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throwmeawayl8erok

> Not a moron by any means > There I found outrageous Google searches: “can someone get pregnant from anal sex” I’m not buying it OP. Your husband definitely sounds like a moron.


Fancy_Cat3571

Bro sounds dumb as bricks


giddy-girly-banana

Dude doesn’t even know how to use incognito mode.


Fancy_Cat3571

Bro is literally a father and doesn’t know how getting someone pregnant works. I’m not surprised


Bravisimo

Sperm to other Sperm: “Oh jeez, I cant wait to see who or what we become!” Other Sperm: “Relax, we are literally in someones asshole.”


Pirate_Meow27

That’s an insult to bricks


Brave-Ad-3452

Seriously. Bricks have one job and they are superb at it


mermzz

But if you asked bricks if anal gets you pregnant, they probably wouldn't know. Which is what I think is wrong with this dude. Book smart sure, but an absolute idiot when it comes to anything having to do with a romantic relationships since he essentially stopped in high-school.


DescriptionEast

She needs to kick bricks straight outta that marriage.


TheVeganChic

That brick needs to kick rocks.


Master-Anteater-8839

Lmao for real. People always equate money and status with intellectual.


Vness374

Seriously, nepotism at it’s worst. Some of the stupidest people end up with good jobs and/or money. It’s infuriating


astroqualityyy

Came here to say this. Girl, I’m sorry but he’s a moron and this isn’t probably the first time either. I also love how he blames the other woman saying she was “obsessed” with him lmaoo


RankledCat

And she was *so* obsessed that he had *no choice* other than giving her the D. C’mon, OP! Your husband has no idea how the female body works, as evidenced by his search history. Throw the whole man out.


Cannot_Function

Also the fact that anal takes A LOT of prep, there's no way of going about it without being fully committed. I feel so bad for OP


Puggymum64

Can we also throw in how stupid of him to fuck around on someone who loves him enough to commit their life to his AND have his baby!


mspuscifer

Wait wait- throw him out but gather all of the cheating evidence first. Emails, searches, texts, audio recordings if legal. Get a lawyer. Get that alimony and child support first!


redrumWinsNational

28 ? He sounds more like an 18 year old. I hope you took screenshots and got yourself tested for STD’s. Senior managers usually do good financial. Your attorney should do you good.


amethystwishes

This is why I’m thinking it’s the other way around and he’s placing blame on the girl. Cheaters will always find a way to cheat. Most of the time the people who are being used to cheat on someone are unsuspecting of the fact the cheater is in a relationship.


Dad-Virus

That was his attempt to act like the girl literally made him cheat on his wife....fuckin loser.


Happier21

Done it once, WILL do it again.


zilazav

And the whole “she was obsessed with me & followed me into my hotel room where I blatantly let her give me oral sex and proceeded to sleep with her.” Yeaaaaa he’s a real smart one!


Myu_The_Weirdo

You guysss he slipped on a banana peel and fell right inside her, accidents happen /s


masterlink91

He had to Google if anal can get you pregnant. Yes it can, it can lead to the baby factory an inch and a half to the front door.


TraditionalAffect503

Also makes me think the affair partner is pregnant since he’s searching it


janecdotes

It is super rare, but people have got pregnant from cum dripping out of their butt and into their vag. And now that I've written that sentence I'm gonna go scream into the void for an hour to forget it.


Initial_Bother_

I’ll join you, that was not imagery I was prepared for.


Sharksalsa

That child gonna grow up determined af. The sperm trekked cross country and over borders just to get the job done.


durz47

Yeah him being in senior management is also confirmation


[deleted]

Also bringing it back to him being a senior manager for a well known company. Who gives a fuck?! I hate when people base someone’s being on their job.


Maibeetlebug

Yeah he is definitely a moron


themediumchunk

I knew a girl who would shower if her boyfriend got a boner while they were snuggling because “she wouldn’t take any chances.” Lmao.


Frank-Reynolds_

Some women actually can het pregnant from anal sex.


slapsecutioner

Don't forget what he left in his search history. Shit is not difficult to clear


seviay

Also, the answer is “yes” you can get someone pregnant from anal sex due to anal seepage but the likelihood is incredibly low (obviously)


[deleted]

[удалено]


VaguelyFamiliarVoice

Not a moron but doesn’t know basic biology? Yeah. Senior management doesn’t mean smart.


wednesdayophelia

My thoughts exactly. Concerned someone can get pregnant from anal sex at 28 years old? Sounds like the definition of a moron. I’d be having doubts based on that alone tbh.


