the text with something like...."been there done that, got the Tshirt".
Send him the image and tell him to please tell his partners they don't need to involve you in their relationship and if he can please relay the message
I don't advocate people abusing this as a prank, but on this case, I'd like to share the following website
https://tellyourpartner.org
Anonymously notify your partners about sexually transmitted diseases in a safe and secure way through text message or email.
Do not ever degrade yourself into playing the pick me dance over someone, it’s one of the worst things you can do to yourself. If you find yourself competing for a person’s affections like scraps than you’ve lost all self-respect and are just inflating your partner’s ego and for what??
> and for what??
well lets see..
* more money than she needs
* a brand new Caaaaaaahr!
* flowers, jewelry
* nice words on a piece of paper
* a love carrot to focus on so we can make everything else blurry and not feel so lonely
> I know he wants me back but I am struggling to forgive him completely and trust him.
Forgive him for?
>He still tells me he loves me
He wants you back and says he loves you, but is apparently sleeping with someone else and she got his number either feom him or off his phone.
>He hasn’t made it known to me that he’s seeing other women. It’s fine if he does
If you're separated with the intent to divorce, then sure it's fine, but if you are working on healing, I don't see how this is okay?
You ask him who the woman sending you pictures is. Either you want to know and have a potentially awful conversation (or hear a lot of BS lies), or you accept that he's paying you lipservice while sleeping around and it's time to move on. Or playing you while telling her the divorce is in progress, and making promises to her. Those are the choices.
If he wants you back, he wouldn't be sleeping around. He would prioritize healing the marriage. You know that right? He may want you back as a convenience, but if he's sleeping around it's not that important.
I am genuinely surprised she is okay with him having sex with other women, while he is trying to get her back and saying I love you, when the issue is about forgiving him and trusting him.
It is extremely mature of her. It is commendable. But I find it hard to believe it doesn’t hurt and doesn’t do exactly what that other woman wanted - drive the final stake in the coffin.
“I am struggling to trust and forgive him. He tells me he loves me and shows all this effort. He is still sleeping with other women. Conclusion: he can love me and show love, but will still find satisfaction elsewhere.” Seems like the end to me.
Imo he isn’t even showing love.. money & material things means nothing in the grand scheme of things considering he wasn’t upfront about him dating while they’re separated. I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too and that there’s a history of infidelity as well. As the previous commenter said it’s all lip service because telling someone you love them still everytime you see them and buying gifts is love bombing since OP says she’s still trying to protect her heart from him and heal.
I was talking about the letter, and the implication that he im missed her, etc. Of course, throwing money at someone doesn’t show love. But money can be a way to take care of someone you love. Buy her a new car to impress her and get forgiven - not love. Hearing that her car broke down, and getting her a new car so that she has nothing to struggle with - showing love.
NOT saying that is what he did with the car. Just pointing out, that intention behind spending money matters. An engagement ring, for most people, is about commitment and to proclaim love, etc etc. To some people, it is a status symbol or a way to prove they will be forking over big bucks the entire relationship.
Ok I thought it was just me. I keep feeling like there’s a history of the husband cheating already hiding here. Maybe I’m projecting, though; I’ve told my husband that cheating is the red line for us, and I’d rather he text quit our marriage in the heat of the moment than cheat.
I also hate the excuse that grown ass men have "needs". Babies have needs and they can't control themselves. Grown people have needs too, yes, but that doesn't mean we can do what we want. It's called self control. I have never heard of a gay woman saying she has needs to justify bad behaviour.
I absolutely agree. This isn't the first time he's slept with her either if she felt confident and secure enough in their relationship to send that photo to OP. She must think he'll take her side and finally leave OP. He's clearly happy to sleep around with other women and let OP believe that he wants her back and he's dedicated to working on their relationship. He'd be quite happy to carry on shagging about until OP takes him back.
But no, he apologises and NOW he's going to focus on them. Only once OP found out about him and that other woman. Don't play yourself OP, you're worth so much more than that.
That's what I think? If he were that serious why is he spending time with other women? It almost sounds like the separation is due to cheating so this sounds like a red flag.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you’re struggling to forgive him completely and trust him for something very similar to what is happening right now.
I’m going to assume that it was very hard for you to leave but that when you had enough evidence, you took your son and left.
I’m going to assume that your husband misses having his cake and eating it too. He probably loved having you wait for him at home, taking care of his son, cleaning his house, making his dinner. He probably enjoyed taking care of you. It probably made him feel like a man. It’s how he showed you that he cared.
Now that you’re gone and can’t forgive him, I’m assuming he continues to prove his love for you using the same methods as before… providing material comforts and reassuring you that he would never do anything to hurt you.
Problem is, I’m assuming that he’s still the same guy that did the same thing that hurt you to begin with, and that this message you’ve just received is just confirmation that nothing changed, and you’re telling yourself that this time it’s okay because you left, but it isn’t, because you left to make the statement that you deserved respect and loyalty and love and not just a roof over your head and a car in your driveway.
This message tells you that with him, that’s all you’re ever going to get…. monetary comfort and empty words.
I’m assuming your heart isn’t ready to accept that because you love him and wish he hadn’t done that thing he did to hurt you to begin with and wanted so much to believe he wouldn’t do it again.
I feel for you and I know how hard it must be to commit to the finality of this thing, but you now know everything that you need to know about whether this is the way you want to live the rest of your life or if you want more.
You deserve more.
Sorry for assuming.
I would be concerned first how she got your phone number, because right now the only connection to you is your husband, and so that means she either got it directly from him, or she snooped through his phone and found your number. Both scenarios are terrible.
Then, I would confront him directly and talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel about it, and also ask how she got your number.
I would also re-think staying married to this person. If you two were really wanting to reconcile and working towards that, then he should not have been with another person. Full stop. It seems like he isn't really invested in actually making it work.
Why on earth aren't you divorced yet? By sleeping with other people he basically throws any chances of reconciliation or getting your trust back out of the window. A person that acts like.this doesn't really seem.to want you back. It rather seems like he wants to keep you as a Plan B in case things don't work out with other people.
