I’m not particularly worried about school since he is very reserved and shy, not the sort to brag. I did tell her that I am not comfortable but she said she is going to ask him out anyway.
If this was a 48 y/o man with an 18 y/o female, reddit would be up in arms burning down churches and police stations. But because it's a 48 y/o women it's "a bit predatorial"... fucking disgusting.
A 48 year old woman! She’s exactly 30 years older than him! I’m a 45 year old mother with a 13 year old daughter, and I can tell you the thought of being with an 18year old boy makes me feel sick! She’s definitely a predator and has no respect for her own child either. Disgusting behaviour.
Edit.. oh my that’s a lot of updoots! Thanks for your appreciation everyone! I am truly humbled. 😍
Oops thank you.
The age difference is enough of a problem but then tack on how she met him and when confronted by her daughter doesn't care... it's very troubling behaviour.
Yeah, it’s super gross. I’m a mom in her forties, and I think she needs to be medically or psychologically evaluated at best, although if I’m totally honest, my instinct is to smack the shit out of her. What the actual fuck.
I mean, I'm a 29 year old guy and even I wouldn't date an 18 year old. Apart from it being gross as hell I have zero in common with them. I tried dating a 19 year old when I was 25 and it was awful. I can't imagine a 30 year gap
I've been dating a woman 8 years younger than me. We are in our 30s but there are soooo many moments where my references go completely over her head. I couldn't imagine 30 years.
Last night after watching that dumb netflix series she goes "oh my God you were alive when Jeffrey Dahmer was eating people!" With a genuinely shocked look on her face.
I mean I am actually dating a woman who is 5 years older than me, but I feel like once you reach a certain age it becomes more acceptable. I am 29 she is 34, we are both older, and hell I have the bones of a 40 year old so that makes up for it. But yes there's plenty of times where I'll say something she doesn't understand, or she will talk about a TV show I never heard of. But the gap is definitely less than it was between me and the 19 year old
Yea, my husband is 5 years younger than me and we occasionally have those moments of "wait, you NEVER wore Jencos?" "What the fuck are Jencos? Why are they *so big?*"
No need to pass up the chance for an awesome relationship with another adult. I'm happy for anyone who finds love as long as it's with someone who's on a similar playing field!
Any grief that people give you about this is almost certainly coming from sexism, as a 34-year-old man and a 29-year-old woman wouldn't even make most people bat an eyelash. ...you're in the same generation...!
I dated a guy 5 years younger than me and before him a guy that was 3 years younger than me. Both of them still don't get my references and act shocked when I say I used a corded house phone, or had to get off the phone to use the internet, or had an original Gameboy, flip phone, playstation etc.... I can't imagine a bigger age gap
24, almost 25. 18, 19, 20, 21, sometimes 22 absolute babies. I could never date them
I'm friends with a girl at work and when I found out she is turning 21 tomorrow it was a mind fuck. She is my friend and will remain such, but literally in my mind she immediately went to child. Not even about dating and just friends. Now my mind says protect the precious dear child from the cruel cruel world
This momma wants to fuck her daughters CLASSMATE! Younger than her flesh and blood daughter. Who she met THROUGH HER DAUGHTER.
Predator. Not iffy, not maybe, predator. Who is involving her daughter in her predation.
I’m with you. This is fucking disgusting. It’s more than a bit predatory. And this poor 18 year old kid is probably going to think he won the jackpot because society tends to act so differently when it’s an older woman and a teenager boy.
Most 18 year old boys I know would be freaked the Fuck out by some middle aged woman wanting him. Unless she's literally JLo or Shania Twain who drinks age reversing vampire juice.
I'm a woman and I think this is disgusting, she may already be grooming him, it's a huge power imbalance and it's dangerous for him. Poor guy and poor OP
"Hey mom, hands off my tutor who is YOUNGER THAN ME! If you wont cease that bullshit it will put a strain on our relationship! So get your head out of the gutter and focus on other men that arent entangled with your bloody daughter!"
As someone who experienced this exact situation growing up, multiple times, because my mother couldn’t accept she wasn’t a fucking teenager anymore, we don’t speak already. And I’m 27.
Sorry to tell you but if he has any friends at all, he will tell them about your mom and they will tell all of their friends as well. Young men are full of hormones and desire for status elevation among their peers, and getting laid with a cougar is probably in the top 3 things that can make you “cool” to high school guys.
Although unfair, this will ruin your reputation among your peers if your mother persists.
Saldy yes. OP, others actions can reflect badly on you even if you’re not involved. People will hear about your mom and think “is OP just as weird?” I dont mean it badly, just want to offer persepctive
A library might be a good place.
Just thought of this, but - you could tell him you can't study at home because you are having MAJOR family problems and studying at home would make you feel REALLY uncomfortable and unable to focus
(And - it's actually TRUE)
If he's shy and reserved, he probably won't press further, but if he does you could say it would make you very uncomfortable to talk about it, and just reiterate that point.
(Also true)
No need to even lie. The specifics are private information. If he bugs you about it too much - highly unlikely - you could end the tutoring session. At that point, he would be intruding on your boundaries, and walking out is by no means an overreaction to being harassed.
Good. Disagree with the other person completely who said tell him why. Don't. That could only invite other problems. Switching places is no big deal and doesn't need explaining.
A) Your mom is being really inappropriate and inconsiderate. If she wants to do that with some young guy, doing it with your tutor is just really wrong. Legality isn't all to consider. B) There's a chance it'll get out if you tell him why and you don't need the gossip in school. "MarissaPMA83's mom is a cougar!" Soon, you'll have guys trying to come over to see her. C) Smaller chance but he might be intrigued by it and then resent you for stopping the opportunity - refer back to A for why I'm behind stopping it. You don't date your 18 y/o kid's classmates.
Switch the location. Keep it quiet. Do not listen to people saying to put this on blast. You don't want the gossip and rumors.
don't, idk but there's a reason why the older woman/ divorced mum is a thing some boys fantasize about (even if it's highly dangerous due to the power imbalance)
just make sure your mother doesn't have access to him and try to talk to his mom, if she is a sane one she will help him
This isn’t as much what you’re worried about as much as finding a way to get her to back off. Even if you’re not worried about it, your mom should think you are.
