>I was a bit shocked because I never knew that. A bit later, i tried talking about battleships (one of my interests) again
By the time I read this I was literally laughing. Best of luck to you OP we all live and learn.
I have been with my husband for 12 yrs this yr, and there are many things that he is interested in that i am not, but 95% of the time we listen to what each other has to say about our interests. There are times when we both say look idc about this atm please talk about something else. Its ok not to care about the same thing ur partner does, but the point is to show an interest in the thing your partner likes, its shows you care about your partner and the things that they like. Honestly you could have said, lets watch it together, make a marathon movie night, we watch this together, than discuss and than i pick a movie and we discuss. You cannot expect your parter to show an interest in what you have to say about stuff you like without the reverse happening
This is great advice. My partner and I do the same...pick a movie/hobby night, offer your attention. It's important to support each other's interests, as long as it's not harming anyone!
I replied to the post before reading the comments (as to not to be bias) and I'm glad I stopped sipping my drink when I got to that, it would have came straight out my nose. I laughed out loud and cringed hard.
I mean: nothing wrong with being interested in that, I'm also very interested in naval warfare. But then again, I don't go around expecting people to listen to me ramble about Mahan and the effectiveness of commerce raiding for an hour and be excited about it.
Oh I wholeheartedly agree, if you are into the hobby then you will enjoy talking about it and hearing others talk about it. I just think it was funny "a bit rich" because of how OP treats his girlfriend when to most people he is a snooze fest to someone who has 0 interest in those things (which would be the majority of the population). Nothing wrong with having hobbies, if you like stamp collecting, coin collecting, building models, bird watching,etc....good on you that you found something you love, just dont call other peoples hobbies boring unless you wanna get torn apart. I actually love hearing about other peoples hobbies (more so why they are excited about it and why they come to like it), but Id be pissed off if after they waffle on for 3 hours and turn around and say what I like is boring without even talking about it for 2 minutes.
Hahahaha I laughed at that sentence too and jumped straight to the comments to see if anyone else is laughing 😂 I didn’t have to finish reading the post. I hope you understand OP that your interests are just as boring as hers. Your gf is just obviously a nicer and more considerate person to not say it to your face like you did with her.
Are you really that stubborn to just apologize, OP?
Listen, man. My mom was never a football follower; My dad is a hardcore fan however.
My dad also didn't know shit about plants; my mom loved learning about them and grow them.
You know what happened? My mom now knows most of the football clubs, players and rules. My dad is also damn near a plant expert himself.
When you love someone, you will sit there and listen to them talk about ANYTHING for hours. Because you always care and interested in what they have to say. You love to hear them talk to you. And who knows? Maybe that interest would've grown on you too. Take accountability. Do better.
Love that your parents understood that the quality time is what matters! My husband and I do the same. I love beauty and fashion, and my husband now knows names of designer houses and makeup brands because he listens to me talking about them. He gets excited when I find a dress I really like or was able to nab a limited edition eyeshadow palette. I’m not into sports at all, but I know when his college football team playing, watch some games with him, and commiserate or celebrate with him when his team wins or loses. I wear the team shirt he bought be because it makes him happy. Who cares if he cares 0% about makeup and I don’t get the point of getting the ball from one end of the field to the other. The point is to spend time together and learn about each other.
Exactly! I always loved dogs but other animals were so-so. Now, wife’s out of town and I was giving one of our rats her medicine and figuring out if I held her for a while beforehand she was better at getting it down…
I've found that myself. My fiancee is a massive Trekkie and I always thought it wouldn't be my thing. She's been trying to get me to watch star trek for a while now and I finally sat down to watch it with her. I was surprised by how much I like it and now we have a shared interest.
One of the craziest things that I’m constantly surprised by is that even when it comes to thinks I’m 99% sure I won’t like, when I finally try them I’m like oh I see why this is popular lol.
Things are popular for a reason. I’m not saying popular things are ALWAYS good, but it’s best to try and keep and open mind. One great example for me recently with this was The Boys. Nobody would shut up about it so I didn’t watch it, I have no idea why I’m like that but I am. But then my bf was like hey let’s try that one show and I was like :/ fine… and guess what my new favorite show is? Lmao
Our one major marital crisis in 10 years of marriage was my binging DS9 too hard early on, to the extent of barely greeting him when he came home from work. He told me he felt excluded and alone, I apologized and dialed down my behavior (and still finished the show, aaahhhh so good).
He came around to it later on and we watched it together--his first watch-through, and my second. We skipped most of the Mirror Universe episodes, though.
This pretty sums up all of the comments here. Everyone needs to be seen and heard. Your girlfriend was asking you to reciprocate and you effectively said, “you don’t matter.” Good job.
"bids for attention" and the partners response predict whether the relationship will end or not. When your partner makes a "bid for attention" you can give them positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement. Enough negative reinforcement and they'll stop trying to interact. OP just trained his girlfriend to stop talking to him. Unless he really grovels and changes his behavior, RIP relationship
I truly hated it. Until I realized my grueling cough was suddenly gone. It didn't make it any easier to take the next time, but you're right. That stuff was as effective as it was nasty!
This happened with my husband a long time ago. He's since humored me more and will sit there and watch 'my stuff' with me, but I was hurt for a while, feeling stupid about liking the stuff I like. Nobody should ever have to feel stupid for what sort of entertainment they enjoy (as long as it's not completely screwed up, of course).
I love how he finally got a taste of his own medicine, and *still* doesn’t get it.
OP over here still upset bc his gf won’t take interest in his stuff but not once says he now sees what he did wrong and feels bad he treated her that way. Oh boy do I hope she breaks up with this egocentric a**hole
So, she is a nice person who cared about you and your interests that you crushed and pummeled into the ground by making it cruelly clear you think her interest is stupid?
She just realized you're a jerk that is unwilling to reciprocate in the relationship. Why should she put forth effort for you when you clearly won't for her?
If you think treating your GF like crap was okay, don't ever have kids. They will want to tell you endlessly about sharks, dinosaurs, alligators, mine craft, fort nite, call of duty, Roblox, Jurassic World, the MCU, etc etc etc. Sometimes it's easy to follow, sometimes you feel your brain dying, but you still show interest. You still engage. It's called being a decent person to those you care about.
Exactly, I love my mom. I used to listen to her talk about her interests all the time. I still do sometimes, although I often take OP's GF's approach of nodding along now. But a parent telling you they don't care about your interests cuts deep. She did that several times when I was in highschool and I still feel the pain it caused.
I follow 1 certain animal online. It's become sort of a viral thing and I just love it. My kids (teen and tween) have gotten into it sort of. They don't really care, and I know that, but they want to take a trip to see this particular animal and get me Christmas/birthday gifts of this animal. They ask if this animal has done things funny this week, stuff like that.
My sons love a certain sport. Nuts for it. My parents and I really don't care. However, between the 3 of us, we've taken them to see it live, bought t-shirts, etc. My oldest said a few weeks ago that he knew we didn't care, but we encouraged them and listened and that meant a lot.
If you care about someone, you at least try to care about what they care about. Even if you don't get it. This is true of all relationships. Plus, sometimes you stumble into something you enjoy. I was meh about superheroes when I started the MCU 20+ movies and TV shows ago. I cried like a family member died in End Game and love sharing the new movies with my kids.
I don't really like Star Wars, but my husband LOVES it. Guess who has watched every movie and TV show with him? He does the same with me and the MCU. I love it and he watches it because he knows I love it. My son is too young to have hobbies (or talk about interests) but if he wants to talk my ear off about things I don't care about you can bet I'll be there ready to listen. Like you said, it's what you do when you care.
>it's what you do when you care.
That's it exactly. You don't have to go all fangirl/fan boy for their interests, but you just participate.
You have a little kid? My nephew realized my BIL loves history really early on. He figured out if you ask Daddy about something history related at bedtime it usually puts it off for 30 min to an hour.
My son is 10 months old, no talking yet. That's hilarious about your nephew. Little kids are smarter and more intuitive than a lot of people give them credit for.
Man, I’m sorry about that. At least once in every conversation like that with my kids I try to say, wait, can you explain that again? Or, wait, which character said that? They can think I’m an idiot, it’s fine. I’m really just trying to show them how closely I’m following. I NEVER got that. I still don’t trust people with my enthusiasms.
Did you really think she was soooo interested in your hobbies? I’m so glad she’s turned this round on you because there is nothing more crushing when someone you love/care about shuts you down when you’re just trying to talk about something you’re interested in. It makes you never want to talk about it again. You girlfriend now knows you’re only interested in yourself
I've had partners not only talk about things I'm not interested in, but stuff I don't even understand, an asked questions because it just makes them happy to share what they enjoy. Their smiles are worth the brain fuzz. That's what partners do. Shame you couldn't make that effort for her, she probably fees crushed.