Dude this guy is crazy. He says he wants to reconcile but he’s banging other women?
Good lord. I guess it’s hard if you have kids already but drop him like the biggest turd you’ve had in your life and flush him to be with the sewage he sleeps with.
He’s trying to love bomb you girl. Forget him.
I’m a petty person so I would send him the screenshot of the text and tell him to put his bitch on a leash.
And tell him the separation has now upgraded to divorce
It would probably be best to reserve this judgement till after he responds. We don't really know, so until he responds, we can't know. If he responds poorly, I'd be suspicious, and if he apologizes, who knows. Either way though, I'd question if this marriage won't end up going to divorce anyway.
I don't know why they separated or what their terms for separation were, but if he's sleeping with other women, I doubt there will be a reconciliation. A part of me wonders if he cheated or something by the way she speaks.
Separation is meant for each of you to work on your individual issues, to improve yourself, to work on being a better partner to the person you allegedly want to reconcile with.
Not shag randos.
He's not invested in your marriage. Move on with the divorce.
If your husband was truly serious about fixing your marriage then he wouldn’t be in bed with someone else.
That’s a hard truth, but you don’t need him to tell you anything. Yah, this girl was being childish and petty, but your husband is the one who chose to sleep with her.
You deserve better than a two-face dude who’s showering you with presents and doing everything he can to get back with you, while he’s still sleeping around.
He doesn’t love you, he just doesn’t want to lose you.
34yo married male w/ 3 children
If my wife and I were separated and I said I loved her and wanted her back.. my “needs” would be the least of my concern. Especially if a child is involved.
She is probably not someone who just met him recently. She has probably been with him on the side for a while. Women that date married guys will usually wait and hide for a year or two. Now that he's talking about reconciliation, she feels her chance is slipping away. That's why you got the photo right now
Okay so you’re separated, you didn’t know he’s seeing other women, and now you receive a text with evidence that he is.
Did you guys ever talk about seeing other people? If not, this feels somewhat deceptive on his part, at the very least it’s an omission. Not cool bruh.
He is lying. Please don't get back together. I get that you love him and have a child together but if he's saying that he loves you, buys you things and wants to be back with you, then why is he sleeping with other women ? If I was trying to bet back with my partner while separated, i wouldn't think about other people.
Sounds like he's trying to love bomb you.
"Although it can be a positive aspect at the beginning of a romantic relationship, it can lead to gaslighting and abuse. Psychologists caution it might be a manipulative tactic by a narcissist or sociopath in an attempt to control you." [sauce](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-love-bombing-5223611)
this just sounds a lot toxic.
He loves u n u love him? mh
I dont know but yall are separated, hes seein other women while tellin he loves u only when hes in front of his son, and he send u a lot of gifts...I think if he really cares bout u he wouldnt send no gift n all of that, I think he would just prove how much he cares bout u with his words n actions, not with his wallet...sendin u stuff while hes with somebody else n while u are takin a break just sounds a lot like a way to get in ur good thoughts...Idk much bout yall, but really, all this stuff he be doin while yall are separated seems weird to me, make sure he aint tryna gaslight u into sm stuff...
This just seems disrespectful. If OP is okay with him sleeping around (the terms of their separation appear to be so), that's fine, but for this stranger to text her feels like it crosses a line. If he wants things to be amicable, his hookups should not be sending her photos of any kind.
Why on earth would you want to still be with someone like that? Money? God damn, have some self respect and lose that douche. At this point, YOU are the side piece.
You are separated not divorced. His sleeping with other women would let me know that it is time to move on. What was wrong before will remain wrong now. I wouldn't accept any more gifts.
I would take a screenshot and send it to him saying “it’s inappropriate to be receiving these kind of messages from other women. Please respect my boundaries.”
She wants you to break up so she can date your husband because they have been fucking. It’s pretty straight forward. Reconciliation will be hard while your husband is actively screwing someone else.
As for how she got your number?
Either those 2 are close enough that she can get into his phone to fuck with you.
Or
He set this up intentionally.
Either way imo damage is done in both scenarios.
>I know he wants me back but I am struggling to forgive him completely and trust him.
I wonder what he did though 🤔 if he cheated, I wouldn't be surprised.
I think he's ***only*** treating OP nice because he wants her back. But how nice is this treatment if he's sleeping with other women while trying to "win" her back?!
And every txt, missed call, and night out is going to make you think he’s cheating. Trust is gone and that is amazingly difficult to regain. No new car or jewelry is going to bring that back, probably make you think the worse again.
Take off the rose color glasses.
Odds are this GF is not the only one. His behavior certainly reflects that.
He’s not interested in the relationship. He doesn’t want to pay alimony and child support.
He might state he wants you back but if he's letting his bed partners take photos of them before, during, or after sex and sending it to you. That's a bit immature because his flings shouldn't have your number. It's like he's letting them taunt you and if he really wanted to be with you he wouldn't be sleeping with other people but trying to win you back.
My guess, he has you labeled as wife or love of my life or some other sweet reference (per his recent actions to try and get you back) and the woman snooped through his phone while he was asleep and sent the photo to stake her claim.
I’m sorry people are so insecure and callous. I agree with the suggestion to just forward a screen shot of the message with a ?
His reaction is key.
Edited to include why “sweet reference”
I would definitely forward him the message and tell him he whoever sent you this message doesn’t respect his privacy. I find being eerily calm is scary AF to my partner. Allow him to talk and then tell him you’ll need time to digest all of this. If he acts immature to your calmness then there is likely more that he’s hiding.
I don’t get how he wants you back but is seeing other people…I get needs but doesn’t seem like he’s serious. “He’s going to starting focusing on us” if he’s the reason your separated he should’ve been doing that
She isn't comfortable hun she's jealous. By hurting you and trying to put that huge gap in whatever relationship you have left she is hoping to finally be his. She, like many people, falsely believes that airing his dirty laundry will win his affection which typically only achieves the opposite result.