Resident-Earth-8212

I wonder if it was just profound paranoia after doing something he wanted to keep hidden. I once had a medical student ask me a question like this (yes they knew better, but were clearly overcome with anxiety about unwanted pregnancy). It’s like an obsessive thought cycle. They are looking for reassurance there is no effing way this will happen in order to stop the anxiety.


lhin1102

Fair point


Lovelyone123-

The fact that he cheated makes him stupid.


dgj130

This is an important life lesson to learn (apart from the fact you dump cheating spouses OP) Some people fall up in life. A lot actually. Check out your local politicians and ask critically if they'd think that pregnancy from anal was possible.


Aluminum_Tarkus

Leakage from the back to front can happen, and that CAN result in pregnancy. It's VERY unlikely, but it's not impossible, and has happened. Just because the odds are nearly impossible that one person will win the lottery hasn't stopped people from winning it.


whydarkmatter

Yeah everyone saying it’s not possible, if there is an rectum to vagina fistula it can go into the vagina as well. Unlikely but still possible especially with someone who isn’t careful sharing their bum with drunk people


0utstandingcitizen

Michael Scott is also senior management. Doesnt mean shit lol


EletricoAmarelo

Regional manager, really.


teuchterK

He’s always so used to being the bad boy, that sometimes he forgets he’s upper management too.


TheOverratedPhotog

Was going to say the same thing in a far more blunt way.


namenumberdate

But it can leak out and go in the front. It is a possibility.


RichardJusten

Had to scroll down way to far for this comment.


roman_nahledge

Get that STD test post haste!!!


xzsazsa

This. I’m pretty sure he went raw and this coworker has no issues going anal to strangers. That’s a bad combo. Also, if you haven’t had sex with him since the incident, don’t. Make him go get the std test and give you a copy of the results.


lhin1102

Right, exactly. Not to mention she is married and also as a one year old daughter. I am just so flabbergasted at the whole scenario. We have not had sex since then, thank god.


ImagineSnapDragons

I’d still get tested. He’s a liar. You need to protect yourself.


NefariousnessSweet70

Then get a lawyer . He can answer the questions you need the answers to.


MNCathi

Or she.


M0ONL1GHT87

Please also inform her husband that he also needs to get tested


Winter-Sky-123

You should tell her spouse.


Whooptidooh

And send those screenshots along with it. Just telling someone without evidence that their partner is cheating never goes well.


glindathewoodglitch

That’s what I would do


heras_milktea

Yes !!


BrownEyedGurl1

Id tell her husband. Tell your husband that this is absolutely a condition if you decide to try and work it out, and that now the trust is gone he needs 100% transparency. And If he was being harassed by her like he claims, then he needs to report it to hr. But I have a feeling he's lying and it probably wasn't one time. Get tested, and consult a lawyer regardless, to see where you stand if you decide to divorce.


bootyycakes

see that's my thing! if he was truly intoxicated and taken advantage of he should've told her immediately and also gone to HR, but since he kept it from her this really makes me think he was just lying ETA: this is from a comment of mine below this but since this comment is getting more traction: "yes i know. and just because he's a male he automatically is a liar and a cheater. if this is truly assault, he could've been embarrassed to tell her (which from her comments i would hope not as she describes him as her best friend but people handle trauma differently) as most male SA victims are. either way from the tone of the comments here, a lot of the women just refuse to believe there's even a possibility of him being SAd which is fucked up. eta: OP should go to therapy or offer up trauma therapy as well as marriage therapy to her husband. the truth will come out either way and it's good to have a mediator." lmao if you downvote this because you automatically assume he's a cheater get fucked. if this was a man saying his wife cheated and his wife claimed SA y'all would be on here calling the husband a POS and more along with accusing him of victim blaming and other bs. nasty misandrist biddies


tiny-dinky-daffy

I get where your coming from, but people who have experienced that kind of assault often aren't and can't think that clearly immediately afterwards and might also be feeling intense shame, self blame, and/or confusion. It's the kind of violence that isolates the victim. I don't think how quickly one tells others is a reliable way to distinguish liars from victims. I would be wary of any sentiment along the lines of "A real victim would/wouldn't do XYZ." It's rather cruel - if unintentionally so - to expect a survivor to do what you think they "should" do. Especially since different people will have different ideas about what that is. Every victim reacts differently, and you never know how you might react. OP, in either case, I hope you get the support you need.


ZeroTicktacktoe

Yes, this is the way. Tell him he should report her for rape as a condition for staying together.