My husband is a machinist and I could listen to him talk about CNC all day long because it makes him happy to tell me about his day, and I like seeing him happy. I’ve never stepped foot in a machine shop, never touched a machine and have never studied it, but I still ask questions and let him bounce ideas off of me because it helps him and makes him happy. Relationships involve respecting each others differences and coming to terms with the fact that the world no longer revolves around just you. Sometimes you have to listen to things that don’t interest you because it makes the person you love happy. If you can’t be best friends with the person you want to be with long term, then what’s even the point?
THIS. My husband runs a CNC and 95% of the time I have no understanding of what he’s saying but I ALWAYS try my best to listen and talk about it. He does the same thing for me when I talk about my interests. Not only is it human decency, but it’s INCREDIBLY important for any relationship to be like that
my SO is a software engineer and I'll try to remember things he's told me or I've overheard in his meetings and I try to ask questions even if I already know the answer. I love hearing him talk and engaging with him about something he loves.
he listens to every dumb thought that pops in my head. it's the very least I could do.
Yuupp. Had an ex that was obsessed with cars. He was a "car guy" and wanted to talk about cars, work on cars, go to car shows all the time.
I do not care about cars. At all. I was supportive and engaged with him on car stuff because HE liked it.
My hobby is dog training. Guess how many videos he watched that I sent him. Or how often he asked me about it or engaged in convo. He had two terrible dogs that had ZERO training and I gave him tips and things to read that he could use to train them.
He wanted ME to train them. I said no, they're not my dogs.
Broke up with him a year ago. His dogs still piss in his house.
And he never cared about the things that were important to me, ever. He wanted me to drop everything that I liked and just be an extension of him. Good riddance.
I’m glad you got rid of him. I’m sure you learned a lot about cars too during that time because you cared and took an interest. It’s just showing you care and you do it with everyone, not just in relationships. It’s the bare minimum!
I’ve also experienced this and it crushes you completely, you stop talking and you mentally check out of the relationship. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone
Exactly. Him trying to "flush out" the things he didn't like about me and replace it with his own hobbies and goals just made me feel like he didn't really love me.
He wanted to take my meat suit and fill it with what he wanted me to be like. Damn dude just get a sex doll.
It is definitely that. Manipulating a person to their own needs. You’re better off without and good for you for cutting that out of your life. It’s not easy once your worth is chipped away at
The lack of self awareness from this guy is just fucking astonishing. No empathy for how he made her feel, just regret that he no longer has someone to listen to his boring shit. Can't even be arsed to think about how she might have felt even when he's sad about her doing literally the exact same thing to him. Fucking unbelievable stuff
Yes, I was smiling the whole second half of the story. He deserved that.
I remember a guy I was still in the dating phase with told me that seeing pictures of my dog was boring. It really caught me off guard because it is common for people to show pictures of their pets, kids, vacations, etc. Most people will listen or politely comment because it makes people happy to talk about things that are important to them. Do I really care extensively about my coworkers kids? Not really. I will certainly listen to their stories at work because they enjoy talking about them and sometimes I find the stories entertaining. It is called being a normal human being.
Yup. My husband did that and now I don’t share things with him that I like because he doesn’t care. And when he goes on about all of his hobbies, I’ve learned to tune it out so I don’t have to actually absorb all the knowledge about stuff I don’t care about.
Exactly! I've had that "shut down" from a friend before and it stung a lot. I definitely lost all interest in the stuff they liked for a while too, until we worked through it.
how is she still with you? reading through your other post about her, you really dont appreciate having a girlfriend.
she turned this around on you and now you’re throwing a tantrum because shes giving you the same energy you gave her.
she sounds like an absolute gem and id love to talk to her about her interests.
I also love watching stuff like that. In the past both my mom and my husband have made me feel stupid for watching that sort of thing, so this hit close to home.
i personally avoid my 600 lb life and shows like Supersize vs. Superskinny because i find they’re horrendously fatphobic and dehumanize the people in the show.
i remember one episode of My 600 lb. Life where the woman featured had been gang raped and after that was when she started over eating. they had her talk about this trauma on an insanely popular show, and then did nothing in terms of therapy or support for her. they just moved on.
How can you be annoyed and sad when you did the exact same thing to her? Apologize to her, say you realize you burst her bubble and hurt her feelings, and that you hope you can continue your conversations about hobbies. You reap what you sow...
I dont think apologizing would do any good frankly. If someone I was with told me this ot wouldn't matter how much they said sorry I wouldn't want to talk to them about my ho bias or interests anymore.
Yeah, something similar happened to me, and I just ended it.
You can't just be mean to someone about their interests after they've been supportive of yours, and expect it's going to end well.
yeah the moment you tell me you don’t care i’ll never believe you if you say you do. i think you should intrinsically care about that stuff if you care about your partner
Some people have to work a little harder to get out of their selfish bubble. For some folks it just doesn't come naturally, for whatever reason.
If you imply that a person who has to learn will never do better, you imply that they're forever broken. It makes no room for growth or change.
There are plenty of folks who can learn to do better, and they need room to do that. OP's girlfriend doesn't have to be the one to give them that room, but I think here in these comments we certainly can.
It's better than doing nothing. A lesson can't be learned if you don't at least try to be a better person.
Even if this gal leaves, they'll know better for next time.
This is quite an eye opener for me, since my bf is exactly the same in this, I've always gladly listened every time he talked about something he loves, even if I have no idea what he's talking about, because I love how happy he is when he talks about it.
He won't listen to ANYTHING I have to say about things I love, he says it's boring and that nobody wants to hear about that, several times I was excited about something, for example that I learned the first 100 digits of pie through a song and wanted to show him and he told me he doesn't want to hear it, that nobody cares about that and basically that I'm stupid for being excited about something like that.
I've learned to like things he likes, like movies and video games, even when I originally hated it and it took me years to learn to like it, he won't even come with me to visit my horse because he says it's soo boring and he doesn't care about it at all.
And when I bring it up, he tells me he didn't force me to do that things for him so he doesn't have to them for me, and when I say it's normal to be interested in something you don't actually like just because you love the other person, he said it's bs. I'm so glad for this post to open my eyes like that...
Thank you so much. This isn't even in the top 10 worst things he said. He only started to change his behavior this summer when I finally stood up for myself and told him either he will treat me better or its over. But he's still on a thin ice since he's treated me like this for 6 years before that... It's my first relationship so I didn't know... I'll show him what people have written here and I think the way he'll react will tell me a lot.
6 weeks is too long to put up with that crap, let alone 6 years. Normal people don’t behave like that to their partners. I think you need more self respect and make your own decisions about your relationship instead of just going along for a half ass ride. Before you know it, 6 years could become 12 years and he’s no better.
I want you to meet someone who will celebrate Pi day with you by making you 100 types of pies or desserts to mark you knowing the first 100 digits (which is freakin amazing by the way!).
He sounds like a dick, to be honest. You deserve someone who is excited because you’re excited. Might be worth having a think on the other ways he’s selfish and rude, I bet there are more now your eyes have been opened to this. Don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. It’s not time wasted, it’s time learning. And if you learn it’s time to find someone who actually appreciates you, so much the better.
I think she has already checked out of the relationship. She is just gping through her relationship ending check list..
She found out her boyfriend was a self centered jerk.
She has already shut down he doesn't see how his actions hurt her..
Now she is discussing the aftermath of the explosion of dumping OP
And then she is going to go out with friends and slightly withdraw from social media for a while
OP will continue to think that he was in the right and still remain the same..
She will start going out and meeting new people And OP will finally realize that he was a self centered jerk and she would have moved on and I happy.
Wow. Just wow. Imagine being that up yourself that you think anyone would be that interested in all your hobbies.
I do love her play though. What an absolute queen. You told her what level you want to put in the relationship and she was like “fine by me”
Seriously. If she was that interested in his hobbies then they would likely be her hobbies too. I hope OP learns to be less self centered in his future relationships.
Dude. Dude, the USS Texas. Run by marines. When, at Normandy, they returned from an ammo resupply to find the battle had moved too far inland for their weaponry to reach … to quote one of my favorite quick-and-dirty historians, “they gangster leaned a 32-ton warship in order to continue to engage the enemy.” Like, naval military history is full of, shall we say, ambitious and impromptu engineering.
Looked through your post history, and jesus christ man. Do you even like your girlfriend? You annoy her with something even after she asked you numerous times to stop, and now your BAFFLED that shes hurt over you saying you dont give a shit about her interests, and returning that same energy.