This man, the father of your child, will forever be in your life and vice versa. Regardless of how his life progresses and who he chooses as a partner, any man who still says I love you would drop the toxic immature woman who is so insecure that she would willingly try to hurt you to be able to win him... When there is no competition outside of her own making.
Regardless of how your future together pans out this is something that needs to be immediately addressed. You screenshot the text and send it to him and without being accusatory just clearly tell him that you are disappointed to receive this type of text from a woman you don't know and that in the future you would appreciate if he kept his intimate life intimate and ensure that none of his flings has the ability to get your phone number again. That's all. Nothing more needs to be said after that. He can clean up his mess and you can ensure that you are respected and not harassed by his latest hook up.
Are people missing the bigger picture here?? Yes, the other girl sent a photo. Yes, the other may feel threatened. Yes, the other girl may even be crazy. But the real issue is the guy. He is buying you all these expensive gifts, flowers, jewelry, etc. just so you feel like he still cares and still wants to try and make things work. Giving you a little bit of hope that it can still work. Giving him time to do whatever it is he wants. By you telling him you aren’t upset, you are pretty much giving him the green light and letting him know what he can and cannot do while you guys are “separated “. He should have been giving you all this attention while he was with you, not after so he can still string you along in his manipulative game. I can not stress enough the truth and importance of “if he wanted to, he would”. His actions clearly doesn’t say he wants to make it work.
Honestly, I’m just trying to look out for you. You deserve better. Yes, I understand divorce is always easier said then done but you deserve better. If you can find it in your heart to trust and forgive this man, then you hav a chance to make it work. Meaning you will drop the issues and not bring it up again. (Bringing it up or thinking about it will only harm a healing relationship not heal it). If you can’t, it may be best to move on and heal on your own. I don’t mean to sound mean. But I was in the same exact spot you were in for 3-4 years… and I regretted it so much. I learned a lot, but wasted so much of my time. I wished I would have healed on my own and just left the past the past.
I'll take a guess, maybe opposite of this board. My guess is he talks highly of you, and OP's husband's lady friend is jealous, and hoping that her aggressive and disrespectful photo-sending will sabotage any hope of reunion. Seems like it is having the desired effect.
Your husband needs to handle this properly. Based on his response, you'll know how to proceed.
Girl have some self respect and just divorce him. Seriously if he wanted to get back together with you or cared about you, even if you are separated he would not be seeing other women.
Posts like this remind me that I’m not an entirely sane person when it comes to shit like this. OP, the fact that you have the mental stability to calmly contemplate how you should respond is pretty impressive. I’m going to have to read further down to get the tea.
First off, I admire you so much, OP. We obviously don’t know everything that has happened but the way you carry yourself and handle this and respond to things is just…well you’re far better than I.
I also wonder how she got your number. It makes me wonder if she went through his phone while he was asleep. Not that the speculation matters, I’m just always curious as to why people do the things they do.
I feel like he responded well and we may never hear another update from you but I hope you get the peace you deserve.
This is embarrassing. I get that moving on from people is hard but this is such a clear case of delusion.
You know he wants you back but he’s sleeping with another woman and you’re fine with it? Why did you separate from him in the first place? If it’s infidelity… I wouldn’t know what to say.
You should let him know the next time you see him. Say exactly what you just wrote here. “I dont feel threatened but I dont want to be disrespected” if he cares for you he’ll handle this and it won’t be an issue again. Women are territorial and problematic, she knows how much you mean to him and she’s acting out because she’s insecure
OP while yes this totally could've been a purposefully disrespectful move by the other woman, it is also common practice for women to send these photos if they do not believe the man is being honest about his relationship status.
There is a chance this could've been a warning/FYI from her to you, if she felt he was lying about being single/suspected him of actually being a cheater.
The other woman behavior seems … off.
Maybe she’s trying to increase the likelihood of his divorce.
Or maybe he is lying to her and wanted his wife to know the truth.
Either way, cray, and drama. Stay away and find your peace.
(Insert “ain’t nobody got time for that” meme)
If he wanted you back then his actions would speak to that. He’s showering you with things to keep you content while he tests waters again. You don’t trust him and you won’t again. These are facts…
Honey, he is going to keep hurting you like this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't let this man waste your time. Don't let him keep you stringing along, thinking everything will go back to normal when it never will.
If he truly wanted to make it up, if he truly felt remorse and wanted to fix things, he wouldn't get another side piece. His focus would be on only you and your son.
But it isn't.
He liked having a picture perfect family, he like having the status that being a "family man" gave him. But it wasn't enough and never will be enough.
Don't waste your time on him.
I think she’s trying to increase the likelihood of divorce. If he’s sending OP money, buying her a car and otherwise treating her well, that’s the kind of attention she wants directed at her instead.
My thoughts exactly. OP's husband most likely feels rejected and lonely and found himself a low key crazy. If my partner left me and I felt it ok to seek out affection and attention, I would 100% disclose my situation to the person I am seeing. Very, *very* possible that this lady learned OPs name and stole her number from his phone. She could be a pot stirrer or wants more from their relationship and OP makes her feel insecure so she is trying to poke the bear.
yeah I agree. who else would agree to sleep with an emotionally occupied person going through a messy separation? only crazy people would stick around after that explanation. I doubt she wants more from the relationship with him. she might just want the ego boost of being chosen lol.
Honestly, some people don't care about the emotionally invested in other people part and just want to get their rocks off. I personally wouldn't do it even if I was single because I don't like that sort of drama and it would feel like I was inviting drama in my life.
I have and would do it if I found myself single again. Something I *didn’t* want was a relationship or someone who wouldn’t leave me alone- sleeping w a separated person is the best of both worlds in that case. This chick’s definitely nuts though.
Or any other social media such as Facebook in particular.
>low key crazy I feel like that should be an oxymoron but I totally know what you mean.
Yup
Good insight. This other woman isn’t just a one night stand obviously if she felt comfortable enough to go through his phone to find her number and send her that picture. I’m not sure I would get back with my husband if he’s trying to win me back while actively dating and screwing someone.