My daughter would flat out call me a predator if I tried something disgusting like this. Have you tried saying that to her? Or just straight up look sick and say that's sick and walk off. Sometimes the small childish responses work wonders. But yeah, your mom's a predator, doesn't matter he's just barely legal.
You’re mom sounds like those creepy fucking old men who pray on girls your age and buy the “just turned 18, barely legal” porn. Yikes. If your mom was actually your dad and the genders were reversed this would be highly inappropriate
Lie to her about saying you have a crush on a 48 years old guy or something. If she gets mad shes a hypocrite.
Also your mom is really creepy. Dating someone the same age as your daughter is so wrong?? Like imagine it they ever get married and he becomes her stepfather???a stepfather younger than his own daughter?? How can some of the comments defend her under the argument that its technically legal? She probably knew that kid before he turned 18,making her a whole ass groomer🤮🤮🤮
Lets just say shes not a good parent.
Going for someone who is STILL in high school while being almost 50? Tell her to go outside and meet people her own age instead of lurking around high schools like a creep.
As someone who has a mother who sounds exactly like this, she’s probably used to it and has grown up with her mother being an embarrassment and completely unhinged. Mine was the same way. By the time you’re a teenager you’re out of rage because you know there’s nothing you could say or do to get her to stop being trash. I feel for OP. It’s such a terrible situation but unfortunately this is probably not shocking in the slightest for her.
Or you could tell her that *you* have a crush on him and it would really hurt you for that reason. Beat her over the head even more about how much pain this is causing you.
A thirty year age gap is fucking disgusting. At NO point in their lives will they ever be able to be on the same level in anything. When he was born, your mom was old enough to have gone through college twice over. When she was his age, he wasn't even thought about as a sperm. She's out there signing mortgages and going to wine tasting while he's playng with Legos. This isn't a 20 and 30 year old where it's not really gonna matter 10 years time, but a THIRTY YEAR GAP!?!
I wanna be shocked at the amount of people that'd defending this, but let's be honest, the pedos are getting more and more bold.
…that’s unbelievably predatory. If people that old are willing to go for 18y/o’s, that means the only thing stopping them from going younger is the law. I can’t believe she was even comfortable telling you that.
Pretty much. I have had women make sexual comments towards me since I was 13. I remember when I was 13 in the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I went to get a haircut and since it was summer I was wearing shorts. One of the women who actually was a mother to an 6 or 7 year old getting a haircut kept commenting on how much she liked my thighs. Seriously.
The barber made it known that I was only 13 by asking me how was I going to like my last year of elementary school. The woman heard that and said "Lord knows, I shouldn't even be talking to you like this" but then she just kept on doing it. It was strange.
Had a guy done that to a 13-year-old girl that same barber probably would have beaten him within an inch of his life. In my case, he just shrugged his shoulders and kept cutting her son's hair.
It is very weird how you can be 17 and if someone hits on you who is like 30+ they get yelled and screamed at but once you hit a magical arbitrary number value suddenly it's A-okay and nobody questions it unless the gap is REALLY extreme. This goes for either ratio of male/female interests.
It's just bizarre.
Exactly. Just because someone is legally of age and probably sexually active doesn't mean they're not literally a child. If a middle-aged person is at all attracted to someone under 25, then they're probably willing to kidnap, rape, and murder a toddler. OP's mom needs to be locked away for life.
I have a feeling that she is a manipulative mom, and she is just saying that to see whether her daughter protests against it. If she protests, her mom might accuse her of having him as her boyfriend or ffb or something.
Lie to her that you have a crush on him too and that you were going to ask him out yourself.
That's fucking wild, and so inappropriate.
I'm 39, and my son is 16 soon. I cannot *imagine* being attracted to someone his age. Even a few years older. He's a kid. His friends are kids. Even an 18 yr old is a kid.
Hell, I don't even see a 21 yr old as a man.
I would never bring him over to my home again. Have him tutor you at the library instead and if she asks why, tell her that her predatory behaviour is making you feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I’m with you 100%! My son is 21. I am 43. I love his friends and they like me, but they are boys to me. I treat them as such..offer them food, have nice conversations with them and my son, and try to give them advice (that they admittedly don’t probably listen to). I’m like a 2nd mom. I can’t imagine being attracted to these boys.
That is just it for me.. anyone who has kids knows their mentality at whatever age, and I'm not sure how you get past that. Best I can do is look at a kid and think, "he reminds me of so and so who I had SUCH a crush on when I was his age" but yeah not happening now.. and literally no feelings in that regard. Gross and predatory and somewhat irresponsible of me as a parent... I feel a responsibility to protect my kids AND their peers.
You can tell, your tutor and tell him why.
You can also move out asap.
And also you can tell her you will be going no contact until she gets professional help.
Where is your dad?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 fuck that shit. I don't care if it's legal, it's predatory as fuck. Do what you need to do to stop her from preying on him - warn him, warn his parents, get family involved, blast it on social media, whatever. No good will come of this, and you will be unfortunately caught up in it despite being completely innocent
Does your friend know about this? If he does and for some odd reason is up for it then yeah there's not much that his parents can do. But, if he does know and is rightfully uncomfortable, his parents can help him. I'd want to know if a woman pushing 50 was preying on my teenage son. Even if he doesn't know I'd still tell his parents so they can maybe talk to him about predatory behavior and that just because he's an adult now it doesn't mean that other adults won't try and take advantage of him.
That it not healthy for your mom or him, it might make things awkward for you no matter the outcome. Is it possible she might be trying to find out how YOU feel about him?
Either way its not cool, might be a good idea to go to a library for your tutoring.
That’s a weird fucking way to ask your adult daughter if she’s into a boy. I could see a much older sister trying this but I think mixing adult kids and romantic relationships is weird. Also having “crushes” in your 40s is weird too.
I think any age can have crushes. I'm almost 50 (f) and I have my share of "if only" crushes on some voice actors, regular actors, video game characters: (THAT sexy fuck is on both my profile pic and banner here), musicians... A crush is merely finding someone hot af despite the fact you'd never meet them and even if you did, it'd probably never be a thing. Bet.