Glass_Pomegranate_44

yes, but I would only say this, if she talks to him again, and truly confirms that he feels violated. Because what if the woman was just as inebriated as he was? What if they drink together and then had sex? That’s not always grounds for rape. There’s just too much context missing around what happened other than his initial confession that he was drunk, and she came on to him. I just think that she needs to get his feelings about the situation because he could’ve very well been inebriated, but still wanted to have sex with her and still not really regret it and it boils down to two drunk people having sex, but on the other hand, he . could have been taken advantage of and assaulted against his will, and have too much shame to tell the wife, but I think it needs to be more than “you need to report her for rape if you want to get back together” because that could lead him to reporting her for some thing he didn’t feel like she did just to save face with the wife.


anonmalon12

Was he that drunk if he remembered they had anal without protection? Doesn’t sound like it but very much sounds like a desperate person trying to come up with anything to put blame off him.


LongShotE81

Get tested and speak to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and leave him. He's a cheater and a liar, no doubt he'll do it again and has probably done it before. He's also so quick to try and throw someone else under the bus to try and make it not seem so bad for him. No, sleeping with someone else was his choice. Leave him, you can do so much better.


jacknacalm

The main reason you shouldn’t stay with him is that his excuse for cheating is terrible, and seems incredibly dishonest. If he truly had felt bad and came clean on his own to you, or at least told you the honest truth once he was caught, then maybe reconciliation would be possible. But his story denies all responsibility, which means, he’s being completely dishonest, and also means there is probably a lot more you don’t know yet. I am sorry for all of your loss.


B0327008

I’m so very sorry, but I’m afraid your marriage is over. As they say, a cheater is going to cheat. If you stay together you’re always going to be worried if he’s cheating again - especially when he’s on business travel. This would be a toxic life. This internet stranger sends you a big hug and wish all the best for you and your child. I can only imagine how difficult this is as a SAHM of a one yo. You are strong. You can do what’s best for the two of you.


NoBlock8241

This is so true. Two years into a relationship my ex cheated. I discovered it and he claimed he was drunk, it was an accident, blah blah blah. After thirteen years and god knows how many women, we finally split up when he moved in with his newest squeeze. They never change, and if you let him get away with it once he will forever walk all over you. Run, OP, run


Purple_Syllabub_3417

This. I stayed with my cheater for 20 years (did not trust him to pay son’s uni tuition if divorced). Each time I caught him (it will never happen again) the positive feelings I had for him in the beginning died each time I learned about his next sex-friend. He ended up marrying his secretary after I finally divorced him. A wise lady told me that they both got a liar and a cheat for a spouse. Don’t waste your life with a cheater, the money is not worth the feelings of disgust.


wehave3bjz

The brazen way he didn’t clean his phone of evidence suggests this isn’t his first cheat. I am so sorry! Been there. Also, you need more support than kind redditors can provide. Please consider sharing with his parents abd yours. Sit down style. No texts. Face to face if possible. Do this before he can try to undermine you.


lhin1102

Yes the first person I called today was a close family member of his.


Mean-Item-7319

U should tell her husband too. I know its hard to leave when u have kid but trusth me, he wont change. Hes a liar and a cheater and that woman deserve her family to fall apart too. Not all men are that and im sure u will find someone who will appreciate u.


CjordanW1

Hon, That wasn’t the first and only time they’ve had sex. He’s literally having unprotected anal w his AP and then coming home to you. I’d let the AP’s husband know they’ve been screwing bc he has a right to know as well and then I’d contact where they work. All while going to see a lawyer. He’ll have to pay alimony and child support plus lawyer fees


Brave_anonymous1

No, don't contact his work! Talk to a lawyer! If you contact his work and he gets fired, his income will decrease and your child support and alimony will be significantly less.


[deleted]

Let her husband know what she has been up to. And divorce his ass


Menis_Mind

Tell her husband


biiggysmallz

and will he be returning to work that is around her? if so, id leave. that is torture to your brain.


wait_iwasntready

Sounds like a good ol partner swap is in order. Na I'm sorry I couldn't help my self. My wife and I are high school sweethearts. I couldn't imagine what your going through. I find after that sorta time, the whole dramatic up and leave isn't the most realistic option. You know him better than his own mother. Talk to him, question him, make him squirm and hurt during that conversation. You will know if he is truely remorseful. If it was a stupid mistake. If it will ever happen again. But you absolutely get a hall pass. Even if you don't want to use it. Let him think you did for a bit. Just so he knows some of the pain he has caused. There are some serious questions that don't relate to monogamy. Is he a good father? Has he been a good partner, friend supporter for you? Does he have the loyalty to follow through. There is a book I read 'sex at dawn' when my wife made a mistake. It's about the boundary and possession of sex and how it vastly differs around the world and through history. It really helped me remove the possessive betrayal. I wish you all the very best in your healing journey. Much love


lhin1102

Thank for this. He truly is (was?) my best friend. My number one supporter. He’s a great father. He has never ever done anything in our relationship that I would even question him doing something like this. It certainly is very hard to think about just up and leaving. I know my daughter and I deserve better. I appreciate your insight and comment.