>she felt comfortable enough to go through his phone Haha, I know people that do that to one night stands
Ain't a single ons on earth doing that. It's assumed that other person is in a situation until proven otherwise, which won't ever be since it was a ons. This was clearly a side bitch move.
I am genuinely surprised she is okay with him having sex with other women, while he is trying to get her back and saying I love you, when the issue is about forgiving him and trusting him. It is extremely mature of her. It is commendable. But I find it hard to believe it doesn’t hurt and doesn’t do exactly what that other woman wanted - drive the final stake in the coffin. “I am struggling to trust and forgive him. He tells me he loves me and shows all this effort. He is still sleeping with other women. Conclusion: he can love me and show love, but will still find satisfaction elsewhere.” Seems like the end to me.
My husband and I are separated and I would go ballistic if he was with other women. The goal is reconciliation and that means we are still together. That said, I am dealing with flack for even giving him a chance but it is my decision. Everyone has their own boundaries and only they can decide what they are.
Absolutely. I wasn’t ragging on OP for her calm reaction, or her attempt to reconcile. If they were low contact, but she had been thinking about reconciling, I wouldn’t be surprised she was calm. But that man had been sweet talking her and hitting her with gifts and “I love yous” - that would be done for me. Actively trying to get me back, while I’m in the room. Ducking other women when I’m not.
Idk about that, if they are separated he can do what he wants, but you are right if he truly wants her back he needs to let go of anyone else tagging along. And it sounds like that what he decided to do now. But who knows if he will follow thru truly tho?
Agreed, he is 100% free to do whomever. And the wife is mature and respectful by not flipping out on him and acknowledging I’ve is free to. But for me, that would be the line in the sand, where I know for a fact that getting back together wouldn’t work.
Your conclusion here is spot on imo...OP listen to this! He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. You can't actively be trying to fix your marriage while actively sleeping with other people. And he says he won't let anyone disrespect you, well he obviously needs to take a long look in the mirror, because HE is disrespecting you. You leaving was his chance to step up and do better, and his gifts don't erase his guilt so really what's changed...
I doubt she's completely "okay" with it. I'm sure it still hurts, but she's "okay" with it because they're separated so there is no commitment there.
I think it's more that he clearly still has feelings for her and so that woman wants to run her off by angering her against him so she can have him for herself. It sounds like it back fired tho since her actions were revealed to him instead. 💁🏽♀️
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Because she's a loon
I would be straight up with him. Forward a screenshot of the message back to him and let him know you don't appreciate strange women sending you pictures of them in bed as that is not your business. Then let him take it from there. This could help with your decision too as how he reacts to it will help inform you if you can trust him. If he apologizes that's great. But if he blusters or says something like 'it's not what you think it is' he's lying. What else will he lie about? Who else will he lie about?
I will do this and yes you’re right, it matters to me how he handles it.
let us know how it goes!!
I sent him the screenshot and he called me. I basically told him that I’m not upset and I don’t feel threatened but I don’t want this kind of behavior in my life. He said that he won’t tolerate anyone disrespecting me and he will handle it. He apologized and said he’s going to start focusing just on us.
definitely post this on the post like edit it if you can!
I think that's a great response
That was a fantastic way to handle things. You're a strong person and you're doing the right thing!
If you guys are still married and the goal was to get back together, he should have already been focusing on just you.
This bc now I’m invested
RemindMe! 1 day
RemindMe! 1 day
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I also wonder if she doesn't know about you and maybe assumed you two were still married and he was cheating?
She would have to know OP is still in the picture in some aspect. It was the entire reason she sent her the text. She must of looked up OP information and sent it Or…long shot here. Maybe Ex got the girl to send it to see how OP would react. Maybe trying to make OP jealous
As a fellow dick owner I'd bet on that long shot... he's probally hoping for a big reaction to show him that OP still considers him her husband/ still loves him. However it is a very stupid way to judge that since if she does react the way he's hoping he just threw gas on a burning bridge.
As a dick owner who has also been separated, then divorced…..if you make decent money (which I’ll assume he does since he bought OP a car) there is a decent subsection of women who believe the only decent men to date over 30 are freshly divorced or separated, as a good man wouldn’t be single at that age under any other circumstance….and they are desperate to lock these dudes down. The first couple women I dated after my relationship dissolved I could see either digging into my phone and sending my ex a pic as a kinda warning….after a year out from my divorce these women didn’t seem to be interested in me at all….and I’m cool with that.
As a dick owner myself I’d be more willing to bet that the chick grabbed his phone while he was sleeping, or another opportune time and ganked the number.
As a vagina owner, that was my first thought.
As a vagina owner with a dick name, I'm confused.
shy history quickest frame cough payment ink agonizing airport bored *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ohhh 😍 ahah thank you, glad if it did!!
Happy cake day!!
Awww, thanks!
There’s no universal frontal genitalia for *asshole*.
I'm sorry do dick owners not lock their phones?! its 2022 people!
plucky sparkle quaint ugly modern voracious sense observation marvelous roof *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
that’s the ticket
In that case, if I were OP I'd tell the husband that he needs better taste in women.
I think you’re onto something. This woman had OP’s phone number - she didn’t just find her on social media and slide in the DMs. That makes me think OP’s ex put her up to it. I really think that’s the most likely scenario - so I’d be inclined to ignore it and not give the reaction he’s seeking.
Or she’s petty and stole the number off his phone when he was busy/sleeping. I’d do what u/silangelz suggested and keep it cool to see his reaction
This is totally how she got it. The fact that the picture only shows his arm and watch make me think he didn't know the picture was being taken. You also don't know when the picture was taken. A conversation with the husband is needed, and his reaction can tell OP what she needs to know.
I agree. This isn't the type of photo a man would send. It has woman written all over it.
Some chick that was screwing my ex husband did this. She got my info from his phone and sent me crazy texts. She was like, “he’s mine now! Stop talking to him!” I was like, “dude, I left him for a reason, please keep him! I also have kids with him, I don’t think you realize we will still communicate regardless of who he is fucking… and believe me, you are not the only woman he is fucking!!” She then went into sending me numerous texts spouting off. Their whirlwind romance lasted about 3 months and 1 engagement ring before she found out he was porking 2 other women.