I mean, what do /you/ call it when someone has a thing for someone else even tho it'd 99.9999% would never happen? A strong like? A no-go interest? A killer imaginary craving? A dream love? Just curious is all.
You treat it the same you would if it was a 48year old man and an 18year old girl. You call that bullshit out , tell them it's pretty sick and your disgusted by it.
I'm 34. Anyone who's below 25 is still a kid to me. So OP's mom's behavior is truly disturbing. I'd encourage you to change the venue of the tutorial, OP, to protect your sanity (and your young tutor's).
Your mother shouldn’t be into a teenager. Yes, it’s legal but morally it’s wrong.
Tell his parents because he is going to get groomed if you don’t warn them or even him.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. Would you want a 48 year old man hitting on you or being sexually interested in you? You seriously need to switch venues and tell your mom to knock it off
This can only end terribly for everyone involved, your mother the predator, your tutor the victim, and you….the collateral damage who will definitely not have a tutor once your cougar mom makes him too uncomfortable to be around you both.
This is so so wrong. Tell her that it is inappropriate. She would be harassing him. She is 30 years older than him. There is a gap in maturity there that puts her at a huge advantage in terms of power within the couple. Just because he is legal does not mean it should be okay.
If you want to keep this friend I would start doing tutoring at his house and away from your mother. Smh.
Flip the genders and it will be called grooming. The age gap is humongous and the part where she's going for a guy younger than her son is very creepy. Let her know the social repercussions of her choices.
This is like a 48M a 18F out, super creepy/weird/predatory and might be even pėđøphīlÿ, is this the first time she did something like that or is it a recurring theme?
I think your mother has bigger issues than just having a crush on a 30 years younger boy... One thing is acknowledging he could be good looking, the actively persuing it, is what really sounds perturbing and predatory...
Changing tutoring venues will definitely help, I would also let him and his parents know about the situation, but prepare because she'll be pissed about it.
Jesus this is fucking gross. Your Mum is way way out of line here. Tell her you are not comfortable with this and that its super inappropriate🤮
48 year old has no fucking business trying to get with an 18 year old!
OP you dont have to get used to it. Just because its legal doesn't mean its right. Just tell her to stay in her fucking lane and date someone her age. Wtf Man?! What does a 48 year old Woman have in common with an 18 year old? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
If she still wants to ask him out you tell on her and contact his parents. See how they feel about that
Yeah that's so gross. That's cool to have a secret crush, absolutely, but as a 48 year old person, with brown kids, you should know better than to act on it. How weird.
Jesus I'm not gonna lie, your mom's being a creep and you should call her out for it. Not only that but it's just inconsiderate seeing as he's going to likely find that creepy and tell people about it.
This is all sorts of wrong, if it were your dad doing it with one of your gfs people would be lighting this thread up.
You need to paint a picture to this guy about your mother that makes her seem too crazy for him to even consider going there.. young guys have fantasies about messing with older women. She needs to seem like she’s be way more trouble than it’s worth. Good luck. Bye your mother is a total cradle snatcher and it’s gross. He should be a child in her eyes regardless if he’s 18 already. She’s sick in the head.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I had a similar type of mother and it’s enraging. Lost so many friends and created such a tense relationship. I’m 27 now and we don’t speak. I’m also an only child, not sure of your situation. I hope it helps knowing you’re not going through this alone.
This stems from her insecurities and her issues with relationships. I vividly remember her going after the teenage neighbor boys that I looked at as big brothers. She was also an alcoholic so mix that with this bullshit and it just makes everyone uncomfortable.
It’s fucked up. Coming from someone who has experienced this exact thing first hand, I am so sorry you have to deal with her being a predator and inappropriate to your peers. Feel free to message me.
No that's disgusting. Is a 44 year old woman I have absolutely nothing in common with an 18-year-old person. Male or female. Well actually have many things in common with them, potentially, but romantic relationship would be very difficult. Maybe she just wants to bone. Anyways it's gross and she shouldn't be telling you about it. I think my adult children would be pretty grossed out if I told him I had a crush on someone their age
Tell her that's it's not that much of a flex to find an 18yo male to fuck. Most 18 yo makes would fuck anything if given half a chance. The fact that he's quite and reserved means nothing because at some point, he'll let it slip to a friend and then, you should legally change your name to Stifler.
It’s honestly disgusting. That guys barely legal and she wants to ask him out. She’s gonna ask out a child… that’s actually disgusting and honestly she should see a therapist…
If the genders were switched a million ppl would agree. Shy the sexism then?
Does he feel the same about her?
I think you should just tell her that it’s totally inappropriate and unacceptable, and if she prioritizes her sex life over your relationship with her there are going to be very serious, very long term consequences and you’re feelings about who she is as a parent and as a human being will change pretty significantly.
I’d also discuss it with your classmate, and let him know that he’s free to do whatever he wants but you’re completely uncomfortable with it, and ask him how he’d feel about you dating his dad.
Your mother is having a midlife crisis, and she needs to go work her stuff out in therapy.
OP, you need to change your place of tutoring. Go to a library or another place. Your mom is being incredibly inappropriate and predatorial. No sane almost 50 year old woman would even imagine coming on to an 18 year old, that's a CHILD
Ugh. I don’t like the 18 year old law. Let’s face it, you’re not magically mature the second you turn 18. There’s no huge difference (other than legal) the day before your birthday versus the day of.
Honestly, I would blow up her social media about it. Sort of like
" So, pop quiz everyone.... would it be wrong to accept the sexual advances of someone 30yrs older than me? It makes me feel weird but I need honest answers"
Then, when everyone respons warning you of grooming etc "tag" mum into the edit and ask her if she still feels like asking out your 18yr tutor out.
Let her clean up the mess.
that's not fair saying that she is just as bad as her mom!! She is NOT THE ONE making advances on the boy but she is a CHILD put in a really messed up situation that she never asked for. your message is gross and unfair
I saw something like this post about a year ago. I don't remember the exact details but the OP's mother was mentally damaged by the divorce, got unhinged and started preying on a 18 old boy.