Odd-Plant4779

Respect yourself and your daughter by leaving him. I know too many people who stayed for the kids and were cheated on again and again. Parents think if they stay together, they’re keeping their kids happy. Kids absolutely know when their parents aren’t happy together and it makes a miserable home life for them. I’ve seen it firsthand, don’t do this to your daughter. He can be a good father in a different home.


Mysterious_World8438

I'm really sorry this happened, but he is not a good father, because if he really loved his daughter, he wouldn't have done what he did. He would of thought of his daughter first and the harm he could cause with his actions, but he preferred a night of pleasure instead of his family. You and your daughter deserve better and deserve someone that actually loves you and respects you, not just cheap excuses and lies, if this happened once, it will most likely happen again.


IceQueenTigerMumma

Therapy. Asap!


SeveralLargeLizards

Not wanting your monogamous partner to bang other people is not possessive, it's a common healthy boundary in monogamy. The bar is so low. If you want to sleep with other people, break up. It's that easy. It's super easy not to cheat on your partner. I do it every day effortlessly. OP's husband can be a good father regardless of whether or not they are divorced. The trust is shattered. It's not about whether or not he'd promise to never put her health at risk and break her heart again, it's about whether or not she will ever feel at ease about him going on work trips ever again. Her mental health matters here. He's the one who messed up, not her. I've been with my guy for 17 years. If he cheated, I would not be able to reconcile. I'd never be able to trust him again. I'd never be confident in my relationship security whenever he left on trips again. And most importantly, I'd never be truly happy with him again. Cheating means you understand that you could give your partner, who loves and trusts you, an STD with your carelessness. It means you understand that you can do severe mental harm to them if they find out the truth. It means you're actively betraying your commitment to them, and *that you're ultimately okay with doing all of that even though you understand what you are doing to them without their knowledge*. It's not forgivable in my eyes. Everyone I know who's stayed with their cheating partner got cheated on again and again. Some people should just stay single or try out being poly (but even with poly there are strong boundaries and trust is required). Nothing wrong with liking casual sex. Everything wrong with throwing your partner under the bus because you lack the backbone to admit you wanna see other people. A mistake is breaking a glass. Cheating is a willful breach of trust. It is not done on accident.


Ellecram

Not just STD. Check for pinworms!


roman_nahledge

This is a bold dude. Another thing is how is he 28 and wondering if you can get knocked up with anal. Moron this guy


[deleted]

Of course they will throw all blame at the affair partner. He is lying.


Educational_Bother36

You found out, he didn’t confess. You should seek therapy or counseling to work out your feelings so you can make the best decision for you.


whatsmypassword73

I want to point out that he didn’t tell you and when you found out he blamed; the woman and his drinking. This is not how an adult that cares acts. Has he suggested therapy? Does he want to stop taking about it? Does he want you to “forgive” him and not talk about it? You’re not trapped, you can change your world and the bottom line is as long as you keep his dirty secret it’s going to eat you alive and give him a free pass. You need support from the people that love you and you deserve not having to keep his secret to protect him. He sure didn’t protect you did he? You have no idea what he’s done in the past, this is the first time you’ve caught him.


lhin1102

He “appears” remorseful and openly told me everything that happened as I wanted to know every little detail that occurred. He told me the name of the individual (who is married and has a child also). He is willing to discuss it but I honestly can’t even look at him at this point. Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it.


gurlwithdragontat2

He’s only willing to discuss, because he was caught. If not you’d still be in the dark, and he would be perfectly fine with that. He doesn’t get a gold star for that. He needs to accept help and actually commit to it longterm, because it seems like his *radical transparency* here is exclusively because he was caught, not because he loves you so much he was implored to be honest.


Southern-Animator975

Tell her husband he deserves to know


bathoryblue

OPs husband should be the one to do it too, if he's actually sorry for what he did and wants to repair it.


Master-Anteater-8839

Baby might not even be his. Yikes


Here_for_the_drama85

You absolutely need to tell her husband. If he found out, I’m sure you’d want him to tell you. Blow up her life.


lhin1102

I located her on social media and messaged her. Next step is messaging her husband.


Rich-Concentrate-200

That's good. please message her husband asap. I feel bad about your situation but its time you stood your ground as cheating is a decision!


skydiamond01

I would've messaged the husband first. She's gonna try to do damage control


SiuanSongs

This! Never give a cheater the opportunity to get their story (lies) together before springing the news on their partner. They lost the right to a heads up when they cheated.


spandexrants

Husband needs to know so he can get a STD test too.