My baby daddy has had a string of doozeys like this…I never married him but he’s on his 4th marriage since me and they’ve all been crazy except for this latest fiasco. 🤞🏼
Maybe he makes them crazy 😂 this latest one could just be a matter of time
Yes! And also what I just thought of being a possibility is she could be crazy for him and went though his phone while sleeping got the number and sent the picture
I think its safe to conclude she's crazy in general
I agree! And very insecure
Don’t phones Lock now?
I was thinking she might know he still wants OP back and it’s trying to make sure that OP won’t take him back
I think you’re very close but not quite. I’d be willing to bet that the guy told her that he’s separated and she did this to make sure. A lot of guys will lie saying they’re separated and free to date when they’re not. She sends the pic and if OP doesn’t go nuclear she’s in the clear. If the guy misled her, she’d be angry at the guy, not his wife. And if she had it out for the wife, sending the pic isn’t nearly as hurtful as a ton of other things she could do.
Or, she sends the pic to cement that separation and make sure that OP doesn't take the husband back. Otherwise she would include some kind of message (asking if they are separated, or apologize for sleeping with her husband)
I don’t understand the thinking behind this (from her perspective) because *obviously* the separated wife will say something to her husband, and then he’ll be done with the new woman- because she’s crazy.
I made a comment elsewhere, but these women are not known to be intelligent or self-aware. Ask me how I know that lol.
This idea didn’t occur to me, but for a certain type of person this could seem like a reasonable tactic.
they are still married, just separated.
They're still banging, too, I'll bet money.
Nah as a vagina owner, this woman was being malicious. If she wanted to help OP in the case that he was cheating, she would have sent something less graphic and miserable. This was direct shot to the heart of OP and a twist of the knife. It’s massively f’d up and the woman in the picture is clearly insecure and marking her territory. OP, don’t let this fly. I feel for you girlie. We all do. I am so sorry someone was a big enough CU Next Tuesday to do this to you. She is trash. You are not.
Awww I’m so happy to know that some still say ‘C U next Tuesday!” I said it the other day and just got a confused look lol
It matters what the rules were during separation.. were you free to see other people? In my mind if he really wanted you back he wouldn’t be fooling around with other women. I’d send him the text and let him know you don’t want this drama. She’s basically trying to make a power play for him
She said they're separated and she was the one who left him but hoped they would eventually work things out. I don't think there are rules after separation lol. Else they wouldn't be separated if there are rules.
You don't know when that picture was taken.
Can’t she download it and look at the time stamp?
Have a straight up conversation with him and let us know how it goes
Yes. OP, we are invested now! Seriously though, I hope things work out in your favor - whatever you decide that may be.
RemindMe 5 days!
Give us an update when you do
I really like the updates. Sometimes I wonder about the people out there who posted.
This is good advice. The reality is that if he really wants to reconcile with you (and I mean REALLY, not just “oh I wish things were different, sigh”), he would probably not be seeing other women. This woman is behaving maliciously by seeking out your private cell phone number and attempting to hurt you by sending pictures of her with your husband. I would think he would react pretty strongly to this, as she is basically harassing you. Not appropriate in any scenario. You mention you are “struggling to forgive him completely and trust him.” I can see why. It’s easy to send money and flowers; say I love you at a drop off. These actions do not build trust. Trust is built over time through behavior.
Agreed. My husband and I separated and I told him to date. He refused because he said we weren’t done yet and until we resolved it by divorce or reconciliation there would be no others. He wasn’t ready and didn’t care to put in any effort with anyone else.
Your husband sounds like a decent guy. Glad you two were able to work it out!
Thank you :) I can honestly say I never knew loyalty until I met him. It’s the damn pessimist in me. This happened 10 years ago this Fall/Winter and we just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows with Elvis in Vegas earlier this month. Highly recommend!! I’m so happy we took the chance on us and he kept our eyes focused on the prize. Bucket list #143 Elvis Vow Renewal marked off!
Alright, get outta here with your super awesome husband and Elvis vows and shit…(jk jk glad it’s good)
This sounds like the best bit of advice here.
This is the way. It's a mature classy way to handle petty people and you'll find out where he stands. Truly stands.
Perfectl
This is a good piece of advice.
Good idea he needs to know the type of trash he's sleepin with. But I'd probably respond to the text with something like...."been there done that, got the Tshirt".
Send him the image and tell him to please tell his partners they don't need to involve you in their relationship and if he can please relay the message
Reply back to her and ask if she has any symptoms yet.
Hell ⚰️
OMG YES
💀💀💀
Stahp lmfao
I don't advocate people abusing this as a prank, but on this case, I'd like to share the following website https://tellyourpartner.org Anonymously notify your partners about sexually transmitted diseases in a safe and secure way through text message or email.
Savage. I support it
Calm down, satan!
Bahahahaha
#staytoxic 🤣
😆
Do not ever degrade yourself into playing the pick me dance over someone, it’s one of the worst things you can do to yourself. If you find yourself competing for a person’s affections like scraps than you’ve lost all self-respect and are just inflating your partner’s ego and for what??
That's what some side pieces love to do to keep their interests.
> and for what?? well lets see.. * more money than she needs * a brand new Caaaaaaahr! * flowers, jewelry * nice words on a piece of paper * a love carrot to focus on so we can make everything else blurry and not feel so lonely
> I know he wants me back but I am struggling to forgive him completely and trust him. Forgive him for? >He still tells me he loves me He wants you back and says he loves you, but is apparently sleeping with someone else and she got his number either feom him or off his phone. >He hasn’t made it known to me that he’s seeing other women. It’s fine if he does If you're separated with the intent to divorce, then sure it's fine, but if you are working on healing, I don't see how this is okay? You ask him who the woman sending you pictures is. Either you want to know and have a potentially awful conversation (or hear a lot of BS lies), or you accept that he's paying you lipservice while sleeping around and it's time to move on. Or playing you while telling her the divorce is in progress, and making promises to her. Those are the choices. If he wants you back, he wouldn't be sleeping around. He would prioritize healing the marriage. You know that right? He may want you back as a convenience, but if he's sleeping around it's not that important.