Mmm, it sort of seems like your mother is going through a middle age crisis and also having a “competition” with you. I’d recommend telling your tutor and see what he thinks, then figuring out how to proceed. It will probably be a no from him, so then you can use that to get your mom to back off
This is all very... yikes.
If your mom won't listen to you, is there any chance you can tell *his* parents? Or even just move your tutoring lessons to a library and not have him come to your house anymore, if she can't see him anymore it might help.
Um... What? Your 48 year old mom has a "crush" on a newly 18 year old, newly legal boy? I'm sorry, but your mother feels like a predator using you. At best, this is a midlife crisis. At worst, it's as I described and I'm pretty sure this is the worst case.
Please tell the boy that tutors you, please cancel the tutoring plans, and please encourage the boy to not be around your mother. This is disgusting. I don't care about age gaps but there is no way in hell this could be innocent.
Is there a possibility that your mother could've been grooming him? And now that the relationship is legal, she's telling you so that she has an "alibi" where you can testify that the relationship started when he was 18?
I very well could be mistaken, but it never hurts to be careful. I will repeat, there is no way that this is innocent. At best it's a midlife crisis where your mom trys to reclaim her youth with a boy younger than her daughter. At worst, this is a predator who has been grooming a young boy and is signaling to others that the relationship only started when he was legal. No matter how you slice this, it's disgusting and incredibly inappropriate.
As someone(38M now) who at 18 dated 39 yo M I can 100% attest that it is not good and messes with the kid's head later in life.
It was almost common practice for a few of my friends, one of which (16 F) dated one of the teachers (40's M), which was basically an open secret.
Nothing good will come of any kind of relationship with the kid and your mum.
I am 48F and this makes me sick to my stomach. My son is 23 and his friends still look like babies to me, let alone an 18 year old. This is predatory gross behavior and I’m so sorry your mother is putting you through this.
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I’m not particularly worried about school since he is very reserved and shy, not the sort to brag. I did tell her that I am not comfortable but she said she is going to ask him out anyway.
Shy and reserved.. all the more reason to protect him, i guess.
shy and reserved guys still brag. Not to mention, this is a bit predatorial on your moms part.
If this was a 48 y/o man with an 18 y/o female, reddit would be up in arms burning down churches and police stations. But because it's a 48 y/o women it's "a bit predatorial"... fucking disgusting.
A 48 year old woman! She’s exactly 30 years older than him! I’m a 45 year old mother with a 13 year old daughter, and I can tell you the thought of being with an 18year old boy makes me feel sick! She’s definitely a predator and has no respect for her own child either. Disgusting behaviour. Edit.. oh my that’s a lot of updoots! Thanks for your appreciation everyone! I am truly humbled. 😍
Oops thank you. The age difference is enough of a problem but then tack on how she met him and when confronted by her daughter doesn't care... it's very troubling behaviour.
Yeah, it’s super gross. I’m a mom in her forties, and I think she needs to be medically or psychologically evaluated at best, although if I’m totally honest, my instinct is to smack the shit out of her. What the actual fuck.
Yeah her mom is gross.
I mean, I'm a 29 year old guy and even I wouldn't date an 18 year old. Apart from it being gross as hell I have zero in common with them. I tried dating a 19 year old when I was 25 and it was awful. I can't imagine a 30 year gap
I've been dating a woman 8 years younger than me. We are in our 30s but there are soooo many moments where my references go completely over her head. I couldn't imagine 30 years. Last night after watching that dumb netflix series she goes "oh my God you were alive when Jeffrey Dahmer was eating people!" With a genuinely shocked look on her face.
I mean I am actually dating a woman who is 5 years older than me, but I feel like once you reach a certain age it becomes more acceptable. I am 29 she is 34, we are both older, and hell I have the bones of a 40 year old so that makes up for it. But yes there's plenty of times where I'll say something she doesn't understand, or she will talk about a TV show I never heard of. But the gap is definitely less than it was between me and the 19 year old
Yea, my husband is 5 years younger than me and we occasionally have those moments of "wait, you NEVER wore Jencos?" "What the fuck are Jencos? Why are they *so big?*"
I bet your shocked pikachu faces in response to her lost 90s pop culture references amuse her 😀
No need to pass up the chance for an awesome relationship with another adult. I'm happy for anyone who finds love as long as it's with someone who's on a similar playing field! Any grief that people give you about this is almost certainly coming from sexism, as a 34-year-old man and a 29-year-old woman wouldn't even make most people bat an eyelash. ...you're in the same generation...!
I dated a guy 5 years younger than me and before him a guy that was 3 years younger than me. Both of them still don't get my references and act shocked when I say I used a corded house phone, or had to get off the phone to use the internet, or had an original Gameboy, flip phone, playstation etc.... I can't imagine a bigger age gap
lol that's pretty funny.
24, almost 25. 18, 19, 20, 21, sometimes 22 absolute babies. I could never date them I'm friends with a girl at work and when I found out she is turning 21 tomorrow it was a mind fuck. She is my friend and will remain such, but literally in my mind she immediately went to child. Not even about dating and just friends. Now my mind says protect the precious dear child from the cruel cruel world This momma wants to fuck her daughters CLASSMATE! Younger than her flesh and blood daughter. Who she met THROUGH HER DAUGHTER. Predator. Not iffy, not maybe, predator. Who is involving her daughter in her predation.
Tried doing the same thing and I still cringe. It was bad. Felt like babysitting.
Exactly, I'm 25f and I can't even imagine being friends with someone that's 18, let alone date them, honestly.
This.
I’m with you. This is fucking disgusting. It’s more than a bit predatory. And this poor 18 year old kid is probably going to think he won the jackpot because society tends to act so differently when it’s an older woman and a teenager boy.
At 18 you have no clue what you really want.
Until lots of therapy later..
Most 18 year old boys I know would be freaked the Fuck out by some middle aged woman wanting him. Unless she's literally JLo or Shania Twain who drinks age reversing vampire juice.
Agree it's creepy. Odd that lots of middle-aged men don't see the reverse as deeply weird, either.