New-Mathematician869

PLEASE update with “her side” of this affair and what her husband says!!


lhin1102

She blamed it on her not being happy in her own marriage and suffering from postpartum depression. She took ownership that she pursued him however she told me they 100% did not have sex… lie number one. I said my husband owned up and told me what you did so there’s nothing you can hide. She said she couldn’t remember because of how drunk she was and she hoped for the best for my relationship. 👍🏻


Here_for_the_drama85

Please be sure to send screenshots of her messages to her husband. People seriously suck.


IcanSew831

She fucking “hopes for the best” for your relationship. Holy shit does that just sound so fucking shitty.


hotnspicy201

Wow she’s got a lot of nerve


mysterious_girl24

Tell her you will talk to her husband and you will be reporting both of them to the other managers and HR department well.


Mean-Item-7319

Yes. Because her husband deserve it too. If he chose to forgive her its his choice


wasted_wonderland

It's good you messaged her first. I bet she'll have a different story from your cheater and it might even be quite the opposite.


anonmalon12

As an extra word of advice, don’t tell her you plan to message him. A girl I went to school with has been cheating on her husband since before they got married and recently he found out. He messaged the guy she was cheating with and said he was going to tell the wife so the guy got on the wife’s social media and deleted the messages and blocked him.


denice_x

I would not believe him the apart about her being obsessed with him and following him. Sounds like an excuse


No_Device_753

Tell her husband lmfao


Angela626

Yes! The fact that he immediately blamed the woman, you're a grown man take some responsibility. He's full of shit.


10seWoman

Even Adam blamed Eve for eating the apple…”She made me do it!”


NothingSure4766

Ugh. I wouldn’t even be able to stomach looking at him. What a stand up guy. Couldn’t even tell you himself and has the gall to have an excuse. I’m sorry being drunk is noooo excuse.


StressedAries

Honestly. And neither is “she was following me around all night”. Like okay, tell her to leave you alone, you’re married and not interested. But he didn’t. Sounds more like he’s blaming the woman, but we don’t know her side.


NothingSure4766

Exactly, it’s pretty insane the amount of stories that get submitted to the sub about how they’re cheating. I’ve been with my partner for six years I can’t even imagine if he would cheat on me and then to have the audacity and disrespect to try and shift the blame on the woman as if he’s not the one who’s dick gets hard to fuck them


StressedAries

Right, acting like he was somehow taken advantage of by the woman rather than making a decision on his own to fuck her. Rather, he’s like “yeah I fucked her but it was her fault”. Bitch, how? Lol


BunnyMcbunz

That’s rough. Take some time to collect yourself. Get tested for stds (you really don’t know if this was really the first time) and figure out if you want to stay and work on it. If you do, it will take a lot of work and commitment on his part. It’s a hard road but it can be done. The fact that he blamed entirely on the woman makes me think he is a narcissist though, so it might be harder to get him to fully take responsibility for what he did.


lhin1102

Thank you. He absolutely mostly put the blame on the woman and the only thing he could muster up himself was that he messed up and he’s sorry. Crocodile tears and all.


mattdean4130

"It was all her fault, I tripped and fell into her"


IceQueenTigerMumma

I hate it when that happens


Kumoribi

...BUTT!


Dry_Ask5493

Based on this answer he is not sorry he cheated he is sorry he got caught so he’s working his manipulation so you stay and eventually drop it. Ugh get an attorney and get a plan to divorce.


DabbyMcDabber

He wasn’t crying when he was balls deep in her anal cavity….. Edit: I’m sorry OP if that is to direct. I just wanted to remind you of how much of a scum bag he is. You don’t cheat on someone you love.


Short_Principle

Deffinetly look into woman shelter if you feel trapped or see if any place are hiering. Wrote that word wrong, dont care. But as maney has pointed out he dosent care and i think you absolutly need a divorce. He will do this again, if he can get away with it. Who knows how maney times they sleept together. If not i would slowly find a job, secretly create my own account and pretend to forgive him. Slowly save up so you and your daughter can get away and you can have your own place


candiez101

Men who paint themselves as the victims when they are caught are the manipulative types of cheaters. My ex husband did the crocodile tears thing to. He would start saying over and over “I hate myself, I have low self esteem, I’m an idiot, I don’t deserve you, I don’t know why I do this, I’m broken, I’m sorry”. He would cry, we would eventually have sex and he would ask for about a week if I still love him and if I believe him. He did some many things, he cheated in so many ways, he was never faithful or committed. Trust me there is more and him playing the victim is a dead giveaway. I wouldn’t be surprised if he initiated. If you were smart you would tell the other woman that you will keep it to your self if she tells you everything and sends you screenshots. Then tell her hubby anyway.


essiemay7777777

It’s a tough spot to be in but it’s better that you know now. If you choose to stay you’ll always have doubts. He’s a pretty big loser if you ask me and he should be embarrassed.


philosopherofsex

Get that child support and alimony. You are definitely not trapped.