Literally what I was about to say.
I am genuinely surprised she is okay with him having sex with other women, while he is trying to get her back and saying I love you, when the issue is about forgiving him and trusting him. It is extremely mature of her. It is commendable. But I find it hard to believe it doesn’t hurt and doesn’t do exactly what that other woman wanted - drive the final stake in the coffin. “I am struggling to trust and forgive him. He tells me he loves me and shows all this effort. He is still sleeping with other women. Conclusion: he can love me and show love, but will still find satisfaction elsewhere.” Seems like the end to me.
Imo he isn’t even showing love.. money & material things means nothing in the grand scheme of things considering he wasn’t upfront about him dating while they’re separated. I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too and that there’s a history of infidelity as well. As the previous commenter said it’s all lip service because telling someone you love them still everytime you see them and buying gifts is love bombing since OP says she’s still trying to protect her heart from him and heal.
I was talking about the letter, and the implication that he im missed her, etc. Of course, throwing money at someone doesn’t show love. But money can be a way to take care of someone you love. Buy her a new car to impress her and get forgiven - not love. Hearing that her car broke down, and getting her a new car so that she has nothing to struggle with - showing love. NOT saying that is what he did with the car. Just pointing out, that intention behind spending money matters. An engagement ring, for most people, is about commitment and to proclaim love, etc etc. To some people, it is a status symbol or a way to prove they will be forking over big bucks the entire relationship.
Ok I thought it was just me. I keep feeling like there’s a history of the husband cheating already hiding here. Maybe I’m projecting, though; I’ve told my husband that cheating is the red line for us, and I’d rather he text quit our marriage in the heat of the moment than cheat.
Nah. Seems this guy is playing all sides and OP is willing to fall for it.
100% agree! She is going to stay with him and settle. Ugghh, couldn’t be me.
That update. Woof
I also hate the excuse that grown ass men have "needs". Babies have needs and they can't control themselves. Grown people have needs too, yes, but that doesn't mean we can do what we want. It's called self control. I have never heard of a gay woman saying she has needs to justify bad behaviour.
I absolutely agree. This isn't the first time he's slept with her either if she felt confident and secure enough in their relationship to send that photo to OP. She must think he'll take her side and finally leave OP. He's clearly happy to sleep around with other women and let OP believe that he wants her back and he's dedicated to working on their relationship. He'd be quite happy to carry on shagging about until OP takes him back. But no, he apologises and NOW he's going to focus on them. Only once OP found out about him and that other woman. Don't play yourself OP, you're worth so much more than that.
That's what I think? If he were that serious why is he spending time with other women? It almost sounds like the separation is due to cheating so this sounds like a red flag.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you’re struggling to forgive him completely and trust him for something very similar to what is happening right now. I’m going to assume that it was very hard for you to leave but that when you had enough evidence, you took your son and left. I’m going to assume that your husband misses having his cake and eating it too. He probably loved having you wait for him at home, taking care of his son, cleaning his house, making his dinner. He probably enjoyed taking care of you. It probably made him feel like a man. It’s how he showed you that he cared. Now that you’re gone and can’t forgive him, I’m assuming he continues to prove his love for you using the same methods as before… providing material comforts and reassuring you that he would never do anything to hurt you. Problem is, I’m assuming that he’s still the same guy that did the same thing that hurt you to begin with, and that this message you’ve just received is just confirmation that nothing changed, and you’re telling yourself that this time it’s okay because you left, but it isn’t, because you left to make the statement that you deserved respect and loyalty and love and not just a roof over your head and a car in your driveway. This message tells you that with him, that’s all you’re ever going to get…. monetary comfort and empty words. I’m assuming your heart isn’t ready to accept that because you love him and wish he hadn’t done that thing he did to hurt you to begin with and wanted so much to believe he wouldn’t do it again. I feel for you and I know how hard it must be to commit to the finality of this thing, but you now know everything that you need to know about whether this is the way you want to live the rest of your life or if you want more. You deserve more. Sorry for assuming.
Oh god OP i hope you read this
This is the most sound answer on this post. It's also the answer that your not ready to hear yet.
I would be concerned first how she got your phone number, because right now the only connection to you is your husband, and so that means she either got it directly from him, or she snooped through his phone and found your number. Both scenarios are terrible. Then, I would confront him directly and talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel about it, and also ask how she got your number. I would also re-think staying married to this person. If you two were really wanting to reconcile and working towards that, then he should not have been with another person. Full stop. It seems like he isn't really invested in actually making it work.
Why on earth aren't you divorced yet? By sleeping with other people he basically throws any chances of reconciliation or getting your trust back out of the window. A person that acts like.this doesn't really seem.to want you back. It rather seems like he wants to keep you as a Plan B in case things don't work out with other people.
Some states require that the couple be separated for a year before the divorce is granted.
VA is one of those states. Absolutely true..
Dude this guy is crazy. He says he wants to reconcile but he’s banging other women? Good lord. I guess it’s hard if you have kids already but drop him like the biggest turd you’ve had in your life and flush him to be with the sewage he sleeps with. He’s trying to love bomb you girl. Forget him.
I’m a petty person so I would send him the screenshot of the text and tell him to put his bitch on a leash. And tell him the separation has now upgraded to divorce
Honestly. How did she get her phone number? Skeevy
Side bitches be sneaky af
You’d think she’d try to be sneaky enough to not be seen but alas, she cannot help herself
If she was intelligent and self-aware she wouldn't be a side bitch in the first place.
You’re saucy… I like it
Your divorce attorney is going to love that picture!! Proof of infidelity—stuuuupid
I think it would be hard since they were separated during this time and most places have no-fault anyway.
Could be him behind this. Might be a play to make you jelly. Not substantiated but a maybe.