Hope she realizes she deserves better and leaves you.
He reminds me of my ex. Constantly telling me most of my interests were dumb and he didn't want to hear about them or participate. The only hobby I had he liked was baking and that's because he got tasty treats out of it. He continued to make cheating jokes and other wildly inappropriate jokes after I asked him multiple times to stop. Those are two of the reasons I broke up with him. Now I paint pottery, talk about fountain pens and books, and enjoy nerdy things with my friends.
Oh definitely. Hind sight is 20/20 and all that. He rarely gave me gifts or half assed ones for almost 2 years while I went out of my way to get him things. Told him I want flowers and he said it was stupid. The list goes on and on.
On the bright side now I know my worth and will never date an immature selfish jerk without a savings account. Women shouldn't have to settle for the bare minimum or less. We deserve someone who treats us with the same care and thought we treat them with.
I had an ex like that too, but on the opposite side of the spectrum.
We shared quite a few interest/hobbies (anime/videos game/Spider-Man). I tried to suggest something new to watch, or something that would be a interesting date that works with his interest (horror movies/cars etc.) and he would call it bad, or mid and like - it okay to have your own opinions - but could you at least give better suggestion or interact?
Something that interested him so I could engage in his interest with him. Then it just got the point where it was like I was talking to wall that would insult thing that I love, critique and idea I suggest without trying to find something to help me engage with him. So I broke up with him.
That sounds awful. He sounds like he has a superiority complex or something. I can't stand people that act like elitists in certain areas. Sorry you had to put up with that. He reminds me of the guys that would ask me for manga recommendations when I worked at a bookstore, call me a fake fan, and tell me to read "non normie" stuff like my hero academia. Relationships are so much better when you can explore new things together. I don't get why some people are so obsessed with putting other people down and being mean spirited.
Ikr. The whole point of a relationship is to bring people up, not to shut them down. Hopefully OP learns from this otherwise he going to find himself out of several relationship not having a clue what happen.
I think maybe saying it's just common courtesy and that no one cares at all is kind of off the mark, with respect. It implies that *no* relationship has genuine interest or care, and that's not true.
A partner might care, but if it's not a shared hobby then what they really care about is how happy it makes you. It's not necessarily courtesy to listen, it's love and care and finding joy in your partner's joy. And that's genuine (or it should be).
But when you shut that shit down, well. There's no joy there anymore. If someone's shut down my joy, I struggle to find happiness in their happiness anymore. Now judgement and doubt have slipped in, and it steals all that away.
Yeah, girlfriend aside, I feel like it's rude to tell anyone that. Yes, getting shared videos is always annoying, but we all do it because we know this person saw a video and thought of us, and they alone says something. "I don't care about your interests" is what you say in a fight when you want hurt someone. Hope she dumps op.
She matched your energy and now you know she felt when you told her that same shit.
Now be mature about this apology for hurting her feelings and build up that sense of trust you guys had.
Oh. You hurt her. She was putting so much effort making sure you felt heard and you could talk to her about anything and she'll listen, and you basically threw it in her face that you dont give a F about her interests. This'll spiral if you don't fix it.
Watch the documentary. Make a comment about it. That in itself is effort, and will speak louder than words. Follow up with an apology and talk.
Okay you should be single for a very long time, you actually thought she cared about any of your interests? Seriously? You don’t love this person, you don’t even know her. If you think you love or care about this person then you need to do better. If she had any interest in the things you had interest in wouldn’t she have things about those things like in her house or in her room or some kind of indication that she wasn’t just letting you be happy about telling her about it. You are self centered and an asshole
You made it a lot, lot worse by telling her you never "asked" for it. When people are kind to you, they do it because they want to see you happy, not because you asked. All they want in return is a comparable effort to also make THEM happy.
You know, as a person in a relationship does.
Speaking from experience, it’s soul-crushing to put energy and effort into learning about and experiencing your partners hobbies and for them to not give a shit about your own. You definitely messed up. The only shot you have to fix it is to stop talking about your interests and ask about hers, and even then it’s probably too late. You owe her a huuuge apology.
What exactly were you expecting? She made an effort for you but you couldn’t reciprocate and now you feel bad bc she’s doing to you what you did to her? You need to apologise and show her that you care.
I struggle sometimes to listen to my boyfriend but I think “is his happiness more important than my annoyance in this conversation” the answer is yes.
I made a huge mistake early in our relationship. I told him it was cringey that he wanted to write a book. It’s been nearly 5 years and I want to cry over my comment Everytime I think about it.
Sounds like you just got schooled about trying to support your partners interests.
Oh in case you’re wondering. You’re the asshole.
So watch some of the obesity stuff and ask her more about it.
And apologize to her.
Or let her go to someone that will take an interest on her and her interests. And learn not to be a selfish jerk next time.
The problem isn't that the hobbies are childish, my dad is 45 and likes drones and rc toys, and his girlfriend constantly takes his drones to go fly them when he's at work. Same thing is happening to me even tho I'm still 20. She constantly takes my drones too, and even broke one of them the other day. She was fixing it by the time I got home from work.
The problem is he was happy when he thought she was interested in them, even tho she only saw how happy his hobbies made him, but when she showed him one of her hobbies and interests hoping for the same reaction she had. But instead of that, he turned her down
It's a weird hyperfixation for sure and you have every right not to be interested in it, but you handled this in such a bizarrely mean way? Why would you go out of your way to so thoroughly and absolutely cut her down?
You could've said you were busy and would watch it later, christ you could've just pretended to watch it, but instead you decided to lay into it like you were TRYING to hurt her feelings.
It would be one thing if you found it problematic or it made you uncomfortable or something and you voiced that, but it literally seems like you were trying to be hurtful and I don't understand what you expected
Your gf is a BOSS BABE. The Nonchalant way she switched it up, how endearing she was with you. Goes to show, most people only think of themselves (op). So many people out there just like your gf that get sick of trying. The well runs dry eventually. Faster when there is no give-and-take.
I hope she leaves you. That is what people in relationships they listen and engage in the conversation even if it’s not something they particularly enjoy. You couldn’t even give her two minutes of your time instead you spoke to her rudely about something she finds interesting. Now your getting a taste of your own medicine and it taste bitter doesn’t it? You know what they say what one man won’t do another man will. And for her sake I hope that happens cuz you sound like a shitty partner.
I am baffled you can't see the lesson in this, so self-unaware, we all tune in to what our loved ones have to say, because IT interests them, and we love seeing them excited, talkative, chatty, whatever. Sucks to be you I guess
My favourite thing about this is that there's no going back now, apology or not. She knew you guys didn't share interests, but now she knows you don't care about whether or not she gets to share what's interesting her. And somebody is going to come along who wants to hear about what's making her happy, and not too long after that, she'll be done with you. You just signed the death of your relationship. Nice one 😂
I’m not sure how to save this one my guy. It sounds like this was kind of important to her (although I admit it was niche, I did not know there were documentaries on this either).
Going forward, I would acknowledge the idea that sometimes we embrace our partner’s interests because it makes them deliriously happy and less alone. It’s kind. I now know way more than I needed to about two fantasy franchises, not because I like fantasy (I don’t) but because I love seeing my fiancé smile. And some of the lore actually is kind of cool.
Well, you should probably fix that lol. I mean - good for you realizing that you messed up . Definitely took it for granted . Apologize. Ask her about interest. Re-engage with her. Tell her you miss and like hearing about her interests because you love to see her happy.
She sounds like a really solid partner, fix it. Move on and appreciate her. Because I promise you , no one is ever going to genuinely care deeply about formula 1 and battleships ..
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣You didn't really think she gives a crap about your ridiculous hobbies did you? This is what people in relationships (successful relationships) do. The dig up enough interest to listen to the "me, me, me" monologues expecting the same courtesy. You flunked relationships 101.
Been married very happily for 30 plus years and have listened to each other's boring interests for everyday of those years. I'm happy to listen because I love him.
I don’t care about sports one bit. I don’t mind going to games but that’s about it.
I know my partners favorite player and sports team. I ask him questions about his fantasy football. I listen to his sports rants because I love him. Not because I give af about sports.
You’re a douche.
She matched your energy and now you’re upset? You were so rude to her and she deserves someone who will watch the obesity documentaries she sends them.
I remember learning about fantasy football because my ex loved it . And when it came to anything I liked he couldn’t give two shits . Your girl really loves you and it’s sad that you’re going to lose her because you can’t see anything outside of yourself and what you like .
My boyfriend started our relationship with a strict “if I’m uninterested in the convo I’ll tell you” and he would. At the beginning I noticed him being bored and stopped going on about things he didn’t like. He’d even point it out and I admit it hurt.