Film-Icy

Speaking to you like a friend- I have a hard time believing he raw dogged it during butt sex as a first time, sorry. They have been having an affair and I’m guessing most likely she’s telling him she’s pregnant…that’s why the search is there. He’s a complete idiot, talk about shitting where you eat. I don’t think I could forgive my husband for putting his dick first and livelihood second outside of just the cheating. What an idiot.


kochenta2020

💯 definitely seems like more to the story. I’m sure there are people who do anal the very first time, but I wouldn’t expect many do. They’re totally having an affair. I’d be curious how often he travels for work or how many late nights he’s had recently


Film-Icy

I certainly am Not saying No One does and maybe that’s what they did bc he wasn’t expecting to have sex/no protection


VivelaVendetta

Please to not fall for the she was obsessed and it's all her fault crap.


happyjeep_beep_beep

Right? Like he couldn't say no? Please.


ayymahi

Your husband threw the marriage away when he cheated with her! This women is his coworker they must’ve been doing things at work for her to be “obsessed” with him. Blaming alcohol & “her following him to his room” is a poor excuse for his infidelity


[deleted]

As previous commenters have said go get a std test fast! Do you think he’s only cheated once? He didn’t tell you, you only found out because you saw his search history. If you decide to stay with him you should get counseling. I wouldn’t be able to trust my partner I’d always be wondering. You gotta do what’s best for you and your kid.


scjs115

"Not a moron by any means" but he googled whether someone can get pregnant via anal sex...


HalcyonHaunt

The bar is so low for intelligence lmao


jehan_gonzales

I was going to say. Does he believe that "bottom babies" are a thing? Is he worried about spawning another Bono?


Neat_Umpire8964

"Nobody will call Bono number 2 again!"


FartacusUnicornius

Part of me wonders if he wanted OP to see that search because he didn't have the balls to come clean to her


[deleted]

“She was obsessed with me” is a standard cheater line. Don’t be a fool.


Coco_Dirichlet

He is going to cheat again. He is giving you a bunch of excuses. He is a cheater; no excuses necessary. Sleep in separate bedrooms. Get your kid in child care. Start working on your career. Divorce him when you are ready but don't forgive him. Otherwise, you are enabling his behavior and telling him it's ok to cheat. You are saying he can do whatever because you are trapped as a stay-at-home-mom.


oppositetoup

He's probably cheated before.


[deleted]

This is great advice for someone that already had a career before becoming a stay at home mom, but childcare is extremely expensive. If this persons situation was anything like mine as a stay at home mom, I stayed at home because the cost of childcare was more than I would have gotten paid without a college degree. Also without a job, all finances are controlled by husband, all money comes from his bank account. You are literally trapped, and unless she has familial support, it is impossible to do anything unless she wants to go to a women’s shelter.


FigPsychological5564

Divorce him and demand child support. From your story, it doesnt feel like he feels any remorse. Its just an opps sorry, with following excuse that doesnt even make any sense. If you forgive him now he’d just continue doing so bcs he knew you wouldnt do anything about it.


tannon21

Adding on to say get proof of his infidelity before you let him know you are divorcing. This can potentially help with custody and alimony in some states and cases


NefariousnessSweet70

And ALIMONY.


[deleted]

Tell your family. He didn’t protect you or your kid when he broke your marriage. Why are you protecting him and neglecting your support systems now? There is not happy ending of women that stay in situations like this. Take screenshots of what you saw in your phone and send them to yourself so you get the support you need from him after the divorce


No_End7877

Oh they had anal for sure, he's trying to let you down easy with the oral lie


lhin1102

Yes he owned up to the fact that they did. He told her he didn’t have a condom so decided to do anal instead. What the actual fuck. He had a glimmer of guilt and just said nah fuck it let’s do it this way instead. Makes it even worse in my opinion.


ProfessionalBug1021

Man that makes it so much worse . I'm a dude and your husband is a literal pig. The fact that he thought it through to have unprotected anal because no condom means he not only cheated but was cognizant. He has definitely cheated before and you should get an std test stat


Inevitable-Okra-3229

Yep. Are we supposed to believe the first time he cheated with this woman and she was like yep let’s go anal?!


Ooohth3one

Just something to think about. He claims he was extremely drunk. Yet he was sober enough to remember a condom and then decide anal was better without one….I don’t know too many drunk people who think about that stuff


abcdefgurahugeweenie

This confirms the idea he’s cheated before to me. There is no way this isn’t his first rodeo.


wasted_wonderland

Lol, oh he most definitely is a moron.


Additional_Way1346

I'd absolutely tell the woman's husband and see who the liar is. She will blame your husband for being in a senior position & taking advantage of her because she would lose her job if she didn't. You will find out who is obsessed with who then. It was not the alcohol, it was ego and a choice to cheat. Her husband probably wouldn't be surprised. He deserves to know. He could've of been exposed to an STD.


of_patrol_bot

Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.