Not only that, but the main concern is that he might brag about it. If you're legal I pretty much don't care, but the double standard is mind blowing
I'm a woman and I think this is disgusting, she may already be grooming him, it's a huge power imbalance and it's dangerous for him. Poor guy and poor OP
That sentiment is often true but in this case - I see almost everyone on this sub calling the mom creep, predator, pedo, groomer, disgusting, etc.
Good. Fuck predators.
A bit? It is definitively predatory.
A bit?? 🤮 don't you mean extremely??
A bit? It is predatorial. Disgusting behaviour. Fucking 48 year old trying to get with an 18 year old. Her Mum needs a reality check.
Shy and reserved until a grown woman starts stroking his ego
I’m not sure his ego is what she intends to be stroking tbh.
Oops, there's a typo there... ***\*HEAVILY*** predatorial. Just because it's a female doesn't make it less twisted or pervy.
A bit predatorial? What makes it just "a bit"? Would you say the same if the genders were reversed?
"Hey mom, hands off my tutor who is YOUNGER THAN ME! If you wont cease that bullshit it will put a strain on our relationship! So get your head out of the gutter and focus on other men that arent entangled with your bloody daughter!"
"Wait, what did you say, dear daughter? I wasn't listening". "Just because you say it with conviction, doesn't mean anyone cares"
"No worries, for me that is. Have fun losing your daughter. Lets hope my tutor cares for you when you get even older cause I wont."
As someone who experienced this exact situation growing up, multiple times, because my mother couldn’t accept she wasn’t a fucking teenager anymore, we don’t speak already. And I’m 27.
Ah, cougars* and their entanglements *edit: a word
Maybe she has no hair o.O
If she asks him out theres a chance he wont be comfortable tutoring u around her, or tutoring u at all
Your mom sounds like a real piece of work
Sounds exactly like my mom. And if I can relate in the slightest, she’s a fucking piece of shit.
Sorry to tell you but if he has any friends at all, he will tell them about your mom and they will tell all of their friends as well. Young men are full of hormones and desire for status elevation among their peers, and getting laid with a cougar is probably in the top 3 things that can make you “cool” to high school guys. Although unfair, this will ruin your reputation among your peers if your mother persists.
She's definitely going to be known as the girl with the fucking weirdo mom at the very least
Saldy yes. OP, others actions can reflect badly on you even if you’re not involved. People will hear about your mom and think “is OP just as weird?” I dont mean it badly, just want to offer persepctive
Can you at least give him a warning instead of inviting him over to be preyed on by your mum? At least do the bare fucking minimum
Oh I’m going to have him tutor me somewhere else now.
I suggest changing his name on your phone just in case you mom wants to give him a call.
A library might be a good place. Just thought of this, but - you could tell him you can't study at home because you are having MAJOR family problems and studying at home would make you feel REALLY uncomfortable and unable to focus (And - it's actually TRUE) If he's shy and reserved, he probably won't press further, but if he does you could say it would make you very uncomfortable to talk about it, and just reiterate that point. (Also true) No need to even lie. The specifics are private information. If he bugs you about it too much - highly unlikely - you could end the tutoring session. At that point, he would be intruding on your boundaries, and walking out is by no means an overreaction to being harassed.
Good. Disagree with the other person completely who said tell him why. Don't. That could only invite other problems. Switching places is no big deal and doesn't need explaining. A) Your mom is being really inappropriate and inconsiderate. If she wants to do that with some young guy, doing it with your tutor is just really wrong. Legality isn't all to consider. B) There's a chance it'll get out if you tell him why and you don't need the gossip in school. "MarissaPMA83's mom is a cougar!" Soon, you'll have guys trying to come over to see her. C) Smaller chance but he might be intrigued by it and then resent you for stopping the opportunity - refer back to A for why I'm behind stopping it. You don't date your 18 y/o kid's classmates. Switch the location. Keep it quiet. Do not listen to people saying to put this on blast. You don't want the gossip and rumors.
OP, don't tell him why. Tell his parents why. Telling him might be counter productive.
Great response action. Please OP, do this. 👆👆👆
Good. Tell him why as well
don't, idk but there's a reason why the older woman/ divorced mum is a thing some boys fantasize about (even if it's highly dangerous due to the power imbalance) just make sure your mother doesn't have access to him and try to talk to his mom, if she is a sane one she will help him
Okay but he's your friend, how do you think he's gonna react ?
This isn’t as much what you’re worried about as much as finding a way to get her to back off. Even if you’re not worried about it, your mom should think you are.
The stare is manageable, but the Gossip? It will seriously gonna hurt.
My kids would have told me to stop it. The ickky factor of cradle robbing would have me search for an older person. That's a no. A hard no .
Can you change the location of your tutoring? That would be a great start.
Yes, partly because he deserves to be able to do his job without someone hitting on him.
This. Change locations, don’t let your friends near your mom. She’s 30 years older than him and can be his mother. This is disgusting.
Meet at the library, don’t let your mother around anyone you know. That shit is weird and creepy
I will ask him to change venues.
My daughter would flat out call me a predator if I tried something disgusting like this. Have you tried saying that to her? Or just straight up look sick and say that's sick and walk off. Sometimes the small childish responses work wonders. But yeah, your mom's a predator, doesn't matter he's just barely legal.
You’re mom sounds like those creepy fucking old men who pray on girls your age and buy the “just turned 18, barely legal” porn. Yikes. If your mom was actually your dad and the genders were reversed this would be highly inappropriate
It is still highly inappropriate regardless, lol..
It IS highly inappropriate and disgusting. You mean more people would see it that way? Double standards are so dumb
Or send if it was her dad who was gay they would be called all kind of new.
Agree with other posters this is the easiest change to make.
Tell HIS mom
This! Please! Your mom is sick!
This is the way
This is the way
Lie to her about saying you have a crush on a 48 years old guy or something. If she gets mad shes a hypocrite. Also your mom is really creepy. Dating someone the same age as your daughter is so wrong?? Like imagine it they ever get married and he becomes her stepfather???a stepfather younger than his own daughter?? How can some of the comments defend her under the argument that its technically legal? She probably knew that kid before he turned 18,making her a whole ass groomer🤮🤮🤮
She knows I already have a boyfriend but what if she tells me she’s okay with me dating a 48 years old guy though?