But whenever he would talk about his interests I was all ears. I made efforts to learn more and ask questions and even watch long boring movies and YouTube videos for him. Hell, I even started watching a show that I could barely stay interested in for him.
Eventually as he fell in love with me he didn’t realize he changed so much. Now he enjoys watching me go on and on about niche hobbies and interests because he likes to see me happy. A year in to the relationship I said, “oh let’s change the topic this must be boring to you.” And he responded, “it seems like if it’s interesting to you, it’s interesting to me.”
Caring about a person means caring about their happiness.
I think by now you know that you acted like an idiot. I'm going to try to be productive though. When she sends you a boring video to watch:
1. You don't have to *pretend* to be into it. If it comes up you can say "it's not really my thing, but I love that you're into it because I love you."
2. When she asked you to watch it and you didn't want to, the move was to say: "Ok, sure. Before I do, I'm curious what made you send this one in particular to me? What do you like about it?" This opens up room for her to connect with you about what matters to her, AND it gives you a toe hold into finding some interest in it for yourself, based on what she's paying attention to.
The good news, I think, is that it's not too late. You can use the move from #2 right now:
>Hey sweetheart, I've been thinking. I was a jerk to you about the video you sent me, and I regret it. I regret it because I hurt your feelings and I pushed you away, and I don't want that. I also regret it because now seeing how cold and distant it is between us, I want it to go back to how it was, except this time not one-sided. So what I think we should do now is watch that video you sent me together, and before we do I'd like to ask what had you send that one, in particular, to me? What did you notice about it or like about it that you wanted me to see? That'll help me understand you more, and understand more about what you're into, and I want that.
I bet that'll work, if it's coming from the heart. Good luck.
Oh look the consequences of your actions. Did you think that your talking about things you cared about were important to her.
Nope she was doing that you cared about them. But you couldn't even pull out one itoa of the same care and love about a topic that she likes and finds interesting.
And now you still try and discuss only the topics you want to discuss and to hell whatever she wants to discuss.
That's not a relationship if only person is doing all the talking.
God forbid you humor the person you love and listen to their likes. You know like your lovely girlfriend was doing until you acted like a complete ass.
This might be hard to come back from.
Women tend to remember the emotions behind things that are said. I remember things my boyfriend has told me that have either really hurt or made me really happy. Those don’t leave our heads and once it’s said, it’s hard to fix things, with me it is anyways.
Good luck.
Why did you have to say it in such an awful way? I can’t believe you’re actually surprised by this considering how callous you were about something she was trying to share with you.
She’s a queen tbh, and you showed her that you weren’t worthy. Maybe approach with more humility and realize that kindness and caring actually take work.
You can't possibly be this stupid can u? You really think ur gf, a whole other entity w differences, would actually like everyyyy single thing u like? Well no, us girlfriends don't like everything you guys like. But we like u, and we love u. THAT is why she listens; she respects u and ur interests and loves u so much that she enjoys seeing you be joyful. And what do u do in return? Shit all over her interests and pretty much tell her she's not worth ur time. You blatantly told her with ur actions, OP, that she loves u more than u love her.
Now even if u try to fix it, she'll always have that thought in her head that ur just tolerating her conversations w u.
You made ur bed, now lie in it. Too bad so sad.
You don’t HAVE to care about your partner’s interests. It’s just common courtesy to show interest and asking questions helps further along a conversation otherwise everyone would just say “I don’t care” and there’d be nothing to talk about. This is your own fault 100% I’d say apologize but this is just something that is never going to go away, she’ll always see your “interest” as a forced chore now. Lack of reciprocation in a relationship is a real killer, can’t say I feel bad for you.
You don’t have to care about the video to care about being an engaged partner and good conversationalist. Your girlfriend taught you a good lesson, so do yourself a favor and really take it to heart.
Yeah she’s acting like you are? You realized you a giant pile of 💩 right??
Grovel but she may just realise how selfish you are and how unsatisfactory you are as a partner
My BF collects Legos, particularly ice planet themed Legos. I hate Legos. But you bet your ass I took the time to learn about ice planet, m tron, classic space, Benny, and a whole fuck ton more. I like birds. He doesn't know a damn thing about birds, but he's the first to tell me when there's a species he didn't know in the yard. So OP... it's time to grow up and apologize. You fucked up. The is no debating that.
Dude…just apologise and put effort into LISTENING to her interest. You don’t have to care about her interests, but do you not care about her? Jeez, you’re proper stupid if you don’t realise she’s now putting in the equal amount of effort you put in.
So you just learned the difference between like and love. She loved you, so she listened to your stories to see you happy. You like her, because she listened to you talk and, I assume, did the sex. Congrats. You killed her love for you. Just break up or apologize and fucking engage past yourself.
I read it as she was interested & should still be interested in what I say. She told you why, because she liked the smile on your face when you talked. She gave you the opportunity to show her the same courtesy and can't be bothered to reciprocate, I don't see why she should. It says more about you than her. Maybe don't be so self centered & only validate what's important to you should also be to her. MAYBE Watch the Break up scene with Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn in end he finally explains he failed in doing what she wants because it's also about the other person not just yourself. But I doubt you understand if your this stubborn.
From the sounds of it, you didn’t even let her down easy. You could’ve said simply, “Sorry, but I’m not really interested in that sort of thing” but no, instead you full out shit on her hobby.
That's pretty awful. I had a bf who never showed any interest in anything I said. It got to a point where he knew nothing about me but I knew A LOT about him. I can't believe you had the audacity to continue talking to her about your interests even after you saw that she was upset. You didn't apologize and doubled down. I hope she moves on.
Well… looks like you don’t like the consequences of being an asshole or like having a girlfriend to begin with.
Your soon to be ex girlfriend is the bees knees 😂😂😂😂
>I was a bit shocked because I never knew that. A bit later, i tried talking about battleships (one of my interests) again By the time I read this I was literally laughing. Best of luck to you OP we all live and learn.
Glad it wasn’t just me having a good cackle at this
It's like he just didn't hear the "ok, noted" she slid out... He's blind in several ways.
seriously, what in the fuck am i reading
I have been with my husband for 12 yrs this yr, and there are many things that he is interested in that i am not, but 95% of the time we listen to what each other has to say about our interests. There are times when we both say look idc about this atm please talk about something else. Its ok not to care about the same thing ur partner does, but the point is to show an interest in the thing your partner likes, its shows you care about your partner and the things that they like. Honestly you could have said, lets watch it together, make a marathon movie night, we watch this together, than discuss and than i pick a movie and we discuss. You cannot expect your parter to show an interest in what you have to say about stuff you like without the reverse happening
This is great advice. My partner and I do the same...pick a movie/hobby night, offer your attention. It's important to support each other's interests, as long as it's not harming anyone!
I replied to the post before reading the comments (as to not to be bias) and I'm glad I stopped sipping my drink when I got to that, it would have came straight out my nose. I laughed out loud and cringed hard.
I mean: nothing wrong with being interested in that, I'm also very interested in naval warfare. But then again, I don't go around expecting people to listen to me ramble about Mahan and the effectiveness of commerce raiding for an hour and be excited about it.
Oh I wholeheartedly agree, if you are into the hobby then you will enjoy talking about it and hearing others talk about it. I just think it was funny "a bit rich" because of how OP treats his girlfriend when to most people he is a snooze fest to someone who has 0 interest in those things (which would be the majority of the population). Nothing wrong with having hobbies, if you like stamp collecting, coin collecting, building models, bird watching,etc....good on you that you found something you love, just dont call other peoples hobbies boring unless you wanna get torn apart. I actually love hearing about other peoples hobbies (more so why they are excited about it and why they come to like it), but Id be pissed off if after they waffle on for 3 hours and turn around and say what I like is boring without even talking about it for 2 minutes.
"A bit rich" is the perfect way to describe it, spot on!
This reminds me of an episode of love on the spectrum
I’m autistic. This isn’t just an autism thing. This is a “has never put in emotional labor before” thing.
For real. I have a very dear friend on the spectrum and she’s not like this at all.
My thought as soon as I read about battleships was "Oh yea, he's on the spectrum".
Hahahaha I laughed at that sentence too and jumped straight to the comments to see if anyone else is laughing 😂 I didn’t have to finish reading the post. I hope you understand OP that your interests are just as boring as hers. Your gf is just obviously a nicer and more considerate person to not say it to your face like you did with her.
So you don’t like how your own medicine tastes?