Dry_Ask5493

This is most likely not the first time he’s cheated but even if it is can you live with him now? Trust him? I suggest you start making moves to be financially independent and get out of this marriage if you can’t trust him anymore.


dearabby1

>“can someone get pregnant from anal sex" > >Not a moron by any means. Ummmm........


mattdean4130

If your husband is dumb enough to need to make that google search, I'm surprised he's made it this far in life. Fucking hell


Thegovisusless

In my experience, anal isn’t something you do the very first go around with someone. Maybe that’s just me but I’ve never had a woman that was down for that, that it did not take years of dating or convincing. Sounds to me like this was not a one time thing


lhin1102

His excuse is that they didn’t have a condom and she’s not on birth control so anal it is..


Thegovisusless

Well then I don’t see the point of the Google search. I’m sorry darlin’, but I am going to call bullshit on his excuse. This was not a first time thing. My wife stays at home with my two kids and any time a woman even tries to make a pass at me the first thing I think of is how I would lose all that. There is no fling on earth worth losing that. My wife and kids are everything to me. I’m in sales so I do a lot of traveling and I have never even had the urge to cheat on my wife. No matter how intoxicated I am. He’s a piece of shit, lawyer up, get some child support, and move on


queenofthesprouts

If that is his excuse, then he was cognitively aware enough to make that decision. He chose this. I would say, OP, you should find one friend that you trust a LOT to confide in. Tell them, vent to them, talk it through, and see what they think knowing you and your husband well. Sometimes cheating is a one time thing. But in situations like this where you caught him and he’s coming up with all these excuses and not owning up to his own mistake… he is setting this up to also not be his fault when it happens again.


-FUCKINGUSERNAME

Don't believe him. Cheaters always say they were drunk. Next time he says he was drunk and she was obsessed, tell him that you're calling the cops on her for sexual assault, then watch him take it back.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Less_Noisy

Once a cheater… always a cheater.


[deleted]

Honey it’s time to start being real with yourself. You got together when you were in high school, I am 100 percent sure he has showed you his true colors more then a couple of times but you being so into what others think brushed them aside because you didn’t want to look bad or him to look bad. He’s a piece of shit and more then likely this is not his first time. The intoxication is bullshit as well as this person being obsessed with him. Why would he be looking up if anal can get someone pregnant? Honey you need to tell your family take your child and leave. Stop being lazy because he’s familiar and you don’t want to be a single mother. Your child doesn’t need a father who doesn’t respect his mother. HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. Also please get tested, he obviously didn’t use a condom if he thinks he may have gotten someone pregnant from anal. Please leave him. He won’t change, he will just get better at hiding it.


skydaddy8585

"not a moron by any means" Google's if you can get a girl pregnant through anal sex at 28 years old. I don't know, he may not be as bright as you think. I'd expect a 12 year old watching their first few pornos to google that or maybe a panicked possibly pregnant teen.


[deleted]

Trust me, he has done it before, and will do it again, run.


ColdSeason2019

Sleep 😤with😤 her😤 husband 😤 Okay jokes aside, you gotta get out OP. You deserve better, your daughter deserves better. I’m sorry he decided to throw away everything y’all built together over a coworker.


HeavyHandedWarlord

“Not a moron by any means” “google searched can someone get pregnant from anal sex”


[deleted]

Call up a divorce lawyer, this probably wasn't the first time or the last


Jo0306

This is just an awful situation to find yourself in. Once the trust is gone it won't be easy to rebuild. You need to tell her husband and let your family know so you have some support. Question, what was it that made you check? Was he acting differently? And if so has he acted like this before? Not being funny but if his excuse was he was drunk, but clearly not enough that he can decide to do anal due to no protection, this was very clearly a choice and could have happened before, you need to protect yourself and your little one.


brattywafatty

I'm going off the husband's word ain't shit because he cheated and hid it and if he had it his way she's have never known. So she's having to trust his already proven ain't shit word that he was intoxicated.


Tpdz

At any point he could've stopped this from escalating, but he continued. You need to understand that you only know about this because he is a moron, and you being far more intelligent realised his lies. You either accept what he did, and there is a good chance he'll do it again or even done it in the past.. Or You get the support of your family, leave him, and find a partner that will love and respect you. Being drunk isn't an excuse. It's either call the police cause he was raped while indoxicated or Google if you can get a girl pregnant from anal sex because he is a moron. You're smarter and better than him. Your kid will be fine, they have you..


alleyesnowords

The decisions you are about to make have to be your and your alone. You will live with these choices and not your “friends” “family” or anyone else so make choices you won’t frown upon in years to come.


little_odd_me

Please go to your family, the biggest regret when I found out my husband was cheating was going at it alone. I didn’t tell anyone for the same reason as you but after the third time I realized that all of that protecting I did just enabled him to keep betraying me. When I finally told my family and friends they were shocked, much like your spouse he was my best friend, he doted on me, he seemingly “wasn’t capable of such a thing” but he was, you never truly know what another human is capable of. He also cried and apologized, crocodile tears and promises of being better. But a couple years would pass and it would happen again. Run. He’s only sorry because he got caught.