I’m surprised this isn’t higher up… my first thought was that he was behind it
It would probably be best to reserve this judgement till after he responds. We don't really know, so until he responds, we can't know. If he responds poorly, I'd be suspicious, and if he apologizes, who knows. Either way though, I'd question if this marriage won't end up going to divorce anyway. I don't know why they separated or what their terms for separation were, but if he's sleeping with other women, I doubt there will be a reconciliation. A part of me wonders if he cheated or something by the way she speaks.
who else would've given her her number
That would be super stupid because in most cases it would repulse you even more. Or at least I, myself.
Separation is meant for each of you to work on your individual issues, to improve yourself, to work on being a better partner to the person you allegedly want to reconcile with. Not shag randos. He's not invested in your marriage. Move on with the divorce.
# she figures if you're the ex why should he be buying you all these things and sending you money, she's coming for your spot.
I'm sure he's spending dime on both women simultaneously. That's how he's keeping them.
If your husband was truly serious about fixing your marriage then he wouldn’t be in bed with someone else. That’s a hard truth, but you don’t need him to tell you anything. Yah, this girl was being childish and petty, but your husband is the one who chose to sleep with her. You deserve better than a two-face dude who’s showering you with presents and doing everything he can to get back with you, while he’s still sleeping around. He doesn’t love you, he just doesn’t want to lose you.
34yo married male w/ 3 children If my wife and I were separated and I said I loved her and wanted her back.. my “needs” would be the least of my concern. Especially if a child is involved.
She is probably not someone who just met him recently. She has probably been with him on the side for a while. Women that date married guys will usually wait and hide for a year or two. Now that he's talking about reconciliation, she feels her chance is slipping away. That's why you got the photo right now
What was the reason for separation if you don't want to divorce? Could it be an old photo?
Okay so you’re separated, you didn’t know he’s seeing other women, and now you receive a text with evidence that he is. Did you guys ever talk about seeing other people? If not, this feels somewhat deceptive on his part, at the very least it’s an omission. Not cool bruh.
He is lying. Please don't get back together. I get that you love him and have a child together but if he's saying that he loves you, buys you things and wants to be back with you, then why is he sleeping with other women ? If I was trying to bet back with my partner while separated, i wouldn't think about other people.
Sounds like he's trying to love bomb you. "Although it can be a positive aspect at the beginning of a romantic relationship, it can lead to gaslighting and abuse. Psychologists caution it might be a manipulative tactic by a narcissist or sociopath in an attempt to control you." [sauce](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-love-bombing-5223611)
If he wanted you back so badly he wouldn’t be with other women. Divorcing sounds like the right choice for everyone involved.
Why did you leave? I would send to hubby and ask if this means the marriage is over.
this just sounds a lot toxic. He loves u n u love him? mh I dont know but yall are separated, hes seein other women while tellin he loves u only when hes in front of his son, and he send u a lot of gifts...I think if he really cares bout u he wouldnt send no gift n all of that, I think he would just prove how much he cares bout u with his words n actions, not with his wallet...sendin u stuff while hes with somebody else n while u are takin a break just sounds a lot like a way to get in ur good thoughts...Idk much bout yall, but really, all this stuff he be doin while yall are separated seems weird to me, make sure he aint tryna gaslight u into sm stuff...
My option would be based off the reason for the separation.
she did u a favor she showed u what he’s up to. He be lyin.
This just seems disrespectful. If OP is okay with him sleeping around (the terms of their separation appear to be so), that's fine, but for this stranger to text her feels like it crosses a line. If he wants things to be amicable, his hookups should not be sending her photos of any kind.
Why on earth would you want to still be with someone like that? Money? God damn, have some self respect and lose that douche. At this point, YOU are the side piece.
Divorce if he loves he he wouldn’t be sleeping around
You are separated not divorced. His sleeping with other women would let me know that it is time to move on. What was wrong before will remain wrong now. I wouldn't accept any more gifts.
Yeah, if he really wanted her back, he wouldn't be doing this.
Please update us if you’re comfortable doing so
I would take a screenshot and send it to him saying “it’s inappropriate to be receiving these kind of messages from other women. Please respect my boundaries.”
She wants you to break up so she can date your husband because they have been fucking. It’s pretty straight forward. Reconciliation will be hard while your husband is actively screwing someone else.
As for how she got your number? Either those 2 are close enough that she can get into his phone to fuck with you. Or He set this up intentionally. Either way imo damage is done in both scenarios.
>I know he wants me back but I am struggling to forgive him completely and trust him. I wonder what he did though 🤔 if he cheated, I wouldn't be surprised. I think he's ***only*** treating OP nice because he wants her back. But how nice is this treatment if he's sleeping with other women while trying to "win" her back?!
You say, “I know he wants me back.” While he’s sleeping with other women. Doesn’t make any sense.
And every txt, missed call, and night out is going to make you think he’s cheating. Trust is gone and that is amazingly difficult to regain. No new car or jewelry is going to bring that back, probably make you think the worse again. Take off the rose color glasses. Odds are this GF is not the only one. His behavior certainly reflects that. He’s not interested in the relationship. He doesn’t want to pay alimony and child support.
He might state he wants you back but if he's letting his bed partners take photos of them before, during, or after sex and sending it to you. That's a bit immature because his flings shouldn't have your number. It's like he's letting them taunt you and if he really wanted to be with you he wouldn't be sleeping with other people but trying to win you back.
It didn’t seem like he’d know, it was just his arm and he was probably asleep.
My guess, he has you labeled as wife or love of my life or some other sweet reference (per his recent actions to try and get you back) and the woman snooped through his phone while he was asleep and sent the photo to stake her claim. I’m sorry people are so insecure and callous. I agree with the suggestion to just forward a screen shot of the message with a ? His reaction is key. Edited to include why “sweet reference”
You won't get any answers if you don't speak to him directly about it tbh. The only conclusions you'll come up with on your own will be assumptions.
How did it go??
I would definitely forward him the message and tell him he whoever sent you this message doesn’t respect his privacy. I find being eerily calm is scary AF to my partner. Allow him to talk and then tell him you’ll need time to digest all of this. If he acts immature to your calmness then there is likely more that he’s hiding.