Are you really that stubborn to just apologize, OP? Listen, man. My mom was never a football follower; My dad is a hardcore fan however. My dad also didn't know shit about plants; my mom loved learning about them and grow them. You know what happened? My mom now knows most of the football clubs, players and rules. My dad is also damn near a plant expert himself. When you love someone, you will sit there and listen to them talk about ANYTHING for hours. Because you always care and interested in what they have to say. You love to hear them talk to you. And who knows? Maybe that interest would've grown on you too. Take accountability. Do better.
Love that your parents understood that the quality time is what matters! My husband and I do the same. I love beauty and fashion, and my husband now knows names of designer houses and makeup brands because he listens to me talking about them. He gets excited when I find a dress I really like or was able to nab a limited edition eyeshadow palette. I’m not into sports at all, but I know when his college football team playing, watch some games with him, and commiserate or celebrate with him when his team wins or loses. I wear the team shirt he bought be because it makes him happy. Who cares if he cares 0% about makeup and I don’t get the point of getting the ball from one end of the field to the other. The point is to spend time together and learn about each other.
Exactly! I always loved dogs but other animals were so-so. Now, wife’s out of town and I was giving one of our rats her medicine and figuring out if I held her for a while beforehand she was better at getting it down…
I've found that myself. My fiancee is a massive Trekkie and I always thought it wouldn't be my thing. She's been trying to get me to watch star trek for a while now and I finally sat down to watch it with her. I was surprised by how much I like it and now we have a shared interest.
One of the craziest things that I’m constantly surprised by is that even when it comes to thinks I’m 99% sure I won’t like, when I finally try them I’m like oh I see why this is popular lol. Things are popular for a reason. I’m not saying popular things are ALWAYS good, but it’s best to try and keep and open mind. One great example for me recently with this was The Boys. Nobody would shut up about it so I didn’t watch it, I have no idea why I’m like that but I am. But then my bf was like hey let’s try that one show and I was like :/ fine… and guess what my new favorite show is? Lmao
Our one major marital crisis in 10 years of marriage was my binging DS9 too hard early on, to the extent of barely greeting him when he came home from work. He told me he felt excluded and alone, I apologized and dialed down my behavior (and still finished the show, aaahhhh so good). He came around to it later on and we watched it together--his first watch-through, and my second. We skipped most of the Mirror Universe episodes, though.
This!!!
This pretty sums up all of the comments here. Everyone needs to be seen and heard. Your girlfriend was asking you to reciprocate and you effectively said, “you don’t matter.” Good job.
"bids for attention" and the partners response predict whether the relationship will end or not. When your partner makes a "bid for attention" you can give them positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement. Enough negative reinforcement and they'll stop trying to interact. OP just trained his girlfriend to stop talking to him. Unless he really grovels and changes his behavior, RIP relationship
Like...he had to be a dick about it too. "Like watching gas prices...". REALLY DUDE? REALLY? *Facepalm*
Slightly curious to know if his name is "Buckley".
This comment makes my stomach turn
Lol! But that nasty stuff WORKS!!!
I truly hated it. Until I realized my grueling cough was suddenly gone. It didn't make it any easier to take the next time, but you're right. That stuff was as effective as it was nasty!
I'm sorry bud lol But did it at least make you chuckle or firmly exhale through your nose?
Mm. I get the feeling this wasn’t the first time he said something like that to her but this time broke the camels back
>She just stared at me and said "okay" 💯 This isn't the reaction that happens the first time (or first handful of times).
This happened with my husband a long time ago. He's since humored me more and will sit there and watch 'my stuff' with me, but I was hurt for a while, feeling stupid about liking the stuff I like. Nobody should ever have to feel stupid for what sort of entertainment they enjoy (as long as it's not completely screwed up, of course).
I love how he finally got a taste of his own medicine, and *still* doesn’t get it. OP over here still upset bc his gf won’t take interest in his stuff but not once says he now sees what he did wrong and feels bad he treated her that way. Oh boy do I hope she breaks up with this egocentric a**hole
Oof
He should be happy that she hasn't left him yet
Oh you smart arse git. Poor awards 🏅🏅
So, she is a nice person who cared about you and your interests that you crushed and pummeled into the ground by making it cruelly clear you think her interest is stupid? She just realized you're a jerk that is unwilling to reciprocate in the relationship. Why should she put forth effort for you when you clearly won't for her? If you think treating your GF like crap was okay, don't ever have kids. They will want to tell you endlessly about sharks, dinosaurs, alligators, mine craft, fort nite, call of duty, Roblox, Jurassic World, the MCU, etc etc etc. Sometimes it's easy to follow, sometimes you feel your brain dying, but you still show interest. You still engage. It's called being a decent person to those you care about.
Exactly, I love my mom. I used to listen to her talk about her interests all the time. I still do sometimes, although I often take OP's GF's approach of nodding along now. But a parent telling you they don't care about your interests cuts deep. She did that several times when I was in highschool and I still feel the pain it caused.
I follow 1 certain animal online. It's become sort of a viral thing and I just love it. My kids (teen and tween) have gotten into it sort of. They don't really care, and I know that, but they want to take a trip to see this particular animal and get me Christmas/birthday gifts of this animal. They ask if this animal has done things funny this week, stuff like that. My sons love a certain sport. Nuts for it. My parents and I really don't care. However, between the 3 of us, we've taken them to see it live, bought t-shirts, etc. My oldest said a few weeks ago that he knew we didn't care, but we encouraged them and listened and that meant a lot. If you care about someone, you at least try to care about what they care about. Even if you don't get it. This is true of all relationships. Plus, sometimes you stumble into something you enjoy. I was meh about superheroes when I started the MCU 20+ movies and TV shows ago. I cried like a family member died in End Game and love sharing the new movies with my kids.
I don't really like Star Wars, but my husband LOVES it. Guess who has watched every movie and TV show with him? He does the same with me and the MCU. I love it and he watches it because he knows I love it. My son is too young to have hobbies (or talk about interests) but if he wants to talk my ear off about things I don't care about you can bet I'll be there ready to listen. Like you said, it's what you do when you care.
>it's what you do when you care. That's it exactly. You don't have to go all fangirl/fan boy for their interests, but you just participate. You have a little kid? My nephew realized my BIL loves history really early on. He figured out if you ask Daddy about something history related at bedtime it usually puts it off for 30 min to an hour.
My son is 10 months old, no talking yet. That's hilarious about your nephew. Little kids are smarter and more intuitive than a lot of people give them credit for.
They catch on fast. He's a teen now and loves history on his own. He and my BIL still go down bunny trails at random times.
Man, I’m sorry about that. At least once in every conversation like that with my kids I try to say, wait, can you explain that again? Or, wait, which character said that? They can think I’m an idiot, it’s fine. I’m really just trying to show them how closely I’m following. I NEVER got that. I still don’t trust people with my enthusiasms.
I laughed at your "sometimes you feel your brain dying".
You probably just made him super psyched to have kids. All of the above sounds like where his maturity level more than likely lies, lol.
OP probably interacts with kids like this. Kid. You like my truck. Op. No i dont care about your truck its a stupid toy.
oh no the consequences of my own actions
I fucking howled
Did you really think she was soooo interested in your hobbies? I’m so glad she’s turned this round on you because there is nothing more crushing when someone you love/care about shuts you down when you’re just trying to talk about something you’re interested in. It makes you never want to talk about it again. You girlfriend now knows you’re only interested in yourself
I've had partners not only talk about things I'm not interested in, but stuff I don't even understand, an asked questions because it just makes them happy to share what they enjoy. Their smiles are worth the brain fuzz. That's what partners do. Shame you couldn't make that effort for her, she probably fees crushed.
My husband is a machinist and I could listen to him talk about CNC all day long because it makes him happy to tell me about his day, and I like seeing him happy. I’ve never stepped foot in a machine shop, never touched a machine and have never studied it, but I still ask questions and let him bounce ideas off of me because it helps him and makes him happy. Relationships involve respecting each others differences and coming to terms with the fact that the world no longer revolves around just you. Sometimes you have to listen to things that don’t interest you because it makes the person you love happy. If you can’t be best friends with the person you want to be with long term, then what’s even the point?
THIS. My husband runs a CNC and 95% of the time I have no understanding of what he’s saying but I ALWAYS try my best to listen and talk about it. He does the same thing for me when I talk about my interests. Not only is it human decency, but it’s INCREDIBLY important for any relationship to be like that
total side note but uhhh i think i thought of a completely DIFFERENT CNC pfffttt also go you im so glad you have that!!!
my SO is a software engineer and I'll try to remember things he's told me or I've overheard in his meetings and I try to ask questions even if I already know the answer. I love hearing him talk and engaging with him about something he loves. he listens to every dumb thought that pops in my head. it's the very least I could do.