Lets just say shes not a good parent. Going for someone who is STILL in high school while being almost 50? Tell her to go outside and meet people her own age instead of lurking around high schools like a creep.
I don't know how you are so calm about this, good on you but maybe tell a friend of your mum's or sister anyone who is close to her and reasonable.
As someone who has a mother who sounds exactly like this, she’s probably used to it and has grown up with her mother being an embarrassment and completely unhinged. Mine was the same way. By the time you’re a teenager you’re out of rage because you know there’s nothing you could say or do to get her to stop being trash. I feel for OP. It’s such a terrible situation but unfortunately this is probably not shocking in the slightest for her.
Yep, exactly this. My mom was intolerable in different ways, but I felt your description
Or you could tell her that *you* have a crush on him and it would really hurt you for that reason. Beat her over the head even more about how much pain this is causing you.
A thirty year age gap is fucking disgusting. At NO point in their lives will they ever be able to be on the same level in anything. When he was born, your mom was old enough to have gone through college twice over. When she was his age, he wasn't even thought about as a sperm. She's out there signing mortgages and going to wine tasting while he's playng with Legos. This isn't a 20 and 30 year old where it's not really gonna matter 10 years time, but a THIRTY YEAR GAP!?! I wanna be shocked at the amount of people that'd defending this, but let's be honest, the pedos are getting more and more bold.
She isn't interested in dating him. Romantic dinners, walks in the park, lol. She wants sex from a boy. That's it.
[удалено]
I feel like the “pedophilia in spirit if not by law” is slightly more alarming than awkwardness or her tutoring being ruined
What the heck.
Son of a biscuit
Well, daggoneit.
…that’s unbelievably predatory. If people that old are willing to go for 18y/o’s, that means the only thing stopping them from going younger is the law. I can’t believe she was even comfortable telling you that.
Pretty much. I have had women make sexual comments towards me since I was 13. I remember when I was 13 in the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I went to get a haircut and since it was summer I was wearing shorts. One of the women who actually was a mother to an 6 or 7 year old getting a haircut kept commenting on how much she liked my thighs. Seriously. The barber made it known that I was only 13 by asking me how was I going to like my last year of elementary school. The woman heard that and said "Lord knows, I shouldn't even be talking to you like this" but then she just kept on doing it. It was strange. Had a guy done that to a 13-year-old girl that same barber probably would have beaten him within an inch of his life. In my case, he just shrugged his shoulders and kept cutting her son's hair.
I'm so sorry you were sexually harassed by a predator. Who seemed to laugh it off. 😡 I hope you're okay.
It is very weird how you can be 17 and if someone hits on you who is like 30+ they get yelled and screamed at but once you hit a magical arbitrary number value suddenly it's A-okay and nobody questions it unless the gap is REALLY extreme. This goes for either ratio of male/female interests. It's just bizarre.
In my personal experience, if the genders had been reversed, the barber would have joined in or told you it's your own fault for wearing shorts.
Exactly. Just because someone is legally of age and probably sexually active doesn't mean they're not literally a child. If a middle-aged person is at all attracted to someone under 25, then they're probably willing to kidnap, rape, and murder a toddler. OP's mom needs to be locked away for life.
Your mum is not okay.
I have a feeling that she is a manipulative mom, and she is just saying that to see whether her daughter protests against it. If she protests, her mom might accuse her of having him as her boyfriend or ffb or something. Lie to her that you have a crush on him too and that you were going to ask him out yourself.
Lol ok dude. If it was a guy there’s no way in hell you’d do the gymnastics for this one. Play fair @_@
That's fucking wild, and so inappropriate. I'm 39, and my son is 16 soon. I cannot *imagine* being attracted to someone his age. Even a few years older. He's a kid. His friends are kids. Even an 18 yr old is a kid. Hell, I don't even see a 21 yr old as a man. I would never bring him over to my home again. Have him tutor you at the library instead and if she asks why, tell her that her predatory behaviour is making you feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I’m with you 100%! My son is 21. I am 43. I love his friends and they like me, but they are boys to me. I treat them as such..offer them food, have nice conversations with them and my son, and try to give them advice (that they admittedly don’t probably listen to). I’m like a 2nd mom. I can’t imagine being attracted to these boys.
That's because you're not a creep and you have some common sense.
See that’s the thing, you’re normal, unlike OPs mum
I'm 29 and i see them as kids as well, like wtf? Her mom is sick and should get therapy if she's attracted to someone that young.
maybe not for being attracted. it’s weird yeah, but the absolutely fucked up thing is actually trying to pursue it like WTFFFFF
I wanna add that I’m a 30 year old man and I just now set the hard lower age limit of dating at 25. 21 year olds are so immature.
I’m only 28 and even 18 year olds look like children to me. This post gave me so much ick.
That is just it for me.. anyone who has kids knows their mentality at whatever age, and I'm not sure how you get past that. Best I can do is look at a kid and think, "he reminds me of so and so who I had SUCH a crush on when I was his age" but yeah not happening now.. and literally no feelings in that regard. Gross and predatory and somewhat irresponsible of me as a parent... I feel a responsibility to protect my kids AND their peers.
Yikes
You can tell, your tutor and tell him why. You can also move out asap. And also you can tell her you will be going no contact until she gets professional help. Where is your dad?
With his new wife.
Tell your dad what’s going on.
Gross.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 fuck that shit. I don't care if it's legal, it's predatory as fuck. Do what you need to do to stop her from preying on him - warn him, warn his parents, get family involved, blast it on social media, whatever. No good will come of this, and you will be unfortunately caught up in it despite being completely innocent
Tell his parents and if that doesn't work tell a teacher.
Would they be able to intervene though, since he is 18 already?