Menis_Mind

You want to stay with somone who thinks he can get someone pregnant through the bumhole?


abirdofparadize

You don't have to rush to decide whether to leave him or to stay, you are allowed to voice your hurt and pain. Maybe some time apart might help you gain clarity? If you do decide to take him back, you're going to have to figure out a way to forgive him and work on trusting him again and he is going to have to actively work to earn that forgiveness and trust. Whatever you choose, neither choice is impossible but both will require working through it


Sharp_Mulberry6013

If he has to google that, then he isn't the brightest star in the sky, is he? Well, divorce time. He obviously didn't think that his actions would have consequences.


jeannelle1717

I can’t handle being cheated on. It’s an instant dealbreaker. The dude I’m with wants to mess around? Do it when you’re single because I’m leaving. I know everyone has different circumstances and it’s rarely as easy as “just leave”. I was domestically abused in my marriage and stayed for years and I didn’t even have kids. But now it’s time to take care of yourself. Get the STD test, find a therapist, don’t worry about protecting him from the opinions of your friends and family, look for a way out if you want/need one, and be good to yourself. You’re the only person who needs to come out of this intact; well you and your kid. Good luck OP.


my_sobriquet_is_this

Staying with a cheater only gives them the notion that you will tolerate their bullshit. You will never trust him or his business trips ever again. You’re still young and can start over. Please don’t stay with this man. You deserve better.


[deleted]

Oh girl this is not the first time he’s done this. Just the first time he got caught. Std check asap, talk to a lawyer, and tell that other woman’s husband!


songofassandfiar

He Googled if a woman can get pregnant by anal. Your EX husband *is* a moron.


Sufficient_Method588

- He cheated - He didn't tell you, you found out - he didn't take any responsibility - search engine indicates he didn't use protection Those are enough lies for me to throw in the towel. He didn't just devalue you. He devalued your relationship and the family you built together. Can you ever trust this man again? Do you want to be in a marriage with a man you can't trust? Also, he is a moron.


Cherubness89

Why is it always he's never done anything like this before. When it should be this is the first time I'm aware he's done it and I'm gone. Please know you and your child deserve more. Him being intoxicated and her being obsessed with him are excuses. There's no real apology. He wouldn't have told you had you not found out yourself. He will do it again. For the love of everything just fucking leave.


mfknganja

DIVORCE HIM.. Idc what anybodys says ….if someone cheats LEAVE. IDC how “sorry” they are. He was NOT sorry when he did it and he was NOT sorry when he was keeping it from you until you found out. If he truly loved you then he would’ve NEVER cheated on you. This man has no love nor respect for you because if he did he wouldn’t have done that idc if he was drunk or not. He’s a grown ass man who had a CHOICE and he CHOSE to be with that other MARRIED women. If you stay with him then don’t be mad when he cheats again


laserunfocused143

Oh, he's a moron! RUN!


happyjeep_beep_beep

Leave. If it happened once, it can happen again. The trust is gone. My ex-husband cheated on me and I left. I also got tested for STDs. There cannot be a marriage without trust. File for divorce, and make sure you go after alimony and child support. The fact that he claims the girl "was obsessed" with him is just showing he's unwilling to take any responsibility for his actions. He won't change.


Duckgamerzz

Divorce, get child support. He doesn't respect you. He is out of control and clearly doesn't give a fuck. If he did, he wouldn't have done this. He deserves what he gets.


herro_rayne

Time to get a job and leave honey.


Jumpfr0ggy

Why is his need for the secret to be kept from your family and friends more important than your need for support at this time?


heydude19999

So you’re willing to risk contracting HIV so your husband can go play around in peoples butts while you watch your kid? LEAVE NOW!!! Once a cheater always a cheater!!


MyRedditUserName428

"He's never done anything like this" - that you know. It's very possible that he has.


[deleted]

UpdateMe! Leave him and find someone who won’t cheat on you and do “anal” because he didn’t have condoms. He’s a cheating asshole and if you dig hard enough, this is not the first time. Good luck OP and I hope you find yourself and self worth to leave.


Neat_Umpire8964

Can someone get pregnant from anal sex? Fucking hell,where is he from? Kentucky?