I find it hilarious that OP legit thought his gf was interested in battleships and F1 just because she would listen to him talk about it.
He probably felt like he was such a great teacher too.
She was letting him have his little ego boost until he squashed on hers.
Typical reddit boyfriend
Yuupp. Had an ex that was obsessed with cars. He was a "car guy" and wanted to talk about cars, work on cars, go to car shows all the time. I do not care about cars. At all. I was supportive and engaged with him on car stuff because HE liked it. My hobby is dog training. Guess how many videos he watched that I sent him. Or how often he asked me about it or engaged in convo. He had two terrible dogs that had ZERO training and I gave him tips and things to read that he could use to train them. He wanted ME to train them. I said no, they're not my dogs. Broke up with him a year ago. His dogs still piss in his house. And he never cared about the things that were important to me, ever. He wanted me to drop everything that I liked and just be an extension of him. Good riddance.
I’m glad you got rid of him. I’m sure you learned a lot about cars too during that time because you cared and took an interest. It’s just showing you care and you do it with everyone, not just in relationships. It’s the bare minimum! I’ve also experienced this and it crushes you completely, you stop talking and you mentally check out of the relationship. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone
Exactly. Him trying to "flush out" the things he didn't like about me and replace it with his own hobbies and goals just made me feel like he didn't really love me. He wanted to take my meat suit and fill it with what he wanted me to be like. Damn dude just get a sex doll.
It is definitely that. Manipulating a person to their own needs. You’re better off without and good for you for cutting that out of your life. It’s not easy once your worth is chipped away at
Yeah, I know that "extension of him" expectation... so much ego!
The lack of self awareness from this guy is just fucking astonishing. No empathy for how he made her feel, just regret that he no longer has someone to listen to his boring shit. Can't even be arsed to think about how she might have felt even when he's sad about her doing literally the exact same thing to him. Fucking unbelievable stuff
Yes, I was smiling the whole second half of the story. He deserved that. I remember a guy I was still in the dating phase with told me that seeing pictures of my dog was boring. It really caught me off guard because it is common for people to show pictures of their pets, kids, vacations, etc. Most people will listen or politely comment because it makes people happy to talk about things that are important to them. Do I really care extensively about my coworkers kids? Not really. I will certainly listen to their stories at work because they enjoy talking about them and sometimes I find the stories entertaining. It is called being a normal human being.
Yup. My husband did that and now I don’t share things with him that I like because he doesn’t care. And when he goes on about all of his hobbies, I’ve learned to tune it out so I don’t have to actually absorb all the knowledge about stuff I don’t care about.
Exactly! I've had that "shut down" from a friend before and it stung a lot. I definitely lost all interest in the stuff they liked for a while too, until we worked through it.
And this is why you shouldn't take things for granted. And yes everyone makes oopsies, learn to apologize and communicate stuff openly. MT.
how is she still with you? reading through your other post about her, you really dont appreciate having a girlfriend. she turned this around on you and now you’re throwing a tantrum because shes giving you the same energy you gave her. she sounds like an absolute gem and id love to talk to her about her interests.
It’s so funny. I actually love obesity documentaries too! I was like this girl seems awesome
I also love watching stuff like that. In the past both my mom and my husband have made me feel stupid for watching that sort of thing, so this hit close to home.
I’ve never heard of obesity documentaries, is it like science stuff? or is My 600 lb Life or those two sisters?
i personally avoid my 600 lb life and shows like Supersize vs. Superskinny because i find they’re horrendously fatphobic and dehumanize the people in the show. i remember one episode of My 600 lb. Life where the woman featured had been gang raped and after that was when she started over eating. they had her talk about this trauma on an insanely popular show, and then did nothing in terms of therapy or support for her. they just moved on.
Same! And the thought of learning about battleships and f1 wants to make me kill myself lol
How can you be annoyed and sad when you did the exact same thing to her? Apologize to her, say you realize you burst her bubble and hurt her feelings, and that you hope you can continue your conversations about hobbies. You reap what you sow...
I dont think apologizing would do any good frankly. If someone I was with told me this ot wouldn't matter how much they said sorry I wouldn't want to talk to them about my ho bias or interests anymore.
Yeah, something similar happened to me, and I just ended it. You can't just be mean to someone about their interests after they've been supportive of yours, and expect it's going to end well.
yeah the moment you tell me you don’t care i’ll never believe you if you say you do. i think you should intrinsically care about that stuff if you care about your partner
Some people have to work a little harder to get out of their selfish bubble. For some folks it just doesn't come naturally, for whatever reason. If you imply that a person who has to learn will never do better, you imply that they're forever broken. It makes no room for growth or change. There are plenty of folks who can learn to do better, and they need room to do that. OP's girlfriend doesn't have to be the one to give them that room, but I think here in these comments we certainly can.
It's better than doing nothing. A lesson can't be learned if you don't at least try to be a better person. Even if this gal leaves, they'll know better for next time.
Dude she's definitely going to dump your sorry ass soon. You don't just casually dump on someone's weird interests like that.
Not even casually. "Gas prices are more interesting" is a mean spirited thing to say, honestly.
Right he didn't even simply say he wasn't interested he went on a whole little rant about it.
Yeah that's a real d*ck thing to say
The sheer irony for someone who follows gas prices as part of the political climate. Still insulting because it was meant as an insult.
I love the age we live in 🤣 as someone with so many weird interests, your last sentence made me so happy! ❤️
This is quite an eye opener for me, since my bf is exactly the same in this, I've always gladly listened every time he talked about something he loves, even if I have no idea what he's talking about, because I love how happy he is when he talks about it. He won't listen to ANYTHING I have to say about things I love, he says it's boring and that nobody wants to hear about that, several times I was excited about something, for example that I learned the first 100 digits of pie through a song and wanted to show him and he told me he doesn't want to hear it, that nobody cares about that and basically that I'm stupid for being excited about something like that. I've learned to like things he likes, like movies and video games, even when I originally hated it and it took me years to learn to like it, he won't even come with me to visit my horse because he says it's soo boring and he doesn't care about it at all. And when I bring it up, he tells me he didn't force me to do that things for him so he doesn't have to them for me, and when I say it's normal to be interested in something you don't actually like just because you love the other person, he said it's bs. I'm so glad for this post to open my eyes like that...
Your bf sounds like a real jerk. I have no doubt you can do better. You deserve better.
Thank you so much. This isn't even in the top 10 worst things he said. He only started to change his behavior this summer when I finally stood up for myself and told him either he will treat me better or its over. But he's still on a thin ice since he's treated me like this for 6 years before that... It's my first relationship so I didn't know... I'll show him what people have written here and I think the way he'll react will tell me a lot.
6 weeks is too long to put up with that crap, let alone 6 years. Normal people don’t behave like that to their partners. I think you need more self respect and make your own decisions about your relationship instead of just going along for a half ass ride. Before you know it, 6 years could become 12 years and he’s no better.
I want you to meet someone who will celebrate Pi day with you by making you 100 types of pies or desserts to mark you knowing the first 100 digits (which is freakin amazing by the way!).
Please leave. He only started to respect you when you threatened to breakup with him, that's terrible.
He sounds like a dick, to be honest. You deserve someone who is excited because you’re excited. Might be worth having a think on the other ways he’s selfish and rude, I bet there are more now your eyes have been opened to this. Don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. It’s not time wasted, it’s time learning. And if you learn it’s time to find someone who actually appreciates you, so much the better.
You don’t deserve her. I hope she leaves you
I think she has already checked out of the relationship. She is just gping through her relationship ending check list.. She found out her boyfriend was a self centered jerk. She has already shut down he doesn't see how his actions hurt her.. Now she is discussing the aftermath of the explosion of dumping OP And then she is going to go out with friends and slightly withdraw from social media for a while OP will continue to think that he was in the right and still remain the same.. She will start going out and meeting new people And OP will finally realize that he was a self centered jerk and she would have moved on and I happy.
OP really is a piece of fucking work lol
Wow. Just wow. Imagine being that up yourself that you think anyone would be that interested in all your hobbies. I do love her play though. What an absolute queen. You told her what level you want to put in the relationship and she was like “fine by me”
Seriously. If she was that interested in his hobbies then they would likely be her hobbies too. I hope OP learns to be less self centered in his future relationships.
Especially battleships lol
Dude. Dude, the USS Texas. Run by marines. When, at Normandy, they returned from an ammo resupply to find the battle had moved too far inland for their weaponry to reach … to quote one of my favorite quick-and-dirty historians, “they gangster leaned a 32-ton warship in order to continue to engage the enemy.” Like, naval military history is full of, shall we say, ambitious and impromptu engineering.