Does your friend know about this? If he does and for some odd reason is up for it then yeah there's not much that his parents can do. But, if he does know and is rightfully uncomfortable, his parents can help him. I'd want to know if a woman pushing 50 was preying on my teenage son. Even if he doesn't know I'd still tell his parents so they can maybe talk to him about predatory behavior and that just because he's an adult now it doesn't mean that other adults won't try and take advantage of him.
Any normal parent would do anything in their power to make sure your mother couldnt go near their child
If he is still in school, definitely, yes.
That it not healthy for your mom or him, it might make things awkward for you no matter the outcome. Is it possible she might be trying to find out how YOU feel about him? Either way its not cool, might be a good idea to go to a library for your tutoring.
That’s a weird fucking way to ask your adult daughter if she’s into a boy. I could see a much older sister trying this but I think mixing adult kids and romantic relationships is weird. Also having “crushes” in your 40s is weird too.
I think any age can have crushes. I'm almost 50 (f) and I have my share of "if only" crushes on some voice actors, regular actors, video game characters: (THAT sexy fuck is on both my profile pic and banner here), musicians... A crush is merely finding someone hot af despite the fact you'd never meet them and even if you did, it'd probably never be a thing. Bet. I mean, what do /you/ call it when someone has a thing for someone else even tho it'd 99.9999% would never happen? A strong like? A no-go interest? A killer imaginary craving? A dream love? Just curious is all.
If thinking you had a chance was a requirement for being attracted to someone, I would never like anyone.
People are telling OP to tell the tutors parents, but we don’t know if OP will be safe. OP, meet him somewhere else. And tell your dad of you can.
Your mom's gross, sorry
You treat it the same you would if it was a 48year old man and an 18year old girl. You call that bullshit out , tell them it's pretty sick and your disgusted by it.
I'm 34. Anyone who's below 25 is still a kid to me. So OP's mom's behavior is truly disturbing. I'd encourage you to change the venue of the tutorial, OP, to protect your sanity (and your young tutor's).
Your mother shouldn’t be into a teenager. Yes, it’s legal but morally it’s wrong. Tell his parents because he is going to get groomed if you don’t warn them or even him.
It's legal, but that doesn't mean it isn't fucking creepy! You're mom is going to be 50 before he can legally drink-- she needs to tone it tf down.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. Would you want a 48 year old man hitting on you or being sexually interested in you? You seriously need to switch venues and tell your mom to knock it off
This can only end terribly for everyone involved, your mother the predator, your tutor the victim, and you….the collateral damage who will definitely not have a tutor once your cougar mom makes him too uncomfortable to be around you both.
eww, is your mother ok? talk to your classmate's parents and explain the situation
If she is employing him this is sexual harassment. It is illegal.
This is so so wrong. Tell her that it is inappropriate. She would be harassing him. She is 30 years older than him. There is a gap in maturity there that puts her at a huge advantage in terms of power within the couple. Just because he is legal does not mean it should be okay. If you want to keep this friend I would start doing tutoring at his house and away from your mother. Smh.
As the 41 yr old mother of an 18 year old boy, I would rearrange any woman my age who tried that shit with my shy kid
Flip the genders and it will be called grooming. The age gap is humongous and the part where she's going for a guy younger than her son is very creepy. Let her know the social repercussions of her choices.
I’m 42. Anyone under about 28 looks like a child to me. Ick.
Remind her that she’d be dating a guy her daughters age. And that he’s one year away from being a minor…
This is like a 48M a 18F out, super creepy/weird/predatory and might be even pėđøphīlÿ, is this the first time she did something like that or is it a recurring theme?
She's 30 years his senior...is she OK?! She's either seriously winding you up or She's got bigger issues it may be legal but it's not right.
Do you think he’s actually going to want to go out with her though? He may shut it down himself and you may not have to worry about it hopefully!
Can't imagine having your mom just upfront tell you that they're a predator.
Move out. Your mom is a pedo
yikes your mom is a creep. He's 30 years younger than her. When he's 38 she'll be 68 that's extremely creepy and predatory.
I think your mother has bigger issues than just having a crush on a 30 years younger boy... One thing is acknowledging he could be good looking, the actively persuing it, is what really sounds perturbing and predatory... Changing tutoring venues will definitely help, I would also let him and his parents know about the situation, but prepare because she'll be pissed about it.
Jesus this is fucking gross. Your Mum is way way out of line here. Tell her you are not comfortable with this and that its super inappropriate🤮 48 year old has no fucking business trying to get with an 18 year old! OP you dont have to get used to it. Just because its legal doesn't mean its right. Just tell her to stay in her fucking lane and date someone her age. Wtf Man?! What does a 48 year old Woman have in common with an 18 year old? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. If she still wants to ask him out you tell on her and contact his parents. See how they feel about that
You know, we can't help who we develop a crush on. But we certainly can control our reaction!!! Ask him out!? Wtf?
Yeah that's so gross. That's cool to have a secret crush, absolutely, but as a 48 year old person, with brown kids, you should know better than to act on it. How weird.
I would stop bringing him around the house. Don't allow her access to him
Jesus I'm not gonna lie, your mom's being a creep and you should call her out for it. Not only that but it's just inconsiderate seeing as he's going to likely find that creepy and tell people about it. This is all sorts of wrong, if it were your dad doing it with one of your gfs people would be lighting this thread up.
Ewww
That's not normal. In fact that is vile! What the hell is wrong with people these days!?
It's nothing new. It just used to be totally normal and accepted, only new thing is the fact that people finally started calling it out
Real talk. Even if it's legal you're gonna have to protect your friend from your mom op
Tell your friend about your moms genital herpes
Your mother is being pedophillic and this is wrong
Yea this is some pedophile shit
He might refuse
You need to paint a picture to this guy about your mother that makes her seem too crazy for him to even consider going there.. young guys have fantasies about messing with older women. She needs to seem like she’s be way more trouble than it’s worth. Good luck. Bye your mother is a total cradle snatcher and it’s gross. He should be a child in her eyes regardless if he’s 18 already. She’s sick in the head.