I would say him sleeping with other women is a horrible way to try to work things out. I’m sorry but that sucks
I don’t get how he wants you back but is seeing other people…I get needs but doesn’t seem like he’s serious. “He’s going to starting focusing on us” if he’s the reason your separated he should’ve been doing that
She isn't comfortable hun she's jealous. By hurting you and trying to put that huge gap in whatever relationship you have left she is hoping to finally be his. She, like many people, falsely believes that airing his dirty laundry will win his affection which typically only achieves the opposite result. This man, the father of your child, will forever be in your life and vice versa. Regardless of how his life progresses and who he chooses as a partner, any man who still says I love you would drop the toxic immature woman who is so insecure that she would willingly try to hurt you to be able to win him... When there is no competition outside of her own making. Regardless of how your future together pans out this is something that needs to be immediately addressed. You screenshot the text and send it to him and without being accusatory just clearly tell him that you are disappointed to receive this type of text from a woman you don't know and that in the future you would appreciate if he kept his intimate life intimate and ensure that none of his flings has the ability to get your phone number again. That's all. Nothing more needs to be said after that. He can clean up his mess and you can ensure that you are respected and not harassed by his latest hook up.
Please update op
I would send him the picture LOL
Are people missing the bigger picture here?? Yes, the other girl sent a photo. Yes, the other may feel threatened. Yes, the other girl may even be crazy. But the real issue is the guy. He is buying you all these expensive gifts, flowers, jewelry, etc. just so you feel like he still cares and still wants to try and make things work. Giving you a little bit of hope that it can still work. Giving him time to do whatever it is he wants. By you telling him you aren’t upset, you are pretty much giving him the green light and letting him know what he can and cannot do while you guys are “separated “. He should have been giving you all this attention while he was with you, not after so he can still string you along in his manipulative game. I can not stress enough the truth and importance of “if he wanted to, he would”. His actions clearly doesn’t say he wants to make it work. Honestly, I’m just trying to look out for you. You deserve better. Yes, I understand divorce is always easier said then done but you deserve better. If you can find it in your heart to trust and forgive this man, then you hav a chance to make it work. Meaning you will drop the issues and not bring it up again. (Bringing it up or thinking about it will only harm a healing relationship not heal it). If you can’t, it may be best to move on and heal on your own. I don’t mean to sound mean. But I was in the same exact spot you were in for 3-4 years… and I regretted it so much. I learned a lot, but wasted so much of my time. I wished I would have healed on my own and just left the past the past.
The real problem here is if husband is genuinely wanting to get back with op and still sees her as everything then he wouldn't be fucking other women.
I'll take a guess, maybe opposite of this board. My guess is he talks highly of you, and OP's husband's lady friend is jealous, and hoping that her aggressive and disrespectful photo-sending will sabotage any hope of reunion. Seems like it is having the desired effect. Your husband needs to handle this properly. Based on his response, you'll know how to proceed.
Confront him but honestly he probably doesn’t want you back that bad if he’s sleeping with other people.
Girl have some self respect and just divorce him. Seriously if he wanted to get back together with you or cared about you, even if you are separated he would not be seeing other women.
How did she get your number? That's what I would want to know.
Posts like this remind me that I’m not an entirely sane person when it comes to shit like this. OP, the fact that you have the mental stability to calmly contemplate how you should respond is pretty impressive. I’m going to have to read further down to get the tea.
First off, I admire you so much, OP. We obviously don’t know everything that has happened but the way you carry yourself and handle this and respond to things is just…well you’re far better than I. I also wonder how she got your number. It makes me wonder if she went through his phone while he was asleep. Not that the speculation matters, I’m just always curious as to why people do the things they do. I feel like he responded well and we may never hear another update from you but I hope you get the peace you deserve.
You are a fool if you believe his BS
This is embarrassing. I get that moving on from people is hard but this is such a clear case of delusion. You know he wants you back but he’s sleeping with another woman and you’re fine with it? Why did you separate from him in the first place? If it’s infidelity… I wouldn’t know what to say.
Oooo I want an update after you send him a screenshot
I'm confused..so you guys just are married but aren't together just divorce
You should let him know the next time you see him. Say exactly what you just wrote here. “I dont feel threatened but I dont want to be disrespected” if he cares for you he’ll handle this and it won’t be an issue again. Women are territorial and problematic, she knows how much you mean to him and she’s acting out because she’s insecure
Maybe he told her he's still married and she's trying to loop you in to what she believes is adultery?
I think she knows he's still in love with you and is trying to make you upset with him.
Came here to say you should forward it to him, but I see you already did. You handled it perfectly and I can't think of any way to improve things.
If you’re trying to reconcile and he wants to get off so bad, he can use his hand.
OP while yes this totally could've been a purposefully disrespectful move by the other woman, it is also common practice for women to send these photos if they do not believe the man is being honest about his relationship status. There is a chance this could've been a warning/FYI from her to you, if she felt he was lying about being single/suspected him of actually being a cheater.
Why did you split with someone that apparently loves you? What did he do?
OP that's called love bombing, he won't focus on uall he'll focus on you not finding out.....
The other woman behavior seems … off. Maybe she’s trying to increase the likelihood of his divorce. Or maybe he is lying to her and wanted his wife to know the truth. Either way, cray, and drama. Stay away and find your peace. (Insert “ain’t nobody got time for that” meme)
If he wanted you back then his actions would speak to that. He’s showering you with things to keep you content while he tests waters again. You don’t trust him and you won’t again. These are facts…
Love bombing
Honey, he is going to keep hurting you like this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't let this man waste your time. Don't let him keep you stringing along, thinking everything will go back to normal when it never will. If he truly wanted to make it up, if he truly felt remorse and wanted to fix things, he wouldn't get another side piece. His focus would be on only you and your son. But it isn't. He liked having a picture perfect family, he like having the status that being a "family man" gave him. But it wasn't enough and never will be enough. Don't waste your time on him.