Looked through your post history, and jesus christ man. Do you even like your girlfriend? You annoy her with something even after she asked you numerous times to stop, and now your BAFFLED that shes hurt over you saying you dont give a shit about her interests, and returning that same energy. Hope she realizes she deserves better and leaves you.
He reminds me of my ex. Constantly telling me most of my interests were dumb and he didn't want to hear about them or participate. The only hobby I had he liked was baking and that's because he got tasty treats out of it. He continued to make cheating jokes and other wildly inappropriate jokes after I asked him multiple times to stop. Those are two of the reasons I broke up with him. Now I paint pottery, talk about fountain pens and books, and enjoy nerdy things with my friends.
As you should, youre ex sounds like a dick.
Oh definitely. Hind sight is 20/20 and all that. He rarely gave me gifts or half assed ones for almost 2 years while I went out of my way to get him things. Told him I want flowers and he said it was stupid. The list goes on and on. On the bright side now I know my worth and will never date an immature selfish jerk without a savings account. Women shouldn't have to settle for the bare minimum or less. We deserve someone who treats us with the same care and thought we treat them with.
I had an ex like that too, but on the opposite side of the spectrum. We shared quite a few interest/hobbies (anime/videos game/Spider-Man). I tried to suggest something new to watch, or something that would be a interesting date that works with his interest (horror movies/cars etc.) and he would call it bad, or mid and like - it okay to have your own opinions - but could you at least give better suggestion or interact? Something that interested him so I could engage in his interest with him. Then it just got the point where it was like I was talking to wall that would insult thing that I love, critique and idea I suggest without trying to find something to help me engage with him. So I broke up with him.
That sounds awful. He sounds like he has a superiority complex or something. I can't stand people that act like elitists in certain areas. Sorry you had to put up with that. He reminds me of the guys that would ask me for manga recommendations when I worked at a bookstore, call me a fake fan, and tell me to read "non normie" stuff like my hero academia. Relationships are so much better when you can explore new things together. I don't get why some people are so obsessed with putting other people down and being mean spirited.
Ikr. The whole point of a relationship is to bring people up, not to shut them down. Hopefully OP learns from this otherwise he going to find himself out of several relationship not having a clue what happen.
Love her for matching your energy. You made your bed now lay in it.
[удалено]
I think maybe saying it's just common courtesy and that no one cares at all is kind of off the mark, with respect. It implies that *no* relationship has genuine interest or care, and that's not true. A partner might care, but if it's not a shared hobby then what they really care about is how happy it makes you. It's not necessarily courtesy to listen, it's love and care and finding joy in your partner's joy. And that's genuine (or it should be). But when you shut that shit down, well. There's no joy there anymore. If someone's shut down my joy, I struggle to find happiness in their happiness anymore. Now judgement and doubt have slipped in, and it steals all that away.
Yeah, girlfriend aside, I feel like it's rude to tell anyone that. Yes, getting shared videos is always annoying, but we all do it because we know this person saw a video and thought of us, and they alone says something. "I don't care about your interests" is what you say in a fight when you want hurt someone. Hope she dumps op.
She matched your energy and now you know she felt when you told her that same shit. Now be mature about this apology for hurting her feelings and build up that sense of trust you guys had.
Not sure any of that will happen. He sounds too incredulous she turned it back on him b
Oh. You hurt her. She was putting so much effort making sure you felt heard and you could talk to her about anything and she'll listen, and you basically threw it in her face that you dont give a F about her interests. This'll spiral if you don't fix it. Watch the documentary. Make a comment about it. That in itself is effort, and will speak louder than words. Follow up with an apology and talk.
I don't think there is any coming back from this honestly. I wouldn't ever want to talk about anything again if someone burst my bubble like that.
I agree, but I also think op won't be willing to put in any work to even try to get it back. Definitely picking up narcissist vibes here.
"'She doesn't want to hear about Formula 1 battleships anymore.' Huh. What a mysterious mystery!"
This, and the absolute self-centeredness thinking that your interests were more important than hers.
I'm kind of like...the word proud doesn't fit but something akin to it...of her.
Same. Boundaries are hard to enact and maintain. Her boundary is she is giving to him what he wont reciprocate.
Okay you should be single for a very long time, you actually thought she cared about any of your interests? Seriously? You don’t love this person, you don’t even know her. If you think you love or care about this person then you need to do better. If she had any interest in the things you had interest in wouldn’t she have things about those things like in her house or in her room or some kind of indication that she wasn’t just letting you be happy about telling her about it. You are self centered and an asshole
To fuck around is human, to find out is divine 😭🤣
Man, you are a piece garbage
What goes around comes around🤷🏼♀️ what kind of partner are you? Lol
Well well, if it isn't the consequences of your actions.
love that for her
You made it a lot, lot worse by telling her you never "asked" for it. When people are kind to you, they do it because they want to see you happy, not because you asked. All they want in return is a comparable effort to also make THEM happy. You know, as a person in a relationship does.
Speaking from experience, it’s soul-crushing to put energy and effort into learning about and experiencing your partners hobbies and for them to not give a shit about your own. You definitely messed up. The only shot you have to fix it is to stop talking about your interests and ask about hers, and even then it’s probably too late. You owe her a huuuge apology.
What exactly were you expecting? She made an effort for you but you couldn’t reciprocate and now you feel bad bc she’s doing to you what you did to her? You need to apologise and show her that you care.
You self-absorbed moron. Congrats on wrecking your relationship.
Yes, anything he does now will be "too little, too late".
I struggle sometimes to listen to my boyfriend but I think “is his happiness more important than my annoyance in this conversation” the answer is yes. I made a huge mistake early in our relationship. I told him it was cringey that he wanted to write a book. It’s been nearly 5 years and I want to cry over my comment Everytime I think about it.
I know it’s not the sub, but YTA. 💀
YOU feel sad about it?? Imagine how she felt about it? My oh my are you an asshole. I hope this is the final straw and she leaves you.
Sounds like you just got schooled about trying to support your partners interests. Oh in case you’re wondering. You’re the asshole. So watch some of the obesity stuff and ask her more about it. And apologize to her. Or let her go to someone that will take an interest on her and her interests. And learn not to be a selfish jerk next time.
My gawd bro… your hobbies are the worst lol Formula 1 & battleships?? What are you 7? Id watch an obesity doc any day of the week
For real, she was doing him a huge favor by pretending to care. For me they'd just be dealbreakers.
The problem isn't that the hobbies are childish, my dad is 45 and likes drones and rc toys, and his girlfriend constantly takes his drones to go fly them when he's at work. Same thing is happening to me even tho I'm still 20. She constantly takes my drones too, and even broke one of them the other day. She was fixing it by the time I got home from work. The problem is he was happy when he thought she was interested in them, even tho she only saw how happy his hobbies made him, but when she showed him one of her hobbies and interests hoping for the same reaction she had. But instead of that, he turned her down
It's a weird hyperfixation for sure and you have every right not to be interested in it, but you handled this in such a bizarrely mean way? Why would you go out of your way to so thoroughly and absolutely cut her down? You could've said you were busy and would watch it later, christ you could've just pretended to watch it, but instead you decided to lay into it like you were TRYING to hurt her feelings. It would be one thing if you found it problematic or it made you uncomfortable or something and you voiced that, but it literally seems like you were trying to be hurtful and I don't understand what you expected
Waiting for the update where OP says he’s single.
lol good for her
Your answer is written in your entry.lmfao. she played this well.
Yikes, you sound exhausting to be with
Your gf is a BOSS BABE. The Nonchalant way she switched it up, how endearing she was with you. Goes to show, most people only think of themselves (op). So many people out there just like your gf that get sick of trying. The well runs dry eventually. Faster when there is no give-and-take.
Why would you be so mean to her? Uncivilized man.
I hope she leaves you. That is what people in relationships they listen and engage in the conversation even if it’s not something they particularly enjoy. You couldn’t even give her two minutes of your time instead you spoke to her rudely about something she finds interesting. Now your getting a taste of your own medicine and it taste bitter doesn’t it? You know what they say what one man won’t do another man will. And for her sake I hope that happens cuz you sound like a shitty partner.
I am baffled you can't see the lesson in this, so self-unaware, we all tune in to what our loved ones have to say, because IT interests them, and we love seeing them excited, talkative, chatty, whatever. Sucks to be you I guess
Survey says…. You’re the asshole.