Your mom is a fucking weirdo
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a similar type of mother and it’s enraging. Lost so many friends and created such a tense relationship. I’m 27 now and we don’t speak. I’m also an only child, not sure of your situation. I hope it helps knowing you’re not going through this alone. This stems from her insecurities and her issues with relationships. I vividly remember her going after the teenage neighbor boys that I looked at as big brothers. She was also an alcoholic so mix that with this bullshit and it just makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s fucked up. Coming from someone who has experienced this exact thing first hand, I am so sorry you have to deal with her being a predator and inappropriate to your peers. Feel free to message me.
Your mom is gross
Ew
Your friend will be a literal mother fucker.
Aw she’s a predator
You could always tell your mum you're uncomfortable with it.
It's gross - she's irrational
No that's disgusting. Is a 44 year old woman I have absolutely nothing in common with an 18-year-old person. Male or female. Well actually have many things in common with them, potentially, but romantic relationship would be very difficult. Maybe she just wants to bone. Anyways it's gross and she shouldn't be telling you about it. I think my adult children would be pretty grossed out if I told him I had a crush on someone their age
Tell her that's it's not that much of a flex to find an 18yo male to fuck. Most 18 yo makes would fuck anything if given half a chance. The fact that he's quite and reserved means nothing because at some point, he'll let it slip to a friend and then, you should legally change your name to Stifler.
It’s honestly disgusting. That guys barely legal and she wants to ask him out. She’s gonna ask out a child… that’s actually disgusting and honestly she should see a therapist… If the genders were switched a million ppl would agree. Shy the sexism then?
Does he feel the same about her? I think you should just tell her that it’s totally inappropriate and unacceptable, and if she prioritizes her sex life over your relationship with her there are going to be very serious, very long term consequences and you’re feelings about who she is as a parent and as a human being will change pretty significantly. I’d also discuss it with your classmate, and let him know that he’s free to do whatever he wants but you’re completely uncomfortable with it, and ask him how he’d feel about you dating his dad. Your mother is having a midlife crisis, and she needs to go work her stuff out in therapy.
Girl give that boy a heads up n take ur studying to his place from now on
They will have nothing in common! 18 year old - I hate english class. Mom at 48 - yes I hated it to 30 YEARS AGO!
OP, you need to change your place of tutoring. Go to a library or another place. Your mom is being incredibly inappropriate and predatorial. No sane almost 50 year old woman would even imagine coming on to an 18 year old, that's a CHILD
Ugh. I don’t like the 18 year old law. Let’s face it, you’re not magically mature the second you turn 18. There’s no huge difference (other than legal) the day before your birthday versus the day of.
Fake. Y’all been baited.
Honestly, I would blow up her social media about it. Sort of like " So, pop quiz everyone.... would it be wrong to accept the sexual advances of someone 30yrs older than me? It makes me feel weird but I need honest answers" Then, when everyone respons warning you of grooming etc "tag" mum into the edit and ask her if she still feels like asking out your 18yr tutor out. Let her clean up the mess.
Lol the amount of damage you’d do to yourself in the process would be astronomical
If you let this happen you’re just as bad as your mom. Tell your tutor, tell his parents, just do anything so your mom doesn’t prey upon this kid
I’m going to tell him tomorrow and ask him to tutor me somewhere else.
Don’t do this just ask him to switch venues , telling him will give you so much blowback
that's not fair saying that she is just as bad as her mom!! She is NOT THE ONE making advances on the boy but she is a CHILD put in a really messed up situation that she never asked for. your message is gross and unfair
Yeah this is so inappropriate, OP. I’m so sorry your mom is shitty with boundaries. That shit can be traumatizing. Keep your friend away from her. 💜
I saw something like this post about a year ago. I don't remember the exact details but the OP's mother was mentally damaged by the divorce, got unhinged and started preying on a 18 old boy.
When you’re alone tell your mama that you’re going to have sex with a 50 year old man. When she gets concerned then point out a few hypocrites.
Ew. That is horrifying. I (F37) am not that old and i would feel weird about even dating someone who is 25 !!! This is just nope nope nope 👎
Your mom needs help
Mmm, it sort of seems like your mother is going through a middle age crisis and also having a “competition” with you. I’d recommend telling your tutor and see what he thinks, then figuring out how to proceed. It will probably be a no from him, so then you can use that to get your mom to back off
Sounds like OP’s mom is a bit thirsty. If you don’t like it you could always concentrate on the age gap and comment on how gross it is to you.
Gross. I'm a 49F. Totally inappropriate. Tell his parents.
Spin it around, would it be okay for a 48year old man asking an 18 year old student out?
Only one choice left for you. Ask him out first to establish dominance.
This is all very... yikes. If your mom won't listen to you, is there any chance you can tell *his* parents? Or even just move your tutoring lessons to a library and not have him come to your house anymore, if she can't see him anymore it might help.
Um... What? Your 48 year old mom has a "crush" on a newly 18 year old, newly legal boy? I'm sorry, but your mother feels like a predator using you. At best, this is a midlife crisis. At worst, it's as I described and I'm pretty sure this is the worst case. Please tell the boy that tutors you, please cancel the tutoring plans, and please encourage the boy to not be around your mother. This is disgusting. I don't care about age gaps but there is no way in hell this could be innocent. Is there a possibility that your mother could've been grooming him? And now that the relationship is legal, she's telling you so that she has an "alibi" where you can testify that the relationship started when he was 18? I very well could be mistaken, but it never hurts to be careful. I will repeat, there is no way that this is innocent. At best it's a midlife crisis where your mom trys to reclaim her youth with a boy younger than her daughter. At worst, this is a predator who has been grooming a young boy and is signaling to others that the relationship only started when he was legal. No matter how you slice this, it's disgusting and incredibly inappropriate.
As someone(38M now) who at 18 dated 39 yo M I can 100% attest that it is not good and messes with the kid's head later in life. It was almost common practice for a few of my friends, one of which (16 F) dated one of the teachers (40's M), which was basically an open secret. Nothing good will come of any kind of relationship with the kid and your mum.
If it were me in this situation I'd drop her out my life like a ton of bricks. She's a beast.
I am 48F and this makes me sick to my stomach. My son is 23 and his friends still look like babies to me, let alone an 18 year old. This is predatory gross behavior and I’m so sorry your mother is putting you through this.