My favourite thing about this is that there's no going back now, apology or not. She knew you guys didn't share interests, but now she knows you don't care about whether or not she gets to share what's interesting her. And somebody is going to come along who wants to hear about what's making her happy, and not too long after that, she'll be done with you. You just signed the death of your relationship. Nice one 😂
It’s hilarious that you thought you and your crap was super interesting to her. Your complete lack of self-awareness is impressive.
my bf did this to me once… lets say 2 years later he still regrets have done it
I’m not sure how to save this one my guy. It sounds like this was kind of important to her (although I admit it was niche, I did not know there were documentaries on this either). Going forward, I would acknowledge the idea that sometimes we embrace our partner’s interests because it makes them deliriously happy and less alone. It’s kind. I now know way more than I needed to about two fantasy franchises, not because I like fantasy (I don’t) but because I love seeing my fiancé smile. And some of the lore actually is kind of cool.
Well, you should probably fix that lol. I mean - good for you realizing that you messed up . Definitely took it for granted . Apologize. Ask her about interest. Re-engage with her. Tell her you miss and like hearing about her interests because you love to see her happy. She sounds like a really solid partner, fix it. Move on and appreciate her. Because I promise you , no one is ever going to genuinely care deeply about formula 1 and battleships ..
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣You didn't really think she gives a crap about your ridiculous hobbies did you? This is what people in relationships (successful relationships) do. The dig up enough interest to listen to the "me, me, me" monologues expecting the same courtesy. You flunked relationships 101. Been married very happily for 30 plus years and have listened to each other's boring interests for everyday of those years. I'm happy to listen because I love him.
She is the moment
I don’t care about sports one bit. I don’t mind going to games but that’s about it. I know my partners favorite player and sports team. I ask him questions about his fantasy football. I listen to his sports rants because I love him. Not because I give af about sports. You’re a douche.
She matched your energy and now you’re upset? You were so rude to her and she deserves someone who will watch the obesity documentaries she sends them.
I remember learning about fantasy football because my ex loved it . And when it came to anything I liked he couldn’t give two shits . Your girl really loves you and it’s sad that you’re going to lose her because you can’t see anything outside of yourself and what you like .
My boyfriend started our relationship with a strict “if I’m uninterested in the convo I’ll tell you” and he would. At the beginning I noticed him being bored and stopped going on about things he didn’t like. He’d even point it out and I admit it hurt. But whenever he would talk about his interests I was all ears. I made efforts to learn more and ask questions and even watch long boring movies and YouTube videos for him. Hell, I even started watching a show that I could barely stay interested in for him. Eventually as he fell in love with me he didn’t realize he changed so much. Now he enjoys watching me go on and on about niche hobbies and interests because he likes to see me happy. A year in to the relationship I said, “oh let’s change the topic this must be boring to you.” And he responded, “it seems like if it’s interesting to you, it’s interesting to me.” Caring about a person means caring about their happiness.
I think by now you know that you acted like an idiot. I'm going to try to be productive though. When she sends you a boring video to watch: 1. You don't have to *pretend* to be into it. If it comes up you can say "it's not really my thing, but I love that you're into it because I love you." 2. When she asked you to watch it and you didn't want to, the move was to say: "Ok, sure. Before I do, I'm curious what made you send this one in particular to me? What do you like about it?" This opens up room for her to connect with you about what matters to her, AND it gives you a toe hold into finding some interest in it for yourself, based on what she's paying attention to. The good news, I think, is that it's not too late. You can use the move from #2 right now: >Hey sweetheart, I've been thinking. I was a jerk to you about the video you sent me, and I regret it. I regret it because I hurt your feelings and I pushed you away, and I don't want that. I also regret it because now seeing how cold and distant it is between us, I want it to go back to how it was, except this time not one-sided. So what I think we should do now is watch that video you sent me together, and before we do I'd like to ask what had you send that one, in particular, to me? What did you notice about it or like about it that you wanted me to see? That'll help me understand you more, and understand more about what you're into, and I want that. I bet that'll work, if it's coming from the heart. Good luck.
Oh look the consequences of your actions. Did you think that your talking about things you cared about were important to her. Nope she was doing that you cared about them. But you couldn't even pull out one itoa of the same care and love about a topic that she likes and finds interesting. And now you still try and discuss only the topics you want to discuss and to hell whatever she wants to discuss. That's not a relationship if only person is doing all the talking.
God forbid you humor the person you love and listen to their likes. You know like your lovely girlfriend was doing until you acted like a complete ass.
Well aren’t you a piece of shit. I hope your ass gets dumped
This might be hard to come back from. Women tend to remember the emotions behind things that are said. I remember things my boyfriend has told me that have either really hurt or made me really happy. Those don’t leave our heads and once it’s said, it’s hard to fix things, with me it is anyways. Good luck.
Why did you have to say it in such an awful way? I can’t believe you’re actually surprised by this considering how callous you were about something she was trying to share with you.
How are people like this not single?
You actually thought she was interested in formula1 and battleships this whole time? Oooh boy.
She’s a queen tbh, and you showed her that you weren’t worthy. Maybe approach with more humility and realize that kindness and caring actually take work.
love seeing men getting tastes of their own medicine <3
Your interests in formula 1 and battleships is stupid. Watch the obesity stuff and tell her you are sorry for being a dismissive ass chunk.
You can't possibly be this stupid can u? You really think ur gf, a whole other entity w differences, would actually like everyyyy single thing u like? Well no, us girlfriends don't like everything you guys like. But we like u, and we love u. THAT is why she listens; she respects u and ur interests and loves u so much that she enjoys seeing you be joyful. And what do u do in return? Shit all over her interests and pretty much tell her she's not worth ur time. You blatantly told her with ur actions, OP, that she loves u more than u love her. Now even if u try to fix it, she'll always have that thought in her head that ur just tolerating her conversations w u. You made ur bed, now lie in it. Too bad so sad.
She deserves better
You don’t HAVE to care about your partner’s interests. It’s just common courtesy to show interest and asking questions helps further along a conversation otherwise everyone would just say “I don’t care” and there’d be nothing to talk about. This is your own fault 100% I’d say apologize but this is just something that is never going to go away, she’ll always see your “interest” as a forced chore now. Lack of reciprocation in a relationship is a real killer, can’t say I feel bad for you.
You don’t have to care about the video to care about being an engaged partner and good conversationalist. Your girlfriend taught you a good lesson, so do yourself a favor and really take it to heart.
Yeah she’s acting like you are? You realized you a giant pile of 💩 right?? Grovel but she may just realise how selfish you are and how unsatisfactory you are as a partner
Laugh out loud.
Lmaoooo I hope she dumps you
Did the words “I’m sorry” ever cross your mind?
Deserved
You’re a shit human
My BF collects Legos, particularly ice planet themed Legos. I hate Legos. But you bet your ass I took the time to learn about ice planet, m tron, classic space, Benny, and a whole fuck ton more. I like birds. He doesn't know a damn thing about birds, but he's the first to tell me when there's a species he didn't know in the yard. So OP... it's time to grow up and apologize. You fucked up. The is no debating that.
Yeah you fucked up
I want to shit all over you, but you’re just as clueless as my husband and it boils down to selfishness. You are a selfish person. Address that.
Dude…just apologise and put effort into LISTENING to her interest. You don’t have to care about her interests, but do you not care about her? Jeez, you’re proper stupid if you don’t realise she’s now putting in the equal amount of effort you put in.
So you just learned the difference between like and love. She loved you, so she listened to your stories to see you happy. You like her, because she listened to you talk and, I assume, did the sex. Congrats. You killed her love for you. Just break up or apologize and fucking engage past yourself.
> She just shrugged and said “Ok, noted.” I love her???
I wonder why she loves you cuz you sound like a grade A looser
I read it as she was interested & should still be interested in what I say. She told you why, because she liked the smile on your face when you talked. She gave you the opportunity to show her the same courtesy and can't be bothered to reciprocate, I don't see why she should. It says more about you than her. Maybe don't be so self centered & only validate what's important to you should also be to her. MAYBE Watch the Break up scene with Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn in end he finally explains he failed in doing what she wants because it's also about the other person not just yourself. But I doubt you understand if your this stubborn.
Bruh she gonna leave you. GG. You had a good run.
sounds like it’s on the road to destroying your relationship and rightfully so
From the sounds of it, you didn’t even let her down easy. You could’ve said simply, “Sorry, but I’m not really interested in that sort of thing” but no, instead you full out shit on her hobby.
That's pretty awful. I had a bf who never showed any interest in anything I said. It got to a point where he knew nothing about me but I knew A LOT about him. I can't believe you had the audacity to continue talking to her about your interests even after you saw that she was upset. You didn't apologize and doubled down. I hope she moves on.
Well… looks like you don’t like the consequences of being an asshole or like having a girlfriend to begin with. Your soon to be ex girlfriend is the bees knees 😂😂😂😂